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Dive into Sacramento & its Surrounding Areas March 12 – March 26, 2012


fun. Do Something


Sacramento Neil Hamburger C ! n d e r Irish whiskey Fashion Week Let Me Clear My Throat Take Me to Your Leader Rundown! local designers show off Friday Night Concerts in the Park Lineup Revealed • Fall in Love with Lagwagon All Over Again

RobeRt SchwaRtzman


Mar 18

(of Rooney)

the RelationShip

feat. bRian bell (of weezeR)


Mar 16

JameStown Revival

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 18 & over • 6:30pm

playing live foR the fiRSt time Since 1994

harlow’s • 2708 J st. • sacto • 21 & over • 8:30Pm


feat. mike watt, george hurley, ed crawford

victims family • tera melos


apr 5

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 9:00pm


Mar 23

(Sold out, thankS Sacto.)

mazzy StaR

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 7:30pm

bRokedown in bakeRSfield feat. nicki bluhm (of the gRambleRS) &

The Nibblers pluS

SkeRik’S bandalabRa

harlow’s • 2708 J st. • sacto • 21 & over • 9:00Pm

tim bluhm (of the motheR hipS), Scott law,dan lebowitz, Steve adamS and dave bRogan (of alo)

Mar 27

apr 7


apr 12

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 8:00pm

Special Show in fReSno





teRa meloS

Fulton 55 • 875 DivisaDero st. • Fresno • 21 & over • 9:30pm

apr 13

tiCkets at tiCketFly.Com

thomaS dolby

aaron Jonah lewis • Ben Belcher

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 18 & over • 7:00pm

harlow’s • 2708 J st. • sacto • 21 & over • 8:00Pm tuesday

apr 17


Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 18 & over • 7:00pm

the SkataliteS the inciteRS

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 8:00pm Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 8:00pm

giRl in a coma

Pinata Protest • sara radle

Harlow’s • 2708 J st. • saCto • 21 & over • 8:00pm

harlow’s • 2708 J st. • sacto • 21 & over • 8:00Pm wednesday

May 23

Special Show in fReSno

middle claSS Rut

Fulton 55 • 875 DivisaDero st. • Fresno • 21 & over • 8:00pm

katie heRzig blue lamp • 1400 alHambra blvD. • saCto • 21 & over • 9:00pm


the daRcyS

harlow’s • 2708 J st. • sacto • 21 & over • 9:00Pm

abstract entertainment 2

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

apr 16 thursday

apr 26 saturday

apr 28 Monday

apr 30 wednesday

May 2

tiCkets at tiCketFly.Com

andRew belle

Clap Your Hands saY YeaH

apr 14 Monday

the aggRoliteS



Sam peligRoSo (ep ReleaSe Show)

olmeca • o st. duB • la noche oskura mahtie Bush • the desPerados


May 4 saturday

May 5

blue lamp • 1400 alHambra blvD. • saCto • 21 & over • 9:00pm

ticketS available at: the beat (17th & J St.) online at: • ticketS foR haRlow’S ShowS alSo available at Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


106 2012



Submerge: an independently owned entertainment/lifestyle publication available for free biweekly throughout the greater Sacramento area.

04 06

08 18

Melissa Welliver cofounder/ Advertising Director

Jonathan Carabba senior editor

James Barone Contributing editor

Mandy Johnston

Contributing Writers

Robin Bacior, Corey Bloom, Bocephus Chigger, Anthony Giannotti, Blake Gillespie, Ashley Hassinger, Skylar Mundy, Ryan L. Prado, Steph Rodriguez, Adam Saake, Amy Serna, Jenn Walker

Neil Hamburger


2308 J Street, Suite F Sacramento, Calif. 95816


printed on recycled paper Follow us on Twitter! @SubmergeMag


08 11 12 14 18 20

Contributing photographers

Mike Ibe, Wes Davis, Carolyn Jaime, Skylar Mundy, Nicholas Wray

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

The Optimistic Pessimist The Stream


cofounder/ Editor in Chief/Art Director

Dive in


22 28 29


March 12 - 26

front cover Photo of fun by Lindsey Byrnes

Submerge your senses fun. Sacramento Fashion Week c!inder TONGUE & CHIC

Irish Whiskey breakdown CALENDAR the grindhouse

John Carter live<< rewind

Lagwagon + more the shallow end All content is property of Submerge and may not be reproduced without permission. Submerge is both owned and published by Submerge Media. All opinions expressed throughout Submerge are those of the author and do not necessarily mean we all share those opinions. Feel free to take a copy or two for free, but please don’t remove our papers or throw them away. Submerge welcomes letters of all kinds, whether they are full of love or hate. We want to know what is on your mind, so feel free to contact us via snail mail at 2308 J Street, Suite F Sacramento, Calif. 95816. Or you can e-mail us at back cover photo of Sacramento fashion week by Igor kondrya photography

dive in long live print Melissa welliver Communication through the printed word is my life. It always has been, and I hope it always will be. I’ve been attracted to magazines since I was a lil grom. I can distinctly remember the key moments when discovering magazines that changed my life forever: From subscribing to Surfer because of David Carson’s design, to discovering new “alternative” music in Spin during those influential high school years, to discovering the vulgar yet hilarious interviews and features from Dave Carnie and Chris Nieratko in Big Brother. So many publications have different styles that appeal to different people. I’m sure print plays a role in your lives, too, whether you think about it or not. Hopefully it does. I mean, you’re reading this column right now, and you pick us up every other week, right? You love Submerge and all that we bring to the table, right!? I’ll just tell myself you do. Moving on... With all that said, you can imagine how every time I hear of a publication going out of business or ceasing print, whether I read it or not, whether it’s a national or local publication, part of me dies inside. Maybe it’s because I have to hear some snarky asshole utter the words, “It’s a sign of the times” (that fucking kills me), or maybe it’s my prior job working for a national magazine. Perhaps it’s knowing that there are people out there who truly enjoy reading that can no longer get their fix of printed words. Whatever it is, last week a little part of me died. Another well-loved free local publication, Midtown Monthly, announced that their March issue will be their last. In short, for those of you who never saw it, Midtown was a free publication that could be found in the heart of the city that also covered Sacramento culture. The thing I will miss the most is their ample knowledge of local history. The team over at MidMo did a fine job. While it can be viewed as sad and unfortunate, their solid five-year run is an incredible accomplishment and it should be celebrated. Being in the print business is by no means easy. It truly is the ultimate labor of love. From the journalists to the editors to the photographers, even the delivery men or women, everything comes together simultaneously for a moment in time to produce something tangible, something that you can actually hold in your hands, and it is nothing less than amazing. At the end of the day, I beg of you, do not take print publications for granted, whether they be Submerge, SN&R, The Sacramento Bee, The Fader or freaking Sunset. When reading print you’ll learn, you’ll be entertained and you’ll be doing it while not staring at a computer screen, something we could all use a little less of. 
Print’s not dead! Enjoy issue #106, Melissa-Dubs

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

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Presented by

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celebrate Spring break on the Snow 530.659.7453


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Let us take you home tonight.


Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012




thursday, march 15

Rockin’ Northern California Since 1987 9426 GReenbAck


Friday, april 6

kiDD upsTAiRs

winGs oF innocEncE, sucKEr punch, baD boy EDDy, DEaDlanDs

Eco GrEEn, cali colab, KEntastiK, iris, sunny b, nEw aira, boss biz, babnit, sErpEnt & sEraph, c2 Friday, march 16

philbAn GReen

Don’t tEll niK, sunburn, ForcE MultipliED, VEGas DiViDED saturday, march 17

sTepchilD cD reLeASe Show FallrisE, prylosis,aMEricaz Mozt hauntED thursday, march 22

ReD RoveR

VoicEs anD EchoEs, trEnch, strEEt urchinz, sElF-proclaiMED Friday, march 23

Fallujah, soMa ras, paint oVEr picturEs, awaitinG thE apocalypsE, bEyonD all EnDs, niGhtMarE in thE twiliGht

Rhino buckeT saturday, april 14

seRpenT & seRAph

cD reLeASe Show blacK, DropsEVEn, rEstraynED, Vital pErcEption, GiVinG thE DEVil his DuE thursday, april 19

lAsT niGhT in Town taKE priDE, wolF bronsKi Friday, april 20

TAG! you’Re DeAD!

bEcoME thE oraclE, thou, thE Giant, auburn niGhtMarE, DEaD by niGhtFall, chasinG hallows Friday, april 27


saturday, april 28

sunday, march 25

DaMaGE oVEr tiME, chErnoboG, lEGion’s rEquiEM thursday, march 29

ouR enDless obsession cyborG octopus, a plaGuE upon hEr, bEcoME thE oraclE, slaVEs oF Manhattan Friday, march 30

A SAvAge LocAL Show

ART of chAos,

Kryptic MEMoriEs, aniMisM, sour DiEsEl saturday, march 31

one-eyeD kinG

caliFornia chilD, thE Fourth horsEMan, thE huntEr anD thE wolF, jaxx

Dru Down, lEE Majors, worK Dirty, rEGiME, inFaMous Kaboo, Mac rEEsE, DoE thE unKnown, critical & coMplEx, FElicia KinG, buEno saturday, may 12

buRn hAlo TRAck fiGhTeR sunday, may 13


Downtown brown, thEa sKotia, our EnDlEss obsEssion, chaos in MinD sunday, may 27

naysayEr, born FroM pain, bEtrayal

ALL SHOWS ALL AGES • 21+ BAR AREA TickeTs AvAilAble AT All Dimple RecoRDs locATions, AnD boARDwAlk box office


Not Another Clip Show Bocephus Chigger

saturday, april 7

saturday, march 24

tEn Days nEw, DEEr parK aVEnuE, insoMnia

The Optimistic Pessimist

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

With this column, I am officially 100 in Submerge years! For all you Hank Nerdstroms out there doing the math, one Submerge year is defined as the amount of time it takes me to shake one idea nugget out of my brain, shape it into something that would be entertaining to a teenage boy, reshape it into something that might be interesting to a 20-to-30-something woman, dust it with something hep for your nana and then squeeze it into 700 words (or approximately two of your Earth weeks). One hundred columns ago, my favorite writer, Corey Bloom, brought an opportunity to me, and it was one I couldn’t resist. My pitch to Melissa and Jonathan went something like, “Well, I could write about funny stuff that happens to me or rant about things I hate. Or I could just make stuff up or something. I’ll try to make it funny or smart and every once in a while, maybe even both. Oh and I used to edit for my school’s law review…so there’s that.” Pretty inspiring stuff to say the least, but somehow (and I still cannot figure this part out) it worked! Much like that Seinfeld episode, the good folks at Submerge were willing to give me a show about nothing. Now all I had to do was think of something to fill it with. That first article had to be something big. I wanted it to stand out. I wanted people to say, “I can’t believe someone wrote this, convinced someone to print it and that I am willfully reading it.” It had to be special, so I went back to my roots, or rather, our roots. As with billions of other human beings, our story began with the balls of a Chinese man. More specifically (but not too specifically) I introduced the world to Bocephus by discussing how an old Chinese man made sure everyone in my gym’s bathroom got a good long look at his balls. I guess it was serendipitous that those old, wrinkled, saggy, nuts sauntered into the gym bathroom that day. It was as if they demanded to be known, and I was the only one who could tell their tail tale. Those cojones set the tone for the columns to come. Whether it was giving unsolicited sex advice to teens, explaining the origins of winter or trying to sell you pepper spray, I made sure

to give it to you straight. I can proudly say that I still demand the same high standards of myself today as I did when I wrote that column four (Earth) years ago. Unfortunately when it comes to things other than writing something ridiculous and getting it in on time, I don’t always do so well. Despite having been told about 20 times already, I have as rudimentary an understanding of Submerge’s style rules as I did on day one. I may never figure out which words I am supposed to italicize (Note to eds.: Sorry!). I’ve also missed nearly every Submerge event, party, anniversary and pub crawl I’ve been invited to (Note to Dubs and Jono: Sorry!) and only recently met the majority of my fellow writers when Submerge celebrated its 100th issue. Connecting to people through Submerge is apparently a big problem for me. When I started writing for the magazine, I was given an e-mail account to which I immediately lost the password. I wouldn’t even know how to check it if I did have the password, so I’ve never logged in to see what’s there. Until this moment, I hadn’t really even thought about it. So, if you’ve ever sent an email to bocephus@ and didn’t get a response, now you know why. See, I’m not some dick who thinks he is too good to answer e-mails; I’m just some lazy ass who is too forgetful to answer your e-mails. I think it’s high time I cracked that time capsule open to see what we got in there. Given all the crap I’ve said over the years, I’m sure whatever it is, it will be bizarre. With that being said, I’d like to announce a new feature to the “Optimistic Pessimist” in the coming issues. I’m gonna get on this whole e-mail train real soon, and I’d like to hear from you. Think of how awesome it will be to have the Bocephus Chigger answer all of your questions, address your comments, accept/deny your marriage proposals and report any death threats to the proper authorities. I’ve been spewing garbage at you for 100 Submerge years, and you have barely said shit. It’s time to have an adult conversation, so get at me, bitch!

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

The stream

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Submerge has got your first look at the lineup for this year’s Friday Night Concerts in the Park series. The 13-week shindig kicks off on May 4 at 5 p.m. at Cesar Chavez Park in downtown Sacramento. You can see the entire lineup right here. Major brownie points to anyone who can name all of the artists that have been on the cover of and/or featured in the pages of Submerge (hint: there’s a lot of them).

May 4

June 8

J u ly 6

Arden Park Roots (reggae/rock) Island of Black and White (acoustic/blues/reggae/rock) The Storytellers (roots/reggae/ska) Shaun Slaughter (indie/electro/pop)

Mumbo Gumbo (zydeco/roots/dance) Todd Morgan and the Emblems (blues/rock/jazz) DJ Mikey Likes It (top 40/‘80s/‘90s/party groove)

Full Blown Stone (reggae rock) Dogfood (alternative rock) Street Urchinz (reggae/rock) DJ Nate D

J un e 15

Another Damn Disappointment (ADD) (punk) Walking Dead (punk) A Single Second (punk) The Left Hand (punk) DJ Blackheart (house/electro/punk/indie)

M ay 11 Middle Class Rut (rock) Lite Brite (rock) Horseneck (rock) DJ Whores (electro/indie/dub step/alt)

May 18 Nickel Slots (alt-country/Americana) Infamous Swanks (rockabilly) Blackeyed Dempseys (Irish rock) DJ Adam J (indie/dance/alt)

May 25 ZuhG (funk/reggae/jam) Element of Soul (acoustic/jam rock) Playboy School (electronic indie/pop) DJ X’GVNR (pop/top 40/electro/ dance/dub step/house)

June 1 Oleander (rock) Allinaday (rock) Trackfighter (rock) Verdugo Brothers (house/top 40)

Relic 45 (blues/rock) Out of Place (acoustic/ alternative/rock) Sexrat (alternative/rock) Life in 24 Frames (indie/rock) Shaun Slaughter (indie/electro/pop)

June 22 7 Seconds (punk) Bastards of Young (punk) City of Vain (punk) DJ Whores (electro/indie/dub step/alt)

June 29 The Nibblers (funk) The Coalition (world beat) Diva Kings (folk/pop rock) DJ Fedi

J u ly 13

J u ly 2 0 Walking Spanish (blues/indie rock) Jack and White (alternative/pop rock) Autumn Sky (folk/pop) CrookOne (soul/pop/hip-hop/ Motown/indie)

9 1 6 . 4 6 9.93 0 0

Mon-Sat 11aM-7pM • Sun 12-6pM

J u ly 27 The Brodys (pop/rock) Early States (pop/rock) Hero’s Last Mission (pop) DJ Oasis (rock/top 40/dance/ mash-ups)

As you probably know by now, this year’s lineup was not booked by longtime promoter Jerry Perry, but instead by a committee of local promoters, musicians and music enthusiasts that go by the name Play Big Sacramento. One committee member, Andy Hawk, who works at Entercom radio stations and promotes Wednesday night shows at Powerhouse Pub in Folsom, recently told Submerge of this year’s lineup, “As a committee we worked with venues, clubs, bookers and musicians in an effort to create a lineup of the best Sacramento has to offer. We have 13 weeks of shows filled with the biggest headliners in town, and have added the most talented DJs in Sacramento to play in the beer garden. Friday Night Concerts in the Park this year will truly be the centerpiece of entertainment in Sacramento this summer.” After weeks of hinting at a major singing to fans via his Twitter feed, local on-the-rise MC Chuuwee announced a deal with Amalgam Digital, a label whose past signings have included Curren$y, Young Riot, Saigon, Lil B The Based God and many more. In 2008, The Source magazine said Amalgam had “its fingerprint on the pulse of hip-hop’s future.” Now, some four years later, Amalgam is looking to rebuild its roster and is starting with our very own rhyme sayer Chuuwee! A free mix-tape called Crown Me King will be released on April 24 as a precursor to a full-length album, Wild Style, out May 29. Keep an eye out at and Thechuuweechannel. for more information.

1115 21 st Street • Sac (next to lucky cafe)

Sacramento’s hardest rap group, Death Grips, recently announced a deal with Epic Records that will include two releases this year: The Money Store on April 24 and No Love, scheduled for a fall release. Ever since last years’ Exmilitary dropped, causing a ruckus online (and at their first few shows), Death Grips have continued to build a buzz with their hard-edged, “What the fuck is happening right now?”-type sound. They’re opening for Refused at the Glass House in Pomona, Calif., on April 12, playing Coachella on April 13 and April 20, and they have quite a few other impressive festival bookings throughout the year including, San Miguel Primavera Sound in Barcelona, Spain, on June 1 with The Cure, M83, Sleigh Bells and many more. There’s no doubt about it: the world is fascinated by Death Grips’ music, and they want more. So do we. Check out to hear some tunes, watch some really weird music videos, find tour dates and more.

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Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


Everyone’s a Crtic

Neil Hamburger takes on Shakespeare, prank calls and hecklers with panache… more or less Words Blake Gillespie • PHoto Robyn Von Swank


eil Hamburger might seem as though he was freed from a cryogenic crypt. His classic vaudeville act is both archaic and a fittingly appropriate counterstrike to modern humor. In late March he returns to the Sacramento Comedy Spot. If you saw him previously and it was over your head, this article is for you. If you’ve never seen him perform and have tickets, this article is for you too. Those old enough to remember Tony Clifton wreaking havoc on late-night television and concert stages in the ‘70s should think of Neil Hamburger as being cut from the same washed-up, beer- and sweat-stained tuxedo cloth. He’s an anti-hero with celebrity worship in the crosshairs. If at any point during his set you find it difficult to accept his reality, take comfort in knowing he’s not entirely real. Unlike Clifton, though, Hamburger is on our side rather than out to sully our evening on the town. On the phone he expressed aspirations to reach the same heights as Abbott and Costello or Laurel and Hardy, which is why he does 399 shows (allegedly) a year. “Certainly would like to get the point of the same recognition as those guys,” he said. “It was a good situation for Abbott and Costello. What wasn’t so good was when they passed away. That was a problem for them. Fortunately, they’d done quite a few things before that we’ll always treasure.” On stage, Hamburger is a glum, middle-aged, tuxedoclad man, with greasy comb-over hair, awkwardly sized glasses and a rasp magnified by a ghost lodging in his throat he perpetually pauses to clear—as if he’s working up a world record-tying loogie. As real as he appears, he’s an act finely tuned over a nearly 20-year span. Before there was Hamburger, there was Gregg Turkington, a punk rocker and label head from Australia. He’s practically dead these days, consumed by the Hamburger persona; so dead, I insisted clarification on precisely who I would be speaking with—Neil or Gregg— before accepting the assignment. Talking to Neil, I wanted to ask, “Is Gregg there? Is he somewhere in there? Can Gregg come out?” like I was a psychiatrist coaxing a multi-personality disorder patient to let me speak to the host. I didn’t though, because talking with Neil was too much fun. He was professional and just as uncertain about expectations as I was. When we wrapped our interview his parting words were: “Good luck. I hope I was able to give you the answers you were looking for. You never know what people need. I do hope this leads to some sort of prize or some sort of award for you. I do appreciate the time.” It was unexpected, considering Hamburger is notoriously cranky. If an audience member doesn’t respond to his inquiry, they are dubbed a “zipper lips.” If an unruly heckler dares challenge Hamburger, relentless throat-clearing sounds drown out their end, until Neil is ready to fire his snarling comeback. On his show Poolside Chats, call-ins are futile and mostly result in Hamburger shouting obscenities at a phone and slamming the receiver. But, the afternoon of our chat, Hamburger was pleasant, since he considered me to be “a nice polite and reasonable person with some good questions.”


Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Fa m i ly o w n e d s i n c e 1 9 3 4 In a lot of the clips I watched leading up to this interview you seemed to be quite cranky. I was somewhat nervous about this interview, considering how you respond to phone calls on Poolside Chats. Well I think it depends on what you get. If you get someone throwing old frozen waffles at you and yelling out your punch lines, well the crankiness will set in. It also depends on the time of day. It’s certainly easier to be cranky late at night or early in the morning. During the daytime when I’m just driving from show to show, it’s a pretty pleasant day out…so I would say no, I’m not cranky right now. You seem to thrive off the shouts from hecklers. I feel as though your style baits them some. Deep down do you love it? I wouldn’t say I encourage, but I’m prepared for them. Honestly some of these hecklers are just so witless and plain annoying that there’s no reason to encourage that. Some of these people are committing the equivalent of crapping on the floor of the nightclub, you know? Somebody has something clever to say that’s a whole other story, but that’s not always what you get.

You’ve got a couple film roles coming up. You’re in Hamlet A.D.D. What was it like working with Shakespearean material? It’s a strange film. I haven’t seen it, but it’s an animated film with live actors. I guess, they do it with this modern technology and you’re interacting with cartoon characters. It’s hard to say. It was fun to be a part of it. We were in front of a green screen. Certainly, I was not actually interacting with these cartoons, but I will be when it comes out. That’s something to look forward to. You got your start doing prank phone calls. Do you ever do them now for nostalgia’s sake? You know, sometimes I’ll get on the phone and do an interview or order a pizza or something. Nowadays, you get the death penalty for making prank calls, so you really can’t do that anymore. They changed the rule. It’s instant death.

“Honestly some of these hecklers are just so witless and plain annoying that there’s no reason to encourage that. Some of these people are committing the equivalent of crapping on the floor of the nightclub, you know? Somebody has something clever to say that’s a whole other story, but that’s not always what you get.” – Neil Hamburger

Plus what a comedian finds clever and the average audience member finds clever probably greatly differs. Well, let’s put it this way. When you get guys that come out and they go on YouTube and they see the show from the night before and they come out to yell the punch lines ahead of time. That’s not really heckling. That’s just shitty. Nobody cares for that. So those are the sorts of folks I’m talking about that we have no use for.

Do you have any new comedy records coming out? We just did one with Jack White, you know? It just came out last month. There’s a couple 7-inch singles as well. So yeah, lot of new records. What was it like working with Jack White? The man is a true professional and knows what he wants. He knows how to put on a great event. We recorded it live, and he’s got a studio there in Nashville. We did the show and it came out as a record in a very quick turnaround. Just an all-around pleasure. I wish there were more folks in the business like this, but as you know a lot of them aren’t. You get your Britney Spears and this sort of garbage. It’s not always so nice.

I was unaware of that. Oh yeah, check the news. You’ll see. I guess they prosecuted the first couple people and started the executions. There are some human rights activists and things that say it’s a bit extreme punishment, but you know, unless it goes to the Supreme Court and is overturned, that’s what we’re stuck with.


1901 10th Street

Downtown Sacramento

eVeRy monday niGHT

liVe mUsic


eVeRy TUesday niGHT



eVeRy wednesday niGHT

oPen mic!



9pm Free 9pm Free


PLUS Drink SpecialS 9-11pm

FriDaY, marcH 16 11:30am - 2pm

THURsday, march 15 7:30 -10pm free Bluegrass Acoustic Jam


FRiday, maRcH 16 9pm $5 oPen mic! Goldener, End Of Days, My Dirty Addiction, Overwatch


saTURday, maRcH 17 9pm $5mic!

War Elephant, White Walls, Ghost River

THURsday, maRcH 22 9pm $5

Secret Argyle, Judah Heffington’s Marsh, Grey Space

FRiday maRcH 23 9pm $5

‘80S ROck cOvER SHOW The Rock Doctors (W/ Members From The Brodys), Sgt. York


saTURday, maRcH 24 9pm $5

Pets, kids On A crime Spree, Soft Science, Jem & Scout

an old ironsides tradition since 1940

deeelicious old timey lunches served monday - friday 11:30am - 2pm

What celebrities are in your crosshairs these days? Well, they all are really. Most of these folks are not the best people you may come across in your travels. A lot of these people are really quite unpleasant, quite overpaid and overexposed. Some of these movies really break your heart, if you get a look at this junk. To see these people thriving off poisoning our children with their bad films and their bad everything, that will break your heart again. Some of the bad music, I don’t know if you’ve heard some of this music they’ve got… It sounds like somebody crapping into a porcelain bowl. You know, they put a techno beat over it and that’s the new hit single. I’m sorry, that’s not my idea of a good song.

c downctraowmnenstoa .com • sun 9am-6pm • t e e r t s e a m 14th & 00 • shines sat: 9am-10p .14


-10pm •

pm • fri: 8am

-8 tues-thur: 8am

wednesday, march 14 7:30 pm • no cover!

poetry with legs

w/ gene avery, traci gourdine Neil Hamburger will play the Sacramento Comedy Spot on Friday, March 30. Tickets are $15 and can be purchased through If you go (and you should), do yourself a favor, and leave the jokes to the professional.


every tuesday 8pm • no cover!

jazz jam

w/ jason galbraith & friends open mic jam follows!

friday, march 16 7:30 pm • $5

lp sessions, hans!, mango jennings saturday, march 17 7 pm • $5

robin reyes, diana campos, gino videche, dylan sullivan

thursday, march 22 7 pm • $5

farallon review launch w/ readings by sue staats, paul mann, elena mauli shapiro friday, march 23 7 pm • $5

bellygunner w/ carly duhain, jacksonvegas, nat lefkoff saturday, march 24 8 pm • $5

jake kline, matt mcclean

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


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Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas Audio Express — Sacramento Submerge — 3/12/2012

Your Senses SEE HEAR TASTE Touch


Plant a tree at the Alder Grove Housing Community March 24


Circus Oz at The Mondavi Center March 24 – 25

Photo: Rob Blackburn

The Sacramento Tree Foundation and REI are partnering up to plant trees in the Alder Grove Housing Community. Join them as they plan to increase the number of trees by 40. Volunteers will be a part of a hands-on experience by planting trees and providing the Sacramento community with shade, beauty and environmental benefits. You will learn planting techniques, tool use, and basic tree maintenance. The Sacramento Tree Foundation reminds you to bring gloves, the volunteer release form and eat a healthy breakfast. The Alder Grove Community is located on 816 Revere Street, Sacramento, near Broadway and 8th Street. Sign up to participate in making a difference in your community by calling (916) 924-8733 ext. 122 or go to

It’s time to run away with the circus…the rock ‘n’ roll Australian circus! Circus Oz is a high-energy, two-hour show that is making their way to the Mondavi Center (Jackson Hall) at UC Davis on March 24 and 25. Circus Oz is full of live music, humor and intense acrobatic performances, a show that the whole family can enjoy. March 24 is Steampunk night. You can also dress up as or create your favorite “Steampunk alter-ego” such as the Aviator, Mechanic, Inventor or Mad Musician. The Ringmaster will award a costume prize to the best dressed during intermission. The critically acclaimed circus show has been performing since 1978 in over 25 countries. For more information visit or call (530) 754-2787. Ticket prices range from $25 to $55.


Guinness and House Made Corned Beef at Clark’s Corner March 17

Hear Mr. Gnome rock Luigi’s March 28

Psychedelic indie rock group Mr. Gnome is returning to Sacramento during their coast-to-coast spring tour. Recently named Rolling Stone’s “Band to Watch” for their third full-length album, Madness in Miniature, Mr. Gnome is ready to release their new 7-inch, Softly Mad. The duo, featuring Nicole Barille and Sam Meister, has been premiered on MTV, for their new track called “The Way.” Cleveland’s Mr. Gnome will be headlining Luigi’s Fungarden on March 28 along with Playboy School and Survival Guide. The show is all-ages and starts at 7:30 p.m. Entrance fee is just $7 at the door.

There is no better way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day than with Guinness and corned beef. At Clark’s Corner (5641 J Street) they’ve gone the extra mile this year, having put their house made corned beef in brine for a minimum of two weeks! It’s then braised in veal stock before getting piled onto your plate with delicious mashed potatoes, carrots and cabbage. They’ll also be serving lamb and Guinness stew, their “secret recipe.” There will also be a “keep the glass” Guinness pint special going on where for $5 you get your first round (the glass is yours to keep) and refills are just $3. Get your hands on some green Budweiser bottles as well as special cocktails. Their patio is even dog friendly, so bring Fido along. For more information call (916) 457-5600 or visit

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


Tipping Point

Jack Antonoff of Fun. sounds off on an important time for his band and a key moment in American history Words James Barone • photo Lindsey Byrnes


un. stands at a difficult crossroads for any band. Their hard work over the past four years is starting to pay off in bigger success and more recognition. Some Nights, the band’s sophomore album, was released by Fueled by Ramen on Feb. 21, 2012. Powered by the hit single “We Are Young” (featuring space-age hip-hop chanteuse Janelle Monae), the album topped Billboard’s rock and alternative charts and peaked at No. 3 on its Top 200. Submerge spoke to Fun.’s Jack Antonoff before he and his band were set to head out on a spring headlining North American tour through early May, of which many of those dates are already sold out. Antonoff sees the tour as a big step forward for Fun. “I don’t know if it’s just the tour or a lot of things that are culminating for us now,” Antonoff says. “For better or for worse, we’re definitely having a moment.” This has left Fun. having to deal with the sometimes cumbersome burden of increasing popularity, though it’s not a burden they seem to shy away from shouldering. However, Antonoff acknowledges, “It’s not a very simple thing. There are a lot of angles to it.” He expresses a desire to keep the best interests of those fans who have been with Fun. since the beginning close to heart. “One thing that constantly crosses our minds is that the fans who have been coming to our shows and supporting us for the past three years never feel alienated,” Antonoff says. “With the song being played on the radio and all of the TV stuff happening and the band becoming more popular, that can be weird for some of the people who have been here since the beginning.” Fun. has made headway into the late-night talk show circuit, appearing on Conan, but the band has


Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

also gotten the Glee treatment recently. “We Are Young” was covered by the students of the fictional William McKinley High School on a recent episode of the popular TV program. “We thought they did it incredible justice,” Antonoff says. “With a song like ‘We Are Young,’ it could have been placed in a really cheesy scenario, but they put it in a really poignant moment, in a real culmination and an emotional moment in the show. It was great to see the way it played out.” “We Are Young,” as with many of the songs on Some Nights, would seem a perfect fit for a show like Glee. Soaring, sing-along-worthy, energetic pop wrought with emotion is the order of the day. The album has the feel of a mini-rock opera in which Fun.’s singer Nate Ruess seems to be giving a tactful nod to the great frontmen of the past (Freddie Mercury comes to mind). However, much has been made of Ruess’ growing infatuation with hip-hop as a major impetus behind the album. This was probably compacted by the band’s hiring of Jeff Bhasker, who has worked with artists such as Birdman and Kanye West in the past. The hip-hop influence can certainly be heard in the layers of production and catchy beats, but Antonoff says that those who are familiar with the band won’t have to readjust to a new and radically different sound. “I think hip-hop gets talked about a lot because it was one of the more recent influences, but huge classic rock music and theater and classic pop are the influences that the band was built on,” he explains. “Those don’t go anywhere.” In the following interview, Antonoff talks a bit about working with Bhasker and touches on an issue he and the band take very much to heart— gay civil rights.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

You were picked to be on Glee, and I was wondering how that came about and what your initial reaction was to that. With Glee, they just called us and asked us if they could use the song. There wasn’t really too much more to it. We were really excited about it, because Glee is a really positive, really cool show, in a time in America when you don’t get a lot of that. There are very few sources in the media on the mainstream level that are telling the stories and giving the voice to any sort of underdog—particularly in Glee with the gay community. If you could imagine being a young gay kid growing up in Middle America, a show like Glee may be your first opportunity to come to realize that you’re completely normal. We were really proud of it. Listening to the song, it seems like it would be tailor-made for that kind of thing—a show about young people and it has such a big sound to it. I saw a clip on where you mentioned that “We Are Young” was like the bull’s-eye of Some Nights. Was that one of the first songs you wrote for the album? I think it was the second or the third, but it was the first song we worked on in the studio. It was the first song that we realized that would dictate a lot of the album. So after that song came together, did you find the rest of them clicking into place? Did you start tailoring the rest of the songs so they’d fit in that vein? I don’t know if songwriting is ever a problem, it’s more about production and feeling and where to take them on that level. After that, it became very clear the parameters of the album, and the job of fitting everything else into that—because you want an album to have a sound, but you also want it to be extremely diverse and fascinating, so you really have to set a framework of where you can go with what that album is. To have a centerpiece is really an invaluable tool. How was it working with Jeff? What did he add to the album? Jeff was amazing. He added this whole element that we never would have come across on our own, which, at the end of the day, is what you hope for in a producer. On a very specific level… but more importantly on a non-specific level, it was his attitude, his excitement, his passion for the music. Not that we don’t have it, because we have a great deal of that, but he had a different kind of it. It’s his special brand of it, which is almost physical and intense, which really rubbed off on us. It made us more excited and more willing to make an album that was going to have a more physical and more immediate reaction on that kind of level… Everything is always going to be our vision, and his job is to guide that vision. He was the element in the studio that made a lot of those dreams come true.

“We live in a huge moment when it comes to gay rights, where it’s going to tip one way or the other. It’s getting to the point where we’re all on the hook, whether we’re doing nothing or we’re doing everything. Whatever we’re doing is some sort of statement.” – Jack Antonoff, Fun.


I saw that you guys are working with Revel and Riot on this spring tour, and I was wondering how you got involved with that organization and if you’d like to talk about that a little bit. We’re really excited to be doing that. Gay rights mean a lot to us, and more importantly they should mean a lot to everyone, but unfortunately in 2012, a lot of people are really apathetic about it, or even worse and have some bizarre opinions about it. It’s a human rights issue. We all know where it’s headed, and we all have the opportunity to help make it right, or be silent and be a part of holding it back and denying people their basic rights. One of the biggest problems with the issue is a lot of people don’t see it as their problems. They don’t say anything, they don’t speak up. They quietly support and therefore don’t really support at all. As a band of three straight guys, we feel it’s vital to use whatever platform we have to make a statement about this and help educate and be very clear about where we’re coming from. We’re the kind of people, and our shows are the kind of shows, where none of that bullshit would ever be tolerated—no homophobia, or non-acceptance of any kind of person. More importantly than that, we urge our fan base to really take a good hard look at how they personally are or aren’t helping the issue. We live in a huge moment when it comes to gay rights, where it’s going to tip one way or the other. It’s getting to the point where we’re all on the hook, whether we’re doing nothing or we’re doing everything. Whatever we’re doing is some sort of statement. Maryland just passed a bill allowing gay marriages. It seems to be tipping in a positive direction. Do you see that continuing or are you skeptical about the climate in the future? What makes me skeptical is that—I think about African American civil rights—people were treated a certain way, because that’s all anyone knew. So when that changed, people were reeducated, and as generations moved on and things changed, it became more of a level playing field. What’s different with gay rights is that the Bible, which a lot of people think is really great, says it’s a sin to be gay, and I don’t see the Bible going anywhere. That creates a different scenario. What I see is a lot of great legislative change. I see gay marriage becoming legal in more and more countries… In a perfect world it would go straight federal and that anything that’s separate or unequal would be completely abolished. But even if that were to happen, you’d still have a large portion of people who’ll have a problem with homosexuality based on religion. I think that it’s going to be an ongoing issue in the sense that it’s always going to be something we’ll have to consider, and it will always be a fight. Hopefully it will end up as benign as the way religious people feel about the rest of us, that we’re going to hell and who cares. In the current climate, unfortunately a lot of people who have the Bible on their side are also the same people who are voting and making laws and more Fun. will play the University Union Ballroom at Sacramento State importantly stopping laws on March 26. This is one of the that could really help another few stops where tickets are still available, so act fast! Tickets can human being. I do see it be purchased through the band’s changing in the future, but I website If you’d like to know more about Revel and just think it will be a strange Riot, go to road for it to get there.

2708 J Street • Sacramento 916.441.4693 • WEDNESDAY radio MAR 14 Live R&B and SouL 9PM $10

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10PM $10

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Joel The Band


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7PM $10

MAR 25 7PM $12


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COMING SOON mar 29 Goapele mar 30 tom rigney & Flambeau mar 31 melissa corona(6pm) mar 31 Hip Service(10pm) apr 5 fIreHoSe apr 6 Jeanette Haris(6pm) apr 6 reminisce (10pm) apr 7 mazzy Star apr 8 over the rhine apr 12 Brokedown In Bakersfield

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caLL For reServatIonS Includes cover charge For most Shows

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


Dee Aguilar

Nelli Rosh

Amanda Chan

Jocelynn Brown

Making a Statement

Sacramento Fashion Week’s designer showcase hints at the season to come Words Jenn Walker • Photos Shaun Tiangsing / kondrya photography

T Caren Templet


Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

he catwalk at the Elks Tower Ballroom had been dominated by the sexy, the doll-like and the glamorous up to this point. Now the energy in the room had taken an unexpected turn, when, one after the other, a sequence of models took to the stage, each wearing a different shade of the same sleeveless, A-line dress with the same unblinking, empty stare. The clicking of camera shutters and flashes doubled in speed. Mysterious classical music guided the models in their solemn walk down the runway, each one wearing a maroon, sky blue, tangerine orange or pink dress with flats. Atop their stiff shoulders rested oversized wire or wooden cages confining their arms and necks. Some of the cages were crafted from Jenga-like wooden blocks, while others were wire-wrapped,

strung with bits of moss or glass baubles. This was local designer Amanda Chan’s line, ZuBauen, closing the first night of Sacramento Fashion Week’s designer showcase. Sacramento designers brought color and flair to the showcase at the ballroom Friday night; however, no designer statement had been more artistically profound than Chan’s. For about two hours, models strode on the runway beneath high ceilings and chandeliers, flanked by rows of chairs on either side, not an empty seat in sight. To the left, booths filled with VIP guests hung overhead. In addition to Chan, the evening featured designs by Caren Templet, Dee Aguilar, Michael Lopez, Gina Kim, Janelle Cardenas, Nelli Rosh, Casey Sue and Jocelynn Brown. Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

If the designer showcase was a realistic projection of what is in store for women’s fashion this spring and summer, then expect a lot of trousers, high-waist pants, short dresses and skirts, drape-y tops and tailored blouses and jackets. Take Lopez’s line, for instance. In a light, dreamy presentation, his models appeared doll-like and delicate, in soft colors and feminine cuts. They donned high-waist trousers and silky skirts, with collared-tops, floral prints and lace-up, heeled boots. Brown’s pieces reminded that spring is upon us, drawing from a pastel palette of colors. Her designs were sweet and lighthearted, incorporating blouses, shorts and knee-length dresses. One model appeared in a baby blue top tucked into high-waist yellow shorts, another appeared in a sea green blouse with high-waist baby blue trousers, and yet another appeared in a lavender cap-sleeve blouse with a knee-length skirt. A remixed version of Nancy Sinatra’s “Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)” and Amy Winehouse’s “Love Is a Losing Game” appropriately accompanied Cardenas’ models along the runway. The looks were palpably ‘60s-inspired, as the models brandished huge

beehives atop their heads, matched with heavy eyeliner, red, patterned prints and above-theknee sleeveless dresses. Kim’s designs were subtler. Her models sported big, crimped hair with mostly gray and relaxed yet elegant pieces. Several outfits were matched with clutches and handbags. Gray shorts, trousers and miniskirts were paired either with an off-the-shoulder sweater, a tunic or an asymmetrical tee. Sue’s line mixed funky and casual pieces, muted tees and tank tops paired with short floral skirts and makeup that popped. Models entered the stage to the beat of Métisse’s “Boom Boom Bâ” wearing combinations like an above-the-knee skirt matched with a purple tank and turquoise lipstick; an orange, gray and white dress with gray lipstick; or a short, a black vest over a teedress with turquoise lipstick. Brighter and more colorful was Aguilar’s skinbaring line, complemented with a flurry of electro music. Models approached the crowd in a flashy fusion of sherbet colors: an orange top matched with bright purple harem pants, a dress with yellows, blacks and pink, a blue flutter sleeve dress with an orange necklace. The cuts were sexy—open-backs and cut-out shoulders, thigh-

Caren Templet high dresses, and strap-y or strapless tops. Rosh’s clothing brought a comparable level of va va voom to the runway, balanced with sexy elegance. The first of the models emerged in a white, loose-sleeved blouse and ink-black, floor length skirt, while another model wore a brown, elbow-length blouse combined with a pink, loose, asymmetrical skirt. Other models traipsed onto the runway in tube or ruffled mini-dresses, completed with elbow-length, satin gloves or blazers. The final ensemble took the cake: a floorlength bright red sparkly dress. Jessica from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? immediately came to mind. Templet’s theme, White on Ice, was characterized both by elegance and sophistication. One by one her models appeared on the stage, their looks tailored and classic, in blouses, trousers and cap-sleeved jackets. Adding touches of glamour, the looks were accessorized with blue turbans, chunky crystal necklaces and royal blue, peep-toe heels. Templet herself had played a large role in orchestrating Fashion Week. It had been no easy task, she reminded the crowd just before the showcase. The chaotic nature of organizing this kind of event is an indication of the goal at hand, Gina Kim

Amanda Chan she explained to the audience. The aim of the showcase, and of Fashion Week, is to elevate Sacramento to its rightful capitol status, she said, and make sure that New York happens here. Considering New York fashion involves substantial edge, this vision may be in the distant future. Most attendees of the showcase played it safe in attire choices themselves. The women showed up in solid-colored dresses, chunky platform heels, colorful blazers, and sequin tops and skirts abundant. The ratio of women to men in attendance at the showcase was about three to one, an eclectic mixture of middle-aged and younger guests in the crowd. The men in attendance, particularly the photographers, appeared dapper, but also played it safe, clad in bow ties, white suit jackets, and dress shirts with vests. There was the occasional spotting of bold fashion statements—teased hair, a crystalembellished black fedora, a colorful Betsey Johnson necklace with a protruding plastic bird on it, or trendier pieces—i.e. black floppy hats and high-waist skirts. But for Sacramento, this is perhaps as New York as it gets.

Janelle Cardenas

read often. your brain will thank you.

1815 19th st. sacramento


wEd mArch 14 (8Pm)

ThUr mArch 22 (8Pm)

hosted by Drew Walker

Der Spazm, Realization Orchestra

Nerd Night

SAT mArch 17 (8Pm)

Live Music

TUES mArch 27 (8Pm)

Live Music

Black Holes, What?, Shrouded Strangers & Olivia Mancini

Kevin Florence (Silver Darling), The Loom (Crossbill Records) & Alameda (PDX)

TUES mArch 20 (7Pm)

art opeNiNg

WiNe tastiNg

with Michele Herbert

Live Music

fri APril 6 (6Pm) Fantastic Notion new work by Troy Mighty & Justin Lovato

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


1417 r sTreeT

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sacraMenTo Tickets available @ dimple records, The beat, armadillo (davis) online: by phone: 1.877.Gnd.cTrl or 916.443.9202

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Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

T h u r s day

March 29

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Iconoclast Robot stucK rIcKEy JAMEs ProJEct thE BEll Boys onE lAst Mc

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Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


RESTAURANT AND BAR g to Sacram Bringin

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we’re open!

every Day lunch from 11-3 / Dinner starts at 5pm / social hour 3-6

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Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

The Man Behind the Metal

C!nder’s maniacal machines are creations of pure joy Words Amy Serna


ot many people can find joy in stepping on a fresh piece of gum. The moment it hits your shoe it suddenly turns into an endless string that seemingly can wrap around your entire body. And no matter how much you wipe the pink bundle of teeth marks on the curb, it lingers on the bottom of your heel. But there might be one person who can find some joy in a gum catastrophe. “Look at the way that thing pulls apart, it’s awesome. Who would have thought that only one cubic centimeter of chewing gum could stretch about three feet long?” Christian Cinder asked with excitement, while sitting inside Broadacre Coffee. Finding the simple joys in life has led Cinder to become a professional cartoon surrealist but with a fun twist. He makes you question the stereotypical sci-fi robots that are out to destroy human life and replaces them with fun-loving robots that seem huggable.

“The work is happy because there is happiness,” Cinder said. “Maybe like a Men in Black kind of scenario; the world might be collapsing all around them, but they are going to have the best time they can.” His current exhibit at the MAIYA gallery in downtown Sacramento, March of the Robots, displays some of Cinder’s (who signs his name C!nder) most recent collections of art pieces that are ready to be admired. He credits his creative inspiration to growing up in the ‘70s, watching Star Trek, reading Mad Magazine and comic books, and the popular ‘60s artist Ed Roth (known for creating the Rat Fink icon). Whether you are a science fiction nerd, art fanatic or love cartoons, Cinder creates pieces that everyone can enjoy. His art work is bright, imaginative and fun. Cinder likes to portray robots having fun in their environments, smiling and exploring their world with curiosity. One of his pieces shows a red robot sitting and looking Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

LIfe On Mars

From the owners oF Capitol GaraGe Comes


I Can’t Fix This

very content in a flowery meadow. But not all of this work is happy and easygoing. One piece called Night of the Tinkerbot shows a scared robot running away from other rusty robots who are trying to take his parts. “The robots can be destructive but so can 5-year-olds,” he admitted. From destructive robots to robots picking flowers, Cinder uses an art technique called color theory to make the picture on the canvas look dimensional through 3-D glasses. “When I pick the colors for my subjects, I tint and tone everything according to where they are on the background and the foreground,” he said. “So that’s just the basic concept of color theory. That cool colors will recede and warmer colors will come forward.” While visiting the MAIYA Gallery, Cinder would walk around with 3-D glasses trying to see if the

other artwork on display had the same effect, which made onlookers take a second glance, said Kelly Truscott, owner of MAIYA Gallery. Truscott said that everyone has taken an interest in Cinder’s art, from 10-year-olds to serious art collectors. But Cinder likes to call his fan base the “12-year-old adult.” “The person who has the energy and interest of a pre-teen and can enjoy life that way but at the same time has the education and experience to appreciate the nuances,” he said. “So anybody who likes a Disney film or Don Bluth animation, I would hope would like my work as well.” The ideas behind the animation all start with pencil sketches in his worn-out sketchbook. The sticker collage on the front cover of this sketchbook, which includes, In-N-Out Burger, San Diego Comic-Con, Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk and Space Invaders, can easily give away what he

“The paintings on the wall complement my family life. I am a father, a husband and a best friend to all of them.” – Christian Cinder (aka C!nder)

The Mission

Automaton of Professor Tinkerbot (Hako) loves most. But once the sketchbook is opened, a new world comes to life with Intergalactic Police, Alien Internet and frolicking robots. Cinder can find robots everywhere. One of his drawings is based on a man who was picking up cans on the Santa Cruz Beach and wearing a medical mask with thick gloves. After Cinder saw him, he drew him as a robot on the beach. His sketch work shows all the technicalities of creating a robot and he does not allow himself to make any edits in his sketchbook. The process of developing a new robot style, which he calls Cinderbots, is a serious task. He takes multiple styles of robots and gives them a name and purpose in each painting, including the Alpha (single box or geometric shape), the Cinderbots (a more formed robot) and the Hakos (cardboard structure characters). “I think I get the most fun out of the Alphas, he’s been my longest standing character, he gets into the most mischief,” Cinder said. “In the paintings he discovers the most about his world and the Cinderbots act like a supporting crew. I think the Alphabot is pretty cool, Alpha 1 is his name. He just goes by Al.” And Al can come at an affordable price. Cinder likes to keep this work within reach for everyone. In the past he was known for making “insane cinder prices” where he would only charge $40 to $60 for a large painting. A former art buyer once asked him if they could pay half in cash and the other half would be a trade in CDs, and of course Cinder agreed. Those days it was easy to mark a big painting for cheap because he earned other income but now he has to be more careful with pricing. “Affordable pricing is important, but at the same time you’ve got to be able to survive. So, I’m trying to find that middle ground. I’m trying to find that point of compromise,” he explained. Cinder has been making his art accessible for everyone for the past seven years and has created more than 500 paintings. He learned art education through community college courses, spending many hours in a library and through other artists that he knew in the community.

Big Donut Mini Bots Cinder started to take art more seriously when he would sketch portraits of his co-workers’ pets and babies. Now he somehow finds the time to balance multiple art projects at once and spend time with his wife and three children, who often take part in titling his art. “The paintings on the wall complement my family life,” he said. “I am a father, a husband and a best friend to all of them.” One of his biggest inspirations came from his daughter, and while they were eating donuts she said, “Mini donut, mini donut, for a mini robot!” This idea sparked Cinder to paint doughnut-hole squids, robots chasing doughnuts and create tiny sculptures perfectly matched for Doughbot, the delicious doughnut café. Cinder’s art can be seen at Doughbot, MAIYA Gallery, and on “anything else that can hold paint,” including custom end tables, bicycle helmets, ukuleles, bongo drums, guitar cases, skateboards, cars (interiors and exteriors), pinstriping, leather jackets and denim jeans. He also does modeling for the war miniature gaming community and table top battles. He creates the scenery and terrain for tiny armies to battle on with mountains, forests, valleys and houses. This artist, sculptor, creator, Sacramento native and all-around happy guy is excited to share his thoughts and stories with everyone in the city. “Being in the physical presence of all the work you’ve already done, you can see what you were thinking. It’s like reading back through your journal but on a visual level, because every piece that I make is in its own moment, its own story,” he said.

See Cinder’s work at Maiya Gallery. His exhibit, March of the Robots, also features the works of Marissa “Nurse Squeeky” Goldberg, Dwight Head, Mark Lifvendahl and Mark Harm Niemeyer. Maiya Gallery is located at 2220 J Street, Suite I, and is open Wednesday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012




TONGUE & chic







FREE: Reggae / alternative rock concert.

FREE: Cast members from the MTV reality documentary show ask “What Do You Want to do Before You Die?”







FREE: short films from the Telluride Mountain Film Festival that educate and inspire audiences about adventure, cultural and environmental issues.

FREE: Hip-hop concert.



A Beginner’s Look at Irish Whiskey BUYEPONGO



FREE: improv comedy show Co-sponsored: ASI & the PRIDE Center In support of PRIDE Week

FREE: Latin concert. Co-sponsored with ASI In support of Cinco de Mayo


FUN. MON • MAR 26 • 7:30P• UNIVERSITY UNION BALLROOM • TICKETS: $10 FOR SAC STATE STUDENTS & $15 GENERAL Indie rock concert, plus special opening guests AVALANCHE CITY.


HIEROGLYPHICS THUR • MAY 3 • 7:30P • UNIVERSITY UNION BALLROOM • TICKETS: $10 FOR SAC STATE STUDENTS & $15 GENERAL Hip-hop concert featuring Souls of Mischief, Pep Love, Casual, Domino & DJ Toure, plus special guests Sleeprockers and more TBA

The University Union Gallery –PRESENTS–

2012 STUDENT PURCHASE AWARD SHOW Student artists submit their best work in this annual competition. Purchase award winners announced, in addition to first, second, and third place. Don’t miss this annual gallery show!

EXHIBIT DATES: MON, FEBRUARY 20 — FRI, MARCH 16 Visit for details GALLERY HOURS: Mon—Fri: 10:30am–3:30pm, plus special evening hours: Wed & Thurs: 5–8pm

LOCATION: Union Gallery, 2nd floor, Sac State 6000 J Street, 95819. Call 916-278-6997 for info.

Words Adam Saake





Water of Life

t may seem appropriate to begin this issue’s Tongue and Chic with something to the effect of, “St. Patrick’s Day is steadily approaching and the masses are turning once again to Irish whiskey for their celebratory cheers.” The problem is that it could be fucking Boxing Day and Sacramentans will still be putting down Jameson and Tullamore Dew like Prohibition is on its way back. It’s not just here, but in the United States in general, that Irish whiskey has seen a spike in popularity in recent years. Where at one time American and Canadian whiskeys were king here in the States, Irish whiskey is on the rise to becoming a formidable opponent. Jameson alone has seen a 30 percent growth in a fiscal year and “California is on track to becoming the number one region” for sales, surpassing Russia as of late, says Southern Wine and Spirits specialist Joe Anthony Savala. In short, more and more people are drinking Irish whiskey. And who can blame them? Most are triple distilled, which leaves them very smooth, drinkable and approachable. In Ireland, there are four major distilleries that are responsible for making all the different kinds of Irish whiskey. Old Bushmills Distillery and New Midleton Distillery are two of the largest and are responsible for more than 90 percent of the whiskey coming out of the country. Then there is the independently owned Cooley Distillery where brands like Michael Collins are produced and, depending on who you talk to, the oldest distillery Kilbeggan where the whiskey of the same name is made. According to Wikipedia, “The word ‘whiskey’ is an Anglicization of ‘uisce beatha/uisge beatha’ a phrase from the Goidelic branch of languages (Irish, Scottish Gaelic and Manx) meaning “water of life.” Whoever came up with that wasn’t drinking water but they sure as hell were excited they figured out how to make it. Irish whiskey is a very distinctive spirit that differs from other whiskeys and when enjoyed neat or in cocktails can be some of the best hooch to hit your lips. There are few brands to look out for as you begin your tasting journey and from there, who knows? Maybe I’ll see you in Ireland. But for now, let’s talk about Irish whiskey that can be found at your local watering holes.

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

Jameson Irish Whiskey Jameson Irish Whiskey is a triple distilled whiskey produced at the New Midleton Distillery in Cork, Ireland, a distillery owned by Pernod Ricard, the global wine and spirits giant. If we’re talking about Irish whiskey, Jameson is probably the most recognizable name in the category and one of the most appreciated and enjoyed. Jameson is a blend of pot still whiskey (whiskey distilled in giant copper stills) and grain whiskey (distilled in a continuous column still); un-malted and malted barley are used to achieve its body. The sweetness that you smell and taste comes from the aging process, a minimum of three years according to Irish whiskey regulations, where sherry and bourbon casks are employed. This is probably one of the best bangs for your buck with their basic product running around $5 to $6 for a shot or basic cocktail. Jameson produces more premium products that have undergone longer aging such as their 12 Year, 18 Year and my personal favorite the Gold Reserve. The 12 and 18 are good but I’d save your money for the Gold, which is a very smooth, sweet blend that is a real nice sipper.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas


Dating back to 1829 when this whiskey was first born, Tullamore Dew has become a household name in the category of Irish whiskey. The letters “Dew” refer to one of the previous owners of the distilleries, Daniel E. Williams, and Tullamore is the town in which the whiskey was first distilled. The whiskey is currently made at New Midleton Distillery as the brand was purchased by Powers in the ‘60s. Sort of a competitor of Jameson in terms of taste, some swearing by one and dismissing the other, this Irish whiskey has a sweet mouth feel followed by a sharper bite that finishes long and malt-y. It is, like Jameson, also a triple distilled blended Irish whiskey that combines pot still whiskey and grain whiskey. Each has its different characteristics that contribute important notes to the final blend. T-Dew tends to be a bit cheaper at the bar; if you’re new to Irish whiskey, it’s a must try that won’t break the bank.


Red Breast

It’s no wonder that we love to drink Irish whiskey when tasting notes from the Powers’ website describing their Powers 12 product reads, “spicy, honeyed, with a touch of perfumed oils, it is full bodied and flavorsome.” There’s no doubt that that is also great marketing, but this stuff is pretty good. Powers is yet another Irish whiskey made at the New Midleton Distillery and like the others, has a rich history that dates back to the late 1700s. The original distillery was founded in Dublin City under the name John Power and Son and the company would go on to become innovators, being the first to bottle their own whiskey. This practice was to ensure quality and with the addition of a gold label would separate their bottling from that of independent whiskey bonders. Powers offers their entrylevel Gold Label and is followed by the Powers 12 Year, which I recommend. A very well balanced whiskey that is sweet, finishes smooth and is a great value. Again, I’d sip on this one and really enjoy the flavors that this whiskey has to offer.



Tullamore Dew

Here’s where things get interesting. Red Breast is a single pot still Irish whiskey, differing from the previously mentioned in that it is not blended with other distilled spirits. It is a pure expression of copper pot still whiskey that has been aged in oak casks, which allows the spirit to mellow and soak up some of those interesting flavors from extended contact with the wood. This process is very authentic and there are few products on the market besides Green Spot that are similar. Red Breast is highly acclaimed and is a favorite among hardcore whiskeys geeks, so I definitely recommend sipping on this one. What’s also interesting about Red Breast and is beneficial to those looking to explore the category, is that its entry level is a 12-year. Though it may be slightly more expensive, you’re able to try a unique expression along with tasting Irish whiskey that has seen some time in the barrels. Want to really geek out? Line up the Jameson 12, Powers 12 and Red Breast 12 and then you can really see where your taste lies.

o h n t y’s n A bArber shop

cuts 14 hair Straight Razor Shaves $16


2408 21 st St.• Sac •(916) 457-1120 tueSday-Friday 9am-6pm • Saturday 10am-4pm

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


The Coffee Garden Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.

904 15 Street 443.2797 th

Between I & J • Downtown Sacramento

Crocker Art Museum Citywater, 6:30 p.m. District 30 Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, 9 p.m.

m u si c , c o m e d y & m is c . Ca l e n d a r

March 13 - 25 TUES





Bill Mylar & Friends 5:30PM

lew Fratis 9PM acoustic oPen Mic 5:30PM Goldencadillacs9PM X trio 5PM


dead winter carPenters 9PM


Pailer & Fratis 5:30PM


Mercy Me! 9PM

Johnny Guitar KnoX 5PM SaT

st.Patty’s party

17 the

coalition 9PM


Blues JaM 4PM


and the Poor Band 8PM aleX nelson 5:30PM

18 20




22 FRI

23 SaT

24 SUn

tess Marie

Gary FarMer

& the trouBleMaKers 9PM acoustic oPen Mic 5:30PM Keri carr Band9PM X trio 5PM

harleywhiteJr. Feat.aaron KinG 9PM Pailer & Fratis 5:30PM

Kevinrussell 9PM

Johnny Guitar KnoX 5PM

shane dwiGht 9PM Blues JaM 4PM BiGearl&Friends8PM



March 12 – 26 use a qr scanner on your smart phone to view calendar online


Laughs Unlimited Karaoke, 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s Secure Sounds, The Solicitors, 9 p.m.

Luigi’s (Davis) Music Quiz, 9 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Electropoetic Coffee, Sherman Baker, Daryl Shawn, 8:30 p.m.

Marilyn’s Acoustic Open Mic, 6 p.m. Mix Ryan Hernandez, 6:30 p.m. Naked Lounge Downtown The Prowlers, Dry County Drinkers, Mason Rex, 8:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Open Mic, 8:30 p.m. Powerhouse Pub A Single Second, Bastards of Young, The Secretions, Josh Thompson (of ADD), 9 p.m.

Old Ironsides Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Press Club Autumn Sky, James Cavern, Awkward Lemon, 8:30 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub DJs Rigatony, Alazzawi, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino ESP, 7 p.m.

Press Club FFFreak w/ CrookOne, DJ Hailey, Dogtones, 9:30 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe Nebraska Mondays w/ Gerry Pineda & Ross Hammond Duo, Scott Collard Group, 7 p.m.

Torch Club Acoustic Open Mic, 5:30 p.m.; Golden Cadillacs, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino ESP, 7 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Jazz Session w/ the Joe Mazzaferro Quintet, Brenden Loweness, 8:30 p.m.

The Stoney Inn Bluebird Lounge Singer/Songwriter Open Mic, 6 p.m.

UC Davis: Freeborn Hall Steve Aoki, Datsik, Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, 7 p.m. (Sold Out)


The Boxing Donkey Open Mic Variety Night, 8 p.m. Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m. Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m.

Old Ironsides Strapped for Cash w/ Nuance, 7:30 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Shine Jazz Jam, 8 p.m.

T2 Nightclub & Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m. Torch Club Bill Mylar & Friends, 5:30 p.m.; Lew Fratis, 9 p.m.

Press Club Ancient Astronaut, The Bell Boys, 8:30 p.m.

Townhouse GRIMEY w/ Lazer Sword, DNAEBEATS, Reason, Whores, Crescendo, Jay Two, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino ESP, 7 p.m.

ZuhG Life Store Open Mic, 6 p.m.

Sol Collective Microphone Mondays Open Mic, 8 p.m. UC Davis: Studio Theatre Curtis President, Roberto Díaz, Jason Vieaux, 2 p.m.


3.14 Wednesday

Ace of Spades Street Dogs, Devil’s Brigade, Old Man Markley, Murder the Stout, 6:30 p.m.

Uncle Vitos (Davis) Boom Bip w/ The Flower Vato, 10 p.m. University Union Redwood Room, CSUS Nooner w/ Counter Culture, 12 p.m.

3.15 thursday

Ace of Spades MartyParty, Boggan, Whores, 7 p.m. Antigua Suga-T, Miz Sassy Carter, Miss Marianna, 9:30 p.m. The Blue Lamp Three Bad Jacks, Left Alone, Motel Drive, 9 p.m.

Center for the Arts William Fitzsimmons, Denison Witmer, 7:30 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

The Boardwalk Kidd Upstairs, Eco Green, Cali Colab, Kentastik, Iris, Sunny B, New Aira, Boss Biz, BaBNiT, Serpent & Seraph, C2, 7:30 p.m.

District 30 DJ Elements, 9 p.m.

Club Car Songwriters Showcase, 8 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Dive Bar Hans, 9 p.m.

Dive Bar Le Twist w/ Sam I Jam, Adam J, Taylor Cho, Roger Carpio, 9 p.m.

Harlow’s Radio, 9 p.m.

Club Retro Fighting the Villain, Deadlines and Diamonds, Alabaster, Peace Mercutio, Shades Of Devastation, Scheming Scarlet, 7 p.m.


Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

Club Car The Double Shots, 7:30 p.m.

Laughs Unlimited Karaoke, 8 p.m.

Dive Bar Dueling Pianos, 9 p.m. Fox & Goose The Congress, Stoneberry, 8 p.m. Harlow’s Sizzling Sirens Burlesque’s Lets Get Lucky, 8 p.m. Javalounge Lance Richards, Mark Defyance, Martin Purtill, 8 p.m. Marilyn’s Rock On Live Band Karaoke, 9 p.m. Naked Lounge Downtown Dirt Nap Band, Patrick Walsh, Lucky Laskowski, 8:30 p.m. Old Ironsides Bluegrass Acoustic Jam, 7:30 p.m. Power Balance Pavilion Blake Shelton, Justin Moore, Dia Frampton, 7:30 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Dust on the Bottle, 9:30 p.m. Press Club Bastards of Young, Hear the Sirens, The Community, 8:30 p.m. Red Hawk Casino ESP, 7 p.m. Shady Lady Cave Women, Chad Adams, 9 p.m. The Stoney Inn Aces Up, 10 p.m. Torch Club X Trio, 5 p.m.; Dead Winter Carpenters, 9 p.m.

3.16 Friday

Ace of Spades Restrayned, Some Fear None, Terra Ferno, Finding Apollo, Blacksheep, Clockwork Hero, 6:30 p.m. The Blue Lamp Journal, Clouds in Strings, Memento Mori, 8 p.m. The Boardwalk Philban Green, Don’t Tell Nik, Sunburn, Force Multiplied, Vegas Divided, 7 p.m. The Boxing Donkey Tony Bataska, 8 p.m. Capitol Garage Get Down to the Champion Sound w/ DJ Esef and special guests, 10 p.m.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

District 30 DJ Billy Lane, Benji Lugo, 9 p.m. Fox & Goose Ardellas Crown, Jenn Rogar and the Adorables, Richard March, 9 p.m. G Street WunderBar City of Vain, A Single Second, Bastards of Young, 9:30 p.m. Golden Bear DJ Crook, 10 p.m. Harlow’s Robert Schwartzman (of Rooney), The Relationship (feat. Brian Bell of Weezer), 6:30 p.m.; Mean Doe Green (Album Release), Noah, Feva In Da Funkhouse, DJ Lahn, 10 p.m. Javalounge Union Hearts, Cold Heart Re-Press, Dead Dads, 8 p.m. Luigi’s Fungarden The Howling, Love Is Over, 8:30 p.m. Luna’s Cafe Adrian Bourgeois, Elizabeth Busch, Jesse Elliot, 8 p.m.

ZuhG Life Store Gabriella Ruiz, Monkeys in Space, Briefcases, Sariah, 4 p.m.


Saturday st. patrick's day

The Blue Lamp Joe Buck Yourself, The Hootin Hallers, The Number Thirteen, 9 p.m.

Plea for Peace Center Noah Paul, 6 p.m.

The Boardwalk Stepchild (CD Release), FallRise, Prylosis, Americaz Mozt Haunted, 7 p.m. The Boxing Donkey Stout Rebellion, Blackeyed Dempseys, Adam Donald, 9 p.m. Bows and Arrows Black Holes What?, Shrouded Strangers, Olivia Mancini, 8 p.m.

Mix Crunch Friday’s w/ DJ Elliot Estes, 9 p.m.

Colonial Theatre Little Feat, The Villian’s, 7 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Stoneberry, Wannabe Barnaby, Campfire Crooners, 8:30 p.m.

Fox & Goose St. Patrick’s Day w/ Whiskey & Stiches, Griffin, 6 p.m.

Plea for Peace Center Abriel the Band, Palisades, 7 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Audioboxx, 10 p.m. Press Club DJ Rue, 9 p.m. Red Hawk Casino Tyler Brothers, 5 p.m.; Clean Slate, 10 p.m. Shine LP Sessions, Hans, Mango Jennings, 7:30 p.m. Swabbies on the River 3rd Friday Reggae w/ Urbanfire, Ras Rebel, DJ Wokstar, 6 p.m. Torch Club Pailer & Fratis, 5:30 p.m.; Mercy Me!, 9 p.m.

G Street WunderBar The Soft Bombs, 9:30 p.m. Golden Bear St. Patrick’s Day Party w/ Dusty Brown, Hot Tar Roofers, Horseneck, The Great Northern Divers, Mondo Deco, 3 p.m.; After Party w/ DJ Whores, 10 p.m. Guild Theater An Evening w/ Cary Farley, 8 p.m. Harlow’s Girlyman, 7 p.m.; Vokab Kompany, Iconoclast Robot, 10 p.m. Javalounge The Porter Project, The Astro Zombies, Abandoned Generation, 4 p.m.; Concussion, Malcom Bliss, Magi-Kool Doodz, 8 p.m. Kupros Bistro Desario, 10 p.m. Luigi’s Fungarden Sonic Love Affair, The English Singles, Th’Mones, 8 p.m. Luna’s Cafe Crossing the River, Patrick Grizzell & Proxy Moon, 8 p.m. Marilyn’s Plum Crazy, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides War Elephant, White Walls, Ghost River, 9 p.m. The Park Ultra Lounge DJ Peeti V, 8:30 p.m.

Marilyn’s Monkeys In Space, The Three Way, 9:30 p.m.

On The Y P.D.P., Otis, The Battle of Midway, Enslaved the Creation, Cursed, 8 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Pomegranate, Felsen, 8:30 p.m.

Ace of Spades The Cheeseballs, 7 p.m.

Club Retro Shamrocks & Shampunks w/ Bomb the Hill, Sparkstarter, Witzend, Flip the Switch, Covenant, Simply City, Youthquake A.D., 7 p.m.

Old Ironsides Goldener, End of Days, My Dirty Addiction, Overwatch, 9 p.m.

Mix Lucky w/ DJ Mike Moss, 8 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Element of Soul, Infamous Swanks, Allinaday, 9:30 p.m. Press Club DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m. Red Hawk Casino Tyler Brothers, 5 p.m.; Clean Slate, 10 p.m. River City Saloon DJ Katz, 9:30 p.m. Shenanigans Arden Park Roots, Layst, 8 p.m. Shine Robin Reyes, Diana Campos, Gino Videche, Dylan Sullivan, 7 p.m. Swabbies on the River Decades, 7 p.m. Torch Club Johnny Guitar Knox, 5 p.m.; St Patty’s Party w/ The Coalition (formerly Mind X), 9 p.m. Vega’s St. Patty’s Day Party w/ Lynt Trap, 8 p.m. ZuhG Life Store KWG, Mantra Band, Cory Norris, Groovy Judy, 1 p.m.

3.18 Sunday

The Blue Lamp The Session w/ DJ Vangloryus, Alias Anonymous, Kuntry Blak, Pac the Beast and more, 8 p.m. Capitol Garage Karaoke w/ Jeff Jenkins, 9 p.m. The Cave Violent Affair, Dirty Mugs, Scowndrolls, Snot Cocks, Chaos Crisis, MJF and the Parkinsons, 6:30 p.m. Center for the Arts Suzzy and Maggie Roche, Lucy Wainwright Roche, 6:30 p.m. Distillery Karaoke, 8 p.m. Dive Bar James Cavern, 9 p.m. continued on page 24


One Night Only!

April 5th • 7:30pm • The Crest Theatre The Sacramento Ballet will present award-winning actor Frank Ferrante in his one-man show An Evening With Groucho, a fast-paced two-act comedy that includes some of the best Groucho one-liners, anecdotes and songs including “Hooray for Captain Spalding” and “Lydia, the Tattooed Lady.” The audience literally becomes part of the show as Ferrante ad-libs his way throughout the performance in grand Groucho style. Along the way, accompanied by his onstage pianist Jim Furmston, he portrays the young Groucho of stage and film, and reacquaints the audience with the likes of brothers Harpo, Chico, Zeppo and Gummo, Charlie Chaplin, W.C. Fields, Greta Garbo and his long-suffering “leading lady” Margaret Dumont. It’s a perfect show for all ages that has impressed audiences wherever it has gone. Tickets: $35/$30/$25

on sale through The Crest or The Sacramento Ballet

For tickets and •more information: Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


Harlow’s Umphrey’s McGee, 8:30 p.m. Javalounge Jolthrower, Vankmen, Art Lessing, Pregnant, A Year Without Summer, 12 p.m.; Acoustic Punk w/ The Hybrid Creeps, Travis Latrine, Eggnog Yoohoo, 8 p.m. Mix Sunday Circus w/ Gabe Xavier, 8:30 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Z.O.O.M., 3 p.m. Press Club Sunday Night Soul Party w/ DJ Larry & DJ Hailey, 9 p.m.

Ace of Spades Rehab, Moonshine Bandits, Brodi Nicholas, 6:30 p.m. The Blue Lamp Ape Machine, Paper Pistols, Young Aundee feat. Dusty Brown, 9 p.m. Crest Theatre Straight No Chaser, 7 p.m. Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m. Harlow’s Cheryl Wheeler, 7 p.m.

The Stoney Inn Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Luigi’s (Davis) Music Quiz, 9 p.m.

Torch Club Blues Jam, 4 p.m.; Tess Marie and the Poor Band, 8 p.m.

Marilyn’s Acoustic Open Mic, 6 p.m.

3.19 Monday

Ace of Spades Boyce Avenue, Secondhand Serenade, After Party, 7 p.m. (Sold Out) The Boxing Donkey Open Mic Variety Night, 8 p.m. Club Retro DJ Prazze, 7 p.m. Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m. Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m. Luna’s Cafe Nebraska Mondays hosted by Ross Hammond w/ Tatsuya Nakatani, John Hanes/ Steve Adams Duo, 7 p.m. Naked Lounge Downtown Jazz Session w/ the Joe Mazzaferro Quintet, Joe Berry and 5 Year Reunion, 8:30 p.m. Old Ironsides Strapped for Cash w/ Nuance, 7:30 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m. Press Club The Stalking Distance, Steeproof, Riot Radio, 8:30 p.m. Red Hawk Casino Nathan Owens, 7 p.m. Sol Collective Microphone Mondays Open Mic, 8 p.m. The Stoney Inn Karaoke, 9 p.m. Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


Red Hawk Casino Aces Up, 7 p.m.

ZuhG Life Store Crow Canyon, 2 p.m.



Mix Ryan Hernandez, 6:30 p.m. Naked Lounge Downtown Emily Kollars and Kolorgize, David Houston, Hans Eberbach, 7:30 p.m. Old Ironsides Karaoke, 9 p.m. Powerhouse Pub DJs Rigatony, Alazzawi, 9 p.m. Press Club FFFreak w/ CrookOne, DJ Hailey, Dogtones, 9:30 p.m. Red Hawk Casino Nathan Owens, 7 p.m. Shine Jazz Jam, 8 p.m. The Stoney Inn Bluebird Lounge Singer/Songwriter Open Mic, 6 p.m. T2 Nightclub & Lounge Karaoke, 9 p.m. Torch Club Alex Nelson, 5:30 p.m.; Gary Farmer & the Trouble Makers, 9 p.m. ZuhG Life Store Open Mic, 6 p.m.

3.21 wednesday

Ace of Spades Whitechapel, Miss May I, After the Burial, The Plot In You, Structures, 8 p.m. The Blue Lamp Ghettosocks, Timbuktu, Mahtie Bush, Task1ne, 7evin, 10 p.m. Center for the Arts Seun Kuti, Egypt 80, 7:30 p.m.

Club Car The Double Shots, 7:30 p.m. Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m. Harlow’s Rock The Mic, 9 p.m. Harlow’s (Momo Lounge) Life feat. DJ Epik, 10 p.m. Javalounge Stumble Bum Brass Band, Goat Rodeo, Whiskey & Stitches, 8 p.m. Laughs Unlimited Karaoke, 8 p.m. Naked Lounge Downtown Monkey Flower, Slow Twitch, The Uncovered, 8:30 p.m. Old Ironsides Open Mic, 8:30 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Street Urchinz, Dogfood, The Original, 9 p.m. Press Club Work You Soul w/ The Babs Johnson Gang, 8:30 p.m. Red Hawk Casino Nathan Owens, 7 p.m. Torch Club Acoustic Open Mic, 5:30 p.m.; Keri Carr Band, 9 p.m. Uncle Vitos (Davis) Boom Bip w/ The Flower Vato, 10 p.m.

3.22 Thursday

Antigua M.O.E. Gang (Album Release), Keak Da Sneak, Turf Talk, E-Train, Young Meek and more, 9:30 p.m. The Blue Lamp Crashed Out, City of Vain, Setting Sons, Old Glory, 9 p.m. The Boardwalk Red Rover, Voices and Echoes, Trench, Street Urchinz, SelfProclaimed, 7 p.m. Bows and Arrows Der Spazm, Realization Orchestra, 8 p.m. Club Car Songwriters Showcase, 8 p.m. Club Retro Josiah James, Shipwreck Pedro, Quiet Science, Brandon Neal, Monica Way, Jacob David, 6 p.m. The Coffee Garden Open Mic Night, 8 p.m. Dive Bar Dueling Pianos, 9 p.m.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Fox & Goose The Mike Justis Band, 8 p.m. Harlow’s Mykal Rose, 10 p.m. Javalounge Moth, Zac Bauman, Jared Law, 8 p.m. Luigi’s (Davis) Exquisite Corps, 8:30 p.m. Marilyn’s Rock On Live Band Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Javalounge Egg, E Squared, Alldaydrive, Praying For A Better Portland, 8 p.m. Luigi’s Fungarden Dog Party (Video Premiere Show), Blammos, The Babs Johnson Gang, 8:30 p.m. Luigi’s (Davis) Dry County Drinkers, The Jilted Lovers, Mason Rex, Randall James Daniel Haynes, 8 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown Justin Farren, Melody Walker, Tippy Canoe, 8:30 p.m.

Luna’s Cafe MRQ, Alyssa Cox, 8 p.m.

Old Ironsides Secret Argyle, Judah Heffington’s Marsh, Grey Space, 9 p.m.

Mix DJ Elliot Estes, 9 p.m.

Powerhouse Pub Chris Garnder Band, Antsy McClain, Trailer Park Troubadours, 9:30 p.m. Press Club C-Money & the Players Inc., Positive Rising, Inhale, 8 p.m. Red Hawk Casino Nathan Owens, 7 p.m. The Stoney Inn Jackson Michelson, 10 p.m. Torch Club X Trio, 5 p.m.; Harley White Jr. feat. Aaron King, 9 p.m.


Ace of Spades Streetlight Fire, Brave Season, Cat & Mouse Trio, Living With Giants, Jilt vs. Jonah, 6:30 p.m. The Blue Lamp Psychsomatic, Cheapskate, Beerlords, Solanum, 9 p.m. The Boardwalk Conducting from the Grave, Fallujah, Soma Ras, Paint Over Pictures, Awaiting the Apocalypse, Beyond All Ends, Nightmare in the Twilight, 6 p.m. The Boxing Donkey Ryan Hernandez, 8 p.m. Capitol Garage Get Down to the Champion Sound w/ DJ Esef and special guests, 10 p.m. Fox & Goose Walking Spanish, Honyock, 9 p.m. Golden Bear DJ Crook, 10 p.m. Harlow’s The Nibblers, Skerick’s Bandalabra, 9 p.m.

Marilyn’s Ken Burnett, Water Tower, 9 p.m. Naked Lounge Downtown Jenn Rogar and Mike Farell, Todd Morgan, Owen and His Checkered Past, 8:30 p.m. Old Ironsides The Rock Doctors, Sgt. York, 9 p.m. On The Y Frank White, Tony Endz, Ms.Vybe & Deja Tru, Cherry Red, Kevi Kev, Jonni, Short Fuze, 9 p.m. Plea for Peace Center Greeley Estates, A Lot Like Birds, A Bullet For Pretty Boy, I Set My Friends On Fire, 5 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Motley Inc., 10 p.m. Press Club DJ Rue, 9 p.m. Red Hawk Casino Ryan Hernandez, 5 p.m.; The Hits, 10 p.m. The Refuge Blazee, Booda Babyy, Blck Star, Legion5, 7:30 p.m. Shine Bellygunner, Carly DuHain Band, JacksonVegas, Nat Lefkoff, 7 p.m. Swabbies on the River Jack Wagon, 8 p.m. Torch Club Pailer & Fratis, 5:30 p.m.; Kevin Russell, 9 p.m. Vega’s Mortal Atrocity, Death Remedy, Sexciety, 8 p.m. ZuhG Life Store The Release, Stoneberry, Mr. Rogers, 99, 100, 1 p.m.

3.24 Saturday

Ace of Spades In Theory, Straight Up Grizzly, Ellipsis, Truly Terrifying, Ash for Embla, Some Seek Forgiveness, 6:30 p.m. The Blue Lamp Cash Prophets (Johnny Cash tribute), 9 p.m. The Boardwalk Overwatch, Ten Days New, Deer Park Avenue, Insomnia, 7 p.m. Delta of Venus Tomorrow’s Friend Ballads, Donald Beaman, 12 p.m. Fox & Goose Diva Kings, Trainwreck Revival, Dad’s LPs, 9 p.m. G Street WunderBar DJ Smilez, 9:30 p.m. Harlow’s Joel the Band (Billy Joel tribute), 7 p.m. Javalounge The Kelps, Spider Garage, Buffalo Buffalo, 4 p.m.; Instagon, Astral Cult, Delayed Sleep, 8 p.m. Kirkwood High Up Music Festival feat. Iration, Collie Buddz w/ New Kingston, The Movement, Zion I, Kelley James, 1:30 p.m. Laughs Unlimited Crystal Image, 4 p.m. Luigi’s Fungarden Shannon Curtis, Parie Wood, 8:30 p.m. Luna’s Cafe Seven Flags, Myler & Star, Katie Knipp, 8 p.m.

Torch Club Johnny Guitar Knox, 5 p.m.; Shane Dwight, 9 p.m.

3.25 Sunday

Ace of Spades For Today, A Skylit Drive, Stick To Your Guns, My Children My Bride, Make Me Famous, 5:30 p.m. The Boardwalk Soulfly, Damage Over Time, Chernobog, Legion’s Requiem, 7 p.m. Cache Creek Casino Parn Thanaporn, 6 p.m. Capitol Garage Karaoke w/ Jeff Jenkins, 9 p.m. Distillery Karaoke, 8 p.m. Dive Bar Brian Rogers, 9 p.m. Harlow’s Western Lights, 7 p.m. Javalounge Michael LaPlante, 11 a.m.; Mad Judy, City Mouse, The Aberzombies, 8 p.m. Luigi’s Fungarden Buk Buk Bigups, Prescription Pills, 8 p.m. Mix Sunday Circus w/ Gabe Xavier, 8:30 p.m. Plea for Peace Center A Movable West, Filbert, Not An Airplane, Adams, Eves, 5 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Dennis Jones, 3 p.m. Press Club Sunday Night Soul Party w/ DJ Larry & DJ Hailey, 9 p.m.

Mix DJ Mike Moss, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Jackson Michelson, 7 p.m.

Naked Lounge Downtown TJ McNulty, Cara O’Shea, Bailey Zindel, 8:30 p.m.

The Stoney Inn Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Old Ironsides Pets, Kids On A Crime Spree, Soft Science, Jem & Scout, 9 p.m. Plea for Peace Center Lost Coves, Charles Albright, Bad Daddies, 8 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Atomic Punks (Van Halen tribute), 10 p.m.

Torch Club Blues Jam, 4 p.m.; Big Earl & Friends, 8 p.m. ZuhG Life Store Orange Morning, 2 p.m.

3.26 Monday

Press Club DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9 p.m.

The Blue Lamp Sound & Shape, 8 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Ryan Hernandez, 5 p.m.; The Hits, 10 p.m.

The Boxing Donkey Open Mic Variety Night, 8 p.m.

Shine Jake Kline, Matt McClean, 8 p.m.

Distillery Karaoke, 9 p.m. continued on page 27


Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


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Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

Fox & Goose Open Mic Night, 7:30 p.m. Luna’s Cafe Nebraska Mondays hosted by Ross Hammond w/ Know Hassell Project, Foothill Jazz Trio, 7 p.m. Naked Lounge Downtown Jazz Session w/ the Joe Mazzaferro Quintet, Kendrick Sextet, 8:30 p.m. Old Ironsides Strapped for Cash w/ Nuance, 7:30 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Po’Boyz Bar & Grill (Folsom) Comedy Open Mic, every Monday, 9 p.m. Punchline Comedy Club Jay Phillips, Mar. 15 - 18, Thurs., 8 p.m.; Fri. & Sat., 8 p.m. & 10 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m. Sam Bam’s Comedy Jam, Mar. 22, 8 p.m. Jo Koy, Mar. 23 - 25, Thurs., 8 p.m.; Fri., 8 p.m. & 10 p.m.; Sat., 7 p.m. & 9:15 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m. & 9 p.m.

Press Club The Porter Project, One More Last Try, The Solicitors, 8:30 p.m.

Sacramento Comedy Sportz Mayhem Improv Comedy, every Thursday, 9 p.m.

Red Hawk Casino Patton Leatha, 7 p.m.

ComedySportz, every Friday & Saturday, 8 p.m.

Sol Collective Microphone Mondays Open Mic, 8 p.m. The Stoney Inn Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Sacramento Comedy Spot Top Ten List Podcast Live, Mar. 13 & 20, 9 p.m.

University Union Ballroom, CSUS Fun, Avalanche City, 7:30 p.m.

Worlds Worst Doctors Comedy Improv, Mar. 16 & 23, 8 p.m.


Community Center Theater Ray Romano, Kevin James, Mar. 22, 8 p.m. Laughs Unlimited Mark G, Susan Jones, Mar. 15, 8 p.m. Ngaio Bealum, Susan Jones, Mar. 16 - 18, Fri. & Sat., 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m. Best of Open Mic Showcase, Mar. 20, 8 p.m. Steve Wilson, Shea Suga, Mar. 22 - 25, Thurs., 8 p.m.; Fri. & Sat., 8 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m. Luna’s Cafe Keith Lowell Jensen’s Comedy Night, every Wednesday, 8 p.m.

Open Mic Scramble, Mar. 18 & 25, 7 p.m. Johnny Taylor Presents Comedy Kill, Mar. 23, 9 p.m. The Stoney Inn Comedy Open Mic, every Monday, 8 p.m. Tommy T’s Luenell, Mar. 15 - 18, Thurs., 7:30 p.m.; Fri. & Sat., 7:30 p.m. & 9:30 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m. Jimmie Walker, Mar. 22 25 , Thurs., 7:30 p.m.; Fri. & Sat., 7:30 p.m. & 9:30 p.m.; Sun., 7 p.m. Misc.

Axis Gallery Stretch: New work by Joni Tanis, Karen Bearson, now through Apr. 1

Beatnik Studios Desaturated: A Black and White Photography Exhibit feat. Hope Harris, Dianne Poinski, Gary W. Vann, Judy Yemma, Terry Nathan, Mark Howell, Jeremy Sykes and more, now through Mar. 28 Blue Cue Trivia Night, every Wednesday, 8 p.m. Bows & Arrows Nerd Night hosted by Drew Walker, Mar. 14, 8 p.m. Wine Tasting w/ Michele Herbert, Mar. 20, 7 p.m. The Boxing Donkey Trivia Night, every Tuesday, 8 p.m. California Museum Riding Concrete: Skateboarding in California curated by Z-Boy Nathan Pratt, now through March 25 Fe Gallery John Stuart Berger’s 50 Show w/ Skinner, Robert Bowen, Matt136, Kim Scott, Carrie Cottini, Allen Carrier, Mark Fox and more, now through Mar. 31 Fox & Goose Pub Quiz, every Tuesday, 7 p.m. Golden Bear Random Knowledge Trivia Night, every Wednesday, 8 p.m. Bartending Competition, Mar. 17, 1 p.m. The Guild Theatre Movies on a Big Screen presents: At the End of the Rainbow, Mar. 18, 7:30 p.m.; Harlow’s Left & Loose In the Lot DVD Release Party, Mar. 24, 9 p.m. John Natsoulas Gallery KDVS 90.3 FM & Armadillo Music Vinyl Fair, Mar. 18

Luna’s Cafe Poetry Unplugged, every Thursday, 8 p.m.


Amnesty International’s Movie Night: The Black Power Mixtape, Mar. 13, 6 p.m. MAIYA Gallery March of the Robot feat. new works from C!nder, Marisa Goldberg, Dwight Head, Mark Lifvendahl’s, Mark Harm Niemeyer, now through Mar. 31 Old Sacramento 16th Annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade, Mar. 17, 1 p.m. Powerhouse Pub Trivia Night, every Monday, 8 p.m. River City Saloon Doc Holiday Was Irish Party, Mar. 17, 1 p.m. Sacramento Ballet Studios Rockin’ & Rollin’ w/ Reggie Ginn, Sac Ballet’s preview of Modern Masters, The Mach 5, A Tribute to the Sacramento Music Scene by Jay Spooner Photography, Midtown Musicians by Brooke Walker-Knoblich, Mar. 21 & 23, 5:30 p.m.

Sacramento’s Original Pizza Since 1953… Now continuing the tradition in Midtown Sacramento!


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Sierra-at-Tahoe Mountain Resort College Shred Fest w/ Live DJ, Prizes, Taco Eating Contest and more, Mar. 17

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Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


The grindhouse

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Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

John Carter Walt Disney

Words James Barone It was a little hard to judge John Carter from its trailer—or its title. John Carter could be a tale about an idealistic lawyer, or a gritty New York City cop, or a surfer who shreds waves at Mavericks…or whatever, really. In the trailer, there were many instances of our shirtless hero (the title character played by Taylor Kitsch) in an alien land, hurling himself with supernatural prowess into hordes of CGI creatures. Conan in space? As it turned out, not quite. The film actually starts in New York, 1881. Carter roguishly avoids a mysterious pursuer in a bowler hat and delivers a simple telegram to his nephew, author Edgar Rice Burroughs. He pleads with his nephew to visit right away, but when Burroughs arrives, he finds that Carter has passed away and has left him his considerable estate. More importantly, Carter left behind his journal, which is addressed to young Burroughs, that tells a fantastic tale. The story jumps back 13 years. We’re in the Wild West, post-Civil War Arizona territory, a rough place for rough men. Carter, a highly decorated soldier for the Confederacy, has fallen on hard times (as his beard probably suggests). He’s a lost man without a home or a country and cares only for finding a fabled cave of gold somewhere in the mountains. After escaping capture by Union soldiers, who mean to enlist Carter’s skills and courage to battle Apaches, our cynical protagonist finds what he is looking for and a whole lot more. A chance encounter with a Thern, a mysterious race of intergalactic space travelers, lands Carter in Barsoom, or Mars in our Earth parlance. There, he finds that the change in gravity has given him the ability to jump great distances and has granted him superhuman strength. He is captured by a race of four-armed beings known as Tharks, but after showing

his skill in battle he is reluctantly welcomed as a full-fledged member of the fold. The aforementioned incident also introduces him to Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins), a Frank Frazettastyle goddess and red princess of Mars. Saving her from certain death, Carter is thrust into the center of yet another civil war between Thoris’ Helium and the predator city Zodanga. What seemed like computer-addled fluff from the trailer (and there is plenty of that) belies what is actually a rich and exciting action/fantasy/science fiction film. Based on Burroughs' A Princess of Mars (perhaps a more descriptive title), John Carter is a sprawling adventure story rife with dazzling feats of heroism and old-fashioned romance. It starts with good villains. Mark Strong stars as the de facto Thern leader Matai Shang, a shape-shifting lurker who always seems to be in the right place at the right time. His motives are unclear, but he is cruel and precise in the execution of his master plan, which seems to be to install Sab Than (The Wire’s Dominic West), a blue Martian and brutish warmonger, as the planet’s overlord. Armed with a powerful, mystical Thern weapon, Than is set to lay waste to the planet, but that will only go so far as winning the loyalty of the people. He forces Thoris’ father to promise him her hand in marriage, uniting Helium and Zodanga by blood. Thoris, a scientist and headstrong young woman, isn’t having it. That’s where our heroes come in. They’re impossibly perfect. Carter, reluctant to take on the mantle because he lost his wife and daughter in his own Civil War, eventually comes around thanks in no small part to his bourgeoning romance with Thoris. Though she often plays damsel in distress, Thoris too has her moments saving Carter on multiple occasions and generally kicking ass in swordfights. This is the sort of grand story you’d expect from Disney and the man who brought us Tarzan. It’s got big battles, interesting characters and a love story that spans space and time. Really, it’s the sort of thing you go to the movies for, so don’t let the sub-par trailer dissuade you.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas

live<< rewind

Well Aged


Lagwagon, Cobra Skulls, Nothington

Harlow’s, Sacramento • Wednesday, Feb. 29, 2012

Words Zach Ahern • Photo melissa welliver Catering to the working people of the city, Harlow’s hosted an early evening show, promptly starting at 6:30 p.m. with San Francisco’s Nothington. With only a couple dozen early birds in attendance to start, Nothington held little back, providing a solid performance. Bandleader Jay Northington forcefully belted out the mid-tempo “Stop Screaming,” which drew obvious comparison to the gruff vocal styling of Chuck Ragan’s early work in Hot Water Music. The slightly quicker paced “This Conversation Ends” harked back to familiar pop-punk sounds of the mid-‘90s with straightforward rhythms, but catchy anthemic vocal hooks a la Face to Face or Social Distortion. “A Mistake” was perhaps their best song of the night, which included moments of all three guitarists singing at the same time; a formula that the band thrived on and shined the brightest when doing. At one point in between songs, Northington saluted the crowd with a can of beer, appropriate for the midway point of the third annual Beer Week in Sacramento. Second on the bill was Cobra Skulls, originally from Reno, Nev., but now calling the Bay Area home. Right out of the gates, Cobra Skulls were ready to roll and brought the rock with them. Drummer Luke Swarm led the way on “The Streets of Cairo” with grooving, danceable beats that grabbed the attention of the ever-increasing crowd. “Cobra Skullifornia” incited several in attendence to dance and mosh in the middle of the room. Adam Beck’s clever single-note guitar leads transitioned well into the chorus of the song, and bassist Devin Peralta legibly shouted disapproving lyrics into

the microphone, “You planted seeds in the desert/you stole your water from afar/Southern California stay where you are.” Other notable songs from the set were the upbeat and driving “Solastalgia” and hipshaking infectious “Honorary Discharge Under the Influence,” which sparked similarities to AFI and Rancid’s first few albums respectively. Cobra Skulls put forth a ton of energy and charisma with each individual member showcasing their talents as the supporting act. The legendary Lagwagon graced the stage with much anticipation and adoration from bunches of eager fans in attendance. Though some might argue Lagwagon’s heyday has come and gone, the group still performs with the energy, pizzazz and goofiness of teenagers. Lagwagon quickly riled up diehard fans, old and young, into a moshing frenzy with classics like the stop-and-go “Black Eyes.” Showing their playful side, towering guitarist Chris Flippin took time in the middle of the set to inform the crowd that they were missing American Idol on television. Vocalist Joey Cape also told an entertaining story about a warehouse show the band attended after a Cattle Club performance early in their career, in which Cape recalled seeing an awesome metal band, Crank Lab, whose name he mistook for years as the name of the venue. Prior to playing the catchy “Razorburn,” Cape and Flippin gave praise to an audience member with an impressive mustache. Songs like “Sleep” and “Weak” showed the talent of the band to be simultaneously melodic and aggressive, serving as a reminder as to why Lagwagon reeled us in to begin with and why they remain a relevant punk rock band today.

Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


Live music. Art. Photography. Dance.

the shallow end Lost in Translation

Sounds like a great mix to us. Rockin’ & Rollin’

March 21 & 23

In-Studio event combining the local music scene with The Sacramento Ballet: 5pm doors open

5:30pm - Reggie Ginn

Solo Indie/Alternative Musician

6:30pm - SacBallet

preview of Modern Masters

8:00pm - The Mach 5

Home grown all stars, covering classic rock over the last 4 decades



~Plus~ Rock Air: A Tribute to the Sacramento Music Scene by Jay Spooner Photography

Midtown Musicians

sketches by Brooke Walker-Knoblich

And more to be announced! All ages welcome

$25 (for the whole shebang, limited seating, on sale now) $5 (music only/standing room/sold at the door night of) At The Sacramento Ballet Studios: 1631 K street.

Tickets also on sale for our popular in-studio performances of

May 11, 12, 18, 19, 24, 25, 26, 27 at The Sacramento Ballet Studios Tickets: $36

For tickets and more information:


Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012

James Barone So, when I was in high school, I wasn’t very well adjusted. You probably noticed. We were required to take a foreign language, and I chose Italian, because I thought having that knowledge would allow me to converse with my grandmother in her native tongue. However, she was from Sicily, so the Italian I was learning was just about as foreign to her as it was to me. I still got good grades in it anyway, because I was a fucking nerd. One time, probably in my junior year, we were given a more advanced assignment than simple translation or comprehension. Our teacher charged us with the task of writing a short story in Italian—not long, probably 250 words or so, but it really put what we’d learned to the test. I decided to write a story about a kid who killed everyone in the high school cafeteria. I’m not sure why. Maybe because it was May and all the teenage girls I was afraid to talk to were wearing tank tops that day and my hormones just couldn’t handle it, or maybe some asshole just looked at me funny. It’s entirely possible I had no reason to do it at all other than I thought it would be funny—most likely to myself only. Armed with my trusty Italian-to-English/English-to-Italian dictionary, I banged out 250 words of homicidal rage and turned it in the next day, feeling pretty fucking proud of myself. I scored a 90 on the assignment. This was way before Columbine. Years later, while I was in college, I bumped into my Italian teacher in a store while I was doing Christmas shopping. We exchanged the usual pleasantries. Mrs. Arnone was a sweet, typically Italian-American-looking woman from New York with strong dark features. She brought up my bloody tale as we stood in an aisle of ribbons and gift-wrapping. “I remember that story you wrote,” she said. But I was smoking a lot of pot at the time, so I asked her to refresh my memory. “Oh yeah,” I said, after she recounted the gory details. I assured her it was just a joke— just the work of a silly teenage boy trying to make someone notice him. For the most part, it was. “If someone turned in something like that to me now, I’d have to alert the authorities,” she quipped. Of course, this was now postColumbine. To be honest, the feeling behind that story

was real. I was lashing out against people I’d surmised had done me wrong in the only way I knew how. I didn’t feel as though I could stand up for myself in any meaningful way, so all that frustration came out in 250 words of meticulously translated Italian gibberish. I remember after I was done writing it, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I would never have brought a gun to school. I could never shoot anyone, but thinking about it and writing it down was pretty damn cathartic. I guess as potential psychopaths go, I’m pretty mild. Post-Columbine, it seems like a yearly occurrence that some school at any rung of the educational ladder is getting shot up by some crazy fucker who felt that he just didn’t fit in. On Feb. 27, another kid went off halfcocked and shot up a school. It wasn’t even his school. T.J. Lane, 17, brought a knife and a .22-caliber pistol to Chardon High School in Ohio (just outside of Cleveland) and fired 10 shots, eventually killing three students and wounding three more. It won’t be decided until April 3 whether or not Lane will be charged as an adult. On March 8, in Smithtown, N.Y., a school went into lockdown when a threat of gun violence was found scrawled on the wall in one of the girls’ bathrooms. The words warned that whoever wrote it was going to shoot up the school. Friday at the Smithtown school came and went without incident, though some 200 students were kept home that day. One child interviewed mentioned that classes usually have tests or quizzes on Fridays and said that might have been the reason for the mock threat (hopefully). I don’t condone these actions, but I do get it. It was a long time ago, but I still remember high school. It sucked. School in general sucks. It could be worse, obviously; you could be scrounging for food in the streets or addicted to black tar heroin or something, but as far as run-of-the-mill experiences you’re forced to endure as a member of an affluent society, school is right up there with moving as the most supremely awful. So I understand when some dumb ass kid goes on a rampage. Hopefully other kids like Lane out there will find better outlets for this rage, like writing, though nowadays they might be arrested for showing it to anyone. Who knows, one day they might even grow up to be columnists.

Dive Into Sacramento & Its Surrounding Areas


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Issue 106 • March 12 – March 26, 2012


Dive into Sacramento & its Surrounding Areas

march 12 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; march 26, 2012





Local Designers Show Off

fun. Do Something Neil Hamburger Let Me Clear My Throat

C!nder Take Me to Your Leader


Fall in Love with Lagwagon All Over Again Friday Night Concerts in the Park Lineup Revealed

Irish whiskey Rundown!

Submerge Magazine: Issue 106 (March 12-26, 2012)  

Interviews with Jack Antonoff of the band Fun., comedian Neil Hamburger, Sacramento artist C!nder. Features on Sacramento Fashion Week and a...

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