Angelina Jolie’s In the Land of Blood and Honey does not suck P19
King of the beach Surf guitar legend Dick Dale returns P14
The 21st Century finally releases its debut album, an ode to SF P17
‘California’s Best Large Weekly’ – California Newspaper Publishers Association
celebrating 45 years
the san francisco bay guardian | sfbg.com january 4 - 10, 2012 | Vol. 46, No. 14 | Free
guardian illustration by danny hellman
Ed Lee needs to realize he can’t be another Gavin Newsom
An open letter to Ed Lee
Presenting the Off Guard Awards for the worst of a year that almost wouldn’t end P4
The 2011 Lamebow Awards
by gabriel haaland
The absolute worst
of a very queer year P6
herbwise By the roots P9
alerts P9 food + drink
Shining season P10
cheap eats Holeyness P11
guardian picks P12 arts + culture
King of the beach
At 74, the legendary Dick Dale keeps riding those surf guitar waves P14
8 Mile blues P16
Time is now
Bay Area folk-pop septet the 21st Century finally releases the album that was “fated to never be completed.” P17
Mugwumpin’s Future Motive Power unearths the buried passions of Nikola Tesla P18
Lights, Jolie, action In the Land of Blood and Honey is a respectable war movie — despite the superstar behind the camera P19
super ego P20 MUSIC listings 21 / STAGE listings 25 on the cheap 26 / FILM listings 27 CLASSIFIEDS 32 SAN FRANCISCO BAY GUARDIAN
the guardian editorial
City Hall’s 2012 agenda EDITORIAL There’s so much on the to-do list for San Francisco in 2012 that it’s hard to know where to start. This is a city in serious trouble, with unstable finances, a severe housing crisis, increased poverty and extreme wealth, a shrinking middle class, crumbling and unreliable infrastructure, a transportation system that’s a mess, no coherent energy policy — and a history of political stalemate from mayors who have refused to work with progressives on the Board of Supervisors. Now that Ed Lee has won a fouryear term, he and the supervisors need to start taking on some of the major issues — and if the mayor wants to be successful, he needs to realize that he can’t be another Gavin Newsom, someone who is an obstacle to real reform. Here are just a few of the things the mayor and the board should put on the agenda for 2012: • Fill Sup. Ross Mirkarimi’s seat with an economic progressive. This will be one of the first and most telling moves of the new Lee administration — and it’s critical that the mayor appoint a District 5 supervisor who is a credible progressive, someone who supports higher taxes on the rich and better city services editorials
for the needy and is independent of Lee’s more dubious political allies. • Make the local tax code more fair — and bring in some new revenue. Everybody’s talking about changing the payroll tax, which makes sense: Only a small fraction of city businesses even pay the tax (which is not a “job killer” but is far too limited). Sup. David Chiu had a good proposal last year that he abandoned; it called for a gross receipts tax combined with a commercial rent tax — a way to get big landlords and companies (like law firms) that pay no business tax at all to contribute their fair share. That’s a good starting point — but in the end, the city needs more money, and the new system should be set up to bring in at least $100 million more a year. • Create a linkage between affordable and market-rate housing. This has to be one of the key priorities for the next year: San Francisco’s housing stock is way out of balance, and it’s getting worse. The city’s own General Plan mandates that 60 percent of all new housing should be available at below-market-rate prices; the best San Francisco ever gets from the developers of condos for the rich is 20 percent. The supervisors need to enact legislation tying
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the construction of new market-rate housing to an acceptable minimum level of affordable housing to keep the city from becoming a place where only the very rich can live. • Demand a good communitybenefits agreement from CPMC. The California Pacific Medical Center has a massive new hospital project planned for Van Ness Avenue — and so far, CPMC officials are refusing to provide the housing, transportation and public health mitigations that the city is asking for. This will be a key test of the new Lee administration — the mayor has to demonstrate that he’s willing to play hardball, and refuse to allow the project to move forward unless hospital officials reach agreement with community activists on an acceptable benefits agreement. • Make CleanEnergySF work. A recent study by the website Energy Self-Reliant States shows that by 2017 — in just five years — the cost of solar energy in San Francisco will drop below the cost of Pacific Gas and Electric Company’s fossil-fuel and nuclear mix. So the city’s new electricity program, CleanEnergySF, needs to be planning now to build out both a large-scale solar infraCONTINUES ON PAGE >>
OPINION Dear Mr. Mayor, During the next week you will be appointing the a supervisor for District 5, an area of the city that has been historically considered the most progressive part of one of the most progressive cities in the country. It will be a signature decision for you in the next year, and will reveal the tone of your administration. Will you be a consensus mayor — or will you carry on your predecessor’s fight with progressives? You have many qualified choices, but there is probably only one on your list that a majority of progressives would consider a clear progressive choice: Christina Olague, president of the Planning Commission. There are some who have hesitations about her, but ironically those hesitations are based on her relationship to you and her support for your candidacy for mayor. I have to admit, as a supporter of progressive Supervisor John Avalos for mayor, I shared some disappointment that she didn’t support John. I’m sure there’s intense pressure on you to choose a more moderate choice, and I’m sure there are from your perspective some valid points to that argument. That said, District 5 deserves progressive representation. I am a Haight resident, and I ran for Supervisor in District 5 in 2004. Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi came in first, I came in second, and Lisa Feldstein came in third. Both Lisa and I have spoken repeatedly about whether we would run next year, and we have even discussed running as a slate. Most political analysts think one of us would have a decent shot at winning — but I think both of us would support Christina, assuming that her votes continue to reflect her commitment to the progressive values of the district. Christina not only supported you, she also supported Mirkarimi in 2004, and Matt Gonzalez when he ran for supervisor in 2000. She was appointed to the Planning Commission by Gonzalez and has been reappointed repeatedly by progressive supervisors to that commission. While her votes have not been perfect, by and large, her record is excellent; she has never succumbed to pressure, has listened well to all sides, and has ultimately done what she thought was right.
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For example, she stood up for tenants rights when the landlord from Park Merced came to the Planning Commission to ask that 1,500 apartments be demolished, all of which were subject to the city’s rent control ordinance. She recognized the flaws in the landlord’s argument that a side agreement (negotiated without the local tenant groups involved) would prevent rent hikes and evictions. Olague was on the right side of history on the Park Merced deal, and has a long record of building tenant and senior tenant power. That’s the kind of leadership we need for District 5, an area comprised of primarily renters. I believe Olague will be a supervisor tenants can trust. I can’t guarantee that all progressives will stand down if Olague gets the seat. The ego game is what it is. You have learned that from politics, I’m sure. But I think most progressive institutions and progressive activists will see her appointment as a victory and will support her candidacy for Supervisor next fall, as they should if she shows that her votes reflect the trends and values of District 5. With Christina Olague, you have a win-win. You appoint a supervisor who reflects the progressive values of the district and who is also electable in November. 2
Gabriel Haaland is an elected member of the San Francisco Democratic County Central Committee and an LGBT labor and tenant activist. ciTy hall’s 2012 agenda CONT>>
structure system and small-scale distributed generation facilities on residential and commercial roofs and set the agenda of offering clean, cheaper energy to everyone in the city. The money from the city’s generation can be used to purchase distribution facilities to phase out PG&E altogether. • Don’t let Oracle Corp. take over even more of the waterfront. The America’s Cup continues to move forward — but at every step of the way, multibillionaire Oracle CEO Larry Ellison is trying to squeeze the city for more. Mayor Lee has to make it clear: We’ve given one of the richest people in the world vast amounts of valuable real estate already. He doesn’t need a giant TV screen in the Bay or more land swaps or more city benefits. Enough is enough. There’s plenty more, but even completing part of this list would put the city on the right road forward. Happy new year. 2 editorials
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Tim Redmond Tredmond@sfbg.com My gut response to the America’s Cup was always like this: I love a party. I love a big party, and a party that brings lots of visitors and money into San Francisco is a great thing. But you have to remember that at some point the party will be over, and somebody’s got to clean up the mess and pay for the damage. And right now, in San Francisco, when the party’s over, the big winner will be a multibillionaire named Larry Ellison, and the rest of us will be paying for it. That said, the party’s going to happen. There may be a little bluster about the Environmental Impact Report, but the 34th America’s Cup race will take place in the waters of the San Francisco Bay, and a whole lot of people will be coming into town to see it. So we better be ready, and I’m not sure we are. I read the draft EIR section dealing with transportation and traffic, and it’s kind of crazy. The planners are projecting about 25,000 new vehicle trips a day — and that’s just into San Francisco. Sausalito and the East Bay cities will have their own issues. There are pictures of projected parking areas along the waterfront, including Crissy Field. There are plans to close the Embarcadero, but only the northbound lanes. Additional Muni service will be able to handle about 1,200 riders a day. That’s way less than five percent of the number of people who are projected to be getting around by car. So maybe San Francisco should try something radical that would last way beyond the sailing event. Why don’t we see what it would look like if we banned cars from the entire waterfront, closed all the streets and created a real transit-first city — at a time when the whole world will be watching? No cars at all. Buses for seniors and people with disabilities. Everyone else walks, bikes, or takes a pedicab (that’s a whole lot of jobs, by the way, particularly for young people who can pedal). Could one of the most environmentally conscious cities in the world pull that off? It’s worth a try. 2
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Ed Lee said he didn’t want to run for mayor, but he had trouble saying no to Rose Pak and Willie Brown
this week at
Psychic Dream astrology, complete events, alerts, art, and music listings, Hotlist, comments, and so much more! Follow us on Twitter: www.twitter.com/sfbg
on the blogs
Offies 2011 Presenting the Off Guard Awards for the worst of a year that almost wouldn’t end
Michelle Bachman said that the East Coast earthquake and hurricane were signs that God thought the country was spending too much money on government services.
By Tim Redmond email@example.com
Politics Occupy’s not done getting raided — hear the latest on the foreclosed homes that protestors temporarily controlled Could clean energy replace PG&E within the next 10 years? California Supreme Court rules that redevelopment agencies can be terminated by lawmakers — a decision that means $1.7 billion more for the state budget
It was the year of the Rapture (oh, wait, maybe not), the year of the great Republican resurgence (oh wait, maybe not), the year of Anthony Weiner’s penis and Gerard Depardeiu’s piss, the year of the Kardasians and Charlie Sheen ... and the Offies in-basket overflows. Here are our favorite choice moments of 2011.
Actually, his thumbs on the phone were the ones doing damage
Anthony Weiner, in a sexting conversation with a middle-aged
It appears the Christian Right can’t get its stories straight called UBEKE BEKI KEIE BAH BAH STAND O BAN STAN SO WHAT WHAT?
Certainly not the kind of food for a mighty man who sexually harasses his subordinates
Cain said that too many vegetable
Rush Limbaugh said that the power of Hurricane Irene, which caused 53 deaths and $15 billion in property damage, was blown out of proportion to promote “the leftist agenda.”
they weren’t going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells.”
Hmmm... since hers makes a business of “converting” gay people, we have to wonder what he tells her to do
A Rick Perry campaign ad said that “something’s wrong with America” because “gays can
Um, Rick, the schools are closed on Christmas
Bachman said wives should be
toppings make a “sissy pizza.”
Hear Soultronica astronautEPS1’s neo-sexy chills-up mix, dropped in honor of the New Year
Because an electrified cartoon mouse is an inspiration to us all
Localized Appreesh interviews bedroom producer Swiftumz, a.k.a. Hunx and His Punx collaborator Chris McVicker
Cain blamed “elites” for derailing his campaign, then quoted from the Pokemon theme song.
Shots from the stunning Mara Hruby’s performance at the Great American Music Hall
Nevada Democratic volunteer, described his penis as “ready to do some damage.”
At least somebody’s doing something about the unemployment rate
Cop the perfect SF dayplanner for your favorite poor bastard, and read our interview with its creator Learn the history behind SF’s streets with our history feature, Period Piece. Murders and dirty laundry abound!
SEX SF Red lights, deep grooves: find out where the city’s hottest sex events are this week SAN FRANCISCO BAY GUARDIAN
serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.”
Nice to see HERMAN Cain has company in the department of quality political candidates Joe the Plumber announced he would run for Congress
Hustler publisher Larry Flynt offered Weiner a job
Good thing expertise in the English language has never been a prerequisite of the job
Presidential candidate Herman Cain, in an interview, said he didn’t know the name of the president of Uzbekistan, which he editorials
Could it be — the stupidest Republican candidate ever? Rick Perry couldn’t remember which federal agencies he wanted to shut down.
Except that the Almighty hasn’t been able to tell us which departments He would cut, either
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Damn — that means he really is a dumb as he looks Perry insisted he wasn’t drunk when he delivered a rambling speech in New Hampshire
obedient to their husbands
But hey — those guys all look alike
Bachman praised Waterloo, Iowa as the home of John Wayne, when it’s actually the home of serial killer John Wayne Gacy
An exceptional new interpretation of the intellectual roots of the second amendment
Sarah Palin insisted that Paul Revere “warned the British that
Or maybe a little like finding out that she was just using you all along
Sup. David Chiu said meeting Mayor Lee — who he helped put in office — after he broke his promise not to run was “a little like meeting an ex-girlfriend after a breakup.”
And talk about being used
Ed Lee said he didn’t want to run for mayor, but he had trouble
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news saying no to Rose Pak and Willie Brown
It doesn’t matter — as the Great Ronald Reagan once said, “facts are stupid things.”
Sen. John Kyle announced that 90 percent of Planned Parenthood’s business was abortions, and when it turned out he was wrong by a factor of 30, he said his allegation “wasn’t meant to be factual.”
The U.S. has deposed people for less than that. Oh, wait ...
children, so he would never have approved of such a thing Brigham Young University suspended basketball star Brandon Davies because he sex with his girlfriend.
It’s awful, the sacrifices our political leaders have to make in the name of the country
A woman who created a media frenzy when she said that she had given her young daughter botox admitted she made the story up so a tabloid would pay her $200.
Whereas, Obama has never demanded that Trump show his real hair photo by gage skidmore
Donald Trump demanded that Barack
cheated on his wife because he loved America so much.
On the other hand, if you weren’t so full of shit the plumbing might function a bit better
Sen. Rand Paul complained to an energy department official that he didn’t like appliance efficiency standards because “we have to flush the toilet 10 times before it works.”
If the Japanese would only cut government spending some more, this sort of thing wouldn’t happen
Rush Limbaugh made fun of Japanese people after the earthquake and tsunami, saying “where Gaia blew up is right where they make all these electric cars.”
The school’s esteemed namesake, on the other hand, had 27 wives, some as young as 15, and at least 64 editorials
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Good thing it didn’t work — the water from heaven would have made the buns all soggy
Perry held a religious rally to pray for rain at Reliant Stadium in Houston,
seasonal sexy little lingerie as I begin to swing around the Christmas tree to hot rock ‘n roll hits!”
Since there’s no news in the world of the 1 percent The New York Post investigated
Gingrich told Occupy protesters
Good thing about the crack — that shit fucks up your brain
Charlie Sheen opened his Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour in Detroit, where he burned a Two and A Half Men T-shirt, told the crowd that he was “finally here to identify and train the Vatican assassin locked inside each and every one of you,” demanded “freedom from monkeyeyed…sweat-eating whores,” and said he doesn’t do crack anymore.
At least he’s got one thing going for him: He jogs with a gun and so far hasn’t shot his own balls off
and urged people to fast, although the concession stands sold hot dogs.
sex at Occupy Wall Street
But wait — if we shut down the government, aren’t we ... oh, never mind
A new definition of terror: Watching a 63-year-old man whip out his dick
Michelle Bachman said she opposes same-sex marriage because “the family is the fundamental unit of the government.”
The fact that we’re even writing about a teenager who calls her tits “snowballs” is a sign of the end of civilization Child bride Courtney Stodden was kicked out of a pumpkin patch for dressing in daisy dukes and making out with her 53-year old husband, Doug Hutchinson, and she madly tweets things like “Squeezing my snowballs inside of a
Gerard Depardieu pissed on the floor of an Air France jet after flight attendants told him he’d have to wait to use the bathroom.
We’re going to take a bunch of steroids and then lie about it and maybe we can spend a month there, too
The U.S. Justice Department spent millions of dollars and eight years to convince a judge to sentence Barry Bonds to spend a month at his Beverly Hills estate. 2
What — he doesn’t consider himself a “frothy mix of fecal matter and lube that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex?” Former Senator and presidential candidate Rick Santorum complained about what turns up when you put his name in a Google search.
Obama show his birth certificate.
Naturally — cleanliness is next to Godliness. Sort of like marital fidelity
to take a bath.
Oh well, you know how God is; He flakes out on dates all the time
Too bad that will only cover the first session of the poor kid’s therapy
Gingrich called the Palestinians an “invented” people.
Newt Gingrich told the Christian Broadcasting Network that he’d
Moammar Gadafi said his political opponents were on LSD and kept a stash of photos of Condoleeza Rice.
Oakland radio minister Harold Camping announced that the end of the world would come Oct. 21.
This from a man with “invented” integrity
And next, we’ll redefine “poor” and eliminate food stamps
House Republicans tried to redefine “rape” to eliminate funding for abortions
Oh well, there goes the season
Stanford University stopped giving student athletes special lists of easy classes
Donald — You’re fired
Donald Trump tried to host a presidential debate but gave up when nobody wanted to be there. picks
arts + culture
Rick Perry told the Associated Press that he shot a coyote that had threatened him on his morning jog.
kill ‘em all and let god sort ‘em out
The crowd at a Republican debate cheered after moderator Brian Williams noted that Rick Perry had overseen 234 executions.
Another great moment in the annals of law enforcement A Davis police officer pepper sprayed a group of peaceful protesters who were sitting on the ground.
It sells, baby, it’s sells
Kim Kardashian made $12 million for doing essentially nothing.
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january 4 - 10, 2012 / SFBG.com
VALENCIA CYCLERY we’ve won more awards than any other shop in town!
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It was a huuuge year for LGBTMNOPs — what with the legalization of same-sex marriage in New York, the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Lady Gaga’s suicide via family-friendly Thanksgiving Special, and, of course, the Honey Badger. And yet, like a troupe of half-naked acrobats raked by the pope’s hungry eyes or Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars, members of our community managed to twist themselves into some mighty uncomfortable positions. Let me remove my Valentino couture and tell you about it.
FRAnK AnD FResH
US Rep. Barney Frank announced his retirement with
“I’ve just about had it with faggots who line their pockets with checks from anti-gay homophobes while throwing the rest of us under the bus.” Um, mirror much?
Lance Bass resurrected the creepy pedophile-baiting boy band impre-
borhood could fit such a giant stick up its ass? Oh.
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a wonderfully characteristic burst of straight talk — but then took to the House floor in an uncharacteristic sky-blue T-shirt, which highlighted his large, erect nipples. (This was actually hot, but we hope it doesn’t establish a precedent).
Homosexual Republicans are very easy, but the GOProud gay conservative organization really took the pineapple upside-down cake this year. There were so many ways in which it was wrong (defending Newt Gingrich’s antigay stance, courting Michelle Bachman, inviting Ann Coulter to speak) but it even twisted the one thing it did right: outing Rick Perry’s top pollster after the Perry campaign’s famous anti-gay television ad. GOProud head (since resigned) Jimmy LaSalvia, who used his own gay-bashing earlier this year to attack “expensive” hate crimes legislation as “useless,” tweeted after seeing the ad: food + Drink
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sario trope by endorsing his own version of ‘N Sync, Heart2Heart — a quintet of underage hookerlooking twinks who sang about wanting to post a “heart on” your Facebook page.
Bevan Dufty’s horrifyingly unscrupulous mayoral campaign attempted to conflate saving bullied queer kids from killing themselves with electing him to the city’s top position. Seriously. He even used the words “It can get better” and implied that gay people would be spitting on Harvey Milk’s grave if they didn’t vote for his milquetoast, waffling ass. Queen, please.
BUTT, BUTT ....
On the testimony of a disgruntled ex-employee, perennial gadflyactivist Michael Petrelis blogged that the Castro Theatre was closing. Roger Ebert picked up the story and tweeted that the institution was “abandoning gays,” making it national news. When the tale was deflated, everyone childishly piled on Petrelis with years’ worth of pent-up grievance. Even the usually stilted Bay Area Reporter made fun of his weight in an editorial. It was ugly, and exposed both the limitations of hearsay blogging and the underlying bitterness of the gay press. Surprise!
sTOP COMInG TO sF FOR “sPeCIAL APPeARAnCes”! The A-List cast.
The apparently deeply conservative Castro clutched its pearls all year because, my goodness Hetty Louise, some gay people were walking around naked. This led Sup. Scott Weiner to propose a law forcing naked people to sit on towels(?) Who knew the gay neighmusic listings
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Renewable FRom anY DoctoR
By Steven t. JoneS
Friday, Jan. 6
ameRiCanS foR Safe aCCeSS BRingS BReaking BuD neWS to you. | guardian illustration
By the RootS By Caitlin Donohue email@example.com heRBWiSe Where (besides this column, of course) do you get the latest on marijuana? When it comes to distributing accurate information about buds, Steph Sherer, executive director of medical cannabis advocacy group Americans for Safe Access (ASA), makes no bones about her organizationâ€™s role. â€œMost of our members depend on us for news,â€? she told the Guardian in a recent phone interview. Even when clashes between marijuana proponents and the government are brought to light â€” not always a given in this political climate â€” Sherer finds the one note handling of cannabis issues by the mainstream media troubling. â€œ[Cannabis] gets thrown on [journalists covering] judicial beats instead of getting picked up by the human interest, or the health and science side of things,â€? she said.
ASAâ€™s response to this dearth of useful reporting on cannabis was to develop a free iPhone application that serves as a media catch-all for medical marijuana advocates. At no cost, anyone concerned with losing their right to access their medicine safely â€” or who wants to learn the latest about the sticky green â€” can now download an interface that pulls together news updates, alerts for upcoming political actions, and materials that can add to oneâ€™s activism repertoire; things like phone numbers for legal counsel and advocacy training videos. For Sherer, the app has the potential to empower the people in the crossfire of the ongoing clashes between the federal government and state-legal growing and retail facilities: patients. â€œWe are creating a platform that empowers people to be their own advocate. The people who can advocate for this the best are the people who are affected.â€? 2
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JANUARY 4 - 10, 2012 / SFBG.com