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Hall wEEN Wo

By: Cecilia Kwok

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It seems that even nature has modeled itself after one of the world’s most popular classic comic super heroes: Wolverine. Though not a complete replica, this amphibian is probably the closest anything has ever come to imitating Wolverine – yes, even better than those tightfitting, bootleg Walmart Halloween costumes. If you ever find yourself in the river side areas of Congo or Equatorial Guinea, you may just be lucky enough to encounter the Trichobatrachus Robustus, the 11 cm long frog that is capable of snapping its own bones in half and shoving those bones through their toes to create claws. Impressed? Also known as the ‘Hairy Frog’, this little bugger also grows thick hairlike strands (dermal papillae) on the side of its body, which extends from its head to its thighs – much resembling the sideburns of Wolverine. These serve a greater purpose than to show a manly look during mating season – they are known to contain arteries, which increase the surface

COSTUMES On The Fly

October is ridiculously busy and between the midterms, the thesis proposals and everything else, it’s hard to think about a clever costume. Some people resort to being the ever inventive “beer pong” for the third year running...others choose to forgo pants and

Marvel Comics Meets Mother Nature:

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area of oxygen uptake. Still don’t believe me? Basically, there is a small bony nodule in the tissue just further in from the tip of the frog’s toe. Normally, each ‘claw’ is anchored to the nodule with tough collagen. Though when, let’s say, it runs into something it has no intentions of mating with, the frog voluntarily breaks the collagen

connection and shoves its bones through its skin. put on fuzzy ears in some sort of pale, slutty imiation of an animal costume. We at the AZ are here to help you out with some easy, original halloween costumes.

Fr A retraction mechanism of these ‘claws’ of the T. Robustus has not been discovered, although hypotheses were made about the fact that after the smashed up tissue in the toes regenerate, these gruesome claws retract passively (Wolverine has accelerated healing factors which allows the wounds in his knuckles made by his metal claws heal insanely fast). The purpose of this unique defense mechanism

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is still shrouded in mystery of whether these bony protrusions are meant for fighting or just to get a better grip on things. Is there a moral to this story? Don’t f*ck with the frogs. To be on the safe side, you should give candy to all the kids dressed in frog suits on Halloween.

Finally, the most time consuming, use cardboard and fashion yourself a large sign (billboard, street sign, traffic whatever strikes your fancy) and spend the night waving at people. Presto. Two lucky friends and yourself can Instant Sine Wave. Lazy friend doesn’t Are you of asian descent? Yes? want to think of their own costume? be tied together all night, walkThen you’re halfway there! Join Fine. Let ‘em do the same thing and ing perpendicularly to be a Force me in finding a large white car and vs Magnetic Field on an electron you can be Cosine Waves. matching white lab coat to become diagram. Felix Lee. By: Meilene Lam Dress as your favourite medical condition! Ladies love it when you cover yourself in fake plastic crabs and show them you have Crabs.


Halloween Zombie How to Survive a

student, then I present you the ultimate Western ZCP.

By: David Page Zombies. Even though they don’t exist, they are everywhere in pop culture, from nightmares to video games to movies. Zombies have been growing in popularity over the years, slowly replacing the alluring vampires/werewolves (thanks Twilight) as the creatures that go bump in the night. And why shouldn’t zombies get more attention? With science becoming more horrific every day, how long are we safe from this undead menace? If you find yourself answering, “Not very long”, kudos to you, astute reader. While we should be battening down our hatches, gathering rations, living in a basement with a shotgun, and wearing tinfoil hats, our lives may not allow for that. Now should you happen to be (and if you are reading this paper I suspect you are) the more adventurous and non-subterranean Z-Day believer you may already have a Zombie Contingency Plan. If, however, you’re just the average Science

Now, the first thing to consider is that Zombies can be anything like the roided-out speed freaks of the Dawn of the Dead remake or might be the more sluggish and pot-headed zombies of folklore. For the sake of simplicity let’s assume our zombies reach a top speed of an average jog. After estimating the Zombie’s speed/ velocity, we can now get to the plan. The first thing to be prepared for is to figure out your surroundings when the outbreak strikes. If you’re in a highly-populated area or in class when you notice the first zombie, then consider yourself done for. No plan except a surprise appearance by Bruce Campbell will save you now. For any other situation, you should try to head to these locations, in this priority; The Rec Centre, The Western Science Centre and Talbot College. The Rec Centre makes sense because in the morning it is relatively quiet and empty. This means that secur-

Greek Inks By: Mel Wright

Attack

ing the place from any lingering zombies will be a relatively easy task, especially because the gym is so spacious and leaves no excuse except stupidity for close quarter encounters with a zombie. From this point holding down the Gym becomes an exercise in triviality. Turnstiles effectively stop incoming hordes as they don’t have Western One cards to swipe. Plus there are extremely ripped men and women that could smack down on these zombies and get a workout out of it. You now face a Dawn of the Dead situation where so long as you don’t get a stupid idea and leave the gym in the hopes of finding salvation, you’re pretty much set until all the zombies die from starvation. The next place on the list is the Western Science Centre. Now I know that some of you might question this decision, but the Western Science Centre has that underground tunnel leading from it, with two sets of doors and stairs at either entrance. This acts as both a pro and con. The pro is that fewer zombies will be able to get to you.

(on ) n r e t s We

Due to low amount of traffic in the tunnel there most likely won’t be any zombies when you get there. The con is that Zombies hunt in packs. This means that as soon as one zombie finds out your location, a whole horde will fill in from both directions of the tunnel. Then you’re faced with a fatal dilemma unless you brought along a friend to bunk down with for doomsday (it’ll be the best sex of your life!). This place also loses points for the plain creepiness of those crazily hot underground tunnels. The last place on this list is the Spoke. Now I know this technically violates the whole “avoid highly populated places” rule, but this has to be on the list for the pure reason that the most successful and comedic Zombie defenses have always been in bars. There a few reasons for this. First, the Zombies will go after the slower, more intoxicated students. Second, the aforementioned intoxicated students may be successful in defeating the Zombies with their drunken boxing. And lastly, you may as well grab a beer; it may be your last.


HAlloween - 3 By: Shabnam Hamidi Ah, the pumpkin: a traditional symbol of Halloween, and a tasty indication that the autumn season is upon us. This year, stay away from tricky treats and take the old jack-o-lantern up on its health benefits. So, as it turns out, the vibrant colour of pumpkins don’t just make for awesome, spooky lighting; the bright orange tells us pumpkins are rich in antioxidants like beta-carotene, that help prevent certain cancers and fend off arthritis. In addition, pumpkins are loaded with vitamin A and C, so fill up to reduce the signs of aging and gain a great fall complexion. But wait, there’s

more. The pumpkin promises to bonus of 0 fat and only 6 grams of serve, right to the core! With their carbohydrates. Mix in some rainutty, sweet flavour and malleable, sins, nuts and a bit of cinnamon, chewy texture, the roasted seeds and you got yourself a healthy, from inside your Halloween pump- hearty and totally guilt-free snack kin make for a tasty and nutritious for late-night studying. snack. Not only are they addictive, but these delicious seeds are also With all the positive things you found to be rich in prostate-supjust read about pumpkins, I say it’s portive carotenoids, as well as zinc, time to put this newspaper down which reduces the risk of osteoporo- and indulge your senses in the seasis (think ahead, Mustangs!). son’s finest. To start, here are a few quick serving ideas: For the weight-conscious, rest assured that with this tasty treat, you • Add pumpkin seeds to won’t be keeping on the holiday healthy sautéed vegetables. pounds for long. Get this: half a cup • Sprinkle pumpkin seeds on of cooked, mashed pumpkin yields top of mixed green salads. only 20 calories, with the added • Grind pumpkin seeds with

fresh garlic, parsley and cilantro leaves. Mix with olive oil and lemon juice for a tasty salad dressing. • Add chopped pumpkin seeds to your favourite hot or cold cereal. • Add pumpkin seeds to your oatmeal raisin cookie or granola recipe. • Next time you make burgers, whether it be from vegetables, turkey or beef, add some ground pumpkin seeds.

Happy carving!

More Pumpkin Pie please! A Trick About A Treat

By: Jon Tam and Mel Wright

Halloween is fast approaching and as we all know, that means free candy, with chocolate being the most popular of all. You may not know it, but chocolate has several health benefits. That is not to say chocolate itself is healthy though.

There are 3 types of chocolate: dark, milk, and white. As a matter of fact, white chocolate isn’t chocolate as defined by the Food and Drug Association (FDA), but we won’t get into that. Dark chocolate is by far the healthiest of the three. Milk chocolate has fewer benefits due to dilution by milk, and white chocolate has hardly any benefits at all. Unlike common knowledge, there is little to no caffeine in chocolate. Caffeine was most likely misidentified due to structural similarities it shares with theobromine. Theobromine is a mood lifting chemical found in the main ingredient of chocolate; cocoa beans. Unfortunately, for all the white chocolate lovers out there, theobromine is not present in white chocolate. Other chemicals in chocolate include serotonin; an important neurotransmitter, and histamine; involved in immune responses. Cocoa butter, the fat in a cocoa bean, accounts for half the weight of the bean. However, unlike what the name implies, the butter is composed of saturated stearic acid fat which does not elevate blood cholesterol in any way.

It also has no effect on weight gain and helps some molecules resist oxidation. Cocoa butter also helps fight cavities by preventing plaque formation. Besides these, cocoa butter has several other advantageous health benefits, such as repairing liver cells. Chocolate also contains antioxidants which combat free radical molecules that damage our bodies in numerous ways. Unfortunately, chocolate itself is unhealthy; high sugar content and additional added fatty ingredients undermine the health benefits of cocoa beans. You can gain weight from these extra ingredients and the sugar can rot your teeth. Dark chocolate isn’t as diluted with these extra ingredients, making it more bitter but also healthier. So while you’re out Trick-or-Eating this Halloween or feeling a little down, make sure to enjoy this tasty snack. In moderation, of course!

Hell

Explained By A Chemistry Student By: Kate “I take things from chain e-mails and use them as articles” McLauchlin The following is an actual question given on University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct, leaving only Heaven, Most of these religions state that if thereby proving the existence of a divine you are not a member of their relibeing which explains why, last night, gion, you will go to Hell. Since there Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’ is more than one of these religions


Eerie Events Homecoming!

One cold, blustery morning a group of science students made the long trek to Centennial park to represent the great people of SCIENCE. They were brave, some say called them mad (scientists, that is... pretty sure they called themselves “mad scientists�, actually...nevermind), one thing that is for sure...they were more spirited than any other constituency. Here are a few of the pictures from that day... though they barely come close to capturing the greatness that marched that morning.


HAlloween - 5

Waking Up In The Parking Lot: D C K X

or, What I Learned In First Year By: Kevin Chen

moment I ventured beyond that safe bubble, I found a campus filled with Listening to Maxwell trail off his energy, composed of students that sentences, breaking glassware came from every walk of life. The moand not reporting it, understandment I put down my pen and looked ing Zinke’s nonsensical lectures, beyond what was expected of me, I evading campus police, and wakbegan to see the various opportuniing up in parking lots — what ties and choices that were available. are all these things? Clearly Whether it was stressing over exams, they’re just a small fraction of attending campus events, having fun the various experiences a first with my floor, or waking up from a year student is exposed to, and night of regrets, first year was an unthey’re also just a small fraction forgettable experience for me. of what I have learned during my first year at Western. Going to university isn’t about sitting through lectures, or studying in the I came to Western not knowing library; it’s about meeting new peowhat to expect. Perhaps I’d take ple, trying out new things, and most up a sport and find my calling, importantly, realizing that the world is or maybe I would change my a big place with much to explore. The major six times. What did I find most important thing I learned last then? To be honest, nothing at year didn’t have anything to do with first. Going to lectures and readphotorespiration or ligands, instead ing textbooks was exciting in its it was about the wonderful university own right, but for the first few that we attend. If there is one thing to moments of my life here, things learn while you’re here, it’s that, and were predictable. However, the I’m glad I got to realize it so early

True Exam Stories

1. A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying “A dollar per point.” The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.... 2. The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a hugelecture hall (620 students) for a Calculus final.

Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn’t very well liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much time was remaining before the end of a test, a real charmer. Since he was so busy gallivanting around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time they had left before their failure on the test was complete, he had the students stack the completed tests on the huge podium at the front of the room. This made for quite amess, remember there were 1000 students in the class.

neatly stacked piles of exams (the professor had plenty of time to stack the During this particular final, mountain of papers while he waited) It one guy entered the test needing a was clear that the professor had waited decent grade to pass the class. His only to give the student a hard time. only problem with Calculus was “Turning in my exam,” retortthat he did poorly when rushed, ed the student confidently. “I’m afraid and this guy standing in the front I have some bad news for you,” the of the room barking out how much professor gloated, “Your exam is an time was left before the tests had hour late. You’ve failed it and, conseto be handed in didn’t help him at quently, I’ll see you next term when all. He figured he wanted to assure you repeat my course.” The student himself of a good grade, so he smiled slyly and asked the professor hardly flinched when the profes“Do you know who I am?” sor said “pencils down and submit “What?” replied the profesyour Scantron sheets and work to sor gruffly, annoyed that the student piles at the front of the room”. showed no sign of emotion. Five minutes turned into The student rephrased the ten, ten into twenty, twenty into question mockingly, “Do you know forty... almostan hour after the test what my name is?” was “officially over”, our friend “No”, snarled the professor. finally put down his pencil, gath The student looked the profesered up his work, and headed to the sor dead in the eyes and said slowly, “I front of the hall to submit his final. didn’t think so”, as he lifted up one of The whole time, the professor sat the stacks half way, shoved his at the front of theroom, strangely test neatly into the center of the stack, waiting for the student to complete let the stack fall burying his his exam. test in the middle, turned around, and “What do you think you’re walked casually out of the huge doing?” the professor asked as the lecture hall. student stood in front of him about to put down his exam on one of the


Opinion

HAlloween - 3


HAlloween - 7

Where Is the Sanity In Hand Sanitizer?

By: Julie Ting

I am as prepared as can be for any upcoming Halloween parties on campus. Not only do I have an endless supply of alcohol, I am also in possession of a stash of

drugs – the kind that can’t be obtained from your local pharmacy. My costume’s all picked out, and I have a scary new attitude to boot. I didn’t have to go out and buy a Halloween costume this year; I was fortunate enough receive one as my graduation present from my grandfather. He gave me a large stack of the most stylish N95 masks on the market. These N95 masks make me look like a UFO, and are equipped to filter particles one micron in size or smaller. They are currently sitting in my closet, and are probably yellowing and collecting dust by now. No matter, because I read somewhere in Vogue that the distressed look is in. With my masks and my chemically-stained lab coat, I will be the most frightful attraction at any October social gathering. As for the alcohol, my parents keep cases of it in our basement. They are sure to replenish the stock in my room whenever they visit, and encourage me to share with all my friends. They neglect to notice the prolific amounts of free alcohol available in every hallway of every residence and building on cam-

pus. “What free alcohol?” you might be asking yourself right now. “Where can I get some?” But before you rush out of your dorms to look for free handouts, let me stipulate that unless you are the homeless man I once spotted trying to get drunk from the Purell dispensers installed at my high school, then you might want to save yourself the journey. That’s right. I have access to an unlimited supply of hand sanitizer, and so do you.

“What free alcohol?” you might be asking yourself right now. “Where can I get some?” What you might not have a hold of is that highly-coveted but extremely rare antiviral drug known as Tamiflu. Recently, I became the laughingstock of my Chemistry professor, Dr. Felix Lee, for being one of the two people admitting to keeping a hidden stash in my room. “Where did you get that kind of stuff?” he managed to ask between spurts of uncontrollable laughter. “Online?” I couldn’t answer the question. I actually have no clue how I got a hold of Tamiflu, nor do I plan to ask my parents about it anytime soon.

If being laughed at by your Chemistry professor for possessing rare substances isn’t enough to qualify me for social suicide, the new social protocol laid out to me for the month of October certainly will. October marks the beginning of the flu season, and with that comes the need for increased protective measures against illness. I have been told to sneeze into my sleeve. Have you ever tried sneezing into your sleeve? It leaves a wet patch on your shoulder, or worse, a splatter of mucous. Furthermore, I have been told to avoid everyone that appears to be ill. If someone is sitting at my table in the cafeteria and they sneeze, I have been told to stand up, pick up my tray, and move to an empty table in a preferably secluded area at least twenty meters from my former position. I am not supposed to worry that my actions are rude, or downright strange. It seems that the only thing more widespread than the swine flu pandemic is talk of swine flu prevention. Whether in Biology class or Chemistry class, in the cafeteria or in my inbox, talk of swine flu follows me around, haunting me with a deadly question. Do I want to be a sanitizer-toting, mask-wearing, anti-social, but healthy person? The official answer is yes, but the reality is that there’s no way I’m actually going to be able to follow through and live to tell the story.

Receive $25,000 for Making Your Community A Little Greener!

As I do presentations for several science classes and continue to spread the word about the TD Friends of the Environment Foundation’s $100,000 Go Green Challenge, I am confident that students at Western will take advantage of this incredible opportunity to make some money while making a positive impact in their community.

The annual contest has already begun, and this year’s theme, Reducing our Ecological Footprint, is being promoted across Canada in universities and colleges. It is recognized that post graduate institutions more often than not house the minds that produce the innovative ideas that will change the world in the future, and TD is eagerly tapping into this resource. The contest entails that at least two students form a group with a faculty member and generate a feasible, realistic idea that could be promoted and ultimately applied in their community. The group must submit a maximum 4000 word essay by January 15, 2010 outlining their idea, and 4 winners are announced on March 8, 2010. Each winning group of students receives $25,000 just for submitting their idea and you immediately become recog-

By: Alex Schwarz

nized as a Green leader of the future. As well, if you win you get your money on a fancy giant cheque, and doesn’t everyone dream of getting one of those?

Several great ideas came out of last year’s challenge. The University of New Brunswick worked on developing a forested landholding within the city of Fredericton which integrated several elements of environmentally based community design. The University of Waterloo created a program call “My Green Neighbour” which works to match Canadians who need a loan for residential energy efficiency projects with individuals seeking a good return on their investment. Lakehead University decided it would be beneficial to create a non-profit, volunteer based organization committed to leading Guided Ecological Tours of Toronto. Finally, the University of Manitoba set out to implement citywide networks of green infrastructure including rail lines, hydro rights-of-way, road rights-of-way and pipelines.

Hopefully these ideas provide some inspiration, but the possibilities are endless. I applied to be the promoter of this challenge at Western because I respect those who appreciate the intelligence, creativity and responsiveness of university and college students. In this time of change, new ideas for sustainability, conservation and green technology are invaluable, and TD FEF is taking it to another level by paying us for our great ideas and helping to make them a reality. I have already heard of several people interested in the challenge who are pushing themselves to see how

creative they can be, and I encourage you to do the same. For those who wish to learn more about the challenge or would like to be placed on the TD FEF mailing list to receive more information, contact me at alexandra. schwarz@gogreenchallenge.ca or check out the website at http:// www.fef.td.com/gogreen/index. jsp. Good luck!


HAlloween - 6

Fun And Games D C K X

Crossword

By: Jason Lam Managing Editor

The Scariest Part Of The Year

I’m sure most (if not all) of you have guessed exactly what this is. After all, you are (future) scientists. Yes, it is the dreaded first exams of the school year. Some of you may have already written some of your midterms, and some of you may have all five in a never-ending-stress-filled week and a half. Personally, I find these midterms to be more stressful than the rest. Why, you ask? Well, since they are the first exams of the school year, we don’t

really know the difficulty level or what to study for the exam. Sure, there may be past exams to use as a guide, but sometimes they like to change it up or even change professors. We don’t know which professor will test on the tiniest details they mentioned in class or just test on whatever is on the slide. If I’ve officially freaked you out, my apologies. This article is not intended to stress you out and say “FML” over and over. There

is a light at the end of the tunnel. Get through these midterms and you will have a good measure of how successful your studying style is. As a wise Socratic professor once said about his first midterm: “Think of this as an investment. If you did well, great. Keep doing what you are doing. If not, think of this as an investment that will make you to study differently or harder.” Now, that wise professor was one of my first year Bio 1222 professors. The one and only Tom Haffie. And if you can’t trust Tom Haffie, who can you trust?

In Haffie We Trust


Absolute Zero: Halloween Issue