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ISSUE #12 - JUNE 2011

Pointing at the sky, latest craze

Fans crowd to get a glimpse of their favourite stars

Glamour & glory at 52nd Plumbob Picture Awards Last night saw the 52nd Plumbob Picture Awards taking place at the Simstar Theatre in downtown Bridgeport.

We’re here for the after party! Wooohooo!” Emily was arrested a few minutes later after becoming aggressive towards a fan taking a picture.

Our reporters were on the red carpet to get you the exclusives from the biggest stars. Emily Redman was spotted in a sleek, blue Marné Fabrog dress, sporting a stunning new hairstyle for the occasion. When asked what her expectations were for the night, Emily replied “What? You mean about the awards? Oh, that’s so boring! Nobody comes here to win a stupid trophy.

Some of the big winners included Evan Halen for best actress and Jerry Clarkson for best actor. Best picture went to romantic-comedy Love, Lust and Llamas directed by Stephen Wilson who also won best director. There were some issues, however, when Stephen’s acceptance speech went on for a record 43 minutes. Even after being ushered back to his seat, he proceeded to continue his babbling from where he was sitting, and everyone at the event had no choice but to listen to the remains of his pointless droning. The awards were hosted by comedian and local librarian Phil Hooper. He kept the crowd fully entertained un-

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til he made a particular joke about Jerry Clarkson’s huge nose, which lead to him being booed off stage for the night. The after party was held at the superb Prosper Room night club where it’s rumoured 3-time award winner and current hotdog-eating champion Eden “Muncher” Mason became less-than-sober and proceeded to streak through the party. No reporters were allowed, as the party was exclusively for award winners and really rich people. Event organisers claim it was “A very successful and exciting evening”, with plans for the 53rd Plumbob Picture Awards already underway. It has not yet been confirmed when Emily Redman will be released from police custody to continue filming her latest movie.

Video games cause more fires

VAMPIRES

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CONTENTS Opinions..............................................p2 Community Voice.................................p3 Weather...............................................p4 Sudoku................................................p4 Sports results......................................p4 Comic..................................................p4


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SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

Imaginary drivers problem on roads The Sunset Valley Police Department (SVPD) has had their hands full with a new issue that’s been causing mayhem on the roads; imaginary drivers. Children who sit in beanbags and pretend to drive. “We’ve seen many of them lately. I think it’s a generation thing. Those children cause huge traffic jams. Other cars just wait in line behind them, patiently. They think they are actual drivers,” according to Bob Doughnut of the SVPD. No accidents have yet been caused by the imaginary drivers, but the annoyance level of Sunset Valley has skyrocketed. “Every morning I’m behind one of those slow drivers. Like hit the gas already kiddo.” What the SVPD will do about this issue is not yet known.

Rush hour at local book store Yesterday afternoon, an uprising occurred at the Divisadero Budget Bookstore. After a massive clearance sale was announced on local daytime television, hordes of eager customers rushed to get their deal. Stock was selling fast, and soon angry protest began when customers weren’t receiving the books they wanted. Police were called to the scene to control the growing mob of frustrated literature lovers, and Divisadero Budget Books is now closed indefinitely until repairs are complete.

The only piece of pie left after doing the interview

Annual cake contest held in Sunset Valley The entirety of Sunset Valley was all about baking cakes this week. Why was that? Well it could be nothing other than the annual Sunset Valley Cake Baking contest. SUNSET VALLEY – This year again, Sims came from far far away to participate in the annual Sunset Valley cakebaking contest. The big winner this year, Fleur là Fondant, originally from France, won the contest with a cake of 24 layers and a waterfall made out of chocolate.

We asked her how she won from heavy competition and how she gets her great ideas. “Bon. Let us make one zhing very clear. It was not a hard competition. I do zhis very easily. My mother taught me to bake good cakes and she learned from her mother,” she says, sighing. “But alas, I do have good ideas. I actually look all around me for zhe good ideas. This design, I just came up with it very easy, when I was looking at an apartment building down zhe road.

Zhe waterfall of chocolate c’est mon trademark. No one makes zhe good chocolate waterfalls as moi!” We asked if we could make a photo of her cake, to use for the newspaper. “Aah oui, zhat is possible. ‘ere It is,” she said, while showing us a small piece. “There is not much left. My ‘usband and moi are very big fans of zhe cakes. He ate zhe rest of it!” she explained smiling, after which we ended the interview.

OPINIONS Yodelers should be allowed to cut in line in the supermarket What does our panel think of this argument? Yodelers are like, failing rappers, right? That’s so not cool. Neither is my dad. He is like, laaaame! Tracy Connor Teenage girl

If it’s a male yodeler with a nice bottom to look at while doing my daily groceries, then sure, why not! Marsha Marie Housewive

Yes, of course! It’s time that us yodelers got the respect we deserve! I wish people would stop stealing my Lederhosen! Hansel Schlager Pro yodeler


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COMMUNITY VOICE

Ms Plex is perplexed by the sudden cancellation of the show

Newest TV talent show fails to amuse A new talent show concept, promoted heavily by its network The Sim Channel, seemed to confuse rather than amuse its viewers when its pilot aired on primetime last Saturday. After the countless talent shows (like ‘The Talent Show’ and ‘The Even More Talents Show’) TV has seen producing another such show with the promise ‘a talent show you’ve never seen before!’ did appear a tad ambitious. The Sim Channel however, one of Sunset Valley’s major television networks, did exactly this without any hesitation with a talent show by the name of ‘Judge The Judge!’. Creative mind Conny Plex, who single-handedly invented and created the concept and sold it to The Sim Chan-

nel, explains: “See, in previous talent shows it’s always been about the contestants. But in ‘Judge The Judge!’ the contestants judge the judges on their judging skills, making the judges more central to the whole show. And then the judges judge the judging contestants on their judging of the judges’ judgment! I mean, that’s pure genius, right?” However, ratings and reviews begged to differ: after a mere ten minutes, the show lost more than three quarters of its initial viewers; those who did watch the entire pilot and reviewed called it ‘extremely confusing’ and ‘tremendously hard to follow’. “In the end I couldn’t distinguish between contestant and judge!’’ noted TV critic Donald Harris commented. The Sim Channel has announced it won’t air any more episodes.

iFashionablemusicplayer

Well this is certainly the first actly. But that is not the point time that I am writing a letter of this letter. No, my point was to a newspaper. I have read a actually that I feel left out. lot of utter nonsense Discriminated if you in this paper before, will. especially in this community voice When I look at your section, which appaper, all I see are pears to only place nice lovely wellnonsense letters. But shaped faces. All now I just felt it was the Sims in the imtime for me to conages you print next tribute something By Agnes Ironedto your articles look more serious to your tusch like they are models newspaper. in some sort. But you seem to Yes I know, you’ll get to thank forget that we still exist. Yes, me later. us square faced Sims are still a part of the Sims community, So let me introduce myself even though your newspaper first. My name is Agnes. No makes us think like we are not Agnes Crumplebottom, some sort of outcasts. is that your only association with that name? No it’s Ag- So to all readers; we are here, nes Ironedtusch. It’s originally we are square. And we are not from somewhere far far away. going anywhere! Thank you! I don’t even know where ex-

The exams seconds before the firemen rushed in.

Exam disrupted by mistake fire brigade SUNSET VALLEY – A major final exam at Sunset Valley High was rudely disrupted yesterday. The fire brigade was told for unknown reason that there was a huge fire in the classroom where the exams were being held at that moment. The firemen rushed into the room without noticing there was no fire at all. They soaked all the tests and ran off, leaving a horrible mess. Student Maynord Patel was not amused. ‘This is incred-

ibly unfair, I say. I was about to score my third A+ in a row and now my test is unreadable! I demand a new exam immediately.’ ‘It was so much fun,’ Tiffany Miller giggles. ‘I was just trying to solve the hardest equation that like, has ever existed, and I was almost like, whatever, ‘cause I hate numbers and stuff, and then those hot firemen rushed into our classroom, haha!’


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SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

SPORTS RESULTS

CLASSIFIEDS Found: A phone number. It was just there, lying in the streets. If you have lost your phone number, please call me at 555-0901 (if you have another phone that is).

Newcomer Mason Peters surprised crowds by being crowned new champion of the Martial Arts competition last month. Many believe the only reason he won was because all of his opponents mysteriously disappeared on the day of the fight.

Lost: My cat. She was just walking around in the neighborhood and then all of a sudden she was gone. Any info

In other news, the Llamas bagged their second win when they played The Sloths at Llama Co Stadium last week. The team is on an epic rise, gaining popularity and fans every day. “It’s great, all this support we’re getting now. We’re used to being booed at, see.” Says quarterback Greg Booth.

PERSONALS is appreciated. Contact me at whereismycat@smail.sn Looking for: Someone to clean my apartment. I just don’t feel like doing it myself. I know that may sound lazy. It’s just who I am. Leave me alone already. Stop bothering me. Anyway contact me, at 1-900-6878

19yr old bloke, loves English accents, hates patriotic behavior. Not info square faces. No 0778 57yr old lady, squared face, looking for somone to iron her bottoms. No 0908 1mnth old fish, looking for a buddy to swim & have long romantic convo’s. No 0911

Åmäzing bärgains at Dëcør home furnishings! §600

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We can only wait and see whether they will keep up this victory streak.

COLOPHON Sunset Valley Times was created by: Brandon Dogna Jordy JVtje Maarten

Peter Suzan Wouter

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