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DECEMBER 9 :: FREE


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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR AMY OLSON AMY@SYNTHESIS.NET

TROOF In the spirit of our new science fiction serial, I'd like to tell you a story that falls into the truth-is-stranger-than category. It all began with the Hale-Bopp comet back in 1997. I was in the fullest manifestation of my hippie phase; feet calloused until they were practically shoes, clothes a literal patchwork of other clothes, scraggly Fraggle-dreds that I tied up with a piece of hemp twine, legs and armpits as hairy as guy you call Harry even though his name is George ... and high above, screaming through the silent vacuum of space, Comet HaleBopp was burning like a giant doobie.

LET'S GET WEIRD Every year around this time, reality starts to wear a little thin. Maybe it's the build up of all the memories, bookended by the ticking down of days to a new year. Everything begins to feel a little vague, like it happened in a story. I say what the hell, distance makes the heart grow fonder; let's leave reality behind and dive into the world of Howl!

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IT'S THE ROY ROGERS SHOW! Virtuoso Roy Rogers has taken his slide guitar stylings and made everyone forget that singing cowboy; rocking sold out shows with the Delta Rhythm Kings. Being confused with someone of the same name when you're trying to get your art recognized must be incredibly frustrating.

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SORIN'UFF The Sorin Group is a medical products group based in Italy, with significant operations in France, the United States, and Japan. Its product lines include replacement heart valves, oxygenators, and cardiothoracic surgery accessories. They're also a progressive metal band here in Chico who just released an EP. How do they find the time?

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IMMACULATE INFECTION

SPORTSBALL

PAGE 5

PAGE 17

EDIBLE BITS

PREVIEWS

PAGE 6

PAGE 18

COMICAL RUMINATIONS

REVIEW

PAGE 7

PAGE 19

OLD CROCK

KOZMIC DEBRIS

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I had been hanging out with a friend I knew from high school, let's call her Statica because her name started with an Sand she was easily rubbed the wrong way, and a girl I had met while travelling who was also named Amy (she doesn't live here, so I feel OK using her real name). To avoid confusion I'll refer to her as Amy, and myself as "I" or "me." Amy had come into town with these three guys: Fozzie, Jesus, and her boyfriend whose name I can't even remember so I'll call him Nutsack. Fozzie and Jesus were deep into some LSD, among other things. They had this awesome idea that we all take a roadtrip up to the high desert to sit in a hot spring and stare at the comet. The only hold up was that they didn't have a car, any idea where the hot spring was, and they were low on acid (after handing it all out before the roadtrip). Statica knew this guy who was one of those intellectualtype college-hippies, and she talked him into driving us. At this point that's four guys, three girls, two dogs, and one hatchback. We somehow Tetris-ed ourselves in there and headed into the Sierras. The first destination was a two-bird stop where the guys were going to buy drugs from some hill person they knew, who could also give us directions to a spring. About two miles from that stop (an hour or so into the drive), Nutsack announced that we were all fools. As it turned out, he was not, in fact, Nutsack; he was actually H.l.M. Haile Selassie, aka Jah Ras Tafari. He had met his drum on a mountain top in Africa and they had spoken each other's secret names before travelling the world. And now he was sickened by us heathens, and was ready to take his drum and step back into the wilderness if we would just PULL THE GODDAM CAR OVER RIGHT NOW I COMMAND YOU. Which we did, and he wandered off into the night. That was perfectly normal, so we rolled on and met up with their hillbilly friend. Since there was an "open spot" in the car now, he decided to join us and bring his dog too. Four hours later we managed to find the scalding hot mud hole in the middle of the frost covered sage brush, and commenced to staring. Suddenly, Amy's eyes popped wide open. "Holy shit! That wasn't Haile Selassie at all, that was my boyfriend! And that was MY drum! And we just left him in the middle of nowhere!" (Shyamalanian twist!) Stay in school, kids.

DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

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CROWDSOURCED

Questions from our Life in Chico Facebook page.

What's your favorite Christmas cookie? Tadd rick Shack lefor d CHOCOLATE CRINKLES!!!! 1would do horrible things for those cookies!

HORRIBLE THINGS!

ADOPT ME! This adorable boy with his short, goofy legs and sweet disposition is Frankie! He'd do best with owners who are home a lot. He doesn't require much exercise, just plenty of belly rubs. Frankie has lived with kids aged 8 and under as well as cats and done just fine with all of them.

like · Repl y · 6 2 · 3 hours ago Kevin Captain Danger Weed cookies.

Like · Reply · 6 2 · 4 hours ago Steven C. Smith All of them like · Repl y · 6 2 · 4 hours ago via mobile M ike O rognen Th umbs up to the Cookie Shoppe

[Thank s for the shout Layne)

2579 Fair Street Chico, CA 95928 • (530) 343-7917 • buttehumane .org

Like · Repl y · 6 2 · 3 hours ago via mobile Layne Werne r Anything Mike Orogn en and his crew at The Cookie Shoppe make !!! Best . Cook ies. Ever. Like · Repl y · ~ 2 · 4 hours ago via mobile

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NOW HEAR THIS Synthesis Weekly Playlist TANNER

EARLWOLF- "ORANGE JUICE"

COLIN

SHIGETO - "LINEAGE"

KATYA

AWOLNATION - "SAIL (UNLIMITED GRAVITY REMIX)" THE SHADOWBOXERS - "PUSHER LOVE GIRL"

VAL

THE WAITRESSES - "CHRISTMAS WRAPPING"

MIKE

WU-TANG CLAN - "KILLER BEES"

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DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15

MADELINE PEYROUX - "FICKLE DOVE"

DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

For 19 years The Synthesis' goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

PUBLISHER

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Kathy Barrett kathy@synmedia.net

Arielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Erica Koenig, Howl, Jaime O'Neill, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Dan O' Brien, Jackie Reardon, Negin Riazi, JD DiGiovanni, Jayme Washburn

MANAGING EDITOR Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net

ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

PHOTOGRAPHY Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

NERD

Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net calendar@synthesis.net

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

ACCOUNTING

Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

DESIGNERS

TARA

AMY

5YJJt~2~S~U~~

Colin Leiker, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net

DELIVERIES

Ben Kirby

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Potter

OWNER Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net

Joey Murphy, Jennifer Foti

The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Production s and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the sa me opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.

The Synthesis welcomes, wa nts, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care w hat you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@synthesi s. net. Please sign all of your letters w ith your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 - info@synthesis.net

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IMMACULATE INFECTION BY BO B HOWA RD - MADBOB@MADBOB.COM

DECK THE HALLS WITH MY BALLS.

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Cost Effective, Customer Friendly Cleaning Service Fees It's difficult for me to explain to people how much I despise Christmas. It is a failed holiday, at least in my consistent experience. Christmas is a wretch. It's a goddamn horror show. That's not right; it's more of a psychological melodramaakin to one of those reality programs wherein the producers stuff a bunch of incompatible personalities together in a room to see who freaks out the most. Mash a load of sugar and alcohol into everyone's mouths and toss in the stress of forced gift giving and rampant money being spent on forgettable garbage and you have the closest interpretation I can come up with to Dante's Purgatory. I suppose it could be Hell, and ironically, all in the name of Jesus. "Drink Through It" That's the advice my wife has just handed to me, followed by this eggnog fueled gibberish : "Someday we'll go lock ourselves in a dog kennel-we'll never make it to Mexicobut a dog kennel, that's doable." Spending a month in a dog kennel would be better than celebrating Christmas. I don't understand why I feel the way I do about this. I know it is irrational. But I also don 't understand why people feel good and joyous and jolly about Santa Claus and ornaments; slaughtered pine trees and mocking, plastic Jesii. I cannot begin to fathom why, in the midst of the shortest, darkest days, and the coldest, harshest weather, we have collectively decided to rush out and launch a consumer-capitalist inspired middle figure at the concept of living within means. For sixteen dozen

millennia people have faced winter by hunkering down, holding onto what they've got, and hibernating until the butterflies and the emerging crocus bulbs signal the impending spring. Only within the last sixty years have we figured to go bananas-to max out the credit cards and work extra time to give the people we claim to care about every god damn thing they could ever, possibly, desire.

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Landfill When there is a massive, gaping hole, an immediate reaction is to fill it up with the most commonly available substance of volume-and garbage is an eminently available voluminous substance. It's renewable, to boot. Cities and islands are built on top of landfill. Mountain ranges are born of mangled appliances, rotten textiles, and gloss-coated, never decomposing pornographic magazines. I don't want to be involved in any of it. It's already a beautiful time of year-the trees are bare and exposed, the ground is wet, but cold, and supermarket shelves are stocked with creamy, seasonal elixir. We self-medicate for those conditions that the epidemiologists haven't yet identified. Science will catch up, eventually. In the mean-time there is wine, and big cans of beer; there is eggnog and marijuana. The last three Popes have railed adamantly against materialism-maybe the Popes before them, too. They've warned that the soul is seriously compromised by the pride, gluttony, jealousy and sloth that come with gross material possession. Maybe I'm part Catholic in December.

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DECE MBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

5


EDIBLE BITS

FE I

BY JACKI E REARDON - EDIBLEBITS@YA HOO.COM

LIGHTEN UP

Now that the feasting day is behind us, let's talk about what we like to eat after those gluttonous meals to try to balance out the damage we did. Don't get me wrong, I happily spent all afternoon cooking and then consuming one helluva Thanksgiving meal, and it was absolutely worth the time and massive calories, but now my body is just begging for me to ease up and give it a break. I tend to focus on more vegetable-laden meals after I have been indulging in too much sinful food and drink. Right now, I feel like I have been doing nothing but eating rich food and drinking mass quantities of alcohol since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Salads are always an easy option, with a million and one ways to mix them up and make them interesting, but I also lean heavily on broth-based stews and broccoli/ carrot/onion/garlic/snow pea packed stir fries and rice bowls. Think of a big bowl of nutty brown rice (we love Massa Organics) topped with whatever sauteed or roasted veggies look good to you, drizzled with a bit of Sriracha and sprinkled with a touch of salty, umami soy sauce. Or, take that same bowl of brown rice, and top it with tomatoes (last week there were still a few stalls at the Saturday morning Farmer's Market that had some lovely looking heirloom tomatoes!), black beans, shredded romaine lettuce, fat, creamy avocado slices, and your favorite taco sauce.

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DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

If you aren't completely nauseated yet at the mere thought of more turkey, you can always whip up a quick turkey and rice soup with sauteed onions, thyme, garlic, carrots and celery; leftover turkey broth if you have it; shredded turkey and rice. But my all-time, hands-down, favorite thing to eat right about now is a dead simple salad made with organic baby greens, candied pecans, and crumbly, creamy goat cheese. You can throw this together in zero time and it is true perfection dressed with the following Meyer Lemon Vinaigrette, but it also benefits from some grilled or roasted chicken and a big, crusty hunk of bread on the side. Meyer lemons are in season right now so it's the perfect time to try this vinaigrette out. A neighbor has a Meyer tree, drooping and groaning under the weight of all the bright yellow citrus, and I just might have to take a walk down the street (in the dark) and relieve that poor tree of some of that burden ... Meyer Lemon Vinaigrette 2 Tbsp. honey 1 garlic clove, finely minced 2 tsp . Meyer lemon zest Y, tsp. X tsp. pepper 2-3 Tbsp . Meyer lemon juice 1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil Whisk everything but the olive oil then slowly stream in the oil and whisk briskly to emulsify the dressing. Taste and season as your palate sees fit. Sometimes, I add more honey if the juice of the lemon is especially bright and tart.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


COMICAL RUMINATIONS BY ZOOEY MAE - ZOOEYMAE@SYNTHESIS.NET

CHRISTMAS POOP 'N' CHEER You guys probably didn't notice, but I didn't write a column last week. I've been feeling so overwhelmed with school and work and re-watching every episode ever of Cheers that I decided to cut my workload at Synthesis and only write a column every other week. They'll still be just as terrible, but now I'll just have two weeks to complete them instead of my usual one, and there will be even less of an excuse for how bad they are. I think my lowest point was when I found myself discussing the possibility of dogs having night terrors. Wait... that was my last column ... shit. In any case, my inane ramblings will be back on its regular schedule after the start of the new year. Since it's Christmas season, I figured I'd do my usual seasonal gift guide. Hopefully my current mental state of being stressed to the gills and seriously under-rested won't affect the quality of the list too much. Ahem. Let's begin, shall we? For your grandparents:

Put yourself in their shoes, and try to imagine what it is that they actually want. This should be an easy answer

(hint : for you to be successful and well versed in all topics and not just the Cosby Show). To appease your favorite octogenarians, consider Photoshopping yourself into a picture with people they will consider interesting and influential. These people might include, but are not limited to: Warren Buffett, Bill O'Reilly and Lyndon B. Johnson. Bonus points if you can Photoshop the dogs owned by each President into the front row. For your siblings:

Find a stray plastic bag in the Winco parking lot and fill it with the hair you collect from your hairbrush, a Lotto scratcher (that's already been scratched), and the two thousand bobby pins you pick out of your vacuum bag after vacuuming them all off the carpet in your room. This personal gift will keep those bastards on their toes, and teach them they shouldn't have broken all your crayons in half last week. For your next door neighbor:

Poop in a bag then throw it at their house. Because,

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sustainability. Bonus points if you can get it on their dog that never shuts up. (Seriously though, I think my neighbor's dog was the stunt double for The Beast in Sandlot). For that special someone:

Ask your mom to fork over all those baby teeth that fell out of your head when you were a child, and glue them to a piece of posterboard in a heart shape. Mom might put up a fight at first, but she's been hoarding them for long enough. Plus, technically they're yours, since they used to be part of you. It's just common sense. Bonus points if you include the broken pieces of wisdom teeth that were yanked out of your face a few years ago. Merry Christmas everyone! And if you're my neighbor and you find poop on your dog ... it was someone else.

NOVEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

7


WRITTEN BY

HOWL HO WLMOVESM OUN TAI NS. TUMBLR.COM ILLUSTRATED BY

LOGAN KRUIDENIER LO GAN KRUI DENIER.TUMBLR .COM

PART I The ocean's surface is somewhere above me. No one down here seems to know what air is. I've long since grown accustomed to the bubbles exhaled by everyone's breathing, noticed by no one but myself. I awoke this morning from a dream, and it was a dream of the surface: air in my lungs, and the ocean somewhere far away. My body was warmed by the sun, not the deep vents of the seafloor. My awakening eyes would've been wet with tears. The vivid memory of that delicious land rolled through me, and I was struck with a profound sadness : How could I ever have forgotten my life above the ocean's surface? My addict's body reached through water towards the Aqueum pipe waiting at my bedside, and I had the first clear, human thought I'd had in months: If I didn't find a way to the surface soon, I would die here. The addiction to Aqueum was slowly but surely consuming me, transforming me into a citizen of the deep. To be sure, the drug had its appeal : No thoughts but the thoughts we all have, no sense of sovereignty or uniqueness. With the Aqueum -trance came sweeping dream visions of unsurpassed majesty, and an osmosis-like fluidity of awareness : I've spent hours in these city streets, still as a statue as thousands thronged around me, my eyes locked on a starfish, as my consciousness explored every nuance of its bumpy, pink skin. No memory remained after of what I'd seen; the entire experience had been swept away by the liquid currents of the city. No doubt hundreds of others had amazing hallucinations of starfish that day. I no longer remembered clearly why I'd left my chambers in the north of the city, and I noticed with some surprise that my feet were taking me somewhere, swiftly and surely. Plainly, a sense of urgency had sparked my steps this morning ... pillars of blue-black coral passed to either side of me, rising thousands of feet above my head. Random pools of radiance drifted along the ground, their source the

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DE CEMBER 9 - DE CEMBER 15, 201 3

bioluminescent fish drifting overhead. Natural tunnels that would later be completely filled with waterhumans, were now mostly empty. The few waterhumans I did pass were obviously locked in the Aqueum-trance : one was staring at the walls, one was staring at nothing at all. Another sat on the ground, talking aloud to no one in particular. Passing each one sent my mind wandering on hallucinated pathways of the other's experience, but my feet just carried me straight through them and out the other side. Some part of me was afraid to be still. There was something about waking up this morning ...something we remembered. Thinking about it made the front of my head tickle; put an itch in my feet that forced me to keep walking. "What is the sun," I murmured to myself, then stopped in the street. Where had that come from? Those particular sounds, at that particular moment? What in the hell was a sun? "Yeah, what's a sun?" a woman said behind me. The sound was a jolt that set my feet to walking again, even before thought. Steps could be heard following behind. I could've turned to see who this follower was, but we were in the Aqueum -trance, and I didn't need to see with eyes. This waterwoman was me, as I was her. I knew her blue skin, and I knew her green eyes. Thick blue cords of hair flew out behind, drifting from her head. Swiftly through my mind went her memory of earlier this morning: she had been one of those standing in the street, staring at nothing. She had been exploring (with her mind) the rocks of a crater, somewhere ... somewhere off to the west ... well, maybe she'd made it up. The crater had shown her small pink veins of luminescent coral, and whether the place was real or not, those pink veins had held her fascination for hours.

Now, this stranger walked behind me, captured in the urgent current of my steps. I could tell the movement felt good to her-she hadn' t moved that blue body since last afternoon. "Warm," I felt from her mind. "This walking is warm ...like the breathing of a lover against a neck." Like all the waterhumans who came out of the trance enough to actually notice my body, I felt her wondering at my pale white skin. Her mouth was half-open as she walked behind, caught there in a question. She read in my open mind what knowledge was there : "I have no idea why I'm white. You could stare at those freckles on my shoulders for days, though." The wide streets now became narrower, and darker. The glowing fish that provided light down here were few and far between. We were drifting into the east part of the city: a cramped, criss-crossing warren of alleyways, with hundreds of man-sized holes dotting walls that reached a thousand feet up into darkness. The presence of waterhumans could be felt rolling from most of those dark holes, the fantastic colors of their different Aqueum trances drifting out and down, through the dim waters. My new friend stopped walking, the same moment that I stopped myself. "Where's the pipe?" she whispered into the water. She was still deep in the trance, but my body hadn't tasted the drug since early dusk, in my chambers. I hadn't noticed the pangs in my stomach signaling the need for a fix, but now she had, and she'd mistook the craving for her own. "There's one in our right hand," I replied, and I settled gratefully to the floor of the alley. The Aqueum entering my lungs immediately relieved the pain in my body, replaced it with a spacious feeling of contentment. The waterwoman sat down in front of me, smiling at the open wonder that blossomed across my face. The cords of her hair seemed to grow mouths, and they began to sing, a slow crooning that swept through my

SYNTHES I SWEE KLY. COM


self in notes of pink and violet. No longer was I restless. No longer was I even me. For the thousandth time, my land-bound heart forgot itself in the wonder of living in a city-under-the-ocean. This eastern section of our city-under-the-ocean was a dark, cramped warren of small cave-homes rising vertically up the blue-black walls of coral. The luminescent fish that light the city were few and far between, here. One would easily lose their way in these dim waters, if not for the telepathy of Aqueum : the drug swept every resident into one hallucinating organism; all thoughts shared by every person, but no memories of what came before, and only a passing sense of individuality. I sat crosslegged in the alley, the waterwoman stranger across from me. We gazed into and through each other; bubbles rose from our synchronous breaths. We'd stopped here to take Aqueum, as our mutual addiction demanded, some time in the day. Night had long since crept in while we surfed the druginduced visions, our consciousnesses joined into one, osmosis-style. The fluidity of awareness brought on by the drug had swept away the strange bout of restlessness that had brought me here, to the east part of the city.

Atoms shaking. Leaves look like flames . Our blue skin is many layers of many old leaves, falling outward from the inside. Half of our existence in the water, drinking it up. Half of our existence in the air, breathing it in, and then down. We were deep in the trance. My eyes crawled along the walls above us. I could feel which cave-homes were inhabited (like the warmth of another body), which inhabitants were asleep (like gentle waves of faint, green feelings), and which were in the Aqueum-trance (like a

castrophany of silence, desire, violence, and wonder). Awareness came and went in waves ... in this moment I could discern my body, and where I was, but a few moments before, I had known nothing. Then, the cavehomes around me had not been structures at all, but one living stretch of skin, and the entrance holes had been pores, breathing the water with me. My eyes kept drifting toward one particular cave-home: three holes up and two to the right above my partner's head. "There's a brightness there," I thought. "Is it an Aqueum-trance? Someone dreaming? But no, it's something else ... " Yes ... above my partner's head. Three caves up and two to the right. My mind went there, into the darkness shrouding the apartment's interior. I could feel a sense of warm illumination, and I couldn't understand it, but I knew it came from before, from another lifetime ...! clambered easily up the coral to the entrance. My waterwoman friend remained behind, wrapped in many blissful layers of Time.

Rushes, intense hallucinations, leaving as suddenly as they appear. It is light, and clarity, and there are creatures, things impossible in recognition, but somehow, they were 'possible' somewhere. Creatures of the air. Birds flew through the sky like stingrays, but without water! A stag,

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DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

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(cont. from pg 9)

with his proud antler-crown, and his deep, brown eyes ... In their reflection lies a forest, and it is not a forest of kelp, nor of sulfur columns. It is a forest of trees, and each one reaches up, proudly, into-Nothing. What is air? What is Nothingness? With these questions, I felt a sense of uniqueness rising inside of me. Waves broke upon a landmass I realized to be myself. "This man ... this person! Who is this person? This person that I was ... " I murmured the words repeatedly, held trembling hands up to my eyes, saw the pale white skin that had never been blue, not like everyone else here, not even for a moment. I stood still, right there in front of this cave that, just moments ago, had been three up from the ground and two to the right. My shaking hands gripped the edges of the entrance. Part of me knew survival depended on entering this cave, and part of me-a small, shrieking, frantic part-wanted desperately to escape what awaited.

That's just how it goes, you know." A moment of thought, then, "Why are we even talking? Why can't I feel your thinking?" "Because I'm not on Aqueum. I haven't taken it in about two months now." He had reached to hold my hand in a firm grip as he said this, and it was good that he had. I tried to pull back in fear and revulsion, my addict's mind repulsed by even the idea of going without Aqueum. My body kept trying to pull away, but I was glad he was holding me in place. Those half-remembered things called 'trees' came to mind again, those plants that grew into Nothingness ... I didn't know this man's secret, but I had to have it. It was impossible, but here it was, smiling at me: I had stumbled across the last sober man in the city.

I was completely paralyzed by conflicting desires, but I was also blissfully high on Aqueum. Sitting down right there in the entranceway to the cave was the obvious choice. I was just too scared to look inside! And at the same time, I was too fascinated with the delicious, warm emanations to leave. Half-remembered feelings and pictures continued to dance through my mind, tantalizing me into expectation. Finally, the exclamation, "Well, if I sit long enough, something's bound to happen!" More pictures came: wonderfully impossible things ... I saw trees, and knew what they were, yet I couldn't say how I knew, much less how they could possibly exist without complete submergence in the bottom of an ocean ... But wait! A thin, gnarled hand grabbed mine in a firm grip, and I looked up into an old man's face. A slow smile pulled it into wrinkles. "You should come inside," he said, and that voice! Oh, if you could hear it! It rang with a clarity I hadn't heard in ages. I said nothing, but I allowed him to help me up and into his apartment. He sat me down on a large, flat rock serving as a coffee table, and he sat in a chair across from me. He had a long, thick beard : white, with an equal share of grey streaking through it. He exuded peaceful patience while I absorbed visually all the life in his beard ... small fish, moss swaying in the water, a small sea urchin. I spent a very long moment watching two small seahorses (the size of my thumbnail) chasing each other through the facial forest. Finally he said, "Do you know how you got here?" That voice again! Startling, and stimulating! Its strength and clarity were at odds with the obvious age of this man. "Who are you?" Was the question I asked in return, chosen from hundreds of questions that swirled in my mind. The paralyzing fear of the doorway was gone in a wave of curiosity. "Do I know how I got here? The same way I get anywhere, I guess ... I took Aqueum, and now I'm here.

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DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

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$1 PBR all night All ages until lOPM

$3.50 Fireball, Jim Beam , Captain Morgan and Jameson

Bartender Specials $3 14oz Slushies $4 20oz Slushies

halftime 'til they're gone!

Happy Hour 5-7pm Daily Drink Specials Nightly Dinner Specials 5-9pm

$9 SN Pitcher

$2 for 3 Wings $2.50 SN Pint All Day

Closed

$2 Kami Shooters

$6.50 Pulled pork sand w/ fries or salad 25 cent wings from

1/2 OFF POOL Pool League, 3 player teams. Sign up with

Kami shots

Closed

Mon-Fri 2-6PM $1.50 PBR or Coors Pints

Nevada Drafts 3-6PM v$3.50 Dbl Wells 6PM - close $8 Dom Pitcher

Mon-Fri 2-6PM

Reuben Sand w/ fries or

Happy Hour 5-7pm

$1.50 PBR or Coors Pints $2 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL

salad $6.50 5pm-Close 1/2 off kids items 8pm-Close Pitcher

Daily Drink Specials Nightly Dinner Specials 5-9pm

8 Ball Tournament Sign-up 6PM. Starts 7PM.

Specials $6/$9/$12 FREE Pool after lOPM

Mon-Fri 2-6PM

Baby Back Ribs $10.99 Philly Cheesesteak $7.50

$1.50 PBR or Coors Pints $2 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL JAZZ NIGHT- Martini

6pm-Close $4 Grad teas

Happy Hour 5-7pm Daily Drink Specials Nightly Dinner Specials 5-9pm

$3 All beer pints FREE Pool after lOPM

Specials All ages until lOPM Daily Happy Hour from4-7PM Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Mon-Fri 2-6PM $1.50 PBR or Coors Pints $2 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL All ages until lOPM

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99

Happy Hour 5-7pm Daily Drink Specials Nightly Dinner Specials

8pm-Close $4 Jager $5 DBL Vodka Red Bull $6 Jager Red Bull $2 Kamikaze shots

5-9pm

FREE Pool after lOPM Bartende r Specials $3 14oz Slushies $4 20oz Slushies

Open at llAM ! Bloody Mary Bar Noon-6PM $8 Dom Pitch er $9 SN Pitch er 8PM-Close

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Bartenders Choice

Baby Back Ribs w/Salad, Fri es & garlic bread

Happy Hour 5-7pm Daily Drink Specials

9 Ball Tournam ent. Sign-up at noon. Starts lPM.

$10.99 8pm-Close $4 Single/$6 Double Jack or Captain

Nightly Dinner Specials 5-9pm

All ages until lOPM

$2 Sierra Nevada FREE Pool after lOPM

FREE POOL

$5.19 Grad/Garden/

Restaurant Open for

1 hr. with every $8 purchase All ages until lOPM

Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call,

Dinn er 5-9pm

$6.50 DBL calls

10AM-2PM

FREE FOUNTAIN DRINK I 4 :WITH ANY MEAL PURCHAH : 4 L

SAT

Mon-Fri happy hour 11-2PM

$5 Bottles of Champagne with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!

$5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $6 Beer Pitchers FREE Pool after lOPM

4 4 4

WEDNESDAY 10PM

DANCE NIGHT

DJS:JEFFHOWSE/LOIS/BIG E

FRIDAY 4 7PM

HAPPY. HOUR! THE PUB SCOUTS

BULLDOGTAQERIA.COH

12

DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

SYNTHESIS WEEKLY. COM


~ cf ~) c;&~~r'~

Lounge

~~!I C: HI C O

Go Downlo

BEAR-E-OKE

C A

Happy Hour 11-6PM

select bottles & drafts BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries

$2.7S

or salad for $5.29.

MNF Specials Bucket of Beer Bacardi Cocktails Southern Comfort Skyy & Red Bull

llam-lOpm.

EVERY DAY Happy Hour-4-7pm $1.7S Pints, $1.00 Shots, 1/2 off

$2 Marqis $3 Cuervo Marqis $2.50 Corona's

all Single cocktails,

& Sierra Drafts Mon-Sat 3PM-6PM $1

$1.00 Food items

2 for 1 Burgers llam-8pm

Dom draft, $2 SN draft, $1.SO wells

Happy Hour- 4-7pm Buck

Progress ive Night! 8-lOPM $1 Sierra Pal e

Throughout the football game $1 Kamikazes $3 Jam eson and Skyy Special

Go Downlo

V 1 p u 1tra

BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off w hile wearing

$2 All Day $2 Select Sierra Nevada or

$3 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials

Bear Wear. MUG CLUB 4-lOPM

Dom Drafts

Happy Hour 4-Bpm

$2 Kam is -any flavor

night 9pm-lam

CLOSED

Ale, Domestics, Rolling Rock & well cocktails up lOPM-close 25C per hour-close Mon-Sat free pool 6-8PM

Go Downlo

TRIKE RACES!

All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3

$3 Tea of the Day

Happy Hour-4-7pm

Buck Night

Happy Hour S-8PM

Post time@ lOpm.

All Day

Bartender Specials

1/2 off all cocktails, $1.7S Drafts, Guest bartenders every week

8-close

$5 House Martinis

$1 well cocktails, Sierra

$4 Glass of House Wine $3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle

Win T-shirts and Bear

Happy Hour 4-8pm

Bucks. MUG CLUB 4-lOPM

Nevada Pale Ale, Rolling Rockdom draft

$3 Black Butte $2 Karl Strauss $S Vodka Redbull $2.50 Pinnacle Cocktails

Drink specials!

$2.50 Pint of Sierra Nevada Half Off Rockstar Cocktails

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries

$2 Select Beers $3 Teas

or salad for $5.29.

Happy Hour 11-6PM $2. 7S select bottles & drafts

llam-lOpm.

$2 16oz Wells

Buck Night

Happy Hour- 4-7pm

9pm-Close $112oz Select Teas

$3 Hot licks $4.50 Double Bacardi 8-9PM $1 pale ale and dom draft

$3 20oz All Teas

SO cent well drinks 9-lOpm $2 Kamis,

$1 Well Cocktails $2 Select Bottle Beers

$2 Fireball, $3 Cherry

up 25C per hour until

Blasters, $2

close

bottle Beer lOpm-lam

$2.50 Fireball Shots $2.50 Pints of Sierra Nevada

VIP Bottle Service

$5.50 Double Pinnacle

available

Drink specials!

LATE NIGHT EATS! BEAR BURGER AND FRIES FOR ONLY $4.99! Mon-Sat lOpm - lam.

Vodka & Red Bull $3 Double Well Cocktails

$3 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials

Happy Hour 11-6PM

Happy Hour- 4-7pm $S Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5

select wells, bottles and

LATE NIGHT EATS! BEAR BURGER AND FRIES FOR

Half Off Rockstar Cocktails

$$ Bartender's Choice $$

Night

ONLY $4.99! Mon-Sat lOpm - lam.

$4 Sex On Th e Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro

$3 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials

ON TAP $1Jello Shots 7-lOPM $3 Rumpy, Jager and Fireball

Happy Hour S-8PM $5 House Martinis $4 Glass of House Wine $3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle $1 off Call liquor and bottled beer

Power Hour 8-9PM

Happy Hour S-8PM

1/2 off Liquor & Drafts

$5 House Martinis

9PM-Close

$4 Glass of House Wine

$3 Pale Ale Drafts $9. 75 Pale Pitchers

$3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle $1 off Call liquor and bottled beer

pints $2.7S

$2.50 Pint of Sierra Nevada $3 Featured Shot of the

Free Happy Hour Food 4PM until it's gone

$1 off Call liquor and bottled beer

Happy Hour- 4-7pm

Mon-Sat 3PM-6PM

Happy Hour S-8PM

Hot dog menu all day

$1 Dom draft, $2 SN draft,

$5 House Martinis

llam-8pm, All Day and

(24oz) $3.SO, $2 Capri sun Shots, All Teas $3.50, Tea

$1.SO wells, Power Hour 8-9PM 1/2 off Liquor & Drafts 9-Close Pale Ale Drafts

$4 Glass of House Wine $3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle $1 off Call liquor

Party 9-llpm 32oz Teas

$9. 75 Pale Pitchers

and bottled beer

CLOSED

CLOSED

All Night Tall cans of beer

are $2.SO HALF OFF EVERYTHING

Call To Rent For Private

(Except Red Bull and

Party

BURGER MADNESS!

$4 World Famous Bloody

Brunch lOam - 2pm

Bear Burger with fries

Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka

Football Specials

or salad for $5.29.

Premium Liquors) Go Down Lo

llam-lOpm.

Happy Hour-4-7pm Champagne Brunch 930am-lpm, Every Nfi

Game (20 Tv's), $3 Bloody marys, $3 screwdrivers, $5 pitchers of beer

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

13


THIS WEEK ONLY BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13TH WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 1FH VOOMVOOM SMILE EMPTY SOUL

VARIETY SHOW

LASALLE'S If you like chemicals and America and rock 'n' roll, I have some great news: Gold record toting Smile Empty Soul is stopping in on their 'Merican Chemicals Tour. Acidic, Clockwork Hero, First Decree, and Raven Throne open the show, starting at 9pm.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13TH WILL DURST BLUE ROOM THEATRE "Outraged and outrageous, Will Durst is as current as today's headlines, as accurate as a sniper, and universally acknowledged by even his peers as the nation's foremost political comic!." I don't know who I'm quoting, but that was on KZFR's website and it's their fundraiser. Doors 6pm, show 7:30. $12 at the door.

CHICO WOMEN'S CLUB Chikoko presents their annual Voom Voom Variety Show, preceding their crazypants Bizarre Bazaar craft fair on Saturday. Expect the finest of Chico's performance artists to turn out and amaze you . Admission is $5. Doors open at 6pm, show starts at 7pm

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 14TH JEFFERSON STARSHIP EL REY THEATRE OK, maybe this isn't exactly the original band, but it is partly, and they're not going to be around forever. Wouldn't you like to white-lie to your kids that you saw them live when "White Rabbit" comes on the oldies station? Tickets are $27.50/$30. Doors 7pm, show 8pm

OTHER NEW AND EXCITING THINGS 10 TUESDAY

12 THURSDAY

Cafe Coda: Armed For Apocalypse,

1078 Gallery: Every Hand Betrayed, Aberrance, Bloodpig, Blood Cabana. $5. Doors 8:30pm, show 9pm Lakeside Pavillion: CARD's Classic Movie Series: It's A Wonderful Life.

Death Valley High, Gigantes. All ages. $5. 8pm Sierra Nevada Big Room: Roy Rogers

& The Delta Rhythm Kings. Joined by fiddle master Carlos Reyes. $20. 7:30pm

11 WEDNESDAY ARC Pavillion: Benefit for the Pageant

Lost On Main: Acoustic Showcase

featuring Alli Battaglia & Friends.

13 FRIDAY

nity Ballet presents Cinderella . $28/ premium, $23/gen, $21/senior, $16/

14 SATURDAY

student/child. 2pm, 7:30pm

1078 Gallery: Guitar Project with

Lost On Main: Aaron Cuandra, Dead

Warren Haskell & Friends. $10 ($5

Man 's Hand. 9pm

seniors or students). Doors 7pm,

The Maltese: Surrogate, Touch Fuzzy

show 7:30pm. Beforehand, between

Get Dizzy. 9pm

5:30-6:30pm, there will be a showing

The Tackle Box: Country music from

of Aamir Mali k's short film A Muslim

Two Steps Down. $2.

Christmas.

15 SUNDAY

Theater with Jonathan Richman, The Yule Logs. $15/adults, $10/children. Monstro's: Monstro's Mini Music Fest! Epitaph of Atlas, Outside Looking In, Gyro Spazzers, Wizard Rifle, Monk Warrior, Cities, Surrounded by Giants. All ages. $7. 7:30pm

Cafe Coda: The Electric Canyon

Cafe Flo: Klezmerpalooza ! Eastern

Convergence, Max Minrdi, Andi White. 7:30pm

Duffy's: Special performance of The

European music from The Klez Billies

Weir by Rogue Theatre to raise funds

and the Hemlock Street Klezmer Band .

for The Pageant's Go Digital or Go

Stonewall Alliance: Holiday decorating

party; inclusive of all religious/nonreligious backgrounds. Family friendly. 5-8pm

14

lpm

The Tackle Box: Country music from

Josh Burdo. $2

DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

LaSalle's: The Hooliganz Very Naughty

$5. 7pm

Dark Campaign. Advance tickets are

Chico Women's Club: Chikoko's

$20. 7pm

Laxson Auditorium: Chico Community

Bizarre Bazaar. 10am-5pm

Laxson Auditorium: Chico Commu-

Ballet presents Cinderella. $28/ premium, $23/gen, $21/senior, $16/ student/child. 7:30pm

Idea Fabrication Labs: Very special Art

nity Ballet presents Cinderella. $28/

X-Mas. Live performances by DJ Babyface & DJ Ras Nebru. $2. 9pm

Exhibition: Chicago-based multi-media

premium, $23/gen, $21/senior, $16/

artist Christopher Breedlove. Free.

student/child. 2pm

Lost On Main: Sherman's Ashes, 3SD,

3-6pm

Rock Mountain Tribe. 9pm

Magnolia Gift & Garden: The Yule

Laxson Auditorium: Chico Commu-

Logs. 3pm

SYN TH ESI SWE EKLY.COM


ONGOING EVENTS 9 MONDAY

4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm

11 WEDNESDAY

Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8-llpm

lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Open Mic.

Janet Turner Print Museum: Women-

All ages . 7pm

themed Print Works and Shojo Manga. llam-4pm

University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika

LaSalle's: Thirsty Thursdays, featuring Mack Morris

University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

Cafe Flo: Live Jazz Happy Hour with the

Carey Robinson Trio. 5-7pm Chico Women's Club: Prenatal Yoga.

5:30-6:30pm DownLo: Pool League. 3 player teams,

signup with bartender. 7pm. All ages until lOpm

Avenue 9 Gallery: Lenn Goldmann : New

California Abstrcts. 12-Spm The Bear: Trike Races. Wint-shirts and

Bear Bucks. Post time lOpm . Mug Club 4-lOpm

Maltese: Open Mic Night. Comedy. Cafe Flo: Carey Robinson Trio. 5-7pm Sign ups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night Chico Women's Club: Afro Brazilian 7-11 :30pm Dance. 5:30-7pm University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika DownLo: 8 Ball Tournament . Signups Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm 6pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Duffy's: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Woodstock's: Spelling Bee for the Howse. 9pm. $1. Grownups. 6:30-7:30pm The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm

10 TUESDAY Cafe Flo: Open Mic Singer-Songwriter

Night with Aaron Jaqua. 7-9pm Chico Women's Club: Yoga. 9-lOam . Afro

Janet Turner Print Museum: Women-

themed Print Works and Shojo Manga. llam-4pm

Has Beans: Open Mic Night. 7-lOpm. Signups start at 6pm

Maltese: LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Peeking Chinese Restaurant: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $3. 9:30pm

Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm

Maltese: Karaoke . 9pm-close.

14 SATURDAY

Panama's: Eclectic Nights. Buck night

lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Knitting

and DJ Eclectic. 9pm

Circle. 2-4pm

Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy.

Avenue 9 Gallery: Lenn Goldmann: New

9pm-lam

California Abstrcts. 12-Spm

University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika

Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pm Cal Skate: Adults only skate night. $6.

18+.9-llpm

VIP Ultra Lounge: Acoustic performance

with Bradley Relf. 7-9pm. No Cover. Woodstock's: Open Mic Night.

Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Danc-

ing. 10pm-1:30am DownLo: 9 Ball tournament . Signups

13 FRIDAY

noon, starts at lpm .

Jesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing

lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Acoustic

The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm

Group, everyone welcome. 9-10:30am

Music Singer Songwriter Showcase: Flying Blind. 7:30pm

80s music. The Molly Gunn's Revival!

Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm . Followed by Capoeira, $3-$10. Maltese: American Horror Story viewing party. 9pm Avenue 9 Gallery: Lenn Goldmann: New 7:30-8:30pm The Tackle Box: Swing Dance Wednesday, California Abstrcts. 12-Spm Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke . classes 7-9pm 21+ The Beach: DJ 2K & Mack Morris. 9pm-

8pm-midnight Janet Turner Print Museum: Women-

themed Print Works and Shojo Manga.

University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika

close. $2, $10 VIP

llam-4pm

lOpm

Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm

The Bear: DJ Dancing No Cover. 9pm

LaSalle's: 1980Now! 8pm

Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Shigemi

University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with

and Friends. 6:30-8:30pm

VIP Ultra Lounge: Laurie Dana. 7-9pm

Bogg. llam

Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-lOpm

Woodstock's: Trivia Night plus Happy

Cafe Flo: Flo Sessions weekly music

Janet Turner Print Museum: Women-

Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table . Starts at 8pm

showcase. 7-lOpm Chico Yoga Center: Friday Night Dance

Jam with Mark Johnson. $10. 7-8:30pm

LaSalle's: '90s night. 21 +

12 THURSDAY

Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-Close

Avenue 9 Gallery: Lenn Goldmann: New

Crazy Horse Saloon: Fusion Fridays. Country dance lessons 9-10:30pm

California Abstrcts. 12-Spm

DownLo:

Yz off pool. All ages until lOpm

Maltese: Live Music. 9pm Quackers: Live DJ . 8:30pm-lam Scotty's Landing: Music Showcase. Open

Mic hosted by Rich & Kendall. 5-9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

15 SUNDAY

lam

The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pm

Duffy's: Pub Scouts- Happy Hour. 4-7pm

DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until lOpm

The Tackle Box: Karaoke. 9pm

Cafe Flo: Steven Truskol and The Next

The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm

LaSalle's: Karaoke . 9pm

Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke . 8 :30pm-

University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika

Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstock's: Trivia Challenge. Call at

Door Blues Band. 7-lOpm DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective every

Thursday. 8-llpm. All ages until lOpm The Graduate: Free pool after lOpm

SICILIAN CAFEI

Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and

DownLo: Game night. All ages until

themed Print Works and Shojo Manga. llam-4pm

IT'S A BOUNTIFUL FALL HARVEST AT

Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-

Maltese: Walking Dead Viewing Party.

midnight.

9pm

Janet Turner Print Museum: Women-

The Tackle Box: Karaoke. 8pm

themed Print Works and Shojo Manga. llam-4pm

1020 MAIN STREET CHICO L••?) 530.3~5.2233 CG ••~ FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 201 3

15


ON THE TOWN

OLD CROCK PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

BY JAIME O'NEI LL - JAIMEANDKARENONEILL@GMAIL.COM

KILLER BARGAINS EXCITE HOLIDAY WALMARTIANS Thanksgiving didn't go well for me this year. I'd forgotten to buy marshmallows for the sweet potato casserole I was making on that day, so I ventured out to buy some. When I got to Wal Mart, there were more people than I expected to find out shopping on a holiday. I've since learned that Thanksgiving is being redefined as yet another one of those orgies of consumerism we now celebrate several times a year. People had been camping out in front of Wal Mart for days before Turkey Day, and they'd gotten a little testy toward competing shoppers. As I drew near the entrance, I saw hundreds of bargain hunters milling around, and I heard the unexpected sounds of people cursing. One of the elderly Wal Mart greeters had been knocked to the ground, but such was his loyalty to the company that he persisted in repeating "welcome to Wal Mart" through bloodied lips. To their credit, most of the shoppers made a special effort to step over the old guy, but with all the pushing and shoving, it was inevitable that some of them would step on him. "What's going on?" I shouted over the screams, and a wild-eyed lady next to me said, "big, big sale," as she elbowed me in the stomach and pressed forward. I doubled over, the wind knocked out of me, and I thought right then that maybe I didn't need marshmallows after all, and decided to head back to the car, but I was carried along by the surge toward the displays of bargain-priced goods. I saw a woman wearing a festively knitted Christmas sweater who had grabbed another shopper by the hair to pull her away from the last remaining copy of Bill O' Reilly's book, Killing Jesus, which had been steeply discounted in celebration of the birth of that book's main character. The sound of "Jingle Bells" on the store's intercom system was interrupted by a

16

DE CEMBER 9 - DE CEMBER 15, 201 3

voice directing shoppers to a hot deal over in the guns and ammo department, and I was swept by the crowd to a display of Christmas specials on semi-automatic rifles. I saw a guy wearing one of those red felt Santa hats administering a karate chop to an overweight woman who was clutching the last box of .45 automatic ammo being sold at 50% off. As she hit the floor, she lashed back with a wellplaced kick to her assailant's groin. One of the Wal-Mart "Associates" scurried over to break up the fight, but he was brought down by a customer who hit him over the head with a boxed Nativity set, made in China, featuring a baby Jesus that glows in the dark, marked down to $14.95. And that was the last thing I remember until I regained consciousness in the hospital, having suffered a concussion during the ensuing melee. I missed out on Thanksgiving, alas, but I'm pretty thankful, nonetheless. Across the nation, a bunch of people sustained far greater injuries than mine, and a few even died. I was much more fortunate and have, thus far, survived the season of peace on earth and goodwill towards men without lasting damage.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


SPORTSBALL BY DAN O'BRIEN - AMA LGAMCONSU LTING@GMAILCOM

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

ON THE TOWN

THE CURSE OF THE BEST RECORD

Does the best team win? In the end, maybe so. The team that wins is qualitatively the best team. The question is: Does the quantitatively best team win the championship? Is it the team with the best record going into the championship game? Basketball, the younger brother in the sibling rivalry that is American sports, does not have that definitive game, but rather a series during which two teams duke it out for supremacy (or at least national supremacy) of their sport. It does come down to one game sometimes, but not like it does in football. The NFL has a winner-take-all mentality that often offsets records going into that final game: the Super Bowl. If you have made it that far, then whatever your record (regular season) was coming in doesn't particularly matter. It is about that miracle push into the playoffs and winning games when it matters. Since the merger in 1970, when the AFL and NFL became once league, only nine teams claimed (or tied) the best regularseason record and won the Super Bowl (1997 Packers, 1993 Cowboys, 1989 and 1990 49ers, 1986 Bears, 1983 Redskins, 1979 Steelers, 1975 Steelers, and 1973 Dolphins). That means that about 21 percent of teams with the best regularseason record end up taking it all and hoisting the Lombardi trophy. Compare this to fourteen teams since the ABA-NBA

merger in 1976-a total of 37 percent. The Boston Celtics and the Michael-Jordanled Chicago Bulls are among those who have done it multiple times. I did not run advanced statistics on those two numbers, but I think we all might look at those and cock our heads ever so slightly. Why is there a discrepancy? My guess is that it has to do with the illusion of home-field advantage (which has a long, sordid history among sports statisticians), and the lack of said advantage in a Super Bowl, which is played at a neutral site. The NBA Finals, on the other hand, have everything to do with home-court advantage-especially given recent changes to the sprawl of the games by league administration. Additionally, the top record in the NFL is afforded a firstweek bye. Does this give credence to the idea of teams going on a streak, something that fundamentally defies classic statistical modeling? Do statistics matter in the world of sports? Yes and no. Statistics, at best, are used to describe phenomena and give reasonable predictions within a given margin of error. However, I do not think we should prescribe to an absolute predictive validity. That is a jargon-laden way of saying what beer commercials have been telling you : superstitious rituals are only weird if they don't work. I think it means the best team emerges, whatever that elusive term means in the end.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 201 3

17


ON THE TOWN

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

PRE VI EW

METAL MAYHEM BY TOMMY DIESTE L

Looks like a pretty solid week for metal. Which is good. The Christmas music is already in full force, and I'm ready to punch a wall or two. On Tuesday the 10th, three bands will be tearing Cafe Coda apart limb from limb. Straight off the plane from their crowd funded Euro-excursion, Armed For Apocalypse is ready to bust some good ol' 'Meri can eardrums open. Eclectic metal-heads Death Valley High and Chico's Gigantes will be sure to sacrifice your flesh to the Rock Gods first. This show is all ages, and only $5 gets you a ticket to the mayhem. Bloodshed starts at 8pm. And just in case you didn't go completely deaf on Tuesday, Monstro's Pizza will be serving up a show that'll send you hearing aid shopping by noon. On Wednesday the 11th, heavy hitters Epitaph of Atlas will be heading a Mini Music Fest with Outside

Looking In, Gyro Spazzers, Wizard Rifle, Monk Warrior, Cities, and Surrounded by Giants. If you like the feeling of your bones being ground into dust while your innards leak out of your ears, get ready to have a face full of crushing metal! Like all shows at Monstro's, all ages are allowed. This show's gonna run you $7 at the door, and the start time is a little earlier than usual to make time for all the bands, 7:30pm.

PREVIEW

HAVE WE MENTIONED SAVE THE PAGEANT? BY AMY OLSON The Go Digital Or Go Dark campaign to save the Pageant Theatre has been doing very well so far, garnering a deluge of support from the community. The amount left to raise is less than $5,000-by no means an insurmountable goal-and there are some great events coming up where you can help punch it through. This Wednesday, the 11th, the ARC Pavillion will play host to the lyrical miracle that is Jonathan Richman. Get ready to make bizarrely comfortable eye contact with him as he lulls you into that magical place between kooky and beautiful. If the whole idea of jumping right into that sort of experimental intimacy makes you all giddy and nervous, fret not; easing you into the evening with the familiar sounds of the holidays will be the one and only Yule Logs.

18

DE CEMBER 9 - DE CEMBER 15, 201 3

They'll be playing a short cocktail set while you have yourself a couple drinks and get in the mood. Tickets are $15, available at Duffy's.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


NEW HEIGHTS

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

ON THE TOWN

MUSIC REVIEW BY JD DIGIOVANNI At its best moments, Sorin's New Heights is as poised as a dancer and as forceful as a car-crash. The EP exhibits the local band's chugging intensity, as well as their impressive technical skill, on the most impressively produced recording they've laid down yet. Both within the song "New Heights," and the EP of the same name, the band is strongest when they exhibit their rangeboth instrumentally and vocally-something that is immediately evident. They make their instrumental prowess known in the introduction to the EP, echoing the same kind of sensitivity and technical skill one would find from the band Animals as Leaders. Alex Light works his impressive vocal range on the stand out track, "Milk," which then leads into the epic journey that is "New Heights," a track as long as most EP's. It is an undeniably ambitious song, but the epic psychedelic journey through pain, loss, and rebirth is at moments drowned out by its own grandiosity. The 16-minute track creates its own context within the EP that is as dis-

New Heights Sorin

orienting as it is impressive. With multiple riffs and shifts in the narrative's tone, the track could just as easily be considered multiple songs strung into one, la Between The Buried And Me. One wonders if it would've been better off broken into easily digestible chunks, but if you were to ask Sorin, that would be missing the point. They're a band with the confidence and ambition to settle for nothing other than a grand scale.

a

PREVIEW

SERIOUSLY, SAVE THE PAGEANT BY AMY OLSON Hey! Speaking of the Pageant, there's this other cool fundraiser: on Sunday the 15th at Duffy's, you can catch a special encore performance of The Weir, put on by Rogue Theatre. I had the pleasure of seeing this at the Southside Playhouse a couple of weeks ago, and I can say with full conviction that it's a great show and Duffy's is the perfect venue. I had no idea what to expect beforehand; it isn't the kind of predictable story format where you basically know the score when you walk in-like a rom-com or something-and you're just along for the ride to see how they illustrate it. The Weir is, instead, a pocket of time containing the world views and memories of a group of barflies in Ireland. The characters settle into their favorite pub, deftly escalating

from idle gossip into increasingly compelling and revealing stories that suck you in further and further. You have no idea where it's going until it gets there, but by the end I had both laughed and shed tears. I highly recommend this show, and anything put on by Rogue Theatre. Advance tickets are $20, available at Duffy's. Starts at 7pm

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DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

19


SORIN TO NEW HEIGHTS

[Editor's note: Sorry, I'm a horribl e human bein g.]

BY JD DIGIOVANNI

I sat down at Jack's Diner with Alex Light, Ade Porter, Skylar Wells, and Kevin Bowman of Sorin a few weeks back to talk about their recently released EP New Heights; here is what they had to say. It sounds really good. It's play-it-in-your-car music. I was thinking earlier-your title track "New Heights" is 16 minutes long, which is longer than most EPs. How do you start out on a song like that? Alex: You take acid. [laughs] Kevin: I remember Ade brought like one riff to me-a little riff solo thing that I played-and kinda just started working on it. We name each individual part of our song, and we named that part " New Heights," and it ended up growing out of that. I had a recording project I had to do for my recording class at Butte College, and basically just a lot of the song came from writing it on the spot for that project. Threw in more stuff that Ade had written from high-school, it just kept growing. Kinda got out of control. Ade: The original idea was probably like four years old by that time. It was written in high-school, and from there over the course of four years. Riffs had come out of it but I never really thought much of it. It always seemed like a song that would never have a place in a band [until] it came to forming Sorin. Alex: I think we were all listening to Between The Buried And Me. Ade : A lot ... that had a huge impact. Alex: [For] at least four years before [it was written] we were probably all listening to Between The Buried And Me. That whole time ... I have said for a while to myself that we're able to do what we're doing as a band-with heavy music and more experimental refrains, into other places that aren't really heavy that are more experimen tal. We're able to do all of that because Between The Buried And Me does it. And did it. Their umbrella has kinda allowed us to become us ... and you could say that it's pretty derivative, and that we're just ripping them offand to a certain extent we are-but really like ... it's just the nature of the evolution of music. We wouldn ' t be able to be so uniquely ourselves without Between The Buried And Me coming in and doing something a little similar... we wouldn't have been able to express what Sorin is until someone broke the ground with a fifteen minute song. Ade: One anecdote I wanted to share about the original pieces: the night I wrote them was the night I had gone to something called the Classical Gu itar Project. It's a monthly event of classical guitarists in the area and traveling musicians playing for a night. That night had totally inspired me and stretched me musically and I came home and wrote a lot of the middle of "New Heights." Props to

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DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

that entity that keeps happening. It totally changed how I write.

Ade: I think every person who likes metal does, to an extent, scream in their head.

In what ways has Chico shaped Sorin?

What are the goals for Sorin moving forward?

Kevin: Chico has a really cool metal scene. We' ve all been a part of it in some way. I was a big huge local music scene fan in high-school and junior high. Me and Ade used to go to shows together. Alex has been in a lot of local bands.

Kevin : Writing more stuff.

Alex: It allows about half the band to live for free, so there is time to actually create and pour your soul into something you're stoked on beyond paying bills. Ade: That is a good point. Part of living here means we don't have to worry about surviving, which can hamper creating, making art. Skylar: Also I feel like Chico is an open minded com munity, and that makes [me] capable of getting behind a band like this. I've lived in smaller towns like Grass Valley and Anderson for periods of time; I can't imagine trying to do a band like this and having it go anywhere. It'd be hard enough finding other musicians. Chico is pretty great for that. You've got a really cool vocal range. How do you write something like that into a song? I guess I'm more interested in your process as a band, is it always the same? Alex: Its never the same. Not at all. I never fucking know. There are some common threads, like with "Milk," it's like [a] gangster rap thing going on. I was just spitting in my head-less about the words more about the cadence and flow of it-and making it sound sick and percussive. That's a common thread through most of the work; since you're screaming all you really got is your range and your rhythm to get what you'd usually get across with a melody. I drink lots of coffee at The Naked Lounge and listen to the track and work things out in my head. It's a lot easier to scream in your head, to hear.

Ade: The main goal for the last few months has been getting this EP out, and that's done. We're just rep ping it as hard as we can; really serving it up. Writing too. Alex: We get to tour now that we have this. We've been waiting on having [that] to play anything out of town, so that's something I'm really excited about. Bigger and bigger road trips. Try to take it outside of Chico. Spread it around on the Internet ...

We 're gonna write because we have to for our mental/ emotional health, but we could tour for the next year or so if we were given the resources ...There is a certain momentum that keeps the band glued. If you're an artist sometimes you need to paint every day to be like, 'yes I did something.' This band has a visceral feeling of creating and butting heads and finding agreements and finding disagreements and finding new treasures in places you haven't looked for. The excitement of discovery. Without that we quickly become a karaoke band feeling like we're playing someone else's songs because we wrote them so fucking long ago. It's like when you have a partner : after the first four years, if you want it to still be sexy, you gotta start dressing it up differently. Ade: Gotta be proactive Alex: Yeah, gotta find new postures. New bad places to have sex. [laughs] Kevin: Role-playing. Alex : I feel like recording this EP kinda initiated that. We've given birth to it; it's now its own life. We can see it outside of ourselves. Kevin: We can let it go now.

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TRIGGERING MEMORIES WITH ROY ROGERS BY JAIME O'NEILL

I spent a recent Friday morning talking with Roy Rogers. We were doing one of those interviews musicians do with scribblers who are going to help tout an upcoming show. In this instance, we were supposed to be schmoozing in order to publicize the Roy Rogers show at the Sierra Nevada Big Room on December 10th, but we got off track immediately, and neither Roy nor I seemed particularly interested in getting back to business. He'd been watching coverage of the SOth anniversary of the Kennedy assassination on TV, and it led both of us to start reminiscing about that long ago day when he was in 8th grade, and his teacher broke the news, then broke into tears, and sent them all home. We talked a bit about how that assassination changed things, speculating on the overlay between politics, music, and popular culture. In music lovers' minds, the name Roy Rogers is linked forever, not with Dale Evans, but with Norton Buffalo. There are certain to be younger readers for whom the name Roy Rogers means nothing, and maybe even more for whom the name Norton Buffalo rings no bells. Such younger people never heard of the old movie cowboy hero of yesteryear, nor have they had the pleasure of hearing the late Mr. Buffalo and his partner, guitarist Roy Rogers, making their musical magic together when those two great music makers were riding their shared happy trails, touring together to the delight of their fans. During one of those tours, Norton and Roy Rogers were up in Alaska when they got pulled over by a uniformed member of the local constabulary. Out in the boonies, not everyone gets themselves up quite the way musicians do, and the cop asked for their identification. His suspicions were further amplified when he learned he had stopped guys who claimed to be "Roy Rogers" and "Norton Buffalo." It didn't help matters much when Norton responded to questions with his impersonation of Walter Brennan (another name likely to mean nothing to younger readers). But luckily, just when the cop might have been about to run them in, Roy pointed to a nearby poster that read: "Appearing Tonight: Roy Rogers and Norton Buffalo." Roy told that story a few years ago in front of a throng of people who'd turned out for a Norton Buffalo memorial service up in Paradise. In the last few years of his sadly truncated life, Norton Buffalo was a friend of mine, and because Norton was my friend, I consider Roy Rogers to be a friend, too, though we never hung out. We have talked on a few occasions, however, and when we talked again on the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination, there was more than a little nostalgia exchanged about his old friend, Norton, and the times they shared onstage at the Big Room, a very

familiar neighborhood for Mr. Rogers. If memory serves, he was the first guy to play a guitar lick in that venue that has heard so many great guitar licks since that inaugural concert. So, though there may be some who never heard of Roy, there are surely a whole bunch of very devoted Butte County fans who've seen him play, maybe at the Big Room, or maybe up at the Paradise Performing Arts Center, as he did the last time he came through this neck o' the woods, playing with Ray Manzarek of the Doors in a memorable concert not many months before Manzarek went to join that great angel band up yonder. "That tour with Ray was just amazing," he told me. "After Paradise, we went to Hawaii for the last four gigs. On the very last date, lots of people were standing in front of the stage, blocking the view for people behind 'em, so Ray invited people onstage until there were so many people up on stage I had to watch where I was swinging my guitar for fear of hitting someone. It was such a great night." Roy Rogers likes to collaborate, and to explore unpredictable musical terrain. Though he is, at base, a blues guy, he has made lots of forays beyond readily defined genres. For the upcoming concert, he'll be joined by special guest, Carlos Reyes. "Carlos is classically trained," Roy told me. "I am most distinctly not classically trained. But we make it work." With so much music available, I asked him to share a few

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thoughts about why people bother to go out to hear live music. "Part of the power of the music is being in the crowd," he said. "Sure, each of us can create our own iTunes playlist, or our Spotify preferences, and that's fine. But it tends to split us up. Music is best when it's shared. Concerts pull us out of our isolation. I don't know how it's possible to unify the world these days, but at concerts there's a definite feeling of 'wow, we're all together.' It's a spirit we hunger for." When I mentioned Norton Buffalo and the Big Room connection, it prompted appreciation for both his old partner and one of their favorite venues. "I was reminiscing with friends about the Big Room recently," Roy said. "It's not only a great place to play, but you folks in Chico are so lucky because Bob Littell and Ken Grossman bring such an array of good music. They're so supportive of musicians, booking shows that don't draw from other shows and venues. It's a special place, and Carlos and I have pretty special memories of nights we played with Norton there. When Roy says that he and Carlos make it work when they play together - a slide guitar master and a Paraguayan fiddler and harpist - he is being modest. But anyone who has seen them play, separately or together, will tell you that, when it comes to making it work, nobody does it better.

DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013

21


s

H

DECEMBER 9 - DECEMBER 15, 2013 BY KOZ MCKEV

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

You can't do it your way and still have a relationship. It seems to me that you've entered uncharted waters. Your only excuse is that you don't understand as of yet. The moon will be in Aries early Tuesday morning through Thursday morning. Your influence is strong on these days. Risk taking is important, especially if it's for a noble cause. Being

You are not completely in control at this point. Whatever is upsetting you seems to be because of someone or something else. Emotional control can lead to psychic insights. The moon will be in Taurus Thursday afternoon through most of Saturday. You are the answer to your dreams. Make an effort to show kindness. You can't control other people. The

The moon is made of cheese! I just saw an online video that proves this. We are constantly being assaulted with useless information such as the previous statements. It doesn't mean

You may be doing well, but not necessarily everyone around you. Be in your heart and shine on with your natural love and generosity. Give courage to those that are shy. If you're

uncomfortable might evolve into being excited. There is a good reason to explore meditation as well as some more unique spiritual options.

more you blame them the more disempowered you become. Allow other people to help you and the wealth of a victory is shared. The celebration is sweet.

This is the time of year where you become the most conscious of your alliances and partnerships. To get the contract, you may need to be open to some sort of criticism. Respond with, " I appreciate you sharing that," or, "I'm happy to learn from my mistakes." Saturday night through Sunday you'll have the moon in Gemini. You're good at helping people see the other side of a story. It always takes two to tango. Recognizing other perspectives allows us to stretch our views and to be less attached to what we previously thought.

that we should stop being intellectually curious, it just means we need to take what we hear or see with a grain of salt. Teamwork requires a group mindset. Stop trying to be the hero, or feeling the need to be better than someone else. You are fine with being who you are. You may need to explore something different on Monday.

about to do something grand and bold make sure it includes others as well. Issues involving communication as well as self expression are more likely to come up. You may need to travel some during the middle of the week. Be smart and be careful not to overindulge in things. Challenges with family members need to be tempered with compassion.

Everyone has their roots and their beginning place. Some are like tumbleweeds that blow from one place to another, yet most adhere to some sort of tradition be it conscious or subconscious. Your ancestors went through many struggles to allow you to see this day. If your parents are still alive, it's time to show them some appreciation. Seek out the people that represent your greater tribe or clan. What makes you feel more comfortable with some people as opposed to others? How can we stretch our hearts to be more inclusive?

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

Even if you live surrounded by wilderness, you are in a community. Your neighbors may be people, mountain lions, or termites. All beings have a purpose. Even mosquitos help feed birds and bats. During this time focus on communication. Get to know your peers and siblings better. Mars in your first house gives you a sense of independence and extra energy to get the job done. Stay active and be ready to take short trips to see friends, cousins and siblings. Indulge in your favorite form of art; be it cooking, painting, music or gardening.

Your values come alive this week. You begin the week with a sense of personal power and leadership. Create a healthy boundary between real friends and those that don't really understand what is going on with you and probably shouldn't be involved with you. In other words, don't fish where there is thin ice. Pray for those that might try to hurt you. Practice radical forgiveness and understanding. When spending money let it reflect your deepest values. If your soul is like fast food, buy fast food. If your soul is quality, then indulge in quality.

Happy Birthday! To be lucky usually means that you've had

Knowing people in high places has been a real asset to you. Authority figures can become helpful friends. You are showing more leadership when it comes to career and being a public figure. Activate your talents and skills. Pay attention to your dreams and be sure to get enough sleep. Look at the people around you as people you have karma with. Have conversations about spiritual matters and ways to make life easier for all those around you. Pay your bills and make good karma by being generous to those less fortunate.

Listen to the wind. Find out who is poised to go places in the future. Good friends are a centerpiece of your life atthis point. Be aware of your greatest gifts and your most promising skills. Seek advice of a good counselor. You may hear about a good job for yourself through friends. Break out of your own ghetto mentality. There might be more to this world than you already know. Take some time Sunday to rediscover what your creative gifts are. What makes us happy empowers us.

The lesson this week is on how to have fun while staying conscious. Your level of lust and impatience can damage relationships. Be careful with what you say because the whole world seems to be listening. It's hard to see what is real from what is fake. The love you have for others and for what you do creatively will be seen as your worthiness. The week begins strongly in your favor with the moon in Pisces. Avoid unplanned spending just because a certain item seems exciting. Chances are you don't need it.

your share of bad luck as well. Things are definitely beginning to look up for you. Your creative life gets a boost. Your ability to lead, teach and direct is becoming a joy to participate in . New creative starts are on the horizon. You are conscious of the things you want to accomplish. You may need to get someone elses approval before you can really move forward. Allow other people to help you or to gift you. Dig deep and shop on the underground.

Koz McKev 1s on You Tube, on cable 17 BCTV, 1s heard on 90/FM KZFR Ch!C:o, and also available by appOJntment for personal horoscopes. Call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozm!C:kev@sunsetnet

GREAT AUTUMN READ Winter Melon, written by local writer Bill Wong Foey A defiant and passionate young woman survives the Rape of Nanking in this debut novel. Voted Book of the Month for July by Lyons Books "Lives of Asia" book group. In paperback online at Amazon.com and Lyons Book Store, 135 Main Street, or as an e-book from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple iTunes and DirectMusicCafe. ADVERTISEMENT

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Synthesis Weekly Dec. 9-15, 2013  

Aquem SciFi Serial | Sorin | Christmas Musings and Random Babble

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