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OF COUGARS & CANDY HEARTS


STUDENT REVIEW STAFF EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR The Student Review has gone through quite an evolution over the past thirty years from its birth in the 80s, to its ten-year hiatus and its eventual rebirth in 2011. Now, starting in January 2014 The SR

Noah Veloz

Copy editors

with an ever growing team of new students, set aggressive goals and increased our output for you

Julie Kohler Brooke Weaver Hannah Wheelright

created by our new, dedicated team, and we couldn’t be more excited. perhaps in partnership with religion), there are very few topics that are discussed as vigorously and relentlessly as love and dating. My own dating history has been exhaustively reviewed, from my clueless middle school years, to my lovesick high school era, ending up at this evolutionary experience I call BYU, but as we started putting together this together, I started to look back at my life again. So it was that I found myself at the Cougareat during the lunch hour, picking disappointedly at my Frescheta calzone.

head writer Lucas Miller

Web technician Brooke Weaver

social media manager Rachel Dalrymple

Graphic designer Emily Snow

finances Blake Owen

writers Rachel Darlymple Holly Henrich Conor Hilton Tanner Mathews

Gerhard Ottehenning Caitlyn Pearson Stephen Smoot Brittany Tennant Corey Wozniac

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“You know, guys say that they don’t care if a girl wears make-up,” says girl number one, “But you don’t see any of the girls who don’t wear make-up getting asked out.” “It’s true, guys say they don’t care, but they are lying.” Says girl number two. “What girls don’t understand is…” says guy number 1, but after that I stopped listening to them. Mostly out of irritation, or pity. I realized then that I too have spent more than a few too many hours trying to trick woman to go out with me. If I change the way I dress, then she will go out with me. If I walk and talk more like a man’s man, then they will go out with me. I tried being the nice guy, I tried being the mean guy. I’ve sat down at the Cougareat trying to tell girls how it all works. Though in the end, I found myself where I started: as ignorant as ever. have faced the confusion that is love and life. That is what this issue celebrates - the confusion, the

Noah Veloz Editor-in-Chief

CONTENTS 3 5 6 17

First Kisses: The Darker Side of Seven Minutes in Heaven by Lucas Miller

Dating: Freshman Style by Rachel Dalrymple

Kate Hansen: BYU’s Very Own Sochi Sweetheart by Caitlyn Pearson

Same-Sex Marriage in Utah by Tanner Matthews

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8 10 12 18

Men and A Sorry Attempt to Understand the Things Women Say by Lucas Miller

Satirical Sonnets by Conor Hilton

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Fair as the Moon, Clear as the Sun: Mormons and the Song of Solomon by Stephen Smoot

14

The Woes of Being the “Nice Guy” in the Dating Scene by Holly Heinrich & Brittany Tennant

Understanding Ukraine by Gerhard Ottehenning

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Mormons and Interracial Marriage by Corey Wozniak


FIRST KISSES THE DARKER SIDE OF 7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN

BY LUCAS MILLER You know “seven minutes in heaven,” the adolescent during the 1960s where two young people would enter a dark, enclosed space and lock lips for seven minutes? My guess is that you’ve probably seen the game in full swing on nick@nite during an episode of Happy Days.

With Fallout’s soothing, romantic undertones, Sean and Danielle soon began their make-out sesh, paying no attention to Torey and me. I looked at Torey to poke some fun at Sean and Danielle for their tenacious public snogging, and the gaze that she shot back at me was not one that I’d expected, yet it was not entirely unknown. It was that very gaze that I had come to associate with the covering of my eyes during the erotic parts of PG-13

some-odd years later we can only stand back and wish that every young person, including those of our own generation, could experience a celestial initial smooch in their own slice of heaven on earth. Tragically, the veil seldom parts and most are burned

learned in Sunday school, was the position of fornicators. That mattress might as well have been hot lava. I

kiss. Instead of concourses of angels descending upon the scene with a heavenly rendition of “bow-chickawow-wow,” chapped lips, clanking braces, and doubts of by the term “passionate kissing” arrived to rob us of that

walls in Danielle’s room. Church hymns weren’t working. I couldn’t remember how to count to ten. Why had I lied to my mother?! I listened intently for Torey to say something when all of a sudden “Sugar We’re Goin Down” was cut short and replaced with Kelly Clarkson’s

While I still may not be able to remember when Memorial Day is celebrated in my own country, I sure as

tional love ballad were all present. The perfect storm had formed and, in my mind’s eye, I knew that I was des-

Weighing in at a robust 135 pounds of pure sex appeal, I, at least the 15-year-old version, had my eyes set on a certain Torey Ishikawa. duced a girl who, at the time, was one of the most beau-

of a redemptive seminary video! She was much too powerful. “Holy Bathsheba!” I thought to myself.

Pure silence, broken only by a thundering heart and heavy breathing, was interrupted by the light stroke of

Dri) and an Eagle Scout award, the conquest of Torey’s lips was my ultimate goal. Having reassured my mother that I’d only be going out with a “group of friends” and that there would be “more

position, our eyes met. The biggest issue? Deep within I knew that I was only 15 years, 11 months, and 26 days old. I’d made it this long; couldn’t this wait four more days? Could I really shatter my VL-card with a mature sixteen-year-old woman who’d had a world of experience? She knew what both of us wanted and she wasn’t to

of light-hearted fun, nothing more. Having friends with licenses was a godsend and I intended to cash in on an incredible night. Unexpectedly, a few hours later I found myself in the bedroom of Torey’s best friend, Danielle, lying on her bed listening to “Sugar, We’re Goin Down” by Fallout

of a few light kisses, my mind reverted back to the ironically prophetic words of Fallout Boy’s lead singer, Patrick Stump, as he sang no more than three minutes prior, “Sugar, we’re going down swinging.” Message received, Patty! The green light was given and I took full advantage.

of crappy punk rock that spoke volumes to a yearning heart such as mine. The four of us—Torey, Danielle, my

myself atop a slippery slope but by no means went sledding. That being said, the situation was entirely uncomfortable when, only a few minutes into my very own saliva swap, Danielle’s father cracked the door open, poked his head in, and asked, “Hey, you kids having fun? I’m

any group of teenagers would.

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wanted anything.” With nobody willing to speak up, I lifted my head and replied, “No, I think we’re good.” Ya see, I was a man now and could speak to other men with face, for Pete’s sake! Still, imagine my surprise as he slowly closed the door and asked for our understanding,

when she’s not crushing skulls as the President of BYU’s by stating, “I’ve got lips and you’ve got lips. Let’s get

atop BYU’s political hierarchy and as the most responsible, powerful woman that I know on campus, I doubt it.

Hardly a heavenly experience, but with a father’s abtrial Kingdom.” Laugh as you might, I’m not the only BYU student here in Provo with an embarrassing tale of lips losing their ams, a 25-year-old Elders Quorum President from Perth, -

their feet in person. You’d be wrong. seph coming from a mile away and knew that, in spite of

thought was, ‘that’s warm and wet.’ So that’s what that feels like. That’s weird.” The best part about the experience is that the circus was ly, “My parents thought that it was so funny! They invited all of their friends to the game and even videotaped it. What’s funny is that he hadn’t kissed anyone either, which is why I think that he was chosen.” I’ve saved the best for last and I can promise you that

to think that women couldn’t even vote in Presidential

members presented the student body of Maple Mountain with a series of dares that they could vote on. The chosen dare, upon being selected, would be completed by a previously indicated member of student council if a certain amount of money was raised by the students. Weak

story, given by Brooke Lynne Weaver, will really impress you. Brooke, a 21-year-old Rubik’s cube enthusiast who also loves riding horses but would never think of doing both activities simultaneously, spoke passionately about man that she’d always dreamt of sharing it with, saying, “I thought it would be exciting, because whenever I saw it in movies and things, it was always that moment that made me so thrilled, but when it actually happened it

Outback, he’d be using their product to corners of the globe. regaled me with a tale loaded with an inspired Bishop, a ward 4th of July party, and a pesky mutual friend. Having met who he once felt might become the love of his life through church, Joey soon learned from a mutual friend with whom he had shared a German class in high school that that very special girl wanted nothing more Speaking with a smile on his face, Joey rewe chatted and I was like, ‘Hey, I wanna kiss you,’ and she’s like, ‘Oh, okay,’ and I was like, ‘Let’s do it after the next stake dance.’ So, we planned it. We planned our

“Laugh as you might, I’m not the only BYU student here in Provo with an embarrassing tale of lips losing their innocence.”

it has to be emotional. That’s basically all that matters to me. There has to be a connection. They have to have gone to college. They have to be fairly intelligent, but not too intelligent in that pretentious sort of way. You have to be able to talk to them and they have to be interesting.” Seems fair enough, if you ask me. of Cupid’s nettlesome arrows when she in Sandy, Utah, she’d met a special young man named Ryan Everson who’d unknowingly, as you’ll soon see, steal her heart. Speaking of Ryan’s perfection with a twinkle in her nostalgic eye, Brooke spoke of what she’d once seen in Ryan, saying,

Ladies, if you can’t stand the thought of a guy pesterhome football game. say about the kissing experience: “It is an emotional release that lets you know that there is somebody that is interested in you and that things could progress. I don’t kiss for the heck of it. My kisses mean something.” much and amount to little when all is said and done. Oftentimes, he/she who administers a kiss might not even be aware of the fact that the recipient of said kiss not moments ago had never come to “know” the lips of anothseem, the contrast is equally if not more cataclysmic, especially when that very kiss is executed in front of 2,000 people. -

labiums of a member of the Maple Mountain football squad. Understandably enough, the idea of having to share an intimate moment in front of what seemed like the world caused cold feet for Prince Charming #1 and, quickly, Prince Charming 2.0 would need to be located. Superwoman had clearly trained her troops well, for when called into action other student council representatives were running up and down the bleachers yelling, berly?!”

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take full form. Though still a permit-driving teenager, Brooke found that she’d fallen hard for Ryan. “Of course, that killed me. I absolutely adored him and I thought, ‘Oh, he’s nineteen and already graduated! What would he ever want with a girl like me?’” explained Brooke. One evening while watching Dane Cook and Jessica in her sister’s boyfriend’s basement with Ryan, Brooke that he’d fallen fast asleep. Providing necessary details,

boo, but promises that a suitable kisser was discovered. planted one on her! Too cute!

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all the way down his back to his butt. What I loved was that he always had it in a ponytail and it was soft and he took good care of it and washed it and brushed it. It was beautiful. He was really kind of metrosexual, but in an attractive way.”

in a row because he did funny things like that and it was the third day. He couldn’t take it any longer.” continued on p. 5


DATING

“There is a part in that movie when the passengers realize there are only enough lifeboats for a fraction of the ship. A similar situation occured when the incoming freshmen arrived in August.”

Freshman Style

BY RACHEL DALRYMPLE

BYU freshmen there is also a lack of solid long-term

Do you remember the movie Titanic? Remember Leonardo DiCaprio and that Celine Dion song you imagined playing in the background every time

taking a lengthy break from normal society at the end of the year. When students return from their 1.5-

in that movie when the passengers realize there are similar situation occurred when the incoming fresh-

odds were not in their favor. General panic ensued. The dating culture of BYU has been exaggerated, many times by many people. What has been overlooked, however, is how this culture relates the freshman class, especially since the age of missionary eligibility changed in the LDS Church in October 2012. Freshmen exist at universities everywhere. These teenagers live in dorms, eat at cafeterias, stay up late and are generally looked down upon by upperclassmen. There are a few things about freshman at BYU, though, that make them unique. Other than the clear the most “stone-cold sober” students in the country, as well as the university Honor Code enforcing those trusty Strength of Youth standards, amongst

experienced than their freshmen classmates, causing a distinct gap that separates teenaged freshmen into their own social group. Because many freshmen are at school primarily to

ite topic of conversation is marriage, but unlike older BYU students who talk about their own marriages or the misfortune of being unmarried at twenty-two, freshmen love to talk about how marriage is still far ture, anyway). Despite the initial reaction to the lack of freshman males, romance is still found and fun is still had. Bishops still attempt to force students onto dates and lessons on morality are still the most common topic in church. missionaries could leave at a younger age quickly altered the freshmen experience, some constants remain. Times are changing, but dating remains an integral part of student life—take it or leave it.

continued from p. 5 I think you see where this is going. Taking me into her slightly dazed, boy crazy mind, Miss Weaver continued, “It’s in the basement. It’s the boyfriend’s bedroom and ing out with her boyfriend and here I am in the dark with this guy that I adore and he’s asleep and I’m like, ‘Carpe diem, right?’ Yeah, it was kind of weird ’cause he was asleep. He didn’t wake up though, ’cause he was out.” Later, through an extremely impressive feat of inves-

knew that had he been awake, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere near him. If he had had anymore sleep, I’m actions by the fact that he won’t remember a thing.” I’m pleased to report that, as of 2014, Brooke is a witty, beautiful, kind woman who now has trouble keeping not only creepy, long-haired men away from her, but also normal looking, drop-dead gorgeous ones as well. being celestial, terrestrial, or telestial, it doesn’t matter. It’s yours! Own it! Wear it as a badge of honor for, in the

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BYU’S VERY OWN SOCHI SWEETHEART BY CAITLYN PEARSON ticipates in each Winter Olympic games. Further, the chance of any U.S. citizen to make it to the Olympics is 0.00000069%. Demonstrably, the chances are slim—enormously slim. Who would have assumed that at BYU you yourselves among a very microscopic group to constantly be in the same graces as Kate Hansen, the 2014 OlymFor those who have already crossed paths with Kate, you know that your encounters with her in no way resemble a meeting with a celebrity or any other exclusive-type person for that matter. The most accurate descriptions of Kate will all include some form of the following: luge, remarkably outgoing, sociable, friendly to all, California, surf, skate, luge, amazing hair, etc. Being from the same home stake as Kate, I was completely enamored by her at Girls Camp. Everyone she comes in contact with naturally wants to become her friend. What proves her good character is that she views you in the same fashion. Her enthusiasm and interest in all other people despite her characteristics. More simply, she is fun and if you are sen Beyonce dance moves” if you doubt me).

“I have definitely given up above and beyond for this sport. By the time I got to Provo, I knew what was coming and had accepted that I was not going to get the normal college experience.”

For someone so sociable, Kate has spent most of her time away from her friends and family while training for luge, omitting much of her college experience. this sport. By the time I got to Provo, I knew what was coming and I had accepted that I was not going to get the and I was going to make the best of it and yes, it has been miss my people at BYU but I feel like whenever I come back to visit, I haven’t missed a beat,” she said in our brief conversation in January. Kate was also an Olympic hopeful in the last 2010 games in Vancouver, but unfortunately she was unable to make the team. I remember her telling me years ago that she would try for the 2010 games, but once she left for college she would put luge behind her. Obviously, her plans changed. If you have the talent to make it to son to not develop that talent, even if it means pausing your life. So, four more years of training making a total

Team roster on December 13, 2013 in Park City. “The moment I realized I made the team, I was super weeks and every weekend my career could have end-

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ed, so really when I made the team it was relief that the whole process was over. I had nothing left mentally or physically so all I could really do was cry,” Kate said. her making the team. Most notably, she won the World gold for the event in seventeen years. I asked her about if she has received any new form of national identity since she is representing her country in one of the most unique and highest degrees. She replied with, “Nothing has really changed. I’m still with my same teammates traveling to the same places, but I think I’ll really feel that pride once all the Olympic activities start. . . . I will say, though, more to me now.” If you are on any sort of social network in Provo, then you have come across posts of photos, videos, and Buzzfeed stories exemplifying the support and enthusiasm of some of Kate’s friends in addition to her own exciteny, there were countless pictures that friends had taken of Kate’s camera time and posted them to Facebook. Of course, all of these posts are backed with very legitimate reason. The celebration is not exclusive to the virtual world. Several parties in Provo have been thrown in her

honor in addition to a billboard posted on the busiest

In regards to this newfound publicity, Kate stated, “It doesn’t make a difference for me. I’m just flattered that people are actually interested in what I have been doing for the past eleven years of my life.”

her and wishing her luck. This will forever be one of the biggest moments of Kate’s life and whether fortunately or unfortunately, it is very widely publicized. In regards to this newfound publicity, Kate stated, “It doesn’t make tually interested in what I have been doing for the past eleven years of my life. It’s weird to actually have people know what luge is.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter -day Saints has also found Kate’s talents fortunate to its goal of missionary work. In a Deseret News article, Kate discussed her discovery of a man’s LDS conversion due to hearing about the Church through her public attention. On the topic, Kate said, “If I don’t make the Olympic team, it was all worth it. This story and this experience makes it all worth it.” nitely be hitting the books after this season. I need to get back on track for a degree ’cause at this point I’ve spent more time in weight rooms than classrooms.” We can all look forward to her return to Provo, but in the meantime, good luck Kate!

Kate’s own photo from the Sochi Opening Ceremony.

“I’ve waited for this night my entire life. Let’s stick it to the man.” THE STUDENT REVIEW

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Men and A Sorry Attempt to Understand the Things Women Say BY LUCAS MILLER Much like Ted Mosby of CBS’s hit sitcom, How I Met Your Mother, when it comes to relationship troubles and the laying down the “woe is me” card, nobody is more willing nor apt to do so than the painfully single, male returned missionary studying at BYU. Prepare yourself

really cool moms looking like some sort of cozy Teletubby/Christian Father hybrid. Joe Stick reminds teens everywhere that, in spite of what their delusional parents say, it’s very much possible to “smoke safely.” con Bowls, making bacon a viable option for those of us who only know how to work a microwave, must be con-

to thank for this little beauty of a conundrum. Let it be known that there is nothing wrong with the outdoors nor those who would classify themselves as “outdoor peoSeeing as how our beautiful campus lies in the heart of admit that seeing a ski/snowboard rack on top of a girl’s hatchback is both an intimidating and exhilarating experience. What is hard to believe, however, is the frequency with which this claim is made by women through social meHow can you tell if a woman truly loves the great outdoors? She’ll more than likely be guzzling water from an indestructible Nalgene water bottle, wearing Chaco sandals, and sporting a single, wild blonde streak of hair to let you know how nonconforming she is, hence her desire to better connect with Mother Nature. cool with anything! You decide.” riously cool with anything as long as it doesn’t involve that hand hold), the dollar theater, the Wilkinson Center, the Y on the mountain, distant restrooms, an overly cold We can’t be certain, but many feel that a woman’s in-

of frozen yogurt. When in doubt, play it safe with some “froyo.”

Put these in contrast with such horrendous atrocities fortunately, the very women whose mere accidental eye contact we crave have often, unknowingly and through no fault of their own, complicated this seemingly simple task. Society has improved at an incredibly rapid rate over the past few centuries with impressive advances in technology. Twentieth-century thinkers such as Henry Ford and Steve Wozniak brought us the Model T Ford and the

brought about during the revolutionary period of our parents. That being said, it would be horrendously unfair to not give credit to our generation and the abundance of useful commodities that have been introduced to the world via the genius that is Generation Y. Shampoos and conditioners now have the capacity to coexist, peacefully, in the very same bottle. Snuggies all across the country have sports fanatics, the elderly, and

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Mississippi with a southern drawl that you’d be willing hard not to feel a smidgen of gratitude for all that we, the this wild and crazy world of ours. So now I have somewhat put things in perspective as I begin to lament about a particular trouble I have: understanding the complex mind of the common female and the very statements created therein that deceive those of us trying to break free from the captivity of the infamous “bachelor bin.” statements uttered by the female species that you men may very well come to crack, or you women to explain, losopher Plato in his masterpiece, The Republic, “Necessity is the mother of invention.” The need is great. Let us begin. #5 The Great Outdoors — “I love anything and everything outdoors!”

There are things that they don’t want to do, say, for example, go and run six miles . . . or hike the Y, which is the worst date idea that I’ve ever done. Girls are very indecisive. I kind of expect it with girls. I think it’s a little unattractive. I like girls who have strong opinions who know what they want to do.” #3 Girls with Girls — “Oh, I wish I could! Tonight’s just gonna be a ‘girl’s night,’ y’know?” pear at sundown? Not even local house parties, dances, or FHE activities can draw them out of their obscure caverns of comfort. Could these hidden beauties really gather together in an unknown location, engaging in a group, sexy séance? Just where is that undercover tavern whose es-


“The following are five of the most common, confusing statements uttered by the female species that you men may very well come to crack, or you women to explain, during your lifetimes.” trogen-loaded conversation dissects every twist and turn in the plot line of the eighteenth season of The Bachelor as Mr. Juan Pablo Galavis seeks out a proper temple marriage? Most “inspired questions” come with a reassuring anof the missing temptresses, no such answer appears to exist. Hard to believe.

This statement can be confusing for most men because, when trying to form a relationship with a woman, they struggle to understand what kind of ground they are standing on. What we do know for certain is that any are men is entirely naive as to what’s really going on. If anything, this woman is both gullible and oblivious.

crew. We once again travel deep down south to Mississippi, bit of refreshing wisdom from John Daniel. When asked about the possibility of a young, female “bro” becoming an integral part of a legitimate fraternity of friends, John

a prospect. She’s like a draft prospect. She’s got some potential.” Even more ironic is the fact that she might up and go potential number-one draft pick Jabari Parker . . . From what’s generally observed, this sort of bombshell of a woman prides herself on being blunt and straightforward. So straightforward, in fact, that her own species simply can’t handle her candidness. The end result? Drama, which she simply doesn’t have time to deal with. BYU with an insatiable desire for constant snapchatting and “getting ripped at Gold’s Gym,” of the truth behind said prospects, “I think, generally speaking, when it comes to girls who have a lot of guy friends, I think that

they have trouble making girlfriends because of their personality because they do like drama and they are the ones that usually start it so they don’t have that many friendships, y’know, with girls.” Continued John Daniel along the same note while ever mentions drama is dramatic and the reason why she can’t deal with girls is ’cause she is extremely dramatic so she can only deal with guys, who are chill.” Extremely comfortable with the guys, eh? Hey, pull my

pressure in our friendship.” I think we all saw this coming in at number one on our countdown of confusing, questionable, extra-X-chromosome-generated statements. Numbers two and one on this short list are closely intertwined and it’s rare, if not without using the other as well. Ladies, I haven’t addressed you much in this article, for which I sincerely apologize, but do you ever wonbut I can promise you that calling him “dude,” “man,” “bud,” or, heaven forbid, “kid,” didn’t help your friendMighty Joe Young kind of friendship that you’d hoped it would be. In the end Jill Young and Joe were able to maintain a true friend-

people! “Ew, the friend zone,” our Mississippian, quote-producing machine disgustedly exclaimed. “It’s the worst because like, you like her. Obviously you want to continue that relationship and have it become more, but when you get in the friend zone, it’s like all your hopes and dreams are crushed.” Having come to understand John Daniel’s basic opinproclaim, “Oh yeah, guys and girls can totally be friends. No doubt about it. . . . ” Wait for it . . . “’cause you can hook up with her friends.” That’s what I thought, Daniel. What men want more than anything is for women to

be to sincere and honest so that they know what they can expect from a relationship. I understand entirely that women are, for the most part, gentle, kind, and loving, and those innate traits are what attract men to women sense of the word, shouldn’t be afraid of hurting a man’s feelings by telling him that they’re not interested in a romantic relationship. Truthfully, what hurts a man most is being led to believe that something amorous might materialize from a relationship when a woman couldn’t be further from those feelings. Tell him what you’re thinking because if you’re spending lots of time together and chatting via text message, I can guarantee you that he’s assuming you’re interested in him. Seriously though, if a sincere friendship were to develop between a man and a woman, its existence would be restrictively conditional, for when either of the two parties marries, friendship with a member of the opposite sex becomes entirely inappropriate, rightfully so, and what was once a friendship becomes nothing more than another acquaintanceship. There is, of course, nothing wrong with that. Both have already found their single, solitary friendship with the opposite sex. You get one shot at a true cross-gender friendship, and that relationship will always be sealed with the words “I do.” Returning from whence we came, intellectually speaksolution that can erase the confusion that’s always existed between men and women. bel experienced an accidental explosion after attempting to stabilize nitroglycerine—the results of which all beneIn our case, however, mere happenstance may never lead to a groundbreaking discovery and all of our brain

learn to live with one another peacefully, as colleagues in life, as potential lovers, or as awkward, confused human beings.

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E U T R I V re? N u p O o T s , E tue SONN ughts, e to Vir

of tho re the a e sure, t p r a l o m f p o k c y c I m e Shall thy n sh on i n n o r n a o g i l rt the Medal s ’ n e Thou a m g Wo n ts. u o o Y p y y t h r t i h Wit those d n fall, a y e l h t c g m n i en fro k o Scrubb r b d sed an i u r b e ssess. b o tall. t p s o s u l s e , m s g t u n h Tho ’s heig , only a e n e n i v h a t e ike rom H f bless? e Virtue l o m t o e c f i e l st hav st my u u j m , h u t r o Th e to ea m o c u o eart, h y m f Didst th sire o e d s u o righte e h t — part, ity o s Thou t r r e e v ’ i e n ity’s U aled- n n e r s e t e E b To e can desty. w o o m s f o e m icture p e Must co h t , white n i plete, d m e o s c s e e r D ill not b w e f i l e my e h t o eat. t t u t o fi h n t u i W rever o f e t a l p And my

E E H T R O F E V O L Y ays M w e F h t O t ET oun

SONNo I love thee? Let myescI show love for thee.

Satirical

SONNETS BY CONOR HILTON

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e wa e How d r h T . praise, e l e l ’ r I h t ” , , y o merc r e One, tw d n i ey. t k “ s a ’ , k c g o n eti a padl e k i Our me l e ur lov o g n i k n rod. o r i n Unloc w gues. ro n u o o t , f s o d g han e gift n h i t d l g o n i h c practi One is , s s -bod. i e k l p e t s m a e ch o this t t d Two—a n ngs. e u l m y m o m c a re from p e e d Three— s ssed ujah o l r e c l l e a v h g ths ha a p r Shoutin u o ead. yet r , e e e v h a t h and meet w t s o u n j k t I s I did name y h lost, t , m s ’ I n i s h t e l her ey wed. n The vei i e r w o f d , e e n ordai a, guid e n r o o f h a s i a L rly, ‘tw a e l c e But I se glow, s ’ y t i n r CMO. in ete N k s a a s b a Let us tarted s l l a t i think o t d n A


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BY STEPHEN SMOOT Mormons are notoriously good at spreading folklore and faith promoting rumors. One such rumor that you’ve probably heard goes something like this: “Well, I heard that President Hinckley said that you should staple the Song of Solomon shut and never read it!” Or maybe it was Bruce R. McConkie that said it. Or maybe it was Spencer have said it, the point is the same: the Song of Solomon is ancient pornography. Just skip it whenever you read the Old Testament and pretend like it doesn’t exist. But what, I wonder, would members of the Church who speak negatively of the Song of Solomon think if they ever found out that it was actually once quoted in a temple dedicatory prayer. “Remember all thy church, O Lord,” Joseph Smith prayed at the 1836 dedication of the Kirtland temple, “that the kingdom, which thou hast set up without hands, may become a great mountain out of the wilderness of darkness, and shine forth fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with

realize, is actually straight out of the Song of Solomon. “Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners. . . . Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear of Solomon 6:4, 10). Mormon hesitation with the Song of Solomon stems, no doubt, largely from an editorial remark made by lation” of the Bible. “The Songs of Solomon are not inspired writings,” the note, written in the hand of Fredsame note accompanies the modern Mormon edition of the Bible.) While it’s impossible to determine if this negative appraisal of the Song of Solomon came directly from Joseph Smith himself or from one of his associates working with him on his Bible revision, since then the prevailing Mormon feeling for the Song of Solomon has been ambivalence at best. In one extreme instance, Elder Bruce R. McConkie, certainly not known for his timidity

or dissemblance, once blasted the Song of Solomon in no uncertain terms as “biblical trash.” From this early antipathy sprang what is probably safe to say the current the Song of Solomon.

lot. There is no indication of the author of the text, and the attribution to Solomon was likely, in the words of biblical scholar James M. Reese, “an editorial superscription that links this poetry to Israel’s famous poet and sage rather than a declaration of authorship.” Furthermore, the date of the composition of the text is undecided. While most scholars would place the date of the text to circa 450–400 BC, others have suggested alternative sixth or third century BC dates. To make matters worse, there’s also little consensus as to what the original purpose of the book erotic drama? the script to an ancient fertility rite?), to say nothing of how to interpret the book in a theological

Fair as the Moon, Clear as the Sun:

MORMONS AND THE SONG OF SOLOMON THE STUDENT REVIEW

12


“While it’s impossible to determine if this negative appraisal of the Song of Solomon came directly from Joseph Smith himself...since then the prevailing Mormon feeling for the Song of Solomon has ambivalent at best.”

But these ambiguities notwithstanding, one thing is ilar examples of love poetry found in the cultures that surrounded ancient Israel. Parallels from the love poetry of ancient Mesopotamia and Egypt can be draw with the Song of Solomon, and it seems obvious that, whatever else it is, the text clearly has a strong romantic/erotic component to it. Consider, for example, the steamy double en-

as an allegory of Christ’s love for his church, or even for

aroused at the arrival of her lover, hastily undresses and opens the locked door of her chambers. Then, with imagery worthy of an R. Kelly ballade, the lady sings, “My beloved thrust his hand into the opening, and my inmost being yearned for him. I arose to open to my beloved, -

to the parallels to the Song of Solomon found in other ancient Near Eastern love poetry, Brown remarked, “I like the Song of Solomon because it best shows the amount ers of the Hebrew Bible.” When asked what his favorite aspect of the Song of Solomon was, Quinten Barney, a senior who teaches seminary, admitted that he wasn’t too familiar with the text. “Honestly, I haven’t studied it that

Solomon 5:4–6). Needless to say, this is probably not the for scripture mastery. But not all of the Song of Solomon is so risqué. Other

interpretations of the Song of Solomon far-fetched, but it has become a very common approach to the text for many believers. So how have BYU students taken to the Song of Solo-

a kid, daring each other to go read it.”

6:3 have been used as engravings on wedding bands or -

much for the Song of Solomon at all. “I don’t particularly

a beloved passage from Song of Solomon at Dwight and

age.” But while Mickelson isn’t keen on the Song of Solomon, Jasmin Gimenez expressed her appreciation for the Song of Solomon as an inspired allegory. “I won’t say it’s my favorite book, but it certainly has more merit than most LDS students will give it,” Gimenez said. “While the imagery in the Song of Solomon is perhaps graphic, it presents a powerful allegory to God’s love for his covenant people.” Likewise, Hannah Lambert thinks that the

come away; for lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. . . . The time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. . . . Let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and Of course, for Christians and Jews who accept the Bible as inspired scripture, the Song of Solomon has served as more than merely beautiful love poetry. Not long after the composition of the text, ancient Jews began commenting on the Song of Solomon as an extended allegory of God’s love for Israel. What’s more, Christian commentators for centuries have interpreted the Song of Solomon

Solomon has strong principles that can be learned from, When asked what they thought of the prevailing attitude of their peers towards the Song of Solomon, these

students all expressed disapproval towards anyone who wouldn’t at least give it a fair shake. “Seeing that most Latter-day Saints hardly read their Bibles at all anyway, the zeal that some members show for wanting to excise the Song of Solomon from the canon amuses me,” Mickelson quipped. “If direct relevance to doctrinal topics were a prerequisite for being in the canon, our Standard Works could probably be condensed to a nice little pamphlet.” To really drive his point home, Mickelson added, “My problem with people bashing the Song of Solomon It’s okay if it’s not your favorite, but criticizing literature you haven’t read is something Mormons are painfully familiar with and should avoid.” Barney goes along with Mickelson by expressing his displeasure with any belittlement of the Song of Solomon. “I don’t think it would be appropriate to speak negspeak negatively of any religious sect’s canon.” Gimenez herself agrees with Barney. “I don’t think the Song of Solown interpretation of scripture and how it draws them closer to God, but I myself think there is value in the Song of Solomon.” Brown, who views the Song of Solomon as interesting ancient love poetry, stresses that students should not neglect it because “it gives context to the Hebrew Bible within the literary corpus of the ancient Near East.” Finally, Lambert insisted that no scripture should be neglected. “Scripture teaches us doctrine and principles so we can learn from them and develop ourselves as far as we are able. That’s what it’s all about.” In the end, whether you think the Song of Solomon is inspired scripture or the ancient equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, Barney, with his tongue in cheek, raises a good point as to why the Song of Solomon should stay in the canon. “Well, if it were thrown out it would screw up the whole ‘Books of the Old Testament’ seminary song.”

THE STUDENT REVIEW

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The Woes of Being the “Nice Guy” in the Dating Scene A Gripping Analysis Written by Two Very Single Girls (Just Saying)

BY BRITTANY TENNANT & HOLLY HENRICH

an expectation of guys being naturally forward. However, if I’m not absolutely sure

Girls: Raise your hand if you’ve never gone for a guy that clearly didn’t have your best interests at heart. Never? Didn’t think so. Put your hands down. (If you really Texas). in an actual library database for this) has supported the claim that women do value the traits of the nice guy and seek them when looking for long term relationships. Why, often than not it means stepping up to the plate and being the attentive, approachable leader that we all need, whether that’s in dating or in groups. We all consider Nephi a nice

interesting and “out of the scope” of the typi-

of viability for a relationship) increased atten-

results in a larger total number of women in-

greater selection of women to choose from. McDaniel suggests that women, in turn, may feel a sense of satisfaction by being selected by a man who is desired by many and this may override the desire for nice guy traits. Just so we’re on the same page, what we

“Complaints that ‘no girl will look twice at me, even though I act like a total gentleman’ are all too common, as is the stereotype of the guy on the opposite end of the spectrum, who is clearly ‘just in it for the NCMO.’”

via McDaniel article): Nice guy: operationalized as a man who is easily recognized by young women as a good personality and being agreeable, eager to please, and willing to wait for sex. Jerk: operationalized as a man who is easily recognized by young women as a combination of the ‘fun guy’ and ‘sexy guy’ – a ‘not so nice’ man who could be perceived as exciting, physically attractive, charming, and assertive sexually…a potentially unsuitable combination. have hoped for from the ladies he courted, because, as he explains, “Girls seem to have

THE STUDENT REVIEW

14

We’d like not to make a blanket statement here. BYU is certainly the place to go if you want to surround yourselves with people of both genders who are both “nice” and attractive – totally eligible potential life partners, if you will. But complaints that “no girl will look twice at me, even though I act like a total gentleman” are all too common, as is the stereotype of the guy on the opposite end of the specWe’re not saying anybody has to make a change, either. Clearly, being a guy that typi-

both parties are responsible, and we could

So, what are some solid steps we can take in order to solve this dilemma? Honestly, we haven’t gotten there yet. Baby steps. ‘Til next time, Birdie & Holls


BY GERHARD OTTEHENNING be crudely stated as a fear of hard-to-pronounce names. Strange guttural sounds and an absence of vowels are enough to cause any ardent plebeian to shy away from the news. The recent escalation of protests in Ukraine is sion going around. Viktor Fedorovych Yanukovych is the acting President of Ukraine. Ukraine has a Semi-Presidential system of

a tug of war between Yanukovych, opposition party leaders, and normal citizens who have become disillusioned sult have begun to take matters into their own hands. The taking over of government buildings and the surge in violence over the past two months can be partially attributed to this general dissatisfaction with both Yanukovych and the leaders of the opposition movement. On the periphery are the EU, the US, media Oligarchs, and former Time magazine man of the year, Vladimir Puposits that things will work in their favor regardless of whether they do anything or not. The United States re-

with sanctions if he decides to use violence against the protesters. Yanukovych has made enemies with many powerful Oligarchs by giving members of his family preferential treatment. In turn the Oligarchs, many of whom control the media sources in Ukraine, have slighted Yanukovych by refusing to block images of the riots. Many have also stated that they will step in if the country begins to descend into civil war-like conditions. Putin remains Yanukovych’s closest ally. But hidden behind all the of the bailout money is a fear that if Ukraine shifts west and builds closer ties with the EU, other countries currently under Russia’s sphere of

Understanding

UKRAINE

as it tries to achieve a desirable balance of power between eral Parliament), and the Judicial Branch. While the recent protests were not directly caused by this political uncertainty, it remains a source of tension. is inevitably tied with Viktor Yanukovych’s biases. Yanukovych is not a native Ukrainian and until recently held a minimal command of the Ukrainian language. Having grown up speaking Russian, Yanukovych has repeatedis felt by many older Ukrainians, especially those living close to the Russian border. This dichotomy within Ukrainian politics manifested itself when Yanukovych

governmental reforms- in favor of a $20 billion bailout from Russia. This comes partly in the form of cheap natural gas, a source of constant contention between Russia, Ukraine, and the EU. Pro-EU Ukrainians, most of whom live in the western part of the country, descended on the Capitol in protest.

“Ukraine’s

conflict, like many pro-democracy movements over the past couple years, doesn’t fit neatly into a good vs. evil narrative.”

a series of laws, backed and formulated by Russia, that were meant to give him more legal power to punish the began lending their support to the protesters. good vs. evil narrative. This is an issue of corruption, but it is also an issue of two cultures and national identities curring all over the world, in the middle east, in Europe,

THE STUDENT REVIEW

15


tion by his dates. “Either a girl is embarrassed to introduce me to her parents, because her parents are kind of old school,” he says, “or girls make a big deal about how ‘they’ve always ents and the fetishization are equally negative experiences.” that being black is a very big card in my deck. I should that there is something rare or exceptional about it, and I shouldn’t feel like it’s a negative thing,” he says. “But, I weren’t a thing at all. But I don’t have that luxury.”

Mormons and Interracial Marriage BY COREY WOZNIAK

fortable with a close relative marrying these demographics. “81 percent of non-blacks in the poll…say they’d be comfortable with a close relative of theirs marrying a person who is black; fewer, 65 percent, would be ‘entirely’ comfortable with this.” “Comfort among non-Mormons with a relative marrying a Mormon is lower than is comfort among non-blacks

III. Katelyn and Terrance Motley rance Motley, bearded BYU student and gargantuan rugby athlete, her roommates woke her up to ask “what it was like to kiss a black a guy.” She says it made her feel uncomfortable.

marriages between people of any dissonant backgrounds, including economic, educational, cultural, or linguistic ones.) statistically more likely to end in divorce. Still, love is an unpredictable force, and many will choose to marry Mormons from racial minority groups are even highly likely to date interracially, especially if it is important for mons in the United States are White.) What is it like for these Mormons who date or marry interracially?

non-Mormons say they’d be comfortable with a close relbe entirely comfortable with it.” Since Mormons are the least likely of any religious mon’s potential for marriage. But considering the tempestuous history that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has had with blacks, black Mormons, on taged in dating and marriage—from without Mormonism and from within. In recent Mormon history, Church leaders have discouraged interracial marriage, expressing their opinion that sharing a common cultural background would increase the likelihood of successful marriage. “The probabilities of a successful marriage are known to be much greater if both the husband and wife are united in their religion, language, culture, and ethnic background,” wrote Elder Russel M. Nelson in the footnotes of his 1995 General Conference address. President Spencer W. Kim-

women about their experiences dating in the Church. “very poor.” Only 9% of respondents rated their experience “excellent.” ten” dated persons of another race. There negative experiences seem to be at least partially related to members’ misguided feelings about interracial dating as ‘sinful.’ “Many people felt it was a sin to date me,” one anonymous responder commented. “White members still think my black skin will keep their white son [from] the celestial kingdom,” said another. Other respondents acknowledged that their poor experiences dating may have much to do with LDS white homogeny and the membership’s general unfamiliarity with black culture. II. Jowanza Joseph

and hazards of marriage are greatly increased where

BYU alum Jowanza Joseph acknowledges that it’s diftor in his dating life at BYU. In a few instances, however,

counseling only against interracial marriage, but against

forms: disapproval from his dates’ parents, or fetishiza-

THE STUDENT REVIEW

16

when she picked up Katelyn’s phone and saw that she rance put his name as “Chocolate Thunder” in Katelyn’s phone.) Katelyn and Terrance’s relationship quickly progressed, and they were soon engaged. race as well as because the engagement happened very quickly. But Katelyn’s family was assuaged when Katelyn explained to them her strong spiritual impressions that it was God’s will that she marry Terrance. When Terrance sought permission from Katelyn’s father to marry her, Katelyn’s father gave his support and some sobering advice. “There are some people who are still stuck in the old ways who won’t be happy about what you’re doing,” he said. “But you know that what you’re doing is right, and that’s all that matters.” When they became engaged, they mentally hunkered down to face whatever backlash may come. “We knew what we were getting into,” Katelyn says. Now, 6 months into their marriage, they are happy to report that since their marriage they have yet to receive any negative feedback. IV. Non-black interracial dating at BYU -

BYU facebook page “BYU Crushes.” One such poster New Heritage 53rd ward from Pennsylvania,” writes one anonymous poster. “I want to mother your panda babies! I noticed you have a car, would you mind taking me to Squaw Peak sometime? From, Rice Loving Panda Hugging Future Wife.” BYU students can do much to make sure that the words they use to interact with minority students and interracial couples are sensitive and kind. These brief interviews reveal that we as a student body have much to do to make BYU a kinder place for minorities and interracial couples.


BY TANNER MATTHEWS With same-sex marriage in Utah headlines and a Circuit Court ruling pending, a brief sketch of the LDS tinent. The debate over same-sex marriage can be framed in a number of ways. For some on the political left, the same-sex marriage controversy is merely an intermediate chapter in a grand metanarrative of progress toward an elusive egalitarian eschaton. The reactionary handful that refuses to align themselves with the regnant liberal orthodoxy are swimming futilely against the tides of history. Observers of a more moderate persuasion perceive an occasion to cautiously initiate a previously marginalized sub-group into the normative rituals of the polity and thereby integrate evolving attitudes toward homosexual relationships with the enduring and decidedly ment, and kinship. To contemplate same-sex marriage through socially conservative lenses is to descry a radical movement to co-opt and fundamentally transform an anmoral and practical imperative, for to acquiesce in what is essentially an oxymoronic delusion is to be complicit in an imminent societal slide down the slippery slope. Regardless of where one falls on the spectrum of opinion, it is self-evident that same-sex marriage is the salient socio-cultural issue of the day. The latest salvo in this ongoing saga struck rather close to home for conservatives. On December 20, 2013, U.S. District Court Judge Robert J. Shelby issued a stunning decision that overturned Utah’s ban on same-sex marriage as a violation of the Constitution’s equal protection clause. In short order, hundreds of weddings were being performed for enthusiastic gay couples eager to solemnize their relationships in this deeply conservative, pre-

dominantly Mormon state. However, Utah’s tenure as the 18th state to legalize same-sex marriage was remarkably short-lived. On January 6, The United States Supreme Court granted a stay of the District Court Ruling while case, precluding further same-sex marriages in Utah and thrusting the same-sex marriages performed during the brief period between the District Court decision and the Supreme Court-issued stay into a legal limbo. The appropriate role of religion and religiously-motivated action in the public square is itself a matter of vigorthe establishment clause of the Constitution are paradig-

by no means uncontested) interpretation of the relevant Biblical texts, homosexual behavior is a grievous sin and monogamous marriage between a man and a woman was decreed by God. Secular arguments against same-sex marriage of both a pragmatic and a more esoteric character have been elucidated and must be dealt with on their merits, but predictably much of the organized opposition to same-sex marriage in the United States comes from a coalition of devout Catholics, Evangelical Christians, and Orthodox Jews. In some ways, the involvement of the Church of Jesus

to say one way or the other about homosexuality. The logical corollary of the core Mormon concept of “continuing revelation” is that the Mormon community does not yet have a fullness of truth and that any of its current beliefs and understandings may be revised or discarded in response to new revelation. Such inherent situate the LDS church in a congenial position relative to religious bodies with a more rigid approach to theology for graceful adaptation to contemporary perspectives on homosexuality. Nonetheless, the leadership of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has shown little inclination to reassess its position on same-sex marriage and the morality of same-sex relationships. Indeed, since the early 1990s the leadership of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has made the defense of “traditional marriage” a high priority. LDS involvement in the marriage debate was precipitated by a 1993 Hawaii Supreme Court ruling that asserted that the denial of marriage licenses to same-sex couples violated the Hawaiian constitution. In a speech apostle Boyd K. Packer invoked the gay-lesbian movement as one of “three areas where members of the Church,

sex marriage seems more anomalous. Marginalized by traditional Christendom for their heretical theology and best known for a 19th century experiment with alternative marital arrangements of their own, Mormons are un-

its opposition to gay same-sex marriage and became in-

view of the Bible’s inspiration in comparison with other denominations diminishes the normative force of Biblical condemnations of homosexual behavior for Mormons. The writings unique to the Mormon canon have nothing

a controversial document outlining the LDS Church’s position on marriage, gender roles, and human sexuality.

Meeting in 1995, then church president Gordon B. Hinck-

continued on p. 19

Same-Sex

marriage in Utah

“Regardless of where one falls on the spectrum of opinion, it is self-evident that same-sex marriage is the salient socio-cultural issue of the day.” THE STUDENT REVIEW

17


a s i e v o Self L

D L E I F E BATTL BY ANDY ANDERSEN BYU-Idaho has made quite a name for herself on the In the wake of posting an anti-Pornography campaign week, our “comrade” university has received an overabundance of criticism and backlash for the 4-minute video’s so-called portrayal of masturbation as a spiritual turbator and recovered porn addict, it’s a shock to me that this thing has received so much attention. I mean,

what’s worth talking about and what isn’t. on this thing as an “anti-masturbation” campaign. That’s

when I actually watched it and discovered nothing but your run-of-the-mill Mormon anti-Pornography message--executed through barely adequate production value, clean-cut, BYU propaganda-model actors, and the droned, nap-inducing voice over of an LDS authority President Kim B. Clark)--all wrapped up in the “Life-ishearing since primary. In the aftermath of the video’s shot heard ‘round the world, and the return-shots that the university has taken cial statement: Brigham Young University-Idaho adheres to the doctrines and practices of its sponsoring institution, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As such, we regard addiction to pornography as a harmful and destructive vice. We also regard each other as brothers and sisters and believe we have a Christian obligation to watch out for the spiritual and physical well-being of those around us. The sole purpose of the video is to illustrate those principles for BYU-Idaho students as well as to encourage them to reach out in a spirit of love and concern if someone they know is struggling with any form of

THE STUDENT REVIEW

18

addiction. Any other interpretation of the video is inaccurate and unwarranted. Reads a little like a defense statement from the Nuremberg Trials, right? But I digress. The thing to remember here is that this statement, however robotic and ancient, of masturbation--not even a Mormon colloquial refertion”, “Onanism”, etc.). I mean, at one point in the video, the “wounded soldier” in question is depicted watching porn with his door open as his roommate walks through the hallway in the background. C’mon folks, has anyone son has). My point is this: the only “war wound” that the video depicts is the wound of pornography addiction. Now I’m no stranger to the fact that pornography and pun). I certainly can’t think of a time where I looked at porn without engaging in that particular time-honored tradition. But in assuming that BYU-I’s anti-porn message is actually an anti-masturbation message, the online world has done what we Mormons are often accused of the same...or worse, mistaken one for the other. Were there a video about masturbation using the same something like this: converse as they begin to get cold. They have all been executed for the same war crime--that of masturbation. “They told me it was wrong” Says Soldier 1, “but I never thought it was a big deal and I never knew I’d be punished so severely for it.” the system.” Says Soldier 2. The other soldiers laugh. “My Dad told me it was perfectly normal,” says Soldier 3, “So I never put much stock into what the army told us about it. Boy if Dad could see me now.” Soldier 4 looks surprised. “Dad never told me that!” He and Soldier 3 were brothers in life. “I sure wish he would’ve. I would have wasted a lot less time feeling guilty about it if he had. I might never have turned to Porn out of guilt and hope-

“It’s a battle with disease, not some mystical force of witchcraft or an army of evil spirits. Addiction is not a war wound, it’s a virus.”

lessness for that matter. Speaking of which, do you remember that little rabbit skin we used to have lyin’ around the house?” “Yeah, what about it?” Soldier 3 responds. “I had sex with that thing at least a dozen times.” The other soldiers laugh for a few minutes, then all is quiet again until Soldier 2 breaks the silence. “I wish I had never done it.” He says between sobs. “I should never have done it. I should never have even let myself have a wet dream.” “You can’t stop yourself from having wet dreams man.” Says Soldier 1. “You gotta cum somehow.” “No way man! Only inside the bonds of marriage, that’s what I should have saved myself for. I never should have done it...never should have done it.” “Don’t be ridiculous!” says Soldier 4. “If God didn’t want us to masturbate, he wouldn’t have given us hands.” The camera zooms out to reveal hundreds of other soldiers lined up with our four fallen heroes, some are talking, some are weeping, and some aren’t doing anything at all. The ones doing nothing are decomposing at a rather alarming rate. So what’s the real problem with BYU-I’s campaign video, if any? Other than the general unintended humor of the thing--not to mention the complete absence of wom-

only is it silly, it’s completely unhelpful and inaccurate. Don’t get me wrong, trying to overcome pornography addiction, or any addiction for that matter, is a battle. But it’s a battle with a disease, not some mystical force war wound, it’s a virus. been infected with it myself for a good chunk of my adcertainly a bad deal. Like any heroin addict gets lost in the needle, I got lost in the computer screen; so lost, in fact, that I couldn’t deal with my real life without getsubstance addiction might have, it controlled me almost completely. In church they urged us to seek help from our parents, Bishop, and other church leaders if we had a problem with pornography, but how could I seek help


when that message was only a footnote to frequent tirades about how evil pornography was and how terrible it was to “fall into it’s snares”? I did eventually get help from parents, church leaders, and understanding friends, but not until I had forgiven myself for my behavior and stopped seeing porn as some great mystical evil that had

I am porn-free because I understand that my addiction virus that takes a lifetime to overcome. I am porn-free today because I want to be, not because I’m afraid not to be. are you’re the other guy, the guy “wounded on the bat-

to understand that masturbation and pornography are not one inseparable activity. One is ripe for addiction, whereas the other--however you may feel about it theoal proclivities of a healthy young person. Today my life is porn-free, and, like any addiction--however dormant it may be--it will always be something to watch out for. But my motivations to stay porn-free are much healthier than they used to be. I don’t stay away from porn out of fear, or even survival. I’m porn-free that I simply don’t have time for it. I’m porn-free because I would rather not support an industry that makes obscene amounts of money from exploiting human sexualcause I have friends and family with whom I have been upfront and honest about my problems, who have been there to support me and help me up when I have fallen back into old habits, and who love me no matter what.

continued from p. 17 Though uncanonized and therefore arguably less authoritative than the LDS scriptures, this document has been discussed and referenced in many of the church’s general conferences. Framed copies occupy a place of honor next to pictures of Jesus Christ and the iconic Salt Lake Temple in many Latter-day Saint homes. The principles established by the Proclamation are repeatedly cited by Mormons as their church’s involvement in anti-gay marriage initiatives escalates. The zenith of Mormon advocacy on the marriage issue came with California’s Proposition 8, an initiative to ining marriage as opposite-sex. In May 2008, the church’s First Presidency sent a statement to local Mormon leadCharacterizing same-sex marriage as a moral issue, the letter requested that members of the church donate of their means and time to assure that marriage in Califora woman. The famed Mormon penchant for door-to-door prosMormon volunteers made up 80 to 90 percent of the early volunteers who canvassed neighborhoods and Mormons contributed as much as half of the nearly 40 million dollars raised on behalf of Proposition 8. Mormon money and manpower tipped the scales in favor of the initially foundering Proposition 8 campaign, which narrowly prevailed with 52% of the vote. However, victory at the ballot box came at great cost to the church both in terms of its public image and its internal harmony. Lingering

pornography or any other crippling addiction, reach out, but in a helpful way. The other trademark of idiocy that BYU-I’s video seems to promote is the idea that students are responsible to report their roommates and friends for violating the honor code through their potential addicthink that because Ole President Clark accuses our society of belittling people who “speak up in the face of evil”, you should run into your roommates room guns blazing’ and cast out the evil spirits you think have posbefore talking to your roommate about it yourself. Just who will help your friend in any way you can. -

BYU Idaho’s “Wounded on the Battlefield” video.

remember, not all Christians like to think of themselves as Christian soldiers.

feelings of anguish and ostracism among Mormons conatile protests at Mormon temples followed on the heels of election day triumph. It has been suggested that the negative consequences of Proposition 8 motivated the church to moderate its involvement in subsequent gay marriage referenda. Some this hypothesis. The church did not become involved in ballot initiatives in Maryland, Maine, and Minnesota that legalized gay marriage in those states. With gay marriage on the ballot in Hawaii last year, the church issued a letter to its members counseling that they prayerfully study the Family Proclamation and become involved which side they ought to take. The church even voiced public support for a non-discrimination ordinance in Salt Lake City aimed at protecting gay and transgender residents from discrimination in housing and employment. However, predictions that the church is close to reversing its opposition to gay marriage and carving out a space for homosexual relationships in its theology seem overly optimistic. In a speech at the church’s most recent general conference that disillusioned some members and “laws legalizing so-called ‘same-sex marriage’ do not change God’s law of marriage or His commandments The future of Mormonism and homosexuality is fertile ground for speculation. Mormon scholar Taylor Petrey has delineated some provocative prolegomena to reconciling homosexual relationships with Mormon theology

al. There is certainly precedent in Mormon history for once seemed unthinkable; the 1890 discontinuance of hood to black males come to mind. On the other hand, it would be presumptuous to suggest that Mormons leaders are only inspired insofar as their pronouncements conform to progressive sensibilities. Prophetic fallibility militates against blind obedience; human fallibility militates in favor of prudence, charity, and a certain epistemic humility, whatever one’s current position. However the future plays out, it seems likely that the December 2013 District Court decision was a watershed moment in the same-sex marriage debate. Footnoes: 1) http://www.zionsbest.com/face.html

-

3) http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/california-and-same-sex-marriage 4) http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/no-oth-

loads/2011/12/Dialogue_V44N04_110.pdf

THE STUDENT REVIEW

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