ISSUE #2 - AUGUST 2010
Hot tubs, a new spot to ‘woohoo’
One of the victims of the pool scandal
Pool scandal unveiled by Sunset Valley police! Major conspiracy unravelled by Sunset Valley police force SUNSET VALLEY – The police force of Sunset Valley finally had their big breakthrough in a case that’s been ongoing for the last several days. People in Sunset Valley have reported to the police that pools were getting more and more scarce in stores and that storekeepers were driving the prices up because of the high demand. The scarcity of pools was all because of the hot weather of the last few weeks. People wanted to cool off and
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what better way to do that than to do it in a pool (or to get spit at by a llama, but they were all sold out too). So lots of people started buying a pool. People hoped they could enjoy their new pool with the hot weather predicted. But unfortunately, the predicted weather never came. “It’s truly amazing, and something we’ve never seen before,” according to Sully Weathers, from the SVWA (the Sunset Valley Weather Association). “We’ve predicted the hot weather to last for at least a few weeks. All the signs were there, but now suddenly, it’s cold again. We are looking at a big mystery!” People started to blame the weather center for this mistake. They probably predicted wrong. But some people didn’t believe that and they started investigating them-
Rain dance causes falling satellites
selves. What they found was truly shocking. The police got involved and all information surrounding the investigation was sealed of tight. Until now, because police have finally come out with the story. According to long days worth of investigation, it’s a big conspiracy among pool sellers. They have a device that will alter the weather. In the last few weeks they have made it so hot, that everyone wanted a pool. Now that the profit is in, they’ve turned the weather to cold again. The police got suspicious, because most pool sellers were also in the heating business. Five arrests have been made in this case and several pool stores have been raided. The weather will be set back to hot for the time being – at least until the trial is over.
CONTENTS Opinions..............................................p2 Community Voice.................................p3 Weather...............................................p4 Sudoku................................................p4 Sports results......................................p4
SUNSET VALLEY TIMES
Children traumatized by teddy bears SUNSET VALLEY – Children all over the city seem to be frightened by certain teddy bears produced by E. Viltoys. When buying these bear plushies they seem to adore them, but once the kids are home they start to have nightmares about the bears. ‘My child has never been afraid like this before!’ worried mother Lucy Oakwood says. ‘She used to love teddy bears! How could she be frightened like that? Maybe it’s in their too happy smiles?’ The director of the E. Viltoys company claims there’s nothing wrong with their teddy bears. ‘They’re very cute and plushy! And they sell really well. As far as we know, kids love our teddy bears. We’re not going to stop selling them anywhere soon.’
Llama escapes from pen Champs Les Sims CHAMPS LES SIMS - Panic arose in the scenic town centre of Champs Les Sims, as a 4 feet baby llama escaped from its pen in the outskirts of the village and put on a spurt to one of the stores there. After carefully eating all of the dried food the specific store had for sale, it started pooping and police officers were able to capture it and bring it back to its owner, an old man with a strange liking for pink flamingos. La Gallerie d’Art let us know they consider to buy the llama to put it on display.
Firemen at work at yet another house on fire
Sunset valley plagued by house fires The steep increase in house fires recently is baffling the authorities SUNSET VALLEY - Our city has always been a quiet one when it comes to fires: sometimes it’s the odd stove that catches on fire, or some sparks from a fireplace causing a small burn to a nearby chair. We never even got a local fire department since the last one was demolished in 1968, due to budget cuts and the fact that it was completely redundant with only one reported dispatch on average per month. The nearby SimCity fire de-
partment was perfectly able to take over since then. It was just recently that a new fire department was built due to new laws and regulations. However, things changed dramatically just a few weeks ago, with the average amount of house fires steeply increasing to at least once a day. Local area mother Judy Bunch is one of the victims of a major house fire: ‘I was just baking some cookies for my husband and four children, and I had to take a phone call.’ Bunch said, ‘I was just away for a few minutes, and when I came back the entire kitchen was
on fire! The worst thing was that the doors were suddenly locked, so I couldn’t get out!’ she added, ‘The Firemen had to use an axe to break the door open for me!’ Local authorities are still clueless on how this inferno of house fires came to Sunset Valley. Some people claim that it all started when the new fire department was built. And that there might be some connection with this. We asked evil city hall representative Vita Alto for commentary on this ‘burning’ issue, but she told us to leave immediately, or she would release the hounds.
OPINIONS Would you prefer e-books over paper books? What does our panel think of this argument? Well as I spend most of my time in my office, I’d rather read everything from my screen! Tracy White Entrepreneur extraordinaire
Books... What’s a book? Can I throw those at annoying kids?
Billy Hopkins School bully
I never touch zhe books, as zhe paper is bad for zhe skin.
Zasha Fashion mogul
Toddlers practicing to assault innocent people
Toddlers plotting to attack city Psychologists predict a perfectly organized attack within a month SUNSET VALLEY - A group of renowned psychologists in Sunset Valley have predicted a disaster. Their social studies have pointed out that the toddlers of Sunset Valley are malevolent and that they are now finding a way to express their anger. They could do that in many possible ways, but the experts all agree on the way the toddlers will choose: they are going to attack Sunset Valley. Toddlers keep getting more aggressive, whereas parents are becoming less strict. There has also been found a new way of toddler communication, through which even toddlers who do not know how to talk yet can communicate with others. And when the toddlers can share their
fury, it only becomes bigger, so the psychologists say. The special toddler communication also enables toddlers to make plans together, and according to the experts, that is exactly what they are doing. “We suspect they have a leader, who has set up the plan. The rest of the toddlers are now training on destructing houses, gardens and maybe even Sims,” Edmund Breud, a top class psychologist, tells us. “Toddlers may seem small and vulnerable, but we now know they certainly aren’t.” As much as we hope that the psychologists are wrong, we still advice you to stay in your houses as much as possible. Keep an eye on your toddler, if you have one, and make sure that he or she won’t get the chance to communicate with others. Because you never know what might happen... when toddlers attack.
I assume you have all read the many talents left to exploit. column from last week, writ- I always thought that my sister ten by Barbara Brooks, my would be very jealous of me, sister. In the column like most people, but she stated that she her making such a would enlist me for fuss about the messy this Community library certainly Voices nonsense, proved me wrong. and so she did. She It seems that she thinks it’s spontanereally likes the lious. I think it’s stubrary and its books pid. But I don’t want better than my flashy to make my sister By Debby Brooks life. Maybe – just angry again – even maybe – she is even though it was good for her, it happier than me. She certainly scared me to death – so I will has less stress than me. just write this column. She also has real friends As you know by now I am instead of hundreds of peoDebby Brooks, and I am 36 ple who want to be with you years old. I am an actress, a just because you are rich and singer, a TV show host and famous. And her skin a professional basketball looks so much better... player. Soon I will also be- But I am more spontanecome an animal activist and a ous and I always will be. ventriloquist, because my agent says I still have Take that, Barbara.
A hiding private detective, trying to lure the Flamingo thief
Police gets the wrong end of the Flamingo SUNSET VALLEY – Last week there have been more reports for theft than usual. Lately, the number of declarations has increased from 10 to 20 declarations a week. Research of Sunset Valley Times has pointed out that this is caused by the increasing amount of Sims who make a living as a private detective. Last week though there were even more reports, when it went up to 40. ‘The weird thing is that the crime reports
are about plastic Flamingos,’ Hank Goddard, police officer, tells us, ‘even though those are the least valuable things in all of Sunset Valley. But in half of those reports people do say that the Flamingo’s got emotional value.’ There hasn’t been a suspect found yet, but the police think the thief is someone who wants to open a museum for plastic Flamingos. Therefore they will keep their ears and eyes open for suspicous new museums.
SUNSET VALLEY TIMES
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SC Sunset Valley’s problems never cease to be Once again SC Sunset Valley’s soccer match ended in disaster. Last Saturday the club welcomed their rivals SC Riverpants from Riverview in their own stadium, only to be crushed with a score of 0-23. Different possible causes for this big loss have been found. Some people say it’s because SCSV’s keeper had a broken arm, some people blame it on the fact that its striker had forgotten to put on his leg prothesis. The coach of SCSV might have come up with the best explanation though: “Next time, I won’t forget to bring my favorite cucumber for luck.”
COLOPHON Sunset Valley Times was created by: Daan Dogna Jolijn Jordy Peter
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