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GET THAT GOAL! The art of turning dreams into reality

ISSUE 3 | MARCH 2018

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Goal-Setting for love:

THE EARLY DAYS:

2 things to remember when you're setting goals for the first time

why it's important to take stock before you commit to love.

Words from a Pro: Oprah Winfrey on Intuition

Over To You: An attitude of gratitude makes a happy goalgetter!

GRACE FOLLOWHEART Founder of DramEd shares her goal-getting story

TAKE IMPERFECT ACTION

DON'T WAIT: DO IT NOW!


Conceive it, believe it and you will achieve it


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CONTENTS

Cover:

1

Editor's Letter

2

Goal-Getting With a Touch of Intuition

4

The Early Days: Two Things Every Goal-Getter Needs To Know

5

Don't Let Your Emotions Get In The Way

7

Over To You: Give Thanks

8

Story of a Goal-Setter: Grace Followheart

10

Saboteurs: Who Are They And What Can You Do About Them?

11

The Work: Building The Foundations of a strong and loving

14

Relationship

15

Taking Imperfection Action: Ditch The Perfectionism

17

When Grieving Interrupts Your Goal-Setting

20

Words From A Pro: Oprah Winfrey

Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods WWW.GET THAT GOAL!

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MARCH 2018

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EDITOR'S LETTER Get ready for spring!

As I write this introduction to the March issue of Get That Goal!, I’m looking out of my window, staring at the snow-covered ground. I made it in to work on time yesterday, despite missing two trains. Perhaps it was my intuition, reassuring me that all would be well. It’s easy to overlook intuition when setting goals: sometimes it’s all about the results. But it’s worth considering the power of heeding that internal GPS that knows there’s more to what our five senses perceive. Read about the magic of intuition on page 2. Valentine’s Day, if you hold with such commercially-driven social markers, has come and gone, but love is something we celebrate every day. Maeve Crawford, relationship coach, tells us why it’s crucial that we take a pragmatic and honest approach to finding love on page 11. Grace Followheart shares her goal-setting story (page 8). See how it helped her to found her story-telling business, DramEd, in 2016. If you’re new to goal-setting, discover two things you need to remember to keep you going when doubt sets in. March sees another commercial celebration – Mothers’ Day. My mother died towards the end of 2014 so I couldn’t send a card even if I wanted to. Read my article about grief and its impact on one of my goals on page 17.

Laurie O'Garro x GET IN TOUCH Drop us a line and tell us about your goal-setting journey. Share your tips and connect with other goalsetters on the website (www.getthatgoal.com) Facebook (Facebook.com/getthatgoal), and Instagram (Instagram.com/getthatgoal) Laurie O'Garro

Founder and Editor of Get That Goal!

GET THAT GOAL!

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Sometimes you just need to kickstart a project. The Get That Goal one-day bootcamp may be just what you need to give you that oomph that will get you going.

Over the course of the day, you will: - explore what might be stopping you from making progress with your goal - learn how to approach your goal-getting in a methodical way - plan your goal four weeks in advance - connect with other goal-getters For more information and dates, email: laurie@getthatgoal.com


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GOAL-GETTING - WITH A TOUCH OF INTUITION We explore the idea that going with our gut could make the difference between a delay in our goal-getting endeavours and a quicker-thanexpected outcome. by Laurie O'Garro

Last month I attended The Best You Expo at London’s Kensington Olympia. As I got my bearings, taking in the various exhibitors, I came across a Dutch businesswoman, Tineke Rensen, whose talk on women in business I'd planned to attend. What a great opportunity it would be to have a private audience with her. I was curious to know what her take on women in business was. Her observations were refreshing, showing as they did that women bring unique qualities to business that are rarely acknowledged or valued. What I found especially encouraging about what she said was that women need to bring their intangible skills and talents to the business table in order to succeed. One of those skills was intuition. The ability to sense what needs to be done next, what the right move is, or how someone is feeling, gives us an advantage in business that we do not always appreciate.

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That brief conversation got me thinking about intuition when, a week after the Expo, I began to experience pain in my lower back. To get some relief, I slept with my rose quartz, but the nagging pain remained. Then, out of nowhere, came the thought: “Take some ibuprofen.” It was a sudden but perfect solution. The pain subsided almost immediately. It was so easy, and it got me thinking about how much more credit I could give to that ‘still, small voice’ of knowing. I love my goal-setting, and I can look back on the last ten years with a real sense of achievement. But I’m beginning to believe that the harnessing of those esoteric abilities that we all possess will have a huge impact on my future endeavours. Intuition, defined as the ability to understand something instinctively, without the need for conscious reasoning, and stories of danger being averted bear out the absence of ‘conscious reasoning’. Leeds University's Professor Gerard Hodgkinson is convinced there is a lot to be said for intuition.

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He cites an episode where a Formula One driver hit the brakes as he neared a hairpin bend. Had he not had this split-second thought, he would have crashed into a pile up of cars. Yet he could not say where the thought had come from. I’m sure you have your own stories of how your gut told you that a certain situation or person was bad for you, despite evidence to the contrary. Perhaps you turned down a job, or left a relationship because it didn’t 'feel right'.

Listen out for the external voice and the inner voice and give each one equal value. I’m a great fan of the methodical approach to goal-getting, but I’ve also started to listen out for messages that can only be sensed. Sometimes it’s a challenge. It can be hard to accept intuitive thoughts, especially when we’re stressed. Spending money on a weekend break can seem counter-intuitive (pun intended!) when the rent is due. But perhaps that weekend away is precisely what we need to get our heads straight, re-group, and come up with a better way to cover the rent, and more besides. So how do you become intuitive goal-getters? I pulled up a power point tutorial (https://www.slideshare.net/lifesimplified/intuiti ve-goal-setting) on using your intuition, and what appealed to me was the slide entitled ‘intuition aligns goals with values’.

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When reflecting on your goals, ask yourself the following question: Do my goals fit with who I am and what’s important to me? If you find that a goal you have set is proving hard to realise, check in with yourself to see if it’s in tune with your authentic self. If you’re pursuing this goal in order to win favour, or somehow gain acceptance, then the goal may prove elusive, or short-lived. Sit with it to determine whether it’s a perfect fit. If it isn’t, then it’s time to use your intuition to guide you to the right action. It was thanks to accepting the messages of my intuition that Get That Goal! magazine was born: I’ve spent years desperately trying to find a way to get my goal-getting message out there. Nothing worked. But a combination of my articles being rejected by online magazines, a friend’s encouragement, and an introduction to the book, ‘The Artist’s Way’, all towards the end of 2017, led to a light bulb moment. In that moment, the magazine was conceived and launched. It’s a lot of work, but it excites me. And it’s in tune with who I am. Even if only two people read it, I’ll still produce it, because I know it’s what I need to do. If you've been ignoring your internal guidance system, aka your intuition, maybe it's time to change tack and see where it takes you. Read Oprah Winfrey's thoughts on intuition on page 20.

Send your intuition stories in to laurie@getthatgoal.com and inspire others

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Your goal setting journey starts here. Go from becoming a goalsetter to goal-getter and see how your dreams become reality. Enjoy 1-2-1 goal-setting sessions with Laurie O'Garro.

Whether your goals are: Returning to education Attending evening classes Embarking on a world cruise Finding that special, significant other Passing your driving test or Becoming your authentic self or you'll find new ways to achieve your desires email: laurie@getthatgoal.com to get started


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THE EARLY DAYS: TWO THINGS EVERY GOAL-GETTER NEEDS TO REMEMBER Iit can be easy to give up in the early days of goal-getting, but before you throw in the towel, consider these three things.

1 An unrealistic goal is not an impossible goal So you want to run a marathon. Next month. Having done no exercise since you left school – thirty years ago.  Does that mean you should throw your hands up and throw in the towel?  No, of course not. Your goal is – for now – unrealistic. But, as long as you’ve been signed off by your GP as being fit, all that needs to happen is that you set out an action plan that sees you setting achievable milestones.  One where: 1.  you compare yourself to you, not Paula Radcliffe.  2.  you can see your progress.  You might want to hire a trainer, join a running group or a gym to help you on your way. Or you might enrol a friend who needs to get fit, thus saving yourself money.   3.  you are realistic about your level of fitness.  If it looks like you won’t make the April London Marathon because you thought you’d only need three months, then shoot for the following year, or an alternative run taking place in late summer.   That’s a very specific goal, but the principle is the same.  Be honest about where you’re at as you begin your goal, and plan accordingly.

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2 fast forward to the finish line Imagine having achieved your goal, allowing yourself moments when you fast forward to the point where you can say, ‘I made it!’. We increase our chances of success, because seeing our goal achieved enables us to believe it will happen. If you need an example of how thinking about a goal before you achieve it, imagine the athlete who, prior to the event, visualises herself as she moves through her race.  Every move, every response is experienced before the race itself.  Big hitters in the world of sport attest to the power of visualisation: Emily Cook, member of the US freestyle ski team, puts herself through her paces in the privacy of a room, executing each move before she even gets onto the snow. Sports psychologist, Nicole Detling, believes in the importance of engaging the feelings as well as thoughts in order to have a mind-body experience: "When you imagine yourself performing a task, your muscles contract as though you're actually doing it. The contractions are so small, you can't feel them, but it's enough to strengthen your muscle memory,"

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   DON’T LET YOUR EMOTIONS        GET IN THE WAY by Laurie O'Garro

That typical New Year's Resolution feeling is nothing new: if the going has gotten tough and you're only one month into your goal-getting, read on to find out how you can get back on track

The Emotional Cycle of Change It’s completely normal to be revved up when you embark upon a new goal only to find, before you know it, you’re demotivated, bored and disillusioned. But there’s good news: this phenomenon was actually studied by two researchers in the 1970s – Don Kelley and Daryl Connor. Be encouraged; there is something you can do to overcome this perfectly normal, predictable flagging of energy. What Kelley and Connor discovered was a process which they called ‘The Emotional Cycle of Change’. It was described in a piece they published entitled The 1979 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators.

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STAGE 1: UNINFORMED OPTIMISM This describes the excitement we feel when we watch an infomercial and decide to purchase that exercise DVD on the strength of the breath-taking results of the men and women featured. Or the seminar we sign up to, believing that it will change our lives instantly and forever. Uninformed optimism has us buying beautiful stationery for our writing, or expensive tools for our DIY pursuits, in short, spending shed loads of money on the strength of unalloyed enthusiasm and possible naïve optimism. During this period, our focus is on getting into action rather than thinking through what it is we actually want to achieve and how we are going to achieve it.

STAGE 2: INFORMED PESSIMISM This is when you hit a snag, or your teenage son/daughter is experiencing exam nerves and you need to rally them rather than attend your art workshop, or legs, tums & bums class. Life gets in the way, or you’re simply disheartened by your lack of progress. You begin to doubt your ability to see the goal through to its desired conclusion and you start to justify why you’re giving it less and less attention.

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STAGE 3: HOPEFUL REALISM Hopeful realism is the third stage of our cycle and is the point where you begin to take control of the situation, if you’re able to move through stage two. At this stage, you will take a long hard look at your goal, get real about how you’re feeling, and re-commit to working on it. You may decide to enlist the support of a coach, or a good friend. Or you may put structures in place that increase your chances of success. For example, if your goal is to go to the gym three times a week, you may have to sleep in your workout gear because you know that if you don’t get out of bed and out of the house in five minutes flat, that gym visit just ain’t gonna happen! It’s a quirky take on goal-getting, but hey, if it works….

STAGE 5: COMPLETION

STAGE 4: INFORMED OPTIMISM This is the stage you reach when you’re aware of the obstacles that stand between you and the achievement of your goal, where you know what to do to push through them, and are confident that if barriers crop up in the future, you are prepared for them and will not allow them to stop you. You’re in a groove now, and know that it’s just a matter of being persistent.

— BARBARA MILLER, VICE PRESIDENT

Stage Five is all about completion. Hallelujah! You reach, as my grandmother used to say. You’ve achieved your goal, and have learned a lot about yourself on the way. You can celebrate your success, and give yourself a pat on the back for being persistent, knowing that success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. As you embark upon a new goal, you remind yourself that it’s not going to be a sexy process. And you realise at the outset that you will need to plan for this eventuality. Do this, and you’ll get to the finish line smarter and wiser.

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OVER TO YOU: GIVE THANKS

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THU

A HAPPY GOAL-SETTER IS A SUCCESSFUL GOAL-GETTER. FEELING GRATITUDE MAKES YOU HAPPY, SO FOR ONE WEEK KEEP A RECORD OF THINGS YOU ARE THANKFUL FOR. 

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Story of a Goal-Setter Grace Followheart is a businesswoman from London. She is a trained actress and since 2012 has been an enthusiastic goal-setter and goal-getter. Read her story and see how she achieved her goals.

I started my coaching with Laurie in 2012 and from that point, my approach to life was “I have got this”. Together we met every fortnight to set goals and in effect check in to do a progress report. The session would end with me setting goal for the next two weeks. Laurie was always there with Get that Goal resources for us to work through. We met consistently through that time up until 2016, where all throughout that time she encouraged me to set and work on my goals.

With Laurie’s support, I was able to home in on what really makes me happy. I know it sounds cliched but it’s real. I am able to work around my family, using my skill and passion to make money.

— B A R B A R A M I L L E RGoal , setting helped because I was encouraged to VICE PRESIDENT

At the time I had just finished a Performing Arts degree and had no idea what direction I wanted to take my life in next. Fast forward and I am the owner of DramEd. DramEd is an educational entertainment and events company, creating and delivering fun, interactive events through arts, in schools, nurseries, shopping centres, corporate events, museums and historic buildings. I started the business because I was fortunate enough to be able to take the time to check in with myself.

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consistently ask myself quality questions that focused on the action steps required to succeed and I was held accountable for them by Laurie, which I think made all the difference.

Funnily enough at the time of writing this, I have just listened to The One Thing by Jay Papasan and Gary Keller on Audible.co.uk. The narrator quotes “if there is one thing he recommends for success and mastery it’s that goal-setters get coaching, because, while goal-setting increases results by 35%, being held accountable increases results by 76%”! So I guess it’s not being lucky, I guess I took the right action. Three things that have made a difference in my pursuit for financial independence are coaching, reading lots of books on the subject areas I am passionate about and always taking action.

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Grace was a finalist at The National Mum and Working Awards 2018, in the category Self-Employed Mum and Working Award 2018

Grace at work WWW.GET THAT GOAL.COM

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SABOTEURS HOW TO SPOT THEM AND WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU COME ACROSS THEM Not everyone wants us to change. Although saboteurs may appear to support us, they are committed to our staying the same. Read more about saboteurs in the article below.

When we embark upon a new way of living, the people closest to us will react in different ways. Some may support us and congratulate us on our decision to make changes in our lives. Others, however, may find it hard to share our excitement and may, consciously or otherwise, discourage or berate us, or be dismissive of our dreams. When this happens, you have a choice to make: keep such people in your life, or leave them behind. Some of those people - family members, friends and even partners - may feel threatened by the changes that you are going through, fearing you will no longer want them around or that you will expose their own inadequacies and insecurities. If you get a feeling that they are acting from a place of fear, you may be able to reassure them that you still love and care for them and that won't change just because you have. However, some of the people in your circle may have a vested interest in wanting to keep you where you are because it serves their needs. Imagine your goal is to lose weight. A saboteur will invite you to consume food you know you need to cut down on, or tell you that you look fine as you are. Perhaps they will start to cook for you, feigning offence when you refuse their delicious, yet calorie-laden, fare. “People need to be aware that weight loss can change a relationship for better or worse,

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and that communication plays an important role in maintaining a healthy relationship,” states Dr Lynsey Romo, assistant professor of communication at North Carolina State and lead author of a paper on research into the impact on relationships when one partner – usually the woman – lost weight. The hardest thing to do is accept that a relationship with a saboteur may have to end if you truly want to achieve a long-held dream. Share your concerns and give the other person an opportunity to tell you how they feel. But be clear about what you want and what you are prepared to compromise on to maintain the relationship. Ending a relationship that does not nurture your dreams can take time, either because you are in a romantic relationship and are attached, or, in the case of family, because you have a shared history and you get something from the connection - a regular social life or a sense of belonging and identity There is a way to keep relationships with people who might be saboteurs and that is to tell them only what you think they can handle, or need to know. Most of the people in your life are probably supportive of your goals, but some cannot or will not accept your choices, remember, it's not their fault; to them your goals are a foreign country.

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The Work Maeve Crawford, relationship coach, tells us why we must do work on ourselves if we are to enjoy meaningful relationships with our soulmate.

Applying what I

had learned in

my personal life

proved that it

worked.

My mum used to say that marriage required work. Her comment was simply that, nothing to explain or describe what the actual work entailed. So I was left clueless. I spent my life floating around wondering what on earth she could have meant and when I became involved romantically with another, I thought the work meant being what they wanted me to be. So, that’s what I did. I’d cover up my feelings in case I caused the other person anxiety. And all the while my own levels of anxiety increased and I felt alone in the relationship. Perhaps you can relate? The “work” my mum had referred to was a mystery and I realised, whilst in the midst of a relationship in which I didn’t really know what I was doing, or how I’d ended up in a situation where I no longer recognised myself.

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ISSUE 3 Over the last 12 years, I’ve been exploring what this work entails. This has required much soul searching, deep reflection, contemplation, meditation, training, QUOTES attending workshops and seminars and travelling to America to learn from some of the leading experts in the field of family and relationship and working with individuals looking to transform their relationship experience. Applying what I had learned in my personal life proved that it worked. However, it wasn’t enough to prevent what I thought was a healthy relationship from coming to an end. It was this experience that guided me to delve even deeper and discover a new level of awareness and understanding. The Iceberg Cometh What is really happening when two people get together?

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Two people at different times, living in different zones and areas of the world, brought up with different family values and beliefs, educated, dogmatised, dictated to, misunderstood, wounded, betrayed, hurt, shouted at, ignored, criticised, beaten, accused, neglected, frightened, compared, abandoned and rejected, develop a core belief that they’re unworthy and unlovable. This core belief, or wound, sets the pair on a life quest to find the perfect partner who will love them. Because they’re searching for someone to love them, their focus is external and not at all where or what it needs to be. They create a fantasy of a loving relationship with their “other half,” “better half,” “significant other,” “main squeeze,” or “soul mate”!

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This fantasy further increases their belief that this other person will provide them with the happiness and love they’re so desperately searching for. Nod if this resonates with you! Learn to Distinguish Fact from Fiction Hollywood, television, glossy magazines, romantic fiction and the annual celebration on February 14th, have brainwashed the majority of people into believing that this elusive “happy ever after” partnership is worth pursuing and has helped create a highly successful dating and wedding industry. The idea of meeting their perfect partner, falling in love and living out their lives in wedded bliss keeps this fiction alive. But where is the message which informs us that along the way there will be bumps in the road, tears before bedtime, harsh words spoken in anger and later regretted, misunderstandings and triggers of those past wounds from childhood and previous relationship? When the honeymoon phase has fizzled out and things start to gain a semblance of reality and familiarity, the pair may think they have made a huge mistake and that there is something wrong with their relationship. They start to think they are with the wrong person and begin to look for exit strategies. Some exit strategies could be as obvious as staying late at work, going out with friends, retail therapy or having an affair. Subtler exit strategies could include, pretending to agree, avoiding conversation and falling asleep.

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When things appear to be going wrong, the finger pointing starts and the blame game ensues. Because the focus of creating happiness and love was external, they believe it’s the other person’s fault that they’re no longer feeling the happiness and love they did when they first met. The fault-finding, criticising and looking at flaws, instead of what’s appreciated, sets this pair on a path of destruction. Neither are aware that the trigger is within themselves! The relationship acts as a mirror, reflecting back to them who they are. When they don’t like what they see in the other, it is an indication there is something they’re not loving within themselves. Instead of pointing the finger and blaming the other, it’s time to get curious and ask yourself what is happening in me that is making me react in this way? What is this triggering? What do I need to resolve or heal that would create more connection and closeness? Sounds like work, right? Perhaps this is what my mum was referring to when she said marriage requires work! Being Single is the Perfect Time! So, if you’re single and feeling somewhat negatively about another Valentine’s Day without your beloved by your side, consider this: Being single is the perfect opportunity to focus on who you are and what you really want for your life.

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MARCH 2018 It’s the perfect time to discover what love truly is and how you can develop a loving relationship with yourself. Not at some far off distant time and place, but right here and now! After all, if you’re not loving yourself and you begin a relationship with someone, chances are they won’t be loving themselves either. Remember, you attract who you are, not what you want! What would that relationship look like? Two people who don’t love themselves, coming together in search for something they believe they don’t have. They will create a relationship based on neediness and most likely be unable to genuinely love one another! You can read more about how to prepare yourself for true love in April’s issue of Get That Goal!

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ISSUE 3 You’ve most likely heard it said that the love you seek is seeking you. This is loosely based on a Rumi quote, “That which you seek is also seeking you.” The thing is, the love you seek is and always has been inside. But what does that mean? How do you tap into it and cultivate it? How do you ensure you don’t spend your life searching for it outside yourself and experience one disappointment after the other? How do you attract and build an authentically loving relationship when every previous experience has come crashing down just before you’ve had a chance to taste the joy of the real stuff!

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TAKING IMPERFECT               ACTION The fear of not being perfect can leave us paralysed, watching from the side lines as those less talented than we are, but bolder, take chances and improve as they go along. Is it time that you felt the fear and did it anyway? Are you one of those people who has to have everything perfect before you proceed with a certain course of action? Have you ever pulled a signature dish at a dinner party because the presentation wasn’t quite right, or refused to read out a piece of your work because you weren’t happy with the ending? Or maybe you’ve witnessed a child deciding it doesn’t want to give in a picture she's drawn for the class display because she made a mistake. Try as we might to coax and cajole the child to hand it in, they refuse point blank. It’s easier to spot perfectionism in children than in yourself. Perfectionism is defined as: “The refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.” Waiting for circumstances or your performance to be perfect could mean you miss out on opportunities. The poet who thinks she’ll be laughed at if she performs at the open mic session because her poems need touching up, misses out on a chance to share her deepest thoughts with an eager audience.

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A job applicant who pulls out of an interview because he doesn’t feel he has prepared as well as he could have fails to realise the value of making mistakes. Have a look at the list below to see if you are a perfectionist. 1. You have impossibly high standards; 2. You are your harshest critic and become depressed if you don’t feel you’ve met your expectations; 3. You procrastinate, acting only when ‘the time is right’ 4. You have an all-or-nothing approach to your endeavours: you prefer not to try something than risk getting it wrong; 5. You present as a ‘low achiever’, not because you lack skills, but because you never give yourself a chance to take a risk. Perfectionists draft and re-draft, never satisfied. No amount of reassurance that their efforts are impressive will make them happy. They’re mortified by the idea that someone might criticise their work.

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MARCH 2018 It’s important for us to be okay with our imperfect attempts at whatever we are doing. In the 1970s, Dr. Carol Dweck came up with the concept of fixed versus growth mindsets. People with fixed mindsets hate making mistakes and their sense of who they are comes from being the best in class, at work or whatever arena they find themselves in. People with growth mindsets, on the other hand, accept their mistakes, seeing them as opportunities to learn and improve. They have a ‘just do it’ approach to their endeavours. Of course they do their best, and of course they experience disappointment, but if they don’t hit the target, they ask themselves questions like: -

How can I improve this? What will I do differently next time? What went well? Whom can I ask for help next time round?

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ISSUE 3 If you are a perfectionist, it’s time to start take imperfect action. If you’ve redrawn that picture five times, and still don’t feel happy with it, enter it in the competition anyway. If you’re new to making YouTube videos and your efforts are looking a bit ropey, upload them. Most people are concerned about the content than perfect lighting. The more you make, the better you will get. Remember also, that the way you see your creations or your work is different to how others see them. Chances are other people won’t spot the errors that are screaming at you. If you don't believe me, ask them. And, even if they do, they’re unlikely to be as hard on you, or as critical of you, as you are. Don't wait until something's perfect, or you'll miss the boat.

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WHEN GRIEVING INTERRUPTS YOUR GOAL SETTING

be kind to yourself when death derails your plans Laurie O'Garro

Depression, crying, mood swings, loss of appetitie are all manifestations of grief, as are guilt and isolation.

My mum died towards the end of 2014, four years after being diagnosed with bowel cancer. For most of those four years, she was able to get around, albeit to a lesser degree than before the diagnosis. It was only in the last seven or so months of her life that she became less mobile: the cancer had metastasised to her spine, causing incredible pain and eventually leaving her paralysed. We’d always been close, but in the last years of her life, we’d grown closer; I had no idea how much time she had and I wanted to make the most of her.

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Her death was a release for her and I was relieved she was no longer in pain. Apart from my grandparents, who returned to the Caribbean when I was a teenager, my mother’s was the first death I’d experienced at close quarters. At forty-five, I considered myself incredibly lucky to have been spared such loss for so long. The way my grief manifested though was unusual. I didn’t really know what to expect: would I overeat or lose my appetite, spend evening after evening sitting in front of the television, or days curled up in bed? Those, I thought to myself, might be typical reactions to grief. My own, however, was unexpected and, in a perverse way, funny. I knew it was a sign of grief because it was the only change I experienced.

I stopped exercising

Grief has no sell-by date

This wasn’t like me. I’d kept up some form of exercise long after it was mandatory. As a 15-year-old, I got into Jane Fonda, and at university I’d tried my hand at Tai Chi, Callanetics and step aerobics. When my daughter was a few months old, I returned to aerobics. As a single mum with a daughter approaching her A Level exams, taking to my bed for a year was not an option: I had to keep things going, financially and emotionally. My social life was hardly what you’d call wild, so it was easy to keep up with. But I just couldn’t summon up the energy to do a workout. I’d make a half-hearted attempt to work out three times a week, but couldn’t sustain it. Exercise was good for me, but I couldn’t be bothered. I haven’t analysed it too much. I want to rediscover my exercise mojo, but I appreciate that it may take time.

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Last year, a new gym opened Five minutes from my home. I joined, but even that has proved too much of a stretch, and exercising at home is unappealing. I know I’ll resume exercise at some point. Three years since losing my mum is not long and, in any case, there are no rules that say when to get over grief. For the time being I’m toing to be kind to myself.

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GOAL-SETTING TIP: INSTEAD OF BEATING YOURSELF UP WHEN YOU DON'T HIT THE JACKPOT Â THE FIRST, SECOND OR THIRD TIME, REFLECT ON WHAT DIDN'T WORK, AND PUT TOGETHER A STRATEGY THAT WILL IMPROVE YOUR CHANCES OF SUCCESS. #GETTHATGOAL


ISSUE 3

MARCH 2018

Words From a

PRO If you need more inspiration on the subject of intuition, here is Oprah Winfrey’s view on knowing without knowing. What I know for sure is that if you were going to buy only one issue, ever, of O, this would be the one. Learning to trust your instincts, using your intuitive sense of what's best for you, is paramount for any lasting success. I've trusted the still, small voice of intuition my entire life. And the only time I've made mistakes is when I didn't listen. It's really more of a feeling than a voice—a whispery sensation that pulsates just beneath the surface of your being. All animals have it. We're the only creatures that deny and ignore it. A while back, Bob Greene and I were walking with my dogs around the pond at my home in California. The weather was damp and misty, and I was concerned that it was too cold for the dogs to go in the water.

But Bob said, "Don't worry—they're dogs. They're not going to stay in the water if it's too cold. Animals don't deliberately cause themselves discomfort the way people do." How many times have you gone against your gut, only to find yourself at odds with the natural flow of things? We all get caught up in the business of doing, and sometimes lose our place in the flow. But the more we can tune in to our intuition, the better off we are. I believe it's how God speaks to us. For all the major moves in my life—to Baltimore, to Chicago, to own my show, and to end it—I've trusted my instincts. I take in all the information I can gather. I listen to proposals, ideas, and advice. Then I go with my gut, what my heart feels most strongly.

Taken from: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/oprah-on-trusting-her-intuition-oprahs-advice-on-trusting-your-gut

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Get That Goal Issue 3 March 2018  

This month, discover two things about goal-setting that will inspire you. Find out what helped Grace Followheart realise her goals, and get...

Get That Goal Issue 3 March 2018  

This month, discover two things about goal-setting that will inspire you. Find out what helped Grace Followheart realise her goals, and get...

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