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Wo lamhe Our sweet & sour memories. . . I have now decided to relive all the moments I have spent with you, I can never get that time back in my life, but I can safely keep all those moments spent with you. I would love to give this to you so that you may understand that my love to you was true and pure. It is truth that you are not the first I loved, but now you are the last that I am loving, I loved and will be loving forever n ever . . . Shubham Jain 7/14/2012


The First Look . . . . (XX/XX/2009) Still I remember the day I saw you for the very first time, your first look made me crazy. I was scared too. It was the time when I was childish, decent & an emotional fool. As I had first look of yours in the train I was stuck, I went crazy. I was just like WOW!!! Such a beautiful face I have never came across my life. I remember the first eye contact with you in the train, which made me nervous. I just can’t forget your looks. So beautiful face, stunning perfect shaped body, so shy nature, so lovely eyes, so cute, so perfect.

You were nicely dressed in some light blue salwar suite. I was just getting crazy to know your name & to my luck soon I heard your name “Maya” while everyone was talking to you taking your name. I was getting more and more crazy to talk you, but I stopped, as I thought that you are elder than me so I just controlled myself.

Until we reached home I was just in your thoughts. I was still stuck seeing your face & was still thinking about you. As we reached home, I can’t control myself more and took an initiate to talk to you. I remember the first word you said to me “Dumbo”. My gosh! So sweet voice so cute nature, I went crazy. I just replied “Hey mai koi dombo-bumbo nahi”. Then you sweetly replied “ok sorry ab nai bulayungi”. Then we went on and continued talking to each other. We asked each other’s names, classes & more normal information. As the weather changed inside the home and all members turned to cry out I said “Abhi to sab k sab train mai has rahe the, antakshari khel rahe the, nautanki! Yaha pe aa k ek dum se rone baith gaye ” at that moment you smiled. Yes! You smiled, and that also cause of me. I got crazy to see u smiling; I was just like on the 7th sky. Then


we went upstairs and we played cards. Each time while playing you told me “Dumbo” the more I was attracted to you. At same time I thought that now you should not leave me, you should be with me today, tomorrow & forever. . . I thought that rather than sleeping all the night, I would love to talk you all the night. But unfortunately you had to go, as we stopped playing card’s I said “ok bye, now I am sleeping” then soon u left and I went inside my blanket and kept thinking about you till I was asleep and was in my dreams. ~


The day I live my life to its fullest . . . . (XX/XX/2009)

The moment I wake up I wanted to see your face & again to my luck I succeeded. You were wearing a baby pink colored top. Wet hairs, kajal in eyes well dressed in top and jeans. Then we wished each other a good morning and you left. I just left the bed as soon as I can and had a shower and got ready before you returned. Then we went downstairs and sat on the couch. No one was there in the house except you and me. Then soon we started our conversation & within sometime we went too close to each other. I moved my hand towards yours & held it. I just went mad that I have held a girls hand so tightly and she is not hesitated about it. We just continued to talk and after some time slowly as we were sitting before, now we were just relaxing on the pillows. You tried to move your hand and you succeeded at once, but I was not ready to let you go so, again I moved my hand towards yours and held it tightly cross fingered. I just can’t explain what I was feeling while holding your hand. It was my first time doing such a thing and that was also with you, Oh my gosh!!! We were so close to each other that your hairs touched to my body especially my face. Aah! What a feeling it was, so soft, smooth, silky hairs. We were alone for at least half an hour and in that time we talked a lot, talked??? I would rather say that I listened what you said. After spending some time with you, I was very happy and was not at all ready to leave you. But after that all returned from temple still, I was not ready to leave you but unfortunately you tried and succeeded. ~

After some time when we started to serve others you got angry from me as I did something wrong [I talked about my ex] then you were making faces to me and were not at all ready to talk to me. Then I said sorry to you many times but still no respond, u just ignored me. Then I understood that I have said something that has hurt you a lot. So finally while I was passing from you I said sorry to you


again and kept a piece of cucumber in your mouth and passed. At that moment you looked me and smiled. Yes! You smiled, I don’t know why? Buy your smile was everything to me at that time. ~

Then as soon as we finished we went to Raghav’s room upstairs. You & Raghav both of you known each other and then you both talked to each other, which I didn’t like. Then again you turned to me a soon we all were talking to each other in his room. He was sitting on the other bed and we both were on other. As we all were talking I started to find the moment to hold your hand gain. As I moved my hand towards yours you noticed me and looked directly in to my eyes. I was little afraid as I was not knowing what would be your reaction, but in that eye to eye contact you gave me permission. As soon as I got your permission I just grabbed your hand as soon as it was possible for me to do so. I tried to hide it under the pillow. Those moments were one of the best of my life. Holding your hand, listening your voice, watching your face, spending time with you it was just like a dream in which I am with an angle. Then I told you that I am tired and want to rest and I just laid down on the bed keeping me head on your lap. I can’t explain what was going through my body at that moment. Sleeping keeping my head on your lap and holding your hand so tightly, my heart was skipping beats. The time I spent keeping my head in your lap was the most precious and best time I ever had. ~

With you time passed very fast, hours I spent with you were just like some minutes. I had a plan in my mind; I wanted to spend some time alone with you, just you and me. I than told you that my birthday is on 25th of the same month. I knew that you will surely ask for the treat, and you did the same. I agreed but Akshay and Raghav also wanted to join us. I wanted the time alone with you, but I had to take Raghav with us. We went to the ice-cream shop and I told both of you


to order for yourself as I have decided that I would ask for the same that you would take. In fact I did not want to buy separate from me, I wanted to share the same ice-cream with you. Then we all were confused and at last we all took butterscotch magic cones. We opened our cones and started to eat, as we were about to finish we started to move towards home. Continued‌ ~


A Sevier Heart Break . . . . (Continued)

As soon as we came back your mom told that you are leaving for sagar in the same evening. I was just heartbroken at that moment. I never wanted you to go, to leave me. No this can’t happen, and if it had to so why so early……..I can’t, I can’t let you go away from me. But I can’t stop you from going, as I was none to make any decision at that point. In fact I came with you to see off you at the station. I never wanted you to go. I was just praying for some magic that would stop you, to make you stay with me for next 10 days. As we were waiting on the station for the train to arrive I just went on and hold your hand. I just wanted to hold your hand, for lifetime. I can’t let you go. I can’t let it happen. No you can’t kill me. As we both were talking at that time your mom asked you to stay there, you made her an excuse that you have not brought clothes, what you’ll wear etc. but as she asked you to stay in Bina you said yes and you were very excited too. Your mom reminded you that right now you were saying that you are not staying here as you have not brought clothes what you’ll wear etc… you told her that you will manage it all. At that moment I was broken, it hurt me a lot. I talked to myself that how could she? I mean that she is getting a chance to stay here, here with me she just made a silly excuse and now when she is offered to stay in bina she is ready and so happy. Crab!!! Then again I consolidated myself remembering that I am no one to make any kind of decision in your life, it’s your life and you have all the rights to live it by your own. Then after waiting sometime train reached the platform, you moved in and sat on the window seat. I just held your hand to say you good bye, but instead I wanted to pull you out or to climb up and go with you. Train gave the signal and at that same moment my heart also shouted aloud. Train started to leave, I was still leaving your hand, but as the train moved I had to leave your hand. Again I was alone and heartbroken.


Sign of relief or a Sevier pain . . . . (XX/XX/2009)

I even remember the day I saw you second time after 9 days when you returned from bina. I was totally shocked by your so changed & strange behavior that you showed that day. When I saw you while I was passing nearby the place where you were staying. I noticed you with a little girl. I looked you and got a sign of relief that you are back. But as I tried to talk to you, you just ignored me and commented “Pagal kutte bhok rahe hai, bhokne do” at that moment I was shocked and was not able to understand what have happened to you. Are you the same girl with whom I have spent my life’s best day, that also 9 days before? Is she the same girl who was with me all the time? Who were talking to me so nicely and the one whom I liked a lot? Was she the same whose hand I helded? 1000’s of Question’s ran in my mind, it was a Sevier pain. . . . ~


A happy Ending {New Beginning} . . . . (XX/XX/2009)

In the morning as I was coming to the place, I was unknown that I am going to see you there, but I found you there. I had made my mind that today I am going to dedicate all my time in the work from the morning itself. As I was walking & coming I just saw u standing in the balcony in your night dress. Cold breeze of the morning was just nothing in front of you. I just went crazy about you. Seeing your face in the morning was just like living my life to its fullest. Your hairs played an important role to add beauty to your face; you’re not too big, not to small. Perfect sized cute & killer eyes took my breath away. But I controlled myself from talking to you because of your last day’s behavior. But as I entered the building, you just came to me running from the balcony and we met. We talked for some time and then I just said that I had to go… suddenly your mood turned down. Then after some time when you took shower and washed your hairs, OMG! It was the moment when I wanted to be with you alone not in public. It attracted me towards you. Then I came back to you and initiated to talk, you were still upset and was little angry from me. Then after some time you were normal again your sadness and anger just vanished. I don’t remember how? Then the time moved on and we had the time in our hands, sorry! I had your hand in my hands. We then spent a lot of time with each other. We were not aware of what others will say or think of us, when we both were roaming everywhere holding each other’s hand in hand. Then we spent some time in the balcony where Raghav joined us later, we were cracking jokes on others. After some time I played a song on my cell, song was “I wana fuck you” I dedicated it to you. As you heard the lyrics of the song you just turned your face towards me & you looked directly to my eyes. I just can’t stop myself to tell you everything within that eye contact. At same moment I held your hand more tightly under the pillows and matrices. After that Raghav also played a song on his cell, song was “in dino” as he played that song you started to listen it with your all focus, at that


time I spoke something in between, so you told me to keep quite as it is among one of your favorite songs. ~

Then after sometime we were called to help in serving, I served less and enjoyed your company more. Especially the time when we sat to have our lunch, as I clearly told you to sit next to me. You sat on right side of mine and we were served. I just looked for the moment and moved my hand towards yours there as well, as I wanted to take full advantage of each and every moment that can be possible. Then I was not able to hold your hand for long time, so I started to touch my toe to yours. I also touched your back, your elbow, your waist with my elbow. You were known of all what I was doing, but you never stopped me, you just let it go on and on. . . ~

In the afternoon when we all were sitting in the hall, we just exchanged our numbers. Then we had a plan to make lime juice and then we made it in a jug we wend on the stairs and sat there. you leaned your head on my shoulder and you told me that you are having so much fun, so much good time here that you should have stopped here for last 10 days instead of going bina. Then I held you and gave you a side hug. Later on your mom called you and then you left, I also left with Raghav. After sometime when I returned you were still with your mom & I tried to call you out of the room many times. After 10-15 minutes you came out and I gave you dairy milk I brought for you. A huge smile was on your face and thank you on your lips. You said thank you in a very cute, sweet & childish voice. Then you opened it and offered 1 piece to Raghav and 1 to me, I refused to take it and forced you to eat it first, you did the same had a bite and then offered it to


me, then I took the bite. Then we sat there and finished the whole dairy milk. Then we started to click pictures, we had some singles and some in pair. I remember your blue top that you wore that day. It was the best that looked beautiful on you. After some time my paa arrived and told me to go home and keep his bags, so I took you and Raghav with me as well so that I can get some more time with you in alone. We went home and then and I kept the bags and then we sat in Raghav’s home for some time and talked there. After sometime my mom called me to ask that if you are with us? As your papa was worried about you, so soon we left and returned back. ~

Till the evening everything was over you had to leave for attending some marriage. I decided to leave you to the place you were going to stay, I also asked Raghav to join. We left you at the room and came out. As we were leaving you came out and thanked me. We said bye to each other and we left. ~

As I returned back after leaving you, I was missing you terribly. I wanted to go back to you and hold your hand again. Everyone has left the place till now except me and Raghav. We were still sitting in the balcony. Surprisingly! I saw you coming towards me. You just came upstairs and I asked “yaha kaise aa gai”. You replied that your papa has some work nearby, so you told him that you will be right back in some time. I had got the chance again; I held your hand again. Then we spend out last 15-20 min in the balcony. It was the final time I am going to say you good bye; god only knows when we are going to meet next. After some time you told me that now it’s late and you should leave now. When we stood up you said bye to me and Raghav, and Raghav gave you a side hug. “I was jealous of him


and wanted to throw him away at that moment” Then you opened your arms to me and told me to hug you, I was scared but I moved forward and hugged you too. I can’t forget that last hug, and I never wanted to do so. I just felt like kissing you on your neck and cheeks, but I controlled myself and stopped. As soon as you left the place my eyes splashed and tears rolled down my eyes. After some time I also left. I don’t know what made me cry that day, what was the connection between you and me. I was unaware of my feelings as well as your feelings for me. I never thought that something like this would happen to me or will happen with me, but it just happed & it was the most beautiful and precious moment that I would remember for my whole life time. ~


More than two years in between . . . . (2009-12)

The times we met, the time we spent is unforgettable. But life moves on & on and days passed…. Even when I had your number I thought of calling you many times at many moments but I can’t, as I was not able to do it. But I wanted to talk to you once, so I gathered all my courage and dilled your number, when the call was answered I thought that you would answer it, but instead your mom picked it. I was little tensed but I managed to talk to her and then she handed it to you. I still remember that when I heard your voice on phone I thought that I am talking to anyone else, not you as your voice seemed to be totally different. After that day I decided to call you at least once in a month. Our talks were just common; we even talked about the time we spent together with each other. I remember the call u made to me in evening nearby 7:00 PM we generally talked for some time, and that day you asked me a question “Do you love me?” I was little shocked to listen this question of yours, I didn’t answer you at once, you repeated the same question thrice and at last I answered “yes” and to that answer your reply was “Oh! shit” then you told that you are committed and you can’t leave him. At that time when I listened these lines I was ‘crushed’ my heart exploded. I just felt like being alone in some disaster. I didn’t want to hurt you so, I kept quiet and did not took any action on it. You also continued to tell me all what happed with you in past time/years, and really I was speechless & at that time I thanked god that you are committed to someone, cause he is with you and he can take care better of yours. After that day I just stopped to call you, but I didn’t fully stopped we continued to talk, but this time very limited times & on very limited topics. ~


On January 2001, I received your call in the morning. You wished me the Happy New Year very sweetly but as I was disturbed due to some reason I just replied you same to you and kept the phone down. Then after some time I recognized that I have committed a mistake, I should not have talked to you so rudely, so I called back you again. It was clearly noticed by your voice that your mood was spoiled, but I explained it to you and slowly slowly your mood changed and you were fine! Then you told me something which you always used to tell me thereafter, you said “Forgive me for all the pains I gave you” as you finished I replied “bas, itna sa”. When I said that you kept silent for few seconds and replied “Nanu this is something what I only say to those whom I really care” when you said this you started to cry, as it was recognized by your low voice clearly. I didn’t take it seriously and you disconnected the call & I thought of calling you back but I can’t as I was also mentally disturbed. I never wanted to tell you why I behaved like that, on that day. But now I would like to tell you that it was because of my breakup with my ex due to which I was mentally disturbed. ~


I got your cell no . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

Like a normal time I called you & talked to you for some time, after talking some time I don’t know what came in to my mind so I asked to you that if you have your personal cell or not? And to my luck you told me that you have and you gave me your number, you also told me not to SMS on that number until I receive any SMS from your side. After talking to you I just went for a sleep as I had not slept last night. When I wake up I checked up my cell & I noticed that I have received two messages from your side. And as soon as it was possible I also searched for a sweet SMS and forwarded you. I was so happy that after 2 Yrs 8 months now I have your cell number. Now I don’t need to wait if I have to contact you or I need to convey anything to you as SMS is the best way to convey your feelings, thoughts & emotions to someone and that also without nay fear. All night I just thought to tell you what I felt about you as soon as possible, but I controlled myself and slept happily as I got your cell number. ~


Evening that changed everything . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

I can hardly forget any day I spent with you or the day I talked to you, but this is the most special and very important day. It had been 10 days when I got your cell number & we have started to text each other many times a day. We came too close to each other but, yet something was missing. Recently I have texted you in one of my message that “I love you” but I was not at all serious to it. But I became serious to you, to every word I told you after this day’s evening. It was an ordinary day when it started but it ended in such a way which made it an unforgettable historical date in our lives. We started our SMSing like normal, but which took a turn and brought everything out of our minds. As our hearts were shouting it loudly but our tongue was scared to speak it and we were not bring it out what was going inside us. It was the most beautiful evening in my life that I can’t forget in my whole life. the way we were passionate about each other, the way we showed our love to each other, the way we conveyed our thoughts to each other, the way we looked deep in each other’s eyes, the way we kissed, the way we smooched, the way we made out love. All that happened made me crazy and out of my mind. An unexpected surprise, way of expressing true love, way to understand each other better, a way to heaven, what else we wanted …??? The time we were with each other is really unforgettable. I never felt that all that happened is not real, I can’t believe that what all happened that day was on cellphone and that too on SMSes. The day on which you got your love after so many waiting years ‘one of your message said’. The day you told me that ‘you love me too’ at that same time I became serious to you and understood that to which feeling I was always ignoring and giving it a name of “lust” from always and was not taking you serious, actually it was love “True love” Now it was a fresh starting of our love towards each other, which was built on:


 True feelings  Pure love  Respect And  Understanding

I really started to care for you like a life partner of yours, who will never break your trust and will be always there with you in all your pains and sorrows. I decided that I can fight the whole world for you but will never let you go down because of me. I can bear all the pains just to see you smiling all the time. And I made a promise to myself that I will never change as you loved me for what I am, not what you can make or change. ~


The day I received your pic’s . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

I am sure that you would be surprised that I even remember this day. I even know that you don’t remember it. Buy how can I forget this so important day yar? The day I was able to see you, I mean your face, your photo after so long time. As I received your first picture I was totally shocked, it was very difficult for me to believe that were you, & I am the one whom you love in this whole world. I was just ‘Fuck man’. Is she the same girl I have been in a relationship with from past two months? Man, she don’t deserve me, she really deserves better than me. I really went crazy as I started to receive your photos; I went crazy and started kissing each and every photo of yours that I received. I just copied it to my cell phone and started to see it continuously. I just thought to upload it on Facebook and show everyone that how lucky I am, but then I controlled my mind and stopped doing any sort of nonsense. But after that I started loving you more n more. I used to see your pic’s again and again many times a day. It became my sleeping pill; I started to wake up seeing it and go to sleep after kissing it. This day is not at all important for you to remember but it is very important day for me to remember. . . . ~


Day I never wanted to face . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

I thought that I would never face this day, but if I had to not this early. Now I am so thankful that I faced it as soon as possible as now I don’t have anything left behind to hide from you, you know my whole past now. If it would have not happened that day, then I would have taken a very long time to even think of confessing to you about my past. As it happened and now you know my past, the part of my life which I hate a lot & I in which I committed mistakes. I wanted to get out of it, but the truth is that it will never leave me. I know it hurt you a lot & I made you cry a lot. But I always wanted that I should tell myself that also when you will be with me, I never wanted that you may come to know all this from anyone else. So that I may stand with you or to support you to handle this shock, but unfortunately I was not physically present with you at that time when you faced it all, I am really sorry for it. But I am always with you if not physically, I am there with you mentally. My love I am always with you. I am really sorry for all mistakes that I committed in my past, and I promise that I will never commit any mistake that hurt you in future. ~


Day we were caught . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

Life is very unpredictable & full of surprises. We are happy at one moment and we may have to face sadness at other moment. Problems & their solutions, both are the two different sides of life. When everything was just going fine till tonight, our lives took a turn. We never talked about it but we both have an idea that this can happen or I’ll rather say that this will happen one or another day. I never wanted this to happen as I knew that if it happens, you will have to suffer a lot, you have to listen a lot & it will give you a lot of pain. But as I told that life is unpredictable it happened, happened the same night. Your mom caught your cell and everything going between us was disclosed. I don’t know what happened with you, but I can surely say that you faced a lot in comparison to what I have faced here. I am really sorry for what all you have faced for being in relationship with me, and I was no present with you beside you to hold you, to support you, to kiss your forehead, to offer my shoulder to rest, to consolidate you, to make you smile back. I never wanted you to face such kind of situation alone but . . . I am just sorry. ~

I really can’t explain the pain I had faced in the last 6 days when I was not able to talk to you. I was so much in you that it was very difficult for me to keep away from talking to you. You are my soul, without I was just an empty body which was living with a heart, without heartbeat & soul. I was not beaked as I knew that some or the other day I will receive your call but, still it was a killing feeling inside me, I never wanted it to be for a long time. Every morning I wake up I just think that today I am going to receive your call or your message. I waited for


it days & nights. I controlled myself from bursting out in to tears as I have promised you that I will no cry, but my heart was continuously crying tears of blood. I also tried to act that it doesn’t affect me a lot if I am not talking to you or I am not contacting you, but I failed. Each time I tried it, the more I got worried about you and more I wanted to be with you. ~


Clouds of trouble moved {your call} . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

Yes! My love win’s, I received your call and I was so excited that I just wanted to dance on the road where I was standing, a sign of relief. I knew that you will call me, as I knew that our love is true and in this case heart is never wrong, especially when my heart beat’s only for you, In fact I should say that my heartbeat is you. As I picked up the call I heard your voice from the other side. You explained me what happened that night & what all you have faced after that. You told me what your mom told you about me, I don’t care as I knew my love is not so week that my maya will have any doubt on it. I remember each and every word that we exchanged in that 10 minutes conversation. I was full of joy and was on top of the world when I was listening your voice after a long time. I am not able to write much here as I really wanted to move on to the next important date, as I that as much as I write will be less, so I would just say that your faced your fear and contacted me today, and I am very thankful to you for that as if you have not contacted me, I would not have able to live. I would have died. ~


Unforgettable Night . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

The night we realized what we feel for each other, how much we need each other. I can’t explain why I need you, why I love you so much. I only can tell that I want you and I love you more than I would love anything in this world. Night started as a normal night (whereas night with you are not so normal) but ended with some new experience and new passion. I remember your voice while you were with me your touch & your senses that made me wild and we exceeded all our limits and we were so much in each other that no one can separate us. Every time I am with you on the phone I just want it to be forever, I never want to end a call. If we can’t be with each other every time, but we can easily hear each other every time. But we don’t need that also as “we are two body’s with one soul, two life’s that lives as one. Two flowers but one bowl N two hearts that beat as one” we can live happily as we live for each other. Our love grows day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second & takes us to the 7th cloud where only you and I are present. Our world which is full of love, I just want you to love to the fullest without ending. I love you from the bottom of my heart, truly, madly, deeply that to forever. . . . . All night passed talking to you and making out love with you, feeling you with me all the night is always the best time of my life. We made out and at each moment I was going on and on, it was getting difficult for me to continue, thinking about the pain you were facing. But I can’t stop, as I wanted to tell you that how much I love you. I wanted to fulfill your all needs and give you the love which belongs to you. Whole night we were awaked & I was not at all sleepy even for a single second, I just wanted time to stop, just you and me loving each other to the fullest without caring about the world. I promise that my arms are the best and secure place for you. I always wanted you to come in my arms and spent your whole life with me. Every second I felt that we are not away from each other, we are just together, holding each other, hugging each other, we are just together, holding each other, hugging each other, kissing each other, going deep in love with each other. After that we texted each other in the morning. I was not at all able to understand,


what had happened to us? Why we are so incomplete without each other? All night seems to be a dream, which I wish could come true soon. It was all you and me. All the words & texts we exchanged are still in my heart, in my mind. ~

I just loved the time when I was gain with you in the shower; each and every drop falling on me was just like touch of yours on my body. When you were on the phone it seemed that you are present with me in the shower. Your body touched mine, hands in hand, cross fingered. Even no space between our faces to allow air to pass. What inebriety was over us, it is impossible to explain. I always forget that I was over the call, as I could sense you with me always. I always remember the night I had spent with you and the time which we had with each other. I have your one of your SMS which you strictly told me not to delete. Your message was . . . “My shona my honey bby fr al d 8 days u wl tc of urslf w wl be hpy jst thnk abt ystrdy nte wenevr u fl upst I wl be wid u I am wid u I love you shub mis u alt alt so mch dr I wl be bck soon jst cis ur eyz I wl ber oh chicku luv u tc mis u hug u kis u Umhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh….. dnt delete dis msg n read it daily k n wid lts of luv n kises bye bye bacha tata c c soon”

After reading this message I was not left with any word to say. Every message you send, you put your heart in it. I really can’t do it but I would say that nanu also loves you so madly and truly that no one else can. I respect you, and I love you more than anything in this world. ~


I remember the day 22nd of May when I told you that I am coming to meet you on 25th of May on my birthday. You were just amazed and surprised and it is common, as many times we planned it out but we were not able to meet. I would say that I was no able to come. But this time when it was finally decided, I could feel how much happy you were, your cheeks would have looked like you have “gulabjamun” both the side in your mouth. You would have felt like that you have got everything in the life. If not, no problem but it happened with me as I was coming to meet you and that also on my 18th birthday. I can’t tell how I felt on the nights till the 25th came. I was not able to believe what I have said to you and promised. I was so happy as I was going to meet you but, I was tensed as well as I knew that on 25th I am going for a return trip to sagar which will consume at least 10-11Hrs so I was planning it out and also planning what to tell at home. I planned it out. On 23rd I went nearby 8 shops in Bhopal to search for the ring for you, at last I reached one of the Archie’s and went through all the rings available in the store. Out of all rings I liked the one, but I still searched… I was searching for a silver sing with two small diamonds over it, but none like that appeared to me in any of the stores. So I decided to pick the one I gave you. Whole night I was thinking about the moment when I’ll give you the ring, I planned that I’ll go down on my knees and then propose you and give the ring to you. ~


Day we met after three years . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

“I never hoped that on my birthday I would get the best gift available in this world. But it happened, I met you on my 18th birthday, I saw you, I touched you, I hugged you I mean…. I was with you, I met you” On 25th morning I just left the bed at 7:00 AM. I just got ready as soon as possible and went temple to pray to god for the success of my trip. When I returned home, I got your text that your mom is not allowing you to leave the home, not even for tuitions. I was tensed as I thought that I have to cancel the plan. Then after sometime your another text reached, it said “that it’s now or never agar abhi nahi mile to god knows kab milange, you just come I’ll handle it. Today if I even get the 2 Min with you will be more than anything” after reading it was confirmed that I we are meeting today, as I was leaving I got a call from ramesh. He wished me happy birthday & asked for the plan, I told him that I am leaving sagar and will be back till night, I asked him to join me, and we left as soon as possible. We rushed towards bus stand as there was no train to sagar that time, so we took the first bus that was just about to leave. Bus driver told that it will take 4hrs to reach sagar, time passed but I reached nowhere, it was over than 5 hrs. and I was still I bus. When I entered sagar, I received your mgs asking where I have reached. I asked the driver and told you, he told that it will take nearby 45 min to reach makronia. I told him to let me get down on next auto stand. From their I took the auto to makronia. I was continuously receiving your texts that it’s getting late and you have to leave. I told auto wala to drive fast as fast as he could. It was correct 5:37 when I reached paradise, I was able to recognize you easily from the gate itself. Your body language clearly told me how much tensed you are. As I reached closer to you & as I saw your face I just said “shit! You can’t be the one whom I was talking from past 4 months. It was unbelievable for me to understand that really I have traveled 200 Kms from the morning and now you are really in front of me. We were meeting after 3 years.” You just called me and walked towards your active and I walked towards you. You just wished me “Happy Birthday” and asked for the hug. As we hugged, a current ran in my veins


all through my body. I tried to make that moment same as I told you once in one of my messages, “Whenever we hug, maya’s face will be down on my chest to make her secure and feel my love, and my face will be up so that no one dares to look at her” Then instantly you took out the chocolate’s and gave them to me. then you told me to close your eyes, I did the same. When I opened my eyes I saw a cut little doll in your hand “my choti maya” I was just . . . . I don’t have words to tell. Then I opened the silk and gave its first bit to you then I had a bit of it. Then we talked for some minutes and my hands were on my pocket to take out the ring on the right moment. While you were talking to me. I just took the ring out of my pocket and I was continuously seeing your face, you were little shocked and very happy. I then just went down on my knees & proposed you. you moved your hand towards me and I moved the ring in your ring finger and made you mine forever “Aaj kal wala forever nahi jis ke warranty shadi ke 2 saal bad khatam ho jati hai, I meam wo purine zamane wala forever hamesha wala” after that I stood up and we hugged again. As we were hugging each other you hit a four! “moke pe chouka” you instantly kissed me on my cheeks and on my lips in public. That was shocking for me! then I took out my cell and told ramesh to take pictures of us. I stood next to you holding your hand and covering you from the back & in second pic I just changed my side and put my hand on your shoulder. Then you told me that you are getting late and you left the after at 5:57 PM. As soon as you left I decided to wash my face and to have something to eat. Suddenly in next 5 min my cell beeped again. It was you saying “dr I wnt to gv 1mr thk whn I txt u just cm outside d htl alone k” I thought that you are talking about the kiss ;-). I then instantly moved to the gift center and searched for gift that I can give to you, as I planned to buy it when I would have reached sagar, but unfortunately lack of time I was no able to do so. I just saw a nice couple showpiece and searched for candies and I got it. I just rushed the counter to get it wrapped. ~


Then we went out and I thought ramesh is with me and he might be hungry so we went to the chat stall which was in front of us. It was very difficult for me to eat it down from my throat. As we were standing there, suddenly you arrived. Ramesh told me that the girl standing there is calling you, I ignored him. I replied home that she might be calling you, you go to her. As I went towards you, I saw you calling me, I just rushed towards you. You took out a role from your active and handed it over to me. I thought that it is a hanging scroll. But when I looked it from aside, I was clearly able to see the mark of your kiss on it. Then I understood that it was no any hanging scroll, it’s a “love letter”. I just wanted to open it there itself and read it, but I controlled myself and decided to read it in alone, when I’ll reach home. We soon then headed towards the station to know the status of next train to Bhopal, and to our luck it was the last train to Bhopal that night. We then waited at the platform till train arrived, as train arrived we moved in. It took 4 Hrs to reach bina, all the time I was in the train I was just thinking of jumping out of the train and come back to you as it was very difficult to go away from you. After reaching bina I called you back, and then we rushed to take the next train to Bhopal. Then I called you back when we were in the train. Then we talked for some time and then you told me to call you once I reach vidisha. As I reached vidisha I tried to call you, no answer so I texted you. Then we reached Bhopal in next 2 Hrs and we ran out of station to auto stand & left for bus stand where I parked my bike. We reached out there and I drove back to home as fast as possible. I dropped ramesh back to home, and drove back to home. Then I tried to call you once again to inform you that I have reached home safely, but no answer again. As soon as I got inside my room, I locked the door and took out your letter, as I read it tears rolled out of my eyes. I read it twice, thrice and on and on… I just kissed both of your kisses again and again, many times. I was able to feel you in them. It was just like kissing you red juicy lips again & again continuously. It was the best birthday gift that anyone could have got in this whole world. I just felt of coming back sagar to you and kiss u and hug you tightly. That night I was only able to sleep for 1 hour and then I was enjoying the slide show of our memories that was running through my mind. All those sweet moments that we have 3 years back and yesterday. Oh1 my sweetu all those gifts those you gifted me were very special for me sweet chocolate’s, a sweet choti


maya, and your love letter but most important & precious gift was your time, your unconditional love & trust and your presence in my life. I really don’t know that I would be alive or not if I have not got you & your love. But today I am making you a promise that anything worst happens in my life, but I am not going to hurt myself or to make any harm to me. As I know that now you are connected to me and if I do so, it will harm, pain u a lot. And till I am alive I promise that I am not going to give you any pain knowingly or unknowingly. Even I’ll try to protect you from all the pains & sorrows in your life. I will be like a protection shield to you, so that anything which tries to harm you will have to face me first. Maya I just wanted you to be with me forever. If not now, I wish I could celebrate all my coming birthdays with you… to make it more special. Now I am waiting for 5th march 2013 to make that day special for you ……….. ~


Maya hai . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

Nothing special in this except you, your name. I remember the night you told me about our habit of telling your name to everyone. You told that when you were small if anyone visited your home & dose not ask you your name or does not pay attention to you “Not paying attention to you? Impossible” you would not like it and you just go in front of them and tell “maya hai… maya hai…” I can’t use voice in this text file otherwise I would have added it in my voice and that only for you. I used to love it most because whenever I think about the incident that would use to happen with you in your childhood brings a huge smile on my face. I mean “you are just 4 years old so cute doll, so innocent. You just visited In front of everyone folding your hands with so much innocence in your eyes and would use to say maya hai… maya hai…” Woo! I just can’t tell what it is. I really want to see you doing it. I really love each and every thing of yours. I love everything you did, and will do in future. I really love your voice which made me your fan 3 years back, I love your face which made me fall in love with you when I looked it first. I love your heart as it was so pure and open to me on our very first meeting. I mean, I just love you till the peak of mountain in the world. ~


Second meet within a month . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

Really I was very worried that this time it was not confirmed that I am coming to attend marriage due to my disease, which was not cured. But fortunately I recovered and was able to travel. As I reached sagar on 23rd night I wanted to meet you at same night, same time. But unfortunately it was not possible. I went to bed, but I was not at all sleepy. I just slept for 2 to 3 Hrs and wake up at 5:30 AM. Really maya, I wanted you to be with me all the time with me in that bed all the time I was in the hotel. I just passed my time and went to have shower till 8:30 AM. Then after taking shower when I opened my bag, to my bad luck I forgot to bring the packet of my jeans, I left it in Bhopal. I was pissed off in my pants at that fucking moment. Then I asked for the nearby shops to buy 1 jeans for attending the morning program. I went market and selected one jeans and rushed back to hotel and got ready in 10 minutes and we all left for the marriage hall. ~

As we reached the hall, my eyes started searching you everywhere. Soon I was spot your parents, but only one thing that was missing was “You”. After 1015 Minutes I spotted you, wearing yellow top, black jeans, a watch a bangle and a bracelet in left hand. I was sitting on the chair and was continuously watching you. You met everyone, but still your eyes were searching someone whom you have not spotted yet, it’s me. You kept meeting everyone and also kept searching for me as well. Finally our eyes met looked me; I was still looking you continuously. You were not able to make eye contact with me for much time and you moved your eyes. But I was still continuously looking you. I was clearly able to see the fear on your face of not meeting me in public. You tried to hide it under your smile, but I am sorry to tell you that you can’t hide your pains from me. Then


after sometime function started & you sat on the very first chair of 4th row. I was clearly able to observe your face from the place where I was sitting. You were also trying to look me from aside. But you saw me continuously looking you & you moved your eyes very soon. I loved that Hide N Seek between you and me, which our eyes played. After sometime vinita took you and Raghav upstairs with her, I noticed it and followed you. I saw you sitting on the chair and occupied the chair in front of you. We just said hi hello. I just took out my camera and took your two snaps. Soon after that we went down. I thought that I would hold your hand and not let you go away. I just wanted you to be alone with me. I wanted to kiss you, hug you and love you. I wanted to play with your hairs & much more… when we went down you just went away with vinita. After sometime when all were enjoying on the beats of dhol, I just took out my camera and started to take pictures. When you were dancing I was able to take some pictures of you as well. After that when all were having lunch I was sitting with Raghav and poo. When Raghav was not there you just came and took his seat. You told poo to see that I have my lunch properly & you just left in seconds. After that we both continued to play Hide N Seek, Hide N Seek of our eyes. Then after that all of us went upstairs. All settled down and we continued our game. After sometime I told poo that I am not feeling well, and I took her with me downstairs. I told her that I am feeling very low as I am I am not able to meet you even when you are in front of me. She told me not to spoil my mood, you will be able to meet her toll the night. Then we came back again. She talked to you and you started to cry, I think she talked to you about me. You kept your head on her lap and you were crying. Raghav came to me and told me that you are crying. At that moment I thought of coming to you, hold you & hug you tightly. I wanted to kiss your forehead say you that “maya baby please don’t cry, now your nanu, you chiku is with you. Please stop crying” I came closer to you and sat beside you. You stopped crying & sat with me. After sometime I laid down and suddenly you took out my specs and wore it. It looked great on you. Then your mom called you and you left. Then I talked to Vinita and poo then I also left. ~


As I left the packet of my jeans back in Bhopal, I went to market again and purchased one for the night reception. Then after half an hour I came back. Then I went to my room as I wanted to have shower badly. Then we all got ready and left for the marriage hall again. As we reached again I started to search you. As I noticed you my mouth was just left open, you looked so beautiful, so dashing, so cute in your purple dress with lovely earrings. After sometime I just went upstairs to meet Raghav as he was yet getting ready. As I turned around, I saw you coming towards me. I went towards you and stood next to you. You told me to give you a hug, and I just hugged you tightly. You kissed my lips & cheeks. Again I hold your hand. We told Akshay to take our couple photo, and he clicked. Then I came close to you and moved my hand towards your waist and I held it. Suddenly you held my hand & took me with you. Wow!!! The moments I wanted all day from the morning. We just hugged each other again and again. We kissed; we smooched, the way you looked deep into my eyes. I just love everything that happened between you and me. I just can’t forget the moment I held your waist and the moment I picked you up in my arms and kissed you. You were so happy, but the combination of fear and happiness on your face was not letting me to leave you. I took out my camera and clicked your snaps. Then as you turned and was about to leave, I held your hand and turned you back to me. The way you turned, the way you looked me was Ahhhhh!!! I can’t explain that feeling, that moment. We kissed & hugged each other again. Then you left, after sometime when you left I also followed you. Then you were in the dining area. After searching you here and there I finally found you. I just came near to you and you gave me the half piece of the sweet, you don’t give it in my hand in fact you put it in my mouth. Then I just picked up a “Baraf ka gola” and tasted it and then I offered it to you. We both together finished it & I picked up another one. Yar I can’t tell what I was feeling at that moment, standing between the entire crowd, not only unknown crowd even our families and parents. But we didn’t cared for anyone at that moment. We were so much in to each other, that nothing matters us more than being together with each other. After all it happened 1 thing was still missing, the surprise. Yes! The surprise gift I wanted to gift to you, album. Yes the album I made of yours and mine photos. I wanted to gift it to you. I wanted you to take it with you and keep it with you so that next time if you want to see me, you may


see my photos. As I gave you the album, I wanted you to open it in alone, but you opened it in front of everyone, that’s not a problem. You didn’t say anything nor did anything as all were standing with us, but I knew what you wanted that time. I am sure that if we both were alone at that time you would definitely hug me and kissed me many times. My shona baby I wanted to do the same, but we both were helpless. Then soon you all went downstairs and told me to come back later. After sometime I also came downstairs. Then I heard my papa saying that we are leaving now. I don’t want to leave; I don’t want to go away from my shona baby. But again I was helpless and I had to. When all my family left I came back running inside to say you Good bye for the last time, as I knew that now it is not fixed when we are going to meet again, but unfortunately I was only able to see you from far away and say good bye from there as you were standing with your family. Yaar I can’t tell you that what I was feeling when I was leaving, even I was not able to talk to you via call or SMS, when I was leaving. All the time I was in the car, I was just missing you more and more as I was going far and far away from you. but all the sweet memories I had with me & I hope I gave you same as well. I was so happy for the time I spent with you and even you were in front of my eyes for so much time after so many years, I hope it was just the starting. We met second time within 30 days this time, and I want to continue it. I want to decrease the number of days and increase the number of our meetings. ~


The Last call . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

As we were not able to talk to each other from last one month as your brother back to home. It is very difficult to pass my days, especially nights. As now I am in a habit of being with you all the nights, so it is very difficult to pass my days and nights without you, your presence. Hopefully today you were alone in home and you called me and we talked for a while. Yes we talked over 45 min, but talking to you for whole life is still less for me. I thought now after some days we will again start talking to each other daily, but who knows that it is the big silence before the storm. Yes storm! Nearby at 9:00 Pm ganju mama called my mom and told her what was going on between you and me? He directly asked my mom that where was I on 25th May, he told that I visited sagar to meet you. He told that all it is disclosed to all our relatives in ashoknagar. Mom told me all this as she completed the call. I was really pissed off at that time when I came to know that it is disclosed to all. I was tensed and was really panic, not because we were caught, I was tensed that because of all this now you will have to suffer a lot and that also alone. At that time I wanted support, but more than that I wanted to be with you and handle the situation or to take all the blames to me. On the very next day I received call from Raghav. He told me the whole story. He told me who disclosed all this in public. He told me that “Kapoor mama” did all this he told this to everyone, he told that he had heard you and me talking to each other about our love marriage and about running away from home for marriage and all stuff. When I heard this I was just “Fuck him man” how could he say all this bull shit stuff, as on that day we only met in the evening and there was no conversation between you and me, so from where all this stuff came from. He continued to tell everyone that all this was going between us from last 3 Years, from the first time when we met in 2010. I just thought of going to ashok nagar and slap him and ask him face to face, but I controlled as at that time even if I have kept a single wrong step, it would have directly affected you so I was helpless. ~


“Next day evening again ganju mama called my mom and told her that your mom is saying to come to Bhopal and sort out all the matter. He told her to call your mom. My mom talked to yours for some time and then I told her to give the phone to me. As I took the call and I said ‘hello’ I was bombarded with thousands of questions at once. She asked me how I have contacted you after April, she asked if you have called me. I said yes you called me to tell that there is nothing between us, but I insisted you and made the situation like that, so that we continued to talk each other. She also asked me where I met you in sagar when I visited there. I told her that I hardly know sagar so I don’t remember the name and place, I said this to neglect other questions. She told me that I was wrong all the times. I thought that I would explain her, but I know that it would have made none difference as “it is waste to give explanation as the person against you will not believe it and the person who is with you will not need it” and further she asked more and more questions. I tried to ship all of them but I have to answer some of them, but what all I tried is to answer all the questions in your favor and against me. all the time I wanted to call you and talk to you and tell you that ‘maya baby what all is happening us right now is because of our time is not going good, everything will be fine’ I told her that it is not going to happen again and I will surely notify her if you call me gain in future. But reality is that it will never happen again as I am putting an end to this as “true love does not have a happy or sad ending, in fact it does not have an ending at all” I told her that can I talk to you to clear it out all, but she told that you are not well & suffering from fever and you are sleeping. She told me to promise that


all this will not continue any more in further, I promised her and sorted out the situation for that time. ~


End if my life . . . . (XX/XX/2012)

It happened… what should not be happened has happened today. I never wanted such a thing to happen in my life. I made a call to your home to talk to you once, to hear your voice, to tell you that maya you are not all alone your nanu is with you, I knew that I can’t save you from all the pains from which you were going through, but I wanted to promise you that you are not alone I am here with you all the time to share all your pains. I wanted to tell you that I am nothing without you. I really wanted to handle out this situation as soon as possible and it doesn’t matter me for that what all pains I may have to face, I wanted you out from all this stuff. I can’t see any one blaming you, so I took all the blames from you and even you can put the blames on me. I just wanted to talk to you once to tell all this, but I heard your voice on the phone saying that you never want to talk me again. Even you don’t want to see me again. As I heard this I was fully broken. It really hurt me a lot; all these words were like arrows passing through my chest. I was dead at that time & I don’t want to live. I wanted to kill my body as my soul left me, you left me. But something was stopping me from doing it, from taking this step. It was a prison for me as I promised you that whatever happens in my life, I promise that I am not going to hurt myself as you told that it would have hurt you the same, and I never wanted to give pain to you. ~


As I promised you that I will not hurt myself and I will never get you down and I am following those promises. I am accepting all the blames on me, as if I ignore or reply back, people will just point out figures on you that I will never tolerate and I will never make it happen till I am alive. I have suffered the pain of losing the one you love the most, I have felt that pain. The pain that no other can understand till he/she himself/herself had gone through it. But your entrance in my life, your love, your care just changed me. I am not the one who has any sorts of pain in his heart. There is only love and lots of love which belongs to you. I can never forget you even I had past relationships, but I never cried with any one feeling their pains. But now I did it, as I really feel you. You are always with me, on my mind. Now I don’t live like a dead person, now I am full of life. I am full of life, full of joy. I am just like a normal happy man in front of whole world. But from inside, I am fully broken. I am daily waiting for your call or SMS as I knew that some or the other day you will definitely call me or text me. but when I didn’t receive your message or call, I just give silly excuses to myself. I just keep on saying that you are testing my love or you are waiting for the correct time or you might be testing that can we live without each other or not. But I really don’t know that will happen??? But 1 thing that I am 100% sure is that I love you very much and you love me back. I just can’t stop myself from making future plans. Maya I can’t let you go away as I read somewhere that “love is not sitting back and seeing your love go, love is to bring her/him back to you” and it’s my believe and promise to myself that my love will bring you back to me one day. If anyone asks me that till when I am going for you to come back??? My answer will be “I am going to love you till I can forget you or until you realize that you can’t forget Me.” my love to


you was always true and pure, I have never cheated on you. I even don’t know that will you read this all what I am writing or you will ever come to know that how much I love you. I really don’t know the answer but I have trust and hope on my love. I am really going to wait for you till the end of my life. . . . . . Many people told me that this is not he age you will fall in love, its onl attraction. But I don’t think so. As if it is just an attraction than I would have switched to any another girl easily as soon as I got any. But I know that no one would have travelled for continuous 15 Hrs to meet here girlfriend that also for meeting just 10 – 15 Minutes. I travelled it as I love you and you are my love not any time pass girlfriend. Writing all this, remembering all the dates, all the moments …. What is all this??? Is it my attraction? Can any one answer it? I don’t know, what I know is that I am doing what I like and what brings myself more closer to me. I really don’t know that in life again you are even going to see my face or not??? Will you understand me, my situation & my love . . . . ??? All these questions are really painful and there answers are too. But I promise that anything happens in my life or in yours “Nothing’s gonna change my love for you” there are very less times when I am upset and thinking of you, many times I just forget you. But whenever I remember you I remember you from the bottom of my heart and with pure soul and true feelings. It is very difficult to sleep in some nights; the fear of losing you is my biggest weakness. I just recall all the moments I spent with you, all the moments we were together, all the photos we clicked together, all the nights we used to talk to each other, the addiction of each other. I just wanted you to read it once, once to understand me, my feelings & my love. I always needed you and will need you forever. I can’t live without my soul. I don’t want you to come to me leaving all others and live with


me always. What I wanted is that you live your life happily & never misunderstand my love and me. I don’t want any importance in your life; I want importance in your mind, in your heart.

I can just keep on writing and writing, but what I really want to convey you is too big to write or explain, but it’s too small for you to understand. I just want to say that “I love you maya, you are my life. I want you to be with me my futuristic wife” That’s all what I wanted to say to you. What all I have written is not to keep our memories safe, my main aim was to relive each and every moment what I wrote. And it really happened, as I was writing I was able to feel all those moments that I explained above. In future, if we had more beautiful moments, none of them can take place of what have been written over here. Now all our sweet memories of our life are on these papers. Now if I die, then also after my death I can convey my love and feelings to you. Now I would like to say that “Forgive me for all the pains I gave you” . . . . . . . I really mean these words a lot. I just want you to understand me and my love to you. I want you to just live your life happily after reading this. I really don’t want you to spoil your life even after reading this. One more thing that this is just a small part of our life on these pieces of papers, it will never have “The End” it will always “To Be Continued . . .”

Maya hai . . . . !!!

~

Wo lamhe