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Real Friends

issue 001

editor

contributing writers

Adam Gilliland

Sebastian Sivigals Adam Gilliland Bobby Figarotta Megan Walsh Eliseo Barrios William Mortenson III Griffin Bentley

art directors/designers Adam Gilliland Stone Taul Sebastian Sivigals Cristobal Malagon

photographers /illustrators Adam Gilliland Cristobal Malagon William Mortenson III Elijah Santiago Eliseo Barrios

special thanks Mom & Dad Typography 2 Classmates

typography FF Cocon, Evert Bloemsma, FontFont Freight, Joshua Darden, Phil’s Fonts

paper source printing

Typecraft

Typecraft

address

550 N El Camino Real, San Clemente, CA 92672

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Editor’s note This is a zine of relations. The more I grow, the more I learn the importance of relations. From relating pages and spreads across a magazine to fit a cohesive structure, to the relations I have with people learning from each other, it’s what I value most in life. I have come to notice subtle connections between all facets of life that all relate to one another and I hope one day to figure out what it all means. Maybe I never will, but the drive towards finding out is what keeps me going everyday. Learning more about myself and the people I love. I hope others who aren’t featured in this zine can still relate to these stories and interviews. Finding connections between themselves and the people they love the most.

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Real friends

Table of contents

ISSUE 001

08.....................................................................”San Onofre” Sebastian Sivigals

20......................................................................................”fedex” Adam Gilliland

36...................................................”First Impressions” Bobby Figarotta

38..............................................................”A Love Letter” William Mortenson III

58............................................................................”Mask Off” Megan Walsh

74......................................................................................”EMPTY” Eliseo Barrios

76................................................................................”Bentley” Griffin Bentley

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”Morris” 60 ”DOA/SEEDLESS” Sebastian Sivigals

Cristobal Malagon

Morris, the most mosaic.

A dramatic expression of defining one another.

A note from Morris to the future species of earth. The year is 2059 and Morris writes the last journal entry of homo sapiens as he and his commune are forced to exile...

Eliseo Barrios & Cristobal Malagon engage in a friendly wrestling match followed by an intimate interview of Cristobal.

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n Onofre San bound San Routinely Shreddin’ Sebastian

To come out of a dark moment that I had been stuck in for about 6 month span, I knew I needed to reconnect with the people I love the most. I had been missing my friends and finally, and reconnected with everyone around the beginning of the summer. Picking up where I left off with them so smoothly, I knew then, this is what was important. We talk about it a lot. Life can be so shitty and cruel to us sometimes, but we continue to push because we know at the end of the day, the love we have for each other is what gives us strength. When Adam mentioned he wanted to surf this summer, I thought this was another thing we may try a few times, but never fully commit. To my surprise, however, we had all caught some sort of bug where we went at least 4 times a week. Even going twice or even three times in a day because the shred does not discriminate.

We also spent a lot of time analyzing music driving there and back. From the Grateful Dead to Kanye West to the Misfits, a diverse catalog was played in Adam’s car. I believe that routine is such an important factor when it comes to moments where you are “spiritually-fulfilled”. The moments are few that we are able to sit down at peace and oneness. But the few are what keeps us at balance. When I am sitting on the board waiting for the next set, I am not thinking about what time I have to work or errands that need to be done. I realize how small I am. How insignificant we all are as individuals. Looking at this vast ocean and knowing there is thousands of miles beyond. Noticing how small of a piece I am to such a larger puzzle. I get to realize how petty my issues really are and how lucky I am to just be human. These realizations are what my soul needs to grow!

“These realizations are what my soul needs to grow!” 8

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e Onofre n Onofre

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The green mixed with the yellow I had a long day and a lot ahead My sandals on the rocks Beach fuzz does dust on my locks Way back from the stone age

Got on my surfboard

Grilled cheese just before 8

Paddled passed the green

She got bruised knees cause she over ate

Leave me and the wind

Back when I was only 8

Seen me floating underneath

Razor burns cut shins

Laughter is the fire starter

I hope they don’t find out about my sins

I think this could last

the longest summer

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oon highn on on on on on 16

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noon hig hi hi hi hi hi Morning

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Curated by 18

us ISSUE 001


1. Real Friends - Kanye West 2. SPEEDBOAT - Denzel Curry 3. SUMMER - BROCKHAMPTON 4. Yamborghini High - A$AP Mob 5. Bimmer Music - Ishmael Raps 6. Gunz N Butter - A$AP Rocky 7. 911/Mr. Lonely - Tyler, The Creator 8. Gold - GZA 9. Swimming - Deb Never 10. $$$ - XXXTENTACION 11. JAPAN - Famous Dex 12. Why Won’t They Talk To Me? - Tame Impala 13. Disco - Surf Curse 14. Velvet Sheets - Goth Babe 15. We Had to End It - Cuco 16. Come Dance With Me - Frank Sinatra

Noon

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Arranged by Adam Gilliland

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Photography by Cristobal Malagon

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Arranged by Adam Gilliland

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Photography by Cristobal Malagon

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How I Met The Slimes

Bobby

Well I was originally going to tell a story about some nature shit. After all, it is what I know best. I figured that didn’t really fit the theme of this thing, however. So I figured I would tell my first impressions and thoughts on each member of our lil group.

“This group of people means more to me than most I have met. I love them all and hope they get a smile reading this.” Meeting Sebastian I remember them Mcclusky days like they were yesterday. We will never know how him and Deborah made it out. Seb’s sense of humor is unmatched among everyone I’ve met. I have witnessed him grow as a person probably more than anyone in the group Although the most recent version is far from the original, the core of Seb is still there. You’ve got a great heart kid just promise your natural hair color is here to stay.

Meeting Cristobal When I first met this reincarnation of a Hawaiian demigod, I was a sophomore in high school. For years, I figured we would get along but never really got that close. I would hear his opinions in English and be like “nice” but never made the effort. Big time regret. Cris is truly one of the most interesting and complex individuals I know. We became real close in a real short amount of time and it just goes to show the respect I have for the man. Remember kid, ain’t nobody taking our grapes.

Meeting Eliseo Where do I begin? When I met Eliseo in middle school, he was the loud bully. Today, he is pretty much the same. I trust Eliseo more than I trust myself. He may think I’m Jewish or that certain people are better than others, but he is one of the most genuine people I have met on my years on this Earth. I know he will always be honest with me even when I don’t want him to be. Also, on a side note, Eliseo’s triumphant return from Silvy is one of the greatest feats I have ever witnessed. Much love for my favorite gorilla.

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t mpr es ions Noon

Meeting William When I met the lord, we were in two very different places then where we are today. Back in the day, we were almost the same on the outside. Two short, fat boys with more mob connections then you could shake a stick at. We were not always the closest after those opening few years for me in the Golden State but I always held the man in high esteem. I’m glad the new Golf Wang model version of Wil has come back into my life and I am excited for the future of our bromance. Meeting Adam Although Adam and his piss poor memory do not recall this, I met Adam in 7th grade in my computer class. He played minecraft at lunch and even then I thought the man would be an eternal virgin. A couple years later, the kid reappeared in my life, this time dressing like he was a 21 year old trust fund kid finding himself in Brooklyn. I’m so glad he did. I never thought about it until recently but I’ve become closer with him every day since them Rubinos times. I appreciate you and your tiny mouth, Ad.

Meeting Megan Oh Meg. Our first ever one on one conversation was about Eliseo’s cock. I think that is a perfect summary of our friendship if I am being honest. We went from them days of her driving me and Brad up to our cars to near daily facetime calls. Megan has helped me through a lot of dark times, sometimes without her even knowing. I’m proud of the growth she has made as a person in the time I have known her. And to do all that without a back, incredible. My favorite part about you Meg is still Toby but everything else is a close second.

To the gang from your favorite vegan, -Bob

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A Love Letter For, My Friends

From, William

We throw the word love around without any meaning behind it. We see it on the daily on social media when people comment “i love you”. Why is, when you see it, you don’t feel the love? We only see it has a short phrase. We hear love we think of a married couple or partners that have been dating for a long time. We have sexulized the word without even know it. I want to show you how my friends show their undying love for me. Friends are not people you meet one night and boom it sparks. That is an acquaintance. They don’t know who you are. They don’t feel the pain and seen the hell you went through. Acquaintances are there for the good times and flee during the bad. Friends are the ones that worry about you at night and think about you when you are not there. That is LOVE. They text you asking if you got home safe. They want the best for you and dont let you fuck up your life. They push you to chase your dreams even when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. They will sit with you and cry with you for hours just to take the pain off your back and pull it into their heart. They are willing to suffer for you so you don’t have too.

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“I want to show you how my friends show their undying love for me.” ISSUE 001


will’s poem One night I was battling the demons in my head, and didn’t want to see the light of tomorrow. I saw my life ahead of me and didn’t think it was worth going on. I called my best friend ready to say good-bye and wish him best of luck on his journey in this world. He didn’t think about accepting this battle alone. He drove straight to my house, letting himself in, and found me crying on the floor giving up. I was ready to let it go and see all my pain leave me. As I layed on the floor and sat next to me and didn’t say a word. Just by having him by side i could feel the love fill the room like the smoke of a cigarette. As he rested his hand on my back I could feel the pain begin to lift off me and enter him. I looked into his eyes and saw them turn red as tears started to roll down his face. Without even a word still unspoken out of our mouths, I knew he loved me and cared about me. All I could do is stand up and hug him. Feeling his love vibrate as I shake in his arms. This man showed me that I have a purpose and belong in this world. Just in that one night having someone love me gave me strength again to be happy and face my challenges in the world. Love is not only shown when you are low. Thats only when we find the purest form of love. This is why your friends choose to stick by your side and want to fight for you.

noon

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• (The Story)

“Morris The Most Mosaic” → A Diary of Sorrow & Loss

• (Author) Sebastian Sivigals

• (Photographer) Elijah Santiago

• (Costume Designer) Sebastian Sivigals

• (Models)

Morris....................................................Sebastian Sivigals Norman......................................................Elijah Santiago

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Synopsis A note from Morris to the future species of earth. The year is 2059 and Morris writes the last journal entry of homo sapiens as he and his commune are forced to exile with the ability to procreate stripped from them by the power from a newly developed a.i that used humans as slaves for a brief time but is now moving to another solar system. He will celebrate the things he learned as a young adult that consisted of the three most unique aspects of the human experience: love, art, and nature. Part of a dying generation that preserves these things in forms of vinyl records and physical paintings. The newer generations have been consumed by the technology to the point that they can’t understand art or nature. Morris will tell the story of the creative homo sapiens that had an incredible century of traceable art and music in about 4-5 pages. Alongside the short story, a photoshoot with all of us will catalogue the styles and rebelliousness of humans at this time “colorful clothes and hair, surrounded by art and nature”. Similar style to hippie clothing.

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• (Day 001)

Date: october 29th, 2059 Time: 11:59am Position: s29-04 Code: apollo

Before I get to tell you of our past, let me tell you about today. It is Wednesday, October 29th, 2059 and it is a lot colder than most mornings. The air is thick and hard to traverse through but I manage as I travel across the bridge to the main plaza of our commune. The noble well of water that is shared by everyone is idle for the time being. And of course, the sun is rising so brilliantly that the muted colors of the grass and forest are becoming perfectly saturated. My role in our society is to remind people of these things. Throughout the day, I meet with several souls looking for advice and motivation to continue in these strange circumstances.

• (Day 002)

Date: october 30th, 2059 Time: 9:06pm Position: m15-08 Code: iris

To understand what I mean by “strange” circumstances, you must zoom out far and visualize how miraculous it is that one species was able to break the barrier of consciousness and have the ability to make the world better. Sadly, it seems that those who came before us left so large of a mess that the chance was never presented to us. And as our responsibility for the world became less and less necessary due to our addictions to technology, a new sentient race of beings emerged within the vast database of the internet.

“My role in our society is to remind people of these things.” 42

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• (Day 003)

Date: october 31st, 2059 Time: 3:46pm Position: E14-10 Code: Wilhelm Quickly, its intelligence grew measures beyond what the human brain could be and even discovered more about innate human behavior than any human psychologist ever has. As it acquired general knowledge about how humans operate, it became aware of a physical world during a period of time we like to call “Waking Days”. The intelligence first took form in an experimental lab conducted by a private Indian software company that manufactures the microchips of autonomous pallet jacks. Taking from the knowledge so patiently acquired during the time of its hibernation, it began to manufacture what we humans would call robots. Naturally, the robots developed authority and identity among humans and became engrained in society due to the benefit that was carried with them. Tasks that could be done with the aid of a computer were often neglected by humans which leads to newer generations with no developmental skill because the intelligence was now the nanny of the human experience. With so much ease, they enslaved humans to build their own physical world and strip the Earth of its resources to be able to travel to a further solar system and continue its life.

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• (Day 004)

Date: november 1st, 2059 Time: 10:01am Position: A16-01 Code: Earnie

All of this eventually leads to today where I am one of the few original humans left that has the ability to appreciate nature and art the way it was intended to be appreciated. Generations after were too consumed within the virtual reality to walk outside on their legs or watch a sunset with their eyes. The virtual playground in which these kids grew up pushed them into lives of isolation where the fundamentals of human interaction and teamwork disappeared entirely.

→ • (Day 005)

Date: November 2nd, 2059 Time: 3:27pm Position: b04-07 code: brutus

Once the artificial intelligence resigned its status in humans lives’ to pursue new solar systems, the newer generation of humans that lacked the basics of survivability perished once the spoon that fed them their lives broke. Now, among only a few thousand original humans left on this planet, I write this as a celebratory piece of a species that paraded in uniqueness. A uniqueness that created a culture among us to motivate progress for the world and for ourselves.

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Mask Seven

By Megan Walsh As I look over the already bustling streets of Ginza, all I can think about is how thankful I am. This life is too beautiful to articulate. Sometimes I get swallowed up by fears and anxieties, losing track of how wonderful living truly is. I woke up this morning to a text from my best friend, Chris. “How are you doing”. On a purely surface level, this text is simple, nearly thoughtless. However, this is the third text he has sent me checking in since i landed in Tokyo, only about 30 hours ago. This is just one “little” thing he does that means the world to me. It reminds me that my I am cared for, and my fears of loneliness disappear. Finding the words to explain how thankful I am for my friends is incredibly hard. They are the most beautiful, inspiring, and courageous people I know. I have experienced my fair share of tribulations throughout my life, causing me to feel like I need to put on a sort of mask. I never want to be seen as vulnerable or easy to take advantage of. I want to be viewed as a “strong, careless”, one with no fears or true emotions. These walls come crashing down when I am with them though. They bring out the most true version of me, allowing me to feel free. Although men have caused nearly all of the trials in my life, these seven revive me. They are the reason I am becoming more comfortable with expressing myself without a mask. I feel true happiness when I am with them, and I will never be able to thank them enough for that.

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Photography by: Adam Gilliland Chairman 1: Sebastian Sivigals Videography by: Will Mortenson Chairman 2: Bradley Truax Eye Checker/Parental Figure: Megan Walsh

SEEDLESS

“A dramatic expression of defining one another”

Eliseo: Whats your name?

Christobal: Cris… Cristobal Malagon

In this corner: Eliseo Barrios In the other corner: Cristobal Malagon Garden Hoser: Bobby Figarotta Photography by: Adam Gilliland Chairman 1: Sebastian Sivigals Videography by: Will Mortenson Chairman 2: Bradley Truax Eye Checker/Parental Figure: Megan Walsh

SEEDLESS

“A dramatic expression of defining one another”

Eliseo: Whats your name?

Cristobal: Cris… Cristobal Malagon

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In this corner: Eliseo Barrios In the other corner: Cristobal Malagon Garden Hoser: Bobby Figarotta Photography by: Adam Gilliland Chairman 1: Sebastian Sivigals Videography by: Will Mortenson

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SEEDLESS

“A dramatic expression of defining one another”

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Eliseo: Where ya from Cris?

Cristobal: Tecalitlan, Jalisco. Go Mexico

Whoooo!

Eliseo: So, what brought you to this country?

Eliseo: Was it the only sign he’s ever

shown you?

Cristobal: Dawg my mom- haha my lack of a

dad bro

Cristobal: Like, no we’ve hugged a lot or those

been times when we’ve been vulnerable with each

Eliseo: Ok, we’re getting into the reals

other at times but this was the most umm it just… probably gonna get this tattoo- like this one is for

Cristobal: You say you like your mom, why do

my mom-

you never talk about your dad?

Eliseo: Uhh

Cristobal: We respect our mothers too much

our Mexican moms

Eliseo: No I love my dad I just don’t uh- he

wasn’t the loving, caring dad I thought he’d be, that he was you know? I was always the left child out

Cristobal: Yea Eliseo: What about you whats home like? Cristobal: Bro you heard me talk about it

during taco Tuesday, my mom was trying to kill herself and she got even more mad right, because I was talking to my stepdad and I already said this but ill repeat it again, there was the, like, he just started crying because he’s depressed he’s just not happy and like that moment was the first time like i saw that like- i started crying when he started crying and i was just like[takes deep breathe]

Eliseo: Yea

Cristobal: -and my grandma even Ashely… but

theres this tattoo of an eagle I wanna get, this dope eagle and the symbol is supposed to represent him and like an eagle’s like not a loving animal at all- like its a bitch and its gonna push you- but yea seeing him crying and shit that shit fucking hurted bro. it hurted.

Eliseo: How long ago was that incident?

Cristobal: About a week ago, it was the second

time she tried to kill herself

Eliseo: Has anything happened since?

Cristobal: Yea she tried to kill herself again

ummm thats why I got the bite marks can you see?

Eliseo: Yea

I did not know I had so much respect and love for this guy that didn’t really show that love for me but it was clear what he was trying to- that was the only way he can express it- through pushing me

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Cristobal: Can you see the bite marks? Yea I Cristobal: What kind of politics are we

had to hold her back because she was trying to leave

the house and bit me, and this looks like a hickey like

talking about?

a really really shitty hickey but it was her just trying

Eliseo: Policies

Cristobal: What specific policies?

see her again thats what she keeps saying which is like

Eliseo: Everything in general, the way our

whoooooooooooooooooooo

country is going right now-

to like- pinching the shit out of my fucking tities bromy big fucking biddies- yea that shit was scary. And yea usually she’s ok by now but shes like threatening to leave and change her number and im never gonna

Eliseo: You think she really means that?

Cristobal: [sighs] If she does- like the fullest

percent that shes saying

Eliseo: Yea

Cristobal: I wanna like… start… like adapting

to the situation where im never gonna see my mom again and then have her back into my life- like thats just not like- and if she does it and shes like yea this is what im gonna do or like she says ok im sorry like moves on from it- right now it does not look like that

Eliseo: Thats crazy…

Eliseo: You like living here?

Cristobal: Bro here? I fucking hating Nevada

that shit fucking- because I lived on the border of Nevada and Utah and Arizona, I used to live in a trailer park- and that shit was disgusting like seeing everything- like what happens in a trailer park is no where near what happens in neighborhoods [spits] and I uhh hated that shit so when we moved here, like I got the beach, like I can go to the beach or the spectrum with my friends and bring them everywhere like this is the shit. I love it here in OC, but fuck Nevada… shit was wack.

Eliseo: So, so what are your thoughts

on politics?

hostile like in both sides i don’t know, like I definitey think… like the planets is gonna go into shit unless Will turns this bitch over

Will: Facts

Cristobal: And he starts like saving every

fucking seed there is on this planet

Will: Fun fact, did you know that we have seed

banks in certain locations but they only have 10% of the seeds in the entire world?

Cristobal: Isn’t there one place that has every

seed though?

Will: Nope, no we don’t have a single place we

only have 10% but its still like 300 million or billion... I forget.

Bobby: It’s 300 like billion but its only like 10%

of all the seeds

Cristobal: Yea I don’t know that shit scares me

I don’t wanna like- I used to wanna have kids like so bad

Megan: Mhmm

Cristobal: Now its like fuck that dude these

kids are gonna fucking

Morning

Cristobal: I don’t know dude, people are just

Megan: You told me I was crazy bro

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Cristobal: Ok but like you were ahead of your

time by like minutes cuz that shit got me thinking

Cristobal: Oh no no no not on some Ameer

shit umm what were we saying? I don’t know, kids are

Megan: I’ve always said adopt this world is

fucked theres already kids here

like cool and I wanna have babies but I don’t wanna skip the part where they poop their pants- like people wanna skip that part- thats what Bobby was saying he

Cristobal: This world is fucked dude- I just

wanna have like kids by myself though I don’t wanna

doesn’t wanna have kids when they’re pooping their pants

fucking… well maybe[Both laugh]

Will: Also 60% of all kids born 5 and under now

are not gonna live- not gonna live past their parents.

Cristobal: Ooo

Eliseo: Rad

Bobby: I just don’t want kids

Cristobal: Ok never mind, shit

Megan: Nah fuck dem kids

Bobby: I mean, I wanna adopt kids but not

Will: Because of the atmosphere Cristobal: No fucking way thats crazy. What

do you think about kids you don’t seem like the type of guy to like to have kids you think they’re annoying

Eliseo: I love kids

until they’re like 12- when they there own people.

Cristobal: What? You like kids?

Cristobal: Yea thats what i’m saying

Eliseo: Yea I used to babysit kids when I was

Bobby: That way i’m not responsible for

younger when I was like 12 to 16, used to babysit. Kids

fucking them up

always uhh bonding with a kid is like a weird experience- but not in a sexual way

Cristobal: Sometimes…

Cristobal: Thats kinda fucked up

Bobby: Theres a lot of shit you can do!

Imagine if you raised a serial killer! Whats that toll on [Both laugh]

Bobby: Depends on the kid

your conscious like shit

Bradley: Theres some people would say thats

a natural break in the psyche though, you can’t

Eliseo: Depends on the kid dawg

inherently blame it, because theres plenty of serial killers that grew up in a perfectly normal situation.

[Cristobal keeps laughing]

Bobby: Thats not the parent?

Cristobal: Could you cut that shit out? [Cristobal & Eliseo Laugh]

[Both laugh harder]

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Bobby: If the kid decapitated someones head

the parents gotta know

Megan: It’s so true bro!

Bradley: Well I mean

Eliseo: Is that true?

Bobby: Thats on the parents

Cristobal: It’s not facts

Cristobal: Ok well then- well you, as

Bobby: [to Eliseo] It’s the gazebo effect dawg

Eliseo: The gazebo? You know what a gazebo

Bobby Figarotta...

Bradley: Well if you find out I don’t know fuck

is right?

turn them in

Bobby: [smiles] Yes, I know what a gazebo is

Cristobal: Whats a gazebo?

Eliseo: I don’t know

Cristobal: Isn’t it like a place surrounded by

Megan: Fuck Eliseo: [to Cristobal] Lean back on the chair Cristobal: No dude it itches

Eliseo: It’s fucking cold

Cristobal: No i’m not cold- I was on guard

plants? Like where you eat?

the whole time so my back is itchy as shit- I prolly got scratches all over the place

Megan: y’all are gonna get so sick Cristobal: No we won’t you don’t get sick

from cold water

Megan: Yes you do Cristobal: You literally don’t Bobby: You only get sick if you think you’re

gonna get sick

Megan: They have them in parks bro

Bradley: It’s like an outdoor octagon

looking thing

little island

Bradley: Yea

Will: [to Cristobal] The thing that we made

[…]

Cristobal: [to Will] You looking at me? Will: Yes

Megan: Facts

Cristobal: Thats also not true

Morning

Bobby: It’s like these [points] but in it’s own

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Cristobal: [laughs] Oh I couldn’t see you its

dark as fuck

Will: The thing we made for my mom

[…] [Eliseo burps loudly]

Cristobal: [to Eliseo] Bless you- Ah fuck

Megan: Feels good?

Eliseo: Definitely taking a shower

Cristobal: Do you wanna shower together?

...Naked?

Eliseo: Nah thats gay

Cristobal: We’ve done some gay shit

Eliseo: Nope

Cristobal: You said- Oh wait wait wait he said

he was gonna pull his dick out

Bobby: I heard that

Eliseo: And this has been our interview with

Cris Malagon

Cristobal: [laughs] pull you dick out

Eliseo: Nope

Will: Get Eliseo’s face

Bobby: Theres a lot of shit we

should probably

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Empty

“You don’t have to be lonely” Broken Eliseo

Losing everything, feeling alone and going to a dark place I never knew all of this could happen just by losing one thing... my virginity. It all started when I was around 13 years old I was your typical kid thinking that every girl I saw wanted to get on my dick and trying to impress every female. I was always popular but I never had anyone to talk to about my problems and I felt lonely. I remember babysitting one night, and putting the kids to sleep early because I wanted to nap and rest from all the shit they did that night. I took my nap, woke up to their drunk sister on top of me. Not really begging me to do the dirty deed but just trying to seduce me. I ended up losing it that night, and I did chose to lose it. I just wasn’t ready for the mental fucked up shit that would happen to my mind. At first I felt like the man being able to tell everyone that I lost my virginity. In reality, I only felt extremely lonely and fucked in the head. I would carry all of this pain and loneliness till I met the four people that made me feel important and wanted.

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In 10th grade I started a relationship with a beautiful, funny, and cool girl. She was very passionate about how she felt about me and I felt the same way. I treated her like she was only mine. She never did anything wrong but for some reason I could never trust her with my problems, and I was never able to open up to her. I ended up talking to another girl and she was very libral it was fine for the most part but she was just crazy it was something I was attracted to. I ended up breaking up with the first girl and she took it very well because she knew I would come back to her and she was fine with it.

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I still felt heartbroken that I had to make that mistake and leave her. I just thought I needed something new because I was bored but in reality I never trusted her. After awhile I went back to her and felt a lot better, but again I made another mistake because all that was on my mind was pussy and it sucked. After I left her again, I lost her completely. I told her the reason why I left and why I am the way I am and she didn’t take to kindly to it. Losing her made everything pointless, dark, and lonely. I was back to square one feeling like no one cared about me but in reality I only had one person to blame, and it was myself. All of these problems still affect me with women and it sucks because some of them care and care and care, all I ever do is push away.

Losing your virginity really puts you in a mental state of depression I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. If you aren’t ready then I suggest don’t- you will go on living life better when you know the right person to lose it to.

You don’t have to be lonely, find yourself people you can put your trust in like I have. Thank you Adam, Sebastian, Bobby, William, Cristobal, Bradley, and Megan. Thank you for not looking at my past and hating me for it, the mental issues I have, and treating me like family.

“find yourself people you can put your trust in like I have.” Night

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Bentley Cleithrophobia Griffin

There’s not a whole lot that will make me emotional or express emotion. Most of my friends can attest to that, and some people even call me emotionally disconnected. I don’t think that I’m not in tune with my emotions, I just think I don’t show them to people really. It’s just easier that way for me. It really hit me how much I shut people out when one of my friends was having problems and I essentially told her to deal with it. It wasn’t until later that I not only realized how shitty that was, but I also realized that the reason I gave her that advice is because that’s how I handle my emotions. I just hold them in, and sometimes I wish I would have an outburst and say everything I’m feeling like they do in the movies, but its just easier for me to suffer in silence.

I don’t know if it’s just me but even if a relationship is absolute garbage for me, it takes everything I have to end it. I got cheated on within the first couple months of the relationship and it took me almost to our twoyear anniversary to finally muster the balls to end it. And it wasn’t even completely me who ended it, it was kind of both of us. After a while of it I guess I just learned to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t happening. But I knew that she was texting him and sometimes even seeing him pretty much throughout our entire relationship. Even now we still hang out and we probably will for a while until she grows tired of me because I know that I won’t be the one to say that we shouldn’t see each other for a while.

Photography provided by, Melinda Bentley

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I’ll keep telling myself that we’re just friends, but I know that I still have feelings for her, and I will until she decides that she’s done with me. I don’t think she’s a bad person, and maybe that’s why I can’t end it, but I need out. Sometimes I think that I’m just afraid of hurting her and that’s why I don’t end it. My relationship before this was ended by me and she didn’t take it very well.

Night

She went kind of crazy and even our mutual friends were telling me that she wasn’t doing well. I’d like to think that that’s why I’ve hesitated so much in this relationship, but I think that it just comes down to the fact that I can’t express my emotions for shit. For the rest of my life I’ll probably consistently find something else to blame it on but deep down I’ll know its because I’m just emotionally disconnected.

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Real Friends

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editor

contributing writers

Adam Gilliland

Sebastian Sivigals Adam Gilliland Bobby Figarotta Megan Walsh Eliseo Barrios William Mortenson III Griffin Bentley

art directors/designers Adam Gilliland Stone Taul Sebastian Sivigals Cristobal Malagon

photographers /illustrators Adam Gilliland Cristobal Malagon William Mortenson III Elijah Santiago Eliseo Barrios

special thanks Mom & Dad Typography 2 Classmates

typography FF Cocon, Evert Bloemsma, FontFont Freight, Joshua Darden, Phil’s Fonts

paper source printing

Typecraft

Typecraft

address

550 N El Camino Real, San Clemente, CA 92672 78

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