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SPORTS QUIZ was the AFL’s highest scoring team for Round 8? 1 Who was the AFL’s lowest scoring team for Round 8? 2 Who was the AFL’s leading 3 Who goal kicker for Round 8?

4

What body part did Richmond’s Ben Cousins injure last week?

won last Sunday’s French MotoGP? 5 Who won the Kris Flyer International Sprint Crown at 6 Who Singapore last Sunday? Where did Aussie hope Takeover Target finish?

7 Bolt set a world record over what distance earlier this 8 Usain week?

won last Sunday’s Madrid Masters? 9 Who did the Melbourne Storm defeat 40-6 at Olympic Park on 10 Who Monday night? ANSWER: 1. Geelong and Brisbane (119 points) 2. North Melbourne (49 points) 3. Warren Tredrea (7 goals)

4. His Hand 5. Jorge Lorenzo 6. Sacred Kingdom 7. Eighth 8. 150m 9. Roger Federer 10. Canberra Raiders

2 – HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009

What a match

HORDES of women vying for a spot in American football’s newly created Lingerie Football League are putting a new twist on the term exhibition match. On Long Island outside New York, two dozen young women stripped to skimpy gym clothes and battled for seven spots in the New York Majesty, one of 10 teams in the league. Los Angeles-based founder Mitchell Mortaza said sporting talent was not the main requirement the league was looking for. “You have to be beautiful, we make no bones about it,” he said.

Turning to sport A RECENT FORBES ranking shows that despite the real and perceived advances in the last generation, 10 of the 20 wealthiest African-American’s have a strong relationship to sports, either as a player or an owner. Oprah Winfrey, as expected, leads the list by a long shot, garnering $2.7 billion through shrewd investment and media moguling. However, Tiger Woods follows at $600 million and growing. From there, Robert Johnson (Charlotte Bobcats owner) and Michael Jordan (Bobcats president) lead a procession that implies the best way to become a wealthy black man is still to hit the gym or own one.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK Put on your

‘superman capes. It’s warfy time!

— Matthew Pavlich at three-quarter time against Hawthorn last Friday.

Maria’s is Golf’s answer to Sharapova LADIES golf has seen a surge in popularity in recent years, and it’s easy to see why with women like Natalie Gulbis and Anna Rawson bringing some sex appeal to the swinging set. Now there’s a new fair maiden of the fairway who might turn some heads when she tees off - Maria Verchenova, straight from that golfing hotbed of Russia. And she’s hoping to be to golf what fellow Russian Maria Sharapova is to tennis. Judging by the look of her, she might be on the right track.

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From Lampard to Lawrie CHELSEA star Frank Lampard’s ex-fiancée Elen Rives is dating another soccer ace but this time from non-league Stevenage Borough. The Sun revealed that her new hunk is Lawrie Wilson, who is paid £500 a week in the Blue Square Premier. He is thought to have been seeing the Spanish beauty, 34, for just over a fortnight. They shared a night in a £545-a-room London hotel eight days ago - weeks after Elen ditched millionaire Chelsea star Lamps, who was twice caught cheating on her. And the pair have been snapped kissing and cuddling over champagne cocktails in a swish private members’ club. The Stevenage player, who lines up in the fifth tier of English football, had a girlfriend when he met Elen - mum of Frank’s girls Luna, three, and Isla, one. They broke up after she recognised him as the mystery man pictured with Elen in a Sunday newspaper - and raced round to confront him at his rented Essex flat .

source said: “She was absolutely raging. He couldn’t have been more surprised. Thankfully Elen wasn’t there at the time or God knows what would have happened.” Well-spoken Wilson, a utility man who plays in either defence or midfield, refused to discuss Elen yesterday. Wilson’s family have a huge home and team-mates rib him for his “poshness” and “girlie hair”. His career is far removed from £150,000-a-week Lampard, an England regular. Wilson, signed by Stevenage in 2007 after a spell at Colchester Utd, can only dream of the big time as he plays before tiny crowds. Lampard’s relationship with Elen ended in bitterness as she branded him an “emotionless b******”. Nineteen months earlier he was caught picking up a brunette at a Las Vegas casino. And nine months before that he bedded blonde Montserrat Lucas, 36. Lampard, 30, has been linked since the split to socialite Saskia Boxford, 23.

Defoe defies drinking culture TOTTENHAM striker Jermain Defoe is adamant there is not a drinking culture at White Hart Lane and he is happy to prove it on the pitch. Spurs have been in the spotlight since Ledley King’s arrest last week, with Defoe upset about photos of him appearing after he helped judge the Miss World competition in London. Boss Harry Redknapp has talked about banning his players from nightclubs but Defoe is a teetotaller and he insists his Mum keeps him on the straight and narrow anyway. “Especially coming back from injury, you have to be professional,” Defoe said. “My Mum would knock me out anyway! “If you think about it, if I was one of those people drinking every week I don’t think I’ll be able to perform how I perform.” “I wasn’t happy,” Defoe said. “It’s crazy when you pick up the papers and you read something that is so far from the truth, like you’re in a nightclub 48 hours before a game.

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No congrats for Alex...

“The thing is I’ve never had a problem. In the time I’ve been playing football there hasn’t never been anything about me drinking. “I don’t see why all of a sudden people say I’m drinking. It’s unbelievable. I went to an event, then I was with my family and I went home. Defoe was eager to explain that Spurs is not a club of drinkers. “It’s so far from the truth,” he said. “It’s difficult for the boys when you pick up the papers and read things. Most of the time people believe what they read. It’s unbelievable because we have a great bunch of lads and everyone is so professional. We work hard in training, it’s just unbelievable. Sometimes it’s not fair

NRL to ban cheerleaders? CHEERLEADERS should be banned from rugby league as part of a campaign to give the sport an improved, sex-free public image, a marketing expert says. “I don’t believe cheerleaders are beneficial to rugby league.” “They just propagate that type of behaviour,” said Ms Markson, chief executive of Mark Communications. But Eva Cox, chair woman of the Women’s Electoral Lobby, said, “I don’t think you should ban cheerleaders because to do that would be to say what happens is their fault.” “The core problem is the male attitude in rugby league.” “As long as you have a male attitude that sees a girl as fair game if she wears skimpy clothes or agrees to have sex with one of them then you will continue to have a problem.” “I don’t believe we will see evidence that the NRL has really changed until the people who were in the room with Matthew Johns are forced to come out and confess.” “I am not saying it’s a good idea to have a lot of young women dancing around half-naked in front of a lot of footballers but it would be wrong to ban them,” Ms Cox said. Two years ago South Sydney axed cheerleaders and replaced them with drummers. Co-owner Russell Crowe said at the time, “Our focus is to reestablish rugby league and women. The focus on game day should be a positive experience for the crowd. We feel the (cheerleaders) made a lot of people uncomfortable ... We felt we didn’t need cheerleaders and would

RAFA BENITEZ has refused to congratulate Alex Ferguson on winning the Premier League. The angry Liverpool boss could not even bear to mention Fergie’s name when quizzed about Manchester United’s achievement in drawing level with the Reds on 18 titles. Instead, Rafa - whose side relegated West Brom by beating the Baggies 2-0 - snapped, “I’ll say ‘Well done’ to Manchester United - but not to anybody else!” “I try to be polite and respectful to my fellow managers at all times throughout the season. But in this case, I saw some things and I heard some things that I did not like.” “So I’ll repeat, to make it clear, that I’m prepared to congratulate Manchester United as a good club and a big club. But that’s all, nothing else.”

Can’t swing

like them replaced by a group of drummers, male and female.” NRL chief executive David Gallop said cheerleaders would not be banned. “Cheerleaders are a part of the game that many men and women enjoy.” “The women involved in cheerleading enjoy the professional dance aspect,” he said. Using cheerleaders was “an individual club decision and is not linked to violent behaviour towards women in most peoples’ eyes”, he said.

TAKING a break from his “Inside The NBA” duties, Charles Barkley decided to hit the links - the golf links. Barkley took part in the Regions Charity Classic, which makes some sense, since Sir Charles’ infamous swing could use all the charity it can get. Even though he’s been working on his game with famed golf instructor Hank Haney, it’s evident that the Round Mound of Rebound could use a couple more TV seasons to sharpen his skills. Barkley’s bad golf can certainly be amusing to those watching, but it can also be very dangerous to anyone in Charles’ immediate vicinity. Unless you head out to the course hoping you’ll be hit in the neck.

HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009 –

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4 – HEARTBALM TRUTH,

MAY 21-27, 2009

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Jesse Jane Heat

Vibrations Trainer

Monique’s Been Blackmaled

Studio: Digital Playground Category: Gonzo Genre: Letterboxed, Straight Director: Robby D Stars: Jesse Jane, Madison Scott, Kiki Vidis, Paris Maine, Tommy Gunn, Jerry Run Time: 1hr 54mins Number Of Discs: 1 Bonus Features: Interactive Menus, Chapter Selection, Behind The Scenes, Slide Show, Photo Gallery, Trailers BROUGHT to you by Digital Playground and starring the reigning queen of contract performers in porn in Jesse Jane, Jesse Jane Heat showcases Jane at her best and that of course is the main attraction in a hardcore film. Jane is a blonde bundle of energy and that really comes across in Jesse Jane Heat. I was lucky enough to meet Jane last year when she was in Melbourne for Sexpo last year and it was clear to see that she truly loves her job. This girl loves to f@ck and it comes across in her performances in front of the camera. Jane features in three of the films six scenes, with each scene being long and detailed. Joining Jesse are some newcom-

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er hotties as well, with gals like Madison Scott, Paris Mayne, Kiki Vidis, and some guys that Jesse hand selected herself. Lucky bastards! Jane puts on an incredible performance and as usual, really gets caught up in the heat of the moment, swearing and talking dirty like only she can. The bonus features are solid viewing with the behind the scenes section being enjoyable, which is a common trait amongst director Robby D’s films. Overall another winner from Jesse Jane and Robby D. VERDICT:

Studio: Vivid Category: Feature Genre: Interracial, Affairs Director: Paul Thomas Stars: Monique Alexander, Jada Fire, Claudia Downs, Sandy Jackman, Mr Marcus Run Time: 1hr 51mins Number Of Discs: 1 Bonus Features: Interactive Menus, Chapter Selection, Slide Show, Behind The Scenes, Previews, Positions Room

FOR THE MAN who seeks adventure, this sounds like a toy for the Moose and Spiro. Hi guy’s, it’s great to be writing again for the Sports Truth and Mr Savage’ column. We enjoy the toys that Spiro and I get to test run. Hopefully Jon will be man enough one-day to explore with anal penetration, don’t knock it till you try it. Vibrations trainer is the toy both Spiro and I will review this week for axishop.com The vibrations trainer is a vibrator that has multi speeds and a silicon sleeve, which is a little flexible. It also has a rubber

ring (see above) that expands out which helps stretch your anus for better penetration, remember to use a trusty lube or you maybe sorry. Spiro is not as experienced as I when it comes to anal sex so I thought I should try it first. The silicon sleeve felt fantastic and when Spiro turned the vibration up to full speed I was in heaven. Thoroughly recommended. VERDICT:

DIRECTED Paul Thomas, Monique’s Been Blackmailed is an interracial film starring the very beautiful and petite Monique Alexander. Monique stars in three of the four scenes, enjoying the sexual favors of a Latino male, a black woman, and her first scene with two men, both of them happening to be black (keep an eye out for the eye squirt). The rear cover said it like this: “Beth and her best friend Suki grew up in privilege and comfort. Their boyfriends did not...they’re gang-bangers. But they’re really a gang of posers, partying with rich kids and pretending to be bad. Their lives take a sudden turn for the worse when they have an encounter with the real thing...drug dealers on the mean

streets of LA. Beth and Suki become drawn to the dark side of the city, where they must put their asses on the line...sucking and fucking real street thugs...and satisfying their secret desire to be owned...” Get that? Well the storyline isn’t exactly breath taking, however Monique and her friends put on a great performance so it’s not too bad and let’s face it, it gets the job done. Good viewing but not the best film Monique Alexander has been involved in as besides Monique, the other girls aren’t of the highest quality. VERDICT:

HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009 –

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6 – HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009

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H e a r t b a l m

L OV E

L E T T E R S ♥

L OV E

Heartbalm Writes: Hey, settle down their partner. First of all congratulations on the new hit neighbours, but please ensure you don’t over-step your boundaries and become a stalking pervert. As for your chances of infiltrating their lesbian love, it’s a slight chance, but the reward is well worth any risks that may come your way.

What happened to fun? Ms EP is 22 and wants to know what happened to all the fun in society. She writes: I am a stripper and I’m not afraid to reveal it to people and I’m also not afraid to reveal that I love my job and wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s great money; great fun and I get to meet many great guys and girls throughout my type of work. With all that has happened recently in regards to the AFL and the NRL in relation to sexual encounters, I’m scared that my career may be short lived. It seems as though the world has gone overly politically correct with many forms of fun being frowned upon, especially forms of the sexual nature. Guys are getting pointed out if they visit a strip club and the way things are going, it won’t be too long before bucks nights and even hens nights are banned. I just want society to lighten up and live life. Life is supposed to be about having fun, not being restrained and being afraid to do what one feels. Heartbalm Writes: Wow, what a great

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The dark side

letter. We have to say that we here at the Sports Truth agree one hundred per cent. While we don’t condone violence against women of any sort, we see no problem with enjoying the services of a girl who is willingly being paid to strip. Girls like you love your jobs so who are we to deprive you of your quality work. Come on, let’s lighten up and all enjoy life together.

Loving my neighbour Mr LR is 24 and loves his neighbours. He writes: I absolutely love my neighbours, not the television show, I mean my actual neighbours. You see earlier this month, I had some new neighbours move in next door and let me tell you, what a blessing they have been.

H e a r t b a l m

You see my new neighbours just happen to be two hot lesbians who aren’t afraid to show off their love in front of the world. They are both incredibly hot, with smoking bodies and a passion for wearing skimpy clothing, despite the lack of hot weather. I have seen them from my window, sitting out back, enjoying a little pash and a hug and believe it’s only a matter of time before I catch them really in the act. It’s been as though all my wishes have been answered and to make things even better, the two are currently building a back-yard pool. I am the envy of all my friends, all of which are already lining up to b the first to stay over my house during the summer months. I can’t wait for the weather to warm up. Who knows, perhaps I might even live the

L OV E

Ms SH is 21 and wants to turn to the dark side. She writes: I have had quite a few sexual partners in recent years and while I have been able to satisfy myself, I just can’t stop imagining what it would be like to get screwed by a black dude. As a young girl, I have heard all of the rumours and of course I have seen a few films starring some black guys and white girls. I would love to try it just once but as I don’t know any black guys, my only chance would be to just pick up some random guy in a club. Now I enjoy being somewhat of a slut, however even I don’t normally go cock hunting when I hit the clubs.

L E T T E R S ♥

H e a r t b a l m

dream and infiltrate their lesbian force field. Could you imagine that, me joining in to slay two hot lesbians. I will truly be king amongst my friends,

L OV E

Heartbalm Writes: There is absolutely nothing wrong with visiting a brothel. Firstly they are legal and allow many people, both male and female to live out some sexual fantasies or desires that they may not get in reality from their partners or in normal society. Look visiting a brothel is not for everyone but each to their own so give it a try and find out for yourself if it’s for you. If you’re looking for a brothel to visit, have a flick through the rest of Heartbalm.

H e a r t b a l m

Mr. DA is 23 and wants to visit a brothel. He writes: I am 23-years of age and consider myself somewhat of a sexual tiger. I have slayed many sluts over the past five or six years but something is missing. You see I have never had sex with a prostitute and am extremely curious about the possibility. I enjoy sex and believe many people take it too serious but I don’t. I don’t take sex too serious and therefore, see no real problem with paying for sex. I mentioned the notion to my friends a few days ago and to my surprise, most of them were against me, even some of my male friends. Now I expected my female friends to be against the idea but was surprised to hear that some of my male friends were also against me. I figure with your relationship with the majority of Melbourne’s brothels, you guys would be the best one’s to give me some quality advice. What do you think?

L E T T E R S ♥

Paying for pussy

Heartbalm Writes: Well it looks as though you don’t have any real choice do you, although you would you perhaps consider paying for sex? You could visit a brothel and request a black man. You will have to pay but at least you will be ensured of what you going to get.

L E T T E R S ♥

HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009 –

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★ G A Z I N G AT T H E S TA R S , T I T S , G L I T Z , ★ Look at her big nipplles! MARY-Louise Parker regrets getting nude for the season finale of Weeds and claims she was “goaded” into it, according to the New York Post: “I didn’t think I needed to be naked, and I fought with the director about it, and now I’m bitter,” the star of the Showtime series says in the June issue of More magazine. “I knew it was going to be on the Internet: ‘MaryLouise shows off her big nipples.’ I wish I hadn’t done that. I was goaded into it.”

★ 

What a rack Katy! HERE’S Katy Perry performing at Life Ball 2009 and getting her drunk on at the after-party. Wow, she really does have a great rack now doesn’t she.

8 – HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009

Piss off Paris

PARIS Hilton and Doug Reinhardt just moved into a new Hollywood Hills home last week, and already one neighbor is willing to fork out almost $30 grand a month to get her the fuck out. TMZ reports: The neighbor says Hiltie is ruining his life. She’s lived there a grand total of 5 days ... already cops have been called twice because of loud parties,

screaming and yelling, and vandalism. The house in the Hollywood Hills had been listed at $22,000 a month. So the neighbor is willing to give the landlord $27,000 a month if Paris goes away. And get this ... we’re told the neighbor complained to Doug yesterday about all the ruckus since Paris moved in. Doug said, “This is what you have to expect because Paris and I are public figures.”

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Nice Natalie

Holly in a bikini again

I DON’T know why Natalie Portman is attacking a couple of kids on the set of her new movie Hesher, but I don’t really care, because I can see Natalie Portman’s ass! I also don’t know if Natalie flashing her ass in pink panties is actually in the script, or just a happy accident, but I don’t really care, because I can see Natalie Portman’s ass!

HOLLY MADISON hosting two bikini-centric festivities in Vegas last week: The World’s Largest Pool Party and The World’s Largest Bikini Parade which literally broke a Guinness World Record. Great work Holly!

★ ★★★★

It’s all Good

MEAGAN Good with a good bit of her nipple slipping out. Sadly, this nip slip seems to be taking pointers from Natalie Portman, and her pointers aren’t slipping out all the way. Still, as always, a little nipple is better than no nipple at all.

Fox is  bisexual MEGAN Fox is bisexual. I hope I don’t need to explain why your pants feel tighter... So yeah, Megan Fox is bi, as in, she likes to have sex with girls. How do we know, well she said so in her interview with Esquire magazine. “I think people are born bisexual and they make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society.” “I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I’m also a hypocrite. I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.”

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HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009 –

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YOU GOTTA BE JOKING!

Why does the pope wear trunks in the bath?

He doesn’t like to look down on the unemployed.

Did you hear about the gay magician? He vanished with a poof.

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse.

“My wife caught a Peeping Tom last night, and she’d have killed him if we hadn’t stopped her,” said George. “He must have made her very angry, peeking at her, huh?” replied his friend. “No, that’s not what made her

too, I keep crapping in his shoes.” Both dogs lie there depressed about their fate. Suddenly a big German shepherd dog comes in and stands next to them. One of the dogs asks, ‘so why are you here?’. “Well, my mistress was taking a shower and when she got out and bent over to pick up her towel, well, I just couldn’t help myself... so I mounted her”. “Really!” said the other ones, ‘I guess your going to say bye bye after that now too.” “Oh no!” says the German shepherd’... ‘I’m just here to get my nails trimmed’. the maddest,” the husband chuckled. “It’s not?” asked the friend. “No, she got mad when he reached in the window and closed the curtains!”

The newlyweds arrive at the hotel and the girl tells her husband, “Honey, I know nothing of this, can you help me, please?” “I will honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing we’ll call the prisoner, so we will put the prisoner in the prison.” And they throw the first one. The guy is laying face up on the bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband, “Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!” The guy tired by very delighted tells her, “Let’s put him into the prison another time!” After the second the girl is very happy and she tells him, “Honey! The prisoner is out again!” The man rises and they throw the third! He is on the bed, exhausted and the girl says, “Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!”

And he answers, “HEY! It’s not life imprisonment!!”

There are three blondes in a lift, suddenly the lift comes to a halt and the lights go out. First they try and call for help by using their mobile phones... but no luck. The phone’s have no signal. After a couple of hours being stuck with no sign of help, one blond says to the others ‘I think the best way to call for help is by shouting together.’ The others agree, and they take a deep breath and begin to shout ‘Together, together, together.’

There are two very unhappy dogs, a collie and a spaniel, in a vets office. “So why are you here then”, the collie says to the spaniel. “I’m here because I piss all over the house and my master is annoyed with me, he’s going to put me to sleep. “Is he”, replies the collie. “I’m heading the same way

Priest writes sex guide A Polish priest has published a sex manual advising couples to have a ‘saucy and fantasy packed’ love life. Father Ksawery Knotz’s book, entitled In Sex as you don’t know it: For married couples who love God, has been described as a “Catholic Kama Sutra”. The Franciscan friar has raised eyebrows by going into graphic detail about how married couples can spice up their sex lives. “Every act - a type of caress, a sexual position - with the goal of arousal is permitted and pleases God,” he writes. “During sexual intercourse, couples can show their love in every way, can offer one another the most sought after caresses.” Sex in marriage, Father Knotz explains, should not be boring but “saucy, surprising and fantasy packed”. Available through one of Poland’s biggest retail chains, the book, which has the backing of the Catholic Church in Poland, has become something of hit, with the publishers already contemplating a reprint. Some Poles have questioned the competency of a celibate monk who lives in monastery to write about sex. But Father Knotz says his experience comes from listening to married couples talk about sex, and he has run a website giving sexual advice in both Polish and English for almost a year. “I compare sex to a football match,” he said. “There are rules, for example you

10 – HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009

There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over. “Tell you what. I have a proposition for you,” said the woman. “If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?” “Sure,” said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied “382”. “Wow!” said the herder. “That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.” So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Then, the herder said, “Okay, now I have a proposition for you”. “What is it?” asked the woman. “If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

by the Devil and was told that in the new kinder gentler hell, each person is offered Three choices of torture. The Devil explained that these tortures run in 1000 year cycles and you could pick which cycle in which to begin. So the Devil took the man to the first room where a man was hung up by his feet and was being whipped with chains. The man said he did not think that was where he wanted to start. They proceeded to the next room where a man was hung up by his arms and was being whipped by a Cat-O-Nine Tails. The man also declined this form of torture. The third room had a man strapped to the wall naked and a very beautiful young blonde woman was performing oral sex upon him. The man told the Devil this is more like it, and this was the one he wanted. The Devil said are you sure?, it lasts for 1000 years! The man assured him that this was the punishment he wanted. So the Devil walked over to the young woman and said “You can go now, I have found your replacement” The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache.” “Perfect,” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it’s up to you!”

There are two blondes walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, ‘hey look Bear tracks!’ to which the other replies, ‘no those are deer tracks!’ They argue for about an hour. The next morning, the news headlines read: Two blonde girls, killed by train.

A gentleman died and arrived in hell. He was met

can’t foul or kick the ball out. However, what goes on on the pitch may involve matches of different standards, different leagues. There can be fantastic matches as well as boring ones.”

Cocaine and LSD in the Spanish Air Spanish scientists say they have discovered traces of cocaine and LSD in the air in Madrid and Barcelona. A new study has found the air there is laced with at least five drugs - most prominently cocaine. The Superior Council of Scientific Investigations, a government institute, said on its website that in addition to cocaine, it found trace amounts of amphetamines, opiates, cannabinoids and lysergic acid in air-quality control stations. But it said there was no reason for alarm. “Not even if we lived for a thousand years would we consume the equivalent of a dose of cocaine by breathing this air,” said one of its scientists, Miren Lopez de Alda, in the statement. The scientific group added that “in no case should these levels be considered representative of the air in the two cities”. In Madrid the test site was close to a ruined building believed to be frequented by drug dealers. And in both Madrid and Barcelona, the studies were carried out close to universities. The group also said that the study

showed higher concentrations of the components on weekends, suggesting that drug consumption was up in these periods.

Lizard found in hospital sandwich A hospital visitor went straight to casualty after he bit into a canteen sandwich with a dead lizard inside it. Medics gave Giuseppe Ferri the all clear at Maceretta hospital, in central Italy, but have launched an investigation into the snack horror. Ferri said afterwards: “I bit into what was supposed to be a cheese and tomato sandwich and was surprised when I tasted something a bit meaty and chewy. I looked down and saw a lizard tail sticking out of the side of the sandwich. “I opened it up and saw the dead animal and nearly passed out. It was so disgusting I felt sick.” He added: “The doctors said I am in no danger and no harm will come to me but I think it is outrageous that this has happened in a hospital, where standards of hygiene and on things like this should be extra high.” Caterers say the reptile must have fallen into the machinery at the factory that prepared the sandwiches for the health authority.

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HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009 –

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HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009 –

13


Sports Truth — DIRECTORY LISTING FOR THE ADULT INDUSTRY PRIVATE ESCORTS

BROTHELS SPECIAL ★ SPECIAL

(NO SEX INVOLVED)

Start 2009 in I N D U L G E I Nthe A F Amoney S C I N AT I N G E X P E R I E N C E

(02) 9906 2799

BROTHELS NAUGHTY TIMES (Nt Club) Girls & Trannies. 1309 North Rd., Huntingdale Ph: (03) 9544 4433 pca 5231b

Mata, Michelle, Emma, Myer, Monica, Linzy, Julie, Helen

BODY RUBS

9696 9199

45-47 TOPE ST SOUTH MELBOURNE

SPECIAL ★ SPECIAL

Im age s Sydney Earn $140 per hour

★ SPECIAL ★ SPECIAL ★ SPECIAL ★

71 Colebrook St., Brunswick Ph: 9386 0206 Pca 818b

BLUE TWO Mature Bi Couple $200 ph Fantasies incl B&D PH: 0409 862 669 pca858XE

Lucy A Sexy Young Lady with a Size 6 Body. & Big Boobs Best Fun

The Rose Relaxation

Phone:

9696 4242 44 Gladstone St. South Melbourne

Young Eastern Poppies

10 Fulton St Oakleigh

9543 5901

PCA458BE

ADVERTISE FOR AS LITTLE AS $27.50 A WEEK

Pleasure Planet

JORDAN

Ph: 9469

3223

PCA 4572B

HOT SPICEY & LOTS OF FUN AT

9305 3473 PCA 6072B

Pleasure Planet Ph: 9469

BIG BOOBS

3223

43 Lipton Drive Thomastown 7 Days 10 am – Late

Sensual, Long Dark hair, Friendly, For Your Pleasure

LARGE

10 Fulton St Oakleigh

9543 5901 PCA 5531B

CUDDLY LADY

(

9305 3473 P.C.A. 6261BE

PCA 6072B

Young Busty

G ROSVENOR

.net.au

Jane, Claire, Jody, Mia, Zoe, Nina, Christina, Analise, Annie, Willow

03 9417 6004 59 Rupert Street Collingwood Present this ad $10 Discount

Charley Busty Blonde

9305 3473 PCA 6072B

★ TALIA ★Rosi Petite

Passionate Gorgeous Blonde

Gorgeous

9305 3473

9305 3473

PCA 6072B

PCA 6072B

ADVERTISE FOR AS LITTLE AS $27.50 A WEEK

FAR EASTERN RELAXATION

(minimum 4 weeks)

(

CALL JON 03 9620 1 166 )

9696 4242 44 Gladstone St. South Melbourne PCA458BE

Advertisements are accepted on the understanding the advertiser indemnifies Heartbalm from all claims arising therefrom.

Escort to the Stars. Catering for all Your Desires X-Dressers Welcome

0448 820 956

★★★★★★★★★★★★

★★★★★★★★★★★★

TRANSEXUAL

9696 2222

Hot Exotic 23yo Stunning International Sweetheart Absolute Feminine Captivating To The Eye ★ ★ “A MUST SEE” ★ Will Not Disappoint ★ 929 522 ★ PH:★0404 ★ ★ 5995XE ★★★★★★★★★ PCA ★★★★★★★★★★★★ Advertisements are accepted on the understanding the advertiser indemnifies Heartbalm from all claims arising therefrom.

MALE TO MALE

Advertisements are accepted on the understanding the advertiser indemnifies Heartbalm from all claims arising therefrom.

Trans JUAN AiLing Feminine, Size 6 Versatile, Passionate

9326 8388

www.ailing.escortsite.com

14 – HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009

Melbourne s Most Handsome & Willing Huge Selection Young or Masculine Friendly & Discreet

PCA 6038XE

BACK IN MELBOURNE

PCA 6144B

When You Want Great Sex

TRANSEXUAL

9517 7353

ALL NEW 77 Racecourse Road North Melbourne Services from $65 PCA 6143B

MALE TO MALE

Sexy, Exotic & Tropical

AvailIn Melb From from the 21st to 30th May

★ LADIES ★ Faces ★ ★ New 34 Warner St ★ Huntingdale ★ ★ 9563 2982 ★ 10am till late ★ 7 days PCA 3671B ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ Young ★

STABLE BOYS

www.vicnet.net.au/– abama

Ishka

TRANSEXUALS

9305 3473 PCA 6072B HOT ’n SPICY

THE

PCA 822XE

Playful Young Blonde

JADE Exotic

Advertisements are accepted on the understanding the advertiser indemnifies Heartbalm from all claims arising therefrom.

Feeling Isolated? Need Advice? AIDS Information GAMMALINE (03) 9899 0509 & 1800 807 660

)

73 years of age

Courtney

9696 2222

CALL JON 03 9620 1 166

PCA 4572B

The Rose Relaxation

9517 5335

(minimum 4 weeks)

43 Lipton Drive Thomastown

EXCELLENT SERVICE

JADE

Melbourne’s Most Beautiful & exotic Huge selection Many Nationalities Friendly & Discreet

BISEXUAL Older and MEN Bolder OR $5.50 per min mob/PT extra www.pjk.cc

TRANSEXUALS

$135 1/2 hr $175 3/4 hr $210 1hr

PHONE SERVICES

Deliciously Wicked Ladies from 30 to 70+ years

TRANSEXUALS

Not the cheapest but a HOLE lot better to CUM!!!

PCA 5531B

● Appointments welcome

Mature, vivacious, private escort & dinner companion. Contact Kristen. City Based, Prompt Service. Mob: 0413 888 448 NO SMS pca 189XE

Horny & Hung Hard & Fun

Romantics

● East meets West & beyond ● Ebony, Ivory ● New Girls – Candy, Gigi, Savanah, Lulu, Kokomi ● Open 10am till very late 7 Days ● Prices you can afford

MALE TO MALE

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A NICER TYPE OF LADY?

★ SPECIAL ★ SPECIAL ★ SPECIAL ★

PCA 5109BE

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES

0430 475 555 PCA 6736XE

Sexy Stud Male to male Escort Handsome 28yo, 5’10, 75kg, Youthful, Smooth, Passionate, Versatile PH: 0404 012 736 PCA 4828XE

www.heartbalm.com.au


BLACK OPAL 9792 3008

★Fetish, Fantasy,

BDSM, Kink & Roleplay★

Stunning International Mistresses Fetish House Mistresses & submissives are youthful, slim, absolutely stunning & all genuine female fetishists. Melbourne’s only Custom-designed & Custom-built Total Fetish Venue boasts all modern facilities inc. large spacious rooms, fully heated/air conditioned & onsite discreet carparking. All fetishes, fantasies, BDSM & roleplay scenarios are available to cater to first-timers right through to serious players.

DROP IN AND SEE OUR FRIENDLY STAFF THEY WILL LOOK AFTER YOU AT ★ Dandenongs Finest Brothel ★ Dandenongs Best Prices ★ Offering The Best Service LADIES, LADIES, LADIES ALL ARE WELCOME

Fetish House invites you to come & play & have a truly sensational experience unlike any you can find elsewhere... Licensed, legal, safe & Health Dept. approved. Novices & first-timers are welcome. Ask about special offers, discounts & Private Dungeon Hire

♥ COME PLAY WITH US ♥

Open 11am till late weekdays & weekends midday - late arvo.

Ph: (03)

9544 8384

www.fetishhouse.com.au

1 EDINBURGH ST, OAKLEIGH STH

PCA 194BE

DOMINATION & ADULT SERVICES

Open for Inspection 10 am-4 am 7 Days

pca4228be

12 DANDENONG STREET DANDENONG

Correction Centre Melbourne’s Leading Fetish & Fantasies Establishment est. 1995

Specialising in The Creative Artform of Bondage & Discipline 11am Till Late

0409 590 048

BISEXUAL MEN Feeling Isolated? Need Advice? AIDS Information GAMMALINE (03) 9899 0509 & 1800 807 660 www.vicnet.net.au/– abama

PCA 6664XE

Ph: 03 9419 8347

20 St. David St., Fitzroy correctioncentre.com

PCA 3850BE

GOING TO THE BALL, WELL YOU WILL NEED NEW SHOES THEN WON’T YOU???

DOMINATION

Lifestyle S Submissive formerly A of Fitzroy is now serving S from a dungeon H 6 9 6 2 2in2S.E2 A Suburbs

Mistress Saskia

BE ON A WINNER ADVERTISE

WALK ALL OVER ME GET YOUR SHOES

FOR AS LITTLE AS $27.50 A WEEK

FROM

SHOECRAFT Fetish, Glamour, X-Dressing All Sizes & Styles & Colours Come & See Our Range

SHOECRAFT BOUTIQUE 221 High St PRAHRAN

(minimum 4 weeks)

Catalogues Available Industry Discount

Discontinued & 1 off styles 50-70% Off

CALL JON (03)

(03)

9620 1166

9510 9993

www.shoecraft.com.au

Some pre-loved stock available

BIANCA

Never Have Money Problems Again

★ Full training & Pole dancing lessons by friendly management Huge $$. ★ Great facilities ★ Free accommodation Enjoy a lovely weekend in Geelong & have lunch on the waterfront or a nice drive down the coast during the day. ★ Only a 45 min drive or 1hr by train.

It’s a Paid Holiday

Ph: (03) 52218439 www.heartbalm.com.au

DISCIPLINARIAN – XD/CP/CBT ELECTRICS BABYISM/GS/BS “OVERNIGHT LOCK-UP” YOUR FANTASY/FETISH

PH: 0403 848 147 “ I’ll play with you at the Corrections Centre every Friday”

Melbourne’s new house of Kink & Fetish

Dancers required by

GEELONG GENTLEMEN'S CLUB

Mistress Britt PCA 6168XE

★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★★★★★ ★ ★ ★Mistress/ ★★★★★★ ★★★★★★★★★ ★ ★ ★Submissive ★★★★★★ Switch/ ★★★★ ★★★★★ ★ ★ ★Role ★ ★play ★★★★ ★ ★Fetish ★ ★&★Fantasy ★★★★ ★★ ★★★ ★★★★ Clayton, Huntigdale ★ ★S. ★E. ★Suburbs ★★★★★ ★ ★ ★Peninsula ★★★★★★ 0409 590 166 ★★ ★PCA ★★ ★★ ★★ 6664XE ★★★★★★★★★ ★★★★★★★★★

Superior Mistresses Immaculate Facilities Sumbmissive Available T.V. Mistress Available

Mistress TOVA

182 Rose St Fitzroy By appointment

Ph: 9419 0688 0431 108 388 OPEN SATURDAYS www.thedominasrealm.com PCA 6344B

HEARTBALM TRUTH, MAY 21-27, 2009 –

15


ORIENTAL ANGELS 15 George St Blackburn Young Beautiful Girls Everyday Special from

$65

10am – Late

Tel:

9877 3123 Mel 48 A9 PCA 6374B


Heartbalm 21-27 May 2009