A day in the shoes of love, family and life By Michelle
I just want to say.. I write with intentions. It all just clicks together, you know. My decision of words with my hidden thoughts and crazy truths. I think words are the most beautiful things ever .They are a mystery whether we know the language or not. They’re mysterious to our eyes and feelings, thoughts and emotions. I don’t really know the type of writer I am ,yet. I just know that I love to write. Not just because I do it all the time but because I look forward to it. I look forward to sharing my work and to have people read and comment about it. I look forward to seen if I can impact someone or make them see things in a different way or make them think differently or make them feel something or make them feel nothing at all. I look forward to writing and all that comes along with it. I know at the moment I am not the best at grammar and punctuation or spelling but I will be soon because I want to be. I write with intentions but it sucks so bad that I haven’t learned all forms of writing techniques to make my intentions pop out like I would want. All this work of mine from 2008 to now,(2012) are just my ten thousand works of practice. I know in my mind that I can do so much more and give so much more and bring out the real writer in me. I can feel it. Right now ,I’m just practicing. Maybe, I will practice the year of 2013 and 2014 as well ,who knows? But I will go somewhere far with this and I don’t necessarily mean a career because there are so many other things I want to do. I actually don’t really know what I mean but, I know those other things I do will be written down as poems or stories for someone somewhere to read .Hope you enjoy!
Broad Daylight Before I back up and speak about bad crimes I want to say sorry to those I’ve hurt horribly a hundred and a half times I used to walk around using and abusing, bruising trust from those Who showed lust over me. Maybe I was mad at my life at the moment Maybe I lacked moral magic mostly, glory never appeared And I took it out on who were closer to here (my heart) I’ve used hearts I know now I can’t continue cause I ’I've fucked up finally. It frustrating feeling that I’m falling for my old me Who was a bitch in my history. However, hopefully life has high hopes to return to my life. I've finally learned to leave lies behind. I’ve learned the real feel of loss ,loneliness, love, lust, and the sensitive low touch of the light life that lies,living Liberating me. It listens to focus on the importance of making me wiser. I’ve grown from a despicable, desperate, devious, deceiving Liar, To a blooming, bright, baby blue Freed flower. One which has realized the true meanings of things that through the experiences I can proudly present properly to those who lack of it. Now I shall not let no one come to me without leaving better and happier, But I will never forget who I was when my wiseness wasn’t introduced to me I’ve taken full responsibility. I paid my dues and fortunately got away blessed Because blindly I learned to actually listen better I brilliantly brought broad daylight back briskly before braking back down down.
The arrow that landed on my moon: She gave it to me .Well, not really. I gave it to myself. I put it on myself, but it’s because of her that I have it . This arrow represents her. This arrow that is carved on me. Left arm. Carved deep enough to hide its meaning, Yet visible enough to show itself to the world. This arrow has it’s history, this arrow has it’s frustration. All the frustration of the love we lost control of. Fuck this arrow sometimes. Fuck its meaning. I stare at it at times and it gets me angry. I look at it and it reminds me of everything I did as the person that was not me. I should have carved it as a broken arrow. An arrow split in half. One piece bigger then the other. I think about it and I should have kept my hands high. But instead I walked trying to hide it most of the time, Scared I left my arms against my sides. Arrow pointing down. It lead me deep in the ground. Barring myself or the love. Love we lost control of. I admire this arrow. We have been through a lot . This arrow is my warrior. It stayed with me. It’s still with me.
How many people sit on a bus staring out the window wishing for something? Wishing they had a better job waiting for them at the end of their stop. Wishing he or she would text them back, wishing they had someone beside them to talk to or the complete opposite, to have the person who is there talking, stop. Maybe they wish obvious things like for them to own a car or know someone with a car who won’t charge them for gas money so they wouldn’t be sitting on the bus stuck in traffic . Maybe some just fade themselves in their thoughts remembering who they used to be or who they used to be with, thinking about someone or simply about themselves. Some making stories in their heads or rehearsing a speech for their interview or presentation. Some wondering what else they will do today other than getting on a bus pretending to go somewhere. Some read, jumping themselves in their book just focusing on the story, sometimes hoping they were part of the story. There is always that person staring at others on the bus. Maybe they like some ones wardrobe or just staring because they find the other attractive. Maybe sometimes they stare wishing they were the person sitting in front of them because it seems as though he can get more girls or because she looks smart enough to succeed better in life. Some zone out in their music trying to make an image in their head of the story going on in the song. Or listening to a song because it remind reminds them of once upon a time.
Some like me, sit here and write. Some spy Volkswagons outside the window wanting to punch the person sitting next to them whether they know them or not. Some are just worried of how late they are going to be, some zone out in a dream away from the bus. Maybe the bus driver is nervous because it’s their first week on the job and the only focus is DO NOT CRASH. Maybe their thinking how bored they are of sitting on the bus the whole day. Or maybe some just fade off like the passengers. Which honestly, wouldn’t be a good idea considering their driving. But, we’re still here, sitting. Some sit next to their friends and talk. Some sit next to their significant other, holding hands thinking about one another or maybe in some cases thinking about somebody else. Let’s be honest now, some sit here high off their minds thinking about nothing or everything. Or some like this very professionally dressed lady sitting behind me, take their shoes off and lay there feet on the seat beside them while typing in their computer. Some are on their phone talking or are on Facebook or twitter and nothing else would be able to get their attention. We all just go somewhere in our minds, thoughts, memories ... And then, our stop comes and snaps us out of our imagination or whatever we sunk ourselves in. Our bus stops and we are suddenly back to life, back to reality and that’s how it ends. We get off and keep going sometimes forgetting what it is we were thinking, writing, imagining, hoping, wishing or sometimes we don’t forget and it stays with us until the next time we hop on the bus again.
FIRST BREATHE First breathe. Realize what it is. You are making yourself feel the way you are feeling. And why? This suffocation inside you that’s got you perplexed it’s got you in chains. Name one thing you are doing right at the moment, listen to the beat of your pounding heart screaming its madness like its performing. Wake up. Visualize the decisions that keep you chained to a bed, a thought, a memory that strings itself closer the more you want it to fade . You’ve stayed in your box for too longFREE YOURSELF. That masking tape ain’t no stronger than you are . Whatever the reason or for whoever your frustrated at, remember.. give them time and give yourself patience. It makes sense that everything seems pretty fucked up at the moment. In case you haven’t realized it, you are a human living in this world that is as dark as a basement. First breathe Then talk to yourself about it. Find it and do something POSITIVE for it.
Free Yourself: Perhaps your life has you thinking About it’s tragic times. Tormented, you are the person you’ve now presented yourself as Your presence Makes a difference And it was all taken From your previous chapter of life Called your past The person you were before She no more lies in these present times But it makes who you are And you’ve learned a lot so far So stop thinking of the negative situations Al you doing is bringing in more complications Use determination to keep you focused for your future Free from falling five steps back and fix Yourself from a falling past to a free future .
I am a piece of paper. Alone and empty. Untouched. Hidden inside a note book waiting my turn for ink to press against my desperate lines And when I finally get written on and I think my purpose is over and done I am recycled and my story goes on..â€?
Published on Oct 22, 2012
Complete with lush visuals and poems rushing with emotions and profundity, A Day is a must-read zine on the difficulties of coming of age. T...