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summer-time faves to get you through the snow

Baileys Irish Cream Cake

what to do when you’re


passing the time: classroom solutions

IVEY 101 tricks of the trade March 2009


St. Patty’s Day Guide

St. Patrick’s Magic Green Recipes

Read by over 14,000 students

STUDENT magazine

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d e c i t T o N R t Ge NSE ERE I HHeard Get D A Get Seen Advertising with STUDENT gets your message to the thousands of STUDENT readers who notice and read your ads everytime they open their copy of STUDENT. After all, we print what’s REALLY on students’ minds!

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contents STUDENT March 2009 Debut Issue



In every issue

8 How-To 15




4 Future Forecast

Making student life a little easier Summer Dream in a Sub-Zero Scene Solving your winter woes The Big 2-0 We’re all getting a little older everyday Grade Change Form Just in case midterms have got you down Ivey 101 Surviving business school

Star charts for St. Patty’s Day 5 Welcome to STUDENT From the students at STUDENT 21 Keeping Active in Class For those lectures that never seem to end

St. Patty’s Day 6 The Magic of St. Patrick

What’s in a day? 10 St. Patty’s Day Recipes Making your day magically delicious 13 Beating the Booze Hangover remedies for any morning after

just your ordinary day in the snow



solutions for those great nights and not so great mornings



Marshall Goldfarb

Creative Director Bailey Spagat

Copy Editor

Tracy Goldfarb

Copy Assistant Jessica Ringel

STUDENT Assistant Jessica Ross

Editorial Contributors

Jenna Siciliano, Julianne Fogarty, Marshall Goldfarb, Caitlin Conroy, Tracy Goldfarb, Leanne Mark


Camilla Kocwin, Lauren Israel, Lexi Rose, Lindsay Wittmann, Max Rachinsky

Lauren Israel University of Western Ontario Information and Media Studies 3rd year Cover Photographer James Sayers Hair Cassie Greenberg Makeup Dena Berzen Swimwear provided by Archies Surf Shop

future forecast

Saint Patrick’s Day—A day to drink, be marry, drink some more, and make love- all while pimped out in green. Some people make plans for St. Patty’s Day, while others just go with the flow. With so much to do on the festive holiday, it’s hard to know where to begin. So, it’s time to break out those star-charts and consult the skies to see how you should be spending your St. Patrick’s Day!

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Always the dreamer! You can easily manifest all the luck you want this St. Patrick's Day by putting your mystical mind to it! Unfortunately, dreaming is all you’re going to be doing that night.




Set off after a whopping Irish breakfast and spend a wild day and night on a St. Patrick’s Day pub crawl – meeting up with old friends and exes along the way!

Throw a last minute luck-of-the-Irish party. Thanks to a little help from numerous friends, there will be plenty of booze and lost ambitions to go around!

An unexpected kiss is bound to come your way today. Don’t worry if you forget your green, we know you’ve been longing for that little pinch!


(June 21 - July 22)


(July 23 - Aug 22)


Chances are you could get lucky today and get the day off. If you’re clever, you’ll take a long nap before the mayheim begins.

You love attention, and today is no different. You’ll find yourself in the limelight and love every moment of it. Cheers to that!

Who needs game when luck is on your side? Finding your four-leaf clover may be easier for you today, so you can do whatever your heart desires.




Hit every ol’ Irish establishment in town today, balancing out your time so that everyone gets their fair dose of you. Heck, it’s not every day the snakes get driven out, so party like you’re the patron saint.

You’ll be the best dressed leprechaun at the party! Deck yourself out in festive colours, and track down those naysayers who refused to go green. A little pinch and a good luck kiss can make even the skeptics change their ways!



Got a sweet tooth? Today, you’ll be munching on all the yummy Irish treats, including buttercream, cakes, and ‘that meal they call a beer’- Guinness. As for alcohol, have a specialty drink such as an Irish Coffee. Give in to your urges too—today’s your day to splurge!

Today’s your day to dance like an Irishman, so get out your clogs and do a little jig! It might help to have some alcohol in your system first.

You can bet that all the green streamers and little paper leprechauns adorning the walls are the work of an Aquarius. When planning your party, feel free to go all out. It’s what you do best!

(Mar 21 - Apr 19)

(Sept 23 - Oct 22)

(Dec 22 - Jan 19)


STUDENT March 2009

(Apr 20 - May 20)

(Oct 23 - Nov 21)

(Jan 20 - Feb 18)

(May 21 - June 20)

(Aug 23 - Sept 22)

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)

Check out for awsome St. Patty’s Day party ideas!!


welcome to STUDENT

As Editor-In-Chief of STUDENT, I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you to Canada’s student experience magazine, where we print what’s REALLY on your mind.

One of the biggest problems with today’s student experience is that there is no well-rounded student publication. A magazine that students can take to an early class, read while pretending to study, or just keep with them for when they’re bored. A publication where students can express themselves, rant and rave, check out what’s going on in the student world, or just use as a time filler. Now introducing STUDENT magazine, Canada’s REAL student-written, student-run, student-life publication. So sit back, relax, and enjoy!

All warmed up: Marshall with model Camilla after the winter photo shoot (on page 15). For more backstage photos check out

budding journalist? odel? m g n i r i p as STUDENT wants you!

Do you have a strong opinion about an issue? Do you have a rant, complaint, comment, or topic that you want to discuss? Do you just like writing? Try submitting an article to STUENT magazine. Having an article published is a great way to gain real world experience and get your name out there, in addition to letting fellow students know how you feel about certain issues. We’re looking for interesting articles about any topic that students can enjoy in their free time or something to help occupy them during boring lectures and early morning classes. Whether it’s about fashion, love, student issues, world issues, or something random - any article will do. So get the word out and start writing!


PLUS: Does the snow melt around you as you walk? Do you have your own private bouncer at clubs? Whether you said yes or no to either, STUDENT wants you. We are now looking for our next coverSTUDENT and models! So if you think you have what it takes to represent your school where it counts, and to show Canadian students what makes your University or College the best, then send in your photographs! Who knows, you may be the new face of STUDENT. STUDENT is your magazine. Discover with us all that student life has to offer.

To submit articles or photos send us an email at For all other inquiries, email

Marshall Goldfarb Editor-In-Chief, STUDENT magazine

March 2009 STUDENT


happy st. patty’s day

by Caitlin Conroy

As reading week has come and gone, most of us are sad to be back at school and into the daily grind of university school work. Like many other students in university, my time is spent at the library and eating stale bagels from the Tim Horton’s in the student centre. The long days filled with classes and studying leave me yearning for the weekend. Come Saturday night, it’s time to relax and hit the bars with friends. As a member of the Irish Cultural Society at the University of Western Ontario, I have been counting down to one weekend in particular. St. Patrick’s Day this year falls on a Tuesday, which means around London festivities will most likely start the Thursday before. In order to impress your friends and make the most of your St Patrick’s Day, there are a few things you should know. St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, is thought to have introduced Christianity to the Irish, which put an end to pagan religious practice. It is believed that his powers drove all the snakes from Ireland, which represented the dissolution of pagan worship symbols. To this day, there are still no snakes on the island of Ireland. While originally only celebrated by Irish Catholics, the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day has expanded world wide, and today some of the largest parties are held in Toronto, Montreal, New York, and Sydney, Australia. There are a few things you can do to ensure that you make the most of this day of celebration.


STUDENT March 2009


In order to truly get the Irish experience, you must dress in green and grab a Guinness. Come on, you can drink Blue or Canadian anytime, and although Guinness drinks like a meal and puts hair on your chest, Guinness is an Irish tradition, started by Arthur Guinness back in 1759. Guinness is becoming increasingly popular in North America, and on St. Patrick’s Day in 2007 more Guinness was sold in Canada than in Ireland itself!


Consider having a St. Practice Day. Since St. Patty’s only comes once a year, you are going to want to make the best of it. Having a practice day a week or two before-hand will show others your dedication and will also get you and your friends pumped up in anticipation for the big day.


Check out some Irish tunes. Everyone knows the odd U2 song, but why not download some Riverdance tracks

or Drop Kick Murphys. After a few pints I’m sure you will discover your inner Irish dancer!


For some good fun, why not pretend to be a leprechaun for the day? Phrases such as “Where’s me pot-o-gold?” “Kiss me I’m Irish” and “Ye stole me lucky charms!” will come in handy. Any extra effort you put in to creating your Irish outfit for the day will be a solid investment, as dressing as a mischievous leprechaun is your ticket to having a great time at the bar. Also, being dressed as the little creature has added benefits. Not only will you score points with the opposite gender (who doesn’t love a man in uniform?), but you will have a better chance of bypassing those extra long bar lineups in recognition of your true holiday spirit. Just remember, true leprechauns wear white tights, green pants and jacket, and have a red beard. Extra points to those of you who are so polluted by the end of the night you believe you are actually leprechauns.


Why not try some creative drinks? Grab a bottle of Baileys and have some friends over for a creative pre-drink. How about an Irish Car Bomb or a classy Irish Coffee? What about a Black and Tan or a Dublin Handshake? For those of you who prefer your alcohol straight up, sipping on some Jameson will suit your fancy.

So this St. Patrick’s Day, pin a shamrock on your shoulder and head to the pub for some Irish dancing and drinking with your pals. No matter what your background, remember that everybody’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. Relax and have a great time! Slainte!


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How-To: STUDENT Edition No student publication would be complete without helpful tips to make your academic life that much easier. So, after countless hours of research and numerous suggestions, STUDENT presents the ultimate “How To: STUDENT Edition”. The tips and inventions that you will find in our pages have been approved for college use and are designed with you in mind!

o T How

rtesy Photo cou


of maxim

You will need the following: - Paper Towel Roll - Duct Tape - Scissors - Grill Lighter - Hairspray / Bug Spray - Ping-Pong Ball

1. Grab a paper towel roll from the trash and tightly wrap up one end with duct tape. 2. With your scissors, poke a small hole into the tape end. Try to keep it small enough to just fit the lighter inside. The tighter the better. 3. Slide the end of the grill lighter through the hole in the tape, so that the base of the lighter is right up against the tape. 4. Spray the hair or bug spray into your new cannon barrel for at least two seconds. Try not to get most of it on the cardboard. The objective is to have the gas floating inside your tube. 5. Quickly place the Ping-Pong ball into your new creation and aim it away from windows, TVs, and anyone you care enough about. 6. Hold down the safety on the lighter and pull the trigger. It may take a few sparks, but hang in there. The lack of oxygen may make it difficult to fuel the flame. For that St. Patty’s Day twist, add some green to your machine. Also, try playing ultimate beer pong with your new toy. Last one in the cup finishes the mickey! CAUTION: Fire with care. STUDENT is not responsible for any lost or broken limbs, windows, roommates or anything else that may happen due to the use of the Ping-Pong Ball Cannon. 8

STUDENT March 2009



There are four simple steps that any guy or girl can follow in order to impress their significant other. By putting in that little extra effort and following our fool proof plan, you’ll have them crawling back for seconds after wetting more then just their appetite. 1. Keep It Simple: Give up that three cheese soufflé and exotic dish your mother told you about for something a little more down to earth. You can easily fool them with Italian as long as you keep it simple. Carving up a rotisserie chicken onto a platter can also do the trick. One thing to avoid is Asian food. Due to the lack of MSG in your cooking or a better reason, homemade chow mein just doesn’t taste like store bought, and trying to convince her otherwise will just get you into a big wonton. 2. Platter Up: You wouldn’t show up on your date wearing cheap styrofoam, or metal tin cans, so don’t let your gourmet dinner either. Anything from veal parmesan to chicken McNuggets can look like cordeau bleu if you dress it up right. To go that extra mile, put some sauce in a squeeze bottle and spread your love all over the edge of your store bought platter. Your attention to detail will surly divert their attention from noticing the happy meal they are about to enjoy.

1. Basil (sweet): The scent of basil is said to drive men wild. 2. Chocolate: The Aztec and the Mayan people considered chocolate a luxury with aphrodisiac powers. The Aztec emperor, Montezuma, drank 50 cups of chocolate a day to enhance his sexual ability. 3. Pine Nuts: Pine nuts are high in zinc and have been used for centuries to make up love potions that stimulate the libido. 4. Ginger: Ginger root has been considered an aphrodisiac for centuries because of its scent and its ability to stimulate the circulatory system. 5. Soy: In at least one case, soy was associated with a case of “persistent sexual arousal syndrome.” A woman consuming over a pound of soy a day became chronically aroused. Soy milk, anyone?

3. Smell Like a King: Nothing says ‘kiss the cook’ like the lingering smell of passion and creativity in the air. Throw some olive oil and minced garlic into a pan and it’ll smell like you’ve been creating for hours. Want that ‘A for effort’? Let that extra container of sauce simmer on the stove for a couple of minutes while you light up those vanilla candles that always give you the munchies.

4. Mess to Impress: Put on that apron and cover yourself in sauce and flour. Nothing is sexier then seeing your significant other slaving away trying to please you. To really convince them, throw some pots and pans into the sink and fill it with soapy water. (Yup, we put a lot of effort into being effortless). Last, but certainly not least, its time for that little “je ne sais quoi”. By adding a little bit of ‘this and that’ from your spice rack, you can put some truth behind your claim to fame. That tub of Montreal steak spice really is all purpose.

To really throw them off your tracks, add some green dye to every thing you eat this St. Patty’s day. Nothing says homemade like GREEN pad thai! March 2009 STUDENT



e l d i c i y ous l l a c iag

St. Patty’s Day Recipes

Saint Patrick—a man with a vision! He was a man with a dream that one day, both Irish people and non-Irish, alike, could all drink together and be merry under the same roof. Well, Saint Patrick, your fantasies have come to fruition. Every year on March 17th, millions of folk from around the world gather in pubs, taverns, and bars to honor Saint Pat’s memory. All of these people are looking for the chance to drink, eat, and even sing like an Irish man. It is on this day that Man, Woman, Beast and Child can all stand around and call themselves ‘Irish for a day!’ From dying the Chicago River green to eating, drinking and puking green, every partaker in St. Patty’s madness has their own views on how to celebrate their new found Irish heritage. However, there is one thing that all Irish folk know how to do, besides out drinking the rest of us—they know how to throw a feast. So, in honour of our leprechaun-loving friends to the East, STUDENT gives you these easy-to-make, creative, and tasteful recipes to help you get in that Irish swing. All recipes have been taste tested, and although some may seem out of a non-Irishman’s league, it’s time to hang up your lucky charms and eat!


Irish Cream Liq

ake their knows how to m an hm is Ir e tru the Irish Every u become part of yo lp he to so r, own liquo u know) we’ve press everyone yo im to nd (a ily m me brew fa make your own ho to u yo r fo sy ea it l meals! made goes well with al It .’ or qu Li am ‘Irish Cre

l Need:

What You Wil

y 1/2 cup hone eam 1 cup heavy cr h whiskey 1 1/2 cups Iris instant coffee 1/2 teaspoon


well and gredients, mix in ll a e in b m o -C frigerator ing, store in the re ys before serv a d -4 3 st a le t - Make a le of times ntainer a coup co e th g n ki a sh a day in 2 weeks - Consume with


STUDENT March 2009

for you. recipe is right t ex n is th , re r the entu t item is not fo try a new adv ex n to e y th ad s, re es d n an nk enough runken foolish If you are dru iend, or just d fr a m o fr e ar ad Whether it was r stomach. o … rt faint of hea ours irections: and let it get f lat; at least two h D r r ee ill Need: en add bee - Open the b r the butter, th u What You Wta in lo f r u s n lo o f o e sp th to a boil g ble - Brown gar and bring u s d - 1 1/2 heapin n a n o r e m tt and stir into oons bu - Add cinna yolk and milk g g e e - 3 1/2 tablesp th r e th er - Whisk toge er boiling) be - 1 liter beer g n lo n o o n m t a u n n (b s of bread of ci the hot toasted slice h it - 1 small piece w e rv e s d ar - Strain an - dash of sug - 2 egg yolks n milk 1/2 tablespoo - 1/2 cup and bread - toasted white

Beer Soup

m Cake a e r C h is r I s Bailey . And what

students case, drunken r u o vourite, in r o , g course, our fa r a kin f fo o t d fi an rt ty se la es d eamy, choco ast needs a with a rich, cr Every fine fe en th ay d e th end better way to e! k ‘alcoholy’ ca ing mix ocolate pudd h c t liqueur n ta s in .) : ed (4 oz e Irish Cream e s N g y l a il ile k c a W a B P s u p o u What Y 1/4 oz.) yellow cake mix a 3/8 c ting) /8 cups vodk shioned fros 1 fa 8 ld r (1 o te e d a g o a w o k g s c Pa /8 cup r glaze (or table oil 1 sting sugar fo o fr d n a 3/4 cup vege s y ditional Baile 4 eggs Ad

Directions: n to 350F

don’t e an (or if you p t n u b - Preheat ov h c in d f lour a 10 - Grease an ) vodka, y kind of pan ix, oil, water, m have, use an g in d d u p ake mix, - Combine c l d pan eggs in bow liqueur and r into prepare u o p d n a th ster comes moo until cake te r - Beat until s o s te u in m to 50 - Bake for 40 out clean cool om pan and - Remove fr unt pan) nly if using b (o ly sting): te le p m o c re-bought fro to s e s u r (o For Frosting of additional -Mix a glaze r until frosting suga Baileys and cy ick consisten th a s e h c a it re ith r cake -Drizzle ove le the cake w k n ri p s , h c u treats e to Patty’s Day - For a festiv t. S r e th o d les an green sprink

Irish Cheese Fondu

Everyone is always looking for that perfe ct snack to hit the sp Celtic twist. This un ot. Our next featur conventional, ‘cravi e is a fun Swiss dish ng-killer ’ dish is a gr actually learned som with a ea t recipe to show the ething at school. folks at home that yo u have


What You Will Ne


d: - 2 lbs cheddar ch eese, grated - 1/2 pint Guinnes s Stout - 6-8 teaspoons W orcestershire sauc e - dash of salt and pepper - dash of cayenne peppers - 1 tablespoon co rnstarch - bread chunks (fo r dipping)


- Put grated ch eese into a fond ue dish and melt sl owly over med iu m heat, stirring co ntinuously so as not to scorch - Add remaining ingredients and stir until the fondue thickens slightly - For dipping us e chunks of Fre nch bread or toast

Still hungry? To beat that St. Patty’s Day craving, check out:


STUDENT March 2009

beating the by Marshall Goldfarb



di e m e r r gove


a h l u f p l he

It’s the morning after and you have only one thing on your mind. No, hopefully it’s not time for that dreaded pill! That pesky hangover has come back once again and has got you hugging your favourite latrine. So what can you do? While we understand that your only goal will be hitting the bowl rather than the floor, the alcohol experts at STUDENT have derived a handy guide that will help beat the morning burden. To help fight it, we have to first understand it. Ethanol (alcohol) has a dehydrating effect on its consumers, causing headaches, dry mouth, and fatigue. By-products of the fermentation called congeners, as well as other additives to sweeten the alcohol flavour, worsen the hangover’s effects. Dark spirits such as spiced rum or flavoured Smirnoff have more congeners and additives then your average spirit. Of course, if you’re on a budget and you buy out all the twelve dollar 26’ers you can find, then you’re not any better off. The extra filtering and refining of the top shelf brands pays off in the morning. So how do you prevent the pesky pet peeve? Here is a list of the top ten best ways to fight that STUDENT hangover.



Sleep it off. Your body can cure most things you decide to throw at it, you just have to give it the time and the ability to fight. By giving your body sleep, you’re helping it use your energy to do what it does best. Drink it off, not literally of course. Grabbing that Evian or your favourite new flavour of Vitamin Water will help replenish those fluids that you’ve been flushing away since you broke your seal last night. Also, if you have learned anything from last weekend’s woes, why not drink that water all night long? Replenishing your body as the night progresses is not a sign of weakness. It just means you’ll be able to stay in the fight longer.

Fruit Juices

Nothing beats a nice cool glass of O.J. in the morning, especially if it will beat back the buzzing in your ears. Not only will it help rehydrate your system, but by giving your body the vitamin C that it needs, fresh juice is definitely our tastiest way to recovery.

Uncle Bob’s Surprise


The Greasy Spoon

Some people swear by it, other people swear at it. Its smell is more potent than the gym on a Monday morning. Every alcoholic has their own concoction that they say will fix any hangover. Most include a mix of raw eggs, Pepto Bismol, and a dash of what you had last night. The pain of putting down these mixes is often more excruciating than the hangover itself. Yes, that golden fruit is not just for condom practice. When drinking, your body is leached of potassium. Bananas are one of the most potassium-rich foods that are available year round. Sliding in one or two before you pass out will help your body recover to its former glory. Bananas are also a natural antacid, which helps sooth those stomach pains and nausea. Known to stop your heart or at least clog your arteries, greasy spoons are the back bone of the morning after. Nothing will ease the pain like a plate full of fried food! By March 2009 STUDENT


backing the bacon, you are replacing your body’s supplies of complex carbohydrates, salt and sugar. And if that wasn’t convincing enough for you, the whole meal can cost less then five bucks!

Hair of the Dog That Bit You

Whether it’s back to flip cup or just a morning pick-me-up, NO expert will tell you to resort to drinking in order to cure the hangover blues. However here at STUDENT we figure that if you are going to get drunk again tonight, why not just postpone that hangover until tomorrow morning? When it comes to hangovers, one always trumps two.


No, there is not a shred of scientific or medical evidence that will prove our favourite hangover cure, but why not give it a try anyway? Nothing beats a morning after like round two! Unless, of course, what gave you your hangover is also to thank for the lovely two out of ten lying beside you…

Western Hillel Presents...

@ The Wolf Performance Hall 251 Dundas Street Central Library

Sat. March 7th, 2009 @ 8pm & Sun. March 8th, 2009 @2pm

$15 in advance $20 at the door

For more information, or to purchase tickets, contact:

Pickle Juice

IV Drip

As weird as it sounds, it is a time tested tradition as old as vodka itself. Russians and other East Europeans drink the brine that pickles are bottled in to dispel their alcohol woes. Made up mostly of water and salt, pickle brine might just do the trick. From the word of the people who brought you vodka, how bad could it be? While some of us study the finer things in life such as arts, languages or social sciences, your ‘friends’ over in the premed building are laughing it up as they are hooked up to the ultimate in hangover remedies. Spending a couple minutes on the drip in the morning can rehydrate your system and get you into great shape for the day ahead. As to prevent liability, we strongly don’t recommend anyone trying this for their first time, while still under the influence of alcohol. For more information, ask your pre-med roommate who has been hiding it from you all these years!

Summer Dream

in a sub-zero scene Photographer James Sayers Hair Stylist Cassie Greenberg Makeup Artist Dena Berzen Creative Assistant Jaquie Katzman

Swimwear provided by Archies Surf Shop, 700 Richmond Street, London, ON.


SCHOOL: UWO, 4th year PROGRAM: BMOS, specialization in finance

IF YOU WERE ON A DESERTED ISLAND, WHAT 3 THINGS WOULD YOU BRING? Boyfriend, Digital Camera and Bikini. You know, the necessities when you’re on a tropical island HOW MANY CHICKEN NUGGETS CAN YOU EAT IN ONE SITTING? Too many PERSONAL ST. PATTY’S DAY TRADITION: COSTUMES! CHILDHOOD HUNK: Nick Carter (still is)

Top: $44.99, Bottom: $44.99



FAVOURITE SUPERHERO: Optimus Prime IF YOU WERE ON A DESERTED ISLAND, WHAT 3 THINGS WOULD YOU BRING? Toilet paper, lip balm, life supply of fruit loops MOST EMBARRASSING SONG YOU KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO: My Heart Wil Go On, Celine Dion FAVOURITE DRINK: Blue Powerade (... we meant alcoholic)

Top: $44.99, Bottom: $44.99


SCHOOL: UWO, 3rd year PROGRAM: MPI, with a Writing Certificate CHEESIEST PICKUP LINE: The back of your head is ridiculous

FAVOURITE DRINK: The Alex P. Keaton’s Lauren Conrad Martini. I’m not even a big fan of the show, but it’s Kool Aid in a martini glass - tasty! FAVOURITE SUPERHERO: Sailor Moon - fighting evil by moonlight...and great hair CHILDHOOD HERO: I told you, Sailor Moon

Top: $44.99, Bottom: $44.99


SCHOOL: UWO, Alumni PROGRAM: Psychology

MOST EMBARRASSING SONG YOU KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO: Wannabe, Spice Girls IDEAL DRUNK FOOD: Wendys! Combo number one... or Kids Meal HAVE YOU EVER FLIRTED WITH A COP TO GET OUT OF A TICKET? Who needs an excuse to flirt with a cop?? BEST PICKUP LINE: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. Works on me everytime :)

Top: $44.99, Bottom: $39.99

happy birthday, from STUDENT

by Jenna Siciliano

I have reached a milestone in my life that will never happen again. This month, I turned twenty. The age at which I’m no longer a teenager and officially an adult. Apologies to anyone older who is reading this, but I feel awfully old. As pessimistic as this sounds, is there anything really great about turning twenty? Turning nineteen was fabulous, being legal and all that jazz, but at twenty, I’m halfway to being forty! On the positive side, this is exactly where I wanted to be when I was twenty; going to university and making something of myself. Unfortunately, I realize that in the next few years, I have some huge decisions I need to make. What exactly do I want to do with my life? Most of us are here so we can have a brighter future and more opportunities. After turning twenty, I realized that this is my time to make a difference. With limitless possibilities, I can do whatever I want to with my life. In two years I will have graduated from university, and then what? I begin to question where I want to be in the next twenty years. Marriage, children, and work all pop into mind: three subjects that are scarier than turning twenty. It’s comforting to know that so many of my peers feel the same way. Most of us are worried that life is all about school and work, and perhaps that is the sad reality. All of us are in school to make something of ourselves, and until I hit twenty I did not realize that this is my time. This is when I have no marital obligations or prosperous children a-brewing; these are the years when I can say this is who I am and this is what I want to do with my life. Maybe opportunity is the upside to getting older... just as long as I never turn twenty-one.


STUDENT March 2009

more people in the U.s. Are born on October 5 than any other day. prise! Surprise, sur 5th r an October Conception fo new ve fallen on baby would ha year’s eve.

The world’s largest birthday cake was made in 1989 and weighed 128,238 Lbs, 8 oz. What-A-Cake!! made for the The cake was y of an 100th birthda 09 and used 16,2 Alabama city Lbs of icing.

The most famous version of ‘happy birthday’ is when merilyn monroe sang to JFK in 1962. , indeed y a d h t r i b y p p Ha 93 written in 18 s a w g n o s e Th $2 million in and generates ry year. royalties eve

keeping active in class

Tired of what your professor has to say? Can’t spend another minute at the library? Don’t want to be caught eating alone? Then try out these fun puzzles to help pass time or assist with the inevitable procrastination. From minutes to hours of entertainment, STUDENT is providing you with what you need, to get you through the day!


1. A measured amount of medication 5. Warbled 9. Foot lever 14. Always 15. Tree sloth 16. Nimble 17. Impolite 18. Bones that protect the lungs 19. Expenditures 20. A native tribe of the US Plains 22. An attribute of a people or era 23. Gossiper 24. Italian lawn bowling 26. Medical (abbrev.) 29. Whipped 33. Interfered or manipulated 38. Blood vessel 39. Margarine


1. Style of hat 2. The female germ cell of a plant 3. A style of car 4. Construct 5. Exploring the web 6. Pearly-shelled mussel 7. Wealthy man 8. Zest 9. Lead vehicle in an auto race (2 words) 10. Conceited 11. Plate 12. Countertenor 13. Not more 21. A mound of glacial gravel 25. Din 27. Expunges 28. Delete (abbrev.) 30. Queen of the gods (Greek mythology) 31. Historical periods

Courtesy of crossword palace

40. Bell, buzzer or siren 42. Formerly, the shah’s 43. Leavening agents 45. Shelves for books 47. Small sofa 48. Before 49. An analytic literary composition 52. Dish 57. Terminate before completion 60. Occasionally 63. Diameters 64. Matching jacket and pants 65. In baseball, a type of infield hit 66. Standoffish 67. A Sicilian volcano 68. Nature of being 69. Fruit 70. Not this 71. A suggestive look

32. Unit of force 33. Playthings 34. Downwind 35. Flesh from animals 36. Backside 37. Pat 41. Fish eggs 44. Bear witness 46. Retained 50. A valuable thing or property 51. The quality of being young 53. Slander 54. Make someone laugh 55. Tight 56. An organic compound 57. A Semitic people 58. Bundle of hay 59. Fragrance 61. Tropical Asian starling 62. French for “State”

Sudoku Solutions (Page 30)




Answers on Page 30 March 2009 STUDENT


Crossword Solution (Page 29)

Answers on Page 29

Universal Grade Change Form Rip out this page and use as needed


University: ______________________ To: Professor_____________________ From: __________________________

I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons: __ 1. The person who copied my paper achieved a higher grade than I did. __ 2. The person whose paper I copied achieved a higher grade than I did. __ 3. This course will lower my Grade Point into: __ Medical School __ Graduate School __ My Fraternity/Sorority

Average and I won’t get __ Ivey __ Dental School __ The Mickey Mouse Club

__ 4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in: _______________. __ 5. I’ll lose my scholarship. __ 6. I’m on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn’t find a copy of your exam. __ 7. I didn’t come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam. __ 8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact. __ 9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.

__ 10.

You are prejudiced against: __ Males __ Minorities __ Females __ French __ Catholics __ Whites __ Protestants __ Blacks __ Muslims __ People __ Jews __ Students

__ 11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance. __ 12. I was unable to do well in this illness: __ mono __ acute alcoholism __ an STD

course because of the following __ broken baby finger __ pregnancy __ parenthood

__ 13. You told us to be creative but you didn’t tell us exactly how you wanted that done. __ 14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull. __ 15. I don’t have a reason; I just want a higher grade. __ 16. The lectures were: __too detailed to pick out important points __not explained in sufficient detail __too boring __all jokes and not enough material __all of the above __ 17. This

course was: __too early, I was not awake. __at lunchtime, I was hungry __too late, I was tired

__ 18. My (dog, cat, gerbil, girl/boyfriend) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course. __ 19. Other__________________________________

For all you budding entrepreneurs out there, here is the ‘Three Minute Management Course’ to help you impress those Ivey recruiters. In six easy lessons, you will be able to show them that you understand the world of business and have what it takes to make it in the big leagues.

Lesson One A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’ After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps herself back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob, the next-door neighbour,’ she replies. ‘Great!’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’ Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson Two A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity!

Lesson Three An eagle was sitting on a tree, resting and doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered, ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

March 2009 STUDENT


Lesson Four A sales rep, an administration clerk, and a manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ ‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’ Puff! He’s gone. ‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two slackers back in the office after lunch.’ Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say!

Lesson Five A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients.’ The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there!

Lesson Six A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Moral of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut! And thus ends the ‘Three Minute Management Course’.


STUDENT March 2009

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STUDENT magazine - Spring 2009  

Debut Issue - St. Patty's Day

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