SNAG A CUDDLE BUDDY ATTR ACT AN ANIMAL LOVER
The desire to couple up for hibernation is an evolutionary adaption, as when it comes to heat preservation, two is better than one. So to catch a loveseat lover, call on those primitive instincts: Birds dig colorful plumage, so catch bae’s eye with a assemblage of fashion faux pas. Singing is also valued in the bird kingdom, so bust out a tune Disney-princess-style to let your future Netflix and chill buddy know that you’re the fairest of them all.
R E G A R DI NG
DE -CUF FING
s spring rolls around, it will once again become clear that Cuffing Season is just the Summer Fling’s chubbier cousin. Like “Friday Night Lights,” all good things must come to an end, but when you and your cuffing companion finish binge watching, ending that relationship can be a little trickier than closing your Netflix tab. If you entered into your weather-dependent partnership having communicated its temporary nature, that’s great! But college students are not famous for their ability to plan ahead (see: every final paper ever). For those looking to end things tactfully, there are a few options. You could take “ghosting” to the next level by draping yourself in a white sheet with only eyeholes and refusing to take it off for any reason. If your mate thinks this is just another one of your cute quirks, make yourself unlovable: listen only to Nickelback, delete your HBO Go account and asking unsettling questions like, “How do you feel about having 15 kids, all named The Donald?” and “Was the Harambe thing really that big of deal?” If you haven’t yet convinced your snuggle associate that you’re a heathen, then they’re a keeper— lock that down.
DETAIN THEN DATE
The term “cuffing” derives from the traditional way of finding a mate, which is to impersonate a police officer and then arrest someone who gives you that *heart eye emoji* sensation. As you slip one cuff around your wrist and the other around theirs, whisper, “Your good looks are arresting” in their ear. Then, quicker than your new S.O. can say “restraining order,” swallow that key.
The Couple’s Snuggie: This “as seen on TV” staple is $19.95 for a reason—not only does it intensify your snuggling experience, but now you and bae are visually inseparable from the couch. Where does one end and the other begin? The Netflix homepage: This glowing red screen is the nucleus of your relationship. Every sitcom and documentary will become portals to T-B, Images via Prallos 11 • www.bustle.com
the real world, and the way through which you relate to your hiber-mate. The Fireplace: Unfortunately a wood burning fireplace is a non-option for most college Cuffers, but there is a simple hack: A portable heater plus a two hour YouTube video of a crackling fire played on a loop. Spike your cocoa with some Bailey’s and you’ll never detect the difference. NOVEMBER 2016 //