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Left side mid shot of the presenters

Hello I’m Sophie Goss-Garnham and welcome to Can’t cook, Don’t cook.


Slight very slow pan of the presenting, just Sophie in shot.

Today we’re messing with meat and fumbling with tarts. On the show we have Barbra B Kew as my special guest to help me handle my goods. Please join us at home as we’re live and chicken… I mean kicking. (forced laughter)


Close up of the bowl/meat

First grab a clean bowl and put your good meat in it.


Same as above

You could grind your own at home if you’re feeling particularly hands on.


Mid shot of the presenters, following any movement

Chop up some onion and garlic for that strong taste that we all love.


Same as above

Next get your eggs and crack them in the bowl.


Same as above

How do you normally like your eggs Barbra?


Same as above

Call me Barb!


Close up of SOPHIE’s face

Oh right, I didn’t know If that was a touchy subject being.. you know.. Barb…


Close up of BARBRA’s face

B Kew? [looks confused] anyways, you can’t beat a good poached egg, fried not too bad, but most of all I like mine fertilised!


Mid shot of both presenters

(Awkward silence) Ookkk..


Close up of the food

Add salt and pepper to bring out all the flavouring


Mid shot of both presenters

So now we have got all the stuff we need, it’s time to get down and dirty. Get your hands right in there and entwine them as one. We now have the basis for the burger putty. We next need to shape them into burger shapes. If you can try handle the meat as little as possible as we don’t want them juices prematurely coming out. Barbs, can you start putting your thumb in them so you don’t make the meat swell too much when it’s under

pressure. 14

Same as above

I certainly can, why do these 3 look so different?


Same as above

Its because this one came first, this one second, and this one third place!


Head/Shoulder shot of BARBRA

Ohh you can’t fool me with them horse meat jokes!


Head/Shoulder shot of SOPHIE

But everyone knows your favourite thing with a burger is a fiver each way!


Panning mid shot of both presenters

Right, time for the course to see the horse. Get your frying pan and add a two knobs of butter… errr.. (whispers to Barb) how do we measure a knob of butter? Can we have 2 guys from the audience please!


Follow the action Close ups.

Action [Bring them to the front, pretend to get the butter from near the crotch area and bring out two bits of butter, one big bit and one small]


Close up on SOPHIE, then mid shot of presenters when she says BARB

Oh! Well that’s a not very measureable way of knowing how much butter to use clearly! Barb, can you grab another frying pan and start cooking the rest. Now you have to make sure your burgers are cooked properly.


Stay as mid shot of presenters

Excellent advice there.


Stay as mid shot, follow the presenters as SOPHIE talks about BARB, slightly closer-up

Basically you don’t want to turn up the heat. Keep it low, like the general tone of this show. Whilst you’re working the magic there Barb, I’ll prepare the filling. When it comes to burgers there is so many varieties, we all have those which we prefer, but today to highlight the full flavour, and rich texture of the horse, I mean beef ! we will just be using lettuce, tomato and relish.


Mid shot of presenters

But I’m going to add a twist


Stay as mid shot

(serious tone) I’m not going to have seeded buns. This makes the texture more succulent in your

mouth and lasts longer without seeds getting in the way. 25

Close up of SOPHIE

I thought you said they sold out in Tesco?


Stay as close up

I spent hours preparing this relish so I hope it’s yummy, it’s made from fresh local ingredients. How are the burgers doing Barbra?


Close up of BARBRA

---- not so great they might have seen better days/look dead to me/ they’re just fine Ready to be dressed up!


Mid shot of presenters, follow the action

Ok so fill up the bun and the burger with your prepared ingredients SOPHIE slaps in the ingredients then checks the beef burgers That is some tender beef there. You could cut it with a spoon! Now to save time, here’s some I made earlier! [Try to hide McDonalds bag and bring out burgers] OR hide the ones just made and bring out the Mc donals ones from under the counter.


Mid-shot of both presenters, slight movement


Mid shot of fake talking, tasting

[End tasting, pretending that there really nice, then having a CUT by director and spitting it out]

Camera two