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ONE-LINERS

FROM THE VAULTS

“Look, I know it ’s hard to not invite Stanton to things. He’s a genuine soul. He brings great snacks. But dammit, he’ll bring the team down.” Alec Cudmore, St. Edward’s Universit y 7 Tips for Hate-Watching Shit t y Movies “Bear Bergman of ‘Bitch Media’ gives out guidance that, like his name, is both soft and strong.” Crissona Tennison, UCL A 5 Internet Advice Columnists Who Give Bet ter Advice Than Your Mom “‘Ac tually, I’m not a cop,’ they reply. ‘I’m the illusion of justice in our countr y.’ How you reac t to that is up to you, but at least you’re close

I Got My Nose Pierced While Studying Abroad and Now I’m a Cliché Though an astute sense of selfawareness is an underappreciated trait in these ironyladen times, the piece by Simmons College student Sofia Rivera shines more for its humor than its self-deprecation. It also stresses the important point that if you want to do something but are going to be roasted for doing it, go ahead and do it anyway.

enough to read the label on their beer.” Daniel Wilcox, University of Texas San Antonio Celebrate Ok tober fest with These Seasonal Beers “I can already hear every pissed-off misogynist aggressively rubbing his neckbeard in outrage.” Heather Ware, Bowling Breen State University Can We Please Have an All-Female Justice

SPOTLIGHT

League Already?

Campus Carry: What the First Few Weeks Have Been Like Written about six weeks into the semester by UTSA student Jessica Peña, the article drew waves of criticism from both sides of the Second Amendment spectrum. Peña, like many, was anxious about the introduction of guns into classrooms and dorms. Depending on your beliefs, what she came to realize might shock you.

“ The list came from a website called askmen. com, which was surprising, because at no point was I consulted when making this list ” Kevin Cordon, UC Ir vine Does the Per fec t Girlfriend Exist?

F I V E B O OK S BE ST R E A D I N T H E FA L L By A sh ley Wer t z , Un iver sit y o f P it t sbu r g h

Pet Sematary

House of Leaves

Warm Bodies

The October Country

The Graveyard Book

Stephen King

Mark Z. Danielewski

Isaac Marion

Ray Bradbur y

Neil Gaiman

ONLINE CLASSES This month on the website, learn how to: Sur vive in space // Deal with Facebook racists // Be bet ter than the Pumpkin Spice Lat te // Say (pret ty much) no to (almost all) drugs // Mourn the death of Pokémon Go // Manage bowel movements on a raw diet // Throw food-less dinner par ties // Avoid appropriating headass culture

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// NOVEMBER 2016


Study Breaks Magazine November Austin