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Volume 9 Issue 165 May 28, 2009

Touch The

Issue




Second Supper vol. 9, issue 165


Letter from the Editor When we first started bandying around ideas for the Touch Issue — the fifth in our series on the senses — Second Supper writers thought, “Wow, this is going to be easy!” And then we realized that children and old people also read our newspaper so we had to go back to the metaphorical drawing board. Yep, when it comes to “touch,” most people between the ages of 12 and 58 (don’t ask me where I got those numbers) have but one thing on their minds — and it’s not the postcentral gyrus. (Incidentally, thank you to Ben Clark for dropping the PG knowledge on us, and while it would be easy for me to make any number of “postcentral gyrus” puns right now, I will leave those for the free-thinking readers at home.) See how hard this was for us? Depravation was a major theme of the previous sense issues — I went a day without hearing and a week without meat; Bri Rupel spent a day blind — but how could we do that with touch? Should we sit in funny positions until all our limbs fall asleep? Spend a day wearing oven mitts or inside a plastic bubble? Failing deprivation, we also used to go for sensory overload — Brett Emerson licked a bunch of stuff, and Emily Faeth doused herself in foul perfumes — but a mission of excessive touching? That could land a writer in prison. Instead, we made this issue. When it comes to non-pornographic tactile delights, we could think of no greater joy than a really awesome massage, so we got Nate Willer to write about the best one he’s ever had — on the beaches of Thailand, no less. For the DIY-ers among us, Shuggypop Jackson shares his own tips for rubbing down that special someone, but since Shuggy has studied at (and has awesome stories from) a massage school in Northern California, in this case I’d recommend heeding his advice. At the harsher end of the touch spectrum you’d find mosh pitting at metal shows and karate chopping through bricks, so naturally we’d have stories on those sensations from Jacob Bielanski and Brett Emerson respectively. And elsewhere in this paper, Bob Treu continues his literary saga of sense-based vignettes, Ashly Conrad offers a pictorial survey on the sense of touch, and a clever reader figured out the theme for this week and submitted a piece of her own. So please sit down and enjoy Second Supper’s family-friendly take on taste. You can enjoy this paper in churches, public buses, coffeehouses and zoos without fear of anyone peering over your shoulder at nouveau sexual positions or diagrammed erogenous zones. You could even look this stuff up at the public library if you were so inclined, but — word from someone who’s been there — I wouldn’t recommend Googling “Thai body massage” while in the company of strangers.

TABLE OF CONTENTS THIS PAGE ..................................... 3 NAMI ............................................... 4 GO LOGGERS! ............................... 5 SMOCK TALK ................................. 6 CAN'T TOUCH THIS ....................... 7 ASK A NINJA ................................. 8 PHOTO SPREAD ............................ 9 MASSAGE 101 ............................ 10 FICTION ........................................11 MOSH ........................................... 12 STICKY MCDOOGLE......................13 TORI AMOS .................................. 14 MOON GODDESS ........................ 15 COMMUNITY SERVICE ...........16-17 ROCK OUT! .................................. 18

— Adam Bissen

Second Supper Newspaper, LLC 614 Main St. La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: 608.782.7001 Email: editor@secondsupper.com Advertising: advertising@secondsupper.com Online: www.secondsupper.com Publisher Mike Keith mike.keith@secondsupper.com

Editorial Editor: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com Student Editor: Ben Clark benjamin.clark@secondsupper.com Graphic Design: Matt Schmidt matt.schmidt@secondsupper.com Columnists: Amber Miller amber.miller@secondsupper.com Brett Emerson brett.emerson@secondsupper.com Shuggypop shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com Contributors: Jacob Bielanski, Erich Boldt, Nicholas Cabreza, Andrew Colston, Ashly Conrad, Emily Faeth, Brandon Fahey, El Jefe, Emma Mayview, Briana Rupel, Noah Singer, Bob Treu, Nate Willer

Marketing/Sales Blake Auler-Murphy blake.auler-murphy.@secondsupper.com 608.797.6370 Tim Althaus tim.althaus@secondsupper.com 608.385.9681 Second Supper is a community weekly published 48 times per year on Thursdays. All content is property of Second Supper Newspaper, LLC and may not be reprinted or re-transmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of Second Supper Newspaper, LLC.

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May 28, 2009

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Second Supper vol. 9, issue 165


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By Ben Clark

benjamin.clark@secondsupper.com The sense of touch. Is there any other sense that has been written about in poetry and stories in such great detail? Whether you are gently caressing a loved one or realizing that you left the pudgie pie maker in the fire for too long (with the burn marks to prove it), touch is one of the most useful and wonderful senses that we have. But have you ever wondered just how we touch? How do we know when there is pressure applied to the skin, or why that rock your climbing feels rough? To find out, we’ll have to dive into some of the physiology that surrounds this magnificent sense. The sense of touch (or as it’s known scientifically, the somatosensory system) is really just three neurons connected to each other in a long series. The primary neuron generally has its cellular body located in the spinal nerve with nerve endings extending throughout the body and localizing in special capsulated areas in the skin. These nerve endings are then able to respond to a variety of different stimuli when it interacts with skin. These include heat, pressure, the sense of pain, and body position. Since us mammals are so fragile and very accident prone, the sense of touch is primarily used to alert us to situations that would endanger ourselves. Because such a fast reaction time is needed to save our sorry selves, the nervous system pathway for touch is the most efficient of all pathways, containing only three neurons all in a row. The primary nerve cell has its cell endings located in the skin with the cell body existing within the spinal cord. The secondary neuron stretches from the spinal nerve to the spinal cord or either the brain stem. A tertiary neuron is present for sensations of pain and touch ends in the parietal lobe of the brain, in the postcentral gyrus. Having such a short chain of neurons like this enables to the body to instantly recognize and react to any stimuli that the body encounters.This is why it doesn’t take you long to stop hanging on to a red-hot pudgie pie maker while camping. The postcentral gyrus is the hub in which the brain analyzes all of the sensory information from the nerve cells in the skin are sent to. The really cool thing about this area of the brain is how it differentiates itself into sections that correspond to certain areas of the body. For example, the hands and the lips have a

much higher sensitivity of feeling than say, the lower back. This higher sensitivity corresponds to the postcentral gyrus areas, which actually has increased surface area for the hands, lips, and feet. An interesting side note, is that folks who suffer from migraines have on average larger postcentral gyruses than those who don’t. If the postcentral gyrus is damaged in some way, the victim begins to lose recognition of their sense of touch, as well as their posture and sense of movement. The primary sense of touch comes from two different types of sensory receptors.These are known as mechanoreceptors, which are responsible for touch, pressure, and temperature, and nociceptors, which are primarily responsible for pain. Mechanoreceptors are extremely sensitive to the different pressures that are exerted onto different skin cells, where as nociceptors primarily recognize any sensations that are enacted upon skin cells, which then transfers the signal to the postcentral gyrus and the thalamus, which recognizes these signals “holy shit, it hurts when I touch that” and sends them to the cerebral cortex and brain stem for you to move your hand the fuck away from the damn fire. The fibers which are primarily responsible for sending these signals to the brain are known as Aß fibers. These fibers are part of a group known as stretch receptors, which means that they are capable of being able to send signals to the brain detailing the actions on the skin while the muscle in that area stops contracting. These fibers make up the majority of signaling pathways to the nerves to the brain, being used in practically ever sensation that can be felt. Well kiddies, I hope this information comes in handy for your next cocktail party, in which you can charm the pants of that special someone with your knowledge of how the sense of touch works. I see it going this way: “Hey…[places hand on his/her hand] do you know how many neurons it takes for the sensation of my hand to reach your brain….three.” So what are you waiting for? Go out there and impress some members of the opposite sex with your new found knowledge of the most glorious sense there is. Until next time, kiddies!

Second Supper vol. 9, issue 165


Reader submission

Can't Touch This Editor's note: Having followed the first four Second Supper "Sense Issues," Stephanie Schultz, a most astute reader, figured we were about to tackle Taste so she sent us this submission unsolicited. I thought it was pretty funny. So here it is! What's the dirtiest thing you own? Is it your favorite pair of pants? Don't be stupid, stupid. It's not your softball glove or your knit hippie hat. It might be that pair of underwear Crying Drunk Chick left at your place last weekend, assuming she took them off. I'll even go as far as to say that it's definitely not your toilet seat. If you have a computer, it's your keyboard! If you don't have a keyboard, it's your remote controls for all your electronic devices — even your fancy Wii-mote isn't safe from the ravages of germs. Do you know why? Because of hands! Hands are the filthiest germ-laden part of your body. Do you cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough? GERMS! Immediately all over your hands! Physicians say to use your hands to barricade germs from spreading to others, but don't be fooled! I'm keen to their anti-hands agenda. Do you open doors or turn on the bathroom faucet? There's no way of escaping! Get used to it, people, your hands are dirty and you should treat them as such. So how should you deal with your hands? It'd be nice if you could get rid of them 'cause then you wouldn't have to worry about those nasty little microorganisms all over your junk, but you pretty much need your hands. I mean, yea, you could just lop them off to get some sweet pirate hooks, but you'd probably also have to invest in an eye patch, too, for your first night with deadly hook fingers. Also, you may not be popular with the ladies or fellas anymore if you're single and on the prowl. It all comes down to responsibility. It's a big word that's been catching on since about the time the first Spiderman movie came out, and then the beer companies adopted it. Being responsible with your hands is just as important as being responsible with your genitals and drinking habits. I'm not saying you should be fanatical about carrying wet wipes or hand sanitizer everywhere you go, because as gross as germs can sometimes be, you need them to build up your immunity to things like whatever Flu is trendy this season. But jeepers creepers, wash your hands, and wash them well, right before and after you eat, after you do a number 1, 2, or 3 (if you don't know what 3 is, ask your parents if it's time for “the talk”) and when you're done computing on your computer. If you feel compelled to share with others the germs your hands have, please try out these time-tested and true methods. To me, the most efficient way to greet someone is with the traditional handshake.You can tell a lot about someone with this mere gesture. In Victorian times, it was extremely offensive to offer a few fingers for a shake, as well as the left hand. I still hold steadfast to this belief, feeling that everyone should know how to properly get down with a good shake. This goes back to my adolescent years, when I was graduating 8th grade and being confirmed in my church. Shaking hands with so many churchies

May 28, 2009

hones one's ability to give a proper shake. I think it overkill to put the left hand atop the recipient's, and if an extra touch is necessary, a clasp of the right elbow does just fine. So many lasses have limp fishes for shakes, that when I do find a gal who's got a grip, I make sure to let her know she's on the path to handshaking success. I think that a firm grasp reflects a person's self-confidence and how they project theirself. It's hard to be sure these days, though, because so many people are doing these crazy new-fangled hand greetings like the doubleslap-grab-half-hug and fist bump that the art of hand shaking is dying. Come on, people, the handshake never did anything to you except greet you all nice-like. Why turn your back on it? Another perfect form of greeting and farewell bidding is the high-five. Some may think it's childish, but when a handshake doesn't fully express one's excitement, a highfive is the just what the doctor ordered (and not the hand-hating kind of doctor, neither!). I will always gladly take a high-five to anything else; it gets me pumped and always leaves me grinning. Sadly, this too can take a while to get down pat, which is why it should be done as often as an opportunity presents itself. Hand-eye coordination for this move is crucial. The last thing anyone wants is a high-five that misses the target. The key is throwing the entire arm into it, maybe even with a little hop in there for some extra zest. And really, who doesn't love the lingering sting of a great high-five? If you refuse to use these two righteous germ-sharing techniques, be careful of what your hands can do. Just as easily as they can invoke harmony with the peace sign or symbol for “I Love You,” they can also throw gang signs or devil horns (thankfully there's no East Side of West Side here). You never know when the time will come that you'll be left with a possessed hand like in The Evil Dead or Idle Hands. The Bible says to make sure your right hand knows what the left is doing; I think it's a metaphor for the peril poor Ash came to, but at least he got a wicked chainsaw out of the whole ordeal. Devon Sawa (and his career) wasn't so lucky. Remember kids, your hands are the filthiest part of you, dirtier than your feet and anus combined! So always wear latex gloves and give your new pal a follow-up phone call the next day to make sure he or she is OK with what the two of you shared. Love your hands and your hands will love you back.

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When plotting out ideas for this Touch Issue, we Supper goons took a pretty quick turn into ass-kick territory. I volunteered to discuss the intricacies of a pro wrestling chair shot, but all I really learned was to only hit with the flat side. Duh. Luckily, we have a friend in the ass-kickingest author in the region. I shot an email to Andy Schoepp, the author of the ongoing Martial Arts Murders trilogy, asking him for a few words on the sweet science of busting boards and bricks by foot or fist. As always, Andy was good for it, and he has graced this Touch Issue with a beginner’s clinic on the subject. By the way, Andy’s first two books are out now, and the final volume, Moral Executioners, is due out this fall. Do yourself a favor and read them all.

— Brett Emerson Whenever I break boards or bricks (bricks especially) the two questions I get asked the most are “does it hurt” and “how did you do it?” Strangely the two answers are kind of connected. Boards are 12” X 12” #2 pine boards and bricks are concrete patio blocks. Just about anyone can break one board by hitting it hard enough; concrete patio bricks are another story. When breaking boards or bricks, the martial artist will take a few “dry runs” by performing the technique to get a feel of hitting the breaking material on the right spot and with the right part of the body. Breaking one brick DOES hurt, no matter what. Regardless of what you are breaking, if you hit the material with the wrong part of the hand or foot it does hurt.When using the proper power to perform the actual break, you can get thrown off of your “dry run” trajectory enough to turn your hand or foot just enough to involve the pinky finger, the knobby bone on the outside of your wrist, the knuckles on your ring and pinky finger (always punch with the FIRST TWO KNUCKLES ONLY!), the little toe on the foot or the instep on the foot.Another thing that can make breaking hurt is if you strike the material and it does not break. That force has to go somewhere, and about 95% of the time it will go back into whatever part of the body you were breaking with. That REALLY hurts. It actually hurts LESS if the material breaks. In answer to the “how did you do it” question, the first step is to hit the boards or bricks on the proper spot and with the proper part of the hand or foot. This depends on the technique. When I break bricks, I visualize a “dot” UNDER the brick or bricks and I try to hit that “dot” with the bricks just happening to be in the way. You can’t just IMAGINE a “dot” under the bottom brick in the stack; you have to utilize the proper “focus” to be able to literally SEE the “dot”. This kind of “focus” takes many, many years of training, and it is the most important factor. When breaking multiple concrete bricks, you have to put steel spacers in between the bricks (5 quarters stacked on each of the 4 corners works too). If you stacked up 4 concrete patio bricks without a space in between them and tried to break them as one “unspaced” stack, you would break your hand. Sometimes, spacers are put between boards too but that is not necessary. When executing a “Chi” break however, you CANNOT use spacers because

the bricks have to touch to be able to transfer your “Chi” and the force through the stack. “Chi breaking” is stacking up 4 to 6 bricks (they can either be the concrete patio bricks or red bricks that do NOT have the round inner core) and breaking just one brick in the stack by striking the top brick and leaving the others unbroken. For example, you would stack 5 bricks and tell your viewers “third brick should break, top two and bottom two should not.” Then after you strike the top brick in the stack, you would take off the top two bricks, show that they are unbroken to your audience, show the third brick to your audience to prove it is broken in half and then show them the bottom two bricks in the stack to verify they are unbroken. There is a simple exercise you can do to find your “Chi”. Take your left hand and hold it flat, palm facing to the right with your fingers pointing away from you and your thumb as close to your index finger as possible. Now, take your right hand and hold it flat, palm facing to the left with your fingers pointing up and your thumb as close to your index finger as possible. Now, bring your palms as close together as you can WITHOUT touching. You should feel a sensation on the palms of your hands.That is your “Chi.” It is NOT heat! Once you get good enough at harnessing your “Chi” you can use it on pressure points on the body to relieve stress, tension, headaches, body aches, etc. Every living thing gives off “Chi” and after you master your own “Chi” you can start sensing, or feeling the “Chi” being given off by other living things. Bricks come from sand, dirt, rock and earth which are living things. So when a martial artist executes a “Chi” break what they are doing is they are “sensing” the “Chi” being given off by the one brick in the stack they want to break and they are “ignoring” the “Chi” being given off by the other bricks in the stack. When the martial artist hits the top brick in the stack, they are sending the force and their “Chi” to the targeted brick in the stack causing that brick to break and the others to be untouched.You still have to hit the top brick in the stack with a considerable amount of force, but to leave that top brick unbroken takes the transfer of your “Chi” off of that top brick and into the targeted brick in the stack and that brick only. This takes DECADES to learn. The best summary of board and brick breaking as it relates to touch would be this: you have to hit the breaking material in the right spot, you have to hit the breaking material with the proper part of the hand or foot, third, your trajectory from “dry runs” has to be identical, you have to be able to “focus” on an imaginary item UNDER the bottom board or brick in the stack, and you have to hit the material hard enough to go THROUGH it. ALL of these factors have to operate PERFECTLY otherwise serious injury is possible. Breaking is such an intricate component of the martial arts that if the littlest thing gets thrown off by centimeters the material won’t break. That is why martial artists ask for quiet when breaking and tell audience members to NOT try it at home which is sound advice that should be heeded.

Second Supper vol. 9, issue 165


The Sight of Touch

by Ashly Conrad

May 28, 2009




Massage 101

Global healing

How to give a perfect rubdown

Stretched out

Something I don’t advertise to many people, but about ten years ago, I went to school for massage therapy. While a handful of you out there will be interested in the therapeutic benefits from a rubdown, I’m willing to bet the majority of you reading this had your first, and perhaps only, experiences with massage as a part of a mating ritual dance. And even if it wasn’t, erotic massage makes for a far more interesting column for me to write about. So I proudly give you Shuggypop’s tips for giving a good massage. n Fellas, if you get a lady who has agreed to let you touch them in such an intimate way, control your eager enthusiasm, tiger. Don’t start foaming at the mouth for a chance to do a boob grab. If she wants her boobs fondled, she will let you know, and if she isn’t vocal enough to let you know she wants that, she probably isn’t going to be any good in bed anyways. n Don’t go deep from the start. Muscles need to be warmed up, and I have received way too many shitty massages from people who start off trying to pass their entire arm through my torso and come out the other side. Slowly warming the muscles up promotes relaxation, the rough stuff from the start isn’t relaxing, but rather puts the receiver on edge and in slight discomfort. n For the love of puppies, unless you are trained in working with bodies, don’t say “Oh, you have a knot in your (insert body part).” You don’t know what you are talking about, and you don’t know what a knotted muscle feels like. Same goes for the person that says “Hey, feel right here on my (insert body part). Feel that knot?” Your clichéd self-diagnosed ignorance makes me want to teabag you. n If the person is lying on their stomach and you are massaging their back, stay away from their spine, unless you want to potentially leave them with a lifelong colostomy bag. n Lubrication is your friend. A little oil can make a good massage a great one. This isn’t applicable if they are clothed. n Don’t jump from body part to body part all herky jerky. Ten seconds poking on the right shoulder, followed by a flip to somewhere else on the opposite end of the body before jumping to somewhere else leaves the person feeling unbalanced. Maintain contact at all times and glide your way over their body. n If both of you are shitfaced drunk at an afterbar, why are you even doing a massage? Just hump already.

— Shuggypop Jackson

10

Yoga and experience — not sharp sticks — are the keys to this body-melting massage By Nate Willer

nate.willer@secondsupper.com

The other day when I was sitting at my desk reading through my Second Supper e-mail I noticed two things. One: I receive far less fan mail than I had originally anticipated when I started this gig, and two: I had an e-mail from our editor asking for volunteers to write about how to give a massage. From there my head flooded with ideas for this article. After offering a few of those ideas up to Adam (S.S. Editor) he said he’d enjoy any of them but gave me a strict word limit. I will do my best to give you a run down of the good, the bad and the ugly sides of a Thai Massage and adhere to my 1,000-word limit. Thai massage is often described as doing yoga without the work. A Thai masseuse will use her body to massage yours as well put you into several relaxing yoga positions, the reason for this is because Thai massage is thought to have been developed in India by Jivaka Kumar Bhaccha, who was Buddha’s physician. At least that’s what Wikipedia says. So I’ll go with it, because it sounds much more official than the alternative explanation: It was invented by some bored Thai woman to "keep her husband in her hammock" (way cooler)… But really it was developed in India roughly 2,500 years ago and made its way over to Thailand sometime thereafter. A Thai massage is meant to relax and relieve stress, as well as promote circulation and increase flexibility. After receiving four Thai massages in my time as the S.S.’s foreign correspondent I can say that I’ve never been more physically relaxed than after three of the four massages. The fourth was done in Korea and was perhaps one of the most disappointing experiences Korea has offered me. It was nothing like the three massages I had done in Thailand. There aren’t supposed to be sharp sticks involved in a Thai massage, not even a little bit, and there was a plethora of sharp sticks involved in the Korean Thai Massage, but I digress. Thai massages almost always take place on a mat on the floor, the ground, or if you’re lucky on a deck on the beach in Koh Samui, Thailand. You are also always clothed. If you get a massage done at a spa you will be given a set of loose fitting clothes to change into; if you’re on the beach you’ll have to make due

with what you’re wearing. Oil is not often used during a Thai massage, but it’s way better when it is. The length of the massage is also a big factor, the longer the massage the better. A typical Thai massage lasts an hour, but they can be as short as 30 minutes or as long as two hours. If done properly those minutes might be the most relaxing and pleasant minutes you’ll experience all day, month or year. Now to the ugly part of the massage: the masseuse. When I was in Thailand a few years back I went with my friend to a few Thai massage places. Each time we went in he always got the young, attractive masseuse, while I always got the older, slightly ugly one. But I can say without a doubt that the older the better. My friend always left feeling less relaxed than I did and subsequently less satisfied.With age comes experience, and when you're dishing out hourlong massages you need to know what you're doing as well as have some practice at it. Especially since a big part of Thai massage is the masseuse putting your body into different yoga positions while still massaging you. This is perhaps the only situation in Thailand where looks don't matter. The best Thai massage I've had happened on the beach in Koh Samui. I sauntered up to a small hut in the sand. The hut was covered with soft mats and pillows and had nearly transparent curtains draped around the edge. It was something straight out of a Chris Issac video. There were two women working in the hut and as I said before I was massaged by an older woman. She worked on me for an hour. She started massaging my feet, and stretching my ankles while she worked. She moved up my legs massaging my calves all the while she was putting my legs into different positions. Working on both my muscles and my joints. After she had massaged my legs, arms, chest, and back she sat me up and began the strangest and best part of the massage. She used her body to put my body into different Yoga positions. She rolled me onto her knees so my back was across her knees and my body was in a half moon shape above hers. She also laid me on my stomach and pulled my legs back while sitting on my back.And my favorite, she sat behind me and pulled back on my elbows while slowly leaning backwards. This motion stretched my

shoulders, neck and my entire back. There are dozens of other positions the masseuse will contort your body into each with its own specific purpose. When the massage finished I felt more relaxed than I had felt all week (which is saying something because I spent the entire week prior to the massage lying on the beach, reading books and listening to music). Touch is a fantastic sense; it's hard to go a day without touching anything, unless you can figure out how to defy gravity and float. Touch can be used to illicit any number of feelings or emotions. Thai massage, like most other forms of massage, is meant to relax and rejuvenate the body. But with a Thai massage you get the added bonus of improved circulation as well as increased flexibility, which will come in handy at next week's softball match when you need to stretch that extra inch to catch a fly ball. I highly recommend getting a Thai massage. You have a couple of options in and around the La Crosse area. You can head on down to Herbal Healings Massage and Wellness Center on Main Street in Downtown La Crosse, or make your way to the Metropolitan Salon & Day Spa on North Third Street. For the true experience, head on down to Koh Samui and find the nearest beach massage parlor and enjoy, but be sure to e-mail me before you go so we can make the proper travel arrangements, because I'm about due for another Thai massage with a side of fried shark.

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Second Supper vol. 9, issue 165


Fiction

Touch and Go By Bob Treu

Contributing editor …and we drove on for miles and miles with soft touchings close together — Hayden Carruth The Milwaukee symphony was in town, so Amos went. He went to hear music whenever he could. He had a season ticket to the local symphony, but when an organization like this one came, he got in line early. He had become accustomed to listening from the cello section years ago, so he liked to sit up front, where he could hear and see everything. The last thing he expected was an encounter with Erika, but then why not? Music is the universal language after all. At intermission he found himself behind her in the line for coffee. She was wearing a dress, an off-white thing covered with bangles that changed color with the light. She seemed to shimmer. Her hair was cut for summer, and she was handsomely tanned, like bread slightly overtoasted. Don’t touch her, he told himself. That would be wrong. Still, she seemed delighted when she turned and saw him. He noticed a red blotch about two inches beneath her left ear lobe. An insect bite, perhaps? After they chatted for a bit, exchanging no news of importance, she said she had to get back to her girl friend.Would he like to join them for coffee afterward? “I’d like to, really, but I have a friend in the orchestra I want to catch after the performance.” Then, in a burst of courage: “Why don’t you join us? Bring your friend.” “Maybe,” she said. “I’ll look for you afterward.” As she left, she touched his arm quickly and gently. What did that mean? After the break, the program was devoted to Beethoven’s triple concerto, the symphony’s signature piece that year. It has a great cello part, and Amos listened in a state of near-rapture. According to program notes, the concerto had been written before the 7th, but well after the composer had lost much of his hearing. Somehow that irascible, lonely genius had risen above the limits of physical sound. Because wasn’t it, finally, all one sense? There was some division of labor for certain, but it always came back to the same thing: light hitting the eye, gases teasing the nose, chemicals pasting themselves on the tongue, or waves of energy thumping the inner ear. It was all touch. At the same time, Beethoven seemed to prove there was a music beyond touching. Amos recalled a strangely disturbing experience from his youth, perhaps his 16th year, when he was impaled on the sharp cusp of adolescent sexual expectation. Deep into a summer night he had fallen asleep on his right arm. He had slept right through the stage where he should have been awakened by painful prickles. When he awoke, his arm was completely numb, which meant the hand he felt against his face didn’t feel like his. It was someone else’s hand in his bed, casually touching his face. For one insane second he was sure IT had happened and he looked anxiously to see who might be attached to the hand. And then the pain started, as blood began to course freely into his arm. Unexpectedly, the experience aroused

May 28, 2009

him, opening the gate to a rush of auto-erotic behavior that lasted, on and off, for years. If the toucher and the touched can be so easily confused, he wondered, then what was real? The encounter with Erika, in spite of its ambiguous nature, or perhaps because of it, left Amos feeling lonely in a way he hadn’t in years. But she was waiting in the lounge when he came out of the hall, and she was alone. Her friend was tired and needed to get home, but Erika was eager to meet Amos’ friend. Amos and Harry had known one another for decades, sometimes competing for the same chair. One playing behind the other one year, and reversing positions the next.They embraced warmly. “Great work, man,” said Amos. “Yeah. Of course they brought in a ringer for the cello solo.” When Harry turned to pack up his cello, Erika suddenly said, “Come on, Amos, play something for me. I’ve never heard you play.” “I can’t. It’s been years.” Amos had played for a bit with the local symphony, but in the end he just quit and sold his instrument. It was part of getting in touch with the new life he had chosen. “You should play for her,” Harry said. “You were terrific.” Amos was amazed as how good it felt to hold the cello’s body between his legs, to run his thumb up and down the back of the polished neck. It was another kind of reunion. The instrument was still in tune, so he demonstrated some vibrato notes first. “It’s not like a guitar, you know. There are no frets to help you.You simply have to develop a sure touch, a sense of space on the neck of the instrument.” Then he did a glissando, running his finger down one of the middle strings. Then a harmonic, where, as he explained, you didn’t depress the string against the neck, but rather hit exactly the right spot on the string with the tip of your finger. The surest touch of all. Finally he played the opening of Dvořák’s cello concerto. Well, not the opening exactly, but the part where the cello finally comes in after the long intro. It was a strange bit of music, nervous and anxious, with a sense of having been somewhere but giving no clue about where it might go. Pretty much the way he felt at the moment. Amos couldn’t know, but Erika found watching him hover over the instrument quite sensual. She could almost feel his fingers skating down her back. When he stood, Erika applauded. Amos handed Harry his cello and made a small bow. “So let’s all go catch a drink somewhere,” Harry suggested. “And something to eat. I’m starving.” Amos looked at Erika. “You guys have a lot to catch up on. I can tell. So you go ahead.” Amos still looked at her, not sure what to say. She walked up to him, gave him a quick hug, and then slid her fingers across his cheek. “Keep in touch,” she whispered. “Okay,” he said aloud. To himself: Noli me tangere.

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Anatomy of a pit

By Jacob Bielanski

jacob.bielanski@secondsupper.com

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"Grantin" may be a name, or some reference to a medieval monk. I find myself looking this up, because it's written on a giant Iron Cross along with "1987," which is all tattooed on the back of a shaven-head young man. It takes something very important in your life to get a tattoo that large, and I think understanding it will give some insight into its wearer. Considering this man is actively pummeling — and being pummeled by — those in the mosh pit at the recent Music As A Weapon (MAAW) tour, I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that he is part of La Crosse's more extremist element. For those who are unfamiliar with a mosh pit, the term refers to a circular area in the front-center of most rock concerts, where participants actively ram into each other. One might call this a dance, only the individual movements typically don't sync up to the beat of the music (though, like metal, it's generally "fast"). The varying tempo and style of the artist changes the climate of the pit, with relatively "mainstream" groups — like Three Days Grace or Killswitch Engage — garnering little more than playful shoving and jumping, while the heavier groups — such as Slayer or Pantera — elicit drug-induced fistfights. Disturbed lands somewhere in the middle, "mainstream" enough to garnering an eclectic mix of fans, but "hardcore" enough to attract folks like Mr. "Grantin 1987." But he's not the only interesting person, shirt off, who has elected to ram his shoulders into semi-random strangers. A gentleman next to me, seemingly normal and standing with his girlfriend/ wife, suddenly removes his shirt — his haircut would be just as welcome in a frat house as it would a tattoo parlor. When he enters the pit, he is yet another of the snarling beasts. Of course, there is always a "master" of the pit. A man (or possibly a woman — though after a decade of concert-going — I have yet to see it) whose sheer voracity ensures that the violence continues. In this instance, a relatively short man with a terrifying build stays right in the middle; when the violence dies down, he challenges anyone, beckoning them to run into him. Someone always, invariably, obliges. Why (s)he is so intent on violence is known only to them. The greatest danger, despite the possibility for broken noses, sore joints, and myriad other minor cuts and bruises, is trampling. If a participant in the "pit" falls, the uncontrolled feet of fellow pit-goers can mean serious damage. At a Deftones concert in Milwaukee, I witness lead singer Chino Moreno stop the music entirely after witnessing a large collapse of

people; he did not resume until everyone was back on their feet. This is a large part of why paramedics stand on the ready at such events. To tell it this way, a Mosh Pit is a center for senseless violence, but sitting on the edge of the pit, I see something very interesting: smiles, pats on the back, handshakes, and kindness. Even when someone falls, the pit selfregulates, with people in and outside the mosh pit quickly rallying the get the victim back onto their feet. No one seems any more injured than they want to be. The pit is egalitarian, and doesn't choose who can enter — black, white, Indian, skinny, fat, short, tall and more — all take their turns, going shoulder-to-shoulder, elbow-to-elbow, in a flurry of well-acted violence that seems to keep in perfect tempo with the music. It takes a breath (to scream) between songs, languishes during the bridge (the master is particularly important at this part), and turns into a violent maelstrom at the chorus. "You and me, we take the big guy," an incredibly short, heavily tanned man of pure muscle screams, indicating towards a slightly chubby person moshing clumsily in his six-anda-half-foot frame. I decline, despite the short man's inviting, ear-to-ear smile. He pats me on the back anyway. The violence doesn't seem aimed outwardly, but inwardly. The mosh pits are full of people from all walks of life who probably want to fuck up everything wrong with the world. Fuck up the the bankers who screwed the economy. Fuck up the Taliban. Fuck up former President Bush. Fuck up liberals or conservatives. Fuck up the boss that won't give you a break. In our everyday lives, we're powerless to affect much of these hardships, but down here in the pit it's just muscle, sweat and music. The more, the better it seems. I know why these men are in the pit; I've been there. Lord knows, we're all — in a way — at the same place that these mosh-pit goers operate. It's hard to tell where they came from and when the music stops, they'll fade back into obscurity, awaiting the moment when another rock band will give them the opportunity to let out that energy. The short, tan man will go off and be short at whatever vocation makes him tan. The awkward six-foot-tall man will have to be awkward in a non-mosh setting. The Grantin tattoo — whether a memorial to a German grandfather that served in WWI or some coded message about the aryan brotherhood — will be covered by a shirt. Frankly, I'm glad these men have the outlet; who knows what outlet this aggression will find otherwise.

Second Supper vol. 9, issue 165


Reviews: Your Guide to Consumption Sticky McDoogle Ale Asylum Madison, Wisconsin

BEER

Review Oh hi, right now I’m listening to a mashup that my editor Adam Bissen sent me a link for on the site thru-you.com that takes various music videos this guy Kutiman who lives in Israel finds on YouTube and slices them all together using some computer software to create entire new songs out of the bits and pieces of others.While this sort of practice has been happening as long as there has been recorded music, most notably with hip-hop DJs using samples, with the rise of the mp3 peer to peer Web sites and as well as different software programs have really amped this practice up in the past half dozen years. The craze was taken to new heights in 2003 when DJ Danger Mouse mixed Jay-Z’s the Black Album with The Beatles’ White Album to create the Grey Album, which the record labels tried to ban due to copyright violations, but became widely distributed for download on the Internet. (On a side note, Danger Mouse did a recent collaboration with Sparklehorse, Dark Night of the Soul, which got the plug pulled for official release by the label they recorded with post-completion that is now being bootlegged online that is worth checking out. They are doing an official self-release promotional campaign of a blank CD-R that you can use to pirate this album. Genius!) Following in the wake of The Grey Album, mashups of varying quality began popping up online at numerous sites you can find by Googling mashup. Notable

albums include a “group” known as the Bestles that mashes Beatles songs with Beastie Boys and a fav of indie kids, Girl Talk. All of these can be found on various torrent sites, which brings me to something that’s been happening in the music world that I think is punk rock as fuck. The Web site thepiratebay.com, the largest torrent site out there that has long given the finger to the music industry and managed to avoid legal repercussion for many years because they are located in Sweden where the copyright laws we find in America aren’t applicable.There is a link on their site to the various fuck you letters they have sent to numerous lawyers representing record labels who have sent them cease and desist letters that are hilarious. A court recently ruled against piratebay saying they have to pay out millions, and those Swedes who must have balls the size of boulders decided the way to pay this off is asking its millions of users to deposit 13 cents a piece into the bank account where the settlement is to go. By doing this many tiny deposits, the processing fees for this avalanche of banking activity will go through the roof, thus costing the victor of the lawsuit a ton, assuming all goes according to their plan and people (this means you, readers) actually participate in this deposit prank. Ashton Kutcher ain’t got nothing on that. — Shuggypop Jackson

Terminator Salvation (2009)

May 28, 2009

percent APV — I literally fell asleep at my keyboard before I could finish. As such, the flatness on my tongue could temper today’s review, but the pint I had at the brew pub was an excellent reinterpretation of the Scotch style. It pours a cloudy amber color, and while there’s little head on my current beer, I don’t remember there being much at the brew pub either. The aroma Appearance: 6 arrives on a surprising burst of hops (maybe Aroma: 7 not too surprising, considering the brewer), Taste: 8 and there’s some interesting apple notes over a Mouthfeel: 8 bed of molasses-y malts. Like most Asylum beers, Drinkability: 6 hops dominate the Sticky McDoogle’s first sip. Then it warms in the Total: 36 more traditional Scottish style of brown sugars and butterscotch before introducing dark fruit and nutty notes. It lingers with a slight bitter hop finish, but while this is high-gravity beer, the alcohol flavor is barely perceptible. This is the best Scotch ale I have ever sampled. Unfortunately it’s not sold in six-packs outside of Madison, so remember Ale Asylum next time you plan your Wisconsin microbrew vacation. — Adam Bissen

Congo Kivu Katanda

Director: McG Cast: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin Writers: John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris A Terminator movie lives or dies by its villain, so when the T-X failed to up the ante in 2003's redundant "Rise of the Machines," it indicated the franchise needed a serious revamp. With "Terminator Salvation," the focus shifts to the allegorical, epic war with the machines, here reduced to a finite plot about resistance leader John Connor's (Christian Bale) search for his future father (Anton Yelchin). Intent on remaining characterization-free, "Salvation's" unambitious script fails to expand the improbably-shrinking Terminator universe. For whatever reason, the screenwriters went the "XMen Origins: Wolverine" route and omitted an intelligent, coherent story in favor of gratuitous fiery explosions and loud noises. Most of "Salvation's" problems take root in its action: it's not interesting, and there's too much of it. Blame the spotty action sequences on the lack of villain to anchor them down. It also doesn't help that the violence was tailored to fit a PG-13 rating, so the police station massacres and impaled faces of yore have now become asinine explosions, bloodless gun battles, and profanity-free fistfights. The one truly cool set piece involves a getaway from a giant harvester robot, modeled uncomfortably close

There are no losers in the ever-refining Wisconsin beer scene. Sure, some big guns like Miller, Blatz, Pabst, or even Leinenkugels could see a dip in sales as local fare becomes tastier and more varied. But those corporate HQs left the state a long time ago and most of their offerings don’t even warrant a review. In their wake, early-adopting microbrewers such as Sprecher, Lakefront, Berghoff and New Glarus rose to the fore with fine quality control standards and a palette that was balanced but rarely challenging — a bit like Wisconsin itself. For a long time, we were content to leave the flashy beers on the West Coast and the classy beers on the East Coast, but a new vanguard of Wisconsin microbrewers has arrived to push our collective comfort zones. This week, we profile Ale Asylum, a Madison brewery that has long been a favorite of this reviewer, but I never saw its facilities until two days ago. There, on the city’s northeast side, I encountered a sleek, high-class temple to beer with steel counters, leather couches, framed art, exotic plants, and (free) classic billiards and darts games. In other locales this might have all be window dressing to limp taps, but at Ale Asylum the beers are just as elegant as their surroundings. This growler of Sticky McDoogle that I grabbed is a testament to that. As a bit of forewarning, I started writing this review late last night but — due in no small part to this Scotch ale’s unexpected 7.6

after a Transformer. As movie villains evolve, the Terminator franchise fails to keep pace. And because we're left with inane action-foraction's sake, "Salvation's" theme-starved war feels far less monumental than in the previous films, when it was relegated to four minute snippets. Hollywood big wigs probably determined long ago that Terminator movies would no longer be any good, the James Cameron films having set the bar too high. But they couldn't have predicted, if last weekend is any indication, that Terminator films would no longer be profitable. The culprit here might be the bad word of mouth surrounding "T3." There's also the fact that Hollywood special effects have plateaued, and the Terminator series no longer looks groundbreaking visually. Even more of a let down is the film's predictable finale, a climax so recycled the franchise borderline plagiarizes itself. Even the T2-3D ride at Universal Studios upped the ante with the bad ass T-1000000, a giant liquid metal spider, as the final villain. "Salvation" isn't even as fun as a damn twelve-minute long theme park attraction.

— Nick Cabreza

Road trip time, La Crossians! To get your mitts on a cup of the coffee I reviewed this week, you’ll have to travel down-river to the fine little town of McGregor, Iowa. In this tiny tourist town there lies a beautiful coffeehouse and roaster, appropriately named McGregor Coffee Roasters. They’ve just received shipments of some very exciting, hard-to-find beans that I was pretty excited to taste. One such exotic was from a region of the Congo called Kivu Katanda, and I was mighty pleased to find two wildly different roasts of this bean. You see, the roast affects which characteristics of the bean shine, which are muted, and which, sometimes sadly, are burned away. Coffee gets its flavor and aroma from complex oils and sugars that are affected by the length and temperature of the roast. Every bean has within it multiple flavors, textures, smells, and feelings even, and it’s up to the roaster to try out different roast profiles to find out how to roast the bean so its best qualities are apparent. This Kivu Katanda is no different — it has the potential to be many things, and I got to try it at two ends of the spectrum. The first one I tasted was very dark, roasted well beyond the “second crack,” which in coffee-talk

means…well, a long time.The beans were black and shimmering with oil, and the prime characteristics at this roast level were a heavy syrupy body and smoky, woody flavor. Not bad by any means, but too dark for my taste. The second roast intrigued me because I could tell that this bean had a lot to say — the dark roast just muted much of it out. These beans were only allowed to roast until the first crack — quite a light roast. The aroma was inviting and fruity, and interestingly, the light roast managed to keep the fantastic depth and heavy body that the dark roast had, but it also tantalized the taste buds with strong raisin sweetness and sour cherry notes. The mouthfeel was amazing — almost creamy — and the flavors seemed to have a glorious, falling, rolling around in the mouth feeling. A hint of acidity peeked out from under a spiced wine blanket, and the all-encompassing textures were strongly supported by the depth of this cup. For me, this coffee would be too intense for every morning, but I sure would save it as a special occasion coffee.

— Amber Miller 13


Reviews: Your Guide to Consumption

ZgÉh c \ ^ h 9Z $RUGS 4HE

My allegiances concerning Tori Amos skew toward the '90s. From the Choirgirl Hotel ranks as one of my Top 5 albums, and just about anything else released in the decade could easily stand as its substitute. In the early years of the new millennium, however, a change in town began to show itself. If not a softening of content, it was a softening of presentation, specifically one of beat and bombast. The evidence began with Amos’ conceptual cover album, titled Strange Little Girls. While it’s nigh impossible to dispute the heaviness of an album including Eminem’s wife-murdering “’97 Bonnie and Clyde” and Slayer’s “Raining Blood,” it was her first album to sound very subdued at points, hitting a total lull with what I hoped would be a stellar rendition of Depeche Mode’s “Enjoy the Silence.” The four albums to follow give varying degrees of the new tide. Both Scarlet’s Walk and American Doll Posse retained much of the romance that made the earlier albums so compelling, the former through frost and the latter through fire. But every once in a while a track would come up which would give the whole album an inconsistent feel. Between those two albums, The Beekeeper shows Amos at her most sanitized. The old school pathos occasionally pops up, but the consistencies on this album are those of a major-keyed pop singer/songwriter, and this collection of work is Amos’ least compelling. The new album, Abnormally Attracted to Sin, is a largely conventional mixture of its predecessors that takes several adventurous leaps. The most blatant of these jumps comes right at the beginning in “Give,” which sees Amos playing Portishead’s game of trip-hop. Following the opening are the soft drums and guitars which accompany Amos on the album’s first single, “Welcome to England.” It’s a good track, though not heart-arresting. The remainder of the album unfolds on various sides of Amos’ songwriting fence, alternating between solo piano work and band fare. Of the piano work, the best comes in a bizarre dope ode titled “Mary Jane,” which features the disc’s most ornate and grandiose key work. On the ensemble side, the orchestration leans toward heavy, low tempos that can sound a bit more synthy than usual. The exception to this is in “Not Dying Today,” which is a bright, poppy song in the Beekeeper vein. The album’s title track is perhaps its best, a moody, electronic piece where guitars buzz overhead and occasionally crash to the ground. This is a well-made offering from an artist still seeking growth, but there’s not much here that grabs the listener. Then again, that might not be so bad in this case. It’s in the combination of the album’s lack of titanic moments with Amos’ superior songwriting, orchestration, and performances that make Abnormally Attracted to Sin mainly listenable as a full album. It’s strongly in the middle of this decade’s works, but it may be Amos’ most consistent work of that era, and one worth obtaining for the already converted. Over the years, those fans have developed into a fanatical crowd of people, and Amos

14

Future Sons by Noah Singer

Media: Multiple Stimuli: Tori Amos — Abnormally Attracted to Sin, Comic Book Tattoo Annos: 2009, 2008 has experimented with different media to get her word out to that public. As of late, these roads have mainly involved deluxe editions of her albums, which generally offer video footage surrounding the album. While the Easter Egg approach isn’t unheard of, Amos treats it as more than a nub tail add-on. Instead, these bonus discs have become consistent extensions of the sonic art, blending those paints into light and vision. The most unusual of these offerings came with The Beekeeper, which carried seeds within its deluxe packaging. In 2005, Amos co-wrote a book which blended her personal and professional biographies into a somewhat unconventional tome. Titled Piece by Piece, the book detailed Amos’ upbringing, sexualized feminism, record label battles, songwriting styles, and intentions behind individual songs. It wasn’t quite a how-to, nor was it a strict memoir or interview piece, and while it was an interesting read, it seemed largely designed to appeal to confirmed fans. Last year, however, brought something wholly different to the table, an addition to the Tori Amos mythology which was created wholly by its followers. Comic Book Tattoo is pretty much what its title implies — a collection of Amos-inspired comics. Due to the association between Amos and Sandman author Neil Gaiman (who pens the introduction), the translation from music to comics seems inevitable, or at least easy. Still, to my knowledge this is the grandest such translation, its only rivals for that distinction being KISS, Coheed and Cambria, and Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance. None of those challengers, in any event, have produced a book of this weight. This book is huge, 480 pages of coffee table book that chokes the coffee table. While it could have been resized to more conventional graphic novel dimensions, the intent here was clearly to create an art book to match the music interpreted. And it delivers. Over 50 stories fill the tome, each one created by a different team with vastly different styles and perspectives on Amos’ work. The end result is a creative explosion that easily ranks among comics’ finest anthologies. The majority of the stories are imaginative and beautiful, worthy of the songs covered. The stray nail which catches me is when the stories get a bit too literal in their appropriation of Amos’ work into their visions — particularly, in using the lyrics. Sometimes a story gets too similar to that point in certain movies when a character will actually invoke the movie’s title, which makes me cringe as much as seeing the guys who wear a band’s shirts to its own show. When one of these stories holds up Amos’ words and allows them to dictate the tale, (guess what “Bouncing Off Clouds” is about,) it can come off as lazy, ignoring the greater context of songs that are much more than lyrical. The content of this book, by and large, is an excellent translation, and these direct liftings of direction are rarely needed. So what’s next? Likely, it won’t be what’s expected.

Reminds you to support the retailers, restaurants, taverns and bands that support us. We are funded solely by advertising so if you want to support us, support

conscientious commerce: A PAT ON YOUR SHOULDER.

— Brett Emerson

Second Supper vol. 9, issue 165


I'm Jonesin' for a Crossword

Maze Efflux by Erich Boldt

"That's B.S."--at least it's broken up. By Matt Jones Across 1 First name in daytime talk 5 Salt, to a chemist 9 "The Two ___" (Nicholson movie) 14 Sexy Halloween costume option 15 Bounce back 16 University of Maine city 17 Sit in with a worker, perhaps 19 Thirst 20 "Hinky Dinky Parlay ___" (WWI song) 21 It includes bacon, lettuce and avocado 23 Five-term Mexican president Benito 26 Iguana, for some 27 Growing sci. 28 Drink that supposedly helps remove most stains 31 Type of plane rescue over water 33 "___ the Stockbroker" ("The Howard Stern Show" personality) 34 Humor ending? 35 Co. with a logo of a dog listening to a phonograph 36 One whose habit may cause dental problems 41 Rap sheet abbr. 42 Part of some school addresses 43 It's cold in Koln 46 1977 hit from George Clinton and Parliament 49 Tale lost on the Answers to Issue 164's "Movin' on Up"

May 28, 2009

heartless 52 Weezer genre 53 Actress Lucy 55 Business section section 56 It may be done inside a toolbar 60 Govt. agency that addresses radiation protection 61 Set ___ (plan for the future) 62 They're called in to check suspicious packages 66 Blood___ (video game series with vampires) 67 Burn soother 68 ___ no good 69 Curvy letters 70 Word after empty or love

71 "Bright ___" (Shirley Temple movie) Down 1 Jaw-popping disorder, for short 2 Ming of the Houston Rockets 3 Rounded architectural framework in cathedrals 4 Accumulate on the surface, like molecules 5 Grant-providing org. 6 Angus Young's band 7 Shoe designer Jimmy 8 Healthy heart rate, on a doctor's chart 9 Arcade game control 10 Neighborhood 11 Aussie cuties 12 Make very mad 13 Cliff Huxtable's oldest 18 They're pulled through the dirt 22 Den mother's group 23 They offer assoc. degrees 24 Form finish 25 Animal fanatic's condition 29 Reggae offshoot 30 Numbnuts 32 Singer Corinne Bailey ___

37 Witchy woman 38 Waikiki strings 39 Actor Kier 40 Settle back in the same place 44 Bug the hell out of 45 Part of PBS, for short 46 Spooky warning 47 Fraternity letters 48 Louisiana sandwiches 50 RR stops 51 Engine force 54 Country star Keith 57 Aladdin ___ (David Bowie alter ego) 58 Singer Natalie 59 Some ins. providers 63 Put chips on the roulette table 64 Polished off 65 Recommended styles, in fashion mags Š2009 Jonesin' Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0416.

15


COMMUNITY SERVICE [ Area food & drink specials ] LA CROSSE All Star Lanes 4735 Mormon Coulee

Alpine Inn Animal W5715 BlissHouse rd. 110 3rd st.

Alumni 620 Gillette st. Arena

ArenaLAX.com

Barrel Inn 2005 West ave. Barrel Inn 2005 West ave. Beef & Etc. 1203 La Crosse st. Brothers Beef & Etc. 306 Pearl st. 1203 La Crosse Big Al’s st. 115 st. TheS 3rd Cavalier The Cavalier 114 5th ave.

Sunday

Monday

3 games for $5 starts at 8 p.m.

3 games for $5 starts at 8 p.m.

bucket special

bottles $1$1.75 Domestic Taps $2$5 Craft Import Taps pitchers $2.50 Vodka Mixers $1 Shot Menu $7 22oz tbone 16oz top sirloin

$2.00 Domestic Silos $2.50 Jack Daniel Mixers $2.00 Goldschlager

Beer Pong $7.00 4 Cans 8-close

text

2 for 1 cans & bottles during Packer games

2.25 for mini pitcher

Italian beef w/dog meal: $6.69 closed Pizza Puff meal: free pitcher of beer $4.49 or soda with large pizza

114 5th ave.

CheapShots 318 318 Pearl Pearl st. st.

Chuck’s

1101 1101 La La Crosse Crosse st. st.

Coconut Joe’s 223 Pearl st.

Buck Night starts at 6 p.m.

Bud Night 6 - CL:

9.75 sutffed sirloin 8 jack daniels tips 8 $1 shots of Doctor, cherry doctor - 8-cl Happy hour 4-6 $1.75 cans, $2 mix drinks

ARENA

1/4 barrel giveaway 8-11Buck $1 Burgers burgers

$2.50 Select imports/craft Beers $2.50 Top shelf Mixers $2 Mich Golden bottles

3 games for $5 starts at 7 p.m.

Import night starts at 7 p.m.

Happy Hour64-p.m. CL- 9 p.m. M-F

$1 softshell tacos $1 shots of doctor, cherry doctor to 83361

$2 $2.50 DomesticSparks Silos $2.50 Premium Silos $2.50 Three Olive Mixers $2. Goldschlager

Bucket Night 6 beers

3 p.m. - midnight 25 cent hot wings $1 shots of Dr. 25 cent wings Dollar

$6.00 AUCD

bucket night 6 for $9 for $9meal: Italian beef $6.15 Chicago chili dog: Italian beef meal: $3.45 Thirsty $6.69

AUCE wings $5.00 free crazy bingo buy one cherry bomb specials get one for $1

to receive

AUCD Taps and Rails

77 -- CL CL Tequila’s Tequila’s chips chips & & salsa, salsa, $2 $2 Coronas, Coronas, $2.50 $2.50 Mike’s, Mike’s, Mike-arita Mike-arita

$3.00 Domestic Pitchers, $2.00 Shots of Cuervo, $3 Pitchers 1.75 Rails Rumpleminz, Goldschlager

Mexican Monday Guys'$2.00 Nite Corona, out 1.50 silos Corona Light, Cuervo

77 -- midnight midnight Ladies: Ladies: 22 for for 11 Guys: $1.50 Guys: $1.50 Coors Coors and and Kul Kul Light Light bottles bottles

closed closed

$.50 domestic taps, $1 microbrews, $3 domestic $.50 taps Domestic 3.00 pitchers, pitchers $6 microbrew pitchers

$2 $2Tuesdays, Tuesdays, including including $2 $2 bottles, bottles, import import taps, taps, beer beer pong, pong, apps, apps, single single shot shot mixers, mixers, featured featured shots, shots, and and 50 50 cent cent taps taps

WING WING NIGHT-$1.25/LB NIGHT-$1.25/LB BUFFALO, BUFFALO,SMOKEY SMOKEY BBQ, BBQ,PLAIN PLAIN $1.00 $1.00 PABST PABSTAND AND PABST PABST LIGHT LIGHT BOTTLES$1.50 BOTTLES$1.50 ROLLING ROLLING ROCK ROCK BOTTLES BOTTLES $2.25 $2.25 BUD BUD LIGHTS LIGHTS $1.00 $1.00 SHOT SHOT OF OFTHE THEWEEK WEEK

Topless Topless Tuesday Tuesday

Ladies Ladies Night Night buy buy one, one, get get one one free free wear wear aa bikini, bikini, drink drink free free

Fiesta Eagle'sMexicana Nest

chicken & veggie OPEN-CL fajitas $2 U "Call" it for two

7-CL:night football domestic beer: $1.50 $1.50 domestic Mexican beer:rails $2.00 pints, $1.50

7-CL: chicken $1.50 domestic primavera pints, $1.50 rails

7-CL: shrimp $1.50 domestic pints, burrito $2 craft pints, $1.50 rails

FiestaHollow Mexicana Fox 5200 Mormon Coulee

chicken & veggie fajitasown Build your for Mary two Bloody 16oz Mug - $4.00

football night domestic beer:Pizza $1.50 Homemade Mexican beer: $2.00 & PItcher of Beer

5200 1914 Mormon CampbellCoulee rd.

N3287 County OA

Goal Post Gracie’s Gracie’s Howie's

1908 1128 Campbell La Crosserd. st.

Huck Finn’s The Helm 127 108 Marina 3rd st dr.

$9.00 $5.99 gyro fries & soda

1904 1908 Campbell Campbell rd. rd. 9-cl- NBC night. (Night Before Class) $3 pitchers of the beast Happy Hour 4-9 p.m.

9-cl- $5.99 gyro $3.50 Domestic fries pitchers & soda

717 Rose st. 16

$1.75 domestic bottles

HAPPY HOUR 6 AM - 9 AM Buy one gyro free baklava, ice beer pong 6 p.m. get one free wings 6or p.m. - 9 p.m. cream sundae $8.95 16 oz steak half price with meal Buy$1one gyro free baklava, ice 9-clrails, $2.50 $5 AUCD get one cream or sundae pitchers, Beer Pong half price with meal

$1.75 domestic bottles

$1.75hour domestic happy 4 -7 bottles $2 domestic cans

$1.75 domestic bottles

$1.75 domestic bottles

W4980 Knoblach Rd.

JB’s Speakeasy

pepper & egg sandwich meal: $4.50, fish sandwich meal: $4.99, pepper & egg sandwich ItalianCaptain sausage meal: $3.00 mixers/ mojitos meal: $6.15$5.00 $2 Cherry Bombs meal: Italian sausage $1 Bazooka Joes $6.69 $6.75 shrimp dinner 50 cent taps 4 - 7 (increases 50 cents per Great drinks! hour) $1 rails

$1 cherry bombs $1Keystone silos

Italian beef meal: $6.15 2 Chicago meal: Italian beefdog meal: $3.00 Bacardi mixers/ $3.45 $6.69 mojitos $2 Cherry Bombs 2 Chicago dog $1.50 $1 Bazooka Joes $5.89

meal:

bloody marys 11 a.m. - 4 p.m Great drinks!

Happy Hour 12 - 7

After ClassMixers $3 $2.00 Captain Pitchers $1.75 Rails

12-3: Buy one get Jaeger, one $2.00 Malibu, $2.50 domestic $3.00 Jaeger beer Bombs Holmen Meat Locker Jerky Raffle

Wristband Happy Hour 7 - 9. $2 for all single shot mixers and all AND beers. $2.50 JUMBO CAPTAIN Night $2.50 JUMBO CAPTAIN AND FLAVORED Wristband Night FLAVORED BACARDI BACARDI MIXERS MIXERS $5$5COLLEGE I.D. COLLEGE I.D. $3.00 JAGER BOMBS $3.00 JAGER BOMBS $9$9general public general public Karaoke Karaoke $1 shot $1 shot specials specials

live live DJ DJ $1 shot $1 shot specials specials

7-CL: chili $1.50 domestic pints, verde $2 craft pints, $1.50 rails

HAPPY HOURshrimp EVERYDAY 3 - 6 chili chicken primavera $1.25 Bucketburrito of Domestic verde 25 Cent Wings BURGERS Cans 5 for $9.00

HAPPY specials HOUR All day (everyday!) $1.25 Old Style Light $1.50 LAX Lager/Light $1 shots of Dr.

Bloody Mary specials 10 - 2

JB’s Speakeasy $1.75 domestic bottles Irish Hills 717 Rose st.

$1Keystone silos

$2.50 X-Rated Mixers $2 Captain Mixers $2 Premium Grain Belt $2 Snake Bites

$4.50 domestic pitchers barrel parties at cost $4.50 domestic pitchers Pitcher and Pizza $10

$2.00 Cruzan Rum Mixers, $2.50 Ladies'Jameson Nite outShots, 1.50 $3.00 Raill Mixers mixers/ $2.50 X bombs

$3.00 Patron Shots $2 Pearl Street Brewery beers

$1 $1 Kul Kul Light Light cans cans

411 3rd st.

Cosmic Bowl starts at 9 p.m.

All day, everyday: $1.00 Shots of Doctor, $2.00 Cherry Bombs, $1.75 Silos of Busch Light/Coors All day Everyday: $1 Doctor $2 Silos. M-F: Happy Hour 2-6 $.50 off everything but the daily special

$4 $4 full full pint pint Irish Irish Car Car Bomb Bomb

Dan’s Place

Cosmic Bowl & Karaoke starts at 9 p.m.

batterfried cod, fries, beans, and garlic bread $1 cherry bombs $5.50

77 -- midnight midnight $2 $2 Malibu Malibu madness madness $2 $2 pineapple pineapple upsidedown upsidedown cake cake

7 - midnight 7 - midnight $1 rail mixers $1 rail mixers $2 Bacardi mixers $2 Bacardi mixers

Saturday

$2.50happy Bomb Shots hour $2.50 Ketel One Mixers $2 Retro Beers "Your Dad's Beer"

Stop in for Value Menu too big to list here

$5 bbq ribs and fries

Friday

3-7

$2 Silos

shots of Doctor hamburger meal: 8-Midnight grilled chicken$6 sandmeatball sandwich $3.69 wich meal: $5.29 meal: $6.15 HAPPY HOUR 3 PM - 8 hamburger PM cheeseburger Polish sausage or meal: grilled chicken meal: sandmeatball sandwich 2 dogs meal: $ 5.25 10 cent wings (9 - CL) $3.89 cheeseburger meal: $3.99 $2.50 wich meal: meal: $6.69 Wristband $1 High Life$5.29 bottles $3.89 Blatz vs. Old Style Chicago dog: Polish sausage meal: $1.50burgers, rail mixers$2.60 Tuesday 2meat Chicago dogs meal: $1.25 soup orNight saladw/dog bar makechili your own $2.25 Italian Beef orpitchers marinara $2 Guinness pints $3.89 $4.49 $5.89 FREE with entree or meal: $7.89 tacos, $4.75 taco salad cheeseburgers, $2 off spaghetti: $3.45 large pizza, $1 fries4 - 7 sandwich until 3 p.m. HOUR Italian sausage: $4.95 $2.25 margaritas, $2 HAPPY Martini Ladies' Night ($3.95 by itself) off largeclosed taco pizza with $1 any6pizza Martini Madness Dr. 2 for 1$5 8shots All Mojitos James Martini: vodka, triple $2 off all martinis $3 Jager Bombs taps sec, orange juice $1.50 taps

77 -- CL CL $1 $1 domestic domestic 12 12 oz oz $2 $2 Stoli Stoli mixers mixers

closed closed

Tuesday Wednesday Thursday

Ask 2server 3-9: for 1 for details domestic bottles and rail drinks

Karaoke Karaoke OPEN-CL $2 U "Call" it

Ask server for details

$1.25 domestic taps HAPPY HOUR 3 - 8 GREEK ALL DAY buy one $8.95 16 appetizer oz. steak buy oneHOUR burger HAPPY get one half price appetizer half price 5 p.m. 10 p.m. get one- half price $8.95 1/2 lb. fish platter with meal 9-cl $2 bacardi $1.25 domestic taps 9-cl -$2 captain mixers, GREEK ALLmixers, DAY 9-cl $1.25 rails, buy one appetizer $2 domestic pints, $1.50 $2 bottles/cans, $3 jager appetizer buy one burger half price $1.75 bottles/cans bombs get one half price shots blackberry brandy get one half price with meal

EVERYDAY 3 -7 and 9 - 11 $1 Vodka Drinks $1.00 12 oz Dom.Taps $1.25 12oz prem. Taps $3 Orange Bombs

HAPPY HOUR 5 - 7 Steak and golf $14.95

HAPPY HOUR 5 - 7

Second Supper vol. 9, issue 165


Area food food & & drink drink specials specials ] COMMUNITY SERVICE [Area LA CROSSE

Sunday

Monday

Tuesday Wednesday

Friday

Saturday

Fish Fry

Prime Rib

$2 domestics and rails, 4-8

The Joint

Shots of Doctor $1 all day, everyday

324 Jay st.

Lakeview

Free Wings

N5292 Hwy 35

Legend’s

Thursday

closed

223 Pearl st.

closed

Nutbush

WING NIGHT $2 SVEDKA MIXERS $2.50 JACK MIXERS $2.25 BUD LIGHTS $2 SHOTS OF ALL DOCTOR FLAVORS

closed

Euchre, 7 p.m. AFTER COMEDY: PINT NIGHT $1 PINTS OF RAILS MIXERS AND DOMESTIC TAPS $2 PINTS OF CALL MIXERS AND IMPORT TAPS $3 PINTS OF TOP SHELF MIXERS

$2 SHOTS OF GOLDSCHLAGER $5 DOUBLE VODKA ENERGY DRINK

HAPPY HOUR 3 - 6

3264 George st.

Players

Price by Dice

214 Main St

Ralph's

In John's Bar 109 3rd st. N

Ringside 223 Pearl st.

Schmidty’s 3119 State rd.

2 for 1 Happy Hour ALL NIGHT LONG

Chef specials daily Mighty Meatball sub $6

CLOSED

CLOSED

breakfast buffet $9.95 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.

BBQ Sandwich

Karaoke @ 10 p.m. 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 - 10 AUCD Rail mixers @ 10 p.m.

Karaoke @ 10 p.m. 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 - 10 $1 Pabst cans, Dr. shots @ 10 p.m.

chicken parmesan sub $6

Italian sandwich w/banana peppers and parmesan &6

open 4-9

Buck Burgers

Sports Nut 801 Rose st.

Train Station BBQ 601 St. Andrew st.

Top Shots 137 S 4th st.

Yesterdays 317 Pearl st.

LA CRESCENT

Crescent Inn 444 Chestnut st.

WINONA Godfather’s 30 Walnut st.

May 28, 2009

HAPPY HOUR 4 PM - 7 PM cheeseburger HOOP DAY!! MAKE YOUR SHOT AND YOUR ENTRÉE IS FREE!

2-4-1 Happy Hour 3 - 8 Best Damned DJ'S @ 10 p.m.

Chicken salad on rye w/ lettuce, tomato, onion $5 $6.99 FISH SANDWICH FOR LUNCH, $7.99 FISH SANDWICH FOR DINNER, $9.99 ALL YOU CAN EAT FISH FRY ALL DAY

happy hour all day long! $1.00 OFF WILD WINGS, $1.00 PHILLY STEAK AND CHEESE.

Chili Dogs

Tacos

Fish Sandwich

12 oz. T-Bone $8.99

Fish Fry $6.95

All day (everyday!) specials $3 Double Captain & Cokes $2 Double rails $1 Cans of beer

120 S 3rd st.

1019 S 10th st.

Southwest chicken pita $5

2-4-1 Happy Hour 3 - 9 Best Damned DJ'S @ 10 p.m.

LUNCH BUFFET $6.95 Tacos

Shooter’s

Tailgators

double $6.50

2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 - 10 $2 Capt. mixers $1.75 domestic beer, $1.50 Rails, $1 Pabst cans @ 10 p.m.

happy hour all day

$4 domestic pitchers

Tacos $1.25

15 cent wings

HAPPY HOUR 10 AM - 12, 4 PM - 6 PM $2 Bacardi mixers

$2 Spotted Cow & DT Brown pints

Bucket Night 5 for $9

closed

11-3: Extra side with sandwich 4-9: $1 off rib dinner

Special varies

11-3: Barn burner $7.95 4-9: Hobo dinner (serves 2) $30.95

$1.75 light taps and Dr. shots

$1.50 Bud/Miller Lite/ PBR taps all day $1.75 rails 10 - 1

$2 domestic bottles 7 - 12, $2.50 Skyy/ Absolute mixers 10-1 $2 Dr. drinks

$1 Point special bottles

$2.50 pints Bass & Guinness

$1.75 domestic bottles

$2.25 Pearl st. pints $1.50 PBR bottles

Sunday

Monday

Tuesday Wednesday

$2 Rolling Rocks $2 domestic beer

8 - CL $1.50 rails $1.75 Bud cans

$1 shots of Dr. $2.50 Polish

Sunday

Monday

Tuesday Wednesday

ask for great eats

Fiesta Night 7 - 12 $2 tequila shots $2.50 margaritas

family buffet 5 -8 kids under 10 pay .45 cents per year of age

$1 domestic taps $3 Jager Bombs

5 domestic bottles for $10, $2 Bacardi mixers, $1.50 rail vodka mixers 10 -1

$1 Dr. shots $3 16 oz Captain mixers 11-3 $7.95 Chicken on fire 4-9: Bones & briskets $13.95

$2 Long Islands, PBR bottles, Captain mixers

15 cent wings

$1 Dr. shots $3 16 oz Captain mixers 1/2 Chicken 3 bones $12.95

$2.75 deluxe Bloodys ‘til 7, $5 lite pitchers 7 - 12

$1.75 rails $1 PBR mugs

Thursday

Friday

$2.50 Captain $2.50 Jager Bombs & Polish

$2 u-call-it (except top shelf)

Thursday

Saturday

Friday

Saturday

any jumbo, large, or large 1 topping pizza medium pizza up to 5 $9.99 toppings: $11.99 (get 2nd large for $5)

17


Ã

Just A Roadie Away...

Thursday, May 28

May 30, continued

Del’s Bar Jake and Andy from T.U.G.G. 10:00

The Root Note Local Emerging Artist Series

8:30

The Root Note Open Mic Night

The Timbers String Ties

8:00

Popcorn Tavern Nick Shattuck Nighthawks Dave Orr's Damn Jam

7:00 10:00 10:00

Popcorn Tavern Som'n Jazz

5:00

My Second Home The Olson Dunn Band

Howie's Karaoke

8:00

Monday, June 1

JB's Porcupine with Casanatra and The Jim Pullman Band

8:00

Friday, May 29 Popcorn Tavern Which 1's Pink?

10:00

8:00

Minnesota Zoo Ampitheater

Tue., 6/16

Xcel Energy Center

Thurs. 6/18

Houghton’s John and Mike Caucutt

10:00

The Decemberists, Calexico,Yeasayer

8:00

The Joint Open Jam w/ The Joint Jam Band: Dave Lambert, Dave Orr, Dave Armstrong and others 8:00

8:30

The Root Note Jazz Night

Epic

Fri., 6/19

Walker Art Center

Sat., 6/20

10:00 PRE-SALE TICKETS ONLY AVAILABLE UNTIL JUNE 5TH!!!!!! GET YOURS NOW!!!!!

10:00 7:00

Wednesday, June 3

10:00

Trempealeau Hotel Blues Fest with Danny Miller Band, Deb Callahan Band, and Big James & the Chicago Playboys 2:00

Northside Oasis Penny Sack

Tower of Power

Paul van Dyke

8:30

Nighthawk's Proto Melei

Wed., 6/10

10:00

Howie's Comedy

The Joint Flashback

Firzgerald Theater

Levon Helm Band

Del's Bar Open Jam with Chubba and Cheech

Popcorn Tavern Paulie

JB's The Steepwater Band

Sun., 6/7

Eric Clapton Steve Winwood

North Side Oasis Abbey Lane's acoustic jam

Sat, 6/6

Cedar Cultural Center

10:00

7:00

Popcorn Tavern Bottom of the Barrel String Band

Triple Rock Social Club

Popcorn Tavern Shawn's Open Jam

Nighthawks Cheech

Saturday, May 30

387,970

Grizzly Bear

Tuesday, June 2

10:00

10:00

8:00

The Joint The Pimps w/ Tendrill

population

Mr. Life

Freight House Blue Jupiter

The Timbers LaBarge The Root Note Patchouli

Minneapolis

Sunday, May 31

Starlite Lounge Kies & Kompanie

18

Ã

Entertainment Directory 5/28 - 6/3

6:00 10:00 10:00 9:00

Popcorn Tavern Mitch's Open Jam

10:00

Baus Haus Greg "Cheech" Hall

7:00

Del's Bar Casey Virok from Porcupine 10:00 Howie's Three Beers Til Debuque

9:00

Got a show? Let us know! We'll put it in, yo. editor@secondsupper.com

* * T.U.G.G * Moon Boot POSSE * PORCUPINE * SOUL LOGIC * NORTHWOODS BAND BOTTOM OF THE BARREL STRING BAND * ROSTER MCCABE SUPER DEECE * * NEW GRASS REVIEW * LUKE HEMBD & CHEECH BILL & DAN’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE * THIS MACHINE * BURGUNDY TIES Limited Ticket Availability $35 Advance - $50 Gate once they are gone, they're gone

Tickets Available at:

$5 Camping Fee @ Gate

Dels Bar 229 N. 3rd St., LaCrosse, WI The Joint 324 Jay St., LaCrosse, WI

Also Available by Credit Card and cash at: Pearl St. Brewery available by phone for will call at: 608-784-4832

1401 St. Andrew St., LaCrosse, WI ($5 Credit Card Fee)

for more information please visit: www.myspace.com/banditcountyfair

Second Supper vol. 9, issue 165


No minimum balance. No monthly fees. Up to $20 ATM refunds every month. Earn a great rate on A+ Checking balances up to $25,000 and receive monthly ATM refunds just for using products like Altra’s free Visa Debit Card and Online Banking.

Open 7 days a week inside Festival Foods, La Crosse

608-787-4500 • www.altra.org Membership eligibility required. A+ Checking available for personal accounts only. The use of four free Altra technology services is required to receive ATM refunds and dividend rate. ATM fee refunds available for withdrawals made from A+ Checking. Dividends calculated and paid each calendar month on the daily balance. Please contact Altra for complete account details.

Downtown La crosse, above fayzes - 782-6622

top shots joke of the week Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts??

Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away. Good People, Good Drinks, Good Times $2.00 - 1 Player, $3.00 - 2 Players 50 Cents Off Drinks, $1 Off Pitchers

$1.75 - Light Taps $1.75 DR. Shots

Saturday May 28, 2009

$1.50 Bud/Miller Lite $2.00 Domestics 7-12pm & PBR Taps $2.50

$1.75

Skyy/Abs. Mixers 10-1AM

$2.00 Dr. Drinks

$2.75 Deluxe Bloody Marys ‘til 7:00 PM $5.00 Light Pitchers 7:00PM - Midnight 19


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Supper vol. 9, issue 165


Second Supper 165