SEPTEMBER 2017
by Carolyn Shockey There was this guy in my old neighborhood who planted all kinds of bushes, trees, and hedges along and past his property line on either side, making a tropical oasis to keep others at bay. Not only did he set his own boundaries, but he took advantage of his neighbors as well. It got so out of control that his neighbors had to go to the expense of a surveyor to mark their boundary lines. I'm sure you've had similar experiences with people who exercise their power to invade your space by standing so close to you that you feel uncomfortable. There are those who insist on giving unsolicited advice on how we should do or handle something, insinuating their way is better. Family members or friends can have a way of shaming, belittling, or playing the guilt card in order to manipulate us. These tactics are a form of intimidation or bullying. They act to destroy a person’s self worth if permitted. This
SENIOR VOICE AMERICA
BOUNDARIES
has been a hot topic lately with the younger generation and use of social media, where bullying has taken its toll on young lives that haven't had the support or experience to deal with these destructive individuals. By now, though, we have had enough life experiences that we should have an idea of where our comfortable boundaries are, and how and what to do to protect them. Placing limitations and drawing the line are the ways that we can take care of ourselves. It doesn't mean that ours is the only way, but just the right way for us. Part of it is also not being sucked into a guilt trip by family and others who may try to pull us into their behaviors, where we then end up being the fall guys. All of us are on our life path and at different levels on our journeys. There are many different ways to get there. Only we know which will be the best for us. We must then be able to embrace others on their way, even if it's
not the same as ours. Happiness in this realm depends on being able to take responsibility for our boundaries that keep us safe, comfortable, and at ease. It can be an invisible line that you set up so as not to feel violated, backing off from a situation that becomes uncomfortable, or avoiding others who are invasive physically,
Along The Way Dr. Anthony J. Adams I observe and listen to people from all levels of our diverse society. As I reflect on what they say and I reflect on my own life, it becomes immediately apparent that no one….I mean without exception, that no one does anything alone. We take the dreams, efforts, accomplishments as well as the losses, failures, sacrifices and pain of living that countless millions of people before us and alongside us experience now as we forge a life of our own. If I could do only one more thing, now in the fall of my life, it would be to personally thank those persons whose actions opened possibility for me---with no gain to themselves expected. The problem with that is, they are for the most part deceased. Maybe, and I do hope so, they are on some level aware of my recognition of what they did for me and the gratitude I have for them now. As a young man the immediate and immediate future was the only reality I could see. Now I am not so young and can clearly see I was never alone--neither in the physical or spiritual planes. I plan to acknowledge some of those lives in this and future writings. It is fitting. The chronology may not be sequential but the accuracy and significance will bear my intention to share and maybe provoke you the reader to recognize you have not been alone and are not alone now regardless of what
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you may now think and feel. Upon high school graduation I entered a local junior college. My performance there was mediocre at best. For my junior year of college I entered a major state university. I was out of my league emotionally and academically. I had never had to study and hence did not know how to study. Within two fast semesters, I flunked out---out meant a minimum of one year suspension according to the Dean of Arts and Sciences. Fast forward three years. The first year was spent working every miserable, dirty, unappreciated, low paying, grunt job you can imagine. The second and third years were spent in the US Army Intelligence Corp. By the fourth year away from the university, I had matured a bit but still did not know what I wanted to do. I knew if I could plead for a second chance to attend the university, it would be worth $300.00 of GI bill each month. Add to that some part time work somewhere and then I could buy groceries and pay the rent for myself and my wife… no children yet to bless our 450 square
foot apartment which had a coin operated air conditioner…50c for 6 hours. The demands of University seemed do-able and a 4.0 grade point earned was the reward the first term back. The deal was drop below 2.0 average and you are out for eternity. I did not hold a perfect 4.0 for the next two years. however my grade point average was very high. Enough that I wondered if I had a chance to achieve my original goal, which was to attend dental school. I secured an appointment with my histology professor Dr. Krivaneck, a very demanding, seemingly unforgiving, tough as nails tyrant who was also the pre-med and pre-dent counselor. I requested an appointment to appraise any possibility of acceptance to dental school considering my mediocre first two years and grotesque performance the third year. So to sum it up bad 3 years…good to excellent last year and a half. His advice was if he were on the selection committee it would be NO! His explanation was that I represented too much risk to the financial aspect the school would bear
mentally, emotionally, or verbally. If all else fails, we can plant a hedge or build a physical wall or privacy fence. No one should be permitted to invade or violate our space against our wishes. It's up to us to be the watchdog and to insure that others honor us and our space. if I went rogue and I didn’t make it. I understood the point he had made. I excused myself, thanking him for his time and his candid assessment. As I was reaching for the door, He said, “Adams, so what are you going to do?” My response was, “go to dental school. No disrespect for your opinion sir. I came for that. I wanted to know my chances…now I know. If I let your opinion stop me now, I would not have had much intention. Thank you Sir.” Little did I know then but subsequently, I heard he had been a med school drop-out who now years later had become very influential to medical and dental school selection committees. I don’t think it hurt that I had attained a very rare and sought after A in his histology class. I think my ticket to dental school was punched that day in his office. I’m the only dentist I know who flunked out of college to later have the opportunity of acceptance and then an amazing career. Even more strange is that only twenty-six months after our meeting due to a quirky strange set of circumstances, I was on the admissions committee at the dental school. Dr. Krivanck, you may have not finished with clinical degree, but you enabled me and I think I have made you proud. You see, Dr. Krivaneck, passed on before I came back to thank him. I do not believe without him I would have had the wonderful opportunities I have had to help others or enhance their lives. I believe God used Dr. Krivaneck to reach many, many people thru the hands and minds of students Dr. Krivaneck taught, lead, influenced, redeemed, and placed in medical and dental schools across our nation. We are never alone and the glory attained is not ours alone. It is shared.