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English 1101 Final Portfolio Project Title Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter....................................................................................................................1 Quality Comparison ........................................................................................................................... Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................4 Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................6 “What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................8 Revision Samples ............................................................................................................................... Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ..............................................................9 Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................11 Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................13 Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................15 Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................17 Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................23


December 03, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Stefani Anne Ollanketo and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. Throughout my English 1101 class, I learned a new way of writing and I feel that it will help my future writings. I have collected some of my writing in this neat, organized portfolio. In my portfolio, you will be able to witness my positive progression as a writer with examples of article responses and an essay article. In high school, I was taught to write simple five paragraph essays, but it English 1101 my mind was opened to a new, higher level way of writing. As you read through my final portfolio, you can see how I progress with thoughts and how I explain them. Grammatical errors are also less present in my later writings because English 1101 taught me to re-read confusing sentences and edit them to my best ability. In this class, I have learned to read an article and find a deeper meaning in it. I have also learned more things about myself throughout this course because I have read article that have transformed into something completely different by my personal experiences. You have taught me to not be afraid of looking at ideas in a new way and progress with the ideas. I also have learned to look for careless grammatical mistakes and re-word messy sentences. My essays in high school were sloppy, unorganized, and had a lot of careless mistakes, but now my essays are longer, more thoughtful, and organized. The reason my essays are so much better is because of the guideline you provided for us; I have to say it was harder to write the essays, but after they were done they sounded much more organized. After reading over my final portfolio, you will be able to see my progress as a writer and thinker. My worst article response was “Married With Infidelities.” This article explained the differences between cheating and being in a non-monogamous relationship. The author uses a gay man’s perspective of love, sex, and cheating throughout the article; his reasoning for using his words was to show every human is the same whether they are gay or straight. The hardest part about revising this piece was choosing better words for every sentence. As I read through my work, it sounded childish and unintelligent, so I changed many words and rearranged sentences to seem clearer. I also was not clear on the point I was trying to discuss throughout the work, so I re-read the piece and picked out every word that sounded unintelligent. Most of the revising was grammatical errors like using “you,” “that,” and “is.” Another major problem throughout the piece was I was referring to the author by his first name; I do not know him personally, therefore I changed his first name to “Mr.” For example, at the beginning of the piece I said, “Mark Oppenheimer talks about Dan Savage, a sex-advice columnist, who thinks that monogamy relationships might not work for every couple.” The sentence should have started with Mr. Oppenheimer. I was very pleased with all my revisions and I feel proud of my work as of now. 1


My best article response was “The Brain on Trial.” This article was about criminals having brain tumors and scientific evidence to prove criminals sometimes do not realize their actions because of their illness. I changed many words in my revision, but could not find many grammatical errors. For example, I said, “A lot of people look at pedophiles as sick, horrible people, but they do not take time to look at the person’s mental state. I changed “a lot” to “many” and “look at” to “classify.” I was fascinated with the article, so maybe that fact helped me write the piece better than the other ones. The author was very straight to the point when discussing the facts, so that also could have helped make this article response better. This piece was also one of the last article responses and I feel that it was better because I have experience on what to write and how to write the response. Again, I also removed “you” and changed it to “one.” It took me a while to revise all of the switching around of words, but I feel a lot more confident in my work now. My best article essay discussed “The Two-Minus-One Pregnancy.” The article was about women becoming pregnant by insemination and becoming pregnant with twins or more. The women in the article either aborted down to a singleton or chose to keep all babies. The article circled around women’s choices and how society can have an affect on their choices. As I read the article, my friend who had an abortion popped in my head and I started from there. She chose to be irresponsible after the abortion and her actions made me want to change myself for the better. Throughout the piece, I messed up many times with grammar and sentence structure. The beginning paragraph sounded a bit off, so I changed it to sound clearer to the reader. I went off subject a few times because the point of the essay was how I changed from seeing my friend’s negative choices, but I threw in how teen pregnancy could be avoided. Revising this essay took a long time and re-reading it, I like the revisions and it seems to me to be a whole new paper entirely. Even though I have progressed as a writer I still have a lot of problems within my essays and I hope to fix them as I advance in my education. Some problems I still need to overcome are not clarifying my thoughts, using “you” and “that,” and being too wordy within my sentences. In my article responses, I did not explain my thoughts clearly and threw a lot of unnecessary words into the mix. Being too wordy is a major problem for my because I feel that the more words in a sentence the better, but this is not always true. In some scenarios, using less but more intelligent words sounds better. Also, I referred the authors by their first and last names, but I do not know them personally so referring to them was wrong. The articles I read were quite long and taking the main idea out and explaining it was hard for me. At first I had trouble writing my essays because explaining a personal experience while following the guidelines provided was confusing. I quickly chose the final portfolio option because I wanted to challenge myself by looking back at my old pieces of writing and edit them until they were perfect. I feel that everyone should have to do a portfolio because it really makes you think about past mistakes and it gives everyone a chance to somewhat redeem themselves by re-writing their essays to its full potential. Throughout English 1101 I have learned to open my mind to new ideas and even ways to argue. As I look back at all my grades, there is a similarity with all my papers and I know I could have done better. My major problem in this course was my procrastination; there is no excuse for being irresponsible and I have suffered the consequences by the grades I have received. On my 2


final portfolio I feel that out of one-hundred, my final deserves an eighty or eighty-five. Having the chance to look back at my mistakes really helped me realize my mistakes. Being in your English 1101 class my freshmen year has prepared me for the future English classes I will enroll in. I cannot thank you enough for this opportunity and I thank you for reading my final portfolio.

Sincerely,

Stefani A. Ollanketo

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Least Successful Article Response Open Relationships: Evil or Marriage Saver? Oppenheimer, Mark. "Married With Infidelities." The New York Times. The New York Times Company, June 30, 2011. Web. 11 Nov. 2011. In the article, “Married With Infidelities,” Mark Oppenheimer discusses the monogamy society we live in and how infidelities could strengthen a marriage or partnership. Mark talks about Dan Savage, a sex-advice columnist, who thinks that monogamy relationships might not work for every couple. Savage is a gay man who is married with an adopted son and feels that there is a difference from cheating and non-monogamous relationships. Mark and Dan’s point is when people feel the need to cheat, they should tell their partner and work it out amongst them before the relationship is destroyed. In society, people view monogamy very differently and sometimes people go against the social “norm” to feel happy in their relationships. Dan says that cheating is one thing and giving your partner permission to have a fling is another. People who vow to be monogamous cheat and couples who choose to have an “open relationship” are simply non-monogamous. Dan says that straight and gay men are going to be the same in their relationships; humans like variation and as he says in the article, “The mistake that straight people made,” Savage told me, “was imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous. Men had concubines, mistresses and access to prostitutes, until everybody decided marriage had to be egalitar-ian and fairsey.” Mark Oppenheimer’s reason for writing and using Dan Savage in this article was to inform society that monogamy is not as easy as it seems. Mark uses Savage’s emails in this article because he was trying to help the gay youth who are being picked on; Savage says live through the teasing and when you’re older, you can be happy with a partner and child. Mark

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even says that Savage saved a couple of young men’s lives by speaking out. Mark uses Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mistress and love child as a no-no for couples because he says, “But Arnold wasn’t in a nonmonogamous relationship. He was in a monogamous relationship.” Mark explains that couples shouldn’t be shy when it comes to what they want sexually because if they are, they might go out and find someone who won’t and can’t judge them for their odd fetish or weird role playing. Jealously can be a big factor when it comes to letting your partner roam about with someone else, but Mark says it can be overcome and it can strengthen a relationship that could be on the brink of failure. Communication is the key in a non-monogamous because if your partner wants to hear about an “experience” it could spice things up and keep the relationship fresh. Couples who are having problems in their relationships need to be open to the other person’s needs because that is when someone goes astray and it can be easily avoided by opening up and living a little.

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Most Successful Article Response Criminals or Mentally Ill? Eagleman, David. “The Brain on Trial.” The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly Group, July/August 2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011 In David Eagleman’s article “The Brain on Trial,” he intelligently points out that some criminal acts are due to brain tumors and other mental turmoil that affects the brain. David continuously reassures the readers that he is not against the justice system, but that there are different ways to look at punishments for criminals. He explains brain tumors have immense effects on behavior and some people cannot control them. A man named Charles Whitman, who was a former marine, Eagle Scout, and studied architectural engineering, murdered his mother and wife, went on a shooting spree, and then shot himself. Charles typed a suicide note the day before the incident and confessed to having irrational and unusual thoughts, but he knew that he should be a reasonable and intelligent young man. The medical examiners found a tumor festering in his brain the diameter of a nickel. David contributes numerous other stories explaining how tumors, mental illnesses, how you were raised, and your basic genetics can affect your behavior without you having any control over it. David Eagleman’s point of view is significant to everyone because it gives a scientific look on how criminals should be tried and punished. A lot of people see pedophiles as sick, horrible people but they do not take time to look at the person’s mental state. Criminals who have tumors, behavioral and mental problems should not go to jail, but into a rehabilitation center for actual help. Some people who do criminal acts do not even remember doing these things and therefore should get special help for society and their own future. David’s point of view is not to make criminals seem innocent, but to give a scientific outlook on why they do

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what they do. He explains that jails are overcrowded with people that need special help so they can better themselves and be sure to not do their act again. In some cases, pedophiles and shoplifters only do these acts because of some mental deformity. He gives us these stories, testimonies, and examples to educate an uneducated society about newly found scientific procedures. In society today, people are quick to judge someone who does a heinous act because that is all they know. David shines a light on a scientific breakthrough so society can fairly judge someone, not on their act but their mental state.

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What’s the Difference? For my least successful article response, I chose “Married With Infidelities.” The article discusses the difference between cheating, being in a non-monogamous relationship and being open to try new things with ones partner. The grade I received on this article response was a six out of ten. I received this grade because I did not explain the author’s idea clearly and there were many grammatical errors. I did not include many direct quotes from the article and I was too wordy when discussing important ideas. Many words were changed throughout my revisions and sometimes I felt more words were better when in reality, they really were not better. This article has many ideas shoved into one article, but I got confused while reading it. I feel now that I rushed while writing the response and that is not a smart thing to do when wanting a high grade. My first paragraph discussing the article was decent, but the last paragraph where I discussed the significance was rough. I fixed everything I could find throughout the revising and being allowed to go through this process has helped me. For my best article response, I chose “The Brain on Trial.” This article focused on criminals who have brain tumors and its affect on their behaviors. The author provided a scientific perspective on the look of criminals and their behaviors. This article was fascinating to me, so I feel that is a major reason I received an eight out of ten on this assignment. An issue that happened in all my writings was using an author’s first name instead of saying Ms. or Mr. Since I do not know the author’s personally, I had to change the names since it was an informal piece of writing. Again, a lot of careless grammatical errors and weird sentence structuring was found, but I fixed everything I could find. For example, “a lot” was changed to “many” and “you” was changed to “one.” Many carless mistakes happen throughout my writing and being able to revise has helped me so much.

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Least Successful Article Response

Formatted: Different first page header

Open Relationships: Evil or Marriage Saver? Oppenheimer, Mark. "Married With Infidelities." The New York Times. The New York Times Company, June 30, 2011. Web. 11 Nov. 2011. In the article, “Married With Infidelities,” Mark Oppenheimer discusses the monogamy society we live in and how infidelities could strengthen a marriage or partnership. Mark Mr. Oppenheimer talks about Dan Savage, a sex-advice columnist, who thinks that monogamy

Comment [TCU1]: Since I do not know Mr. Oppenheimer personally, I should not refer to him as “Mark.”

relationships might not work for every couple. Savage is a gay man who is married with an adopted son and feels that there is a difference from cheating and having a non-monogamous

Comment [TCU2]: Leave the “and” and add having a.

relationships. Mark Mr. Oppenheimer and Dan’s Mr. Savage’s point is when people feel the

Comment [TCU3]: Again, unless one knows the person, do not refer to him/her by a first name.

need to cheat, they should tell their partner and work it out amongst themselves before the relationship is destroyed. In society, people view monogamy very differently and sometimes people go against the social “norm” to feel happy in their relationships. Dan Mr. Savage says that

Comment [TCU4]: Mr. Savage instead of Dan.

cheating is one thing aspect of a relationship and giving your partner permission to have a fling

Comment [TCU5]: The word “thing” should never be used in a formal piece of writing. One should always clarify “thing” by being more specific.

is another. In society, pPeople who vow to be monogamous and cheat are criticized and couples who choose to have an “open relationship” are simply non-monogamous. Dan Mr. Savage says

Comment [TCU6]: The sentence did not clarify my meaning of the sentence. It was meant to compare monogamous and non-monogamous relationships.

that straight and gay men are going to be act the same in their relationships; humans like variation and as he says states in the article, “The mistake that straight people made,” Savage told me, “was imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous. Men had concubines, mistresses and access to prostitutes, until everybody decided marriage had to be egalitar-ian and fairsey.” In other words, Mr. Savage’s point is that humans

Comment [TCU7]: Use Mr. Savage instead of “Dan.” It is too wordy to say “are going to be, “so I substituted the word “act.” I wasn’t sure that I should end the paragraph with a quote, so I decided to move “humans …” to make the point clearer to the reader. Comment [TCU8]: The beginning of this sentence had already referred to Mr. Savage as the speaker; therefore, it was unnecessary to repeat his name.

like variation.

Formatted: Centered

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Mark Oppenheimer’s reason for writing and using Dan Savage’s views in this article was

Comment [TCU9]: I do not need to keep referring to “in this article.” The reader knows that I am talking about Mr. Oppenheimer’s article

to inform society that monogamy is not as easy as it seems. Mark Mr. Oppenheimer uses Savage’s emails in this article because he was trying to help reach out to the gay youth who are being picked on harassed; Savage says live through the teasing and when you’re one is older, you one can be happy with a partner and child. Mark Mr. Oppenheimer even says that Savage saved a couple of several young men’s lives by speaking out. Mark uses Arnold

Comment [TCU10]: Same as above. Comment [TCU11]: Changed the wording to make the point clearer. Comment [TCU12]: Checked Thesaurus and selected a better word. Comment [TCU13]: Do not use contractions in formal writing and avoid “you.” Use the word “one” instead. The verb ‘is’ agrees with the subject. Comment [TCU14]: Better choice of word.

Schwarzenegger’s mistress and love child as a no-no negative example for couples because he

Comment [TCU15]: Better choice of word.

says, “But Arnold wasn’t was not in a non-monogamous relationship. He was in a monogamous relationship.” Mark Mr. Oppenheimer explains that couples shouldn’t should not be shy when it comes to what they want sexually because if they are, they might go out and find someone who won’t will not and can’t judge them for their odd fetish or weird role playing. Jealously can be a big play a major factor when it comes to letting your partner roam sleep around about with

Comment [TCU16]: Better choice of word.

someone else, but Mark Mr. Oppenheimer says it can be overcome and it can even strengthen a rocky relationship. that could be on the brink of failure. Communication is the key in a non-

Comment [S17]: I felt that this sentence was too wordy and explaining what kind of relationship I was describing before sounded better than after

monogamous relationship, because if your partner wants to hear about an “experience” it could spice things up excite them and keep the relationship fresh. Couples who are having problems in

Comment [TCU18]: Better choice of words to make the point clearer.

their relationships need to be open to the other person’s needs to help avoid their partners infidelity by freely communicating with each other. because that is when someone goes astray and it can be easily avoided by opening up and living a little.

Comment [TCU19]: I did not like this sentence. It appeared too wordy and not clear enough to make my point.

Formatted: Centered

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Least Successful Article Response Open Relationships: Evil or Marriage Saver? Oppenheimer, Mark. "Married With Infidelities." The New York Times. The New York Times Company, June 30, 2011. Web. 11 Nov. 2011. In the article, “Married With Infidelities,” Mark Oppenheimer discusses the monogamy society we live in and how infidelities could strengthen a marriage or partnership. Mr. Oppenheimer talks about Dan Savage, a sex-advice columnist, who thinks that monogamy relationships might not work for every couple. Savage is a gay man who is married with an adopted son and feels that there is a difference from cheating having a non-monogamous relationship. Mr. Oppenheimer and Mr. Savage’s point is when people feel the need to cheat, they should tell their partner and work it out amongst them before the relationship is destroyed. In society, people view monogamy very differently and sometimes people go against the social “norm” to feel happy in their relationships. Mr. Savage says that cheating is one aspect of a relationship and giving your partner permission to have a fling is another. In society, people who vow to be monogamous and cheat are criticized and couples who choose to have an “open relationship” are simply non-monogamous. Mr. Savage says that straight and gay men act the same in their relationships as he states in the article, “The mistake that straight people madewas imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous. Men had concubines, mistresses and access to prostitutes, until everybody decided marriage had to be egalitar-ian and fairsey.” In other words, Mr. Savage’s point is that humans like variation. Mark Oppenheimer’s reason for writing and using Dan Savage’s views was to inform society that monogamy is not as easy as it seems. Mr. Oppenheimer uses Savage’s emails because he was trying to reach out to the gay youth who are being harassed; Savage says live

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through the teasing and when one is older, one can be happy with a partner and child. Mr. Oppenheimer even says that Savage saved several young men’s lives by speaking out. Mark uses Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mistress and love child as a negative example for couples because he says, “But Arnold was not in a non-monogamous relationship. He was in a monogamous relationship.” Mr. Oppenheimer explains that couples should not be shy when it comes to what they want sexually because if they are, they might go out and find someone who will not judge them for their odd fetish or weird role playing. Jealously can play a major factor when it comes to letting your partner sleep around with someone else, but Mr. Oppenheimer says it can be overcome and it can even strengthen a rocky relationship.. Communication is the key in a nonmonogamous relationship because if your partner wants to hear about an “experience” it could excite them and keep the relationship fresh. Couples who are having problems in their relationships need to be open to the other person’s needs to help avoid their partner’s infidelity by freely communicating with each other. .

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Most Successful Article Response

Formatted: Different first page header

Criminals or Mentally Ill? Eagleman, David. “The Brain on Trial.” The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly Group, July/August

Formatted: Font: Italic

2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011 In Mr. David Eagleman’s article “The Brain on Trial,” he intelligently points out that

Comment [GSC1]: I do not know this man personally, so I have to change his name by adding a Mr. instead of his first name.

some criminal acts are due to brain tumors and other mental turmoil that affects the brain. David continuously reassures the readers that he is not against the justice system, but that there are different ways to look at punishments for criminals. He explains brain tumors have immense effects on behavior and some people cannot control them. A man named Charles Whitman, who was a former marine, Eagle Scout, and studied architectural engineering. He, murdered his mother and wife, went on a shooting spree, and then shot himself. Charles typed a suicide note the day before the incident and confessed to having irrational and unusual thoughts, but he somehow knew that he should be a reasonable and intelligent young manhe should not be feeling this way. The medical examiners found a tumor festering in his brain the diameter of a nickel. David contributes numerous other stories explaining how tumors, mental illnesses, how one you

Comment [GSC2]: I substituted “one” for “you” because it does not work and it sounds better in this form of writing.

iswere raised, and your basic genetics can affect your behavior without you having any control over it. Mr.David Eagleman’s point of view is significant to everyone because it gives a scientific look on how criminals should be tried and punished. ManyA lot of people see look at classify pedophiles as sick, horrible people, but they do not take time to look at the person’s mental state. Criminals who have tumors, behavioral and mental problems should not go to jail, but be putplaced into a rehabilitation center for mentalfor mental help. actual help. Some people who do criminals acts do not even remember doing these things their crimes and therefore should Formatted: Centered

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receiveshould receive get special help for society and their own future. David’s point of view is not to make criminals seem innocent, but to give a scientific outlook on why they act a certain

Comment [GSC3]: Most of the revising in this article is better word choices and stronger sentence structure. The way I wrote before sounded below “higher-level� learning, but as I am revising better words and sentences are starting to form.

way. do what they do. He explains that jails are overcrowded with people that need special help so they can better themselves and be sure to not harm anyone again.do their act again. In some cases, pedophiles and shoplifters only do criminal these acts because of some mental deformity. He gives us these stories, testimonies, and examples to educate an uneducated society about newly found scientific procedures. In society today, people are quick to judge someone who does a heinous act because that is all they know. David shines a light on a scientific breakthrough so society can fairly judge someone, not on their act but their mental state.

Comment [GSC4]: I feel that this is a good way to end my paragraph because it sums up the reasoning in one sentence.

Formatted: Centered

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Most Successful Article Response Criminals or Mentally Ill? Eagleman, David. “The Brain on Trial.” The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly Group, July/August 2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011 In Mr. Eagleman’s article “The Brain on Trial,” he intelligently points out that some criminal acts are due to brain tumors and other mental turmoil that affects the brain. David continuously reassures the readers that he is not against the justice system, but there are different ways to look at punishments for criminals. He explains brain tumors have immense effects on behavior and some people cannot control them. A man named Charles Whitman, was a former marine, Eagle Scout, and studied architectural engineering. He murdered his mother and wife, went on a shooting spree, and then shot himself. Charles typed a suicide note the day before the incident and confessed to having irrational and unusual thoughts, but he somehow knew he should not be feeling this way. The medical examiners found a tumor festering in his brain the diameter of a nickel. David contributes numerous stories explaining how tumors, mental illnesses, how one is raised, and your basic genetics can affect your behavior without you having any control over it. Mr.Eagleman’s point of view is significant to everyone because it gives a scientific look on how criminals should be tried and punished. Many people classify pedophiles as sick, horrible people, but they do not take time to look at the person’s mental state. Criminals who have tumors, behavioral and mental problems should not go to jail, but be placed into a rehabilitation center for mental help. Some criminals do not even remember doing their crimes and therefore should receive special help for society and their own future. David’s point of view is not to make criminals seem innocent, but to give a scientific outlook on why they act a certain

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way. He explains that jails are overcrowded with people that need special help so they can better themselves not harm anyone again. In some cases, pedophiles and shoplifters only do criminal acts because of some mental deformity. He gives us these stories, testimonies, and examples to educate an uneducated society about newly found scientific procedures. In society today, people are quick to judge someone who does a heinous act because that is all they know. David shines a light on a scientific breakthrough so society can fairly judge someone, not on their act but their mental state.

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Formatted: Different first page header

Stefani Ollanketo Professor Horton English 1101 23 October 2011 Through My Friend’s Looking Glass: Reflecting a New Me Ruth Padawer shares many stories about women in “The Two-Minus-One Pregancy,” by relating powerful decisions women had to make about their pregnancies. After going through numerous medical treatments to become impregnated, women having twin or triplet pregnancies had to make the agonizing choice to reduce the embryo to a singleton. In her article “The TwoMinus-One Pregnancy,” Ruth Padawer tells many stories of women having twin or triplet pregnancies reduced to a singleton, after going through numerous medical treatments to impregnate them. Some women were hesitant aboutdistraught about reducing to a singleton, because both of the babies inside of them were perfectly fine. and they didn’t did notwant to live with the guilt of killing one over the other. Ruth Ms. Padawer presents information about the positive and negative sides of reduction to a singleton, but Ruth herself says that she as even Ms. Padawer found out that she was pregnant with twins after she had a traumatic episode where she

Comment [TCU1]: My topic/hook sentence was too weak. I wanted to improve the choice of words in order to make my point clearer. I focused, especially, on the adjectives. I changed my clause “After going through…” to the beginning of the sentence instead of the end to make the thought flow better for the reader. Comment [TCU2]: Again, I wanted my point to be clearer by emphasizing how agonizing these decisions were for these women; therefore, I used “distraught” as a stronger word. A comma was also added here, because I had two independent clauses that should be linked by a conjunction.

cramped and bled;. fFor a few days she thought about giving one up for adoption, but Ms.

Comment [TCU3]: I decided to end this sentence to avoid it being too long and wordy.

Padawer decided to deliver and keep her twins. nNow she has three amazing kids and she says

Comment [TCU4]: Do not use contractions in formal essays.

shares , “There’s no doubt that life with twins and a third child so close in age has often felt all-

Comment [TCU5]: Do not use first names of people who are personally unknown.

consuming and out of control. And yet the thought of not having any one of them is unbearable now, because they are no longer shadowy fetuses but full-fledged human beings whom I love in a huge and aching way.” This article is about older women taking the easy way out of raising twins or triplets, with a few health exceptions, but young adults are dealing with a similar Formatted: Centered

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Ollanketo 2 problem. Ms. Padawar emphasizes that women and couples of all ages often have to make such important decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives. Many young couples become pregnant and don’t do not know what to do about it the pregnancy, because a baby takes up 100% their time and focus. When a couple becomes

Comment [TCU6]: Do not use “it.” Be more specific. I also added the comma that was needed here.

pregnant, they first have to decide to keep it the baby or not. and tThen they have to think about how their decision will affect their future. After a while, they either are relieved or regret their decision. An example that I experienced was Iin high school., I was good friends with a girl named Tori and during our sophomore year; she got pregnant and had a very important decision to make for her future. She was just another As Ms. Padawer agrees Tori was another young girl having to make a this agonizing decision. that could have easily been avoided. When couples are young and have to deal with that these situations, they are still naïve to the world and their effects of one decision. Choosing to have or not to have a baby is a big decision that could easily

Comment [TCU7]: Unclear. I needed to make this point clearer.

destroy a family or relationship. Everyone can makes a mistakes, and but sometimes, those mistakes can change other people’s lives by making helping them smarter learn from the bad experience. A friendship can be tested, however, if one does not appear to learn from her error in Comment [TCU8]: This transitional sentence prepares the reader for the fact that Tori and I may not be good friends now and why.

judgement. Tori was the kind of girl who liked to go out with older people and party. It hurts when someone you one are is close to makes you regret letting them into your life. Tori was the kind of

Comment [TCU9]: I thought this sentence would be a better topic sentence as I want to address to the reader that Tori did not change after her experience. Comment [TCU10]: Better word.

girl who liked to go out with older people and party. She started dating a guy who was a couple

Comment [TCU11]: I moved this sentence.

of years older and a complete loser because he did not work????. After dating for a couple of months, Tori got pregnant and was devastated. She didn’t did not want to tell anyone, but I told advised her she needed to let her to tell her family and boyfriend know. She Tori told her mom the next day and came to school with a decision. In our class we had together, we talked about Formatted: Centered

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Ollanketo 3 the night before decision she had made to have and she said she decided that an abortion. It appeared that Tori felt this was the best choice for her and her boyfriend. I told her that she was

Comment [S12]: This sentence seemed too wordy and I felt the new sentence makes more sense. I feel the new sentence makes more sense to the reader and is not as confusing.

taking the easy and irresponsible way out, but she Tori didn’t did not seem to care. A week later, she was in the hospital getting having an abortion. Her mother was gung-ho for it supportive of her decision, but her stepfather was not. n’t even there for her. See, Unfortunately, her stepdad

Comment [S13]: The wording in this sentence was bad, so I chose a more intelligent word choice.

went through experienced his girlfriend choosing to have an abortion the same thing ???? as a teenager with his girlfriend and never forgave her for it.; now that his daughter was doing the same thing, I wasn’t was not sure he would be able to forgive her Tori, either. Some things Circumstances happen in life that can change things ones’ life instantly. As Ms. Padawar

Comment [S14]: The first sentence was worded wrong and I felt that the new sentence clarifies my meaning and even sounds better. The second part of the sentence talks about Tori’s father not being able to forgive her for her actions because of his past expericenes.

reminds this reader, and some people learn from it their mistakes, while others never rise up from aborting their child. it. ??? Friends will be there for you through thick and thin, but that doesn’t does not guarantee

Comment [S15]: In the article, Ms. Padawer discusses the differences of the women she interviewed; some women felt regret for their abortions and others went on with their lives as if nothing happened. This issue goes back to the moral issue of abortion in general.

forever. A few weeks after her abortion, Tori went back to her old ways of drinking, partying and being ridiculously irresponsible. Her boyfriend never was told about the abortion, but Tori said she was over him, and I knew it was because the thought having his baby scared the life out of her. I texted her a lot many times and called, but I never heard back from her for a while;. oOne day I was at the mal,l and she was there getting clothes for the club. I went up to her and asked her why she was avoiding me; Tori looked at me and said, “I’m sick of you trying to be my mom, so let me do what I want and leave me alone.” Fury was my first emotion and then sadness sank in, because I was trying to save my friend for making another mistake,. but she Tori was

Comment [TCU16]: Using her name instead of “she” emphasizes the fact that my friend meant much to me, and I did not like what she had become.

oblivious to it and just wanted to see the negative. Ever since that day, Tori and I have not been as close as we were for seven years before all of this happened. I think she Tori felt so guilty for doing what she did and drinking is the only way to numb the pain. I still wish the best for my Formatted: Centered

19


Ollanketo 4 friend, but her decision will always be with her., but uUntil she can handle that, she Tori will may be the same careless person I last saw. Mistakes can make or break someone, but others can also learn from someone’s mistakes. Tori acted very irresponsibly Bbefore, during, and after her abortion, Tori acted very irresponsibly, and from that witnessing her unfortunate experience, I learned how to make better decisions. Looking back at everything she did, it makes me sad that she could n’t not see her wrongdoings that my friends and I saw. Tori didn’t not just change me; she also changed a lot

Comment [S17]: Again, this sentence sounded wrong so I rearranged some words around to make the point clearer. Some words I chose also made the sentence sound more intelligent.

many of our friend’s lives because of her actions. I think if Tori didn’t had not make made this mistake, a lot many of our friends would have been in the same predicament. After her abortion, many a lot of my friends got decided to choose a type ofon birth control, especially, and if they were sexually active., they We wanted to become more responsible adults. were being smarter about it. For me, I have been more responsible when being romantic and if I ever feel myself slipping, Tori’s face pops into my head like a reminder. Another thing thought that changed me was seeing Tori’s dad’s face when he found out that she was getting an abortion; I would never want to see my dad’s face like that, ever. After her abortion, Tori changed, and I was the only one who changed for the better which saddens is sad to me. If I could go back, I wish I could have changed her mind and maybe she would have matured. Taking something negative and turning it positive is the best way to change a life. A lot of Many young adults go through a situation like Tori’s, but there is a lot much to learn from mistakes like hers and many others. Being responsible and thinking about the future is more important than living in the moment and making a mistake that can change everything about someone’s life. Another one of my friends, Kaitlyn got pregnant a year after Tori had her abortion, and she took the other direction. Even though a teen pregnancy isn’t is not showing Formatted: Centered

19


Ollanketo 5 responsibleility, Kaitlyn kept her baby and now has a small, wonderful family. She saw how Tori acted irresponsible fell off the rocker ????? after the abortion and didn’t did not want to end up like her. Kaitlyn is a just another example of someone who saw her own friend’s a mistake, made one of her own, but decided to be more responsible about it. As in Ms. Padawer’s article, the information she wrote makes her readers think on their own circumstances. This reflection made me consider my friends Tori and Kaitlyn and while Kaitlyn decided to have her baby, Tori decided on an abortion. These two friend’s actions made me think of important decisions I needed to make as a maturing women. Teen pregnancy is 100% preventable if the boyfriend and girlfriend stop and think about their future. Tori’s story is one among a million and taking

Comment [S18]: I added a better concluding sentence as I felt like I did not bring my thoughts together, so I referred back to the article and wrapped up the conclusion.

something positive from her bad decision can only be helpful for those who want a better future.

Formatted: Centered

19


Ollanketo 6 Padawer, Ruth. “The Two-Minus-One Pregnancy.” The New York Times. The New York Times Company, 10 Aug. 2011.Web. 19 Oct. 2011

Formatted: Centered

19


Stefani Ollanketo Professor Horton English 1101 23 October 2011 Through My Friend’s Looking Glass: Reflecting a New Me Ruth Padawer shares many stories about women in “The Two-Minus-One Pregancy,” by relating powerful decisions women had to make about their pregnancies. After going through numerous medical treatments to become impregnated, women having twin or triplet pregnancies had to make the agonizing choice to reduce the embryo to a singleton. Some women were distraught about reducing to a singleton, because both of the babies inside of them were perfectly fine. They did not want to live with the guilt of killing one over the other. Ms. Padawer presents information about the positive and negative sides of reduction to a singleton, as even Ms. Padawer found out that she was pregnant with twins after she had a traumatic episode where she cramped and bled. For a few days she thought about giving one up for adoption, but Ms. Padawer decided to deliver and keep her twins. Now she has three amazing kids and she shares , “There’s no doubt that life with twins and a third child so close in age has often felt allconsuming and out of control. And yet the thought of not having any one of them is unbearable now, because they are no longer shadowy fetuses but full-fledged human beings whom I love in a huge and aching way.” Ms. Padawar emphasizes that women and couples of all ages often have to make such important decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives. Many young couples become pregnant and do not know what to do about the pregnancy, because a baby takes up 100% their time and focus. When a couple becomes pregnant, they first have to decide to keep the baby or not. Then they have to think about how their decision will

23


affect their future. After a while, they either are relieved or regret their decision. An example that I experienced was in high school. I was good friends with Tori during our sophomore year; she got pregnant and had a very important decision to make for her future. As Ms. Padawer agrees Tori was another young girl having to make this agonizing decision. When couples are young and have to deal with these situations, they are still naïve to the world. Choosing to have or not to have a baby is a big decision that could easily destroy a family or relationship. Everyone can make a mistake, but sometimes those mistakes can change other people’s lives by helping them learn from the experience. A friendship can be tested, however, if one does not appear to learn from her error in judgment. Tori was the kind of girl who liked to go out with older people and party. It hurts when someone one is close to makes you regret into your life. She started dating a guy who was a couple of years older and a complete loser because he did not work. After dating for a couple of months, Tori got pregnant and was devastated. She did not want to tell anyone, but I advised her to tell her family and boyfriend. Tori told her mom the next day and came to school with a decision. In our class we had together, we talked about the decision she had made to have an abortion. It appeared that Tori felt this was the best choice for her and her boyfriend. I told her that she was taking the easy and irresponsible way out, but Tori did not seem to care. A week later, she was in the hospital having an abortion. Her mother was supportive of her decision, but her stepfather was not. . Unfortunately, her stepdad

experienced his girlfriend choosing to have

an abortion as a teenager and never forgave her for it. I was not sure he would be able to forgive Tori, either. Circumstances happen that can change ones’ life instantly. As Ms. Padawar reminds this reader, some people learn from their mistakes, while others never rise up from aborting their child. Friends will be there for you through thick and thin, but that does not guarantee forever. A

24


few weeks after her abortion, Tori went back to her old ways of drinking, partying and being ridiculously irresponsible. Her boyfriend never was told about the abortion, but Tori said she was over him, and I knew it was because the thought having his baby scared her. I texted her many times and called, but I never heard back from her for a while. One day I was at the mall and she was there getting clothes for the club. I went up to her and asked her why she was avoiding me; Tori looked at me and said, “I’m sick of you trying to be my mom, so let me do what I want and leave me alone.” Fury was my first emotion and then sadness sank in, because I was trying to save my friend for making another mistake. Tori was oblivious to it and just wanted to see the negative. Ever since that day, Tori and I have not been as close as we were for seven years before all of this happened. I think Tori felt so guilty for doing what she did and drinking is the only way to numb the pain. I still wish the best for my friend, but her decision will always be with her. Until she can handle that, Tori may be the same careless person I last saw. Mistakes can make or break someone, but others can also learn from someone’s mistakes. Before, during, and after her abortion, Tori acted very irresponsibly, and from witnessing her unfortunate experience, I learned how to make better decisions. Looking back at everything she did, it makes me sad that she could not see her wrongdoings that my friends and I saw. Tori did not just change me; she also changed many of our friend’s lives because of her actions. I think if Tori had not made this mistake, many of our friends would have been in the same predicament. After her abortion, many of my friends decided to choose a type of birth control, especially, if they were sexually active. We wanted to become more responsible adults. For me, I have been more responsible when being romantic and if I ever feel myself slipping, Tori’s face pops into my head like a reminder. Another thought that changed me was seeing Tori’s dad’s face when he found out that she was getting an abortion; I would never want to see my dad’s face like that,

24


ever. After her abortion, Tori changed, and I was the only one who changed for the better which saddens me. If I could go back, I wish I could have changed her mind and maybe she would have matured. Taking something negative and turning it positive is the best way to change a life. Many young adults go through a situation like Tori’s, but there is much to learn from mistakes like hers and many others. Being responsible and thinking about the future is more important than living in the moment and making a mistake that can change everything about someone’s life. Another one of my friends, Kaitlyn got pregnant a year after Tori had her abortion, and she took the other direction. Even though a teen pregnancy is not showing responsibility, Kaitlyn kept her baby and now has a small, wonderful family. She saw how Tori acted irresponsible after the abortion and did not want to end up like her. Kaitlyn is a just another example of someone who saw her own friend’s mistake, made one of her own, but decided to be more responsible As in Ms. Padawer’s article, the information she wrote makes her readers think on their own circumstances. This reflection made me consider my friends Tori and Kaitlyn and while Kaitlyn decided to have her baby, Tori decided on an abortion. These two friend’s actions made me think of important decisions I needed to make as a maturing women.

24


Padawer, Ruth. “The Two-Minus-One Pregnancy.” The New York Times. The New York Times Company, 10 Aug. 2011.Web. 19 Oct. 2011

24

Final Portfolio for English 1101  

Some of my best/worst work combined in one portfolio.

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