Sherryâ€™s Self-Guided Guide for
African Americans to Help
Move Beyond Skin Color Bias in Communication Self
TABLE OF CONTENTS Appendix
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere. Sherryâ€™s Proverb
Preface What is Sherryâ€™s Self Guided Guide To Help You Move Beyond Skin Color Bias?
Welcome to my personal Self-guided guide, a completely new experience! My Self-Guided Guide offers you top-quality material that is customizable, user-friendly, educational, and fun. This is my own private guide of moments of my life I share with you. I want you to know who I really am on the inside, so each and every time I found something new to share about our skin tone/color I did. This guide provides you, materials that is educational, fun for every person. All you simply need to do is prepare to share!!!! Page 3
Best of all, my Guide truly was created from the heart… This guide is created in Word and PowerPoint. (Most other word processing and presentation programs support these formats, too.) This means that you can customize the content, add your logo, change the color scheme, and easily print and e-mail to others to share this material. The name of this game is share, share, and share……Enjoy.
How Do you Customize Your Own Guide ? Customizing your own guide is easy. It is okay to use Sherry’s Guide as your own guide, just create and think about your problem. This is particularly convenient if you want to customized and add to your guide your thoughts as you go on a daily basis, or additional information. You can, also use all of your word features, including text formatting and editing tools (such as cutting and pasting).
Maximizing Your Rules To Live By: I have just one more thing for you before you get started. This Guide is built for people, by a person like me, so I thought I would share some of my tips with you, to help you create an engaging, unforgettable experience for your-self. •
MAKE IT FUN AND INTERACTIVE. Most people do not enjoy sitting and listening to someone else talk for hours at a time. Make use of the tips in this guide and your own experience to help keep your interest, engaged yourself. Mix up the questions to include your own questions, small group work, large group discussions, and mini-get together’s if you’re all in it like that.
MAKE IT RELEVANT YOU CAN BE much more receptive to questions if you understand why you are learning it and how you can apply it in your daily life. Most importantly, you may want to know how it will benefit you and make your life easier. Take every opportunity to tie what you are learning to real life it can only make the experience so much easier.
KEEP AN OPEN MIND. SOME people find that they learn something each time they read. If you go into a rule with that attitude, you will find that there can be an amazing two-way flow of information between the guides. Enjoy it, learn from it, and make the most of it in your life.
You Know What Time It Is, Time for the fun!
Rule One: Know Thy-Self Getting Started Take ime to WORK, PLAY, THINK, READ, PRAY, LAUGH, LISTEN, DREAM, WORSHIP, LOVE….. Sherry Turnbuckle Page 6
Knowing Thy-Self requires time often it begins with setting goals. Goals are recorded and may be broken down into a plan, or a simple list. Then rated based on urgency and importance, priorities assigned, and set. Knowing that you are amazing and that you can get through this is going to make it more than satisfying for you. Knowing what to feel when it comes to you is the key. Believe it or not misunderstanding you is a common problem that most do not want to face. When you look at you are you confused. You know what you feel and see, but you are still confused this leaves you so confused about self. To all African Americans brothers, sisters who are intelligent, well educated, stressed out; miserable you need to know Thy Self. Please let Sherry’s guide take you through the process that will result in a plan with a list or activities to help you move beyond. Sometime routine tasks are often given less focus to free up your time to work on self-using this guide will contribute to you making an important choice which will be part of your goals. It’s your personal CREDO…. This entire process is supported by a skill set that should include personal motivation, delegation skills, tools, and how to manage crisis in your life. We’ll cover all this and more in this guide.
Housekeeping Take a few moments to cover basic housekeeping items. If you need an opening for an excuse to participant, open the guide to begin during the day. Go to the bathroom to take a break. Turn off your cell phone or at least turn to vibrate. If you must take a call be fast about it no time to spare. Take this time to encourage yourself to think of questions and make this an interactive time with yourself. Write the words Respect, Confidentiality, and Practice on a piece of paper and tape it to the wall refrigerator. Know that in order to get the most out of this guide, you must read each step, explore new ideas, and make mistakes. After all, that’s how we learn!
The Parking Lot
Explain the concept of The Parking Lot to participants.
The Parking Lot is a visible place where you will “park” ideas that arise which are not on your schedule, may be off topic, or are better addressed outside of the norm.
Make it Work
Suggestions for You: 1. If you are alone, working with a group, you may wish to get a recorder to park items as you are thinking. 2. It’s a good idea to note the question along with the parked item. 3. Items noted on the parking lot can be useful to you in your future parked items.
Sherry’s Self-Guided Guide Objectives Research has consistently demonstrated that when clear goals are associated with learning, it occurs more easily and rapidly. With that in mind, let’s review our goals for today. At the end of this Guide, you should be able to:
Plan and prioritize each day’ to except yourself in your own skin tone/color Overcome procrastination quickly and easily Handle crises effectively and quickly Organize your time to make better use of time Except yourself for who you are in your own skin tone more efficiently Use rituals to make your life run smoother Plan questions for self-more appropriately and effectively Be encouraged to write your own questions objectives in your guide that you can live by.
Pre-Guide The purpose of the Pre-Guide is to get you thinking about the time management strategies you are already using and where you need to improve. I Ask You: What are your biggest time wasters? What are you currently doing to manage your time?
What Will You Do to Make a Difference to start excepting who you are? Knowing you, yourself in your own skin tone/color? What did you learn from reading Sherryâ€™s Guide if anything what would it be? Take a moment to discuss these questions and note answers on some of the room provided. Try to come to a consensus on some of the questions and answers. Email sherry at firstname.lastname@example.org
Rule Two: You don’t have to be light, bright, and damn near White to Set SMART Goals The bad news is that time flies. The good news is that you are the pilot. Tamara Turner
Setting Goal’s is critical to being effective. It is one of the most important life skills that, African American people never learn how to do properly. Sherry’s Self-Guide explains how to use the SMART goal it will help you to move beyond skin color bias. The SMART goal it is a fool proof goal that can be used in every area of your life, including, physical, personal development, relationships, or spiritual. According to book Secret, fewer than 3% of people have clear, written goals, and a plan for getting there. Setting some will put you ahead! Research states that some people blame everything that goes wrong in their life on something or someone else. They take the role of a victim and they give all their power and control away. Successful people instead dedicate themselves towards taking responsibility for their lives, no matter what the unforeseen. A set of timeless wisdom that can help every African American accomplish exactly what he/she sets out to achieve in any realm of his/her life. Personal and avoiding pitfalls that might teach you among others. Or uncontrollable events. Live in the present: the past cannot be changed, and the future is the direct result of what you do right now! There is no need to be colorblind…..
The Three P’s Setting meaningful, goals is a step toward achieving your dreams. Setting and achieving goals can help you accomplish all you'll need to achieve all. It is also important to make sure that all of your goals unleash the power of the three P's: POSITIVE: “that's not boring"? Goals should be positive, so they help you feel good about yourself and what you're trying to accomplish. A better alternative might be this: "study this guide so you can help other African Americans with problems someday." PERSONAL: “must be personal”. Must reflect your own dreams and values, those of everyone else, family comes also. When crafting your statement, always use the word “I” in the sentence to brand it as your own. When your goals are personal, you'll be more motivated to succeed and take greater pride in your accomplishments. POSSIBLE: “yes”. Consider what's possible and within your control. Anything is possible if you are realistic if you're struggling. You might also pursue volunteer work that would strengthen yourself.
What is important is seldom urgent what is urgent is seldom important. Vincent Thomas
Rule Three: It’s Okay for an African American to know his/her place in Society… It’s Okay for an African American to know his/her place, in society. You just should not stay there. Damm!!!! A smart African American takes full credit for doing exactly what he/she has to do. Management is about self-more than just managing your time; it is about managing in relation to time. It is about setting and taking charge. It means changing habits that cause us to waste time. It means being willing to experiment with different ideas to enable you to find the best way to make maximum use of self.
The 80/20 Rule The 80/20 rule, known as Paretoâ€™s Principle, states that 80% of your results come from only 20% of your actions. You will find that the 80/20 principle is pretty much right on with most things in your life. For most people, it really comes down to analyzing what you are spending your time on. Are you focusing in on the 20% of activities that produce 80% of the results in your life?
Become familiar with Paretoâ€™s principle.
80% of your results come from only 20% of your actions.
Ask the group to think about the icebreaker this morning. Did the 80/20 rule seem to come into effect?
How can we use the 80/20 rule to help us plan our goals and our time?
The Urgent/Important Matrix Means being effective as well as efficient. Managing time effectively, and achieving the things that you want to achieve, means spending your time on things that are important and not just urgent. To do this, you need to distinguish clearly between what is urgent and what is important: IMPORTANT: These are activities that lead to the achieving your goals and have the greatest impact on your life. URGENT: These activities demand immediate attention, but are often associated with someone elseâ€™s goals rather than our own. This concept, coined the Eisenhower Principle, is said to be how former US President Dwight Eisenhower organized his tasks. It was rediscovered and brought into the mainstream as the Urgent/Important Matrix by Stephen Covey in his 1994 business classic, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. The Urgent/Important Matrix is a powerful way of organizing tasks based on priorities. Using it helps you overcome the natural tendency to focus on urgent activities, so that you can have time to focus on what's truly important. You!!!!
The Urgent/Important Matrix: URGENT/ IMPORTANT: Activities in this area relate to dealing with critical issues as they arise and meeting significant commitments. Perform now. IMPORTANT/ BUT NOT URGENT: These success-oriented tasks are critical to achieving goals. Plan next. URGENT/ BUT NOT IMPORTANT: These chores do not move you forward toward your own goals. Manage by delaying them, cutting them short and rejecting requests from others. Postpone chores. NOT URGENT/ NOT IMPORTANT: These trivial interruptions are just a distraction, and should be avoided if possible. However, be careful not to mislabel things like time with family and recreational activities as not important. Avoid distractions altogether.
To understand the difference between important/urgent. Can placed into one of four groups: Urgent /important
Important/ not urgent Urgent/not important Not urgent/ not important
What are the four categories of the Urgent/Important Process? Space prov
Rule Four: Can’t Change the Past….
Tee says Life is short we have not too much time for the hearts. Frederic Plato
An African American never let others see him/her sweat. Stay calm, cool and collective at all times. You canâ€™t change the past!! Letâ€™s get cracking!!!! The hallmark of being successful is being consistently cool, calm and collective each day. Many people use a plan to motivate themselves. Having a plan and committing to it can help you stay focused on the priorities. You are more likely to get things accomplished if you write down your plans.
I am a great believer in luck, I know the harder I work, the more I am blessed. Vincent Thomas
Rule Five: Donâ€™t Wait for Life to Start Tackle Procrastination
A smart African American canâ€™t just sit on the porch and wait for life to
start; they will accept who they are. They will accept issues of race, color, accept self quite procrastination delaying task that should be a priority. To overcome procrastination and tackle the important actions that have the biggest positive impact in your life is a hallmark of the most successful people.
Why We Procrastinate About Skin Tone There are many reasons why we tend to procrastinate, including: No clear thoughts Inadequate (time, money, information, thoughts, loneliness, just plain ole mean.) Donâ€™t know how to begin Overwhelming, Job lose, Page 21
No passion for doing anything Fear of failure or success Relationship issues Marital problems Procrastination exercise Estimated Time
Understand the reasons that you procrastinate.
People procrastinate for different reasons. It’s important for African Americans to understand what their reasons are for talking about Skin Tone. paper
pencil Why We Procrastinate:
Draw a line down the middle of the sheet of paper. Label one side “Causes” and the other side “Solutions.” Ask yourself to think of reasons why you procrastinate and list them on the paper. After a few minutes, ask yourself what are ways to overcome these barriers, list theme in the “Solutions” column. List items that are relevant to you in your plan.
Save time, you can pre-prepare the paper.
Stories to Share
Procrastination is the thief of time. Share a story why you are in denial..
Ways to Overcome Procrastination about Skin Tone… Your ability to get over Procrastination is important to you getting a clear mindset, priorities and getting the process finished quickly. As you develop to overcome procrastination issues will simply fade away. Here are some ways to overcome Procrastination. DELETE IT. Don’t do it at all? Consider the 80/20 rule; maybe it doesn’t need to be done in the first place. DILIGENCE. If it is important, ask yourself if it’s really something that you must get done? Why are you doing it in the first place? Know your boundaries and ask if it is part of your responsibilities toward your-self Diligence is the answer. DO IT NOW. Postponing will create feelings of stress. Do it as early as possible.
ASK FOR ADVICE. Asking for advice from a trusted person, coach can give you some insight on where to start and the steps for completing. CHOP IT UP. Break it down all the way down, make milestones, and then into steps. As my mama one said, “Break it down into the ridiculous.” Huge things don’t look as big when you chop it down as small as you can. OBEY THE 5 MINUTE RULES. To reduce the procrastination, each should take no more than 5 minutes to complete. GIVE YOURSELF A REWARD. Reward yourself, I surely believe doing things on time. It will provide positive insight; motivate you toward your goals of becoming color free. REMOVE DISTRACTIONS. You need to have a positive environment at all time that is conducive to getting things done. Remove any distractions.
To identify some general ways to overcome procrastination. 1. Delete it 2. Diligence 3. Do it now 4. Ask for advice
5. Chop it up 6. Obey the 5 minute rule 7. Have clear thoughts 8. Give yourself a reward 9. Remove distractions
Completed “Why We Procrastinate” activity from the previous process guide recommended.
Review the solutions you came up with in the last activity. How can these ideas be applied?
In a crisis, be aware of the danger. Sherry Turner
Rule Six: Strength, Toughnessâ€Ś.
With better planning, a smart African American has enough strength, toughness and will to find a way to see yourself through. However, you can’t plan for everything, so in this rule you have to have the courage to take your life into your own hands. The world is lying in wait to come between you and ambition. A person must develop the knack of finding a motivation for doing what he/she wants or he/she will never get a chance to do what he/she wants at all. Life of being an African American is always harder from the outside looking in. That’s why you have to give your life a bunch of shoves; shakes always take care of self. We’ll look at what to do when a crisis does occur.
When the Storm Hits Don’t Jump Off The Roof!!!! “I know someone who did”
The key to handling a crisis is to move quickly, but thread carefully. The first thing to do when a crisis hits identify the point of contact and make them aware of the situation. (For this rule, we’ll assume that point of contact is you.) Don’t jump off the roof if you can’t pick your-self off the ground. A smart AfricanAamerican never let’s anyone see how smart he/she is. Always know and think you can do and get anything by going head-on. Your not a fool!!!! Always have your plan in order. I always was told this by my mother, in return I told my daughter this. Then, you will want to gather and analyze the data. What happened? Page 26
What were the direct causes? What were the indirect causes? What will happen next? What could happen next? What events will this impact? Who else needs to know about this? Who else don’t need to know about this? Above all, take the time to do, proper research. You don’t want to jump into any conclusions or use erroneous information and make the crisis worse. You will also want to identify the threshold time: the time that you have before the situation moves out of your control, or becomes exponentially worse. You may also find that the crisis will resolve itself after a certain point of time. (See below)….
Crisis Exercise Time
Handle the crisis.
First things first when a crisis hits is to identify the point of contact make them aware of situation. Gather and analyze the data.
paper Know what to do if a crisis hit you
Know what to do?
Don’t panic\stay cool Stay cool, calm and collective
Rule Seven Life is full of Challenges….Lessons Learned…
Don’t be too easy on your-self, remembering life is a challenge. Remember it’s not what you look like; it’s not what color you are. It’s how hard you work that keep you on your toes. After your challenge has gotten the best of you, take a moment to look at why it happened and how to prevent and improve it in the future. Planning should help you deal with your lessons; there is always adjusting and perfecting your approach, so it is important to learn times where stuff may not work. You should be prepared for what can’t be predicted, such as illness, fire, or theft. In the case of illness, prepare a short contingency plan indicating who will be responsible for your correspondence, projects, will and general responsibilities in case you are ill for an extended period. Make sure you let the person you have designated to handle your business know your plans with the appropriate person so that they can be prepared as well. A smart African American do not waste his/her time on bad memories, because when a bus heads toward you, a smart person period will get out of the way….Diversion….always be reproachable…. Lessons Learned Exercise Estimated Time
To understand the closing phase of crisis
After the crisis is over, understand why it happened and if you can prevent it from happening again. Plans are an important part of this step.
List Crisis you have had or may be contemplating as far as Skin Color.
Patience is the guardian of faith, the preser4ver of peace, the cherisher of love, the teacher of humility. Robert Strand…Patience
Rule Eight: Organizing Your Life “Never let anyone see you Sweat….Get the Bull-Clutter out of your Life…. In order to manage your time and to be organizing, you must create an appropriate environment. By eliminating all bull out of your life, setting up an effective system, using tools, and managing Self, you will be well on your way to creating an effective Self.
Get the Bull-Clutter out of your life…. You only need three - basic kinds of files:
Family: Used frequently and needed hold close
: Information needed only occasionally. ARCHIVAL FILES: Seldom used but that must be kept. Organization is the simplest way possible. Example, you could label files with a one or two words arrange the files alphabetically. Once Bull-Clutter has been eliminated and taken out of your space it will include only what is essential for your mind to function: Everything else, except for what you are working on at the moment, can and should be put on the back burner where it can be retrieved as needed. Page 29
To understand what belongs in your life, and what doesn’t.
An effective life contains a three-tier system, and Bull-Clutter need to be eliminated.
paper pencil Save time, pre-write the list. Review the list below see if they can identify the file that each document belongs in. I have included the answers in parentheses below. Home phone list, which you use (Working)
This year and Last year’s budget, which you need to keep for legal reasons (Archive) Budget from two years ago, which you don’t need to keep but want to have it for reference (Archive) List of bank accounts (Working)
Hysterical is the fear (uncontrollable laughter, impossible to hold back or control).
Never let anyone see you sweat!!!!Got It…. Do - finish bull-clutter on a timely basis….immediately if possible….Delete - trash, bull-clutter junk….immediately if possible…Defer - if it is not important….
Take the S.T.I.N.G. out of feeling overwhelmed about your life follow these steps:
Select to do one thing at a time. Time yourself don’t overdo It no longer than thirty minutes. Ignore everything. No interruptions permitted. Give yourself a reward when the time is up a cup of coffee (whatever).
To identify a tool set that can be used to manage your life. Use one of the four D’s when you write on a piece of paper: Do, Delete, Defer, and Delegate. To take the S.T.I.N.G. out of feeling overwhelmed, follow these steps: Select one thing to do at a time.
Time yourself for no more than five minutes. Ignore everything. No interruptions permitted. Give yourself a reward when the time is up. (Coffee)…
List of Sting request
Take on the role of an African American Manager of a small group in a man list decide which D to use for each of them. ANSWERS: Page 31
Delete Delegate Delay Do Tips
Review List. (Space for writing below).
The true measure of a person is the height of his ideals, the breadth of his sympathy, the depth of his convictions, and the length of his patience. E.C. McKenzie
Rule Nine: Patience is Virtue If you’re on your own, there’s only so much you can get done, no matter how hard you remember patience is virtue. African Americans have to have patience, because other African Americans are often clueless about what is really going on about self….After a while patience gets really boring I know. So if you get too comfortable with the way things are, Page 32
you may have to shake things up a little….Feel Good about yourself, especially if you’re happy. You just got to feel good naturally about Your-self…Sometimes doing good, feeling good can be delightfully bad…Find out is there a life before death? LOL!!! One of the ways of overcoming this limitation is to learn how to help other people with skin color bias problems with patience. If you do this well, you can quickly build a strong and successful outlook. At first patience can feel like more hassle than it’s worth. By being effective you can expand the knowledge that you can deliver. You can have a recipe for success. Remember, to be effective, choose the right, positive influences in your life and other African Americans, this will help you identify the right people that are positive in this right way. There’s a lot to take in but once you do you will be effective and successful...
When to have Patience
Patience allows you to make the best use of your time, and it helps you grow and develop to reach your full potential in your life. Patience can only be a win-win situation for you, but only when done correctly. Keep this rule in your mind when deciding if patience should be needed when it comes to helping other African Americanâ€™s.
Patience should provide an opportunity for you to grow. Weigh the effort to properly train yourself how often this will reoccur. Page 34
Be Positive in using Patience
To understand when to be Patient. Patience should be used if: It provides positive outlook to you as a person.
Effort worth it. You must also be careful when using patience itâ€™s critical the stakes are that much higher for you to do what you have to do. Decide if you should use Patience. This is debatable but you will have to use our recommended answers...
reviews about Self (Yes) (No) Data about Self (Yes, if properly outlined) Filling out weekly questionnaires about self (Yes)
Remember; use your head better next time!!!!! This is always a yes!!!!!
Rule 10 -FOREVER RULE – Let Go!!!! Keeping Control
Now, once you have worked through the above steps, make sure you brief yourself appropriately. Take time to think about what you have learned about yourself, what’s expected from you during the process to overcome being a affective African American, the goals you have for the process, all timelines. The resources on which you can draw positive situations out of others. Work with others to develop progress, milestones, and other key process points. You will want to make sure that you know that you want to know if any problems occur, that you are available to review your listed questions or guidance needed to progress. We all know that as people, we shouldn’t micro-manage. This doesn’t mean we must abdicate control altogether. In being effective, we have to find the difficult balance between giving enough space for people to use their abilities, while still monitoring and supporting closely enough to ensure that the process is implemented correctly and effectively. One way to encourage growth is to ask for recommended solutions when speaking with other African Americans with a problem in skin tone/color, and then help them explore those solutions and reach a decision.
To understand how to make your process more effective.
Process involves finding the right balance between giving enough space for you to use their abilities, while still monitoring and supporting closely enough to ensure that the process is done correctly and effectively and completed.
List of other African Americans with Communication problems
Think of ways that you can improve your character by maintaining control throughout the Process. (We have included an answer sheet in the activities folder.)
You can also write out on paper a story…something you have experience…
Full Acceptance Conquering/Accepting the idea of being an African American with No Skin/Color Bias….Problems But willing to Make a Change
Set aside enough time to thoroughly review any important issues you may have. Letting go is the best revenge. It frees your heart for much more, if you don’t want to “abstain” from war against the race, soul just be thyself!!!! If possible. Worse than this, you now accept a new you will probably complete yourself. Not only does this overload you, it means that you have the time to be your own person. A New African American with New Ideas on Skin Tone Bias… So much of the unpleasantness in your life of being African American is a result of feeling underappreciated Of course, when good work is returned to you, make sure to both recognize and reward your effort. As an African American, you should get in the practice of complimenting other African American every time you are impressed by what they have done. This effort on your part will go a long way toward building a better African American’ who have self-confidence and efficiency now and in the future.
To understand what to do when the process is complete.
Topic Summary Page 37
When this process is done, set aside enough time to review what you have went through go over it thoroughly. Make sure that it is done correctly
(although correctly doesnâ€™t always mean the same way that you would do it as I would do it, different stokes for different folks I guess). Items
End Results of what you have learned
Discuss what your character should look like in the final process. (Included is an answer sheet in the activities folder.)
You can write out the story on paper of what you have experienced.
Making Sure the Discussion Was Worthwhile After the process, write out a summary of the process, including making you a copy. Items should be clearly indicated, with start and end dates, and progress dates if applicable. Should be communicated, understood by you. Space provided below.
Although this Guide has come to a close, I hope that your journey to improve your process toward becoming a better African American toward skin/ color bias has been fulfilled. Understand by going through this guide it gives you a better attitude toward other African Americans and it is just beginning. Please take a moment to review and update your process/plan. This will be a key tool to guide your progress in the days, weeks, months, and years to come. I wish you the best of luck on the rest of your journey!
Words from the Wise Here are a few thoughts that I would like to leave you with, to accompany you on your journey.
PRICE PRITCHETT: Time is free, but it's priceless. Free your people from bureaucracy and youâ€™ll find it much easier to enlist their support for culture change can't own it, but you can use it, but you can spread it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back.
RON POUND: Take time to hit with enough shock effect to immobilize the old culture at it will be temporarily, but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go. STEVE JOBS: Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. SHERRY TURNER: You may delay, but donâ€™t hesitate time will not.
Published on Sep 12, 2013