I Claim War On New year, new Sponge, all new things that have been pissing us off!!!!
eBay Bumping Into ‘Old Friends’ Unrealistic Crushes While they might be fun it can definitely be more than a little heartbreaking falling for someone that you know you have absolutely no chance in a million years of ever having anything with. My recent favourite, falling for a straight down the line lesbian, I know God is up there laughing.
If your anything like me, and you get off a train and see someone you knew from high school walking your way, you try and camouflage yourself into the surroundings and hope they don’t see you. Lets face it the next 3 ½ minutes of awkwardness is not worth it and it always ends up with “we should catch up sometime” when really you’re just going to tell your friends how fat they are these days.
Rat Tails No, not actual rat tails, the more disgusting version of it found generally on the heads of certain scummy looking males. I honestly doubt ANY woman would find this haircut attractive and it just oozes “don’t turn your back on me or your wallet is gone”. If you want to look tough shave your head and put a tattoo on it, or get a gun.
Hairy Women In this 21st century we now have powerful women and substantial women’s rights, so why oh why do you need to have all that extra hair? There is no need to prove you are liberated because we all know you are and you just come off looking sweaty and unattractive. So unless you’re a 60+ woman or French, do yourself and the public a favor and lose the pit hair and shave those legs!
Tequila Oh Tequila, how much I hate you. Your smell, your taste and the salt and lemon I have to take with you just to make you go down that little bit easier. You have forever scarred me and that is just the normal lick, shot and suck. Don’t get me started on the sniff, shot and squirt….
I don’t know about the rest of you but for me, “I don’t know” isn’t really an answer to anything unless you’re in primary school. You must have some sort of idea! P.S. If you have a point of view on any matter can you please make sure your body language actually matches it? No good comes from saying one thing and doing the other.
I’m a little late to the whole eBay obsession but better late then never. Anyway, this is a premature I Claim War On... I’m loving eBay at the moment but I know it’s going cause me to spend money I don’t have and go into debt. So for future reference…DAMN YOU EBAY!!!!!
Coming Home To Bad News At some point or another I think we have all gone through this one. The worst is when you go away for a while having had the most amazing holiday ever only to return home and have all your positive vibe sapped by terrible or tragic friend and family news. Not much can really be done about this, but if it could… Hoorah!
Sponge Magazine Issue 5