SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 4
IT’S A MAD MAD WORLD HOUSE HUSBANDS STILL SUFFERING FROM STRESS
Most people assume that life in the rat race is bad for your health. But new research suggests it is men who give up their careers to become house husbands who are more at risk of a fatal heart attack. The study found that the pressures of staying at home to look after the children can be so stressful that they have a damaging effect on health. Researcher Dr Elaine Eaker, of Eaker Epidemiology Enterprises in Wisconsin, said the key to the problem was that some men became stressed about the fact that they were performing a role not traditionally associated with them by society. Men who do stay at home to look after the family tend not to have the same levels of support from peers, friends and family as women. Source: BBC News
SOMETHING TO DECLARE
A witch carrying a jar of her own blood and an American family who refused to surrender their pet rat are among several recent arrivals to have raised the eyebrows of Australia’s quarantine officers. International travellers carrying illegal goods have been fined almost $130,000 in a quarantine crackdown in the past six months. While most fines have been issued for fruit and plant materials, a review of recent quarantine seizures has revealed some bizarre incidents. Earlier this month, Perth quarantine officers stopped an American woman who had arrived with her pet rat. When told the rat was not allowed entry into Australia, the woman’s family protested that Australia was the only country to have such strict quarantine laws. Rather than surrender the rat, they cancelled their holiday and caught the next flight out. In another incident, a self-proclaimed witch declared a jar of blood on arrival at Brisbane’s International Airport. She explained it was her own blood, for drinking in a pagan ritual. Quarantine officers said she surrendered the blood freely when told she could not carry it into the country.
ORDER NOW, GET THE RECTO-ROTOR ABSOLUTELY FREE
All of us who watch second-grade TV channels have seen advertisements for miscellaneous devices that supposedly heal you from any and all diseases. Bloussant will increase a woman’s breast size threefold in a month. Zeno Ex will enlarge a man’s member so that it is comparable to that of a horse. A multitude of such devices, created over the last 200+ years, was collected in the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices by Minneapolis resident Bob McCoy. After retiring earlier this year, McCoy has given his collection of over 325 artifacts to the Science Museum of Minnesota. The devices represented in the museum show just how naive people are. The collection contains some unique things. For example, the Shoe Fitting X-Ray. During the forties, ten thousand such devices were located in shoe shops around the country. They allowed buyers to instantly see how their foot bones fitted inside the shoe. A lot of devices were developed to solve problems with body functions and personal life: rectal prostate gland warmers, The Recto Rotor and a vibrating chair for intestinal peristalsis stimulation. And the sympathy prize goes to the foot powered vacuum breast enlarger. In the mid seventies, this enlarger, priced at $10 US, was bought by four million women. The only thing that they got was eight million bruises. Source: Winglitch.com
PERSIL CLEANS NATURISTS
Nude British boules players have signed a deal with a leading washing powder maker to sponsor what little clothing they wear. Members of Britain’s naturist boules team will sport branded hats, socks and sweatbands at two tournaments in The Netherlands later this summer. “The team is hugely excited,” said manager Pat Thompson. British Naturism, which has 25,000 members and 170 clubs in the UK, will also be offered free samples of washing powder under the deal. “Even naturists have washing machines,” said Andrew Watson.
I’LL TAKE THE CAR , YOU CAN KEEP THE TOY
A former waitress has settled her lawsuit against Hooters, the restaurant that gave her a toy Yoda doll instead of the Toyota she thought she’d won. Jodee Berry, 27, won a beer sales contest last May at the Panama City Beach Hooters. She believed she had won a new Toyota and happily was escorted to the restaurant’s parking lot in a blindfold. But when the blindfold was removed, she found she had won a new toy Yoda – the little green character from the “Star Wars” Movies. David Noll, her attorney, said that he could not disclose the settlement’s details, although his client could now go to a local car dealership and “pick out whatever type of Toyota she wants.” After the stunt, Berry quit the restaurant and filed a lawsuit against breach of contract and fraudulent misrepresentation. The restaurant’s manager, Jared Blair, has said the whole contest was an April Fools’ joke. Source: CNews
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