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Test your downtown IQ , win a fabulous prize | Page 4


2// October 8, 2009

Second Supper

Second Supper

Things To Do

The Top Best-named sandwiches 1. Po'boy 2. Fluffernutter 3. B.L.T. 4. Monte Cristo 5. Dagwood sandwich 6. Reuben 7. Anything at Erbert & Gerbert's

Overrated condiments 1. Pickle relish 2. A-1 Steak Sauce 3. Miracle Whip 4. Ketchup 5. Grey Poupon 6. Tobasco sauce 7. Bacon bits

October 8, 2009 // 3

FIRST THINGS FIRST Drum roll, please. Here, for the second consecutive week — which can be a record around here — are several, four to be exact, fun things to do this week. And they said there's nothing to do here but drink. Hah! Singer-songwriter Andy Grammer, who has been an opening act for John Mayer and a long list of other headline performers, brings his unique style of acoustic guitar to the UW-La Crosse campus at 7 tonight (Thursday, Oct. 8). But don't settle in for a traditional acoustic performance. Grammer's beatboxing and mouth trumpeting quickly reveal there's more than a storyteller here. The Los Angeles native's Summerfest performance in 2008 landed him a spot on the Chevy Fuel Solutions Tour that took him to large festivals across the Midwest and led to a nationwide college tour. Tonight's free show at the Cellar in the Cartwright Center is sponsored by the UW-L Campus Activities Board.


Pump House Regional Arts Center, fresh off of landing on our cover last week with an poetry/art exhibit, opens its performing arts season Friday, Oct. 9, with Hot Sauce. Well-known local musician Hans Mayer will be joined for the performance by Dan Sebranek, guitar; Wayne Beezley, mandolin; Larry Dalton, upright bass; and Terry Nirva, percussionist. Their music is a blend of original acoustic and classic


pop, with bits of swing and reggae thrown in as the spices. The show begins at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $15 in advance for Pump House members and $18 for nonmembers. Hot Sauce tickets at the door are $21. For information, call (608) 785-1434. When players have nicknames such as Danimal and Mack Truck, you know it's a man's sport. Tough guys. And when the slogans are "Don't ruck with me" and "Trample the weak, hurdle the dead," you're know they're bloody serious. If you want to witness the mayhem yourself, check out the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse rugby team when it battles — literally — undefeated UW-Platteville on Saturday, Oct. 10, at Coate Field. For information, e-mail Kurtis Rayfield at There's also a women's team because, as we all know, girls just ruck better, but we could not find their next match listed on the Web site.


It might seem like the schedulers were a little confused about La Crosse weather in October, but the Coulee Council on Addictions will host its inaugural sand volleyball tournament beginning at 9 a.m. Saturday, Oct. 10, at the Cruz-In Pub and Eatery, W5450 Keil Coulee Road. Ten teams are expected to compete in the double-elimination tournament for the $200 first-place prize. Cruz-In will serve breakfast from 6 to 11 a.m., as well as pulled-pork sandwiches and brats later in the day. There will be live music from noon to 10 p.m., as well as a silent auction and raffle. For information, call (608) 784-4177 or visit Proceeds benefit Coulee Council on Addictions.


4// October 8, 2009

Second Supper


Test your downtown IQ

In recognition of the 14th annual Historic Downtown La Crosse Day on Saturday, Oct. 10, Second Supper challenges you to test your trivia knowledge about downtown people, places and events. If you want to cheat, we suggest you keep copies of "True Tales of La Crosse" and "A History of La Crosse, Wisconsin in the Twentieth Century" nearby. (Or look at the answers on Page 5.) 1. "Human fly" Earl "Eastman" Westman fell 1.5 stories off the side of this five-story hotel at 118-128 N. 4th St. during his descent in a wall climbing exhibition in 1922. He survived but broke bones in both feet and arms, prompting him to announce his retirement at age 20. Name the hotel. a. Hotel California b. Stoddard Hotel c. Park Hotel d. Linker Hotel

Second Supper 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 E-mail: Online: Publisher: Roger Bartel Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen Student Editor: Ben Clark Sales: Mike Keith Sales: Jason Larsen Sales intern: Ansel Ericksen Contributors: Nick Cabreza, Mary Catanese, Ashly Conrad, Brett Emerson, Shuggypop Jackson, Briana Rupel, Terri Schlichenmeyer Second Supper is a weekly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601

2. A message dropped onto the building at 111 S. 3rd St. (Crazy Al's) in August 1927 said, in part: "The concerned efforts of the citizens of the United States in this direction will result in America's taking its rightful place within a very short time as the world leader in commercial flying." Who delivered the message? a. Amelia Earhart b. Orville Wright c. Orville Redenbacher d. Charles Lindbergh 3. After visiting New York City's Fifth Avenue in the 1920s, this La Crosse dentist convinced city leaders to change the name of Fifth Street to Fifth Avenue as part of his vision for turning the street into a retail shopping destination. Who was he? a. Frank Hoeschler b. Orin Scrivello c. D. Frank Powell d. Jerry Helper 4. This "pillar of the local mercantile world" anchored downtown for 103 years. Nicknamed the Park Store, the structure at Fourth and Main was rebuilt following a fire in 1903 and finally closed in 1984. It remains occupied and is a leading example of Chicago Commercial style architecture in the downtown.


City celebrates Historic Downtown Day on Saturday

architectural historian eric wheeler points out distinguishing characteristics of one of downtown's historic buildings , but which one is it? if you know, you have one of the answers to the quiz accompanying this photo. a. Second Supper b. Baron's Department Store c. Markos & Sons d. Doerfl ingers 5. Also known as "White Beaver," this former mayor and doctor maintained a practice at 200 Main St. in the late 1800s but was better known for his marksmanship than his bedside manner. a. Doc Holiday b. Dr. No c. Dr. D. Frank Powell d. Dr. Doolittle 6. Liberace played this Fifth Avenue club long before becoming a household name for his flamboyant wardrobe as well as his musical skills. a. Hollywood Theatre b. The Cavalier Lounge c. Old Style Inn d. Tres Compadres 7. This theater was located between Fifth and Sixth streets, on Main. a. Majestic b. Rivoli c. Wisconsin d. Unique 8. This madam for many years operated one of La Crosse's best known brothels at 215 N. 2nd St. a. Ma Bennett b. Ma Bell c. Ma Barker d. Mao Zedong 9. Artist Susan Sampson proposed a five-story 75-foot building at Third and La Crosse street in a shape that ulti-

mately was rejected by the City Council. What was her design called? a. The World's Largest Ear of Corn b. The World's Largest Beer Stein c. The World's Largest Doobie d. The World's Largest Cocktail Glass 10. The failed preservation effort for this public building in 1975-76 helped spur the formation of the La Crosse Area Society for Historic Preservation, better known now today as the Preservation Alliance of La Crosse. What was the building? a. Courthouse b. European Hotel c. Post oďŹƒ ce d. Police station

At A Glance

Here are some of the free events during the 14th annual Historic Downtown La Crosse Day on Saturday, Oct. 10: 11 a.m. and 1 p.m.: Barb Kooiman of the Mississippi Valley Archaeology Center presents a guided architectural walking tour of downtown, starting at the corner of 2nd and Main streets. 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.: Cameron Park Market, at 5th and King streets, off ers arts, crafts and produce. 1 p.m.: Judging begins for the apple pie contest at People's Food Co-op, 315 S. 5th St. Pies may be dropped off from 9 a.m. to noon. 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.: Get a free shoe shine at the 1860s stand at Simply Living, 410 Main St. 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.: Meet artist Eva Marie Restel at the Pump House Regional Arts Center, 119 King St. For a complete list of activities, visit

Second Supper

Downtown Quiz Answers 1. Stoddard Hotel The hotel also hosted Elvis Presley during his visit in 1956. The hotel opened in 1904 and was razed in 1982, leading one longtime resident to hang himself using his room's draperies because he had no place else to go.

Liberace made his fi rst appearance at The Cavalier as Walter Liberace in 1939. He also stopped by The Cavalier to visit owner Jack Sheetz following a 1962 show at the Mary E. Sawyer auditorium.

8. Ma Bennett Her establishment, The European Hotel, was raided by police at least 20 times, according to police records, before closing in 1946.

4. Doerflingers The grand reopening of Doerfl inger's Department Store in 1904 drew so many people that William A. Doerfl inger at times locked the doors so the store would not be overwhelmed by the crowds.

9. The World's Largest Beer Stein Downtown Mainstreet Inc. sought the same land for a science museum and theater but was not able to raise the funds for the project.

6. The Cavalier Lounge

Social Networking

name anD age: El Jefe, 29 where were you Born? In a hospital room. ... I remember a bright light, lots of screaming (some of it mine) and cold hands. currenT JoB: A photographer/musician/philosopher - pretty much anything I can get paid for that isn't too morally questionable. Dream JoB: A guru because I've already got the shirt. lasT Thing you googleD: Guitar tabs. if you coulD live anywhere in The worlD, where woulD iT Be? O.J.'s guesthouse. I can picture it now: me and Kato chillin' on the couch, passing a bong back and forth, and watching reruns of Kato's testimony during the trial. Sweet! whaT is someThing you wanT To Do Before you Die? Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and ... whaT is your Beverage of choice? Caff eine. celeBriTy crush: The well-endowed, well-pierced Christina Aguilera, but when

10. Post office The building was an example of 19th Century Richardsonian Romanesque style of architecture. Preservation proponents argued it would have been eligible for designation on the National Register of Historic Places.

she had blonde hair. whaT Book are you currenTly reaDing? A manual, and yesterday I read the side of a shampoo bottle. I wonder what sodium laurel sulfate is? Tell us your guilTiesT Pleasure: That would defi nitely be getting my <bleep> <bleeped> while I <bleep>. Tell us a Joke: Favre is a'll never let go Brent, I'll never let go. (El Jefe tosses a #4 GB jersey into the ocean and watches it sink while Celine Dion sings.) if a genie granTeD you one wish, whaT woulD you ask for? I would wish for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in perfect harmony.

9-10 Congratulations, either you know a lot about La Crosse history or you cheated. Either way, we admire your competitive spirit. Stop by Second Supper from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday during Historic Downtown La Crosse Day to pick up your free pizza cutter (while supplies last). 6-8 What is a local trivia buff like you doing away from the library? Get back to those archives ASAP, but Second Supper is on the way so you can pick up a pizza cutter, too. 3-5 Not bad. But missing the obvious answers indicates you need brain food. Yes, pizza. Need a super-duper plastic pizza cutter? Come on down. 0-2 Congratulations, you have a life. But you also need a pizza cutter. Stop by the offi ce at 614 Main St. to say hello. If you didn't take the quiz Shame on you. Preserving the history of downtown will help ensure its future success, or at least we and other small independent business owers hope so. No pizza cutter for you.

firsT concerT you wenT To: Vanilla Ice. whaT's The lasT Thing you BoughT? Cigarettes. Damn taxes ALMOST make me want to move to Minnesota. whaT's in your PockeT righT now?: Just a sec. It's, wait for it, Lint! Woohoo! whaT is your favoriTe ParT of seconD suPPer? Getting photos in the paper, especially on the cover, and doing photo shoots, because I love the challenge of trying to take awesome pictures for whatever particular story I'm assigned. how Do you know shuggyPoP Psychic Gina told me that in a past life we were passionate lovers.

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3. Frank Hoeschler Hoeschler helped attract national stores such as Montgomery Ward & Company, Sears, Roebck and Company, and J.C Penney Company to the downtown.

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2. Charles A. Lindbergh Lindbergh circled the city three times in the Spirit of St. Louis before dropping a weighted sack with his greetings as part of an effort to promote U.S. aeronautics three months after his historic crossing of the Atlantic Ocean.

7. Trick question! The Majestic opened in 1910, closed in 1936 for remodeling and then reopened as the Wisconsin Theater. The Unique, on the west side of the 100 block of Third Street, lasted only a few weeks in the early 1900s. The Rivoli, 117 N. Fourth St., opened in 1920 and closed in 1987, then reopened in 1994 as a second-run theatre.

5. Dr. D. Frank Powell Powell often performed with Buffalo Bill Cody, a lifelong friend and longtime business partner.

October 8, 2009 // 5


6// October 8, 2009

Second Supper


Capitalism: A Love Story (2009)

r’s e n g i Des Drugs The

Documentary Director: Michael Moore A montage of armed bank robberies caught on camera adorns the opening credit sequence of "Capitalism: A Love Story." Its inclusion is never elaborated upon, but the implied message is clear: things like this wouldn't happen if we didn't live in a capitalist society. If crime were something mutually exclusive of capitalism, then Moore might have a point, but the argument is flaccid — it requires the audience to draw too lofty and unrelated a conclusion — and results in "Capitalism" stumbling out of the gates. The movie recovers quickly by way of deadpan humor, but its irregular pace and loose, often invisible transitions leave it fighting too hard and too often to hold on to its argument. Blame also the scope of the subject. Moore gives himself a lot of ground to cover and a lot of connections to draw. It eventually becomes apparent that greed, not capitalism, is Moore's real target, and had he stated this from the beginning (hell, simply changing the title would suffice), it wouldn't have taken out of the movie so much of the fun, urgency and predictable absurdity audiences expect. It could be argued that "Capitalism," originally conceived as a sequel to "Fahrenheit 9/11" (2004), is in ways a catch-all follow-up to every previous documentary in the Michael Moore catalog. He's attacked CEOs, the health care industry, arms dealers and the entire Bush administration, all of which have

seen hefty profits from the suffering of others. Moore addresses capitalism in a similar manner, telling the stories of Americans who have in one way or another been failed by the system. Some of the stories are genuinely depressing, like the case of a widower who found out Wal-Mart, his late wife's employer, took out a life insurance policy on her and collected $84,000 upon her death. Still, other stories feel like rehashes of "Roger & Me" (1989). But "Capitalism" isn't all gloom: Moore still finds time to poke fun at George W. Bush, and no Michael Moore film would be complete without a slew of theatrics outside of corporate office buildings. And though "Capitalism" is unapologetic Moore from beginning to end, it feels less edgy, less controversial, and more slapped-together than previous Moore docs. The film comes at an awkward time, considering "Sicko" (2007), is the more relevant film today because of the debate on health care reform. Moore doesn't really offer a solution to capitalism's shortcomings either. He avoids mentioning the "S" word, even going so far as to call it "that other -ism." Walk through any college campus and you'll hear hippie idealist students chanting to "take down the major corporations," but you don't want the wittiest documentary filmmaker in the world essentially doing the same.

— Nick Cabreza

Poor Dustin Diamond. He spent the late ‘80s and the entire ‘90s playing one of the greatest geeks of all time, Samuel “Screech” Powers from "Saved by the Bell." Then he spent the past decade suffering for it. Wiped completely off the acting radar, Diamond became a stand-up comedian, dabbled in pro wrestling, appeared in a sex tape, played bass in a fairly wretched band, played a reality show jackass, and was transformed into a gay icon on the Internet. Most of his misadventures reeked of desperation, forming another exhibit of a typecast child star clawing at any spotlight available. News of Diamond’s latest lunge for attention, a tell-all book about life at "Saved by the Bell," effectively burned his bridges with that past life. When his former castmates got together for People Magazine without him, they went so far as to have Screech Photoshopped out of the cast photos. The die was cast, and when the book arrived, it was every bit the inflammatory train wreck expected. It’s safe to say that "Behind the Bell" won’t win Diamond many friends. Before even considering the book’s content, it’s telling that his autobiography is one of the worst edited pieces of junk to see major release. There are multiple instances of a sentence suddenly jumping to another line, of misused words (principle instead of principal), and, most baffling of all, the

Medium: Literature Stimulus: Dustin Diamond's "Behind the Bell" Anno: 2009 sudden repetition of paragraphs on the same page. All this gives one the impression that Behind the Bell was a hastily assembled scramble for cash, attention and revenge. What Diamond has to say doesn’t ease this cynicism. While there are rare moments where one can see the human being behind the bravado (Part II is a fairly objective look at the making of the show and the book’s best segment), the majority of this book is comprised of Diamond talking shit and bragging about his penis and where it has been. It’s hard to sympathize with the outsider who fell into a world of trophy parents and their entitled brats when he relies so heavily upon the word “Douchenozzle.” It’s believable that the show’s cast behaved badly, that drug-using Johnny Dakota was a good guy in real life while the Bayside gang was awash in the substances they shunned onscreen. Yet when Diamond goes on to accuse Mario Lopez of rape, insinuate that the show’s creator molested the cast, and suggest that the in-house magician turned young Neil Patrick Harris onto dudes, it comes off as scorned gossip. Most unbelievably, Diamond claims to have slept with 2,000 women and categorically denies his gay icon status. Yeah, right! Disaster memoir at its finest.

– Brett Emerson

'Gringa: A Contradictory Girlhood' Author: Melissa Hart Publisher: Seal Press, 2009 Miscellaneous: $16.95, 276 pages

In this memoir by Melissa Hart, youthful innocence morphs into understanding for a girl torn between many worlds and the adults who love her. When Melissa Hart was in grade school, her mother fell in love with the bus driver who picked up Melissa’s younger brother for school each day. Smitten, Melissa’s mother packed up her children and a few belongings, left her husband and moved in with the bus driver. The bus driver’s name was Patricia. When Melissa’s father found the family, he brought the police, who removed the children from the house. A judge, saying that being parented by two women “was unnatural,” gave custody to the father. Melissa’s mother was allowed to see her children twice a month. But for Melissa and her siblings, it wasn’t enough. They longed to be with their mother. Life with her was an adventure. Not so, with their staid, stern father and his new wife. Through her childhood, Melissa, aching for her mother, strove to emulate her. She tried hard to like girls, then eventually realized “you can’t alter nature.” But adolescence with a lesbian mother and an unconventional family wasn’t easy.

“I had a vaudevillian great-grandmother who wore silk robes over hoary overalls, a grandmother who made Smurf costumes for a living, and a lesbian mom who subscribed to Ms. and Mother Jones. I was screwed,” Melissa said. Then, at a quinceanera party, when a mother asked “¿Quien es la gringa?” (“Who is the white girl?”), the Spanish-speaking, culture-confused, WASPish ghost-white former lesbian wanna-be understood the question’s deeper meaning: Who was she? The answer lay in another country, in another lifetime. I have two words for “Gringa: A Contradictory Girlhood”: De. Lightful. Hart writes about what it was like to be the child of a parent who came out of the closet at a time when homosexuality was extremely taboo in much of the country. It was — and consider this a warning — a time when pejorative words were much more common and casually used than they are now. If you’re up for a warm, funny, loving memoir that’s relatively quick and definitely easy to enjoy, pick up this one. “Gringa: A Contradictory Girlhood” is one I know you’ll like.

– Terri Schlichenmeyer

Second Supper

October 8, 2009 // 7


Trilogy completed, author looks ahead to 'Time Ninja'

Schoepp shares insights about self-publishing By Brett Emerson The Martial Arts Murders trilogy, penned by Winona author Andy Schoepp, has reached its conclusion. Released last month, "Moral Executioners" brought the se=ries to a close with Schoepp’s trademark mix of triumphant sex and rapid fire action, shown through the eyes and fists of Michael Darts. In his final adventure, Darts balances the danger of fighting vigilantes with the anticipation of marrying Stacey, one of the hottest babes of all time. As usual, it’s gold. Once again, Mr. Schoepp has taken time to answer a few questions. Enjoy. Second Supper: Could Michael Darts take out Chuck Norris? Does Darts — like Norris — not sleep, but wait? Andy Schoepp: First of all, it wouldn’t be a fair fight because Mike is in his early 30s and Chuck Norris is 69! If we could suddenly bring Chuck Norris back to his prime though and put him up against Darts, I still give the edge to Mike. As far as sleeping, Mike NEEDS to sleep. When he battles super villains all day or wears himself out with Stacey, I don’t think he could function without sleep. SS: The Martial Arts Murders trilogy is now

over. How do you feel?

AS: I do feel a huge sense of accomplishment and I’m very happy with how my books turned out. I look back at the trilogy and I feel that I’ve delivered a very entertaining, engrossing, page-turning reading experience. SS: "Moral Executioners" takes a markedly different tone than the previous books in the trilogy, toning down the fantastic elements in favor of a more gritty realism. Why did you choose this change in style? AS: I intended right from the get-go to make "Moral Executioners" a darker story. I purposefully wanted the way Mike administered justice in the first two books to collide with the vigilante villains in "Moral Executioners" to delve deeper into Mike’s character. "Life and Money Heist" was more of a strict action novel and "Moral Executioners" was my last chance to finish developing my characters, so that was why I brought the plot of "Moral Executioners" back down to earth. SS: Can you give us some information about the nature of being an independent author? AS: There are pros and cons to working with a self-publishing company. The big pros includes artistic freedom. Also, Outskirts Press is a Print on Demand publisher,

which means they print books from a digital file on a laser printer as they are ordered. This is much more cost effective than a Subsidy Publisher, which uses an old-fashioned offset printing press, which means they have to print hundreds of books at a time to justify paying someone to set all of that type. Publishing contracts with a Subsidy Publisher can cost anywhere from $6,000 to $10,000, so a POD publisher will save an author THOUSANDS of dollars. There are other advantages to publishing with Outskirts Press, like higher author royalties, more flexible options for designing your book and more marketing options. There are downsides to self-publishing with a POD or Subsidy Publisher. A lot of self-published work is not taken seriously, so it is hard to get reviews and media coverage, but lots of authors get fed up and frustrated with commercial publishers being inflexible with new authors so they have NO CHOICE but to self-publish. Another con is that commercial publishers pay authors huge amounts in royalties and advances that authors won’t see when they self-publish. But again, try to get your work published by a commercial publisher and see how much money it costs you and how many years it takes. Another con is the difficulty in getting your book into what are called “brick and mortar” book stores, which won’t carry it unless the book has a “retail returns

My Reality?

contract” on it. This contract allows book stores to return unsold stock or slow selling books to the publisher. In fact, Barnes and Noble CAN’T even order a POD or Subsidy published book for store stock, it’s locked out by their computer systems unless it has a “retail returns contract” on it. SS: "Time Ninja" is next. You've promised that it will be epic. Is there anything you can say about it? AS: I like to tease people by saying if you loved The Martial Arts Murders trilogy, you haven’t read anything yet! Most of "Time Ninja" takes place in the year 2101 and when I combine the techniques of ancient Ninjutsu with futuristic weaponry and warfare! It’s an intense character study, the action is over the top and there is some sex and plot twists too, of course. There is a chapter in this book entitled “Armageddon” that is essentially a 30-page action scene! I consider this chapter to be my crowning achievement and because of the time travel element in this book you will get to live it twice as well as a trip to another galaxy! I can’t wait for people to read "Time Ninja" and I can’t even put a one word adjective on it, it’s THAT good! Andy Schoepp has much more to say, including thoughts about vigilantes and steamy sex. To view the entire interview, visit

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8// October 8, 2009

Second Supper


Worst movie moments ever! 418 Lang Dr. La Crosse



$11 Cuts Across From Menards

This week’s episode of Bizarro Masterpiece Theatre isn’t the usual gleeful celebration of gloriously bad films; in fact, this isn’t a celebration at all. The scenes described here comprise some of the worst cinema I’ve ever seen, so bad that I either howl in rage or stare at the screen, stunned with disbelief. Beware. Dishonorable Mention: "Twilight" — “Your scent is like a drug to me.” Like I’ve seen "Twilight" — are you kidding me? The only reason this is on the list is because I saw the line on a T-shirt, and it was confirmed that it appeared in the

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movie. If I ever see someone wearing this shirt, I will fart on the person and ask if I’m getting her high. Fair warning. 3. "The Postman" — Tom Petty/The Triumphant Mail Grab If there is a movie on this list that I generally like, it would be this slice of post-apocalypse, but there are two scenes that blow the entire movie. The first involves Kevin Costner meeting Tom Petty, playing Tom Petty. When Costner asks Petty if he was famous, the smug bastard replies, “I used to be.” But this film’s greatest crime comes in a blaze of glory in which Costner rides horseback and grabs a letter from a kid’s outstretched hand. Cut to the end of the film, where everything’s A-OK and Costner’s daughter unveils a statue of that very scene. In the audience, a young man looks teary-eyed upon the statue and whispers, “That was me.” Then they played the scene again. I’ve never screamed at a movie like I did then. 2. "Rollerball" (The Remake) — Night Vision Hell When the best part of a movie is a brief

performance by Slipknot, it is well and truly abominable. I hate this movie with unrivaled passion. The lowest of the lowest moments, however, is utterly unbelievable. For what seems like an eternity, a night vision camera films Chris Klein and LL Cool J as they attempt to escape the evil Rollerball overlords. Really, the scene goes on for at least five minutes. In Night Vision. I saw this movie for free, and felt cheated. 1. "Armageddon" — Animal Crackers "Rollerball" is the worst piece of crap I’ve ever seen, but "Armageddon" features the greatest cinematic atrocity of all time. Because of his roles in Kevin Smith’s movies and his turn as beautifully coiffed bully O’Bannion in "Dazed and Confused," I will defend Ben Affleck’s acting career more than might be sane. But when Affleck gets all gooey-eyed with Liv Tyler and dances animal crackers upon her exposed midriff, it is beyond redemption. Watch none of these movies, ever.

Oh hi, right now I am listening to the album "Drift" by Nasaj Thing, but that's not important right now. Instead I'm going to talk about a guy named Piero Scaruffi. Piero is an award winning poet, has developed AI programs, runs a software consulting business, has lectured at schools such as Harvard, Stanford and MIT, has published books on cognitive sciences, quantum mechanics and metaphysics, and has traveled to more than 120 countries around the world. You know, mundane things. But what he is best known for is his writings about music, including the several in-depth books he has self-published about the histories of rock, jazz, avant-garde, and pop music before rock. I think of them as textbooks for getting your PhD in music snobbery. He claims to have researched, listened to and reviewed more than 20,000 albums. While his output is maybe a bit too overwhelming for your casual listener, Piero is a guy that certain passionate music nerds discover at some point and get majorly giddy over. An article about him in the New York Times three years ago was titled "The Greatest Web Site of All Time," which brings us to his Web site, His site pioneered music journalism on the Internet, and the amount of reviews contained on it about musicians and albums makes you wonder where one man finds the time. And this doesn't even include his extensive reviews of movies (I swear he has seen every obscure

film ever), his writings about politics, art and the above-mentioned topics this renaissance man digs on, all of which are contained on his site. A person could get lost in this corner of the 'net for days. As for his taste in music, he's fully a champion of music from the underground. He has a preference for musicians from the late '60s and early '70s such as Captain Beefheart, Velvet Underground, Canterbury scene bands, krautrock and Tim Buckley, but claims that this is due to the sheer abundance and ease that albums are made in the download era, thus suffering quality and containing a ton of filler material. But he's not a relic; he is as knowledgeable about current music as anybody, with modern favs being Xiu Xiu, Animal Collective, Vladislav Delay, Supersilent and Joanna Newsom, to name a few. If that sampling of bands interests you, I'm willing to bet the rest of his reviews will get you off like whoa. While his site is pretty archaic looking, it is bursting with information. His favorite albums of each year, usually a list of a hundred or so, contain selections I rarely disagree with. His favorite albums lists frequently contain gems I had never heard of as well, but I make it a point to seek them out upon his suggestion. A smattering of people have derided him as a pretentious twat (I wouldn't be surprised if he is), but hey, you can't please everybody now, can you?

— Brett Emerson

— Shuggypop Jackson

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Second Supper

October 8, 2009 // 9


entertainment directory // October 8 to 14 thursdaY,

just a roadie away

October 8

Del's Bar // 229 3rd St. Sterus • 10 p.m.


The Starlite Lounge // 222 Pearl St. Kies & Kompanie • 5 p.m.

population population

Keller Williams // Oct. 16

The warehouse // 328 Pearl St. My Lady Four, See the World, Seventh Resistance • 6:30 p.m.

Barrymore Theatre • $23

Hot Buttered Rum // Oct. 16 Majestic Theatre • $15

Popcorn Tavern // 308 4th St. S LAX All-Stars • 10 p.m.

The Avett Brothers // Oct. 21 Barrymore Theatre• $26

tHE ROOT NOTE // 115 4th St. S. Open Mic• 7 p.m.

Ymsb // Oct. 22 Orpheum Theatre • $25

Nighthawks Tap // 401 S. Third St. Dave Orr's Damn Jam • 10 p.m.


October 9

Popcorn Tavern // 308 4th St S John Statz with Nick Shattuck • 10 p.m.

596,974 208,054

The Disco Biscuits // Oct. 29 It's hard to judge Caroline's Spine's popularity nationwide, but here in La Crosse they seem to be the biggest band in rock & roll. They last played Howie's a little over a month ago, and by all accounts the packed house was loving it. They return to town Saturday night for their umpteenth show in however many years. Why La Crosse fell so hard for an Arizona band whose biggest single "Sullivan" hit the charts 12 years ago is probably beside the point. They just love playing here. And we love high-energy rock shows, so catch them with openers Sunspot beginning at 9 p.m..


October 10

Popcorn Tavern // 308 4th St S Evergreen Grass Band • 10 p.m.

The warehouse // 328 Pearl St. Graves of War, We are the Dead, Decimera, Without Dispair • 7 p.m.

The Starlite Lounge // 222 Pearl St. Kies & Kompanie • 10 p.m.

Nighthawks Tap // 401 S. Third St. Karri Daley and the Old School Band • 10 p.m.

the Jay Street Joint //324 Jay St. Which One's Pink • 10 p.m.

Piggy's blues lounge // 501 Front St S. Bob Bingham and Gordon Thorne • 8 p.m.

the arterial // 1003 S. 16th St. Bad Axe River Band • 10 p.m.

The Waterfront Tavern // 328 Front St. Chris Bucheit & Steve Meger • 8 p.m.

The Waterfront Tavern // 328 Front St. Chris Bucheit & Steve Meger • 8 p.m

tHE ROOT NOTE // 115 4th St. S. Derek Pritzl • 8:30 p.m. My Second Home // 2104 George St. The Stoney Ridge Band• 8 p.m.

River Jack's // 1835 Rose St. Memory Brothers • 8 p.m.

Cruz-In // W5450 Keil Coulee Road Reload • 6 p.m.

Pump House // 119 King St. Hot Sauce • 7:30 p.m.

howie's // 1128 La Crosse St. Caroline's Spine w/ Sunspot • 9 p.m.


Piggy's blues lounge // 501 Front St S. Ross William Perry • 8 p.m.

Blue Moon // 716 2nd Ave. N (Onalaska) Paxico • 9:30 p.m.

Popcorn Tavern // 308 4th St S The Sunday Blend • 10 p.m.

Pearl Street Brewery // 1401 St Andrew St.

Concordia Ballroom //1129 La Crosse St.

Andy Mueller (Proto Melei) • 4 p.m.

River Jack's // 1835 Rose St. Memory Brothers • 8 p.m.

New Jolly Swiss Boys • 7 p.m.

tHE ROOT NOTE // 115 4th St. S. Tom Feldmann• 8:30 p.m.

Charlie's Inn // W5104 Hwy. 14-61 Monkey Wrench • 9:30 p.m.

Acoustic bluegrass jam • 2 p.m.

October 11

South Side Neigh. Center // 1300 S. Sixth St.

Wisconsin Union Theater • $23

Railroad Earth // Oct. 29 Barrymore Theatre • $22


October 12

Popcorn Tavern // 308 4th St. S. Shawn's " Moustache Monday" Jam • 10 p.m. The warehouse // 328 Pearl St. Gavin Castleton, Gardening Not Architecture, Amelia Lindstrom • 6:15 p.m.


October 13

Popcorn Tavern // 308 4th St S Paulie • 10 p.m. The Jay Street Joint //324 Jay St. Open Jam • 8 p.m.


October 14

Popcorn Tavern // 308 4th St S Mitch's Open Jam • 10 p.m. Del's Bar // 229 3rd St. Dave Orr • 10 p.m.

10// October 8, 2009

Second Supper

YOUR GUIDE TO CONSUMPTION Fat Tire New Belgium Brewing Company Fort Collins, Colorado



©2009 Treasure Island Resort & Casino

That buzzing sound you hear is the hype hauled into La Crosse by big red trucks last month. New Belgium came to town and the bros couldn’t be more excited. Although this Colorado institution is third-largest craft brewery in the United States, until recently its products couldn’t be found in La Crosse — or anywhere east of the Mississippi River for that matter. They say that was due to environmental sustainability (gotta keep that carbon footprint down), but the distance just made the Midwest grow fonder. New Belgium became equated with happy trips out west, or in my case, a brew you could only fi nd in Phish parking lots. It other words, it was “hetty.” And Fat Tire, the fl agship brand, was the headiest brewski of them all. New Belgium must’ve planted some trees or something, because we’ve got truckloads of it now and people are literally lining up to buy it. Well calm down, you freaks. New Belgium is just a brewery, wisely marketed and average. Some of its beers are solid, some of its beers are unsatisfying, and Fat Tire is the most overhyped of them all. I’ll give it some credit: It pours a pretty copper color with a nicely laced and longlasting head, but it’s also incredibly thin. I

can actually read the label through the pint Appearance: 7 glass. The nose has that “musky” smell of wet Aroma: 5 bark and whole wheat crackers, dry-roasted Taste: 6 with some wafting sweetness. Lifting the Mouthfeel: 6 glass, I can tell why this often referred to as a Drinkability: 6 “gateway beer.” It hits the tongue with a faint sweetness, splashes a Total: 30 hint of refreshing citrus and bottoms out on dry crackers. Hops are used minimally, to the point where the taste is completely unobtrusive. This is billed as an amber ale, but while many brewers have come to push this style to extreme levels, Fat Tire pulls its punches. It’s like the Wheat Thins of beers. The mouthfeel is medium-bodied, and since there’s nothing especially distinctive about it, I suppose that also makes it drinkable. Me, I look forward to drinking any other beer from New Belgium. Hetty is as hetty does, bro.

— Adam Bissen

Second Supper

October 8, 2009 // 11


La Crosse's 10 Best Sandwiches

Classic Maid-Rite

If anyone in this town could be an authority on sandwiches, we'd like to think it would be Second Supper. Our very name evokes a midnight snack. But beyond that, everyone on our staff tends to eat food that's fast, cheap and readily available, and we dine out a lot. The following list is culled from years and years of delicious research. In no way is this scientific, and we don't claim to be comprehensive, but know that a lot of thought went in to the La Crosse's 10 Best Sandwiches list. Some of these foods are well-known and served at popular restaurants. Others are more obscure and come from places that rarely draw a lunch crowd. But they all taste awesome. Trust us.

It's not often that I venture to the North Side. Both of my jobs are located downtown, as well as my most-frequented watering holes and shops, so when I do find myself on Caledonia Street, it's usually for one purpose only: to stuff my face at Maid-Rite. Though Onalaska boasts a new Maid-Rite franchise, the cozy restaurant on the North Side holds such a place in my heart, I can't get my fix from anyone else. Yet on every visit, I'm faced with a dilemma: Do I try one of their heavenly home-cooked dinner specials like chicken pot pie? Can I forgo my most craved sandwich of all time for the purpose of trying something surely also delicious? No. I can't. The sandwich is that good. The classic Maid-Rite, born in Iowa in 1926, is a no-frills loose-meat sandwich. Think of your grandma's sloppy joes, without the sauce. The seasoned ground beef is heaped onto a soft hamburger bun, which welcomely soaks up the tiny amount of existing grease from the meat. For an extra 15 cents, your sandwich can come topped with a slice of good ol' American cheese, but I think the sandwich is better served — gulp — without it. Instead, simply order your Maid-Rite with "everything." The tangy quality of the yellow mustard and sliced pickles with the sharpness of the chopped onions is the only complement to the meat you need. Oh, and please don't even attempt to drown your Maid-Rite in ketchup. You will be burned at the stake. If you're feeling extra hungry, Maid-Rite offers a platter option for the sandwich, including fries and your choice of either coleslaw or cottage cheese, but there's really only one side to the classic Maid-Rite you need: another sandwich.

The Billy

Bean Juice // 1014 S. 19th St.

$6.99 (includes one side)

When I first heard the ingredients in The Billy — goat cheese, walnuts, honey and fresh thyme — I didn’t think such a sandwich could even exist. It sounded like some kind of experimental flim-flam, but after trying my first one at Bean Juice, I found the combination to be particularly inspiring. A creamy, peppery goat cheese is the foundation of the sandwich. The sliced walnuts add a nice crunch, and the honey makes it good breakfast fare, but the earthy ingredients keep the sweetness in check. More shocking is the thyme, which evokes a Thanksgiving dinner and gives the sandwich almost a mysterious taste. Pressed between grilled foccacia bread, the Billy toes the gustatory line between kiddie and hippie food, and part of the thrill is figuring out why it tastes so good. My only gripe is the size of the sandwich, and while you can order it with chips or soup, I’d recommend quite possibly the best pasta salad in town.

— Adam Bissen

Chicken Philly

Cheese Corner // 4320 Mormon Coulee Road


I was at Irish Hills this past August, bouncing along the green in a golf cart that my brother was driving — probably too fast — back to the parking lot. We had abandoned the last four holes of our game, not only because we were growing impatient at a sport we're both appallingly awful at, but because our stomachs were growling louder than the cart's motor. Suddenly Chris had an epiphany. "I know where we're going," he said, habitually smacking my arm in excitement. "Have you ever been to Cheese Corner?" Cheese Corner is fairly new to La Crosse. The location between Shopko and Ace Hardware has only existed for two years. The store in Viroqua, however, has been a staple for over 20. So, how had I not heard of this place? Upon entering the shop, which sells homemade pizza and various cheeses and dips in addition to a long list of sandwiches, Chris insisted that I skip the menu and just go for the Chicken Philly on their tomato basil bread. I am so glad I trusted my brother. The Chicken Philly is served toasty warm. After I unwrapped the sandwich from its foil cocoon, my Wisconsin heart delighted in seeing multiple, melted strings of tender mozzarella draping from the halved sandwich like white awnings. Huge chunks of white meat, fajita-style chicken, are spread generously over the bread — bread that is thankfully warm and soft. No crusty, too-toasted pieces that will cut your mouth open here! On top of the already delicious blend of meat and cheese, the workers at Cheese Corner carefully layer on sliced onions, green peppers, mushrooms, and — wait for it — hot jalapenos. What ensues is a spicy tango for the taste buds, evened out by the smoothness of the mozzarella and mayo, with an appreciated crunch from the veggies. For the health-conscious, it's worth noting that ordering the Chicken Philly without mayo tosses this new favorite of mine into Gundersen Lutheran's 500 Club, but do that only if it's an absolute dietary necessity. This sandwich is worth imbibing every calorie. To do otherwise would just be a travesty.

— Briana Rupel

Chicken Salad Sandwich

International Bake Shop // 444 Main St.

$2.60, $2.75 with cheese

Maid-Rite // 1119 Caledonia St.

— Briana Rupel

Hickory Smoked Hand-Pulled Pork Sandwich Train Station BBQ // 601 Saint Andrew St.


This is a hefty sandwich but not too heavy for lunch. After 12 hours in the smoker, the meat's hickory flavor prevails yet is not overwhelming. Tender and moist, the meat (pork shoulder) stands on its own without any sauce, but there is no denying the house sauce adds a whole new flavor level to the sandwich. Sweet but tangy, just as it should be. Restaurants are loathe to share their recipe details, but this sauce blends garlic and onions in a ketchup base. The sauce comes on the side, so you can flavor to suit your taste. The meat overflows the sweet potato roll (another house recipe), which is soft and fresh enough to both handle well and taste good. Each sandwich comes with a side, and there's a bushel of Southern sides available: homemade beans, sweet potato casserole, potato salad, cornbread, mac and cheese, potato chips, baked potato wedges, Texas toast, homemade slaw and side salad. I left Train Station BBQ satisfied, but the Memphis Sandwich (pulled rib meat topped with coleslaw) looked very tempting. It will have to wait for another day.

— Roger Bartel

Numero Uno

Pickerman's Soup and Sandwiches // 327 Jay St


Pickerman's Soup and Sandwiches has been gracing La Crosse with its presence for the last seven years, and has always provided a nice casual and comfortable atmosphere to enjoy a nice lunch with friends and family. And I have to say, the sandwiches ain't bad either. The Numero Uno comes with smoked ham, Genoa salami, prosciutto, provolone, lettuce, tomatoes, red onions and, of course, Pickerman's very own Italian dressing. When I first took a bite, what really struck me was just how perfectly balanced the sandwich was. There wasn't too much or too little of any one ingredient, and everything mixed just perfectly in a very tasty homage to the great foods of Italy. The two different types of ham used provide an unique flavor to the sandwich one doesn't usually experience (prosciutto is a dry-cured style of ham), and in the sandwich, the flavors complement each other perfectly. I suggest buying the sandwich and trying some of their potato salad as well (I was literally scraping the bottom to get every last morsel!)

— Ben Clark $5.25

What is a bake shop doing on this list? Well, gentle reader, you obviously have not found your way into the City Center building in quite some time. Although the first-floor shop offers myriad cakes, cookies and pastries, it also has an abbreviated but tasty sandwich menu and a plentiful variety of soups. I first wandered in when their Main Street sandwich board (for real) advertised a brat special. Over the next few weeks, I tried the ham, the turkey, the chicken breast and others. It was a difficult choice, but for this listing I settled on the chicken salad sandwich. How boring, right? Wrong. Everyone does chicken salad, but International Bake Shop does it extremely well. The ingredients are basic: tender chicken lightly grilled and cut into bite-size chunks, celery to give it crunch, grapes to provide little bursts of sweetness, mayonnaise to bring it all together, and the shop's own spices to add that final zesty flavor. You have a wide variety of bread choices, each of which brings a different dimension to the sandwich. As bland as it may sound, I always start with white bread when trying a new sandwich to ensure I get the full flavor of the ingredients. The chicken salad overflows the bread, so your lunch comes with a fork. To top it off, the shop adds pickle(s) and one of its extremely tasty cookies. Sweet.

— Roger Bartel

Southwestern Beef Melt

Ralph’s Restaurant // 109 3rd St S.

$6 (includes one side)

Despite its unfortunate name, Ralph’s — the restaurant beneath John’s Bar — has long been La Crosse’s best stop for bar food. The portions are filling, the prices are reasonable and most important, the entrees are flavorful and not just glorified grease bombs. Plenty of sandwiches on the menu could make a La Crosse “Best Of” list, but my favorite is the Southwestern Beef Melt, a spicy treat that doesn’t require a Leinenkugel’s, but they sure pair nicely together. The marinated beef comes shredded and juicy — so tender that you know it’s been soaking before being heaped on a toasted sub bun. Grilled peppers and onions augment the beef nicely, but the sandwich’s strength is in its four-alarm pepper jack cheese. Combined you get a flaky crust, soft roll, tasty veggies and juicy meat — a veritable taste explosion that leaves your mouth simmering in a way you won’t often find in this town. The heat you can’t wash down with a beer is gently chilled by a side of pita slices and a cup of hummus of Tzatziki sauce. That’s not your typical bar food fare, but that’s why you go to Ralph’s.

— Adam Bissen See more of our favorites on Page 12

12// October 8, 2009

Drink Specials

Continued from Page 11

Uncle Stoney's Poultry Pounder

Fayze's Restaurant and Bakery // 135 4th St.

$8.99 (includes one side)

I've always loved the atmosphere of Fayze's, which manages to create a very warm welcoming place for friends and family to gather around for a meal in historic downtown La Crosse. Plus, the amount of food you get with each meal is fantastic for the price. I definitely don't mind paying more for a meal when I know that I'll be getting my money's worth, and Uncle Stoney's Poultry Pounder definitely delivers. Loaded with grilled chicken breast, turkey AND bacon covered with melted Jack cheese on a Talame bun - plus lettuce, tomatoes, red onions and, my favorite, chipotle mayonnaise, the sandwich definitely lets you know that flavor is its top priority. Taking my first bite, the combination of all the ingredients was perfect, and the chipotle mayonnaise really brings out the flavor in all of the meats. Be warned, for with the addition of a free side to the meal, this sandwich will leave you feeling quite full for some time.

— Ben Clark

Veggie Poboy

Buzzard Billy's // 222 Pearl St.

$6.99 (includes one side)

As I'm sure any of you who have spent time in New Orleans already know, a poboy is the regional term for a sub/hoagie/grinder style sandwich. Fortunately for those of us living in River City, we don't need to make the trek to the Big Easy to get a taste. Buzzard Billy's offers seven different poboys on its menu, with my personal favorite being the veggie. To start with, they take a monster French roll and grill it to just the right crispness. Then they pile on the goods. The veggie blend consists of artichoke hearts, button mushrooms, red bell peppers, spinach and sun-dried tomatoes, all sauteed in olive oil and garlic, then topped with a sprinkling of Asiago cheese that melts into the veggie blend to make your mouth water. They put some mayo on the side if you want to go that route, but the flavors contained in this jumbo sandwich stand on their own. Located in the heart of downtown, you could almost pretend you are in Nawlins, what with the river close by and the drunken revelry going on in the streets (minus the quaint Southern drawl and women flashing you for cheap plastic beads). Consider this poboy an orgasm for your taste buds that will leave you satisfied, to say the least.

— Shuggypop Jackson

Wheat Meat Manifesto The Bodega // 122 4th St.

Second Supper



Hey, meat eaters. Are yo-u tired of eating your sandwiches with turkey, ham, salami, bacon, beef, chicken, fish or sausage? Then give the Bodega’s Wheat Meat Manifesto a try. It sure won over this carnivore! I have absolutely no idea what seitan is, but this sandwich is just stuffed with it. I think it’s some kind of vegan thing, but it isn’t spongy like tofu or flavorless like a lot of chickpea products. It kind of tastes like salami meets peanut butter, but in a good way! Roasted red peppers deliver most of the extra flavor, but the sautéed green peppers, onions, and mushrooms on multigrain bread give it a fuller taste. Like, you know it’s healthy, but not in a bad way. And vegans be damned, throw some provolone cheese on there and you’ll have a succulent deli-style sandwich without the stick-to-your-ribs grossness.

— Adam Bissen Honorable mentions include the Buffalo chicken sandwich at the Alpine Inn, the Caprese at People's Food Co-op, the Chicago Joe at Jeff and Jim's Pizza, the Hot Hero and T-Jo's Pizza, the Italian beef at Beef & Etc., the Monte Cristo at Hackberry's, the portabella mushroom sandwich at Bruiser's, and the Walnut Burger that was invented at the Trempeleau Hotel and served at a variety of restaurants around town. What's your favorite local sandwich? E-mail to share your recommendations.

Editor's Note: Food and Drink Specials is a free listing for Second Supper’s regular advertisers and $25 per week for others. For information, call (608) 782-7001.


BARREL INN $2.25 for mini pitcher CHUCK'S All day everyday: $1 Doctor, $2 Silos $3 pitchers, $1.75 rails EAGLE’S NEST Open to close: $2 U “Call” it HOWIE’S Happy hour 4 to 9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to close: Night Before Class - $3 pitchers of the beast IRISH HILLS Happy Hour 4 to 7 p.m. daily JB’S SPEAKEASY $1.75 domestic bottles PETTIBONE BOAT CLUB $1 off fried chicken PLAYERS Price by Dice RINGSIDE closed SCHMIDTY’S $6.95 lunch buffet $9.95 breakfast buffet 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER $11 buckets of beers (pregame-close), taco specials during game THE JOINT $2 domestics and rails, 4 to 8 p.m., Shots of Doctor $1 all day, everyday THE HELM All day (everyday!) specials $1.25 Old Style Light, $1.50 LAX Lager/ Light, $1 shots of Dr. THE LIBRARY Sunday Fun Day - Wristband Night TOP SHOTS $5 Pitchers/$2 bottles of Miller products (11-4pm) $2 Corona Bottles, $2 Kilo Kai Mixers , $3 Bloodys (7-1AM) TRAIN STATION BBQ Ask for great eats


BARREL INN Buck burgers BROTHERS $2.50 Blatz vs. Old Style pitchers CHUCK’S Monday-Friday: Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m., 50 cents off everything but the daily special Guys’ Nite Out: $1.50 silos EAGLE’S NEST 7 p.m. to close: $1.50 domestic pints, $1.50 rails HOWIE’S 9 p.m. to close: $3.50 domestic pitchers JB’S SPEAKEASY $1.75 domestic bottles PETTIBONE BOAT CLUB Kids eat free with adult PLAYERS Happy Hour all night long, two-for-one RINGSIDE Closed SCHMIDTY’S BBQ sandwich SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.) $11 buckets of beers (6-close) SPORTS NUT Buck Burgers THE CAVALIER Martini Ladies’ Night, James Martini: vodka, triple sec, orange juice THE JOINT $2 domestics and rails, 4 to 8 p.m., Shots of Doctor $1 TOP SHOTS $1.75 Miller/Bud Light Taps, $2.25 MIcro/Craft Taps, $2.50 Cherry Bombs (7-1AM)


BARREL INN Bucket Night, six beers for $9

BROTHERS Wristband night CHUCK’S 50-cent taps domestic, $3 pitchers COCONUT JOE’S $2 Tuesdays, including $2 bottles, import taps, beer pong, apps, single shot-mixers, featured shots, 50-cent taps EAGLE’S NEST 7 p.m. to close: $1.50 domestic pints, $1.50 rails HOWIE’S 9 p.m. to close: $1 rails, $2.50 pitchers, beer pong IRISH HILLS $2 domestic cans JB’S SPEAKEASY $1.75 domestic bottles PETTIBONE BOAT CLUB 2 for 1 burger night PLAYERS Karaoke @ 10 p.m., 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 to 10 p.m., all you can drink rail mixers @ 10 p.m. RINGSIDE Open 4-9 SCHMIDTY’S Tacos SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.) 12" pizza: $8.99 up to 5 toppings (4-close) SPORTS NUT Tacos $1.25 THE JOINT $2 domestics and rails, 4 to 8 p.m., Shots of Doctor $1 THE LIBRARY $1 domestic taps and rails, one-half price Tequila TOP SHOTS $1.75 Rails, $1.50 Domestic Taps, $3.50 Jager Bombs (7-1AM) TRAIN STATION BBQ 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., extra side with sandwich; 4 to 9 p.m., $1 off rib dinner


BARREL INN $6 all you can drink taps and rails, 8 to midnight BROTHERS 10-cent wings, $1 Miller High Life bottles, $1.50 rail mixers CHUCK’S $2 Pearl Street Brewery beers COCONUT JOE’S $1.25 for 1 pound of wings, $1 PBR/PBR Light bottles, $1.50 Rolling Rock, $2 jumbo rail mixers, $2.25 Bud Lights, $1 shot of the week EAGLE’S NEST 7 p.m. to close: $1.50 domestic pints, $2 craft pints, $1.50 rails HOWIE’S $5 all you can drink JB’S SPEAKEASY Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. LEGEND’S $1 shot of the week, $4 domestic pitchers, $1.25 1 pound of wings PETTIBONE BOAT CLUB $6.99 AUCE pasta PLAYERS Karaoke @ 10 p.m., 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 to 10 p.m., $1 Pabst cans, Dr. shots @ 10 p.m. RINGSIDE $6.50 double cheeseburger SCHMIDTY’S Chili dogs SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER Wings, Wings, Wings... $2 off 14: pizza, $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.) SPORTS NUT 15-cent wings THE CAVALIER $1.50 taps 6 to 8 p.m. THE JOINT $2 domestics and rails, 4 to 8 p.m., Shots of Doctor $1 THE LIBRARY Karaoke, $2 double rails & all bottles TOP SHOTS $2 domestic bottles, $2.50 Skyy/Absolut mixers, $2 Dr. shots (7-1am)

TRAIN STATION BBQ Special varies


Second Supper


Drink Specials Barrel inn 25-cent wings, $1 shots of Doctor BroThers Wristband night, $1 shots with wristband $2.50 SoCo and Jack chuck’s Ladies’ Nite Out: $1.50 rail mixers, $2.50 X bombs coconuT Joe’s Happy Hour 7 to 9 p.m.: $2 for all single shot mixers and all beers. Wristband Night: $5 college I.D., $9 general public eagle’s nesT 7 p.m. to close: $1.50 domestic pints, $2 craft pints, $1.50 rails howie’s 9 p.m. to close: $1.25 rails, $1.75 bottles/cans irish hills $14.95 steak and golf JB’s sPeakeasy Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. The cavalier All Mojitos $5 The JoinT $2 domestics and rails, 4 to 8 p.m., Shots of Doctor $1 legenD’s After comedy: Pint Night - $1 pints of rail mixers and domestic taps, $2 pints of call mixers and import taps, $3 pints of top-shelf mixers PeTTiBone BoaT cluB BBQ night, $1 off Players 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 to 10 p.m., $2 Captain mixers, $1.75 domestic beer, $1.50 rails, $1 Pabst cans @ 10 p.m. ralPh’s Southwest chicken pita $5 ringsiDe Southwest chicken pita schmiDTy’s Tacos slooPy's alma maTer Ladies night, 2 for 1 drinks (6-close), $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.) sPorTs nuT $8.99 12-ounce T-bone The helm $1 Vodka Drinks, $1.00 12 oz Dom. Taps, $1.25 12 oz prem. Taps, $3 Orange Bombs The liBrary $1 kamikaze and red headed sluts ToP shoTs 5 Domestic Bottles for $10, $5 Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1AM) Train sTaTion BBQ 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., Barn burner $7.95; 4 to 9 p.m., Hobo dinner (serves two) $30.95


Barrel inn $4.50 domestic pitchers BroThers $2 domestic beer, taps, & rails (5-8 p.m.) chuck’s After-Class $3 Pitchers, $1.75 Rails coconuT Joe’s Happy Hour 7 to 9 p.m.: $2 for all single-shot mixers and all beers, $2.50 jumbo Captain Morgan mixers, $2.50 jumbo Bacardi mixers (all fl avors), $3 Jagerbombs eagle’s nesT 3 to 9 p.m.: two-for-one domestic bottles and rail drinks howie’s 9 p.m. to close: $2 Captain mixers, $2 bottles/cans, $3 Jager bombs JB’s sPeakeasy Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. legenD’s $3 jumbo Svedka mixers, $2.50 Corona bottles, $2.50 Cuervo shots PeTTiBone BoaT cluB Pettibone Fish Fry Players 2-4-1 Happy Hour 3 to 9 p.m. ringsiDe $5 chicken salad on rye w/ lettuve, tomato and onion schmiDTy’s Fish sandwich slooPy's alma maTer Friday Fish, $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.)

The JoinT $2 domestics and rails, 4 to 8 p.m., Shots of Doctor $1 The liBrary $2 taps and mixers (5-9 p.m.) ToP shoTs $2.00 Captain Mixers, $2.00 Long Island Mixers, $3.00 Eff en Vodka Mixers (7-1AM) Train sTaTion BBQ 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., Chicken on fi re $7.95; 4 to 9 p.m., Bones and briskets $13.95


BARREL INN $10 pitcher and pizza BROTHERS 2 for 1 bloody marys, screwdrivers, domestic taps chuck’s 12 to 3 p.m.: Buy one, get one domestic beer; Holmen Meat Locker jerky raffl e coconuT Joe’s Happy Hour 7 to 9 p.m.: $2 for all single-shot mixers and all beers, $2.50 jumbo Captain Morgan mixers, $2.50 jumbo Bacardi mixers (all fl avors), $3 Jagerbombs eagle’s nesT Open to close: $2 U “Call” it howie’s 9 p.m. to close: $2 Bacardi mixers, $2 domestic pints, $1.50 shots blackberry brandy irish hills $14.95 steak and golf JB’s sPeakeasy Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. The JoinT $2 domestics and rails, 4 to 8 p.m., Shots of Doctor $1 legenD’s $3 jumbo Svedka mixers, $2 Jonestown shots PeTTiBone BoaT cluB Prime riv Players 2-4-1 Happy Hour 3 to 8 p.m. ringsiDe $1 off wild wings, $1 off philly steak and cheese slooPy's alma maTer $11 buckets for college football, 2 for 1 pints/pitches w/ student ID over 21 sPorTs nuT 15-cent wings The liBrary 2 for 1 bloody marys, screwdrivers, domestic taps ToP shoTs $5 Miller/Bud Light Pitchers, $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1AM)Train sTaTion BBQ One-half chicken three bones $12.95

Classifieds Bed: Queen Pillowtop Mattress Set New in plastic $165 Full Sized $135 King Sized $265, Can Deliver 608399-4494 Help Wanted: Second Supper needs a reliable independent contractor to serve as a sales account representative. Hours are flexible but must be available at least 16 hours per week, be outgoing and able to meet weekly deadlines. Call Roger at (608) 782-7001. Pay is commission only.

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October 8, 2009 // 13

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14// October 8, 2009

Second Supper








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Four in a Row Somewhere in there, there's a sequence By Matt Jones Across 1 Day parts: abbr. 4 Budgetary setbacks 8 Farm pest 13 ___ and greet 14 Hearing-related 15 It may have an aftershock 16 XI times XI 17 Former bank option, for short 18 Lopsided win 19 The fear of being naked 22 "The other," in Spanish 23 Catch, as a perp 24 L-___ (drug used in Parkinson's treatment) 28 Estrogen receptor, to geneticists 29 Rap sheet abbr. 31 "Well, ___!" 33 Cause of a mutation, maybe 37 "This is the way the world ends / Not with ___..." 39 Revolutionary leader with a suit 40 Eye exam response 41 Field that may include feminist theory 44 Seep through 45 Tablet 46 Square root of nona49 They're in a pantheon 50 Org. for kids with great grades 53 Embark 55 Music releases like "We Have the Facts

and We're Voting Yes," and "Narrow Stairs," to fans 57 Buddy 61 Guy whose motto was "Take two"? 62 Big blue and yellow store 63 HLN host Jane ___-Mitchell 64 Up to no good 65 Take a load off 66 Electronic bracelet site 67 Parched 68 Banned pesticide

Answers to Issue 182's

"Chance Collisions"

Down 1 Hydrocarbon radicals with six parts carbon 2 Soap opera comic strip set in a hospital 3 Time served 4 Cattle drive guy 5 The Beehive State 6 Shakespeare's "___ of Athens" 7 It can take a dive 8 "___ Teen Hunger Force" 9 Little Labrador 10 Owns 11 "MADtv" actor Barinholtz 12 P.D. sleuth 13 Janis Joplin's "Me and Bobby ___" 20 Slot machine fruit 21 "In the same place," in footnotes 24 "Robinson Crusoe" author Daniel 25 With excess in the warehouse, maybe 26 Chest muscles 27 Commedia dell'___ 30 They print receipts 32 Brainstorming product, hopefully 34 Bike tricks involving flips over handlebars 35 "Can ___ least see my options?" 36 Overthrow

37 Staring 38 Kiss south of the border? 42 Actress Russo 43 Former Senate Majority Leader Tom 47 Pushy to the max 48 "Where ___" (song by Beck) 51 Product of Jordan? 52 Cooktop range 54 Car mentioned in "Fun, Fun, Fun" 55 Take a catnap 56 Sometimes you just can't do a thing with it 57 Actress Gardner 58 "Two and a Half ___" 59 Variety 60 Hairspray alternative ©2009 Jonesin' Crosswords ( For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0434.

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Second Supper

October 8, 2009 // 15


Y Marks the Spot By Brett Emerson

The Two-Minute Hate returns! Death to Goldstein! • Why does Kwik Trip sell beer pong supplies but not condoms? I know that whiskey dick is a time-honored version of the rhythm method in our fair city, but drinking does occasionally lead to sex. To ignore this fact is irresponsible. • If anti-abortionists want to be taken seriously, they should stop eating eggs. If proabortionists want to be taken seriously, they should start throwing eggs at those people’s houses. The next week, Newsweek’s cover read: “The Case for Killing Granny.” This week, we get a mushroom cloud! The media must die. • High Times turned 35 years old recently, which is coincidentally how many years the magazine has set back the cause of

legalization. Keep on fighting the maaaaan, burnouts. • When Congressman Joe Wilson heckled the president, I knew that it was only a matter of time before some yahoo, clueless to the representative’s positions on ANYTHING, would bill him as our next president. And sure enough, a sign appeared at a recent tea party which read: “Palin/Wilson 2012.” Yep, this is the brightest light on our political horizon — a governor who couldn’t hack it through one term of office and a congressman whose sole claim to fame has been getting censured by Congress. Humanity and politics once more justify my lack of faith in them. But let’s be fair; if Bush was the president being heckled, the left wing would throw the same parade. Case in point: Muntadar alZaidi, the Iraqi journalist who nearly shoepelted George W. Show me the Bush-hater who didn’t cheer that guy through his prison torture. Is there a difference? I dunno; can we jail and torture a congressman? • Kirk Cameron’s kind of a born again twit. One of his most notorious moves — aside from irritating the cast of Growing Pains with his prima donna Christianity — has been a refusal to kiss any woman but his wife, even as part of an acting role. It’s not as though he’s starring in porn. Who knows what non-nepotistic, separate-beds romantic comedy he’s been angling for, but it’s not happening. But now, he’s topped himself. Joining

the Ben Stein camp of celebrities with a madon for Darwin and evolution, Cameron has stolen The Origin of Species with plans to release an altered version of the book, full of Cameron’s self-righteous commentary. Of course, he’s playing the Hitler card with smug abandon (and who doesn’t anymore?). Cameron states that ol’ Adolf was a lock-step believer in Darwin’s theory of evolution. This is crap for two reasons. First, though the Nazis cooked up some crackpot pseudo-science to justify Aryan superiority, the Holocaust is pretty damning evidence that Hitler wasn’t a big fan of biodiversity. Secondly, Cameron’s argument pulls the same tired argument that if a genocidal maniac (and specifically this genocidal maniac) ever so slightly condones something, it’s offlimits for the rest of humanity until the end of time (see: Nietzsche, Richard Wagner). I call this the “Hitler likes ice cream” argument. And it’s stupid. If a born again Christian deserves air time, it’s Willie Aames — but only as Bible Man. • Creationism/Intelligent Design = the arrogant assumption that an unbelievably powerful creator is one’s servant, given enough worship, and nobody else’s. • One reason why I try not to shop at Festival Foods is because of a creepy bit of customer service which the employees are required to perform. When one pays with a credit card, the cashier must look at the receipt and then thank the customer by name.

It’s customer service running at high intrusion. Corporations and customers are not friends; they are involved in a commercial relationship. When consumers are being treated like beautiful and unique snowflakes with disposable income, it’s rather insulting. That’s why I shop at Woodman’s — because nobody there sucks up. • Marvel Comics was recently bought by Disney. We can now look forward to all X-men comics being locked away for three years and sold for a two day period before Christmas. • On the first day Glenn Beck’s new book, Arguing with Idiots, came out, I had an experience which sums up my entire relationship with this snake-oil salesman. As I pondered Beck’s Generalissimo Sloth Fratelli look on the cover, a pair of clearly, shall we say, deranged midgets hobbled and wheezed toward me. “You got the Glenn Beck book?” one of them drawled. I handed a copy to them, and they took off for parts unknown, to do god knows what to their hero. Glenn Beck — Moses to mental midgets. The image is forever ingrained in my mind. • Common sense is now cheapened sense, and never universal. • And finally, Ireland has banned samurai swords, thus rendering its citizenry safe for all time. Um… really? Have people been bringing knives to a Guinness fight?

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16// October 8, 2009

Second Supper

Issue 183  

Supper does Lunch