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Research by child development experts

feel guilty because they are leaving

children.” She advocates treating your

over the last few decades has demon-

their home to go to the other parent’s

former spouse with respect just as you

strated numerous benefits to children

home. In addition to maintaining a

would treat a business partner: By not

when their living arrangements enable

healthy family structure, Margolies

asking personal questions or violat-

support from both parents. For that

urges parents to keep a schedule and

ing their privacy and boundaries. She

reason, Margolies recommends hav-

warns against becoming lenient with

also discourages introducing children

ing one parent keep the family home

family rules. “When possible,” she ex-

prematurely to people you are dating,

if at all possible financially, or trying a

plains, “have the same rules and same

as this creates more loss for them if the

“nesting” arrangement where the chil-

bedtime at both homes. If that’s not

relationship doesn’t work out.

dren stay in the home while the parents

possible, the children need to know

leave and return. If neither option is

the respective rules at each home.”

practical, she encourages that parents

“The single greatest factor in helping your children cope with divorce,” Margo-

try not to change schools or move

Current research suggests conflict,

lies reveals, “is to be civil to each other.

away from their children’s friends and

rather than the divorce itself, is the sin-

Put your feelings aside, and be a grown-

support networks. “The least amount

gle most critical factor in determining

up.” She feels it’s never too late to seek

of disruptions in your children’s lives,

children’s post-divorce adjustment. But

help in improving your relationship with

the better it will be for them,” Margolies

how do you make low- or no-conflict

your former spouse, and encourages

says. “Fewer adjustments mean fewer

situations with your ex a reality? Margo-

parents to seek therapy for learning how


lies suggests you start by restructuring

to manage anxiety, anger, and other

your family roles.

uncomfortable feelings toward their for-

She recommends living as close as

mer spouse so they are able to celebrate

possible to the other parent to ease

“You’re no longer husband and wife,”

important family milestones together

the children’s transitions between the

she explains. “Your former spouse is

such as graduations, weddings, and the

two homes. Margolies discourages

now your business partner, and you

birth of grandchildren.

parents from making their children

are in the business of raising your

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Profile for Suzanne Steiner

SIMPLYkc Magazine April 2018  

SIMPLYkc Magazine April 2018