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Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About

Tabor Forgay Dr. Matthew Horton English 1101 08 December 2011


Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter....................................................................................................................1 Quality Comparison .........................................................................................................................4 Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................4 Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................5 “What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................7 Revision Samples .............................................................................................................................9 Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ..............................................................9 Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................11 Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................13 Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................15 Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................17 Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................24


December 8, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farm Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Tabor Forgay and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. Looking back at the beginning of the semester in English 1101 till now, it is obvious that I have not only dramatically improved as a writer, but as a person. Within this portfolio, I have pieces of work that I am proud of, pieces that I wish I could have spent much more time on to make better, and work that I still do not understand the purpose behind. Regardless of the grade I received on any of these assignments I have taken away a lot from each piece. Being enrolled in your English 1101 class has given me a short amount of time to produce a variety of different writing pieces, as well as becoming more knowledgeable when writing essays or article responses. When entering into English 1101 I was extremely confident in my writing ability and did not realize the large amount of writing techniques that occur when writing an outstanding essay. Learning how to revise more efficiently and following writing outlines played a vital role in my success in English 1101. I have grown a greater appreciation for the act of proof reading because you have taught me that the more time spent the more accurate the finish project would be. I feel as you view my portfolio you will find that I have made improvement through many areas throughout my writing. I have learned to apply personal experiences to articles and nonpersonal topics. I have also found the value in peer review and sought the help of other students to become a great advantage. In English 1101 you have not only taught me to become a more successful writer, but a better person. With your acquired skills and initiative to help others, you have improved my appreciation for writing. I appreciate and express my genuine gratitude for all the hard work you have committed towards helping me this semester. You have given a new dimension to teaching with your unique and innovative ways. Your way of making the difficult concepts easy to understand is simply outstanding. I have enjoyed your every lecture and learned a lot from you. My least successful article response was “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits.” The article focuses on our insatiable desire for more not only effects our lives and economy, but on our environment. The article had a lot of room for improvement, but it was challenging to figure out what needed to be added or deleted. I noticed a few weaknesses within my grammar and I struggled to focus on his main point of view. While revising I noticed that I left out vital information, but when I added more the authors view point became clearer. When revising I noticed that I got off subject a few times with sentences that was filled with unnecessary information. For example I wrote, “Taking the author’s viewpoint into consideration, many come to the understanding that technology 1


can both solve and create problems.” This does not present the author’s actual viewpoint of the situation and I never talk about technology within the article response. In the second paragraph of my response, I re-examined the cultural significance of Berry’s point of view and added more information to defend his argument. I also added more information that talked about society and the economic changes limiting resources would make. Berry’s point of view is significant to the article; therefore I created a deeper meaning to the paragraph and expressed what the economy will come to if society does not set limits or boundaries on how we live our lives. The revisions and changes I made are very beneficial to the value of the response and overall improved the quality. My most successful article response was “Crush Point.” This article examines the dangers of waiting crowds. While revising I noticed that I had a lot of grammatical errors and I incorporated sentences that were unnecessary and off topic. I reread the article and added information that represents the author’s point of view in a clearer way. I noticed that I did not provide the article response with a appropriate title, leaving it plain and uninteresting, therefore I added a title that would catch the reader’s attention. In the first paragraph I noticed that wrote basic and boring sentences that were not thoughtprovoking. By adding additional information, I turned the topic into a strong direction that I could elaborate on such as adding quotes that defends Seabrook’s point of view. Although using quotes are good and help to get the point across, I needed to incorporate more of my own thoughts and outlooks about the situation. In the second paragraph, I included a lot of irrelevant information that was confusing to the reader. For example I wrote, “John Seabrook explains that the way these chaotic events are portrayed after the fact is not necessarily the way they occur.” This sentence does not make sense nor does it clearly state the author’s outlook on the situation. I added additional information that gave a controversial thought to the reader. Since the first paragraph had new information and stated the author’s point of view clearer, I had to make adjustments in the second paragraph. Overall my revisions organized and polished my article response. My most successful article response was “Customer’s Gone Wild: Black Friday Frenzy.” In this essay I examined John Seabrook’s point of view on crowd safety and used a personal experience to relate. When I read the article, it mainly focused towards crowd safety and within the article it incorporates a wide publicized case of an employee that died on Black Friday. This article inspired me to write about my personal experience with Black Friday and how unorganized and unsafe it was. The greatest challenge I faced in revising this essay, was first figuring out what I needed to improve. The first thing I did when revising my essay was fixing all grammar errors and punctuations. The second thing I did was remove all irrelevant information that was off topic or could not be defended. I added additional information to the first sentence of the first paragraph that would intrigue the reader to read more and relate to the author’s outlook on the situation. Instead on starting off the essay by introducing the author and the article, I added a few sentences that would draw in a reader and become concerned. For example I wrote, “Crowds: we move through them every day, in subway stations, at sporting events, and innocent sale events. Crowds often define our movement in public. But what happens when things go awry, or a crowd moves beyond human control?” This simply introduces what the essay will discuss and provides the reader with food for thought. In my 2


conclusion I had trouble deciding what to delete so I did not delete much, but added more additional information. My essay had a lot of room for improvement and my revisions simply organized and provided more structure in a clearer way to improve its general quality. With all of my improvement this semester there is always room for improvement. My growth as a writer can be proven by comparing my original article responses and essay to my now revised and final article responses and essay. Even though I have grown as a writer and processed a higher level of writing, I am by no means a perfect writer. When starting to write my most successful essay, I felt prepared and I knew the routine of how to write a well organized essay. I was able to conduct a well structured essay that had a straight forward thesis, and use the different stylistic devices to argue my statement, but I left out important information that was relevant to the situation. Especially on my article responses I struggled to focus on one specific point of view. I have a bad habit of rambling off topic and not focusing on a central matter to elaborate on. Looking back at my writing, I noticed that I improved better on each article response and essay. That is because after writing each response I realized the mistakes I made and corrected them in the next response. I was accepting mediocre work and failed to push myself to the maximum potential. Now that I have the gist of writing a more successful response, I can now challenge myself to my best ability. English 1101 has prompt me to become a better writing and has taught me to take my writing skills to a whole new level. Taking what I have learned this semester in English 110, I hope to present myself as a well educated and intelligent student throughout college and my career. Choosing the option to create a portfolio was definitely a choice that I do not regret. Producing this portfolio has introduced me to appreciate myself as a writer and my work. By putting all of my writing together from the semester, it shows my growth, creativity and editing skills I have obtained in English 1101. I may have not reached my maximum potential, but I have improved dramatically as a writer. The most challenging part of this portfolio was finding differences in each of my writing, but I surprised myself when I was able to detect differences and construct a quality comparison. English 1101 gave me an outlook of the processes involved in creating meaningful, clear, and effective writing, including continual practice in brainstorming, pre-writing, drafting, and focusing on length and purpose. Thank you for reviewing my portfolio, English 1101 has helped me in many beneficial ways.

Sincerely,

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Least Successful Article Response Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper's Magazine. The Harper's Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 22 August 2011.

The article looks at how our insatiable desire for more not only has effects on our lives and economy, but also on our environment. Berry's point of view portrays the outlook on our society's new found worries are on limits and what they mean for us, culturally. He believes that cheap fossil fuels such as oil and other materials are limited. In this article, Berry supports a very important element that society does not believe that fossil fuels are limited and our society is taking these materials for granted. Berry associates many examples within the article about our society struggling with the limitlessness concept, but illustrates beneficial solutions. Taking the author's viewpoint into consideration, many come to the understanding that technology can both solve and create problems. The amount of pollution air, the cramped traffic road in rush hour, and the limit park places in the city, are all threatening the environment. After all, if without technology, we still would have many problems, and most of them might threaten and damage our lives more. Berry encourages society to err toward conservationist mentality of limiting what we need and "making the most and the best of what we have." Berry makes an understanding that society must rely on each other, and help each other out in the limitlessness of the world. An example of that assumption is "crop share", where one farmer lets another farm his land and the outcome benefits both with profit. In conclusion, limits allow us to survive in a stable environment, but in reality limits do not delay progress and allows society to utilize our resources to natural fullness.

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Most Successful Article Response Crush Point Seabrook, John. "Crush Point" The New Yorker. The New Yorker's Magazine, August 2011. Web. 7 February 2011. In this article, John Seabrook examines the dangers of waiting crowds and the consequences of not approaching them safe. The author details some of the disasters that happened when organizers failed to plan properly how to queue eagerly waiting crowds. He mainly looks at the nature of crowd disasters and the widely publicized case of Jdimytai Damour, the Wal-Mart employee who was killed on Black Friday of 2008. Damour was at work that morning and about two thousand people had gathered outside the store awaiting the opening. According to the testimony by co-workers, he was hit by a glass door after an anxious crowd began to rush in. As he went down, the door fell on top of him and crushed him as people began to stampede through. Following Damour's death, the crowd was "widely vilified," but the police "went out of their way to blame Wal-Mart for the incident." Seabrook makes it clear that crowds are going to proceed be a larger and larger part of everyday life in society. He also mentions how we, as citizens, are both afraid of crowds, learn to avoid them, but also have evolved in ways that we can intuitively navigate through them without intentionally touching one another. "With the world's population increasing, and with more people moving to cities, crowds will become even larger, and disasters more frequent, unless scientist and safety engineers can figure out how to prevent them from happening," Seabrook writes. Most crowd disasters are cause by crazes which are people who are so eager to get what they want they are willing to go to any extreme. Many organizations do not put forth the effort to organize entrances that are safe for the crazy shoppers. Crowds occur everyday in society. Others view crowds as a necessary inconvenience of society, but there are many occasions when we do associate our selfs with

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them, such as parties, concerts, and sporting events. In fact a crowd is most dangerous when density is great. The transition from being tightly compacted to overwhelmed with suffocating pressure, a "crowd crush", often occurs almost gradually. Requiring organizations to produce a safer crowd management plan, the disaster rates would reduce by a large amount and would protect the crowd. John Seabrook explains that the way these chaotic events are portrayed after the fact is not necessarily the way they occur. Getting crushed in a crowd in one of my worst fears, I do not want to touch or associate myself with strangers, let alone literally squeezed to death by them.

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What’s the Difference? For my most successful article response, I chose “Crush Point.” This article response covers an article concerning the dangers of waiting crowds and the many consequences of not approaching them safely. My response on the article earned a grade of eight out of ten. In the first paragraph John Seabrook examines the nature of crowd disasters and the widely publicized case of Jdimytai Damour, the Wal-Mart employee who was killed on Black Friday of 2008. I also mentioned how in society today we are both afraid of crowds and continue to avoid them, but also have evolved in ways that we can instinctively navigate through them. Seabrook details and simply scrutinizes many disasters that occur when organizers fail to properly pay how to queue eagerly waiting crowds. The second paragraph I mainly focused on the cultural significance of Seabrook’s opinion on crowd disasters. His article analyses many ongoing thoughts about crowds from his perspective and informs the reader to be aware and cautious of crowd disasters. I include a quote that simply explains that with the population increasing and more people moving to larger cities, crowd disasters are going to occur more frequently. Seabrook’s point of view is very broad and straightforward and includes information that readers may not be aware of prior to reading this article. My article response successfully followed the guidelines, but I am aware I left out vital information and had small grammar mistakes. For my least successful article response I chose, “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits.” Berry Wendell believes that our insatiable desire for more not only has multiple effects on our lives and economy, but also on our environment. On this article response I received a six out of ten. Within the first paragraph, I explained Wendell’s point of view on how our society’s new found worries are on limits and how vital these limits mean to us, culturally. I failed to reach the length requirement and to focus on one specific viewpoint. Wendell has a broad view of

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opinions within his article that varies from the important elements that society does not believe that fossil fuels are limited and how our society is simply taking advantage of these limited materials. In the second paragraph, I focused mainly how technology can both solve and create problems. I incorporated Wendell’s wise opinions and how he encourages society to err towards limiting what we need and I defended his opinion by using a quote from the article. He challenges his readers to very thought provoking and well argued opinions that many utilize society to limit resources. Although my score was low, I followed the guidelines and included important information, but the organization and grammar need to be polished. After comparing the two article responses, I came to the conclusion that I should focus on including more information and fixing simple grammar mistakes. For all my article response, I never scored higher that an eight out of ten. As a student, I honestly did not challenge myself enough to reach my maximum potential on my article responses. Each article response has their different strong points and weaknesses. In “Faustian Economics,” I failed to stay on topic and the author’s points of view was not as clear as it could be. I also did not include a catchy title and did not meet the length requirement. In “Crush Point,” I talked too much about the example the author gave in the article instead of focusing and elaborating on his point of view. Even though I included his opinions within the article response, I gave to many broad views of it that may confuse the reader. In conclusion, I can admit that I have improved on each of my responses, but I noticed a very obvious trend. Instead of continuing accepting the low grades, I should have met with Dr. Horton to help develop better writing skills so I could get a better grade on my responses instead of accepting the grades I received.

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Least Successful Article Response

Formatted: Different first page header Comment [GSC1]: I failed to give the article response a title and by giving one it makes the article more interesting to read.

Push It To The Limit: Concept of Limits Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper's Magazine. The Harper's Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 22 August 2011.

Formatted: Left Formatted: Font: Italic

Although the statement “the sky is the limit” is trite in the article “Faustian Economics,” author Wendell Berry argues the importance of limits stating that they allow “elaboration and elegance.” The article Wendell Berry looks at how our insatiable desire for more not only has effects on our lives and economy, but also on our environment. Berry's point of view portrays the outlook on our society's new found worries are on limits limited and what they mean for us, culturally. He Berry believes that cheap fossil fuels such as oil and other materials are limited. In

Comment [GSC2]: The first sentence needs to be his point of view along with his argument towards the situation. Comment [GSC3]: The reader already knows the article title therefore I stated the author’s name first and continued to talk about the article. Comment [GSC4]: This sentences needs to focus on the author’s point of view instead of stating the article and author.

this article, Berry he supports a very important element that society does not believe that fossil fuels are limited and our society is taking these limited materials for granted. Berry He associates many examples within the article about our society struggling with the limitlessness concept, but illustrates beneficial solutions such as conserving. Berry is concerned that to much progress may be digressive. Through out the article, he simply describes the American culture’s foolish

Comment [GSC5]: This represents Berry’s opinion and defends the sentences prior.

equation of “limitlessness” and “freedom.”

Comment [GSC6]: Describes Berry’s outlook through out the article a little more and gives controversial reasoning.

Berry’s point of view expresses what the economy will become if society does not set boundaries and limit on how we live our lives. Taking the author's viewpoint into consideration,

Comment [GSC7]: This clearly examines Berry’s point of view

many come to the understanding that technology can both solve and create problems. theThe

Comment [GSC8]: This sentence is off topic and has nothing to support.

amount of pollution air, the cramped traffic road in rush hour, and the limit park places in the city, are all threatening the environment. After all, if without technology, we still would have many problems, and most of them might threaten and damage our lives more. Berry encourages society to err toward conservationist mentality of limiting what we need and "making the most

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and the best of what we have." He uses prescient examples of our currently obsessed and selfish society to conclude general ways to live in more sustainable manner. Berry He makes an understanding that society must rely on each other, and help each other out in the limitlessness

Comment [GSC9]: This sentence defends the quote prior and gives the authors exact point of view on the situation by using examples. Comment [GSC10]: I state the author’s name to much.

of the world. An example of that assumption that Berry uses is "crop share", where one farmer lets another farm his land and the outcome benefits both with profit. In conclusion, limits allow us to survive in a more stable environment, but in reality limits do not delay progress and but allows society to utilize our resources to natural fullness. Berry clearly argues that in society we do not know our limits and teaches us not to become an economy of greed but to conserve and be aware of boundaries. Although limits allow us to utilize and appreciate what we are given,

Comment [GSC11]: This gives the conclusion more depth and understanding about the situation.

limitlessness allows us to take risks and venture beyond accepted knowledge to advance our Comment [GSC12]: This gives the response a better conclusion and focuses more on Berry’s point of view.

thinking, lifestyle and ultimately our society.

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Least Successful Article Response Push It to the Limit: Concept of Limits Berry, Wendell. "Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits." Harper's Magazine. The Harper's Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 22 August 2011. Although the statement “the sky is the limit” is trite in the article “Faustian Economics,” author Wendell Berry argues the importance of limits stating that they allow “elaboration and elegance.” In the article Wendell Berry looks at how our insatiable desire for more not only has effects on our lives and economy, but also on our environment. Berry's point of view portrays the outlook on our society's new found worries are on limits limited and what they mean for us, culturally. He Berry believes that cheap fossil fuels such as oil and other materials are limited. In this article, Berry he supports a very important element that society does not believe that fossil fuels are limited and our society is taking these limited materials for granted. Berry He associates many examples within the article about our society struggling with the limitlessness concept, but illustrates beneficial solutions such as conserving. Berry is concerned that to much progress may be digressive. Through out the article, he simply describes the American culture’s foolish equation of “limitlessness” and “freedom.” Berry’s point of view expresses what the economy will become if society does not set boundaries and limit on how we live our lives. Taking the author's viewpoint into consideration, many come to the understanding that technology can both solve and create problems. The amount of pollution air, the cramped traffic road in rush hour, and the limit park places in the city, are all threatening the environment. After all, if without technology, we still would have many problems, and most of them might threaten and damage our lives more. Berry encourages society to err toward conservationist mentality of limiting what we need and "making the most

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and the best of what we have." He uses prescient examples of our currently obsessed and selfish society to conclude general ways to live in more sustainable manner. He makes an understanding that society must rely on each other, and help each other out in the limitlessness of the world. An example of that assumption that Berry uses is "crop share", where one farmer lets another farm his land and the outcome benefits both with profit. In conclusion, limits allow us to survive in a more stable environment, but in reality limits do not delay progress and but allows society to utilize our resources to natural fullness. Berry clearly argues that in society we do not know our limits and teaches us not to become an economy of greed but to conserve and be aware of boundaries. Although limits allow us to utilize and appreciate what we are given, limitlessness allows us to take risks and venture beyond accepted knowledge to advance our thinking, lifestyle and ultimately our society.

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Most Successful Article Response

Formatted: Different first page header Comment [GSC1]: Instead of restating the title of the article, I gave the response a different title that would interest the reader.

Crush Point Crowd Disasters Seabrook, John. "Crush Point" The New Yorker. The New Yorker's Magazine, August 2011. Web. 7 February 2011. In this article, John Seabrook examines the dangers of waiting crowds and the many consequences of not approaching them safely. The author details some of the disasters that happened when organizers failed to properly plan plan properly how to queue eagerly waiting crowds. He particularly examines the evolution of crowd management and incorporates a horrifying pulp to drive his point- He mainly looks at the nature of crowd disasters and the widely publicized case of Jdimytai Damour, a the Wal-Mart employee who was killed on Black

Comment [GSC2]: The sentence before was to plain and uninteresting. I added a more interesting sentence that really looks at the authors point of view.

Friday of 2008. Damour was at work that morning and about two thousand people had gathered outside the store awaiting the opening. According to the testimony by co-workers, Jdimytai Damourhe was hit by a glass door after an anxious crowd began to rush in. As he went down, the door fell on top of him and crushed him as people began to stampede through carelessly. Following Damour's death, the crowd was "widely vilified," but the police "went out of their way to blame Wal-Mart for the incident." “Crowd disasters occur all over the world, for a variety of reasons�, Seabrook writes, and according to a recent paper published in Disaster Medicine and

Formatted: Font: Italic

Public Health Preparedness, reports of human stampedes have more than doubled in each of the past two decades. Seabrook makes it clear that crowds areare going to proceed become a larger and larger part of everyday life in society. He also mentions how we, as citizens, are both afraid

Comment [GSC3]: I added a quote to defend his point of view and outlook and incorporated a source he used in his article to help get the information across.

of crowds, learn to avoid them, but also have evolved in ways that we can intuitively navigate through them safely without intentionally touching one another.

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Comment [GSC4]: Does not need be said.


Seabrook writes, "With the world's population increasing, and with more people moving to cities, crowds will become even larger, and disasters more frequent, unless scientist and safety engineers can figure out how to prevent them from happening." Seabrook writ Popular accounts almost invariably describe them as “panics” and portray the crowd as a single, unified entity, but mMost crowd disasters are cause by the “craze,”-which are people who are so eager to get what they want they are willing to go to any extreme, this action perpetuating how insanely obsessed and materialistic our society is becoming.. Many organizations do not put forth the effort to

Comment [GSC5]: Adding this part to the sentence gives a controversial thought to the reader because others may think different.

organize entrances that are safe for the crazy shoppers. Although cCrowds occur everyday in society, . oOthers view crowds as a necessary inconvenience of society, but there are many

Comment [GSC6]: By combining the two sentences you now have a clear statement on the argument.

occasions when we do associate our selfsself’s with them, such as parties, concerts, and sporting events. In fact a crowd is most dangerous when density is great. Seabrook’s article bears all sorts of cultural relevance. People can be crushed while entering a subway, attending a concert, and even at a seemingly innocent event. The transition from being tightly compacted to

Comment [GSC7]: This sentences gets the cultural significances across to the reader.

overwhelmedoverwhelm with the suffocating pressure, a "crowd crush", often occurs almost gradually. Requiring organizations to produce a safer crowd management plan, the disaster rates would reduce by a large amount and would protect the shoppers and managers working.crowd. John Seabrook explains that the way these chaotic events are portrayed after the fact is not necessarily the way they occur. For one thing, crowd disasters almost always happy not because

Comment [GSC8]: This sentence is to confusing and does not make sense in a way.

people are running from something they fear, but towards something they want. Getting crushed

Comment [GSC9]: This makes the paragraph seem more interesting and give the reader something to consider and think about.

in a crowd in one of my worst fears, I do not want to touch or associate myself with strangers, let alone literally squeezed to death by them. Seabrook’s article contains information that makes you think about how vulnerable you are in a crowd and what is at risk when something goes wrong.

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Most Successful Article Response Crowd Disasters Seabrook, John. "Crush Point" The New Yorker. The New Yorker's Magazine, August 2011. Web. 7 February 2011. In this article, John Seabrook examines the dangers of waiting crowds and the many consequences of not approaching them safely. The author details some of the disasters that happened when organizers failed to properly plan how to queue eagerly waiting crowds. He particularly examines the evolution of crowd management and incorporates a horrifying pulp to drive his point- Jdimytai Damour, a Wal-Mart employee who was killed on Black Friday of 2008. Damour was at work that morning and about two thousand people had gathered outside the store awaiting the opening. According to the testimony by co-workers, Jdimytai Damour was hit by a glass door after an anxious crowd began to rush in. As he went down, the door fell on top of him and crushed him as people began to stampede through carelessly. Following Damour's death, the crowd was "widely vilified," but the police "went out of their way to blame Wal-Mart for the incident." “Crowd disasters occur all over the world, for a variety of reasons�, Seabrook writes, and according to a recent paper published in Disaster Medicine and Public Health Preparedness, reports of human stampedes have more than doubled in each of the past two decades. Seabrook makes it clear that crowds are going to proceed become a larger part of everyday life in society. He also mentions how we, as citizens, are both afraid of crowds, learn to avoid them, but also have evolved in ways that we can intuitively navigate through them safely. Seabrook writes, "With the world's population increasing, and with more people moving to cities, crowds will become even larger, and disasters more frequent, unless scientist and safety engineers can figure out how to prevent them from happening." Popular accounts almost

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invariably describe them as “panics” and portray the crowd as a single, unified entity, but most crowd disasters are cause by the “craze,”- people who are so eager to get what they want they are willing to go to any extreme, this action perpetuating how insanely obsessed and materialistic our society is becoming. Many organizations do not put forth the effort to organize entrances that are safe for the crazy shoppers. Although crowds occur everyday in society, others view crowds as a necessary inconvenience of society, but there are many occasions when we do associate our self’s with them, such as parties, concerts, and sporting events. In fact a crowd is most dangerous when density is great. Seabrook’s article bears all sorts of cultural relevance. People can be crushed while entering a subway, attending a concert, and even at a seemingly innocent event. The transition from being tightly compacted to overwhelm with the suffocating pressure, a "crowd crush", often occurs almost gradually. Requiring organizations to produce a safer crowd management plan, the disaster rates would reduce by a large amount and would protect the shoppers and managers working. For one thing, crowd disasters almost always happy not because people are running from something they fear, but towards something they want. Getting crushed in a crowd in one of my worst fears, I do not want to touch or associate myself with strangers, let alone literally squeezed to death by them. Seabrook’s article contains information that makes you think about how vulnerable you are in a crowd and what is at risk when something goes wrong.

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Forgay17 Tabor Forgay Professor Horton English 1101 18 October 2011 Customers Gone Wild: Black Friday Frenzy Crowds: we move through them every day, in subway stations, at sporting events, and innocent sale events. Crowds often define our movement in public. But what happens when things go awry, or a crowd moves beyond human control? John Seabrook, author of the article “Crush Point,” scrutinizes the dangers of waiting crowds and the consequences of not

Comment [GSC1]: This sentence introduces the reader to the situation and gives an interesting sneak peak to what the essay will talk about.

approaching them safely. The author details some of the disasters that happened when organizers fail to properly plan how to queue eagerly waiting crowds. Seabrook examines the nature of crowd disasters and the widely publicized case of Jdimytai Damour, the Wal-Mart employee who was killed on Black Friday of 2008. Damour was at work that morning and about two thousand people had gathered before the store opened at 5 A.M.; according to testimony by coworkers, he was hit by a glass door after a crush formed in the vestibule going into the store. As he went down, the door fell on top of him, and people fell over it. Damour was at work that morning and about two thousand people had gathered outside the store awaiting the opening. According to the testimony by co-workers, a glass door hit him as an anxious crowd began to rush in. As he went down, the door fell on top of him and crushed him as people began to stampede through. The investigator’s report did not mention any bruises, fractures, or internal injuries, as it would if he had been trampled to death; the cause of death was asphyxia. “Crowd disasters occur all over the world, for a variety of reasons,” Seabrook states. He He also mentions how we, as citizens, are both afraid of crowds, and should learn to avoid them, but also

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Comment [GSC2]: I restated the sentence making it clearer to understand what happened.


Forgay18 have evolved in ways that we can intuitively navigate through them without intentionally touching one another. Seabrook states “Crowds are a condition of urban life.” Others view crowds as a necessary inconvenience of society, but there are many occasions when we do associate our selves with themthem, such as parties, concerts, and sporting events. In fact crowds are a crowd is most dangerous when the density of it is great. Whenever a large group of people gather together, the results can be very detrimental and unpredictable. The transition from being tightly compacted to over-whelm with suffocating pressure, a "crowd crush", often occurs almost gradually. Shopper’s who approach any happenings whether it is a sporting events, concerts, or

Comment [GSC3]: This defends the sentence prior and tells how a large group of people can be dangerous.

Comment [GSC4]: Off topic and irrelevant.

sales, should take into consideration that the outcome may not be what one hopes, but instead may lead to violence or in some cases death. In our materialistic obsessed society, we go to many extremes to get something for nothing or to get the deal. A prime example of this statement was when I attended Black Friday in Tallahassee, Florida of November 2008. Black Friday consists of anxious shoppers that get up early, spend hours in lines, and fight crowds for all the best bargains. Black Friday is quite often the day that pushes retailers over the line into profitability for the year, hence the name. For some people, the shopping frenzy is an obnoxious and unpleasant display of unrestrained consumption. For others, the outrageous shopping experience represents people who love to hunt for bargains and are willing to go to extremes do anything it takes to get the desired productswhat they want. The anticipation was lingering and the expectancy of finding great deals blew my mindwas blowing my mind. While the crowd around me was pushing and shoving eager to get in, the mentality of getting what I want with no obstacles quickly set in. There was no regulated management to be seenseen; therefore any thing was bound to happen. The pushing and shoving quickly escaladed into violence, leading to people being pushed down and even

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Comment [GSC5]: There were many obstacles in my way.


Forgay19 trampled upon. Passing people that had fallen on the ground while others strive for help really overwhelmed me. Breaking through the doors led me to believe that there has to be a safer, more regulated way to enter a store without hurting or perhaps killing other people. I noticed Noticing

Comment [GSC6]: Past tense.

that there were no policemen or management around to help queue in the crowd, and suddenly I knew that this Black Friday experience was going to be a nightmare. While waiting in line at Best Buy for the Black Friday sales event in 2008, I was hoping to find great deals bargains for the upcoming Christmas Season. For days months, I had seen on

Comment [GSC7]: Black Friday advertises for a few days not months.

television the advertisement ofmajor sales happening on Black Friday and the major sales it incorporated, thus furthering my excitement to save big and get what I wantin order to save big. When I arrived at Best Buy at four in the morning, the line ran the length of the building, wrapped around the corner and seemed endless. The anticipation of getting a good deal was the goal of all who were present, and this coveted goal created an apprehensive, tense atmosphere. The outrageous, overwhelming crowd began to push one another and the already mounting tension began to escalate. While anxiously waiting, we shoppers were tightly compacted and impatient to put their our hands on the gadgets theywe craved; eventually, an apprehensive mindset of hysteria and expectation took hold. Our society enforces the importance of the sale, and our competitive outlook causes the shopping experience at a big sales events to become a competition, where the winner obtainsgets the best possession for the least amount of money. The crazed anticipation of Black Friday feeds the disturbing obsession to get the best deal. The frenzied sales obsessed crowd, quickly transformed into an angry mob of passion. As more people gathered in anticipation of the opening store, people began to skip others in line and soon the chaos quickly turned into anger. As soon as the doors opened, the crowd rushed to the door with no consideration of others. Shoppers were pouring in, while at the same time many

19

Comment [GSC8]: I can not use the word we and associate myself as a reader and a part of my audience.


Forgay20 people were being trampled. In one case, an older man was trampled so badly, he was transported to the hospital for his injuries. While shoppers were entering the store, they were in a hyped frenzy with no remorse and were only concerned with finding the best deals. Numerous shoppers were fighting over toys, electronics, and other materialistic merchandise. Other shoppers ended up in a verbal brawl over some pre-existing dispute. I myself stood back away from the outrageous crowd and witnessed in awe of the fact that people would do anything to get what they want even if it consisted of verbal or physical assault. The expectations and the unregulated event of Black Friday escalated into such a violent scene that the event affected many shoppers and intensified the hysteric frenzy. On the surface these shoppers including myself, seemed to be innocently shopping for great discounts. However, the crowd had become obsessed with obtaining their goal and because of this overbearing atmosphere, a seemingly harmless big sales event transformed into a situation of violence and malice. There were no sign of regulated management outside to control the outrageous crowd, but the majority of staff was inside awaiting the crazed shoppers. Needless to say, the store had absolutely no crowd management. Shoppers were running into the doors at once and people were getting trampled;, an unforeseeable this action seemedappeared almost unethical. After this shocking encounter, I began to question whether this event could have been contained, and I then came to the conclusion that there was not a no true way to regulate this event. While the crowd was waiting in line, the store manager had placed ropes that cut of the entrance of the store and cones that kept the line some what organized, but only for a short period of time therefore adding hype and anxiety to the situation. This freedom outside, allowed customers to escalate their frustration and some shoppers even began to press and bang against the sliding glass doors. This unsupervised, uninhibited line of shoppers allowed them to lose

20

Comment [GSC9]: The sentence did not make sense so I reworded it.


Forgay21 their connection and obligation as decent human beings in society. Throughout this gradual increase of anger and violence, the lack of management and regulation allowed the tense atmosphere and anticipation to gradually increase into hostility and frustration. There was no sign of regulated management outside to control the outrageous crowd, but instead the majority of the Best Buy staff was inside awaiting the crazy shoppers. As soon as the doors finally opened the eager customers rushed in by the droves and even their shopping experience was not regulated. The number of customers was so vast, that several instances of violence and aggression were allowed to progress without any repercussions or consequences. Needless to say, crowd control was virtually absent from the hysteric Black Friday Sales Event. Furthering the mindset that a shopper must compete and become violent in order to buy expensive products for cheap prices, no matter how extreme this violence and aggression may be. The freedom of not having any type of regulation within these stores only increased the out of control frenzied mob mentality. I myself stood back away from the outrageous crowd and witnessed in aweastonishment at the fact that people would do almost anything to get what they desiredwant, even if it consisted of intentional abuse. The expectations and the unregulated event of Black Friday escalated into such violence that affected many shoppers and intensified the hysteric frenzy. This type of frenzy is bad news. Getting caught up in participating in Black Friday just to get the “deals” on stuff you don’t really want or need or items that may or may not be good gifts for others is a sure way to watch your money float away. That’s not to say that Black Friday can not can’t be useful to someone who is a savvy shopper, it most certainly can be. It just requires a bit of finesse and forethought. Although many view crowds as a necessary inconvenience of society, there are many occasions when we do associate our selves with them, such as parties,

21

Comment [GSC10]: This sentence did not make any sense and was unnecessary.


Forgay22 concerts, sporting events, and especially Black Friday. I’m not sure what I find more disturbing about Black Friday, the crowds that entailed have actually trampled people, or the fact that our materialistic society will go to many extreme to get what ever they want. It’s possible to have bargain bonanza without casualties, but it’s imperative to make the process fair and predictable. Black Friday is truly an experience, but is it worth the time, stress, and aggravation that so many people, including myself, have suffered through.

22

Comment [GSC11]: I needed to add more information to conclude.


Forgay23 Works Cited Seabrook, John. "Crush Point" The New Yorker. The New Yorker's Magazine, August 2011. Web. 7 February 2011.

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Forgay24 Tabor Forgay Professor Horton English 1101 18 October 2011 Customers Gone Wild: Black Friday Frenzy Crowds: we move through them every day, in subway stations, at sporting events, and innocent sale events. Crowds often define our movement in public. But what happens when things go awry, or a crowd moves beyond human control? John Seabrook, author of the article “Crush Point,” scrutinizes the dangers of waiting crowds and the consequences of not approaching them safely. The author details some of the disasters that happened when organizers fail to properly plan how to queue eagerly waiting crowds. Seabrook examines the nature of crowd disasters and the widely publicized case of Jdimytai Damour, the Wal-Mart employee who was killed on Black Friday of 2008.Damour was at work that morning and about two thousand people had gathered before the store opened at 5 A.M.; according to testimony by coworkers, he was hit by a glass door after a crush formed in the vestibule going into the store. As he went down, the door fell on top of him, and people fell over it. . The investigator’s report did not mention any bruises, fractures, or internal injuries, as it would if he had been trampled to death; the cause of death was asphyxia. “Crowd disasters occur all over the world, for a variety of reasons,” Seabrook states. He mentions how we, as citizens, are both afraid of crowds, and should learn to avoid them, but also have evolved in ways that we can intuitively navigate through them without intentionally touching one another. Seabrook states “Crowds are a condition of urban life.” Others view crowds as a necessary inconvenience of society, but there are many occasions when we do associate ourselves with them, such as parties, concerts, and

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Forgay25 sporting events. In fact crowds are most dangerous when the density is great. Whenever a large group of people gather together, the results can be very detrimental and unpredictable.. Shopper’s who approach any happenings whether it is a sporting events, concerts, or sales, should take into consideration that the outcome may not be what one hopes, but instead may lead to violence or in some cases death. In our materialistic obsessed society, we go to many extremes to get something for nothing or to get the deal. A prime example of this statement was when I attended Black Friday in Tallahassee, Florida of November 2008. Black Friday consists of anxious shoppers that get up early, spend hours in lines, and fight crowds for all the best bargains. Black Friday is quite often the day that pushes retailers over the line into profitability for the year. For some people, the shopping frenzy is an obnoxious and unpleasant display of unrestrained consumption. For others, the outrageous shopping experience represents people who love to hunt for bargains and are willing to go to extremes to get the desired products. The anticipation was lingering and the expectancy of finding great deals blew my mind. While the crowd around me was pushing and shoving eager to get in, the mentality of getting what I want quickly set in. There was no regulated management to be seen; therefore any thing was bound to happen. The pushing and shoving quickly escaladed into violence, leading to people being pushed down and even trampled upon. Passing people that had fallen on the ground while others strive for help really overwhelmed me. Breaking through the doors led me to believe that there has to be a safer, more regulated way to enter a store without hurting or perhaps killing other people. I noticed that there were no policemen or management around to help queue in the crowd, and suddenly I knew that this Black Friday experience was going to be a nightmare.

25


Forgay26 While waiting in line at Best Buy for the Black Friday sales event in 2008, I was hoping to find great bargains for the upcoming Christmas Season. For days, I had seen on television the advertisement of Black Friday and the major sales it incorporated, thus furthering my excitement to save big and get what I want. When I arrived at Best Buy at four in the morning, the line ran the length of the building, wrapped around the corner and seemed endless. The anticipation of getting a good deal was the goal of all who were present, and this coveted goal created an apprehensive, tense atmosphere. The outrageous, overwhelming crowd began to push one another and the mounting tension began to escalate. While anxiously waiting, shoppers were tightly compacted and impatient to put their hands on the gadgets they craved; eventually, an apprehensive mindset of hysteria and expectation took hold. Our society enforces the importance of the sale, and our competitive outlook causes the shopping experience at a big sales event to become a competition, the winner obtains the best possession for the least amount of money. The crazed anticipation of Black Friday feeds the disturbing obsession to get the best deal. The frenzied sales obsessed crowd, quickly transformed into an angry mob of passion. As more people gathered in anticipation of the opening store, people began to skip others in line and soon the chaos quickly turned into anger. As soon as the doors opened, the crowd rushed to the door with no consideration of others. Shoppers were pouring in, while at the same time many people were being trampled. In one case, an older man was trampled so badly, he was transported to the hospital for his injuries. While shoppers were entering the store, they were in a hyped frenzy with no remorse and were only concerned with finding the best deals. Numerous shoppers were fighting over toys, electronics, and other materialistic merchandise. Other shoppers ended up in a verbal brawl over some pre-existing dispute. I myself stood back away from the outrageous crowd and witnessed in awe of the fact that people would do anything to get

26


Forgay27 what they want even if it consisted of verbal or physical assault. The expectations and the unregulated event of Black Friday escalated into such a violent scene that the event affected many shoppers and intensified the hysteric frenzy. On the surface these shoppers including myself, seemed to be innocently shopping for great discounts. However, the crowd had become obsessed with obtaining their goal and because of this overbearing atmosphere, a seemingly harmless sales event transformed into a situation of violence and malice. There were no sign of regulated management outside to control the outrageous crowd, but the majority of staff was inside awaiting the crazed shoppers. Needless to say, the store had absolutely no crowd management. Shoppers were running into the doors at once and people were getting trampled; an unforeseeable action appeared almost unethical. After this shocking encounter, I began to question whether this event could have been contained, and I then came to the conclusion that there was not a true way to regulate this event. While the crowd was waiting in line, the store manager had placed ropes that cut of the entrance of the store and cones that kept the line some what organized, but only for a short period of time therefore adding hype and anxiety to the situation. This freedom outside, allowed customers to escalate their frustration and some shoppers even began to press and bang against the sliding glass doors. This unsupervised, uninhibited line of shoppers allowed them to lose their connection and obligation as decent human beings in society. Throughout this gradual increase of anger and violence, the lack of management and regulation allowed the tense atmosphere and anticipation to gradually increase into hostility and frustration. There was no sign of regulated management outside to control the outrageous crowd, but instead the majority of the Best Buy staff was inside awaiting the crazy shoppers. The number of customers was so vast, that several instances of violence and aggression were allowed to progress without any repercussions or

27


Forgay28 consequences. Needless to say, crowd control was virtually absent from the hysteric Black Friday Sales Event. Furthering the mindset that a shopper must compete and become violent in order to buy expensive products for cheap prices, no matter how extreme this violence and aggression may be. The freedom of not having any type of regulation within these stores only increased the out of control frenzied mob mentality. I stood back away from the outrageous crowd and witnessed in astonishment at the fact that people would do almost anything to get what they desired, even if it consisted of intentional abuse. The expectations and the unregulated event of Black Friday escalated into such violence that affected many shoppers and intensified the hysteric frenzy. This type of frenzy is bad news. Getting caught up in participating in Black Friday just to get the “deals” on stuff you don’t really want or need or items that may or may not be good gifts for others is a sure way to watch your money float away. That’s not to say that Black Friday can not be useful to someone who is a savvy shopper, it most certainly can be. It just requires a bit of finesse and forethought. Although many view crowds as a necessary inconvenience of society, there are many occasions when we do associate ourselves with them, such as parties, concerts, sporting events, and especially Black Friday. I’m not sure what I find more disturbing about Black Friday, the crowds that entailed trampled people, or the fact that our materialistic society will go to many extreme to get what ever they want. It’s possible to have bargain bonanza without casualties, but it’s imperative to make the process fair and predictable. Black Friday is truly an experience, but is it worth the time, stress, and aggravation that so many people, including myself, have suffered through.

28


Forgay29 Works Cited Seabrook, John. "Crush Point" The New Yorker. The New Yorker's Magazine, August 2011. Web. 7 February 2011.

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English 1101 Portfolio