INSIDE... Hackberry's scrambles its morning menu La Crosse's Free Press
VOLUME 11, NO. 18 | MAY 19, 2011
Saluting the Finest in Local Theater Page 4
PLUS: AND YOU GET A MIXTAPE! • PAGE 7 | TOO HOPPY FOR WISCO?• PAGE 9 | EMILY'S LEARNING CURVE • PAGE 11
2// May 19, 2011
Dear Reader, Good people of La Crosse, we’ve heard your cries. You’ve said it to my face, posted it on Facebook and filled up our office voicemail with earnest pleas. You really, really want to vote for our annual Best of La Crosse awards. But when you went to our website (www.secondsupper.com), the ballot was nowhere to be found. I feel your pain — believe me I do. As for what the holdup is, I can’t exactly say. Our tech gurus tell me they’re working on it, that everything is going to be fine. Of course, they told me the same thing last issue when I OK’d a special ad endorsing online voting, and now I’m sitting here two weeks in a row with a face like an Egg McMuffin. So thanks for your patience in bearing with us, and I’m especially grateful to those anonymous voters who went out of their way to turn in a ballot. It’s been encouraging to come into work and find folded-up paper ballots jimmied into the door frame. And I want to give a special shout out to the voter who spent 44 cents of his own money to mail in the ballot I opened this afternoon. Thank you, guy with a blue pen. I like Taco John’s and AM 580, too. Now it is with much trepidation that I type out remainder of this sentence, but please visit www.secondsupper.com today to fill out your ballot for our second annual
NAME AND AGE: Joshua James Lancour, 23
Best of La Crosse awards! The tech gurus swear it’s going to work this time — seriously — so go over to www.secondsupper. com to cast your vote (and of course there’s nothing stopping you from checking back in a few times over the coming weeks to ensure it’s still up there). And if, heaven forbid, online voting continues to crash, we’ll find some way to make this election happen. Just like last year, all those paper ballots will count in the final tally. So continue to bring your ballots to our office, mail them to 614 Main St., or leave them at a Second Supper distribution point. The paper ballots were in the May 5 issue with Jim Piela on the cover (whose Pump House show was amazing, by the way), so fish that one out and mark down your favorites. Man, has this been exhausting! — which brings me to my next announcement. Next weekend our nation celebrates Memorial Day, and Second Supper will be joining our fellow Americans by going on vacation. It’s just for one week, we promise. Then we’ll come back rested and inspired — and ready to count all those online ballots! So please go to www.secondsupper.com and cast your vote. Our servers are ready to great you now!
— Adam Bissen
WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Denver, CO CURRENT JOB: Retention Representative at Century Link DREAM JOB: Entrepreneur LAST THING YOU GOOGLED: Daniel Radcliffe Nude with Horse IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE? New York, New York WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: Visit every continent WHAT IS YOUR PET PEEVE? People staring at me while I’m eating with that look in their eyes... you know that look that says, ”I want to try that but I’m not going to ask you until you only have 2 bites left." WHAT IS YOUR BEVERAGE OF CHOICE? Sprechers Orange Dream laced with a caffeine pill.
TELL US A JOKE: A man asks a member of the teachers union why they should be the only ones not affected by the economy. She responds “It’s for the children.” The man replies, “You mean the same children who will eventually have to pay all of the enormous government debt created by all those pensions and benefits?” The teacher replies, “This is why we don’t spend much time teaching them economics.” WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on DVD WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW?: Is this a trick question? IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR? Eternal life for my family and I. But not the crappy kind where I am trapped in that kingdom with that one guy who drowned all those people in that flood. He’s creepy. WHAT PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH? Penn Gillette FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: U2
CELEBRITY CRUSH: John Stossel
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF SECOND SUPPER? The social network of course...and that one guy known only as Shuggypop.
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? The Wealth of Nations
HOW DO YOU KNOW SHAYLEE? We are going steady.
WHAT IS YOUR GUILTIEST PLEASURE? Romantic comedies
— Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson, email@example.com
Things To Do
Make Joni Mitchell proud
The Top Most produced high-school plays 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
Almost, Maine A Midsummer Night's Dream You Can't Take It With You Noises Off Twelve Angry Men Alice in Wonderland The Crucible
Stupid sayings 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
I know, right? I'm not going to lie... Blah, Blah, Blah Holler! Text it! Winning, duh. Like ... really?
May 19, 2011 // 3
FIRST THINGS FIRST
Boost your karma and show your appreciation for our region's best asset this weekend by attending the 19th Annual Mississippi River Clean Up. In the past 18 years, the Clean Up has collected over 130 tons of debris, including recyclable materials, tires, appliances and batteries. Volunteers are asked to meet at 8 a.m. on Saturday, May 21st at the Clinton Street, Goose Island West, Upper Brice Prairie, or 7th Street boat landings. And don't think your good deeds will go punished: an Appreciation (for your valiant efforts) Lunch at the Copeland Park Shelter will be held from 12 p.m.-2 p.m. featuring a free meal as well as door prizes for volunteers. Get your Mother Earth on!
Yes, it's that time again, and I'm sure you can smell the walnut burgers already. Reggae Fest 2011 is upon us, so head on up to the Historic Trempealeau Hotel on Saturday for your chance to get in on the action. This years fest features performances from T.U.G.G. from 2 til 5 p.m., the International Reggae All-Stars from 5 to 8 p.m., and the Royal Ancient Society Movement to close the outdoor performance. Doors open at 1 p.m., with festivities extending long into the night as T.U.G.G. performs a second set indoors. Make a day trip of it and enjoy the scenery on a bike trip up the trail to Trempealeau!
Drum up some fun
Check out some true talent and culture this weekend at Echo Valley Farm in Ontario, Wisconsin. Helen Bond and Fodé Camara of Motherland Rhythm Community will present traditional West African drumming techniques and will offer lessons, as well. Drums will be available for use or purchase, and your freewill donation goes to support nonprofits Motherland Rhythm Community and Echo Valley Hope. The event takes place Friday May 20th, 5-7 p.m., Saturday, 10 a.m. into the evening, and Sunday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. For more information, call (608) 337-4871.
Cook Hmong cuisine
Tantalize your tastebuds and learn to cook authentic Hmong dishes! This Tuesday, watch as a chef prepares and teaches how to make traditional Hmong dishes. The cost is $20 ($10 for students), and preregistration is required. To register, or for more information, call 608-781-5744 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Make Al Gore proud
Learn about climate change in Wisconsin from Dr. Stanley Temple, Professor Emeritus at UW-Madison and member of Wisconsin Initiative on Climate Change Impacts. Temple will discuss the effects of climate change in our home state as well as things we can do to help protect good ol' Wisco. The talk is free, and will begin at 7 p.m. at Kickapoo Valley Reserve, S3661 State Road 131 in La Farge.
4// May 19, 2011
The Suppies: Honoring the Best in Local Theater By Jonathan Majak email@example.com
Best Play “The Last Days of Judas”
our hearts with a delightfully unself-conscious and high energy performance.
It’s that time of year again when we at Second Supper salute the best of the best of local theatre in our version of the Tony Awards. We were going to hold an elaborate ceremony this year with a lovely opening number featuring a tap dance routine by editor Adam Bissen, but we blew our budget on Pabst Blue Ribbon. Instead, we humbly present our second-annual Suppies in newsprint, a fine coda to the timeless art of theatre critcism. And now, without further ado...
In the words of that great theologian Lady GaGa, we’re still in love with “Judas.” UW-L’s provocative show that detailed the hypothetical trial of Judas Iscariot took the Bible from the pulpit to the footlights and delivered a blistering tale of friendship, betrayal and redemption.
Honorable Mention: Jake Voss, “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"
Best Musical “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee,” Viterbo
The four Marvelous Wonderettes---Katie Bakalars, Emily Bourland, Shannon McDonald, and Kendall Yorkey---delivered sharp comedic performances filled with wit, style and grace all while vying for prom queen in the show. And nobody even had to be dumped with pig’s blood either.
This Viterbo production spelled success with a bevy of strong performances, a wonderful set, and an emotionally involving story. And they didn’t have to ask for it to be used in a sentence, either. Honorable Mention: “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” UW-La Crosse
Honorable mention: “Art,” UW-La Crosse Best Ensemble “The Marvelous Wonderettes,” The Muse Theatre
Honorable mention: “The Hostage,” Viterbo Best Costume Design “Servant of Two Masters,” Viterbo As designed by Viterbo professor Jeffrey Stolz, the sumptuous period costumes in the show served the two masters of style and substance, at every point enhancing the wonderfully kooky romantic comedy. Honorable Crosse
Reminds you to support the retailers, restaurants, taverns and bands that support us. We are funded solely by advertising so if you want to support us, support them!
CONSCIENTIOUS COMMERCE: Much aDo About something
Best Set Design “West Side Story,” La Crosse Community Theatre The fact that Dillon McArdle was able to make the tiny space of LCT feel like the bustling streets of 1950s New York proves he not only deserves a Suppie but also some sort of Nobel Prize. Honorable mention: “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee,” Viterbo Best Actress, Musical Samantha Pauly, “The Last Five Years” In her role as struggling actress Cathy, recounting her relationship from end till beginning, Pauly delivered not just powerhouse vocals but an emotionally resonating performance that showed the wide spectrum of what is to be in love. Honorable Mention: Emily Bourland, “Sweeney Todd,” The Muse Theatre Best Actor, Musical Justin Cooke, “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” As unpolished con artist Freddy Benson, Cooke dance, sang and conned his way into
Best Actor, Play Troy Iverson, “Doubt,” La Crosse Community Theatre Iverson took us to church with his intense tour de force performance as an embattled priest dealing with abuse accusations that left us doubting his character’s guilt/innocence but not his talent. Honorable mention: J. Michael Hartigan, “On Golden Pond,” La Crosse Community Theatre Best Actress, Play Katie Bakalars, “The Shape of Things,” The Pump House As the graduate student from hell, Bakalars took a morally dubious character and gave her a sense of depth that didn’t remove the sting of her actions but instead made it difficult for audiences to come to an easy opinion. Honorable Mention: Suzanne Young, “On Golden Pond,” La Crosse Community Theatre Best Supporting Actor, Musical Austin Hernandez, “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” UW-La Crosse As the wonderfully unscrupulous police chief Andre Thibault, Hernandez was able to make us laugh at the tiniest moments and even swoon a little in his big romance number “Like Zis, Like Zat.” Honorable Mention: Cameron Meilicke, “25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee,” Viterbo Best Supporting Actress, Musical Emily Pearse, “West Side Story,” La Crosse Community Theatre Dancing, acting and handling an accent, Emily Pearse in her role as Anita did all three with finger-snapping finesse while also leading a stirring rendition of the classic tune “America.” Honorable mention: Katie Bakalars, “Rent,” UW-La Crosse Best Supporting Actor, Play Tim McCarren, “Dracula,” UW-La Crosse McCarren sunk his teeth into the role of deranged Renfield and ended up giving one of the best performances we’ve seen in La Crosse. Honorable mention: Adam Petchel, “Becky’s
New Car,” The Pump House
Best Supporting Actress, Play Jessica Afton Everett, “Doubt,” La Crosse Community Theatre As the nun Sister James, Everett gave a stirring portrayal of a young woman being pulled in two directions; her scene when she stands-up, however briefly, to Sister Aloysius was one of our favorite scenes the whole theatre season. Honorable mention: Emily Bourland, “The Shape of Things,” The Pump House Biggest Scene Stealer, Actor Hope Parow, “The Last Days of Judas” From her dancing entrance to her declaring that Mary Magdalene was a “bitch that got clout” to her consoling of Judas, Parow simultaneously embraced and subverted the stereotypes of her sassy St. Monica character. Honorable mention: Molly Pach, “The Hostage” and Sarah Kroth, “The Last Days of Judas” Best Musical Number “All About Ruprecht” from “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” Jake Voss and Justin Cooke proved to be one of the best comedic duos of the season in this number that found Cooke pretending to be Voss’ slightly deranged brother Ruprecht to scare off the Oklahoma heiress by Colleen Schulz. Honorable mention: “God That’s Good” from “Sweeney Todd,” The Muse Theatre and “Me and My Baby,” from “Chicago,” La Crosse Community Theatre Favorite Actor of the Season Tim McCarren With his roles in “Art,” “The Last Days of Judas,” “Twelfth Night” and “Dracula,” McCarren has shown that he’s an acting force to be reckon with. Honorable Mention: Scott Gibson-Uebele Favorite Actress of the Season Samantha Pauly With roles in “Rent,” “25th Putnam County Spelling Bee,” “Company,” and “The Last Five Years,” Pauly has shown acting versatility and dynamic vocals. Honorable Mention: Katie Bakalars
May 19, 2011 // 5
Hackberry’s scrambles its morning menu By Marcel Dunn Special to Second Supper My first official visit to the restaurant above the organic grocery store that I’ve never actually purchased groceries at got off to an awkward start. Little did I know that a small elevator (were stairs out of fashion?) takes you up to the breakfast/lunch loft above. Thus I spent several minutes walking around the wall of the downstairs grocery searching for an arrow or a sign pointing me to my goal. It wasn’t until I had circled the entire store that I found the elevator and put two and two together. Not one of my more intuitive moments. But as it turns out, the embarrassment was worth it. Hackberry’s is a mid-size breakfast and lunch eatery in a loft above the People’s Food Co-op that looks out onto Cameron Park and the hackberry trees that give the restaurant its name. The restaurant itself is all dining area, with a few booths for those who like to slouch and a number of tables spread out across the wooden floor that cheerfully bounces as the waitress passes by. In the back one can find a sparsely filled dessert cooler behind very clean windows and an oddly out-of-place bar. Though the restaurant closes at 3 p.m., now, they used to offer a full dinner menu, which begets the fully stocked bar and the drinks menu still on the tables. Of course, if you’ve seen too many episodes of Mad Men and follow the
general rule of thumb that it is in fact five o’clock somewhere, one could always enjoy a martini with brunch. Fortunately, we’ve learned a lot about liver disease since the ‘60s, so I ordered coffee while I pondered the menu. For breakfast, they offer a variety of healthy, organicconscious dishes that range from cinnamon French toast to an insanely large breakfast burrito. I’ve always found that the menu decisions are tougher to make at the restaurants that I have a good feeling about and this little bistro was no exception. Would it be the French toast with homemade cinnamon bread, the huevos rancheros on flatbread, the grande breakfast burrito, or the buckwheat crepes? Because I’ve had a lot of really thin pancakes and French toast in my day, it had to be the burrito and the huevos rancheros. In hindsight, this was a stupid idea. Probably the most foolish idea I’ve had in this series of reviews. Yes, I was warned that the burrito was large, but I honestly expected nothing larger than a Chipotle-sized concoction. Wrong. I don’t often enjoy using words that pass for middle-school slang these days, but this requires laymen’s terms. It was a beast, plain and simple. Inside of this monstrosity lesser folk might call a pillow stuffed with food was smoked chicken (they were out of the adobo marinated pork), scrambled eggs from happy, free-range chickens, chunks of potato, cheddar jack cheese and a little onion
Hackberry's, located about The People's Food Co-op , recently revamped its menu and is is now open at 7 a.m. for breakfast. and bell pepper. Of course there are many ways in which a collection of this much food could go horribly wrong, but Hackberry’s gets it right. The cheese was melted in just the right amount atop fluffy eggs, well-done potato and juicy chicken that reminded me of one of my favorite barbeque joints, in Ames, Iowa, of all places. The other plate on my table was a smaller portion of a pretty standard TexMex dish. Atop the grilled pieces of flatbread and scrambled eggs that I asked to replace the standard poached was a smothering of enchilada sauce and cheese with sautéed onions and bell peppers. Though a little too generous, the sauce was spicy and perfectly complimented the flatbread,
and the cilantro sprinkled on top was a nice touch. In fact, I couldn’t help but think that the sauce would have made a nice compliment with the burrito as well. Having recently overhauled their menu, I wasn’t sure what to expect from Hackberry’s, but I came away pleasantly surprised. The set-up of the floor space, the decoration and design, and the organic menu wouldn’t be out of place in a city more known for it’s food and “green” ideals, like say San Francisco. Yet I for one am glad that it’s here, in our little corner of Wisconsin, providing a healthier alternative for those that enjoy the most important meal of the day. And by all means, bring a friend for that damn burrito.
T.U.G.G [2-5 pm]
I.R.A.S.Ê [5-8 pm]
R.A.S.Ê MovementÊ [8-11 pm]
MayÊ21,Ê2011 2-11ÊPM JAMAICANÊFOOD,Ê CRAFTSÊ&ÊMUSIC
TicketsÊ$15Êadvance,Ê$20ÊdayÊofÊshowÊorÊonlineÊatÊwww.Tempealeauhotel.com Ticket outlets: La Crosse—Peopleʼs Food Co-op, Winona—Hardtʼs Music and Audio
Pre-sale tickets avaiable for $45 until May 31st!
6// May 19, 2011
ARTS LA CROSSE’S NEWEST & TRUEST PUB & EATERY WITHOUT THE FRANCHISE!
Monday: All U Can Eat Wings includes choice of potato, slaw and a $8.99 frosted Pint. 4-9:30
The Arts Review
Tuesday: Wisconsin cheese steak sandwich with a frosted Pint. $8.99
Bizarro Masterpiece Theatre
Wednesday: Ladies Night, $1 Off All Drinks 4-Cl. Pint-Aritas $3.00 (lime or strawberry)
Medium: Film RoboCop (1987) Directors: Paul Verhoeven Cast: Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Kurtwood Smith Writers: Edward Neumeier, Michael Miner
Karaoke on Thursdays
All U Can Eat Wings includes choice of potato, slaw and a frosted Pint. 4-9:30 $8.99
8 Plasma TV’s • Food & Drink Specials e o
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6 WINGS PER PERSON – Plain, Hot Or Mild
(Must Purchase A Beverage To Receive Wings, Sauces & Celery Extra)
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(Across From Menards) 784-2242
It can be a great thing to watch a movie as a child and see one film, and then watch it again as an adult and see something completely different. It’s kind of appropriate, given the current state of our country, that I recently rediscovered this classic tale of American decline. The dirty cyborg ultra-violence in the RoboCop film series morbidly evolved into a sleek kid’s franchise (which I, as a onetime aspiring robot policeman, loved), but the real genius of this toy robot flick is in the subtext. Like John Carpenter’s They Live, which on the surface is an alien invasion story and an epic alleyway brawl, RoboCop has a heart of punk. Its great subversion is envisioning the end result of Reaganomics, a world of gasguzzling wrecks and corporate feudalism. Detroit and its media serve as a microcosm
Medium: Literature Stimulus: Cracked.com — You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News Anno: 2011 Go to Cracked.com, and you’ll find that the satirical website you were expecting also offers a surprising wealth of real-world information. While the Cracked brand spent decades viewed as Mad Magazine’s little brother, the Cracked of today is a highly articulate forum discussing history, science, and pop culture. Were it not for the wisecracks interspersed between each article’s heavy research, Cracked might be mistaken for an offbeat yet respectable tutor. The most popular feature on the Cracked site is the list, a daily rundown of groups of related subjects which tend to read little more than “X [things] that [do something].” Sounds formulaic, but this simple template has grown to become crack for trivia junkies. You Might Be a Zombie is an encapsulation of this style, drawing together lists old and new to reward old fans of Cracked and serve as an introduction to everyone else. It’s really intended to be a taste, a lure to the website which produces the equivalent of this book’s content in about two months. Yet it’s a great excerpt. Within, readers will
for the rest of the nation, with talking heads attempting to distract the peasantry from the cataclysm surrounding them. The Benny Hillesque TV pervert who chuckles “I’d buy that for a dollar!” is actually a fairly sinister figure in a society where businesses own everything worth having and leave everything else to rot. The twin cancers of unchecked privatization and overblown defense spending come to a head in RoboCop, as Detroit’s largest corporation buys out the city’s police force and begins a process of replacing the beat cops with massively weaponized machines. Executives scheme against each other in each one’s attempt to get his pet project greenlit, yet the flaws of a drone police force are immediately realized when a boardroom demonstration ends with a walking tank glitching and gunning down a hapless executive. RoboCop comes about as a direct result of that incompetence. He’s a step up from the walking tank due to his consisting of a human mind placed in a robot’s body. The acquisition of the murdered policeman who would be RoboCop leads to another interesting moral dilemma: the question of human beings as property. It’s assured by the tech people that RoboCop will not have the memories of his former life, but of course that isn’t how things turn out. However, that doesn’t stop the corporation from treating RoboCop, memories or no memories, as their product, to use and abuse at will. Of course, RoboCop gets all triumphant action hero, putting his boot in Red Forman’s ass, causing one of the most disturbing toxic waste spills in film history, and generally saving the day. Yet the underlying theme of unchecked corporatism in RoboCop is much more interesting (and relevant) than the game of Cyborg Cops and Robbers that it disguised itself as. Clever trick!
— Brett Emerson thrill to tales of terrifying animals, all forms of corruption, and the truth behind many of our public myths. The book’s title describes the final list which explains the ways a zombie attack could actually happen (which is pretty funny, considering that Cracked has also published a list discussing how a zombie attack would utterly fail). The book works rather well, beyond a few points. The first is that the transition from website to book takes out the interactivity of reading a Cracked list. On the website, these lists are heavy with links serving as instant footnotes that back up whatever point is being made. The book has no footnotes of any kind, and without that array of instant evidence, its content feels much less authoritative. Also, the web is a cornucopia of strange photographs, which — often accompanied by a snappy caption — are often used by the Cracked writers as punchlines to their points. Undoubtedly due to the problems involved in acquiring printing rights to such photos, there are no pictures in the book mocking the cast of Jersey Shore; instead, there are sparse exhibits of very basic, captionless drawings which don’t have the same effect. Yet while the website is superior, these points do little to dim the enjoyment of the book. You Might Be a Zombie is a faithful and fascinating adaptation that captures the Cracked style as well as possible. Read this, then go to the website and get fully addicted.
— Brett Emerson
My initial response to Does It Offend You’s follow-up to its excellent debut, You Have No Idea What You’re Getting Yourself Into, is that the new album is The Empire Strikes Back to its predecessor’s A New Hope. Whereas the band’s first album was a swashbuckling adventure through synthy pop rock, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You is a much darker record. On it, Does It Offend You trades in good cheer for violent outbursts and harsh beats that border on Hulk Smash industrial. Lest this darkness be mistakenly interpreted as a bad thing, consider that the most arresting tracks on this work tend to be the most furious. The album’s best track is its opener, the punishing “We Are the Dead.” While it features a few ravey sound clips, the song owes as much to KMDFM as it does to the KLF. The manic songs tend to be the pockets of the album that eschew the singing of James Rushent in favor of vocal samples, guest singers, or nearly no words at all. “Yeah!” is the closest the disc comes to a true instrumental, a robotic rally march fueled by spastic drumbeats and a cheering mob. The big brassy menace of “Wondering” is complimented by the deft rhymes of guest vocalist
Get your daily dose of all the wig-snatching antics of The Majak Mixtape at The Majak Kingdom blog www.majakkingdom.blogspot.com
Trip, who goes on about Batman and Bill Hicks. The vocals of the bouncy “Wrestler” come entirely from a speech by pro wrestling cult figure Paul Heyman, brilliantly complimenting the rush of the music. The strangest track on the album, “The Monkeys Are Coming,” features a YouTube clip in which a clearly disturbed man rants about drugs, monkeys, crap eating, and fellatio (in that counterproductive order). Despite all expectations, it’s a brilliantly aggressive tune. None of this is to say that Does It Offend You broke the knob off at smashy and shouty. Though nothing on Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You is as bright as its predecessor, there are a few songs which turn down the violent gloom. “Wrong Time Wrong Planet” is the zenith of the slow, a smooth
Have an opinion? Send your letters to the editor to Second Supper, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 or by e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. Letters should be signed and include phone number for verification purposes.
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Please limit letters to no more than 300 words. Second Supper reserves the right to edit letters for length, clarity and grammar. For more information, call (608) 782-7001.
Medium: Album Stimulus: Does It Offend You, Yeah? — Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You Anno: 2011
Buy: Danger Mouse, “Rome” YouTube: Beyonce’s new music video “Girls (Who Run the World)” Read: The Majak Mixtape’s coverage of the Suppies at www.majakkingdom.blogspot.com
in fact tell Harpo to beat you, but we are letting people know that your talk show is coming to an end next Wednesday, Oprah. After 25 years of book clubs, favorite things and an inordinate amount of appearances from John Travolta, Oprah is calling it quits to focus on her magazine, her television network OWN and building a village for her followers called Winfrey Town. OK, the last one we made up, but come on, you’d at least look at brochure for that place. Anyway, in honor of this we’ve put together this mix we’re simply titling “You Get a Mixtape! And You Get a Mixtape!” Since announcing the end of her show, Oprah has pretty much turned the last season of her show into the “Mea Culpa Hour” as scores of people who may have been pissed off with her or she may be annoyed with came onto the program to have an audience with her royal Oprah-ness. Roseanne, former life coach Iyanla Vanzant and even “Million Little Pieces” writer James Frey have made reappearances on the program as Oprah milks long dead tensions for multiple shows, speaking fully in all those Oprah-isms of “finding your true self” and blah blah “I’ve listened to The Secret” one too many times blah blah blah. This leads us to our first song, “Her Hol-
low Ways” from Danger Mouse’s new album “Rome,” because you know Oprah could not give a shit about if James Frey cries himself to sleep at night. Our next song is “What She Brings” from Damon and Naomi’s album “False Beats and True Hearts.” While ending her show, Oprah has launched her network OWN, which is pretty much the place where female celebrities have come to get reality shows and Dr. Phil gets some more money for reruns of his programs. People have acted surprised at the idea it’s not a huge hit, given it’s associated with Oprah. So we’re just going to pretend that movie adaptation of “Beloved” never happened? Sounds good to us. It’s one of those things that we love about Oprah, her ability to fake sincerity at every turn. There are very few people who can spend whole episodes exalting the luxuriousness of a robe and then turn around and talk about the meaninglessness of material things and the need for spiritual well-being. Talking out of both sides of one’s mouth has never been done under such extraordinarily good lighting. We end the Mixtape with “I’m Here” from the musical version of “The Color Purple” that Oprah produced because no matter what, Oprah is going to be lingering presence. Almost as long as Tom Cruise’s foot impressions on her couch.
The Majak Mixtape
By Jonathan Majak email@example.com Contrary to popular belief, we did not
May 19, 2011 // 7
TUESDAYS at 8PM
Second Supper needs delivery person to distribute papers Thursday afternoon/evening throughout La Crosse. Car necessary. Immediate opening. Call 608.782.7001. Pay is about $10 per hour. WEDNESDAYS from 4-11PM electro-crooner where the constant basslines occasionally give way to fireworks. The closing “Broken Arms” is practically a space ballad that, while it feels wholly out of place in the context of the album, is a great song in its own right. The closest this album comes to the band’s former self is in “Pull out My Insides,” an upbeat, cheerful song which still manages to convey the band’s new wistfulness. Ultimately, the important question here is not whether Does It Offend You’s new album is as good as its first. They’re both excellent, though completely different, works. Instead, its value depends on the listener’s mood. If you’re up for a snarling bit of electronic dementia, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You will prove to be a very, very good choice.
○ NOT YOUR GRANDMA’S ○
— Brett Emerson
8// May 19, 2011
music directory // May 20 to May 26 FRIDAY,
just a roadie away
AMERICAN LEGION (ONA) // 731 Sandlake Rd.
Time & ½ Band (variety) • 7:30 p.m.
AESOP ROCK // MAY 21 Triple Rock Social Club • $17
BOOT HILL PUB // 1501 St. Andrew St. Mike James and Gary Urness (duo) • 6 p.m.
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE // MAY 21 First Avenue • $30.75
FREIGHT HOUSE // 107 Vine St. Don Harvey (acoustic) • 6 p.m.
THE ARCTIC MONKEYS // MAY 28 First Avenue • $23.75
JB'SSPEAKEASY // 717 Rose St. Porcupine, SoSo Radio (rock) • 10 p.m. NORTH SIDE OASIS // 620 Gillette St. Jaymz Dank & the TYE band (debut) • 9 p.m. PEARL STREET BREWERY // 1401 St. Andrew St.
Kin Pickin’ (jamgrass) • 8 p.m. PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S. Dust Bowl Blues Band (blues) • 8 p.m. POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Big Daddy Cade & Friends (blues) • 10 p.m. THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. Cheech & The Feelin' ('Last Waltz' post-show) • 10 p.m.
IRON & WINE // JUNE 8 First Avenue • $27.75 THE MOODY BLUES // JUNE 9 Orpheum Theatre • $50-$100 This Friday night the Root Note will be hosting Madison-based acoustic folk pop act Daniel and the Lion who are on a CD release tour for their latest album Sweet Teeth. These bearded, flannel-toting gentlemen have gained a dedicated following in the Madison area with their sparse, heartfelt lyricism and their inextricably soulful and gentle instrumentation that evokes the exact passion and emotion that good folk music is all about. This all-ages show begins at the Root Note at 8:30 p.m. There will be a $3 cover. It will be good.
NELL'S CITY GRILL // 1111 S. Third St. Karl Friedline (baritone) • 6 p.m. NORTH SIDE OASIS // 620 Gillette St. Jaymz Dank & the TYE band (second show) • 9 p.m. PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S. Dust Bowl Blues Band (blues) • 8 p.m.
THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. Daniel and the Lion CD release party (acoustic duo) • 8:30 p.m.
POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. The Kokopellians (jamgrass) • 10 p.m.
THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St. Kies and Kompanie (jazz) • 8 p.m.
THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St. Dan Sebranek (jazz quartet) • 8 p.m.
FREIGHT HOUSE // 107 Vine St. Don Harvey (acoustic) • 7:30 p.m. HOG WILD BAR // 3210 State Hwy 35, Holmen Jacob Martin (country) • 9 p.m.
THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. White Iron Band (bar rock) • 10 p.m.
THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. Whitney Mann and Cliff Mitchell (Sunday Over Easy) • noon
JB'SSPEAKEASY // 717 Rose St. Nimbus, Perverse Engineer (psychedelic rock, prog, trance) • 10 p.m.
POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Som’n Jazz (jazz) • 10 p.m.
LA CROSSE QUEEN // Riverside Park The Journeymen (acoustic) • 6 p.m.
THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. Adam Palm & Chubba (Palm Sunday) • 4 p.m.
OKKERVIL RIVER // JUNE 12 First Avenue • $15.75
POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Dave Orr (man about town) • 10 p.m. RECOVERY ROOM // 901 7th St. S. Kin Pickin' (jam grass) • 10 p.m.
POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Shawn’s Open Jam • 10 p.m.
THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. The Color Pharmacy (indie) • 8:30 p.m.
THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. Carolina Story (folk duo) • 8:30 p.m.
MY SECOND HOME // 2104 George St. Northside Jam • 6 p.m.
POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Paulie (one-man band) • 10 p.m.
CAVALIER LOUNGE // 114 5th Ave. N. Hipster DJ (pretentious indie) • 10 p.m.
THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. 3rd Relation Jazz Trio • p.m.
DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St. Paulie (one-man-band) • 10 p.m.
THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St. Allstar Weekend, Action Item (pop/ WEDNESDAY, rock) • 6:30 p.m.
PANIC! AT THE DISCO // JUNE 11 First Avenue • $23.50
JAVA VINO // 1505 Losey Blvd. S. Dan Collins and a Piano (pop rock) • 6:30 p.m.
BOOT HILL PUB // 1501 St. Andrew St. Jerry Anderson and Neil Duresky (PiaTHE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. no/vocal) •5:30 p.m. Open Mic Night • 8:30 p.m. CAVALIER LOUNGE // 114 5th Ave. N. Reggae vs. Hip Hop (rare vinyl) • 10 p.m. THE STARLITE LOUNGE // 222 Pearl St. Kies & Kompanie (Jazz) • 5 p.m. DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St. Adam Palm Band (rock) • 10 p.m.
The Beer Review Stone IPA Stone Brewing Company Escondido, California The Wisconsin microbrew market can be a tough beer nut to crack. Consider, oh, the New Glarus Brewing Company, which was once distributed around the country but pulled back to focus exclusively on Wisconsin. They still sold approximately 100,000 barrels of beer last year, a 17 percent increase from 2009, which earned them the No. 21 ranking on a trade group’s recent list of America’s largest craft breweries. That’s pretty good business for just one state, so you might understand if distributors looked at Sconnie livers like little ATMs. But in a state crowded with quality breweries and lo-
cal pride, selling beer here isn’t as easy as it looks. Now consider the Stone Brewery, a West Coast powerhouse that distributes in 35 states and was ranked the nation’s 14th largest microbrewery by the same Brewer’s Association list. Superbly reviewed and beloved around the country, Stone spent years trying to crack the Wisconsin market, but last November they finally pulled up stakes to try their luck in Minnesota. The brewery crouched the move in euphemisms — “We are exiting the state due to challenges in keeping a volume flow that would ensure frequent shipments of fresh beer” — but Sconnies just didn’t buy much Stone. Were their offerings too hoppy and bitter for our Midwestern palette? Who knows, but I had to sneak this flagship IPA back from Minneapolis to find out for myself.
Purchase: Six-pack of Stone IPA from Ken and Norm’s Liquor in Minneapolis, $10.49 Style: American IPA Strength: 6.9 percent ABV Packaging: The handsome two-tone painted label features a white gargoyle atop a green block logo. The tiny side text is famously arrogant and lauds this “gem” at length. Appearance: The beer pours a rusty gold color with a fantastically foamy white head that sticks wonderfully to the glass. Aroma: This is one pungent brew. It’s like uncapping a California stash jar with huge notes of pine and citrus, good spice character and esters of apple skins. If this isn’t the most aromatic single IPA in America, it’s the stinkiest one I’ve found. Taste: The first notes are powerfully spicy and make the tongue recoil at the raw power of hops. The complexity deepens as it slides
The Best Food & Drink Specials in Town LOCATION
BODEGA BREW PUB
306 Pearl St. 784-0522
CARLIE'S ON THIRD
$5 domestic pitchers
1914 Campbell Road 782-7764
W3923 State Highway 16 786-9000
FISH'S BAR & GRILL
2-Fers, Buy any regularly priced food item and get one of equal or lesser value for free
$4 Rueben Sliders
$1 Wells, $5 Domestic pitchers All specials 9 p.m. to close
Wristband Night: AUC2D domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands. All specials 9 p.m. to close
15-cent wings, $1.50 Keystone Lights, $1.50 rail mixers; $2.50 call drinks. 2 For 1 Captains All specials 9 p.m. to close.
Wristband Night: AUC2D, Domestic $1 Bazooka Joes, $2 Cherry Bombs, $1 Bazooka Joes, $2 Cherry Bombs, taps, rail mixers and Long Islands. $3 Long Islands, $3 3 Olives Mixers $3 Long Islands, $3 Bacardi Mixers $2.50 SoCo & Jack. All specials 9 to close. All specials 9 to close. All specials 9 to close.
5 domestic taps for $1; $2 domestic pitchers
$2 domestic pints and $2 rail mixers; $1 shots of Doctor (3 flavors);
1125 La Crosse St. 784-7400
214 Main St. 782-6010 www.impulseoflacrosse.com
JB’S SPEAKEASY 717 Rose St. 796-1161
SCHMIDTY’S 3119 State Road 788-5110
SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER 163 Copeland Ave. 785-0245
THE LIBRARY 123 3rd St. 784-8020
$3 Bacardi mixers; $3 Three Olives vocka mixers (8 flavors); $2 domestic pints and $2 rail mixers
Taco buffet 11-2; $1 Pabst bottles and $1 bowling after 9
All you care to eat pizza buffet, 11-2 (Holmen)
All you care to eat fish fry 4-10; un- Prime rib dinner 4-10; limited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99 unlimited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99
La Crosse's Best Tacos: Beef $2, Chicken $2.50
La Crosse's Best Tacos: Beef $2, Chicken $2.50 Dog in a Diaper, $5
Fish’s Fish Taco $3.50
La Crosse's Best Tacos: Beef $2, Chicken $2.50 Chimis and Burritos, $5
9 p.m. to close: $1.25 rails, $1.75 bottles/cans
9 p.m. to close: $2 Captain mixers, $2 bottles/cans, $3 Jager bombs
9 p.m. to close: $2 Bacardi mixers, $2 domestic pints, $1.50 shots blackberry brandy
Free Wing Night (while supplies last); $5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close ($7 after 11p.m.):; live DJ
$5 AUC2D Wristbands 9 p.m. to close ($10 after 11p.m.): Domestic Taps, Rail Mixers, Long Islands; Live DJ, Dancing 9 p.m. to close
$5 AUC2D Wristbands 9 p.m. to close ($10 after 11p.m.): Domestic Taps, Rail Mixers, Long Islands; Live DJ, Dancing 9 p.m. to close
Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.
Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.
Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.
$1.75 domestic bottles, $1.75 Dom Monday Madness: $1.75 domestics bottles and rails, $2.50 Bombs and rails, $2.50 Bombs, $1 off all top shelf and specialty beers $1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.) Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.
All specials 9 to close.
Free Beer: 5:30-6:30 p.m. Free Wings: 6:30-7:30 p.m. Free Bowling: After 9 p.m.
Ladies Night, $1 off all drinks, 4 to All you can eat boneless wings, inclose; Pint-Aritas $3 (lime or straw- cludes a choice of potatoe, slaw and berry) a frosted pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99
Happy hour 4 to 9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to 9 p.m. to close: $3.50 domestic 9 p.m. to close: $1 rails, $2.50 pitch- $5 all you can drink close: Night Before Class - $3 pitch- pitchers ers, beer pong ers of the beast CLOSED
Fish Tacos: 1 / $2.50, 2 / $5.00, 3 / $6.50.
Happy Hour: 2 for 1 domestic bottles Karaoke 9 p.m. to close and rail drinks, 3 p.m. to 9 p.m.
All you can eat wings, includes a Wisconsin cheese steak sandwich choice of potatoe, slaw and a frosted with a pint of beer, $8.99 pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99
400 Lang Drive 784-2242
$1.50 domestic taps and rail drinks, Bird Brain Trivia 8 p.m.; $1.50 do- Wing Night - 25-cent wings (dine- $1.50 domestic bottles and rail 4 p.m. to close mestic bottles and rails 4 p.m. to in only); $1 Miller High Life silos and drinks, $2 craft bottles, 4 p.m. to close PBR silos; $1.50 taps and rail drinks; close $2 craft taps. All specials 4 to close.
1452 Caledonia St. 782-6446
FLIPSIDE PUB & GRILL
— Adam Bissen
$2 BBQ Pork Sliders
115 3rd St. S 782-7550
along the tongue, unveiling an exceptional herbal character along with biting lemon and pineapple notes, subtle sweetness, and a faintly effervescent ester like unripe raspberries. Mouthfeel: Medium-bodied but resiny and chewy. Drinkability: This is a high-gravity, imposing IPA, but with each sip it warms to the palette and reveals its complexity. For that, I’d say it’s especially drinkable, but you’ve got to be a hop fiend. Ratings: BeerAdvocate readers grade this an A (it’s their third-highest ranked IPA), while RateBeer scores it a rare 100. Stone IPA isn’t a perfect beer, but it certainly is damn good and I wish I drank more of it when it was around. I guess you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
122 4th St. 782-0677
May 19, 2011 // 9
YOUR GUIDE TO CONSUMPTION
$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; ($7 after 11p.m.): karaoke 10 p.m. to close
$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; ($7 after 11p.m.): karaoke 10 p.m. to close
Tuesday Boozeday $1 off all liquor Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. drinks and 50 cents off all shots, $2 Bombs
Hat Night: Buy 1 drink, get 1 free w/ Rail drinks $2 (4:30 to close); Buckets of beer $10, Boston Bobby's Margaritas $4 (Straw, rasp, mango, hat (4:30 to close); $1.50 chili dogs After 8 p.m. specials: $5 skewer of drummies 10 for $2 (4:30 to close), peach and reg); After 8 p.m. specials: (after 8 p.m.) shrimp,l $1.79 burger, $1.50 chili dogs $1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.) $5 skewer of shrimp, $1.79 burger
$1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos;: $11 Tacos: $11 buckets during pro and 12-inch pizza $8.99 buckets during pro and college foot- college football games. Happy Hour Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m. ball games. 2 to 6 p.m.; $2 pints all day $1 Taps & Rails during the game ; $6 wristbands starting at 7pm.
14-inch pizza, $2 off; Wings Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.
Half price tequilla, $1 domestic taps K$2 Double rails and all bottles; $3 and rails Double call drinks
Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.; lunch buffet 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., $6.99
$1.89 hamburger + toppings Ladies Fish Dinner Special-$7.89 night, 2 for 1 drinks (6-close), Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m. Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.
$1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos; $11 buckets during pro and college football games.
Wristband night, $2 cherry bombs, $2 U-Call-its for domestic taps, $2 U-Call-its for domestic taps, 50¢ shots (3 flavors); $2.50 Tuaca, domestic bottles, rail mixers & select domestic bottles, rail mixers & select Jack Daniel's & SoCo Mixers call mixers. call mixers
$5 Pitchers/$2 bottles of Miller prod- $1.75 Miller/Bud Light Taps, $2.25 $1.75 Rails, $1.50 Domestic Taps, $2 domestic bottles, $2.50 Skyy/ ucts (11-4pm) $2 Corona Bottles, $2 MIcro/Craft Taps, $2.50 Cherry $3.50 Jager Bombs Absolut mixers, $2 Dr. shots (7-1 Kilo Kai Mixers , $3 Bloodys (7-1 a.m.) Bombs (7-1 a.m.) (7-1 a.m.) a.m.)
5 Domestic Bottles for $10, $5 $2 Captain Mixers, $2. Long Island Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Mixers, $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7-1 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1 a.m.) a.m.)
$5 Miller/Bud Light Pitchers, $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1 a.m.)
$2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans
$1.75 PBR Bottles $2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans
$2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans
$2.50 Captain mixers $2 Grain Belt
$2 Coors & Coors Light Bottles, $2.50 $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans Skyy mixers, $2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans
$2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans
WHO'S ON THIRD
Happy Hour until 10 p.m. $1.50 domestic taps, $2 rails from 10 to close
$1.50 taps PBR, $1.50 rails
$2 domestic bottles, $3 call doubles
$2 taps, $3 Jack and Captain doubles
$2 Miller products, $8.50 fish bowls
137 4th St. 782-6622 308 4th St. S. 782-9069
126 3rd St. N. 782-9467
$2 domestic taps, $3 Three Olives products
10// May 19, 2011
By Erich Boldt
"Numb & Number" What do you mean they don't exist? By Matt Jones
• La Crosse • Sparta • Richland Center • Prairie du Chien Birth Control Services Annual Exams for Women STD Testing & Treatment for Men and Women Pregnancy Testing Emergency Contraception Call for an appointment today!
Helping create healthy lives and families.
614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 Online: secondsupper.com Publisher: Roger Bartel firstname.lastname@example.org Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen email@example.com Student Editor: Emily Faeth firstname.lastname@example.org Sales: Mike Keith email@example.com Sales: Ansel Ericksen firstname.lastname@example.org Sales: Michael Butteris email@example.com Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Jenn Bushman, Nick Cabreza, Mary Catanese, Jason Crider, Ashly Conrad, Ben DeLine, Marcel Dunn, Brett Emerson, Shuggypop Jackson, Jonathan Majak, Matt Jones, Briana Rupel, Julie Schneider, Stephanie Schultz, Nate Willer Second Supper is a weekly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601
ACROSS 1 "If I ___ nickel for every time..." 5 Mine car 9 Chemistry 101 models 14 Off-base designation 15 Othello's enemy 16 "Don't Know Why" singer Jones 17 "I mean, isn't she worth, like, a ___ dollars?" (line from the pilot of "Will & Grace") 19 Rapper with the 2011 album "Detox" 20 Like Keats' poetic urn 21 French Stewart's response when asked to "write a number" in an SNL "Celebrity Jeopardy!" skit 23 Snake variety
24 Brand name yodeled in ads 26 ___ Lingus (Irish airline) 27 Rock's ___ Speedwagon 28 Opera set in Egypt 30 Part of some Hogwarts classes 32 Go against 34 More, in Mexico 35 "Mazel ___!" 36 With 38-across, number of geese it took to supply feathers for "Grandma's Feather Bed" 38 See 36-across 40 Outburst popularized in the 1990s 41 Rapper ___ Def 42 Comedian Lampanelli 45 Ancient area in modern Bulgaria,
Answers to May 12 puzzle "Dance Party"—Busting a Few Moves.
Greece and Turkey 48 Discard 50 Tokyo's country, in Olympics shorthand 51 "___ Como Va" (Santana song) 52 Surname in a Tim Allen Christmas movie 54 From Bangkok or Beijing 56 Number of trombones in an Urbie Green title 58 Granddaddy of fitness gurus Jack 60 Make pig noises 61 "Imaginary" number in a game show skit on the BBC's "That Mitchell and Webb Look" 63 "Today" co-anchor Matt 64 Reggae performer ___-Mouse 65 ___-ball (arcade game) 66 "The king," in Cancun 67 Like "haxored" and "pwn'd" 68 Olive and family from "Popeye" DOWN 1 Country legend Merle 2 Scholarship recipient 3 Went to slumberland 4 She falls at the beginning of her story 5 Tequila on TV 6 Reason for saving
7 Earlier than now 8 March, but not walk 9 Leader between Brezhnev and Chernenko 10 Shredded 11 Trial 12 DC competitor, in the comic book world 13 Thin window curtains 18 Pre-euro currency 22 Twinkie maker 25 Small batteries 29 Response to an invitation 31 Stunt jumper Knievel 33 Frank Oz character 37 High science 38 Appear to be 39 Ballet great Vaslav 41 ___ Dew (rebranded soft drink) 43 Springer, e.g. 44 Building wings 45 Mess with someone's hair 46 Book near a pew 47 Fix a bartending mistake 49 Packet at a drivethru 53 Photographer Adams 55 "OK, if you ___..." 57 Peach or pecan 59 Med. student's study 62 "___ Haw" ©2011 Jonesin' Crosswords (editor@ jonesincrosswords.com)
May 19, 2011 // 11
By Emily Faeth firstname.lastname@example.org
I graduated on Saturday, and I'm terrified. The last...five?...six? years of my life, I've been simultaneously telling myself to focus on the present moment — this class, this test, this essay — and keeping my eyes on the prize, so to speak. I've been telling myself, “Just one more year. One more semester. One more month.” I envisioned peace, respite from the early mornings and half-studied-for tests that have haunted me all these long, arduous years. I imagined I'd walk across that stage, ecstatic, and the hands held out to shake mine would be my ticket into the more exciting, fulfilling world of “real” adulthood. But now? Terrified. When I did walk across the stage, the experience was surreal. In that moment, I felt nothing like the exhilaration I was so accustomed to during heated grammar debates or discussions of the nature of Truth and Beauty. Joe Gow's face swam before me and before I had a chance to acknowledge the moment, I'd crossed the stage amid the
hundreds of camera clicks that filled the auditorium. I was confused — who were these people, and what, exactly, was I being congratulated for? When people introduce themselves, they always say what they do — their position in society, whether they're an accountant or a newspaper reporter or a student or a veterinarian. For most of my adult life, I've introduced myself as an English major. And now I can't. Maybe I'm taking this too seriously — I'm too young for a midlife crisis. But I've come to realize that I didn't simply choose my major arbitrarily. This world of words — it's real. I'm just not sure how to figure myself into it anymore. I'm not going to get all philosophical on you — but like the commencement speaker on Saturday said, entering the world of college is like stepping into a gray place — a place where there is no wrong or right, where the facts are only factors, and everything is in-between. So if there's anything I truly learned during my stint at UW-L, I learned to never make snap judgements; everything can always be conditioned, everything is forever in question. And like I learned from a wise professor, who learned from the wise Jacques Derrida, Truth is forever deferred. Despite knowing all of this — knowing that everything is, in essence, changeable, amorphous, I'm still scared. I know what being a college student is like. I'm used to the rigor and bullshit of classes, papers, deadlines, tests. But I don't know anything other than that. Job applications and paying rent on time are more foreign to me than organic chemistry, which I only got a B in. These are things there are no classes for, and only experience can teach the expertise
required to navigate The Real World. The real world lessons I've learned have mostly been gleaned from years of observing bar drama, friends, fights, and the innumerable things I've gotten out of writing for this paper. But I still don't feel ready. And there were definitely times I thought I wouldn't make it — weeks I'd waste getting too caught up in social drama and forgetting that my real purpose, the reason I've been acquiring thousands of dollars of debt, was just to get through all of this. But maybe in some ways, attending college is a way to experience the best of both worlds: broken hearts and mediocre GPAs, successes and failures in both Academia and the School of Hard Knocks. I sometimes felt sorry for those people who locked themselves away in their dorm rooms, letting the world outside the Ivory Tower pass them by while they toiled away at verb conjugation and philosophy finals. They are the people who succeeded far more than I did. But I wonder, how will they react when confronted with the hard Truths of the outside world? Earlier this week, I had the unfortunate responsibility of attending the memorial service of a friend who passed away merely days, hours really, after crossing the threshold into new motherhood. I sat in that stiff room, listening to stories of my too-young friend, and I think I had something close to an epiphany. We are always too young to die, so carpe diem, seize this opportunity to make those stories they'll tell even greater. It's cliche, but cliches are often based on something like truth. So I have to get to know me again. I am not my major, not just a baccalaureate candidate in English Rhetoric and Writing.
I'm a girl — woman, even — who likes to play with words, to ponder, stretch and manipulate syntax, but also someone who loves her cats, her family, a person who loves to travel, a sushi fanatic, a punk rock girl. It's been a rough few weeks: the death of a dear friend, the dissolution of my relationship, leaving the institution I've called home for the majority of my adult life. But it's going to be OK. All I have to do is return to that moment, summer term, Reality Lit class, when we plundered the depths of those great words that still echo in my mind whenever I'm feeling lost, like now. Be Here Now. Thank you Ram Dass, thank you Dr. Konas, and thank you, UW-L, for bringing me here.
Sales Wanted Help your local press. Build your career.
Second Supper is seeking an advertising representative to beef up our local presence. Candidates may submit a letter of introduction and resume to email@example.com.
top shots joke of the week How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb?
Check out our new Beers on Tap!
Three. One to do it, one child to cry and another to say, "ROSE, HE'S CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB." Good People, Good Drinks, Good Times
$5 Pitchers $2 Bottles of Miller Products (11-4 pm) $2 Corona Bottles $2 Kilo Kai Mixers $3 Bloody’s (7-1am)
$1.75 - Miller/Bud Taps $2.25 Micro/Craft Taps $2.50 Cherry Bombs (7-1am)
$1.75 Rails $1.50 Domestic Taps $3.50 Jager Bombs (7-1am)
$2 Domestic Bottles $2.50 Skyy/Absolute Mixers $2 Dr. Shots (7-1am)
5 Domestic Bottles 4 $10 $5 Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1am)
$5 Miller Lite/Bud Light Pitchers $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1am)
$2 Captain Mixers $2 Long Islands Mixers (7-1am)
12// May 19, 2011
The Advice Goddess
By Amy Alkon firstname.lastname@example.org
Under the cover of nightclub I met an amazing guy —- the kind I swore didn’t exist: thoughtful, caring, and incredibly secure. He seemed to love me. We were together exactly nine months when he called and suggested we go dancing. Ten minutes after I arrived at the club, he broke up with me. He claimed he didn’t know what had happened, but he just couldn’t be with me anymore. I left, heartbroken —- a complete wreck. Two weeks later, he called to see how I was and said, “Everything about you is what I want, but for some reason, I just don’t want you.” I’ve had a history of going for men who treated me like crap, but he treated me incredibly well. The lesson I’ve gleaned? Even if a guy’s really good to you, you can’t trust him. Help! I don’t want to become some bitter, jaded old woman. —- Devastated Sometimes, treating a woman like crap comes with a substantial grace period. Sure, breakups happen, but a truly “thoughtful,
THE LAST WORD caring” guy prepares you for what’s to come with “We’ve gotta talk” —- not “Hey, Babe, put on your strappiest dress and meet me under the disco balls.” (Considerate guy that he is, surely he told you how beautiful you looked when the colored lights reflected off the mascara streaking down your cheeks.) What changed for him? Without drilling a hole into his brain and watching all the worker ants running around the factory, it’s hard to say. Maybe his feelings just fizzled, or maybe he was only up for romancing you into a relationship and not the relationship itself. Whatever his reason for leaving, he sure didn’t need to pop up again to reiterate that he doesn’t want you —- just in case you missed that when he was teaching you his cool new dance move: twirl the girlfriend around and kick her to the curb. Ask yourself whether it’s actually out of character for Mr. Wonderful to rather cruelly and abruptly transform into Mr. I’ll Be Wandering Off Now. Getting impatient in your search for a great guy can lead you to stick a bag over the head of a sorta-great guy or even a not-so-great guy and insist you’ve got your man. Your therapeutic professional would call this “confirmation bias” —- favoring information that confirms some belief you hold and shoving away any information that doesn’t. So, maybe you tell yourself that a man’s treated you really well when he just treated you to some romantic dinners and did some of those nice boyfriend things like bringing you flowers and repairing your garden hose.
Any guy can learn to do that sort of stuff by reading “10 Ways To Make A Woman Cross-Eyed With Lust For You” in any number of men’s magazines. To figure out whether a man is more than the sum of his smooth moves, look at whether he’s compassionate, whether he shows empathy —- for you and others —- and especially when he doesn’t think anybody’s looking. Of course, getting to the truth takes being okay with the truth even if it ends up setting you a lot freer than you wanted to be. Since it’s always possible the candles and moonlight are a prelude to the track shoes, it’s best to live with the hope that love will last but without the expectation that it will. That’s probably the single best way to avoid becoming that “bitter, jaded old woman.” Then again, somebody’s got to take care of all the neighborhood’s stray cats.
and a driver and a monkey to massage my feet under my desk. But, I don't have a TV show, and monkeys throw feces. And this guy doesn’t want to explore a relationship with you or he’d be doing it instead of driving eight hours in hopes of servicing his ex back into a relationship with him. You can either live your life or sit around if-ing about what could be … his truck gets repossessed, and no bus lines go to ex-girlfriendville, so he looks deep into your general direction and says the words you’ve been waiting so long to hear: “Can I borrow your car for a coupla days?”
Bus case scenario My best friend is a man for whom my feelings continue to grow. He’s been stuck chasing his exgirlfriend who lives four hours away. She sees him once a month for a booty call. I fall asleep thinking about him and daydream about him while on dates with other men. He’s acknowledged that if his ex weren’t in the picture, he’d explore a relationship with me. Please help. —-Longing “IF his ex weren’t in the picture…!” You can always find your way to an “if.” It’s fun to vacation in if-land for a moment or two —- like, if I had a TV show, I'd have a cook
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