Jessica: Rock bottom is a place I never wanted to be, but it was apparently a place I needed to be in order to turn around my life. Lying flat on my back forced me to look up to God. He allowed me to hit rock bottom, and I’m thankful He did, or else I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I was only 17 years old when I decided to try drugs for the first time. At such a young age, I had already been in and out of some emotionally abusive relationships. After having lost so many people close to me, I had to find a way to get rid of the pain. In my young mind, drugs were the answer. Almost ten years later, however, those drugs would land me in jail. During my time in jail, my mother decided to show some tough love and leave me in there. I was mad at the whole world. “How could God do this to me?” I thought, “Why couldn’t I have just gone to rehab? Why do I have to be away from my children?” Knowing I couldn’t talk to them, take care of them, or even see them made me sick to my stomach. I was particularly furious with my mother for ever having confronted me about using drugs and also for being willing to just leave me in jail. The first time my mother came to visit me, I was beyond upset with her. I told her I was going to beat myself, or even kill myself, if she didn’t get me out of jail. She left saying that she would get me out when God led her to do so. Because of my behavior from this first visit, a couple of weeks went by without my mother coming to see me at all. After her first visit, I started seeking God and praying that He would please just let me see my mom. A few days had passed when I found a She Magazine and a Bible on a table at the jail. I decided to take them with me to read. As I sat on my bed in my cell and began flipping through She Magazine, I came across an article featuring the doctor’s office where my mom was working at the time. When I turned the page, I saw a picture of my momma in the article. Tears of joy started running down my cheeks. The Lord answered my prayers by letting me see my momma in the magazine. At that moment, my attitude completely changed knowing that God was hearing my prayers. I knew He had a plan for my life and a purpose for this difficult time. I was exactly where God wanted me to be.
A couple of weeks later, I attended church with a few local ladies who would come to have Bible study in jail. I still remember the first night I went with them to worship. The Holy Spirit came over me, and I felt feelings identical to the ones I experienced at the age of 12 when I gave my heart to the Lord. As I sat at the table with the women, they joined me in singing “Victory in Jesus.” I was so overwhelmed because I knew then, and I still know now, that I wouldn’t have any victory without Him. He had put me in jail to clean me up and to make me turn back to Him. When my eyes were finally opened, I was overcome with joy and happiness like never before. Since then, I have grown to be a better Christian, wife, mother, daughter, and friend. I love the Lord Jesus Christ with all my heart because He saved me and He has given me victory. Being clean is much easier than chasing a high everyday. While getting my life on the right track, I spent a lot of time with the Department of Social Services trying to have my children placed under my care again, instead of them being with someone else. I even spent time in court because some people thought that I didn’t deserve to be with my kids at all. Even though I never lost custody of them during my journey, I had to fight in order to have my children in my life again. I fought incredibly hard, and now I am blessed to have an incredible life with my children. God also blessed me with the most amazing husband. Chris and I met shortly after I got out of jail. We dated for two years and have now been married for almost four years. He is my world. Most importantly, he loves God first. That is what makes our relationship so special. It’s difficult to love anybody or anything without first loving God. Chris supports me in everything I do, and he pushes me to always go after my dreams. Acontinued A
the Motherhood Issue