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Deck The Halls! Some will yawn, some will cheer, but love it or lump it, Christmas is here! The season for family, the season for giving, read through these page to see what you’re missing! There are so many articles for you to discover, and Elves are the theme, as on the front cover. We’ve got competitions and games, poems and jokes, and all the damned clichés this season evokes.

Just don’t forget the stuffing, the roasties and plus, a turkey so large you’d think its mother was rogered by an omnibus. After you’ve finished, you’ll be bursting from all you’ve read, with some articles stuck in your teeth, and some stuck in your head. Hello all. Enjoy the Christmas Issue of the mag! Woop!

There are ideas for presents, whether to make or to buy, and the best Christmas markets where something might catch your eye. You can read Auntie Harper as he dashes your hopes, lend an ear to Mystic Ginger and her ho-ho-horoscopes. So jump right on in, the mag’s like a fat Christmas buffet, with something for everyone amongst the array. Articles that are bitter, articles that are sweet, smothered in Suit Yourself gravy, you can’t wait to eat. Contents is a parsnip, the listings like cranberry jam, this intro is a cracker you pull with your old man.

The fabulous sections waiting to enlighten you are: Involve Yourself – think green, act keen Treat Yourself – think time for the credit card Hurt Yourself – think getting active Spoil Yourself – think indulgence Enjoy Yourself – think about getting out there Prepare Yourself – think about shakin’ that ass So get involved! Read away and don’t forget to check out this month’s video podcast, our listings service and our constantly updated blog, all found at: www.suityourselfmagazine.co.uk 3


CONTENTS 3. Deck The Halls! 6. Christmas Clichés – tick them off as you go 9. Stomping The Streets – Bristol’s Christmas Lights 13. Win tickets to the local panto! 15. The Mechanics of Christmas – just how does Santa do it? 16. Some cut-out festive characters to decorate with 19. Is there such a thing as a good Christmas joke? 20. Baaaahhh! Humbug!

Separate listings can be found under all the separate section header pages.

23. Involve Yourself 43. Hurt Yourself 63. Enjoy Yourself 33. Treat Yourself 53. Spoil Yourself 73. Prepare Yourself For those of you pretending to work, you can also read the magazine online at www.suityourselfmagazine.co.uk

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Christmas Realistic Christmas clichés you can aim to achieve this festive holiday… Placing a big woolly stocking at the end of your bed and being genuinely surprised and delighted when you find it stuff full of goodies in the morning, even if you are 23. Getting your dad to dress up in a full Santa costume and waddle around the house dispensing presents, or if the old mans getting on in years, get in that damn suit yourself! Another easy cliché to achieve is smothering a Christmas pudding with brandy and setting it on fire! It looks even more spectacular than you could possibly hope.

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Unrealistic Christmas clichés you haven’t got a snowball’s chance in hell of achieving this festive holiday… Answering the door to a handful of smiley, carol singing kids; seriously, when has that ever happened to you? Spending Christmas Day afternoon with all the locals scamps building snowmen in the park – in fact, any snow related Christmas clichés are completely unrealistic, including sledging and snowball fights, unless you want to try with the muddy slush we get? Picture perfect family harmony with smiles all round, ie. no fighting over the remote, the last pig-in-blanket or arguing who spilt the gravy.


Clichés A cracker dispensing a funny joke or rewarding your tugging ability with something actually useful; those little sets of screwdrivers come around less often than Hailey’s Comet. New Christmas clichés for the 21st century you will achieve whether you want to or not this festive holiday… Checking what time Die Hard will be on telly and then falling asleep, pissed before the first terrorist has even been offed (the one who falls down the stairs).

Getting some cheap brand set of body wash from an elderly relative. Over the years I have received enough to construct a small outbuilding. Attending the obligatory work Christmas party that descends into little more than a car crash of pentup sexual energy and free alcohol and comes to an undignified crescendo in the stationary cupboard. Sam Butler & Matt Whittle

Eating so much stilton, roasties and port that you get a rash on your arm and the next wonder if it’s possible to fatally overdose on cheese. 7


Stomping The Streets Bristol’s Christmas Lights Have you ever noticed how most of Christmas’s best things are luminous? The dazzle of snow, the glow of a log fire, the sparkle of tinsel, and of course - Christmas lights, and Bristol has no shortage of those: Clifton’s Winter Wonderland - the arcade glittering with fairy-lit trees; in Bristol Zoo, fairy-light monkeys clamber above the real menagerie; the lit-up homes in Southmead that would put a smile on even Ebeneezer’s Scrooge’s face; and St Nicholas Market and the Christmas Steps were made for this season – if it wasn’t for the fake snow, it would be like walking into a Dickensian grotto.

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Some may call Christmas lighting a waste of money and electricity but I can’t join in that rational, if somewhat humbuggish, criticism. Why do you think this season’s so fascinated by lights? It’s the long nights and grey days that we’re put through! Poor S.A.D. sufferers can switch on their sunlamps – I’d rather watch the city get its glow on. This winter’s financial crisis will force many to cut down on their energy consumption meaning less fully-lit sixty-foot Christmas trees and less neon Santas. ‘Light Up Bristol’ – the city’s alternative Christmas lights display, projecting colourful works of local artists and animators on to College Green - had to be put on hold for just those reasons. Last year’s sequences showed reindeer legging it across Bristol Cathedral and giant butterflies cascading out of the council house in Somerset’s very own Jumanji moment. This year, you’ll have to content yourself by looking at clips of the 2007 event at: www.lightupbristol.co.uk

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Looking on the bright side of the financial crisis, hopefully this Christmas will see fewer but better home light shows. So unless you’ve been sticking plastic Santas to your house for forty years, I recommend you pick advent candles and hearth fires over light-bulbs. Park Street and College Green have arguably the best display in the city. You’ll find big stars strung down the middle of Park Street, through which you can enjoy a great view of the little lights of Bedminster. There is a glow on College Green too; the trees that line the walkways have fairy-lights in their branches. The Catherdral’s uplit as well, recalling carol services and Christingles. Beyond that, it’s just a short walk to Cabot Circus where they’ve really gone to town with gargantuan, glowing ball-balls and a fleet of 15ft sparkling reindeer! There’s little to enjoy about winter’s early nightfall so make the most of your favourite lights and let festive feelings snowball. Ellie Broughton 11


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How does Santa do it? The Mechanics of Christmas Across the globe there are approximately 2 billion children (persons under 18 years of age) all in need of presents at Christmas; however, since he does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average rate of 3.5 children per household (Worldwide Census), that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. Thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out as 967.7 visits per second; this is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever treats have been left for him,

get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops are evenly distributed around the planet (which, of course, we know to be false but will accept for the purposes of these calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 390,000 miles per hour, that’s over 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second (1644 miles per hour), and a conventional reindeer can run, at best, 15 miles per hour. These figures to not take into account supernatural phenomena or the fact that Santa Claus is simply a figment of our collective imaginations.

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Christmas Jokes Why is Christmas just like any other day at the office? You do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit. Darth Vader: ‘Luke, I know what you’re getting for Christmas’ Luke: ‘Oh yeah, Dad? How’s that then?’ Darth Vader: ‘Because I have felt your presents’ Good King Wenceslas phoned for a pizza. The salesgirl on the end of the line asked him; ‘Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?’

What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs. Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until ALL the birds have flown south for the winter. What would have happened if there had been three wise women instead of men? They would have asked for directions. Why is ill conceived love like a cheap Christmas cracker? A quick, disappointing bang and the novelty soon wears off.

What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, honeybunch. 19


Bah! Pigswill! Humbug! Why I Hate Christmas… As the icy winds of winter gradually creep up on us, as does the merry sneer of Christmas. Even before the first autumn leaves have fallen, we are bombarded in every direction by cheery propaganda bred in poundshop stockrooms across the country, relentlessly poking everyone in the face; “The X word is coming! Get ready. Get your wallet out.” It’s relentless. The ultimate insult is that behind all the fluffy snowmen and ‘good will to all men’, there is a grotesque, greedy corporate underbelly to Christmas and the spending quickly usurps the spiritual, transforming the season into just a gargantuan capitalist cash-cow. What’s wrong with Christmas? It’s no longer mine.

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If you can eventually cut through all the crap and cling on to what remains of the Christmas values, why does the day itself always ends up being such a drag? With a cumulative hangover from a month’s solid drinking, when Christmas morn finally does arrive, you have to drag yourself out of bed, full of dread. Even as a child Christmas didn’t seem to make sense: I was under some illusion that something miraculous was about to happen and when it didn’t, I was very put out. When it dawned that Christmas really was just about sitting around a tree opening a few hideous presents, eating a massacred turkey and passing out, I miserably failed to understand the concept. At least when you were young Christmas held some sort of suspense and promise, the potential that this year could be ‘a really good Christmas’ but as


you progress in years, it seems your patience for Christmas weans too and your routine just becomes one of slow mental preparation for the grim inevitability that awaits. Everybody feels the same way; we all moan about the street decorations up in October and the shit Christmas songs assaulting you on all sides but we all conform anyway, too embarrassed as to what society might think if we, heaven forbid, break from tradition and reject Christmas. Instead we all grimly take our place in the queue, waiting our turn in the aisle to buy handfuls of instantly forgettable gifts that are supposed to represent what a giving time this is. Christmas Day and you watch as the tattered remnants of ceremony form colourful piles around the family home and the idealistic

domestic bliss strains and threatens to descend into a brawl. In desperation to fill that dull emptiness inside you and just to make yourself feel anything, you cram endless heaps of food into your mouth; but to no avail. The alcohol is similarly ineffective, but at least it allows you to muster a smile when you get round to unwrapping the generic gifts that underline just how little your family know you. Eventually, sitting in a turgid stupor, you wonder if you’ll ever be able to pay off the credit cards; not before next year any way. It’s not like we even get snow any more. Bah! – and indeed – Humbug! Ebenezer Scrooge aka. Jason Beech, Kitty Moorsom & Tom Spooner

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Information and musings on the important things in life. The environment, local issues, social responsibility, organic farming, charities and other community issues To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact advertise@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk

CONTENTS 24. Make your own presents this Christmas 27. How to reduce Christmas waste 30. SY’s Creation Station

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When writing a piece on making your own Christmas presents, the temptation is there to mention that dreaded, boring word - Credit Crunch. Sod that, make your own presents not because it’s cheap but because craft is the way forward and they add a personal touch we desperately lack in today’s consumer driven world. Gee, don’t I sound old and sensible? So where do you start? All you need is a handful of paper, a little card, some scissors, a sprinkling of glitter and an ounce of creativity - all this and you get a Blue Peter badge! But if, like me, you want to indulge your creative side and feel the big BP is a little - dare I say - tacky, here are some ideas that may help:

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Unless you have been hibernating for the last couple of years, you could not have failed to notice the current resurgence of the crafts! Craft is definitely a buzzword. My wife Claire and I went to Camp Bestival this year, one of Rob de Banks homely festivals, and bought a fab fruit cake from a wonderfully retro WI tent. What better present to give your long suffering parents then, than some hand-made edible treats? How about jams and pickles in beautifully presented jars? Great recipes are only a click away. When it comes to packaging your jams, you can get really creative with various jars available from craft shops or the internet. To make the lids look more attractive, use some vintage fabric and a rubber band as a finishing touch. You can also try interesting pickles for a savory option. If food’s not your thing, there’s nowhere better to hunt for a personal, DIY present than by scouring a local

reclamation yard or recycling centre. One fantastic idea is to look for vintage printer’s letter blocks. Spell out the name of your loved one’s pet name or favorite word in different sizes and wood colours – trust me, it looks great. Mount them onto an MDF back or glue together and they will love you forever! Try www.theoldprintingshop.co.uk or www. retrouvious.com for more ideas and inspiration. These are some of my favorite ideas but if these don’t tickle your fancy, why not spend some time on the internet or craft shops and see for yourself how much further your cash goes with a little imagination and a DIY ethic. www.autempsperdu.co.uk Simon Mills

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I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas Even in times of recession, Christmas is the season of excess; over-spending, over-eating, over-indulging and inevitably, over-wasting. During the Christmas weeks, waste levels rise by 20% in the UK but with a little prioritisation and organisation, that can be avoided. Here are some simple ideas to reduce waste this year on your way to a Greener Christmas.

paint, glitter, cardboard or old Christmas cards – a fun, creative activity which will keep kids happy, occupied and involved. Far better this than buying sparkly decorations made from suspect materials in suspect factories on the other side of the globe and then flown thousands of miles to your supermarket.

Billions of Christmas cards are sent every year. The best way to reduce waste here would be to send an e-card. Or if that doesn’t appeal, make sure you buy cards made from recycled materials and that you recycle the ones you do receive. Or, even better, reuse last years! Bristol is well set up for recycling card – use the system!

Over ten million turkeys are eaten during the festive season in the UK. Millions of these birds are reared intensively in huge, windowless buildings selectively bred, anti-biotic treated for maximum growth and they cannot mate without human intervention. I’m just not hungry for this kind of food at all. If you have a turkey this Christmas, buy one reared to much higher animal welfare standards.

Cut down on decoration costs and waste by using old colour newspapers and magazines to make paper chains. Tree decorations too, can be easily made with

Reduce the number of plastic bags you get through this Christmas by reusing old ones and investing in stronger, ‘bags for life’.

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Every year, millions of Christmas trees are bought and thrown out, the cumulative annual waste being enough to fill the Albert Hall more than three times! The best thing you can do if you have a tree is buy one with roots - it can be planted out and used year on year. If you choose a tree without roots, make sure you use local schemes to turn it into mulch for parks and gardens once Christmas is over. Hundreds of millions is spent on chocolate every Christmas. If you buy Fair Trade chocolate, you will be supporting cocoa farmers, their families and communities much more. They get a fair price for their cocoa beans and rights, pay and working conditions are much better under Fair Trade.

You may not think of all that sticky-tape securing wrapping paper as plastic but it is! It won’t rot and is single-use. String and wool are both more biodegradable and reusable and are therefore the greener option for securing wrapping paper. String and wool also doesn’t mess up the paper it secures and leaves it in a state where, with a little care, it can be retained and reused. Close to ten thousand tonnes of paper is used to wrap UK presents every year and most is, again, wasted. If you have paper that can’t be reused, put it out for recycling in you black box! Glenn Vowles http://vowlesthegreen.blogspot.com

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Suit Yourself Magazine Creation Station We all know how much you lovely people of Bristol like to draw, doodle and design, sketch, scribble and squiggle and so here’s your chance! The page opposite is your official, designated creation station for you to illustrate and imagine to your heart’s content. It’s literally a blank canvas; perhaps create a T-shirt design? Or design a front cover for the magazine? Maybe sketch the faces and places of Bristol? Anything goes. If you’re proud of your creation then send it over to us at SY Towers and the best doodles every month will get showcased on our website for the world to see! If we really like it we could even use

your design as a magazine front cover or put it on a T-shirt! You lucky people might even receive the odd prize back to say thanks! It’s an unrestricted, organic competition and we’re completely open to anything and everything you’ve got. Let’s see what you’re made of Bristol! Post any designs along with your name and contact details to: Suit Yourself Magazine – Creation Station 17 Eastwood Road Brislington Bristol BS4 4RN


Green People The Mexican Hammock Company

Ecology Building Society

0117 9425353 Hammocks brought from ethical cooperatives on a fairtrade basis. Mail Order only.

0845 674 5566 Mutual building society ethical savings accounts, energy efďŹ cient housing. Support renovation.

Riverside Garden Centre

Restore

0800 0375796 email info@riversidegardens.com Co-operative garden centre. Organic peat and free composts.

0117 9231970 Quality Restored Furniture 6 Filwood Broadway, Bristol, BS4 1JN

CafĂŠ Kino

Trees for Cities

0117 9249200 3 Ninetree Hill, just off Stokes Croft. Gourmet coffee menu and organic products.

The planting event on Wednesday 13th February 2008. If you would like to volunteer to help on the day, then please contact Emma at emma.burley@treesforcities.org or 020 7820 4427

Bio Power

Carbon Calculators

01286 830312 info@bio-power.co.uk Bio power fuel made from renewal materials used instead of fossil fuels.

01823 430852 Check your carbon output and take action to offset it. www.co2balance.com

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To submit information for this section please email to: involve@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk


Information and musings on the beautiful, sexy and scrumptious things in life. Fashion, beauty, health and style To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact advertise@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk

CONTENTS 34. Festive Fashion 37. How to find Christmas love 39. All I want for Christmas is‌

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Festive Fashion

By Heidi Gough

Tracey Bryant 28 Cashmere Hat Jack Wills, £49 Describe your style Sienna Miller boho chic Christmas Wish List Burberry double-breasted coat

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Jed Tallo 26 Jumper Denmark, £80 Describe your style Black with a strong graphic influence Christmas Wish List Ann Demeulemeester jacket

Joh Rindom 28 Antler Cardigan Got Potential at St Nicholas Market, £15 Describe your style Raw and edgy with a feminine twist - a bit of rock and roll Christmas Wish List ‘Dallas’ boots from Office

Kayleigh Sheehan 21 Sequin Beret Topshop, £18 Describe your style Casual with accessories Christmas Wish List Versatile ‘sack’ dress from American Apparel


Michelle Cogan 27 Coat Red Herring at Debenhams Describe your style Classy and individual Christmas Wish List Jimmy Choos

Victoria Cooper 22 Scarf Turkey, £7 Describe your style Classic but casual Christmas Wish List Leather bomber jacket

Kara Ford 25 Boots Duo, Bath. £195 Describe your style Kate Moss crossed with surf wear Christmas Wish List Little black dress by Prada

Katie Williams 20 Military Coat Aflex Palace, Manchester, £25 Describe your style Individualist Christmas Wish List Vivienne Westwood couture coat

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Finding Christmas Love With Christmas approaching, the thorny issue of festive love always arises. Anyone can roughly divide their friends into the ‘I watch Love Actually and feel pathetically envious’ ones and the ‘fuck fucking Christmas, I’ll be broody’ types. From my experience, people will go through recurring cycles of transition between these two admittedly wonderful attitudes in the months leading up to the, now 2009th, birth of the most troublesome baby in history.

Try attracting attention in a busy, festive environment. I highly recommend trying to ooze Christmassy sweetness from your Starbucks gingerbread latte and then spilling it all over the floor dramatically.

Getting Christmas Love Strategies:

Although this is a disturbingly depression worthy account of many’s romantic pursuits, afterwards is when the good part starts; when you have given up chasing the unchaseable, when you learn to stop worrying and just love Christmas and instinctively go for the mistletoe, extravaganza dresses, gingerbread and Santa jumpers with no ulterior motives but just because they are amazing, that’s when you’ll hit on the Christmas spirit and Christmas love. And well, if it doesn’t, you’re still left with an amazing dress and your friends and the pub and Christmas!

Try standing awkwardly under mistletoe at the office party until someone takes pity or until you see someone on the other side of the room doing the same and you realise what a desperate lemon they/you look. There’s no time to waste so catch prospective partners’ eyes by wearing the wedding-cake-like extravaganza dress – remember there is no limit to red taffeta/ cleavage/bows/glitter wearing during Christmas.

If none of the above work, try, in a last, desperate, mulled-wine motivated move to blend in and seduce the portion in society with the lowest standards - the Christmas jumper crowd.

Anna Leon 37


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Beautiful People

Bishopston Trading Company

Naff Clothing

0117 9245598 Clothes designed in Bristol. Supporting K V Kuppam village in S India.

0117 9737458 13 Cotham Road info@naffclothing.co.uk Fabulous retro shop with added fancy dress

Born 0117 9420818 Gloucester Rd. Natural, organic and fair trade products in family owned shop.

Billie Jean Clothing

Fushia Hairdressers

Bambabeads

0117 9426586 Cotham Rd south, Kingsdown. 25% discount for students and nurses. Great prices, wonderful service.

0117 9249959 A massive collection of beads from around the world. We run classes also, just give us a call. www.bambabeads.com

Beauty Queen Cosmetics

Beast

0117 9523322 229 - 231 Stapleton Road Whole and retail specialising in afro and euro cosmetics. Open every day.

0117 9428200 224 Cheltenham Rd Bristol’s most famous Gert famous T-Shirts.

0117 9445353 208 Cheltenham Road Colourful range of retro clothes. High quality clothes.

Repsyco: Vintage and Retro 85 Gloucester Road. Clothes, Accessories, Furniture and Kitsch.

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To submit information for this section please email to: treat@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk


Information and musings on the cool things in life, skating, surfing, baggy pants and die hard sports bods To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact advertise@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk

CONTENTS 45. It doesn’t get much more Christmassy than‌.orienteering?? 49. Getting fit for 2009

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Orienteering Boxing Day is traditionally a day of great sport. There’s lots of footy on the telly and fed up with entertaining grandma all day yesterday, any excuse to get out of the house is leapt upon. In the Whittle household, every Boxing Day we go orienteering. In its simplest form, orienteering is the use of navigational skills to collect points against the clock. Held in unfamiliar terrain, be it rural or urban, the individual is given a map of the area which indicates where various control points, which have been planted at random spots across the map, can be found. Basically, the more control points (indicated by their white and orange triangle logo) you navigate your way to and collect stamps from, the more points you get. It’s all against the clock too, so the faster you can collect stamps the better. It’s near impossible visit every control point on the map without incurring a severe time penalty and so the real skill and fun involved is determining which ones you think you can find and visit in the given time.

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Competitors may use whatever route across the map they interpret as best for them. Orienteering requires both intelligence and stamina to cover the course in the most efficient manner and although it can get very competitive at the higher levels, many orienteers consider the satisfactory completion of a course to be a sufficient challenge. Orienteering originated as a training exercise in land navigation for military officers in Sweden in the mid-19th century but has developed into a popular sport around the world with many variations, of which the most popular remains ‘foot’ orienteering. Every year a world championship is held and to date, there are over 70 national orienteering federations. Orienteering remains most popular in Sweden though where the two oldest recurring orienteering meets regularly attract around 15,000 competitors!

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Bristol Orienteering Klub (BOK) is one of the largest and most successful orienteering clubs in the UK, drawing members from Bristol, South Gloucestershire, Bath and North Somerset. They organise local orienteering events and new members are always welcome but if you don’t fancy jumping head-first into a competitive event, why not sample one of the permanent local courses at Ashton Court, Blaise Castle and Bradley Stoke? The sport is fantastic fun and a great way to burn off that third portion of Christmas stuffing. Christmas time meets always have a festive feel too with cookies, mulled wine and extra, novelty points available like collecting balloons as you go around the course. BOK’s 2008 Christmas Novelty Event is being held at Three Brooks, Bradley Stoke on the 21st December. Can’t wait! For full details: www.bristolorienteering.org.uk Matt Whittle


Photos: Maksim Kovalenko

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Exciting People Pembury Cycles

First Flight

0117 9428282 10 – 12 Gloucester Road Sites across Bristol www.pemburycycles.co.uk

0117 9731073 Small local company offering a great service with 17 years experience.

Bsb snowboarding

0117 3770613 285 Gloucester Road Highly creative designs for tattoos and piercing 100% clean and excellent aftercare.

68 West street, Old Market, Bristol. BS20BL 0117 9550779 snowboards and everything to do with snowboarding since 1986

Bool’s Bicycles 3 Staple Hill Road, Fishponds, Bristol BS16 5AA 0117 939 2746 www.boolsbicycles.co.uk Repairs,Sell secondhand reconditioned bikes.

Ballooning Network Ltd 0117 9471050 Vauxhall House Coronation Rd, Southville Flights from £99. Champagne flights available.

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Holey Skin

The RaceWay 0800 3766111 Avonmouth All groups catered for, large indoor facility. Organisers go free.

Hamburger Hill PaintBall 0800 9803980. Any size group. 7 days, up to 200 people.

To submit information for this section please email to: hurt@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk


Information and musings on the decadent, glorious, special and splendid things in life To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact advertise@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk

CONTENTS 54. The very best fireplaces of Bristol 57. A short and sweet Christmas poem 59. The very best Christmas markets in and around Bristol 53


The Fireplaces of Bristol Top 5 Places to Toast your Toes There is nothing more Christmassy then sitting in front of a warm fire. Christmas would be rubbish without fireplaces; nowhere to hang stockings, no place for milk and cookies and it’s Santa’s only way in! Here are some of the best fireplaces in Bristol for indulging in that Christmas spirit.

The King William Pub, King Street As you step off the cobbled street, there’s the choice of three fireplaces all roaring your welcome. This pub is spectacularly cosy with its wooden fireplace, surrounded by brass plates and gas lamps glowing with light. Wooden beams stripe the ceiling, making you feel that you have just stepped back in time to meet the ghosts of Christmas past.

The Rummer Hotel, All Saints Lane The stone fireplace here is so big that Santa and his sled could shimmy down with no problem at all. Choose from their huge variety of whisky or rum, fall back into a great leather chair, breath in the burning wood, hear the Grandfather clock chime behind you and watch the candles drip beside the fire. Pure bliss.

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Chief Trading Post Garden Centre, Oldland Common This place is another world; one where bronzed statues become an everyday occurrence. Their cafe is delightful; sit on the devil-headed thrones next to the fire, grab a cuppa and toast your toes. Towering above you on the fireplace, sits a deer with other strange ornaments, perhaps potential presents for those quirky relatives.

The Full Moon, Stokes Croft The red-brick fireplace crackles away, tempting you in with the smell of food and drink. The light wood, soft lighting and wooden pews bring a cheerful atmosphere that even scrooge himself couldn’t resist.

The Cadbury House, Montpelier Very much like the Prancing Pony from The Lord of the Rings but now with a brand new paint job, the Cadbury invites all walks of life into its small abode. Warm your hands next to their fireplace and watch the buzz around you. Don’t worry, no ringwraiths with be found here. Freya Morris

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A Po e m for Ch ri s t m a s So f t ly th e f ro s ted air falls, la ye r u p on la yer, St N ich ola s c a l ls. A n d ch i l d ren pla ying Th rou gh th e n ight, Gl itte r a n d d ou s e th eir eye s l i ke s n ow men , th ey s e e on ly th e f a l l in g clou d s c ru s h th e h ou s e s u n de r wh ich So f t p romi s e s a re le ft u n de r th e b ed s e c re t ly l i s ten ing fo r p romi s e s ke p t. Ja son Beech

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Bristol’s Best Christmas MarketsT’is the season... to shop! Sick to the back teeth of the same old tat on offer at Christmas time? Yearning for those days gone by where roasted chestnuts glowed in the twilight while cheeky cockney street urchins ran filthy-faced and barefoot amongst Christmas carollers knee-deep in snow? Well why not get into the spirit of Christmas at one of Bristol’s much-loved Christmas markets?!

Christmas Markets Every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday in December @ Corn Street There is something very Christmassy about Corn Street and St Nicholas Market (perhaps it’s all those cobbles?) and its range of unique and quirky stalls make it a good spot for the alternative gift fancier.

Tobacco Factory Sunday Market 10.30am – 2.30pm Every Sunday @ Tobacco Factory This fantastic regular market will double in size from

the 23rd November onwards, providing even more fantastic foods, drinks, crafts and gifts from Bristol’s finest with a strong bias towards ethical, eco-friendly, fair trade and organic. More than just a place to shop, it is a meeting point for the community and a place to hang out, eat, drink, enjoy live music, people-watch and let your kids play in a car-free space. www.tobaccofactory.com

Bath Christmas Market Thursday 27th November until Sunday 7th December @ Bath Abbey Nestled between the Abbey and the Roman Baths, shoppers can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over the 123 traditional wooden chalets which adorn the streets, each selling unique, handmade and unusual gifts and decorations while foodies can stock up on Christmas cheese and port. www.bathchristmasmarket.co.uk

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Love Food Festival 10.30am – 4pm Sunday 30th November @ Paintworks This popular, vibrant indoor and outdoor market will have a festive focus to see out the year and help you to prepare a delicious Christmas time. Expect Bordeaux Quay’s cookery school, lots of local producers and growers of seasonal delights, flowers and plants, all with a Christmassy twist. There’s fancy dress for kids and even an attempt to make the worlds longest paper chain! www.lovefoodfestival.com

French Market Saturday 3rd until Monday 5th December @ Corn Street & St Nicholas Market Oh la la, fancy some fromage Français? Well if you really want to wow the other half’s parents this Christmas, head here for crepes, cheeses, wines, speciality olives, clothing and more. You can’t go far wrong with a few pounds of smelly French cheese and a bottle of plonk, ne c’est pas?

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Tobacco Factory Christmas Gift and Craft Market 5.30pm – 8pm Thursday 4th, 11th and 18th December @ Tobacco Factory Each of these 3 craft markets will be a unique opportunity to support local crafters and creators and explore the wealth of local shops Southville has to offer. There will also be 3 fantastic live bands to follow each market in the Tobacco Factory Café/Bar – Al Fresco Trio, Pete Canter Jazz Trio and The Hot Potato Syncopators. www.tobaccofactory.com

Festive Fayre Friday 5th & Saturday 6th December @ CREATE Centre Those who break into a sweat at the mere thought of all the leftover plastic and wrapping paper knocking about on Boxing Day can rest easy this Christmas as even anti-consumerist greenies are catered for in Bristol. Prepare yourself for a totally organic shopping experience showcasing locally made original gifts and local, organic produce (for local people). www.bristol.gov.uk/create


Christmas Fair

Slow Food Market

10.30am – 4pm Saturday 6th December @ Bristol City Museum & Art Gallery An annual event at the City Museum, this market houses a plethora of stalls selling seasonal gifts, books, cakes and preserves as well as helping the most miserly of Bristolians get into the spirit of the season, thanks to the mega carol singing session courtesy of the University of Bristol Madrigal Ensemble. Roasted chestnuts are optional. www.bristol.gov.uk

10am – 3pm Sunday 7th December @ Corn Street Foodies rejoice - the Slow Food Market is back and full of the finest winter scran. Stock the cupboards whilst supping steaming soup or gorging on organic chocolates and cake. www.slowfoodbristol.org Verity Gough

Gloucester Road Craft Market 10.30am – 4pm Saturday 6th December @ Halo, 141 Gloucester Road Gloucester Road’s new regular craft market, selling locally made, recycled, ecologically friendly and handcrafted products. Now in its new home in the hall at the back of Halo, expect a delicious Christmas theme for this one. www.gloucesterroadmarket.co.uk

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Glamorous People Conrad at Jamesons

Kitchens

0117 9276565 30 – 32 Upper Maudlin Street. Traditional wonderful food.

0117 9739614 167 Whiteladies Road Superior kitchen utensils and craft

Fresh and Wild

Creme and Chrome

0117 9105930 Clifton Pavilion 85 Queens Road Bristol’s premier organic supermarket.

Amazing Retro Furniture and fabulous gifts St Nic’s Market Market Glass Arcade

SNAP Gallery 0117 3763564 Unique, beautiful artwork by a great cooperative 20 - 21 Lower Park Row

0117 9739570 33 Regent St, Clifton. Ranges of limited manufacture clothing, perfect for any occasion

Rosebud Florists

Allure Fashions

0117 9241460 184 Gloucester Rd Flowers for all occasions and beautiful gifts.

0117 9743882 17 Regent St, Clifton. Beautifully crafted clothing, perfect for glamorous occasions.

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The Boutique

To submit information for this section please email to: spoil@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk


Information and musings on the fun, musical, visual and entertaining things in life To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact advertise@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk

CONTENTS 64. The pros and cons of getting pissed on Christmas Eve with your mates 67/ DJ Profile - Jambo 68. Everyone’s got a Christmas Film – what’s yours? 71. Oh what to do for this years New Year’s Eve? 63


A Boozy Christmas

Without the pressure that New Years Eve embodies, Christmas Eve is arguably the best night out of the year. If you’re torn between spending a boozy night out with your mates or a sober one in with the family, here are some pro’s and con’s to consider:

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It’s a great idea!

Not such a good idea!

Festive Loving – Christmas Eve is one of those nights where literally everyone is excited and in a good mood. If you go to the pub with your mates then you know it’s going to be a fun night.

Crimbo Hangover – Spending Christmas Day hugging the toilet seat won’t earn you any brownie points with the family and if you overdo it, you might regret not being able to face one of the best meals of the year.

Everyone is Together – This is a rare opportunity to find all the people you know in the same place, at the same time. Whether that’s your close friends or people you’ve not spoken to in years, expect some festive friend requests in the morning.

Shame Factor – Waking up in a stranger’s bed on Christmas morning and introducing yourself as their young cousins are busy upending their stocking might not be the best idea. And no-one wants to do the walk of shame dressed as an elf.

Guaranteed Snog-Fest – Aside from the vast amount of booze flowing, there’s always plenty of mistletoe floating about to ensure a quick Christmas pash.

Familiarity Overload – Seeing everyone you know past and present can also have its downsides. Think exes, people you had arguments with at school or general faces you’d rather forget.

Guilty Pleasures – Pretty much anything goes on Christmas Eve. Once everyone’s suitably intoxicated, nobody is going to bat an eyelid as you start swinging your arms around to Mariah Carey or other such embarrassing festive hits.

Presentless Relatives – Christmas Eve is a popular time to get those last minute presents you never got round to buying. If, however, you go to the pub with your mates (“Sure, I’ll come! Just for one though…”) then you’ll have to face the wrath of Aunt Nora the next day when you try and fob her off with an ashtray or food menu you stole from your local. Gemma Fisher 65


DJ Profile – Jambo Jambo is a Bristol based DJ with a wealth of experience covering a multitude of genres. What began as a recreational activity, 11 years later is now a full-time job with several residencies at some of Bristol’s most popular venues. Having been a Miss Money Penny Ibiza resident national finalist, recently playing alongside big names like Soul of Man, Lee Mortimer, Evil Nine, A.Skillz, Joker, Dusk & Blackdown, Coburn, Deepgroove and Inland Knights, and having been labeled as ‘one to watch’ by IDJ Magazine, Jambo a lot to offer. With an eclectic music collection, DJ Jambo caters for all; you can find him playing sets ranging from breaks/electro to funk, soul, hiphop, drum n bass and dubstep.

To catch one of Jambo’s sets, keep a keen eye on Freejive (first Friday of the month at Dojo), Crazy Legs (fourth Friday of the month at Dojo), Electra playing each week alongside Buoyancy’s Lukas (every Thursday at Joe Public’s), plus you can catch him regularly at Groove On, Just Jack, We Like To Party, Life, 5th Bass, Relapse and Sugarape. Jam-tastic. Gemma Fisher

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We all have them and we all love them - films that we are strictly forbidden from watching except for on one very special day of the year: Christmas. And when that special day rolls around then watch them we do, every 25th December without fail, no matter what. Everybody has their ‘Christmas Film’, it’s a family event and they are just as much a Christmas tradition as stockings on the fireplace, sherry on the carpet and overdone turkey in your belly.

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There’s no set formula for a Christmas film, they can range across genres and certainly aren’t limited to Christmas themes – after a bit of research, the only thing that seems to tie them together is a positive, rounded and all together ‘nice’ ending, perhaps reflecting or representing the innocence and positive nature that Christmas Day itself is suppose to be all about!


During my investigations I asked some of the people of Bristol what their Christmas Films were and why… Jurassic Park – “It just feels right! Once all the chaos has settled down and my parents are in clean up mode, it’s always time to head round to a friend’s for a few hours and watch Jurassic Park! It takes me back to being a kid again which is what Christmas is all about!” It’s A Wonderful Life – “I ball like a baby every time I watch it which is every single Christmas Eve without a doubt! It puts me in the mood for Christmas!” Die Hard 1 – “It’s just fantastic fun; settling down after I’ve stuffed my face to watch Bruce Willis blow the crap out of Nakatomi Towers, shouting things like ‘ho ho ho – now I’ve got a machine gun’ and the end credits with Frank Sinatra singing Let It Snow is unbeatable for that Christmas buzz!”

Muppets Christmas Carol – “It’s just not the same if I watch it any other time! Something about the period, the cold and the moral of the story!” Edward Scissor Hands – “As soon as I hear the music I think of Christmas Day - opening presents, eating food and taking a break from the family and watching it!” The Great Escape – “I have no idea why. It’s probably because it’s on every single Christmas but it just always puts me in the festive mood.” Nightmare Before Christmas – “Although it’s dark and could be considered as scary for kids, it’s just such a family film! It’s the opposite of The Grinch – not wanting to steal Christmas but instead wanting to give it away to all, something we could all learn from!” What’s your Christmas Film? Kyle Brown 69


A Credit Crunchy New Year In these gloomy times of recessions, crashes and closures, you’ be forgiven for thinking we don’t have much to celebrate this December 31st; however, it is possible to bring in 2009 without breaking the bank, just follow this guide to celebrating New Years in style and on the cheap! The best advice is to stay at home – having your own party (fancy dress optional) is an obvious one as you don’t have to pay ridiculous entrance fees or drinks prices or face waiting in line for a taxi home. You’ll already be with the friends or family you live with and if you offer sofas and sleeping bags, mates from further afield can save the cash too! Instead of fine crystal flutes for the Moët and Chandon, buy plastic glasses from budget shops and some big bottles of sparkling wine or cider from the

supermarket. If you don’t drink, try a combination of apple juice and lemonade for that special razzle dazzle. You can also recycle the Christmas tree fairy lights by stringing them around the room, or make your own banner out of paper, PVA glue and glitter… Big fireworks displays may be impressive, but a packet of sparklers can be just as much fun when the clock strikes midnight. Plus, if you’re outside with sparklers, chances are you’ll be able to see someone else’s fancy firework display anyway and you can enjoy the display without suffering in the pocket. Whatever you decide to do, approach your New Years budget with imagination and there won’t be much in your way. Most importantly, have a good time! Heather McKay

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Armed and dangerous, ready for action, we bring you the safety of knowing what’s going on in this cool city To advertise in this section at a reduced rate please contact advertise@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk

CONTENTS 75. Auntie Harper fields your questions 77. Mystic Ginger is in a festive mood 78 .New Years resolutions 80. Listings 73


Auntie Harper

He’ll diss you to your face

I don’t know what I want for Christmas! What should I ask for to get maximum rewards? Like collecting reward points to spend at your local supermarket? Surely Christmas is much more fun than shopping at Asda! When am I too old to get my stocking hung at the end of my bed? At the point at which the end of the sock starts hitting the floor, then you know that you are too big for this. Apparently Santa has quite small arms, so if he can’t reach the bottom then he won’t give you anything. Anyway, I never got anything when I was a kid. Maybe that was because I left my soiled pants at the end of the bed instead.

How the hell am I gonna be able to put up with moaning Auntie Dorra at Christmas dinner? Aunties like her and me like to moan every now and then. We get all those people writing to us telling them their problems and people don’t expect us to moan every now and again. Put up with her moaning and don’t be so ungrateful. She said she’d show you her stuffing balls and if you had her over for dinner. Apparently you’re getting a bar of galaxy and £5 pound note this year.

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Ho-Ho-Horoscopes by Mystic Ginger Sagittarius - It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas… or maybe it’s food poisoning. Your lucky stocking filler: legs. Capricorn - A fat man with a beard will try to get inside your chimney this month – but you don’t have to let him. Don’t go any further than you feel comfortable with. Aquarius - Be careful around food. Someone will lie about the filling of a pie – it is fruit, not mince at all! But don’t say anything or they will set fire to your pudding. Pisces - With Jupiter, planet of underpants, rising in your chart, Mystic Ginger sees you mostly getting pants and socks for Christmas. Possibly pyjamas, but they will be too small.

Gemini - It’s not Terry’s, it’s yours. Go on, just take it. Sod Terry, you had it on your list first. You’ve been waiting all year for this! Cancer - This month avoid the colours red and green, children singing, cold weather, wrapping paper, flashing lights, glittery things, beards and the hope of snow… Heed my warning. Leo - This month, flush all your money down the toilet and sit in McDonalds eating until you put on two stone. Then tell your brother you hate him. There. Job done. Virgo - Ok, so last year’s ‘mistletoe incident’ didn’t exactly go to plan. But she has nearly regained the sight in that eye. And if at first you don’t succeed…

Aries - Family tensions reach a head when your dad and uncle get drunk and have the dead-dog argument AGAIN, and no-one helps clear up and your mum cries and says she gives up, she really does.

Libra - You might as well forget about Christmas this year. After your behaviour with the pickled eggs last month, I don’t think you’ll be on Santa’s ‘Nice List’.

Taurus - What do you mean this year won’t be like last year? Mystic guarantees it will be, right down to the part where you throw up and blame it on the dog.

Scorpio - Give something back to the community this Christmas season. Seriously, give it back. It’s not yours, is it? Your lucky unexpected gift: scabies.

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New Year Resolutions Hearken the twelve dongs of New Year! 365 days of degeneracy and the brain rushes to update your life-story, soldering another chapter of botched lifestyle choices onto corroding memory banks. Take a look over your shoulder and praise the obsolete decision making apparatus that oversaw each and every action. Oh me oh my! You’re the inheritor of a boiled-dry pan of fucked-up life beans. What you need, is a clean slate. Morally bankrupt cretins we are, humans have developed an effective method to evade compacted Bad Karma – and we term them New Year Resolutions! Once a year the Life Fairy tiptoes into whatever club, pub or ditch we’ve washed 78

up into this New Year’s Eve and offers ‘one more chance’ to cleanse our soiled hearts; anything to halt a deluge of tears on the twelfth gong and stop us dwelling on what a waste of space we are. Three cheers for the Life Fairy – for although a gorilla sized mental breakdown beats against your skull, she’ll haul you up by the collar and offer repentance. Simply PROMISE you’ll ‘do better’ and with a flourish of her wand the guilt beat is banished. In the morning an after image of self-disgust will remain, a flash-bulb reminder of her soul-saving visit - the Life Fairy had some baggage she wanted carrying, remember?


Thou shall NOT smoke. Thou shall NOT drink to excess. Thou shall NOT waste money on impulse bought clothing. Thou shall NOT covet every member of the opposite sex. Thou SHALL attend the gym (the agony!). Thou SHALL start learning Spanish. Thou SHALL enjoy the company of your parents (they can literally SEE my sins!). Thou SHALL pick up the guitar. Thou SHALL recycle more. You’ve done it again; hand on heart, sworn blind, PROMISED selfishly, to save yourself from yourself. Each of us will promise and each will break our new vows come, say, January 10th? And how will the Life Fairy cope, wiping spit from her face after stewarding demons back to the precipice? Well, she won’t give a damn. Why? Well, she doesn’t

exist does she. For, when in you spit in the Life Fairy’s eye, you’re really just gobbing all over yourself. But you can do one good act this New Year - just keep ONE of your resolutions, just one. You’ll feel a whole lot better for it. Paul Lever 79


Monday

Tuesday

Pool Competition – Win £50 bar tab.

9 Ball Pool Competition – Win £50 bar tab.

Wednesday

Academy Bierkeller The Cooler Elbow Rooms Mr Wolf’s

Every 2nd Tuesday – Weapon of Choice – Live graffiti. £3

Native

Run – Drum & Bass. £4/£5

Open Mic Night


Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

Ramshackle – The UK’s biggest alternative night out. £3/£5

Phuct – Punk, metal and rock to make your spine tingle. £3/£5

Ooompah – Boozy mayhem, pefect for Stag/Hen parties. £5.50

Every 1st and 3rd Thursday – Beat Surrender – Live bands and indie DJs. £4/£5

Espionage – Live bands and sixties funk and soul DJs. £4

Klub Kute – Classic and new indie. £4/£5

Crunchie – Party music. Free

By The Pool – Part music. Free

Alternate - Empathy, Byte, Tape, Monterpiece, The Blast. Techno, house, D&B.

Western Soul – Live bands and DJs.

Grass Roots – New and old reggae. Free


Oceana

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Monday Night Chill

Shipwrecked – Student Night

Poker League

Po Na Na

Fatpoppadaddys – Funk and indie classics. £2/£3

Queen Shilling

Treason – Bristol’s only gay alt/indie night. £2

Wednesday Wannabe – Karaoke. £2

Start The Bus Syndicate Thekla

Propaganda – Massive indie night. £3/£4

Gorilla Audio – Indie/pop. £2/£3


Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

Come Play – Themes, live acts.

Commercial RnB, Garage, Pop/ Rock, Dance.

Over 21s.

UK Club Culture – Under 18s.

The Shisha Mashup – Musical mash but free shisha! £1/£3

Soul A-Go-Go – Funk and soul. £3/£4

Po Na Raa – Collars up, cocktails down. £6

Shagtag – Student night. £2/£4

Camp as Tits – Themed chart and dance. £3/£5

Alternate – Glow, Core, Sale, Switch. Dance and funky house.

Bat Cave – Alternative mash-up. Free

Alternate – Wriggle, What A Drag. Alternative.

Alternate – Beef, Juke2000. Alternative.

Voodoo – Dance and old school.

Death From Above – Indie, electro. Free/£3

Alternate – Fruity Antics, Shoestring, Hospitality, Play, Monkey! Knife! Fight!, Blow Pop. Liquid D&B and electro.

Socialism – Indie, electro, punk. Free/£5

Sunday Roasted – Dance and cheese. Free


Top Picks for Art

BristolListings.co.uk

Sat 22nd November to Sun 18th January @ Arnolfini – SuperToys An exhibition and related events exploring toys, affective machines and play. Artists, technologists, children and adults examine how toys operate as ‘transitional objects’ in allowing feelings to be carried between the human subject and external objects. In the lead up to Christmas, Supertoys is a chance to think about toys in new ways. Sat 29th Nov to Wed 24th Dec @ Centrespace Gallery – Art Presence The return of the hugely popular Christmas exhibition Art Presence, featuring a fantastic range of affordable art in time for the festive season. Sat 13th Dec to Sun 11th Jan @ Bristol City Museum – Wildlife Photographer of the Year Exhibition 2008 A Christmas treat for all the family; nearly 100 stunning images of wildlife and nature taken by the world’s top amateur and professional photographers. The competition attracted 32,351 images from 82 countries this year. The exhibition in Bristol will showcase the winning, runner-up and commended photographs. Throughout December @ Nails Gallery, St Nichs – Christmas Mixed Exhibition Great art as great prices from a huge range of local artists including numerous spectacular, abstract scenes of Bristol.

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Top Picks Theatre

BristolListings.co.uk

Thu 4th and Fri 5th Dec @ Circomedia – The Bird Cage Assembled tonight are the very best international circus and variety performers to create a unique evening’s entertainment. Tue 9th to Sat 13th Dec @ Alma Tavern – 7 Santas The 7 aspects of the Santa gestalt collide at a Winter Wonderland A.A. meeting: Red, Klaus, Saint, NIQ, Kringle, Joe and Big S, challenged by Santa’s jailbait bride, must confront their addictions to manage the very real threat of the collapse of Christmas. Thu 11th Dec to Sun 18th Jan @ Tobacco Factory – A Christmas Carol Bah! Humbug! In another fabulously entertaining adaptation of a classic tale, the Tobacco Factory brings you a cast of hilarious characters, larger than life performances and fantastic original songs all set against a backdrop of Dickensian Bristol. Fri 12th Dec to Sun 11th Jan @ Hippodrome - Cinderella Packed with all the thrill and excitement that only pantomime can provide this fantastic production of Cinderella has stunning sets and costumes amazing song and dance routines romance laughter audience participation and some real Shetland ponies!

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Sun 14th Dec @ Arnolfini – Nightmare Before Christmas Two nightmares down the road, Bristol’s annual Worst Nightmare Platform continues to offer the opportunity for emergent and more established artists to experiment with and gain feedback on new live work. For Nightmare Before Christmas, Arnolfini Associate Artist, Mike Jones is taking over the dark studio.

Top Picks Comedy

BristolListings.co.uk

Mon 1st Dec @ Tobacco Factory - An Evening With Jeff Green Award winning comedian Jeff Green has established himself as one of the most popular comics working in the UK today. Jeff’s razor-sharp observations combined with an abundant natural charm have marked him out as one of the brightest talents of the British comedy scene. Tue 2nd and Wed 3rd Dec @ Tobacco Factory – Ed Byrne: Different Class Half toff, half pikey…all comic! Comedy favourite Ed Byrne returns with a blisteringly funny new one man show about marriage, class, the youth of today and anything else that strikes him as humorous. Sat 6th Dec @ Colston Hall – Jimmy Carr Wise cracking, eye-brow twitching favourite Jimmy Carr is back at Colston Hall for more offensive belly laughs.

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Throughout December @ Jongluers - The Full Christmas Experience Christmas laughs at Bristol’s biggest comedy club. Throughout December @ Jesters Magic Box – Christmas Stand Up and Get Down Jesters Comedy Club in Stokes Croft gets the laughs flowing along with the mince pies and mulled wine.

Top Picks Cinema

BristolListings.co.uk

Until Thu 11th Dec @ Watershed – Waltz with Bashir A stimulating and provocative meditation on responsibility and morality. This groundbreaking animated documentary delves into one man’s unconscious as he tries to colour in the virtually blank sheet of his memory of his role in Israel’s 1982 invasion of Lebanon. Fri 5th to Thu 18th Dec @ Watershed - Rivals A 1970s psychological drama of two brothers on opposite sides of the law. Divided by the lives they’ve chosen, the brothers soon find their attempts thwarted as old demons return to plague them in this dramatic examination of fraternal conflict. Sun 7th to Thu 11th Dec @ Cube – Burn After Reading After the sublime austerity of No Country for Old Men, the Coen Brothers veer back towards the farce of The Big Lebowski and Fargo with this screwball tale of espionage and narcissism. 87


Mon 15th and Wed 17th Dec @ Cube – Hunger Turner prize winning visual artist Steve McQueen’s first feature is a portrayal of Bobby Sands’ hunger strike in Maze prison, Northern Ireland in 1981. Fri 19th to Tue 30th Dec @ Watershed – Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S Thompson Made famous by his invention of ‘Gonzo’ journalism, which combined a chemically fuelled, personal style with an acutely critical grasp of US life and politics, the incomparable Thompson makes for a fascinating subject in this latest documentary.

Top Picks for Gigs

BristolListings.co.uk

Tue 2nd Dec @ CIA – Simple Minds Transport yourself back 20 years by singing along to hits like Don’t You (Forget About Me) – new album on the way too! Tue 2nd Dec @ Academy – The Fratellis A no nonsense, good fun, Scottish three-piece. Wed 3rd Dec @ Academy – The Roots This is the way everyone should do hip-hop; exciting, innovative and very bloody cool.

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Fri 5th Dec @ Academy – The Zutons The Zutons continue to bring a bit of funk to the masses – a must see live. Sat 6th Dec @ Louisiana – Medallist Bristol’s very own bassline monsters, Medallist get better with every listen. Fri 12th Dec @ Colston Hall – Tracy Chapman Fantastic, multi-award winning singer songwriter, best known for hits Fast Car, Talkin’ ‘Bout A Revolution, Baby Can I Hold You and Telling Stories. Fri 12th Dec @ Louisiana – Fortune Drive Bristol’s favourite rockers are always worth an evening out. Sat 13th Dec @ Academy – Rise Against Standard American melodic hardcore band that have been going strong for 9 years. Sat 13th Dec @ Croft – Babel Currently Bristol’s very best band, Babel are folking fantastic live. Tue 16th Dec @ Academy – The Pogues Yep, The Pogues are the ones that sung the ‘best Christmas song ever’. Surely worth going along just for the inevitable mass sing-along of Fairytale of New York?

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Tue 16th Dec @ Tobacco Factory – Sheelanagig and Friends Join the band for a Christmas party with a difference as they are united with Bristol’s top musicians, including Pete Roe, Emiy Teague, Piers Partridge, BOY and Dave Quirk. Free glass of mulled wine with every ticket! Wed 17th Dec @ CIA – Kings of Leon Surely one of the very best bands on the planet right now – Kings of Leon are at the peak of their powers. Fri 19th Dec @ Golden Lion – Sheelanagig What better place to watch this perfect blend of folk, jazz and world music than at the stupendous Golden Lion? Mon 22nd and Tue 23rd Dec @ Colston Hall – Christmas with The Rat Pack Beat the winter blues with a special Christmas version of the hit show The Rat Pack, Live from Las Vegas featuring fantastic tributes to the great swing legends Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jnr and Dean Martin. Wed 24th Dec @ The Old Duke – Top Shelf Jazz What better way to spend Christmas Eve than grooving to some fantastic, classic jazz! Fez hats optional.

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Calling all writers and photographers. Fancy going to a gig? Going to the theatre? Fancy writing a review? Contact us on 0117 370 2722 info@suityourselfmagazine.co.uk Suit Yourself Magazine can not be held accountable for any of the stories or editorial contained within this magazine. All writers are freelance and are not commissioned to write the copy. We assume that the writers have obtained the correct permissions to reproduce pictures and words. These articles, unless stated, are the opinions of the writers and not necessarily shared by Suit Yourself Magazine, nor is it possible to pursue with libelous action against Suit Yourself Magazine


SUIT YOURSELF MAGAZINE ISSUE 34  

Suit Yourself Magazine is a free, independent magazine for all the wonderful people of Bristol. A magazine for all those young at heart, tho...

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