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Winter 2013 FEATURES


Lessons Learned from Lance Armstrong


Dr. Jerry Weichman: Born to Soar

By Connie Wardman, Editor-in-Chief, Media Out Loud Global

By Vanessa Geneva Ahern


Dan & Me By Shane Windmeyer



Moses Malone: A Legend in His Own Time By Stefan Swiat


Nike LGBT Sports Coalition: Four Years to End Homophobia in Sports By Cyd Zeigler Jr.






14 From Different to Special CONNIE WARDMAN, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF


20 Research

Making Schools Safer

22 Women in Sports

The Power of Standing Up

24 Human Rights Campaign (HRC)

Being Smart & Savvy When You Buy: The Growing Marketplace for Equality

26 Outreach


Making Your Child Bully-Proof

28 High-5 For Standing Up 54 Fitness

The Power of Two

55 Sportsmanship

Sacrifice and Sportsmanship

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IN EVERY ISSUE The Foundation: Supporting the Real-World Work of Our Grantees Pop Culture: The Power to Influence Food: Having Brunch with Chef Art Success: The Success of Creating Teamwork in Everyday Life


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Eric Carlyle, CEO/Publisher Patrick Davis, Co-Publisher

Ben Cohen, MBE


Connie Wardman EDITOR


Alison Doerfler Scott Herman Scott “Babydaddy” Hoffman Michael Losier Brian Sims Chef Art Smith Shane Windmeyer CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Helen J. Carroll Ashland Johnson Bruce Moorehead Stefan Swiat Kathleen Winn ART DIRECTOR

Dara Fowler

For Editorial and Media Inquiries Media Out Loud Global Advisory Board Eric Carlyle and Patrick Davis (Co-Chairs); Mark Braun; Helen J. Carroll; Troup Coronado, ESQ; Dr. William Kapfer; Michael Losier, Scott Norton, ESQ; and Kirk Walker StandUp Magazine is published by Sports Diversity Media, LLC, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Media Out Loud Global, LLC, under license from Ben Cohen Worldwide, LLC © 2013 by Sports Diversity Media, LLC Sports Diversity Media, LLC 4703 S. Lakeshore Dr., Suite 3 Tempe, Arizona 85282 480.222.4223

SPECIAL GUEST CONTRIBUTORS Vanessa Geneva Ahern, freelance writer and founding editor of Hudson Valley Good Stuff Blog, had a ten-year background in travel marketing and public relations working in Manhattan. After completing her Master of Fine Arts program from Columbia University, she moved to the Hudson Valley and is now a full-time writer.

Cyd Zeigler Jr., co-founder and president of, is a well-known commentator and author in the areas of sexuality and sports. With co-founder Jim Buzinski, he authored “The Outsports Revolution: Truth & Myth in the World of Gay Sports.” In addition to serving as associate editor of the New York Blade and the sports editor for Genre Magazine, Zeigler founded the New York Gay Flag Football League, the second largest gay football league in the world.


Eleanor Safe and Andrew Jones Cover photo credit: AP Images

For Sales Inquires or contact our Advertising Representative Fox Associations, Inc at: Fox-Chicago, 312-644-3888 Fox-New York, 212-725-2106 Fox-Los Angeles, 805-522-0504 Fox-Detroit, 248-626-0511 Fox-Phoenix, 480-538-5021 Fox-Atlanta, 800-440-0231

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Being a Champion is a Full-Time Reality


CARTER. MANTI T’EO. CHRIS CULLIVER. LANCE ARMSTRONG. OSCAR PISTORIOUS. The list goes on, sadly. Names we know and names we have never heard until recently. The headlines tell the story: the athletes we expect to be role models are too often falling short. Regardless of the excuses and apologies, it is time to call it like it is: sports culture has a problem. And there is no recovering from it until we admit it. The men — and, yes, they are almost always men – who disappoint, who lie, who cheat need a wakeup call. Being a sportsman is not defined by potential or confirmed greatness in the heat of competition. It is defined in how life gets lived. In my view, a sportsman is defined only by a dedication to sportsmanship — a sense of character that does not stop when the clock runs down. Homophobic slurs, discrimination, public lies, vast deceptions, reported domestic violence, alleged murder. This is what it has come to? These are the characteristics of our champions? We can and must do better. Fans deserve better; they need the people they see as heroes to take their positions as role models seriously. They may never have intended to be role models. But like it or not, the bright lights bring that obligation to them. After we are honored with the title “champion” or “winner” or “sportsman,” we must live up to it. Yes, it is hard. I am far from a perfect man — I have had my own failings and regrets — but never have they been from harming another human being. I did not start believing in the balance between tough competition and fair play after winning a World Cup. I won a World Cup because I believed that winning was an expression of my character. My team believed that and taught it. So did my family. And so, as much as I share the disappointment and anger many feel toward the “sportsmen” listed above, I do believe the problem begins beyond them — and requires more than just a change in behavior from them to end it. Too often, leagues or other governing bodies decide to do nothing — to say, “it was individual behavior and we cannot be involved.” Yet these very organizations take credit for individual and team greatness when it is time to do so. Here is the truth: there is no being “off ” the team. It is a full time reality. Governing bodies do not get to choose when the team commitment or standard applies. By suggesting it is only during game play, they are part of the problem. That’s not a popular view, but there is no getting around the hypocrisy of it. At the same time, the media — in all definitions — celebrates the worst behavior when it happens. I get it: controversy drives numbers. We put Lance Armstrong on the cover for a reason, too. But, like us at StandUp Magazine, the media has an opportunity and an obligation to do more than sensationalize the moment of failure. They can, as we have tried in this issue, to look at the human complexity that causes failure — and to teach lessons. I hope that this and each issue of StandUp Magazine meets that challenge.

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By Ben Cohen, MBE

End of the day: what is the point of reaching our goals and being seen as a “hero” if we don’t act as one when it really matters? As we have seen with some of “the greats” recently, being a champion is erased by behavior outside the game. Let’s get things right finally. And once again be sure the champions we admire and celebrate express their characters through their games rather than damaging all of sports culture with their character flaws. Cheers,

Ben Cohen, MBE Founder and Chairman, the Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation

...we have tried to look at the human complexity that causes failure – and to teach lessons.

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By Eric Carlyle

We Continue to Grow


WE LAUNCHED STANDUP MAGAZINE in Atlanta last fall it felt like we were an instant hit. In the few months since then, I now know that feeling was accurate. Since November I have received a slew of emails from many of you telling me how much you appreciate StandUp Magazine. From the value you received in the many stories and features contained in the magazine to heartwarming reactions to the columns and photos, each of you that wrote to me put a smile on my face — a very big smile. As StandUp Magazine continues to mature and grow, I am hopeful that all of our readers will continue to find extraordinary value in the magazine’s content. Whether it be a celebrity interview, heartfelt feature story or a special guest column, we want StandUp Magazine to inspire everyday Champions. But StandUp Magazine is more than just a print publication. In addition to the print version, you can find our StandUp Magazine online by visiting our website. Like the magazine, our website will continue to grow as we add exciting new features. Additionally, the StandUp Magazine team will be out in force to meet you in person. You may have gotten the opportunity to meet us at our Atlanta launch or at the Sin City Shoot Out in Las Vegas, the Steve Chase Humanitarian Awards in Palm Springs or at the NBA All-Star Weekend. As we continue to grow, be sure to keep an eye out for us — we may be in a city near you soon. I continue to be very proud to work with Ben, his team at the Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation, Ben Cohen Worldwide and the StandUp Magazine team. The future is bright for us. And with your feedback, help and support, StandUp Magazine will continue to be a “stand out” publication.

With you,

Eric Carlyle CEO/Publisher

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... each of you that wrote to me put a smile on my face — a very big smile.

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By Patrick Davis

A Strong Start, A New Dream


THE EARLIEST DAYS OF STANDUP, our dream has been to advance a new model to help fund social change through business success. The commercial success of the StandUp brand helps fund the non-profit work of the Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation. Startups are hard enough to make profitable, much less support a significant philanthropic program from the beginning. Because of the incredible support of our friends, fans, followers and readers, StandUp has proven atypical. Thank you. In our first, partial startup year and through year-end 2012, the StandUp commercial brand became the single largest corporate supporter of the Foundation. We gave more than 15% of every sale — not a sliver of leftover profit — to support anti-bullying awareness, education and real-world work. That amounted to $51,500 — every dime of which began with your choice to support the brand through purchases. To put that number in perspective, the Foundation provided right at $200,000 in support of anti-bullying efforts by the end of 2012, with $60,000 of that amount being in direct grants to those doing real-world work to make life kinder for those who are bullied (as of publication, that number has now passed the $90,000 mark). In other words, the direct grants we gave were funded by your brand loyalty. You made our mantra true: support the cause, shop the brand, stop the bullying. Of course, bullying is a universal issue and far from stopped, but together we made an impressive start. By the close of 2012, StandUp brand merchandise had shipped to 53 countries. Such widespread, global support proved to us that our early dreams could become a reality. T-shirts to the Middle East, boxers and briefs across Europe, Nike special edition products to the four corners, calendars so far-spread we could not keep them in stock. And, of course, the launch of StandUp Magazine capped off the year with the support of some of the world’s most valuable advertisers. All of these products spreading messages of tolerance, respect, equality, dignity and fairness. Because of your support and the success of the social-commercial model, the StandUp brand grew from four products to more than 150, all now available in our official online store at World Rugby Shop. Your amazing adoption of the brand into everyday life proved that our culture really is ready to support a return to sportsmanship. We all want to see sports women and men lead the way in terms of inclusion, and we want to celebrate these worthy role models openly. In an age when it has become popular and easy — and sometimes necessary — to criticize business, we hope to show that it can and should do good things for others. As a sports brand, we take our obligation to be a role model just as seriously as any champion should. Very best,

Patrick Davis, Co-Publisher and CEO, Ben Cohen Worldwide

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Your amazing adoption of the brand into everyday life proved that our culture really is ready to support a return to sportsmanship.

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By Connie Wardman

You Have the Power


TO OUR SECOND ISSUE OF StandUp Magazine. It won’t take long for you to realize that there is a theme running throughout its pages — power. A small word filled with … well, power. How often do you wish you could change the world but get discouraged? I think that happens to all of us from time-to-time. We think that as only one person, we don’t have the power to make big changes in the world. The fact is that each one of us is power-full — we are not power-less. We have more personal power to change things than we’re often willing to admit. When we use our power, we risk rocking the boat. And when we allow fear to take over, we worry what other people will think and say about us. We often don’t want to risk using our personal power because we’re afraid of its consequences. Yet we can and do change the world every day for the better by our seemingly inconsequential decisions … when we use our power appropriately. From the power to improve your communication style, to get a better physical workout or to stand up together with others who share your beliefs – these are some of the positive changes in these pages that you can apply to your life today. And when you learn the hard lessons of using power inappropriately and apply them to your life, you are making the world better as well. When you read the story about Lance Armstrong, understand him as a catalyst for change, for raising awareness on a global scale of the consequences of using personal power in a negative way that makes people feel different rather than special. When you stand up, when you do the right thing, you also serve as a teacher or mentor to others who are watching you, looking for a positive example to follow. Like throwing a stone across the water, your positive actions send ripples of change far beyond your ability to see them. I love the most recent quote on power used originally by John F. Kennedy in his first State of the Union address to Congress in 1962 and recently reused by President Obama. They were talking about the Constitution of the U.S. But apply it to your personal constitution, your value system because it “makes us not rivals for power but partners for progress.” Thanks to each of you for standing up when it’s appropriate — for being a part of this positive, forward movement that enables everyone to feel special rather than different. On a personal note, I love having you as a partner for progress!

Connie Wardman Editor-in-Chief

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The fact is that each one of us is power-full — we are not power-less.

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By Alison Doerfler

Supporting the Real-World Work of Our Grantees


HETHER THROUGH DONATIONS or purchases, our success comes from supporters who believe in the mission of the Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation: to raise awareness of the long-term damaging effects of bullying, and to fund those doing real-world work to stop it. We keep it simple to help affect a complicated issue facing many people all over the world today. As of the end of 2012, the Foundation has made 18 grants totaling over $60,000 in support for organizations in the U.S., the U.K. and Ireland, focusing on bullying and/or promoting tolerance in sports (as of publication, that number has now reached almost 25 grants of over $90,000). Our work took us to over 20 campuses, numerous global corporations and many events, parades and rallies. The supporters we met along the way continued to remind us of the significant role this Foundation can play in having an impact on sports culture and society. Now that we know we have a sustainable model, we can highlight the work that this Foundation supports through our grants program. • Diversity Council (Rochester, MN): Student Leaders Creating Change (SLCC) is a peer intervention anti-bullying training program for student leaders in area high schools. SLCC's purpose is to give students the confidence and training needed to stand up to those who create a dangerous or unwelcoming atmosphere and to make schools a safe place for everyone. • The COREMatters Project (Crestwood, IL): Created to address the underlying causes of bullying and negative behavior, this program addresses the whole person — physical,

It is my honor to highlight the critical work of our grantees. It is our privilege to support them through our social commercial model... 18 I StandUp I WINTER 2013

mental and emotional. In doing so, the project provides opportunities for participants to build core values that matter, such as integrity, empathy and respect for self and others. • Woman Vision (San Francisco, CA): The Last Closet Campaign is a web-based campaign and video project to end homophobia in men's professional sports. This campaign raises awareness and starts conversations. It is committed to establishing the connection between positive LGBT role models and the reduction of LGBT youth suicide and bullying incidents. • BeatBullying (London, England): UK’s leading bullying prevention charity whose mission is to create a world where bullying, violence and harassment are unacceptable. They work directly with young people, empowering and supporting those who are being bullied, re-educating and changing the behavior of young people that bully and preventing bullying in schools and communities across the UK. • BeLonG To Youth Services (Dublin, Ireland): a national youth service for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender (LGBT) young people in Ireland. Based on the belief that LGBT youth need to be respected and cared for on the same basis as all other young people, they provide direct youth work services to LGBT young people in Dublin and support LGBT youth groups around the country. They know that when youth are safe and supported in their families, schools and society they will thrive as healthy and equal citizens. We talk a lot about the anti-bullying awareness campaigns that we do on an ongoing basis. It is my honor to highlight the critical work of our grantees. It is our privilege to support them through our social commercial model, and it is critical to our commitment to raising awareness of the importance of sports and life as a fair place for all. Alison Doerfler is the Executive Director of the Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation & the Executive Vice President of Ben Cohen Worldwide, LLC

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SFAA members provide specialized services to professional and amateur athletes, coaches and retired athletes as well as professional sports organizations. • Financial Seminars • Personalized Financial Education • Referrals to Investment Advisors, Insurance Agents, Accountants and Lawyers • Educational Opportunities • Networking Forums • Annual Conference

602-820-2220 The SFAA is a non-profit organization dedicated to providing education and best practices to professionals that provide services to current and former professional and amateur athletes.

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By Brian Patrick

Making Schools Safer


CHOOL BULLYING, if not properly addressed in a timely fashion by families, teachers and mental health professionals, can often lead to violence and death. From the Columbine High School massacre in 1999 to the most recent massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School on December 14, 2012, school shootings in the U.S. have focused a spotlight on the increasing need for school safety. Parents who send their children to school with the expectation that they will be safe from harm, whether it be mental, emotional or physical, can often be the last to recognize and/or acknowledge that their child is being bullied or perhaps that their child IS a bully. And teachers and administrators who recognize bullying behavior are often unsure and/or uncomfortable about how to handle it, especially when it involves LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) students. It’s important to recognize, however, that not every school bullying incident using gay taunts involves a child who is self-identifying as LGBT. Jeff Graham, Executive Director for Georgia Equality wrote in the last issue of StandUp Magazine that “Far too often bullying involves homophobic taunts even when the victim is not gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.” When it comes to students’ verbal taunts, it’s the homophobic slurs they view as the most powerful insults they can use against another student, no matter his or her sexual or gender orientation. In the aftermath of the Columbine shooting, the state of Georgia began the task of school reform. Since that time, Georgia State University’s (GSU) College of Education has

... it’s the homophobic slurs they view as the most powerful insults they can use against another student, no matter his or her sexual or gender orientation. 20 I StandUp I WINTER 2013

been in the research forefront of making schools safer through its Center for School Safety under the direction of Professor Joel Meyers, Ph.D. His research interests include the primary prevention of bullying and school violence, school-based teacher consultation as well as organizational consultation and school change. He is joined by Associate Professor Kristen Varjas, Psy.D. of the Department of Counseling and Psychological Services. Her research interests include participatory culture-specific interventions in schools, school-based mental health services and school-based advocacy. A number of the Center’s original research studies have been published in various professional journals. While some of the studies have been focused only in Georgia, some have a broader, more national focus. Research topics have included strategies to advocate for LGBT youth, teachers’ perceptions of teasing in schools, and the perceptions of bullying within urban students in fourth through eighth grades. Another is a case study with an identified bully and the implications it offers for both policy and practice. Perceptions are important. If teachers and/or administrators are not accepting of or if they are uncomfortable with LGBT students, it is important for there to be an advocate available for these students, whether it be a school psychologist or even an intern, who can make sure that the needs of these students are addressed. This can be especially important in areas of the country where negative stereotypes persist. Some studies have revealed that while many teachers don’t know when or how to intervene in the case of verbal bullying, the kids say that teachers should know or understand what they’re feeling, they should know when to step in. With such

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different views being expressed, it behooves administrators and teachers to listen to their students who are expressing a need for more consistent discipline and for discontinuing mixed messages. For example, racial epithets are never permitted by any teachers but some teachers won’t intervene when LGBT slurs are used. Kids are also asking for a bigger adult presence during transition times throughout the day, like having adults in the halls and restrooms during class changes. An overall observation is that while individual incidents need to be appropriately addressed in a timely manner, nevertheless there needs to be a focus on the school climate as a whole. It is also noted that a number of “bystanders,� those considered to be outside the normal day-to-day operations of the school, can contribute to a climate that eliminates bullying. There are many research findings that can be applied in other school settings. For more information on the Center for School Safety, contact Dr. Meyers at or Dr. Varjas at

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By Helen J. Carroll and Ashland Johnson

The Power of Standing Up

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RECENT EVENT IN THE SPORTS WORLD redefined what it means to be a “champion”— and it provided a powerful reminder of the transformative impact of standing up. This lesson started with a women’s basketball player. Gabrielle Ludwig is a student-athlete at Mission College in Santa Clara, California who wanted to play on her college team. However, because she is transgender, her path to eligibility was more difficult. She was initially told that she could not play on the women’s team because her birth certificate did not match her current female gender. Undeterred, Gabrielle reached out to the NCLR Sports Project and the Transgender Law Center for assistance. We advised her of the legal steps she would have to take and the public backlash and scrutiny she might well face if she stood up for her right to play. But like a true champion, she was undeterred After months of practicing, sitting out the first nine games of her season, and working through the legal process, Gabrielle finally overcame the last legal obstacle preventing her from playing—obtaining a court order changing the gender marker on her birth certificate. Her entire team joined Gabrielle in court to celebrate her new status as a full and equal teammate. Later that night she played in her first game. Everyone in the stands understood how powerful Gabrielle’s journey was for sports equality. As it turned out, that night wasn’t the end of Gabrielle’s courageous journey. After her story became public, she was subjected to the ridicule, disrespect, and bigotry that many transgender athletes face in the sports world. Two radio personalities working for an affiliate of ESPN made deeply offensive comments about Gabrielle, referring to her as “it” and urging her to stay out of college basketball. . The radio hosts were suspended for several days and ESPN quickly disavowed their comments as “offensive” and “against ESPN's company culture and values.” Sadly, however, such reactions to transgender athletes in the sports world are not uncommon.

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Gabrielle, her team, and her college are role models for future transgender athletes and their teams, offering hope and courage for the next generation of transgender student-athletes... More than 30 years ago, for example, professional tennis player Renee Richards was ridiculed by the media and shunned by the sports world after she publicly transitioned from male to female. She was granted the right to compete as a woman in the women's U.S. Tennis Open only after taking her case to the New York Supreme Court. Transgender athletes can also face discrimination from their own teams. When Kye Allums came out publicly as a transgender man while playing on George Washington’s women’s basketball team, he lost the support not only of his teammates but also his coach. While they had previously supported him in private, they now ridiculed him for being “selfish” once he made the courageous decision to speak out publicly in a press conference about his gender identity. The stories of transgender athletes make clear how courageous athletes like Renee, Kye, and Gabrielle have been. Even after being attacked on national radio, Gabrielle responded like a true champion, letting her play show that she belongs on this team. And as a sign of progress, Gabrielle had the support not only of her team but also of many of the most influential voices from the sports community. Sports rights advocates from NCLR, GLAAD, Outsports, the You Can Play Project and the Federation of Gay Games as well as ESPN blogger Christina Kahrl united in support of Gabrielle. These advocates also reached out to countless others in the sports community to ensure that the announcers who made offensive comments about Gabrielle’s story were reprimanded for their misconduct.

Because of Gabrielle’s and other athletes’ courage, the sports community can now fight to ensure that all LGBT athletes are included and respected in every level of sport. Transgender athletes are becoming more and more visible, fighting for their rights to play. It’s up to us as a community to ensure that they have the opportunity to play without fear of violence, harassment or discrimination. Today, Gabrielle comes off the bench and is a solid contributor for the Lady Saints. Her coach, her team and her school are among her biggest supporters. Her courageous act of standing up helped change the game, inspiring those around her to stand up both with and for her. From her coach to her team, from those in sports media to those in sports advocacy, her courage teaches us that a true “champion” can unite a team without compromising her true self. Gabrielle, her team, and her college are role models for future transgender athletes and their teams, offering hope and courage for the next generation of transgender student-athletes to join teams who will stand up for transgender equality. Both co-authors work for the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR). Serving as its Sports Project Director, Helen J. Carroll is a former championship-winning coach for the University of North Carolina-Asheville and was the athletic director for the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) . Ashland Johnson is Policy Council for NCLR and is a former varsity women's basketball player who has also worked for the National Women's Law Center and Lambda Legal.

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By Bob Witeck


Being Smart & Savvy When You Buy: The Growing Marketplace for Equality


MERICANS TREASURE OUR RIGHT TO VOTE and to make choices freely. As consumers and shareholders, we exercise these choices daily. Some say that we "vote with our wallets," which is truer than ever with the “2013 HRC Buying for Workplace Equality.” A Glass of Orange Juice? The Buyer's Guide’s roots run deep. The birth of gay consumerism may have occurred in Florida 35 years ago when entertainer and then-spokeswoman for the Florida Citrus Commission Anita Bryant launched her homophobic crusade to overturn Dade County's non-discrimination protections in employment and housing. Sadly, Bryant and her allies won that round in 1977, defeating these basic civil rights. But Bryant unwittingly awakened LGBT activism by spurring new leaders like Harvey Milk and others. Activists had two goals: to stop Bryant and to boycott the Florida orange industry. Gay-owned bars and bookstores, as well as local activists and leaders poured orange juice down the drain as cameras rolled. With damning publicity, The Florida Citrus Commission ultimately realized she was too inflammatory to serve as its spokeswoman. While there is little evidence that the boycott really harmed orange juice sales, the industry cringed at the consumer anger. $790 Billion in Buying Power In later years, boycotts also have been threatened against companies and business leaders that showed LGBT-friendliness. Consequently many companies feared "taking sides" in a culture war. But what began as risks have been transformed into lasting rewards. As experience shows, forward-thinking companies did not shrink from their progressive policies or from making their workplaces fairer, more inclusive and far more equal. When private organizations like The Village Voice in 1982 (soon followed by other employers) made the pioneering decision to treat same-sex relationships equally with married

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heterosexual couples for health and workplace benefits, the sky did not fall. More importantly, Americans took notice. Human resources executives know that fair treatment and equal benefits are key to recruiting and retaining a well-qualified, highly motivated and LGBT-inclusive workforce. It’s not surprising that HRC’s “2013 Corporate Equality Index” reveals that a majority of Fortune 500 companies today protect their employees on the basis of both sexual orientation and gender identity, with more employers each year following these best practices. Where business and cultural trends lead, market opportunity and openings follow. Companies recognized, as research shows, that many consumers prefer products and services from corporations that mirror their own values. This year, we conservatively project that LGBT households may account for as much as $790 billion of the nation's total buying power — which represents the dollars they spend, after taxes, for all of their needs. Of course, LGBT people are not more affluent or advantaged than others. To the contrary, there remain significant inequities and countless forms of discrimination in how we are treated as taxpayers, citizens and employees. Leaders or Laggards? In recent years, America's LGBT citizens have made great strides toward equality everywhere. Nowhere is this more true than in our workplaces and on our jobs. While anti-gay forces keep up their shrill attacks, more often, we find that our business allies have stiffened their backs and their purpose by staying true to our shared values. That is where the Buyer's Guide enters. The guide is a trusted, practical tool. Based on investigations made possible by the Corporate Equality Index, it answers the questions many of us ask about a company's policies and practices — and tells us which companies are leaders and which are dragging up the rear when it comes to LGBT equality and fairness. Bob Witeck, a pioneer in LGBT communications and market research, is president of Witeck Communications, Inc. (

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By Kathleen Winn

Making Your Child Bully-Proof


ULLYING CAN TAKE PLACE IN THE FORM of physical abuse, verbal name calling, social out-casting, spreading rumors and specific to this generation, cyber-bullying. Children must learn to get along with peers, negotiate groups or cliques and deal with bullies, both in person and online. No parent wants his or her child to become a victim of cruelty, to be taunted or treated meanly by other children. As parents we want to protect our children, to “bully-proof” them. The most important tool for this is to teach our children how to stand up for themselves and not accept negative putdowns. Parents and teachers need to guide, communicate and help children to build confidence. Make a habit of communicating in the car, at the dinner table, during homework and watching television. And talk about what is happening in their world. ASK your child for his or her opinion. And most importantly — LISTEN to what they say! 1 Stay alert to any difficulties. The moment you hear about an issue, get in touch with the school even if your child may not be directly involved. 2 Keep an open mind. Don’t assume your child or someone else’s is right or wrong. 3 If your child does not want to participate, procrastinates or “forgets his or her homework,” this can signal that they are afraid to make mistakes. They may feel helpless, stuck or scared. Encourage your child to take action, to make an effort; being in action is one of the best remedies when children don’t want to join others or appear depressed. The Arizona Attorney General’s Community Outreach and Education Division is committed to protecting today’s youth through informative presentations for parents, teachers and

Encourage your child to take action, to make an effort... 26 I StandUp I WINTER 2013

students. Our presentations are designed specifically to combat bullying. Outreach and Education coordinators go into schools to interact with students on current issues, misconceptions about bullying and how to prevent future events. Without knowing what role the student may play, the coordinators address the importance surrounding all of them. Recently a junior high school student was convinced that kids who stand back and watch a fight going on are not doing anything wrong. While this frame of mind is common among students, it is inaccurate. Social media, pictures and videos of bullying at school are caught on camera phones and posted online for everyone to see. These images continue to perpetuate the bullying, fueling the bully’s confidence to further victimize. If students ignored the bully or did not show support for a bully, there would be fewer incidents. Parents and teachers must communicate the consequences of bullying to our youth. Remind kids that their actions have long-term effects and that some cases of bullying can even be prosecuted as a crime. Being involved in bullying can potentially affect a student’s chance of being accepted into a college or applying for a job one day. Our school programs are creating awareness for teachers, parents, and most importantly, our students. We are doing what we can to bully-proof all kids. Adults need to continue to be role models for children. Please join our efforts and remember, as with sports, practice does make perfect. Kathleen Winn is the community outreach director for the Arizona attorney general's office.

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19,525 The Be a STAR ("Show Tolerance And Respect") alliance promotes positive methods of social interaction and encourage people to treat others as equals and with respect. In 2012, WWE Superstars and Divas took be anti-bullying messages to 34 schools & community centers and 4 international events, reaching approximately 19,525 total children.

COURAGE IN SPORTS Now in its 23nd year, this televised program pays tribute to some of the world’s greatest and most inspiring athletes who embody the spirit of virtue, courage and excellence.

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“No Discrimination In My Heart” “I ask all players to play through their own personality and be who they are. What you ask of a player is to be a great teammate and be a good player…Personally, there’s no discrimination in my heart.” San Francisco 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh, on coaching an openly gay player.


Meters Short Spanish runner Ivan Fernandez Anaya caught up with race leader Abel Mutai who thought he had crossed the finish line but was 10 meters short. Instead of exploiting Mutai’s mistake, Anaya stayed behind and let Mutai cross the finish line first.

“NEWTOWN TO 80888” The number 26 car in the Daytona 500 raced with a green bow on the front. This car shared a text command to raise money for the Sandy Hook School Support Fund and to honor the 26 victims of the Newtown tragedy.

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now, you probably have decided how you feel about former professional cyclist Lance Armstrong and what you think his legacy will be. Or ‌ maybe not.

Unless you are a totally either/or person, this is not an easy yes or no, black or white decision to make. Personally, while I believe we are each totally responsible for both our actions and inactions in life, I deeply believe in giving people the opportunity to learn and grow from their mistakes. Personal growth is what enables us to become better today than we were yesterday and to become better tomorrow than we are today.

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For those who are feeling only anger and bitterness about what Armstrong has done, the story is now public and it’s time to channel that anger into making positive changes in the sport of cycling and its associated oversight organizations. Anger alone doesn’t make things better. Unless it’s focused on creating and maintaining positive change, anger only continues to negatively compound itself. After years of accusations of doping activities, the paradox that is Lance Armstrong has finally started to come clean. Beginning with his recent two-part interview with Oprah Winfrey, he has owned up to cheating by using human growth hormone, erythropoietin (EPO), and blood transfusions to win his seven Tour de France titles – cheating, in essence, throughout his entire professional cycling career. In fact, he has admitted that he did it because he couldn’t win without cheating. While he’s certainly not the only athlete who has been driven by a compulsive need to win, sadly, that seems to be his rationale for deceiving his fans in the cycling world and beyond — he needed to win. But it’s important to recognize that we aren’t here to judge Armstrong or anyone else — that’s not our job. He has made a public admission of guilt. And whether or not he means it is not for us to say – only time will tell. Goodness knows, we are a forgiving lot, especially when one of our sports heroes makes a grievous mistake. Just one example is football player Michael Vick who even served prison time for his involvement in a dog fighting ring. Because he paid the price for his actions, NFL League officials and fans have forgiven Vick, albeit in varying degrees. Because he’s still a great athlete, Vick is back playing in professional

LEARNED competition and we once again cheer him on, this time in spite of his past transgressions. Forgiveness is what enables people who have learned from their mistakes to make a comeback as a better person. Who among us wouldn’t want the gift of forgiveness if we had done something wrong? Ironically, when Armstrong survived testicular cancer and returned to his sport like fellow athlete and testicular cancer survivor, ice skater Scott Hamilton, he wouldn’t have needed to win for us to cheer him on. People, particularly Americans, love an underdog, a survivor. Even if he hadn’t made it across the finish line, the whole world would have celebrated him for his courage and grit. Then, when he created his LIVESTRONG Foundation offering support to those with cancer and their families, we made this international hero an icon. We admired the fact that he took his personal battle with cancer and turned it into a higher calling to help others. By giving hope to people with cancer as well as funding needed programs and treatment for them, he helped others in need, using money from his cycling to fund the foundation. Because he cared for others and took positive steps to do something about it, we cared for him even more. We put him on a pedestal, a difficult and dangerous place for any real human being to reside. In our need to idolize an amazing athlete, we forgot then and now that our heroes

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are not superheroes; we choose to dismiss their mortality, refusing to recognize that they might potentially have faults as large as their virtues and athletic talent. This is the other side of the coin. Let’s not forget the good that Armstrong has done in the world. In the books he has written and the LIVESTRONG Foundation he founded, he has given hope to unknown numbers of people with cancer as well as the family members who love them. He has provided important medical treatment and social services for those in need. In his own special way, he has given back to the world and we shouldn’t forget that. Dr. Lawrence Einhorn, the doctor who helped Armstrong survive his bout with cancer, has said that “Virtually 100 percent of my cancer patients all feel that he has done far more good than any damage he’s done.” While Einhorn doesn’t believe that Armstrong’s ends justified the means, nevertheless he believes that Armstrong’s legacy will be that of cancer survivor and philanthropist even though Armstrong has stepped away from the foundation he created. In addition to the cheating, Armstrong has also admitted that he was a bully. His behavior has been on public display via his aggressive denials and retaliatory lawsuits against any individual or organization that disagreed with him over the years. Yet few people called foul, either because they were afraid of him or because they couldn’t believe that this sports hero of ours wouldn’t live up to the image of him we had created. He has won races but he is certainly no champion based on this negative behavior. Please understand that whether it’s between children on the playground or in the classroom, or adults competing on the field of play in an arena or a boardroom, bullying is all about power

If you’re an intense competitor or a rabid sports fan ... how often have you gotten out of control at a sporting event...


32 I StandUp I WINTER 2013



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and control over others. Bullying is never appropriate — not at

survive cancer and still win seven Tour de France titles without

any age nor in any situation! But I think that if anger is your

some type of assistance? Did it not seem more than amazing

only response to Armstrong’s admitted bullying and cheating,

that an aging athlete could continue to win such a grueling race

you’ve missed a very important point — his overarching need

or did we not question anything because all WE wanted was

to win. This is the core problem.

for him to win? As fans, we have a part in this scenario as well.

Before we condemn others of something, it’s always a good

Is it possible to rehabilitate or reframe the macho attitude

exercise to first do a little self-examination to put it all in

of athletes and fans alike that keeps pushing the envelope on

perspective. If you’re an intense competitor or a rabid sports fan

risky behavior in order to win? A case in point is that of former

— or maybe even the "overly-involved" parent of a Little Leaguer,

Philadelphia Flyers right wing shot blocker Ian Laperriere. On

how often have you gotten out of control at a sporting event,

April 23, 2010, staff writer Mike G. Morreale referred

acting like someone you swear must be your evil twin Bart? Sport

to Laperriere as a “hockey warrior,” adding that the only thing

is where we allow our emotions to get whipped up and have fun

that motivated him more than wins was sacrifice.

playing or cheering on our team to achieve a win over the oppo-

During Game Five of the opening round of the 2009-10

nent. But the lesson of good sportsmanship is to know when the

Stanley Cup Playoffs between the Flyers and the New Jersey

need to win is crossing the line of what is and isn’t appropriate.

Devils, Laperriere deliberately stepped in front of a slap shot that

Athletes who compete based on the all-too-prevalent belief

hit him on his forehead at full speed. Bleeding profusely and un-

that “winning isn’t the most important thing; it’s the ONLY

able to see out of his right eye, this was the second time in six

thing,” do a disservice to their sport and to their opponent.

months that Laperriere had purposely taken a shot to the face,

When we focus on winning to the exclusion of anything else,

the first one costing him 70 stitches and the loss of seven teeth.

there must always be a loser. In truth, those athletes also do a

Yet he later remarked that “it’s all about sacrifice,” declaring

great disservice to themselves, as we are seeing here. A desperate,

that his team members would have to sacrifice even more in

all-consuming need to win is a slippery slope! With cancer,

the next series. Would his demand that his team members

winning can be a very real life or death struggle; with a sports

sacrifice physically the same way he did in order to win be

competition, in spite of what we may think in the heat of the

called great leadership or bullying? Clearly, these are not easy

contest, winning here isn’t about life or death.

questions to answer!

So what drove Armstrong to win at any cost? Why did his

No one can deny the importance of an athlete’s personal

need to win trump everything and everybody else in his life?

motivation and dedication to his or her sport, something which

For many athletes competing on the field of sport or business,

is often the difference between a good athlete and a great one.

it’s to cover personal insecurities and prove their worthiness;

But how far do we, as their fan base, entice them to push the

for others it’s the feeling of the endorphins, the natural high

edge to win, becoming enablers of bad behavior in the process?

that’s part of competition. I don’t think we’ll ever know because

Is it the field of play or the field of battle we expect to see?

I’m not sure even Armstrong knows. But he’s been very clear

Laperriere’s case is a good example of the public’s enthusiasm

about the fact that he never felt he did anything wrong — in his

for high drama on the field of play. Most of the sports press and

words, he was simply creating a level playing field.

fan commentary continued to praise him for being fearless,

For many athletes, the thrill of competition, the risk involved

gutsy and gritty, affirming and supporting Laperriere’s belief

is what makes playing sports so exciting. Cheating is also risky

that a win was worth regular sacrifices that could include

behavior, whether it’s oral drugs and IVs to enhance personal

potential long-term loss of eyesight, even a loss of mental capacity.

performance or a cheap shot to take out an opponent when no

Yet at the end of an athlete’s game or race, a season or a

one is looking. But risk is also what we, as fans, expect from our

career, life goes on as normal for everyone but the athlete, the one

sports heroes. When we see an athlete making an illegal play that’s

who ultimately has to live with the often-disastrous consequences

not caught by officials, do we all rise up in protest over the illegal

of his or her sacrifice, whether it’s a physical injury that debilitates

play and start an immediate investigation or is it only fans of the

you for life or the loss of reputation through sacrificing your

team that got taken advantage of who set off a hue and cry?

personal integrity. Fame is fleeting! The once idolized sports hero

Did it really seem physically possible for Armstrong to

shuffles off alone into Internet search engines and the pages of


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Wikipedia, having long ago been replaced on the pedestal by

who helped him, whether they did it willingly or were bullied

the latest great athlete with a string of wins.

into it. His actions also had an impact on his fans who held him

When looking at what Lance Armstrong has done, the most

in such high regard. “No man is an island,” according to 17th

troubling part for me is that he doesn’t appear to have much

Century poet John Donne — a person’s actions always impact

conscience about what he has done. And here, I think, is the

others, whether or not the person recognizes it at the time.

most important reason for carrying this story in StandUp

An important lesson to be learned here is that winning isn’t

Magazine, a publication that is committed to bringing you the

the end-all and be-all in life. And it is the level of personal

best of sports culture — the positive role models of good sports-

integrity of each and every athlete in that moment of choice

manship, fairness, good character and leadership. It’s certainly not to bash another human being nor is it to revel in the collapse

that determines how he or she will handle that need to win. We should always strive to win, to do our very best. But we must

of someone’s reputation. This story is to learn the accompanying

also learn to think beyond our immediate short-term wants

lessons because those lessons, once learned and positively

and needs before we act and speak. Recognizing the impact of

applied in our lives, are what make us better people.

our thoughts, words and actions on others is a vital component

We always want to know the “why” behind something. And with Armstrong, I doubt that question will ever be answered to

in eliminating bullying, cheating and other negative behaviors, both on the field of play and the field of life.

our satisfaction. Instead of focusing on the “why,” we need to

And as part of that lesson, we also need to acknowledge the

use this as a cautionary tale for young and old alike, reminding

good that Lance Armstrong has done for those devastated by the

the star-struck kid in all of us of what happens when the need

life-threatening specter of cancer. As sports fans we are extremely

to win becomes more important than anything else.

good at being Monday morning quarterbacks, blithely telling

This is a reminder for athletes, teams and fans alike of what

everyone who will listen what we would have done had we been

selfishness and disregard for others can do when the only thing

the one in charge. But we’ll never know exactly what we would do

that matters is winning. We must understand that personal

because we weren’t in that situation, we weren’t facing the same

integrity must be more important than a win for each of us.

complete and complex set of circumstances. As the saying goes,

There should also be a cause and effect understanding that if

talk is cheap. Unless and until we have walked in Lance Arm-

we do decide to cross that line, we are to be held responsible —

strong’s shoes, we should quit the blaming and instead, as StandUp

we must face the consequences of our actions.

Magazine editor Matt Fish has said, “Let’s give Lance a chance.”

Armstrong’s story helps put intangible concepts of good

Does Armstrong need to be held accountable for his actions?

sportsmanship, good character and personal integrity into a

Absolutely! Does he also deserve to have an opportunity to learn

meaningful perspective. We need to acknowledge that when

from those accompanying lessons? Absolutely! He is, like all of

Armstrong made a personal decision to break the rules of

us, exquisitely human. He is neither all good nor is he all bad.

competition, his actions had a far-reaching impact on others

Although he has created his own personal prison to be sure, he also has the key to his cell, opening its door by the decisions he makes going forward. He will be the one to determine what his legacy will be. Like all of us, Lance Armstrong is a paradox, perhaps best described by Winston Churchill’s quote on Russia … Armstrong “is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.” Let’s take the lessons he has provided and apply them to our own lives. Instead of playing the easy “blame game,” let’s spend our time and energy living the values that we all claim to revere, those of good sportsmanship, good character, fairness, personal integrity and leadership, both in sports and in daily life. Actively living what

We must understand that personal integrity must be more important than a win for each of us ...

we profess to believe will do far more good in the world than simply focusing alone on the negative actions of others.


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Dr Jerry_Layout 1 3/13/13 1:11 PM Page 1

By Vanessa Geneva Ahern


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BORN to SOAR JERRY WEICHMAN, PH.D., BETTER KNOWN AS DR. JERRY to his teen patients and their parents, is a clinical psychologist and adolescent expert at the Hoag Neurosciences Institute in Newport Beach, California, and is on the board of directors for the Bullying Prevention Initiative for the State of California. He has counseled untold numbers of teenage clients on bullying, teen violence, substance abuse and some newer dangers, such as car-surfing. His book, “How to Deal,” is considered a survival guide for high school teens and he is also a popular presenter at assemblies of students, teachers, parents and administrators. One of the things that makes him such a successful counselor is the fact that he has also been bullied — he understands what that feels like. Dr. Jerry’s earliest memories of being bullied go back to third grade. That’s when the other kids found out about his prosthetic leg and started to tease him, calling him “peg leg.” Born with birth defects due to medicines prescribed for his mother during her pregnancy, he explains that “I was born with a right foot with no bones in it and a deformed left foot. They amputated the right foot so that I could be fitted for a prosthesis when it was time for me to learn to walk.” Some might think Dr. Jerry is disabled but he certainly doesn’t act that way. What makes his story so unique is the fact that he is also an avid snowboarder, heli-skier, surfer and mountain biker. To say that his story is remarkable is a real understatement. He thinks he may have told his parents about the bullying at school but he really coped by just ignoring the kids who were bullying him. And as he got bigger, stronger and developed his athletic capabilities in high school, the bullying subsided. “Fortunately, I was blessed with athletic ability,” according to Dr. Jerry, “and because the technology was decent for prosthetics, I was able to compete at the same level, if not higher, than the kids in baseball, football, and soccer, and make all-star teams.” For him, high school was all about seeing how far he could take his athleticism, to see if he could take it to the next level. He says that “In the four years of high school I was able to cultivate my skills that much more and go on to play division one college football.” That didn’t mean the high school bullying stopped entirely, though. Two bullying incidents in high school stand out in his memory. “I had one incident in my freshmen year where one senior was kind of pushing me around in the hallways. After the second time that happened, I clocked the kid in the face in the hallway and the whole thing stopped,” recalls Dr. Jerry. He offers this as an example of how bullies think. They aren’t looking for fights but they are looking to bully. For many of the kids who fight back, the likelihood that the bullying will continue is usually reduced. The bully is really looking for someone who won’t fight back.

Dr Jerry_Layout 1 3/13/13 1:11 PM Page 3

He also remembers a kid on his football team “ragging”

to those being bullied that “Maybe their [the bullies’] parents

on his leg and saying how slow Dr. Jerry was in front of the

could have gotten a divorce or they could have been abused

entire team, bragging about how much faster he was. Dr. Jerry

as a child.”

knew he was in a good place with a good family and doing

Smiling is one approach Dr. Jerry advises teens to try if a

well in school, also on the right track for playing in college.

bully takes a first crack at them. Smile at the bully and say

With that, he figured it was all about jealousy. “I said, ‘Okay,

something to make the bully see him/herself in the mirror. It

let’s race after practice.’ The whole team stuck around, and we

lets the bully know that “what they’re doing is not affecting

did a 40- or 50-yard dash together, and I whooped the kid,”

you, and that is the opposite of what a bully wants. For example,

recalls Dr. Jerry. “He stopped teasing me at that point and

say something like, ‘Sorry you’re feeling so bad.’ Over time,

I never heard from him again.”

bullies hate looking in the mirror. A lot of them,” he says, “will

A junior year psychology class in high school planted the

get over that and find somebody else they can bully.”

seed for his career in teen counseling. Even though he had a

To emphasize how important it is for the person being

lot of friends and good grades, he didn’t enjoy high school. “I

bullied to take some action, he recalls one gay teen who was a

think we mislead our youth when we tell them that high

member of the school’s track team. Ganged up on by the

school is the best time in your life.” He says “I’m guessing that

majority of the team on a daily basis, he was teased relentlessly.

for 90 percent of the kids, it’s a horrible time given relationship

But he didn’t do anything about it and it wound up creating a

problems with parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, stress of school

huge downward spiral in his life. It eventually got so bad, he

and academics, and then classmates putting up a great front,

finally did say something to his coach. But once the coach

as if they have it all.”

talked with the kids, the bullying only got worse. As the teasing

“It was going to college, seeing how many more people saw

continued, Dr. Jerry recounts that “the boy gave up. He became

you for you and who you were going to be,” that was a true

negative, angry, depressed, his self-esteem dropped, his grades

A-ha moment for Dr. Jerry. College, he said, was “so much

got worse, he was rude and defiant at home and he eventually

more mellow and laid back. Seeing that, all I wanted to do was

needed to go to a wilderness program because he was stuck in

go back and work with middle school and high-school kids, to

that perpetual cycle and it kept compounding.” Dr. Jerry

be that beacon to show them what is over the wall.” He wants

continued to say that the boy was “being called ‘gay’ and ‘fag’

people to understand that “Bullying is bullying, whether it is

and was socially excluded from team events off-campus. The

for a gay person, being black, how your mom looks or telling a

bottom line is if the coach is not receptive to talking to the one

kid ‘you suck’ repeatedly. Ignoring it doesn’t get the job done.

being bullied, the teen and his or her parents need to go to the

Bullies are looking for kids who will take it,” he warns.

school’s assistant principal who is in charge of discipline.”

“For a lot of the kids, I teach them to treat the bully for

Dr. Jerry emphasizes that bullying is a repeated behavior

who they really are. These are kids who are really struggling,”

and “teens have to learn how to deal with it. If it is repeated,

adds Dr. Jerry. “Bullies don’t bully because life is good in their

and nothing is working, that’s when you call for help; you talk

worlds. There could be trouble behind the scenes.” He suggests

to your parents about it and then go to the administration and


Dr Jerry_Layout 1 3/13/13 1:11 PM Page 4

talk to them.” Many schools that Dr. Jerry works with have

example, someone will make a negative comment on Face-

begun to address bullying in an anonymous way so students

book about someone and that status will get 25 likes. The

don’t fear retribution from the bully. For example, he says that

person being insulted will realize that a lot of kids approve

a coach may take a bully aside and say “I’ve noticed that you

of that nasty comment.

are bullying kids.” He explains that “that’s how they address it so there is less likelihood of backlash.”

A sampling of the current issues teens now face include violence, cyberbullies, substance abuse, sexting, depression,

Interestingly, Dr. Jerry has both optimistic and pessimistic

academic performance, parental expectations, sex, eating

thoughts on the future of bullying. He’s excited that there is a

disorders, body-image issues, stress-related disorders, relation-

really big movement to curtail negativity towards others and

ships, behavior problems, social dramas and more. Dr. Jerry is

that plenty of teens are stepping up to do something about it.

most concerned about the violent teens he counsels where he

Yet with further developments in technology and kids still

sees a high level of self-absorption and lack of empathy or

willing to conform to the latest dangerous trends, no matter

caring. He is distressed by how hard it is for these teens to

what they are, bullying could increase. “Whatever the trend is,”

understand how their violent behavior affects their parents.

Dr. Jerry says that “kids are in the middle of identity develop-

When asked what the sports community can do to help,

ment, trying to figure out who they are,” meaning that a lot of

Dr. Jerry says “I think a lot of coaches need to talk about their

kids will try out the trend-du-jour to be part of the crowd.

own experiences with bullying. An authority figure like a

“The more we can teach kids to blaze their own trail, the

coach gets put on a pedestal by some kids. You need to talk

greater the likelihood we have of not just of turning the tides of

about what life is really about and inspire people to make the

negative trends but instead, creating stand up individuals.” Dr.

world a better place, not worse.” Since bullying can also

Jerry says that “I’m always telling the kids, why are you trying

negatively affect a teen’s ability to perform in sports, coaches

so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?”

need to adopt an open door policy for all their players.

The technology that this generation has grown up with has

The fact that more LGBT teens are coming out today is

completely changed the way bullies operate. In the old days

encouraging to Dr. Jerry. Saying that this is the first genera-

(pre-Internet), when school was over, you were done with the

tion he has seen that doesn’t have the prejudices of their

school bully for the day. Today, Dr. Jerry says that teens return

ancestors, he reveals that “it makes me excited for the future.

to the peace and security of their homes to find out that some-

A lot of the kids will talk to me about a negative comment

body has posted something offensive on their Facebook wall.

grandma or grandpa made about a Hispanic person, and it

Calling it a perpetual cycle, he says that “It is so much

drives them crazy. It’s like prehistoric to them. They can’t

easier to type something mean on a computer than to say it to

believe they [the grandparents] are talking like that.”

somebody’s face. But it is also easier to stand up to bullies

Throughout his life, it has been Dr. Jerry’s love of sports

because they are sitting behind a computer screen.” Since a lot

that has given him balance and joy in his life, his primary

of kids will stand up against overt bullying on the Internet, Dr.

love being winter sports, particularly snowboarding. When

Jerry now finds that it has morphed into subtle bullying. For

asked what his first skiing experience was like, he revealed

Dr. Jerry addressing a school assembly.

WINTER 2013 I StandUp I 39

Dr Jerry_Layout 1 3/13/13 1:11 PM Page 5

that when he first put on skis and headed down the bunny

To escape the stresses of his day-to-day life, Dr. Jerry loves

slopes at Mt. Baldy, it came as a shock to realize that he didn’t

“being able to strap on my board and ride like a bat out of hell

know how to stop. “Couple the fact that I was barreling down

through God’s back yard and the empowerment I feel being

the hill with the reality that there was a U.S. ski team meeting at

able to be in control of myself and stop on a dime.” He calls the

the bottom of the hill, I ended up crashing into a few members.

feeling of freedom and being connected to nature addicting.

Fortunately, no one was injured. Everyone in my group was

And when asked about his most amazing moment on the

stoked for me to ski in the first place. A few years later I tried

slopes, he recounts a recent heli-skiing outing in the Whistler,

snowboarding at Northstar-at-Tahoe and I was hooked for

British Columbia backcountry. He says the “sensation of being

life.” He revealed that making a toe-edge turn on the snow-

dropped off by helicopter on the peak of a snow-covered

board was a challenge initially since his prosthetic leg and foot

glacier and making my own tracks through huge bowls and

are fixed at a 90-degree angle. But once he figured out how to

sheer, steep cliffs in knee-deep powder was really intense and

get his weight over his front side, the problem went away.

the opportunity of a lifetime.”

It doesn’t hurt that in addition to athletic prowess, Dr. Jerry

Dr. Jerry’s future looks bright, especially his sports future.

also has a great sense of humor. He shared that besides crash-

He was just sponsored by Oser, a leading prosthetic company.

ing into the U.S. ski team the first time he went skiing, he was

“They basically built me the same leg that Oscar Pistorius has.

also “really nervous about my prosthetic leg falling off while

They have me training for a triathlon and eventually competing

on the chairlift due to the weight of the ski. In my mind’s eye I

in the next Paralympics. And as soon as they open up the

could envision my leg in that heavy ski boot and ski barreling

snowboard in the winter Olympics, I’m there!” Way to go, Dr.

down the hill to the bottom without me. Fortunately, technology

Jerry — we’ll be cheering you on. To learn more about Dr.

is on my side and that never happened.”

Jerry, visit his website at

“YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT WHAT LIFE IS REALLY ABOUT AND INSPIRE PEOPLE TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE, NOT WORSE.” Dr. Jerry Weichman A freelance writer based in New York’s Catkills area, Vanessa Geneva Ahern is founder of Hudson Valley Good Stuff. She can be reached by email at PHOTO BY NICOLE DELAWDER

40 I StandUp I WINTER 2013

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Dan Cathy, COO of Chick-fil-A, upset a lot of people when he publicly announced his own religious views on same-sex marriage. But when equality activist Shane Windmeyer joined him at one of football’s biggest shows and shared his story of working for civil dialogue and understanding, things really got heated. Windmeyer was decried as a “traitor” by many and sent hate mail. It wasn’t from the religious right but rather from LGBT people who felt betrayed. We have to ask: don’t we all want to be understood? Don’t we all want someone to reach out and listen, and build a bridge to respect? After all, bullying is born in the darkness of disrespect. Windmeyer’s and Cathy’s friendship with each other, as first shared in The Huffington Post, proves that we can learn only when we communicate. And that bullying — whether over religious differences or sexual orientation — is a sure way to avoid progress.

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I SPENT NEW YEAR’S EVE at the red-blooded, all-American epicenter of college football: at the Chick-fil-A Bowl, next to Dan Cathy, as his personal guest. It was among the most unexpected moments of my life. Yes, after months of personal phone calls, text messages and in-person meetings, I am coming out in a new way, as a friend of Chick-fil-A's president and COO, Dan Cathy, and I am nervous about it. I have come to know him and Chick-fil-A in ways that I would not have thought possible when I first started hearing from LGBT students about their concerns over the chicken chain's giving practices. For many this news of friendship might be shocking. After all, I am an out, 40-year-old gay man and a lifelong activist for equality. I am also the founder and executive director of Campus Pride, the leading national organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) and ally college students. Just seven months ago our organization advanced a national campaign against Chick-fil-A for the millions of dollars it donated to anti-LGBT organizations and divisive political groups that work each day to harm hardworking LGBT young people, adults and our families. I have spent quite some time being angry at and deeply distrustful of Dan Cathy and Chick-fil-A. If he had his way, my husband of 18 years and I would never be legally married. Why was I now standing next to him at one of the most popular football showdowns? How could I dare think to have a relationship with a man and a company that have advocated against who I am; who would take apart my family in the name of "traditional marriage;" whose voice and views represented exactly the opposite of those of the students for whom I advocate every day? Dan is the problem, and Chick-fil-A is the enemy, right? Like most LGBT people, I was provoked by Dan's public opposition to marriage equality and his company's problematic giving history. I had the background and history on him, so I thought, and had my own preconceived notions about who he was. I knew this character. No way did he know me. That was my view. But it was flawed. For nearly a decade now, my organization, Campus Pride, has been on the ground with student leaders protesting Chick-fil-A at campuses across the country. I had researched Chick-fil-A's nearly $5 million in funding, given since 2003, to anti-LGBT groups. And the whole nation was aware that Dan was “guilty as charged” in his support of a “biblical definition” of marriage. What more was there to know? On August 10, 2012, in the heat of the controversy, I got a surprise call from Dan Cathy. He had gotten my cell phone number from a mutual business contact serving campus groups. I took the call with great caution. He was going to tear me apart, right? Give me a piece of his mind? Turn his lawyers on me? The first call lasted over an hour, and the private conversation led to more calls the next week and the week after. Dan Cathy knew how to text, and he would reach out to me as new questions came to his mind. This was not going to be a typical turn of events.

How could I dare think to have a relationship with a man and a company that have advocated against who I am; who would take apart my family in the name of "traditional marriage;" whose voice and views represented exactly the opposite of those of the students for whom I advocate every day?

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His questions and a series of deeper conversations

around gay marriage. The repercussion of this was a deep

ultimately led to a number of in-person meetings with Dan and

division and polarization that was fueling feelings of hate on

representatives from Chick-fil-A. He had never before had such

all sides. As a result, we agreed to keep the ongoing nature of

dialogue with any member of the LGBT community. It was

our meetings private for the time being. The fire needed no

awkward at times but always genuine and kind.

more fuel.

It is not often that people with deeply held and completely

Throughout the conversations Dan expressed a sincere

opposing viewpoints actually risk sitting down and listening to

interest in my life, wanting to get to know me on a personal

one another. We see this failure to listen and learn in our

level. He wanted to know about where I grew up, my faith, my

government, in our communities and in our own families. Dan

family, even my husband, Tommy. In return, I learned about

Cathy and I would, together, try to do better than each of us

his wife and kids and gained an appreciation for his devout

had experienced before.

belief in Jesus Christ and his commitment to being “a follower

Never once did Dan or anyone from Chick-fil-A ask for

of Christ” more than a “Christian.” Dan expressed regret and

Campus Pride to stop protesting Chick-fil-A. On the contrary,

genuine sadness when he heard of people being treated

Dan listened intently to our concerns and the real-life accounts

unkindly in the name of Chick-fil-A — but he offered no

from youth about the negative impact that Chick-fil-A was

apologies for his genuine beliefs about marriage.

having on campus climate and safety at colleges across the

And in that we had great commonality. We were each

country. He was concerned about an incident last fall where a

entirely ourselves. We both wanted to be respected and for others

fraternity was tabling next to the Chick-fil-A restaurant on

to understand our views. Neither of us could — or would —

campus. Whenever an out gay student on campus would walk

change. It was not possible. We were different but in dialogue.

past the table, the fraternity would chant, "We love Chick-

That was progress.

fil-A," and then shout anti-gay slurs at the student. Dan sought

In many ways, getting to know Dan better has reminded

first to understand, not to be understood. He confessed that he

me of my relationship with my uncle who is a pastor at a

had been naïve to the issues at hand and the unintended impact

Pentecostal church. When I came out as openly gay in college,

of his company's actions.

I was aware that his religious views were not supportive of

Chick-fil-A also provided access to internal documents

homosexuality. But my personal relationship with my uncle

related to the funding of anti-LGBT groups and asked questions

reassured me of his love for me — and that love extends to my

about our concerns related to this funding. An internal

husband. My uncle would never want to see any harm come to

document, titled "Who We Are," expressed Chick-fil-A's

me or Tommy. His beliefs prevented him from fully reconciling

values, which included their commitment "to treat every person with honor, dignity and respect," including LGBT people. Dan and his family members had personally drafted, refined and approved the document. Through all this, Dan and I shared respectful, enduring communication and built trust. His demeanor has always been one of kindness and openness. Even when I continued to directly question his public actions and the funding decisions, Dan embraced the opportunity to have dialogue and hear my perspective. He and I were committed to a better understanding of one another. Our mutual hope was to find common ground if possible, and to build respect no matter what. We learned about each other as people with opposing views, not as opposing people. During our meetings I came to see that the Chick-fil-A brand was being used by both sides of the political debate

44 I StandUp I FALL 2012

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what he understood as the immorality of homosexuality with

football fans watching the game never could have imagined

the morality of loving and supporting me and my life. It was,

what was playing out right in front of them. Gay and straight,

and remains, an unsolvable riddle for him, hating the sin and

liberal and conservative, activist and evangelist — we could

loving the sinner.

stand together in our difference and in our respect. How much

My relationship with Dan is the same, though he is not my

better would our world be if more could do the same?

family. Dan, in his heart, is driven by his desire to minister to

This past week Chick-fil-A shared with me the 2011 IRS

others and had to choose to continue our relationship through-

Form 990, filed in November for the WinShape Foundation,

out this controversy. He had to both hold to his beliefs and

along with 2012 financials. The IRS has not released the 990 to

welcome me into them. He had to face the issue of respecting

the public yet, but the financials affirm Chick-fil-A's values a

my viewpoints and life even while not being able to reconcile

year prior to the controversy this past July. The nearly $6 million

them with his belief system. He defined this to me as "the

in outside grant funding focuses on youth, education, marriage

blessing of growth." He expanded his world without abandoning

enrichment and local communities. The funding reflects

it. I did, as well.

Chick-fil-A's promised commitment not to engage in "political

As Dan and I grew through mutual dialogue and respect, he invited me to be his personal guest on New Year's Eve at the

or social debates," and the most divisive anti-LGBT groups are no longer listed.

Chick-fil-A Bowl. This was an event that Campus Pride and

Even as Campus Pride and so many in the community

others had planned to protest. Had I been played? Seduced into

protested Chick-fil-A and its funding of groups like Family

his billionaire's life? No. It was Dan who took a great risk in

Research Council, Eagle Forum and Exodus International, the

inviting me: he stood to face the ire of his conservative base

funding of these groups had already stopped. Dan Cathy and

(and a potential boycott) by being seen or photographed with

Chick-fil-A could have noted this publicly earlier. Instead, they

an LGBT activist. He could have been portrayed as "caving to

chose to be patient, to engage in private dialogue, to reach

the gay agenda" by welcoming me.

understanding, and to share proof with me when it was official.

Instead, he stood next to me most of the night, putting respect ahead of fear. There we were on the sidelines, Dan, his

There was no caving;" there were no "concessions." There was, in my view, conscience.

wife, his family and friends and I, all enjoying the game. And

This is why, after discussions with Dan and Chick-fil-

that is why building a relationship with someone I thought I

A, Campus Pride suspended its campaign. Like Dan, we had

would never understand mattered. Our worlds, different as

faith. It took time to be proven publicly. Now it is all about the

they can be, could coexist peacefully. The millions of college

future, one defined, let's hope, by continued mutual respect. I will not change my views, and Dan will likely not change his, but we can continue to listen, learn and appreciate "the blessing of growth" that happens when we know each other better. I hope that our nation's political leaders and campus leaders

I will not change my views, and Dan will likely not change his, but we can continue to listen, learn and appreciate “the blessing of growth” that happens when we know each other better.

might do the same. In the end, it is not about eating (or eating a certain chicken sandwich). It is about sitting down at a table together and sharing our views as human beings, engaged in real, respectful, civil dialogue. Dan would probably call this act the biblical definition of hospitality. I would call it human decency. So long as we are all at the same table and talking, does it matter what we call it or what we eat? First published on Huffington Post Gay Voices Jan 28, 2013, we thank them for their permission to rerun it. Shane Windmeyer is a best-selling author, national LGBT campus leader and Executive Director of Campus Pride.

WINTER 2013 I StandUp I 45

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Moses Malone

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oses “Big Mo” Malone was known as for his ability to rebound throughout his career, part of the reason he was recently named the 2013 Rebound Magazine Legend of the Year.

But as a member of the National Basketball Retired Players Association (NBRPA), it is also because of his contributions to his community and to the game of basketball during and after his professional playing career with the ABA and NBA. Now that his playing days have concluded, it’s no surprise that he helps others learn how to rebound in their lives. A Hall of Fame center whose career spanned 21 seasons, Malone retired as the third-leading rebounder and fifth-leading scorer in NBA history. For his efforts, he was honored during the 1996-97 season as a member of the NBA's 50th Anniversary All-Time Team. While fans today are accustomed to players like LeBron James, Kobe Bryant and Kevin Garnett making the leap from high school directly to the pros, Malone was the one that actually pioneered the move. At the age of 19, the 6-10 Malone made the jump from Petersburg High School in Virginia to the Utah Stars of the ABA in 1974. As a rookie, he averaged 18.8 points a game and 14.6 rebounds on 57-percent shooting from the floor. His numbers would allow him to earn ABA All-Rookie Team honors in 1975 and become an ABA All-Star in 1976. After a two-year stint in the ABA, the NBA and ABA merged with Malone going to the Trail Blazers

in the 1976 ABA Dispersal Draft. Without ever playing a second in Portland, he was traded to the Buffalo Braves where he played all of two games before being sent to Houston for two draft picks. Malone would spend six seasons in Houston, winning two NBA MVP awards, leading Houston to the 1981 NBA Finals, leading the league in rebounding during the 1978-79 season and breaking the league’s record for offensive rebounding in his first year as a Rocket. After entering the ABA as a power forward, Malone’s frame filled out and he eventually moved to the center position. Not as tall as other centers in his era, Malone utilized his strength, quickness and tenacity to become a force down low. A monster on the glass, he was the NBA's rebounding leader six times during a seven-year span, starting during the 1978-79 season and ending during the 1984-85 season. Just as deadly as a scorer, he averaged more than 20 points per game for 11-straight years, utilizing a complete arsenal of post moves, a penchant for grabbing offensive rebounds and an unparalleled ability to get to the free throw line to do so. But he also made his presence felt on the defensive end, earning a selection to the NBA All-Defensive Second Team in 1979. After being traded to the Sixers at the conclusion of his MVP 1981-82 season, his dynamic abilities on both the offensive and defensive ends would pay immediate dividends for Philadelphia. Malone would go on to win his third and final MVP trophy after leading the Sixers to a 65-17 record, an NBA title and a 12-1 record during the 1983 postseason. He would also go on to win NBA 1983 Finals MVP, become an All-Star for a sixth-straight time, make the All-NBA First Team and the NBA All-Defensive First Team, all while averaging 26 points

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and 15.8 rebounds a night throughout the playoffs. Malone

It would also mark the last season that Malone would lead

would stay with Philadelphia for three more seasons, winning

the NBA in offensive boards. But he would still go on to play

the rebounding title with averages of better than 13 boards per

five more seasons in the NBA, averaging in double figures in

game in the next two campaigns and posting scoring averages

two of those campaigns.

of 22.7, 24.6 and 23.8 points a game, respectively.

After retiring following the 1994-95 season, Malone

The 1984-85 campaign, which was his last with the Sixers,

finished by having scored 27,409 points and grabbing 16,212

saw him become the first player in NBA history to lead the

rebounds throughout his 19-year NBA career. His 8,531 free

league in rebounding for five consecutive seasons. With his

throws were more than any other player in NBA history, his

13.1 a game average, he broke Wilt Chamberlain’s record of

11,090 free throw attempts were ranked second all-time and

leading the NBA in boards for four-straight years, a mark that

his 1,329 games played ranked third in league history.

had stood since the 1960s.

Malone is the NBA’s all-time leader in offensive rebounds

Malone’s career was remarkable because of its consistency.

and second in defensive rebounds. He also set a league record

In 1978, which would’ve been Malone’s senior year in college

by grabbing 21 offensive boards in a single game against the

had he attended, he would make the first of what would be 12

Seattle SuperSonics in 1977.

consecutive All-Star Game appearances.

And when it was all said and done, Malone would go on

However, during the 1989-90 season Malone’s career

to set the NBA record for most consecutive games played

would start to slowly decline. In his second season with the

without fouling out with 1,207. For everything he did on the

Hawks, he would finally snap a streak of 11-straight 20-point

court, he was enshrined into the Naismith Memorial Basket-

and 10-rebound seasons during that 1989-90 campaign.

ball Hall of Fame in 2001. Although his playing career has ended, his excellence has continued — Malone is now using his exceptional skills and abilities to help individuals and organizations in the Houston area and beyond through his active participation in the Houston NBRPA Chapter. He is a key player in the chapter’s three key initiatives: Water Conservation & Education, Health & Wellness Education, and STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) Education. The water program has even gone international with the addition of a three-year contract with the country of Ghana to educate their communities through teachers sharing the importance of water education — of water hygiene, health and conservation. The Village of Vision for Haiti Foundation, American Airlines and Sunspring Innovative Water Technologies are also partners in providing clean water solutions and teaching the use of clean water to aid efforts to eradicate cholera. Malone was presented his Rebound Magazine Legend of the Year Award by Rebound Magazine editor Matt Fish and

Although his playing career has ended, his excellence has continued — Malone is now using his exceptional skills and abilities to help individuals and organizations...

48 I StandUp I WINTER 2013

Jonathon Miller of the Sports Financial Advisors Association (SFAA), Rebound’s selection partner, at this year’s annual All-Star weekend held in Houston.

Stefan Swiat works for the Phoenix Suns as their digital content producer.

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four y the

NIKE LGBT Sports Coalition:

gay-rights movement has had some incredible success of late. While the progress might not be as fast as we’d like, marriage equality and LGBT protection laws have been spreading faster than any civil rights advances in history. But the movement has been in part defined by a dynamic that

doesn’t speak to sports. Larger organizations at times have been more focused on their own advancement than the advancement of the cause. Collaboration has been cast to the side by the need for conquest. That doesn’t work in the sports world. Whether you’re a Tour de France cyclist, the world’s fastest sprinter or a quarterback on a football team, no one gets ahead in the sports world without working together with not only your teammates, but also your potential competitors. The people on your team, fighting for your starting position or your spot in the Olympics are as reliant on you for their growth as you are on them. It was with that understanding that I first had the idea to create the Nike LGBT Sports Summit. Many gay-sports groups were operating with good intentions in a bubble while other groups were duplicating the same work on their own. Competition between organizations all fighting for the same goals had eclipsed the intensity with which they were fighting homophobia. The teamwork so inherent in sports, like it has been by many groups in the broader gay-rights movement, was largely being ignored. Nike was quick to come on board as host of the event at their Portland, Oregon World Headquarters. Their LGBT employee group had been looking for an opportunity to expand their outreach; this

“It was a big step for these groups to realize that they were all working individually, not together towards their common goal...”

was the perfect venue. When LGBT-sports legends Pat Griffin, Helen Carroll and I jointly announced the summit (we had by then worked for six months organizing), the first reader comment on told us we had hit the mark: “It was a big step for these groups to realize that they were all working individually, not together towards their common goal (I wish the national LGBT group would realize this and have their own summit one of these days).” Of the two dozen organizations and individuals we invited to the summit, all but one made it. Some of them even turned down an invitation to the White House to attend the event in Portland. There

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r years

By Cyd Zeigler Jr.

TO END HOMOPHOBIA IN SPORTS were groups like You Can Play and Athlete Ally that work specifically for gay equality in sports. There were broader LGBT organizations like GLSEN, NCLR, GLAAD and Campus Pride that were making sports a priority. Over Pride weekend last June, these groups sat in a room at Nike World Headquarters for two days and created a vision to do something that many thought was borderline crazy — to end homophobia in sports in four years. It wasn’t easy. Most of the people in the room hadn’t met each other before. While they had admired one another’s work, some admitted to feeling envy when another group had success. But that honesty created an environment for those two days where everyone could speak his or her mind. Some gay people talked about their hesitation about so many straight men helping to drive the direction of the movement. Others were concerned that women’s sports were being forgotten. A heated discussion arose over fund-raising. Through all of the conversation, a level of trust and camaraderie developed. There’s just no substitute for opening up honestly with people, offering opinions and insights you’ve kept to yourself for months or years, then sharing a beer and some food with those same people that night. The hope was to break down the barriers that kept these people working separately and instead build a true united gay-sports movement in a way the broader gay-rights movement has never been able to do. It’s working. The You Can Play project has been working with GO! Athletes to make more inroads at colleges. The National Center for Lesbian Rights has given Break the Silence more exposure. Campus Pride brought Kye Allums onto its speakers bureau. The NCAA worked with Griffin and Athlete Ally to develop curriculum for their schools. The StandUp Foundation is finding ways to fund the various projects of other groups. It makes perfect sense. Sports teams and athletes do thrive off of teamwork. While much of the gay-rights movement is dominated by politicians, this summit and ensuing coalition was driven by athletes and coaches who understand the power of teamwork. It’s logical that this group of people at this time would build a blueprint for a social movement. That blueprint consisted of some pro-active measures. With the goal of ending homophobia and transphobia in sports in four years, we left with a plan to target coaches, the media and administrators from grade school to the pros. Together it’s been amazing to watch so many of those pieces come together. One of the missions of the group has been to redefine what it means to be a

WINTER 2013 I StandUp I 47

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“champion.” While athletes and teams can win championships by catching touchdowns and hitting home runs, to be a champion means much more. Champions lift up their teammates and welcome everyone onto their team. Without inclusion for everyone, you may win a championship but you’ll never be a champion. All of the organizations involved have set about ingraining this new definition into our individual and collective cultures. Hudson Taylor includes it in columns for the Huffington Post. The Stanley Cup-champion Los Angeles Kings talked about it in their You Can Play video. GLAAD convinced several professional sports leagues — including the NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB and NASCAR — to tweet the message on Spirit Day. The StandUp Foundation developed this entire magazine around the concept.

Summit attendees participating in Portland's Pride Parade: L-R: Shane Windmeyer, Jeff Sheng, Alison Doerfler, Ben Cohen

In fact, the cover of the first issue read: “Redefining A Champion.” Other key initiatives laid out by the coalition included introducing K-12 sports organizations to non-discrimination policies, publishing a comprehensive report on LGBT collegiate athletes, and engaging professional sports leagues in rookie trainings. All of these have been accomplished in less than a year. The reactive moments that have come before us have been equally powerful. When two radio hosts in Washington, D.C. made horrific anti-trans comments, the coalition went to work. LZ Granderson, Christina Kahrl and I contacted folks at ESPN to take action. GLAAD and the Equality Coaching Alliance contacted the station about education efforts. NCLR reached out to the trans athlete in question for support. Kye

Champions lift up their teammates and welcome everyone onto their team. Without inclusion for everyone, you may win a championship but you’ll never be a champion.

Allums spoke publicly on the issue. Instead of one group trying to own the moment, everyone chipped in, drew major national attention and got a suspension for the hosts. When we met for our semiannual meeting in Chicago in January, the shift in the tone of the group was palpable. Issues were raised quickly and handled effectively. Much of the “bigfooting” and “me-first” mentality that some had become accustomed to had already faded away. Having met in June and spent six months communicating and sharing ideas and projects, we simply were not a bunch of individual organizations anymore. We were a coalition. We were a movement. The next LGBT Sports Summit will take place during Portland Pride this June. It will again be at Nike World Headquarters. Since last year the coalition has expanded, and this year’s summit will have many attendees. Specific break-out meetings will take place for athletes, coaches, administrators, and LGBT recreational sports groups. We now have three years to end homophobia in sports. The coalition has helped change the face of sports in just one year. And with the growth of the coalition during the summit this year, it now seems three years may have been underestimating the power of what the whole movement can accomplish. Cyd Zeigler Jr. is co-founder of He created the Nike LGBT Sports Summit and has helped drive the creation of the resulting LGBT Sports Coalition

52 I StandUp I WINTER 2013

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By Scott Herman

The Power of Two (or More)


E ALL ENJOY BEING THE LONE WOLF from time to time. I personally thrive on losing myself in the solitude of my thoughts during a long run or with my headphones blasting during an intense workout. But there is something to say about the energy that is created when you are working with a partner or a group. A good workout partner will keep you on track and challenge you. When exercising with a group of people there is much more pressure to stay with the group, even if you feel like you are going to drop. When it comes to fitness and reaching a goal, the key has been and always will be surpassing a previous plateau. Plateaus can be very discouraging, especially if you have been stuck in one for a long time. Often times when you are training by yourself, you can easily lose sight of the simple changes you can make that will enable you to pass it, such as increasing your weights, intensity or something as simple as changing up your routine. Just having someone to talk to about your fitness frustrations will, more often than not, lead to a quick solution.

In my personal experience, a workout partner helps me push myself to the max and beyond, especially when it comes to heavier weights. Forced reps, which are repetitions that you cannot do normally without assistance, really help me reach the level of intensity I want to feel during my workouts. A partner is also great for those days when you just don’t want to exercise. Whenever I am exercising with a group of people, especially when I am the one teaching, I feel obligated to be the best or to “set the bar” to ensure that everyone else is working as hard they can, too. But the greatest thing about having a workout partner or group training is actually something that may turn people away from it as well. Nobody enjoys being judged and many newbies at the gym feel if they were in a group environment they would be judged, especially if they were the least experienced in the class. I can tell you without a doubt that isn’t the case. When surrounded by a group of fitness junkies trying to reach a goal together, you are only as strong as your weakest link and in this environment people feel obligated to help and encourage each other. If you are thinking about finding a training partner or joining a fitness group, then go for it. It could be the confidence and intensity boost you are looking for that will help you reach your goals. The ScottHermanFitness community is available to you 24/7 online as well, and I don’t mind personally giving you the encouragement you need to train hard! Star of reality TV show, "The Real World: Brooklyn," Scott Herman is a fitness guru with a real world approach to helping people get and stay fit. For more exercises and helpful material, check his website at

A good workout partner will keep you on track and challenge you. 54 I StandUp I WINTER 2013

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By Bruce Moorhead


Sacrifice and Sportsmanship: What we can learn from golf


VERYONE KNOWS THAT SPORTSMANSHIP IS A GOOD AND DESIRABLE THING, something to be pursued, celebrated and drilled into young minds. Not so clear is what this trait actually is, although concepts of fairness, self-control, graciousness in winning and losing, and respect for the rules and for your opponent are surely relevant. Golf is, sometimes fairly but often not, viewed by many as an elitist institution, an anachronism best discarded in pursuit of egalitarian goals. But the old game has never really belonged to the elite — it has its roots in shepherds amusing themselves by knocking rocks into holes in the ground. And if sportsmanship is best understood through examples, golf is a superb choice for that purpose. The 1969 Ryder Cup was contested at Royal Birkdale Golf Club in northwest England near Liverpool. On Sunday, with the matches tied, the final singles match between Jack Nicklaus for the U.S. and Tony Jacklin for Great Britain was also tied after 17 holes. On the 18th green, Nicklaus holed a par putt and Jacklin had a two-foot putt remaining for par. After Nicklaus picked his ball from the hole, he picked up Jacklin’s ball marker and handed it to him, conceding Jacklin’s par putt. But more importantly, causing that singles match and the overall Ryder Cup matches to end in a tie. Jacklin was stunned by the gesture, which golf fans recognize simply as “the Concession.” Nicklaus, then only 29 and playing in his first Ryder Cup, said to Jacklin, “I didn’t think you were going to miss that putt, but I didn’t want to give you the opportunity.” Nicklaus later gave a more fulsome explanation: “Jacklin had won the British Open [earlier that year], he was a national hero. I didn’t think it was in the spirit of the game to make Jacklin have a chance to miss a two-footer to lose the matches in front of his fans.” The Concession requires no additional explanation; it stands as one of the great examples of what we mean by “sportsmanship.” Fast-forward to 2010 – the Heritage Classic golf tournament on Harbour Town Golf Links, Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. It’s the sudden death playoff between Jim Furyk and Brian Davis with a PGA Tour title and more than $1 million for

the winner. The first hole of the playoff was the par four 18th, and Davis pulled his second shot left into a wet, sandy hazard area near the green. Furyk knocked his third shot to within 6 feet, while Davis considered his options. A drop from the hazard would result in a one-shot penalty, leaving Davis with a long chip for par, and so he decided to play the shot from the hazard. As he did so, successfully chipping onto the green to a spot closer to the hole than Furyk, he saw from the corner of his eye that his club had apparently touched a piece of long grass on his backswing; if so, this would result in a two-shot penalty, effectively handing the win to Furyk. Davis immediately called in a rules official, informed him of what he thought had happened, and waited while the rules official reviewed the videotape of the shot. We watched this playoff. There was no indication in the coverage of Davis’ shot that anyone else had noted this touch; indeed the replay on television required slow motion and closeup analysis to see the touch. But the touch was there and it cost Davis the tournament — as he knew it would when he called this penalty on himself — as Furyk sank his putt for par. As with the Concession, there’s little need to point out the exemplary sportsmanship inherent in calling a penalty on yourself which no one else had seen with so much at stake. How do the Concession and Davis’ self-imposed penalty help us to understand sportsmanship? Each of these examples demonstrates that we are at our best when there is an element of sacrifice in our actions, when we acknowledge that there are rules governing our conduct beyond those we choose for ourselves (Davis’ penalty), and when we are willing to “do the right thing” even when it is not required (the Concession). Golf requires much of us beyond the physical skills and mental commitment necessary to rise even to the level of mediocrity. It can help give us a better understanding of what we should require of ourselves and how we should interact with others. Bruce Moorhead is an attorney, avid golfer and board member of the Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation.

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By Scott “Babydaddy” Hoffman

The Power to Influence

GROWING UP, I HAD HEROES. Of course there were those who in my day-to-day life inspired me. At school I had teachers passionate about their fields, at home my parents encouraged me to follow my dreams, and through my early years I met people who in various ways filled me with admiration and awe. But my heroes, the real role models who I chose to follow on my path to self-realization, spoke to me in less direct ways —through headphones and speakers, through the pages of books, through the hum of my television and the darkness of a movie theater. The people who I modeled my life around were performers, celebrities, public figures, writers and entertainers, key figures in Pop Culture’s over- and underground, those who for whatever reason connected to me in ways that my real-world contemporaries could not. Looking back, my real heroes weren’t those who could have cared less about their impact on someone like me but instead were the ones who took on this role with integrity and responsibility. And in that way they showed a true sense of leadership. My band, Scissor Sisters, gave me extraordinary insight into the power that a place in Pop Culture can have. Our journey began in the dark, inspired electro clubs of Brooklyn and continued straight through to the harsh light of the Pop music mainstream. As a band, we always sought to entertain but learned quickly that some people saw us not just as entertainers

the ones who took on this role with integrity and responsibility. And in that way they showed a true sense of leadership.

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but as inspiration. This was an idea that we took to with delicate modesty — and still do. But at the same time, it revealed to us that the moment that one steps onto a stage and asks people to listen is a moment that can unavoidably affect peoples’ lives. We were three openly gay men and a self-described female female-impersonator. And while through our career we oftentimes avoided injecting politics into our entertainment, we began to realize that the very act of performing and of being ourselves was, in itself a political act. We were unashamed, often strange entertainers willing to bring our music to anyone who would listen, downtown New York hipsters and suburban housewives alike. A message of openness and inclusiveness was our contribution to positive leadership, and it extended not only into our attention to our choice of words and associations but also into our involvement with charitable organizations such as Oxfam, the Elton John Aids Foundation, and of course, the Ben Cohen StandUp Foundation. Pop Culture seems to be at a state of its highest accessibility to the masses. We are literally physically saturated with media, the Internet and the constant white noise of advertisements and cultural detritus. All of this has raised the profiles of public figures to levels that can affect hundreds of millions of people. There are some who deny any responsibility to use this platform for good. But there are even more who realize that they have been given a tool to become leaders to a generation. They may fight against tabloid sensationalism for attention. But in the end my true heroes are able to be leaders on a global scale like never before, leaving singers, actors, pop stars and sports leaders like Ben Cohen in the crucial role of spreading messages like those of tolerance, respect, integrity and positivity to the masses. Scott “Babydaddy” Hoffman is a co-founder and member of the musical group, Scissor Sisters.

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By Chef Art Smith

Having Brunch with Chef Art IF CHEF ART SMITH WERE INVITING US ALL TO HIS HOME for brunch, here’s a sample of the scrumptious and savory spread he puts out for friends and guests. And to finish it off is a glass of marvelous champagne. He admits that he even loves washing the dishes following the wonderful food and conversation.

“Perfect brunch champagne Schramsberg Brut Rose.” After making brunch at home I love cleaning up as much as cooking. Love the smell of a clean kitchen. Time for siesta.”

“Love supporting local folks. The Nuns of St. Rogers Abbey delicious blackberrie organic pound cake Carrot Maramalade” Chef Art Smith has five restaurants across the U.S., has written three cookbooks and is the founder of Common Threads, an organization to educate children on cultural diversity, nutrition and physical well-being through cooking and the arts. First published on HuffPost Taste Jan 28, 2013, we thank them for their permission to rerun it

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By Michael Losier

The Art of Creating Successful Teamwork In Everyday Life

EVERY TEAM WORKS BETTER when communication is good, when everyone is feeling good about his or her personal contribution to the team and the positive relationships created with other team members. A team that has good rapport* has a good vibe. That good vibe translates into good team spirit and energy. Staying in rapport with all team members is the secret — avoiding a break in rapport with others is the key. *rap·port /raˈpôr/ (noun) A close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well. Consider this … it could take a few minutes to a couple of hours to build rapport with someone. It could take a minute to break rapport. It could take forever to repair it. So the key to creating healthy, high-performance, good-vibe work and sports teams is to learn what breaks rapport. Build and Maintain Good Connection with Others Because there are four main communication/learning styles, it increases the probability that the person with whom you are communicating is likely to use a different style than yours. This is often the cause of broken rapport. The four styles are Visual - seeing; Auditory - hearing; Kinesthetic - feeling; and Digital - thinking. Here is a summary of the four styles and the words common to each style. To build and maintain good rapport with others, listen for words they commonly use and then use those same words when communicating back to them. You become a better communicator by learning to use each style. And when communicating in a team environment, use words from all four styles to be sure that everyone is getting your message.

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Commonly Used Words: Visual Style

Look, Appear, View, Big Picture, See, Imagine

Auditory Style

Hear, Sounds Like, Talk, Tell Me, Resonate, Ideas

Kinesthetic Style

Feel, Touch, Comfortable, Grasp, Get a Handle, Fit, Connect

Digital Style

Think, Thoughts, Order, Sequence, Makes Sense

By using this quick guide, you become familiar with commonly used words and are able to adjust the words you use to stay in rapport with those to whom you are communicating. When you match their words, you will quickly experience positive results. Here is another guide you can you use to discover someone else's style. Listen for what words they use when they end an email or telephone conversation. Possible endings for an email or telephone conversation: Visual Style

See you later.

Auditory Style

Thanks for the chat. Chat later.

Kinesthetic Style

Nice to connect. Hugs. Take care.

Digital Style

Bye (or just hang up, when ending phone conversation)

Harmonious teams create dynamic team results. Practice today by listening to other people’s communication styles and become a well-balanced and effective communicator. To learn what your most dominant and less dominate communication styles are, complete the online assessment at: Michael Losier is an international speaker and best-selling author on the Law of Attraction.

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StandUp Magazine Winter 2013  
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