My Past. My Present. My Future.
BOOK OF MEMORIES
Table of Contents About Me
About Me I’m a country girl at heart but, city girl all around. I’ve always loved going to barns- I found them oddly comforting. Horseback riding is my activity, too. Yet I don’t think I could live without a mall or name brands. But, you know what they say- every girl has two sides. Anyways, I absolutely LOVE to sing. It’s my life, my passion, and my way of saying the words I can’t speak. I know I’m not the smartest, prettiest, or anything but, I’m perfect the way I am- everyone is. I just have a difficult time seeing it though. Ever since I was little I was bullied a lot. I never had a real friend- they were all fake and pretended to like me. Until I met Kylie, she was my first and still is my best friend. She is like a sister to me and I treat her like she is. My real name is Sydney but, I decided I like Shimmer more and now wish to go by that. Names are just something you wear so people know what to call you. Or it can be like a worn shirt- you just outgrow it. People still call me Sydney but I prefer Shimmer. You can call me either- I don’t mind.
One day I plan on becoming a famous singer, it’s my life goal. I would live in California, own lots of horses, be a worldwide famous singer, and have a daughter named Nicole. I sing all the time and try to get better at singer even without professional help. I’ll go to college for performing like you would on stage. I’ll go on shows like X-Factor or American Idol. I’ll do anything to make my dream real, and prove that nothing is impossible.
Friendly Letter 2714 Conesta Drive Bellevue, WI 54311 9/19/2013
Dear Sister, We haven’t been able to hang out in a while and I miss you! It doesn’t help that we don’t go to the same school anymore, though. So, how are you? What’s new? How’s Edison? Did you meet anyone new (if you know what I mean)? When we first met in like 4th grade I was really shy and didn’t really know how to make friends-which probly made me annoying. Still, you would hang out and play with me. During this time I was still friends with Briseyda. Who with both know is a backstabbing liar. Eventually, I defriended her and we became really close. Then, we became sisters and you helped me come out of my shell. Now, I’m not afraid to be myself which is also helping me on my road to becoming a singer. So, thank you for that. Also, thanks for being there for me. In return, I’ll always be there for you and I know that you know that already. I’ll especially be there for you since I know that you go through a lot and you know what I mean by that. I Love You!
Dreamer The Beginning Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of being a singer. I would be known worldwide and everyone would love me and my music. My dream started out when I was about three years old. I had already found my love for the emotions the lyrics portrayed. The way they flowed and mesmerized me. Now, I was little and didn’t know 99% of the things I do now. All I knew was I absolutely loved music and wanted that to be my life. No one has ever heard me sing. Now your probly reading this thinking- you really think you can be a singer if no has heard you sing? Yes I do because there is a reason behind it and that is stage fright. Would not get up and sing in front of more than one or two people. But, there was still that love for music. That love for music is what made me keep working at it and writing lyrics no matter how horrible they were……well, some were pretty good. You know how when you’re little they always say you can be anything? Well, that’s how I got my encouragement to be a singer back then. Everyone said, “You can do it!” “I can’t wait to see you on TV!” They had said so much more but I figured that would get boring. But, now that I think back to those times- something was missing. It was true belief. They never truly believed I’d make it, they just said that to make me happy. It would’ve been nice knowing they always believed in me but, they didn’t. Maybe one or two people did- the rest were just trying to make a little girl smile. When your little you play with toys right? Most people pretend they are people living in a home. Whereas I also made every one of my Barbie dolls and Polly pockets- singers or fans. There was no playing house for me. I would take them, line them up around my laundry basket, and grab my favorite one and make her sing for everyone. I was always imagining it was me, me up there on a stage singer- and the fans screaming my name, it was a dream come true with the use of toys. Losing hope When I was little I went to a private school till 2nd grade. Now you curious as to how this affects me- it’s just a different kind of school right? No, it’s now. In a private school- you don’t make fun of anyone because you’re too scared to. Those teachers are pure evil and cruel. Say, you don’t walk they want you to. Well there going to make you. Now, back to what I was about to say before. Imagine going from a place like that to a place where your judge by the clothes you wear, or the way you wear your hair. It’s pretty hard. This can bring your self-esteem from a 100% to a 0%. For me, it affected my dream of being a singer. Now I started losing encouragement from the people who gave it to me. I wouldn’t have minded as much except this was at a time I needed it most- the time where I was giving up on myself. I know I’m such a loser right? I shouldn’t feel this way just because someone called me some names. Maybe I should stop caring about everything? Let it go? Give up? Not all of you think that way but one kid did. He wanted me to end it. I am going to be nice and not say his name just his initials- but if you’re reading this you know who you are, J.R. Now people are telling me what they really thought about my dream. Unrealistic. Fantasy. Impossible. That’s what they tell me at least….and here’s my biggest mistake- I started to believe them. That’s what made me so sad because I had lost all confidence in my dream. That doesn’t mean I gave up on it, at least not yet. All that it means is it was hard for me to think I was going to make it. Well, it makes sense- everyone else thought it was unrealistic, so why shouldn’t I? Now here’s what really stuck me hard- my step dad had said, I may be good, but I will never be good enough. The funny thing is, HE HAS NEVER HEARD ME SING. So, how does he know I’m good enough? Oh wait I forgot……people judge
other by how they look. I didn’t look the part; it’s as simple as that. But, of course, knowing me- I still believed him. I believed I would never make it. Falling Down Hill So, as I had said earlier- I hadn’t given up YET. But this is where I do- at the age of 9. This is when I finally lose all hope. I
stopped writing my lyrics. I stopped trying to learn to play guitar-even though I just started. Also, it was when I finally stop dreaming. Ya I know, you can’t just stop dreaming but, I meant I stopped dreaming of my future- of being a singer. I had also started becoming depressed but, I didn’t know why. I was sad all the time- I would just hid it. I wouldn’t talk to people anymore. I had completely given up on the world. I didn’t see my purpose to live. Even though I had stopped doing everything that included music- I could never just stop listening to music. I couldn’t because music is a part of me. Everyone thinks it’s just a hobby or passion but it’s more than that- it’s a way of life. I just didn’t realize how it was my way of life. Now as you can probly tell- I still love music. I absolutely adore it. Just because I gave up on my dream doesn’t mean I have to stop enjoying music. As I had said, music is a way of life. And that’s true it is, except I didn’t realize it yet. I was still denying the fact that maybe I can still make it. So, I went on believing everything they said and they thought I had completely given up. Maybe I did in my mind but not in my heart. In my heart- deep down I knew I can make it if I try. That’s probably why my love for music never faded- it’s because of that tiny little drop of faith I still had. Well, since I had given up on my music career I found a new one that I loved but not as much….. This new career was art. I decided that I would be an artist instead, I don’t know why though. Maybe it was because they are both a form of art? Who knows- I certainly don’t. But again my dream was unrealistic and impossible. So, if both of my dreams are impossible, why do I even dream? It just doesn’t make any sense to me what so ever. Later on I figure that out too. Right now, I’m stuck with two unrealistic dreams- one I gave up on and the other, I currently have. Rising Up From the Ground I FINALLY FOUND IT! The connection between me and the music. So, maybe I don’t know exactly what it is but, I do know that’s it’s a part of me. I’m always singing or I have a melody stuck in my head. I also started to realize how distant I was becoming and I still get like that if I go to long without listening to music. I finally realized that music is literally my life. Everyone has a little drama in their life. Am I right? Well, here’s my drama….. There was this girl named Briseyda and I thought she was my best friend. Until I realized how little she acted like one. You see, since no one liked me because I didn’t do what they did- I wanted to be my own person- no one else liked me. Until a girl named Kylie moved next door
to my grandma who lives about a block away. She made me realize what a true friend was like. So, I told Briseyda I wasn’t her friend anymore- trust me she definitely wasn’t happy. Whenever she sees us- she gives us what I call the ‘death glare’. It literally looks like she waiting for us to drop dead. This still hasn’t changed but oh well. Now that I’ve got my singing dream back and went through some hard times- my lyrics had more emotion which is just what was missing in the past. Some of my songs I don’t like but I have ones that one day I plan on publishing. And what singer doesn’t write songs they don’t like? Now I started going writing crazy. I came up with all my songs within about half a year. Not all of them are finished but all together I have a good 10 of them. I’m still writing them just not as quickly. Now the only people saying I won’t make it are my parents because they just don’t think its realistic but I honestly don’t care anymore. I’m going to keep going and one day- they will see just how wrong they were. But, now I’m rising up from the ground like a phoenix. Strong Enough to Move Forward Now I’m 13 and I’ve stopped caring what others think. I dress in funky and crazy styles- ‘cause that’s just me. Also, I’m going after my singing dream with more determination. Sometimes I still don’t see full beauty in myself but, who does? But I do have more confidence in myself. I’m now afraid to walk with my head high. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself. Most importantly- I’m not afraid to let my true colors show. I also noticed how many people still believe in me. A lot do, they all tell me not to keep working towards it and if I have a dream- I should never give up. It really helps knowing so many people believe in me and for those of you who don’tthat’s your loss. Thanks to all the support, I’m coming back stronger than ever. The only person or thing that could ever stop me now is myself. Now I’m starting to plan out my entire life. My stage name, costumes, shows, everything. I already decided ¼ of all my shows would be for charity. Anyone associated with that charity got the front seats for free. Also, my stage name would be Shimmer and all my outfits would be bright and colorful. My stage would be like a miniature wonderland, and the entire arena would be decorated to. Also, during the show sometimes I would have kids come up on stage with me. Anything to make my fans smile.
They No one said hey or remembered my name. But, They did. They used it to capture my attention Then They’d call me names. That’s when beauty was lost from my view. No one saw it, no one noticed. But I was no longer the same. The light in my eyes seemed to vanish. I’d hid in the depths of darkness behind the veil of hair. I would conceal myself from the world. I was not afraid of what They might say. Rather what They might think. Their words didn’t hurt me- it was their thoughts. Not that They said it aloud; you’d see it in their eyes. The playground is where it was worst. No one was around to notice what They did. Never have They hit me with their hands More though their words of crude hatred Never once have They shown a shred of kindness towards me. They saw me as the outcast- nothing more, nothing less. They are the ones that shattered me They are the one that make me afraid of kindness. They are the ones that made me untrusting. They. There is nothing more to say.