9 Days of
Day 1: He Wants Her
for Your Girl Dear Jesus, Welcome to “9 Days of Revolutionary Prayer for Your Girl”—your daughter, or the girl you are seeking to mentor. Each day of prayer coincides with a chapter from His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You.
I know my girl wants to feel cherished, loved, and valued. Thank you that you greatly desire to fill that longing. Please plant deep in her heart the knowledge that she is your “prized possession” (James 1:18, NLT). May your words open her eyes to see that you want her to be more than the God she serves—you want to be the God she loves. Lord, pour the truth into my girl that love from a guy, be he a dad or a boyfriend or anyone else, can never fill the need in her heart for unconditional and perfect love. Only you can! Give her the desire to search out your hidden love messages (Proverbs 25:2). May she hunger for your Word and your truth. Teach her to see herself the way you see her, as you say in Song of Solomon 4:7: “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” Should she ever experience rejection in this world, may this be the truth that she relies on—the truth that you want her. I pray that I would sense your presence and leading through the Spirit each time my girl and I go through His Revolutionary Love. Ignite a fiery love for you in her heart that lasts her entire lifetime. Amen.
Day 2: He Knows Her
Day 3: He Speaks to Her
My girl needs to know that you know everything about her—the stuff I know and the stuff I don’t. Even knowing all of that, when you look at her, you are not disappointed in her. When you look at her, you see the girl you died for in order to make her your own, the girl you died for to make her become like you. Thank you that even knowing our deepest thoughts, our darkest deeds, and our disappointing attitudes—all of that doesn’t change your loving thoughts toward us. Thank you that you don’t ask us to change to become lovable. Help me to love my girl like you love her! Lord, I pray that she will know that you are the creator: the one who makes things beautiful. As the perfect artisan, you formed my girl with your perfect workmanship. Help her to realize that you see her eyes, her hair, her shape, her personality—every part of her—as beautiful because she is your creation. I pray that she will have a revelation that this is why your love is so revolutionary, so completely different from any other love. May she totally soak in your truth—how deeply you love her, and that you won’t ever get over her! Amen.
Sometimes we equate emotional experiences with hearing from you, but feelings can’t always be duplicated. I want my girl to learn that she can’t count on her emotions to tell her when you are speaking to her. Lord, give my girl the desire to read your Word. Jeremiah 29:13 tells us, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” May she do just that! I pray that reading the truth really changes her. Help her to understand that the more consistent she is about reading your Word, the more the old tracks her mind plays will be changed by your truth. Teach her to be silent before you. Help her to disconnect from this world so she can connect with you. I know that you want to whisper words of love to her, Jesus. May her desire to hear these whispers of love be so strong, that she will set aside other things to hear from you. I ask that she can find joy in discovering what it means to live in your kingdom, that she can understand the meaning in the words you spoke: “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field” (Matthew 13:44). Teach her to hear from you each day though your Word, during prayer, and through her own love languages with you. Amen.
Day 4: She Needs Him
Day 5: She Goes After Him
You created us with the need, the longing, to be loved. But you created that need to be fully satisfied only in you. Help my girl not to run to social networking, texting, sports, school stuff, food, or guys to make her truly feel valued, loved, and treasured. She needs you to complete her. Help me to teach her that being needy isn’t bad; being needy causes us to run to you to find true joy. Help her to understand that daily talking, consulting, crying, laughing, and dreaming with you brings fullness in life—completion. Help me demonstrate this for my girl, Jesus. May she know that the good things in this life—family, sports, great grades, college scholarships—are things that can make life better; but life can only be made its very best if we are first filled in our hearts by you, Jesus. Jesus, may her need to feel loved and valued be filled by you so that she doesn’t look to other things to meet this need—things that can become forces of destruction in her life. Thank you that you are constantly thinking of us, and thank you that when we give everything to you we are never disappointed! Amen.
I want my girl and me to put everything else aside for you; you are the most important thing. May she learn that seek isn’t a passive verb; seeking takes effort. I pray that she will have a desire to learn who you are, what you are like, and then be intentional about becoming like you. I pray that I will grow my own desires for these things, and that she will see those in me. Jesus, may my girl begin to spend time with you on her own; create in her that desire. It is my desire, and I know that it is yours as well, for her to gain strength that comes through experience and history with you. Though now she may turn to friends, social networks . . . even me, I pray that she will begin to turn to you first with her needs. I pray that my girl will develop a relationship with you that is consistent, not one that’s like a roller coaster. Even when it feels like she is not learning anything—when she doesn’t hear you speaking—help her to keep running after you. Help her to believe that the more she invests in her relationship with you, the more she will see you working in her life. Again, Jesus, I pray these same things for me. May my girl see me running hard after you! Amen.
Day 6: She Honors Him
Day 7: You Protect Together
Honor. Purity. These are traits that are all but lost in our culture, but I want to see them in my life and in the life of my girl. Please help her to know that striving for honor and purity is not just a physical thing; it’s a mind and heart thing. Create in my girl a tender conscience; give her this gift as she spends time with you. May this tender conscience and the Holy Spirit’s voice compel her to choose a life that brings you honor. Jesus, I know that this honorable life begins in her thoughts. Please help her to learn to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, as 2 Corinthians 10:5 teaches us. May she give you the best of what she has to offer, to do your will. May her heart have the right motives and may I display these things for her. Empower her to take one small step toward honoring you each day so that these steps will eventually lead her to experiencing your best. Give her courage to choose to please you, knowing that pleasing you often will not win her friends, a principle you teach us in Galatians 1:10. Help me to teach her to ask herself the question, “What is the wise thing to do?” May it become the motto she lives life by and the voice that determines her course. Amen.
Please open my girl’s eyes to see herself as she is: royalty. Not in the worldly “princess” mentality that has taken over our culture, but with the heart that her life should reflect the fact that she is the daughter of the King of kings! Jesus, only you can give her the revelation that she is to remain pure physically, mentally, and emotionally. Enlighten her heart and mind to see that these are treasures to be carefully guarded. May she not “excite love” or “stir it up, until the time is ripe” (Song of Solomon 2:7, The Message). Help her to guard her heart above all else, as well as her body (Proverbs 4:20-23). May she have a heart that also is aware of the power she has when it comes to men. Father, I ask that my girl will honor you by never misusing or abusing this power. Guard her heart against desiring this type of attention. Help me to teach her to take care of the temple of her body (1 Corinthians 6:19) in the way she eats, exercises, and dresses. These are difficult areas to be disciplined in, Jesus. Help us to learn how to do this and live this out together. Amen.
Day 8: You Relate Together
Day 9: You Love Together
Please soften my girlâ€™s heart as it comes to talking about dating. Lay the right foundation so she will be open to hearing what you have to say about guys. Give me the wisdom I need to be able to share your truth that Iâ€™ve learned through my own experiences. I really need you to clarify for me what I should and should not share. Use me, Jesus! I pray that my girl will really understand deep in her spirit that she is yours and you live in her. May this awareness give her the strength and confidence to make the hard choices when she is in sticky situations. Give her the understanding that guys were never meant to fill up her heart, and that when women look to guys to fill this need, we often smother them, causing them to run away. May my girl run to you, Jesus, for everything her heart needs. Amen.
It seems that girl drama is worse now more than ever, and I know that is not what you want for my girl. Jesus, I know that she watches the way I interact with others, especially women. I pray that I will not be a mean mama, so my girl will not become a mean girl. Help me to practice restraint with my words and self-control with my reactions, so that my girl learns how to extend grace to others and be a woman of compassion. Please bring into her life true, godly friends with whom she can run hard after you. Open her eyes clearly to see relationships that are beneficial and those that are detrimental. Give her the strength and courage to choose and be a part of relationships that honor you. Amen.
Our Family P urity Code 1. Renew Our Minds What we put in our minds is what we will get out. What are we putting in? Social networks, texting, conversations with friends? What other things? Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is— his good, pleasing and perfect will. —Romans 12:2
2. Control Our Thoughts The things we allow ourselves to think about lead us into the persons we become. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable— if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. —Philippians 4:8
3. Show Radical Respect We will attempt to outdo one another in showing respect for each other. Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor. —1 Peter 2:17
4. Remember Who We Are We will strive to act at all times as the people we were created to be—children of God and the bearers of our family name. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. —John 1:12
M y Family P urity P ledge 1. The relationships I have will be open ones: my parents will meet and talk with the parents of my friends or dates, my online communications will be open to my parents, and my parents may review my text messages.
2. No person of the opposite sex (outside my family) will be in my bedroom—ever. I will not be in the bedroom of a person of the opposite sex (outside my family).
3. No person of the opposite sex (outside my family) will be in the house or in our backyard without a parent at home. 4. Until I’m of age (as determined by my parents), I will only be involved in group dating. I will not take part in any one-on-one dates or situations before then, and after that time, only with my parents’ permission.
5. When I want to go somewhere with a person of the opposite sex, that person will have to come and meet Dad and Mom first, and my parents will be told where we are going.
6. There will be boundaries on the amount of time I can spend on the computer and the phone and how many times a week I can see friends or dates outside of school. As a family, we will discuss this, and I will abide by the time limits that are agreed upon. Any changes to this agreement will be subject to Mom and Dad’s approval.
7. I will not sit or lie under covers when I am with my date. When I am with my date, the rule will be: All feet on the floor. 8. I agree to discuss any problems or difficult circumstances with one or more of my parents. I acknowledge that my parents want what is best for me, love me, and provide for me. I will show them respect by listening to them and honoring them.
This resource is a supplement to chapters 7 and 8 of His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You by Lynn Cowell. © Lynn Cowell 2011 www.LynnCowell.com. All Scriptures in “Our Family Purity Code” are from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.TM Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Revolutionary Love Heart & Body Covenant
From the world’s viewpoint, maintaining sexual purity before marriage seems like cruel and unusual punishment. The messages in our entertainment-driven culture scream at us: “You’d be crazy to marry someone you hadn’t slept with first! How else are you going to find out whether or not you are sexually compatible?” God’s Word says just the opposite—it’s reckless to use the gift God has given us outside the boundaries he has designed. Our culture often sees sexual intimacy between two unmarried people as a casual act, but nothing could be further from the truth. Read the verses listed below. Listen to God’s perspective on sex, keeping in mind that it has always been God’s idea. It is his creation—to be used and celebrated in the right way! You shall not commit adultery. —Exodus 20:14 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. —2 Timothy 2:22 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. —Ephesians 1:4 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” —1 Peter 1:14-16 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. —2 Peter 1:5-7 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater— has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. —Ephesians 5:5 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. —Hebrews 13:4 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. —Philippians 4:8 Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I rejoice because of you; but I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil. —Romans 16:19
Having sex is easy. A marriage relationship requires much, much more than physical intimacy. There first needs to be spiritual and emotional intimacy to build trust, commitment, and communication. Marriage is a lifelong covenant to love, care for, and nurture your spouse. God had our best in mind when he gave us strong directives about sexual purity before marriage. There are many benefits to staying pure before marriage. By waiting until marriage . . . ____ I please God. ____ I build trust and trust is necessary for meaningful intimacy. ____ I develop the godly qualities of patience and self-control. ____ I show that I care more for the other person than for myself. ____ I protect myself with an example to give my children. ____ I am protected from some emotional, mental, and physical trauma should the relationship end. ____ I develop healthy communication habits and skills. ____ I avoid the possibility of unwanted pregnancy. ____ I maintain a clear conscience before God and others. ____ I increase the anticipation and enjoyment of my wedding night. ____ I experience how great it feels to be obedient to God and to his standard of truth. ____ I discover more about the other person than just the physical. ____ I maintain a witness to a lost world. ____ I bring honor to the name of Christ. ____ (other answer) _______________________________________ Go through that list again. Make a check beside the five benefits that are most important to you. Why are these important to you? Sexual purity means much more than not having sexual intercourse before marriage. Many couples avoid intercourse but are still sexually intimate. Think about the verses just quoted, then consider making a covenant with Jesus (next page).
This resource is a supplement to His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You by Lynn Cowell. Copyright © 2011 by Lynn Cowell. (www.LynnCowell.com) All Scriptures in “Revolutionary Love Heart & Body Covenant” are from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.TM Used by permission. All rights reserved.
My Covenant with Jesus I choose sexual purity in order to be holy and to honor God. I will avoid even the appearance of evil. I will pursue purity of thought as well as purity of deed.
I ______________________________, by my own decision, commit to a life of purity in my heart, mind, and body. Jesus, I want to make this commitment with you, my first love. I want to commit to the very best you have for me.
Signature and Date
Are You Ready to Date? An exploration for you and your girl
The topic of dating is one that, for many of us moms and leaders of young girls, comes up before we want it to and usually before we’re ready for it! Maybe your girl has already started asking you questions about dating, or maybe you’ve noticed that some of her friends are starting to date, or they are simply interested in books, TV shows, and movies that deal with dating. When the time to talk with your girl about these issues comes, we hope this resource will help you start a discussion with your girl and help her and you decide if she’s ready to date. We’ve provided you with lots of questions here, but these are just ideas and starters to help you get the conversation flowing. We expect that some of these topics will be ones that you’ll want to dig into over several chats—don’t feel like you have to cover it all at once!
1. So, what have you been thinking about dating? Is it something you want to do now? How come? 2. What kind of guy would you want to go out with? Give me some details—I want get a picture of this guy in my head!
3. Does this ideal guy exist in your life now? Or do you have someone else in mind? Why do you want to go out with this particular guy? What I mean is, what would be your purpose in dating him? Would it be just to have fun? Or to get to know him better? Tell me what’s on your mind.
4. What do you expect to get out of dating, in general? What do you think the benefits are? 5. Have you noticed other dating couples? What have been some of the outcomes (both good and bad) of those relationships?
6. Have you thought about what a healthy relationship looks like? Have you seen people in good relationships? What do you notice about them? If you had to come up with a list of the top five signs of a healthy relationship, what would make the list?
7. What’s a healthy relationship look like in God’s eyes? Think about some ways God tells us to behave toward one another in his Word. What do you think would be on God’s top-five list? (You may want to have some Scriptures ready to share here, if your girl needs that.)
8. (Note: If your daughter mentioned boundaries or respect on one of these lists, first acknowledge her answer, then dive into the question that follows here.) Respecting each other’s boundaries is definitely a part of having a healthy relationship. Have you thought about what your boundaries would be in a dating relationship? Tell me what you think about physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, and spiritual boundaries.
9. Where are your boundary lines drawn in each of these areas? a. As far as the physical thing goes, is hand-holding or kissing too much? If not, what is? b. What about the emotional area? What if a guy told you he loved you? Or what if he said, “If you love me, you will _______” (fill in the blank)? Is it possible to let your feelings carry you too far? c. What about your spiritual boundaries? If a guy you liked wasn’t a Christian, or maybe said he was, but had doubts, or didn’t follow through with his behavior, would that be a problem for you? What really matters to you about your relationship with God?
10. If you found yourself in an unhealthy relationship, or even just in a moment where your boundary lines were getting crossed, what would you do? How would you get out of it? Let’s think about some specific situations—maybe even ones you’ve heard about happening to other girls. If you were in a difficult spot (physically, emotionally, or spiritually), what are some strategies you could use to help yourself or find someone who could help you?
11. If Jesus were sitting here with us today, what would you want to ask him about the whole dating thing? What insights do you wish he could give you? What do you think he would say to you about guys and dating? (Encourage your girl to pray about these requests regularly.)
This resource is a supplement to His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You by Lynn Cowell. Copyright © Lynn Cowell 2011. www.LynnCowell.com
o whatever I wear, I wear for the glory of
I will not cause anyone to for I am not
stumble . . . seeking
my own good, but the good of many, so that they may be
â€”based on 1 Corinthians 10:31-33