STELLAR DAY MAGAZINE | 20
Beautiful Wandering BY COURTNEY BAREMAN
For much of my life, I had a vision and plan…I
where I wanted, but when I arrived - it wasn’t what I
knew where I was going and how I wanted to get
had expected. I needed to breathe and push pause.
there. I could picture my grown up life,
Reevaluate before moving forward. I decided that I
responsible and very successful. My walk-in
wanted to give life to something that for a long time
closet would be full of pencil skirts and pointy
had been pushing to the furthest margins of my life…I
shoes - an outfit that I would do my important and
wanted to write.
meaningful work in. I held on to my vision and plan closely and tightly, maybe too much so. I went to
During this journey there it has been more of a
school, got the grades, and landed the right job.
revealing or uncovering, not like discovering a new
But then I began to wander.
species. It was like finding dinosaur bones and putting them together again…pieces coming together, some
As I began to ask big questions about what I want to
broken over time and a few missing, but overall
do in life and what I want my life to be about it
uncovering what had always been there. Familiar. For
became less about the fancy wardrobe and more
me, now is the reassembling stage. Putting those bones
about other things. Things that were not really a part
back together- seeing what works and what doesn’t.
of my initial plan. I needed room to roam and find my
And making sure they don’t get broken in the process.
voice and figure out who I was. I needed to
Trying to understand how it all works together and the
wander…not without purpose or aim, but as a reaction
purpose of each part. This is not a quick or painless
to the white-knuckled type of control, I had become so
process. It requires bravery to show up and try, day
accustomed to. The plan didn’t work…well, I got to
after day. Showing up and trying.