VOLUME 8 - ISSUE 12 / FEBRUARY 2013
Wo m a n â€™ s M a g a z i n e
INSIDE: Girlfriends In God ~ Disappointment With God (part 1) | Page 15 Reaching Your Full Potential ~ Change Your Choices; Change Your Life! | Page 7 Me, Myself, & Inc. ~ Are You A Shadow Of Yourself? | Page 27 shutterbuggerz pg 39
INSPIRATION ~ EDUCATION ~ MOTIVATION
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Message From The Heart......................................pg 5 Reaching Your Full Potential................................pg 7 JournalingThe Journey...........................................pg 11 The Fly Lady.........................................................pg 13 Girlfriends In God................................................pg 15 Health & Fitness Tips...........................................pg 16 Jill Howard: Her Love For Music.........................pg 18 Truth & Beauty....................................................pg 20 Sophisticated Women...........................................pg 23 Me, Myself, & Inc................................................pg 27 The Dinner Diva..................................................pg 28 Red Is For Passion..............................................pg 31 Recipes For Life...................................................pg 33 How Did You Meet?...........................................pg 34 Cell Phones, Computer Games & Teenagers.....pg 37 Shutterbuggerz.....................................................pg 39 Mandy’s Misadventures........................................pg 46
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********************************************************** Disclaimer: Sophie Woman’s Magazine LLC is published monthly. The articles published in Sophie do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the publisher. All articles are intended for informational purposes only, and none should serve as a substitute for doctor’s advice and orders. Advertisers are solely responsible for the content and validity of information published within their ads and are not necessarily endorsed by the publisher. Deceptive or misleading advertising is not knowingly accepted by the publisher. Advertising is accepted with the understanding that all liability for copyright violations is the sole responsibility of the advertiser. All material submitted for publication is considered to be the sole property of the advertiser. Sophie Woman’s Magazine LLC’s publishers, staff, and other persons involved in the creation, production, or delivery of the magazine (in whatever format) or ti’s content, do not assume any liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information provided in the magazine, nor shall they be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising out of the use of the magazine. **********************************************************
From The Editor: Judy Smith
Our december 2012 Winners
If you love the color red then you most definitely want to read Susan Guest’s article this month. Red is such a fabulous color. I love the black and white photos that you see done and then they add that one touch of red. They are so exquisite. Of course we see a lot of red in the month of February. Hopefully it will remind us of ones we love and not the ones that make us see red. Judy Garland once said “For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, buy my soul.” Have you said anything like that to your sweetie lately? It is so easy to get in a rut with the ones we love. Remember the old joke about the wife who told her husband he never said “I love you” and he told her he would let her know if he stopped loving her. Maybe that works for you but most people want to hear it once in a while but more than that, they want to be shown. Marilyn Monroe sang a song called “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend”. There is a lot of stock put into material things during the month of February. Whether you spend a lot or nothing at all is not the measure of love. If you never show it, it does not matter how much you spend. OK, maybe diamonds count a little. Then there are some women who will tell you they don’t count as much as chocolate….or shoes. Flowers….I can’t forget about flowers!
Amateur Winner: Brandy Watkins
So now I am recanting. Women want all those things and if she tells you she doesn’t, she is probably lying. Did I mention a Spa Day? This does not mean that those little things you do does not count. They do. If you can’t afford a Spa Day then a “Mani-Pedi” gift is good. Remember, if momma ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. I have no clue who that quote is from but they had to be a genius. Often I wonder how many variations have been done of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s famous poem that states “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways”. This poem was written in 1845 when she was being courted by the English poet Robert Browning. I imagine the two of them together on beautiful moon lit nights, quoting poetry to each other. Maybe you can envision that happening with you and the love of your life but somehow that vision just eludes me. My version would look more like: How do I love thee, Let me count the ways. Not with the amount of hair, But whether or not you are there. Not by what you get paid, I just love you more each day. Not because you clean up your messes, But because of the charm you possesses. Now that is a love poem! Goes great with some chocolate.
Pro Winner: Ada Dawn Photography
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Happy Valentine’s Day to my amazing husband and all my love to our readers!
Follow Us On Facebook @ Shutterbuggerz www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 5
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REACHING YOUR FULL POTENTIAL: Change Your Choices; Change Your LIFE! by Kim Fletcher, Life Coach, Author, Speaker
“The power of a moment makes it a source of immeasurable opportunity and hope. No matter what kind of life you’ve lived, no matter how many wrong choices you have made, the next moment is waiting to give birth to new life.”
By the time you read this, we will have quietly slipped into February. But at the moment, I have just returned home from my annual New Year’s tradition. I collect a group of friends and head out of town to attend our favorite New Year’s Conference. Our desire is to begin the year equipped to fulfill our ultimate call. This year’s collection of traveling companions included a 31 year old, a 21 year old and another friend of a similar ‘vintage’ as myself. Being in the company of the younger generation is important in my life for several reasons. First, it keeps me young. Even the 20 year old commented that she thought I was ‘very youthful’. Have I mentioned how much I like her?! It also keeps me in touch with a variety of perspectives on cultural trends, shifting world views and offers a more comprehensive approach to life. Shortly after I had taken the youngest member of our group to the airport to fly home to Vermont, she sent me a text to say that she was blessed to have met some wonderful people on this trip. I saw a deep desire in this young woman to link arms with women who have gone before her in life and have taken hold of wisdom which will accelerate her ability to embrace her true identity and live out her ultimate impact. Her quest for excellence inspired me to pass along a few simple strategies for anyone who is HUNGRY for making better choices and expanding the scope of your influence and fulfillment for 2013. Coach Philip Humbert challenges us to “Be wise, make better choices, and actually implement them in 2013. This is YOUR life. Live it well.” Sounds good but how do we actually attain wisdom? Here are three simple steps to increase your wisdom for 2013:
The powerful proof that a person possesses true wisdom is in their willingness to change their actions when they don’t like the outcome of their old actions. Knowledge often sits around collecting dust but wisdom makes a practice of being active, always pursuing a better way to live, think, love and learn. Take the wisdom you gain from these simple strategies and sit down with your personal calendar. Begin inserting your new found life strategies into the way you do life and work. For example, I challenged my new young friend that I mentioned earlier to be discerning about who she chooses to follow in the coming year. She vowed to take a serious look at who influences her decisions and to move forward with life-altering decisions cautiously and prayerfully. This requires slowing down! And it requires listening to the still voice deep in your spirit. Many things in our modern world exist to DISTRACT us from our ultimate gifting and calling. Ear buds, smart phones and MP3’s constantly bombard our minds and hearts with information, entertainment and ‘busyness’. I learned recently that the root of the word entertain actually means ‘to keep one from entering in.’ If you really want to make the most of your life, you will make a habit of UNPLUGGING from ALL technology for significant blocks of time to create space for reflection, rejuvenation, refreshment, and getting quiet enough to hear the still voice of God. He is a gentleman who refuses to scream above the noise of your life. Slow down, quiet down, and make choices that link your days to your ultimate picture for your life. And enjoy the freedom and peace you will encounter along the way!
Erwin McManus – Seizing Your Divine Moment
First, the Bible simplifies our search for wisdom by commanding us to ASK GOD for wisdom and trust Him to speak to you. I believe we should pray to receive the gift of wisdom which surpasses our years and our life experience. Second, I believe we should SEEK OUT wisdom in those around us. Ask yourself who in your circle of influence possesses great wisdom, the ability to take knowledge, skill and gifting and really implement it into life. Start your year by taking that person to lunch and have an intentional conversation. If they live in another part of the world, reach out through technology. I have a mentor who lives in southern California. We stay in touch throughout the year, but our face to face times have etched memories into my heart and honed life strategies that I practice daily.
Finally, look for wisdom in the LEAST LIKELY PLACE. Take a look at your biggest mistakes from 2012. Yeah, you heard me right… revisit your blunders and your regrets. Once you have returned to that memory, ask yourself what you can take away. The places we fail or perceive we have failed often hold key insights into things we need to release, habits we need to conquer, people we need to forgive and paths we need to follow (or refuse to follow!).
About Kim... Kim Fletcher is a Life Coach, Speaker and three-time Author of global impact. She and her team at Kim Fletcher Associates are bringing true transformation to the personal and professional lives of their clients. Contact her directly to learn more about her newest release, The Tension Point: Breaking Through To Where You Want To Be. 828 327 0749 / email: kimfletchercoach@aol. com / web: kimfletcherassociates.com.
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 7
Did you know? “Love” is a powerful word that describes one of the most potent human emotions. The word is believed to have evolved from the Proto-IndoEuropean’s word “leubh,” which described care and desire nearly five thousand years ago. The word was incorporated into Old English as “lufu,” a noun meaning “deep affection” and a verb “lufian” meaning “to be very fond of.”
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Journaling The J urney by Judy Smith
ver and over again, I have had emails, phone calls, cards, letters or been approached by others telling me know how much these articles have meant to them and how grateful they are. I appreciate with all my heart that others have thought they benefited from them and honestly, that is the only reason I journaled my experience in the first place. That and the fact that I felt the nudging from God to do so. Hopefully, I have honored Him in doing so. My love and gratitude to everyone who has read Journaling the Journey is tremendous and I wish there was some way I could personally share that with every one of you. But, in all reality, I am the one that benefited the most. You have loved me, encouraged me and most important of all, you have prayed for me. Most of you know that I have been going through tests and had to have that excruciatingly painful mammogram this past month. With a grateful heart, I am happy to tell you that everything is looking good. It didn’t feel good but it looked good and I know that is worth the pain. We have been on this journey of learning together so I wanted to share something else I learned. When the mammogram looked good and my Doctor gave me the great report, I asked him what that really meant. Could I say I was “cancer free” or “in remission”? My little brain did not know the answer to that. He hesitated but then told me we could not say either one. He did say however that we would do the testing again next year and the year after and the year after. “We have four more to go before we can party but then when we reach that fifth year, we can celebrate.” He went onto say then we will schedule the next party
for the 10Th year. I understand what he is trying to tell me but what he did not know is that I celebrate every day. I have more tests this week that need to be done but no matter, I can and will celebrate….that is after the pain is subsided. God tells us “Be JOYFUL always; PRAY continually; GIVE THANKS in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I Thess. 5: 16-18 I am prone to say “but God, this hurts and it is hard for me to be Joyful and to Give Thanks”. Sometimes I have to remind myself that this does not hurt compared to ________. What would you fill in the blank? Even through the pain, I know how abundantly blessed I am. The blessings have poured out to me through this experience and I give thanks for you daily. Since I have come to this point, I have decided that I will not do Journaling the Journey every month. However, I will come back to it occasionally to give you updates. It was never about me anyway and that is why if you have a story that you would like to share, I would really like to see it. Would you consider sharing your “journey”? Also, I will pick up The Front Porch once again. My rocker has been calling and the critters, along with my feeble mind, have been very active lately. You should see the goats that have been finding their way to our yard, but, that is for a later story. I will end with this. What do you have to smile about? Can’t find anything? Then think of the last thing that made you smile or look up. You might see someone smiling at you and that will usually bring a smile to your face.
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 11
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pg 12 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | February 2013
by Marla Cilley
Everything Has A Place We want a home that hugs us! But where do we start? This has been the underlying question that causes us to procrastinate. I have an answer. We start with shining our sink. That is the absolute first habit to establish is keeping our sinks clean and shiny. Then we declutter. That’s when the question comes up again, “Where do I start?” I have been thinking about this and sometime we get the cart before the horse. Here is the reason we have to address our clutter issues. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Clutter wastes time Clutter makes our house look messy Children pull out everything; less to pull out = less mess Too many clothes makes laundry hard to do and to put away Clutter causes us to feel overwhelmed and tired. It zaps our energy. 6. We want peace in our lives and with clutter around there is no peace. Back to the question of the day; Where do I start? Chicken or the egg syndrome once again; do I declutter the flat surfaces or the cubby holes. I have the answer. BOTH! Now don’t get upset! We are not going to do it all at once. I am going to walk you through this one baby step at a time. The reason your flat surfaces are piled high is because you do not have a place for the items in your hotspot. The easiest way to save time is to have a place for everything and everything in its place. Didn’t your Granny teach you that? Our problem is that we don’t know where to put anything because all of our storage places are cluttered. Here is my story: I have telephone and computer stuff in lots of places. When I need something I spend a lot of time searching for it. I had to decide where I wanted to keep my geek toys. For me that had to easily be accessible when I wanted something. I decided that I would keep them in a Rubbermaid sweater bin that would slide under my extra bed. But wait! My memorabilia was in one of those bins and the other one was full of tote bags and zipper bags. Here is what to I had to do.
I chose my cedar chest to hold my keep sakes. It had a pillow, two sweaters, a small comforter and other memorabilia; the pillow got donated along with the two sweaters and the comforter is being washed to give to a precious little girl. That made room for the bin of keep sakes. I picked up the bin and just poured it into the cedar chest. I didn’t get sidetracked by sorting this box of magazines and other papers. That was not my goal. Now the bin was empty. I was still collecting all the geek toys into one place. I took the other Rubbermaid sweater bin and pulled out all the totes and zippered bags. Put them all in one bag and decluttered the ones I don’t like. I placed that in the top of my closet with my other tote bags and purses. Now I had two bins empty. I took the declutter items to the car and put the trash in the garbage can. Now I was ready to start sorting my geek toys into one bin. With my trusty declutter kit right beside me; Give away, Put Away and Throw away. Now laundry basket is empty. The Rubbermaid bin is labeled and ready to roll under the bed and I have one empty one. See how easy this is. I started by thinking about everything having a place and everything being in its place. As a result of just collecting my geek toys, I have consolidated my memorabilia, my purses and tote bags and I have one empty storage container. Before you start this make sure you are dressed to lace up shoes and you have done our morning routine. Then put on some fun music. Our Up Kind of Day CD has a lot of peppy music. I have been corralling my little stash and dash caches of computer and telephone gadgets. What do you need to corral? Clear out the holding area and let’s herd our stuff together. Everything having a place and everything in its place; makes for a peaceful home.
For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out her website and join her free mentoring group at www.FlyLady.net or her book, Sink Reflections published by Random House and her New York Times Best Selling book, Body Clutter published by Simon and Schuster. Please bless others with your clutter by donating it to a Habitat for Humanity Restore near you. Copyright 2013 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 13
pg 14 | Sophie Womanâ€™s Magazine | February 2013
Disappointment With God (Part 1) by Sharon Jaynes
“All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful”, (Psalm 25:10 NIV).
Join me next month as we look at this tough question together. For now, ponder today’s truth: “All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful.”
Friend to Friend
I sat on the floor playing a card game with my young son. It was shaping up to be one of the best summers ever. Steven was savoring every minute of the long hot days, our Golden Retriever, Ginger, had delivered seven adorable puppies, and after years of negative pregnancy tests and doctor visits, I had a new life growing in my womb. In the middle of enjoying the moment with Steven, I felt a warm, sticky sensation that made my world stand still. A trip to the bathroom confirmed my greatest fear. Later that day, as I sat in the doctor’s office listening to his condolences for the loss of this much-prayed-for child, all I could think of was God, how could you? I drove home. Climbed into bed. Pulled the covers over my empty womb and my empty heart and cried. I was mad at God. If this is how You love me, then forget it. I gave God the silent treatment as if I could somehow pay Him back. God and I had a lover’s quarrel that summer. Actually, I was the only one arguing. I was mad. I was hurt. I felt betrayed by the One who was supposed to love me most. But He stayed right by my side, waiting, wooing, and eventually drawing my broken heart back so that He could heal it once again. His passionate pursuit and relentless romance continued. Even though I was mad at God, I knew in the deepest parts of me, that He did love me and that He was somehow going to use all this pain for good—but I sure didn’t like it. Ann Voskamp, in her book One Thousand Gifts, wrote: “I wonder…if the rent in the canvas of our life’s backdrop, the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see. To see through to God.” This was a seethrough place, but until I opened my eyes, I would not see God. Could it be that the puncture wounds in the canvas of your life—the losses, the disappointments, the crushing blows—might actually become the rent places of the soul through which you can see God? Through which you can peer beyond your earthly trappings into glory moments beyond? Through which you can see His light bursting through the openings? I believe they could be. How do we allow life’s difficulties to become see-through places? How do we begin to see moments of sudden glory burst through the puncture holes in the black backdrop of our greatest disappointments and pain?
God, I’ll admit, sometimes I get mad at You. Sometimes I am disappointed. Please forgive me. I know You always have my best interest in mind. Even in tragedy I trust You. As David said in Psalm 25:10, “All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful,” whether I understand them or not. Trusting You, Amen.
Now It’s Your Turn • • •
This one is a toughie. What is one time you were disappointed in God? What lessons did you learn from the disappointment? How are you more like Jesus because that particular issue didn’t turn out like you thought it would?
Consider writing Psalm 25:10 on a note card and committing it to memory. If you’ll commit to memorizing it with me, check out my blog page at www.sharonjaynes.com or my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/sharonjaynes and leave a comment that says, “I’m in.”
More from the Girlfriends
Sometimes the most glorious moments of seeing God occur on the dark backdrop of difficulty. If you long for something more in your relationship with God, it could be that He has a boatload of blessings to show you…if you’ll just open your eyes to see. Want to learn more? Check out my book A Sudden Glory: God’s Lavish Response to Your Ache for Something More. And if you’d like to learn more about how to use what you’ve gone through in the past to minister to others in your present, then check out Your Scars are Beautiful to God: Finding Peace and Purpose in the Hurts of Your Past. You’re not alone, girlfriend. God has an amazing plan!
Seeking God? Girlfriends in God P.O. Box 725 Matthews, NC 28106 firstname.lastname@example.org www.girlfriendsingod.com www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 15
Target Your Love Handles Exercises 1. Suitcase Dead Lift This exercise targets the obliques, glutes and quads while stabilizing the hips. Step One- Grab your Kettlebell in one hand. Let it hang down by your side.
by Sharon Rashidi B.S. Health Education
Owner of The Perfect Workout
Last week, I noticed a member at my gym doing side bends. This is an exercise where you hold a dumbbell at your side and then lean to the opposite direction. When I walked by, the member told me that they have been doing side bends for at least 2 months trying desperately to tone up her “love handles.” The member asked me what should be done to get rid of the “extra fat that was hanging down from her sides, right about the belt line”. I explained that she is wasting her time with side bends and if anything it will put unnecessary stress on the spine and might cause a back injury. The areas of extra fat that hang or bulge from the sides are actually fat deposits. Targeted abdominal exercises can be done to help firm the muscles under the fatty area, but you cannot spot reduce. To get rid of your love handles, you must reduce your total body fat by following a healthy eating lifestyle, and participating in both aerobic and resistance exercise. Permanent weight loss begins with proper nutrition and portion control. Most of us eat portions that are equivalent to multiple servings. Use your hand to measure you portions, and always read food labels to determine serving sizes. To loose the hated handles you will need to follow a healthy diet made up mostly of fresh fruits, vegetables, and lean protein like eggs, fish, chicken and low-fat dairy. Avoid canned and prepackaged foods that are often loaded with hidden calories, fat and sodium. Eat raw, baked, broiled, poached, roasted or grilled foods. Try to avoid fast food restaurants, processed sugar (sodas, cookies, candy) and fatty red meat. In order to lose your love handles, you must increase your metabolism by participating in a consistent cardiovascular / resistance training program. Aim for 20-40 minutes of activities like walking, running, biking, and aerobic interval classes most days of the week. Also mix in resistance training using weights, machines, or resistance bands 3 times a week. Although you cannot “spot” reduce, you can tone up your muscles that lie underneath. Follow my “love handle” exercise routine that will help tighten and tone over time. Remember that it will take a few weeks before you start to see the physical benefits of your diet and exercise program. You will see immediate results in your energy level and overall mental alertness when exercising and eating healthy on a daily basis. You will need to maintain these good habits for life in order to keep the weight and love handles off.
pg 16 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | February 2013
Step Two- Squat back and down with both legs until the Kettlebell touches or almost touches the ground. Return to standing position. Repeat 6-8 times and work your way up to 10. Change sides and repeat exercise. Tips- Always remember to keep your chest up and look straight ahead. Do not let your knees collapse to the inside or slide forward past toes. Send your hips back, putting your weight in your heels and not forward to the balls of your feet. Make sure your abdominals are engaged and lifted. Your rib cage should be lifted as well and not allowed to sink toward the floor. Do not lean to one side; keep strict form up and down. 2. Mermaid Side Ab Crunch Mermaids are a great exercise for building control in the legs, glutes and hips. It requires both legs to be lifted so it is very effective for strengthening the obliques and core region. Step One- Lay down on one side. Place your bottom foot under your top foot. Put your hands behind your head and keep elbows wide. Legs are held in a straight position. Beginners may bend their legs.
Step Two- Raise your legs up toward your elbow. Go slowly with great control. Repeat for 10-12 repetitions. Change sides and repeat the exercise.
Tips- Lift your torso and legs at the same time while squeezing your inner thighs, core, and abs. Make sure you lower your legs slowly while engaging your core.
nty ou ess C ba tiven tion w a ta t eti Ca mp esen Co n Pr Pla
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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 17
Jill Howard: Her Love & Purpose For Music
Written by Megan van Steen Well, where should I begin when talking about Jill Howard? I think a good place to start is when she first started having an interest in music. In an interview I conducted on line she said, “I first started singing in the 4th grade. That was the first year I went to public school, and mom told me I should sing in a talent show. We didn’t know that I could sing, but turns out I could.” Her love for music began at not the earliest of ages but she still cherishes the fact that she found her hidden talent due to an event at her school. She started playing the guitar a little before she started high school and continues to share her performances with many people. “I do not really have a favorite type of music. I like all kinds, but the most fun to play is Grace Potter.” Jill has also been involved with events and performing at her church. She has a very trusting faith in God and wants to share that faith with everyone she comes in contact with. Her participation in music is not just for a hobby. “I want to be a music missionary. I don’t know what that looks like, but I want to learn several languages so that I can write songs in those languages and tell those people about the love of Christ.” Her involvement with her church became even more prominent when she became the lead singer of a youth band called Uth (Unto Him). “Uth was a ministry that would take youth mission trips around the states. So I went to a lot of different states doing mission work.” Jill’s first mission trip took place in 2007 and her destination was West Virginia where she stayed a week. She has been to a variety of places other than WV, such as Kentucky, South Carolina, Virginia, and Guatemala. I asked her what she usually did on her mission trips. She responded, “Usually I will help out with construction (building houses and churches and playgrounds, whatever is needed) but when I go to Guatemala for long periods of time I work in the nutrition center; which is a hospital for rescued children that are malnourished, sick, or have been abandoned because their parents cannot afford to take them to a hospital or do not have the transportation to get them to a hospital. An example would be of a girl name Sylvia who is 19 and weighed 28 pounds when they brought her in because she didn’t have food.” Jill’s philanthropic work always has a purpose and her selfless nature has reached people of all ages and many cultural backgrounds.
Jill with a group of kids in Guatemala
She enjoys interacting with the people in Guatemala while she intermingles with the nannies, doctors and guards. She made bags for the nannies and “put things in there that we take for granted like soap, razors, and hair clips.” Her friendships will be long lasting with these individuals because of her kindness and attention to their needs. The residents of this country sometimes do not have the normal necessities in life that we, Americans, have and it is wonderful to see that kind of compassion to help others. She has explained to me that her main goal “is to love on the people and show them the love of Christ. I want them to know that they are loved. Even though some of these people have little possessions and almost no food they can still find hope in the love of God to pull them through”. Jill Howard’s acts have transcended into how she plans to spend the rest of her life. Her dream career is to become a music missionary travelling all over the U.S., and the world to sing to lost people. “I want to reach the lost with my music, not the found”. While she is on her journey to becoming a music missionary, she is attending North Greenville University as a freshman this year and is majoring in Mass Communications with her concentration on Media Ministry. She says, “I have no clue what will happen after I graduate. I have four years to find out”. With everything that Jill does, through her studies, church, music, mission trips, etc., she never seems to lose any of her positive nature. Her parents are equally as excited as she is and willing to provide any kind of help they can. Her mother actually showed up the last week that Jill had to stay in Guatemala and loved every minute of it. When it comes to her music they do not hold back the criticism and are honest with how they feel about it. “If I am writing awful music, they tell me. If I sound awful, they tell me. Although they are biased, they still voice their opinions”. They have encouraged her every step of the way and support her in all of her conquests, whatever it may be. Even though she is doing much good with her mission work and other things they miss her presence when she is in other countries. “They understand that God has his hand on me and they just have faith that I will be OK. They allow me to live, and that has taught me more than holding me back ever could”. Throughout her adventures, Jill has grown up to be a very loving and respectful person. She sets a great example for girls and boys to follow. Jill, through example, shows how to contribute to society and find opportunities to get involved any way they can. I envy her selflessness and hope to be more like her. I am privileged to call her my cousin.
Jill Howard performing with her band Uth
pg 18 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | February 2013
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Question: I want to give my “sweetheart” and myself a spa package for Valentines Day. The package includes a pedicure, massage and facial. I love those things, but not sure if he will enjoy them because he is a “manly man”. What do you think? Answer: I think a spa package is a wonderful gift. As to rather or not it is something that your manly man will enjoy, well, I’m certain he will, if he can get the notion that it’s a “woman thing” out of his head. While I have found that some men love these things there are others who loathe the idea of them. However, it has been my experience that men who say that they hate this sort of thing, is simple because they are out of their element and feel very uncomfortable in what is generally a female environment. My advice to you would be to give the gift you have chosen and then when the appointment day arrives for the services, be sure that you have explained to him completely about what to do and when to do it. For example, explain to him that when he gets his pedicure, to sit in the pedi-chair, remove his shoes and socks and to keep his feet to the side until the nail tech ask him to place his feet in the water. (I know this sounds silly to explain every step, but it will go a long way to ease his awkwardness and he will be more relaxed.) Also, before you arrive that day, explain to the people who will be performing the services, that he may be uncomfortable and that they will need to explain to him what he needs to do. Remember to do this before you arrive, talking about this in front of him will only make him feel more out of place. If at all possible have the pedicure preformed in an area where there will be no other people. The privacy will help diminish some of those uncomfortable feelings. For the massage service, try to book a couples massage, he will feel better if you are with him. However, if that isn’t possible, then again explain what will happen, that the therapist will ask him to undress completely or perhaps the therapist will have him leave his underwear on. Each therapist is different, so you need to ask, before you arrive that day. Explain every step from start to finish. Remember this is suppose to be an extremely relaxing experience for him, so do everything possible to make sure that it is. I have been in this business for nearly 19 years and it has been my experience that those same men who arrive kicking and screaming, not wanting to do it are the same men who call back a month later to book their own appointments. Once they discover the awesome relaxation and notice that they feel and look better, they become our best clients. Enjoy and Happy Valentines Day!
pg 20 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | February 2013
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Sophisticated Women... By Nicole Greer, PPCC Founder and Principle Coach at Vibrant Coaching
Love Their Network
“My friends and family are invaluable. I can’t put a price tag on the time, money, and energy invested into the nurturing of our relationships. Rich and rewarding relationships are laden with connections. I connect with family and friends in a myriad of ways for countless reasons. However, the most valuable gift I glean from my personal relationships is a network of wisdom. As a sophisticated woman, I am conscious to the fact that I have been blessed by a simple reality that I have individuals that surround me with their countless experiences. Just think about it! I have 100’s if not 1000’s of wise, sophisticated women I can draw on. In fact, I know that I am only partially aware of how much knowledge an individual holds. Can you imagine the power of the combination of the many minds you are connected with at work around an issue, a mission or a dream that you hold? With a well-loved network, you have the potential to capture all their thoughts into one mind. Is there something that you are curious about? Do you have a need that requires a resource? Are you confused, missing a piece of information, or needing education? Your network would LOVE to help you. Trust me… Robert Kiyosaki states, “If you want to go somewhere, it is best to find someone who has already been there.” So true! So the powerful question this month is: Where do you want to go? I believe at my core that every woman needs to take stock of her purpose on planet earth. Anyone who has ever heard me speak knows I am on a mission to impact others to live a ‘Vibrant Life’. A vibrant life is characterized by a desire to live into one’s full capacity. When you decide where you want to go, you can begin the journey. Your next right step is to engage your network. The truth at work here is that no one can help us if they don’t know where we are headed. It’s an honor not an imposition, to be asked for your wisdom. Consider the last time you were asked to share your hard won life lessons. You were flattered and eager to help. This is the joy of being a human being. We were born to network. Our creator knew we would need a community. A community in which to carry out transactions that lead to transformation and ultimately, we transcend the barriers that hold us back on our journey. That is the stuff LOVE is made of. Perhaps, you are skeptical? You might be thinking, ‘I don’t have this kind of network.’ You do. Perhaps, you just don’t know where to begin. I can help. Let’s get started…
How to Develop Your Vibrant Network This is a system full of strategies and smarts to enroll others in the pursuit of that which we desire. A network relationship must always reflect an equitable exchange of value. A vibrant network is an active and dynamic entity. You must nurture the network through creating and capturing a beginning list of individuals who simply come to your mind.
• Step One: Write down the first 100 names that come to your mind. No editing, no critical thinking, simply capture their names. • Step Two: Identify how you know this person. Are they an acquaintance? Can you name the type of relationship you have? Have they mentored you? Have they been an advocate for you? Are they a dear friend? • Step Three: Pick up the phone and call this person. Even if you haven’t talked to this person in a very long time, simply tell them the truth, “You popped into my mind and I felt it was important to connect.” • Step Four: Remember that you are calling on the wisdom of your network and that is the creator’s plan. Ask the individual, “What is going on in your life?” And listen. • Step Five: Mirror back what you heard them say and celebrate something they have shared. • Step Six: Wait for them to reciprocate. And they will! Now is your opportunity to share where you are headed and glean their wisdom. What will happen if you consistently nurture your network? You’ll be surprised, delighted and thrilled you did. The most unexpected things start to unfold. Let me share this… A client of mine is currently looking for a job. While she’d like to pursue her ideal job, becoming a patient advocate, she’s got to earn some money, now. I understand her sense of urgency but while we have the time, I am insisting that she pursue her ideal while being practical about gaining employment in the short term. I told her all about the idea of the Vibrant Network. Hopeful, she went home and began the process. She shared this with her husband the same day. He began to think about the idea of his own Vibrant Network as he is an entrepreneur. He picked up the phone and called a client that popped into his mind. Needless to say, the client was so grateful for his call. In that moment, the client gave him a piece of business. I can’t tell you how exciting and rewarding this process can be. Don’t miss this! While my client was in the process of developing her network, the one she loves the most was impacted and the love returned to her and her family. I implore you do this work. Spread the love… “Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning”. -Mitch Albom At its deepest level, working with a coach frees you to indentify your birthright gifts, discern your deepest passions, and fulfill your highest purpose. A coach can pry you off dead center. As Principal Coach for Vibrant Coaching and Workshop Leader for The Lydia Group, LLC, a collaboration of individuals focused on work, life and spiritual growth, Nicole is on a mission to impact, energize, and influence people to lead a Vibrant Life by engaging the possibilities. As a life and business coach and workshop leader, Nicole views her role as a conduit to release all that you want to achieve. www.thevibrantcoach.com/www.thelydiagroup.com
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 23
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Are you a shadow of yourself? I heard someone say the other day that a person they held dear was a “shadow of herself.” The person’s concern was that the friend was allowing so much to influence and control her life that she was no longer the person she once had been and could be. The idiom “shadow of oneself” has come to mean not as strong, healthy, fulfilled, or lively as before. If you or someone you know are feeling any of these things, then it is time to bring the very essence of who you are and can be back into being with vibrant confidence. Too often, the everyday demands of our lives unintentionally pushes us back into ourselves as we take care of loved ones, do a myriad of things for others and focus on endless to-do’s. By taking a look at various aspects of what makes you tick as a person, you may begin to realize what is missing or what you are longing to bring back in order to feel more fulfilled, content, energized and alive. Interests: If you seem to simply do whatever anyone else is doing when it comes to activities or hobbies, then you may be devaluing what interests you in order to appease or because you believe is making others happy. What interests you matters, and is important to continually nurture. With information literally at our fingertips via the Internet, you can always find ways to get more insight and nourish your spirit with what interests you. Think about a couple of things that interest you and give yourself permission to explore and learn more. Passions: When you are passionate about something, it exudes from you with an appeal and energy that cannot help but be noticed. You are engaging and the excitement you have for what you are sharing, doing or proposing becomes contagious with others. What are you passionate about? What gets your creative juices flowing or your brain churning at the mere thought of it or possibilities that could stem from it? Allow what you are passionate about to become a part of you on an ongoing basis. Your passions feed your soul and you as a person, giving you meaning, energy and purpose behind what you do. Values: One thing I know for sure is that if any of my values are not being honored, it is at the very heart of a conflict or turmoil I am going through at the time. Our values and what we believe to be true and right for us as individuals are at the very core of what makes us who we are in how we live and work. When values are not being honored, it feels as though a part of us is not being honored. What are your values? What do they represent to you? Why are they important to you in how you live, work and relate to others? Knowing your values and your convictions behind them can help you understand a great deal about yourself, and most likely, even more about what makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Strengths: We all have strengths to complement or enhance the abilities of others or a given situation. Too often, a person confuses strengths with the word talent, and if she believes she is not talented in any particular way, she dismisses a wonderful array of ability and
contribution she possesses that makes a real difference for others. Does this sound like you? Are you dismissing a strength or ability you have because you are thinking in terms of talent? Being patient is a strength. Being thoughtful is a strength. Being focused is a strength. Being a good listener is a strength. I can go on and on with examples. List some of your strengths honestly and proudly – anything that you seem to have a knack for over others or that helps others as a result. Then allow yourself to use these strengths daily to make your and others’ existence better and more enjoyable. Influences: It is human nature to be influenced. How are you being influenced that is causing you to feel less or think less about yourself? Negative influences can wreak havoc on your life and livelihood in lifechanging ways. However, positive influences, beginning with your own thinking, can empower you beyond what you thought possible. List some influences in your life that make you feel good about yourself. List influences that inspire you and empower you. Keep these influences close to your heart and in your mind whenever needed to give you strength and solace. Relationships: The relationships in our lives also shape who we are at every interval, whether we realize it or not. Being aware and cognizant of how relationships impact us is pivotal to understanding why we react or respond in certain ways. Are your relationships loving, nurturing, supportive and uplifting or destructive, draining, dismissive and disheartening? Any relationship that does not honor you as a person is not a relationship worthy of your trust and allegiance. With courage, the best thing you can do for yourself is to focus only on relationships are encouraging and fostering all that each of you can be. The groundhog seeing his shadow is considered a disappointment with the prediction of six more weeks of winter. Being in someone else’s shadow is considered a negative in that you are allowing someone else to realize all the glory. A song called “Me and my Shadow” from the 1920’s brings forlorn reality to feeling all alone. Instead of allowing a shadow of yourself to engulf you, allow the bright aura of you to radiate proudly and fully in all that is you. With February also being the month of love and valentines, show some love for yourself by bringing every aspect of you to life. You deserve nothing less than being a spectacular one-of-a-kind you!
Bio: Sherré DeMao inspires millions through her monthly columns, weekly Insight eZine and national contributing writing. An expert strategist and marketer focused on entrepreneurs, her unique perspective and innovative approach has earned numerous awards regionally, nationally and internationally including being named among the Top 50 Enterprising Women of North America in 2007. Her books, Me, Myself & Inc. (www.memyselfandinc.com) and 50 Marketing Secrets (www.50marketingsecrets.com) have received national acclaim as Top Business Shelf picks and must reads.
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 27
Not-So-Bad-For-You Desserts If you’re trying hard to eat foods that are good for you and to take steps to improve your overall health, chances are you’ve been opting out of dessert. But, we all know that from time to time, for special occasions, a sweet treat is just the thing after a nice meal. Luckily, with some fruit and Greek yogurt in the house, you have many different options for a scrumptious dessert that will please everyone sitting around the table. Here are some you may want to try: Pineapple. Put some slices of fresh pineapple on the grill or under the broiler, and when the beautiful brown marks start to appear on the fruit, it will have been transformed into something juicy and delicious and as sweet as any cheesecake you could ever want! Top it with a scoop of frozen yogurt and you might never go back to chocolate cake again. Grapes. Drizzle a bit of coconut oil over clusters of organic grapes, sprinkle them with salt and pepper and roast them until the skins are crisp. Serve them warm with a bit of Greek yogurt. Oh yum.
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pg 28 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | February 2013
Banana. Peel some bananas, slice them into 1/2” slices and fry them in coconut oil for 3 or 4 minutes on each side. Sprinkle walnuts over the top and eat them just like that, or with a bit of Greek yogurt. Baked apple or pear. Remove the core of an organic pear or apple and bake it for roughly half an hour, until it’s soft and that’s about it. Sprinkle it with cinnamon, drizzle with a bit of maple syrup and put some frozen yogurt on there. Tropical fruit cup. What is tastier than mango? Prepare a tropical fruit cup with mango, pineapple, kiwi and any other delectable southern fruits you like. These desserts should tide you over when you’re battling a sugar addiction, but a little (a very little) goes a long way. Keep in mind that the higher in sugar something is (yes, even natural sugars!) the bigger surge in insulin you’ll experience. Excessive insulin equals belly fat and that is not what we want. What’s your favorite not-too-terrible dessert? www.facebook.com/savingdinner Leanne Ely is a New York Times bestselling author of Body Clutter and the Saving Dinner series. The Dinner Diva syndicated newspaper column appears in 250 newspapers nationwide. Learn how to cook great and save significant money with the Dinner Diva?s menus, recipes and shopping lists at www.savingdinner.com
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 29
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pg 30 | Sophie Womanâ€™s Magazine | February 2013
Red IsFor Passion by Susan Guest, ASID
ow with St. Valentine’s Day approaching, our thoughts turn to ways to express love to our dear ones. The stores are packed with cards and gifts featuring the color red and it’s weaker cousin-pink. Candy in heart shaped, red and pink boxes are on display in groceries, pharmacies, and gift shops. So what makes red the color of the season? Also, how can we incorporate such a strong color into our homes and wardrobes without looking garish? Red has been an important color throughout the ages. According to Wikipedia, it was one of the first colors, along with black and white, found in ancient art. Since red ochre and iron oxide pigments were easily found in nature, the color was easy to produce. The color was linked to happiness, victory, and vitality in many cultures. Clothing and textiles woven in crimson tones were used for wedding ceremonies, coronations, and religious holidays. In the Roman Catholic Church, red was a symbol of both Christian martyrs and Christ’s blood. The original red clad Santa Clause was a 4th century bishop. Today, it is still one of the most popular Christmas colors. There are some negative associations with the color red. Since it causes the strongest reaction of any color, it is used as a warning, seen in stop signs, red lights, red flags, and poison labels . Red is the color of hatred and aggression, Communism, socialism, and war. Sin, prostitution and bordellos are associated with the “red light district”. Heather Prynne wore a red scarlet letter signifying her sin in Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. The reason that red causes such a reaction is that it makes our heart beat faster. In fast food restaurants, the color is used to stimulate our appetite and entice us to purchase larger quantities of food. People who want to attract attention often wear red and walk the red carpet rolled out for distinguished guests. Around 296 AD, St. Valentines died for his Christian faith on Feb. 14th. This day eventually became a time to celebrate with those we love and give them tokens of affection. The red heart is significant for this holiday because it is a color and symbol of sacrifice and love. The single red rose says “I love you” in a special way. In the rainbow, red is next to orange in the spectrum. When used with the color green, it is most vivid. If red is mixed with yellow pigment, it turns orange. When mixed with blue pigment, it turns
purple. There are many shades of red including fire engine, tomato, scarlet, carmine, burgundy, wine, and apple. As a general rule in decorating, red should be used in moderation. It is a great accent color, but can cause aggression and stress if used in excess amounts. Some reds such as wine or burgundy have been mixed with black and can be used in larger amounts-especially in a traditional setting such as a library or study. Usually, the larger the room, the more red is acceptable. Rooms with high ceilings, lots of wood, and many windows can easily handle larger quantities of the color. Rooms that are seldom used, such as a powder room, are great places for red walls. Varying shades of red can be used to add coziness and cheerfulness to a foyer, family room, or almost any room of the home. A red accent wall can perk up an otherwise boring room. In contemporary or transitional rooms, a touch of color can add drama to a neutral scheme. Features such as art or rugs can transform a boring space. A red front door can welcome guests and show the personality of the owner. Red is a statement color. The winter months and holidays such as Christmas and Valentine’s Day are great opportunities to add touches of red to your home. Easy and inexpensive pillows and candles can be festive and fun. Red berries and greenery are great decorating tools if safely placed away from children or pets. A table cloth or artwork in the dining room can both celebrate the season and stimulate your guests’ appetites. A scarlet lamp shade in front of a mirror adds drama and warmth. Enjoy this season of love. Bring out those red pillows. Shower your “sweetie” with chocolate and red roses. Make their heart beat faster with passion. What better way is there to say “I love you” than using the color red!
Susan Guest, ASID is an award-winning interior designer in Hickory and owner of Guest Interiors, LLC. She is one of the designers featured in “Spectacular Homes of the Carolinas”, found in high-end bookstores around the country. For more information, visit www.guestinteriors.com.
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 31
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Recipes for ife
by Emily Wickham
Food for the Body
Creamy Ham and Potato Soup
(Online source: http://www.the-girl-who-ate-everything.com) 3 ½ cups peeled and diced potatoes 1/3 cup diced celery 1/3 cup finely chopped onion ½ cup carrot, diced (optional) 1 cup diced cooked ham* (buy a ham steak in the deli section) 3 ¼-cup chicken broth ½ teaspoon salt, or to taste 1 teaspoon ground white or black pepper, or to taste 5 tablespoons butter 5 tablespoons all-purpose flour 2 cups milk 1. Combine the potatoes, celery, onion, carrot, ham and chicken broth in a stockpot. Bring to a boil, then cook over medium heat until potatoes are tender, about 10 to 15 minutes. Stir in the salt and pepper. 2. In a separate saucepan, melt butter over medium-low heat. Whisk in flour with a fork, and cook, stirring constantly until thick, about 1 minute. Slowly stir in milk so that lumps don’t form and until all of the milk has been added. Continue stirring over medium-low heat until thick, 4 to 5 minutes. 3. Stir the milk mixture into the stockpot, and cook soup until heated through. 4. Top with cheddar cheese, chives, and bacon if desired. Serve immediately. 5. Makes 6 servings *This soup tastes just as delicious without ham. AAPrayer for God’s Prayer For Blessing God’s
Loving Father in heaven, You. Are. Love. Throughout eternity, Your thoughts toward mankind have been rooted in love. I confess I don’t reflect on this truth enough, which results in frequent fears and insecurities. Thank You for reminding me of this simple yet awesome reality. Please amaze me with new experiences of Your love today. In the name of Your beloved Son, Jesus Christ, Amen. Food forfor the Soul Food the
Nothing made the cut. After numerous attempts to find the perfect potato soup recipe, I continued to look. But recently I discovered one online that
has successfully stopped my search. Yum! Cooking it the first time for company, then a second time for family, I’ve gladly received everyone’s approval. Appealing, satisfying, soothing—we call it comfort food. Dishes like mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese … chocolate! All of these cheer just about everyone, and potato soup easily fits into this category. Full of creamy goodness, this scrumptious blend of veggies, ham, milk, and butter delights its tasters. Unquestionably soup deserves recognition and credit for the pleasing place it takes on our tables. There’s nothing quite like a nourishing bowl of soup on a cold winter night. It might not be fancy, but soup surely can warm body and soul. Isn’t God tenderly thoughtful to provide such simple things for our benefit? Continually He pays attention to the smallest details. As Creator of the big picture, He also crafts minutiae … because He loves us. He hasn’t put everything into existence and left us on our own—He skillfully weaved us together in our mother’s womb and maintains a vested interest in our daily lives. He thinks about us. Psalm 139:17 conveys, “How precious also are Thy thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.” Truly God’s considerations exceed comprehension, yet how delightful to contemplate their infinity. In particular, let’s ponder His thoughts: • Toward mankind – “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16). • Toward the church – “… Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her … that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory …” (Ephesians 5:25-27). • Toward individual Christians – “The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy” (Zephaniah 3:17). LOVE. God’s every thought toward people originates in love. Just as soup warms body and soul, knowing this truth warms my spirit. Faithfully, graciously, and mercifully, God shows love day in and day out—because He IS love. 1 John 4:16 beautifully declares, “And we have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” Do we know and believe His love? It’s life changing. Valentine’s Day occupies our thoughts this month. For some, joyful anticipation flows, while for others, sorrow engulfs. God’s love remains readily available for all. Dwelling on His loving thoughts comforts us in every circumstance. What state of mind encompasses you today? Allow God’s love to prevail in your thoughts and comfort your heart, because He is “…the Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). Until next time, that’s a Recipe for Life … Emily Wickham gently reaches women’s hearts as she teaches God’s Word. Through her Bible study, Reaching for Righteousness: Life ! Applications from the Book of Esther, and various writing endeavors, she encourages readers into close relationship with God. Additionally she hosts an annual women’s conference in Greensboro, NC. Visit www.proclaiminghimtowomen.com to read Emily’s blog devotionals and to learn more about life in Christ. To contact Emily about speaking at women’s events such as retreats, luncheons, and conferences, please e-mail emily@ proclaiminghimtowomen.com. Emily, who is grateful to God for His blessings, enjoys life with her wonderful husband and their four terrific children in western NC.
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 33
How Did You Meet? by Mackey Carpenter
When we think of Valentine’s Day, we usually think of romance. And it’s hard to think of romance without thinking of weddings. It used to be that when I asked a potential bride, “How did you meet your fiancé?”, I would get a unique answer. It would be at an unusual place or under crazy circumstances. Now with all the dot com meeting sites, not so much anymore. Although there are one or two that are a little strange. I thought I would share with you some of my favorites. Shawn and Sean had just flown in to Reagan International from overseas. Shawn had been doing missionary work and Sean had been on vacation. They were both waiting for their next flight when a friend of Shawn’s called her name. They both spoke up and the rest, they say, is history. Well, sort of. All three of them had a layover for a couple of hours so they decided to have lunch together. After talking for a while, they exchanged information and left. After two weeks Sean called Shawn and asked if she was sick. She was. It happened that she had picked up a “bug” while doing her missionary work and had passed it on to Sean. They had shaken hands when parting at the airport. Now the rest is history. Cassie and Mick met at a funeral in their hometown. Mick was 8 years older and had attended different schools so they had never previously met. Or so they thought. Both had already been married once so each was a little skeptical. It took prodding from Mick’s sister for him to finally ask her out. At their first date Cassie found out that she had once interviewed with him for a job. He had not only turned her down, but told her to go back to school and finish her education. After her divorce she did go back to school, remembering what he had once said to her. Had it not been for his advice, she wouldn’t have the teaching job she has now and possibly not be married to him. Dawn met Matt at a dot com chat room. Not unusual you say? Well, she and a friend had been out doing some heavy drinking after her boyfriend of 2 years dumped her. (I wonder now if her drinking was the cause.) Anyway, after returning to her apartment, she decided to get online and swears she can’t remember anything after sitting down at the computer. The next morning, a phone call woke her up. It was from a guy she had met online. She asked him to call back later because she was having a hard time trying to figure out what had happened. Still couldn’t remember anything. He did call back and they met for a “meet and greet”. Now, as much as this story worked out, it could have ended in disaster. She had given him all of her personal information. Not only do you not drink and drive, you don’t drink and get on the computer. Other meetings worth mentioning: ~Met at a drug rehab center. ~Were standing in line to get driver’s license. ~Met at a gun show. ~Both had the same divorce attorney. Met in the reception room. ~He rear-ended her car at a stop light. ~In line at the grocery store while each had a cart full of beer.
pg 34 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | February 2013
~Met while doing community service. (I love this one.) ~Their kids had got into a fight at school. Met in the principal’s office. There are more, but I thought I would share my story. A company I was working for had arranged for me to drive in a “Powder Puff Derby”. In those days women weren’t allowed to drive in the same race as men so they occasionally had a race just for women (I believe as a form of entertainment). The man whose car I was chosen to drive was more than a foot taller than I was, so they put pillows under and behind me then proceeded to strap me in. We were allowed to practice for a couple of laps before the race started. On my third lap at the second turn the pillows came loose and I couldn’t reach the brake. I tried to but then I couldn’t see over the dashboard. Hit a concrete wall-several times! Long story short, I creamed his car so bad that it wasn’t fixable. He didn’t ask me out that night but did eventually. I think he had to get over the initial shock that his car was destroyed. Although I felt bad about what I did, I know it happened for a reason. And every now and then, he reaches in the drawer and pulls out the picture of that car after I wrecked it and he just smiles. Neither of us ever raced again. Mackey S. Carpenter Owner of MSC Designs
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Cell Phones, Computer Games and By Dr. David It’s comical, annoying and tragic, all at the same time—teenagers and their attachment to tech gadgets, that is. Actually, it’s not only tech gadgets—it’s social networking such as MySpace, Facebook and other forms of instant messaging. While many of us thought this all would be a disappearing craze, the use of gadgetry to maintain constant contact with friends appears to be with us for a while. So parents, you’d better become familiar with the technological world and its trappings. Why are parents concerned? Because many teenagers can’t seem to put their cell phone down. They walk with it, eat with it and of course, talk with it. At times they seem more attached to talking on their phones than talking to friends in person. What’s up with that? Consider this email from a concerned mother: Dear Dr. David. I have a question/dilemma – how does a parent regulate a teen’s phone, iTouch, laptop, and TV usage during the summer? My two teens are 14 and 16. The 16-year-old will begin his first job on Tuesday, working evenings. Summer in Texas is too hot to do many outdoor activities. Yard work can only be done early morning or late evening. Complaints/bugging persist if an electronic item goes away, or they just spend more time on the others. HELP ! Are there any ideas out there? Your concerns are understandable. There are thousands of parents with similar concerns. Here are a few guidelines to consider using with your teens. First, remember who is in control. Your teens should never dictate how much time they spend on computers, cell phones or television. While they want technological entertainment 24/ 7, you decide the limits. Don’t get into the position of allowing your teens to “nag you into submission.” You’ll regret it and wish you had been tougher, sooner. Second, there really are some ‘reasonable’ amounts of time to be spending in front of the television and on their computers/ cell phones— but they stem from your values. Some families have decided to ban the television from their homes completely, finding the merits of television to be limited. Many have decided to control television usage and programming, again reflecting family values. Many have also made rules about putting cell phones away when they come into the home at night or at least limited the amount of time spent on them.
Third, use of television and other gadgetry should be tied to responsible use—and general behavior. Teenagers are not entitled to the use of television, computers or cell phones—though they may act as if they are. You as parents are to instruct them in the use of these tools, and how to use them responsibly. Consider tying their use to other responsible behavior in the home and school. Additionally, the way you teach them about the responsible use of these technological instruments may be the way they use them in later life. Solomon reminds us, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22: 6) These challenges are all opportunities for teaching your children responsibility. Begin setting limits when your children are young, long before they reach their teens. You’ll have earned their respect by the time they are of the age to acquire and participate in online activities. Fourth, model responsible behavior. Many teens are simply acting in ways that have been modeled for them by their parents. Too many parents operate their lives by, ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’ This is no way to effectively teach your children. Model moderation for them in your use of television, computer and cell phone use. Model the observance of laws, including laws about the use of cell phones while driving. Finally, these gadgets are not positive or negative, but how they are used is critical. These devices can be tools for learning as well as fun. If teens see parents using them effectively, as well as understanding their use is tied to responsible living in other areas of their lives, all can be well. If they understand that texting while driving will be immediate grounds for cell phone removal, they will learn quickly about responsible use. If parents use boundaries with enforceable consequences, use of these devices and time spent on computers will be means to teach responsible behavior. I’d like to hear how you are setting enforceable limits with your teen when it comes to use of cell phones, computers and television. Write to me at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com Dr. David B. Hawkins is the Director of The Marriage Recovery Center in Seattle, Washington. He is the author of over thirty books, including the best-seller, When Pleasing Others is Hurting You.
www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 37
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pg 38 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | February 2013
Our Monthly Feature
The photos printed here are titled “The Best of The Rest”. They are some of the best photos of 2012 that did not get printed in Sophie Woman’s Magazine. We hope you enjoy them as much as we did! Photo Submitted By: Elements Photography
Local Photos of Everyday people, places, and events as seen through the eyes of the area's professional and amateur photographers!
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Visit the website to view all the photos and to enter your photo into next monthâ€™s contest.
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Visit the website to view all the photos to enter your photo into next month’s contest. pg 40 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | Juneand 2012 42
Photo Submitted By: Bryan Oâ€™Neal
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Photo Submitted By: Elements Photography
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s e r u t n e v d a s i M ’s
by Mandy Thomas
Let me tell you about my valentine.
He is funny, smart, and a bit dorky (which might well be my favorite part). He’s good with numbers, looks great in tight jeans, and helps me around the house without my having to ask. But best of all, he pulls our kids’ teeth. I hate pulling teeth. I hate the way Savannah screams at me that I’m trying to shove her tooth into her mouth and thus choke her to death when all I did was LOOK at said tooth. I hate the way she kicks at me whenever I reach for her for whatever reason – handing her a drink, asking for her gum, etc. – and insists that I’m trying to yank out her tooth. And finally, I hate the amnesia that seems to settle over her after I’ve pulled her tooth and she realizes that yes, it was painless and wow, now she gets money.
The cycle starts again with every loose tooth.
But this time, as I was ready to forcibly hold Savannah down and use pliers to get out her tooth, my valentine stepped up and offered to do it for me. I’d like to say that it went smoothly, I really would. I’d love to tell you that she was a perfect angel who let her dad pull out her tooth, and then there was a huge group hug and an apology for hitting me in the face while I tried to pull the tooth. I’d like to tell you that’s what happened, but it’s just not. There was struggling, a few tears that did not belong to Savannah, and then there was this violent kicking session in which Vanna let out a huge fart because of all the struggling. After that, my poor valentine wasn’t so keen on helping me with the tooth pullage thing, and I had to take care of it myself. So I guess maybe he’s not so good at pulling teeth, but hey, any man who will wash my dishes voluntarily while wearing tight pants is pretty awesome in my book. As for Savannah’s teeth, I’ve decided that unless her mouth smells like decay and a tooth has turned black, I’m just going to let her do her own pulling.
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