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La Crosse's Free Press becoming monthly publication. See Page 8 for details.


2// December 29, 2011

January 2012 | Second Supper

Second Supper | January 2012

Things To Do

SoCial NetworkiNG

New Year's resolutions 1. Get in shape 2. Pass all classes 3. Cut down on drinking 4. Stop watching "Hoarders" 5. Clean more often 6. Contribute to society 7. Complete community service Words of 2011 1. Occupy 2. Winning 3. Fracking 4. 99 percent 5. Austerity 6. Arab Spring 7. Wisconsin 14

Wouldn’t it be great if there were such a place where you could hear live music, munch a great meal, have a few libations and then stumble up to bed after ringing in the New Year? Well the Trempealeau Hotel has you covered. The Far Outs will be providing the music, the kitchen will have lobster, shrimp and steak, the bar will serve up the cocktails and the hotel is packed with beds. To ring in the New Year with style at the Trempealeau Hotel, call (608) 534-6898 for reservations.

declare shenanigans!

whAT Is yOUR bIGGEsT PET PEEVE? whAT bOOK ARE yOU CURRENTLy READING? "The Age of Wonder" by Richard Holmes

TELL Us yOUR GUILTIEsT PLEAsURE: Watching the bad girls club. ... I know. ... It's horrible!

TELL Us A JOKE: When someone hands you a flier it's like they're saying "here, you throw this away" -- Mitch Hedberg

NAME AND AGE: Miranda A. Dresen, 24 whERE wERE yOU bORN? Good 'Ol La Crosse, Wis.

CURRENT JOb: I bust shoplifters

Even though the weather has been in the 50s of late, there is not a whole lot of exciting things to do outside, so Shenanigans is inviting you to bring the fun indoors on New Year's Eve with a huge spectacular. Pre-registered guests will get a special discounted rate of $20 for unlimited attractions ($95 normally), which includes laser tag, bumper cars, ropes course and the ever popular inflatable jump house. You must register by Friday, Dec. 30, at (608) 783-3333 in order to take advantage of the huge discount. So reserve your spot today and don’t miss out on this great opportunity to jump around.


whAT ONE PERsON ALIVE OR DEAD wOULD yOU wANT TO hAVE DINNER wITh? Anyone who knows me, knows the answer to this. ... JAMES DEAN!!

whAT's ThE LAsT ThING yOU bOUGhT? A new yoga mat




A hair tie, 32 cents and a note for my boss. ... Hmm, maaaybe that last one should be on my desk.

The Hanson Brothers, and by the Hanson brothers I mean Taylor and Zac, sorry Issac.



A new pancreas, mine is a quitter!

Hmmm. Italy, or maybe France? Bali? I'll get back to after I visit all of the choices. I'm not good at decisions.

Aerosmith... Joe Perry threw me his guitar pick!

whAT Is sOMEThING yOU wANT TO DO bEFORE yOU DIE: Build my own library and fill it with only my favorite books.

whAT Is yOUR bEVERAGE OF ChOICE? Honest Tea Sublime Mate, YUM!

L'Editor Dear Reader: Welcome, readers, to the fifth annual Second Supper Festivus Issue. But you’ll have to look closely for our Feats of Strength, Festivus pole, and as for an Airing of Grievances, you’re reading it. I’ve heard the rumors and seen writing on Internet walls, but reports of our death have been greatly exaggerated. Here’s the truth: The newspaper industry is hard these days. That’s why our page counts have been down and that other newspaper down the street declared bankruptcy. But worst of all, we’ve had to take day jobs. Real ones where I wear slacks, sit in a cubicle and edit copy that’s more boring than La

CELEbRITy CRUsh: Jon Hamm, or should I say Don Draper. Hypocrisy

don’t tramp all over town this new Year's

The Top

December 29, 2011 // 3


Crosse Magazine (zing!). But enough about my grievances, here’s what we’re going to do about it. Beginning with this issue, Second Supper will become a monthly periodical. You’re shocked, I know, and I apologize if anyone was injured falling off their chairs. But truth be told, I’m freaking stoked to make a high quality magazine each month, and I can’t wait to share what we’ve got planned. I’m sure you’ll have lots of questions, so feel free to holler at editor@ But we’ll be back next month. Like Festivus itself, Second Supper won’t end until we’re pinned!

— Adam Bissen

444 Main St., Suite 310 La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 Online: Publisher: Roger Bartel Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen Student Editor: Emily Faeth Sales: Mike Keith Cover and Ad Design: Jenn Bushman Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Mary Catanese, Ashly Conrad, Ben Deline, Brett Emerson, Shuggypop Jackson, Jonathan Majak, Matt Jones, Nate Willer Second Supper is a weekly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 444 Main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Send your letters to the editor to Second Supper, 444 Main St., , Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 or by e-mail to

FIRsT CONCERT yOU wENT TO: whAT Is yOUR FAVORITE PART OF sECOND sUPPER? I love a lot of it but I think I use the Community Service listings the most!

hOw DO yOU KNOw MARy (LAsT wEEK's INTERVIEw)? She's my soul sister. — Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson

4// December 29, 2011


January 2012 | Second Supper

The Year of Redemption and Renewal By Bob Treu

Special to Second Supper The week before Christmas is always frantic with last-minute shoppers, college students on break hoping to hook up with the old hometown gang, and of course Salvation Army people shaking their bells furiously in an effort to collect a last bit of change for the growing number of poor and homeless before the Christmas spirit evaporates. This year they were joined by a red-cheeked group that hoped to gather enough signatures to recall the governor. Both groups seemed determined, but the bell-ringers were allowed in warm doorways, while the recall people stood outside. Fortunately, the weather was almost unnaturally warm and a bright Festivus air prevailed in my hometown. I had spent the three previous Christmas seasons in Nevada or Wyoming and it was good to be back. So I tried my hand at collecting signatures outside the Food Co-op one day, just for journalistic authenticity, and was singularly unsuccessful. After an hour of holding a sign and torturing my smile muscles, I got one signature. But it was late in the game, and it’s safe to say most folks had developed an opinion of Scott Walker one way or another by then. But in spite of my inadequate efforts, the recall was going forward at a good pace. The governor himself has said he thinks

he will have to stand election this year, and his heavy-pocketed supporters have already gathered four times the cash his opponents have. So what were the recall people smiling about? They seemed to be everywhere, and always with the same curious grin. The weirdest part of their effort is that they don’t have a candidate yet. Former senator Russell Feingold would be ideal, but he has vowed to keep out of the race. We can only hope he will get back in the game sometime in the future. Tom Barrett from Milwaukee and Tammy Baldwin from Madison will run if asked. So will Tim Cullen from the Janesville-Racine area. Cullen made a name for himself last spring by disapproving when Democratic Senators hid out in Illinois to slow down the Walker budget, even though he went with them. All these candidates come from the southeastern quadrant of the state (so does the governor), which could put off upstate voters. Among the possible candidates, the exception is David Obey, the former 7th District congressman who served long enough to chair the powerful appropriations committee before retiring last year. We are both from Wausau and we both attended Wausau High, so I made a point of showing up on Dec. 7 for his appearance at the local recall office. As we talked, he told me he was supporting Barrett for governor. After all, Barrett had come close to winning in 2010, but

Obey said he will run if no one else will. I was able to tell him how we first met in the basement of Wausau’s Newman High in 1969, when he was making his first run for congress and I had come home to work on his campaign. I told him how grateful I was that he took a moment that night to thank Art Henderson, a terrific history teacher whose classes we had both taken. Obey said he wouldn’t be running for Congress is it weren’t for Art Henderson. We agreed that we both went through college without encountering a better history class. Later on I found a copy of Obey’s book, Raising Hell for Justice (If you’re interested in Wisconsin politics get this book. It’s well written and informative.), and discovered he devotes five pages to our old teacher. David Obey has added a grey beard since 1969 and his voice sounds like one of those machines that crush red granite into gravel in the quarries outside of Wausau, but as he gave his presentation it became clear he had learned more than history from Art Henderson, he had learned how to teach. He had prepared a large map of the state to demonstrate what the Republican plan for redistricting would mean. Part of the plan was clearly to cede our district (the 3rd) to the Democrats while making the 7th a safe haven for Republicans. To accomplish that, they had attached a long narrow corridor to the 3rd that extended in a northeasterly di-

rection and resembled nothing so much as a bull’s pizzle with a large knob on its end. The knob was Portage County, the heavily Democratic area that usually gave Obey his margin of victory. However you looked at it, it was obscene. By now I was in the holiday mood. Whether we’re talking about Christmas, Chanukah, or Festivus, it’s a time for celebrating good memories, and Dave Obey helped me do just that. Imagine a Wausau High kid going on to academic excellence at the University of Wisconsin and then making a firm reputation as one of the brightest, most thoughtful members of Congress. As a man who took a modest background and a good public education into the political discourse, he represents everything Walker hates. The following Wednesday I walked over to Drew Londre’s house for a small gathering designed to kick-start his campaign for a place on the county board. I met Drew in 2008 when I was writing about the Obama campaign. He was a college student at the time, but he was clearly the man in the room with the energy and organizational skills to keep the local campaign on track. Then I met him again when he worked on the Jennifer Shilling campaign to recall Senator Kapanke. Now he was running for the seat vacated by Audrey Kader’s retirement.


Second Supper | January 2012

Year CONTINUED FROM PAGE 4 The district he wants to represent is also my neighborhood. Like me, Drew likes its classy, aging buildings and diverse population. He wants to represent it and, at the same time, begin a career in politics. So far, Drew’s candidacy, like my victory in my eighth-grade golf tournament, is unopposed. With any luck he will garner enough votes to match my golf score, and that will give him an easy win, even if an opponent shows up. While all this celebration was going forth, Congress was promising to defeat the Senate bill that would extend a payroll tax reduction for working people for two months. The bill had presidential support and passed in the Senate with 89 yeas, a bipartisan accomplishment that seemed something out of a happier, saner era. But since 2010 the House has been a tea party presided over by a whole covey of Mad Hatters and March Hares. Speaker Boehner announced the House would pass the thing, but almost before his microphone cooled, he was undercut by his own party’s extremists. Everyone felt sorry for Boehner. Then the Senate went home for Christmas, leaving House members to explain to their constituents what they had left for them under the tree.


How can I not warm up to a holiday which its originators chose to celebrate on Dec. 23, a day with one foot in the solstice

December 29, 2011 // 5

COMMUNITY and the other in Christmas? It’s also my birthday. Since all the libraries were closed, I spent the day at coffee houses, reading and writing. In the afternoon I took the bus to Barnes & Noble for more of the same and a reasonable number of hugs from old friends. After that I went home to work on a 500-piece Chanukah puzzle that depicts a human Menorah, nine beautiful women dancing with candles and celebrating the festival of lights, and to watch Smoke, a film with Harvey Keitel and William Hurt and a script by Paul Auster. It ends with Auggie Wren’s Christmas story, which for some time has been in a dead heat with Dickens’ Christmas Carol as my favorite Christmas tale. I own the film in the VHS form, but it’s good as ever, and it’ll take me another Chanukah season to finish the puzzle. Sometime on Festivus the Justice Department made our spirits bright by striking down the South Carolina voter registration law on the sensible grounds that it will make voting difficult or even impossible for minority people, college students and old folks. Apparently the Justice Department missed the point. The Republicans are doing exactly that in South Carolina and all across the country and they like doing it. Of course they will appeal, and they will put their case before a Supreme Court that has already made two of the worst decisions in American judicial history. But, meanwhile, all of the voters in South Carolina will be able to vote in the fall election. Maybe Wisconsin will get lucky as well.

But the best Festivus/birthday present was watching the House blink. At some point the Festivus spirit overtook its members and they voted to adopt the Senate bill, which the president signed on his way out the door to catch up with his family in Hawaii. In their lingering seasonal Grinchiness, the Republicans announced their displeasure at the president’s holiday plans. I believe President Obama is the first president to be criticized for spending Christmas with his family in the place he grew up. I ended the evening by opening a bottle of good Wisconsin Lorelei wine and quietly toasting Dave Obey, a wise and experienced professional politician, and Drew Londre, a young and idealistic one. After watching the antics of the hard right all week, it came to me that the question isn’t whether people like Obey and Londre are good enough for American politics, but whether American politics will ever again be good enough for them.

Christmas Eve

Some time on Christmas Eve Day I read that some union folks visited Tom Barrett to ask him to drop out of the race. The paper neglected to report whether or not they were thugs. If Barrett dropped out, that would make Dave Obey’s candidacy more likely. When I talked with former Mayor John Medinger about this, he explained that Barrett had miffed the unions by saying he thought if state workers were going to take a hit, so should firefighters and policemen, who had been exempted by the governor from his budget bill, but Medinger expected

Barrett would stay in the race.

The New Year

And so, dear readers, by the time you read this, Festivus and Christmas will be over and you will be getting ready to ring in 2012, which is likely to be as strange and wonderful a year as 2011. It is true that American democracy and especially the progressive Wisconsin tradition seem a little shakier than they did a year ago. So why am I ending the year with such a feeling of optimism? Maybe it was picking up on the feeling of solidarity among the protesters inside and outside of the Capitol last spring. Or maybe it was catching up with an old fighter like Dave Obey and watching a young one like Drew Londre. For me personally 2011 has been a writer’s dream. I hadn’t written for Second Supper in a while and didn’t know whether I would again. Then Adam called last February and asked if I could do a story on the protest that had just happened in Riverside Park and do it very quickly (I think he gave me 4 hours). That was the beginning of a madcap ride that was often as infuriating as it was exhilarating. No one could have made this stuff up. It is very satisfying to get a check and a good letter for a short story from the editor of a literary magazine in New York. It’s even more satisfying to walk down the street in our town and have a stranger say, “Hey, I read that thing you wrote last week. It was OK.” So, especially to the readers of Second Supper: enormous gratitude and Happy New Year.

6// December 29, 2011


A visit from St. Republicans In honor of Festivus — and the innumerable moments of hilarity afforded us thus far is the Great GOP Showdown — here’s a look ahead at the upcoming political season that you’ll definitely want to read to your kids while tucking them in tonight.

By Emily Dickinson Faeth

‘Twas the night before the RNC, when all through the States, Republicans were betting and raising the stakes. Lapel pins were chosen by staffers with care In hopes that their jingoism goes over the air.

Y Marks The Spot By Brett Emerson Occupy the bottom

Herman Cain was nestled all snug in his bed While visions of pizza pie danced in his head. And Bachmann was berating her totally-not-gay hubby, And Gingrich was cheating on wife number three. When all of a sudden — a breaking news story! The front runner’s out due to a scandal with some whore(y)! Mitt Romney did seem like such a nice Mormon lad, But alas, like the rest, he’s undoubtedly bad. The news spread like wildfire, Perry’s aides yelled with glee, “We’ve still got a chance, our plot worked, can’t you see?” Rick watched the Fox Report and his mouth stretched to grin, “You’re right, we have done it; we’ll still surely win.” But up in Minnesota, Bachmann, too, had a plan, She’d drive to the RNC in a crucifix-covered van, The engine would run on souls of aborted foeti, The fuel, the most corrupt oil money can buy And somewhere in Vegas, Newt also was busy Leaving Callista at home to break down in a tizzy. They cruised in his limo all along the gleaming strip, On his radar, the RNC was merely a blip. The big day arrived, Repubs sweat in the Florida sun, But they’d all come to see who’d be the new Chosen One. They chanted and cheered and chugged Gatorade, And with bated breath awaited their next Candidate. But Rick Perry’d been busted, his plan went awry, And Bachmann’s God-mobile failed to arrive (wonder why) And Gingrich was passed out with his face in the hooker’s lap, And Mitt Romney was in Temple, trying to erase his bad rap. When all of a sudden, there arose such a clatter — Herman Cain on the stage, saying “Folks, what’s the matter? I rose from the dead to be your president-to-be, Forget those other losers, I know you really want me! I got a space plan that will take us to Neptune and back, And don’t forget my 9-9-9 plan, you know that ain’t going back! There’ll be a Godfather’s Pizza in each city, state, and town, And with Trump as my running mate, you know we’re not going down.” And the Repubs let the words hover as their eyes shone with glaze, And they drifted back home in their Fox News-induced haze. And the Fox hosts didn’t stutter as they closed up for the night Happy Festivus to all, now let’s all move to the right!

I want to preface this rambling piece by saying that, in over three decades of my existence, this is the first and only year that I’ve been genuinely interested in where America is going. Sure, seeing Obama get elected was great, but it was still the usual game of token democracy trotted out with Leap Year regularity, and I don’t get involved in that (and I didn’t). This year, I suddenly found myself bearing an overabundance of newfound pride in Wisconsin as hundreds of thousands of my fellow Midwesterners rose up to tell their tin pot dictator to go to hell. And then, I’d say almost as a direct consequence, the Occupy Movement turned the greedhate nationwide. It is simply breathtaking to see Americans get so pissed off that they’re willing to inconvenience themselves to pay more than the usual lip service to our ideals of freedom — and no, joining the Tea Party and trolling the rest of the country doesn’t count as this. I hope we’re seeing the dawn of the next economic civil rights movement, but I have one pretty big problem with all the uprisings I’ve seen this year. OK, two; the coordinated police brutality of recent times has been pretty upsetting. And while we’re on that subject: Who the hell gave bike cops the authority to pepper spray protesters? Has the world suddenly become a mad version of Pacific Blue? Is Mario Lopez the new face of the modern police state? Deep breath. Back on topic. Just about every time I hear otherwise wonderful economic insurgents discuss the menace of the current climate of unchecked corporate greed where damn near everything under the sun has been made for-profit, the fears and worries usually end up in one place. The problem, they usually say, is that the middle class is in danger of disappearing. I don’t know about you, but my heart doesn’t exactly bleed for the middle class. It’s a nice enough concept, a subtle endorsement of share the wealth that we peasants could use a lot more of. It’s also a pretty meaningless term. In a parallel reversal of

La Crosse's free press has moved! Our new address is 444 main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 Office hours by appointment only

January 2012 | Second Supper

the truism that none of the insufferable hipsters think that they are insufferable hipsters, a whole lot of Americans seem to regard themselves as middle class when they aren’t even close. I’d say that middle class ranges between affording a house and a quarter million dollars, but I think the popular definition has become being able to sleep in your own room, no matter how large or small that room may be. I disagree. More importantly, when I think of the victims of capitalism, my first thoughts aren’t of people who can (or who used to be able to) afford a house. It’s of people who every day are starving to the brink of death, who can’t afford even the most basic of health care, who live in Third World conditions in a First World country. It’s the people who live under bridges because the government refuses to divert a cent of defense spending toward feeding and housing the people supposedly defended. You’ll forgive me if my sympathy for the so-called middle class comes a bit late. As one of these broke-ass people who live one disaster away from financial collapse, I can say that when I see these wellmeaning people wringing their hands and loudly wailing about the gloomy future of the middle class, I get a little pissed and I feel a whole lot left out. This is, of course, unless we’re fighting to expand the cushy middle class to encompass everybody, which would be a very comfortable brand of communism. (We are the 100 percent!) I know — and yet, still, I hope — that the American protests of 2011 are based on community and kindness and wanting to help out one’s fellow man. Yet every time I hear the term “middle class,” my certainty fades a bit. I wonder if these aren’t movements based on social justice but on envy. I wonder if the suburbanites are just using the proles to skim more off the top of the pyramid. I wonder whether the poor will once again be the dupes. In the same vein, imagine bitching about the cost of your rent in front of a person who hasn’t lived indoors for years. Could the homeless become the dupes of the minimum wage slaves? One of the genius rhetorical moves of the Occupy movement has been moving past this potential class infighting to paint the conflict as everyone against the super-rich. “We are the 99 percent” is a much more inclusive catchphrase than “Save the middle class.” And as much as people think they’re unwavering bastions of conviction, well, they aren’t. We’re usually stupid, malleable sheep in public, and as such words and tone matter big time in a mass movement. Side note: As much as I love the idea of a horde of people shouting down public displays of aristocracy, I still cringe every time I watch a repeat-after-me Mic Check, even as I cheer. I suppose synchronized disruption is better than blind obedience, but still. Deep breath. Back on topic. Summation: If you say you’re going to stand up for (almost) everybody, then stand up for (almost) everybody, even the middle class. In America alone, that includes the millions of people that you don’t know, have very little in common with, and may in fact dislike intensely. It’s damn near impossible to maintain that level of idealism. If you want to get anything done, attempt it anyway.

Second Supper | January 2012

December 29, 2011 // 7


The Maze Efflux

By Erich Boldt

Nate's greats The best of 2011

By Nate Willer Top 11 Video Games 1. Uncharted 3 2. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim 3. Batman Arkham City 4. Portal 2 5. Dead Space 2 6. Mortal Kombat 7. Dark Souls 8. L. A. Noire 9. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword 10. Battlefield 3 11. Bulletstorm Top 11 Albums 1. My Morning Jacket — Circutal 2. Friendly Fires — Friendly Fires 3. The Black Keys — El Camino 4. The Strokes — Angles 5. Iron & Wine — Kiss Each Other Clean 6. AWOLNATION — Megalithic Symphony 7. The Foo Fighters — Wasting Light 8. The Nightwatchmen — World Wide Rebel Songs 9. Adele — 21 10. Fleet Foxes — Helplessness Blues 11. Bon Iver — Bon Iver, Bon Iver

Bella's Pizza serves beautiful wings By Marcel Dunn Special to Second Supper Pizza places are a dime a dozen in this city. They seem to be around every corner and are spread out fairly equally across the neighborhoods. We’re also pretty fortunate to have a number of good-to-great options from which to choose. So when a new place opens up in what is far from prime real estate (State Road, right next to a laundromat), it’s OK to be a little skeptical about yet another pizzeria in La Crosse. Luckily my skepticism was quickly turned on its head at Bella Pizza. From the outside, Bella Pizza isn’t much to look at. In fact, the irony of the name and the location is laid on pretty thick if you think about it for too long, but I doubt the owners chose the name because of its use as a rhetorical device. Perhaps the name is an homage to the pictures of two of Hollywood’s great bombshells, Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn, that adorn the back wall. Whatever the case may be, the couple from Buffalo, N.Y., that owns the pizzeria did a very commendable job on the interior, as it manages to be quite cozy for such a small place. And it is small, even bordering on cramped with less than a handful of tables taking up most of the space. Yet I didn’t see this as a problem since most patrons will undoubtedly order for take-out Ultimately, where Bella Pizza really shines is where it is most important. The menu has

all of the staples of a normal pizzeria and wouldn’t be out of place in a New York City or Chicago. You’ve got your pies, your subs, basic appetizers such as mozzarella sticks, fries and salads. But the stand out is the Buffalostyle chicken wings. These are hands down the best wings in La Crosse. The bars downtown don’t hold a candle to these wings and although the variety is great at Buffalo Wild Wings, they’re still a franchise restaurant that lacks authenticity. What makes these wings so great is the breading and the sauce. Obviously most Buffalo wings are deep fried, but they’re not all created equal as far as the breading goes. I’m not sure what Bella uses on their wings but it made each wing crisp and crunchy, and it was almost like eating a deep-fried chicken tender off the bone. Covering the wings was Bella’s homemade medium sauce, which toed the line between being too spicy to be labeled as medium and not having enough kick to be labeled hot, but was most certainly never dull. If the wings can be considered Bella’s specialty, then the pizza isn’t far behind. Done in a slim, pan-style crust, the small pepperoni and mushroom pizza was done just right and featured most of the good pizza intangibles: several cheeses, crisp crust and fresh toppings. But what I couldn’t put my finger on at the time was that something was missing. For some reason it took a few days to hit me, but if I have one bone to pick with Bella Pizza’s pie, it’s that the sauce was

rather bland. Not so bland as to detract from the pizza’s overall quality but enough to make you say, “Well, the pizza was good but not great.” It just lacked something. Whether it was spices or the quality of tomato in the sauce, it simply fell flat. I hope Bella can work out that last little detail in their pizza, because they are sitting on the best kept secret in La Crosse, and when the pizza matches the wings, I’ll think twice before ordering from my usual go-to pizza places.

Answers for puzzle on Page 11

8// December 29, 2011

January 2012 | Second Supper

LA CROSSE'S FREE PRESS IS MAKING SOME CHANGES This will be our final issue as a weekly newspaper. In 2012 we debut as an expanded monthly journal dedicated to covering Coulee region culture and news. Here's what you can expect from The Free Press in 2012: • Advocacy journalism • Community features • Critical writing • Commentary • Satire • Humor Popular features that we will continue or expand: • Majak Mixtape • The Beer Review • Social Networking • Top 7 • Matt Jones' Crossword • The Advice Goddess

Publication schedule: • Publish 1st of each month Advertising deadlines: • February | Jan. 20 • March | Feb. 17 • April | March 23 • May | April 20 • June | May 18 • July | June 22 • August | July 20 • September | Aug. 17 • October | Sept. 21 • November| Oct. 19 • December | Nov. 23 • January 2013 | Dec. 21

Expanded circulation • Young readership • Affordable rates For advertising rates, call 262.521.8144 or email

Second Supper | January 2012

December 29, 2011 // 9


music directory // December 30 to January 5

Another year is behind us, and no matter how you feel about that (I’m personally pretty happy to wave goodbye to 2011), we can all agree that there’s nothing worse than ringing in the New Year to lame versions of Auld Lang Syne by a crappy cover band at some crummy holein-the-wall bar. So strap on your dancing shoes this Saturday night and head on down to the Joint, where you’ll find the party of the year going down courtesy of our friends, T.U.G.G. (pictured) and Moon Boot Posse. T.U.G.G. will go on at 10 p.m., followed by some Moon Boot, and the night (morning?) will close with some all-star jamming. Let a year full of good music be your New Year’s Resolution.


December 30

bottom's up // 500 COPELAND AVE. Joe Cody and Friends (rock) • 9 p.m. Freight House // 107 Vine St. Rose River (acoustic, folk) • 7:30 p.m. The Joint // 324 Jay St. White Iron Band (bar rock) • 10 p.m.


December 31

BILLY'S LANTERN // W4516 Eddie Ave. The Stoney Ridge Band (classic rock, country) • 9 p.m. Dewey's side street saloon // 621 St. Paul St. Bitz-n-Pieces Rock Band • 9 p.m. EAGLES CLUB // 228 5th Ave. Stingrays (‘50s, ‘60s rock) • 8 p.m.

Pearl Street Brewery // 1401 St. Andrew St.

Cheeba (Chubba and Cheech) • 5 p.m. piggy's blues lounge // 501 Front St. S. Shufflin’ Duprees (blues) • 8 p.m. Popcorn Tavern // 308 S. Fourth St. Rick Weeth and Friends (blues, rock) • 10 p.m.

Freight House // 107 Vine St. Cheech (acoustic) • 9 p.m. GEORGE ST. PUB // 1728 George St. Julica Rose Band (rock) • 10 p.m. Nell's city grill // 1111 S. Third St. Karl Friedline (baritone) • 6 p.m.

The Warehouse // 324 Pearl St. Rookie of the Year, Mechanical Kids, the Icarus Ac- piggy's blues lounge // 501 Front St. S. count, Baywood Park, Of the Fact (indie) • 6:30 Shufflin’ Duprees (blues) • 8 p.m. p.m. Popcorn Tavern // 308 S. Fourth St. the waterfront tavern // 328 Front St. NIMBUS (rock, psychedelic) • 10 p.m. The Disabled, 123 Walrus, The Undead Mariners, Timeline Tragedy, Lasting Impression (punk, ska, The Joint // 324 Jay St. T.U.G.G., Moon Boot Posse (all-star reggae/rock) • rock) • 7 p.m. 10 p.m.

the view // N3020 Highway 16 The Fabulous Baloney Skins (reunion show) • 10 p.m. the waterfront tavern // 328 Front St. String Ties (bluegrass) • 9 p.m.


January 1

moose lodge // 1932 Ward Ave. Jerry Anderson, Neil Duresky (easy listening) • 5:30 p.m.


January 3

The Warehouse // 324 Pearl St. Onward to Olympas, I Am History, Auburn, Conveyer (metal) • 6 p.m.


January 5

HOG WILD COUNTRY BAR // 3210 State Highway 35 Andrew Hughes (of T.U.G.G.) • 9 p.m.

just a roadie away Minneapolis population


FREDDIE GIBBS // JAN. 28 7th Street Entry • $15 DARK STAR ORCHESTRA // FEB. 1 First Avenue • $25 Umphrey's McGee // FEB. 3-4 First Avenue * $25 craig finn // FEB. 4 Triple Rock Social Club * $14 OTHER LIVES // FEB. 9 7th Street Entry * $10 HEARTLESS BASTARDS // FEB. 10 7th Street Entry * $15 THE BIG WU // FEB. 10 The Cabooze * $10 RAILROAD EARTH // FEB. 11 First Avenue * $20

10// December 29, 2011

The Beer Review V-Twelve Victory Brewing Company Downingtown, Pennsylvania Three, two, one … Happy Brew Year! I gotta say, 2011 was a particularly great year for drinking beer. American brewers elevated ales, lagers and hybrids to bold new heights, and I was particularly impressed by the ingenuity of our Midwestern brethren. I really feel local breweries burst out of the shadows in 2011 and served up some quintessentially West Coast swagger – big, bold beers that challenged the palette and belied our reputation for simple brews. That was on ready display at my personal beer highlight of year, the 25th anniversary of Madison’s Great Taste of the Midwest. Of course, the past year wasn’t all hoppy rainbows. The sale

The Top 11 of 2011

So here’s my crappy end-of-year list. I don’t think I liked enough albums, books, or other entertainments to warrant separate best-of lists for each medium, so I’m just smashing everything together. Deal with it. 11. Medium: Literature. Stimulus: George R. R. Martin – A Dance with Dragons Finally, George R. R. Martin continues his Song of Fire and Ice series with a gigantic book that nonetheless picks up the pace and is much more exciting than its predecessor. 10. Medium: Film. Stimulus: Red State The guy who directed Clerks and Mallrats makes a serious movie about Fred Phelps-grade religious fanaticism and David Koresh-grade domestic terrorism. On paper, you’d think it wouldn’t work, but it works pretty goddamn hard. 9. Medium: Game. Stimulus: The Nintendo 3DS Most video game systems suck and have a crappy library of games in their first year. The Nintendo 3DS bypassed this by cutting the crap and releasing upgraded versions of the company’s best games 15 years ago, Ocarina of Time and Starfox 64. It worked. Add a highly serviceable port of Street Fighter IV, a Mario game that is the 2011 version of 1990’s Super Mario Bros. 3, and the requisite round of Mario Kart, and the opening salvo of the 3DS hasn’t been too bad at all. 8. Medium: Album. Stimulus: Aus trian Death Machine – Jingle All the Way If you haven’t listened to the Arnold Schwarzenegger-themed metal genius that is Austrian Death Machine, do it. Do it now! Their latest release is a two-song EP based on Arnold’s epic Christmas movie, Jingle All the Way. “I’m Not a Pervert,” based on Arnold’s failed attempt at gaining a bouncy ball from a stupid kid at the Mall of America, is the feel-good Christmas song of the

DIVERSIONS of Goose Island to Anheuser-Busch and the Wisconsin Legislature’s coercion of the beer market in Motion 414 had ominous implications for the industry, but the unexpected groundswell of activism strengthened my hope for the craft beer world. Looking to 2012, I expect even more big things from beer. Locally, I hear Pearl Street Brewery plans to make moves with new brands in new bottles. I expect continued refinement from 2011 all-stars New Glarus, Rush River and Ale Asylum, and I hope this will finally be the year La Crosse gets a taste of South Shore and Surly. All that being said, this week I decided to toast the new year with an eastern stalwart whose name evokes the new calendar: Victory’s V-Twelve, an ambitious, bottle-conditioned take on a Belgian powerhouse. Purchase: One 25-ounce bottle of VTwelve from Woodman’s, $7.99

year. 7. Medium: Literature. Stimulus: Albert Brooks – 2030. A believable, grounded account of American decline without the usual futuristic vibe. Usually, books about the future are pretty devoid of compassion and pretty bonered out on robo-fascism, but Brooks plays it calm and presents a future with real people — and, equally important, real language. This examination of overpopulation and boomer entitlement reaching old age is less fiction than it is frightening inevitability. 6. Medium: Album. Stimulus: William Shatner – Seeking Major Tom Shatner Shatners it up and sings cover songs about space. How could this possibly go wrong? The answer: It won’t. 5. Medium: Album. Stimulus: Peter Gabriel – New Blood I think that instead of the usual gathering of singles into the usual stale Greatest Hits collection, all musicians who reach such a reflective point in their careers should do orchestral renditions of their best songs. Especially the B-52s. Consider Peter Gabriel and this beautiful retrospective to be my prime argument for this. 4. Medium: Literature. Stimulus: Andy Schoepp – Time Ninja Once more, the great Andy Schoepp delivers over-the-top martial arts action in book form, yet this time he outdoes himself. Time traveling ninjas, giant robots and hot assassin babes make for an epic tale. I’ve said it before: If Andy Schoepp’s work doesn’t kick your ass, then you don’t have an ass. 3. Medium: Album. Stimulus: Flor ence and the Machine – Ceremonials This is what pop music should always sound like: well-crafted yet forceful, ambitious yet immediate, intellectual yet emotional. Ceremonials is titanic sonic literature. 2. Medium: Film. Stimulus: Hobo with a Shotgun This ridiculous, ultraviolent, punheavy bit of low-rent cinema made me grateful to be alive. Seeing an old grizzled hobo dispense buckshot justice to an awesome family of gleefully murderous gangsters was

Style: Quadrupel Strength: 12 percent ABV Packaging: This cork-topped bomber has a rather abstractly designed three-toned label with very specific drinking instructions: Serve at 45 degrees, pour vigorously, cellar no more than five years, etc. That’s all good advice, and it has a “bottled on” stamp, too. Appearance: After a vigorous pour, the V-Twelve glows an orangish brown color with a giant foamy white head, racing carbonation and about as many yeast particles as I’ve ever seen in a beer. Aroma: The aroma is initially extremely fruity with strawberries and orange sherbet dominating, but as it warms a rich malt backbone fills the nose and the booze kick is barely perceptible. Taste: Upon first sip, I immediately wished I had cellared the V-Twelve for a few

The Majak Mixtape By Jonathan Majak Oh 2011, you’ve come and gone faster than an attempt at a “Green Lantern” movie franchise, haven’t you? You’re the year that blessed us with things such as Tiger Blood, a Schwarzenegger love child, the viral media sensation that was Rebecca Black, a slew of celebrity break-ups and more protests than you could shake a clipboard at. And we were there for it all, so let us reflect back at theyear-that-was in an end-of-the-year mixtape we’re dubbing “Auld Lang Mixtape.” It’s been a bad year if you were a brutal leader as this year saw the deaths of Kim Jong Il, Moammar Gadhafi and Osama Bin Laden, leading us to our first song, “Cruel,” from one of our favorite albums of 2011, St. Vincent’s “Strange Mercy.” With Jong Il, Gadhafi and Bin Laden no longer living, we’re not sure if the world is a safer place or not; we do know they are just one notorious figure away from having a very interesting game of euchre in hell. Speaking of death, let us bow our heads in memoriam to some of the people we lost this year, including Amy Winehouse, Heavy D, Elizabeth Taylor, “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” and Lindsay Lohan. Wait? Lindsay

a joy. Remember: when life gives you razor blades, you make a bat covered in razor blades! 1. Medium: Life. Stimulus: Protests! It’s breathtaking to see people giving a shit and fighting corrupt systems of power worldwide. In America this seems even more amazing, because we’re currently the

January 2012 | Second Supper more years. Despite the carbonation, it was flat, one-dimensional and decidedly immature. There are more strawberries and red grape skin flavors at the front of the tongue and a boozy burn at the back of the cheeks. As it warms it becomes slightly more complex, hitting notes like melted caramel and banana bread, which makes me believe those “45 degrees” instructions were widely off the mark. Mouthfeel: Shockingly thin for 12 percent beer. Drinkability: It’s drinkable enough to split with a friend, but there’s no need to hurry. Ratings: BeerAdvocate grades this a 90, while RateBeer readers score it a 98. Personally, I expected more, but I guess I had the same difficulties with V-Twelve as I have expectations for 2012: I just can’t wait!

-- Adam Bissen

Lohan is still alive? That seems like some sort of oversight. but kudos, Lohan, for not only being alive but also showing us your goodies in “Playboy” this year. Speaking of baring all, it was also a bad year if you were a famous person who ever decided to take a picture of yourself naked, as everybody from actress Blake Lively to former U.S. Congressman Anthony Wiener found themselves overexposed. This leads us to our next song, “Losing My Mind,” from Summer Camp’s debut album “Welcome to Condale.” That’s the only way we can explain why, in this day and age, any celebrity ranking from A down to Z expects us not to see what God (or a plastic surgeon) has gifted them. This was a good year for a lot of people: the ladies of “Bridesmaids,” Mel Gibson’s ex-wife’s divorce attorney, the Green Bay Packers. But who had the best year? Well, us. Clearly. With a year chockfull of things like the debt ceiling fight, Chris Brown spazzing out at “Good Morning America,” the Justin Bieber paternity lawsuit, Penn State, and pretty much anything Charlie Sheen said for the first half of the year, the mixtapes have pretty much written themselves. This leads us to our last song, “Celebrate,” from Common’s new album “The Dreamer/The Believer” because that’s what we intend to do. As you ring in 2012, we wish you love, peace and mixtapes. Buy: Pearl and the Beard “Killing the Darlings” YouTube: The Misadventures of an Awkward Black Girl Read: Tom and Lorenzo

spoiled children of the planet. Divide that down to the Midwest, where the secondary holy mantra that follows “go [insert local NFL team]” is “don’t rock the boat,” and consider my mind blown. My expectations for humanity this year were completely shattered, and that feels wonderful.

– Brett Emerson

Second Supper | January 2012

December 29, 2011 // 11

DIVERSIONS "The worst of 2011" It's year-end, my friend

The Paulie Report

By Matt Jones

By Paulie Special to Second Supper

Answers on Page 7

This evening's show really was extraordinary. An unprecedented event occurred when Paulie had his first ever opener for his Tuesday night show. Some said the opener was more popular and a bigger hit than Paulie himself. "Who opened?" you may ask. Well none other than Pierre. Pierre rocked! But all wasn't as it seemed. You see, Pierre was really Paulie in a disguise consisting of a blond afro wig, a pink mustache and sunglasses. Surprisingly, no one could tell. 12/20/11 Popcorn Tavern Set One (1:13) The Pierre Set Jam -> Bug -> Next Time # On and On $ -> Suzy Greenburg % Set Two (1:46) The Paulie Set Crosseyed and Painless ^ -> Dead or Alive * Word Up Chalkdust Torture -> Mexican Cousin -> Hightimes # @ -> Touch of Grey # Paulie Original $ "On and On" by Dave Armstrong featured some strong jamming and like its predecessor "Next Time" featured Pierre sharing with the crowd that he had met Paulie backstage and how nice of a guy he was and was refreshed at how down to Earth he was. Pierre than explained that in passing, Paulie had mentioned that he really like owl figurines and throw pillows and was hoping that maybe someone would get him some for Christ-

By Jason Crider I was able to survive the overwhelming onslaught of horrible Christmas music this year (as per usual) by confiding in the angriest, most angst-ridden and overbearing music I can dig out of my iTunes library in an attempt to drown out whatever shitty holiday clichés that may have forced their way into my unfortunate brain. This year was no different, except that I had some help from local hardcore punk trio Lasting Impression. The group is brandishing their signature ‘80s hardcore punk sound on their newest release, 301.9, the followup to their first album, For Your Health, which was released last year. I’ve had an itch for some new in-your-face punk records for some time now, and Lasting Impression obligingly gave me my fix. The guitar work is pretty pronounced and catchy for a hardcore punk album, providing a nice backdrop for the guttural and passionate screaming that really drives the record. Sometimes it seems like all that’s ex-

mas. % Phish's "Suzy Greenburg" featured a lyric change to Pierre Greenburg and contained more banter of meeting Paulie and that people should really pool their money to get him something nice. ^ The Talking Heads’ "Crosseyed and Painless" morphed into a very strong funk dance party and included Paulie talking about how he met Pierre backstage and how stupid he thought Pierre was. * Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" was dedicated to the late Jon Bon Jovi, who hadn't passed away, but Paulie explained how cool the dedication would have been if he had. @ "Hightimes" was super funky and and morphed smoothly into the Grateful Dead's "Touch of Grey" which clocked in at over 18 minutes. The crowd proceeded to chant "Pierre, Pierre, Pierre!!!!!!!!"

pected of hardcore punk drummers lately is an ability to play really, really fast with the occasional blast beat or shitty double-kick breakdown thrown in here and there, but Lasting Impression drummer John Wright has done an incredible job of keeping my interest throughout all of 301.9 with some pretty innovative rhythms and creative restraint. 301.9 is an absolutely raw hardcore album, and with song titles such as “Have A Few Drinks (And Drive Home)” and “You Need A Root Canal,” it’s about as subtle lyrically as it is instrumentally. Like most good punk albums, there’s a genuine sense of conviction and frustration that helps to keep the message from being misguided or contrived. Hardcore punk should be a healthy outlet to let out aggression, and that’s exactly what I found in 301.9. La Crosse’s punk scene isn’t bad for a town of this size, and with bands such as Lasting Impression expanding the local boundaries of the genre, I can only imagine it will get even better in 2012. Lasting Impression will perform this Friday, Dec. 30, at the Warehouse alongside The Disabled, 123 Walrus, The Undead Mariners and Timeline Tragedy. The show starts at 7 p.m. Admission is $7 at the door.

ACROSS 1 ___-Barbera cartoons 6 Thesaurus guy 11 Fight determination 14 Another name for a person 15 With a BMI over 30 16 Burgundy played by Will Ferrell 17 Adam Sandler cringefest that topped many "Worst Movie of 2011" lists 19 "Who ___ you kidding?" 20 "Very interesting..." 21 "Hey, wait ___!" 22 U.S. Treasury agents 23 Scrappy-___ (crimefighting pup) 25 HP tablet released in July 2011, then discontinued six weeks later

(then revived later in the year!) 28 Leftover in a tray 31 Yukon manufacturer 33 Cote d'Ivoire's prime minister Guillaume ___ (hidden in WINDSOR, ONTARIO) 34 Metacritic's lowestrated Fall 2011 TV show 39 "Nice haircut...did you ___ bet?" 40 Dorm leaders 41 Artless 43 His "Seeking Major Tom" made Pitchfork's "Worst Album Covers of 2011" list 46 Kettle Brand's line of corn chips 47 Skin art, slangily 48 Chang's Siamese twin

Answers to Dec. 15 puzzle "Art Colony" -- Wear your work proudly

49 Doomed Netflix offshoot on CNET's "20 Worst-Named Tech Products" 53 "The Darjeeling Limited" director Anderson 55 Fork point 56 Brand of big rig 58 Steel beam named for the letter it resembles 62 Dominique StraussKahn's former org. 63 Tackle box item turned hair accessory that was one of Yahoo!'s "Worst Trends of 2011" 66 Health care assn. 67 Come up 68 Sing from the mountaintops 69 Neighbor of Isr. 70 Underneath 71 Persuasive piece DOWN 1 Pilgrim to Mecca 2 "Woe be unto me!" 3 Excellent 4 1997 David Sedaris book 5 Simile center 6 Guns, in old slang 7 ___ d'art 8 Company with a green mascot 9 Course for immigrants: abbr. 10 Abbr. on a business card 11 Gymnastics event in the Olympics 12 Seoul's location

13 How hair may stand 18 Supermodel Campbell 22 It may be empty 24 Crazy Horse's group of Sioux 26 Org. for an admiral 27 Word with a common origin 28 Athlete's knee injury site, often 29 Take third place 30 Secretly is conspiring against 32 Michael of "Arrested Development" 35 Approve something again on Facebook 36 Late comedian Kinison 37 Helper, for short 38 Cinematographer Nykvist 42 Rowing machine unit 44 "Was ___ das?" 45 Actor Ethan 49 Wax removers 50 Milquetoast 51 Medium where addresses include "@" 52 Rizzo of "Midnight Cowboy" 54 Grain holders 57 Take some tabacky 59 Chums 60 Section 61 Count (on) 63 Laundry detergent brand 64 Before, to poets 65 Reuben bread©2011 Jonesin' Crosswords (

12// December 29, 2011

THE LAST WORD and connect. Oh, what to do. — Bothered

The ADviCe GoDDess By Amy Alkon Brief-stricken

A divorced male friend and I recently became “friends with benefits.” However, I'm not receiving the same, uh, level of benefits as he is. He isn’t giving me orgasms from intercourse, and his pleasuring of me is measured in seconds rather than minutes, despite my telling him that this is a problem. (I haven’t felt this pressure before: “You’ve got 60 seconds to orgasm!”) He also keeps reminding me that he doesn't want any kind of commitment. I get that, and I keep telling him so, but he’s persisted with the warnings to the point where I have to say stuff like “I hear and understand the boundaries of this relationship and am in agreement with them.” I’ve known him since we were 8, and he isn’t a player. Part of me thinks he isn’t attracted to me. He’s fit and I’m … less-thanfit and have big boobs, and I think they freak him out. However, out of bed, we laugh and have fun

This guy treats pleasuring you like it’s something on a chore wheel. Bizarrely, you’re in “friends with benefits” relationship that’s short on benefits, which is like buying a blender that doesn’t blend, a Cuisinart that doesn’t cuise. Unfortunately, the elusive female orgasm is especially persnickety when one’s partner sets up a sexual ambience reminiscent of one of those movies where Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson are staring down a ticking time bomb: “Hey, baby, just relax, lay back and let it happen — anytime before this kitchen timer I’ve placed on your nightstand strikes :60!” Sure, poor Booboo might have niggling fears you’ll get attached, but it isn’t like you’re buying baby clothes and leaving wedding magazines around. It’s unlikely he’d force numerous icky conversations about boundaries on some chickie of his more recent acquaintance. But, probably because he’s known you forever, he feels free to go manners-optional and let his worries all hang out: “Don’t take your coat off. You won’t be staying. And by the way, I’d prefer if you’d fake your orgasms. It would be so much less work for me.” Yep, this boy toy of yours is a real animal in bed — a rat gnawing away at your self-confidence. Why are you still involved with him? Well, there’s a tendency to try to fix a thing instead of just bailing and to get so caught

up in the momentum of your efforts that you neglect to consider whether the thing should just be put out on the curb. In continuing to get in bed with a man who can keep his hands off you and pretty much does, you’re a co-conspirator in your feeling like crap. It’s really damaging to be with somebody who isn’t into you. Even in an FWB situation, you need a man who finds you hot — or at least is enough of a friend to give you the sense that he’s undressing you with his eyes, not using them to drop a refrigerator box over you.

Epic Frail

I’ve had a crush on a guy who’s been flirting with me at my neighborhood coffeehouse. Today, he sat by the door, watching as four elderly people struggled to go out — a couple pushing walkers and, about five minutes later, a couple who were all hunched over and using canes. I was seated in the back, but when I saw nobody was helping them, I ran over and held the door. Is his behavior a clear sign that he’d be bad boyfriend material? — Door Closing Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do when you see somebody in need. A person falls down on the sidewalk in front of you. Do you just step over him? Or do you stop and take his wallet and then step over him? In assessing people, I tend to go with F. Scott Fitzgerald’s notion: “Action is character.” Or, in this case, inaction. I personally don’t know how you sit back and enjoy the view as a pa-

January 2012 | Second Supper

rade of infirm elderly people struggle out a door, but I do know that things aren’t always as they seem. Maybe it looked like he was looking but he was in some sort of fugue state. Maybe he has a cranky, independent granny who sees any help as an insult: “Why don’tcha just throw me in a hole and stick a wreath over my head?!” If you end up going out with him, do what you should with any guy you date: Look closely at his behavior, especially when he thinks nobody’s watching. Be honest with yourself if it seems a fundamental lack of empathy kept him in his seat — much as you’d like to believe that there’s a rash of pranksters going around to coffeehouses and gluing all the hot guys’ feet to the floor. (c) 2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail (

LCT sets annual meeting

La Crosse Community Theatre will hold its annual meeting at 5:30 p.m. Jan. 24t at LCT, 118 5th Ave N., La Crosse. All patrons, season ticket holders and volunteers are invited to attend as participating members. The meeting is open to all, and there will be a time for questions and answers about the current and future status of LCT.

Second Supper | Vol. 12, No. 1  

Festivus Miracles