ESSENTIAL EMOTIONAL & SOCIAL MILESTONES IN AUTISM
2010
Many parents spend tremendous energy finding the right school for their children or saving up for a private school that their neighbors are sending their kids to. Many others burden themselves financially getting their kids lessons in music or martial arts or what have you from among the obvious ideas that float around in communities in an effort to open their children’s minds and horizons. Unfortunately, as popular as these things are, they are all non-essential to a child’s development and to what a child will grow up to be, especially a sensitive child. It is not the job of the parents to induce their child into a certain field of study or to steer them in a defined artistic or sports direction or to find them the best school ever. It is the job of the parents to spend sufficient time with their kids and to provide the loving, encouraging environment needed for the child to flourish on his or her own. This is essential for the child to find his or her own natural inclinations toward certain fields of interests through personal subjective experimentation. Additionally, consuming your kid’s energy in activities not in harmony with her core inner passions serves as a distraction and diversion away from living the life she is supposed to live, based on ‘who she is’, and not based on how society or the neighbors would like her to be. Filling up your child’s days with activities you deem appropriate, may mask their inner passion and prevent them from finding who they are. Ironically finding and financing the “right” activities for children, takes away from the parent’s energy and patience, something badly needed for a child to thrive. This is another one of those ‘inverted priorities’ I allude to occasionally. 4- Industriousness Inhibited children who are punished for “creating a mess” may have great difficulty figuring out anything for themselves or making choices. If one is not given a real chance to make choices then one never develops the proficiency to formulate criteria necessary to making choices. These kids develop into a sense of inferiority and inadequacy, which further prevents them from being able to grow into who they actually are. The experimentation property, when allowed to flourish freely, comes in handy for a pre-schooler transitioning into the school years. There is a certain degree of industriousness needed for a kid going to school including sitting for several hours in class, learning academic skills and sports and interacting with many other kids at once and so forth and eventually to explore and uncover their passion for specific subjects in life. Industriousness may mean different things in different kids. For some it means proficiency in reading and comprehension, for others it means proficiency in working and fixing computers and for others it means dressing a doll uniquely. It matters not what a kid is developing industriousness at. It only matters that he or she is learning the value of completing work and taking pride in their creation. The parents’ role is to open up the possibilities and not assign “gender-appropriate” tasks or enforce their biased sense of what their kid ought to be filling his or her days with. Many kids who cannot gain the self-confidence and esteem due to their parents pre-conceived attitudes may linger many years before they are able to find what they are passionate about in life. They will, as they grow up, go on a search trying multitudes of things that may or may not fit their personality until they find their passion. This is a dangerous proposition and many people get seriously injured and are taken off track before they are even able to get to know their passion in life. This is how many young sensitive adults are exploited, taken advantage of and many times end up getting lost to oblivion and isolation. They may not be able to identify their passion early on, and a sense of incompleteness inside leads them to start a search for the missing parts. However, there are many predators out there waiting for a young person unsure of him or herself to exploit them sexually, personally, and professionally. Some wise up and do things like joining the Peace Corps or similar safe organizations until they find a clear path. Yet many others are ruined for good by viscous acquaintances or employers… Please note that none of these stages of development is irreversible if missed or only incompletely achieved. In fact, most people grow up with a deficiency in one or another area. However, achieving these behavioral
COPYRIGHT RAMI J SERHAN, MD 2010
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