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The Semper Fi Issue SUMMER 2017

A LWAY S FA I T H F U L On an ordinary Sunday morning many years ago, a new member of St. Michael’s began his service in the sanctuary as an acolyte. Wayne Wright, our former acolyte director, paired this new recruit with one of the veteran acolytes for some on-the-job training. It was standard operating procedure really…except for the acolytes involved. The veteran: my 10-year-old son River. The novice: Major General Melvin G. Spiese, United States Marine Corps. At that time, General Spiese was at the pinnacle of his prestigious and decorated military career. River was a pre-adolescent 5th grader with the attention span of a flint spark. In the sacristy, Wayne instructed, “River, you go ahead and train Mel on 2nd Server today.” I remember advancing to new spiritual depths that morning, “Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy.” After Mass, I anxiously approached General Spiese, “I hope that River was respectful to you, sir?” General Spies looked at me with a straight, nondescript expression. In that moment I was certain that River and I and our whole family would spend the rest of our lives in the brig. After a thoughtful pause, General Spiese reported in the most exquisite deadpan, “It went fine. After Mass I asked River how I did. He said I did . . . ’OK’.” General Spiese has continued to serve at the St. Michael’s altar to this day. Which brings me to the point of this story. Some of our most faithful and committed families come to us from the United States Armed Forces, and in particular the Marine Corps. The Corps adopted the motto semper fidelis (always faithful) in 1883. While the faithfulness signified is officially to “corps and country”, it is a matter of fact that many, many marines also display this same measure of unwavering faithfulness to Almighty God: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. General Spiese is just one of a multitude in the history of the United States Armed Services whose faithfulness to God is the foundation of their service, “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord!” (Psalm 33.12) Thanks be to God, St. Michael’s by-the-Sea has been able to provide a spiritual home for our faithful service men and women and their families. In this issue of the Messenger, we are blessed to hear just a few of their stories. They are candid. They are inspiring. They are humbling. May they rekindle in us the same desire to be always faithful! In Christ,

Fr. Doran+





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THE LORD’S DOING Lindsey Eppes





The Quarfoot Family

ST. MIC HA EL’S BY-T H E- SEA S U MMER EVENTS CALENDA R JULY 2 11 14 15 16 23 23-29 25


HEALING PRAYER SESSIONS After Mass - 9:00 & 11:00 am / Chapel

BROTHERHOOD MEETING 7:00 - 8:00 pm / Upper Room


BBQ 6:45 pm / Movie 7:45 pm / Parish Green


9:00 am - 3:00 pm / Vida Joven

HEALING PRAYER SESSIONS After Mass - 9:00 & 11:00 am / Chapel


10:00 - 11:00 am / Church


Week Long Expedition / Mount Hermon

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HEALING PRAYER SESSIONS After Mass - 9:00 & 11:00 am / Chapel

BROTHERHOOD MEETING 7:00 - 8:00 pm / Upper Room


4:00 - 8:00 pm / Parish Hall

HEALING PRAYER SESSIONS After Mass - 9:00 & 11:00 am / Chapel

BROTHERHOOD MEETING 7:00 - 8:00 pm / Upper Room

CARLSBAD MUSIC FESTIVAL 3-Day Event / Carlsbad Village

YOUTH SUNDAY 10:00 - 11:00 am / Church

BROTHERHOOD MEETING 7:00 - 8:00 pm / Upper Room

Schedule is subject to change. For current listings visit or contact the Parish Office at 760-729-8901.

Save the Date




Saturday, August 19th 4:00 – 8:00 pm $25.00 Tickets $30.00 at the Door Proceeds Benefit NAMI Summer Splash Party with food, drinks, games, prizes, an auction, and live entertainment. Buy Tickets at Village Books or online at


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experiences of a military spouse LINDSEY EPPES

We were seniors in college and we were engaged. It was January when John drove the two hours from James Madison University to Virginia Tech to tell me that we could no longer get married in August, after graduation in May, because he would be leaving for Iraq in June. John and I grew up in a small, southern town in south central Virginia. We met when my family first moved to Forest. He and I were 7 years old, and he was my first friend in Virginia. We met in Sunday School at St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church. If you haven’t gathered it yet, the good Lord had his hand in this many, many years before we knew it was happening. If you don’t believe the Lord has a sense of humor, just let me have your ear for 5 minutes and I can change your mind. After John told me he would be deploying, we moved our wedding up to May. We got married two weeks after college graduation, and he left 11 days later for training in California, before ultimately heading to Iraq. What does a 21 year-old newlywed whose husband just left for Iraq

have left, if they have no faith? I can remember very dark days during that deployment.

year of marriage. When people say that the first year is the hardest, it has a different meaning in our house.

John was in the reserves, and as a result, we weren’t stationed in an area with a large military population. I didn’t have the band of spouses that Hollywood displays. I landed a dream job that left me living in our hometown. I got the crucial support I needed from my family without having to drive further than one mile, but that doesn’t take away the fear. I fell asleep every night to the news, and I worried myself sick. One morning, as I was waking, I heard a knock on our door. I knew I was going to open it to men in uniform to confirm my worst fears. I got out of bed and went to my door to open it and found no one. I had worried myself into hearing a knock that wasn’t there. It was that morning that I realized I had spent the majority of my time worrying instead of praying. I stopped falling asleep to the news and started falling asleep after prayers. I realized the strength of my faith during that deployment. John was gone for 11 months of our first

John and I ended up enduring 3 combat deployments in our first 5 years of marriage (and we added children into that mix...because why not?!). I can look back at long stretches of those deployments and think to myself, “That is when I was walking closely to the Lord” and “That is when I started to believe the thoughts of fear that Satan whispered in my ear.” We were so young when we got married, and since John was a reservist, neither of us knew, or planned, that the Lord would call him into making this career our life. We have now been on this road for 12 years. I honestly cannot imagine how anyone endures this lifestyle, and the separation from their spouse, without faith in our amazing Lord. Think of the challenges you faced as a newlywed and now imagine discussing them with your spouse in Iraq/Afghanistan, who has no form of communication outside of a satellite phone, and the only chance they might have to call you is at 2AM.

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If you don’t have Jesus, who do you have? Can I get an “Amen?!” Our life is different from “the norm” for many obvious reasons. We have spouses that leave us for extended periods of time and go to places that most people in our country would consider “hell” (myself included). John unexpectedly missed the birth of our first child due to military training. He has missed more Christmases and significant events than I could ever list (or wish to). I think the way we view life is sometimes a little different. Some may think that it’s sad that he has missed so much, but to us, it makes our time together that much more special. Are we sad at the time? Of course, but having him home for Christmas is now a gift in itself. Just because a military member is “home” it doesn’t mean they’re physically home. In this military life, we consider them home if they are not deployed, but there is no guarantee of togetherness. We got stationed at Camp Pendleton at the 8

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end of July 2016. John started training in the middle of August and didn’t finish until the middle of December. In 114 days, we spent fewer than 30 of them together, and he was in the same state and on the same base as we were. The Marine Corps moves us every 3 years, if not more often. We lived in Camp Lejeune, NC, Quantico, VA, and Virginia Beach, VA in one 12 month period, and that was all because John was doing WELL in his career!!! (I know, it sounds like a punishment, and some days I would say it was). Moving isn’t fun for anyone. If you think it is fun, please contact me, so you can do it in my place next time around! When most people think of moving, they think of the physical burden. For me, I think of the emotional burden. My heart breaks a little more with each move, and there are pieces of my heart scattered across this country with each friend, that became our family, that we had to leave behind. Trying to make new friends every 3 years is not always fun, and sometimes it is downright hard.

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We covet your prayers. Please pray for our military members abroad and at “home.” Each time you pray for the military, please remember the tiniest souls, our military children, and wrap them in your prayers. I hope that after praying for the military and for our children, that you will remember the spouses left behind. We aren’t the heroes that charge into battle, but we are the ones living our life counting down the days until our heroes return. This life is not for everyone, or for the majority. It is the life for us, and it can be powerfully beautiful. It isn’t easy, and there are many days that I have shed tears and struggled. But ultimately as I watch John I know he was made to be a United States Marine. This is the Lord’s doing and who am I to stand in the way of His master plan? Front Photo: Tears of relief at John’s Homecoming; Photos on current page: An elated father/daughter reunion.

Ga me s Pri zes Pic kle bal

n u F d o Fo s d n e i Fr



COME CELEBRATE OUR FIRST YEAR! Join us for Community Appreciation Day Everyone is Welcome! July 16, 2017 12:00 - 4:00pm St. Michael’s Pickleball Courts

2775 Carlsbad Blvd




Susan Johnson 1 Chuck Herr 2 Reid Brockmeier 2 Richard Yarros 4 Terry Adams 4 Kerima Gleason 11 Bob Brooks 12 Linda Vanaria 12 Darren Bowes 14 Becky Gleason 15 Dick Bannan 17 Daniel Bowes 17 Doris Yates 18 Chole Quarfoot 18 Susan Fancher 21 Blake Brown 22 Lee Rowe 23 Doris Fitzpatrick 23 Sarah Parisi 23 Karen Brockmeier 24 Tom Lucas 25 Sunny Tipton 26 Mary Kazungu 26 Francisco Garcia-Rodriguez 27 Kamal Swamidoss 28 Cole McCabe 29

Anton Calleia Joseph Curran Wayne Wright Gail Mann Charlie Larson Andrew Mahaffey Jan Follestad Anne Benson Diane Clark Debbie Cramer Billy Gleason Ashley Gleason Erin Lengerke Karen Gleason Brooke Powers Jon Allen-Romberg Kerry Martinez Joan Perrigo Robert Smith John McKean Amy Hutwagner Kathleen Hermanson Eileen Hoppen Gene Audrey Spence, II Barbara Sandwell Joel Klett

1 1 2 2 4 4 6 7 7 7 8 8 11 14 14 17 18 21 22 26 27 28 29 29 30 31

Cliff Leighton Bruce Swanson Yolanda Young Kaleigh Molineaux Leah Laux Lois Baxter Windy Way Che Waldo Mary Hill Joan Webb Donna Aprahamian Rosemarie Evans Richard Taylor Mark McKean Angela Brown Clark Cromer Lorraine Gordon Nan Leighton Ann Smith Yvonne Kutchler Phyllis Gilbert Chuck Ables Eric Schmutzer Pearl Stambaugh Sunny Allen-Romberg Marcy Almeida Keith Beverly Pat Miller Jennifer Baxter

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The Rev. Doran Stambaugh, SSC

Richard Lane

Linda Mumford

9:00 - 2:00 pm




The Rev. H. Ivor Kraft

Therese Stambaugh

Ginny Unanue



Becky Gleason

Megan Stanton





FRIDAY, JULY 14TH H AWA I I A N L U A U 6 : 3 0 P M / M O V I E 7 : 3 0 P M

A fun family event! Other great movie snacks will be provided. BYO c h a i r o r b l a n ke t .


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My time enlisted in the US Military has been a period of immense personal and spiritual growth. Joining at the age of 17, I was thrust into a world predominately composed of young, single, rowdy alpha males. Military men in general are collections of different upbringings, different countries and creeds, and also very different sets of values. It took me a while to find my way to God. Growing up, I was always reminded of God’s presence and considered myself a Christian, however, in my early days of military service I seldom found myself walking through life as a ‘good’ Christian should. It wasn’t until two very crucial life experiences set me on the track I am now on today. A Christ-like path. Shortly after completing basic training, I was deployed to the Middle East in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. During this deployment I was exposed to the ugliness man was capable of delivering to others. After three consecutive deployments to this region, I was sure about one thing: life is precious and life can be taken away very easily. This was

the first grouping of life experiences that made me appreciate the gift of life and how important it is to have a life with purpose and direction. Watching friend and foe pass away on the battlefield brings a certain perspective to what it means to be human. If you disregard the language barrier, every man that I saw pass made some reference to a higher power or a group of loved ones. Whichever side you fight for, you believe that you are doing a righteous act and you are doing it for your loved ones’ benefit. Though I was never really close with God before the military prior to the war, I found myself talking to him a lot more after the wars. There were clearly instances where divine intervention played a role in my survival. The second life experience which altered my relationship with God was meeting my best friend in the whole world…my wife. This relates to the topic of my faith and military life as it was indirectly through the military how we met. I was on my way home from my fourth deployment when I was presented with a choice

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to either fly home early and help set up for the main body’s return (which would mean more work and service for others), or ride out the remainder of the cruise and have fun with my buddies. At first I was set on not being of service and worrying about my own personal enjoyment for another week. But, at the last minute I changed my mind and flew home. The very next day I met my wife Elizabeth and I immediately fell in love. I remember the night after our first date praying to God and asking him for the opportunity to love her more than myself for the rest of my life. Being in the military and having a family is naturally difficult. There are aspects of regular employment that could be taken for granted like the ability to call in sick or quit your job. The hours are demanding and the time away from your loved ones has a certain sting that is difficult to explain. Before I was married I volunteered for as many deployments as I could. It was almost as if I couldn’t wait to embark on another adventure

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super glue for our foundation. We take our vows as seriously as one can take them and together (my wife and I), we focus on what is truly important in life. I am planning on serving in the military as long as I am able. I believe that being a good father makes me a better leader of Marines. Having a strong family and God dynamic will surely guide me through my days and will bolster a life filled with direction and purpose.

Photo page 12: Eric serving on active duty overseas; Photo on current page: Eric and Elizabeth with their two daughters.

filled with risk and uncertainty. It wasn’t until I received “purpose” that I changed the way I looked at life. Having a family and having a strong relationship with God made me appreciate all the wonderful gifts this world has to offer. Marrying my best friend and having children made me want to be a better man in the eyes


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of the Lord. I suddenly cared about my soul and I wanted to be a strong example for my daughters. Ensuring that their life is enriched with the Christian faith became my wife and my biggest priority. Though balancing military life and home life can be challenging, it is our family’s faith in God that acts as the

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VIVA PICKLEBALL! VIVA PICKLEBALL! Come enjoytwo twooutdoor outdoor professional Come enjoy professional pickleballcourts courts open open totoall!all! pickleball Monthly play schedule includes Monthly play schedule includes Men’s, Women’s, Singles, Doubles, Men’s, Open Women’s, Singles, Doubles, and All-levels of play.

Open and All-levels of play. Annual Membership suggested donation

Annual $30Membership per Person suggested donation

$50 per Family

$30 per Person $50 per Family

Membership is valid through June 1st. Membership is pro-rated to $15 per person after December 1st. Children under 18 are FREE

Membership is valid throughCourt June 1st. FeeMembership is pro-rated to suggested $15 per person after December 1st.donation Children under 18 are FREE

Members & Minors - $2 Court Fee- $4 Non-members suggested donation

See the schedule and download a membership form at Members & Minors - $2 www.

Non-members - $4


As we head into the summer months, I think it is important for the Parish to be updated on our rental property and ongoing discussions with Carlsbad By The Sea (CBTS). For any of you that may have missed my May 2017 quarterly update to the Parish, we are in negotiations with CBTS for a potential long-term (50 year) lease of our rental property in order to construct a memory care facility. Presently, CBTS has no such capability and they actively are seeking a site upon which to build one. It bears re-emphasizing that the Vestry is NOT considering the sale of our rental property but rather, as I stated in my update and in this report, a long-term lease. 16

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To provide you some background on this initiative: At present, should a CBTS resident develop Alzheimer’s, the resident, no matter how long he or she has been at CBTS, must be relocated. This situation has even forced the physical separation of spouses that both reside at CBTS. As such, CBTS is eagerly searching for property on which to build its memory care facility. What makes St. Michael’s property so attractive to CBTS is its location. Should CBTS build its facility on St. Michael’s property, it could service the facility with existing kitchen, security, and staff personnel from the current 2855 Carlsbad Blvd. location, versus having to build full kitchen S u m m e r Me s s e n ge r


and administrative support spaces at a different location. The point here is that CBTS has openly stated its motivation to enter into a long-term lease agreement with St. Michael’s. As discussions continue and the terms of a potential lease become clear, St. Michael’s Vestry will perform due diligence in engaging counsel and ensuring that the Parish remains updated. Just two new developments: (1) CBTS believes that the existing rental property, on the Northeast corner of our property, is the location which it wishes to pursue. For our Parish, this is the ideal location in that (a) we already are leasing the same property

The Semper Fi Issue

for rentals and (b) building upon that location will not force disruption to, or the relocation of any of our existing buildings, and (2) Under Mel Spiese’s leadership, a preliminary meeting with the City of Carlsbad has been held to discuss the potential for this project. This meeting was very positive in framing the process that must be followed in order to gain permission to build the facility. As always, please keep our blessed Parish and in particular, this project, in your prayers. Thanks and God Bless!

Photo: Carlsbad By The Sea front entrance.





BILL HARTMAN OCTOBER 17, 1944 – MARCH 30, 2017

MAY 28, 2017



JULY 20, 1931 – FEBRUARY 10, 2017






APRIL 29, 2017





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MY SUSTAINING FAITH marriage, motherhood, and career MARIA MAHAFFEY

I have spent almost all of my adult life around the military. I went to university in Washington, DC, so it was inevitable that I would see and meet service members. The summer after I graduated from university, I signed my contract and went to Marine Corps Officer Candidate School (OCS). An injury ended my time at OCS early, but it was also the summer that I met my husband, John, who was enlisted at the time. After serious consideration and much prayer, I chose not to return to OCS as my relationship with my then boyfriend became more serious. There was a lot of time spent in prayer those days as I tried to determine where my career path would lead me. As my relationship with John developed, we faced the challenge of John receiving orders away from Washington, DC to Hawaii. While he was still on Oahu, communication was available, but a time difference was inconvenient. He arrived in Hawaii in November and by February he was deployed to the Pacific. In those days, there was no ready access to email or cell phones for him. There were

weeks and even a month where we were unable to communicate. I often had no idea which country he was in until I did get a call. He once walked two miles with a friend to find a pay phone in the Philippines to call me. I became a devoted pen pal. It was a test of our relationship but also a test of my faith. It was a lonely time for me as I had time to think about “us” and where our relationship was going but little time to actually talk to him. It was also a time during which I began law school. My faith and commitment to attending church every week helped ease my loneliness and frustration. Shortly after John returned from deployment, we got engaged. Unlike most Anglican couples, we didn’t go through premarital counseling other than one session when my husband came back to DC for us to file for a marriage license. He was still stationed in Hawaii and living in the barracks on base. There was no Episcopal priest handy, and he wasn’t baptized. In April 2003, we were married in my church in DC. We briefly considered eloping or going before a Justice of the Peace, but I

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couldn’t stomach the idea of taking a sacrament or making a covenant without the blessing of the Church. After a four day honeymoon, John returned to Hawaii for six weeks. Our marriage began with a new duty station for John in Northern Virginia, a new home, me in law school, and my husband with a serious knee injury within three weeks of his arrival that required two major surgeries in less than two years. Our first year of marriage was a test of wills and a test of faith. Actually, our first decade of marriage was a test of wills and a test of faith! An only child married a young man used to living with a hundred other young men. It was an adjustment for us both. I quickly realized that pursuing a career as a lawyer wouldn’t be as fulfilling as I thought if I was going to work 80 hours a week and never see my deployable husband. With the potential of moving every three years, I also didn’t want to spend my career clerking or trying to find a new firm with every move. I left law school after a year

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and a half. I was back to trying to figure out my purpose. I found my purpose, or at least one of them, two and a half years after we married. I became a mom for the first time. With my husband’s work schedule, I quickly realized that I was going to be essentially a single mom most days and many weeks. My son was two weeks old when we started going to church every week. When people talk about a ‘Cradle Episcopalian’, they are talking about my boys. Both were in church by the time they were two weeks old. This was also a time when I discovered my calling beyond motherhood. Through prayer and discernment, I realized that I had a calling to become a teacher. Just before our first son turned one, we moved to Camp Pendleton. A brief house hunt and then an assignment to base housing was about as much help settling in as my husband was able to offer. With a toddler and a return to school for a graduate degree, it often felt like John and I were ships passing in the night. I quickly found Episcopal


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church services on base held at the Ranch House, but after only a few months of attending, the base chose to end the services because we were a congregation of 10 (on a busy Sunday). I was “referred” to St. Michael’s by faithful St. Michael’s parishioners Chuck and Kathleen Ables who often attended services at the Ranch House while they were still offered. St. Michael’s became my church home and has been for 11 years. I’ve never church shopped - ever. All of my life, I have always attended the Episcopal church closest to my home. I live in Oceanside, and St. Michael’s is in Carlsbad, so this is the first time I “commute” to church. It’s been worth the drive every Sunday for over a decade. Many people remember when I was pregnant with my second son and my older son was a toddler. Parishioners remind me of the days of carrying one on each hip. Soon I had two boys squirming over me; I would get sympathetic looks from the moms and grandmas in the congregation

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as I wrangled them in the back pew. While, as many parents know, it’s not easy keeping two kids less than two years apart still during Mass, I was, and am, committed to raising the boys in the Church. I wouldn’t trade the Sunday School education my boys have received for anything. The congregation has watched my boys grow up, and they feel like an extended family to us. They went from the toddler room to serving as acolytes in what seems like a heartbeat. I progressed from the back of the church to the front of the church, mainly so I can give them the evil eye when they wiggle when serving at the altar. Even though John doesn’t share our faith, he supports me in raising the boys as Anglicans, and they attend a Roman Catholic school. Through all of this, John and I have weathered changes in jobs for me and a transition from active duty to being a DoD Civilian. The change from being a military wife to being a civilian wife was far harder on me than the transition was for John.

He grew out his hair, grew a beard, and stopped wearing cammies. I had to find doctors, grocery stores, insurance, and all the things that I hadn’t thought about for almost a decade. During each of these phases of my life, marriage, motherhood, and career, my faith has sustained me. It isn’t always easy being married to someone who doesn’t share my faith. We don’t have the same guiding force in our lives. My husband’s experiences with organized religion have soured him, but despite all of this, I know that he believes in God, and that is why he supports the boys being raised in the Church. As our boys stand witness to the challenges that adulthood and married life present, I remind them often that, “While everything may change, family and faith will always remain the same.” This has been my guiding principle throughout life and one that I pray will always stay with my boys.

Photo page 18: Maria and John at the Marine Corps Ball; Photos page 20 (clockwise): The Mahaffey boys in Big Bear; Easter 2012 at St. Michael’s; Photo current page: John and Maria on a gondola ride.

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carlsbad music festival friday-sunday | august 25-27 | 2017

GREETINGS TO THE MEMBERS OF ST. MICHAEL’S Hello! We are the Quarfoot Family. We moved here from Gaithersburg, Maryland almost one year ago and are loving our time here at St. Michael’s. Matt works in technology sales for a company called New Relic. He enjoys playing ice hockey in an adult league as well as coaching his son’s ice hockey league as well. Genny is a personal trainer, as well as a fitness coach at Orangetheory Fitness (Solana Beach and Encinitas). Our oldest son Ben (8 years old) loves ice hockey, basketball, puzzles, and being an all around awesome second grader at El Camino Creek Elementary. Leo (6 years old) loves soccer, drawing, and making his kindergarten class laugh. Chloe (3 years old) is quite the little mermaid. She loves the beach, playing tea party and bossing around her big brothers. All 3 kids participated in the Nativity pageant as well as Sunday school at St. Michael’s. Finally, there is our yellow lab Roxie (12 years old) who is still the fastest dog on the beach. We have really enjoyed getting to know the San Diego area, and feel incredibly blessed to call it home. We actually felt called by God to come out here on this new adventure, a true leap of faith. We are always open to restaurant recommendations and other fun local things to do, so let’s hear it! - Matt, Genny, Ben, Leo, and Chloe

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ST. MICHAEL’S BY-THE-SEA EPISCOPAL CHURCH 2775 Carlsbad Blvd., Carlsbad, CA 92008 760.729.8901

Nonprofit U.S. Postage Paid PERMIT NO. 97 CARLSBAD, CA


Messenger - Summer 2017  
Messenger - Summer 2017