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Twenty-Eleven Pipers Piping Legs eleven, 2011. All good things come in elevens: WW1 ended on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918 - pretty significant, eh? Apollo 11 was the first manned space shuttle to land on the moon - wowa! There are 11 players per team in a footy match – erm, OK. The M11 motorway connects London and Cambridge – you’ve lost me. Fine, 11 is a pretty insignificant number and 2011 isn’t destined for greatness or failure, it’s just another year. It simply means that the slate is clean for another 12 months to go mad in Bristol and enjoy every moment – sweet! 2011 does sound pretty bloody futuristic though right? Whatever next?! Well, 2012 obviously. Suit Yourself Magazine is an independent Bristol publication, a voice for all those young at heart, those interested in music, fashion, adventure, the arts, their environment and everything in between. A magazine which investigates, uncovers and promotes everything that makes Bristol such a fun, vibrant and altogether amazing place to live! This is our quarterly edition and so expect articles, in-depth features, interviews, cartoons, illustrations and photos, all in the creation of an

altogether fantabulous read which you can dip and in and out of during the three month period. Those of you who still want your monthly fix of SY, log on to the website and read our monthly, online, sister publication ‘SY - On The Sly’ which is chock-a-block with previews and reviews of all sorts of events happening across Bristol and don’t forget to check out our contestably updated blog, all found at: The fabulous sections waiting to enlighten you are: Involve Yourself – think green, act keen Pamper Yourself – think health and beauty Hurt Yourself – think getting active Treat Yourself – think indulgence Enjoy Yourself – think about getting out there Prepare Yourself – think about shakin’ that ass


Contents/ 3/ Twenty-Eleven Pipers Piping 7/ New You For A New Year? 11/ Stomping The Streets – Hotwells 16/ Cartoon – Oh Little Town Of Bristol! 19/ How To Survive The Office Christmas Party 24/ RANT! Baaaa…Humbug! 27/ Alternative Views of Bristol 36/ All I Want For Christmas Is… 42/ SY Creation Station Separate listings can be found under all the separate section header pages. 45/ Involve Yourself 61/ Pamper Yourself 79/ Hurt Yourself 89/ Treat Yourself 109/ Enjoy Yourself 123/ Prepare Yourself For those of you pretending to work, you can also read the magazine online at





New You For A New Year? Balls Off! You’ve seen the same article published in the final pages of weekly magazines sold at supermarket check outs for years now – “New You, New Year!” Apparently we should all be so happy from the Christmas buzz, the snow, the gifts and the mulled wine that we want to translate this positive energy into a New Years Resolution List. I don’t know how many people actually did these lists before ELLE made it seem obvious that “1. Lose those stubborn three pounds, 2. Go to the gym three times a week, 3. Be closer to my family etc.” should be what’s on our minds every New Year’s Eve, and although milestone-dates such as New Year’s Eve and birthdays do provoke life reflection, the fact is they are destined to fail.

Not only because it’s impossible for a birthday to turn a couch potato into a gym enthusiast, it’s also impossible to take seriously grandiose promises that have been made to yourself in exceptional circumstances. As the calendar is changing and moving on a year, it’s frankly artificial, forced and, therefore, highly unlikely to make life altering changes. The only thing these resolutions actually succeed in doing is giving us one more thing to feel bad about, until all New Year lists have to include the resolution; “Keep my resolutions”.


So how can change actually come about? How can the everyday, we are not entirely satisfied with become a new everyday we feel happier about? How can the “new me” we secretly imagine ever be created? Well the obvious first step is to realise that our new 2011 life will stem from our old 2010 life, and that in turn stems from our even older 2009 life. In the same way, the “new you” seems quite nonsensical if you don’t consider the “you”. That’s my best advice, instead of trying to change your life with redundant lists of resolutions, spend 2011 trying to work out who “you” really are. So start from here: pay attention to the everyday and the seemingly mundane things that make up you. Perhaps take a photo a day of a person you meet, the breakfast you had, the clothes you wore, the rubbish you generated, anything.


Or write down one phrase that you read, heard, thought, were told, try filling up a notebook or a wall with all these bits corresponding to simple moments and hopefully looking through them will give you an acute sense of the character in your own everyday life as well as the variation within it. This illustration of your own day-today existence, laid out in front of you, will also be easy to associate with the person you come to recognise yourself to be. A person you might want to gradually change and develop but that you know and don’t expect fictions from. Then by the next New Year’s Eve, the new/old/who cares “you” will put ELLE’s list in the bin and have champagne to the health of the next day and the next, and the next! Anna Leon


The Adventures of PINOCCHIO 08 – December 2010 – 16 January 2011

“A terrific family night out that will have everyone leaving The Guardian (on Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves) the theatre with a skip in their step”


Suitable for ages 6+ Performance times vary. Please see website for details. Tickets from £7 Box Office: 0117 902 0344 Online: Tobacco Factory, Raleigh Road, Southville, Bristol BS3 1TF

Stomping The Streets - Hotwells

With Hotwells - you know, the road out of Bristol on the way to the M5 and all that is Devon, Cornwall and Wales - the gems are hidden. It’s a cacophony of underpass and overpass, the Avon river and Georgian/ modern architecture but within the colourful houses, secret gardens are speckled and many wonderful pubs and cafés adorn the water’s side.

It’s incredibly easy to cruise past this little area without a second glance, and indeed, it was once intended for Hotwells to leave the Bristol map for good: Back in the 1600s the old village of Clifton took great pride in its beautiful setting overlooking the Avon Gorge (as it does now). Below their wonderful cliff however, lay something incredible and perfect for 17th century


hope and ignorance; the natural and curative wonder of ready heated water, or a Hot-Well if you will. The water wasn’t actually that warm like Bath’s but traveller, Celia Fiennes, described it as better tasting and ‘sweet’. Bristol developers quickly caught on to the potential of this magical spring and enclosed it into a pump and lodgings house; Hotwell House. A second spring, New Hotwell, was also discovered further down the river but it was deemed too isolated for any commercial success.

incredibly fashionable at all times of course. A new colonnade of shops, a circulating library and other stunning architectural creations, like Dowry Square, sprung up for this overindulged gentry. After the War with France everything changed, the posh headed to the seaside leaving the spa to the poor people with tuberculosis and other, then incurable, ailments. Hotwell House was demolished in 1822 to make way for a road, with the spring eventually sacrificed too for better river navigation.

By the end of the 18th century, people’s faith in the healing properties of the warm liquid started to fade and the high charges were starting to put many people off, however, Clifton had just started to become exciting and Hotwells was fast becoming a hip place to jaunt for the terribly rich and those who could afford to stay down by the spa recovering from the excesses of their lives. The nobility would come to relax here, playing, picnicing and prancing about Hotwells, remaining

Soon after, the finer houses fell into disrepair as the Floating Harbour was built and Hotwells became a busy and probably very unattractive port. The council’s 1930s slum clearance and World War Two bombings further destroyed parts of the area. Hotwells was nearly left to memory entirely in the 1960s when the port became too small for commercial shipping and a huge bridge and flyover was built.


Today however, I am happy to report Hotwells is once again flourishing with everyone loving its waterside, convenient location. A whole range of fabulous places to hang out have been opened and new houses built. During the summers one can bask on the patio of the Pump House on Merchant’s Road or the top deck of the Grain Barge whilst during the winters you can cosy up in your knitwear at the nautically themed, Cottage Inn on Cumberland Road. For a local, friendly feeling with excellent food, Adam and Eve, just off Hotwells Road is the ticket, whilst The Rose of Denmark boasts the best roast dinner in the South West. The Nova Scotia just over the river is another nice, solid pub, this one famed for its enormous sandwiches. When night hits, serving almost obscenely cheap drinks is the previous biker’s hangout on Hotwells Road, The Mardyke, or the water sitting Grain Barge is another good shout, playing live music (including their famed Feel The Folk nights) in the hull of this fab boat. They do a lovely pear and apple cider too!

Cycling or walking about Hotwells, perhaps over to Ashton Court, around Leigh Woods and such, can only be described as gorgeous escapism from the city. These ramblings also help you discover more Hotwellian wonders like the cliff sides with remnants of their spa past, the Clifton Rocks Railway remains and the historic multi-coloured buildings. Walking around the underpass, there are often parties continuing in the daylight and a serious Tai Chi moment happening on the green. If you fancy a poached egg, pop into the American diner-esque café, Lockside, built into the underpass. A few too many young families inside but still delicious and it looks like Detroit; grey, wide and out of place. Your day done, take the Hotwells Ferry back to the city and see this diverse mixture of old and new from afar. It’s only a couple of pounds and you will appreciate this historic area and its higgeldy piggeldy nature from the best viewpoint, the Avon. Helen Martin Photos by Gustave Savy 13

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SY’s Office Christmas Party Survival Guide Whether you love or loathe them, they’re an essential element to any work social calendar, the effects of which can lead to more than a rough hangover the next day. Never fear here are SY’s Dos and Don’ts for surviving the office Christmas party with your pride and dignity intact:

DON’T get seduced by the free bar

Nothing tastes better than free booze but that doesn’t mean you need to drink your annual consumption in the first hour. Remember kids, excessive alcohol can lead to beer goggles, nasty morning shocks, unwanted public (and private) nakedness and drunk dialing. Medication and therapy for Christmas anyone?

DO dress sensibly

“Dress to impress” does not mean wearing a dress so short you leave an impression of your arse on everything you sit on! Keep your bits well and truly covered up and remember, there’s always some c*nt with a camera.

DON’T become tomorrow’s gossip

Make sure you don’t, under any circumstances, do or say anything that becomes the talk of the night. With the truth juice in full flow, it’s possible that you might be receiving or giving some home truths but try and keep it zipped, especially if the boss has insisted that people from different departments sit together during 19

the meal. Don’t let slip that the CEO is banging the receptionist, don’t let on that Darren once pissed in Sharon’s desk and certainly don’t end up doing the walk of shame in the morning. If the worse does really happen and you do end up snogging someone you shouldn’t, just ensure someone else grabs the gossip headlines by doing something worse. Plying the new guy with booze and telling him Claire from Marketing fancies him usually works.

DO get out at the first available opportunity

It’s never, ever a good idea to carry on drinking at a casino. Just because the office party is over does not mean it makes perfect sense to take a select few to the nearest late-licence establishment. This is never more true than when booze, gambling and halfacquaintances are gathered under one roof. As soon as you’ve served your time, say your polite goodbyes and get out!


DON’T pull a sicky the next day

Everyone knows where you were last night so if you’re due back in the office the next morning and you anticipate the hangover of doom, book it off! This one should go without saying but risking the sack because of one night’s excess is never worth it.

DO arrive in numbers

Girls, getting ready get togethers are great so organise one at someone’s house and travel in packs. Also, hate to be the voice of reason here but after hearing several dodgy stories about late-night ‘issues’ from leering Bristol men, don’t go home alone!

DON’T go OTT on the festive glamour

Everyone loves a bit of glitter at Christmas, don’t be shy with it but remember that it gets everywhere and remnants will linger until Easter.

Be careful who you canoodle with because the evidence is suddenly harder to cover up and make sure you’re not the “wacky” guy with tinsel wrapped around his head and bauble earrings.

excuse to staying sober too, making absolutely sure you make no office faux pas.

DO keep it simple DO sack the whole with Secret Santa thing off (good excuse needed) If all else fails, you could always not go. Organise a secret renegade rendezvous for you and a few mates at your place and avoid all of the above without any effort at all.

DON’T drink and drive

Have to put this one in after losing a friend in a drink driving incident. You know the drill, don’t drink and drive. It’s a simple rule and don’t let anyone else either. They might throw a paddy at you for being so square but chances are they’ll thank you for it when their senses return. Volunteering to be chaperone is a good

They say it’s secret but it never is. Don’t get busted for being a dirty cheapskate with your gifts and especially don’t go ludicrously overboard because you fancy Paul from Sales and got his name out of the hat. If it’s an agreed £10 limit, stick to it religiously!

DON’T insult/ punch/snog your boss

Kind of goes without saying but really DON’T. And certainly don’t do all three. And not in that order. Not in any order! Becky Midgley


Keep Your WheeStep2:ls Is your favourite mode of transport a scooter, moped or motorbike? If so, could make you £100 better off this time next year. How come?

Complete all 12 monthly quizzes – don’t worry even we got these right! £20 credit.

Well, is one of those rare websites which actually gives you money – no joke! Imagine receiving a lovely cheque and what you could spend that cash on. ‘One to One’ ride-out or by completing an advanced riding course and/or full licence. £20 credit.

How does it work? It’s so easy. Simply, register your name and details at to become a member. After that there are five simple steps to getting your cash;

Step1: Prove your roadworthiness – i.e. post, email,

Step3: Get extra training – by booking a free Step4: Show us your skills on the track – attend a free ‘Go-Karting’ session held during the year. £20 credit.

Step 5: Keep a clean licence for a 12 month period. £20 credit.

or photo message your paperwork to prove your legal. £20 credit.

Don’t worry if you intend to go on to learn to drive a car, you can still take part so long as you’re aged 16-24 and live in Bristol, Bath & NE Somerset, South Glos or North Somerset. Numbers are limited so sign-up quick.


Christmas...Humbug! Did you know that Oliver Cromwell banned Christmas in the 17th century? The festival had become a holiday of celebration and enjoyment after the English Civil War, and Cromwell wanted it returned to a religious celebration where people thought about the birth of Jesus rather than ate and drank too much. In London, soldiers were ordered to go round the streets and take, by force if necessary, food being cooked for a Christmas celebration. 24

Traditional Christmas decorations like holly were banned and the mere smell of a goose being cooked spelt big trouble. This may not win me many votes but I have to say that I don’t like Christmas either!! Perhaps I have a touch of Oliver Cromwell in me? For a start, Christmas seems to begin earlier every year, with adverts galore and reminders of how many days we all have left to overspend in the shops. Any specialness that even I might find is immediately devalued. It doesn’t help either that not only am I not a Christian but, being a very firm sceptic, I don’t have any substantial belief that there is any kind of god(s) at all, including pagan ones who celebrate during Winter. Saying that though, it’s clear that a case can be made that much about the way we currently celebrate Christmas is nothing whatsoever to do with Christianity. Maybe that’s why I dislike it all so much. It doesn’t even understand itself what it is. It poses as a religious festival of sharing and social harmony but really it’s just an excuse to up your food and alcohol consumption. Energy usage for all that lighting soars likewise, along with excessive spending on goods of many sorts from all over the world and far from everyone being happier, people’s behaviour often deteriorates. Christmas just does not seem to be about loving and giving, it’s is all about more, more, more... Glenn Vowles - Illustrations by Laurie Stansfield 25

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SY Blog Suit Yourself Magazine’s constantly updated blog, the only place to find every single article from Suit Yourself Magazine, SY On The Sly plus amazing competitions, extra extended editorial, great images, photos and much, much more – literally everything you would ever need to know about Bristol! Log on now and get browsing! www.suityourselfmagazine

All I Want For Christmas Is‌.

The people of Suit Yourself Magazine reveal what they want in their stockings! Helen M A triple glazed house to keep the cold away, a bow-tie collar for my cat and a round the world ticket. PLEASE! Becky M No presents for me this year, just money for my India trip! Auntie Harper I want a big bottle of Hendrick's Gin, some crushed ice and a bottle of slim-line tonic :-)


Anna L I want one of those lamps that trick you into believing there's sunlight. And to be tricked by the lamp. And tickets to Malta. Mystic Ginger Just a day's rest from the constant grinding of the wheels of fate. She won't get it though, she has seen what she will get and they are very nice thank you, just her size. She will try them on later. Fritha S I want my cats in little elf costumes and some crayons!

Guy W A job as music consultant and a photography course wouldn't go amiss!

Heidi G A well deserved weekend break in a countryside spa and lots of chocolate.

Amy R Felt tips, a Kitkat Chunky caramel and a zebra.

Matt W I want a little cat to call my very own. Actually, I wouldn't call him "my very own", I'd call him something cool like Roger, David or... or... or Battleship Potemkin.

Louis C The Peep Show box-set, an inflatable chair with a drinks holder and a crate of beer - perfect way to spend Christmas!

Gemma R I really want to see my big brother for Christmas!!

Yannny T For Christmas I want a year's worth of Jaffa Cakes. Nom.

Annette S New legs for my childhood friend Jack Otter who lost them fighting in Afghanistan, a black padded Chanel handbag, and the hummingbird nursery cookbook. 37

Joe R I would like an original drawing by David Shrigley please. Kayleigh C I would like a teapot and a chessboard for Christmas. Charley B I would love lots of Ferrero Rocher, a furry hat with ear flaps, a Carluccio's hamper, the new Kings of Leon CD and a micro-pig! Glenn V I'd like a bottle or two of Millione lightly sparkling Italian rose wine for Christmas - and I'd like many others to buy it too! For every bottle sold, 1 pound goes to Action Aid's work building schools in Sierra Leone - the aim is to raise 1 million to get 10,000 children in Sierra Leone into education, thus the name Millione! 38

Mike C Being a miserable atheist, I couldn't really give two hoots about Christmas, but...a romp in the grotto with one of Santa's elves would be nice. I've a thing about girls with pointy ears. Alternately, a bag of humbugs. James P A pair of bongos or a new (old) super8 cinefilm camera and projector. Louisa C Massive headphones for my iphone. Adam H The Eavis's to announce that they've actually done the impossible and got Pink Floyd back together for Glastonbury 2011! That would be lovely.

Stu F Well I got a Mr Frosty last year after putting it in print so this year I wouldn't mind a new Xbox or a Marmite teapot (not a teapot made of Marmite fyi Mum!) Ian B I wish for a music venue in Bristol with a sloping floor where people under 6 foot can see the band on stage;-) Faye P A home brewing kit to make blackberry port with next year's crop!

Lisa H Spending time with my family and reflecting on the year just gone. Failing that, a new iphone would be nice. Rachel B A pair of perfect legs, a time machine, an apartment with more than one window, a bar of Galaxy chocolate and a pet squirrel. Laura P A contract with Rolling Stone Magazine. Failing that a kit upgrade would be quite nice so a D3s, 14-24mm f2.8, 24-70mm f2.8, 70-200mm VR II f2.8, SB-900 & for good measure you could pop in a 35mm f1.4! Thaaanks :) 39

Suit Yourself Magazine Creation Station We all know how much you lovely people of Bristol like to draw, doodle and design, sketch, scribble and squiggle and so here’s your chance! The page opposite is your official, designated creation station for you to illustrate and imagine to your heart’s content.

get showcased on our website for the world to see! If we really like it we could even use your design as a magazine front cover or put it on a T-shirt! You lucky people might even receive the odd prize back to say thanks!

It’s literally a blank canvas; perhaps create a T-shirt design? Or design a front cover for the magazine? Maybe sketch the faces and places of Bristol? Anything goes.

It’s an unrestricted, organic competition and we’re completely open to anything and everything you’ve got. Let’s see what you’re made of Bristol!

If you’re proud of your creation then send it over to us at SY Towers and the best doodles every month will

Scan in your designs and email them to us along with your name and contact details to

Involve Yourself Information and musings on the important things in life: The environment, local and community issues, social responsibility, organic farming and charities. To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact

Contents/ 47/ Bristol Drugs Project 50/ 5 Steps Towards a Greener Christmas 53/ The Bristol City FC Stadium Saga 57/ Making Your Own Wrapping Paper

SY Meets…Bristol Drugs Project The Bristol Drugs Project is an organisation offering support to anyone affected by addiction. Starting from a team of probation officers which now also includes ex-drug users, BDP uses its years of experience to battle physical, social and psychological harm related to substance abuse. We spoke to Maggie Telfer about her experiences working with the organisation.

What is your role in the organisation and how did you come across the job? I’m the Chief Exec at Bristol Drugs Project and have been involved since the beginning – almost 25 years ago. In that time we’ve grown from a small organisation of 4 employees to that of around 100 staff with 70 volunteers today. We lived through

the massive expansion of heroin use from 1992 and crack cocaine from 1999 and of course (par for any voluntary sector organisation) lots of funding crises over the years. However it has always been a fantastic, if challenging, place to work.

What is it like working for Bristol Drugs Project? Bristol Drugs Project works with over 3,000 individuals each and every year, playing a part in helping people change their lives is a real privilege. One of the many things we do is provide volunteering opportunities for people with a history of problematic drug use or who are working to make big changes in their drug use. This provides one of very few routes 47

back into the world of work on offer and it is fantastic to see people who, for example, are very newly drug free growing in skill and confidence as they provide support to others who haven’t yet made that journey.

“talk tough” about drugs so the prospect of significant changes to our laws seems as remote as ever and we would rather devote our energies to working with people who have problems here and now.

Based on your experiences, what is your position regarding the legalisation of drugs?

Are specific groups, ages or areas in Bristol affected by drug-related problems more than others?

Bristol Drugs Project is here to help individuals find a way through and out of their drug or alcohol problem. There are lots of problems related to the criminalisation of some drug use, notably crime and health risks associated with using substances of unknown or varying purity. There are also lots of ‘unknowns’ going down the legalisation route, for example if heroin was licensed in the same way as alcohol – what would be the legal age for using it? The reality however is that no politician of whatever complexion seems able to do anything other than

The bottom line is that anyone can get into problems with drugs or alcohol. Factors which clearly make this more likely are, for example, unemployment and major distressing life problems. And if you can’t afford your drug use with legal income, you’re more likely to come to the notice of the criminal justice system and then see your problems escalate – so the poorer are hurt earlier and harder. What’s more important than whether there are hot spots across Bristol or not is how Bristol compares to other cities. Bristol was affected earlier than most by changing drug markets


in the early and late 90’s and now has a major problem with drugs like heroin and crack cocaine (it has the 5th largest number of people in treatment for this in England). We also have long-standing and widespread Ketamine use – earlier than many other parts of the UK – so some of the problems that can arise from this have surfaced in Bristol first.

In what ways do you think handling of drug-related issues should progress on behalf of the government, the NHS and the police? We need evidence-based not ideology-based drug services which help individuals find long-lasting solutions to their problems. We also need a public awareness campaign which will help reduce the major barrier people face in overcoming a drug problem; stigma. Addiction is not a minority issue,

it’s something which affects large numbers of people yet the media and many politicians paint a picture of ‘junkies scrounging benefits’ which fuels public prejudice. The reality is that this is a complex and increasingly commonplace problem for many as shown in a national poll in 2009 where 19% of adults said they have been ‘personally affected by drug addiction’; that means over 80,000 Bristolians lives have been affected. Among the 18-34 year age group, 24% had been ‘personally affected by drug addiction’. Changing public and political attitudes and how drug problems are reported in the media would improve the lives of drug users, families and communities more than any other single policy change. Bristol Drugs Project’s anonymous and confidential helpline is: 0117 987 6000 Anna Leon



Over ten million turkeys are eaten during the festive season in the UK. Millions of these birds are reared intensively in huge windowless buildings containing crowds of thousands. Selectively bred and anti-biotic treated for maximum growth, these birds cannot express natural behaviours and cannot mate without human intervention. I’m just not hungry for this kind of food at all and its ecological footprint is very high. If you don’t want to avoid turkey at Christmas altogether though, its well worth paying more for a bird reared to much higher animal welfare standards.

Make your own Christmas cards and decorations from old newspapers, magazines or scrap materials and send e-cards instead of physical ones. Also, use string, ribbon or scraps of wool for wrapping gifts instead of plastic tape as they can be reused again or will biodegrade (the paper too will be reusable as it won’t be messed up by tape).

Buy a UK-grown Christmas tree with roots so that you can plant it in the garden and use again and again (or if your tree has no roots, make sure it is recycled through local schemes to make park and garden mulch).

Give a dwarf fruit tree as a Christmas present. My dwarf plum and fig trees are especially productive and don’t take up much garden space or much of my time and the wildlife loves them!

Hundreds of millions is spent on chocolate for Christmas. If you buy Fair Trade chocolate, you will be supporting cocoa farmers, their families and their communities much more. They get a fair price for their cocoa beans and rights and working conditions are much better. Glenn Vowles Illustration by Joe Roberts 51

The Bristol City FC Stadium Saga Is it just me, or is the love of the game slightly obscured by the cash and the gossip these days? As befitting any Premiership football chasing team, Bristol City FC currently have their own big dollop of controversy that’s obscuring the beautiful game and, well, in all honesty it’s a sorry state of affairs. It all started recently when BCFC declared they needed to build a brand spanking new stadium. Their current home, Ashton Gate, can accommodate a mere 21,000 fans but having been built in 1904, some say it really isn’t up to scratch. The football club’s plan is to sell their current ground to a supermarket giant and build a brand new one a short distance away in Ashton Vale. This stadium would be a large, state of the art sports arena and if built, would very likely be used as a venue if England is chosen to host the 2018 Football World Cup. Furthermore, John Hallet, head of tourism body, Destination Bristol, said; “We believe the development of a new football stadium of this magnitude is vital

if Bristol’s full potential is to be realised. We feel the new stadium reflects the city’s wider ambitions to be recognised as a leading European city.” It is believed a new stadium and a new supermarket would generate several thousand new jobs in the area as well as around £150million of investment. The plans have therefore been back by a large number of businesses from GWE Business West to Bristol Media. Nick Surge, head of Bristol IOD, said; “This is an important and vital campaign that carries huge significance in terms of community investment and economic welfare for the future of Bristol, and our organisation fully backs its aims.” However, not all agree and a select group are very strongly apposed to the new stadium and especially the new supermarket. The threat of a new warehouse sized Tesco in Southville has caused a large public outcry from many local residents as it is feared the supermarket would destroy the nearby, fragile independent highstreet of North Street. BCFC say 53


they have to sell to a supermarket giant to raise sufficient funds to build their new ground and selling Ashton Gate to be turned into flats or offices wouldn’t generate enough. This need to raise funds through a supermarket has thrown a huge spanner in the works and since the dispute started, there have been several street protests and a lot of bad blood on both sides. The large TesNO campaign in Southville and Bedminster scared off one supermarket giant and when Sainsbury’s reared their head, a similar campaign and a march down North Street prompted Bristol City Council to deny the supermarket planning permission at Ashton Gate. Sainsbury’s subsequently appealed and submitted a new plan with higher sustainability and a revised transport hierarchy working with local transport, as well as a promise to work with local traders. At the time of writing, this plan was still being deliberated over. Local residents have also argued that the new stadium should not be built on greenbelt land and that they should find somewhere else. The proposed site is a scrubland currently but local residents have rallied, collecting over 20,000 local signatures in an effort to grant the land ‘Town Green status’ and therefore protect it from development

The proposed new site even has King of North street, George Ferguson undecided, tentatively agreeing to a new stadium, the last thing he wants is ‘big shed and whopping car park’ , he in fact proposes the space be turned into the first carbon neutral neighbourhood. The argument has gone on far too long with fierce arguing on both sides and Bristol City councillors have been quoted as saying they “just want it over”. With bias everywhere you look, its controversy permeates Bristol. Fundamentally, Bristol needs to decide if it really wants to stick to the ethical, community and sustainable ideals that it often claims to hold high, or is money investment and the world stage deemed more important? Is Bristol green, or red and white? There’s no easy answer. Helen Martin


Highlights this winter…

• See our beautiful Bewick’s swans at a commentated wild bird feed Daily at 4pm until the end of February

• Floodlit swan feeds 6.30pm. Saturdays & Sundays from 27 November

• 12 facts of Slimbridge family trail Sat 18 December – January

• Decoy demonstrations Every Saturday until the end of February

Cotswo ld Touri Awards sm Attracti 2010 Visitor on of Th e Year


Wetland Centre

Slimbridge, Glos GL2 7BT

T 01453 891900

Wrapping Paper? Make Your Own! Presents are a way to say to people “I care”, that we want them to be happy and that we value our relationship with them; quite a statement for a parcel to make. It all starts with the visual, an eloquently wrapped gift says it all Don’t just go for the cheap and nasty, try our ideas for the very best wrapping paper, which don’t cost the earth and will save you a pretty penny.


This needs to wrap up (apart from your present) everything from ‘You are everything to me, you love me unconditionally and I see that even when you nag me to ‘please stop interfering with my life’.

Go for a complex collage with many colours and patterns, something you obviously devoted a lot of time and energy to. How about random old pictures of them from the scrap book. If ‘complex collage’ sounds terrifying, don’t worry, the awkwardness of the result will make you even more adorable to them.

Friends You Like:

Here you want presents to be a material reminder of everything that makes your relationship what it is today. Go for a happy-coloured paper as a base and stick print-outs of photos of your favourite moments with them on it. 57


Friends You Dislike But Have To Give Presents To Anyway:

Newspaper would make your intentions very clear but since you’re getting them a present in the first place, it means you want to make a good impression. Therefore go for perfect appearance; elegance (few, strict-but-classy colours, possibly one shade as a base and a stencil design in a slightly darker one); and functionality (choose paper soft enough to not bulge weirdly when wrapped); individual attention (add a small handwritten card with their name on).

Friends You’d Like To Be More Than “Friends" With:

Paper- based seduction is a very important issue indeed so be careful where you buy your materials. Your top priority here is texture. Go for rich, soft, velvety, thick paper with dark red hues. Wrap it

avoiding cracks and sharp edges, giving it a curvy feel. Spray the paper with your perfume if you’re a woman, please don’t if you’re a man, and press flower petals between sheets of the paper for a couple of days before using it.

Anyone Worthy Of The Label Significant Other:

Use plain paper, white or pale-coloured. Find a phrase that you feel is worth saying and use a soft, thick pen to write it in small letters over and over again until you’ve filled up the entire paper. Another option is to print out msn, skype and suchlike conversations of your “getting to know each other” period and make a collage out of them.

Get creative!

Anna Leon Illustrations by Gemma Randall 59

Green People The Mexican Hammock Company

Ecology Building Society

Riverside Garden Centre


0117 9425353 Hammocks brought from ethical cooperatives on a fair-trade basis. Mail Order only.

0800 0375796 email Co-operative garden centre. Organic peat and free composts.

CafĂŠ Kino

0845 674 5566 Mutual building society ethical savings accounts, energy efficient housing. Support renovation.

0117 9231970 Quality Restored Furniture 6 Filwood Broadway, Bristol, BS4 1JN

Trees for Cities

0117 9249200 3 Ninetree Hill, just off Stokes Croft. Gourmet coffee menu and organic products.

The planting event on Wednesday 13th February 2008. If you would like to volunteer to help on the day, then please contact Emma at emma.burley@ or 020 7820 4427

Bio Power

Carbon Calculators

01286 830312 Bio power fuel made from renewal materials used instead of fossil fuels.

01823 430852 Check your carbon output and take action to offset it.

60 submit information for this section please email to: To

Pamper Yourself Information and musings on the beautiful things in life: Fashion, beauty, health and style. To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact

Contents/ 63/ Bristol Street Fashion 67/ Bristol Characters – The Cliftonite 68/ Winter Style 2010 71/ Expert Style Advice from Gilly Woo 76/ Hear The Doc Martins March

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Ben, 31 Job: Area Sales Manager Style: ‘Oliver Swift’ - Suits mostly Fav Shop: I like Urban Outfitters but John Lewis is good

Bristol Street Fashion By Frances Poulton and Lauren Macaulay

Emily, 18 Job: Recruitment Agency Style: Things I like Fav Shop: Topshop


Racka, 26 Job: Student Style: Free style Fav Shop: I go into a shop if I see something I like Faith, 19 Job: Shop Assistant Style: Urban, Highstreet, Big Jewellery, Gold Fav Shop: Topshop and Urban Outfitters


John, 32 Job: My girlfriend is dancing on the cabot circus catwalk! Style: I wear whatever I want Fav Shop: Charity shops

David, 23 Job: Nurse Style: Getting ready for a bike ride right now... Fav Shop: Shop a lot online but I like American Apparel.


Bristol Characters The Cliftonite As the temperature drops, one of Bristol’s most predominant characters all head indoors, most likely inside the coffee shops of Clifton. Some are effortlessly stylish and some insist on sporting fashions but you can only label them “Cliftonites”. They are a year-round occurrence however, with a volume and dialect that is hard to ignore. Identifying a Cliftonite is easy; by day they can be found in abundance shopping in Jack Wills and by night they are “raa-raa-ing”(a style of Cliftonite dancing) in the Lizard Lounge on the Clifton Triangle. Ugg boots are a must, preferably the short ones or folded down with tracksuit bottoms tucked in, a long sleeved “grandad” top with a hooded gillet to finish off the look. The genuine Cliftonite however would never be without her back brushed ‘Mason and Pearson’ hair, distinctive throat tickling scent of ‘Ellnett’ and a foundation a few shades deeper than natural painted all over the face, including the lips. C.G.Brunskill 67


In Bristol, students dictate the fashion. Last year we saw jeggins everywhere, and not much else and the year before that, the dishevelled bedroom look; pen in hair, pyjamas and Ugg boots. The big question is, what will the students bring the Bristol streets this year? Checking out the streets during Freshers Week, we saw more boyfriend t-shirts, checked shirts and denim cut-off shorts; Kristen Stewart vs Kate Moss. So what is so appealing about masculine clothing like boyfriend t-shirts, blazers and shirts? Maybe it’s the fact that women feel empowered or is it just because it is easy dressing? Or is it the story behind the clothing that hints that she borrowed the clothes from her boyfriend or lover? Designers like JW Anderson, Preen and Henry Holland with his famous knits, kilts and checks play on this idea with their masculine take on feminine fabrics.

This winter there is also a big focus on the coat as a key garment, inspired by menswear tailoring like at Philip Lim or Burberry (Aviator jackets). There are a lot of manly zips, huge belted jackets, shearing and leather coats on the high street this year. Wear your coat over your lumberjack shirt and Fairisle boyfriend cardigans with heeled Hogan Hiking Boots and a messenger bag. Complete the look with an oversized scarf. Voila!

Annette Sloly


Win a


30 Park Street We’re giving away a Fonzie a month to SY readers. To enter, tell me the name of the old TV programme featuring a famous character called Fonzie. Winner will be randomly picked from all entrants, 1 draw each month. One entry per email address, open to UK residents only.

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independent erotic boutique Come and peek at our gorgeous goodies, for yourself or your lover.

Expert Style Advice from the Bristol-based Designer, Dress-Maker and Stylist This issue we are in search of the perfect pair of jeans, that staple item that is never quite right. Now, you know I do my best for you dear readers, but obviously even I can not recommend the perfect pair of jeans for every one of you. This is because I don’t have experience of every pair of blue jeans on the market nor intimate knowledge of every one of your figures. But I do know a lot about denim, I know a lot about fit and construction and I know a lot about what suits different body shapes so in your quest for the perfect pair of jeans you have two options: you take what you need from the advice here and do a bit of educated shopping; or you hire me as a stylist or a dressmaker and get a guaranteed result! The problems I find with most straight leg jeans are that they are too short, they gape at the back, they are too low cut, the pocket placement is appalling, they are too tight in the thigh, and the denim is often stiff and uncomfortable. My own

personal favorite jeans are a basic straight leg staple jean from Diesel Ronhar – oh, how I love them! Virtually every time I wear this style I get a compliment from someone; these are good jeans! Diesel Ronhar are the perfect, classic straight leg cut; they will never date and will always look stylish. They make a 35” inside leg, curve in beautifully at the back over your bum so that they fit snugly even when you are sat down (the waist band is cleverly cut as a curved piece instead of a straight piece like most jeans), and there are no seams in it so it is slim fitting and not bulky. They sit on the hip but are cut about an inch higher than your average high street jean, the pocket placement is exquisite and makes your bum look neat and curvy, the shape in the leg is perfectly proportioned and the denim is soft and has 2% Lycra for fit and comfort. For me this is the perfect straight leg jean. I wear mine until they are worn out and then order them again!



Skinny jeans are a different proposition all together and I’m afraid to say that I am yet to find the perfect pair so have to alter my own. I have tried several brands and have exactly the same problem with all of them; they all gape at the waist at the back. I see girls with builders’ bums and gapey waist bands everywhere I look! The problem the way I see it is caused by cheap and lazy pattern cutting. Most jeans are fitted with a waistband which is simply a straight strip of fabric, a long thin rectangle, but waistbands sit exactly where most women curve inward and therefore the waistband needs to be smaller at the top than at the bottom; a crescent shape and in two pieces (instead of one folded in half).This is why fitted jeans never fit you. I’m afraid you bring it all on yourselves if you didn’t settle for ill fitting clothing and instead spent a few extra quid on something that has been properly engineered to fit your body. That way other manufacturers would have to try harder and eventually the prices would come down. Help is at hand of course; you could pay a bit more and try a brand like Diesel who cut their waist bands correctly or you could ask your dress maker to dart the waist bands of your jeans to achieve a similar result (I charge around £30 for this service).

Other problems a lot of people complain about are: The Pear Shape (I would recommend a straight leg or a slim boot cut in a dark colour, avoid distressed denim, lots of pockets or detailing at the hip which can make you look wider, go for a clean look and wear your jeans long with a high heel to elongate you legs; The Apple Shape (a low rise jean will elongate your body, choose a lighter colour and wear with a darker top to balance out your shape, choose a style with longer back pockets to draw attention down to your slim legs); and The Hour Glass (a boot cut works well with your curves, a dark wash and a high heel will be more slimming, always choose a contoured waist to avoid the gaping back and a denim with a little stretch which will be more comfortable around your thigh). Specialists denim retailers can be very helpful, they usually know their stuff and if you tell them the problems you find with most jeans, they can often recommend something to counter them. Don’t be afraid to use this service and don’t feel under pressure to buy if you don’t find the perfect fit this time. Gilly Woo 73

Pilgrim celebrates its first year anniversary in style Danish jewellers, Pilgrim, celebrated its first anniversary in style, with a party for customers at its stunning shop in The Mall at Cribbs Causeway. It’s been a busy first year for Pilgrim, as more people discover the striking range of Pilgrim jewellery.

designed ranges can be described as ‘classic with a contemporary twist’. The result is striking, quality jewellery which offers exceptional value for money. This unique style has attracted A-list celebrities to the

The one year anniversary party was hosted by owner Anna Woodman, who places great importance on ensuring the highest levels of customer service and has had a passion for the Pilgrim brand for many years. Customers enjoyed a glass of champagne or two while chatting to the Pilgrim team, local business people and media. The shop sells individually-designed, hypo-allergenic fashion jewellery, charms and watches for women, all produced by Pilgrim, which prides itself on being design-led and producing jewellery that is ethically manufactured. Every piece in the individually 74

brand, including Liv Tyler, who modelled for Pilgrim in 2007 and Danish supermodel, Helena Christensen, who became the face of the brand in 2008 and played a role in designing some of the jewellery herself.

Customers welcomed the opportunity to browse the latest range of jewellery, charms and watches, all of which are elegantly designed and lovingly handcrafted. Each piece has been thoughtfully crafted and made to highest quality, to create jewellery that is outstanding, whatever the occasion. Owner of Pilgrim, Anna Woodman, said “It was wonderful to celebrate our first year in Bristol and gave us the perfect opportunity to thank our customers with a glass of champagne and a special Pilgrim gift. We’re looking forward to enjoying an even busier

second year, which will include new collections of beautifully designed jewellery and the launch of a range of stunning handbags.” The latest collection of fashion jewellery, charms and watches starts from £5.90 and can be viewed at the store in The Mall at Cribbs Causeway or online at


Hear The Doc Martins March Tough girls dominated the runway for autumn/winter as seen at Rag & Bone and Alexander Wang as fashion seems to be having a nineties throwback moment with grunge dragging its Doc Martins into the spotlight. Make-up artist Gucci Westman created the looks for Rag & Bone with Kate Moss cool kohl rimmed water-lines, while Diane Kendal went for greasy reddy-brown on the eyes and hair was an ode to emo with low side partings and oversprayed roots at Wang. Tom Pecheu created the look he described as “upper east side meets Woodstock” with a subtle gold shimmer on the eyes and deep violet lips giving grunge a girly spin. Nothing shouts grunge like a strong slightly worn-off lip colour as seen at Doo.ri with maroon glitter and Aubergine at Luca Luca. This kind of lip says ‘back off unless you’ve got something profound to say’, leaving you with an air of complication and mystery, a potential muse for emo love songs. Make-up artist Diane Kendal advises; “apply the colour using a brush for more intensity, starting darker in the centre and getting softer at the edges for a more modern effect.” Paris Haute Couture fashion week sees the “au naturel” trend passed over and played with by the eccentrics of fashion with the focus still on natural skin contrasting a strong lip or eye. 76

Jean Paul Gaultier had angels and demons dominating his shows with devilish red lips or silver eyes and soft wispy hair. There is a definite celebration of the female form with haute couture this season with cinched in waists and knee length skirts and beauty follows suit with voluptuous full bodied hair for effortless elegance. Your local florists never looked so fashionable as Galliano brings the Chelsea flower show to the catwalk with a supersized garden theme to his line up with beauty being a corresponding explosion of colour. Models’ hair was styled into towering tulip sculptures and wrapped in cones of bright cellophane by milliner Stephen Jones, while MUA Pat Mcgrath was feeling experimental with colour blocking model’s eyes spread over blackberry jam stained lips. As this season kneels before gothic/grunge it is nice to see beauty injecting summer colours into the winter months as seen at Emanuel Ungaro, YSL and Kenzo using fruity palettes of cerise and apricot, rosebud eyes and raspberry lips. As the sweet smells of summer are folded deep into our drawers and the rich aroma of newly bought wool and brand new boots replace them, our senses are turned on as the crisp air nips at our cheeks forcing us to awake from our deep summer sleeps. This coming season will hear the march of a new stronger crowd with the strength to fight battles and the ever fashionable armour to shield themselves; warpaint is worn with attitude and the kind of confidence that will leave the opposite sex firmly under our spell. C.G.Brunskill 77

Beautiful People Bishopston Trading Company

0117 9245598 Clothes designed in Bristol. Supporting K V Kuppam village in S India.


Naff Clothing

0117 9737458 13 Cotham Road Fabulous retro shop with added fancy dress

0117 9420818 Gloucester Rd. Natural, organic and fair trade products in family owned shop.

Billie Jean Clothing

Fushia Hairdressers


Beauty Queen Cosmetics


0117 9426586 Cotham Rd south, Kingsdown. 25% discount for students and nurses. Great prices, wonderful service. 0117 9523322 229 - 231 Stapleton Road Whole and retail specialising in afro and euro cosmetics. Open every day.

0117 9445353 208 Cheltenham Road Colourful range of retro clothes. High quality clothes. 0117 9249959 A massive collection of beads from around the world. We run classes also, just give us a call. 0117 9428200 224 Cheltenham Rd Bristol’s most famous Gert famous T-Shirts.

Repsyco: Vintage and Retro

85 Gloucester Road. Clothes, Accessories, Furniture and Kitsch. To submit information for this section please email to:

Hurt Yourself Information and musings on the active things in life: Sport and adventure. To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact

Contents/ 81/ Pool Tables of Bristol 85/ Bristol Welcomes David James



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Pool In Bristol “…like a church. Church of the Good Hustle” - Fast Eddie Felson, The Hustler (1961)

What makes a good place to play pool? Guess it’s all down to the individual and players are as individual as the tables themselves. It’s all a matter of what you want out of your game: A place to kick back and relax with mates? Somewhere to play against more serious players or join a team? A place to just practice?


I guess I’m lucky as living in Fishponds, there’s a good set of options. My local, The Fishponds Tavern, has free pool on a Tuesday, The Full Moon, on the main drag, has two tables in a big back room area, and then there’s The Pot Black club which is a proper snooker and pool hall with multiple tables, like islands of light in a sea of darkness. Bet you could find as least one similar option within a stones throw of your residency. So… this ain’t no definitive guide to the best places to go, just a little journey through the stations of the cross ‘round the Church of the Good Hustle. It’s up to you to find your own sweet spot.

to really enjoy playing at your local and they’ve got a pool team, you might want to think about joining. Have cue will travel.

It’s a bit of a given, but a good start is something in the heart of your comfort zone. Room to slide your cue without poking someone’s eye out or knocking over their pint is nice. A damn fine juke box is a dream; top tunes seem to relax the brain. A lot of pubs will offer free tables mid-week, which is always an added bonus and a good opportunity to practice if you want to step up your game as it gives you a chance to learn the bend of the table and the flow of the nap. Being free as well you can indulge your whimsies. Anyone for a game of Killer or Round The Chalk? And if you start

Pool is a comparatively new phenomenon in the UK compared to snooker; however, snooker halls will have a good selection of pool tables now that it’s increased in popularity. Initial free membership is often available or comes part of your first session and you pay for time on the table rather than per game.


Trouble getting on a table? Then you need to find somewhere with more than one. The Sportsman on Nevil Road, Bishopston, has, at last count, nine pool tables. One of these is reserved for competition games so they ain’t messing about. Sister pub The Three Crowns in St. George (seven tables) sponsors the Bristol Pool Rules and landlord, Ben Fleck, is a World Masters Pool champion.

Up on the Clifton Triangle you can find Riley’s, which is a chain of halls. With any enterprise that is a chain, you get a feeling that you’re losing some of the atmosphere, a sense of vapid anemia, but what you

do get is convenience and availability and once you’re a member, you can use any Riley’s around the country. Want to play on a full sized, American-style spots and stripes pool table with studs markers? Places like Riley’s will have them. So will some bowling alleys, why not try The Elbow Room on Park Street? It has two big tables and if you haven‘t played on a full sized table before, it‘s quite an experience. So, it’s all down to you. Get out there. Have a good time. Play well. “The balls run funny for everybody, kiddo” - Eddie Felson, The Color of Money (1986) Mike Clarke


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: If you were to take an educated guess as to the profession of a celebrity whose activities include raising AIDS awareness in Namibia and contributing regular articles to the Observer newspaper, you’d be unlikely to presume this person would be a footballer.


Unlikely indeed then that these are the side-projects of new Bristol City Football Club signing and veteran England goalkeeper, David James.

opportunities for children with learning disabilities, and works closely with Access Sport on delivering sport to deprived areas in the UK.

Having just turned forty years old, James currently boasts the impressive record of having played in more Premiership games than any other player (his 573 appearances is a record threatened only by Ryan Giggs of Manchester United). Articulate, intelligent and responsive, James is certainly a rare breed in the game. His work in Africa led to a nomination at the 2008 ‘Guardian Ethical Awards,’ for setting up the ‘David James Agricultural Foundation,’ in support of agricultural projects in Malawi. He is also global ambassador to the Special Olympics, which offers sports

Speaking to The Observer, James has made his stance on the modern game clear and is quick to point out he is a firm believer in the old-fashioned values of football. He is opposed to big businesses taking over clubs and fears that the increasing value set on buying top clubs is detrimental to the game and isolating for the supporters. He talks of Portsmouth’s unlikely 2008 FA Cup success and the subsequent victory parade as a high point in his career and believes that the twohundred thousand people who poured onto the streets of Portsmouth that day


should act as a reminder that football is a supporter’s game. James clearly worries about the danger of people losing sight of this. In the latter days of his career, you could perhaps be forgiven for assuming that James’s recent decision to leave English football’s illustrious top division and join Bristol City was motivated by England‘s recent disappointing World Cup campaign, leaving his International career highly improbable, though James persuades the Bristol City website otherwise; “There is the potential for a long-lasting career here. It’s not a quick gig or me looking to see out my football career. There’s potential for success and that would be winning promotion.”

Still ambitious then, Bristol City have achieved something of a coup in luring the charismatic goalkeeper to Ashton Gate. Never predictable, both in terms of his occasionally erratic goalkeeping (something James has previously blamed on an over-indulgence in playing computer games), and his variety of hairstyles (Bleached braids? Blonde perm? Purple afro? Clark Kent?), fans of the club will surely recognise the signing of one of the game’s true characters and most talented goalkeepers as a positive thing. James Wood


Exciting People Pembury Cycles

0117 9428282 10 – 12 Gloucester Road Sites across Bristol

Bsb snowboarding

68 West street, Old Market, Bristol. BS20BL 0117 9550779 snowboards and everything to do with snowboarding since 1986

Bool’s Bicycles

3 Staple Hill Road, Fishponds, Bristol BS16 5AA 0117 939 2746 Repairs,Sell secondhand reconditioned bikes.

Ballooning Network Ltd

0117 9471050 Vauxhall House Coronation Rd, Southville Flights from £99. Champagne flights available.

First Flight

0117 9731073 Small local company offering a great service with 17 years experience.

Holey Skin

0117 3770613 285 Gloucester Road Highly creative designs for tattoos and piercing 100% clean and excellent aftercare.

The RaceWay

0800 3766111 Avonmouth All groups catered for, large indoor facility. Organisers go free.

Hamburger Hill PaintBall

0800 9803980. Any size group. 7 days, up to 200 people.

To submit information for this section please email to:

Treat Yourself Information and musings on the splendid things in life: Food, drink and fun days out. To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact

Contents/ 91/ Windy Weather Wonders 95/ Boutique Bristol 99/ Christmas Recipes 102/ Restaurant Review - The Three Coqs Brasserie 105/ Bookshops of Bristol

1. Stand somewhere BRACING, like Clifton Suspension Bridge or by lookout at the far end of the Downs. BRAAGHH! It’s INVIGORATING ya know!! 2. The woods are always an ethereal place when the wind blows. Leigh Woods’ enclosed trees and woodland flowers work in perfect contrast with the exposed expanse of Ashton Court. Walking from the wide green space to the tree cover is like going into nature’s bosom, the branches whispering stories as they rustle in the wind. 3. If you want to sail around the world one day perhaps get some practice in on the Avon before hand? On a windy day, you see the potential Atlantic crossers frolicking about, sails reaching for the skies, beckoning the wind to motor them. The Bristol Sailing School run courses from beginner to the more advanced for £75 a day. 91

4. Leaves are always pretty in the wind and they look good in an urban environment too. Like a George Clooney film. Perhaps don a trench coat, a bobble hat and a takeaway coffee to complete the look then run around and look for your fellow romantic comedy protagonist.

6. Snuggle up and watch Gone With The Wind, the 1939 wistful and beautiful film. Or watch Wind In The Willows. Or Blow with Johnny Depp. Or The Wind That Shakes The Barley. You get the idea. Just make sure you definitely don’t watch The Last Air Bender.

5. It had to be somewhere in there, yup: flying a kite! Kites have been in existence for over twenty-five centuries and there are copious amounts of places to buy and fly in Bristol. Ashton Court is a favorite, with the International Kite Festival held there every year too.

7. Build your own wind turbine. There are internet sites that tell you how to do this, but to actually harness the energy of your creation is difficult. However, for a pretty addition to your window/flower box, you can purchase little windy spinners from a variety of Bristol’s shops. 8. Wind makes things look poetic so recreate your own American Beauty scene with the bag in the wind: “There’s an electricity in the air, you can almost feel it. And this bag was just dancing with me, like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes... This incredibly benevolent force wanted me to know that I didn’t need to be afraid.”


9. When you’re on an impressive sailing/ pirate boat, it’s nice to actually have the sails out, billowing in the wind, as opposed to tied up or limp. So when the wind blows, why not jump aboard one of the meandering ships docked in Bristol? The Tangaroa and The Matthew are two such ship beauties and run regular trips. 10. A fun game is to sit inside a lovely, warm and distinctly unwindy café with big windows and watch with smug complacency as commuters in the street struggle with the elements. Challenge your friends to see who can count the most inside-out umbrellas, important documents flying just out of reach of someone’s fingers and hats fly off the back of heads. Helen Martin Illustrations by Laurie Stansfield


Original & Re-Worked Vintage Clothing Crafty Workshops Homeware Bookshop Tea Room


Boutique Bristol Often there really is nothing better than meandering around the independent vintage shops and boutiques of Bristol. Whether emulating Mad Men’s early 60s Betty Draper, 80s Debbie Harry, or 90s Kate Moss, to purchase an original item from the era you are in love with is a thrill. What’s more it can take you from copycat to real McCoy, leaving you smugger than a contented ginger tom pummeling an inordinately fluffy sofa. This delicious pot of sardines just keeps growing too with new vintage boutiques popping up around Bristol all the time so now that garment of gorgeousness could quite easily be a mere whisker away! Enough of the kitty analogies, let’s pull back the dusty sheets and shine the bright lights on Bristol’s vintage boutique parade! We start with Shop situated on Christmas Steps. This is a not for profit, community interest company, which means it’s a limited company with special additional features created for the use and benefit of the local community. Run by the lovely Jayne and Brett, Shop’s vintage collection is full of jumpsuits, skirts, suits and homeware at reasonable prices. There is also a lounge area providing free coffee and copious amounts of

inspiration, encouraging you to get involved in their community arts projects and activities like sewing, knitting, discussions, gigs and cinema evenings, among others. Jayne and Brett believe in our city’s fashion sense and independence: “Bristol is a stylish place for sure. We’re not quite up there with some of the bigger cities in terms of fully embracing vintage but we’re definitely getting there and more and more vintage shops are opening up.” One highstreet giant’s demise has led to independent rejoicing. Woolworths’ closure on Blackboy Hill has resulted in an opportunity for a whole host of entrepreneurs, with the introduction of Woolies indoor market. Success story, Cox and Baloney, started out here and after doing so well, they had to move to new, lovingly formed premises on Cheltenham Road. They stock some of the best hand picked, unique pieces and accessories as well as local designer pieces and vintage homeware including re-worked handmade lamps and still have room for you to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea or even a board game. 95

On the same road going into Stokes Croft is Shop Dutty. Ethical and Fairtrade, it was initially also born from humble origins (at St Nick’s Market). Founded by Louisa Jones and Joh Rindom, the shop promotes local talent, stocking copious creations of jewellery, handbags, shoes and clothes next to vintage beauties. Also, it’s worth checking out their music collection which again leans towards the local talent; you may discover something your ears love and adore as well as something for your wardrobe. Moving down Cheltenham Road, opposite Pie Minister is the enormous Gold Mine. Set up by the same people behind Shop Dutty, Gold Mine puts all of its profits into empowering young women in the city as well as using the old motorcycle showroom to offer fashion and music workshops to young femmes. They also, of course, have the biggest collection of vintage from the 1950s to 1990s in the city. At the time of writing, Gold Mine is still in existence but running out of time although fingers crossed Louisa and Joh manage to continue the venture in some way. Going classy now, if you fancy some stunning, very pretty pieces (floaty dresses, pearls, leather handbags and cashmere) then Clifton Vintage Boutique, in Clifton Village’s Arcade, is for you. Time loses all meaning here and the owner will chat all afternoon 96

about the history of each piece with you, making you love it even more. There are so many places to list! A couple of other boutiques of splendor include: La Freak Boutique on Picton Street, Montpelier - a treasure trove, with open suitcases full of wonder (and knitwear). Repsycho on Gloucester Road – this classic shop holds homewares and a record shop as well as millions of t-shirts, fake fur coats and sequins. It also has a stall at St Nick’s Market, full of denim and lumberjacks. You should really check out St Nick’s Market and Southville for more endless boutiques of loveliness.. Jayne and Brett say the vintage copycat is on the prowl: “Unfortunately, the arrival of Cabot Circus has pushed independents out of the loop a bit more and led to the ‘vintage-inspired’ look of the highstreet becoming more prevalent.” But everyone loves an original, these shops offer so much more than simple original clothes, they offer stories, comfort, inspiration and personal growth so support Bristol’s boutiques! Topshop will not tell you stories or give you a free cuppa! Helen Martin


A Few Winter Roasting Recipes For You To Try Yorkshire Puddings! Ingredients: 3 eggs 115g plain white flour 275ml milk Roast meat dripping

Method: Mix together the eggs, the flour and a pinch of salt. Add the milk and stir constantly until you have a runny batter with no lumps. Pour 1cm of dripping from whichever meat you are cooking alongside your Yorkshire Puddings inside a roasting tray or pudding mould. Heat the dripping in the oven at about 240째C for about ten minutes until it is piping hot and then remove the roasting tray from the oven and pour in the batter then immediately return it. Bake for 25 minutes until golden brown and crispy. Serve immediately with your roast.


Classic Turkey!

Ingredients: 1 lemon Small handful of chopped fresh parsley and thyme 150g softened butter Fresh turkey crown breast 6 fresh bay leaves 6 balls of stuffing 6 slices of bacon 12 chipolatas

Method: Weigh your turkey and calculate how long it will need in the oven (roughly 35 minutes per kg). Beat the zest of the lemon, the parsely and thyme into the butter and spread the mix generously over the turkey. Season, put in a roasting tin and loosely cover it all with foil. Roast for 30 minutes of the calculated cooking time at 220°C, then reduce the temperature to 190°C and cook for the remaining time, remembering to baste the turkey regularly (3 or 4 times). While that’s roasting, roll up the bacon and thread each piece onto a skewer along with a bay leaf, a ball of stuffing and 2 chipolatas. For the last 30 minutes of the turkey’s roasting, remove its foil and roast the skewers alongside it. Rest the turkey for 20 minutes once out of the oven and then serve with the skewers, gravy and sauces, tangerine halves and parsley and thyme to garnish.


Slightly Spicy Stuffing! Ingredients: 200g white bread 1 onion 2 garlic cloves A large handful of parsley 450g sausage meat 2 apples 100g walnut pieces 1 tsp curry powder 1 egg 1 lemon

Method: Make the bread into breadcrumbs, the easiest way being in a food processor, and tip into a large bowl. Finely chop the onion, the garlic, the apples, the walnuts, and the parsley and add to the bread mix along with the sausage meat, the egg, the curry powder and the zest and juice from the lemon. Season the mix generously and squish everything together with your hands until combined. Place on an oven tray and roast for 30 minutes at 190째C.


Restaurant Review The Three Coqs Brasserie The Three Coqs Brasserie offers a rather unprepossessing face to the world. Situated above in Clifton Down shopping centre, and with a stairwell straight out of a swimming pool and gym, it certainly wouldn’t seem to be the place to go for well cooked bistro food and one of the most interesting wine lists in the city. We are shown straight to ‘the lounge’ - a weird, airport style seating area which uncomfortably overlooks the rest of the tables and, after a few minutes of sitting, we asked to be shown to our much more comfortable table by the huge windows at the side of the understated, tasteful room. The menu offers most dishes in small and large sizes allowing you to sample around the tempting menu. Unusually for a place doing this sort of thing, the prices were fair - small portions are more than half the size of 102

the large, for only half the money. I like that. The baked duck egg came perfectly cooked in a bubbling hot blue cheese and walnut sauce and was as unctuous and sating a dish as could be wished for on a rainy night. The rabbit leg could perhaps have been braised just a little more gently but the polenta it sat on was a dream. Round two of small dishes brought wood pigeon, roasted to perfection and served with perfect pearl barley and perfect parsnip puree. In fact, almost everything was perfect - these boys can really cook, hardly surprising given the team - Chris Wicks and Jonathon Mackeson of Bell’s Diner fame, and David Daly from Bordeaux Quay. The only thing they are guilty of is pushing the semantics of the menu somewhat; a risotto of pearl barley with no rice is stretching the definition of risotto.

Our old spot pork loin came cooked true to form but a slight bitterness of burnt butter on the girolles let it down fractionally and I’d have preferred toast or really crusty bread to go with the meat plate rather than the - homemade, if not well-made - bread I was given. Puddings kept up the high standard; a little tart with sublime, lemony pastry and a pear sorbet which retained the essential granular pear-ness of the real thing.

wine list which contains only artisan wines made by mad sounding French people. Our bottle was lovely, a sulphur free Vin De Petanque 2009 from Mas Libian Ardeche, which was ripe with black summer fruits and a hint of spice. No wonder our waitress ‘fell in love with it’. So, Three Coqs: Silly name, cracking food.

Service throughout was good - regularly filled water, replenished bread and helpful advice on the menu and

Sam Leach 103

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Bookshops of Bristol Bookshops are special places that exist in a dimension other then that which you and I exist within most of our daily lives. I’m not talking about Waterstones, WHSmith or any other high street chain, no, I mean the sort of shop that upon entering time slows down as you are hit by the heady smell of ageing tomes and texts, the cloistered rows of books immediately imposing themselves upon you. Such bookshops are dotted around Bristol but by their nature are usually tucked out of the way. If you are not in the loop these shops can, by their very nature, be hard to find, stumbling upon such a shop by sheer chance is like finding a tenner on the street. The atmosphere is unlike anything you would find in a chain store; you invariably warm to the ambience loosing yourself for hours poring through the volumes on offer. There’s no rush, no sales person hurrying you along, these shops are like bastions to pleasure, spend hours browsing aimlessly discovering new

talents, that’s the point. If your love affair with books is anything like mine, you’ll find an endless supply of delights. Such shops are run independently, which means they are owned by people who genuinely love and care about books. Old and rare books difficult to find elsewhere are packed onto shelves within these Aladdin’s caves, littered next to the very best on contemporary fiction, ask the staff they are literally desperate to help, to show you their latest find. To illustrate I once found a very obscure dictionary of the Seychelles Creole language thanks to the help given freely from one of these shops. Small independent and second hand book shops are places that are a haven from the normality of busy life. They are a great way of rediscovering old forgotten books from the past taking recommendations from people who truly love literature. 105


Take the time to seek them out, it is a completely different and exciting world just waiting to be discovered, they possess a place somewhere between the folk lore of the world renown ‘Shakespeare and Company’ and the comfort of your own home.

Make sure they get the support they need and deserve because the world would be a much sadder place without them.

Some of the Bristol bookshops waiting for you to discover them are:

Bishopston Books - Bishopston Circle Books - Bedminster Harlequin Books - Staple Hill Beware of the Leopard Books - St Nicholas’ Market Bloom and Curl - Colston Street British Heart Foundation Books - Whiteladies Road The Mighty Miniature Bookspace - Cheltenham Road Books@58 - Cotham Hill Avon Books - Clifton Books For Amnesty - Gloucester Road Paperback Plus – Kingswood Gustave Savy Illustrations by Laurie Stansfield


Glamorous People Conrad at Jamesons


Fresh and Wild

Creme and Chrome

0117 9276565 30 – 32 Upper Maudlin Street. Traditional wonderful food. 0117 9105930 Clifton Pavilion 85 Queens Road Bristol’s premier organic supermarket.

SNAP Gallery

0117 9739614 167 Whiteladies Road Superior kitchen utensils and craft Amazing Retro Furniture and fabulous gifts St Nic’s Market Market Glass Arcade

The Boutique

0117 3763564 Unique, beautiful artwork by a great cooperative 20 - 21 Lower Park Row

0117 9739570 33 Regent St, Clifton. Ranges of limited manufacture clothing, perfect for any occasion

Rosebud Florists

Allure Fashions

0117 9241460 184 Gloucester Rd Flowers for all occasions and beautiful gifts.

0117 9743882 17 Regent St, Clifton. Beautifully crafted clothing, perfect for glamorous occasions.

To submit information for this section please email to:

Enjoy Yourself Information and musings on the entertaining things in life: Music, clubbing, theatre, comedy, art, cinema and festivals To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact

Contents/ 110/ Upfest Gallery Opens 113/ Local Band Profile: Midnight Pharmacy 114/ How To Survive Winter’s Shorter Days 116/ Stokes Croft’s Newest Bar - The Social 117/ Creative File: Richt and 45rpm 120/ Inkygoodness

The Upfest Gallery The fantastic people at UPFEST have opened a gallery at 198 North Street, Bedminster, displaying work from the arsenal of artists that are associated with them. Otherwise known as the Urban Paint Festival, Upfest has experienced resounding success and growth since its inception in 2008. Starting off as a whimsical notion to host a free festival of urban art, the first event took place in October 2008 showcasing 50 artists and had a staggering 1500 visitors. This year’s event on the first weekend in June saw nearly 200 artists performing live painting, drawing and stenciling at the Tobacco Factory in Southville, accompanied by sound systems, DJs and oodles of other cool stuff. It has become a massive fixture in the cultural calendar of Bristol and the wider UK, drawing in artists


from around the globe I imagine world domination is only a few years away. As the festival has grown, the organisers (Steve Hayles, Kim Pither, Jake Davis and an army of volunteers) have expanded their activities and horizons. This year, Upfest had a presence at NASS, Boardmasters and the Big Freeze festivals, and are throwing a Christmas bash called….. wait for it….UPFESTIVE! Brilliant. As part of all this expansion, they have

opened a new gallery and very impressive it is too. If you have any interest in art whatsoever, you need to get down to this place. It’s amazing. The aims of Upfest are: Support Bristol artists; get artists into Bristol; get Bristol artists out of Bristol (not permanently you understand, just to get their work to a wider audience). The gallery is an extension of these 111

ideals and is a hub for the whole project. Artists whose work is shown will have had some association with the Upfest event and are an even mixture of homegrown Bristolian talent, UK artists and non-UK artists. There is a ten day solo, joint or small group show each month and the rest of the time will be samples of work from what is probably one of the biggest stores of urban art in the UK.

Upfest support the art scene in Bristol by giving exposure to local artists and making the Bristol a hugely important spot on the UK’s art map. Upfest and the artists they represent deserve our support; it’s thanks to people like this that Bristol is such a centre of creativity and cultural prowess. Get down there and have a look. Upfest support the Bristol-based charity National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACOA) which helps children with alcoholic parents. They give a third of their profits to this charity and help raise awareness of all the great work they do. Gustave Savy


Local Band Profile Midnight Pharmacy It’s been really nice, a privilege, to watch and document this band from their inception to their current point in their journey. Although I’ve known lead guitarist, Luke Horne, for years, my first contact with the rest of the band was when I went to photograph them rehearsing at the Rooftop Studios on Feeder Road. They only had a few original songs and were supplementing their set with Arctic Monkeys covers. Their first gig was in a Battle of the Bands competition. They came second and won a set on stage at the Keynsham Festival in 2009. Frontman Tom Sydenham feels this casual start all helped them make them the act they have become; “Not starting off in intimidating venues, playing to real musos and unfamiliar faces like many bands have to put up with was good for us. We played to our friends and people that may not necessarily go out to see a band. I think that influenced our song writing; it made us want it to be accessible. We wanted big choruses to drop. We wanted singing. Dancing.” Midnight Pharmacy seem a different kettle of fish to your average wannabe indie band: Much more progressive and willing to take a chance; a strong rhythm section with banging drums and funky bass,

After their first summer together, things went a little quiet. Tom went off to Art School, Luke went off to India and original bassist, Hotdog, almost died falling off a bridge. All these experiences and events helped bring a new philosophy to the band; a less impatient desire to hit the big time. With new bassist, Lewis ‘Wiss Toghill, there came a more improvisational element to the live gigs where the band have a jamming session halfway through sets. In August 2010, Midnight Pharmacy launched their first EP, Treasure Beyond Measure, with a gig at The Croft. They are continuing to write new material and Luke will sometimes take the frontman role, They are adding a little bit of electronica to their sound with vocorders and synth pedals. They want to increase the visual impact of the band and have started introducing a projector to their gigs. As Tom told me; “At the moment it’s all about progression with no limitation. We have no intention on staying in the same place for too long. We wouldn’t want to overstay our welcome.” Mike Clarke


Techniques For Surviving The Shorter Days Winter is here people and apart from the fact that it’s bloody freezing, it’s also constantly dark. Noone likes leaving for work in the morning, feeling like its still the middle of the night and returning home under an identical veil of darkness, but its not all doom and gloom - try and see the bright side! Yes, shorter days can be miserable and depressing, but there are ways that you can make the lack of sunlight seem worth while. The first benefit is using the darkness outdoors as an excuse to really indulge in your indoor slobbery. Everyone loves becoming surgically attached to your pyjamas and slippers for entire evenings and in these winter months, if night has already descended out the window, you suddenly feel much less of a bum doing it.


If you’re not careful, your social life can take a spectacular nose dive during the dark season but instead of recycling summer-style social gatherings which result in exhaustive missions of strategic outfit checks (fashionable or practical?), weather checks and taxi ordering, embrace the darkness and plan social gatherings that you could never do while it’s light. I’m talking about borrowing a projector, heading into the garden and screening a film onto the side of your house. I’m talking about building bonfires and releasing Chinese lanterns with mates in the park. I’m talking about driving out of the city and trying a spot of star-gazing and shooting-star spotting in an all round astronomy push. I’m talking about indulging your creative side with long-exposure photography and seeing what cool drawings you and your mates can create with torches or sparklers.

If all this sounds far too active for some of you though, always remember it’s quite easy to use the darkness as an excuse to slope off to the pub - if it’s dark, it’s not too early right?

Whatever you decide to do to get through those darkening days, make sure you make the most of your time and enjoy and embrace every bit of it!! Lisa Bartlett

Most importantly though, you really need to fully appreciate and make the absolute most of the few daylight hours we do get. Put down that mug of coco, turn off X Factor and get outside! If it’s snowing it’s also an unprecedented excuse to turn into a 5 year old. Make sure you get snowman making, snowball fighting and sledging and if you feel like you’re getting too carried away finding your inner child, finish off each of these activities with a pint next to a roaring fire, just to make yourself feel like a bit of a grown up.


Stokes Croft’s Newest Bar The Social Replacing the short lived Italian restaurant, La Voglia, on Stokes Croft, The Social is a brand new bar and café located opposite the Metropolis. Arriving alongside other new ventures, The Bank (previously the dingy looking Mackies) and 51 (ex-The Junction), The Social brings a different vibe to this part of town. Whilst 51, The Bank and Canteen all offer late night openings and live music, The Social brings a more chilled out atmosphere with candle lit tables and high quality, locally sourced food. The menu is vegetarian and vegan friendly with a few meat options thrown in as well but it is the roast dinners offered on Sundays that steal the show. During the daytime the young ones can play around in the kid’s corner whilst grown ups can enjoy a comfy sit down and a quality coffee. The bar also offers a vast array of local ales and ciders as well as a wide range of wines. If you’re feeling peckish, you can also nibble 116

on the bar snacks which include the chef’s homemade cakes. Outside there’s a fair sized candle lit garden with a wood burner for those chilly nights but if you don’t fancy sitting outside, there are large comfy sofas inside to enjoy a cup of chilli hot chocolate and read the paper. As well as picking up a book or magazine from the bookshelf, you can also check out the art dotted around the place by local artist SP, including a 5-piece canvas of Stokes Croft. Open until midnight, The Social is the perfect venue to get a few drinks in on a weekend before heading out for a later, wilder night, or just a nice place to have an affordable and tasty meal and a few relaxed drinks. Harriet Robinson

In each issue of Suit Yourself, Creative File goes behind-the-scenes to talk with Bristol creatives in their own working space. This issue, we’re chatting with local graffiti, illustration and design duo Richt and 45rpm at Richt’s home studio in the centre of Bristol. So what do you do exactly? If you’re creative you want to try everything, so we do. One week it can be editing and the next designing. It’s good to jump about and keep things fresh. How did all of this start? The crew started in 2002. We met through a mate, realised we were into the same style of work so collaborated from then on. Working as a crew means you can bounce ideas off each other and push your work further. It’s midnight, you’re clean out of ideas and have a pressing deadline - how do you find inspiration? Start again - if it’s not working ditch it. A brand new good idea is better than an almost finished bad one. Then type “dogs in fancy dress” into Google.


Where do your ideas come from? They are a progression from stuff you’ve done, stuff you’ve seen, things you like and what inspires you. It’s probably a bad idea to always go with the first idea that pops into your head though as it can always be finetuned. Has anyone particularly influenced your work? Too many names to mention – it changes constantly, but at the moment: Reas, Finsta, Jack Kirby, Petro, Paris, Eko, Mudwig, Rolf Harris. Thousands of artists, but also music and design. What’s one of your favourite projects? We have worked on a few projects together but probably the most fun was an advert we worked on in Egypt with Collision films from Bristol. It was for an Ukranian energy drink with 8% alcohol. 10 days in Cairo on a film set painting walls with a bunch of Egyptian assistants who kept us on our toes. Health and safety was not on their list of concerns. What do you enjoy most about being an artist? Getting paid to travel is pretty sweet - we have had some great painting trips; mad countries on mad jobs. Egypt was an eye opener. 118

How has Bristol influenced your work? Bristol is a great place to live and work; it’s really laid back and has a strong graffiti scene. It’s good to have talented people around you - it helps push you. What’s so good about Bristol? Natch Cider What should we look out for? More exhibitions, more painting, more travelling. Check all the fanzines made of our painting trips here: Keep up with Richt and 45rpm on the streets of Bristol and beyond! Or just check out the websites: Richt - 45rpm - Elena Goodrum



Local Art Profile Inkygoodness Set up in 2008 and run by illustrators Lisa Hassell and Michelle Turton, Inkygoodness aim to provide a platform for new and emerging talent to showcase their work alongside more established artists, offering a unique opportunity to develop professional careers through selfpromotion and networking. Although the group have a presence around the country, their roots firmly lie in Bristol and they are heavily involved in the art scene here. Inkygoodness operates as a showcase for a diverse range of artists working across illustration, digital design, image making and mixed media. To date they have worked with over 50 artists, including Dave Bain, Simon Wild, Kate Hindley, Gemma Correll and Good

Wives & Warriors, and are always actively seeking new artists to work with. Their style tends to favour hand crafted, hand drawn, tactile work over slick graphic design, and on a personal level, they like work that tells a story, however ambiguous. One of co-founder Lisa Hassell’s favourite moments so far was the Space Hopper race on the opening night of their ‘Play’ exhibition in London; “It was fun, spontaneous and truly reflected the playful and fun side of Inkygoodness.” Photos by Colourbox 121


Prepare Yourself Get yourself prepared for the months ahead. To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact

Contents/ 124/ Mystic Ginger’s Horoscopes 126/ Auntie Harper Fields Your Questions



Capricorn: You have a Secret Santa, you lucky Capricorn! Every morning you find a sticky brown gift outside the front door. Don’t tread in it. And don’t leave the door unlocked or you will get gifts in the house.

Cancer: Up, Dancer! Up, Prancer! Yes you. Get up, you prancing fool. Just because you made an idiot of yourself dancing on the desk at your office Christmas do, doesn’t mean you can hide in bed all day.

Aquarius: The whole family will gather round this year. Lucky, because if no one found you out there asleep in the garden in your mum’s pants, you would have frozen to death.

Leo: This Christmas is like the first Christmas for you Leo! At least, it features a donkey, a sheep, some men with beards and some precious, strange herbs. Very strange.

Pisces: The Ghost of Christmas Past comes to visit just to remind you of the time you thought you were going to get a Scalectric and then you didn’t and your sister beat you up. Ghosts are mean like that.

Virgo: Your dad gets all dressed up again this year and gets cross if you don’t pretend you believe he’s the real Father Christmas. Even though he got his sexy Santa outfit at Ann Summers and his beer belly is hanging out of the little skirt.

Aries: It’s a Christmas miracle! Your snowman comes to life and quickly becomes your best friend. Oh, the times you have, flying about and trying on funny hats. And he is definitely real, not a hallucination brought on by crushing loneliness, no sir! Taurus: You wake up on Christmas morning and there are footprints in the fireplace and the sherry and mince pies are gone! So is the TV and all your presents. Still, you have to laugh. Ho ho ho! Gemini: T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Because your family have all buggered off to Vegas and left you to get drunk alone in front of the telly with an M&S turkey for one.

Libra: Stuff the turkey this year. Stuff the presents. Stuff them all if they won’t let you win the Pictionary. You just stay up in your bedroom crying and occasionally opening the door to shout ‘I hate you!’ down the stairs. Scorpio: Don’t get caught in the last minute shopping this year, Scorpio. Just try to disappear in the crowds. And obviously, rip the security tags off before you stick the stuff under your jumper. Sagittarius: Christmas is too commercial now, isn’t it, Sagittarius? All anyone cares about is presents. They don’t even notice you, standing outside in the cold, looking wistfully in at a laughing family.

Auntie Harper SY’s Agony Aunt answers your questions…

1. Where will the best birds be on New Year’s Eve? I think I get asked this question every year! I expect you’re the same guy who wrote in last year. Just spend the evening in front of the TV having a crank instead of out chasing women (that’s crying and wanking at the same time for those who aren’t up on the lingo). 2. Harper, what do you want for Christmas? Your sister’s phone number. That would be fucking sweet! 3. Any advice on keeping New Year’s Resolutions? I’ve been trying to give up smoking on 1st Jan for 4 years now!!! Don’t ask me. This time last year I vowed to give up my legendary position of Bristol’s sexiest Agony Aunt, but look at me now! It’s Saturday night and I’m sat in my flat on my own still doing this poxy job. Bring on another year. Good luck with the whole giving up smoking though! To put your queries to Auntie Harper’s sympathetic ear just email:


Suit Yourself Magazine Issue 40 Editor: Matt Whittle / Executive Editor: Faye Penfold / Design and Illustration: James Penfold & Louisa Christadoulou / Front Cover: Ben Goodman and Matt Whittle All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part without the permission of Suit Yourself Magazine. Suit Yourself Magazine is an independent publication distributed throughout Bristol. Advertising Enquiries: Contributors for Issue 40: Lisa Bartlett, Ian Bradley, Charley Brunskill, Mike Clarke, Colourbox, Lora English, Anna Freeman, Ben Goodman, Elena Goodrum, Heidi Gough, James Harper, Sam Leach, Anna Leon, Lauren Macaulay, Helen Martin, Becky Midgley, Frances Poulton, Gemma Randall, Amy Rhian, Joe Roberts, Harriet Robinson, Gustave Savy, Annette Sloly, Laurie Stansfield, Glenn Vowles, Matt Whittle, Gilly Woo, James Wood 127

Time to QUIT?

You are four times more likely to succeed with us. Contact Bristol Stop Smoking Service on 0117 984 1650 or Text New Year and your name to 07800001335



Suit Yourself Magazine is an independent Bristol publication, a voice for all those young at heart, those interested in music, fashion, adve...

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