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Guy 1 I was watching a stream of it, and they were throwing like streams of fire and it was like, can they lighten up about it? I mean, Jesus Christ. And the reporters on each side were like, it started out peaceful and then it turned violent. Guy 2 That’s a very common tactic. Apparently all foreign journalists have been evacuated. Oh . . . what’s his name? *goes to computer* Guy 1 Yeah, it was insane to see this guy in a track suite in front of a tank Guy 2 Oh, Anderson cooper was attacked like two days in a row Guy 1 Isn’t Anderson cooper like 5 robots? *silence* Guy 2 So what are you doing tomorrow Ryan? Guy 1 Uh, class. See my advisor. Uh . . . *silence* Guy 1 I had a dream or like a nightmare like a couple of nights ago and I woke up and went like ah! And then fell back asleep again. *silence* Guy 2 Okay Ryan, would you rather be a kimono dragon or a bottlenose dolphin? Guy 1 Uh . . . based on what? Guy 2 Person preference Guy 1 Well, I’d have to assume a k dragon because it’s so much more badass. And I stroll around and strut my stuff. Plus, I’d live longer ‘cause nobody would want to eat me. What would you rather be? A duck billed platypus or a flightless bird? Guy 2 What kind of flightless bird? Guy 1 I dunno. Chicken, penguin – Guy 2 What about a dodo? Guy 1 It would work . . . I mean it is hypothetical Guy 2 I would have to say a platypus Guy 1 You want an interesting fact about the platypus? It has poison spikes


Guy 2 Yes Guy 1 That’s so freakin’ cool. You think they would have evolved the tail away, but no, they need that to swim. . . . He’s like the kid at school who IS a computer lab. Guy 2 I don’t understand Guy 1 Do you honestly understand to expect everything I say? Guy 2 No, I only expect to get about seven percent Guy 1 Well there you go *silence* Guy 1 Sometimes I sit around in class and I’m like, “Goddamn I don’t like to wear pants right now!” Guy 2 You know what I don’t like to wear? Guy 1 I like to feel the grass between my toes *silence* Guy 1 You didn’t take a picture of Satai in a cocoon Guy 2 Yes I did. I sent it to you! Guy 1 Well I didn’t receive shit! So you’d better send it again before I dump my coffee in your lap! *pause* Guy 2 Hang on, I just got the text you sent me two hours ago. It’s not good lighting, so I don’t know how well you’ll be able to see it Guy 1 I don’t care. I just want to laugh at your dog. You know what’s funny? To give your dog peanut butter and watch them roll around on the floor Guy 2 You know what Satai likes? Bananas Guy 1 Why does your dog like fruit so much? Your dog is weird


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