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Summer’s Coming! All You Need to Get Psyched & Ready

HOT TIPS! Naughty New Ways to Do It

DATING +SOCIAL MEDIA

(Pace Yourself)

Great Guy, Not-Great Sex? Put Down Your Vibe and Read This!

7 FOODS TO FEED YOUR FACE HOW A SMART WOMAN FELL FOR A SOCIOPATH

What to Know Before You Make It InstaOfficial


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May Cover Stories 51

92 109

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Live out your vacay dreams with these fresh new separates.

120 162 182

Zimmermann top and skirt

Summer’s Coming! All You Need to Get Psyched & Ready The Glowy Skin Diet What to Know Before You Make It Insta-Official Great Guy, Not-Great Sex? 56 Hot Sex Tips! Kaley Cuoco “My Boyfriend Had a Twisted Secret Life”

Inside 8 10 16 22 26 30 37 51 67 109 133 147 162 188 190 191 192

S E E PA G E 1 9 1 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .

Cover Info Alice + Olivia by Stacey Bendet dress and belt. Giuseppe Zanotti heels. Odette New York earrings. Kaley’s own ring. To get Kaley’s look, try Ombre Hypnôse Stylo in Or Cuivre, Grandiôse Liner in Matte Noir, Monsieur Big Mascara in Big Is the New Black, Blush Subtil in Blushing Tresor, and L’Absolu Gloss in Pourquoi Pas?, all by Lancôme. Stylist: Kristen Saladino. Hair: Christine Symonds at The Wall Group. Makeup: Jamie Greenberg at The Wall Group using ThriveCausemetics. Manicure: Ashlie Johnson at The Wall Group using Chanel Le Vernis. Production: First Shot Productions. Photographed by Jason Kim.

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way more cosmo editor’s letter best month ever the quickie cosmo guy on my mind too funny! style beauty love & sex wellness work + play features horoscopes all about you shopping info cosmo quiz


This Month on Cosmopolitan.com We’re partnering with Rock the Vote to make sure all eligible women are registered to cast a ballot in this year’s midterm primaries and general elections. Head online to check out our custom voter registration (and registration lookup) tools, and use #CosmoVotes to help spread the word!

Way More Cosmo We’ve got a lot going on.…Don’t miss a thing! Q&A WITH KATE WHITE

Win! It

WORKING FROM NINE

YOUR NEXT ESCAPE IS ON US!

Enter for a chance to win the Ultimate Diva trip to New Orleans to enjoy a FestiGals Girlfriends Getaway full of fun, festivity, and empowerment for you and three of your besties! See page 191 and DivaGetaway .Cosmopolitan.com for details.

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Just Sayin’ Snap and share this month’s inspo on your social channels with the hashtag #CosmoInspo.

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The Gutsy Girl Handbook, by Kate White, $17, amazon .com

C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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Q_ How does a gutsy girl get ahead? A_ By being the relentless architect of her career. Raise your hand for opportunities, and if there aren’t any, create them. Q_ And how does she score a pay raise? A_ By first doing lots of research and prep. Write down your accomplishments and plans for the next year. Don’t be scared to negotiate. Q_ What’s one major takeaway from your book? A_ It’s not enough to do what you’re told. Generate bold and even disruptive ideas that make your boss say, “Wow.” Q_ All-time favorite Cosmo cover line? A_ I’m partial to “Never Lose an Orgasm Again.”

B O O K : B E N G O L D S T E I N / S T U D I O D. A L L O T H E R S : G E T T Y I M A G E S .

Author of The Gutsy Girl Handbook and former editor-in-chief of Cosmo


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EDITOR’S LETTER

1

I’m not easily overwhelmed. I live in New York City—one of the busiest metropolises in the world.

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Add to Cart A refillable water bottle should be a constant companion. Lately, I’ve been carrying this looker.

Michele Promaulayko Editor-in-Chief / @MichProm Write to me at Michele@Cosmopolitan.com.

5

What I’m Into RN

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Spiking Drinks With Superfoods You can never have too much of a good thing! This provocatively named powder contains ingredients that fight stress and boost energy. Add it to coffee, water, smoothies—whatever!

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1. Hourglass Graphik Eye Shadow Palette in Expose, $58, hourglasscosmetics.com. 2. Herbivore Jasmine Green Tea Jasmine Water Balancing Toner, $39, herbivorebotanicals.com. 3. Rita Hazan Triple Threat Split End Remedy, $30, ritahazan.com. 4. Erdem for Nars Blush in Loves Me, $30, narscosmetics.com. 5. Kopari Coco Oil Pullers, $28 for 14, koparibeauty.com.

A L L I E H O L LO WAY,

The reason I love it here: I thrive on all the sights, sounds, and stimulation. But there’s one thing—a seemingly fun and frivolous activity, actually—that throws me for a loop: shopping for beauty products! I mean, there are just sooo many to choose from, and as a bona fide beauty junkie, I want them all. But since my bank account and apartment storage space won’t permit that, I’m forced to make decisions. Thank Goddess for Cosmo’s Beauty Awards, the ultimate guide to the greatest hair, body, and face beautifiers, which can be found on page 67. I’ve added a few of my own ride-or-die picks here—a gorgeous shadow palette from Hourglass; this refreshing face spray from Herbivore; Triple Threat by celeb colorist Rita Hazan, the remedy for heat tool–abused hair; the perfect cheek color by Nars; and these adorable coconut oil–pulling packets from Kopari, because maintaining a healthy smile is one of my long-term beauty goals (if you’ve never heard of oil pulling, google it). I hope you love reading this issue— about beauty products and beyond!—as much as we loved making it. See you next month....

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Editor-in-Chief

MICHELE PROMAULAYKO

FEATURES DEPUTY MANAGING EDITOR Amy E. Grippo EDITOR-AT-LARGE John Searles SENIOR EDITORS Jessica Goodman, Ashley Oerman (Wellness) ASSOCIATE EDITOR Rachel Mosely ASSISTANT EDITOR Danielle Kam ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Ki Williams EDITORIAL BUSINESS COORDINATOR Caryn Kanare ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Sophie Lavine EDITORIAL BRAND ASSISTANT Taylor Andrews CONTRIBUTORS Logan Hill, Matthew Hussey, Emily Morse, Esther Perel, Aurora Tower, Julie Vadnal HEALTH ADVISORY BOARD Jennifer Ashton, MD; Whitney Bowe, MD; Ian Kerner, PhD; Albert Matheny, RD, CSCS; Stephanie Middleberg, RD; Marisa Weiss, MD; Jennifer Wider, MD FASHION EXECUTIVE FASHION MARKET DIRECTOR Sarah Conly ACCESSORIES DIRECTOR Kathy Lee SENIOR MARKET EDITORS Hannah Deely, Tiffany Reid BOOKINGS DIRECTOR Steven Brown ACCESSORIES EDITOR Nicole Fineo FASHION EDITORS Aeyung Kim, Yashua Simmons ASSOCIATE FASHION EDITORS Tira A. Urquhart, Ann Wang ASSISTANT BOOKINGS EDITOR Sean McIntyre FASHION ASSISTANTS Rachel Bogo, Savee Dalgo, Danielle Flum, Savannah James BEAUTY BEAUTY DIRECTOR Marta Topran SENIOR BEAUTY EDITOR Lauren Balsamo BEAUTY EDITOR Maddie Aberman ASSOCIATE BEAUTY EDITOR Kate Foster BEAUTY ASSISTANT Erin Stovall

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ART ART DIRECTORS Jose Fernandez, Christine Demetres Giordano, Betsy Halsey DEPUTY ART DIRECTOR Sarah Olin ASSOCIATE ART DIRECTOR Mary Fama CONTRIBUTING DESIGNER Wendy Robison DIGITAL-IMAGING SPECIALIST Steve Fusco PHOTO EXECUTIVE PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR Fabienne Le Roux DEPUTY PHOTO EDITOR Kristin Giametta SENIOR PHOTO RESEARCHER Jenna Andrews COPY AND RESEARCH COPY DIRECTOR Ann Bacon Wright RESEARCH DIRECTOR Chris Moore DEPUTY COPY CHIEF Estee Brooke Friedman SENIOR RESEARCH EDITOR Lauren Dzubow COPY EDITOR Carlee Schepeler COSMOPOLITAN.COM EDITOR Jessica Pels HEARST PHOTOGRAPHY GROUP EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR Christina Weber DIRECTOR Roni Martin-Chance SENIOR EDITORS Scott M. Lacey, Martha Maristany PHOTO EDITOR Allison Chin RESEARCHER Deirdre Read ASSOCIATE EDITORS Larisa Kline, Emily Luppino ASSISTANTS Hannah Kaplan, Sara Neumann PHOTOGRAPHERS Mike Garten, Allie Holloway, Danielle Occhiogrosso INTERNATIONAL EDITIONS Argentina, Australia, Brazil, Britain, Bulgaria, Chile, China, Croatia, Czech Republic, Finland, France, Germany, Hong Kong, Hungary, India, Indonesia, Italy, Kazakhstan, Korea, Latin America, Latvia, Lithuania, Malaysia, Mexico, Middle East, Netherlands, Philippines, Poland, Romania, Russia, Serbia, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sri Lanka, Turkey, Ukraine

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SVP/Publishing Director, Chief Revenue Officer

ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER/CHIEF REVENUE OFFICER Peter Medwid ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER/ADVERTISING Stacy Nathan ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER/HEAD OF BRAND STRATEGY AND MARKETING Jo Bray EXECUTIVE FINANCIAL DIRECTOR Peter Schmidt NATIONAL ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Eric Bizzak GROUP MARKETING DIRECTOR Marnie Braverman INTEGRATED ADVERTISING SALES EXECUTIVE DIRECTORS Andrea Foster, Elana Tarlowe ACCOUNT DIRECTORS Hannah Pechter, Marissa Perri, Julia Trinko, Tara Weedfald ACCOUNT MANAGER Natalie Hitt DIRECT RESPONSE ACCOUNT MANAGER Dawn Franco ADVERTISING SERVICES DIRECTOR Melissa Gart BUSINESS ANALYST Kathryn Wawrzonek MIDWEST DIRECTOR Alissa French MIDWEST MANAGER Annie Cecil WEST COAST DIRECTOR Jee Ahn DALLAS REPRESENTATIVE Jamie Majecki, Wisdom Media LLC EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHING DIRECTOR Lynn Goldstein-Garguilo AD COORDINATORS Seana Leen, Gina Pisacreta ASSISTANTS Samantha Colin, Isabel Lanaux RESEARCH MANAGER Emma Chapman CBS COORDINATOR Heidi Kaartinen INTEGRATED MARKETING EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MARKETING Sara Schroeter SENIOR DIRECTOR Melissa Macaleer DIRECTORS Kaitlin Morse Creedon, Ariel Kaye ASSOCIATE DIRECTORS Colleen D’Anna, Meaghan Marks, Kelly Mytrowitz, Courtney Turnbull SENIOR MANAGER Leah Paolino MANAGER Sveva Marcangeli ASSOCIATE MANAGER Samantha Inzalaco COORDINATOR Alexis Herder

DONNA KALAJIAN LAGANI EVENTS AND SPECIAL PROJECTS DIRECTOR Kim Grant SENIOR MANAGER Jennifer Snyder ASSISTANT Emma Shapiro ART CREATIVE DIRECTOR Lulu Zeitouneh ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR Gloria Tebelman DESIGNER Kaleel Munroe PRODUCTION PRODUCTION/OPERATIONS DIRECTOR Chuck Lodato OPERATIONS ACCOUNT MANAGER Lynn Scaglione PREMEDIA ACCOUNT MANAGER Deidra J. Robinson CIRCULATION VP STRATEGY AND BUSINESS MANAGEMENT Rick Day PUBLISHED BY HEARST COMMUNICATIONS, INC. PRESIDENT & CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Steven R. Swartz CHAIRMAN William R. Hearst III EXECUTIVE VICE CHAIRMAN Frank A. Bennack, Jr. SECRETARY Catherine A. Bostron TREASURER Carlton Charles HEARST MAGAZINES DIVISION PRESIDENT David Carey PRESIDENT, MARKETING AND PUBLISHING DIRECTOR Michael Clinton PRESIDENT, DIGITAL MEDIA Troy Young CHIEF CONTENT OFFICER Joanna Coles SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT, CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER Debi Chirichella PUBLISHING CONSULTANTS Gilbert C. Maurer, Mark F. Miller SVP/EDITORIAL DIRECTOR Kim St. Clair Bodden

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J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D.

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Theresa Griggs EXECUTIVE EDITOR Sascha de Gersdorff EXECUTIVE MANAGING EDITOR Maria Baugh CHIEF FASHION DIRECTOR, WOMEN’S GROUP Aya Kanai CHIEF BEAUTY DIRECTOR, HEARST MAGAZINES Leah Wyar Romito CHIEF PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR, HEARST MAGAZINES Alix Campbell ENTERTAINMENT DIRECTOR Tracy Shaffer DIRECTOR OF EDITORIAL AND BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT Laura Brounstein SENIOR DEPUTY EDITOR Meredith Bryan DEPUTY EDITOR Faye Brennan


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Starz’s adaptation of Stephanie Danler’s hit restaurant-

1. Glow to the Mediterranean with Chantecaille’s Italy-inspired Sirena bronzer ($72, chantecaille.com).

May

3

Between Taylor Swift’s Reputation Tour (kicking off May 8), Sam Hunt’s genreblending Nashional

6

Bar cart not quite stocked? No worries. The Mixel app spins whatever ingredients you have into winning cocktail recipes.

5. How’s this for aspirational? Amy Schumer’s self-deprecating Renee bumps her head and starts thinking she’s a freakin’ supermodel in the hilarious yet thoughtful film I Feel Pretty (April 20).

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S W I F T, H U N T, K H A L I D : G E T T Y I M A G E S . S W EE T B I T T ER : M A C A L L P O L AY.

4. Let Beach Bunny and Chanel Iman‘s sexy swimwear inspire a nextlevel Memorial Day vacay (top, $130; bottom, $120, beachbunny swimwear.com).


BEST MAY EVER

7. Kick it, Cali style. Toms and Clare V. team up for a fresh collab, with sales supporting an L.A.

Leave it to R&B renegade Janelle Monáe to turn throwback funk, political mic drops, and futuristic beats into a musical wonderland on her third album, Dirty Computer.

FA R I S : G E T T Y I M A G E S . M O N Á E A L B U M : C O U R T E S Y AT L A N T I C R E C O R D S . B O O K S : J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D.

13 8. As an overworked mother and a bright-eyed nanny in the dramedy Tully (May 4), Charlize Theron and Mackenzie Davis will make you laugh, cry…or at the very least, call Mom. 9. Melissa McCarthy slays Life of the Party (May 11) as a stifled housewife who does college over (on her daughter’s campus). 10. How many superheroes does it take to save the world? With Black Panther’s and Guardians of the Galaxy’s crews joining Avengers: Infinity War, we’ll take ’em all (April 27). 11. Anna Faris is on deck as an undervalued yacht employee taking karma into her own hands in Overboard (May 4).

12. Pamper the hell out of your hands with Chanel‘s ultraglam No. 5 L’Eau On Hand Cream ($55, chanel.com).

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14. Savor each story in Curtis Sittenfeld’s You Think It, I’ll Say It ($27, amazon.com) before Kristen Wiig and Reese Witherspoon adapt it for Apple’s first comedy series. 15. A book lover is torn between a cushy gig and… well, her soul, basically, in Sally Franson’s A Lady’s Guide to Selling Out ($27, amazon.com). 16. Mandy Stadtmiller’s memoir explores why being deemed Unwifeable isn’t so tragic ($27, amazon.com). 17. Sally Kohn’s The Opposite of Hate breaks down the impact of our tinderbox political climate ($28, amazon.com). 18. Roxane Gay edits Not That Bad’s powerful collection of essays on sexual harassment and assault ($27, amazon.com).

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C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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BEST MAY EVER

19. Attention! Charlie Puth’s sophomore album, Voicenotes, is perfect for parties of the backyard, pool, or rooftop variety.

23

24 20. Louis Vuitton’s dawn-inspired, mandarin-infused Le Jour Se Lève scent might turn you into a morning person ($240, louis

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Praise be: The Handmaid’s Tale returns for a darker, mind-bendier season two (April 25, Hulu). 24. Tracy Morgan and Tiffany Haddish are the ultimate dynamic duo in producer Jordan Peele’s razorsharp comedy The Last O.G. (April 3, TBS). 25. Westworld’s second season brings ramped-up augmented-reality drama—and hopefully, an Eastworld too (April 22, HBO). 26. Four years after ditching her Grey’s scrubs, Sandra Oh is back on TV, kicking serious ass as the leading lady of BBC America’s cat-and-mouse

22. decade. Listen to the zippy podcast When Meghan Met Harry. Watch Lifetime’s gloriously cheesy movie, Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance get enough, read even more deets in their biographies: Leslie Carroll’s American Princess (profiling bride and groom), Katie Nicholl’s Harry: Life, Loss, and Love Morton’s Meghan: A Hollywood Princess.

American Princess, $17, amazon.com; Harry: Life, Loss, and Love, $27, amazon .com; Meghan: A Hollywood Princess, $23, amazon.com

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P U T H A L B U M : J I M M Y F O N TA I N E . O R A N G E S , P R I N C E H A R R Y A N D M E G H A N : G E T T Y I M A G E S . T H E H A N D M A I D ’ S TA L E: G E O R G E K R AYC H U K / H U LU. T H E L A S T O .G .: F R A N C I S C O R O M A N /C O U R T E S Y T B S . K I L L I N G E V E: S O P H I E M U T E V E L I A N . B O O K S : J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D.

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Rock some recyclables. Luxe dress label Haney unveils a collection of showstopping looks made from would-be scrap material ($495, shop haney.com).


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O L I V I A M A LO N E / T R U N K A R C H I V E .

Public Library. The last time I was nervous: Every night before I made my entrance in the play Kings. But I developed a coping technique: I’d say, “I’m not nervous, I’m excited!” out loud. It helped. Current #WCW: My Kings costars: Aya Cash (you have to watch her on You’re the Worst) and Eisa Davis (she writes for Netflix’s She’s Gotta Have It). Popular misconception about me: Sometimes people confuse me with my characters. I love (Community’s) Britta and (Love’s) Mickey, but I’m not really like them in real life. By this time next year, I want to: Produce and direct more documentaries about women in technology. I made a short one about [pioneering computer programmer] Grace Hopper, but I want to tell more stories. My mantra: From RuPaul: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Still working on that!


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“For a long time, I made a conscious decision not to date. I think you need to take time to focus on yourself, especially in your early to mid-20s. I wanted to be emotionally set and get my career going before I got into anything serious. Now I think I have a good foundation, and somebody I bring into my life could teach me things and help me branch out.”

already bingewatched Netflix’s 13 Reasons Why, catch up before the season two premiere. But first, meet fan fave Ross Butler.

Photographic Evidence “Of the 13 Reasons Why cast, I’m known as the eater and the sleeper— a great combo, in my opinion. The others like to take horrible pictures of me drooling on-set and put Snapchat filters on my face. There’s an album floating around somewhere. I feel like they’ll eventually use it as blackmail.”

That’s What I Like “The way to a guy’s heart is through his hobbies. Find out what he’s passionate about, and if you really love him, get into it too. If I meet a girl who can talk video games, guitar, cooking, or good books, it’s a huge turn-on. And lots of guys like to teach, so if you can get hands-on with learning it, I’m telling you, you’ll get there.”

“When I first started auditioning, I was going out for roles written for an Asian actor that were the nerd or the engineer. They wanted a stereotype that I didn’t fit. I told my team, ‘Send me out for what’s written as all-American high school roles.’ They did, and I started booking things because that’s who I am. I’m proud of my Asian heritage, but I was raised in America, and that’s what I wanted to represent onscreen.”

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By Rachel Mosely

JOE PUGLIESE.

Lose the Labels


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Why It’s Good to Make Trouble By Cecile Richards

women had the right to vote and before birth control was legal, this 101-year-old organization has a proud tradition of audacious troublemakers. Always on the front lines of the fight for reproductive rights, Planned Parenthood was built by women who broke taboos and laws to stand up for what they believed. As I leave my post to the next leader, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to break the rules… or better yet, write your own. My first brush with the authorities, so to speak, was in seventh grade in Texas, when I wore a black armband to school to protest the Vietnam War. The principal called my mom, Ann Richards, to complain. (Years later, my mother would become the first female governor of Texas elected in her own right.) But she was something of a troublemaker who wouldn’t have hesitated to give him a piece of her mind. Luckily for him, she wasn’t home. For a young girl who was always trying to be good, being taken to the principal’s office for standing up for something I believed in was scary…but also thrilling. It sparked a lifelong passion for making trouble.

uted to the iconic comedian should do something about that.’ Then I realized, I am somebody.” That’s what makaccept the things you disagree with or you can do something about them. Take it from me: Doing something, whatever it is, feels a whole lot better than doing nothing. I’ve learned that activism is not only exciting and powerful, it can also introduce you to people who will change your life and change the world with you. I met my husband when we were helping hotel workers in New Orleans demand fair wages and working conditions. As president of Planned Parenthood, I’ve worked alongside inspiring leaders who taught me that—whether you’re fighting to get birth control covered by insurance companies or advocating to help transgender Americans get health care— often, to make a difference, you have to make trouble. And I’ve been inspired every step of the way by women in elected office who are standing up for all of us. Anytime you’re challenging authority, there will be people who won’t like it—usually the people who have the most to gain by keeping things the same. Over the years, I’ve come

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I’m doing something right. Earlier this year, a report found that young women are more likely than young men to have taken action over the last year—donating to a campaign, going to a march, calling members of Congress, volunteering for a cause. They aren’t waiting for permission—they’re asserting their power and fighting for what they believe in. And what do they have to show for it? They’ve helped protect affordable health care, including birth control, for millions and make sure Planned Parenthood’s doors stay open. So maybe you have a big idea or a new way of doing things and you want to tell the world. Maybe there’s something at work or school that’s

arbitrary rules are made to be broken. The future—and the present—belongs to troublemakers. If not you, who?

The longtime head of Planned Parenthood believes there’s never been a better moment to speak out.

Check out Cecile’s new memoir, full of wisdom and inspiration.

P E T E R H A PA K / T R U N K A R C H I V E . B O O K : A L L I E H O L LO WAY.

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S TA R

T

Yell at the news lately? See something in your hood that sucks? Feel like you need to fix a big problem? It’s time to take action—and it’s easier than you think. Here, totally inspiring activists and agents of change lay out your steps to saving the world. (Okay, well, at least to making a difference.) 5,000 I.D. YOUR CAUSE Think local. Often, you can make the biggest impact in or near your hometown. For example, you can address a road that needs streetlights or a homeless shelter that lacks funding. “You understand the landscape,” says social entrepreneur Erin Schrode, COO of #ChefsForPuertoRico. “Look around your area and ask, What are our pain points? What can I do?” Then focus. If there’s an uptick of mental-health issues on your campus, don’t try to go broad. Set a goal to do workshops for 40 students. You can always expand later if it goes well.

GET THE WORD OUT A million followers is not required for online sway. “Don’t underestimate your existing influence,” says Taylor Barnes, director of the United State of Women, a group dedicated to issues of gender equality. Post about your movement on your social-media feeds, and invite everyone in your life to get involved. “Your network would rather interact with you versus people they’ve never heard of,” explains Barnes. If you ask friends to join you at a town hall to fight for healthy school lunches, they’re more likely to come than if a stranger had asked them.

DON’T GO IT ALONE “Nobody can carry a movement by themselves,” says Tarana Burke, senior director of Girls for Gender Equity and founder of the Me Too movement. So be open to others’ help and ideas. Burke started Me Too in 2006 to talk about sexual violence, and in 2017, #MeToo went viral. Burke notes: “The public response from survivors has helped shape the narrative of our movement. We knew that to best address their needs and elevate their voices, we needed to make the focus of #MeToo about healing and centering survivors.”

GET T Y IMAGES.

#Hashtags101 A strong movement needs a strong hashtag. “Make a call to action,” says Nola Weinstein of Twitter. “#TimesUp is good because it’s defiant and collective.” When you have one in mind, do a search to make sure it’s not already being used.

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By Jessica Goodman


SHOULDER TO SHOULDER. BROW TO BROW. JOIN US IN RAISING A PINK BROW AGAINST THE PINK TAX.

#AxThePinkTax AxThePinkTax.com


P R E S E N T E D BY E U R O P E A N WA X C E N T E R

INEQUALITY SUCKS Ever heard of the Pink Tax? Even if you haven’t, we bet you’ve felt its effects. Truth is, it’s way more expensive to be a woman in today’s world than it is to be a man. How’s this for mindblowing? On average, a woman pays $1,351 more per year on everyday goods and services than a man does. Just look inside your home: Women are charged more for things like basic white T-shirts and jeans 40 percent of the time, and female-branded deodorants and razors cost more 56 percent of the time! That little-known extra charge is called the Pink Tax. It affects every woman, and EWC is using its reach and influence to help women take a stand against it.

Listen up, ladies: You’re paying more than men for the same stuff!

The Making of a Movement When beauty lifestyle brand European Wax Center (EWC) identified a frustrating inequality facing its female customers, it jumped in to try to level the playing field for women everywhere. Check out how EWC made its campaign, #AxThePinkTax, come to life. C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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CRACKING THE CODE As part of the campaign to #AxThePinkTax, EWC searched for the right partner, which it found in Girls in Tech, a nonprofit focused on empowering women passionate about technology. “We wanted to work with a company that has a similar goal as ours and helps provide resources and education to women around the world,” says Adriana Gascoigne, founder and CEO of Girls in Tech. EWC will help finance Girls in Tech’s projects, such as a start-up pitch competition and a coding course. “Together, we’re focused on empowering women and making sure women have the tools and resources to succeed.”

GET T Y IMAGES.

CHANGE AGENTS EWC is on a mission to #AxThePinkTax and arm women with the confidence to overcome these ongoing inequalities. Launched in April, #AxThePinkTax advocates for female-targeted items to be priced the same as the ones labeled men (or just colored blue). “This will help many women live more unapologetic, confident lives,” says Christina Davis, vice president of brand relations at EWC. To get the word out, EWC is sparking a social movement, asking people to share pics of themselves rocking pink eyebrows with the hashtag #AxThePinkTax. You know, to “raise a brow” against the Pink Tax. (Get it?!)


WOMEN ARE EQUAL. THE PRICES WE PAY AREN’T. TOGETHER, WE CAN LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD.

#AxThePinkTax AxThePinkTax.com


IWitnessBullying.org


Confessions

A L L I E H O L LO WAY. S A N D W I C H , B O T T L E , W I L D E R : G E T T Y I M A G E S (3). C O N F E S S I O N S M AY H AV E B E E N E D I T E D F O R C O N T E N T, L E N G T H , A N D C L A R I T Y.

“I was at the biggest basketball game of the year— everyone was there! I had to be the cutest girl at the game, so I put on the highest pair of heels I could find. Everything was going perfectly until I had to walk down the bleachers to go to the concessions. I got to the last set of stairs before tripping on my own heel. I tumbled all the way down on the court. That was three years ago, and I still have not lived that down.” —JASMINE J., 23, TEACHER, JACKSONVILLE, FL

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TOO FUNNY!

Celeb Confession “I was training “It was at the gym Memorial when I saw Day weekmy crush. I was end, and I trying to impress was driving him by adding with my more weight— boyfriend why I thought of less than this would work, a month I don’t know. to go to his We were doing family’s one move with cottage. We equipment, and were drivas I brought the ing as slowly bar up past my shoulders, I hit my nose so hard, it started gushing blood! I tried playing it cool, but that’s difficult with a bloody nose. I attempted to stop it, but it kept bleeding for the rest of class. Safe to say, my crush was disgusted.”

“Once, a piece of my hair extensions fell out and went missing. I looked everywhere I could think of but couldn’t find it! After two days, I finally found it—my cat had eaten it, and it was dangling from his butt. And yes, I did have to pull it out.”

—GINA P., 26, PERSONAL TRAINER, NEWFOUNDLAND, PA

—ARIANA S., 19, STUDENT, TOTOWA, NJ

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as possible through some trenches. Before I knew it, the car jerked, and I took a bite out of my boyfriend’s

“I used to have a stripper pole in my room, and one time, I put on a show for my now-ex.…I was in the middle of a trick, and I completely fell flat on my back. It made a loud noise, and he asked me if I was okay. Not the sexiest moment of my life, but luckily, I survived the embarrassment and wasn’t harmed. Our


“I was going to a luncheon and got stuck in the rain with no umbrella. Still, I made my way there, late and dripping wet. It was bad enough everyone was staring at me and my see-through top. But then the host said, ‘Let me get you a shawl. I just had a kid, and I’m lactating too.’ Lactating?! It was the rain!” —SUSAN S., 34

“This guy asked for my number. He seemed nice, so I thought, Sure, why not? and recited it to him. Later, my boyfriend texted me a video showing the entire exchange! The dude was a YouTuber filming a segment. It had 200,000 views and caused a huge fight between my BF and me!” — MAGGIE B., 20, STUDENT, CLEVELAND, OH

“I was at dinner with some friends

“I was out with my boyfriend and parents. My mom and I were standing together and happened to be wearing similar

and got up to use the restroom. Unlucky for me, my dress was stuck to my undies, and I accidentally flashed a family with small children sitting nearby. My bad!”

me to take a picture of them kissing under the mistletoe!”

outfits—and we are the same height and have the same hair color and length. My BF walked away to get a drink, and when he came back, he put his hand around what he thought was my waist and cupped ‘my’ butt. Turns out, it was my mom’s butt. He freaked out and couldn’t look at my mom for, like, a month. But at least she was flattered to know he thinks she has the ass of a 20something!”

—CAROLINE B., 21

—LAUREN G., 28

—STEPHANIE P., 19, RETAIL SALES ASSOCIATE, MIAMI, FL

“I met this guy at a party, and we hit it off He

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TOO FUNNY!

Dates From Hell

dude picked a massive fight with me about it and said he no longer wanted to date. His reasoning: ‘If you’re afraid of germs on the subway, how will you be someday if we move to a farm and have to deal with horses and other animals and their germs?’ Um, getting a little ahead of yourself

in a game, I saw he was staring into space. Suddenly, he fell and hit his head on a machine. He began to convulse and bleed! EMTs came, and we spent the night in the hospital, where he had to get stitches!”

—STEVIE T., 26

He kept ordering more drinks even though he was already extremely intoxicated, so

“I went to his apartment for the first time after a couple of dates. We were lying on the couch and watching a movie, and we started making out. I was into it! He started moving his hands toward my bra, then he squeezed my boob and went, ‘Honk honk!’ Like a little boy! I was mortified, and it mood. I walked out.” —TAYLOR A., 22

—DINA D., 32

“When the bill came at dinner, he put his card down, so I thanked him and figured all was well. He later texted me screenshots of him telling his mom I paid for nothing! He realized his eff-up and said he didn’t mean it. He just wanted his mom to give him more money. Blocked!” —DANI N., 25

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thought I was going to be his wife one day and that we would look back and tell our children about this night and laugh about it. I have never run out of a restaurant faster.” —HANNAH H., 21

G E T T Y I M A G E ( 5 ).

“This guy and I bonded over our mutual love of horses. Things seemed great until our third date, when we were riding the subway and “My first date with he noticed my now-ex I avoided was at an touching the pole…(hello, arcade. After I whomped him germs!). The

“I got dinner with someone I matched with on Bumble, and things were going fairly well until he got really drunk.


TOO FUNNY!

Expectation vs. Reality Tuning out

Totally bonding

Mother’s Day

KAIA GERBER AND CINDY CRAWFORD

Acing every exam

Study coma

JASMINE SANDERS

Finals Week

G E R B E R A N D C R AW F O R D : S P L A S H N E W S . S AY A N Y T H I N G : ©2 0 T H C E N T F OX /C O U R T E S Y E V E R E T T C O L L E C T I O N . S A N D E R S : R M L A /A K M - G S I . A L L O T H E R S : G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 5 ).

’Chella chic

Festival Season

Grungefest

Say anything... but that

SAY ANYTHING’S LLOYD DOBLER

Bae’s Grand Gesture

Beyond romantic

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TOO FUNNY!

#CanYouNot Crazy Situation Working Your Last Nerve? Vent Here!

1

2

“I did not know poking was still a thing on FB… #CanYouNot” —@JENVREAL, VIA TWITTER

“If the bathroom door is locked, that means someone is in there. There is absolutely zero reason to knock. Are you going to get a locksmith if the person inside doesn’t acknowledge you? #PetPeeve”

4 4

1

2

Back Off, Dude!

R U Kidding?

Um, Ew…

Oh, Deer

“Stand a step or two away from the belt and approach when you see your bag. Otherwise, everyone else waiting for their luggage cannot see when theirs have arrived.”

“Really bro? #YouCantBeSerious”

“I don’t even know what to think about these flavors. #Spam #Ew”

“Walk into this guy’s house for the first time and see this.…Uh, how soon can I call an Uber?”

—@HORHAYZ13, VIA INSTAGRAM

3

—@SKYCLADTRVLR, VIA TWITTER

—TAYLOR A., VIA INBOX

—@SOCIALGRACES.CA, VIA INSTAGRAM

Got a Gripe?

“Honestly, it’s amazing to me that as soon as I mention I need help around the house, my roommate decides it’s the perfect weekend to skip town.” —@PASTORKAITLYN, VIA TWITTER

“I should not be able to hear you eating your food over the music playing full blast in my ears. #CanYouNot” —@BEANIEEJG, VIA TWITTER

Tweet or ’gram what’s bugging you with a photo (hashtag: #CanYouNot), or e-mail Inbox@Cosmopolitan.com (subject: #CanYouNot). You might see your handle here!

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“ # C A N YO U N O T ” E N T R I E S M AY H AV E B E E N E D I T E D F O R L E N G T H , C O N T E N T, O R C L A R I T Y.

3

—@MERSK33, VIA TWITTER


splathaircolor.com

@splathairdye

WEAR YOUR HEART ON YOUR HAIR Our new line of hair color products has 40 vibrant shades available in 1, 10, and 30 wash formulas. Available at all major retailers.


N I Q U I TA B E N T O. S T Y L I S T S : B E V N AT E S A N D C L E O M A R C O P O U LO S . S T I L L S : S T UA R T T Y S O N / S T U D I O D. S O F T G O O D S S T Y L I S T: S A B R I N A G R A N D E .

H&M dress. Forever 21 earrings. Aldo shoes

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STYLE

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Nine West cross-body bag, $69, macys.com

Siggi hat, $20, amazon.com

Anchor your look with navy, then add a pop of red.

Aomei top, $18, amazon.com

Ji Oh dress, $645, jiohny.com Citizens of Humanity jeans, $218, anthropologie .com

Forever 21 top. H&M jeans. Seafolly hat. Espadril shoes. Colette by Colette Hayman earrings

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Soludos sandals, $65, amazon.com Levi’s Made & Crafted crop top, $158, levi.com

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52


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FOR OILY SKIN


STYLE The Fifth Label crop top, $68, us.fashionbunker.com

Marc Fisher LTD sandals, $150, marcfisherfootwear.com

Juicy Couture shorts, $98, juicycouture.com

Solid & Striped bathing suit, $178, solidandstriped.com

No matter your port of call, stripes and glowing skin slay.

The Fix top. Forever 21 swimsuit (worn as briefs). H&M sunglasses. Call It Spring earrings. Zara belt

Mango earrings, $20, mango.com

Aldo clutch, $60, aldoshoes .com

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The Seafarer top, $322, theseafarer .com


Charles & Keith sunglasses, $59, charleskeith.com

Carmen Marc Valvo bathing suit, $113, amazon.com

A-List top. Topshop pants. Dreamland Vintage sunglasses. Forever 21 earrings

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Metup pants, $21, amazon.com

Who What Wear dress, $37, target.com

Create a white-hot vibe with chic extras.

Miista.com heels, $415, usa.miista.com

Dune London bag, $115, dunelondon.com

BLANKNYC for 100% Bloomingdale’s bustier, $68, bloomingdales .com

Open your Amazon App Tap the camera icon Choose SmileCode Scan to shop!

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Shein skirt, $19, shein.com

What’s Black and White and Spotted All Over? Your New #OOTD Boohoo .com jumpsuit, $49, us.boohoo .com

Aerie scarf, $25, aerie .com

LoveCulture.com skirt, $20, loveculture.com

Boohoo.com heels, $20, us.boohoo.com

Zara purse, $40, zara.com

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PrettyLittleThing dress, $38, prettylittlething.com LHS Charmer top, $20, amazon.com C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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S T UA R T T Y S O N / S T U D I O D. S T Y L I S T: J I L L E D WA R D S F O R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S . W H I T E D R E S S : M E L A N I E G A L E A / T H E S T R E E T M U S E / T R U N K A R C H I V E . PA N T S U I T: S I LV I A O L S E N / R E X / S H U T T E R S T O C K .

H&M top, $35, hm.com


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STYLE

Obsessorize

Throw Shade in Fun Sunnies

Novelty Don’t want to wear your heart on your sleeve? Wear it on your face.

Micro Lens Take a page out of the Hadid playbook and go teeny tiny. George Keburia, $200, openingceremony.com

Oversize Hide a hangover and protect your peepers from harmful rays. Saint Laurent, $405, ysl.com

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J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D. P R O P S T Y L I S T: A N G E L A C A M P O S F O R B E R N S T E I N A N D A N D R I U L L I .

Gucci, $550, gucci.com


STYLE

Novelty 1

2

3

1. Takesh, $169, takesheyewear.com. 2. Skinnydip London, $40, us.skinnydiplondon.com. 3. Kate Spade New York, $160, katespade.com. 4. Charles & Keith, $69, charleskeith.com

Micro Lens 5

6

7

8

5. Glow Glamin’, $31, glowglamin.com. 6. Le Specs, $69, revolve.com. 7. ASOS Design, $19, asos.com. 8. Kendall + Kylie Eyewear, $68, bloomindales.com

Oversize

9

10

11

12

9. Mango, $40, mango.com. 10. GoJane, $13, gojane.com. 11. Max Mara, $200, Max Mara, New York. 12. Tory Burch, $200, sunglasshut.com

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STYLE Sandro jeans, $265, us.sandro-paris.com

Free People turtleneck, $40, freepeople .com

Urban Expressions purse, $65, urbanexpressions.net

A lacy pre-evening accessory is unusually

Jill Stuart shorts, $450, jillstuart .com

Pinko trench, $725, pinko .com

scan to shop Stone Cold Fox romper, $250, the stonecold fox.com

Kendall + Kylie heels, $175, amazon.com

Wai Ming skirt, $345, waimingstudio.com

S T UA R T T Y S O N / S T U D I O D. S T Y L I S T; J I L L E D WA R D S F O R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S . T O P R I G H T: M E L A N I E G A L E A / T R U N K A R C H I V E . MIDDLE GET T Y IMAGES.

Coming In Hot


Sexy vs. Sweet Fashion vlogger Jenn Im (@ImJennIm) serves up white cowboy boots two different ways.

Ganni booties, $475, moda operandi .com

Cowboy Boots Make It Sweet

Make It Sexy Justine Clenquet earrings, $50, shopbop.com Lulus clutch, $29, lulus.com

A miniskirt and jean jacket look hot in warm tones.

Officina Bernardi ring, $95, 212-273-0797

Mango T-shirt, $26, similar styles available at mango.com

skirt, $40,

PrettyLittleThing top, $28, prettylittlething .com ChloĂŠ sunglasses, $280, chloe.com

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Nothing beats a chunky sweater and playful tee for a chill vibe.

7 For All Mankind jeans, $199, 7forallmankind.com


Scratch ’n Whiff

No parabens. No gluten. No dyes. No mineral oil. Yes to an addictive scent. LET LIFE IN. ©2018 P&G


F LO R I A N S O M M E T/ T R U N K A R C H I V E .

Best Finds— Right Now Consider this list, handpicked by Cosmo editors and industry pros, the ultimate insider edit.

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BEAUTY

Best Longwear Lipstick “Possibly the longest-lasting lippie ever. I applied it at 10 a.m., drank several cups of coffee and water, ate a salad with oil dressing, snacked throughout the day, and at 7 p.m.? The pigment hadn’t faded. Holy-grail status.” —KATE FOSTER, ASSOCIATE BEAUTY EDITOR

MAKEUP C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D. S T Y L I S T: A L M A M E L E N D E Z F O R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S .

Maybelline New York SuperStay Matte Ink, $9.50 each, drugstores


MAKEUP Best Bronzer “This ultra-fine powder—available in light, medium, and deep—warms up my complexion in a few swipes with a bronze that looks natural and luminous, exactly as the name promises.” —MADDIE ABERMAN, BEAUTY EDITOR

2. L’Oréal Paris True Match Lumi Bronze It Bronzer, $12, walmart.com

Best Sheer-Coverage Foundation “You really can’t mess this up. The lightweight formula leaves a glowy finish, and the sponge blends it out in seconds, like magic.” —PAIGE STABLES, BEAUTY ASSISTANT

5. YSL Touche Éclat Le Cushion, $48, yslbeautyus.com

Best Mascara “Name what you look for in a mascara: Length? Volume? Definition? Zero flakes? Now look no further because this does it all.” —LAUREN BALSAMO, SENIOR BEAUTY EDITOR

3. Covergirl Peacock Flare Mascara, $8, amazon.com

Best Strobe Stick

1

Best Blush “One little drop—I mean little; this ish is pigmented—leaves my cheeks flushed and glowing, like I just stepped in from the cold. And this Minnesota girl knows cold.” —M.A. 6. Nars Liquid Blush in Dolce Vita, $30, sephora.com

“Cream highlighters or bust! One swipe of this reflective soft gold creates a lit-from-within look that doesn’t disrupt my foundation underneath.” —K.F.

Best Full-Coverage Foundation

“It passed the greatest torture test known to women—being a bridesmaid—staying put through an outdoor wedding in 90-degree Arizona with zero shade. It made my skin look so flawless, I got triple-digit Likes on my Insta.” —MARTA TOPRAN, BEAUTY DIRECTOR

1. BareMinerals BarePro Performance Wear Liquid Foundation SPF 20, $34 each, bareminerals.com

3 2 scan to shop

4. Hourglass Vanish Flash Highlighting Stick in Champagne Flash, $42, hourglass cosmetics.com

Open your Amazon App Tap the camera icon Choose SmileCode Scan to shop!

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BEAUTY

7

8

Pro Picks

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Best Pencil Liner “The soft texture was made for smoky eyes. Just trace along lash lines, and smudge away.” —M.T.

Lisa Eldridge, celebrity makeup artist (she works with A-listers like Lily Collins, Cara Delevingne, and Keira Knightley) and makeup creative director of Lancôme

8. Burt’s Bees Nourishing Eyeliner in Soft Black, $10, amazon.com

Best Corrector “Dark circles virtually disappear with these camouflaging pots. I use the light peach on my fair skin, but this deeper peach is great for medium to dark skin tones.” —L.B. 9. Becca Bright Eyes Under Eye Brightening Corrector, $32, beccacosmetics.com

Best Shadow Palette “Red-tone shadows are all the rage right now. IMO, this mini has the best, most flattering hues you’ll actually want to wear. My fave combo is Playful in my creases and Passion on my lids. Btw: Could the names be more Cosmo?!” —M.T.

9

Best Brow Filler “I love this when I can’t be bothered to create a full-on brow and just want to brush them into shape. It gives them a bit of color and fullness.”

pretty berry (sheer with one swipe, bold with more) and keeps my lips super soft.” —P.S. 11. Dior Lip Glow in Berry, $34, dior.com

Best Concealer “Meet the only concealer you’ll ever need. It’s pigmented enough to cover acne yet lightweight enough to nix the dreaded

Glossier Boy Brow, $16,

10

10. Tarte Tartelette Flirt Eye Shadow Palette, $23, tartecosmetics.com

Lancôme Grandiôse Liner, $32, lancome-usa.com

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Best Retinol “Retinol smooths texture and wrinkles long-term, but it can really screw with skin short-term. My pick helps eliminate the fallout by combining a time-released retinol with hydrating botanical extracts that boost your skin’s ability to retain moisture. Genius!” —LAUREN BALSAMO, SENIOR BEAUTY EDITOR

Revision Skincare Retinol Complete 0.5%, $95, revision skincare.com for retailers

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BEAUTY


SKIN Best Body Oil “My 2018 #SkinGoal: to treat my bod onetenth as well as I do my face. Enter this luxe moisturizer. It has antioxidant green tea and rosemary oil to help boost circulation, and it never feels greasy.” —MARTA TOPRAN, BEAUTY DIRECTOR

2. True Botanicals Pure Radiance Body Oil, $48, true botanicals.com

Best Bar Soap “Just when I thought I’d never stray from the OG Dove Beauty Bar, the brand launched this anti-stress version, and I jumped ship. It has a refreshing spalike scent, leaves your body clean but not squeaky, and costs less than a coffee…for two entire bars!” —L.B. 3. Dove Anti-Stress Micellar Water Beauty Bar, $3.50 for a 2-pack, drugstores

Best Brightener “Being Latina and a former tanaholic means I have a dusting of freckles and sun spots. This serum with 15% THD ascorbate (a form of vitamin C) keeps them in check and makes my skin look brighter and less damaged.” —M.T. 4. Sunday Riley C.E.O. Rapid Flash Brightening Serum, $85, sephora.com

Best Under-Eye Patches “These ultracooling patches give me the same depuffing benefits as the old cold-spoon trick, minus the cutlery hassle. And they give intense hydration, thanks to the aloe and glycerin.” —MADDIE ABERMAN, BEAUTY EDITOR

1

2

5. Nerium International Eye-V Moisture Boost Hydrogel Patches, $55 for 5 pairs, nerium.com

3

Best Sheet Mask “My boyfriend and I used these on a night in and were obsessed with the results. Think super-glowy, moisturized, post-facial skin. Definitely the best sheet mask I’ve ever used.”

4

—KATE FOSTER, ASSOCIATE BEAUTY EDITOR

6. Neutrogena Radiance Boost Brightening 100% Hydrogel Mask, $2.50, drugstores

5 6

Best Do-It-All Balm “I use this on my lips, cuticles (I’m a biter!), and dry patches because it heals and hydrates better than anything else. Bonus points for the piña colada–esque, allnatural scent.” —K.F.

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Best Oil Cleanser “This works on dry, oily, sensitive, and acneprone skin.…I know because mine is all four. It uses omega-6 oils to decongest pores—oil dissolves oil, ICYDK— and break down SPF and makeup in the gentlest, most effective way possible.” —L.B. 8. Kristina Holey + Marie Veronique Pure + E.O. Free Oil Cleanser, $40, marie veronique.com

Best Hydrating Serum “My desert-island skin ingredient? Hyaluronic acid, hands down. It holds up to 1,000 times its weight in water, which means when applied to damp or justtoned skin, it gives a glow better than highlighter and a surface so bouncy, wrinkles almost disappear.” —LEAH WYAR,

Best Neck Cream “Tech neck, be gone! Soften ‘necklace lines’—a by-product of repetitive eyes-toscreen movement— with firming peptides and tightening algae extract.” —L.B.

Pro Picks 8

Ellen Marmur, MD, dermatologist and president and founder of Marmur Medical, in New York City

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11. StriVectin TL Advanced Tightening Neck Cream, $95 for 1.7 oz., amazon.com

Best Overnight Treatment “I dare you to dip into this spongy gel texture and not be amazed. Unlike a normal gooey mask, it instantly absorbs, so you wake up to skin like velvet, sans pillow stains.” —L.W.

Best Makeup Remover damia oils dis-

12. Erno Laszlo HydraTherapy Memory Sleep Mask, $90, amazon.com

CHIEF BEAUTY DIRECTOR

9. PCA Skin Hyaluronic Acid Boosting Serum, $115, amazon.com

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Best Eye Serum

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“Once again, it’s hyaluronic acid ftw! This minimizes lines, dark circles, and massage tip.” —M.A. 10. Estée Lauder Advanced Matrix, $69, esteelauder.com

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Best Moisturizer “This lightweight cream locks in moisture and works with any other product.” Skinbetter Science Hydration Boosting Cream, $80, skinbetter.com

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BEAUTY

Best Blow-Dryer “Yes, it sped up my drying time. Yes, the ‘volume booster’ injected fullness. But the insanely cool feature that makes it worth every penny? When you put it down, it shuts off, then turns right back on when you pick it up again!” —PAIGE STABLES, BEAUTY ASSISTANT

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BEAUTY

GAME CHANGERS Best New Makeup Brand “Rihanna’s made-forInsta foundations have been one of the biggest stories in beauty this year. The formula gave me medium coverage (can build to full) but still looked like skin. And I was able to find my perfect color match with its extensive range of 40 shades…a coup, as I’m fair-skinned with yellow undertones.” —ERIN STOVALL, BEAUTY ASSISTANT

1. Fenty Beauty by Rihanna Pro Filt’r Soft Matte Longwear Foundation, $34 each, sephora.com

Best Facial-Hair Remover “Ten years ago, I laughed when a friend told me she spied a few dark chin hairs. Well, karma’s a bitch, because I’ve since spotted my own—and I’m not willing to let them grow long enough to wax. Enter this miracle machine that gently buzzes off unwanted hair.” —MARTA TOPRAN, BEAUTY DIRECTOR

2. Finishing Touch Flawless in Blush, $20, amazon.com

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hygge experience). Chill for 60 minutes, then rinse. Three to seven days later, the magic begins: insane amounts of peeling (we’re talking chunks, not flakes... google it!) that can last up to two weeks. Once it’s over though, your feet will live up to the product’s name.” —LAUREN BALSAMO, SENIOR BEAUTY EDITOR

3. Baby Foot, $25, amazon.com

Best Self-Tanner “I’ve been called Casper the Ghost more than I’d like to admit, so no, self-tanner and I aren’t besties. But this clear mist is another story. Spritz it on like a toner twice a day to get a gradual, natural-looking glow that’s completely controllable. Don’t forget your neck!” —KATE FOSTER, ASSOCIATE BEAUTY EDITOR

4. St. Tropez Self Tan Purity Bronzing Water Face Mist, $30, sephora.com

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“This conditioner is not only good for my bleached hair—it hydrates, softens, and detangles—but also for the environment. ‘Fastrinse’ technology lets the formula break up into many smaller molecules, cutting down on shower time and saving water.” —P.S.

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5. Love Beauty and Planet Blooming Color Conditioner, $9, drugstores

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Best Facial Tool “Nothing relaxes me more than my nighttime skin-care routine, and adding this device made the experience infinitely more Zen. The warm vibrating setting helps melt in my creams and oils. And when it’s time to apply eye cream, I switch to the de-puffing cold setting. Heaven.” —E.S. 7. HoMedics Duo Climate Hot and Cold Sonic Facial Wand, $130, homedics.com

Best Day Cream “A few months ago, I went to Olay’s beauty lab to check out their latest Whip creams, developed for women who want megahydration with minimal heaviness—tough to accomplish, especially with SPF. The second I swiped this across my skin, I was sold: light as air yet crazy-moisturizing. I even pressed a blotting paper onto my skin right after and… zero residue!” —LEAH WYAR, CHIEF BEAUTY DIRECTOR

8. Olay Total Effects Whip with SPF 25, $29, amazon.com

Best Beauty Supplement “I was skeptical about ingestibles until I was introduced to this collagen peptide–infused tea. It contains Verisol, a special type of bovine collagen that’s clinically proven, when ingested, to reduce the depth of crow’s-feet by 20 percent in eight weeks. But here’s what’s really exciting: In one clinical study for Botox, the perceived reduction of crow’s-feet was also 20 percent. Not totally apples to apples, but impressive.” —L.B.

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Best Strand Saver “I’ve seen them for your face, feet, even boobs (seriously), but this is a first: a sheet mask for your hair! The genius shower cap–like pack is filled with a hydrating mask. Just twist up your hair, slide on the mask, and let the steam from your hot shower kick the formula way into overdrive.” —M.A.

Best DIY Mani Hack

“If you’re a not-so-steady polisher, these U-shaped stencils are a lifesaver. The paint job on my dominant hand has never looked so clean.”

7

—MADDIE ABERMAN, BEAUTY EDITOR

6. Sally Hansen Big Polish Guards Cuticle Protectors, $6 for 24, drugstores

10. L’Oréal Paris EverPure Deep Moisture Hair Sheet Mask, $4, amazon.com

8

Best Anti-Chafe Stick

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“Bless body-acceptance influencer turned beauty entrepreneur Katie Sturino for bringing taboo beauty topics, like thigh chafing, to light. Before this, I spent years DIY’ing to prevent chafing and the ensuing rashes that it would create: from using silicone face primers (expensive) to deodorant (messy) to Spanx (constricting). A few swipes of this toxinfree formula, however, and my thighs can easily glide past each other.” —M.T. 11. Megababe Thigh Rescue, $14, megababebeauty.com

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9. Reserveage Nutrition Collagen BeauTèa in White Tea + Hibiscus, $24, amazon.com

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Best Leave-In Conditioner “Hydration is key to fixing everything: frizz, damage, dullness, you name it. This spray contains three heavy hitters (hyaluronic acid, murumuru butter, and coconut milk) and left my hair looking all kinds of better for days.” —MADDIE ABERMAN, BEAUTY EDITOR

IGK Thirsty Girl Coconut Milk Leave-In Conditioner, $28, sephora.com

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HAIR

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Best Volumizing Spray “I use this lightweight spritz the same way I do my favorite facial mist: anytime, anywhere, whenever I need a little bit of extra oomph.” —LAUREN BALSAMO, SENIOR BEAUTY EDITOR

2. Rossano Ferretti Grandioso Volumising Spray, $42, rossanoferretti.com

Best Curl Cream

than you can say

Best Repair Treatment “Healthy-looking hair is my number one beauty goal. And this mask, packed with keratin and nourishing oil, brings me as close as I’ll ever get without having to quit bleach.” —M.A. 5. Virtue Restorative Treatment Mask, $28, virtuelabs.com

“Sticky gels used to be my go-to for twist-outs. They’re crazy-strong, but the next day, I have to explain the white flakes near my roots. I’m so glad I converted to this hydrating cream. The hold is softer but gives impressive definition without the white residue.”

3

—ERIN STOVALL, BEAUTY ASSISTANT

3. Vernon François Styling~ Cream, $25, sephora.com

on my coily hair, and my ends get the worst of it. A pea-size dab of use what’s left over to smooth down my edges.” —E.S.

5

4. Shea Moisture Manuka Honey & Yogurt Hydrate + Repair Split End Balm, $10, ulta.com

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BEAUTY

9

Best Heat-Free Styler “Air-dried hair doesn’t have to look, well, airdried. This lightweight mousse prevents frizz and accentuates your natural texture for a hot-tool effect minus the damage.” —M.A.

8

Pro Picks Lacy Redway, celeb hairstylist (clients include Ashley Graham and Halsey) and Nexxus Style and Trends Curator

7. Healthy Sexy Hair Fresh Hair, $18, sexyhair.com

Best Scalp Clarifier “For healthy hair growth, deep-clean your scalp with this witch-hazel and teatree-oil detoxifier. It really works!” —M.A.

7

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Best Hair Spray

8. OGX Extra Strength Refreshing Scalp + Teatree Mint Scalp Treatment, $9, ulta.com

“A staple in my kit, this spray holds every type of style in place and never flakes.”

Best Wave Spray

Nexxus Comb Thru Finishing Mist, $14, amazon.com

“In an alternate

three.” —L.B.

Best Oil “I work with so many different hair textures, and this light-

Best Dry Shampoo

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“A few spritzes of this post-Flywheel and no one can tell I went from workout to work with sweaty hair. This new version has a beige tint too, which means no telltale residue on the back of my head.”

on all of them.” Ouai Hair Oil, $28, theouai.com

—MARTA TOPRAN, BEAUTY DIRECTOR

10. Klorane Dry Shampoo With Nettle—Natural Tint, $20, ulta.com

Cream

and a hot tool.” Open your Amazon App Tap the camera icon Choose SmileCode Scan to shop!

$36, hairstory.com

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BEAUTY 2

Best Everyday Scent “Sweet and juicy, but not too sugary, this blend of blackberry and Bulgarian rose is perfect for 9-to-5 and 5-to-9.”

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—LEAH WYAR, CHIEF BEAUTY DIRECTOR

2. Gucci Guilty Absolute Pour Femme Eau de Parfum, $115 for 3 oz., Bloomingdale’s

Best Night-Out Fragrance

4

Best Candle “Into the green scene like me? You’ll love that this natural-scented candle lists every single ingredient (yay, transparency!). As for the scent, the frankincense and cypress notes scream sexy night in.”

3

—MARTA TOPRAN, BEAUTY DIRECTOR

1. Goop Fragrance Edition 01 Church Scented Candle, $72, goop.com

“A dab of the orange and vanilla blend on my pulse points feels both sultry and rebellious, and the tiny-size rollerball fits in my clutch.” —KATE FOSTER, ASSOCIATE BEAUTY EDITOR

3. Dior Poison Girl Roller-Pearl Eau de Toilette, $38, dior.com

Best Confidence Booster “The leather and vanilla mix is unique. And the name? Only Tom Ford could get away with it!” —ERIN STOVALL, BEAUTY ASSISTANT

4. Tom Ford Fucking Fabulous Eau de Parfum, $310 for 1.7 oz., tomford.com

Best Travel Perfume “I’ve loved this light floral scent for years, so having a cushion compact version (so cool!) I can take everywhere is major. I apply my fullsize in the morning, slip this into my bag, then reapply before happy hour.” —E.S.

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5. Chanel Chance Eau Tendre Delicate Fragrance Touch-Up, $70, chanel.com

Best Hair Mist

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“Black Opium is like a big sexy hug. This hairmist version gives the scent an even hotter spin. With your every hair flip or lean-in, they’ll get a whiff of the sensual mix of coffee and patchouli.” —K.F. 6. YSL Black Opium Hair Mist, $39, yslbeautyus.com

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Get a Healthy Glow From the Inside Out

Drink Up! Probiotic-rich bevs, like kombucha (fermented tea), can help you score dewy skin.

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By Lauren Balsamo


BEAUTY

WEEK

BE GOOD TO YOUR GUT

Healthy, glowing skin starts in the gut, says Cosmo contributing dermatologist Whitney Bowe, MD, who is known in the skincare world for her integrated approach to beauty and in-depth research on the connection between the gut and skin microbiomes (aka ecosystems of living bacteria). “Patients dealing with acne, rosacea, eczema, or premature aging can benefit from my three-week plan, which introduces diet, lifestyle, and skin-care habits to reset the gut flora and improve skin,” explains Dr. Bowe. Get the quickie download here, and pick up Dr. Bowe’s new book, The Beauty of Dirty Skin, for healthy recipes, workout ideas, skin-care tips, and more.

Skip Processed Foods

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The Beauty of Dirty Skin, by Whitney Bowe, MD, $28, amazon.com

They slow digestion, says Dr. Bowe, and the resulting stagnation causes an overgrowth of unhealthy bacteria, potentially leading to a “leaky gut.” This condition allows inflammatory bacteria to enter your bloodstream, creating system-wide inflammation. In the skin, this can manifest as everything from acne to eczema and even wrinkles.

Eat Fermented Things Consuming probiotics (aka friendly, beneficial bacteria) through fermented foods and drinks, such as sauerkraut,

kimchi, and kombucha, helps maintain the integrity of the gut lining. They also serve as natural antibiotics, balance your body’s pH, and control inflammation— all essential for healthy, glowing skin, explains Dr. Bowe.

Be Choosy About Dairy Milk, especially skim, can trigger inflammation in the skin (like acne and redness) due to the proteins casein and whey, says Dr. Bowe, who recommends almond milk or coconut milk instead. Yogurt and many cheeses, on the other hand, are fermented, which may help cancel out negative effects from the dairy, says Dr. Bowe.

WEEK

TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY AND BRAIN

F LO R I A N S O M M E T/ T R U N K A R C H I V E . B O O K : B E N G O L D S T E I N / S T U D I O D.

Get Your Beauty Sleep

Break a Sweat Probiotic Supplements— Do They Work?

Exercise can help reverse early signs of aging, thanks to an increase in healthy mitochondria (structures within our cells that create energy to keep them functioning). And exercise boosts blood flow, which, over time, positively affects the network of blood vessels that support the skin, leading to a healthier look.

RMS Beauty Within Probiotic + Prebiotic, $64, freepeople.com

Yes, if you take the right kind. Look for those with at least 10 billion CFU that contain Lactobacillus and Bifidobacterium (scientific data shows the gut and skin will benefit from both).

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Without at least seven hours, you’ll experience a disruption of your body’s natural circadian rhythm, says Dr. Bowe. This puts your hunger hormones (ghrelin and leptin) out of whack, making you crave the processed foods and refined carbs that you are trying to avoid. It can also elevate levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which is linked to collagen breakdown and premature aging.

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BEAUTY

Bac to Beauty Incorporate several of these probiotic picks into your routine for a major glow.

Cleanser Thanks to a mix of gentle clays and a probiotic complex, this wash removes oil and impurities without overstripping skin.

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Elizabeth Arden Superstart Probiotic Cleanser Whip to Clay, $34, amazon.com

Mist Spritz this on your face, feet, armpits… wherever! It contains ammonia-oxidizing bacteria, which convert sweat components into beneficial ingredients for the skin.

WEEK

Mother Dirt AO+ Mist, $50, amazon.com

Cleanse Gently

Avoid Heat

“Lay off the harsh soaps, aggressive scrubs, and loofahs— anything that leaves skin with that squeaky clean feeling,” says Dr. Bowe. They compromise your skin’s barrier and negatively impact your microbiome, leading to skin conditions like rosacea and acne. Use a gentle cleanser, and limit exfoliation to just once or twice a week.

Scientists agree that intense heat (from, say, a steamy shower or hot yoga) may destroy healthy microbes. Heat can also dry out skin, which creates a breeding ground for certain bad bacteria, adds Dr. Bowe. Always use a moisturizer after cleansing, and skip heating masks and devices if you’re prone to dryness.

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Sheet Mask Exfoliating can temporarily make skin weaker. Strengthen it with this hydrating mask, rich in probiotic Bifidus extract. Lancôme Advanced Génifique Hydrogel Melting Mask, $15, lancome-usa.com

Essence Splash this on your face morning and night to protect skin from the harmful effects of pollution. It’s infused with kombucha, which helps prevent freeradical damage.

Apply a Topical Prebiotic and/or Probiotic Both are great for your skin but serve different functions. Prebiotics support the health of your microbiome by providing it with “food.” Probiotics help balance your skin’s surface pH (which keeps bad bacteria in check) and can increase your natural production of ceramides (lipids that prevent moisture loss), says Dr. Bowe.

Fresh Black Tea Kombucha Facial Treatment Essence, $69, fresh.com

Moisturizer Formulated with prebiotic water, this lotion hydrates and rebalances your microbiome to reduce dry, scaly skin. La Roche-Posay Lipikar Lotion Daily Repair, $18, amazon.com

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M A I N I M A G E : H E AT H E R H I XO N / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M . S H E E T M A S K : J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D.

SMARTEN YOUR SKIN-CARE HABITS

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BEAUTY

Shortcut to Sexy

ALISON BRIE

LUCY HALE

VANESSA HUDGENS

Six reasons to try a clear-the-shoulders style

It’s an easy update. MARGOT ROBBIE

Unlike longer styles that are prone to flippy, outdatedlooking ends, a cut that clears your shoulders prevents tips from awkwardly jutting out, says celeb hairstylist Kristin Ess. (Search her Insta @Kristin_Ess and the hashtag #ClearTheShoulders for epic haircut inspo).

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2

It flatters all. We’re talking every face shape. “I think that’s why these cuts are staying around for so long this time,” says Ess. It can even accentuate certain features, she adds. For example, a midneck bob will help elongate a rounder face, while a shorter cut with bangs can balance a more narrow one. By Maddie Aberman

G E T T Y I M A G E S (9).

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ogxbeauty.com |

ogxbeauty


BEAUTY

ZENDAYA

3

It’s simple to maintain. No time for a trim? No prob! If you keep the initial cut chin length or longer, the shape will grow out nicely into a lob (long bob) until you can get your next appointment, advises Ess.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

OLIVIA CULPO

RIHANNA

4

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It works on every hair texture. Seriously! Curly, straight, wavy, whatever you’re working with. Want proof? Just take a look at the celebspo on these pages.

Curly Hair

Vernon François Leave~In Conditioner, $28, sephora.com

Kristin Ess Intense Shine Pomade + Edge Control, $10, Target

Straight Hair

Wavy Hair

Work a small amount of pomade through roots, and rake your hair back for sexy straight-fromthe-pool vibes.

Go for a texture spray— the messier this cut is, the sexier it looks.

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OGX Bodifying + Bamboo Fiber Full Sugar Cane Sugar High Tousle Spray, $9, drugstores


ogxbeauty.com |

ogxbeauty


Have Good Skin-tentions BEAUTY

meditation studio in NYC. Every product in Miranda Kerr’s line, KORA Organics, touches rose quartz—which is said to promote love and acceptance—during production. And each batch of the Chinese medicine–inspired brand de Mamiel is meditated over and blended in the presence of sound vibrations. And that’s just to name a few. But is it all BS? Or could an enlightened headspace really be the key to reaching glowy, poreless skin nirvana?

Focus your mind on a flawless

Despite today’s technological boom, practices that tap into ancient and mystical rituals are generating a ton of buzz among 20somethings. The search term crystals currently has 6.8 million tags on Instagram, saves for meditation went up 229 percent on Pinterest in the last year, and—all in all—the mindfulness industry raked in more than $1 billion over each of the past two years. Given the popularity surge, it’s not surprising that beauty brands are out to prove that deeper inner awareness can sync up to outer radiance. Fresh’s Lotus Youth Preserve Rescue Mask launched with four guided meditations by Jackie Stewart, an instructor at MNDFL C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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Before you can transcend your complexion problems, you need Mindfulness 101. “Mindfulness is being aware of or bringing attention to one moment in time, deliberately and without judging the experience,” says psychotherapist Patrizia Collard, PhD, in The Little Book of Mindfulness. The goal is to switch your brain off autopilot. “The practice creates structural brain changes in areas determining emotional regulation and self-awareness,” says psychiatrist Howard Forman, MD. “This not only calms you but also increases your ability to handle upsetting situations.” When you’re stressed, your brain and skin release chemicals that activate your immune system and cause inflammation, says dermatologist Whitney Bowe, MD, author of The Beauty of Dirty Skin. Consciously relaxing or practicing mindfulness reduces the level of these chemicals. It also lowers cortisol (a hormone that, when elevated, can induce collagen breakdown and acne). By Kate Foster

A L E S S A N D R A FI O R I N I / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .

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If you’re getting a complexion boost just by being more aware, imagine the perks you’d see if you made your skin the focus of your mindfulness. Dermatologist Shasa Hu, MD, of the Dr. Brandt Skin Advisory Board, recommends setting an intention for your routine. “Any practice connecting body and mind requires purposeful intention to be effective,” she says. “The same holds true for skin care.” To set your intention, reflect on the changes you’d like to see. “Use a nonjudgmental voice, and keep in mind what you do appreciate when you look in the mirror,” says Stewart. (For example, think a clearer complexion and state of mind, not fewer breakouts.) Declare your intention by thinking it over and over, saying it aloud, or writing it down. Then apply your products with your intention in mind. Focus on what they feel and

Burn this candle before you begin your routine. It has a soothing vetiver scent and grounding sodalite and turquoise crystals inside.

Press in your products with a jade roller. A symbol of beauty and longevity, the mineral stays cool to combat puffiness and tighten pores.

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5. This coffee seed oil–infused eye treatment has a rose-quartz rollerball applicator to lovingly wake up tired eyes.

2. From a brand inspired by the moon’s phases, this hydrating balm-to-oil is perfect for a mindful facial massage.

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3. The rose quartz in this serum is said to be healing, while watermelon extract is a powerful antioxidant. The result: a gemlike glow. Pacifica Beauty Gem Serum Radiant Drops, $16, ulta.com

Pair this glowinducing mask with Fresh’s Calm meditation (find it on the Fresh website), which talks you through applying, appreciating, and washing it off. Fresh Lotus Youth Preserve Rescue Mask, $62, sephora.com

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While others do the most, you’re happy keeping it classic. A clean, graphic design will complement your minimalist #Aesthetic.

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I’m not planning to be outside long.

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You are still at risk for developing cancers. If you find that mineral options, which sit on top of skin, leave a white tint, try a non-mineral SPF (like Olay Whips), which actually penetrates skin. “Both are safe and effective,” says Dr. Herschthal.

REALITY CHECK

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YOUR EXCUSE

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Dating + Social Media (the New Rules) C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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LOVE

Not just doing it for the ’gram!

20 Showing your romantic interest without looking too thirsty is a hard balance to strike…especially on social media. After you’ve “researched” your new crush online and gone on a few dates, when do you add them on Snapchat? Is it cool to Like their Facebook status? How soon can you post an Instagram pic together? Don’t be fooled—these moves matter. “They’re baby steps for testing your partner’s interest in being public and showing affection with you,” says sociologist Lisa Wade, PhD, a professor at Occidental College and author of American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus. With that in mind, here are your (super) specific guidelines for integrating a new partner into all aspects of your social-media life during every phase of your budding relationship.

percent of singles think it’s okay to Like a date’s post or photo before the first date. SOURCE: MATCH.COM’S 2018 SINGLES IN AMERICA SURVEY

A F T E R T H R E E D AT E S

Friend or Follow “Wait at least three dates before making the first move (sending a Friend request or hitting Follow), so you’re sure you like them enough to see them in your feed,” suggests Laurie Davis Edwards, founder and CEO of eFlirt. “If you do it before this point, it could come off like you’re trying to dig up dirt.” (Of course, you can carefully backstalk them before this if their account isn’t private.) AFTER A WEEK

pe “Ho ees e h s ....” s thi

W I T H I N S E V E N D AY S

LIKE A POST Once you’re in the Friend zone, throw them one or two Likes that same week, says Leonard Kim, personalbranding and social-media expert at Influence Tree. But if you’re scrolling way back (we all do it), be careful not to double-tap any photo that is more than a year old. It’d be creepy if he hearted that pic of you from college in a bandage dress, right?

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Watch His Stories Don’t overthink it! At this point, watching each other’s Stories on Insta or Snap is totally fair game, so get out the popcorn!

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Post a Low-Key Photo Hint

65 percent of people would Friend their S.O.’s family after becoming official. SOURCE: MATCH.COM’S 2018 SINGLES IN AMERICA SURVEY

WITHIN TWO WEEKS

Slide Into His DMs

I A N M A D D OX / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .

It’s cool to send a direct message in response to his funny Snap or a meme that relates to a convo you two had recently. But do so infrequently, and avoid having full talks in DMs (which are erased in Snapchat), says Edwards. Stick to texting to chat and make plans.

Congrats! Now, you can upload a casual nod to your new status, like a pic of you two at the park or him sitting across from you at brunch…as long as you have his permission. “Some people really value their privacy,” explains Kim. Simply ask, “This photo is so good! Cool with you if I post?” (C’mon, you’d also want the option to veto.) Then, pair it with a funny-cute caption like “I don’t hate him.”

BETWEEN SIX MONTHS AND A YEAR IN...

W H E N YO U WA N T T H E WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW

Make It InstaOfficial

Update Your Status

Pull out the big guns with a heartfelt couple’s post that your partner (and followers) will find super sweet. Just make sure your bond is in a healthy, happy place before you press Share. Otherwise, you’ll be embarrassed if you break up soon after, says Alysha Jeney, founder and relationship therapist at Modern Love Counseling in Denver.

There’s something painfully 2007 about becoming Facebook official by changing your Relationship Status. Then again, once you two are really serious, it may suddenly feel not as funny. “It’s a public announcement that you have chosen each other,” says Wade. So here’s a golden rule: When you two are talking engagement, you can let the whole online world know who’s yours.

AFTER ONE MONTH

LEAVE AN EMOJI COMMENT “Comments are sure to be seen by your new boo and their friends,” says Edwards, so this should be a move you make after you’ve established your connection. And unless you want his Aunt Beth asking when she’s going to meet his “very forward lady friend,” steer clear of writing

“He’s all mine, FB bitches!”

.” Instead, leave a simple, sly sentiment, like a .

When He’s Just Not That Into You... Socially

He’s not watching your Stories, favoriting your tweets, or posting pics of you. WTF?! Before you freak, remember: “Not all men are active on social media,” says Edwards. If his last post was from 2017, he may not be into online sharing—and that’s fine. As long as you’re happy together in person, “your social-media connection is not a reflection of your relationship,” says Edwards. But if you feel the need to bring it up and he stands firm yet can’t explain why he can’t be connected to you online, he may be hiding something.

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Sexually Fluid… While Swiping

LOVE & SEX

After a tough breakup with her longtime boyfriend, Natalie*, 25, joined Tinder.

Tinderellas The new slang for straight women who are swiping on women

like this: “Every time I’d swipe right on a girl, I’d think, Do I want to be her, or do I want to [be with] her?” Still others might be acting on a subconscious pull created by the current climate of female bonding (as seen in the Time’s Up movement). “A lot of us just want to feel safe right now, and two women can make a really empathetic connection,” says Reynolds. “Sometimes, that connection can end up leading to sexual exploration.” In many cases, women find that their female-specific attractions live and die within

You’re entitled to explore your sexuality, but no one necessarily wants to be your experiment. So be clear up front: “I’m new to dating women.”

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an app. “That’s normal,” says Reynolds. “As long as you’re not leading anybody on, it’s healthy to explore online, even if the connection never moves offline.” Others, spurred by a stronger curiosity, go IRL. After more than a year of swiping through women, Natalie asked one out— it went well, and she now identifies as bisexual. Jenna, too, went on a date with a female match, but “it was like talking to someone at a work happy hour,” she says. “It was certainly not sexy.” She’s now dating a guy. Q By Anna Breslaw

J E N N I F E R R O B B I N S / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M . * N A M E S H AV E B E E N C H A N G E D.

She spent about a month swiping through men until one day, she decided to peek at women. “At first, I did it to get ideas for my profile,” she says. “But soon, I was like, wait, she’s cute. I wonder if....” Lately, more and more previously straight-identifying millennial women seem to be expanding their gender preferences on dating apps— broadening their swiping and settings beyond just “interested in men.” (Many are even going all the way by specifically identifying as LGBT+. OkCupid, for one, has seen a 65 percent spike of such female users in the past year.) Some women do it strictly to size up their female competition or, like Natalie, to crib ideas for their own bios. For others, checking out both men and women can be a low-stakes, label-free process that allows them to dip a toe into sexual fluidity, says Chelsea Reynolds, PhD, an assistant professor of communications at California State University at Fullerton, whose research specializes in sexuality and new media. Jenna*, 27, explains her exploration


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Bad Sex Happens. But It Doesn’t Have to Happen Again

In the midst of the #MeToo movement, bad sex is making a ton of headlines. The phrase has become an umbrella term for everything from a consensualbut-lackluster encounter to borderline coercive intercourse. Here, we’re focusing on the former: intimacy between two willing partners that falls short of satisfying. Because while all great sex must be consensual— and include communication, passion, and pleasure for both parties—not all consensual sex is great. Some is pretty damn awful, whether it’s with a one-night stand or a long-term lover. It is possible to fix blah sessions though, says Jill McDevitt, PhD, a sexologist and sexual-wellness coach. There is never a need just to suffer through it, she explains: “Always know that you can stop and check in at any time during sex.” Can that feel awks? Sure, at first. But it’s well worth it to have better sex. Follow this guide for how to handle a lame lust life. We have several solutions for whatever’s amiss.


SEX


When…There’s an Unwanted Twist TAKE CHARGE

If he goes for something unexpected and not your style but you want to keep the momentum going, say: “We can talk about that later, but what if we do this instead?” Then guide him to your favorite move.

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HALT THE ACTION

Can’t deal at all? Sexologist Megan Stubbs suggests saying, “I’m not into that, so if that’s what you’re looking for, it’s not happening with me.” It’s a firm answer that clearly states your case.

GIVE FEEDBACK

Ideally, the limits talk should happen before hopping into bed, but both of you can still share your deal makers and breakers in the moment or afterward, says Carol Queen, PhD, a sexologist at Good Vibrations.

By Julie Vadnal

R U B B I E FI M M A N O/ T R U N K A R C H I V E S .

“On our third date, Scott and I started talking about how we lost our virginities. I went first (freshman year of college, nice guy, totally basic), and he told me he’d only had sex with one person, one time, about a year earlier. After a solid make-out session, heavy petting led to nakedness in his bedroom. He pinballed his way around my hoo-ha, then finally penetrated the correct orifice. A few minutes of bunny humping later, he politely asked, ‘Would you like me to put it in your butt?’ as if he were asking, ‘May I get the door for you?’ He saw my surprise and said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I thought women liked getting it from behind.’” —SHANNON, 31


SEX You want to feel compelled to scream his name, not “WTF?!”

When...a Hot Sitch Goes Cold “I met James on the train, and he was the hottest guy I’d ever seen. He would always be reading the paper, so as an excuse to talk to him, I asked him for the crossword. We started talking, and he invited me over to his place. I was like, ‘This guy’s hot; let’s do this!’ Turns out, he did nothing vaguely interesting for me—he didn’t even take my shirt off! There was no foreplay, even kissing, at all. It was just so bad!” —JENNA, 31 Take Charge Grab his hand and put it on a no-fail hot spot, like your breast, and say, “I like to be touched right here.” Or show him how it’s done with your own hands. This shifts his focus easily and effectively without killing the sexy vibe.

Halt the Action If you want to remove yourself from a selfish shagging experience— and do so with minimal drama—speak your piece clearly: “‘I was feeling this earlier, but now I’m not so into it. I had fun tonight, but I need to go,’” advises Stubbs.

WHEN...IT’S TOO TEXTBOOK

“We were well past the honeymoon phase although still very much attracted to each other, when my boyfriend and I slid into a routine: making out, a little bit of oral, then missionary until he finished. Every. Damn. Time. Part of me didn’t mind it because it was reliable and easy, but I desperately wanted us to break out of our rut and try some new things.” —ANN, 29 Take Charge Prioritize your own climax. “If you know it takes [XYZ] for you to orgasm, start with [Z] and work backward,” says Stubbs. That will give you time to do whatever gets you off (two-thirds of women say cowgirl is an orgasmic position for them), then you can move on to his finale.

Halt the Action Take a hard turn the minute you get bored. “Stopping and changing the context can make sex more exciting,” says Queen. Say, “‘Hey, do you want to pretend that we’re somebody else?’” Try roleplaying as strangers who just met. It may lead to new erotic scenarios.

Give Feedback Make a date to go toy shopping (online or in store) together, and get a versatile third party, such as a small bullet vibe, to join you in the bedroom. You can rest it on your clitoris during doggiestyle or press it against your cheek to give your guy a buzzy blow job.

When... Disaster Strikes “After a date, John and I ended up at his swanky apartment with its floorto-ceiling windows, which was an empowering place to stand naked, palms up against the glass, with John behind me. Things got downright animalistic. Then he attempted to reposition us by lifting me up, only to accidentally drop me! My head landed on his radiator, and I got a concussion.” —GRACE, 27

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Give Feedback Constructive criticism post-romp can up the odds that next time (if you want one) will be better. “Say, ‘I liked when you were stroking me here,’” suggests Queen. Then give a tip: “But I’m not crazy about having my ass grabbed.”

TAKE CHARGE

For minor accidents (in which no one is hurt), humor can ease the awkwardness, says McDevitt. But if it’s major, work together to take the next necessary step. HALT THE ACTION

Clearly tell your partner you need a timeout…or that you may require help. Later, if you think you can recover and resume, McDevitt suggests saying, “Now where were we…?” GIVE FEEDBACK

There’s no need to soften what you’re feeling with a “Sorry.” Lay down your current state with “That really hurt/upset me.” Then explain what you need from them to feel better.


sex

How can my partner and I make kissing feel exciting again?

Choose-your-own-(naughty!)-answers edition

Imagine bae's mouth on every exposed inch.

1_ Have a “sex day” when all that’s on the menu is lots of nudity and kisses all over each other. “There’s this idea that if something’s planned, it can’t feel spontaneous, and that’s not true,” says clinical sexologist Dawn Michael, PhD. 2_ Next time your S.O. is making coffee in the morning, hug them from behind unexpectedly and start nibbling on their ear before turning their face toward yours. 3_ Take a detour to a secluded spot on your drive home. Run the tip of your tongue in a circle around their lips before pressing it into their mouth.

The dude I just started seeing says he wants to finish on my face. How do I respond? 1_ He probably got the idea from watching porn, says Michael. Bring him back to reality by asking, “Why do you think I would want to do that?” 2_ Say, “If there ever comes a point when I’m interested in that, I’ll let you know. Until then, let’s try this.” Then steer him in a direction you’re more comfortable with. 3_ Shut him down with a joke, like: “I’d prefer a more skin-friendly facial at a salon, thanks.” (For real, though, his semen can sting if it gets in your eyes.) C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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SEX

What’s a fresh foreplay move I can try on my guy while on vacation? 1_ Take his hand at dinner and

E-mail your sex questions to SexQandA @Cosmopolitan .com.

put it under your skirt, then whisper in his ear all the bad, sensual things you want to do to him, suggests Courtney Cleman, cofounder of The V. Club, which offers sex master classes in New York City. 2_ While you’re making out in the resort hot tub, take his finger in your mouth and suck on it like it’s an ice pop. You’re essentially giving him a preview of your oral moves. 3_ In your hotel room, kneel in front of him, and take your time leisurely running your tongue from the base of his scrotum over his family jewels and up his shaft to the very tip.

1_ Take your sexin’ to the

1_ Asarotica, edited by Asa

DIEGO UCHITEL/TRUNK ARCHIVE. HOT DOG: GET T Y IMAGES.

WTF IS...

Tantric Sex?

By Julie Vadnal

1_ In missionary, squeeze your booty, and thrust your pelvis up in the air. This angle works your glutes and lets you control the thrusts, says Cleman. 2_ Tone your abs during girlon-top by hugging your mate’s torso tight with your knees and swiveling your hips in a circular motion. The closer your knees, the tighter the penetration will feel. 3_ Stand in front of your partner, and bend over so that your hands touch the floor. (Can’t reach? Lean on a stool.) By supporting your own weight, your legs and arms are getting a solid exercise session.

Where’s a hot place to hook up that’s not the bedroom?

I haven’t been in the mood to masturbate. Any new erotic reads that’ll inspire me? Akira. In a series of 22 short stories, women test out every erotic and wild turn-on. 2_ The Mismade Girl, by Sasha Grey. After leaving a secret sex society, Catherine meets a man who reminds her of what she’s missing. 3_ Night Shift, by Joanna Angel. A you-decide-the-plot adventure set in an adult store.

Which sex positions are most like a workout?

scan to shop Steamy Reads Asarotica, $17, The Mismade Girl, $16, Night Shift, $17, amazon.com

kitchen, suggests sex therapist Susan Block, PhD. Turns out, most countertops are just the right height for you to sit on and get it on simultaneously. 2_ Sneak into the bathroom at a friend’s house party, suggests Block. You can bend over the sink for standing doggie or lean on it to receive oral. 3_ On a balmy night, grab a blanket, and set up under the stars in your backyard or rooftop for some al fresco loving.

Most wieners, cut or uncut, enjoy the same moves.

How should I treat an uncircumcised penis? 1_ It’s not that different from a circumcised one, but it can be more sensitive, says Cleman. For a stellar HJ, put a few drops of lube in your hand, and slide his foreskin up and over the head, then slowly pull it down his shaft, exposing his extrasensitive tip. 2_ During oral, slide the foreskin down, and lick his frenulum, the nerve-packed ridge of skin that anchors the foreskin to his shaft. Stimulating this hot spot can feel especially wowza to uncut guys. 3_ During P-in-V sex, hop on top, and slowly thrust forward and backward so that his penis glides in and out of you. Reentry may push back his foreskin, giving him all the feels.

It’s kind of like yoga (think: deep breathing, staying centered) but way more NSFW. “The only goals are to go slow, be present, and discover new paths to pleasure,” says sex expert Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. And because it’s not necessarily about climaxing, it can help couples deepen their bond. Try it by: 1 Pre-intercourse, syncing up your breathing with your partner’s. Working on this together is surprisingly intimate. 2 Locking eyes. The longer you hold your stares, the more vulnerable you’ll feel, which can lead to more playful and uninhibited sex. 3 Grinding half as fast as you normally do, so that you feel each other’s every move.

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Conjure Up a SuperSteamy Sex Dream

The Raciest Time of the Month You may have spicierthan-usual dreams when you’re ovulating and already feeling horny, says dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg. You can thank an increase in hormones, such as estrogen, that spike your libido.


SEX

It’s not a fictional bedtime story—you can experience seriously hot sex while snoozing. We’re talking frisky fantasies and physical feels, including—for a lucky few—actual orgasms. Once you’ve drifted off, your mind is still active, explains Michael Breus, PhD, known as The Sleep Doctor. And you can train it to up your odds of having lusty reveries. Here’s how to dream sexier. 1

That Scene... About Your Brother Or boss, frenemy, etc. Don’t freak. You don’t have a hidden attraction to them. You may simply appreciate or want to connect with some qualities they possess, says Loewenberg. Phew!

Stay Hands Off

Start by stopping. Masturbation, that is, for one week or more. “One of the purposes of these dreams is to be a release,” explains professional dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg, author of Dream on It. “For example, if you quit smoking, you’re going to dream about smoking because you’re trying to compensate for what your body isn’t getting.” Resisting the urge to pleasure yourself makes it more likely you’ll be “touched” in dreamland.

2

Knock Yourself Out

Sip some chamomile tea (like Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea, $3.50, celestialseasonings.com). The herb promotes quality zzz’s, during which you’re more likely to dream.

3

Sexify Your Room

TENSING KR AMER /TRUNK ARCHIVE

Sleep with your partner’s T-shirt on your pillow to invoke their presence. “Outside interference, like certain scents, can bleed into the dreamscape,” says Loewenberg. Letting porn or a sexy movie play on a low volume while you’re dozing can have a similar effect. By Julie Vadnal

4

“Most people dream about whatever they’re thinking of as they fall asleep,” says Breus. Before you hit the sheets, write down a sultry scenario, then visualize it as you drift off. Once you enter REM sleep— the phase in which you’re most likely to have vivid dreams— your fantasy just may start playing out.

5

Get Into Position

Lie on your stomach. People who do are more likely to have visions of being tied up or getting it on with a smokin’ celeb, according to a study published in the journal Dreaming. Researchers say it may be due to the pressure from lying on your erogenous zones.

6

Control the Action

Anyone can have a lucid dream, one in which you’re aware you’re sleeping and yet you can still manipulate the story line. It just takes practice. Set your alarm for half an hour earlier than usual and the snooze setting to 30 minutes. “Within that time, you’ll fall back asleep, but you’re more likely to retain a bit of consciousness,” says Loewenberg. Enter Michael B. Jordan! Q

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Think Extra Naughty

N OW T H AT ’ S A STO RY C LI M A X !

Thirty-seven percent of women have experienced a wet dream, or nocturnal orgasm, according to a study in The Journal of Sex Research. Racy thoughts in your sleep can trigger a rush of blood flow to your lady parts, and that can be enough to unleash a climax (one so powerful, it wakes you up!). While research shows that dudes tend to erupt spontaneously like this less frequently as they age, women are the opposite: more prone to midnight delights as they grow older.


Dating & Mating With Esther Perel

Why Seduction Isn’t a Dirty Word

Thanks to a long overdue cultural reckoning, our society is now laserfocused on how women are treated in all aspects of life. Much has been said about sexual harassment in the workplace, but less discussed is what’s appropriate outside professional settings. This has left many people confused about the boundaries between seduction and harassment on a romantic level. When it comes to flirting, what’s considered an acceptable come-on, and what’s crossing a major line? The shortest, most basic answer is this: If you feel complimented, you are being seduced. If you feel degraded, you are being harassed. Of course, real life isn’t always so black-and-white, and there can be times—say, at a bar, party, or even online—when the distinction may not feel

so clear. Perhaps you can’t fully decide whether you feel flattered, offended, or both flattered and offended by how someone has approached you. In those cases, use the following guide to process your emotions and proceed accordingly. RECOGNIZING SEDUCTION

Seduction is a beautiful form of flirtation that implies an appreciation and respect for you, the person being seduced. It can make you feel praised and enchanted, and because it hints at the possibility of a consensual relationship or sexual experience, it can also rouse your imagination about the exciting romantic potential ahead. When acting decently, a seducer knows that you have the power to say no to their advances at any time, and they will respect that decision. So if

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P H O T O I L LU S T R AT I O N : M AT T C H A S E . G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ).

Even if he’s romantic, he could still be a cock.


LOVE + SEX

LOVE QUIZ

Is your seducing style on point or offensive?

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If you’re flirtatious with someone and they seem uneasy, do you try a different tactic? YES NO

Do you send dating-app matches multiple messages, even if they haven’t yet responded?

In your opinion, is taking a slow approach an outdated way to get together with someone? YES NO

YES NO

If you answered If you answered mostly yes, mostly no, then you may be making moves that leave others feeling uncomfortable. Next time, pay closer attention. If someone declines your advances, take a hint and bow out.

you are respecting other people’s boundaries. Continue to flirt with romantic prospects in ways that pique both your interests.

If you feel complimented, you are being seduced. If you feel degraded, you are being harassed. someone is offering to buy you a drink or suggests that the two of you have dinner together sometime, they are aware that they may not succeed, and they won’t push you to reconsider or demean you if you reject them. They tried and missed, but it’s not a statement about them or you. In this way, seduction is like a dance. In order for it to be considered exciting and sexy, both parties must be willing participants and gradually be more and more drawn to each other as they go along. NAVIGATING BLURRED LINES

True seduction is a slow process—one that’s been lost in recent years because of so-called pickup artists who will try to lure a partner in the quickest way possible. Even well-meaning people fall into this trap, because our culture has become all about instant gratification. This means that the romantic aspects of seduction are often cheapened down to whether or not you score or a need-to-know-right-now game of “Is this going to lead to something or not?” As a result, many women today are rightfully skeptical when they are being flirted with. This newer, sped-up seduction can leave them uncomfortable with the way they are being pursued, and they might question whether they are, in fact, being seduced...or harassed.

Esther Perel is a sex and relationship therapist, New York Times best-selling author, popular TED speaker, and the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? Her latest project is Rekindling Desire 2.0, an e-course for couples looking to keep their spark alive. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @Esther PerelOfficial on Instagram.

SPOTTING HARASSMENT

At its core, harassment is about power. It’s a form of erotic sadism that’s deliberately orchestrated, objectifying, and unrelenting.

The person making the advances aims to degrade or conquer. That can leave the recipient feeling intimidated, threatened, trapped, or if they try to stop it, like they’ll be punished. Unlike seducers, who are pursuing a genuine romantic interest, most harassers act out of shame and rage that have been stored inside them, typically because they have been romantically or socially shut down over and over. (That’s compounded by the fact that, for many men, the fear of rejection is one of their greatest vulnerabilities.) Although it’s not an excuse nor is it right, some will deal with this pent-up anger by harassing others, especially women, as a kind of hostile revenge. This will feel like they are shaming you—an emotion that true seduction will typically never evoke. If you’re still unsure, remember this: If you have to say no twice to someone who’s hitting on you, that’s harassment. If they don’t walk away when you say “I’m not interested” or they send you messages online like “What’s wrong with you?” if you don’t respond, that is harassment. MAKING YOUR DECISION

If you’re comfortable or excited about a person’s advances, you can flirt back and see where it goes. But if you’re troubled in any way, you can respond with “Leave me alone” or physically step away. If you worry that may incite anger or a dangerous situation, try “Thanks, but I’m not interested,” which may prompt the harasser to retreat with their ego intact. That may sound controversial, but it may also keep you safe. ■

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all about men Boxers and Shirtless

Decode His Bedtime Attire

It’s a good bet that comfort is key for him. With that priority, he’s likely a solid, down-toearth type who loves snuggling more than showing off.

Whether a guy hits the sheets in his b-day suit or rocks head-to-toe jammies, his bedroom style offers hints about his personality.

Unless it’s freezing, covering up signals a guy who might be a bit shy. Aww. You may have to lure him out of his shell by helping to peel off his layers.

Naked He may be a chill type, since colder temps mean better sleep. Also, according to clinical psychologist Samantha Rodman, PhD, “sleeping nude suggests he’s confident.”

Briefs and Tank Top This dude is proud of his body and wants to be admired in the bedroom, suggests Rodman. Let him know you enjoy the view.

G U Y TA K I N G O F F S H I R T: S I M O N 1 7 1 / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M . D U M B B E L L , K ARDASHIAN, ROBB: GET T Y IMAGES.

Full-On Pj’s


THE LOVE COACH M AT T H E W H U S S E Y

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Make Conversation With Other People

Suggest a “Date Interlude”

Give Him an Early Compliment

Defer the After-Hours Drink

Yes, you want him to have a plan. But you can also mention the taco place that he has to try. Guys like to lead, but it’s fun when you can help cocreate the date. It says that you are a good teammate.

Dates can feel like a poker game with each player waiting to show their hand. Instead, give him a compliment ASAP, like how great his shirt looks, to foster an instant sense of comfort.

Finish on a high, and leave him wanting more. Politely decline the “one last cocktail” offer, but arrange the next meet-up. This will keep the flame burning till he sees you again.

It’s sexy for a man to see a woman be charming with others. Important: Do this mostly with other women or it might come off as flirting.

What are some phrases that make a man fall for you? Get Matt’s attraction cheat sheet at 5Compliments.com/Cosmo.

Men on Oral A study from dating site Victoria Milan gets guys’ views.

94% of men are big fans of receiving oral pleasure.

85

%

of men say they think oral sex has a place in every bedroom.

72% PERCENT OF MEN ARE IN FAVOR OF FLIRTING AT THE GYM. HE’S NOT THERE JUST TO GET #SWOLL. SOURCE: MYPROTEIN SURVEY

Would He Rather… Meet His Celeb Crush or Hook Up With His IRL Crush?

IRL

“Hook up with one of my crushes. Meeting celebrities can be awkward.” —ZACHARY S., 19

By Taylor Andrews and Danielle Kam

“Meeting AnnaSophia Robb would be cool, but meeting my real

“I’m obsessed with Kim Kardashian, and I bet she’d invite me to meet the fam too.” —JOHN M., 21

of men say they enjoy performing oral sex.


LOVE

Ask Him Anything Love advice from our guy guru, Logan Hill

“That was fun, but I’m good... kthanksbye!”

A_ Just so you know, after a few months, most men prefer a face-to-face breakup. But after a few dates, a text is fine. To say buh-bye, be kind, clear, and brief: “You’re a nice guy, but I just don’t think we’re the best match. Take care.” And no, this is not the time to add an emoji or GIF to lighten the blow. A won’t make him feel better about being dumped, and it may even lead him to think that you never took him seriously in the first place.

A_ Once a guy pops a tent in his pants, it can, indeed, be very hard to make it go away, and thinking about it almost always makes it worse. Teenagers, especially (with their revved-up hormones), live in mortal fear that their penises will betray them. To guard against this, we’ve developed several stealth tricks: The Stay Sitting as Long as Possible, The Cross Your Legs, The Place Object on Lap, or The Quick Reach In and Flip It Up So That It’s At Least Parallel to Your Zipper. There are many more methods, but I can’t give away all our secrets, can I?

I have a blind date later tonight, and I’m freaking out! What thoughts run through a guy’s head before going on one?

My man never, ever cries. Is that normal?

A_ Sure, some men will only wonder if their dates are going to be as hot as they are imagining (and if they’re d-bags, whether or not they’ll get laid). But most of us have the same freak-out as you do. We get nervous, anxious, excited, and insecure. We overthink things, try on five nearly identical shirts, take twice as long to shave, pump ourselves up with our favorite playlists, and try to remind ourselves of two things: (1) Even if the date is a dud, that’s okay, and (2) if she does end up being the right woman, all this awkwardness will be worth it.

A_ The guy who never cries is a cliché for a reason. Plenty of men still view their own waterworks as a sign of weakness, so they fight the urge to break down. Others are accustomed to taking on the role of fixers and problem solvers, so they turn off their emotions when a crisis hits. If this bothers you, remember that shedding tears isn’t the only way to express feelings. Some people just process and show theirs differently. Tears or not, it’s much more important that your guy can talk honestly with you about how he feels.

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F R O M L E F T: S T O C K S Y; J E N N I F E R L I V I N G S T O N / T R U N K A R C H I V E .

I went on a few dates with a really sweet guy, but I’m just not feeling him. Is it okay to let him down via text?

Are dudes constantly afraid of getting a boner at random times? And how do they cover it up?


“When it’s just the two of us, he’s the life of the party.”

I’m so into one of my ex’s best friends, but he seems oblivious. What will make it more clear? A_ He might not be as oblivious as you think. If he’s obeying bro code, he considers you offlimits because his buddy would feel betrayed if he gave in to your flirty advances. Or it’s possible he thinks you’re only hitting on him to play games with your ex (which he smartly won’t entertain). If I were you, I’d think twice about continuing to pursue him. The risk factor for drama and ruining a male friendship is very high here. And you don’t want that.

Logan Hill has dated around, hooked up, grown up, screwed up, and settled down, so he knows what he’s talking about. See more of his insightful answers to your love dilemmas at Cosmopolitan .com.

I’ve been seeing my BF for two months now, and his parents will be in town this weekend. Is it too soon to ask if I can meet them?

My husband struggles with social anxiety. I don’t want to pressure him into going out...but I also kinda do! What may convince him?

A_ No…but it’s also okay for him to say, “Not yet.” He should understand it’s a reasonable question for you to have. But don’t take it personally if he would rather wait longer to intro you to Mom and Pops. After all, this meeting is a big deal for most men too! Our parents get just as overprotective of us. Your guy may want to wait until your relationship is on more solid ground.

A_ Make things as easy as possible for the hubs. Organize some small group hangs so that he can connect with a couple of your friends. That way, he’ll always know someone other than you when you want to roll on through to an office party, a karaoke night, or a late-night rager. If he sincerely can’t bring himself to go out, don’t let that stop you. Couples don’t have to do everything together. Q

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Dating Dictionary Caspering

Daterview

\ kas· per·ing\ n A friendlier—if still frustrating—

\ dat· er· vyü \ n A date that feels less butterfly inducing and more like you should have brought your résumé. You’re barraged with a line of questions about school, work, family, where you grew up, etc.

again, but they usually reply very nicely to your texts.

Catch and Release \ kach and ri· les\ vb When someone puts all their effort into pursuing you until they “catch” you. But as soon as you finally agree to a date, they lose interest in favor of a new target.

\ lov· bäm·ing\ n

Cushioning \ ku· shon·ing\ n When you keep flirting with a few “cushions” (other prospects) just in case your current relationship implodes and you need someone to soften the fall—fast.

An extremely powerful force that can make a woman become so preoccupied with the guy she’s hooking up with that she loses sight of her own identity and disappears on all her friends.

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When someone drops over-thetop affection and gifts on you during the beginning of the relationship as an attempt to build trust…but also to establish an unhealthy level of control over you for the long haul. By Taylor Andrews and Lisa Katz


LOVE

\ mon· ke· ing\ n

Hopping from one relationship to the next without a break in between, like a primate swinging from branch to branch with no intention of slowing down. Nonversation

G O L D FI S H A N D LO V E B O M B : A L A M Y. G H O S T C AT: M E L A N I E D E FA Z I O/ S T O C K S Y. A L L O T H E R S : G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 7 ).

\ nän· ver· sa· shun\ n Uninspired banter or small talk with a dating-app match that pretty much goes nowhere, doesn’t really appeal to either party, and fails to encourage a date.

\ th rst trap\ n A sexy selfie posted on social media that is seemingly about one thing (“Obsessed with my new top!”) but is really for potential suitors to check out your hot bod and give you tons of Likes.

Peacocking Matrimania \ ma· tr i·ma· ne· a\ n

to find The One).

\ pe· käk·ing\ n Dressing up in order to gain attention—the way peacocks display their feathers. Can also refer to a dude doing a good deed only to impress you.

\ sub·ing\ n Short for subtweeting, or indirectly referencing a love interest in a tweet, FB post, or Instagram caption without ever mentioning their name.

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Zombieing \ zäm· be·ing\ n The attempt to come back into an ex’s life after successfully ghosting out of the relationship months prior. The most common method is sending a random “Heyy” text.


GALLERY STOCK.

Owning Your Feels Makes You Happier

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WELLNESS

1

Expand Your Vocab

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Look Closer Now that you have more words to work with, the next time you feel a really intense emotion, try to unpack it, says David. What’s beneath this feel? Can you name two other emotions you’re also sensing? Say you’re mad that boo waits two hours to text you back. A little more investigating might reveal that you’re anxious about the strength of your bond after being burned by your last BF. Don’t talk yourself out of this—

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instead, sit with it for a second. “Consciously feeling your emotions helps you move through them faster,” says sociologist Christine Carter, PhD, author of The Sweet Spot. “When you deny or repress them, you are actually amplifying them.”

3

Connect Your Feels Most emotions are trying to tell you something, says David. To figure out what, try linking the feeling to your personal values. By Stacey Colino

S T O C K S Y.

You know stress. (Who doesn’t?) You also know it’ll probably pass, right after you meet that looming deadline. Except it doesn’t always fade, and you remain tense and clenched. Why? Maybe because you’re not actually stressed. Turns out, big, well-known emotions can disguise a host of more nuanced feels. Stuff like stress can be just the tip of an emotional iceberg. There’s often a whole lot more going on down below. For example, perhaps it wasn’t that deadline frazzling you. It was the fact that your boss always subtly undermines you. Research shows, acknowledging and addressing these buried feelings can lead to “better psychological health, career success, and meaning in life,” says psychologist Susan David, PhD, author of Emotional Agility. (People who don’t do so are at greater risk for mental-health woes like anxiety and depression.) Ready to dig deep and reap major benefits? Welcome to Cosmo’s crash course on tapping into your feels. It’s time to get all emo!

“If you don’t know what emotion you’re dealing with, you can’t constructively express it,” says Tony Ferretti, PhD, a licensed psychologist in Melbourne, Florida. To that end, write down five positive feelings (e.g., excitement, joy, passion, satisfaction, hope) and five negative ones (anxiety, fear, guilt, anger, frustration) on index cards. Jot the actual definitions on the back, and feel zero shame if you have to consult a dictionary. Each day, choose one card and try to notice when you or someone else is experiencing that sensation. Chances are, it will crop up—we all experience 10 to 15 emotions per day, says Ferretti. Be aware of how various feelings affect your own bod: Are you sweating? Do you feel buoyant? Keep it up until you can ID your emotions as soon as they surface.


For example, if you feel nagging guilt, it could be that deep down you know you’re not being present for your mom during a health scare, yet family is super important to you. Recognizing emotions and the data they contain will help you take appropriate action.

4

Express Yo’self You think you’re

Stressed but you could be… OV E R W H E L M E D

ANXIOUS

Stress comes from a lack of resources (like time, money, etc.). Being overwhelmed means it’s time to start saying no to things.

While stress is about the here and now, anxiety is usually futurefocused. Setting aside 15 minutes each night for “worry time” can help decrease it.

THE NAME GAME

Three emotions you may be getting wrong You think you’re

Ashamed but you could be… G U I LT Y

H U M I L I AT E D

Shame is about your fundamental self-worth, while guilt is about something you did. Erase it by saying sorry and making amends.

Humiliation stems from feeling lousy about yourself because you think others are judging you. Use positive selftalk to let it go.

You think you’re

Angry but you could be… A N N OY E D

F R U S T R AT E D

This is a milder emotion with a simpler solve. Instead of lashing out, leave the sitch. It may be your ’tude that needs adjusting.

Anger is an intense response, usually to a perceived injustice. Frustration is more about hitting a roadblock.

SOURCE: ROBIN STERN, PHD, ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR OF THE YALE CENTER FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

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When your feelings involve other people, let them know “assertively, directly, and honestly,” says Ferretti (if you’re afraid of how someone will react, you can spill your guts in a letter). This might mean apologizing to bae for being MIA, then booking a romantic trip. Or admitting you’ve been jealous of his work wife and that it makes you feel insecure when he texts with her on the weekends. Or letting your manager know that you could use a new challenge at work, then volunteering for a big longterm project. “Emotions connect people,” says Ferretti. “If you’re not sharing yours, you’re not going to have much of a connection with others.” If the issue is more personal— maybe you’re mad at yourself for procrastinating on that novel you’ve always wanted to write—your best release will come from dishing to a close friend or noting your frustrations in your journal. Of course, not every emotion has an easy solve. Getting over trauma or major grief, for example, may require extra help from a therapist, who can provide effective coping strategies, says Ferretti. Q


+

SNAP NOW, SWEAT LATER! Take a pic of this move to bring to the gym.

Hinges Tone your thighs and tighten your core with this looks-so-easy, burnsso-hard move from Insta star KELSEY WELLS (@KelseyWells), creator of the total-body PWR program on the Sweat app.

Kneel with your knees directly below your hips, and put your arms straight out in front of you. Drive your shoulder blades down and back.

Hinging from your knees, slowly lean back until your shoulders are directly above your heels. As you lean, open your arms wide, keeping them at shoulder height.

K ELSEY’S EX ERCISE INSPO

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Pause, then bring your arms back in front of your chest, and slowly raise your upper body to the starting position.

That’s one rep. Do three sets of 12 to 15 reps, three times a week.

A L L I E H O L LO WAY/ S T U D I O D. FA S H I O N E D I T O R : S A M A N T H A R O M A N . H A I R : A N D R I TA R E N E E U S I N G A M I K A . M A K EU P : TAY LO R FI T ZG E R A L D U S I N G L AU R A M E R C I E R . N A I L S : R A C H E L S H I M U S I N G C H A N E L L E V E R N I S . LO U & G R E Y S P O R T S B R A , LO F T.C O M . M O T I O N B Y C O A L I T I O N L E G G I N G S , S H O P M O L LYG R E E N .C O M . N I K E S N E A K E R S , S I M I L A R S T Y L E S AVA I L A B L E AT KO H L S .C O M .

Too tough at first? Try hinging with your arms at your sides. Either way, keep your body in a straight line from head to knees the entire time.


FA S T PA I N R E L I E F IS NOW MIGHTY SMALL O U R F I R S T C O N C E N T R AT E D P I L L W O R K S AT L I Q U I D S P E E D .

Use as directed.

© Pfizer 2017


health THE CURE FOR

A Food Coma The Physician

The Dietitian

“Eating a major highcarb, high-sugar meal temporarily elevates your body’s glucose—aka blood sugar—level, but that will soon plummet, leaving you feeling both stuffed and drained. Drinking lots of water will help your body break down what you ate, fast-tracking your digestion process so you won’t feel bloated for long.”

“Walk it off. Light movement is your best bet because it speeds digestion, improves insulin sensitivity so that blood sugar doesn’t spike and drop as quickly, and stimulates the internal muscles that keep your gut running smoothly.”

-

Gina Sam, MD, gastroenterologist at The Institute of Gastrointestinal Motility Disorders and Integrative Health

-

Sonya Angelone, RDN, spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics

The Ayurveda Expert “Chew on 10 to 15 roasted fennel seeds. They’ll help unleash more digestive enzymes, allowing you to process food more effectively. Find the seeds in the spice aisle at the grocery store, and put them in a pan over medium heat for two minutes, stirring occasionally—they should not turn brown.”

THE NUMBER OF MINUTES YOU HAVE TO EXERCISE A DAY TO STIMULATE PARTS OF THE BRAIN THAT HELP YOU PROBLEMSOLVE AND FOCUS, ACCORDING TO RESEARCHERS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WESTERN ONTARIO.

-

Sheila Patel, MD, medical director of the Chopra Center in Carlsbad, California

By Caitlin Carlson


I know I should pee after sex. What about after masturbating?

My yoga teacher says I shouldn’t do a headstand while on my period. Why?

A_ In theory, if there is any bacteria around your rectum, it can travel via a sex toy or your hands to your urethra, where it may trigger a urinary tract infection. That said, there is no conclusive link between UTIs and masturbation with or without toys. But it still doesn’t hurt to shower before solo time to minimize the amount of bacteria on your body and to pee when you’re finished.

A_ Some yogis believe that upsidedown poses disrupt the natural expulsion of blood out of your uterus. But the flow during the typical period is minimal enough that brief inversions won’t disrupt anything. And in general, there is no medical evidence that headstands cause any sort of period irregularities.

Q

Q

SOURCE: JENNIFER ASHTON, MD, OB-GYN AND ABC NEWS CHIEF WOMEN’S HEALTH CORRESPONDENT

Healthy Obsession

PILL: GALLERY STOCK. WOMEN WITH PIZZ A: GET T Y IMAGES.

Remember when your Fitbit’s coolest skill was counting steps? LOL. This new version plays music phone-free, replies to texts, guides you through workouts, and tracks your PMS symptoms. Fitbit Versa, $200, fitbit.com

HOW BAD IS IT?

Popping Expired Meds

During the FDA’s approval process, manufacturers only have to prove that drugs are potent for up to three years—so no one has really studied how long they last beyond that, says pharmacist Lee Cantrell, director of the California Poison Control System, in San Diego. Don’t take chances with old prescription meds (like antibiotics) that are vital to your well-being. “If they are even just a fraction less effective, it could lead to serious health issues,” says Cantrell. Outdated over-thecounter meds may work, but we need more research to determine which ones and for how long. In the meantime, just spring for a new bottle.

You’ll Live

Just Don’t

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WELLNESS

“Eating more plantbased foods is good for your health and the environment,” says Mia Syn, RDN, a nutritionist in Charleston, South Carolina. It’s also hella trendy, thanks to the still-soaring popularity of veganism and a slew of inventive dairy-free offerings. Enter: new “yogurts” that are great for people who can’t deal with lactose (a sensitivity or intolerance can strike at any point in your life and can cause bloating and bellyaches). Plus, they’re just damn delicious. These four varieties taste convincingly close to the real thing.

BASE

Soy

BASE

BASE

BASE

Pili Nuts Cashews Coconut

Organic soy milk makes for a smooth, proteinpacked cup that’s then loaded up with fruit. Tasty flavors include blueberry and raspberry. Stonyfield Organic Dairy Free Yogurt in Blueberry, $1.20, supermarkets

They grow in volcanic soil and deliver a soft, buttery taste when blended. This brand’s flavored pili yogurts are created with realdeal fruit. Lavva Plant-Based Yogurt in Pineapple, $2.50, Wegmans

Vegans and Paleo fans have used cashews as a dairy alternative forever. The nuts act as a creamy foundation in this sweet yog, available in seven flavors. Forager Project Dairy-Free Cashewgurt in Vanilla Bean, $2, Target

Its tropical taste will help you power through your 3 p.m. slump. Bonus: crunchy toppings (graham streusel, toasted coconut). Check out all four flavors. Daiya Duets in Key Lime Crumble, $2.50, Whole Foods Market

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By Ashley Oerman

T R AV I S R AT H B O N E / T R U N K A R C H I V E .

Yummy Yogurt Impostors


The Beforeand-After Trap

WELLNESS

totally happy until you’ve achieved an “after” body, says Michelle May, MD, author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat. “This could make you prioritize exercise over other important life stuff, like socializing or taking vacations.” Things can also backfire when viewers start working out but don’t see results quickly. Anna Victoria, a certified trainer with 1.3 million Instagram followers, often shares beforeand-after shots as a way to honor women who’ve found success through her programs. “People tell me all the time this helps them keep up their healthy lifestyle,” she says. Still, she acknowledges the posts might prompt some viewers to make unhealthy body comparisons. To minimize that, Victoria says she uploads photos of people who are three months (or more) into a routine and are usually smiling in both pics. She also makes a point of including specifics on the mental and emotional benefits of exercise in her captions. “I reiterate that everyone’s starting point is different and you can’t compare yourself to anyone else,” she says. That’s helpful for some, says Warren, but not all. “The images themselves can still be triggering for certain people,” she says. If you find yourself constantly judging your bod based on Insta photos, it’s time to unfollow, advises Victoria, and focus on how you can safely embrace your fitness goals. Q

Ever searched for #Fitspo on your socials, hoping to score a hit

G E T T Y I M A G E S (1 2 ).

of workout motivation...only to find yourself sucked into a black hole of before-and-after posts? Same. Although it seems like they’re suddenly everywhere, transformation photos aren’t exactly new— brands were using them to sell diets and workouts decades before “fitfluencer” became a legit career. Lately, however, modern versions have become ubiquitous on social media, as fitness stars blast them out to their millions of followers. And experts have begun to investigate how this fitspiration impacts viewers—with some troubling results. While before-and-after pics might inspire sweat sessions, they can also spur mental-health issues, according to a recent Journal of Health Psychology study. “When you’re exposed to images of women who transformed their bodies, you might evaluate those bodies against yours,” says clinical psychologist Cortney Warren, PhD, author of Lies We Tell Ourselves. And if you determine that your body is more “before” than “after,” that can chip away at your self-worth. For those whose self-esteem is already shaky, this could even ignite an eating or exercise disorder, says Warren. What’s more, these photos may send a message that you won’t be

By Ashley Oerman

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Cute baby, unnecessary scar?

Gyno Report

Why C-Section Rates Are Crazy High The average American woman has her first kid at age 26, and 1 in 3 of those infants currently emerges not from the birth canal but from a lower abdominal incision. This procedure, called a cesarean, or C-section, is now the most common operation in the country. More than 1.2 million babies were born via the surgery in 2016 alone, according to the CDC. Maybe that’s why people tend to think of Cs as no big deal—despite the fact they are actually a major operation that requires a sharp knife through the belly, a slicing of the uterus, and some rearranging of organs. (Actor Dax Shepard memorably compared wife Kristen Bell’s C-section to getting “completely disassembled....Your liver’s out, I think. And... definitely your intestines.”)

In plenty of cases, the operation is life-saving—like when the baby is facing bottom first or the mom has a condition that makes labor dangerous. But research suggests that nearly half of all C-sections are medically unnecessary. “The consensus is that we are doing too many,” says ob-gyn and Cosmo contributor Jennifer Ashton, MD. Adds Neel Shah, MD, an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Harvard Medical School and director of the Delivery Decisions Initiative at Ariadne Labs: “The majority of healthy women should be able to have vaginal deliveries.” Which is why the statistics are especially startling: C-section rates have jumped nearly 500 percent in this country since 1970—and Cs could comprise a whopping 56 percent of births by 2020, according to one study.

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By Emily Kumler


WELLNESS

How to Reduce Your Risk

Sometimes, the surgery is necessary and unavoidable. But you can increase your chances of having a vaginal delivery by taking these steps.

Talk to your doc. As soon as you know you’re pregnant, ask about his or her C-section rate and overall philosophy. If it doesn’t gel with yours, find a new physician.

Research your local hospitals. Websites like LeapfrogGroup.org track C-section rates at various facilities, but you can also just call and request the information.

NOT-SO-ROUTINE PROCEDURE

Like any surgery, C-sections carry risks like hemorrhage and infection, two leading causes of maternal death in the U.S. Nearly 90 percent of women who have had one C will have another in future deliveries, and each time that scar gets reopened, the risk of complications increases. Particularly scary is placenta accreta, which can occur when the placenta (which feeds the fetus) attaches to the C-section scar, threatening massive hemorrhaging. “This has become 1,200 percent more common in a generation,” says Dr. Shah, “and it’s entirely due to C-sections.”

GET T Y IMAGES.

A SURPRISING CULPRIT

It’d be easy to blame overeager ob-gyns, who, wanting to move things along, default to the speedier process. (Including labor, vaginal births can last days, while the typical C-section takes about an hour and can be scheduled in advance.) That may be true for some docs, but there are myriad other factors at play, including the obesity epidemic and ob-gyns’ fear of being sued. Indeed, many physicians consider Cs the safer option, since the procedure bypasses the complex variables (contractions, pelvic bones) involved in vaginal births. “In our specialty, we’ve become less tolerant of any risk,” says ob-gyn Anastasia Koniaris, MD, of North Shore Physicians Group. But avoiding risk in the moment may mean introducing new risks later on. Nonetheless, new research shows the biggest factor is not who delivers your baby but where you give birth: Hospital C-section rates vary wildly—from 7 to 70 percent—even within the same city. In a study published in Obstetrics and Gynecology, Dr. Shah and his co-researchers

32 The percentage of U.S. babies delivered by C-section. The World Health Organization says a rate of 10 to 15 percent would be ideal. SOURCES: CDC AND WHO

Stay healthy. One 2017 study found that a healthy diet and moderate exercise during pregnancy lowered women’s odds of ending up with a cesarean.

Bring a coach. If you’re worried you won’t be able to advocate for yourself, hire a doula (aka a birth coach), bring your mom or best pal, or prep your partner to speak up for you during labor.

investigated why the greatest C predictor is not a woman’s medical status, age, doctor, or the baby’s health, but which labor ward she ends up in. One reason: In hospitals lacking extra labor rooms and enough nurses, staff may be more likely to perform C-sections during high-traffic times. Communication—or lack thereof—is also an issue. When things get busy or fraught (as they often do when intense labor is involved), doctors, nurses, and moms might not really talk to one another. (Cramped hospital rooms or strained staff could exacerbate this, says Dr. Shah.) Ironically, tech that has made births safer for some may be fast-tracking C-sections for others. Innovations like fetal heart monitors, for example, have made it easier for staffers to stay glued to screens. “If patients’ information is on monitors, that means nurses are typically not as present at their bedside,” explains Ginger Breedlove, PhD, former president of the American College of Nurse-Midwives. And when those sometimes imprecise monitors show a potential problem, a C may seem like the easiest solution. THE WAY FORWARD

This year, Dr. Shah is testing new “dashboards” in delivery rooms that clearly track a woman’s labor progress. The goal is to help patients understand what’s happening so they can voice their wishes and to encourage shared decision making. Dr. Shah is also creating clearer guidance about when an operation should be considered. In the meantime, there are still certain things women can do to help get the birth they want (see sidebar, above). Says Dr. Shah: “Women should feel they have both permission and opportunities to ask for the care they deserve.” Q

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+ Picture this: actually having time to work out.

W O M A N : G E T T Y I M A G E S . H A N D S : A L L I E H O L LO WAY.

The Surprising “Sway” to Achieve Balance C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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Look, it happens to the best of us: the latenight birthday party that ends a little too close to early-morning coffee with your boss, the last-minute project that keeps you at work well into dinner plans with your squad.

Yes, you can get this all done, guilt-free.

Sometimes (all the times?), it feels impossible to achieve that much-hyped but everelusive goal: work-life balance. That’s because it is. Giving a hundred percent on and off the job every day just isn’t realistic or even feasible. Yet women in particular are sold the idea that they need to find this professional-personal nirvana, says Shawn Burn, PhD, a psychology professor at California Polytechnic State University at San

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Luis Obispo. “These toohigh standards mean you’ll be doing a lot of ‘shoulding.’” As in: I should perform perfectly at work. I should be the perfect best friend. I should exercise every day. Sound familiar? The truth is that very few people can “have it all” in this way. For everyone else, it’s time to stop stressing and start swaying. The term means shifting your priorities in a new, not-always-even way—swinging back and forth between your work and nonwork lives over longer periods of time rather than trying to bring them into daily harmony, says Jeanne Thompson, head of workplace solutions thought leadership at Fidelity Investments. So, for example, you might spend two weeks hyper-focused on a work deadline, all but ignoring everything else. The next week, you’re on a beach vacay—sans work e-mail— or you put in less effort on the job so you can plan your parents’ surprise anniversary party. Swaying lets you primarily devote attention and energy to one thing at one time, making you more capable of pouring yourself into what you’re doing in the moment. “You’re adjusting your focus to help you cope emotionally with the stressful demands of your life,” says Burn. So how do you actually sway between work, friends, family, and a world’s worth of potential dating-app matches? Follow this advice. By Ashley Fetters

B I N D E R S : G E T T Y I M A G E S . H A N D S : A L L I E H O L LO WAY.

WORK + PLAY


1 2 3 Study the Big Pic

Plan Ahead

Sway Together

You know that dream of getting to work at 9 and clocking out at 5? Yeah, not always gonna happen. So stop wishing for it day to day. Instead, expand your outlook: How much time have you spent at work and at play in the past week, month, or even year? Identify patterns, and try to anticipate them for the next year. For example, know that when you’re swamped at work around Memorial Day, your love life—and gym routine, and BFF hangs—may take a major hit. And that’s okay, says Thompson, as long as in July, you prioritize dating and sweating with your pals. Moving forward, at the end of each month, see where you might need to sway. Ask yourself, Did I work enough hours? Did I see my siblings? Maybe you made bank, but you missed your fam.

A few years ago, Hailey, 33, a senior project manager in Boston, decided she was ready for a serious relationship. But she knew one wasn’t possible if she didn’t carve out time from her demanding job. So she started to sway. In the beginning of the week, she would dedicate a few days to staying late at work and finishing up hefty assignments. Then she’d take one night at week’s end to date. “I couldn’t spend a lot of time dating because of my job, but I planned ahead so I could make it work,” says Hailey. She also blocked off extra time elsewhere to catch up on whatever she missed at the office when she left early to meet a romantic prospect. “It made it really easy,” she says. She excelled at her job and found love. She’s now been boo-ed up for more than two years.

“Many people who have problems managing their priorities don’t like asking for help,” says Burn. “They feel like they should be able to do it all.” But swaying works best when you call for an assist. Take Ali, 28, who works in public relations in Milwaukee. She attended eight weddings last year and needed colleagues to cover for her when she was out of town. Months before each shindig, she asked politely and offered to do the same for them. It worked, allowing her to be present for her loved ones. If your peers aren’t as accommodating, be clear about your commitments (and your intention to sway) with your boss, says management consultant Christie Lindor. “This differentiates you as someone who can make decisions from a place of strength.” Q

How to Say No to Pals or Peers Who Harsh Your Sway Carrie Kerpen, CEO of Likeable Media and author of Work It, has your script. Be clear about your main priorities. “Sorry, I’m making a point to do more [XYZ] this year.” Use “I don’t” or “I’m not” rather than “I can’t” to avoid wiggle room. “I don’t skip my family dinners.” Set boundaries within your calendar. “I’m already maxed out this week. How about next Thursday?”

S TO P S C R O L L I N G , S TA R T E X P LO R I N G . T H E A L L- N E W 2 0 1 8 W R A N G L E R © 2018 FCA US LLC. All Rights Reserved. Jeep is a registered trademark of FCA US LLC.


How to Strip Naked...

WORK

It’s so hard…

for me to save.

credit score. You’ve seen parts of each other you wouldn’t reveal to anyone else. You’ve “gone all the way” on just about every emotional and physical level. But there’s one thing you and your boo may not have done yet: speak honestly and openly about your finances. Fewer than half of Americans say they’re comfortable sharing personal money issues or problems with their significant other, while 68 percent of people in relationships report that convos about dinero cause more tension than even those about sex, according to a recent survey from the financial-planning platform LearnVest. Ugh, so awkward!

Here’s the thing: Knowing about your partner’s fiscal situation can actually boost your bond. In fact, the more often couples discuss it, the happier they tend to be together, according to a 2016 TD Bank survey. The key is to hash things out before the relationship gets super serious—as in, when you’re just becoming an exclusive couple, before you decide to move in together, and definitely prior to tying the knot. Otherwise, you both run the risk of discovering eek-worthy things belatedly, says Amanda Clayman, a financial therapist in Los Angeles—like, say, his $50,000 online-poker debt or the fact that your mom still supplements your rent. And that can lead to anger, frustration, or resentment. Done right, exploring each other’s assets can be a productive (dare we say, stimulating?) experience. Read on for how to bare your dollarsand-cents status.

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By Erin Lowry

GET T Y IMAGES.

I can’t wait to show you my…


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N I T U N O C O C ! G N I H T Y R E EV ! S S E R G O R IT’S P

®

© 2 0 1 8 W H I T E WAV E S E R V I C E S , I N C .


WORK

Set the Mood Send a text that’s playful but has a specific ask: “Hey, you. I’ve been thinking about my moolah, and I’d love to chat with you about it.” Remember that even though this might be an initial, quick convo, you should still pick a night when you don’t have anything else going on. Meet up at one of your go-to places, so you can have maximum privacy.

Come Prepared Think ahead about the topics you want to cover, says money therapist Kristin Sutton, founder of the site Debt Free Black Girl. For example, If you’re just starting to get serious…plan to share how much money you each make, so that you can figure out how to split expenses in a way that makes sense for both of your budgets. If you’re moving in together…be ready to ask and dish about credit scores, whether or not you pay your bills on time, and any major savings accounts—all vital factors in a new apartment or house search. If you’re talking marriage…you’ll also need to reveal any big debts or student loans, investment accounts, and any dirty financial secrets. (When you apply for joint accounts or mortgages, it’s all gonna come out anyway.) Regardless of what your relationship status is, you may want to prep a few deeper Qs, like, “Do you prefer to save or live in the moment? What’s the dumbest financial blunder you’ve made? What’s one thing you’ll always be willing to spend cash on?” The answers will help you align bigpicture on how to deal with money. And remember, whatever questions you ask, you also have to answer.

Initiate Intimacy Night of, start off by telling your mate a few things you love about him, financially. Maybe you see how generous he is with his little sister or you get hot when he talks about his stocks. Once you’re both warmed

Heat Up Your $ Sitch Enlist Help Need a hand creating a realistic joint budget? Try apps such as Honeydue or Honeyfi. They can help you keep track of shared and individual accounts, coordinate bills, and keep tabs on household expenses.

up, go for the bigger questions and reveals. “I make X amount of money, and I try to save Y amount per month. How about you?” Or “Sorry, babe, but here are my financial weak spots.…” Then when it’s his turn, don’t judge or smirk at his deep, dark secrets. Instead, calmly ask followup questions, like “Are you hoping to start saving more soon?”

Finish Together Here’s where you decide to make money moves…as a couple. If your lurve is fresh, figure out who will pay for meals and how often, or set a savings goal for your first vacay. If you’re new roomies, consider a joint bank account for things like groceries, and decide who contributes what. If you’re getting married, make a plan for paying off your credit-card debt, and figure out how much you can reasonably afford to shell out for a wedding. If your partner seems unwilling to discuss sticky issues, gently suggest you both seek outside help from a financial therapist, says Clayman. And—warning!—if he’s hostile or accusatory toward you, that may be a red flag for more than just money drama. Ask yourself if you can be with someone who doesn’t take all your concerns seriously. Q

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Save Better Many banks allow you to rename your accounts. Do so, because “3823409125” isn’t exactly inspiring, but “Paris Trip, August 2019” reminds you why you’re saving and reduces the likelihood you’ll prematurely drain the pot.

®


PLAY

Rock the #VanLife

The travel trend has taken over Insta (more than 2.6 million posts!) and countless open roads—for good reason. Living out of a rolling home is a low-key, low-cost way to explore. Rent a van from companies like Campervan N.A. or Escape Campervans (from $57 a night) and get going.

PACK IT UP Stuff your bag with lots of layers to adjust to fluctuating temps.

Take the most shareable pics (like this one from the book Van Life, by Foster Huntington) at dawn or dusk.

Load your sweet ride with stowable gear that lets you live in the moment. scan to shop

1

4 scan to shop

5 2 Open your Amazon App Tap the camera icon Choose SmileCode Scan to shop!

3

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1. MPOWERED solar powered light, $15, mpowered.com 2. Fujifilm Instax 9 minicamera, $60, amazon.com 3. Dr. Bronner’s liquid soap, $16, amazon.com 4. California Picnic blanket, $33, amazon.com 5. Koolatron Traveler III cooler, $80, bedbathand beyond.com

VA N : J A M E S B A R K M A N . G I R L I N VA N : K AT B O R C H A R T/ T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .

DRIVE SAFE, POST RIGHT


PUT TWO & TWO

TOGETHER and you could save Have GEICO car insurance? Get home insurance through the GEICO Insurance Agency and you could get a ѴঞŊoѴb1 7bv1om|

Some discounts, coverages, payment plans and features are not available in all states, in all GEICO companies, or in all situations. Homeowners, renters and condo coverages are written through non-afiliated insurance companies and are secured through the GEICO Insurance Agency, Inc. GEICO is a registered service mark of Government Employees Insurance Company, Washington, D.C. 20076; a Berkshire Hathaway Inc. subsidiary. © 2018 GEICO


Eggplant: Not Just the Best Emoji— Also Amazing for Tacos!

Eggplant Tacos With Pico de Gallo lbs. eggplant, cut lengthwise into ¼-inchthick slices ¼ c. extra-virgin olive oil Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper 2 t. ground coriander 1 t. ground cumin 8 corn tortillas Pico de gallo, to top 8 lime wedges, to garnish

Preheat a grill or grill pan to medium-high heat. Brush both sides of eggplant with olive oil, and season both sides with salt, pepper, coriander, and cumin. Grill eggplant about 4 minutes per side, until tender. When cool enough to handle, slice crosswise into strips. Grill tortillas until warm, no more than 1 minute. Spoon eggplant and pico de gallo onto tortillas. Garnish with lime, and serve. scan to shop

Adapted from Great Tastes, by Danielle & Laura Kosann, $20, amazon.com

Open your Amazon App Tap the camera icon Choose SmileCode Scan to shop!

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A D A P T E D W I T H P E R M I S S I O N F R O M G R E AT TA S T E S . C O P Y R I G H T © 2 0 1 8 B Y D A N I E L L E KO S A N N A N D L AU R A KO S A N N . P H O T O G R A P H S C O P Y R I G H T © 2 0 1 8 B Y AU B R I E P I C K . P U B L I S H E D B Y A N D C O V E R C O U R T E S Y O F C L A R K S O N P O T T E R , A N I M P R I N T O F P E N G U I N R A N D O M H O U S E , L LC .

2


Your Next, Great Girl Hang PLAY

Book clubs are nice and all but can be a little snoozy…and sorely lacking in edible sustenance. Enter cookbook clubs—meet-ups where you and your friends bring delish dishes from page to table, with an assist from recipes by kick-ass female chefs, bakers, and bartenders.

scan to shop

Black Girl Baking by Jerrelle Guy

Guy’s debut has all the treats, including unicorn icecream sammies. $17, amazon .com

Kintsugi Wellness by Candice Kumai

Your group will salivate over the wellness guru’s tasty-healthy green pizza. $19, amazon.com

The L.A. Cookbook

KEEP IT SIMPLE

Choose grub that can be served at room temp—no need to waste time reheating.

by Alison Clare Steingold

Bring L.A.’s ultra-kewl food scene straight to your kitchen. $40, amazon .com

The OneBottle Cocktail by Maggie Hoffman

The Club Rules

1 2 3 Make a Pick As a crew, select one or two (some new ideas, at right).

Open your Amazon App Tap the camera icon Choose SmileCode Scan to shop!

Divvy It Up Ask each person to make and bring a dish from the book(s).

Go No-Mess Use cute paper plates for quick cleanup.

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Gather & Graze by Stephanie Izard

The first female Top Chef winner’s recipes include meaty mains like beef tenderloin. $35, amazon.com

S T O C K S Y. B O O K S : D A N I E L L E O C C H I O G R O S S O.

Consult this booze bible for easy new twists on classic summer cocktails. $19, amazon.com


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Kaley Cuoco has had her share of ups and downs. But the awardwinning actress has always come out on top. Here, she talks candidly about finding love after heartbreak, being a boss in Hollywood, and owning her future.

By CARRIE BELL


riding high Photographed by

Jason Kim Styled by

Kristen Saladino

Alice McCall top and shorts. Golden Goose Deluxe Brand boots. Stetson hat. Monica Vinader earrings and ring (right hand). Her own ring (left hand, worn throughout)

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Kaley Cuoco isn’t really the secretkeeping type. Whether she’s on a late-night host’s couch or posting on social media, the Big Bang Theory star has thoroughly chronicled her nasal-spray addiction, deep affection for in-flight drinking, bad hair days, on-set shenanigans, sweaty workouts, ugly cries, and a painful tattoo cover-up (that last one to mask ink marking her wedding date to ex-husband Ryan Sweeting).

Bardot for 100% Bloomingdale’s top. Hudson shorts. Christian Louboutin heels. Monica Vinader earrings


K A L E Y W I T H H O R S E : B A U E R - G R I F FI N . J E A N J A C K E T: B E N G O L D S T E I N / S T U D I O D. J E A N S : S T UA R T T Y S O N / S T U D I O D. A L L O T H E R S : G E T T Y I M A G E S .

Lately, some of her posts have focused on professional equestrian Karl Cook. The two got engaged last November on Kaley’s 32nd birthday, after nearly two years of dating—and her 3.6 million Instagram followers were all along for the ride. That’s why, when I slide into the seat across from Kaley at lunch in Los Angeles, impressed that she arrived 10 minutes early, I’m surprised to notice she’s wearing a shiny gold nameplate necklace that reads Mrs. Cook. Did she pull a Margot Robbie and secretly get hitched? “Oh, that...my glam squad gave it to me when I got engaged,” says Kaley, nonchalantly sipping a sherbet-colored smoothie. “The weirdest part is that I was a Cook way before I met Karl. Cuoco means ‘cook’ in Italian, and [the rest of my family] goes by Cook because no one can pronounce Cuoco. So the only reason this necklace won’t jinx me is because it’s already my name. I don’t have to change it. That’s gotta be a sign.” There have been other signs too. Like Kaley and Karl’s mutual love for horses. They both ride competitively and were first introduced at a horse show. “An hour later, he showed up at my stable on his dirt bike with a glass of champagne,” she says. “He said, ‘Can I take you to dinner tonight?’ I said, ‘First, yes. And second, I hate champagne.’” Okay, so no bubbles. But that first date turned into regular texting, which evolved into FaceTime dates, then in-person visits. “Everything he said he’d do, he did,” says Kaley. “This was new. It’s the first time I’d

F U LL N A M E :

I K N OW A S U R PR I S I N G

met someone who wasn’t trying to be anyone but themselves. There was no bullshit with Karl, no ulterior motive.” “I honestly thought I wouldn’t get married again,” she continues. “My ex ruined that word for me. I married someone the first time who completely changed. The person I ended up with was not the person I originally met. And that wasn’t my fault—that was his.” But Kaley, always the optimist, didn’t totally give up on love. “I knew how much I had to give and how much I wanted to receive,” she says. “I knew I just had to be patient. It’s like that song [by Rascal Flatts] that says, ‘God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.’ My road was bumpy. There were potholes. The carriage tipped. The horses ran away. I broke my leg.” She laughs, her ponytail bouncing. “I had it brought me to Karl.” The two are currently try-

A M O U NT A B O U T:

A FA M O U S WO M A N I A D M I R E :

B E C AU S E :

OBSESSION:

TH E B E ST A DV I C E I E V E R G OT F R O M M Y M O M :

M Y TI P TO S O M E O N E TRY I N G R I D I N G FO R TH E

timeline, and Kaley says that, apart from his wedding suit

F I R ST TI M E :

clothes, which I think is really cute”), Karl is down for whenever, wherever. His carefree off. Especially when it comes to Kaley’s annoyance with internet haters. “I’m a strong person, but you go down the hole,” she says. “I’ll go, ‘Oh my god, so-and-so said this’ or ‘I read this.’ And Karl’s like, ‘Why are you reading that? Why do you care? They are miserable people who hate everyone.’ It’s so simple to him. He’s definitely helped me with that.”

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W H E N I WA NT TO F E E L

S:


long, and I’ve worked with the best. I don’t let people mess with me. I want to show girls out there that you can be cool, wear yoga clothes, and run your own fucking company. You don’t have to be a guy in a suit.” She’s already lined up her inaugural project, an adaptation of the book The Flight Attendant, a thriller she accidentally came across while browsing Amazon. She saw the haunting cover art of a blurry blonde woman, read the first two sentences of the synopsis, and got chills. She immediately asked her agent to find out if Reese Witherspoon had already acquired the movie rights. “Genius Reese goes and buys all the rights because she’s so freaking smart,” says Kaley. Reese hadn’t made a move, so Kaley snapped them up. “It was exciting and felt like a win.” Kaley is busy getting everything at Yes, Norman just right. “Our logo is a drawing of [Norman’s] face. It makes me so happy. We’re making stickers and shirts because that’s why you do a production company [laughs]. Everyone’s gonna have the cutest clothes. I love that shit. I’m like, ‘We’re shooting what? But I’m making hats for everyone right now....’” In all seriousness, though, Kaley says she’s ready to get behind the camera and work as hard as she always has. “I want this to be a big company,” she says. “I want to be sitting down a few years from now and have so many projects going. That’s what I’m excited about.” If her past social postings are any indication, her fans will be with her every step of the way. Q C O S M O P O L I TA N M AY 2 0 1 8

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A PE R S O N I WA S

WA S A TB BT FA N :

Jim Parsons

Johnny Galecki

Kunal Nayyar

Mayim Bialik

Simon Helberg

Melissa Rauch

O N E TH I N G I WA NT TO S E E H A P PE N FO R PE N N Y B E FO R E TB BT E N D S :

G E T T Y I M A G E S (8).

It’s a mentality that will serve Kaley well as she enters the next phase of her career. Her time on America’s number one sitcom—a role for which she’s garnered fame, awards, and reportedly, the title of second-highestpaid TV actress (behind Sofia Vergara)—is likely winding to a close next year. “I spent my entire 20s on this show,” she says. “That’s a lot of topknots.” Iconic hairstyles aside, that kind of longevity is the definition of power in Hollywood, and Kaley worked hard for every inch of it. She’s also the first to recognize how unique her position is, especially given the recent revelations about her industry’s paycheck inequality. “I didn’t have to fight for pay,” she explains, noting that she’s always received the same fee as her male costars because, 11 years ago, executive producer Chuck Lorre created the show with three equal leads making equal money. “It was two guys and the girl next door,” she says. “Knowing what it feels like [to be paid as an equal], I will always take that stand for myself.” And she’s taking it for others too. Last year, Kaley (and her four male colleagues) took $100,000-per-episode pay cuts so that series regulars Melissa Rauch and Mayim Bialik could earn higher salaries. Kaley says she’ll continue to pay it forward through her new film company, Yes, Norman Productions, named for her Insta-famous rescue dog: “I want to be a full-on girl boss. I’ve been in the business so


beauty tip Looking for a fragrance that’s as magnetic as your personality? Try Chloé Nomade, $75. It’s a mix of freesia and oak moss.

Vivetta dress. Her own necklace and earrings

Hair: Christine Symonds at The Wall Group. Makeup: Jamie Greenberg at The Wall Group using ThriveCausemetics. Manicure: Ashlie Johnson at The Wall Group using Chanel Le Vernis. See page 191 for shopping information.


Peekaboo Chic Edgy mesh keeps you cool, day or night. Altuzarra slip, dress, and belt. Paul Andrew heels. Tomas Maier earrings (worn throughout)

168


Stripe Tease

TA K E YO U R

Sporty meets sexy in pieces that look great on (or off!) a board. 3.1 Phillip Lim top and skirt

STYLE

SET YOUR LOOK TO ISL AND T I M E I N S H E E R L AY E R S , SUNNY FLORALS, TROPICAL COLORS, AND STRETCHES OF GLISTENING SKIN. PHOTOGRAPHED BY BEN WATTS FASHION EDITOR: JAMES WORTHINGTON DEMOLET

O N VA C A Y


Sunny Days Millennial pink is out; not-so-mellow yellow is most definitely in. Prabal Gurung dress. Christian Louboutin sandals


Print Perfect Printed tops—like this wearable postcard sweater—are on point this season. Paul & Joe top and shorts

171


Game, Set, Match Consider this your new three-piece suit for all your poolside meetings. Emilio Pucci jacket, bra, and shorts

172


Sweet Flow We love the beachcomber vibes of this seashell-print set—wear them together or apart. BreeLayne top and skirt


Flower Power Want to be your own bouquet? Opt for bold blooms. Zimmermann dress


Shining Bright Flirty ruffles + a metallic sheen = dateready style. Francesco Scognamiglio bra and skirt. Altuzarra belt. Christian Louboutin heels

BEAUTY TIP No passport, no problem. Let the lulo fruit and guavaflower notes in Tempting Paradise by Sofia Vergara ($60, perfumania .com) take you on a virtual vacay. One spritz will transport you to the tropics.

Hair: Nicolas Eldin for Philip Kingsley at Art Department. Makeup: Christian McCulloch for Dior Beauty. Model: Malaika Firth/Marilyn. Accommodations and location: Sugar Beach, a Viceroy Resort, viceroyhotelsandresorts .com/sugarbeach. See page 191 for shopping information.

ub t he se le t o relea! t he scent PRESENTED BY SOFIA VERGAR A FR AGR ANCES

175


Muted ’90s-inspired colors are making a major comeback. Use a dusty bronze hue, like BareMinerals GenNude Powder Blush in Let’s Go Nude, $24, as blush and eye shadow, then coat your lips in dark mauve (try Chanel Le Rouge Crayon de Couleur Jumbo Longwear Lip Crayon in N°25, $37). Samsøe & Samsøe jacket. Dinh Van pendant. Beatriz Palacios earring

177


’50s flick: Dot a liquid liner at your inner corner, outer corner, and a bit below the tail of your brow. Close your eye and connect the dots with straight lines, then fill in the triangle. The finisher: a cherry-red liquid lipstick, like Lancôme L’Absolu Lacquer in Be Brilliant, $26.

178


and sweat, the hotter this smudgy liner looks. Just draw a thick line of steel-gray pencil (like Nars Larger Than Life Long-Wear Eyeliner in Madison Avenue, $26) on your bottom lids, and blur it with your fingers to create a sooty stare. Espirit top. Longchamp bracelet


Put down the pastels—vampy lips are stealing the spotlight. Apply a merlot liquid lipstick (try Estée Lauder Pure Color Envy Paint-On Liquid LipColor in Quiet Riot, $28), and pair it with sunny gold shades on eyes and cheeks for a warm-weather twist.

P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y A N T O N I O T E R R Ó N . S T Y L I S T: I R E N E PA LO S . M A K EU P A N D H A I R : V E R A W O L F. M O D E L : I A N A L E S H U KO VA / U N O. P R O D U C T I O N : PA LO M A M E N D E S .

Supertrash jacket. Essentiel necklace. Thomas Sabo earrings


Want fame-worthy eyes? One: Fill in your waterlines with a navy pencil. Two: Use a cobalt shadow on your lids (try Dior 5 Couleurs Summer Look 2018 Eye Shadow #367 Cool Down, $63). Three: Crowd-surf. Love Stories top See page 191 for shopping information.

181


“My Boyfriend Had a After Paul died suddenly in a car accident, his pregnant girlfriend made a shocking discovery: He’d been involved with at least six other women. In this Cosmo exclusive, three of them reveal the disturbing details and warn you how to spot a master manipulator.

BY A L E X R O N A N P H OTO G R A P H ED BY J E F F R E Y W E ST B R O O K

182


Twisted Secret Life�


The fall had been tough, between the morning sickness and her boyfriend, Paul*, working out of state. But Jessica Boynton, 34, was excited for Thanksgiving. She’d finally get to introduce her handsome contractor BF (and the father of her baby) to her entire family at their annual gathering in Zebulon, North Carolina. She knew they’d love him… almost as much as she did. Theirs had been a whirlwind romance. They’d met on Craigslist, of all places, seven months earlier, in May 2016, after Jessica gave up on dating apps. For their first get-together, Paul, 38, took Jessica and her 3-year-old daughter to the movies. Soon he was whisking her off for weekends in Charleston, South Carolina. Their chemistry was electric. Although Paul lived in South Carolina and traveled all over the South for work, the couple started talking about moving in together. By September, Jessica was pregnant; her daughter called Paul “Daddy.” The day before Thanksgiving, Paul texted that he was stuck at a house remodel three hours away. By noon the next day, he still hadn’t arrived, blaming a burst pipe at his job site. “That house had better be flooded,” Jessica replied. “Water needs to be pouring out the windows.” It didn’t escape her that he’d used this excuse once before, when he was scheduled to meet her mom and sisters for the first time. As her family sat down for

As a ploy, manipulative suitors mirror your desires.


dinner without him, Jessica felt humiliated. “This is it,” she texted. “I’m done.” Paul showed up the following Monday to try to win her back over lunch. But after that, he went dark, ignoring texts, e-mails, and calls from Jessica and the lawyer she hired to draft a child-support agreement for their unborn baby. Then in late December, on Facebook, Jessica saw a shocking post: Paul had died. His pickup had flipped over on a highway in Georgia, crushing him. Stunned and reeling, Jessica got a Facebook message, “When did you meet Paul?” from a woman claiming to have been his girlfriend. Jessica responded that she had been his girlfriend. As her grief shifted to outrage, Jessica pored over Paul’s online obituary, reaching out to several women who had posted condolences. Within a month, she’d unearthed five more girlfriends—most of whom believed they’d been dating Paul exclusively at the time of his death. There were at least two engagement rings, promises of custom-built houses, and several pledges to get married at the same outdoor chapel in South Carolina. Jessica was particularly devastated to learn that Paul had spent Thanksgiving in another state, with another girlfriend…and that on the holiday itself, he’d proposed to her in front of her family.

Jessica had no idea that her relationship with Paul followed

a pattern—one that’s all too familiar to experts who study psychopathy. While the term is often applied to serial killers and horror-movie villains, psychopath (and sociopath, which some experts use interchangeably) can accurately describe other nefarious personalities. “You can be psychopathic without committing murder,” says Hedwig Eisenbarth, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Southampton. “There are all sorts of behaviors that are evil but not illegal.” Most psychopaths lie easily, act recklessly, and lack empathy. “They get excited by manipulating others and may use different

J E S S I C A B OY N T O N G AV E BIRTH TO HER AND PAU L’ S C H I L D I N 2 0 1 7.

people to fulfill different needs, be those sexual, financial, or something else,” says Anne Brown, a licensed professional counselor in Scottsdale, Arizona, who has worked with psychopaths and their victims. Research suggests genes play a role in the development of psychopathy, as may childhood trauma or abuse. Studies also show psychopaths’ brains are different in areas that process empathy, morals, and guilt. Like autism, the disorder occurs on a spectrum, with some people exhibiting more extreme traits than others. Officially categorized under the broader rubric of antisocial personality disorder, psychopaths comprise an estimated 1 percent of the population—that’s around three million Americans. The diagnostic process (typically, via a clinical evaluation and a symptoms checklist) remains imperfect, if not controversial. And while it’s impossible to evaluate him officially now, Paul, with his sinister mix of charisma and cruelty, seems to have ticked all the boxes. At the beginning, he went all in, showering each new conquest with affection and promises. When he met Rebecca*, then a 33-year-old accountant in Georgia, also on Craigslist, in January 2016, she says she was “instantly smitten. The first night we hung out, we talked about last names. I said something about how I hated mine. He said, ‘Maybe I can change that for you.’” Rebecca rationalized his crazy work schedule; he was a successful contractor, after all. Pipes bursting, cabinets in need of urgent painting—it was all understandable. And their sexual chemistry was intense too. (He said he’d been tested for STIs, and she was on birth control, so she didn’t insist on condoms. “After talking to the other women,” she says, “it seems like he was having sex almost every night.”) In December 2016, Paul agreed to move down to Georgia to be closer to Rebecca. Not long after, they went out to a Mexican *Middle name is being used.

185


restaurant. Later, in the parking lot, they kissed before hopping into their cars, Paul saying he’d follow her home. As she drove through the rain, Rebecca saw headlights veer off the road in her rearview mirror. By the time she looped back around, an ambulance had arrived, and Paul was dead. She later learned that while driving, he’d been on the phone with another girlfriend.

For most people, deceiving multiple partners across

Psychopaths like the challenge of living a lie.

A Timeline of Deceit T H R E E O F PAU L’ S GIRLFRIENDS SHARED THEIR STORIES WITH C O S M O. H E R E ’ S W H AT T H E I R 2 0 1 6 S LO O K E D L I K E .

at least three state lines might trigger stress, remorse, or at the very least, exhaustion. Not so for psychopaths, says psychologist Jill Ricke, PhD, a board member of Aftermath, a group devoted to helping victims of psychopaths. “They tend to like the challenge.” “Psychopaths lack the internal process most people experience after lying,” adds Brown. “When you lie, you feel shame, guilt, maybe even fear, so your body and face give off small signals. But with psychopaths, there’s no shame. Very often, there’s little to no fear. The signals that might warn people away often don’t exist.” And while they tend to seek out vulnerable victims—when Jessica met Paul, she was emotionally drained after a tough custody battle with her ex—they can ensnare anyone. They are known to “mirror” their partners, intuiting exactly what certain people want and delivering it. Paul knew that Jessica craved adventure after years at home with a

JA N UA RY 2 0 1 6

M AY 2 0 1 6

SEPTEMBER 2016

Paul meets Rebecca on Craigslist. He tells her on the first date that she could one day take his last name. They become close.

Paul meets Jessica on Craigslist. Within one month, they’re talking about moving in together.

Paul rekindles his relationship with Jeanette. She believes they are dating exclusively.

186


P R O P S T Y L I S T: M I C H E L L E LO N G O F O R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S . P E O P L E : G E T T Y I M A G E S . T H E P E O P L E D E P I C T E D I N T H E S E P H O T O G R A P H S A R E M O D E L S B E I N G U S E D F O R I L LU S T R AT I V E P U R P O S E S O N LY.

young child, so he lavished her with trips. With Rebecca, who sometimes worked 12-hour days, he was happy to hang at home and watch TV. Craigslist was his perfect accomplice. Unlike on other sites, he didn’t have to share anything about himself before learning what each woman was looking for and adjusting his personality accordingly. The manipulation was so powerful that when Paul eventually became aloof—typically after he hooked a new love interest—his girlfriends continued to make excuses for him. Once, when Jessica tried to confront him about not responding to her calls and texts, she got off the phone convinced it was all somehow her fault. “Over time, the psychopath’s real self emerges,” explains Ricke. “But these relationships have an addictive quality. The partner is waiting for the person they first met to come back.” That addiction can transcend even dark territory. When Jeanette*, then 41, of South Carolina, met Paul in 2013, she also fell hard. But Paul soon began to vacillate between intense expressions of affection and violent, jealous outbursts. Once, he nearly drove them both off a bridge in a fit of rage, only swerving to safety at the last second. Jeanette says he repeatedly abused her physically and sexually, until finally, a year after they’d met, she left him. In September 2016, though, he began texting her again, showering her with love, apologizing profusely, and claiming to have been to therapy. Jeanette found herself swept up once more and dated Paul

N OV E M B E R 2 0 1 6

DECEMBER 2016

Jessica learns she’s pregnant. Paul bails on her family’s Thanksgiving to propose to a fourth girlfriend, in another state.

After dinner with Rebecca, Paul dies in a car accident. While driving, he’d been on the phone with one of his fiancées.

until his death in December. “Psychopaths will chip away at your self-confidence and sense of reality,” says Brown. “A lot of times, these women stop trusting themselves. ‘It’s as if he embedded himself in my psyche’ is how the experience of dating one has been described.”

One of the most difficult questions Paul’s girlfriends

now wrestle with is, Was everything a lie? While the answer may never be known, Eisenbarth does say this: Real love is impossible for psychopaths. “A person with psychopathic traits is not going to be able to experience deeply caring about someone else,” she explains. (Jessica, who went down a psychiatric-research rabbit hole after Paul’s death, now believes he never loved her. Rebecca believes he did love her in his own way but that he was mentally ill.) In the shared wreckage, strange friendships have blossomed. A number of the women who dated Paul still keep in touch and share life updates. Right after Paul’s death, Rebecca briefly turned to Valium and Xanax but also coped by helping one of Paul’s fiancées recover. These sorts of connections are crucial, since victims are often silenced by their own shame at being duped, says Ricke. Some even show signs of diagnosable post-traumatic stress syndrome. “It’s still hard to believe I fell for it,” says Jessica, now 35, who is sharing her experience in hopes of warning others about men like Paul. “I’ve learned that it’s okay to question things that don’t seem right and that as hard as it is to walk away, you have to.” On Father’s Day 2017, she gave birth to her and Paul’s son. Soon after, she started cautiously dating again. When she met John online, Jessica kept him away from her kids for months, until she trusted he’d stick around. When she invited him to Thanksgiving with her family last year, he not only showed up, he also brought a ring. They’re getting married, says Jessica, but she’s not in any rush. Q

187

Don’t Date This Person: 4 Red Flags

H E ’ S M OV I N G FA S T.

“Real love takes time,” says counselor Anne Brown. If a relationship is going at breakneck speed— and he tells you on the second or third date that you’re soul mates—pause and reconsider.

H E ’ S S O DA M N CHARMING.

Psychopaths are expert manipulators, and charm covers their tracks. “Often, they use it to hide something they don’t want you to know,” says psychologist Jill Ricke, PhD.

H E N E V E R AC C E P T S R E S P O N S I B I L I T Y.

While lots of people have bad breakups, “one red flag is when he can’t see his part in things that didn’t work,” says Brown. If he’s always bad-mouthing his exes, be cautious.

HE HAS NO REAL FRIENDS.

“Psychopaths tend not to keep people around for long,” says Brown. Ask yourself: Have I met any close, long-term pals?


HOROSCOPES

By Aurora Tower | @AuroraAstro

TAURUS 04.20–05.21

YOUR MONTH: Brace yourself! Uranus, the

planet that represents revolutionary change, moves into your sign on the 15th. A shift will come in the form of new ideas and travel, but don’t blow your budget. And when major news hits at month’s end, decide whether the source is credible before you act. YOUR YEAR: You’re seen as the strong, steady type, but with Uranus at your back, you may shock everyone. You’ll be a busy bee with good wins at work starting in November. No matter what, trust your intuition and think big! TAURUS GAL Kelly Clarkson 04.24.82


I L LU S T R AT I O N : C I A R A P H E L A N . A L L O T H E R S : G E T T Y I M A G E S .

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

05.22–06.20

0 6 . 2 1 – 0 7. 2 2

0 7. 2 3 – 0 8 . 2 2

08 . 23– 09. 2 2

With Venus, the planet of love, in your sign till the 19th, expect more attention than a Kardashian pregnancy reveal on Instagram. And when the Sun moves into Gemini on the 20th, love blossoms. Don’t let it blind you from real-world probs—unexpected bills could hit before June. GEMINI GUY: Social butterfly + homebody = all Gems. Embrace his split personality, and enjoy nights out and at home.

Smooth sailing ahead! Drama that’s made waves at work settles down after the 15th, when unpredictable Uranus moves out of your career zone. Venus shifts into your sign on the 19th, putting you in the mood to swoon. But don’t be hasty—you may learn some enlightening info on the 25th. CANCER GUY: Ahoy, mate! He’s super lovey at the end of May, so tell him what will really float your boat!

Get ready for a career shake-up midmonth. Try to be positive and embrace the possibilities. Networking will be key, so use those LinkedIn skills IRL. Treat yo’self with a night out after the 20th, and get ready for a sexy-time Full Moon on the 29th. LEO GUY: Work has him tied up right now, and he needs your help to get himself together... which might lead to a little bedroom bondage fun.

Modesty is so overrated (well, at least RN). Soak up recognition at work—it could propel you right into your next lightbulb moment. Toward month’s end, hit the refresh button by finally clicking Book on that big trip. Chill time will prime your mind for a big breakthrough on the 23rd. VIRGO GUY: He’s all swagger and smiles. Celebrate his wins along with him and he’ll shower you with tons of x’s and o’s.

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

09. 23–10. 2 2

10.23–11.21

11.22–12.21

1 2 . 2 2 – 0 1 .1 9

Grab the reins, baby—it’s time to ride high! If you’ve been good, opposition between the Sun and abundant Jupiter on the 8th could bring a windfall, but be careful if you’ve been balling. At month’s end, you’ll find clarity about a major relationship. If it’s move-on time, a Memorial Day vacay will help you get over it (and under someone else…). LIBRA GUY: His mood: brooding. Get him talking and all will be okay.

Girl, it’s time to get personal. When the Sun opposes good-luck Jupiter on the 8th, you’ll meet a new boo or get closer to your current crush. The New Moon on the 15th will bring clarity about your status. In late May, tap into your extra-strength EQ for epic epiphanies about your future. SCORPIO GUY: He has lots of lurve to give—if he’s not laying on the romance, laters, baby.

You’re thisclose to having it all. Things may be swell at work, but you’ll soar with more structure (a change from your usual spontaneity). You’ll find the drive to start a healthy habit on the 11th. The end of the month is romance time, with the Full Moon in your sign on the 29th. It happens once a year, so be bold! SAGITTARIUS GUY: He’s going to really sweep you off your feet at the end of the month.

This month, you’re bringing sexy all the way back. Single? Anticipate more than one suitor, some who might surprise and delight. All signs point to the 11th for sparks. After the 19th, when Venus moves into your zone of relationships, you’ll be getting it good. Just don’t lose sight of work, ’kay? CAPRICORN GUY: He’s Mr. Serious, but even he won’t be able to resist your fun and frisky side.

AQUARIUS

PISCES

ARIES

0 1 . 2 0 – 0 2 .1 8

0 2 .1 9 – 0 3 . 2 0

0 3 . 2 1 – 0 4 .1 9

Put on your brain beret (like a thinking cap but better) and pay attention to your heart— and intuition—especially on the 11th. Life gets lighter and flirtier after the Sun moves into Gemini on the 20th. Around the Full Moon on the 29th, a friend may let you know he like likes you. AQUARIUS GUY: He may be a guyliner short of going full emo. Don’t engage, but listen carefully to find out what’s up.

Let your wanderlust lead you to pampering and youtime. New opportunities await near the 15th. Trust your gut, but don’t be too impulsive— incoming intel could change your perspective on things. Once you make it to the end of the month, your inner compass will guide you. PISCES GUY: Help him look up from his screen so you can get some lovin’ on a road trip for two.

Cue sigh of relief! Finally, unpredictable Uranus moves out of your sign on the 15th, which means stability at last. Put down some roots, because you’re about to be busy in all the best ways. After the Sun moves into Gemini on the 20th, the invites will just about flood your in-box. ARIES GUY: Considering how busy he is, he’s surprisingly Zen. Reward his hustle with a pat on the back—or bum.

TAURUS GUY Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson 05.02.72 Your dude is jacked up on exciting, new ideas. His ambition will really skyrocket if you voice your support.


ALL ABOUT YOU

What Your D.O.B. Means : We all have a number. And nope, we’re not talking about that number. We’re talking

about the practice of Numerology!

Start

So What Does Your Number Say?

with your full date of birth. Now get each element (month, day, and year) down to a single digit by adding the numbers together. Example for June 22, 1989:

ONE

You are positive, determined, and ambitious. T WO

Month = 6 (Note: For months with double digits, like November, add the digits together, e.g., 1 + 1 = 2.) Day = 2 + 2 = 4

You are imaginative and romantic and habitually take a backseat vs. lead. THREE

You are trustworthy, conscientious, and proud.

Year = 1 + 9 + 8 + 9 = 27; 2+7=9

FOUR

You are a born rebel, sensitive, and lonely.

Now add those three together… 6 + 4 + 9 = 19 (Get to a single digit!) 1 + 9 = 10; 1 + 0 = 1

FIVE

You are quick thinking, highstrung, and business-minded. SIX

You are artistic, generous, and determined.

Your number is 1.

SEVEN

You are restless, independent, and innovative.

NINE

You are impulsive, courageous, and quick-tempered. YOU CAN GET YOUR OWN PERSONAL WRITTEN TAROT READING WITH KERRY AT TAROTBELLA.ETSY.COM.

By Kerry Ward

190

J A M I E N E L S O N / B L AU B LU T E D I T I O N /AU G U S T.

EIGHT

You are intense, lonely, and often misunderstood.


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COSMO QUIZ

How Passionate Are You? 1. Oh, hey there, Monday morning. As you lift your head off the pillow, you’re:

4. Your activist

A Already posting positive intentions on your Insta Story!

A Show up with a megaphone and publicly humiliate anyone with a plastic bottle.

BFF invites you to a climate-change rally. You:

B Beelining to the sacred altar that is your coffee machine. No seizing the day till caffeination has commenced.

B Gladly go, but don’t get too vocal. After all, you’re not trying to get arrested.

C Smashing the snooze button.

C Pass. Nothing could make you brave a crowd this size—not even front-row tickets to Beyoncé.

2. Your latest hobby is pottery making. By your second class, you:

5. Your favorite ’90s band is in town for a reunion concert. You’ll probably:

A Quit your day job and move to artsy Woodstock to open a ceramics studio.

B Try selling your shiz on Etsy as a side hustle. C Return all your supplies to the art store. Wet clay, not so chic.

A Spend your entire paycheck on seats so you can toss the lead singer your panties and a note on how he 4eva changed your life.

3. You’re at a super-

B Fangirl appropriately (in throwback merch, belting every song) from the nosebleeds.

posh restaurant and feelin’ your date. You show it by:

C Meh, not interested. Been there, done that.

A Initiating a next-level smoochfest that toes the line of public lewdness. B Keeping the PDA covert—a little bit goes a long way.

M O S T LY A’ S

M O S T LY B ’ S

Perma Impassioned

Pretty Pumped

You pursue everything to the fullest… and with all the feels. That kind of dedication is rare, but like all good things, too much can overwhelm you (and those around you). Try to focus your extra mentality on just one or two things at a time, and make sure nothing turns into an unhealthy obsession.

You follow your passions but never go overboard. For the most part, that’s perfect, but don’t let your sense of self-awareness keep you from going full throttle every once in a while. A burst of intensity at just the right moment can awaken your inner badass and inspire others.

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Girl, you are all business. It’ll serve you well when shit hits the fan, but it’s never lame to show genuine interest. Igniting your fire inside isn’t so hard. Start with a small gesture to show someone you care and your enthusiasm will be contagious. Soon, life will take on super-exciting new energy.

By Helen Zook

W I L L W H I P P L E / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T.C O M .

THE BREAKDOWN

C Giving a PG hand squeeze. Showing affection ain’t really your thang.


DIOR.COM DILLARD’S

AND YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR LOVE?

T H E N E W E A U D E PA R F U M


Cosmopolitan usa may 2018  
Cosmopolitan usa may 2018  
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