Page 76

live well

his & hers

Wi-Fi CAN’T

we get along? w Story | JESSICA MEBANE

hy does social media bring out the most anti-social behavior in couples? Whether it’s shopping online for holiday gifts or just catching up with high school buddies on Facebook, men and women seem to treat the Internet with varying degrees of respect and security while invariably scoffing at their partner’s lack of “tech savvy,” so to speak. Let’s break down the ones and zeros of this motherboard issue, and see if we can make sweet, sweet code together—or at least avoid hurling our smartphones at each other’s heads; romance can be fleeting, but data plan contracts are forever.

women Is perfectly happy to continue using the 2-year-old laptop in the office, because a sane person should only stand in line for a great Louboutin sample sale or fresh omelets at the Four Seasons’ Sunday brunch.

LAPTOPS/IPADS/ PCS

Rushes to the Apple store to join 1,000 of his fellow “first-adopters” on queue to buy each new product rollout at full retail price.

Is certain that if she wanted to hear all 30-odd reasons why she shouldn’t be headed to the airport for a girls’ last-minute Vegas weekend, she’d take that call.

SMARTPHONES

Is certain his significant other is purposely screening or declining his calls for no apparent reason, because she just texted him seconds ago.

Has randomly chosen letters and symbols for every password, but never writes them down, so has to continually reset them. No, really.

PASSWORDS

For ease of use, has set all online accounts set with the same password. No, really.

FACEBOOK

Has liked roughly 100 pages, including favorite fishing guides and bacon-a-day quotes, while only cyber-stalking the occasional ex-girlfriend once or twice. Maybe.

Is about to approach 30,000 followers with her politically astute observations posited under the handle @SexyVoterGrrl. Also in a Twitter war with Kim Kardashian over butt implants. Yes, really.

TWITTER

Is so busy looking at ex-girlfriend profiles and “liking” photos of friends’ wives on Facebook, he hasn’t had time to learn how to start stalking people on “the Twitters.”

Has become so Pinterest invested, she sometimes sees red tacks in her real life, often while shopping.

PINTEREST

Is thinking: Pin what? Photos of stuff? Cyber cork board?

Is administrating several concurrent blogs with titles as varied as “The Care and Feeding of the Knuckledragger I Love,” and “A Girl’s Guide to Decorating Around all Those Dead Animal Trophies.”

BLOGS

Is positive that if he was supposed to start something as feely-touchy as a blog, he’d have already handed in his shotgun, rifles, fishing kit and man card first.

Has set her Internet homepage to TMZ.com, duh.

HOMEPAGE

Has set his Internet homepage to ESPN.com. You know, to keep up with the latest “breaking news” (aka sports scores).

Has more than 600 friends, including dead celebrities and exotic pet rescue organizations, while only cyber-stalking the occasional ex-paramour once or twice. Maybe.

Has created a Pinterest board containing Christmas gift ideas for all her friends and family by mid-October, including packaging and personalized notes. Keeps all her documents, files, photos and music in carefully organized folders and sub-categories so Byzantine, that the casual user can’t even find her “c:/ directory.” Or that file of photos of him on their honeymoon she scanned in…for no reason.

74

men

prime-living.com

ONLINE SHOPPING

Hopes like heck in the wee hours of Dec. 23 that Amazon.com can ship his entire Christmas order to arrive on time.

DESKTOP HYGIENE

Keeps all his important documents, charts, programs and any file he’s accessed in the last 18 months on his computer desktop, for easy access. It also helps cover up that old honeymoon bikini photo of her that he scanned a while back…for no reason.

PRIME Living 2012 September/October "Texas issue" Issue  

From down-home barbeque to ranch-style living, PRIME Living celebrates everything we love about the Lone Star state. To The Letter: discover...

PRIME Living 2012 September/October "Texas issue" Issue  

From down-home barbeque to ranch-style living, PRIME Living celebrates everything we love about the Lone Star state. To The Letter: discover...

Advertisement