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DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY Solestruck Holiday 2013


BRYCE CEO

What's your dream Christmas scenario? To have a classic Griswold Christmas. I'm slowly becoming Clark since becoming a Dad. If you could kiss anyone in the world under the mistletoe who would it be? My beautiful wife Rosalie. What was your favorite gift that you received as a child? I got a puppy when I was six years old. Best present ever. What's your favorite holiday drink? Eggnog is the perfect beverage.


JULIE CUSTOMER SERVICE MANAGER / OFFICE MOM

What's your favorite holiday movie? The original How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Not the DVD, not Netflix, but on TV Thanksgiving weekend. If I don't get to watch it when it comes on TV, then Christmas isn't the same for me and I'm cranky all of December. If you woke in the middle of the night and saw Santa in your living room, what would you do or say? WTF Santa! I seriously almost shot you. Can I "riiiide" one of your reindeer? What's your dream Christmas scenario? I'd ride around with Santa and give every lonely elderly person Christmas dinner, the entire DVD collection of the Muppets, and a lonely cat so they can both have a buddy for the rest of their lives, or at least one of their lives. What's your secret holiday skill? Making inappropriately shaped sugar cookies (e.g. bad snowmen and humping reindeer)


TY CREATIVE AND BRAND MANAGER

What are your holiday plans? I will be spending it with my family in Eastern Oregon, and then Christmas Day I will be flying to Palm Springs to meet my beau and several of my closest friends from different corners of the US. We rented several small villas around a pool. I mean? Hello! What's the worst Christmas present you've ever received? My grandmother, the one who never liked me, bought me an Avon Cologne, it’s called UNSCRIPTED by PATRICK DEMPSEY. If you woke in the middle of the night and saw Santa in your living room what would you do or say? I would challenge him to a dance off. When do you start listening to Christmas music? There is Christmas Music and then there is the Mariah Christmas album. I take out Mariah several times during the year; it keeps me pumped no matter how far off December is!


ANNA CREATIVE LEAD

What's your secret holiday skill? I’m surprisingly fast at making paper chains. We decorate the office with tons of them during the holidays! When do you start listening to Christmas music? I’m weirdly obsessed with Christmas music so come December I enter, what I like to call, the Christmas music “k hole”. All Christmas music. All the time. What’s your favorite holiday drink? Well I’m somewhat of a wine-o, so I’ll go with wine. Lots of wine. What are your holiday plans? I live far away from my family, but this year my mom and stepdad will be in town! They are really into poker so my husband and I are hosting them and some friends for dinner, drinking and (as is tradition in my family) a Texas Hold ’em tournament. I usually lose, but I have a good feeling about this year.


MELISSA WHOLESALE MANAGER Fake or Real Christmas tree? Fake. I know, I live in Oregon and I've never had a real christmas tree ‌ I'm a failure. If you could kiss anyone in the world under the mistletoe who would it be? *Warning, cheese alert* My hubby! I'm a newlywed, this is our first Christmas as husband and wife and the first time we get to wake up together on Christmas Day! What's your secret holiday skill? I know the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. No I will not show you. When do you start listening to Christmas music? After Thanksgiving dinner. It's a tradition to blast Mariah Carey "All I want for Christmas" and dance around the Christmas tree .... preferably 5 times.


SHELLEY SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER What are your holiday plans? Seeing how wasted I can get and still be able to hold a conversation with the relatives I see once a year. What's the worst Christmas present you've ever received? Free makeup samples that you get when you buy something at the mall, but all wrapped up nice and pretty in a ziploc bag. Every year. WHY AUNT SHARON!? Are you more of a Grinch or a Will Ferrell from Elf? I'd like to say Elf, but in reality - Grinch. What's your dream Christmas scenario? Waking up with Harlow (my cat) and Henry Rollins in my bed.


ALEX WOMEN’S BUYER / PRODUCT DEVELOPER What's your favorite holiday movie? Rudolph the old claymation one! What's a typical family Christmas look like? (Don't leave out any juicy details ‌ who's the drunkest?) It's usually very low key. Lots of eating and I'm usually on the couch crocheting while I watch Christmas movies. I'm like an old lady who only eats, sleeps, and crochets. What's the worst Christmas present you've ever received? When I was little I didn't like baby dolls, and I only liked playing with stuffed animals. One year my parents got me a baby doll and when I unwrapped it I said, "Ewwww YUCK!!!!" and threw it behind me. So ungrateful! They never bought me a baby doll ever again. What's the first thing you do on Christmas morning? Wish everyone I love near and far a Merry Christmas!


HENRY MEN’S BUYER / MEN’S PROMO What are your holiday plans? SURF YOUTUBE, DRINK AND DANCE ALONE IN MY APARTMENT. Would you rather drink Christmas tree water or eat a Christmas tree branch? I'D RATHER NOT COMPROMISE MY LIFE FOR SUCH PURPOSE. What was your favorite gift that you received as a child? A GIANT BUCKET OF SIDEWALK CHALK WHEN I TURNED SIX. THANKS MOM :) If you could commission any designer to redesign Santa's suit who would it be? GALLIANO, OH MY GAUD.


SARAHVALE PROJECT MANAGER

What's your dream Christmas scenario? A vacation that spans Christmas and New Years, somewhere hot or snow covered, with no internet, no one around and nothing to do. Fake or Real Christmas tree? Real all the way, including cutting it down yourself - its such a fun treat to get all bundled up, have hot cider and chop down thee perfect tree! What are your holiday plans? I always look forward to Christmas Eve, we get Chinese food so no one has to cook and make my mom’s famous caramel corn and listen to Bowie. It's perfect. What's the first thing you do on Christmas morning? Look for snow! I know it’s ridiculous and NEVER HAPPENS but somewhere deep down I always think IT. MIGHT. JUST. HAPPEN.


JOE DIRECTOR OF ECOMMERCE AND EXPERIENCE

What's your favorite holiday movie? "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" is the funniest Christmas movie ever. I identify a little bit too much with it. "Clark, that's the gift that keeps on givin' the whole year round." If you woke in the middle of the night and saw Santa in your living room what would you do or say? I'd ask him if his belly is really full of jelly. Then, I'd apologize for not believing in him. Sorry, Santa! What's your favorite holiday drink? My family always drinks Tom & Jerry's. Most people don't know about T&J's, and that's a shame. They're delicious! Try 'em this year! What's the first thing you do on Christmas morning? Open stockings! OK - maybe first I’d kiss my gorgeous wife and pour a mug of coffee with egg nog. Then, stockings!


JD IN-HOUSE PHOTOGRAPHER What are your holiday plans? This year my Holiday plans will be unlike any other year. One of two things will happen; 1- I will be waiting for the arrival of my first child, Zander James. 2- I will cleaning the diapers of my first child, Zander James. Either way it will be the best Holiday ever. What's the worst Christmas present you've ever received? One year I got a calculator. Yep, not even a cool one like the Ti82, just a plain, very basic calculator. Thanks Grandma! If you woke in the middle of the night and saw Santa in your living room what would you do or say? "Dad, go back to bed, you're drunk." What's your favorite holiday drink? Whiskey and IPA


GUNNY OFFICE DOG What's your dream Christmas scenario? OMG! So my dream is I'm in a room filled with thousands of stuffed animals and discarded bottles of Ensure all wrapped up in gift boxes I can tear open. It's 80 degrees and the sun is shining in. There are big fluffy blankets everywhere. Nothing moves so I'm not scared of anything. My face is no longer numb and I can smell normally and don't trip when I'm walking and sniffing stuff. That's my dream Christmas!!! Favorite holiday food? Frozen cat poop. Duh. Would you rather get it on with an elf or the Gingerbread Man? Not sure what "get it on" means, but Gingerbread man is the obvious choice. Elves scare the F*$% out of me. What's the worst Christmas present you've ever received? A hat.


MAYA ASSISTANT FLAGSHIP STORE MANAGER

If you could commission any designer to redesign Santa's suit who would it be? Balmain. When do you start listening to Christmas music? Never!!! What's your favorite holiday movie? “Bad Santa” or “Elf”. Polar opposites there. What's your dream Christmas scenario? Everyone I love in one cabin in the snow with lots of trees and a hot tub and a fireplace and the best food, drink, desserts. And tons of Celine and Isabel Marant under the tree! HA! Dream is right…


JILLIAN SHOP GIRL

What's the worst Christmas present you've ever received? One time I thought my grandma gave me a pair of socks. I was pretty pissed until I found 20 bucks inside of them. If you could kiss anyone in the world under the mistletoe who would it be? Any (all) members of One Direction (at the same time). (Six way make-out?) Would you rather get it on with an elf or the Gingerbread Man? Like, would it be acceptable to also eat the Gingerbread Man during or after said encounter? If so, Gingerbread Man. What's a typical family Christmas look like? (Don't leave out any juicy details...who's the drunkest?) Me. I’m the drunkest. Closely followed by my sister or brother-in-law, because all my family does for Christmas is drink and play board games. I couldn’t picture a better family holiday.


CARSON CUSTOMER SERVICE GURU

What's the first thing you do on Christmas morning? In true holiday fashion, the first thing I do is make myself a mimosa. Fake or Real Christmas tree? Neither, but I love Christmas flowers or potted plants! I can't quite get behind the tradition of cutting down a perfectly good tree so that it can die in my living room over the course of a month. When do you start listening to Christmas music? Never, if I can help it. One of my biggest pet peeves is when stores start playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving and by the time Christmas actually rolls around I'm waaaaaay over it. But I do love "Count your Blessings" from “White Christmas� so I usually have to watch that movie once sometime during the Holiday season to get my fill. What are your holiday plans? I love to read, and most of the people close to me know that I love to get new books for Christmas. I'll probably spend the day cuddling on the couch, eating too much, and reading selections from my Christmas haul.


BECKY CUSTOMER SERVICE GURU

Answers by Alice, age 4: Favorite holiday food? I would like a hamburger. Fake or Real Christmas tree? I want one of each. What's the first thing you do on Christmas morning? Eat breakfast of waffles, pancakes, and some bread. That is all. But mommy would like some bacon. If you could commission any designer to redesign Santa's suit who would it be? I would ask my mom to and make me a matching one so I can wear it for Christmas.


JENNIFER CUSTOMER SERVICE GURU What's the worst Christmas present you've ever received? a Snuggie Favorite holiday food? Stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy Are you more of a Grinch or a Will Ferrell from Elf? Elf Would you rather drink Christmas tree water or eat a Christmas tree branch? Drink the water


CHUCK WAREHOUSE MANAGER What's your favorite holiday movie? “Nester Long-Eared Donkey” from the ‘50s. What's your secret holiday skill? I make the badass paper snowflakes. Are you more of a Grinch or a Will Ferrell from If you know me, you'll know I'm Will Ferrell “Elf”. Would you rather get it on with an elf or Gingerbread Man? Elf chick.

the most Elf? from the


DAVE WAREHOUSE SUPERVISOR Favorite holiday food? Springerle ... look it up. Tradition dictates that the men in my family make these every year. What's your secret holiday skill? See those turkeys running around the farm?... Pick one out. I'll take care of the rest. If you woke in the middle of the night and saw Santa in your living room what would you do or say? I'd say .... "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." What are your holiday plans? Winter Solstice bonfire with Krampus masks and jugs of homemade mead.


MICK DISTRIBUTION SPECIALIST What was your favorite gift that you received as a child? Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots What's your favorite holiday drink? Tannenbaum Ale Fake or Real Christmas tree? Real smell only What's your favorite holiday movie? “A Christmas Carol” (1951 version)


ANDRE INTERN

MELODY INTERN


JON INTERN

BRYANT INTERN


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