M A G A Z I N E issue four.
Photo: Brynn Chadwick.
issu e #4 Spooky sh!t 42
Who the f@#k is Joey orme? 64
Shed bash 70
Spring Blows. Words by Luke Gibney. Spring kicked off with unrivalled enthusiasm to still get in a few shrelps before the summertime wave blues really set in. I got in the faithful whip & started to have a Geez of a handful of local spots as the morning onshore whipped itself foul head into action. Not to be deterred & still keen as sin to get a slider, I went & picked up a Tony Abbott Surf Squad veteran who has also served under the likes of Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd & possibly even ol’Johnny Howard. We ventured to a protected nook out of the wind but still it was a no go. Today was not looking like the wave filled day we had hoped for so we instead opted for the next best solution to this sunny Thursday. It had nudged past 10 o’clock so on our trip home we both eagerly decided why not make the day that much more enjoyable by grabbing a few crispy cool road sodas from the local Dan Murphy’s. We snapped open our tins of brew and were on our way home for a glorious day in his backyard listening to Townes Van Zandt &
to knock the froth off a few. The booze tasted way too good and as always another slab of lagers was in order. It seems to be the local curse. Once you start you’re not going to stop until you’re good & hammered which usually is after a few days of hard drinking to make sure you’ve done the job good & proper. What better way we thought to wait for some swell to hit home with some favorable winds. Little did we know this would be a big hint of things to come & would sum up our entire Spring. The onshore kept howling nonstop, day & night. Windows continued to rattle as if they were going to almost certainly fly off into the wind that howled like a wolf stuck in a bear trap. Everyone’s old wooden fences were soaked with booze tainted urine we all pissed up yet another paycheque waiting for even a hint of better days on the wave front. Nights were being spent wobbling around fires like our Irish ancestors,
listening to good ol’Rock & Roll with slurred whispers of a possible swell coming that inevitably, time & time again would never arrive. Yes swells were as reliable & as trustworthy as a heroin addict. After month upon month of this we had all given up & succumb to our booze hounding ways. There’s a good chance that you’re more likely to score waves climbing the hills of Pakistan than to get a decent slider around here at the moment. Maybe my memory has been affected by the liquor fuelled, fun filled nights of late or is it possible that this is the most depressing swell drought on record? All we can do is go down to the Surf club, order up another round & wait for the day that a fresh groundswell steams on home over the horizon. Yes Sir, just like those onshore winds, this Spring Blows. - Gibbez.
K ing O f T he T urd
KOTT 2013 King of The Turd was meant to be like any other camping trip, skating and drinking beers along the way. Then it was decided to kick it up a notch and add some challenges and rules to make it all the more interesting. We rounded up seven of the regular Sh!t Heads, a photographer and videographer to capture as much as they could within the three days. Beers were drunk, parks were thrashed and whether you like it or not, this is what followedâ€Ś
Morgan Winston. Fs Tail.
Shai Balmer. Fs air over the peanut hip.
Alex Jackson. Front rock.
Kye Mclenahan. Fs smith.
Ryan Pugh. Bs 5-0 nosegrab.
Shai Balmer. Fs smith.
Morgan Winston. In a world of pain.
Morgan Winston. Fs Ollie.
Shai Balmer. Fs febble.
Shai Balmer. Fs nollie bigspin.
Alex Jackson. Boneless.
Shai Balmer. Fs tail block.
Morgan Winston. Fs Tail.
Ryan Pugh. Sweeper.
Day T WO
Morgan Winston. Punt from bowl to quarter.
Shai Balmer. Crail tail smack.
Day T WO
Ryan Pugh. Layback slide.
Morgan Winston. Fs stale.
Day T WO
Shai Balmer. Fs air, truck smack.
Ryan Pugh. Lien Tail.
Day T WO
Shai Balmer. Sweeper.
Day T hr ee
Ryan Pugh. Who knows.
Shai Balmer. Fs stiffy.
Day T hr ee
Shai Balmer. Fs lip in.
Kye Mclenahan. Fs Nosegrab.
Day T hr ee
Kye Mclenahan. Fs Dog piss.
SHAI BALMB ER 2 013 K ING OF T HE TUR D
2 nd Morgan Winston 3rd Ryan Pugh 4th Alex Jackson 5th John Jackson 6th Kye Mclenahan 7th L eigh De verall
20 Questions with the Words by Siobhan Curran.
For those who missed out on catching up with the Dune Rats during their short stint in Caloundra for the Good One Pool Party a few months back, this one’s for you. We asked these Children of the Green to rip a few billys and answer 20 questions; below is the result. Enjoy Sh!t Heads! 1. Your set at the Caloundra Pool Party was cut short, were those 9 minutes really, “the best 9 minutes ever”? Yeah fully better than rootin a hella hot bitch. 2. Your trip to Vietnam recently got cancelled after they saw your Red light/Green light bong fiesta. On a scale of 1 to 10, how high were you after filming? Shit at maths. 4. 3. Your clip for ‘Pogo’ is filmed at Mt. Gravatt quarry which, although pretty as fuck, is notorious for being filthy. Did anyone get an ear infection? Nah but a few of the fellas got URI’s.
11. Who is the gnarliest band you have toured with and why? Guttermouth, we spent every day of that tour getting fucked up and pissing on with those guys, they don’t a fuck about stupid shit they just care about good times. 12. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? Telemarketing and cleaning a BBQ for $5 then got fired 13. What will you do if the dole gets cut for under 30’s? Take a shit. 14. You’ve been trying to get Tom from MySpace to join your band, he seems like the keyboard playing type. Is there room for a keyboard player in the Dune Rats? Hahahaha yea for sure. 15. Out of all the places you have been, where has been the best for skating? We went to the raddest cafe in cape town and you could walk through the kitchen into this full indoor bowl and halfpipe the locals were legends there too.
4. Is your song ‘Fuck It’ about anyone in particular? All the shit cunts of the world.
16. The best surf? Bali and byron are epic but nothing beats mumma dunies house on the South Coast.
5. You guys are heading back to America soon for SXSW. How are you preparing (both mentally and physically)? Shooting guns.
17. Would you rather have sex with Nicholas Cage or Shrek? ID RATHER HAVE SEX WITH A GIRL.
6. What was the best thing about America during your “Death Trip of Dreams”? You mean episode 1? 7. What was the best thing about Africa? The people. 8. We heard you literally ate a dick in Africa. How’d it taste? Like taking a shit that smells sick. 9. Craziest thing you’ve ever done drunk? Taken a shit. 10. Craziest thing that’s ever happened at a live show? A shit.
18. Describe the new album in one word. Please. Dunies.
19. You guys are back in Brissy for a while, what have you been up to apart from being lewse kents? Growing a veggie garden/ taking shits.
20. What’s the Sh!ttest thing you’ve ever done. THIS FUCKING INTERV!EW.
Girl. Girl: Shannon Walboom. Photo: Bianca Brown.
SH!T SHIRT $25.00
WHO THE F@#K IS JOEY ORME?
WHO THE F@#K IS JOEY ORME? Joey appears in the magazine pretty frequently, so we thought we would fire a couple questions at this mysterious man. If you have seen or met joey in person you would remember him from his Bodyboarding or naked antics as a teenager. SM: So Joey for the people reading this who don’t know you tell us a little about yourself? JO: 20 years old, lived in the golden town of Caloundra all my life, and I Bodyboard whens there’s waves
SM: Beers, babes or barrels? JO: Bit of everything maybe?
SM: How come you don’t have a beard? JO: All hair growth powers have been focused on my moustache at the moment so maybe after that I’ll work on it. SM: How long have you been Bodyboarding for? JO: Since I was little I’ve been on the foam, and probably started taking it seriously around 12-13 SM: We hear you were obsessed with getting naked frequently in public when you were a years old. grom? JO: Ahhhh where’d you hear that? SM: So what have you been up to this year? JO: Not too much, state comps, off to nationals in November, trying to get waves at home and a SM: Rosie O’Donnell, Oprah, Nicolas cage. F@#k one, marry one, kill one, go. couple of unsuccessful trips down the coast. JO: Fuck Oprah, kill Rosie, and live in sweet marital bliss with Nick Cage. SM: What does 2014 hold for you? JO: Dunno, maybe some travelling, might enter the world of the employed but we’ll see about that haha.
She d Bash When our good friend, Dan Sullivan, told us he was organising a party in his work warehouse, that was all we needed to hear. That was until we found out that local band Gin and Kronic were playing a set for the drunken hooligans and Sully had set up a mini ramp. There was no way we were going to miss this, so we rounded up the Sh!t Heads, let them loose in the warehouse with beers and skateboards and watched it all unfold before our hazy eyes.
Alex Jackson. Boneless to nose blunt.
Gin & Kronic.
Mitch Wake. Boneless tail.
Shai Balmer. FS punt off the sketchy hand held extension.
Stirling Harper. Front D.
Shai Bamler. Fs ollie.
Stirling Harper. Blunt fakie with a beer.
Leigh Deverall. Creeper.
Ryan Pugh. Fs 5-0 nosegra
Dan “Monkey” Thompson. Fs smith.
Alex Jackson. Blunt fakie off of the sketchy extenstion.
No was one was safe from flying boards.
Mitch Wake. Noseblunt.
Thank you to all the Sh!t Heads who have taken time out to flick through our online publication. Huge thanks goes out to everyone who have made this little magazine function throughout this year, we couldnâ€™t have done it without you. We have bigger and better things planned for next year that we canâ€™t wait to share with you Sh!t heads. Next year will have more content, free Sh!t, more Sh!t people and some events through the year. Until then crack a cold one, grow a beard and we will see you next year. SH!T STAFF Editor in chief Michael Carter Copy editor Kate Doherty Contributing photographers Bianca Brown Brynn Chadwick Contributing writers Luke Gibney Siobhan Curran
GROW A BEARD!