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118 WHAT CAN WE AGREE ON? In a time rife with political partisanship, we’ve got strategies for keeping conversations from turning into confrontations, listening with a more open mind, and focusing on the ties that bind. Plus, Oprah picks up some never-morerelevant history lessons from Pulitzer-winning playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda. 132 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? Real-life Dr. Dolittle Michelle Oakley is living out her wildest dreams.
134 THE MAN IN THE PICTURE Decades after a photographer shot an iconic image documenting Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassination, one woman sets out on a quest to discover the truth behind someone else in the frame: her father.
138 A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN In New York City, immigrants from across the globe open their kitchens to strangers, offering a taste of home—with a side of cross-cultural connection. ON THE COVER: Oprah photographed by Ruven Afanador. FASHION EDITOR: Jenny Capitain. HAIR: Nicole Mangrum. MAKEUP: Derrick Rutledge. SET DESIGN: Charlotte Malmlöf. ON OPRAH: Sweater, Derek Lam 10 Crosby. Pants, Michael Kors Collection. Earrings, Ippolita. Bracelets and rings, Tiffany & Co. Sneakers, Vionic. For details see Shop Guide.
Live Your Best Life
29 Testing the waters
57 FAB FIND The charm
with your furry friend...tips for throwing a bloodybrilliant royal-wedding bash...Aidy Bryant’s go-to emoji...and more.
necklace is a wear-itforever piece that tells the story of your life.
69 SPRING 2018 BEAUTY O-WARDS
40 THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GAYLE
preppy pastels to cheery classics, we’ve got the bright stuff for your warm-weather wardrobe.
Editor at large Gayle King falls for some tie-dyed kicks, a fun new app, and a mom/daughter–owned steakhouse.
42 CONNECTIONS Writer Amanda Avutu untangles the relationship between hair and heritage. 46 HOLDING PATTERN O life coach Martha Beck teaches her new client why it’s okay—even essential— to put yourself ﬁrst.
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91 HEALTH HEROES: NURSES EDITION An
111 Madeline Miller’s
144 SINGULAR SENSATION This month’s
outspoken ﬁrst responder, a mobilehealth pioneer, and a teen-consent crusader are among the caregivers making a big difference.
103 REFRESH! The mood-boosting science behind a bike ride...how to nail a more mindful manicure...safer headphones for getting into the workout groove… and more.
new novel brings to life an often-overlooked Homeric heroine...a timely tale from Tom McAllister imagines the brutal aftermath of a school shooting...Naﬁssa Thompson-Spires pushes the boundaries of race and gender in her bold debut collection...ten titles to pick up now, including Alexander Chee’s wise words on the writing life and a memoir from a famed chef and restaurateur...and more.
IN EVERY ISSUE
ingredient: America’s favorite green goddess, avocado.
146 FAST OR FANCY Two takes on French fries, the salty sidekick that often steals the show.
148 SPREAD THE LOVE Giada De Laurentiis adds a fresh layer to a charcuterie-packed classic Italian sandwich.
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18 20 22 24 27 53
CONTRIBUTORS BEHIND THE SCENES THE QUESTION LET’S TALK! OPRAH: HERE WE GO! THE O LIST: MOTHER’S DAY EDITION 151 SHOP GUIDE 152 OPRAH: WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE
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What dish would you serve to create world peace?
FOUNDER AND EDITORIAL DIRECTOR
Oprah Winfrey EDITOR IN CHIEF
Something featuring world peas?
Lucy Kaylin EDITOR AT LARGE
Gayle King DEPUTY EDITOR
I’m convinced my grandmother’s carrot cake can cure diseases and bring peace to the Middle East.
WRITER AT LARGE
EXECUTIVE PHOTO DIRECTOR
ART DEPUTY ART DIRECTOR Gillian MacLeod SENIOR DESIGNER Tova Diamond DIGITAL IMAGE SPECIALIST Carlos Paredes
ARTICLES ARTICLES EDITOR Katie Arnold-Ratliff SENIOR EDITOR Molly Simms HEALTH EDITOR Corrie Pikul SENIOR ASSOCIATE EDITOR Cathryne Keller ASSOCIATE EDITOR Zoe Donaldson ASSISTANT EDITOR Melissa Goldberg ASSISTANT BOOKS EDITOR Michelle Hart
Lemon sorbet. It’s palate cleansing and could refresh our resolution to get along.
PHOTO SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR Scott M. Lacey PHOTO RESEARCH EDITOR Deirdre Read
FASHION FASHION MARKET⁄ACCESSORIES DIRECTOR
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT MANAGING EDITOR Megan F. Belair
Robin Beck Nazzaro
COPY COPY CHIEF Adrienne Girard SENIOR COPY EDITOR Lisa DeLisle COPY EDITOR AND RESEARCHER Christina Doka
ACCESSORIES EDITOR Paula Lee BOOKINGS EDITOR Alicia Bridgewater Lanigan FASHION ASSISTANT Mikahila Bloomfield BEAUTY
If my mom’s stuffed shrimp wrapped in bacon kept four kids quiet at the dinner table, imagine what it could do for Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un.
A vegetarian stew with ingredients from all over the globe.
RESEARCH CHIEF OF RESEARCH Naomi Barr SENIOR RESEARCH EDITOR Bradley Rife
CHIEF BEAUTY DIRECTOR, HEARST MAGAZINES
Leah Wyar Romito BEAUTY DIRECTOR Brian Underwood BEAUTY ASSISTANT Erin Stovall
INTERNS ART Helena Jordheim, Min Li BOOKS Madeline King FASHION Jacinda Goh, Mona Rastegar, Lillie Rice STYLE Naidelyn Castillo, Mirna Gonzalez
STYLE CONTRIBUTING STYLE EDITOR Rae Ann Herman STYLE ASSISTANT Raena Loper
My “world famous” braidedinto-one challah.
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS AND WRITERS
A D M I N I S T R AT I O N EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR IN CHIEF Ashley Thomas ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR AT LARGE Joseph Zambrano SPECIAL PROJECTS EDITOR Kindra Hanson-Okafor
Martha Beck, Nate Berkus, Donna Brazile, Brené Brown, PhD, Michelle Burford, Kym Canter, Jenny Capitain, Susan Casey, Glennon Doyle, Elizabeth Gilbert, Bob Greene, Sanjay Gupta, MD, Andrew Holden, Phillip C. McGraw, PhD, Mehmet Oz, MD, Maria Shriver, Jihan Thompson, Farnoosh Torabi, Iyanla Vanzant, Peter Walsh
I N S TAG R A M M E R O F T H E M O N T H My husband’s spicy, savory short ribs over steamed rice. The dish saved our relationship.
Burritos. Handheld foods are humbling— it’s tough to hate with your palms and mouth full.
OPRAH.COM EDITOR IN CHIEF Mamie Healey EXECUTIVE EDITOR Naomi Kim Pascale SENIOR WEB EDITOR Ruth Baron SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Samantha Vincenty FOOD EDITOR Lynn Andriani BOOKS EDITOR Leigh Newman CONTRIBUTING COPY EDITOR Myles Evans CONTRIBUTING WEB PRODUCERS Ashley Sepanski, Jenae Sitzes WEB INTERN Samantha Grindell HEARST PHOTOGRAPHY GROUP
CHIEF PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR, HEARST MAGAZINES Alix Campbell EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR Fabienne Le Roux DIRECTOR Roni Martin-Chance DEPUTY EDITOR Kristin Giametta SENIOR EDITOR Martha Maristany PHOTO EDITOR Allison Chin SENIOR RESEARCHER Jenna Andrews ASSOCIATE EDITOR Emily Luppino ASSISTANTS Hannah Kaplan, Sara Neumann PHOTOGRAPHERS Mike Garten, Allie Holloway, Danielle Occhiogrosso M AY 2 0 1 8
Dorie Greenspan’s World Peace Cookies. They’re the olive branch of sweet treats.
What dish would you serve to create world peace?
SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT⁄PUBLISHER & CHIEF REVENUE OFFICER
Jayne Jamison ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER⁄SALES
Chocolate soufflé. There can’t be war when good chocolate is served.
Kathy Riess EXECUTIVE BEAUTY DIRECTOR Patricia Foster FOOD AND BEVERAGE DIRECTOR Mindy Miller
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MARKETING & PROMOTION
STYLE DIRECTOR Christine Potter Mulhearne
Ashley O’Brien Reilly
ACCOUNT DIRECTOR Courtney Kumpf EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, HEALTH Ron Balasco Sweet-and-sour meatballs, to show how opposite flavors work to achieve something delicious.
ASSOCIATE ACCOUNT MANAGER Kelsey Reynolds MIDWEST ADVERTISING DIRECTOR
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Jennifer Walker, Wisdom Media LLC TRAVEL AND TOURISM REPRESENTATIVE
Ronda Thiem, Madden Media Pizza!
ITALIAN REPRESENTATIVE Robert Schoenmaker VICE PRESIDENT, HEARST DIRECT MEDIA Christine Hall SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGER, HEARST DIRECT MEDIA
CREATIVE SERVICES DIRECTOR Sarah Massimo
MARKETING DIRECTOR, RESEARCH Cara Lonergan ASSOCIATE INTEGRATED MARKETING DIRECTOR
Brittany Davis INTEGRATED MARKETING MANAGER Linet Beras SENIOR PROMOTION DESIGNER Amber Wolff MARKETING COORDINATOR Jennifer Lavoie
Pretzels. They’re kind of shaped like peace signs.
CONSUMER MARKETING DIRECTOR Jocelyn Forman ADVERTISING SERVICES DIRECTOR Felicia Kinscy PRODUCTION⁄OPERATIONS DIRECTOR Chuck Lodato OPERATIONS ACCOUNT MANAGER Elizabeth Cascone EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT TO THE SVP⁄PUBLISHER
Colleen Kollar BUSINESS COORDINATOR
ADVERTISING ASSISTANTS Stephanie Ashton,
Allison Giannone, Andi Morales, Maggie Valdes, Alexia Vicario RESEARCH MANAGER Tina Giberti
New Orleans gumbo. Who could refuse good, authentic Cajun cooking?
P U B L I S H E D BY H E A R S T C O M M U N I CAT I O N S , I N C . PRESIDENT & CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Steven R. Swartz CHAIRMAN William R. Hearst III EXECUTIVE VICE CHAIRMAN Frank A. Bennack, Jr. SECRETARY Catherine A. Bostron TREASURER Carlton Charles
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M AY 2 0 1 8
A heartwarming bowl of my mama’s fideo soup.
GROWING BOLDER NOT OLDER
Contributors Elsie Larson and Emma Chapman,
United They Stand
Authors “FAST OR FANCY,” PAGE 146
The person who always helps us see another side of things is...each other. Even though we’re sisters, we’re opposites in many ways, so we learn a lot from one another. We’ll never change our views on...equality for everyone. No exceptions.
Six of the creative minds behind this issue talk about the ties that bind.
Senior associate editor “REFRESH!,” PAGE 103
One thing we all can agree on is...that everything is fleeting. Surrendering to that fact allows you to appreciate the good times, accept the challenging ones, and let things go when they’re over. I’ll never change my views on...Whitney Houston being the greatest vocalist of all time.
Raul Colón, Illustrator
“SIREN SONG,” PAGE 111
One thing we all can agree on is...that we’re all in pursuit of happiness. But it can’t be based on indifference to the plight of others. A disagreement that changed my perspective was...the day I broke from my family members’ hope that I’d become a minister. Following my own dreams allowed me to express my spiritual side through the language of art.
The person who always helps me see another side of things is...my friend Dion. When I had a family issue, he helped me get out of my own way and mend the relationship. I’ll never change my views on... the unnecessary evils of solitary confinement. No human should be isolated for 22 to 24 hours a day.
Harriet Lerner, Psychologist “GALL IN THE FAMILY?,” PAGE 121
One thing we can all agree on is...that we all want to be happy, safe, and well. I’ll never change my views on... kindness. Unlike love, kindness can be practiced—even when we feel decidedly unloving. M AY 2 0 1 8
COLÓN: GAIL GAYNIN, MORGAN GAYNIN INC. KELLER: COURTESY OF CATHRYNE KELLER. JERKINS: SYLVIE ROSOKOFF. LERNER: SUNFLOWER PUBLICATIONS/JASON DAILEY.
“BLACK AND BLUE,” PAGE 113
PRINCESS FLOWER COLLECTION
Behind the Scenes TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK Creative director Adam Glassman talks shop with Oprah while fashion editor Jenny Capitain attends to the details.
LIGHT AT THIS MONTH’S cover shoot, Oprah was feeling serene in a palette-cleansing, spirit-lifting white ensemble. Bopping along to Taylor Swift’s “End Game,” our model, a huge fan of neutrals, was thrilled to discover she could wear pants in the heavenly shade without the usual earthly concerns. “It’s hard not to look like a balloon in white pants, but these have a really nice cut,” she said. “They’re fantastic— like pajamas, but with a crease. Thank you so much, Michael Kors!” —PAMEL A EDWARDS CHRISTIANI
Jamie Foxx turned us on to these fab frames.
WATCH, Anne Klein, $95; amazon.com/fashion SUNGLASSES, $30; priverevaux.com
HAIR BALM, Kristin Ess Anytime Anywhere Hair Recovery Balm, $14; target.com FLATIRON, T3 SinglePass Compact Iron, $89; sephora.com
Get sleek strands like Oprah’s with this combo.
SWEATER, 3.1. Phillip Lim, $550; net-a-porter.com
PANTS, $110; bananarepublic.com
FRAGRANCE, Bella Blanca, $95 for 3.4 ounces; oscardelarenta.com
EARRINGS, Lizzie Fortunato, $160; intermixonline.com
BAG, $125; cuyana.com
CUFFS, Sequin, $38 each; sequin-nyc.com
LIP BALM, Lip Slick in Hibiscus Kiss, $54; tomford.com
SNEAKER, $228; mgemi.com
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FLORAL ARRANGEMENT, $200; ericbuterbaugh.com
OPRAH: SIOUX NESI.
Wake up your wardrobe with a little—or a lot of— white. Finish off a head-to-toe ivory outfit with a modern sneaker, or add smart white accents, like a tote, earrings, or a watch, to jeans and a tee.
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How to load the dishwasher. My husband insists that you don’t need to rinse the dishes first, but I know you should clean off the food scraps!
What have you and a loved one agreed to disagree on?
North Vancouver, British Columbia
PARENTING TECHNIQUES. I’M MORE LAID-BACK, BUT MY FIANCÉ IS STRICT. WE’VE COMBINED OUR APPROACHES AND WORKED OUT AN ISSUE THAT ALMOST COMPROMISED OUR RELATIONSHIP.
Eating meat. For the past decade, I’ve been a vegetarian, but most of my friends are omnivores. When they tease me about being “holier than thou,” I say “There’s a quota of how much meat each person can eat—and having grown up in the South, I’ve already eaten mine.”
Religion. My husband is an atheist. I am a person of strong Christian faith. We follow our own paths without denigrating each other’s beliefs. BARB PRESCOTT
Where to stay during vacation. My brother doesn’t want to spend money on a place we’re using just to sleep, but I need the amenities. After failing to compromise, we simply stay in the same city in different hotels and meet halfway.
Fall River, Nova Scotia
POLITICS. MY SISTER AND I CAN’T EVEN DISCUSS IT. SHE THINKS MY VIEWS ARE THE DOWNFALL OF SOCIETY; I’M CERTAIN OUR MOTHER DROPPED HER ON HER HEAD. DESPITE THIS, I WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER. CATHERINE HAUTER
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Our Next Question How would you spend your perfect day? Tell us at oprah.com/question or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org, and your response could be featured in our July issue.
SUBMISSIONS CHOSEN FOR PUBLICATION MAY BE EDITED FOR LENGTH AND CLARITY. CAMPBELL: JACK ROBICHAUD. GRAHAM AND HAUTER: COURTESY OF SUBJECTS. HILL: TOM CAUFIELD.
YOLANDA L. GRAHAM
Beaufort, South Carolina
Movies. I love going to the theater, but it’s not my husband’s thing. If he’s happier at home watching the Yankees while I lose myself in the latest blockbuster, it’s win-win.
Lily Olsen, sculptor # womenwhodo
SHARING CIRCLE In March, you found a good guy, strong women, and proof that you’re not alone.
“This was so powerfully moving. Imagine all men leading their families with the ultimate respect and devotion to their wives.” —Tanya Rose Thimis
“Terry, you’re a true man!” —Carolyn Means
“It takes a great deal of courage to appear ‘weak’ within a macho culture. Terry’s words are refreshing and affirming.” —Greg Lara
LETTER OF THE MONTH Jane Ratcliffe’s essay “Father Knew Best,” about how her dad helped her get through an undiagnosed health issue, touched my soul. I’ve been overwhelmed by my husband’s mysterious illness, which has gone without a diagnosis for more than a decade. We’ve both questioned our sanity through a maze of specialists and well-meaning friends who have offered us hope but no answers. Now I know that my support and belief in his healing is our faith showing us the future.
oprahmagazine GRAM SLAM
Oprah’s A Wrinkle in Time costars— and our March cover girls—were an Insta hit! THREE INSPIRING WOMEN IN ONE PLACE!
A TRIP TO DEATH VALLEY! Want to wake before dawn and watch the rugged mountains of Death Valley, California, turn pink as the sun rises? Then get your camera ready! One lucky reader will win a four-day vacation for two to the Inn at the Oasis in Death Valley. You’ll take a Jeep tour through the spectacular canyons, practice your golf swing on the world’s lowest-elevation course, and enjoy a poolside wellness treatment. Visit oprah.com/ oasissweeps to enter. For rules see Shop Guide.
BEAUTIFUL. COMPELLING. STRONG. @pmussieux
WHAT A POWERFUL AND INSPIRING TRIO!
LAURA ARAGON Jamul, California
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CONNECT WITH US! To receive updates from the editors, sign up for our email newsletters at oprah.com/ newsletters. To share your feedback on this issue, email us your full name, city, and state at email@example.com. You can also visit facebook.com/oprahmagazine or tweet us @O_Magazine. (For subscription questions, go to service.theoprahmag.com.) Letters chosen for publication may be edited for length and clarity. All submissions and manuscripts become the property of Hearst Communications, Inc.
ILLUSTRATION: BRETT RYDER. ACTRESSES: RUVEN AFANADOR.
In our March issue, actor Terry Crews got candid about toxic masculinity—and how he escaped it.
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Here We Go!
UPPIES ARE ADORABLE. There’s nothing like a warm bath. A cup of tea tastes better when you’re wearing slippers. (And tastes best after a warm bath and a few hours of cuddling puppies.) At the risk of being presumptuous, I believe these are statements we can all get behind. But there are, of course, subjects on which many of us differ, and I mean differ. Our country is more deeply divided than most of us can remember ever seeing. It hurts to witness the toll this division is taking on our nation—and it’s even more painful when it separates us from our loved ones. Which is why I hope you’ll head to page 118, where we’re aiming to help everyone find some common ground. More things we can agree on: Come May 13, you ought to call Mom (and send a gift; our Mother’s Day O List starts on page 53). Life’s too short to endure sore feet (so check out the comfy shoes on page 62). French fries are among our greatest culinary triumphs (if you’re a fan, which you surely are, see page 146). Here’s to trying our best to hear each other out. If more of us did that, I believe our differences wouldn’t seem so
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Live Your Best Life INSPIRATION
“It takes two to speak the truth— one to speak, and another to hear.”
—HENRY DAVID THOREAU
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Live Your Best Life
The Gratitude Meter
Five things we’re smiling about this month!
BY Zoe Donaldson
STAY WOKE No matter where you are, don’t settle for subpar coffee. The Dripkit is a collapsible pour-over device, with tasty java already tucked inside a filter. Just add hot water and you’ve got a pick-me-up without having to BYOFP (bring your own French press). (dripkit.coffee)
MAKE A DIFFERENCE
FLORAL AND HARDY Still waiting for May flowers? Take matters into your own hands with Flowersmith, a guidebook for crafting resilient paper anemones, zinnias, and more. Unlike the real deal, these DIY blooms will never wilt.
SWEET RELEASE An ambitious movement is repairing splintered families across the country.
Theresa Swain celebrates getting out of Pinellas County Jail in Clearwater, Florida, in May 2017.
MOTHER’S DAY GIF TS come in all forms, from breakfast in bed to a hot-stone massage. But some moms desperately wish for something simpler: the chance to hug their kids. Of the approximately 100,000 women in local U.S. jails, a staggering twothirds are women of color; an estimated 80 percent are mothers, most single parents; and many of them (including those arrested for nonviolent offenses like changing lanes without signaling) await trial behind bars because they can’t afford to post bail. “That’s what makes this system so harmful,” says Arissa Hall, project manager for the Brooklyn Community Bail Fund. M AY 2 0 1 8
In April 2017, a group of nonprofits launched a campaign they’re calling National Black Mama’s Bail Out Day to protest these punitive penalties. The goal: raise funds to help release as many moms of color—along with caretaking grandmas and aunts— as possible by Mother’s Day the following month. With donations exceeding $1 million, the crusade ultimately bailed out nearly 100 women. And the cause marches on. So check out brooklynbailfund.org/national-bail-out-day-donate to contribute—and honor your mom this Mother’s Day by helping someone else be with hers. —Z.D.
THE GRATITUDE METER: RIBBONS: COURTESY OF CHELSEY HILL. ESSENTIALLY ELLINGTON: LAWRENCE SUMULONG/JAZZ AT LINCOLN CENTER. GREETABL: GREETABL. FLOWERSMITH: JENNIFER TRAN. DRIPKIT: ANNE WATSON. MAKE A DIFFERENCE: SCOTT KEELER/TAMPA BAY TIMES VIA ZUMA WIRE.
BLOWN AWAY Between May 10 and 12, 15 high school jazz bands from around the nation will land in the Big Apple to play their hearts out in Jazz at Lincoln Center’s Essentially Ellington competition. You can tune in to the event’s livestream at jazz.org/watchee and see which ensemble wins the
Live Your Best Life CREATURE COMFORTS
UNDER HER SPELL Broadway gets even more magical with Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (April 22), which catches up with J.K. Rowling’s intrepid trio 19 years after the final book. British actress Noma Dumezweni, as Hermione Granger, is ready to win over American audiences.
Barks and Recreation
O: You’ve performed on London stages for two decades. How did you wind up in Harry Potter land? NOMA DUMEZWENI: In 2015, I was asked to participate in a workshop to help improve a play, but the play itself was kept secret. On the first day, we learned what it was—and I thought, There’s a stage version of Harry Potter? Why? But when I saw what had been created, I fell in love. And when I was cast as Hermione, my response was, “Shut the f--- up, are you serious?” I got to join the most benign cult in the world!
DUMEZWENI: CHARLIE GRAY. DOG AND FLOAT COAT: RUFFWEAR. DOGGLES: DOGGLES INC. EPI-PET SUN PROTECTOR: SAM WERKMEISTER. WATER ICON: MANOHARA/THE NOUN PROJECT. LIFE VEST ICON: ANTON GAJDOSIK/THE NOUN PROJECT. HOSE ICON: TOMASZ PASTERNAK/THE NOUN PROJECT. SUN ICON: PROSYMBOLS/THE NOUN PROJECT. CLIPBOARD ICON: MADE/THE NOUN PROJECT.
O: There was a lot of online noise when your role was announced for the original production in London. Some people referred to you as the “black Hermione.” ND: I find that phrase reductive. I’m a black woman and I’m an actress who plays a character named Hermione. J.K. Rowling wrote a story that empowers young girls—and not just white or brown or black or Asian girls. My privilege is that children can now see me and imagine themselves as the characters, too. O: Have you been introduced to the original Hermione, Emma Watson? ND: Yes. She came to watch the play one day—and when we met after the show, she burst into tears, then I burst into tears, and we just hugged. O: Finally, is it levi-O-sa or levio-SA? ND: You know what the answer is! —JOSEPH ZAMBRANO Noma Dumezweni, in costume.
Pooches like to have fun in the sun, too. Here, a few ways to help keep yours safe at the beach and pool. BY Jennifer Chen
AHEAD OF THE PACK
Bring H2O on the go. If you’re planning an all-day excursion, pack plenty of clean water. “You don’t want your pet drinking from oceans, rivers, or lakes,” says Michael J. Topper, PhD, DVM, president of the American Veterinary Medical Association. Why? They might contain organisms—algae, dead fish—that could cause illness. Try the AutoDogMug (1), a handy hybrid water bottle/bowl.
1 | $15; highwave.com
Strap on some safety. Meet the Cadillac of dog life jackets: The Ruffwear Float Coat (2) comes in bright colors with reflective trim, features an adjustable neck closure (to help smaller pups keep their snout above water), and is topped off with a strong handle that lets owners easily hoist pooches from the surf when they’re pooped. And for sensitive eyes, there’s Doggles ILS (3): rubber-framed, shatterproof specs that protect against sand, sun, and UV rays and can fit furry faces of all sizes.
2 | $80; ruffwear.com
3 | $25; woof.doggles.com
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4 | $18; epi-pet.com
Hose down post-dip. Once your Dalmatian is done splish-splashing, rinse her coat with clean water. Excess chlorine could lead to gastric distress if ingested, and salty residue can result in dry, itchy skin.
Block harmful rays. Apply pet-safe sunscreen on pups’ bare bellies, floppy ears, and any other hairless areas. Keep in mind that canines with light-colored coats (think a bichon frise) or short hair (a boxer) may be at greater risk of getting burned. Epi-Pet Sun Protector sunscreen (4) is safe for your pup to lick and has a vanilla scent. Reapply every two hours.
Bone up on local docs. If you’re vacationing somewhere new with an adventurous dog, Topper recommends saving the number for a nearby veterinarian in your phone before you travel. Otherwise, having an emergency in a Wi-Fi-free zone could put you and your pup in a ruff spot.
Live Your Best Life
THE BIG DAY
Keep Calm and Marry On On May 19 at 7 a.m. (ET), Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will tie the knot at Windsor Castle. If you’re hosting a royalwedding viewing party, make it a true British bash with a jolly
based liqueur spices, has been a summertime staple in the UK for centuries and will add some fizz to the festivities. We asked bartender Chad Parkhill, author of Around the World in 80 Cocktails, to help us concoct the libation. 1. Wash fruits for garnish (Parkhill likes blackberries, strawberries, and half wheels of orange and lemon). 2. Create thin ribbons from 1 baby cucumber. Fill a Collins glass with ice, fruit, and a cucumber ribbon. 3. Add 1 ounce Pimm’s No. 1 Cup, 1 ounce gin, and ½ ounce lemon juice. Top with 6 ounces lemon-lime soda (Sprite, 7 Up) or ginger ale, or a mix of both. Stir to combine and place a straw in the drink. 4. Tuck 1 sprig of mint next to the straw, so you can inhale its aroma as you sip.
Royal unions and fascinators go hand in hand. To make your own over-the-top headpiece (fair warning: it won’t resemble the serpentine bow, above, that Princess Beatrice wore to William and Kate’s ceremony), follow our instructions from Erica Domesek, DIY doyenne and founder of the site P.S.—I Made This. 1. Cut 1 to 1½ feet of wide mesh ribbon with bendable wire edges. 2. Hold the center of the ribbon in one hand; use your other hand to fold the ribbon’s loose ends, creating loops and twists. 3. Use a needle and thread to stitch the ends of the ribbon into the pinched base. 4. Using a hot-glue gun, attach feathers of different sizes and textures to the back of the ribbon embellishment. 5. Glue the entire sculpture to a hair comb or a headband. Huzzah!
THE ROYAL TREATMENT In our December 2017 issue, O reader and royal-family fanatic Casey Kitchens told us about the most moving gift she’d ever received, courtesy of her husband, Matt: a night alone in a hotel so the mom of three could watch Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding in peace. What does Kitchens, who lives in Crystal Springs, Mississippi, have cooking for this month’s showstopping nuptials? We checked in:
Say “I do” to a batch of Devon scones, adapted from Baking with Mary Berry. 1. Preheat oven to 425°. 2. Sift 1¾ cup self-rising flour into a bowl. Rub in 4 Tbsp. chilled butter, cubed, with fingertips until mixture resembles fine bread crumbs. Stir in 2½ Tbsp. granulated sugar. 3. Break 1 egg into a measuring cup, then fill the cup to the 2⁄3 mark with milk. Beat lightly and add to bowl. Mix until it forms a soft dough. 4. Knead dough on a floured surface until smooth. Roll until ½" thick, cut into rounds with a 2" pastry cutter, and put on a lightly buttered baking sheet. Brush each round with milk. 5. Bake for 10 minutes until risen and golden. Serve with jam. “I would choose strawberry,” says Berry, “and a good clotted or whipped cream.”
Queen Elizabeth’s epically pampered corgis likely won’t attend Harry and Meghan’s nuptials, but you can pay homage with this blow-up replica. It’s weighted and comes with a ribbon leash, so it’ll sit and stay. Good dog! (myownpet
“My 8-year-old son has no interest in anything wedding related, but my daughters, 11 and 7, are now old enough to watch with me, so I want to make new memories with them. My goal is to get us a room at the same hotel I stayed in last time. It’s called the King Edward, which sounds pretty regal to me. We’ll bring homemade princess-themed kits, complete with crowns and candy, and we’ll order pancakes—a treat in and of itself!”
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PRINCE HARRY AND MARKLE: SAMIR HUSSEIN/WIREIMAGE. PIMM’S CUP: MARK GILLOW/GETTY IMAGES. PRINCESS BEATRICE: CHRIS JACKSON/GETTY IMAGES. BISCUIT: DORLING KINDERSLEY, WILLIAM SHAW, 2018. BISCUIT RECIPE FROM BAKING WITH MARY BERRY, © 2018 BY MARY BERRY. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF DK PUBLISHING, A DIVISION OF PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE LLC. CORGI BALLOON: MY OWN PET BALLOON. KITCHENS: COURTESY OF CASEY KITCHENS.
B Y WO M E N, F O R WO M E N
V I S I T N Y D J .C O M TO S H O P O U R S P R I N G C O L L E C T I O N AND LEARN MORE ABOUT THESE REMARKABLE WOMEN.
Live Your Best Life WOMEN WHO MAKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS
WE LIKE THIS GUY!
A retired FBI investigator tackles the case of the lost fruit. IN THE 1890s, a farmer named Robert
Meet an amateur baker on the rise. INSTAGRAM is a visual feast of rainbow-bright salads and towering ice cream cones. And Lauren Ko’s exactingly patterned pies and tarts (often studded with motifs like dragon fruit trapezoids and kiwi triangles) belong with the cream of the crop. But there’s another reason her treats are gaining followers (130,000 and counting): The 30-year-old Seattleite is completely self-taught. Until recently, Ko worked as an executive assistant for a college chancellor—but now she’s been catapulted into confectionary stardom. Her main ingredients: “I’m inspired by geometric patterns, architecture, and textiles. I’ve seen things done with pie that involve cookie cutters or cut flower shapes, but I want my designs to feel more experimental. It also helps that Seattle has great produce. What can you do with ten pounds of cherries other than stuff it in a pie?” Her vision: “I created a spoke design out of dough—it’s based on some string art I found— and it’s kind of become my signature. It’s M AY 2 0 1 8
1. Almond cream tart with wine-poached pineapple and quince. 2. Mixed-berry pie with freeze-driedraspberry crust. 3. Raspberry-lemon curd tart with mango arrows. 4. Mixedberry pie with beetcolored crust. 5. Chocolate tart with kumquat tiles.
actually not that hard to execute, even though it looks complicated. But there are some designs that really stretch my brain. I once thinly hand-sliced five or six pears for a layered tart, and that was way more laborious.” Her power tool: “My pastry wheel! I used to slice straight edges with a paring knife and a cookie sheet. But the rolling wheel cutter, coupled with a metal ruler, has saved me so much time. Not to mention that my lines are now smoother and more consistent.” Her grand plan: “I’m going to teach a few local workshops and classes and develop more recipes—but I don’t want to open a store and sell pies. Some take up to six hours to complete, so I couldn’t produce them en masse. Right now I’m happy just sharing with friends. They’re happy to eat what I make!” —Z.D.
BENSCOTER: ZACH MAZUR. KO: JORDAN LUTES. PIES: COURTESY OF LAUREN KO.
E. Burns planted an estimated 160 varieties of apple trees in southeast Washington state. Unfortunately for him, his business failed—but the trees themselves did just fine. In fact, many of them still flourish. The problem: piecing together, more than a century later, what they are. That’s where apple detective David Benscoter comes in. Benscoter, 63, spent 24 years as an investigator for the FBI and U.S. Treasury, working on corruption and tax fraud cases. His first foray into apple recovery came about ten years ago, when, in the process of helping a neighbor pluck and later identify apples from trees on her property, he came across a book cataloging varieties thought to have nearly vanished. When Benscoter learned of nationwide efforts to track these down, he joined the cause. “I developed a real interest in heirloom apples,” he says. “For years, our choice in stores has just been Red Delicious or Red Delicious!” The retiree searches through county fair documents and newspaper archives to verify once-common fruits, then uses property maps and his sleuthing know-how to pinpoint apple hot spots throughout his home state. His first rediscovery was the Nero, on Burns’s former farmland. Since then, Benscoter has also ID’d the Dickinson, Arkansas Beauty, Shackleford, and Kittageskee and donated cuttings of them to heirloom nurseries. How to explain his success? “It turns out the research skills I developed in the FBI—combing through documents for bits of evidence—are the same ones you need to search for apples.” —M.G.
SKIN DO BOTH WITH POND’S COLD CREAM.
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REMOVE AND IMPROVE. POND’S® Cold Cream melts away every trace of makeup—even waterproof mascara—and with 50% moisturizer, it infuses skin with vital hydration for clean, soft, glowing skin in one step. We had makeup-obsessed O Mag Insider, Rosio Fierro put it to the test taking her from a glam night out on the town to clean, soft and glowing skin. Find out why she loves it!
STEP 1 Apply Pond’s® Cold Cream to dry skin
Put your trust in a classic – POND’S® Cold Cream Cleanser. Learn more at Ponds.com
Massage into skin and watch makeup melt away
STEP 3 Wipe off product with cotton round and rinse if desired
POND’S® COLD CREAM CLEANSER gave my beauty routine a much needed makeover! I have sensitive skin, which means that while I love trying out new makeup looks, it can take a toll on my skin. POND’S® Cold Cream Cleanser is so gentle and yet it removes even the heaviest glam makeup without leaving my skin feeling dry. In fact, it does just the opposite. My skin immediately feels so clean, moisturized, and radiant after I cleanse. Using it nightly to remove my makeup has signiﬁcantly improved my skin, leaving it hydrated, soft, and smooth. POND’S® Cold Cream Cleanser truly is magic in a bottle!” – Rosio Fierro @rosie.80
Live Your Best Life
MY BEST LIFE
Bryant The plucky Saturday Night Live cast member, who costars in the new comedy I Feel Pretty (April 20), shares the joys of tasty burgers and dowdy sweatsuits.
BEST COLLECTION Crystals. Two years ago, I found a store in New York City called Rock Star Crystals and felt like I’d truly lost my mind. By the time I left, I thought, I just spent $200 on rocks. What am I doing? I don’t know what mine are for—I choose them based on colors I like. BEST DATE My boyfriend once took me to a trainthemed restaurant called the Choo-Choo in a suburb of Chicago. They serve your hamburger and fries on a model train that zooms across the counter. It’s likely meant for kids, but I was delighted. BEST WARDROBE STAPLE Never underestimate the power of a good bra. Boobs are heavy and can be a nightmare—but the right bra is a game changer. I didn’t have one until I got to Saturday Night Live and was guided by true wardrobe professionals. They said, “Ma’am, let us help you,” and suddenly I looked better in my clothes and my shoulders didn’t hurt.
DANIELLE ST. LAURENT.
BEST FREE SATURDAY The bra comes off and I get in what can only be described as the worst-looking sweatsuit ever. Then I’ll have a grilled cheese and soup delivered—which is sad because I can easily make those things myself—and watch six hours of Real Housewives with my dog, Fuzz, in my lap. Heaven.
I know people like the rabbits and dogs and hearts, but I really love that drumstick. It offers a little unexpected pizzazz.
BEST ADVICE FROM MOM My mother is still very good about making sure I say thank you. And I do think that if you enter into things with a thankful point of view, you’ll always remain appreciative. —AS TOLD TO J.Z. OPRAH.COM
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Live Your Best Life
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO
Recently, my favorite children (and millennials), Will and Kirby, told me about the new game they’re loving called HQ. Available on the App Store, the daily live trivia show is played by millions of folks around the country and hosted by quick-thinking comedian Scott Rogowsky. Contestants have ten seconds to answer a multiplechoice question. Guess right and you move on to the next one (there are 12 total). Guess wrong and you’re booted from that day’s game. Technically, you play for cash— the shared pot has ranged from $250 to $50,000—but given how tricky some questions are, the true prize is bragging rights. So far I’ve made it to Follow Gayle on the fifth question. Instagram and Twitter Lucky number six, @GayleKing. here I come! M AY 2 0 1 8
Here’s the kind of person Norah O’Donnell is: On her birthday, she gave me a gift. Why? Because I couldn’t stop drooling over the rainbow-colored sneakers she wore to the CBS This Morning studio. Norah is a bona fide runner; me, not so much. But these sporty kicks give me happy feet while I walk down the street. ($100; brooksrunning.com)
LISTEN When Janelle Monáe hit the music scene in 2010, she wore a lot of black and white. Today she’s embracing a boldly colorful style, with a new album, Dirty Computer (April 27), to prove it. She recently told me that with help from therapy, she’s lost some inhibitions and is ready to fully express herself. In her first Prince-inspired single, she sings, I’m powerful with a little bit of tender. Janelle, I’m all ears!
is brought to life in HBO Films’ biopic Paterno (streaming now on HBO Go), thanks to a spot-on portrayal by Al Pacino. JoePa’s celebrated 45-year career ended in disgrace amid the Jerry Sandusky sexual abuse scandal. The movie examines what Joe knew, when he knew it, and why it took so long for the allegations against Sandusky to break— and you’ll be getting every answer right down to the last second of the film.
CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: LAZARUS JEAN-BAPTISTE. BROOKS RUNNING. ATLANTIC RECORDS. ATSUSHI NISHIJIMA. HQ TRIVIA. NITZAN RUBIN. BFA. MAXWELL HADDAD.
EAT Not many steakhouses are owned by women, let alone mother-daughter teams. So I’m happy to introduce you to Babette Haddad (mom) and Melissa Haddad Malaga (daughter), the duo behind Maxwell’s Chophouse in New York City. I brought Team Gayle there recently, and we ordered burgers, steaks, crispy onion rings, and—the day’s big hit—a can of bacon strips that you grab and eat like French fries. Consider Maxwell’s Chophouse kid tested and mother approved.
Go ahead, indulge a little with The W ∂ nderful Nut. W ∂ nderful Pistachios are one of the lowest-fat, lowest-calorie nuts around. This delicious, heart-healthy snack is one lean, green protein machine. The Skinny Nut • The Fit Nut • The Mindful Nut • The Colorful Nut • The Happy Nut
Live Your Best Life
BEHIND THE VEIL Amanda Avutu watches her daughter grapple with a familiar conundrum: how best to blend in?
Jewish,” my mom cautioned when I was 9. Instead of going to High Holiday services at our temple, we went to see The Purple Rose of Cairo. During Passover, my mother and I sneaked McDonald’s into the house beneath our shirts. I got sent to the rabbi’s office for asking how God made the sky if he was in it. I wasn’t Jewish. I told people my father was a Russian spy. Given his darker skin, narrow eyes, and thick accent, my classmates believed me. It helped that my sister’s name was Natasha. It was the ’80s, the South, and it didn’t matter that Dad was a Romanian dental technician. I was determined to control the narrative, to make myself mysterious rather than “other.” The neighborhood girls wear crosses in their creamy earlobes, tuck their hair behind. On Sundays, they wear prim dresses, are unavailable to play. God’s children. “When can I get my ears pierced?” my daughter asks. “What’s church?” “My hair is this long when it’s wet,” she says after a shower. At the library, a woman says my son and daughter are beautiful, then asks, “But what are they?” “My children,” I say, smiling. “Their father is Indian,” I add, and she nods appreciatively. My daughter understands that her skin makes her vulnerable. She has sat in our Syrian refugee friends’ homes. She knows that people kill other people because they don’t like how they look or what they believe. As a child, I had nightmares about where we would hide when they came for us. I settled on the plum tree M AY 2 0 1 8
in the yard. Who would look there? Now when the tornado siren goes off, the four of us crouch in the bathroom off our kitchen, holding one another, waiting for danger to pass. One night at dinner, we’re talking about the guy in the market whose cart, heaped with water bottles, blocked my son from reaching the broccoli. “Mucho agua,” he said to my son, by way of apology. “Why was he speaking Spanish?” my daughter asks now. “I don’t know,” I say, but I do. We all do. I tell her, “When I was little, I had really long hair. Did you know that? Superlong, like down to my butt.” She laughs. “I used to run around naked, my hair flapping like a squirrel’s tail.” My son returns to his book; he doesn’t want to hear about his naked-child mom. But my daughter is intrigued. “One day,” I continue, “I was in the yard, wearing only my hair, when a car pulled up. I didn’t realize we were going to have company!” She chews, swallows. “What did you do?” she asks. “I ran inside! I slid under the dining room table and stayed there, head down, so my hair fell over my body—a cloak.” She stares hard at me. “Could they see you?” she asks. “I don’t know,” I say, “but it felt like I was invisible.” And she looks at me, for the first time, like she sees me, like she sees that I see her. AMANDA AVUTU is a writer in Atlanta.
The author with her father, 1977, and daughter, 2018.
She can’t blonde her hair (not on my watch) or blue her eyes (yet) or white her skin (ever). But she can long her hair. This, she can control.
FROM LEFT: CHRISTINA HODGEN. COURTESY OF AUTHOR.
OUR SKIN IS PRETTY and white,” my daughter tells me. “My skin is brown. Darker.” She frowns. “Dad’s is the darkest,” she adds. Her father is Indian. “You are you,” I tell her. “You are beautiful.” She is 5. I remind her of things that are brown and beautiful: chocolate, the earth! “Chocolate is bitter,” she says. “The earth is dirt.” I fill her bookshelves with beautiful brown characters, send her to a school with beautiful brown students and smart brown teachers. She remains unconvinced. One day she decides to grow out the blunt bob she requested last year. She can’t blonde her hair (not on my watch) or blue her eyes (yet) or white her skin (ever). But she can long her hair. This, she can control. Every day she brushes her hair, shows me how long it’s getting. “It’s this long if I tilt my head,” she says. And I wonder how long it will have to grow—to her shoulder blades, her butt, the floor?—before she’s convinced she’s beautiful, and that the length of her hair and the color of her skin have nothing to do with it. I grew up in Houston, with a father who’d immigrated from Romania by way of Israel. Dad’s skin was the color of ginger ale; my mother’s the pinkish white of slightly undercooked chicken. My father said things differently; he called me “Amenda.” I was preoccupied with our blood, which, according to Anne Frank’s diary, marked us for death. “Don’t tell people at school you’re
“Your deepest struggle can, if you’re willing and open, produce your greatest strength.” —Oprah Winfrey
contributors to O, The Oprah Magazine, this heartening collection offers wisdom, solace, and connection. O’s Little Book of Calm & Comfort is the antidote to life’s trying times.
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As You Are Your smile is uniquely yours. It has the power to boost your confidence and brighten the days of those around you. That’s why it’s important to give your teeth and gums the care they deserve. The key to a healthy smile? A healthy mouth. And keeping your teeth and gums healthy and strong starts with ARM & HAMMER™ toothpastes, which harness the natural acid-fighting and whitening power of baking soda. Here’s how it works:
Penetrates Deep Between Teeth Baking soda particles dissolve quickly to reach between teeth and along the gum line, deep into enamel crevices. Penetrating these difficult-to-clean areas is critical to maintaining a healthy smile. ARM & HAMMER™ toothpaste provides the total coverage your teeth and gums need, creating a powerful clean you can feel throughout your whole mouth.
Gently Cleans and Whitens Tooth enamel is tough. It’s the hardest substance in your body, but it still wears away over time. When it thins, it causes yellowing and sensitivity, and makes teeth more prone to cavities. You want a toothpaste that is tough on plaque but gentle on tooth enamel. ARM & HAMMER™ toothpastes have been found to remove more plaque than regular toothpastes and be less abrasive than leading whitening toothpastes. The natural power of baking soda gently lifts stains and brightens teeth to leave your smile gleaming for years to come.
Neutralizes Harmful Acid Consider this good news for your “sweet tooth”! Cutting down on sugary foods is great, but indulging in dessert isn’t the real culprit behind dental dramas: It’s plaque, which feeds on sugars and carbs left in your mouth after eating. This plaque produces acid that lowers your mouth’s pH and leaches minerals that keep enamel strong. Even healthy foods can stimulate these acids! Baking soda is the most eﬀective ingredient for neutralizing acid quickly and restoring pH to a healthy level.
Long-term damage from acid erosion
Brushing every day with ARM & HAMMER™ Baking Soda toothpaste
ENAMEL PROTECTION Once enamel is gone, it’s gone for good. Be proactive about oral health and choose products and ingredients you can trust to protect your smile. ARM & HAMMER™ relies on the natural power of baking soda to work with your teeth, allowing them to remineralize naturally, strengthen, and stay bright and strong.
A smile that’s up for any challenge.
THAT’S THE BAKING SODA DIFFERENCE.
ARM & HAMMER™ Toothpastes work differently, using the natural power of baking soda to neutralize the acids that weaken and erode enamel — for stronger, healthier teeth and gums*. *As part of a complete twice daily brushing routine
Live Your Best Life
Frazzled with work and family demands, Aminah Akram is always putting others first. But O life coach Martha Beck wants her new client to start focusing on another important person: herself.
AS AN AIRLINE ticket agent, Aminah Akram spends her workdays accommodating people who aren’t exactly at their best. “I have a thick skin!” says the 48-year-old, who lives in Lilburn, Georgia. In her offhours, she cares for her 10-year-old daughter, who’s being evaluated for autism (“Her teachers love her, but she has social challenges with her peers”), and her 22-year-old son, who’s in college. She also often ferries around her mother, who lives with her and doesn’t drive, and her sister, who doesn’t have a car. All the demands on Aminah’s time have left her depleted, depressed, and longing for a romantic partner’s love and support—something she hasn’t had since 2007. “I’m in the dating rut of my life,” she says. “I’ve gone out with guys occasionally, but it’s rare that I feel any spark. At this stage, I don’t want to settle.” Now Aminah could use some help reaching her destination—and who better than life coach Martha Beck? Let’s listen to their session in part 1 of our new series.
Martha Beck: Aminah, how are you? Aminah Akram: I’m wonderful. I’m so excited to talk to you.
MB: Likewise. I hear you’re incredibly busy tending to people.
AA: It’s just what I do. Now that you
Aminah is looking for true love. “I want to grow old in rocking chairs with somebody,” she says. ILLUSTRATIONS BY Max-O-Matic
mention it, I need to make sure I can be done in time to get my daughter to her doctor’s appointment. MB: Yes, I also heard that you spend plenty of time in the car. AA: I’m like an Uber driver! MB: Could your son help? AA: He’s away at college. He does have his own car because I helped him buy it. I’m also paying for his insurance. I’m glad he’s in school, but it would help if he could get a job to cover it. MB: And you’re placating people at work all day. No one gets hassled as much as the people at airport ticket counters! That makes it hard to generate the energy for romance. AA: Yeah, I think the lack of a partner
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is where most of my depression comes from. Last summer I felt really bad. My mom had major back surgery, my son had knee surgery, and I’d just started the process of having my daughter screened for autism. I was overwhelmed. MB: The situation you’re in isn’t one humans have evolved for. We evolved to live in groups and share responsibility for the old, the young, and the sick together. You’re trying to be the village for everybody. Women, especially new moms, who care for others have to take the focus off themselves. But they can become stuck in that mode, even when their kids are older—they get more and more drained while no one really notices. AA: You speak up and they still don’t notice! MB: Honestly, I’m glad you don’t have a romantic partner yet. It’s likely you’d be thanklessly meeting his needs, too. I’d rather see you step into your power and then find your mate. AA: I’ve read that you attract the kind of person you are. MB: Actually, sometimes we attract our mirror image. People who serve without thanks often wind up with selfish people who want to be cared for. Your depression is trying to get you in touch with your healthy anger so you can set boundaries. AA: During that period when I really felt bad, I started medication and did short-term group therapy, which I loved. I’m better now, but still sometimes I just want to run away. MB: You should leave this pattern— not by checking out of your life, but by checking in to it. That means finding the power to say no. AA: I feel like my family situation keeps me stuck. MB: Believe me, I’m not asking you to get rid of your family! Just try changing the old pattern by figuring out what you need and asking for it. Let’s play a game. Say you stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom, and it’s hideously filthy. Imagine I tell you I’m hiring you to clean it, and I’ll
“Does your bladder leak underwear fit this beautifully?”
Always Discreet Boutique
Always Discreet Boutique. Fits closer. Keeps you drier, too.* *vs. Depend Silhouette Small/Medium. Depend Silhouette is a trademark of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide. © 2018 P&G
what it takes to make any room beautiful
From the countryâ€™s most popular interior design magazine, a collection of inspiring images and pro tricks for uncovering the potential of every living space AVA I L A BL E W H E R EV E R BO O K S A R E S O LD
DOWNLOAD NOW. IT’S FREE. ApplePodcasts.com/Oprah
ΜΟΤΗΕΡΣ ΔΑΨ ΙΝ ΣΤΨΛΕ Δισχοϖερ τηε ΝΕΩ στατεµεντ βοω χηαρµ ανδ µατχηινγ ϕεωελρψ σετ ιν στερλινγ σιλϖερ.
πανδορα.νετ ♥ 2018 Πανδορα ϑεωελρψ, ΛΛΧ Αλλ ριγητσ ρεσερϖεδ
OM! THANKS, M
List How Dry I Am These little wonders marry classic espadrille form with high-tech neoprene and rubber function. So if you love piña coladas and getting caught in the rain, not to worry—they’ll dry in about 15 minutes. (Beachcomber espadrille water shoes, originally $68 to $89 per pair, now 20 percent off with code OPRAH; seastarbeachwear.com)
A few things we think are just great for Mother’s Day.
Tune in to ABC’s The View to see O creative director Adam Glassman reveal special savings from The O List on “View Your Deal.”
PHOTOGRAPHS BY Gregor Halenda OPRAH.COM
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everyday bag with a very swank robin’s-egg blue leather charm from you-know-where. (Bag charms, $150 each; tiffany.com)
Calling All Pulse Points Everything’s coming up peonies and pink peppercorns with a hint of sandalwood, thanks to this springy new scent from Sarah Jessica Parker. (Stash Unspoken by SJP, originally $65 for 1.7 ounces, now 20 percent off with code OPRAH; sjpbeauty.com)
Look Out! Saving precious purse space with lightweight readers that Giving your mother a pair so menu again? Priceless. (Folding reading glasses, $45 each; izipizi.com)
Double Your Pleasure got another great color combination with
We Now Pronounce You Delicious Design superstar Vera Wang and renowned pâtissier Ladurée have married their talents, and the result is this limited edition set of coconut crème chantilly macarons—a perfect union of style, taste, and pure pleasure. ($24 for box of six; laduree.us for stores)
Who says Mother’s Day is only for mothers? Footnanny makes fluffy sock and nourishing cream kits for sister and auntie, too, so you can shower the people you love with shea butter, cocoa butter, and essential oils. (Mother’s Day collection, originally $48 each, now 25 percent off with code OPRAH; footnanny.com) M AY 2 0 1 8
Have More Fun in Bed This lovely soft chemise is fine to sleep in, but it could also serve Mom very well during her waking hours. Mother’s Day: It’s not just for housecoats anymore. (Zoe nightie in Loire, originally $128, now 20 percent off with code OPRAH; molly-pepper.com)
PROP STYLING: MEGUMI EMOTO. SOFT GOODS STYLING: GABRIEL RIVERA/R.J. BENNETT REPRESENTS.
Turn this laser-cut vegan leather tote with a
Hanging Around Remember when you made your mom a necklace from rigatoni and string? Well, it turns out she might’ve been faking some of her enthusiasm. These sparkly Kendra Scott necklaces will more than make up for any past pasta jewelry. (Kacey long pendant necklaces, $65 to $75 each; kendrascott.com)
Slice of Heaven Dense, moist, citrusy—this lemon-drop Bundt cake is a religious experience on a fork.
Pup It Up
Memories custom pet portraits, now 20 percent off with code OPRAH;
Get Your Goat Got milk? Great! But have you got this seriously luscious collection of Beekman 1802 goat’s-milk skin and haircare products, designed in partnership with the legendary MacKenzie-Childs company? (Morning Glory goat’s-milk beauty collection set, originally $109, now 20 percent off with code OPRAH; beekman1802.com)
When Josiah Wedgwood gifted a pot to the Duchess of Devonshire in 1778, little did he know that Laura Cavendish, daughter-in-law of the current Duchess of Devonshire, would collaborate on a redesign of Wedgwood’s iconic jasperware using a new technique that creates an organic marbling effect. Talk about making history. (Wedgwood Burlington pots, from $75 each; wedgwood.com) OPRAH.COM
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INSTANT SOFTNESS O Mag Insider Tabitha Blue tried Jergens® Wet Skin® Moisturizer and is here to tell you why it’s her new must-have moisturizer. “As a busy mom of four, I need products in my life that multitask and keep up with our busy schedule…I’m sure you feel the same! With Jergens® Wet Skin® Moisturizer, I can moisturize my skin before even drying oﬀ aer a shower, which saves time, keeps my skin feeling hydrated all day, and leaves an amazing scent too! I love how silky this product feels on my skin and how quickly it absorbs without leaving me feeling greasy. My family can’t actually choose a favorite, but I think mine may just be coconut. I can’t recommend it enough. Try it for yourself and get a healthy sheen straight out of the shower!” @TabithaBlue freshmommyblog.com
Jergens® Wet Skin® Moisturizer instantly absorbs for a moisture-kissed sheen and soness that lasts all day. Jergens® Wet Skin® Moisturizer was developed to work when your skin is most receptive—aer showering, when your skin is wet and your pores are open.
TRY IT FOR YOURSELF AT AMAZON.COM/JERGENS
Love That! DAYTONIGHT DRESSING
PROP STYLING: ALMA MELENDEZ/HALLEY RESOURCES.
Meaningful baubles tell your story, whether you’re bewitched by your birthstone or like to keep your loved ones’ initials close. As you add your favorite charms through the years, these chains become cherished pieces to pass on to the next generation of jewelry lovers.
1. Black sterling silver chain, $195, and charms, $140 to $695 each; helenficalora.com 2. Gold vermeil chain, $95, and charms, $115 to $135 each; monicavinader.com 3. 14kt-gold chain, $495, and charms, $95 to $295 each; charmco.com 4. 18kt-gold-plated sterling silver chain, Pandora Jewelry, $150, and charms, $90 to $100 each; pandora.net 5. Chain with charms, $78; johnwind.com 6. Gold-filled chain, Jennifer Miller, $150, and charms, $75 to $260 each; jennifermillerjewelry.com PHOTOGRAPH BY Jeff Harris
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Love That! $98
GREAT BUYS UNDER $100 PRETTY EASY
Tucked under a blue blazer or tied over a bikini, this striped tee is a seasonal staple. landsend.com
Glam up your basics with beaded danglers. lisilerch.com $70 $98
Join the prep squad with classic cuts and charming pastels. STYLE ICON
The leafy pattern adds a fresh twist on the classic poplin shirtdress. zara.com Yes, cropped wide-legged pants can flatter; just add wedges and a short jacket. anntaylor.com $78
Switch up your pearl game with a colorful strand of threaded beads (pink and green sold separately). sissyyates designs.com
Whatâ€™s more fun than a pom-pom-trimmed pink skirt available in sizes 0 to 22? talbots.com
Accent your pastels with this pop of sunshine. Un Billion; ffcnewyork.com
Leave it to Ellen DeGeneres to come up with a cool slide. ED Ellen DeGeneres; nordstrom.com M AY 2 0 1 8
RICHARD MAJCHRZAK/STUDIO D. SOFT GOODS STYLING: GABRIEL RIVERA/R.J. BENNETT REPRESENTS.
A navy maillot is timeless, and the scallop detailing adds a sweet touch. Boden; bodenusa.com
Reese Witherspoon in one of her Draper James designs.
STYLE. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO HURT.
Available at Dillard’s and Lord & Taylor.
learn more at vionicshoes.com
A fit-and-flare silhouette flatters practically every body type, and the retro vibe is ultrafeminine.
This knit column maxi is supersoft and sexy. Fashion enthusiasts will appreciate the bold color blocking.
Go with the flow stylishly in this boho midi dress. The ample sleeves and loose fit ensure comfort and coverage.
Dress, $50; zara.com
Dress, Nic + Zoe, $228; nicandzoe.com
Say yes to a dress in the shade of the season: pink. No matter the occasion, there’s an option to suit your style.
Sunglasses, $30; priverevaux.com
Dress, $425; rhoderesort.com
Bangles, $25 each; rosenasammi.com
Bag, Vince Camuto, $138; dillards.com
Watch, $395; bulova.com
Bag, Michael Michael Kors, $228; michaelkors.com
Sneaker, $98; seavees.com
Watch, $250; citizenwatch.com
Wedge, Jack Rogers, $178; jackrogersusa.com
Tote, Gaia Empowered Women, $158, and tassel, $36; gaiafor women.com
Sandals, Beek, $260; beekshop.com
Night Moves Take your pinks from day to evening with this glamorizing trio: a strappy heel, an eye-catching clutch, and statementmaking sparklers. Follow O creative director Adam Glassman on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat @TheRealAdamSays.
Sandal, $495; us.lkbennett.com Earrings, Pandora Jewelry, $150; pandora.net Bag, $448; furla.com M AY 2 0 1 8
Earrings, Sequin, $98; sequin-nyc.com Sandal, $120; samedelman.com Clutch, Nina, $75; ninashoes.com
Sandal, $90; chineselaundry.com Earrings, $150; kendrascott.com Bag, $40; zara.com
RICHARD MAJCHRZAK/STUDIO D. SOFT GOODS STYLING: GABRIEL RIVERA/R.J. BENNETT REPRESENTS. GLASSMAN: SERGIO KURHAJEC.
Adam’s STYLE SHEET
CASUAL CHIC Just because you’re a tourist doesn’t mean you have to dress like one! Add a touch of glam to your casual travel outfits with EDIE, featuring a chic quilted leather upper complemented by a durable outsole. You’ll feel cool and comfy as you go from airport security to your next destination.
JET SET STYLE
A LITTLE HEIGHT GOES A LONG WAY Pack a pair of wedges for outings that call for a little more elegance, like the KADYN espadrille, with its supersoft upper and three-inch wedge. It will instantly elevate your look, whether you’re strolling the cobblestone streets of Paris or trekking up stairs in Santorini.
No matter where your wanderlust takes you, make a stylish statement with Vionic. With nonstop support concealed in every shoe, you can see the world in style and comfort.
VIONICSHOES.COM | INSTAGRAM @VIONICSHOES | #DISCOVERTHESECRET
Adam’s STYLE SHEET Hello, happy feet! Comfort is finally in fashion. YOU CAN DO anything with the right support. Now that our everyday footwear truly runs the gamut from flip-flops to heels (a reality reflected on the runway this season), designers have begun incorporating comfort technologies into every sort of shoe. Check out the stylish picks below—they’ve got your back (and legs and arches).
A contour cushioning system follows the shape of your foot to keep you balanced.
Energy-return foam and a contoured arch provide great support.
Corso Como, $119; nordstrom.com The elastic ankle strap ensures fit, and the chunky heel means easy all-day wear.
ABEO, $123; thewalkingcompany.com Features built-in orthotics, breathable lining, and a rubber outsole for traction.
$79; easyspirit.com Lightweight with padded ankle straps, a foam footbed, and a grooved rubber outsole.
Vionic, $140; vionicshoes.com Biomechanically designed to hug your arches and support natural alignment.
Includes a wide toe box, adjustable ankle and back straps, and a full rubber outsole.
Original Collection by Dr. Scholl’s Shoes, $78; drschollsshoes.com. A contoured footbed and flexible heel strap and sole.
Gentle Souls, $160; kennethcole.com From Kenneth Cole’s comfort line, with adjustable ties and a cushioned footbed.
Børn, $85; bornshoes.com Lightweight with a removable padded insole and breathable knit upper.
An ultrapadded insole and a flexible rubber outsole outfit this featherlight sneaker.
ED Ellen DeGeneres, $98; nordstrom.com Stretch-tech mesh with a shock-absorbing, gel-embedded outsole and insole.
$65; harimari.com A buttery-soft leather footbed and cushioned straps.
Mirrors the natural shape of the foot and provides high-impact absorption.
Beek, $139; beekshop.com The molded leather arch conforms to your feet within hours of wear.
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RICHARD MAJCHRZAK/STUDIO D. PROP STYLING: GABRIEL RIVERA/R.J. BENNETT REPRESENTS. RUNWAYS, FROM TOP: DAN & CORINA LECCA. VICTOR VIRGILE/GETTY IMAGES (WEDGE AND FLIP-FLOP). ESTROP/GETTY IMAGES. IMAXTREE. GLASSMAN: SERGIO KURHAJEC.
SPRING 2018 RUNWAYS
© D O N N A K A R A N C OS M E T I C S
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A FRAGRANCE TO SEDUCE THE SENSES
GIVE THE GIFT OF CASHMERE MIST THIS MOTHERâ€™S DAY
A FRAGRANCE TO SEDUCE THE SENSES
Love That! Rest Stop Dog cushion, from $104; janery.com
Kitty Corner Cat house, $55; ikea.com
Veg Out Dog treats, $16; crateandbarrel.com
Bag Swag Poop bag holder, $125; mrdognewyork.com
GOING GREEN For your fur ball: fetching treats in Oprah’s favorite color.
Lead the Pack Leash, $56; foundmyanimal.com
Customize your pet’s eating spot with his portrait. Play Things Canvas dog toys, from $12 each; harrybarker.com
Come and Get It Dog and cat bowl, $32; chewy.com
GLASSMAN: SERGIO KURHAJEC.
Face Mat Custom placemat, from $175; charlesfradinhome.com
Carry On Saddlebag, $80; ruffwear.com Snack Time Treat jar, $40; creaturecomforts tm.com
Animal House Pet cage, $60; target.com
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try a new tint Never be afraid to try a new hair color. You don’t need a drastic change to awaken your whole look when going even a shade lighter or darker can make a difference. Three of our O Mag Insiders took the leap, experimenting with new shades for spring without risking damage to their hair. We gave them each a selection of Naturtint products, a permanent hair color enriched with a high percentage of plant ingredients that helps protect the hair and scalp during the coloring process.
Here is what they had to say:
I used Naturtint 5C Light Copper Chestnut and I loved the results. My goal was to cover some stubborn grey hairs that had formed a skunk streak in the middle of my head. The best thing about Naturtint was the lack of harsh chemicals. As someone who’s cautious about what I put on my body, that was a big deal.”
— Camesha Gosha @cameshagosha
Two years ago, I started dying my hair myself after salon visits became pricey. I purchased the same dye they used in the salon but it was complicated and smelled incredibly toxic. Everything I use on my body is natural, and as socially conscious as possible, which is why I loved coloring my hair with Naturtint 3N Dark Chestnut Brown. The squeeze bottle makes applying the dye easy, and it smells great.”
— Erin Hogue @erinhogue
The color chart let me see all of my options and decide which shade is the best for me. Skimping on my hair is something I refuse to do, so ÄUKPUNHWYVK\J[[OH[^VYRZ without harmful products like ammonia or formaldehyde is a dream come true. I was extremely happy with the results of my shade, Naturtint 5.7 Light Chocolate Chestnut. The color is a perfect match to the swatch.”
— Nicole Standley @nicoledstandley
^P[OV\[HTTVUPHWHYHILUZZPSPJVULZWHYH UTPULYHSVPSZOLH]`TL[HSZ:3:VY MVYTHSKLO`KLKLYP]H[P]LZ>P[OTP_HISLZOHKLZ[OLYL»ZHJVSVYQ\Z[YPNO[MVY`V\
THE POWER OF YUZU LEMON MASK [ CLARIFIES AND SMOOTHS ROUGH SKIN ]
PURE CLAY MASK
3 PURE CLAYS + YUZU LEMON CLAY MASK WITH EXFOLIATING PARTICLES IMPROVES SKIN TEXTURE AND CLARIFIES TONE TRANSFORM SKIN IN JUST 10 MINUTES
Earn rewards: Join now at lorealparisusa.com/worthitrewards BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT.TM ©2018 L’Oréal USA, Inc.
O, Beautiful! 2018’S BEST BEAUTY BUYS
It’s a beautiful time of year—when we unveil our favorite finds for glowing skin, bouncy hair, and a makeup look that’s fast and flawless. For this edition, we also asked a panel of O readers for their opinions on all that’s new and noteworthy, sending out products for real-world testing (just look for the Reader Raves!). From a magically transforming cleanser to lipsticks so bold your friends will reach for their sunglasses, these are the products that earned a standing O.
PHOTOGRAPHS BY Peter Rosa STILL PHOTOGRAPHS BY Jeffrey Westbrook OPRAH.COM
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Complexion perfection is the name of the game. These products will have you looking radiant and fresh, whatever your skin type. DAY CREAM
CERAVE HYDRATING MICELLAR WATER
CLINIQUE MOISTURE SURGE 72-HOUR AUTO-REPLENISHING HYDRATOR
CLARINS EXTRA-FIRMING NUIT
PAULA’S CHOICE REHYDRATING MOISTURE MASK
A refreshing gel-cream that’s lightweight but seriously moisturizing. ($39; clinique.com)
ELIZABETH ARDEN SUPERSTART PROBIOTIC CLEANSER WHIP TO CLAY
MURAD NUTRIENT-CHARGED WATER GEL
It starts as a mousse, turns into dirtbusting clay, and with water, finishes as a silky lather for a face that feels soft and purified. ($34; elizabetharden.com)
Your thirsty outer layer will thank you for this comforting cushion of überhydrators, such as borage, jojoba, and olive fruit oils. ($30; paulaschoice.com)
Game-changing micellar water effectively removes makeup, dirt, and oil, but leaves skin plump, not parched. ($10; drugstores)
Wake up looking more youthful, thanks to kangaroo flower and moonstone extracts that help minimize droopiness and fine lines. ($93; clarins.com)
NEUTROGENA DEEP CLEAN PURIFYING 100% HYDROGEL MASK
Infused with seaweed extract, this mask leaves skin looking healthy and feeling refreshed after a single session. ($3; neutrogena.com)
CETAPHIL GENTLE FOAMING CLEANSER
OL AY TOTAL EFFECTS WHIP ACTIVE MOISTURIZER
DERMADOCTOR K AK ADU C HIGH POTENCY EVENING OIL
KORRES POMEGRANATE AHAS & ENZYMES RESURFACING MASK
Get rid of your T-zone’s oil slick without stripping skin of its natural moisture with this dermatologist-recommended cleanser. ($9; drugstores)
This light-as-air hydrator absorbs as soon as it touches your face, helping to even tone and downplay pores. ($30; drugstores)
Treat yourself to an antioxidant superdose while you sleep: It helps undo damage without clogging pores. ($74; ultabeauty.com)
Alpha hydroxy acids, enzymes, and pomegranate grains exfoliate skin three ways for maximum radiance. ($34; korresusa.com)
GARNIER SKINACTIVE SOOTHING CLEANSING MILK
L’ORÉAL PARIS REVITALIFT CICACREAM ANTI-WRINKLE + SKIN BARRIER REPAIR
SIMPLE WATER BOOST SKIN QUENCH SLEEPING CREAM
DERMALOGICA BARRIER DEFENSE BOOSTER
You and your cranky complexion can rest easy knowing there are no dyes, fragrances, or parabens added. ($10; drugstores)
Resolve irritation and dehydration with a soothing, nourishing concentrated blend of squalane and oat oil. ($75; dermalogica.com)
A blend of peptides, vitamins, and minerals works synergistically to reinforce skin’s protective barrier, all in an oil-free formula. ($60; murad.com)
Glycolic acid works to unclog pores and smooth skin’s surface, while a vitamin A derivative helps rev up the production of collagen underneath. ($76; glytone-usa.com)
If your complexion is a delicate situation, you’ll love this rose water–rich wash. Makeup slips off, but natural moisture remains. ($9; drugstores)
This lotion strengthens skin’s barrier to help block moisture loss and is kind to sensitive types. ($18; drugstores)
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HAIR: PATRICK MELVILLE USING GOLDWELL PROFESSIONAL. MAKEUP: ANDREW SOTOMAYOR USING REINA REBELDE 4 PLAY WET DRY EYE COLOR. MANICURES: ANA MARIA USING CHANEL. PROP STYLING: MARISSA GIMENO FOR CREATIVE EXCHANGE AGENCY.
GLYTONE NIGHT RENEWAL CREAM
SWEEPSTAKES! Five lucky readers will win beauty booty from the Spring 2018 Beauty O-wards worth more than $2,000. GO TO OPRAH.COM/ SPRINGBEAUTYOWARDS TO ENTER. HERE’S TO A GORGEOUS YOU! FOR RULES SEE SHOP GUIDE.
ANTIAGING FOR ALL The greatest ways to diminish lines, banish bags, and bid farewell to brown spots, no matter your skin tone or type.
STRIVECTIN WRINKLE RECODE LINE TRANSFORMING MELTING SERUM
An exclusive form of vitamin B3 and oils, such as macadamia, work to help make even the deepest grooves a thing of the past. ($89; strivectin.com)
PERRICONE MD COLD PLASMA+ EYE
What do copper tripeptides, vitamin C ester, and omega-3s have in common? Together they dramatically diminish bags and dark circles and firm the eye area to visibly improve the appearance of crow’s-feet. ($110; perriconemd.com)
“I used the Cerave Hydrating Micellar Water to take off my makeup, and I put it in a spray bottle to mist on during the day. It made my skin feel refreshed after being out in the L.A. sun.” —TAURA STINSON, 45, SHERMAN OAKS, CALIFORNIA @taurastinson
GUTTER CREDIT TK
VICHY LIFTACTIV VITAMIN C BRIGHTENING SKIN CORRECTOR
Less is more in this potent serum. It may contain only 11 ingredients, but one of them is 15 percent pure vitamin C, known for its expert ability to fade dark spots. ($28.50; drugstores)
Cosmetics Whether you’re a makeup minimalist or you paint with all the colors of the wind, you’ll find plenty to play with here.
READER RAVE “It’s not every day that the lipcolor I put on in the morning is still going strong at the end of the day. I received multiple compliments when I wore the Fenty Beauty Mattemoiselle Plush Matte Lipstick.” —CARA MEREDITH, 39, SEATTLE @carameredithwrites
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1. HIGHLIGHTER HOURGLASS VANISH FLASH HIGHLIGHTING STICK
Use one of these five longwearing glow-getters to accent cheekbones, browbones—anywhere you want to draw attention. It’s the next-best thing to traveling with your own lighting crew. ($42 each; sephora.com)
2. BRONZER L’ORÉAL PARIS TRUE MATCH LUMI BRONZE IT BRONZER
Whether you want sculpted cheekbones or a luminous finish, this lustrous powder delivers. Bonus: The compact’s ample size (it makes your palm look small) means it will last you all spring and well into summer. ($15 each; Walmart)
3. EYELINER MAYBELLINE NEW YORK LASTING DRAMA LIGHT EYE LINER PENCIL
On crazy mornings, this shimmery liner is all you need to look polished. The waterproof cream pencil lasts all day and is available in five flattering metallic shades. ($6 each; drugstores)
4. LIPSTICK FENTY BEAUTY MATTEMOISELLE PLUSH MATTE LIPSTICK
Get the best of both worlds: a modern matte finish with a surprisingly creamy texture. And while you’ll find the standard scarlet and nude among the 14 shades, you’ll also discover more unexpected options, like forest green and navy. ($18 each; sephora.com)
5. TINTED BALM DIOR ADDICT LIP GLOW COLOR REVIVER BALM
This is tinted lip balm 2.0. There’s mango butter for a soft, kissable pout, but the real magic is the color formula, which reacts with your own lips to achieve a unique hint of color. ($34 each; dior.com)
READER RAVE “The Dior Addict Lip Glow Color Reviver Balm plus a soft lip liner looked perfect. And when I used it over lipstick that had faded, it enhanced the color like magic.”
—JENEÉ PIERRE RAVEN, 37, HOUSTON @thewomansearth
6. POWDER EYESHADOW BOBBI BROWN LUXE EYE SHADOWS
When it comes to powder shadows, the proof is in the richness of the color—and these are flush. One flick of the brush gets you intense, saturated color with an incandescent metallic finish. Add a drop of water, and it turns into molten metal. ($38 each; bobbibrowncosmetics.com) PAGE 76
7. BLUSH CHANTECAILLE PHILANTHROPY CHEEK SHADE
It’s nice when a blush gives you a gorgeous lit-fromwithin look. When it does that and your purchase supports conservation projects, saving animals from honeybees to sea turtles, you’re getting and preserving natural beauty. ($40; chantecaille.com)
8. FOUNDATION GIORGIO ARMANI BEAUTY FACE FABRIC
Here’s one that’s become even better with age: The updated version of this ten-year-old formula is a lightweight fluid available in 12 tones and made with a 3-D polymer that blurs imperfections and spreads evenly over the contours of your face for a seamless effect. ($49; armanibeauty.com)
9. CONCEALER MAC STUDIO WATERWEIGHT CONCEALER
When it comes to concealer, you want full coverage that’s easy to blend and comes in plenty of shades. In 16 hues, this formula ticks all the boxes. Good on paper—and on you. ($23; maccosmetics.com)
10. MASCARA COVERGIRL PEACOCK FLARE MASCARA
Consider this lengthening, thickening formula a wimpy-lashes wingwoman. It comes in five increasingly intense shades of black (from a daytime coal to evening ebony) and has a brush with alternating rows of bristles for super separation. ($8; drugstores)
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Give in to lash temptation. Our most addictive volume. Feels so soft. Looks so dense.
Our formula glides on and builds with no overload.
Infused with coconut extract.
SIMULATION OF ACTUAL PRODUCT RESULTS ON LASHES ENHANCED WITH LASH INSERTS. Maybelline.com Â©2018 Maybelline LLC.
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Now, get brow impact that lasts for days!
BEFORE: Barely there brows.
STEP 1: Apply gel with flocked brush.
STEP 2: Comb & blend with spoolie brush.
4 LONG-LASTING SHADES
Maybelline.com Â©2018 Maybelline LLC.
Hair STYLING SAVIORS Anyone will benefit from adding these items to their routine—they’re what good hair days are made of.
T3 CURA LUXE HAIR DRYER
This model is going to blow you away: It has five heat and two speed settings plus a cool-shot switch to make the results as customizable as your morning latte. ($250; amazon.com)
BUMBLE AND BUMBLE COLOR GLOSS IN CLEAR
Salon colorists usually recommend a transparent gloss to give hair shine. Now you can do the deed at home with a product that hydrates for softness in addition to delivering a mirrorlike finish. ($34; bumbleandbumble.com)
TRESEMMÉ COMPRESSED MICROMIST LEVEL 3 HAIR SPRAY
If you equate hairspray with shellacked helmets of hair, you’re in for a surprise. This superfine mist easily disperses to give you complete distribution, while the fast-drying, flexible formula will hold off humidity for 24 hours. ($5; drugstores)
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READER RAVE “I used the Virtue Restorative Treatment Mask in the shower after shampooing, and when I woke up in the morning, my hair was so soft and smooth.”
The road to bouncier, shinier, softer strands isn’t the same for everyone. Follow our chart to mix and match the perfect routine for you.
—KRISTEN TAEKMAN, 41, NEW YORK CITY @kristentaekman
JOHN FRIEDA LUXURIOUS VOLUME CORE RESTORE PROTEIN-INFUSED SHAMPOO
PANTENE PRO-V SHEER VOLUME FOAM CONDITIONER
AVEDA INVATI ADVANCED SCALP REVITALIZER
Pump up limp strands with this body builder: Plant-derived proteins leave hair insanely full. ($12; ulta.com)
Tiny bubbles mix with moisturizing ingredients to create a creamy whipped mousse that hydrates hair without dragging it down. ($7; drugstores)
Massage in this energizing serum with tangerine peel and organic turmeric, and your strands will plump up in an instant. ($65; aveda.com)
OGX BODIFYING + FIBER FULL ROOT BOOSTING SPRAY MOUSSE
L’ORÉAL PARIS ELVIVE SMOOTH INTENSE SMOOTHING SHAMPOO
R+CO TELEVISION PERFECT HAIR CONDITIONER
This winner has a kera-oleo complex that tames flyaways and keeps hair looking sleek for up to three days. ($5; drugstores)
Dreaming of glossy hair? This hydrator is formulated with babassu seed oil to help smooth wisps. ($32; randco.com)
CAROL’S DAUGHTER GREEN SUPREME SULFATE-FREE SHAMPOO
DARK AND LOVELY DAMAGE SLAYER THE STRENGTHENER CONDITIONER
Matcha, coconut, and moringa extract strengthen the most fragile hair. ($10; carolsdaughter.com)
This reparative rinse-out reinforces weak bonds, making hair less prone to breakage. ($7; sallybeauty.com)
It lifts hair to fabulous new heights using plant collagen and bamboo fibers. ($9; drugstores)
S.OIL SERUM + OIL
Just a few drops before you shampoo will hit reset on frazzled tresses, repairing damage, protecting against split ends, and adding shine. ($68; threesquaressoil.com)
NEXXUS KERAPHIX RECONSTRUCTING TREATMENT
With keratin and collagen, this formula delivers the amino acids that make your hair resilient. ($16; drugstores)
LIVING PROOF NO FRIZZ INSTANT DE-FRIZZER
To corral unruliness, spray it on dry hair. You can reduce frizz by up to 92 percent thanks to a blend of oils and emollients. ($26; livingproof.com)
DOVE STYLE + CARE SMOOTH AND SHINE HEAT PROTECTION SPRAY
Heat tools create beauty and destruction. This complex stops the damage. ($5; drugstores)
RENÉ FURTERER KARITÉ HYDRA HYDRATING SHINE SHAMPOO
Healthy fats aren’t just good for your diet: The natural oils here take strands from straw to silk. ($30; renefurtererusa.com)
GARNIER WHOLE BLENDS OAT DELICACY GENTLE CONDITIONER
VIRTUE RESTORATIVE TREATMENT MASK
Soothing oat milk and rice cream will calm a sensitive scalp and deeply moisturize. ($4.50; drugstores)
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For hair that’s super dry, this mask is like an oasis. Baobab seed oil, quinoa, and keratin reduce split ends and breakage. ($28; virtuelabs.com)
HERBAL ESSENCES BOURBON MANUKA HONEY OIL-INFUSED CRÈME
What sounds like a craft cocktail is a refreshing drink for hair, imparting softness. ($6; drugstores)
EUCERIN ECZEMA RELIEF HAND CREME
LA ROCHE-POSAY LIPIKAR LOTION DAILY REPAIR
DOVE EXFOLIATING BODY POLISH
REN AHA SMART RENEWAL BODY SERUM
Even those who don’t suffer from the skin condition will benefit from a recipe that uses licorice root, colloidal oatmeal, and ceramides to tamp down redness, itchiness, and irritation. ($7; drugstores)
This shea butter–enriched formula, which got the thumbs-up from the National Eczema Association, is a champion reliever of flakes and dryness. ($18; drugstores)
Available in three delicious varieties, this luscious scrub takes care of scaly skin with silica and replenishes with the brand’s legendary moisturizing cream. ($6; drugstores)
The gorgeous results you get from using alpha hydroxy acids on your face can also happen from the neck down. Smoother arms, legs, and feet can be yours, too. ($42; sephora.com)
VASELINE INTENSIVE CARE COCOA RADIANT SMOOTHING BODY BUTTER
LOVE, BEAUTY AND PLANET RADICAL REFRESHER SHOWERLESS CLEANSING MIST
ST. TROPEZ SELF TAN PURITY BRONZING WATER MOUSSE
Cracked heels and dry elbows are no match for a combination of ultrarich cocoa and shea butters that skin absorbs with lightning speed. ($6; target.com)
We’re not suggesting you skip bathing altogether—but for those times you can’t do the whole shower thing, a few spritzes of this parabenfree elixir of coconut water and mimosa flower will leave you feeling fresh. ($9; lovebeautyandplanet.com)
CHANEL CHANCE BODY OIL SPRAY
Lock in moisture after you shower with a few pumps of this silky mist, redolent of pink peppercorn, jasmine, and patchouli. ($45; chanel.com)
Look and feel like you’ve just been on a tropical vacation. With its fragrant green mandarin water, this lightweight mousse gives you a streak-free glow and the calm you can have only after waking up from a restorative nap in the sun. ($42; sephora.com)
“The Vaseline Intensive Care Cocoa Radiant Smoothing Body Butter brought new life to my extremely dry skin. I will be buying more of this!” —KIMBERLY CLAY, 42, COLLEGE GROVE, TENNESSEE @iplaylikeagirl
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UV rays—they’re out there, and they’re ready to wreak havoc on your skin. Luckily, we found six super new ways to stop them.
HAWAIIAN TROPIC ANTIOXIDANT + SUNSCREEN LOTION WITH SPF 30
BANANA BOAT SIMPLY PROTECT SPORT SUNSCREEN SPRAY SPF 50+
The sun’s UV rays increase free radicals, so this blocker smartly includes antioxidant green tea extract to quash those nasties at the source. ($8; drugstores)
Nothing is worse than sunscreen in your eyes, which is why this sweat- and water-resistant spray is ideal for outdoor activities. You can run, but your SPF won’t. ($8; drugstores)
SUPERGOOP! SMOOTH & PORELESS MATTE SCREEN SPF 40
SHISEIDO ULTIMATE SUN PROTECTION LOTION WETFORCE SPF 50+
Create the perfect canvas for makeup with this featherlight, 100 percent mineral sunblock with a matte finish. ($38; Blue Mercury stores)
Unlike products that leave a whitish cast on very dark skin, this completely transparent blend is invisible on everyone. ($40; shiseido.com)
READER RAVE “I noticed a difference the minute I applied the Lancôme Rénergie Lift Multi-Action Ultra Moisture with SPF 30. It’s surprisingly light and smooth for a sunscreen.”
AVEENO ULTRA-CALMING DAILY MOISTURIZER BROAD SPECTRUM SPF 30
LANCÔME RÉNERGIE LIFT MULTI-ACTION ULTRA MOISTURE WITH SPF 30
This moisturizer makes sunscreen a part of your morning routine (as it should be). Ideal for sensitive skin, it also calms redness with feverfew extract. ($14; target.com)
You’re aware that sun exposure can produce dark spots. Now there’s a daily lotion that not only helps prevent new patches, but also uses linseed extract to reduce the ones you may already have. ($99; lancome-usa.com) M AY 2 0 1 8
—CHRISTINA LOWE, 51, OCOEE, FLORIDA @chris_lowe_powerhoopz_
Hall O Fame Some things are just too good to sit and collect dust in your bathroom drawer. These past winners got it right when they launched—and keep on delivering now.
READER RAVE “Sally Hanson Color Therapy Nail Polish exceeded my expectations. It went on smooth, dried quickly, and left a perfect finish.” —TONYA PARKER, 44, RUTHER GLEN, VIRGINIA @therealchiclife
MARY KAY TIMEWISE MATTE-WEAR AND LUMINOUS-WEAR LIQUID FOUNDATIONS
MAYBELLINE NEW YORK INSTANT AGE REWIND ERASER TREATMENT MAKEUP
SALLY HANSEN COLOR THERAPY NAIL POLISH IN MAUVE MANTRA
With antioxidants and peptides, this is really antiaging skincare masquerading as foundation. Both the matte and radiant finishes are available in 23 shades. ($22 each; marykay.com)
Use the microfiber-tipped applicator to buff away fine lines in a flash. Goji berry extracts and collagen help firm skin over time. ($13; drugstores)
Dry nails = chipped polish. Enter this brilliant formula infused with argan, sunflower, and evening primrose oils to keep the nail plate hydrated and flexible. Paint on this timeless pinkish mauve or pick from one of the 37 other hues. ($9; drugstores)
PANTENE PRO-V MOISTURE RENEWAL 3 MINUTE MIRACLE DAILY CONDITIONER
BURT’S BEES RENEWAL REFINING CLEANSER
KÉRASTASE AURA BOTANICA CONCENTRÉ ESSENTIEL
In a matter of seconds, dry hair springs back to life—healthy, bouncy, and supremely touchable. A miracle indeed. ($6; drugstores)
JERGENS NATURAL GLOW INSTANT SUN SUNLESS TANNING MOUSSE
Natural Glow pioneered the idea of the gradual self-tan. But they can do instant gratification, too, with this ultraquick-drying (think 60 seconds), never-orange self-tanning foam. ($13; drugstores)
Get supple skin every time you wash your face. With skin-smoothing hibiscus and apple, this formula is one wash that will send uneven texture right down the drain. ($10; drugstores)
AVEENO ABSOLUTELY AGELESS EYE CREAM
Blackberry leaf and dill extracts sound like they belong on your grocery list, but applied to your skin, they’re actually extremely effective at minimizing fine lines and puffiness. The results? Delicious! ($19; target.com) M AY 2 0 1 8
The standard against which other hair oils are measured, this one boasts a plethora of natural extracts—coconut, argan, jojoba, avocado—and no silicones or parabens. ($45; kerastase-usa.com)
CLINIQUE FRESH PRESSED DAILY BOOSTER WITH PURE VITAMIN C 10%
Turn your moisturizer into a power player with a few drops of this super-potent serum loaded with antioxidant vitamin C to help skin shine bright like a diamond. ($76.50; clinique.com)
ESTÉE LAUDER PURE COLOR ENVY SCULPTING LIPSTICK
Outrageously long-wearing color (up to six hours!) and pillowy-soft lips aren’t mutually exclusive thanks to a time-release formula loaded with hyaluronic acid. ($32; esteelauder.com)
THE HIT DOCUSERIES RETURNS F E ATU R I N G
STERLING K. BROWN & RYAN BATHE BROWN
TAMMY & KIRK FRANKLIN
ALANO MILLER & DEWANDA WISE
TAJ & EDDIE GEORGE
LA DONNA & DL HUGHLEY
BRITTANY & TONY INGRAM
REBECCA CROUCH & JAI PELHAM
TAMIA & GRANT HILL
KHADEEN & DEVALE ELLIS
JUSTINE & JOSEPH ‘REV RUN’ SIMMONS
Feeling Good MINDFUL MANICURES
A MOODBOOSTING COMMUTE
HEALTH HEROES Nurses Edition
They tend to us, calm us, and ease our painâ€”even when it means jumping into a chopper, braving a line of protesters, or scolding a lawmaker or two. Meet ten people who prove that caring is a calling.
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The Right Track WHITNEY NASH AND SARA ROBERTSON
ESTÁS ENFERMA, PODEMOS AYUDARTE. WHEN YOU ARE SICK, WE CAN HELP YOU. They published health articles in the laborers’ newspaper and enlisted the track’s chaplain to spread the word. And it worked: Mammograms caught breast cancer; patients were diagnosed with serious but manageable heart problems. Says Robertson, “People are still alive because they were screened.” Marina is one of them. At her first visit, she was diagnosed with diabetes and taught to manage it with insulin; at her second, she discovered she was pregnant; in her eighth month, Robertson found she had preeclampsia and sent her straight to the hospital, likely saving Marina’s—and her baby’s—life. Today the racetrack clinic is a full-service medical center booking 1,400 office visits every year. Patients can get sameday appointments three days a week; nurses are available for phone consultation daily. Diabetes and psychiatric prescriptions can be filled months in advance for workers who leave town to follow the racing circuit. They can also get counseling for depression, common among laborers who are painfully separated from home and family. Other states have taken notice: Robertson has consulted with California activists about setting up clinics for agricultural laborers. “Healthy workers, healthy industry,” Nash says. “It’s a win for everybody.” —CARA TABACHNICK
Sky’s the Limit
THE CANCER PATIENT— call her Jane—weakly squeezed Lakisha Henderson’s hand. For a grueling month, Henderson had been Jane’s nurse at Cancer Treatment Centers of America’s (CTCA) Newnan, Georgia, facility, and her care team was discussing next steps. Jane desperately needed a crucial stem cell procedure and would have to fly to CTCA’s Philadelphia hospital to get it. “The only way I’m going,” she said, “is if Lakisha goes, too.” Henderson is famous around the hospital for going above and beyond. She’s visited families at home to console them after the death of a loved one; she sings gospel songs to comfort patients (“Be Ye Also Ready” is a popular request). However, she’d never gone so literally above, so far beyond as to board an airplane for a patient. As all her coworkers well knew, she was utterly, morbidly afraid of flying. M AY 2 0 1 8
So what did she say to Jane’s proposal? “Let’s go.” For days before her trip, Henderson could barely eat or sleep. But every time she wavered, she thought of Jane. “People don’t come into the hospital to die, they come in to fight,” Henderson says. “And we get right on board and fight with them.” On the dreaded day, Henderson took many deep breaths and an Ativan, then spent the entire flight praying. As soon as she landed, she hurried on wobbly legs to meet Jane at the hospital, where she served as her rock for two days. Three years later, Jane’s cancer is under control. She and Henderson still exchange news about their kids or another clear scan. “Sometimes patients need you to be a sister, a friend, or a mother,” Henderson says. “As nurses, we reinvent ourselves every day.” —KATE ROCKWOOD
EVERY MAY, THOUSANDS of spectators swan through the stands at the Kentucky Derby, wearing floppy hats and drinking mint juleps. Meanwhile, in the barn area, sweat trickling from under their baseball caps, the “backside workers” muck the stables and walk, bathe, and rub down the horses. These mostly Latino laborers, who typically arrive in Louisville on temporary work visas, are up at 4 a.m. six days a week to keep the $4 billion Kentucky racing economy galloping along. The laborers, most of whom lack health insurance and can ill afford to miss a day’s pay, have been known to work through crippling pneumonia. Marina, a 35-year-old horse walker from Guatemala, once spent weeks ignoring nearblinding headaches. Then she stumbled upon a health fair at which free blood-sugar screenings were being offered by the Kentucky Racing Health Services Center—a clinic providing medical care for track workers for a $5 co-pay. Marina made an appointment for the following week. The center, established in 2005 by the Kentucky Racing Health and Welfare Fund, was intended to be a walk-in clinic dispensing first aid and antibiotics. But founding director Whitney Nash, PhD, a nurse practitioner from the fund’s partner, the University of Louisville School of Nursing, soon learned that many of the laborers had never been to a doctor; she’d do workups that revealed chronic issues the clinic was unequipped to handle. Nash, along with nurse practitioner Sara Robertson, wanted to do more for the patients. As Robertson says, “You can’t treat a UTI without treating the diabetes causing it.” Over several years, the duo grew the clinic to furnish ongoing care for diabetes, hypertension, and allergies, and offer Pap smears and wellness exams. To encourage workers to come in at the first sign of a problem, Nash and Robertson became a two-woman PR campaign. They printed fliers that said CUANDO
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Reading the Signs
Being There SARAH HAEDER RED RIVER WOMEN’S CLINIC is North Dakota’s only abortion facility. Every Wednesday—the day the procedure is performed— a dozen or so demonstrators are already huddled around the building when it opens; by early afternoon, up to 100 people might be brandishing signs: PRAY TO END ABORTION. ADOPTION: THE GIFT OF LIFE AND LOVE. WOMEN DO REGRET ABORTION.
By the time a patient makes it past the protesters, she’s already endured what’s likely been a long drive (North Dakota covers more than 69,000 square miles); a state-required counseling session telling her that abortion will “terminate the life of a whole, separate, unique, living human being”; and a mandatory 24-hour waiting period before going ahead with the procedure. But there’s an antidote to her mounting anxiety: kind, steadfast Sarah Haeder, a nurse whose gentle voice some patients recognize from the phone (when she explained the state’s rules and reassured them that yes, the clinic would still be
open when they arrived, and yes, abortion would still be legal in North Dakota). A hug, a smile, the absence of judgment—Haeder offers exactly what’s needed. The demonstrators tell her, “I know your mother didn’t raise you to do this work.” And they’re right. Growing up, Haeder’s parents, both devout Christians, planned family vacations around protesting abortion clinics. When she started college, one of the posters on her wall said EVERY THIRD BABY DIES FROM CHOICE.
But after Haeder took a women’s studies class, her beliefs began to shift. “I wondered if we were really doing the right thing,” she says. In her early 20s, she supported a close friend through an abortion. When she was 26 and in a new relationship, she became pregnant herself and, after intense soul-searching, decided an abortion was best. She made an appointment at Red River, which she remembered marching in front of as a girl. The care she received was so compassionate that six months
later, she quit her marketing and web design job and applied to join the staff as a patient educator. She counseled women about contraception, female anatomy, what happens during an abortion—and listened to them talk about their decision. And when even becoming clinic manager still didn’t seem like contribution enough, she enrolled in nursing school. Haeder’s parents were surprisingly supportive when she told them about her career switch—but they never want to hear about it again. An aunt and two uncles found out the day they were protesting outside the clinic and she squeezed past them. Her extended family no longer shows up at Red River, but neither do they speak to her anymore. The estrangement hurts. And yet it also fuels Haeder’s commitment to reproductive rights. “I need to be there to help other women—especially those who had an upbringing like mine,” she says. “If I don’t, who will?” —AMANDA ARNOLD
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THE BOY ARRIVED for his first full day of kindergarten with gray skin, dark circles under his eyes, and aching legs. The school nurse called his mother, who assumed growing pains and a cold. Nurse Patti wasn’t having it: “Those symptoms screamed blood disorder.” She convinced his mother to take him to a pediatrician and then a hospital, where he was diagnosed with leukemia. Happy ending: The now 7-year-old is in remission. Then there was the sixth grader who hit her head at recess. No obvious injuries, but Nurse Patti saw bleeding deep in her ear, a sign of a fractured skull. She called an ambulance but couldn’t reach the parents, so she sprinted three blocks to their home. Another full recovery. Also: the student who started fainting in class. Nurse Patti urged his parents to see their pediatrician, who waved them off. Patti persisted, and a specialist diagnosed the boy with a rare but treatable heart condition. Nurse Patti is Patti Butler, and for nearly two decades, she’s cared for the children of Zane North Elementary School in Collingswood, New Jersey. Kids today face health issues from autism to obesity; one in four has a chronic condition like asthma or diabetes. Yet because of nationwide budget cuts, less than 40 percent of schools employed a full-time nurse in 2016. “She goes out of her way for people all the time,” says Taylor Catling, the student who fractured her skull. “I remember leaving the hospital and thinking, I want to be like Nurse Patti.” And maybe she will: Catling, now 26, was recently accepted to nursing school. —LESLIE GOLDMAN
HAEDER: ACKERMAN + GRUBER. PEREZ: SAM COMEN.
GUTTER CREDIT TK
Taking It to the Streets JANEL PEREZ JANEL PEREZ doesn’t do scrubs. Out on L.A.’s sidewalks, the nurse practitioner opts for discount-store jeans and New Balance sneakers to better blend in among the homeless veterans she tends. Her bag of tricks is a canvas backpack that’s like a portable clinic, with a blood pressure cuff, needles, stethoscope, thermometer, bandages, and syringes filled with vaccines for influenza and hep A. Last year there were more than 40,000 homeless veterans in the U.S., 29 percent of them living in California. In 2011, Perez helped launch a mobile medical team to scour L.A. for these vets and offer them healthcare and a place to live. That pilot program has evolved into a partnership between the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development and Veterans Affairs Supportive Housing that serves 6,000 veterans per year, providing checkups, first aid,
mental health counseling, and social services, sometimes right there under the freeway. Many homeless vets wrestle with mental illness and substance abuse, and have developed PTSD from military service or the violence of the streets. They’re suspicious of anyone telling them what to do. When Perez first encounters a potential patient, she simply says she’s there to help: “We’re not asking them to change or get sober first.” If they’re not interested in talking, she’ll come back another day, maybe with a sandwich, and keep checking in every week or so. With the most distrustful vets, months might pass before they’re comfortable enough to even let her take their blood pressure. Perez draws on an endless supply of patience. That’s how she won over one air force veteran in his 70s who had lived on the streets for more than two decades. With a lot of nudging, the
team was able to persuade him to move into housing, but he refused anything beyond a roof over his head—no furniture, no electricity, no medical care for his schizophrenia. Once a week, Perez would visit him at home, where they’d sit on the floor and chat for an hour about his time stationed in Morocco in the 1960s and his delusions that he was a warrior out to save Santa Monica from destruction. After four visits, Perez felt emboldened to bring up the E word: “So how about we turn on the electricity?” There was a pause. “Okay,” the man said. And then: okay to a bed, to a table, to psychiatric treatment. “To see him now on the medication he needs, going to the grocery store and library, communicating with his sister,” says Perez, “shows me we made a huge difference in his life. All those hours of listening were worth it.” —RACHEL RABKIN PEACHMAN
Safe Passage KEVIN STEURER
THE CALL SEEMED ROUTINE: Pick up a toddler with an enlarged heart and bring her back to the pediatric ICU at WVU Medicine Children’s Hospital in Morgantown, West Virginia. Kevin Steurer’s team jumped into an ambulance and sped two hours into the Appalachian Mountains. When they arrived at the ER of the little girl’s local medical center, Steurer, a pediatric transport nurse, took one look at her ashen skin, half-closed eyes, and labored breathing and knew she might not survive the return drive. He grabbed the phone and called the specialist waiting for them. “We’ll lose her if we don’t intubate,” he said, “but I’m worried even that will be more than she can take.” With the clock ticking, Steurer gave the child a diuretic to reduce the stress on her heart and used nasal tubing to deliver oxygen. Yet they still needed to move quickly, faster than an ambulance could go. He decided to change course: They’d take a helicopter. The girl’s sobbing parents refused to leave her side. But there was no room for them in the aircraft, so Steurer explained exactly what he’d be doing and why, and urged them to drive carefully—their daughter would be in excellent hands. Then he tucked the patient into the ambulance, raced her to a nearby helipad, transferred her to the waiting chopper, and monitored her vital signs while the pilot whisked them to the ICU. The 90 minutes they shaved off the trip likely saved her life. Last year Steurer transported 72 pediatric and neonatal patients; during one especially busy shift, he escorted five children to safety. Not all rescues are harrowing, but when you’re bringing seriously ill and injured kids to the ICU and providing emergency care on the way, the stakes are always high. Performing chest compressions on a tiny patient in an ambulance careening along a twisting backcountry road? Steurer has done it. Inserting a needle into a child’s artery between bouts of turbulence at 4,000 feet? He’s done that, too. More recently, he’s also spent agonizing hours comforting infants who were born addicted to opioids and are suffering withdrawal. After three and a half years in the field (and the air), often on call for 24-hour shifts, Steurer is now helping train the next generation of mobile child savers. He tells them three things: (1) Trust your gut, because babies can’t describe how they feel. (2) It’s okay to be scared—scary things happen. (3) Work as a team. To transport that toddler, Steurer coordinated with the WVU doctor, a respiratory therapist, doctors and nurses at her local hospital, a medical command dispatcher, the ambulance driver, the helicopter pilot, and her parents. And after being in the hospital for seven weeks, she was, thanks in large part to Steurer’s efforts, allowed to go home and get back to the business of being a 2-year-old. —LAMBETH HOCHWALD
Walking the Walk PAMELA McTAGUE
STEURER: STACY GOLDBERG. MCTAGUE: CRAIG TAKAHASHI/CITY OF HOPE
MONDAY, YOU’RE fine. Tuesday, you find a lump. Wednesday, you leave an oncologist’s office thinking you’re dying—or will be if you don’t subject yourself to the ravages of chemo or surgery. And all the while you can’t quite believe it’s real. “Many breast cancer patients are like, ‘But I don’t feel sick!’” says Pamela McTague, a clinical research nurse at City of Hope in Duarte, California. McTague meets patients after their diagnosis, when they’re reeling. She shepherds them through clinical trials, explaining the process and procedures, like radioactive-isotope injections, and monitoring their prognosis. Beyond the hours they’re together at the hospital, she maintains an ongoing relationship with her charges, checking in at three months, six months, a year, even five years. But what really makes McTague a godsend to her patients is the perspective she brings and the hope she embodies. That’s because she herself was diagnosed with cancer in both breasts in October 2016, then had a lumpectomy, radiation, and plastic surgery. She credits her cancer with making her better able to prepare patients for the treatment aftermath. “I get what it’s like to see yourself in the mirror after surgery,” she says. Even though she didn’t have chemo, McTague knows how it changes patients’ appearance, and she never wants them to feel self-conscious. So as she talks with them before their procedures (about their family, what’s important to them), she pays close attention to each patient’s face. “When I see them at follow-up appointments, I want to be able to say, ‘Oh, I know those beautiful eyes, that nice smile. You look great.’” —CORRIE PIKUL OPRAH.COM
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A Port in the Storm CATHY KENNEDY
WHEN THE NURSES landed in San Juan, Puerto Rico, after Hurricane Maria hit last fall, they gasped at the destruction. And the rest of the island was in even worse shape: Violent winds had ripped roofs off houses, and mudslides had leveled
neighborhoods. After days without fresh water, some people were drinking from contaminated creeks. “The level of chaos was staggering,” says Cathy Kennedy (standing, fourth from right), the leader of a team of 50 nurses from the
nonprofit Registered Nurse Response Network who had come to provide emergency medicine. Kennedy was in charge of coordinating healthcare volunteers. From a command center in a San Juan sports arena, she sent nurses to buy bottles of water and haul them via school bus to decimated barrios. She organized teams to distribute tubes of hydrocortisone cream to treat rashes caused by dampness. Every American needs to see this, thought Kennedy. After two weeks in Puerto Rico, she returned to her job as a neonatal nurse at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in Roseville, California, and started speaking out about what the nurses had
witnessed. At a Washington, D.C., press conference, she joined Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Puerto Rican members of Congress to plead for aid; in November, she testified before Congress. And when FEMA suggested ending rations—even though almost a third of the island was still dark—Kennedy sounded off again. This time, it seems, the government listened. In February, Congress appropriated $16 billion in disaster relief funding. Yet the territory is seeking an estimated $94 billion to rebuild and fortify against future storms, Kennedy notes, “and we need to keep holding the government’s feet to the fire.” Stay tuned. —K.R.
SWEENEY: JUSTIN KETCHEM.
The Pain Reliever MAUREEN SWEENEY IT’S TERRIF YING ENOUGH to give birth when you’re surrounded by supportive family. But imagine that you’re 17—or 14—and pregnancy has brought you nothing but trouble and shame. And your mom is still so angry with you that when you’re in the delivery room and it’s time for the epidural that would ease your agony, she says no—to punish you. And there’s nothing you can do about it because by law you need the consent of a parent or guardian for your own healthcare. This scene replayed over and over during the two years Maureen Sweeney worked as a labor and delivery nurse at MetroHealth Medical Center in Cleveland. It devastated Sweeney, who had her own first child at 18, to think that girls who were about to become mothers couldn’t request spinal pain meds—which over 60 percent of American women rely on to endure vaginal childbirth. “You never get over seeing someone in pain like that,” she says. One night in 2011, Sweeney spent her shift helping a 15-year-old runaway through an excruciating labor and delivery. There was no guardian to sign for her epidural, let alone hug her afterward. Outraged, Sweeney tracked down the head of anesthesiology to get the full story
on this cruel rule. He explained that the hospital wasn’t to blame—Ohio was. When Sweeney’s shift ended at 7:30 a.m., she went home and started reading up on policy. She discovered that Ohio’s healthcare consent laws required adult permission for pregnant minors to have ultrasounds and tests to check for chromosomal abnormalities, receive prenatal care, elect anesthesia, and undergo nonemergency C-sections—leaving young women at the mercy of a parent or guardian or, in the case of runaways, a state child services worker. That same morning, Sweeney emailed her state representative, Nickie Antonio, whose daughter she’d played soccer with in high school. Antonio promised to look into the situation and indeed drafted a bill later that year. However, the timing was never quite right to bring the legislation to the floor. “Maureen wouldn’t let me forget about it, though,” Antonio says. Even as Sweeney earned a master’s degree, gave birth to a second child, and advanced her career—she’s now an associate medical director of FrontLine Service, which helps people in crisis receive mental health care—she kept reminding Antonio OPRAH.COM
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about the teens suffering needlessly in labor and delivery rooms. Last July, Antonio and fellow Democrat Kristin Boggs introduced a bill to the Ohio Legislature that would allow pregnant minors to consent to their own healthcare and that of their unborn child. In February, Sweeney testified on behalf of the bill to a legislative committee, and Antonio is hopeful it will pass by year’s end—a joyful outcome to a long and labor-intensive crusade. —CARLENE BAUER
REFRESH! MIND • BODY • SOUL
Regular riders won’t be surprised to learn that biking to work benefits your physical health (2017 research from the University of Glasgow linked cycling with a 41 percent lower risk of premature death compared with nonactive commuting). But saddling up every morning could also boost your mental wellbeing, says Meik Wiking, author of The Little Book of Lykke: Secrets of the World’s Happiest People and CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen. Denmark is consistently ranked as one of the top three most content countries on the planet in the UN’s World Happiness Report, and its bike-centric culture may help explain why. “In a 2014 study, cyclists and walkers reported higher lykke [pronounced LOO-kah]—the Danish word for happiness—than people who commuted to work by car or public transportation,” says Wiking. Participants got the psychological boost even if their active commute required more time. Need new wheels? South Carolina shop Pedal Chic (pedalchic.com) helps you find your fit via online tutorials and ships your bike to your door. Ride on! — CATHRYNE KELLER
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REFRESH! Gear Shift MIND • BODY • SOUL
These wellness finds promise even sunnier days.
MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE
These shades measure your brain wave activity as you complete mindfulness training via an app, which then uses your data to suggest strategies for staying focused. (Smith Lowdown Focus glasses, $349; smithoptics.com) BUG OFF
Essential oils like geranium and peppermint give this organic insect repellent a nonchemical scent you’ll love. ($20; zoeorganics.com)
ALL ON THE WRIST
This colorful bracelet bears the internationally recognized medical symbol; the inside is engraved with your health info—think food allergies or a heart condition—so you’ll stay safe on your travels. (Key West medical ID cuff, from $45; laurenshope.com) ROCK BOTTOM
The creators say the gems in this bottle improve the pH and oxygen levels of your water. We say it makes for a pretty lovely drink. (VitaJuwel Wellness Gem-Water bottle, $78; gem-water.com) BAR STAR
With blue spirulina (a vitamin-rich algae), ten grams of plant protein, and a yummy vanilla-coconut flavor, this snack is worthy of a spot in your beach bag. (Detox Bar, $29 for six; sakara.com) FIRED UP
This blissfully citrusy soy candle, with a bright blend of grapefruit and bergamot oils, will invigorate your space. (Lite + Cycle bergamot essential oil candle, $62; liteandcycleshop.com) SOLE SUPPORT
Hit the ground running with these superstretchy ballet flats that conform to your feet and offer the grip and flexibility of athletic shoes. (Flyte shoes, $89; lissom.com)
Aromatherapists use bergamot to promote a positive outlook. M AY 2 0 1 8
LEGGINGS: RICHARD MAJCHRZAK/STUDIO D. SOFT GOODS STYLING: GABRIEL RIVERA/R.J. BENNETT REPRESENTS. BERGAMOT: GETTY IMAGES.
A fun floral print and ultralightweight fabric that blocks the sun and doesn’t show sweat? You’ll want a pair for every day of the week. (Sonic Spin Tight, $79; athleta.com)
REFRESH! MIND • BODY • SOUL
MANI Revive your nails and your outlook with these tips from meditation teacher Jenni Dawes.
IF YOU HAVE TIME
Set the mood.
Breathe it out.
to get a manicure, you have time to meditate. That’s the philosophy behind the hand treatments at the buzzy New York City salon Sundays, where you can be pampered with nontoxic products while listening to a guided meditation via plush headphones. Here’s how to experience a more mindful manicure, wherever you are.
For DIY manicures, play music, make tea, and light a candle (like Chesapeake Bay’s Peace + Tranquility three-wick candle, $15; target.com). “You want an immersive experience without distractions,” says Dawes, founder of the NYC mindfulness center Kindred. Whether you’re at home or the salon, silence and stash your phone.
To let go of tension, when you sit down take a deep breath through your nose. As you exhale, let your shoulders melt toward the ground, your whole body sink into the chair, and your feet feel heavy against the floor. Repeat two times.
Get out of your head by paying attention to physical sensations—the temperature of the water your hands are soaking in, the friction from the file. “When you catch your mind wandering, say thinking, thinking to yourself and go back to observing,” says Dawes. (Bonus points if you can stay calm while your nails dry.)
THAT’S THE NUMBER OF yearly “bad days” the average American reported having in a recent survey of 2,000 U.S. workers, commissioned by the fitness app Freeletics. While getting more sleep and being more active could help, research says, there’s another mood-boosting strategy worth trying: laughing at yourself. A new study from Spain’s University of Granada compared people’s humor styles with self-reported well-being factors and were surprised to discover that self-deprecating humor was linked to greater happiness. Need a lesson in taking yourself less seriously? Consider the Instagram shenanigans of comedians Chelsea Peretti (@chelsanity) and Jenny Slate (@jennyslate) a master class.
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Listen up, outdoor exercisers! If you need music for your mojo, you need headphones that let you hear potential hazards. We tested the latest models and were impressed by EarHero’s tiny speakers ($149; earhero.com); because they don’t block your ear canal, you can hear low-level sounds from yards away. We could barely feel them, and they stayed put even on windy jogs. Wireless fans will love Trekz Titanium by AfterShokz (below, $130; aftershokz.com). The wraparound frame rests in front of your
EAR ILLUSTRATION: GETTY IMAGES.
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READ. REFLECT. WRITE.
A spiritual guide for all times— open it and be inspired.
A beautiful companion journal— share your truth.
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Reading Room DEFIANT DAUGHTERS
SIREN SONG A novelist steeped in Greek mythology reimagines a misunderstood enchantress.
IN MADELINE MILLER’S spellbinding second novel, Circe (Lee Boudreaux Books), the golden goddess of the title knows that history will remember her unkindly: “Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep.” Readers familiar with The Odyssey may recall Circe only as the beguiling witch Odysseus beds while making his way back to his faithful wife, Penelope—little more than a cautionary tale for men about feminine treachery. But in Miller’s conception, Circe is the hero of her own epic. Though she’s the daughter of the mighty sun god Helios, Circe has never been at home amid the Titans who rule cruelly over the mortal world. Even as a young girl, and despite being gifted with potions and spells—among them the ability to turn sailors into pigs— ILLUSTRATION BY Raul Colón OPRAH.COM
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she’s drawn to the charms of humans, warts and all. When the sea brings Odysseus to her shores, their romance is not a struggle for dominance, but a smoldering brew of eroticism and mutual understanding. As they part for good, Circe reflects, “He showed me his scars, and in return, he let
me pretend I had none.” Through each of her suitors, be they mortal or divine, she evolves as a woman owning both her sexuality and her vulnerability, which are sometimes one and the same. Miller has created a daring feminist take on a classic narrative; although the setting
ILLUSTRATION BY Steven Dana
The Empathy Exams author explores the allure of the bottle in a stunning hybrid of memoir and reportage.
IN The Recovering: Intoxication and Its Aftermath (Little Brown), Leslie Jamison’s immersion into the consuming murk of addiction and the sparkling sea of its literature—the novels of Jean Rhys, with their abject heroines haunted by lost children and lovers; the short fiction of Raymond Carver (“painful and precise, like carefully bitten fingernails”)—the author asks “if stories about getting better could ever be as compelling as stories about falling apart.” It’s no mean feat, morphing the alcoholic’s plodding modus operandi (“More. Again. Forever.” as Jamison puts it) into sentences that surprise and shimmer, but she achieves it here frequently: “Booze helped you see, and then it helped you survive the sight,” she writes of her youthful devotion to this sodden mythology. “I idolized the iconic drunk writers because I understood their drinking as proof of extreme interior weather.” But even hurricanes get dull if you suffer through enough of them. About halfway into the book, Jameson admits, “I’d gotten sick of how melodramatic I was when I was drunk”—by which point the reader may share that sentiment— “but now sobriety seemed
is a mystical world of gods, monsters, and nymphs, the protagonist at its heart is like any of us. A free woman, the author seems to be saying, must be willing to forsake the trappings of birthright and rank in order to claim her destiny, whether thousands of years ago or today. —TAYARI JONES
to come with melodrama of its own: I was a martyr.”
the aggrandizing even when sober. Jamison connects her insatiable appetite for booze with her yearning for male attention, and in at least one case the two needs converge, in a boyfriend who imbibes— and analyzes his own psyche—as much as she does: “We were like two twenty-four-hour archaeological digs happening side by side— just when you thought we’d pause for lunch, we went deeper. It was no wonder we got drunk so much; we just wanted a fucking break.” Sobriety, as configured by the 12-step model, requires relinquishing this grinding fascination with the self, this conviction that one’s story is special and original, and striving instead for humility—the recognition of the shared experience of being human. The Recovering is Jamison’s attempt to reconcile her relentless intellect and singular voice with the things that have healed her: fellowship and surrender. —ARIEL LEVY
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apps are like cars; they need to be handled with care. They are unparalleled for broadening your horizons and taking you on journeys you might not have imagined, but you need to proceed with caution.” –From Love Rules: How to Find a Real Relationship in a Digital World (Harper) by Joanna Coles
A searing new novel targets a hot-button issue.
N ANGRY TEENAGER guns down dozens of his classmates, politicians offer platitudes, and nothing changes. You’ve heard this story before—from fiction writers as varied as Walter Dean Myers and Jodi Picoult and, most vividly, on the evening news, in a country that sees an average of nearly one mass shooting a day. But in joining this tragic canon, Tom McAllister’s haunting second novel, How to Be Safe (Liveright), centers not on the event that sets the larger crisis in motion, but on its aftermath, when traumatized residents veer between grace and madness. The fictional Pennsylvania town where the tale is set was once named America’s friendliest, which makes what’s transpired all the more unthinkable. For high school English teacher Anna Crawford, the sense of surreality is even stronger when she’s named a “person of interest.” At the time of the incident—68 wounded, 19 of them killed—Anna was serving a suspension for ranting about her job on social media, an outburst that both saved and ruined her life. Though her name is soon cleared, she’s unable to convince her neighbors (or the online misogynist hordes) of her innocence, and she becomes a lightning rod for the suspicion and fury gripping the increasingly militarized community. But while Anna flirts with the collective hysteria— visiting an armed militia, taking steps to join a doomsday sect—she ultimately refuses to succumb. At a public meeting, she urges the town to dig a massive hole and bury the country’s firearms, arguing that peace is the only acceptable memorial for victims of violence. Like the Parkland survivors, she recognizes that silence is complicity, as is sticking to the same “solutions”: prayer, paranoia, and more guns. —NATALIE BEACH
ILLUSTRATION BY Deanna Staffo
Black and Blue A novice fiction writer breaks new ground. NAFISSA THOMPSON-SPIRES
pulls no punches in her boundarypushing short-story collection, Heads of the Colored People (37 Ink/Atria). Take “Suicide, Watch,” a satirical tale about a social media maven who decides to end it all—then abruptly changes her mind. It opens: “Jilly took her head out of the oven
With gallows humor and brazen originality, the author plunges us deep into the interiorities of quirkily indelible characters, mostly black women, keeping us focused on the chaos beneath surface-level stability. Thompson-Spires has a gift for rendering difficult topics—race and gender, to name two—with delicacy, timeliness, and even whimsy. In “Whisper to a Scream,” Raina is subjected to racial epithets and fetish jokes as she makes online relaxation videos. The OPRAH.COM
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pivoting around one tragic event. In the epistolary “Belles Lettres,” two mothers exchange passive-aggressive notes via their kids’ backpacks. Funny, smart, and #ofthemoment, this electrifying debut marks the emergence of a daring talent whose characters are as comfortable referencing Octavia Butler and Flannery O’Connor as they are dropping allusions to Fetty Wap and Patti Mayonnaise. —MORGAN JERKINS
10 TITLES TO PICK UP
Dirty Little Secrets “Gender Studies,” the opening salvo of Curtis Sittenfeld’s mischievous story collection, You Think It, I’ll Say It, centers on a jilted professor of women’s history who hooks up with her Trumpsupporting airport shuttle driver. You’re a moron, she thinks before picturing him performing oral sex on her. She, like many in these stories, has a hilariously warped sense of herself and the world around her. But what’s bad for them and those in their orbit—like the hapless husband in “A Regular Couple,” whose new bride holds so strong a grudge against a former classmate, it threatens to ruin their honeymoon—is cathartic fun for us. In “The Prairie Wife,” a lesbian mom staves off domestic boredom by cyberstalking her ex-girlfriend, a celebrity whose conservative (read: heterosexual) lifestyle is a cornerstone of her brand. With a rage “like lust,” the protagonist considers toppling her ex’s empire by outing her. Yet she also worries she’s “frittering away her life having vengeful thoughts about people from her past.” Known for such compassionately ironic novels as Prep and American Wife, Sittenfeld here confirms an ability to mine the casual cruelties and quiet furies of the elite for comic gold. —MICHELLE HART
NOW See What Can Be Done: Essays, Criticism, and Commentary
How to Write an Autobiographical Novel
by Lorrie Moore
by Alexander Chee
A knowing and luminous self-portrait by the author of The Queen of the Night, this memoir in essays explores all the roles— foreign exchange student, waiter, activist, drag queen, tarot reader—that helped Chee clear his path to celebrated writer.
One of our finest fiction writers considers the work of her fellow artists, among other influences—from Eudora Welty to Titanic—in this agile, funny, and sage take on literature and culture. Moore’s mantra: “A little light, a little wonder, some skepticism, some awe, some squinting.”
In the Shadow of Statues
The Female Persuasion
by Mitch Landrieu
by Meg Wolitzer
The way forward “starts with telling the truth about the past,” the New Orleans mayor writes in this impassioned reconciliation of Southern identity. Such truth telling spurred his call for the takedown of NOLA’s Confederate statues, a decision recounted to rousing effect here.
From the author of The Interestings comes a women’s lib bildungsroman about a timid college student and her galvanizing apprenticeship to a Steinem-esque icon—think The Feminine Mystique with a splash of All About Eve.
The Feather Thief
by Lionel Shriver
by Kirk Wallace Johnson
Two novellas and ten stories by the author of We Need to Talk About Kevin skewer the absurdities of materialism, wherein possessions substitute for meaning, and power is exerted by, say, being 30 years old and refusing to leave your parents’ house.
When an amateur ornithologist becomes obsessed with the stuffed rare birds in a British natural history museum, he filches a few for himself, in this true-crime caper recounted with relish and more than passing admiration for the perpetrator.
The Parking Lot Attendant
Lost in the Beehive
by Nafkote Tamirat
by Michele Young-Stone
In this dazzling debut novel, a teenage Bostonian sequestered on a mysterious island reflects on her relationship with an enigmatic older man and how it led her, along with her Ethiopian father, into the limbo of exile.
In this heartrending and ultimately heartwarming novel, a spunky 16-year-old fakes her way through gay conversion therapy and absconds with another patient to experience the boho buzz of 1960s New York.
My American Dream
by Lidia Matticchio Bastianich
by Barbara Ehrenreich
In a memoir as rich and complex as her mushroom ragú, Bastianich dishes on her journey from Yugoslavian refugee to culinary impresario, all the while roasting the notion that “being a chef was a man’s profession.”
Is the Nickel and Dimed author’s latest a curmudgeonly critique of a “wellness” culture that suggests we can fend off mortality, or a humane plea for being okay with our inevitable demise? More like a bracing combination of both, reassuring us that “death is not a terrifying leap into the abyss,” but “an embrace of ongoing life.” —N.B., HAMILTON CAIN, M.H., MADELINE KING
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JOIN US AND EMPOWER WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD DONATE | VOLUNTEER | SPONSOR AN EVENT | SHARE THE MESSAGE @dressforsuccess | www.dressforsuccess.org
2018 What would it take for Americans to stop feuding and disputing, quarreling and clashing, and generally fighting like— well, you know? Join us as we attempt to begin bridging our divides (page 118).... One woman searches for the truth of her father’s life—and how it intersects with a horrific moment in U.S. history (page 134).... We just might have found the recipe for global peace, love, and understanding, and it starts in a few welcoming kitchens in Queens (page 138)....
PROP STYLING: ROBIN FINLAY.
PHOTOGRAPH BY The Voorhes
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AND FIND THE WAY TO
HIGHER GROUND. PHOTOGRAPH BY Ruven Afanador
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ILLUSTRATIONS BY Lorenzo Petrantoni
N NO MATTER OUR INDIVIDUAL politics, every citizen can surely agree that America’s pretty far from domestic tranquility these days. The talking heads are braying. The online commentariat is spewing hatred IN CAPS LOCK. We’re wondering whether we should bring riot gear to the next family dinner—if we’re still having family dinners, that is. In one 2016 survey, around half the Democrats and half the Republicans reported that the opposing party made them feel angry, frustrated, even afraid. But despite the vitriol, we residents of the United States still have one area of common ground: the piece of land we call home, where we have to figure out how to coexist. As Abraham Lincoln said to a divided nation in his 1861 inaugural address, “We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.” In the spirit of that most heroic statesman, what if we refrained from yelling for a second, so we could actually hear each other? Even if we didn’t change our minds, we could change our mindset—and remember we’re people first, not parties. Because despite the fear and loathing expressed in that 2016 survey, the majority of both Republicans and Democrats said a neighbor’s party affiliation wouldn’t affect their ability to get along. If we’re willing to drop by with a casserole, surely we can have a civil conversation.
THE PEACE PROCESS OPINION-SLINGING MAUREEN DOWD AGREES WITH HER SIBLINGS ON ONE THING ONLY: FAMILY VALUES.
I ALWAYS TREATED them lightly in my New York Times column, those unnerving episodes with my conservative family. I wrote about my mom grimacing that I was a “fem-lib”; my sister, Peggy, throwing me out of her guest room; my brother Michael complaining that I was so hard on President George W. Bush that if a hurricane hit, I’d blame it on him. (And then one did, and I did.) In real life, those moments got harder and harder. Michael and I had always been close. He was 17 years older and had helped raise me, passing down his love of old movies and classical music. But as he grew more irritated by my columns criticizing W. about the Iraq War, the intimacy between us eroded. Then, in 2007, Michael died of pneumonia. I curled up in a chair for a few days of searing introspection. I’d never been honest with myself about the toll work was taking on my relationships. It has been said that at the end of your life, you’re often closest to your siblings. I didn’t know how much time I had left with mine, and I didn’t want to waste it. I had to figure out how to be loyal to both my opinions and my family.
That goal was put to the test when Donald Trump squeezed into office. Raging fights were breaking out across the land, and not just in families where someone makes her living opining about politics. But by then the Dowds had not only lost Michael, we’d also had a close call with Kevin, who’d survived kidney cancer. We had learned the hard way what was important. As Peggy says, “Donald isn’t going to be there to hold my hand when I’m dying.” After the election, my sibs—or, as I like to call them, “my little basket of deplorables”—made the decision to table the taunts and jibes at our table. At Thanksgiving, we sipped Peggy’s Trump champagne and not a single carving knife was thrown. We’re relying on a virtue that’s been in short supply of late: civility. We’ve kept our agreement, even when Trump tweeted that I was “neurotic” and “wacky.” Even after I asked Kevin to write one of his pro-Trump guest columns for the Times, and the president scrawled a handwritten note back—which Kevin framed and put on his mantelpiece. Recently, we were asked how we can keep things cordial. “Maureen and I don’t need a ‘safe space,’’’ Kevin said. “When I had cancer and the D.C. doctors told me they couldn’t operate, Maureen was the one who said ‘We will not let this happen’ and brought me to New York. If anyone tries to equate the love I have for her to the foibles of Hillary and Donald, they don’t understand the Irish. Our relationship is forged in Valyrian steel.” Blood is thicker than Trump. And that’s saying something.
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IF THE POLITICAL HAS SUDDENLY GOTTEN VERY PERSONAL, THERAPIST HARRIET LERNER, PhD, HAS ADVICE TO KEEP YOU SANE. E VERY FAMILY is a delicate system, with its own unresolved issues and what I call “hightwitch” areas that can’t be discussed. The greater your family’s level of anxiety, the lower its tolerance for differences. I remember one family who stopped speaking to each other because some of them sold Amway products, and the others refused to use them. Right now we’re all swimming in a soup of anxiety—about jobs, healthcare, the future of our planet—and even solid families are feeling the strain. That state of chronic stress disrupts our ability to empathize and solve problems. Folks become polarized in extreme positions and yo-yo
between cutting each other off and calling each other out. We see the other person through a very narrow lens, focusing only on her perceived shortcomings instead of acknowledging her as a whole, complex being. Families already have a tendency to label each other. For instance, Susie thinks only of herself, so of course she’s not worried about people on welfare. And Ruby never thinks at all, so she’s happy to waste our taxpayer dollars. As tension increases, we’re even more inclined to lock our family into those rigidly defined roles. Instead of thinking flexibly and creatively about how to solve conflicts, we lash OPRAH.COM
HARRIET LERNER, PHD, is the author
of Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts. M AY 2 0 1 8
GALL IN THE
out and throw fuel on the fire. To break the cycle, we need to get a grip on our own reactivity. After all, the only person you can change is you. That’s a cliché, but like most clichés, it’s a deep truth. So focus on your part of the pattern and take some different steps—because calmness is contagious, just as anger leads to more of the same. Try putting on your anthropologist’s hat and viewing your difficult family as an interesting culture. Observe everything, including your own behavior. What sets you off? What happens if you respond differently? When tree-hugging Aunt Debbie starts hammering you again for not switching to hemp tampons, use humor instead of leaving in a huff or getting hooked into a fight. Aunt Debbie will never change, but that’s not the point. The goal is to bring your best self to your relationships, even when the other person is being a jerk. That’s the kind of human being you want to be.
“Though I cohost a talk show, sometimes I go silent. The words silent and listen have the same letters. When we listen, we give each other room to see each other as we are. And when we’re making change together, we have to let some things go. I have hope whenever I hear someone say, ‘I’m tired of fighting. I just want to find the answer.’” —HARRIS FAULKNER, host of Fox News Channel’s Outnumbered Overtime and cohost of Outnumbered
“When you’re married to someone from the world of politics, you socialize with opinionated people. Luckily, my mother, who was Nancy Reagan’s social secretary, taught me diplomacy. Anytime somebody’s making my blood boil, I wonder what they looked like as an infant. All babies are cute. Then I smile.” —ALI WENTWORTH, actress, author of Go Ask Ali, and wife of ABC’s George Stephanopoulos, former adviser to Bill Clinton
STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU CNN commentators Margaret Hoover and John Avlon on the tricky business of being spouses and sparring partners. Though Margaret Hoover and John Avlon have been married for eight years, the sparks are still flying: She’s a GOP stalwart (and great-granddaughter of Herbert Hoover) and the author of American Individualism: How a New Generation of Conservatives Can Save the Republican Party. He’s a centrist who believes hyperpartisanship is damaging the country (to wit, his book Wingnuts: Extremism in the Age of Obama). The pair have had their share of squabbles, but at the end of the day, they always manage to remember that they’re on the same side. SHE SAYS: “In the Hoover house, Democrat was a bad word. When something broke, my mom would say ‘It went Democrat on us.’ So at first, whenever John said anything that wasn’t pro–Republican Party, I took it as an attack on me and all that the Hoovers stood for. If we weren’t in total sync on every point, I thought, then how could we be united in life? In hindsight, that seems laughable, but back then it felt like survival—incredibly emotionally fraught.” HE SAYS: “I’d always believed politics wasn’t personal. Then I started dating Margaret, for whom it was intensely personal. Also, I love a good discussion and wanted to ‘win’ every time. Understandably, that didn’t feel loving to Margaret.”
SHE SAYS: “It was 2008, and we were about to get engaged.
John had decided not to support McCain in the election because of Sarah Palin, and we fought about it nonstop. But then something in me clicked. By then I knew John well enough to appreciate that our core values—love of family and country—were the same, even if our political leanings weren’t. I couldn’t let his choice of candidate cheat me out of marrying the love of my life. When we got married, I designated our bedroom a demilitarized zone, where cuddling would always trump politics.” HE SAYS: “Democracy depends on an assumption of goodwill between citizens. That damn well better extend to the person you love. Did I have to push every conversation to the outer limit? No. I began wanting my wife to trust me more than I craved a verbal victory, and that was the turning point.”
SHE SAYS: “These days we give each other space to consume our own preferred media. I did catch John sneak-watching Ken Burns’s documentary about the Roosevelts, and I was like, ‘You don’t have to hide that from me! I mean, that family vilified my relatives and made my dad’s and my grandparents’ lives incredibly challenging, but hey, go for it!’” HE SAYS: “It’s taken years and patience, but as my mother says, ‘Trees and people grow together over time.’ Lately, we’ve been listening to a song by Chris Thile called ‘I Made This for You.’ It goes: Giving just as much hell as I get / To people I’d prob’ly like if I met / So whether these days leave you laughing or crying / If you’re doing your best to be kind / This land is as much yours as mine.” M AY 2 0 1 8
NO NEWS IS
BAD NEWS OPINION JOURNALISM CONFUSES THE ISSUES—AND THE PUBLIC. SINCE THE DAWN of cable news networks, it’s been growing more difficult to separate reporting from retorting. “With a 24-hour schedule to fill, the networks built many prime-time programs around the talk-show format, often to create debates,” says Amy Mitchell, director of journalism research at Pew Research Center. The trend continued in the digital era, when bloggers could offer commentarystyle “news” with no reporting at all. Now, according to a 2017 Gallup-Knight Foundation survey, almost half of Americans say there’s so much bias in the news that it’s hard to decipher the facts. Strict partisans are more certain they can’t be misled by slanted news coverage: Those who are “very liberal” or “very conservative” are the most likely to be “very confident” that they can sort fact from opinion.
27 PERCENT OF U.S. CITIZENS ARE
“VERY CONFIDENT” THAT THEY CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FACTUAL NEWS AND OPINION OR COMMENTARY. ************ SOURCE: GALLUP-KNIGHT FOUNDATION
WHITE HOUSE IN CHAOS POTUS IMPLODES!
DEMS VS. AMERICA PATRIOT-IN-CHIEF STANDS FIRM
NOW YOU’RE TRAPPED IN THE
One way to have more productive conversations? Get our facts straight!
4 Only 54 percent of Americans know that people born in Puerto Rico are U.S. citizens. OBAMACARE IS THE SAME THING AS THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT! THAT’S NEWS TO 33 PERCENT OF US.
Last year two-thirds of U.S. adults reported getting at least some news from social media, with Facebook in the lead. But that open forum can become an echo chamber, limiting our perspective and reinforcing our worst ideas about the other side.
PREVIOUS PAGE: TV: CANSTOCK. HANNITY: ROB KIM/GETTY IMAGES.
HOW FACEBOOK REALLY KEEPS US IN THE LOOP.
1. YOU BLOCK CRAZY COUSIN KYLE...
2. BUT ADD A COOL NEW FRIEND...
3. AND CLICK ON A RAGE-INDUCING
4. THAT YOU SHARE...
after reading his latest news nugget—that there are ISIS sleeper cells in Planned Parenthood clinics. And boy, does it feel good. So good, in fact, that you also block cousin Sue, her kids, and your Republican neighbor (later he’ll post a thought-provoking op-ed about the refugee crisis, but unfortunately, you’ll miss it). Close to 30 percent of social media users say they’ve blocked or unfriended someone who’s posted political content. Now, even though your network may include diverse connections, your feed—and your world—just got smaller.
you just met through your book club. You scroll through her feed, liking a Zadie Smith essay, clicking the laugh emoji under a hedgehog meme, commenting on her critique of a fearmongering political ad. All of this engagement means you’ll see more of her posts in the future; in an attempt to halt the spread of fake news, Facebook announced at the beginning of the year that it was tweaking its algorithm to prioritize posts that circulate among your friends and family, making it less likely you’ll see posts from news sites.
from a story shared by a coworker: “The Moral Apocalypse of Republican Tax Cuts.” Your pulse quickens. Studies show that users often engage with headlines that pique their curiosity, are highly sensational, or (as subjects in one Dutch study put it) inspire “gleeful annoyance” (i.e., you enjoy being irked by them). During the run-up to the 2016 elections, the New York Times tested two headlines: “$2 Billion Worth of Free Media for Trump” versus “Measuring Trump’s Media Dominance.” Guess which one got nearly three times the clicks?
with your network. Then 30 of your friends click and share it, too. (Even though some of them didn’t read the story. In one study, researchers estimated that 59 percent of links shared on Twitter have never been clicked; the sharer reads only the headline.) The friends who clicked will now see more of your posts in their feed. Those clicks mean more revenue for the news site that posted the story: The more traffic a site generates, the more dollars it can demand from advertisers— and the stronger its incentive to post the incendiary headlines that pay off.
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AND NOW YOU’RE TRAPPED IN THE INNER CIRCLE— a feed full of people in lockstep with your politics. You’re sharing provocative stories with your like-minded friends, who are sharing them with their own like-minded friends. The more you engage with each other, the more of each other’s posts you’ll see—and although you’re in constant conversation, every voice sounds eerily like your own. Welcome to the echo chamber! Hello...hello...hello...
53 percent of us believe people who are in the U.S. illegally have no protections under the Constitution.
37 percent can’t name even one right guaranteed by the First Amendment.
64 PERCENT OF US CAN’T FIND NORTH KOREA ON A MAP. Only 60 percent can identify the country that voted to leave the European Union. (IT’S THE UNITED
KINGDOM.) SOURCES: MORNING CONSULT POLL, SEPTEMBER 2017 (PUERTO RICO); MORNING CONSULT POLL, JANUARY 2017 (AFFORDABLE CARE ACT); 2017 ANNENBERG CONSTITUTION CIVICS SURVEY; NEW YORK TIMES, PUBLISHED JULY 5, 2017 (NORTH KOREA); PEW RESEARCH CENTER JULY 2017 (EUROPEAN UNION).
OPRAH TALKS WITH LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA ABOUT AMERICA AT ITS BEST.
IF ANYONE PROVES this country can draw strength from
its differences, that person would be Lin-Manuel Miranda. Raised in New York City by parents who came from Puerto Rico, he turned the life of Founding Father Alexander Hamilton into a groundbreaking hip-hop musical that has moved and inspired Americans of all ethnicities and ages. The winner of 11 Tonys and the 2016 Pulitzer Prize for Drama, Hamilton is set in a time of bitter political rivalry; it’s also a story of patriotism and hope. Recently I sat down with Miranda to discuss our own divided times and how we can move forward. OW: First of all, congratulations are in order—you became a father for the second time in February. What do you most want to pass on to your sons? LM: Pride in their culture, which is what my parents gave my sister and me. And the most important gift you can give your kids is empathy. It’s the number one tool in an artist’s toolbox. You can’t create art if you can’t understand what someone else has been through and then try to articulate it. OW: What made you want to step into the shoes of Alexander Hamilton? LM: As I was reading Ron Chernow’s biography Alexander
Hamilton, I said, “This is the most hip-hop shit I’ve ever seen.” Hamilton grew up in the Caribbean and had a hellish childhood, but he transcended his circumstances by writing. That’s how he got the scholarship that brought him to America—which is the same thing that happened with my father, who got a full ride to grad school at
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MIRANDA AND OPRAH: JOJO WHILDEN/HARPO, INC.
THIS IS US
NYU after he finished college in Puerto Rico at age 18. OW: You related to Hamilton not as the guy on the $10 bill, but as a striver like your dad. LM: When I realized Hamilton was an immigrant, I understood everything. That’s why he was so relentless. As an immigrant, you work three times as hard and are promised maybe a fraction as much. Hamilton knew those rules going in. That’s why he designed a financial system and established the Coast Guard, and cowrote the Federalist Papers. He had that drive. OW: It seems we’re living in a time when people are not good at seeing the world from another person’s perspective. LM: The fights we’re having now politically are the same fights we were having six months after the country was born. States’ rights versus national rights, foreign intervention versus how we treat our own people. We’re always
HISTORY ISN’T A SET OF OBJECTIVE FACTS. IT’S A SUBJECTIVE STORY, CURATED BY THE PEOPLE WHO LIVED IT, AND THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER STORIES THAT HAVEN’T BEEN TOLD.
going to have these struggles. But we have also made huge strides as a country—toward LGBTQ rights, for instance—which is why I think we’re living in a time of enormous moral clarity. These are things we can’t go backward on. I challenge myself to think, Where can I direct my focus? What won’t let me go unless I do something about it? OW: I know you are really passionate about helping Puerto Rico rebuild after Hurricane Maria. LM: It’s impossible to talk about this without crying, so I’ll just cry while I talk. There’s still so much urgent need. I always knew I would take Hamilton there, and we’re planning to do that in 2019. Our proceeds will go to raising money for the arts. So many have gotten on board to help. That’s the silver lining to the time we live in: People are engaged as never before when it comes to the things that matter to them. OW: I just read a quote from a 17-year-old African American girl who said that before Hamilton, she thought of U.S. history as just a bunch of white guys. But hearing this story, and seeing actors of color in these traditionally white roles, has changed her idea of what’s possible for her life. How does that make you feel? LM: It’s overwhelming. We do an educational initiative called EduHam [The Hamilton Education Initiative] with high
schoolers. They research their favorite historical figures and write from their perspective. One young man wrote a piece in the voice of one of the sons Thomas Jefferson may have had with his slave Sally Hemings, and the opening line was “The Founding Father didn’t acknowledge he was my father.” We’re opening up the idea that history isn’t a set of objective facts. It’s a subjective story, curated by the people who lived it, and there are so many other stories that haven’t been told. I can’t wait to see what these kids grow up to make. OW: In your Tony acceptance speech, you did a sonnet about Hamilton: “The show is proof that history remembers / We live through times when hate and fear seem stronger / We rise and fall and light from dying embers, remembrances that hope and love last longer.” That feels like a prayer. LM: It is. It was a prayer that came out of a really tough day. That morning one of the worst shootings in our nation’s recent history had happened at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, and we were all grieving, yet it was also a time to celebrate years of hard work. So I tried to meet the moment by writing the sonnet, because that’s what the show is about. Alexander Hamilton is in the history books, but the show is also about his wife, Eliza, who lived to be 97 and had an incredible American life. She opened a school in Hamilton’s name and an orphanage. She was known as the last Revolutionary War widow. Their love story lives beyond the pettiness of any political duel. We may go through trying times, but if we’re survived by people who love and remember us, we’ll go on forever. LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA can next be seen
in Mary Poppins Returns in December.
“Even if I find an opinion downright abhorrent, I keep asking more questions to gain better insight into that person’s perspective. It’s like conducting a scientific inquiry. The key is to stay respectful—and a sense of humor always helps.” —ALEX WAGNER, author of Futureface and CBS News contributor
“As a hostage negotiator, I could listen empathetically to anyone—even terrorists—once I realized that understanding and articulating someone’s viewpoint is not the same as agreeing with it. Decoupling those ideas is a powerful and liberating concept.” —CHRIS VOSS, former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference
STRANGER IN A
STRANGE LAND Surrounded by blue, conservative Julie Gunlock tries not to see red. want other parents to decide their kids can’t play with mine. I work for a conservative think tank and love to talk about the issues, but I’ve learned that some enjoy those kinds of conversations and some don’t. A person who lives in an area where everybody agrees with them isn’t used to debating, so they might find it unnerving if suddenly someone trotted along and started asking questions. I get it—I don’t want to startle anyone! Sometimes I do feel isolated, but in other ways, it’s great to live among people who don’t share my politics because it forces me to find other things to talk about. I also love great books and food and cooking. In fact, cooking videos are the only thing left on my Facebook feed. I got tired of the drama and hid everybody else. Now it’s just recipes and my Aunt Trudy.
READERS SHARE TALES OF WOE AND PEACE.
WHEN PEOPLE in my liberal northern Virginia community find out I’m conservative, they’re often shocked. I feel like a citizen of some newly discovered country: “Explain to me your customs—what is this world you come from?” It’s like I have a duck on my head. I want to say, “You know Republicans aren’t aliens, right? We do exist. There are plenty of us in the Capitol Building, right up the highway.” The morning after the 2016 elections, when I walked my kids to school, let’s just say I didn’t see highfiving in the streets. There was vodka in the coffee mugs. The principal gathered the teachers to make sure everyone was okay. People were posting on Facebook that they were crying in their children’s arms. There was a three-day hangover afterward. I try to be careful because I don’t
According to our poll at Oprah.com—which drew more than 1,300 responses from Republicans, Democrats, and independents— the partisan struggle is really hitting home. If you’re in the thick of it, take comfort that you’re not alone—and heed this presumably hard-won advice from reader Lesley Rahner of Louisville, Kentucky: “Never discuss religion or politics over a glass of wine.” M AY 2 0 1 8
“I am black and my husband is white. I thought we saw eye to eye, but lately talks about race are beginning to divide us.” —JASMINE YORK, St. Louis
“I’M AMAZED BY HOW MY FRIENDS AUTOMATICALLY JUDGE PEOPLE WITHOUT LISTENING TO THEIR VIEWPOINTS. I AM A LIBERAL DEMOCRAT AND HAVE TOLD THEM THAT I BELIEVE IN PROTECTING THE BORDERS (BECAUSE IT’S THE LAW), BUT THEY AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME I WANT OPEN BORDERS.” —STEPHANIE GOINS, Lake Villa, Illinois
Conflict resolution expert Daniel Shapiro, PhD, recommends starting with the small stuff.
KUMBAYA—NOT Judith Newman’s Democratic bubble has become a hazmat suit.
GETTY IMAGES (5). SHUTTERSTOCK (4).
I USED TO PRIDE myself on living by Atticus Finch’s dictum in To Kill a Mockingbird: “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Oh, Atticus, how I’ve failed you. I’ve cut off my beloved uncle, now a Fox News addict. (No surprise—he still says women ought to stay barefoot and pregnant.) I hung up on a friend who claimed Donald Trump was joking (ha) when he said, “There are fine people on both sides.” And I unfriended a charming Facebook acquaintance who usually shares grandkid pics after she posted an image of Trump (looking more photoshopped than a Kardashian) captioned “My President!” On my news feed. Buh-bye, Grandma! However, I still cling to Margaret, my one remaining friend who voted for Trump. She didn’t like him, I tell myself—she just disliked Hillary more. She’s a loyal Republican. And it’s New
“I have some of the most liberal friends and love them just the same. I harbor no ill will toward anyone who’s expressing an opinion—but I don’t allow people to be mean and nasty. That doesn’t lead to the greater good. It just leads to a fight.” —GINA THOMSEN, Rapid City, South Dakota
I ONCE DID A WORKSHOP on negotiation
York, so her vote didn’t “count.” I make excuses the way I did with the badnews boyfriends of my youth: So what if he only drops by for 3 a.m. booty calls? He brought me a rose and a bottle of tequila! What slays me is that Margaret is a far more generous soul than I am. She gave me my first job, and I’ve never seen her treat anyone with anything less than kindness and respect. She embodies grace under pressure. It’s a quality I admire even more now that we’re both moms of kids with disabilities, which makes us simpatico in a way that defies any other difference. Plus, like those bad boyfriends, she always makes me laugh. Even when she called to tell me her husband had died after a long illness, that dark humor of hers was still intact. “Guess what?” she said through her tears. “There’s one less Trump voter around here!” I laughed in spite of myself. And I promised myself I’d do better.
“AS A MOM OF MEXICAN AMERICAN DAUGHTERS AND THE WIFE OF A MEXICAN MAN WHO IS HERE ON A GREEN CARD, IT PAINS ME THAT MY PARENTS VOTED FOR TRUMP.” —JAMIE MARTINEZ, Albuquerque, New Mexico
with a group of lawyers in Philadelphia who were a very rational, straitlaced bunch. We were discussing the role of emotion in negotiation— using it to connect with others—and they seemed not to entirely get it. Emotion was outside the terrain of what they were accustomed to talking about at work. So I said: “Find a stranger in this room, pair up with that person, and in the next two minutes, try to identify as many connections between you as possible. The stranger, the wilder, the weirder, the better.” And so they did. All of a sudden they were invigorated. “You like sailing?” one person said. “I like sailing!” It was as if each of them had found a long-lost friend. One pair discovered they grew up two blocks from each other. Real bonds were forming. There’s an emotional consequence in finding connections and embracing them, and they are often hidden. But imagine if I’d asked them to tell their partner whom they’d voted for and why. How do you help people have a positive conversation around sensitive issues? Help them locate and celebrate their commonalities to create a safety net for discussing what separates them. DANIEL SHAPIRO, PHD, is founder and director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program and author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable.
“I have close family on opposite sides, but we love each other enough to respect our differences and keep our views to ourselves. No political cause matters as much as family.” —SALLY PFISTERER, St. Louis
“MY FAMILY HAS TRULY CHANGED BEFORE MY EYES. IT REALLY FEELS AS THOUGH THEY’VE BEEN BRAINWASHED.” —KRISTIE BENNETT, Bloomington, Indiana
IN DECEMBER 2016, ten Trump voters and ten Clinton voters gathered in South Lebanon, Ohio, to hash out their fears, hopes, and resentments. It was a brave experiment hosted by an organization called Better Angels, which has since held more than 40 workshops nationwide using communication principles drawn largely from marriage counseling. Better Angels’ founder and president, David Blankenhorn, and senior fellow William Doherty, a marriage and family therapist, offer a few lessons that might just save our relationships.
TOGETHER THE BIPARTISAN CITIZENS’ MOVEMENT BETTER ANGELS HAS A NOVEL SOLUTION FOR AMERICA’S DEEPLY IMPERFECT UNION.
THE RULES OF
ENGAGEMENT Tips from Better Angels on the civil way to have civic conversations.
PARAPHRASE what the other person has just said to make sure you understand and that she feels heard. Don’t go further by suggesting implications of her view:
“So you’re saying you wish Trump wouldn’t tweet so much, but he’s there to shake things up in Washington.” NOT...“SO YOU’RE SAYING THE CHARACTER OF THE PRESIDENT DOESN’T MATTER.”
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ASK QUESTIONS to clarify, not to provoke:
“How did you come to believe that moving toward single-payer healthcare is best?” NOT...“HOW CAN YOU DEFEND SOMETHING AS MESSED UP AS OBAMACARE?”
WE ALL WANT TO
IT TAKES TWO
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TO TANGO. “PEOPLE USUALLY COME in to counseling wanting their partner to change, but both sides have a role in the problem,” says Doherty. “When they can admit that, we’re hitting pay dirt.” At the beginning of each workshop, both “Reds” and “Blues” talk about the stereotypes commonly leveled against them. “For the Reds, it might be ‘racist,’ and for the Blues, it might be ‘snowflake,’” says Blankenhorn. “They talk about why the stereotypes are false and whether there could be an element of truth. For instance, a Red might say, ‘Most of us aren’t racist. But some are, and if you’re a racist in America, you’re most likely conservative.’ People will be honest if they know they’re not going to be demonized.” Democrat Kouhyar Mostashfi admits that when he attended Better Angels’ second workshop, he wasn’t overflowing with goodwill. “I was cutting ties with all my Republican friends,” Mostashfi says. “I came only because I was curious. But when we did some honest soul-searching, I realized that neither side was being painted fairly. When you talk to people, as opposed to hearing about them in the news, you realize they didn’t develop their world views in an instant—they were shaped by their own feelings and life stories.”
USE “I” STATEMENTS (“This is how I see it”) more often than truth statements (“This is how it is”):
THE GROUND RULE: No debating. “When people can explain themselves without being interrupted or judged, they hear each other,” says Doherty. “The irony is that they’re more apt to shift when they’re not feeling pressured to change.” Workshop moderators are quick to cut off lectures or insults. “We’re there to listen carefully and ask questions of clarification,” says Blankenhorn, “not gotcha questions like ‘How could you support the worst man in America?’” “My first interaction was with a conservative Christian gentleman who said, ‘I have something to ask you,’” says Mostashfi, a Muslim who immigrated from Iran in the 1990s. “When I saw the emotion in his face, I knew what it was going to be.” “I wanted to know about ISIS,” says Greg Smith, who posed the question. “Before I could get the word out, Kouhyar said, ‘Let me tell you something. My religion has been hijacked.’ I thought about that and said, ‘Let me tell you something. So has mine.’ The KKK wants to say they’re with us—get out of here! Kouhyar and I quickly realized that there are like-minded people within the boundaries of both red and blue.”
“I’m afraid we’re going off a cliff on climate change, and there will be no coming back.” NOT...“WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO EVACUATE COASTAL CITIES BEFORE THIS CENTURY IS OVER.”
DON’T TAKE THE BAIT if the other person makes a provocative statement. Simply restate your position calmly:
WORK IT OUT. MOSTASHFI AND SMITH began meeting to continue their conversation. “As the friendship has blossomed, we’re challenging each other about our beliefs,” says Mostashfi. “We know we’re not trying to score political points but to get rid of the rough edges that exist between us.” He’s accompanied Smith to church; Smith came to Friday prayers at Mostashfi’s mosque. “We’re not close to agreeing on Donald Trump and Obama,” says Smith. “But if Kouhyar ran for office, I believe I could vote for that guy!” After 40 years in the therapy trenches, Doherty believes almost any relationship can be saved if both parties are motivated. “When counseling doesn’t work,” he says, “it’s usually because someone was already out the door.” Though both liberals and conservatives often enter Better Angels workshops skeptically, Blankenhorn adds, “Out of 800 people, I have heard only one say, ‘I still don’t believe the other side has anything good to offer.’ And sometimes there’s a transcendent moment when you rediscover each other as human beings, like the guy who stood up and said, ‘You can’t hate who you know.’”
“For now Trump is the president, and I want to give him a chance to succeed.” NOT...“LIKE HILLARY WOULD HAVE BEEN A MODERN-DAY LINCOLN? DREAM ON!”
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“When I was confronted on C-SPAN by ‘Garry from North Carolina,’ an admitted racist, I thought about the roots of his fear: If the only people of color I knew were accused criminals on the news, I’d be scared, too. I thanked him for his honesty. Once we got to know each other, he told me he was reading Cornel West and ‘practicing not being prejudiced.’ What we share is our desire to be better citizens.” —HEATHER McGHEE, president of the public policy organization Demos
“For people who say they can’t stand listening to the other side, I suggest a game: Flip the script and imagine the sound bite or action you hate is coming from a politician you support. We’re so reluctant to give people the benefit of the doubt, but this simple mental trick helps me stay open-minded.” —ALISYN CAMEROTA, CNN anchor and cohost of CNN’s New Day
work out YOUR DIFFERENCES MIND-LIMBERING EXERCISES FOR THE POLITICALLY INFLEXIBLE. who studies the moral roots of our political beliefs. The interactive app OpenMind, developed by Haidt and his team, helps us understand why we form certain opinions and how we can have more constructive conversations. Try opening your own mind with these exercises adapted from the free app; for more, visit openmindplatform.org.
PERHAPS YOU’RE WONDERING, Why should I speak to people with terrible politics? They’re irrational and evil! Actually, (1) you sound a bit irrational yourself, and (2) the other side probably isn’t evil. We’re all subject to cognitive distortions, especially when it comes to our fundamental beliefs, says social psychologist Jonathan Haidt,
BREAK OUT OF THE MATRIX Have you ever read an op-ed or heard a politician’s speech and thought, What an idiot? Of course you have—you’re human. Each of us looks at the world through our own interpretation of reality. It’s like the movie The Matrix, in which everyone was living in a consensual hallucination—a virtual reality similar to a shared dream state. We’re all living in a type of consensual hallucination known as a moral matrix, shaped by our country and community. To understand why your moral matrix might diverge from someone else’s, think of your mind as a tongue with taste receptors. Human beings have the same receptors that register salty, sweet, sour, bitter, and savory, yet different people like different foods, depending on their culture and preferences. Some psychologists believe that we likewise share a set of universal moral foundations—the building blocks of morality that different individuals value and prioritize in different ways:
CARE Empathy, compassion, helping those in need and preventing harm
FAIRNESS Justice, rights, equality
LIBERTY Personal freedom
To talk with people who live in a different moral matrix, you have to consider where they’re coming from. What moral foundations are they relying on most? Take a look at the opposing opinions of two U.S. senators, paying special attention to the words in bold type:
“We need an immigration system that...allows families to be reunited and safe. One that treats individuals with humanity and respects due process and civil liberties. One that shields the most vulnerable among us, including children and crime victims and asylum seekers and refugees.” –SENATOR PATRICK LEAHY (D-VT) “reunited and safe,” “most vulnerable among us” = CARE
“due process and civil liberties” = FAIRNESS, LIBERTY
LOYALTY Patriotism, self-sacrifice
AUTHORITY Leadership and followership, respect for traditions
SANCTITY Protecting what we consider pure or sacred
“We have a duty to protect the borders and the sovereignty of this country.... Asylum fraud is a serious problem.... And, it’s no secret that terrorists are trying to exploit the system.” –SENATOR CHUCK GRASSLEY (R-IA) “protect the borders,” “terrorists” = AUTHORITY, LOYALTY
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“asylum fraud,” “exploit[ing] the system” = FAIRNESS
Someone who supports stricter immigration policy might be motivated by xenophobia or racism, but it’s also possible that they’re motivated by their notion of fairness (e.g., fairness toward people who are waiting in line legally). Someone who supports more open immigration likely isn’t against the protection of U.S. citizens; instead, they may be more concerned with the protection of new immigrants, particularly refugees. One way to broaden your perspective is to break free from your own moral matrix. It might seem uncomfortable at first, but it will soon feel liberating, and it will help you communicate more effectively with those around you. Try these exercises:
1. Analyze your own beliefs. When you hear or read a news story that ignites anger or indignation, ask yourself, Do I believe someone has committed a wrong? Try to identify which moral foundations were activated in you.
2. Identify the roots of your disagreement. Next time you disagree with someone, assume for a moment that the person is neither stupid nor evil. Instead, try to identify which moral foundations the person is relying on to make her statement.
3. Engage in moral reframing. To disagree with someone more productively, first acknowledge your shared views. Then try reframing your position in a way that connects to her moral foundation. For example: You’re appealing to: A conservative who’s averse to transgender military personnel. Your moral foundation: fairness. Reframe in terms of: loyalty, patriotism (“Our fellow Americans should be able to demonstrate their loyalty to our nation”). You’re appealing to: A liberal who’s against military spending. Your moral foundation: patriotism. Reframe in terms of: care, fairness (“The military helps level the playing field for minorities and the poor. Cutting spending would take away those opportunities”). You may not change anyone’s mind, but you may both come away feeling more understood.
ASTRONAUTS DO, TOO
BABIES IN GLASSES: THE CUTEST NO ONE WANTS TO READ BEOWULF
HYENAS ARE JERKS
FINDING $20 IN YOUR COAT POCKET NEVER GETS OLD
PIZZA! YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG
EGGS ARE A FREAKIN’ MIRACLE
EVERYTHING’S UNNIER-FAY IN IG-PAY ATIN-LAY
ROSE ABSOLUTELY HAD ROOM FOR JACK ON THAT FLOATING DOOR ALAMY (2). GETTY IMAGES (3). SHUTTERSTOCK.
YOU CAN’T HEAR “FLIGHT OF THE VALKYRIES” WITHOUT SILENTLY SINGING KILL THE WABBIT, KILL THE WABBIT...
MAMMOGRAMS— THERE’S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY
NUTELLA SHOULD BE A SUPERFOOD THERE OUGHT TO BE A WHITE WINE EMOJI
THE HEALING POWER OF INTERSPECIES FRIENDSHIPS SOMETIMES YOU REALLY DO FEEL LIKE A NUT... ...AND SOMETIMES YOU DON’T
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WHERE ARE YOU GOING? MICHELLE OAKLEY All-species vet
Into the Great Wide Open Don’t worry, I’m not hunting these bison— I’m helping make sure they survive. As a wildlife vet based in the Yukon, I’m part of a conservation project monitoring the health and number of bison herds; we dart them with sedatives, then do exams and take blood samples. Unfortunately, they won’t trot up to you and say, “Go ahead and look in my mouth!” I grew up on a creek in suburban Indiana, where I used to bait and catch injured squirrels and raccoons and clean their wounds. When I was 8 or 9 years old, you could find me tending to an orphaned duckling the neighbors brought over. I spent so much time watching Jane Goodall and Dian Fossey in National Geographic specials—these women who were out there doing it. I was adamant that one way or another, I’d eventually be one of them. Now I find myself around wild animals every day, whether I’m helping a sick moose or mending a snowy owl’s broken wing. On one of my first vet jobs, the helicopter dropped me off in a remote spot, and after it took off, there was complete silence. I was standing in thick snow, 20 degrees below, when all of a sudden, wolves started howling all around me. I’ll never forget that moment. Total bliss. My work is really tough and physical. When I get old, I may not be able to do everything I do now. But I’ll find a way to fight for the animals of this last frontier until I’m falling down, I can promise you that.
PHOTOGRAPH BY Lyle Fullerton M AY 2 0 1 8
HER FAMILY SECRETS WERE TOO TROUBLING TO FACE, SO SHE WILLFULLY KEPT HERSELF IN THE DARK. NOW LETA MCCOLLOUGH SELETZKY FINALLY RECKONS WITH HER FATHER—AND THE TRUTH.
YOU’VE SEEN THE PHOTO: April 4, 1968, the exterior of Memphis’s Lorraine Motel. A mortally wounded Martin Luther King Jr. lies on a second-floor balcony as blood pools around him on the gray concrete. The toes of his polished dress shoes stick out past the edge of the railing, over the cars in the lot below. Standing above him, three people frantically point to a rooming house across the street. A fourth person’s gaze is fixed on the same spot, but with his right hand, he holds a white towel to King’s shattered jaw. It’s this man I found myself unable to look away from when I first saw the photo at the age of 4, maybe 5. He seems to be in shock, but alert, tensed, ready to leap to his feet. Please, God, let this not be happening, he might be thinking. Or maybe he's thinking nothing of the kind. The man’s precise reasons for being on that balcony have long been touched by mystery—even to me. And I’m his daughter. M AY 2 0 1 8
JOSEPH LOUW/THE LIFE IMAGES COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES.
ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN RITTER
At home in Centreville, Virginia, 1977.
ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR, DAD’S BROWN DODGE VAN MATERIALIZED NEXT TO THE CURB. STR AIGHTBACKED AND EBULLIENT, HE WOULD STRIDE UP THE WALKWAY, AN EXOTIC VISITOR BEARING CURIOUS GIFTS.
HAVE A FLICKERING reel of early memories of my father, Marrell “Mac” McCollough: his bare ankles as I play on the floor while he watches football and drinks beer; a flash of straight, white teeth; him cooing his nickname for me, “Dee.” Sparkling, sundappled late-’70s scenes. But there are darker ones, too: Mom and Dad shouting behind a closed bedroom door—about his drinking, his affairs. Her tearful calls to her mother on an avocado-green rotary phone: “I want to come home.” My own helplessness and fear as our family’s foundation crumbled beneath our feet. They divorced in 1980 when I was 4 and my brother 2, Mom moving us from an anodyne northern Virginia townhouse to her soulful home city of Memphis. Later she told me that I cried for Dad after we left. Apparently, I once fixated on a man I spotted when we were out shopping, convinced he was my father by the sight of his legs and shoes. “Daddy!” I screamed over and over. My brother and I were too young to understand the significance of his presence at King’s assassination when Mom showed us that photo in the Commercial Appeal, our local newspaper. We knew only what she told us: “That’s your dad; he was a policeman.” Conversation over. Now he had a new job that took him to foreign countries for long stretches. Every few months, we’d get a fat envelope bearing strange stamps, stuffed with photos and a letter in his long, loopy script: How are you? I’m doing fine. Your mom told me you’re in kindergarten now! I hope to see you soon. In some photos, he wore a green military uniform; in others, he stood next to a jeep. He was large framed and commanding; his brown skin glistened in the central African heat. He’d visit sporadically, swooping into town, always a surprise. In between these visits and missives, my brother and I had no idea where he was. Mom told us he worked “for the government.” Her expression told us not to ask anything more. In Memphis, there was a host of welcoming faces: Grandma and Granddaddy, two elegant aunts, and four uncles who seemed almost as tall as the ceiling. We stayed in Grandma and Granddaddy’s neat white bungalow. It had the air of a cabin in the country, long clotheslines swaying with billowing fabrics and tidy rows of vegetables bursting through the backyard’s dark, turned earth. Mom got a job as a reporter at the Commercial Appeal, and Grandma and Granddaddy took care of us kids. “You heard from Mac?” Grandma would ask Mom from time to time. Mom would affirm tersely and look away. Conversation over. M AY 2 0 1 8
Once or twice a year, Dad’s brown Dodge van—“Big Choc,” he called it—materialized next to the curb. Straightbacked and ebullient, he would stride up the walkway, an exotic visitor bearing curious gifts: a straw mask with cowrie shell eyes, a foot-tall Japanese geisha doll. As I opened the door, he’d let out a full-throated laugh, saying, “Look at you, girl! Wow, you’re getting tall!” He’d kiss my cheek, his stubble scratching my skin, then turn to my brother with a “My man!” before whisking us into Big Choc’s shag-carpeted belly. We went on whirlwind jaunts across the city, tasting bony slabs of fried buffalo fish and riding the Zippin Pippin, Libertyland amusement park’s wooden roller coaster. When I was 11, Dad moved back to the U.S. and settled in northern Virginia, this time with a new bride and her aging poodle. My brother and I visited them for Thanksgiving in their spacious colonial-style home, where African carvings and tapestries filled the airy rooms. Over that weekend, Dad took my brother and me to a boxy, featureless low-rise office building we’d never seen before; he flashed an ID badge and breezed through security. We crossed a vast, cubicle-filled room to get to Dad’s office, where he closed the door, then asked if we knew what he did. “You work for the government,” we said. “Actually, I work for the CIA,” he told us matter-of-factly, looking us squarely in the eye. He didn’t elaborate beyond directing us to keep that information to ourselves. True to our word, my brother and I didn’t talk about it with anyone, even each other. But I knew the CIA was a spy agency that carried out missions doing who-knows-what across the world. Did the CIA watch us at home? I wondered. Did Dad have a gun? What did he actually do for them? BECAME A BOOKISH , surly teenager with a special interest in racial justice, having witnessed, among other things, the election of Memphis’s first black mayor and the bigotry that his achievement coaxed from its hiding places. I pored over Alex Haley’s The Autobiography of Malcolm X, Frantz Fanon’s The Wretched of the Earth, a couple of books about the Black Panther Party. One day an older boy I’d sometimes talk to about social justice issues called himself a radical. I liked the sound of that. “I’m a radical,” I announced to Mom in the car that afternoon. She shot me a look. “Don’t you ever say that. You aren’t any radical.” My face burning, I vowed to keep quiet about my political views. One afternoon in 1993, during my junior year of high school, I was lazily flipping through the Commercial Appeal when I came across an article about King’s assassination. As I scanned the story, my father’s name leaped out at me: The article said he’d worked undercover to infiltrate a black nationalist group called the Invaders. Undercover. Infiltrate. I scrambled to assemble the pieces in my head. Dad wasn’t just any police officer at the Lorraine Motel when King was assassinated—he was a
COURTESY OF LETA MCCOLLOUGH SELETZKY (2).
spy. The revelation felt like a body blow. I read the words over and over, struggling to take a full breath. Instinctively, I sympathized with the Invaders. I’d read about the dirty tactics FBI director J. Edgar Hoover had employed to destroy the Black Panthers: spreading misinformation, harassing members and their families, possibly even murder. But I didn’t ask my father to tell me his side of the story—not then, not in the 18 months before I left for college, not even when I interned at the CIA over two college summers—and lived with him and my stepmother. I grew to like him during those summers, enjoying the lighthearted banter that deepened the dimple in his right cheek. “Remember how you used to love French fries when you were little?” he asked one evening in the kitchen. “You’d shout, ‘More French fries!’” I didn’t remember. I wished I did. But I hadn't forgotten what I’d read. And it still scared me. Especially after learning he’d been mentioned in a 1997 ABC Primetime Live segment that discussed conspiracy theories regarding King’s assassination, and after hearing about a wrongful-death lawsuit brought by the Kings against several unnamed coconspirators, presumably including Dad. Alone at my computer, I’d occasionally leap down an online rabbit hole of innuendo and speculation, some advancing the idea that my father might have played a role in plotting the assassination. I just couldn't deal with that thought, so I packed it away deep in my subconscious. I was good at that. Y THE SUMMER of 2010, I was 34 years old, a married lawyer living in Houston. I’d just had a second child, and his birth had set something aflame: What would I tell the kids about their Grandaddy Mac? I could no longer ignore the cold draft that blew through my polite exchanges with Dad. So I picked up the phone. I tried not to plan what I would say. Instead, after some chitchat, I simply pushed the words out. “I’ve been thinking about how we’ve never discussed Dr. King’s assassination,” I said. “I really want to hear about your experience.” Several beats of silence. “Okay,” he finally said. “And not just the assassination,” I stammered. “There’s a lot I don’t
know about your life: your childhood, your time in the army, the CIA stuff....” “That’s a lot,” he said, chuckling. “Let me get my thoughts together, and I’ll send you some notes. Then we can talk.” He sounded relieved—even happy—that I’d asked. About a week later, he emailed me a 17-page document. I inhaled sharply as I opened the letter, which began with a formal preamble in boldface: “Will be as forthcoming as possible, but will not disclose classified information. Will keep my solemn oath to my friends and country.” He launched into an account of his early childhood on a farm in 1940s Mississippi, describing his father (“Friends called him Nap, vanilla brown, cross-eyed—hit in eye with rock as child”) and mother (“Prideful, primped in potato field”). He felt protected until his first taste of white supremacy, as a toddler: “At cotton gin, white man gave me a cherry soda. He’d been drinking from the bottle. I told him no, but Dad made me take it. Why? Didn’t understand.” That half-drunk soda was a show of dehumanizing superiority—as if my father were an animal happy to take a stranger’s leavings. continued on page 150
A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN
In cozy New York City kitchens, immigrant women offer cooking classes that go beyond roasting and baking: Theyâ€™re dissolving the boundaries that attempt to keep us apart.
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At Mirta Rinaldiâ€™s Argentine class (clockwise from top left): Mirta and her clever handmade corn-husk bowls; snacking before the lesson begins; a student grills wellsalted short ribs; the all-important mate ceremony.
AS I PULL APART a crisp yet densely pillowy samosa and heap it with spoonfuls of tangy tamarind chutney, I’m silently giving thanks to whatever forces conspired to land me here, in a living room in Queens, New York. Five strangers and I are sitting around the foldout wood dining table of a woman we met 15 minutes ago, when she padded to her front door in house slippers and hugged us hard. No, this isn’t the world’s weirdest Tinder date. It’s a cooking class unlike any you may have clutched a spatula at: New York City’s League of Kitchens (LOK) offers workshops led by female immigrants in their homes. Its stable of ten cooks, each from a different nation (Afghanistan, Argentina, Bangladesh, Greece, India, Japan, Lebanon, Mexico, Nepal, and Uzbekistan), teach the dishes they grew up watching their mothers make. Here at Yamini Joshi’s apartment in Kew Gardens, I’m sporting a red cotton apron in preparation for our vegetarian Indian lesson— we’ve come together to stuff baby eggplants with spices, chickpea flour, and cilantro, then roll out roti on Yamini’s spick-and-span countertops. Taking LOK classes is sort of like traveling, only without the jet lag and price tag, and with even-better food. For
“The League of Kitchens is about creating a deeper, more equal opportunity for exchange and learning.” —Lisa Gross, founder and CEO
Left: Mirta dices a fresh red pepper. “My daughter was skeptical about me doing the classes,” she recalls. “She said, ‘Mom, how are you going to manage so many strangers and keep your own tempo?’ But I said, ‘Once I’m in the kitchen, I’ll control the flow.’”
my first of three workshops, I arrived via a shuddering ’30s-era elevator at the apartment of Damira Inatullaeva, the Uzbek instructor. She greeted me with a cherubic smile, in chandelier earrings and a jewel-toned ikat dress (“Traditional outfit,” she explained, holding out the bright silk). The next weekend I went to fiery, pint-size Mirta Rinaldi’s home in Forest Hills, to learn the secrets of Argentine grilling and check out her endless collection of mate gourds, the squat delivery system for the country’s signature drink. At Yamini’s house, I admire her shrine, where brass figurines nestle alongside illustrations of Hindu gods. While the dishes differ wildly from class to class, the format is the same: Each starts with a welcome “snack” that’s more giant, gorgeous feast than dainty nibble. At Damira’s, we sat down to buns packed with egg and fresh dill, spice cake, heart-shaped sugar cookies, buoyant meat pies, dried melon, and Uzbek raisins, which are like the American version’s sexy cousin—bigger, juicier, and bouncier than any other raisin I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. At Mirta’s, we gazed in awe at slices of matambre (a rolled flank steak), seemingly 50 kinds of crackers, a rainbow of olives, tiny homemade toasts, cubes of Mirta’s homemade quince paste, and provoleta, a classic Argentine snack of melted cheese sprinkled with olive oil and oregano. “Please start eating,” Mirta said, noticing our hesitation before the spread, “because I need your energy.” She wasn’t kidding: LOK offers both twoand five-and-a-half-hour immersive lessons in which you’ll learn classic techniques, then dig into a gaspinducing array of the dishes you spent the day creating. The LOK students I mingled with were a cross section of New York: a couple just out of college, a gangly aspiring politician, a pair of female friends in workout clothes who were raised in Russian families, and soft-spoken Richard, whose wife bought him the class as a birthday present. At Yamini’s, someone attempts to break the ice (“So what does everyone do for work?”) while exotic, reedy music floats around us.
NEW YORK CIT Y is the ideal home for LOK, given its status as cultural smorgasbord; the Endangered Language Alliance estimates that around 800 tongues are spoken here. Still, New Yorkers typically socialize with those who look and talk—and eat—like they do. “The city is so diverse,” says LOK’s founder and CEO, Lisa Gross, “but there are very few opportunities for meaningful connection, even between immigrant groups. Many of the interactions are service based: at a nail salon, a bodega, a restaurant. The League of Kitchens is about creating a deeper, more equal opportunity for exchange and learning. The instructor is expert, host, and teacher, which shifts the conventional power dynamic. I feel like the instructors are rock stars, and we give them an opportunity to share and shine.”
PROP STYLING: SARAH CAVE FOR EH MANAGEMENT. GROOMING: MICHELLE COURSEY FOR LAURA MERCIER. RINALDI’S APRON: BUENLIMÓN APRONS, BUENLIMON.COM. PLATES: SILO, FARMHOUSEPOTTERY.COM.
“Students often choose workshops for very personal reasons,” says LOK founder Lisa Gross. “Two women organized a private Lebanese workshop for their Lebanese dad’s birthday because he’d been missing his mom’s cooking. One man attended our Afghan workshop because he was marrying an Afghan woman and wanted to learn some recipes to surprise her.”
LOK has organized more than 550 workshops since it opened its doors—or, more accurately, a bunch of women’s doors—in 2014. The classes are a peek into countries you might have only glimpsed on CNN, places that never made your travel bucket list. Before going to Damira’s, I would have been hard-pressed to gesture even near Uzbekistan on a map. But I was stunned by the photos she showed us of ornate cobalt-tiled mosques in Samarkand and the breathtaking ’70s-retro subway system in Tashkent, Uzbekistan’s capital and largest city. After I got home, I started feverishly Googling. “Students often say that some part of the world that previously seemed kind of abstract now feels personal,” says Gross. “Suddenly they care about news from that country. It’s like, ‘Those could be Yamini’s cousins or Damira’s aunts and uncles.’ If everyone could feel that about everyone else in the world, how profound would that be?”
Above: Mirta’s homemade chimichurri (in the small round dish) is her secret weapon: a blend of minced parsley and garlic, crushed red pepper flakes, spices, balsamic vinegar, and many generous glugs of olive oil. “You come home exhausted, marinate any meat or vegetables in this, and you’re all set,” she says. “It’s a magical thing.”
GROSS IS A product of a cross-cultural exchange herself: Her dad is descended from Hungarian Jews, and her mom immigrated from Korea in the early ’70s. Her Korean grandmother lived with the family when Gross was OPRAH.COM
growing up. “She cooked these incredible meals,” she says. “But whenever I volunteered to help in the kitchen, she’d always shoo me away and say, ‘Go study. That’s more important.’ I never learned to cook from her, and neither did my mother, for the same reason.” Her grandmother died when Gross was 21. Once out of college, she developed an obsession with cooking, but she struggled to re-create her grandmother’s dishes, even after poring over books and YouTube videos. “Nothing tasted right,” she says. “I realized that so often, small nuances or tricks are the difference between something tasting good and tasting amazing. And those are things you really need to learn in person. I started fantasizing about finding another Korean grandmother to cook with. I thought, What if I could find fantastic women from all over the world living in New York City who’d teach you family recipes in their homes?” After trying a pilot version with two cooks—one from Lebanon, the other from Bangladesh—Gross was onehundred-percent certain about her vision and decided to launch it as a business. She took classes from all the major cooking schools in New York City to observe how they operated. Then she set out to find her culinary A-team. Gross had several requirements for the instructors: They had to be immigrants, couldn’t be professionally trained but needed a deep knowledge of food traditions, should be comfortable teaching in English, and had to be outgoing enough to share their personal stories and host
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strangers in their home. Also, their food had to be dream-about-it-that-night delicious. A tall order. “To find our first six instructors,” says Gross, “I met about 120 people and probably did 20 cooking auditions. We needed women who’d create an experience where a student would go tell her friends, ‘I just had the most astounding food.’ ” She let the teachers dictate which cuisines LOK would offer. “Sometimes they’re from countries I would never have actively gone after,” says Gross. “A perfect example is Mirta. I was so blown away by her personality and her passion for food and culture. She did an in-home cooking audition, where I tasted her homemade mayonnaise and milanesa de pollo. And though Argentinian cooking wasn’t really on my radar, I was like, okay, I guess we’re going to offer it because I have to hire her.” Most LOK instructors are over 50, and their old-world ethos is still very much in play. In Yamini’s class, she repeatedly reminds us, “No waste, nothing wasted,” while monitoring how we scoop up the leftover spicy masala stuffing and return it to the mixing bowl. Later she tells us that when she’s alone and finishes eating, she pours
Below: When she’s not hosting inhome lessons, Mirta often caters events. She once made 1,500 alfajores— traditional cookies— in her apartment kitchen. “They were cooling on every flat surface,” she laughs. Below at right, and opposite: Savoring a job welldone at Mirta’s.
a bit of hot water into her metal thali plate, swirls it around, then drinks it to ingest every possible nutrient. “People may think it’s really strange,” she says with a slightly embarrassed smile, “but it’s how my grandfather taught me.” And I was intrigued by Damira’s wisdom on the transformative power of cabbage: “If you have a pain, you can wrap a leaf around it, and it will feel much better,” she explained to our group, demo-ing the concept on her forearm, to a few raised eyebrows. Mirta started our workshop (her 57th with LOK) the same way she always does—with a traditional Argentine mate ceremony. She showed us how to prepare the dried leaves in the gourd-shaped container, hold it at an angle and fill it with hot water, then sprinkle in granulated sugar to cut the bitterness. While we prepped the humitas, a savory corn pudding flecked with fresh basil, Mirta showed us how she grates kernels off the cob, then vigorously scrapes it with the back of a knife, removing every yellow speck and drop of juice. Next, she set aside the bare cobs, explaining that she’d use them as a starter for soup another day. “This is what people in my family have always done,” she said firmly. Her kitchen is stuffed to the gills with wooden trays, grill pans, and ceramic dishes that are precariously stacked like a game of culinary Jenga. After the humitas were finished, Mirta needed room to grill meat on her stove top, so she took the large frying pan that had been parked there out to her apartment balcony, where she left it on the floor
near some potted plants. At dinner, she served the humitas in dried corn husks she had deftly crafted into elegant little bowls. When a student asked whether they were difficult to make, Mirta admitted, “They take a long time. But I do them while I watch my programs—I did these in front of Grey’s Anatomy.”
WHILE MILLIONS OF women across the globe are responsible for putting food on their family’s table, many of them doubtless see their labor not as an art form, but as a necessity. “American food culture often centers around adulation of white male restaurant chefs,” says Gross. “But most of the cooking that happens every day is done by women who aren’t recognized or compensated for it. After our workshops, students will give written feedback like ‘She was so inspiring,’ and we’ll pass that on to the instructors. A number of them told us, ‘I read that to my kids, and they were like, “Wow, Mom, we’ve really been taking you for granted—we didn’t realize how amazing you are.”’ This is a way to honor them.” In 2018, LOK’s mission to glorify women’s—particularly immigrant women’s—expertise and general badassery seems especially pressing. “There’s so much negative rhetoric about immigrants in today’s political climate,” says Gross. “Even the language used about them: words that describe either natural disasters or insects, like a ‘flood’ of immigrants or that they’re ‘taking over.’ Much of what LOK is about is recognizing and celebrating the incredible contributions immigrants make to our country, our society, our food culture. And just humanizing them as people with families, who watch TV, who came here to give their kids more opportunities.” After nearly six hours wandering around a stranger’s home, it’s tough not to feel closer to her; at every class, I eventually started daydreaming that the teacher and I would get together to hang out off the clock. The instructors’ maternal tenderness only reinforced that impulse. At Yamini’s, while we take a break, she turns to all of us to affirm, “Today you are not my guests. We cooked in the kitchen together, so we belong to each other as a family now. I’m really thankful for that.” As we finish our cooking, my fellow students start to feel like pals, too, all of us a little punchy, our forearms aching from kneading dough. But I witness something far more intimate than I do at my typical neighborhood dinner party when Yamini places a full plate of food on her Hindu altar, then lights musk incense and steps out of her slippers. She rings a bell, breathes deeply, and, after three long oms, sings a prayer with her eyes closed, hands clasped at her chin. By now the other students have stopped toasting roti and are quietly watching as Yamini whisks the incense smoke toward images of Ganesha and Vishnu on the altar. The results of our kneading and chopping and grating provoke similar responses in each workshop:
“Today you are not my guests. We cooked in the kitchen together, so we belong to each other as a family now.” —Yamini Joshi
happily dumbstruck people, dusted with flour or dabbed with oil, murmuring a chorus of “This is so good.” At Mirta’s, we sliced into perfectly charred short ribs and grilled chorizo, then gobbled down alfajores, delicate butter cookies oozing with dulce de leche and bedecked with fluffy shredded coconut. She was feeling nostalgic, telling us a story about one particularly treasured family memento. “Years ago, my mother came to visit, and I asked her to make my favorite cake,” she said. “It’s a long process, so I put a video camera on the counter and taped the whole thing. It was hilarious—she was such a pro, looking at the camera like, ‘Now six eggs.’ I made copies and gave one to every member of my family so that recipe won’t die. It’s so easy today to turn on your phone and make a video of your aunt, your mom, your cousin cooking. It’s important. Tape it. Save it. And if you can’t,” she smiled, “you can take one of my classes.”
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Letâ€™s Eat! YUMMIER FRYDAYS
A LUSHER LUNCH
Sensation A delicious celebration of one standout ingredient. This month: the rich (and famous) avocado.
PHOTOGRAPH BY Mike Garten
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FOOD STYLING: MAGGIE RUGGIERO.
Why We Love It
CHILAQUILES: MIKE GARTEN. EGG: CHRISTOPHER TESTANI. ILLUSTRATIONS: LAUREN TAMAKI.
Avocado toast is a social media sensation for a very tasty reason, but smashing and spreading isn’t the only way to enjoy this buttery fruit in the morning. Pile a few slices on your breakfast sandwich for a satisfying cheese alternative, throw it in your blender for an extra-creamy smoothie, or get creative, as we did here, by adding chunks to breakfast chilaquiles or cooking an egg within the velvety flesh. Whatever your method, your a.m. meal will be all you avo wanted and more.
To freeze for smoothies, mash avocados with lemon or lime juice (to curb browning) and place in an airtight container. For maximum flavor, let avocados ripen at room temperature (they’re ready when they yield to a light squeeze) before storing in the fridge, where they’ll keep for three to five days.
Larger and smoother than the renowned California Hass variety, bright green Florida avocados have firmer, less creamy flesh that holds its shape in tacos or salads.
Egg in an Avocado MAKES 4 SERVINGS ACTIVE TIME: 10 MINUTES TOTAL TIME: 25 MINUTES
2 Hass avocados, halved and pitted 4 large eggs Kosher salt, to taste Ground black pepper, to taste Pinch of crushed red pepper flakes Extra-virgin olive oil, for drizzling Lime juice 2 medium grapefruits, halved
Mexican Breakfast Chilaquiles MAKES 4 SERVINGS ACTIVE TIME: 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME: 20 MINUTES
1. Heat oven to 375°. Scoop out 3 Tbsp. of flesh from each avocado half; set aside. Place halves on a rimmed baking sheet lined with foil, leaning them against the rim to keep them steady. Crack one egg into each hole. 2. Bake until egg whites are just set but yolk is still runny, 15 minutes. Finish with salt, black pepper, red pepper flakes, a drizzle of oil, and a squeeze of lime juice. Serve each with half a grapefruit.
TRY THIS For a lighter version, use half the cheese and replace three of the eggs with six egg whites.
6 ¼ ½ 5 1 ¼ 1
large eggs tsp. kosher salt Tbsp. canola oil ounces tortilla chips cup shredded Monterey Jack cup pickled jalapeño slices Hass avocado, pitted, peeled, and thinly sliced 1 cup pico de gallo 2 Tbsp. chopped cilantro Sour cream, for serving Lime wedges, for serving (optional)
1. Beat eggs with salt. In a large oven-safe nonstick skillet over medium heat, warm oil. Add eggs and gently scramble until set, 3 to 4 minutes. Transfer to a bowl and set aside; wipe skillet mostly clean. 2. Preheat broiler. Spread half of chips in skillet. Sprinkle with half of cheese. Top with remaining chips and cheese, then eggs and jalapeño slices. Broil until cheese melts and chips begin to brown, 1 to 2 minutes.
The Avoquado by Chef’n ($10; chefn.com) is the best tool we’ve found to cut, pit, scoop, and slice without struggle.
3. Remove from oven; top with avocado, pico de gallo, and cilantro. 4. Serve with sour cream and, if desired, lime wedges. OPRAH.COM
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Fast or Fancy Sisters and lifestyle bloggers Emma Chapman and Elsie Larson, authors of the new cookbook A Beautiful Mess Weekday Weekend, offer two mouthwatering ways to get your French fry fix.
Preheat oven to 450°. Peel 1 large russet potato and 1 large sweet potato and cut into fries. Soak in a large bowl of water for 20 minutes. Meanwhile, soak ½ ounce dried mushrooms per package instructions, rinse, and drain. Drain potatoes and spread on a paper towel–lined large baking sheet; pat until fully dry. Place in a large bowl and toss with 1 Tbsp. olive oil. Over dried baking sheet, spread 2 Tbsp. olive oil to coat. Add fries in a single layer and season with kosher salt and ground black pepper. Cover pan with foil and bake 5 minutes. Remove foil and bake until edges begin to brown, about 12 minutes. Turn each fry and bake again until edges brown, about 12 more minutes. During last 12 minutes, chop mushrooms into small pieces and set aside. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, melt 4 Tbsp. unsalted butter. Add 2 Tbsp. all-purpose flour and whisk to make a roux. Turn heat to low and, whisking constantly, add mushrooms and 1 cup vegetable stock. Season with a big pinch each of cayenne pepper and cumin, and salt and pepper to taste. Simmer until thickened into a gravy. Divide fries into 4 bowls and top evenly with gravy; 1 cup cheese curds or shredded white cheddar; and 2 Tbsp. chopped herbs, such as parsley, chives, or cilantro.
Mushroom gravy is high in umami, and its earthy, meaty flavor adds more depth than the traditional version.
Mixing classic and sweet potatoes creates a satisfying surprise.
PHOTOGRAPH BY Danielle Occhiogrosso M AY 2 0 1 8
If homemade fries are ambitious enough without gravy, just sprinkle on herbs and cheese—flaked Parmesan or crumbled feta adds flavor and texture. Or load DIY toppings onto cooked frozen potatoes instead. We like Grown in Idaho’s perfectly crunchy Hand Cut Style fries ($3.50; growninidaho.com for stores).
FOOD FOR THOUGHT “While any variety of sweet potato works well for fries, I prefer jewel over garnet, since they tend to have less water content, making for a crispier result.” —EMMA CHAPMAN
FOOD STYLING: VICTORIA GRANOF. PROP STYLING: OLGA GRIGORENKO/HONEY ARTISTS. ILLUSTRATIONS: LAUREN TAMAKI.
A combo of sweet and white potatoes instantly ups your fry flavor game. And when you pile on gooey cheese and lush gravy (à la Quebec’s pièce de résistance, poutine), you’ve got some special spuds.
NEW F L AV O R S
THIS IS PURE LEAF TEA HOUSE COLLECTION PREMIUM ORGANIC TEA. EXQUISITE INGREDIENTS. EXTRAORDINARY TASTE. Also available in these flavors: Sicilian Lemon & Honeysuckle • Wild Blackberry & Sage • Fuji Apple & Ginger ©2018 PURE LEAF, the PURE LEAF logo and the TEA HOUSE COLLECTION logo are registered trademarks of the Unilever Group of Companies used under license.
I’M ALWAYS COMING up with new versions of the charcuterie-packed muffuletta sandwich because it’s a guaranteed hit, especially at a picnic or the beach. You can make it in advance— the longer it sits, the better it gets—and it’s so full of meat, cheese, and greens that you don’t need to serve anything else. When I was a kid, my mom used to pack it for me for lunch at school. It was the Italian version of a bologna sandwich, and I definitely got some curious looks from my classmates, but I was too satisfied with its tender goodness to care. My special ingredient? Basil-almond pesto. I love the bright and herby sauce so much that I usually make a double batch and serve it over chicken or pork, or toss it in pasta or rice. Heaven!
Marinated Salumi Sandwiches MAKES 6 SERVINGS TOTAL TIME: 25 MINUTES
FOR THE PESTO: In a food processor, pulse ½ cup raw almonds and 1 small garlic clove to chop coarsely. Add 1½ cups basil leaves, 1 tsp. grated lemon zest, and ¼ cup Parmigiano-Reggiano and pulse to combine. Add ½ cup extra-virgin olive oil and ½ tsp. kosher salt and puree to a smooth paste. FOR THE SANDWICHES: Slice 1 large ciabatta loaf in half horizontally and pull out some of the inner bread, leaving a slightly M AY 2 0 1 8
hollowed crust. Spread pesto evenly on both halves. Layer ¼ pound thinly sliced hot coppa (or other spicy salami), ¼ pound thinly sliced finocchiona (or other mild salami), and 12 ounces lightly salted fresh mozzarella (sliced or torn) onto bottom half. In a small bowl, toss 1½ ounces (2 cups) baby arugula, 1 thinly sliced small fennel bulb (stalks and fronds removed), 1½ Tbsp. lemon juice, and 1 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil; add mixture on top of meat and cheese. Add top half of bread, press sandwich together, and wrap tightly in plastic wrap. Refrigerate overnight (or for at least 1 hour) before slicing and serving.
com For De Laurentiis’s Sicilian Tuna Salad Sandwich and Positano Pizzas recipes, visit oprah.com/ italianlunch.
RECIPE REPRINTED FROM GIADA’S ITALY, © 2018 BY GDL FOODS INC. PHOTOGRAPHS BY AUBRIE PICK. PUBLISHED BY CLARKSON POTTER/PUBLISHERS, AN IMPRINT OF PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE LLC.
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Three pages in, I was heaving with tears. Imagining other gut-wrenching anecdotes that awaited me, I put the notes aside. For five years. I know, I know, but remember: I’d grown up under a family directive of don’t ask, don’t tell. I’d suppressed my curiosity about Dad’s story for so long that five years seemed like nothing. I talked to him now and then, and knew he must have been wondering what I made of his story, but I never brought it up. Then late one cold spring evening, with my husband working overseas and my kids tucked into bed, I was lonely and bored. Old aches and pains were roiling my spirit. I felt Dad’s stories calling to me. In the darkness and silence, I started reading again. The notes cleared up the timeline: In February 1968—a mere two months after he graduated from the police academy—Memphis’s unprecedented sanitation strike began. The police department, concerned that the “radical” Invaders might orchestrate acts of mayhem, asked my father to embed with the group. They were staying at the Lorraine while assisting with King’s upcoming march, and Dad duly reported their activities to the Memphis PD’s intelligence division, which passed them along to the FBI. “My role was to collect information and to detect any plans for life-threatening criminal activity,” Dad wrote. Two months later, King was dead. Dad was a mole until 1969, when a community activist blew his cover. The discovery forced him to leave town temporarily, for his safety; activists had long been aware of snitches in their midst and viewed them with the utmost contempt. When he returned, he resumed his regular job in the department’s intelligence division. But how could he spy on the Invaders? Wasn’t it treason to undermine people fighting for black rights? I steeled myself and asked him as much. “That was a huge conflict for me,” Dad admitted, his voice growing wobbly. “But enforcing the law equally, that’s where I was coming from. By letting the department know the Invaders weren’t a threat, we didn’t have to go in shooting like Chicago did during the Black Panthers raid.” Two activists died in that incident, in a hail of police bullets. What he was saying almost made sense.
HOUGH WE LIVE 2,400 miles apart, my father and I have a relationship now. We talk and email nearly every day, and visit once or twice a year. We’ve bonded over our love of travel and weird food; we dream about visiting Ghana together, where he knows a restaurant that serves grasscutter, a giant rodent. He scolds me when I fail to send enough photos of my kids; I roll my eyes when he tells me how to shovel snow off my deck. I feel close to him in a way I’d never thought possible. As much as I love it, I need it even more. So when doubt creeps in and I rehash the conspiracy theories, the secrets he might be protecting to keep the “solemn oaths” he swore as a cop and CIA agent, this thought shuts down all others: I’ve heard my father’s side. He isn’t just the man in the photograph anymore. I know him. And I choose to believe. LETA MCCOLLOUGH SELETZKY is working
on a memoir.
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HOW COULD HE SPY ON THE INVADERS? WASN'T IT TREASON TO UNDERMINE PEOPLE FIGHTING FOR BLACK RIGHTS?
A medal awarded to McCollough in 1999 for his 25 years of service to the CIA.
COURTESY OF LETA MCCOLLOUGH SELETZKY.
continued from page 137
HEN DAD AND I started talking about the assassination, his tone turned sorrowful. He didn’t cry that day, he said—numbed by shock, he locked into his professional duties. But a week earlier, when National Guard troops flooded the streets following King’s first, chaotic Memphis march, he’d been overcome. “I felt like those tanks were there to occupy the African American community,” he said. “It didn’t matter that I was a police officer. They would have turned that .50-caliber machine gun on me. In my experience, soldiers, police officers, and CIA officers perform out of a sense of duty rather than how they feel about an assignment. How did I feel? I felt oppressed.” Finally, I asked him what I'd spent decades wondering: “Do you think James Earl Ray acted alone? Or do you think the government saw Dr. King as a threat to national security and targeted him?” After all, an FBI memo had called King the “most dangerous Negro” in the nation. Dad sighed. “I always believed that the U.S. government wouldn’t assassinate its own citizens,” he said. “I still believe that.” I understood. I get wanting to trust. Even when a cacophony of voices tells you maybe you shouldn’t. Because sometimes stronger forces prevail.
NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. O, The Oprah Magazine’s Spring 2018 Beauty O-Wards Sweepstakes. Sponsored by Hearst Communications, Inc. Beginning April 17, 2018, at 12:01 a.m. (ET) through May 14, 2018, at 11:59 p.m. (ET), go to oprah.com/ springbeautyowards on a computer or wireless device and complete and submit the entry form pursuant to the on-screen instructions. Five (5) Winners will each receive a prize package consisting of a collection of makeup from the Oprah Spring Beauty O-Wards 2018 as described in the May 2018 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine (ARV: $2,339) and a $702 gift check, which Winner may use, if they so elect, to help defray any tax liability they may incur in connection with their acceptance of the prize package. Important Notice: You may be charged for visiting the mobile website in accordance with the terms of your service agreement with your carrier. Odds of winning will depend upon the total number of eligible entries received. Open to the legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia, who have reached the age of majority in their state or territory of residence at time of entry. Void in Puerto Rico and where prohibited by law. Sweepstakes subject to complete official rules available at oprah.com/ springbeautyowards.
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O, The Oprah Magazine (ISSN 1531-3247) is published monthly, 12 times a year, by Hearst Communications, Inc., 300 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019, U.S.A. Steven R. Swartz, President and Chief Executive Officer; William R. Hearst III, Chairman; Frank A. Bennack, Jr., Executive Vice Chairman; Catherine A. Bostron, Secretary. Hearst Magazines Division: David Carey, President; John A. Rohan, Jr., Senior Vice President, Finance. © 2018 by Hearst Communications, Inc. All rights reserved. O, The Oprah Magazine is a registered trademark of Harpo Print, LLC. Periodicals postage paid at New York, NY, and additional entry post offices. Canada Post International Publications mail product (Canadian distribution) sales agreement no. 40012499. Editorial and Advertising Offices: 300 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019-3797. Subscription prices: United States and possessions: $28 for one year. Canada and all other countries: $50 for one year. Subscription Services: O, The Oprah Magazine will, upon receipt of a complete subscription order, undertake fulfillment of that order so as to provide the first copy for delivery by the Postal Service or alternate carrier within four to six weeks. For customer service, changes of address, and subscription orders, log on to service.theoprahmag.com or write to Customer Service Department, O, The Oprah Magazine, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. Due to the high volume of submissions, the publisher cannot accept or return unsolicited manuscripts or art. Canada BN NBR 10231 0943 RT. Postmaster: Send all UAA to CFS. (See DMM 707.4.12.5.) Nonpostal and military facilities: Please send address changes to O, The Oprah Magazine, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. Printed in the U.S.A. From time to time, we make our subscriber list available to companies that sell goods and services by mail that we believe would interest our readers. If you would rather not receive such offers via postal mail, please send your current mailing label or an exact copy to Mail Preference Service, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. You can also visit https://preferences.hearstmags.com/Brands/ OPR/login.aspx to manage your preferences and opt out of receiving marketing offers by email.
M AY 2 0 1 8
‘MASS SHOOTING GENERATION’ CRIES OUT FOR CHANGE.
I’m looking at the morning headlines and the faces of children looking back at me. Children who will never know life on this earth beyond a last moment of terror. At their school. Yet another school. When I was a young journalist in Baltimore, assigned to cover a drunk-driving accident, the death of a single person was enough to merit a lead position on the evening news. But over the years, the amount of death
LEADING THE WAY From top: Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School student Emma Gonzalez addressed a guncontrol rally in Fort Lauderdale, February 17. Four days later, students went to Capitol Hill to protest gun violence, while Stoneman Douglas student Cameron Kasky spoke at a school walkout.
M AY 2 0 1 8
and destruction had to be ever greater to register with people. Eventually it would take seven children on a school bus coming back from Christmas caroling to make the top of the news. Until along came MADD, formed by a group of moms who’d had enough. And were mad enough to do something about it. We spend so much time focusing on the great divide in our country. The partisan politics of red states and blue states consumes a lot of our attention. But for CBS’s 60 Minutes, I traveled to Grand Rapids, Michigan, to interview 14 people from both sides of the divide, and when I asked “What really matters to you?” there was one answer everyone agreed on: family. Protecting family. Caring for family. Loving family. Those 14 people were by no means an official survey. But I believe most of us would agree that reverence for family really is top of the list. All people belong to someone’s family. So can we agree that all people deserve protection from senseless killings? Can we agree that all families deserve and have the right to safety, in addition to the right to bear arms? I say this respectfully and with regard for the common good. Does anyone really believe that the Founding Fathers intended that AR-15s, bump stocks, and 100-round magazines be in the hands of people who have demonstrated—sometimes with blaring warning signs— that they can’t cope in society? Can we agree to use our common sense to protect the common good? To require background checks and prohibit those on terrorist watch lists from buying guns? It sounds inconceivable—I can picture future generations shaking their heads in disbelief—that we the people would prohibit madmen who want to kill us from flying on planes but not from buying weapons with which they can slaughter us en masse. What has become of our collective consciousness— our collective conscience? And our belief in doing the greatest good in the best interests of the most? I hope and pray that you agree: It’s time to stand up, and stand together, for the sake of us all.
RHONA WISE/AFP/GETTY IMAGES (2). ALEX WONG/ GETTY IMAGES.
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