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ISSUE #13 JULY 2011 § 2.00

Members of the SV SBC hard at work.

Special 1-year anniversary in Sunset Valley Sunset Valley celebrates a special party this month. One of the towns most prominent organizations turns 1 year! Reason for a party. SUNSET VALLEY – It has been the talk of the town for the last couple of weeks. One of the towns most prominent and loved organizations celebrates its first anniversary this month. And

that of course is reason for a special party. Because it’s not every year that you turn 1. “We are so happy with this special moment. We never would have thought that we would become so popular.” But who are ‘we’? Well none other than the Sunset Valley Sports Book Club (or SV SBC in short). “Yes, one year ago, I started this club, but didn’t expect a

lot of members. Boy was I wrong,” said Jim Reader proudly. The SV SBC started exactly one year ago, on July 1st. The idea behind the club is that people who like to work out, also like to read. “But often they just couldn’t find a place to do both the things that they love.” The club offers possibilities for working out, while reading and discussing your favorite books. And

the formula works. “I really like to swim, but I couldn’t find a pool where I could take my book. But the SV SBC let’s me swim my laps while reading,” said Jake Johnson, member from the very beginning. The celebration of the first anniversary proves to be a special one; so pack your swimsuit and favorite book and join in at the Sunset Valley pool. “We’ll give a smashing demonstration of our activities. So the party is suited for everyone; jong and old and sports-lovers but also couch potatoes!”


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SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

Splashing show by the Aquas Last week, Sunset Valley concert hall hosted its first water concert ever. The Aquas, as the increasingly popular band calls itself, use fish bowls, water boilers, drinking glasses, water tanks and even water balloons as musical instruments. The performance was a major hit, although some Sims in the front rows did complain about wet clothing. They have been offered a coupon to dry their laundry for free at the local dry cleaners - after all, the clothing had already been washed. Didn’t receive a coupon? Then please contact our editorial office at events@svtim.es.

Green Co. now bankrupt The ‘100% green’ office, that has been featured in this newspaper before, has gone bankrupt. Director P. Carter says: ‘We didn’t accept paper money to spare the trees, but the result was that no one wanted to buy here anymore.’ Another problem was that nearly all the employees quitted themselves. The office building is now empty, except for many trees and plants and a forgotten office chair. ‘We have to sell the building now, but oddly enough, there isn’t a single buyer interested!’ Carter says, surprised.

There is now a large empty space where the fountain used to be

Park fountain now a satellite Park goers have to do without a fountain for a while since the old one is currently outside the earth’s atmosphere. SUNSET VALLEY – Last week, Sunset Valley central park’s fountain fell victim to a rather unfortunate accident when a truck carrying laundry detergent crashed into it. The particular detergent, claimed to be ‘the most concentrated and thus most powerful washing powder ever’ by its manufacturer Stainway, was a prototype that was being transported from factory to laboratory to assess if the formula wasn’t exces-

sively powerful when the collision occurred. When the truck approached the central park intersection at approximately 1:00 PM, the driver had to give way to a group of crossing rodents. He lost control of the vehicle and crashed into the fountain sideways. Worse yet, the entire load of washing powder the truck was carrying leaked into the fountain. The manufacturer’s question if the formula was too powerful would soon be answered with a definite ‘yes’ when the whole fountain got covered in a vast coating of white

foam and soap bubbles the size of city hall started to form. ,,I thought the world was ending!’’ eye witness Fay Truman cries, still upset. ,,The entire park was covered in foam, including the crossroads – the foam just devoured everything in its way! There was a wonderfully fresh odour to it, though.” An enormous soap bell swallowed the fountain and took it up into the air. Astronomers believe it is now in orbit around the earth.

OPINIONS Sunset Valley Times has been online for one year! What improvements would you like to see? What does our panel think of this argument? An edible version! Wait, what do you mean by ‘online’?

Richard Jones Chubby Friend

I’d like to ban all the articles about negative stuff and replace them with pleas in favor of legalizing weed! Amanda Robins Neo hippie

More pages! That means I can hit those nerds even harder.

Billy Hopkins School bully


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Carrot chop catastrophe

Save your skin and yourself, by showering with your clothes on

Clothed showers; the latest trend Scientists have found some remarkable discoveries concerning our showering ritual. Showering is something people have done for a very long time. After a hard day of work in the back yard, a hop into the shower gets rid of all (the collected) sweat and dirt. Normally you would shower naked. But scientists have found out that clothed showers are actually better for your health and the environment. We’ve asked professor Will Getôut, from the Sunset Valley health and science department why clothed showers are good. “When people shower naked, they get exposed to a lot of hot water, which is bad for their skin. When you keep your clothes on, your body isn’t in direct contact with the hot water, thus it’s less harmful.”

Environmentalists have already embraced this new form of showering. We spoke to Matt Prudent of Redwar. “People now wash their clothes separately in the washing machine. This uses extra water. But when people wash both themselves and their clothes in the shower, it saves time and water and is therefore better for the environment!” Not only the average Joes seem to benefit from this new trend. Also in a particular fields of work, it seems that clothed showers have benefits. “When we enter a building on fire, we really need to watch out that our clothes don’t get caught on fire. You know, because they are dry and everything. I order my men to hop under the shower in their uniform before we go to a fire. They’re wet

and are less likely to get any burns. Plus it looks funny, but don’t tell them I said that,” according to Ray Brann of the Sunset Valley fire department. If this trend will become mainstream and beat naked showers, is not sure yet, but we do know that it is going to be a hot topic this summer!

Calling all who have purchased a food processor by JollyKitchen in the last month: the vegetable choppers’ rotational speed is half a second too slow, leading to bad chopping for average sized carrots. Consequently, the chopped carrots are too large for carrot cake but too small to serve as an evening meal. “My candlelight supper was ruined due to the wrong size of the carrots. My reputation as kitchen princess has been ruined,” according to a victim. Therefore we request you send the machine to thisisnoscam@kitchenmafia.sn along with your name and address. Then we will send you a new machine as quickly as possible including, as an apology gift, a toothbrush accessory which makes cleaning your dentures as easy as pie!


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SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

EDITORS’ VOICE

Thanks to Jared Frio these Sims will regain their normal vision.

Source causing unusual squinting found After a messy investigation Sims can finally look straight on ahead again. Since a few weeks, more and more Sims have started to squint quite frequently, giving them headaches and, naturally, blurred vision. As this caused a lot of sickness notices, Sunset Valley’s authorities wanted to find the cause of this problem as soon as possible. First, all the food in Sunset Valley was tested at the same time. This caused a famine and thus even more people unable to work. It did not lead to any clarifying results ei-

ther. Then, television and computers screens were blamed, but since those have been around for years and the squinting is quite recent, this could not be the cause either. After that, everybody started to blame everybody, because nobody had a clue. But yesterday, Jared Frio screamed from out of nowhere: “It’s in the drinking water!” An analysis pointed out that there were indeed certain bacteria in the drinking water and that these were indeed the source of the squiting. How Jared Frio knew this, nobody knows, but as everybody is happy the source is found, nobody really cares, either.

Today we’re celebrating anniversary, we’ve reour one-year anniversary freshed the lay-out of the as an online newspaper. newspaper. We pushed Of course, we’ve things around, been around as a changed some newspaper since fonts, and for 1732, but due to the first time in budgetary reanearly 200 years sons we weren’t we now have six able to have a pages instead of presence on the just four! Ground internet until last breaking, I know. year, when the By Wouter S. In fact, I recently Landgraab family Editor-in-chief paid a visit to mr. decided to donate money Times to show him an in order to modernize our early sneek-peek of our company. newly refreshed SVT. He Our newspapers’ founder, said he had difficulty to mister Jebediah Times see it because of his ageonce said: “It’s nice to re- ing vision, but he was port news to the people, sure it was “splendid”, but make sure it looks whatever it was. good too.” So in honour Anyway, I hope you’ll enof mister Times, and be- joy it, and here’s to anothcause it’s our first online er great year!

Dancing hype due to new shoes A lot of dancing has been spotted in Sunset Valley, lately. The polka, the tango, the waltz, the Hokey Pokey, all dances seem to have become more popular than ever, thanks to Dorie Hart’s new invention: Dorie’s Dancing Shoes. These are so extremely comfortable when you dance that it is more tiring to walk in them than

to dance in them. Dorie Hart explains: “I put a lot of effort and a bit of fairy dust in them, which makes them the best dancing shoes ever. Everyone should buy them. No, I didn’t pay Sunset Valley Times to write this article, what a ridiculous idea!”


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Revolutionary teenagers rebel using music Generation gap spurs er people are being so prohibited. As a countermusical war at the park grumpy.’ attack, the elders have SUNSET VALLEY – Last week there was a lot of commotion in Sunset Valley about taste in music. The younger generation decided it was time to step up and rebel against its elders. Many youngsters gathered at the town centre everyday to celebrate music and peace. ‘We want to show everyone how much we love music,’ Amanda Robinson says. ‘It brings us all together! I don’t understand why all the old-

Especially the elderly people have been complaining a lot. They say the gatherings of the youngsters are not as innocent as they may sound. According to them, they are neo hippies that do drugs, bring damage to public buildings and play their horrible music extremely loudly. Now Central Park has flooded due to an earthquake, some teenagers even sail around the new lake in tiny inflatable boats, even though that is strictly

grabbed their vinyl players and try to play their classical music, folk, ska and other oldies as loudly as possible. ‘Their taste in music is so terrible, it’s only rock, metal, guitars, house, noise, noise and nonsense! No real emotions! I feel like it’s our duty to teach the future of humankind something about real music!’ The youngsters are not planning to end their revolution anywhere soon. ‘New music will prevail,’ they scream.

Cook book stirs up controversy Celebrity chef and author of such best-selling cook books as ‘How to use the oven without it catching fire’ and ‘Cooking like a ten skill point chef’, Fabiola Fry, has – in every sense of the word – stirred up controversy with the release of her latest creation. The book, called ‘The Llama: don’t pet it, eat it!’’ is comprised fully of recipes using SimNation’s favourite animal as its main ingredient. Many have expressed shock and even disgust. ,,Llamas are too cute to be eaten!’’ Tina Hewitt, explicit ‘Non-Llamatarian’ explains. ,,Consuming them is cruel and demeaning. Instead we should keep them as pets – lovingly, in a little cage!’’ Fry disagrees with all the criticism. ,,Just try the taste of llama meat, it makes it all worth it! It tastes even better than weasel!’’

Prank gone wrong

Some park-goers were stranded on after the park flooded

Flash flood enveloped Central Park by surpise Yesterday, residents were shocked to discover their favourite park was now a lake. SUNSET VALLEY - Central Park is currently underwater after the small pond found in the park overflowed in the early hours of the morning. Seismologist Sam Long explains more about

the incident, “At about 3:40am, an earthquake struck. The seismic activity was not strong enough to be detected on the surface, however below ground a large spring burst, leading to the park being flooded.” Residents are in a rage. Barney West complains, “Where are we supposed

to go for a barbecue now? In our backyard? Hey wait, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea!” Seismologists believe the water will subside within the coming days, and have urged citizens to keep clear of what is now been called Sunset Lake. Strictly no swimming!

SUNSET VALLEY – The Nash family were glad to get their teenage son back today after his one week quarantine period in hospital. This was after Wesley Nash was dared by friends to create a concoction of chemicals from the school laboratory to be used as a prank. It went horribly wrong when the mixture began to foam, before exploding and spewing the contents all over Wesley. He broke out in multi-coloured boils and was immediately admitted to a quarantine facility. The boils have now subsided.


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SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

HOROSCOPE CAPRICORN

ARIES

The vegetables in your garden are screaming for attention. Neglect your children and give the healthy nutrition some love by knitting scarves for all of them.

CANCER

Everytime somebody says ‘giraffe’, you will get an annoying itch. This will only go away if you visit the zoo. Where people often say giraffe. Hmm...

AQUARIUS

Now is the time to try something new. Change your wardrobe, your job, your traits or go crazy and change the length of your big toe nails.

PISCES

SPORTS RESULTS

SCORPIO

You will meet someone who is willing to pay you §50,000 if you give them twenty pounds of apples. Seriously. So make sure you carry those apples around all the time.

You know what they say, a promise is a promise. And if you do not start keeping your promises soon, people will chase you with pitchforks.

VIRGO

SAGITARIUS

Bad luck is coming your way. Try to fend it off with watch-dogs, warning systems or a protective suit. If that does not work... run!

Go, Virgo! You will be able to do everything way faster than usual this month. It is like someone pressed some speed button, making you run around like a loony!

In this difficult period of your life you are in, thinking about monkeys will help you through. It will give you new insights and help you to find your Inner Chi.

Citizens of Bridgeport enjoyed the very first Video Game tournament that took place last weekend. Apart from some power failures that occurred

during the event, it was a very successful tournament. Winner Arnold Jameson walked away with a §500 video game voucher. In

other news, the Llamas are now ranked 7th on the log after last week’s win, a big jump from their previous 19th ranking!

WEATHER Tue

Time to rebel! Let all the bottled up anger out! Everything will have to happen just the way you want it to. When it runs out of hand, SVT will not be responsible.

LEO

GEMINI

July is the perfect month for you to go to the park. Swim in the fountain, steal some trees, do whatever you like. It is not like there is any security anyway.

Mon

Chances are that you will be very insecure about the way you look this month. In that case there is only one solution: start wearing a duck suit. Everyone loves ducks.

TAURUS

When you go to the grocery store, do not look the cashier in the eye. They might look like they are giving you a friendly smile, but they are testing their laser eyes on you.

LIBRA

SUDOKU Wed

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5 6

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3

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1

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