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INSIDE... La Crosse's Free Press VOLUME 11, NO. 2 | JANUARY 27, 2011

T.U.G.G. kicks off our new local music feature Page 7

Inked Out

Shades of Blue tattoo show folds after 20 years, but tat lovers aren't the only one's hurting Page 5 PLUS: ALMOST, MAINE • PAGE 6 | 'COUNTDOWN' WITH MAJAK'S MIXTAPE • PAGE 7 | HOPSLAM, HUZZAH! • PAGE 9


2// January 207 2011

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Things To Do Is that Bill Shakespeare over there?

The Top Strained places 1. Tunisia 2. Jay Cutler’s MCL 3. Egypt 4. Harter family dinners 5. Rahm Emanuel’s house 6. Sudan 7. Michele Bachmann’s face Future IPAs 1. Hopular Mechanics 2. Phantom of the Hopera 3. Hop Goes the Weasel 4. Hoptical Illusion 5. Hop, Drop & Roll 6. J. Robert Hoppenheimer 7. Hoppocratic Oath

January 27, 2011 // 3

FIRST THINGS FIRST

You’ve probably read a William Shakespeare play before, but we bet you’ve never done anything like the Bardathon (unless, of course, you did it last year). Founded by the Fairbanks Shakespeare Theatre, the Bardathon is a free public reading of all the plays in the Riverside Second Edition Complete Works of William Shakespeare. That’s a lot of Shakespeare — 24 hours a day for 8 days in a row, to be exact. The community readings will all be held at the Muse Theatre at 1353 Avon St., beginning Saturday at noon. A new play will be read every four hours, starting with Twelfth Night and finishing eight days later with MacBeth. That’s 45 plays, for those of you scoring at home, so you’ll have plenty of opportunities to read and just sit back and enjoy the language.

1

Spread diversity

Gain some crucial knowledge at the Diversity Dialogues, February 2 from 9:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. on the UW-L campus. The overall goal is to get campus and community members to dialogue about different aspects of diversity as part of the Inclusive Excellence initiative. The event encourages the University community to showcase some of the outstanding work being done on campus with respect to diversity. Events will include poster displays and presentations, along with office and group diversity displays. Events are all free and open to the public. A resource room will be available in Port O’ Call and presentations will run in Valhalla.

2

For more information head to www.uwlax.edu/general/diversity.

Eat Onalaska

Soothe your stomach this Saturday at the “Taste of Onalaska” community event and fundraiser from 6-11 p.m. at the Stoney Creek Inn in Onalaska. Food, entertainment, raffle prizes and silent auction items will be available as this annual event hopes to bring the community together while increasing financial support for all of the programs and grants distributed to Onalaska school programs, both public and private. Food will be served from 6-8 p.m. Tickets cost $25 and can be purchased at the Center for Commerce and Tourism on Main Street in Onalaska, Miller Quik Print on Highway 35 in Onalaska or by contacting Lauri Berg at 783-1743.

3

Give to the GALAXY

The LGBT Resource Center of the Seven Rivers Resources and GALAXY are hosting “For the Love of Art,” a benefit art auction featuring local artists and creations from GALAXY youth, on February 4 at the Concordia Ballroom, from 5:30-9:30 p.m. The evening will include a social hour with live harp music, appetizers, silent auction, and more. Tickets are $10, and artists who donate their work will receive a FREE ticket. For more information, please call Rosanne St. Sauver at 784-0452 or visit www.7riverslgbt.org

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U-Ra-Ra, La Crosse!

5

Show your hometown pride by participating in the Reader’s Digest promotion of "We Hear You America" where people can go on to the esteemed magazine’s website and CHEER for their town. The winning community will receive a $5 million facelift, and you could win a great American Family Road Trip in a snazzy new car! It's easy to CHEER for La Crosse! Just go to the website below and follow the instructions. Gooooooooooooo, La Crosse! http://wehearyouamerica.readersdigest.com/


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COMMUNITY

Social Networking NAME AND AGE:

WHAT IS YOUR GUILTIEST PLEASURE? Z93

Katelyn Hope Rubenzer, 22

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? When people say like and legit all the time!

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Chippewa Falls, WI

TELL US A JOKE: What do you call a nun out wandering around? A Roman Catholic

CURRENT JOB: Program Aid at FCC

WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Coffee

DREAM JOB: Writer

WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW?: Not a thing

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED: Train Tickets for Chicago IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Greece

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: Be fluent in three languages

IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR? For everyday to be Christmas! FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: Josh Groban WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF SECOND SUPPER? The top 7

WHAT IS YOUR BEVERAGE OF CHOICE? Chocolate milk

HOW DO YOU KNOW GAIA (LAST WEEK'S INTERVIEW? She's having my baby.

CELEBRITY CRUSH: Edward Norton

— Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson, shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? The Harry Potter series

LA CROSSE’S NEWEST & TRUEST PUB & EATERY WITHOUT THE FRANCHISE!

Monday: All U Can Eat Wings includes choice of potato, slaw and a frosted Pint. 4-9:30 $8.99 Tuesday: Wisconsin cheese steak sandwich with a frosted Pint. $8.99 Wednesday: Ladies Night, $1 Off All Drinks 4-Cl. Pint-Aritas $3.00 (lime or strawberry)

Thursday: All U Can Eat Wings includes choice of potato, slaw and a frosted Pint. 4-9:30 $8.99

Karaoke on Thursdays

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Second Supper

Inked Out

COMMUNITY

Tattoo show dries up, along with local business By Emily Faeth

emily.faeth@secondsupper.com When Maggie Bambanek went to the Shades of Blue Tattoo Show several years ago, she came looking for price quotes on exactly the tattoo she wanted. Or so she thought. “I had a bar of soap with Celtic heart on it, and I wanted exactly that: black outline, green fill, nothing in the negative space,” says Bambanek, a student at Winona State University. “I asked several vendors at the show, ‘how much for this in green with a black outline?’ And most of them responded with 'That depends on how nice you want it to look.'” While she initially found the artists' vague responses rude, Bambanek later realized she simply wasn't asking the right questions. “Maybe if I had come off as less of a yuppie, or been less fixated on my choice of art, I could have had something truly original. But because the people that I talked to there seemed so rude to me at the time, I never went back for another show.” But Bambanek won't have the opportunity to explore the wide variety of offerings typically available at the Shades of Blue Tattoo Show, which had long been scheduled at the La Crosse Center on the final weekend in January. Show organizers wouldn’t respond to repeated interview requests, which leave ink lovers wondering why one of the largest tattoo shows in the Midwest would dry up after a 20-year run. While many speculate that increased city fees struck the fatal blow to this year's show, “I think it was a combination of things, to tell you the truth,” says La Crosse Center director Art Fahey. “Licensing...played into what they wanted. We've softened up a lot to try to get them through this year, and I think the advanced registration for the vendors was softened, but they just couldn't put it together.” A representative in the La Crosse city clerk’s office could not confirm any licensing or fee increases imposed for this year’s

Shades of Blue, although that was the initial chatter when the story first hit the local tattoo community. “The past few years, artists have been shying away from this show because of seemingly random increasing licensing fees from the city and decreasing business in general,” says Karl Schneider, a tattoo artist at Cactus Tattoo in Mankato, Minn. “It's turned into a fight just to break even, thus making it rather pointless for artists to gamble on working this convention. To do a convention artists need to pay booth fees, city licensing fees, plus travel and hotel. What's the point if breaking even is barely even an option?” This does not, of course, imply that Shades of Blue was not responsible for Center, city, or state fees. However, Robin “Boogie” and Marla Hanson, founders and organizers for Shades of Blue, were not available for comment regarding their decision to cancel the event after 20 years in La Crosse. The effects of the event's cancellation will certainly be felt outside the walls of the La Crosse Center, says Steve Harm, owner of the Warehouse Nightclub and the Vatican PX clothing store. “The loss of Shades of Blue this year has had a considerable effect on our clothing store, the VPX, which always played a big part in the show,” he says, referring to VPX's annual fashion show at the event. To compensate for the lost business, Harm relocated VPX from its second-floor confines near the music club to the Pearl Street locale formerly occupied by the Scientific College of Beauty. “The street level gives us more visibility, allows us to be open even when there is no show at the Warehouse, and is helping to sell some of the additional wares that we stocked up on for the tat show weekend,” Harm said. “It is but a drop in the bucket of the traffic we would normally have had during the Tattoo Show weekend at the Center.” “No tattoo show means a financial hit for hundreds of people and dozens of local businesses."

Have your own idea for a downtown draw?

There is a ray of hope for cash-strapped groups and organizations wanting to hold an event in downtown La Crosse: Downtown Mainstreet, Inc.'s Promotions Committee has unveiled a pilot program to encourage downtown events that benefit city businesses, residents, workers, and visitors. Tim Kabat, executive director of DMI, says that the project is a spin-off of the support DMI has provided to the Rotary Lights for the past two years. While DMI still plans to offer its support to the Lights, Kabat says the Promotions Committee wanted to spread the word about the availability of funds to other groups, as well. “The fall fashion show last year was a fundraiser that was specifically intended to

raise money for promotions,” Kabat said. “So this is just one of the ways to offer minigrants, if you will” for groups interested in holding events downtown. The criteria for applying for a grant, which will total $1,000, is loose: Interested parties must demonstrate how their event would benefit downtown La Crosse. “I think it's a great idea [on the part of] the Promotions Committee, so hopefully we'll be able to help out a few groups this year with some cool events,” said Kabat. For more information, or to apply, visit www.lacrossedowntown.com. The deadline for applications is Tuesday, Feb. 1.

— Emily Faeth

January 27, 2011 // 5


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with Greg Parmeter, La Crosse Community Theatre's artistic director, regarding the upcoming performances of Almost, Maine

By Jonathan Majak jonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

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ARTS

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TUESDAYS at 8PM

Nothing adds a little warmth during the chill of winter quite like some whimsy, and La Crosse Community Theatre’s upcoming production “Almost, Maine” has plenty to spare. We recently sat down with LCT artistic director Greg Parmeter to chat about the show, the theatre season thus far and the films he’d be surprised would ever be considered a classic. Second Supper: So for people who don’t know anything about the show, explain a little bit about “Almost, Maine.” Greg Parmeter: It’s a romantic comedy about people in an itty bitty town in Maine. It’s a series of vignettes, all played by four people [Stacy Bruemmer, Tim Harris, Kelley Manson and Dan Radtke]. SS: With a show like this, with no real overall plot arc, does that provide a challenge to keep audiences invested?

WEDNESDAYS from 4-11PM

GP: It’s a definite challenge but each scenes has its own arcs, with beginnings, middles and ends. Though you only see each character once, the actors create an affinity as they play these different characters. SS: With a show with four actors taking on a multitude of roles, how do you work with them so that the characters don’t overlap in portrayals? GP: The real challenge with this show is that there aren’t a bunch of over-the-top characters, where you can do funny voices and stereotypes with them. With this, you do little changes like the way they walk and stuff like that. We’re putting faith in the subtlety of what the actors can handle. SS: Switching gears for a second, now that you’re mid-way through the 2010-2011 season, how do you feel things are going? GP: It’s going as good as I could have ever hoped. Everything is progressing well. We’ve maintained a level of quality with the shows. SS: What has been some of the biggest challenges so far this season? GP: Every play is a challenge. Each show offers a challenge. You look back at “West Side

Story” and figure out how to fit all of the set and actors on stage and let people be able to dance. You go and find creative solutions. Finding them is why we do the things we do. SS: Lastly, “Almost, Maine” initially flopped in its first run in New York City but found life across the country in local theatre and high school productions. “It’s a Wonderful Life,” which you did a version of, also famously took a drubbing from the critics before being considered the classic it is today. On that note, what’s a film that you’d be shocked to see suddenly gain critical respect in the future? GP: I would be flabbergasted, FLABBERGASTED, if “White Chicks” or “Dude, Where’s My Car?” are in 10, 15 years are considered great American films of comedy. “Almost, Maine” opens Friday Jan. 28 at the La Crosse Community Theatre and runs until Feb. 13. Adult tickets are $22, Student and Military $10 (Thursday and Sunday), Student Rush tickets $10. Shows are 7:30 pm Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays and 2 p.m. Sundays. For box office info: 7849292 ext. 2 for tickets.

Fri.Jan.28

DROIDS ATTACK & MOON BOOT POSSE

Sat.Jan.29

○ NOT YOUR GRANDMA’S ○

Proto Melei w/ Lusterous Mud Fri.Feb.4

Pound Cake w/ Fuzzy HD

Sat.Feb.5

Dream 13 w/ Chicane Theory & special guest

Mon.Feb.7

AR Promotions and JB's Speakeasy present - Open Mic Night Featuring Cutty Currency and Da Chairman

Fri.Feb.12

Girl Power! All Female Vocalist Showcase Featuring Regional and Local Artists

Fri.Feb.18

Porch Nights (Minneapolis) and 5 Watt

MyEaglesNest.NET

Fri.Feb.25

The Steepwater Band

614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 Online: secondsupper.com Publisher: Roger Bartel roger.bartel@secondsupper.com Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com Student Editor: Emily Faeth emily.faeth@secondsupper.com Sales: Mike Keith mike.keith@secondsupper.com Sales: Michael Butteris michael.butteris@secondsupper.com Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Nick Cabreza, Mary Catanese, Jason Crider, Ashly Conrad, Brett Emerson, Jake Groteuschen, Shuggypop Jackson, Jonathan Majak, Matt Jones, Briana Rupel, Julie Schneider, Stephanie Schultz, Nate Willer Second Supper is a weekly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 Letters are encouraged and can be sent to editor@secondsupper.com.


Second Supper

group’s true innovation and technical ability. The album also has two quite engaging instrumental tracks: “Surfin 160,” a song that would fit perfectly on a mix CD alongside the Surfari’s classic hit “Wipeout,” and possibly my favorite track on the album, By Jason Crider “Tacos with Dio,” which shows some interjason.crider@secondsupper.com esting progressive elements before erupting I don’t particularly care for reggae. I midway into a beautiful saxophone solo. The mean I like it; I’m just not in love with it. I latter song also has a pretty sweet reprise in enjoy listening to it if someone puts it on, the form of a hidden track at the end of the but I will hardly ever play it on my own. To album (along with more of that amazing me, reggae seems to be a genre of music that saxophone work). Overall, the album has a exists mostly as a backdrop of a subculture, classic feel-good mentality that stems from its and not necessarily as a challenging form of simply contagious charm and catchiness. artistic expression. I’m not exactly sure why Part of this charm comes from the natuI don’t care for it. Maybe it’s because I like ral voice and creative storytelling featured in it when guitarists use more than one type lead singer and rhythm guiof distortion. Maybe it’s betarist Andy “Wordz” Hughes’ cause I like listening to drumlyrics. For example, “Smile,” mers that sound like they’re with its ukulele and organ bored with the same 4/4 beat driven melody, features they’ve been forced to play Hughes singing “point that on loop. Maybe it’s because chin straight at the sky/let I don’t smoke pot. It’s probthe world see that beautiful ably because I don’t smoke smile,” in a way that should pot. So there: although I am be really corny and over the admittedly quite biased (and top. But it’s not. In fact it’s probably a bit of an asshole), so happy and sunshiny and I have laid it all out on the upbeat that I almost forgot it table. I don’t like regwas the middle of winter. gae. I do, however, like T.U.G.G. — Come Sunrise I love the irony of a regT.U.G.G. gae band singing songs This isn’t because like this in Wisconsin. saying otherwise in La Crosse is as good as a So I’m about done with this review, and the death sentence, it’s because the band doesn’t album’s play count is at 18 on my computer. fall into any of the slumps that I’ve just list- Was that really necessary, or am I starting to ed, slumps that a majority of reggae/rock like reggae after all? acts spend their entire careers in. T.U.G.G.’s newest album, Come Sunrise…, is no excep- T.U.G.G. will be headlining at the 2011 Snowtion, and it shows the band pushing itself in flakes and Sunshine Social at Howie’s on Jan. 29 both interesting and exciting new directions. to celebrate their return from an extensive winter While songs like “Wrong Dub” and “To Get tour through Colorado. The band will be playThrough” show the band rocking out in ing alongside Minnesota reggae/rock groups Jon classic T.U.G.G. fashion, songs like “Straight Wayne and the Pain and The Gypsy Lumberjacks. Home/Wednesday Night Jesse,” with its Pe- Doors open at 8 p.m.; music starts at 9 p.m. Tickter Frampton-style guitar work, showcase the ets are $5 at the door.

Medium: Literature Stimulus: Wes Moore — The Other Wes Moore: One Name and Two Fates Anno: 2010 When Rhodes Scholar and military veteran Wes Moore learned of the arrest of another man who shared his name and was from his city, imprisoned for his role in a robbery and the murder of a police officer, he decided to get in touch with him. His goal was to discover what led each person, both of whom grew up without fathers and in less than ideal environments, down their separate paths. The Other Wes Moore is a combination of what he learned from this relationship and of his own experiences which led him to that point. What presents itself as a “there but for the grace of God go I” story is a book equally focused upon the decline of black culture in post-civil rights America, and this ends up

January 27, 2011 // 7

MUSIC

being the most interesting aspect of the tale. In describing the lives of both Wes Moores as they grow up amidst the urban chaos, the author discusses the devastation which drugs, and especially the advent of crack, have wrought upon black neighborhoods. This is the point of divergence between the author and the convict; while the former is forced into military school, where he discovers discipline and self-reliance, the latter embraces the drug dealing lifestyle of his older brother at a very early age, and he never has a chance. While this dual biography adequately accounts for the lives of both Wes Moores, what I found lacking in the book is the interaction between the two. The bond between Wes Moore the author and Wes Moore the convict is discussed in very faint terms, presented as quick interludes between their separate stories. Was the connection between the two men presented and explored more thoroughly, the book would have better fulfilled its premise. Instead, The Other Wes Moore plays out as little more than a double feature biography. The author certainly puts in his work, but there’s something missing.

— Brett Emerson

The Majak Mixtape By Jonathan Majak jonathan.majak@secondsupper.com Oh Keith Olbermann, you’re not really good with keeping your job on cable networks are you? The former ESPN “SportsCenter” and Fox Sports Net anchor can now add former MSNBC personality to his resume as he and the “Lean Forward” network have decided to lean away from each other and part ways, ending Olbermann’s run as a fixture of the network’s primetime lineup with his shout-fest “Countdown with Keith Olbermann.” The world of pundits were all in a kerfuffle about this as everybody tried to find the culprit for the ouster of Olbermann, with people blaming everything from Keith’s notorious prickliness to the upcoming purchase of NBC by Comcast as everybody from Stephen Colbert to Glen Beck weighed in on Olbermann’s departure. Olbermann, for his part, has remained uncharacteristically silent on the matter, having most likely signed a similar type of exit contract as fellow former NBC employee Conan O’Brien. As the silverhaired voice righteous indignation plots his next move, we have put together a mixtape to help him get through this crazy time. We kick off the mixtape with a track from quirky Canadian band (which seeing that typed seems redundant as Canadian is almost always synonymous with quirky) Destroyer and their track “Kaputt” [sic] off

their new album also titled “Kaputt” because, well, Olbermann’s show is just that: kaput. The last show went the same as always until about the last or so commercial break when Olbermann suddenly let it be known that it was his last show before detailing how he at least got more time on this than when he was told it was his last show in his ear piece while on ESPN. Corporate people have never had to worry about accusations about being warm and fuzzy for a reason. What’s that sound of celebration? That’s pretty much all of Fox News popping champagne bottles and toasting to Keith’s leaving, which leads to our next song, “Glad Man Singing” from Iron and Wine’s new album “Kiss Each Other Clean.” We’re pretty sure that Glen Beck was shaking, crying, scribbling hearts onto a chalkboard when Olbermann announced he was leaving MSNBC, as Fox News has been locked into a feud with Olbermann since the start of “Countdown.” We don’t know what Olbermann will do next. And we’re pretty he doesn’t either. But, in the words of Amos Lee’s song off his new album “Mission Bell,” we’re sure Olbermann has “Learned a Lot” from the whole experience. We’re sure after his NO TV part of his exit deal expires, Olbermann will be back on TV, raging away. And we’ll be there watching. With the volume turned down low. Buy: Corinne Bailey Rae’s “The Love EP” YouTube: The new She&Him music video “Don’t Look Back” Read: Vacay Wave http://www.vacayvitamins.com/ As always we wish you love, peace and downloads! Get your daily uncensored dose of the Majak Mixtape every day on The Majak Kingdom blog www. majakkingdom.blogspot.com

What do you think? Send us a Letter to the Editor. editor@secondsupper.com


8// January 207 2011

Second Supper

MUSIC

music directory // January 28 to February 3 FRIDAY,

January 28

just a roadie away Milwaukee

BROTHERS // 306 Pearl St. Pulse 8 (hard rock) • 9:30 p.m.

population

596,974

FISH'S BAR // 612 Caledonia St. Joe Cody & Jim 'Fish' (acoustic) • 8 p.m.

LUCINDA WILLIAMS // FEB. 23 Turner Hall • $35

FREIGHT HOUSE // 107 Vine St. Dan Sebranek (folk) • 6 p.m.

Northern Lights Theater • $55-$75

MERLE HAGGARD, KRIS KRISTOFFERSON // MAR. 2-3

ICE CUBE // MARCH 12 Eagle’s Ballroom • $26.50

JB'SSPEAKEASY // 717 Rose St. Moonboot Posse, Droids Attack (rock, psychedelic. metal) • 10 p.m. LA CROSSE CENTER // 300 S. Second St. Blake Shelton, Easton Corbin, Steel Magnolia (country) • 7:30 p.m. PEARL STREET BREWERY // 1401 St. Andrew St.

Kin Pickin (jam grass) • 5 p.m. PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S. Costello and Hipps (folk pop) • 8 p.m. POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. The Bourbon Brothers (blues) • 10 p.m. THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. New Blues Crew (rock) • 10 p.m. THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. Kazyak (folk, psychedelic) • 8:30 p.m. THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St. Kies & Kompanie (jazz) • 8 p.m.

SATURDAY,

January 29

4 SISTERS // 100 Harborview Plaza The Journeymen (folk) • 7:30 p.m. CHUCK'S // 1101 La Crosse St. Highway 16 (rock/country) • 8 p.m. FREIGHT HOUSE // 107 Vine St. Dan Sebranek (folk) • 7:30 p.m. HOWIE'S // 1125 La Crosse St. T.U.G.G., Jon Wayne and the Pain and Gypsy Lumberjacks (Snowflakes and Sunshine Social) • 9 p.m.

YANNI // MARCH 24 Milwaukee Theatre • $35-$75 We try hard to be descriptive in this little square, but sometimes the club owners just say it best. Regarding Friday night’s show at JB’s Speakeasy, a rocking double bill featuring Moon Boot Posse and Droids Attack, the esteemed JB passed along this review: “A tasty swirl of music that's so awesome, and sooo incredibly intense it will make you vomit where you stand (if you don't shit your pants first!)!!!” Sounds like a fun night to us! Local rockers Moon Boot Posse always comes to play, but Madison’s Droids Attack (pictured) are the real deuce-inducers. Dredging up the low end of stoner rock, Droids Attack have earned accolades from the hard rock press and showcase gigs around the country, but they were born to bleed eardrums in clubs. Don’t forget your tissues.

JB'SSPEAKEASY // 717 Rose St. Proto Melee, Lustrus Mud (rock) • 10 p.m. JOHN'S BAR // 109 Third St. S. Sean P, Kalyst, Nate D, Father Focus, Area, Cat Robey, Northern Lightz, and Dj Cali (hip-hop) • 10:30 p.m.

SUNDAY,

January 30

LA CROSSE CENTER // 300 S. Second St. Avenged Sevenfold, Stone Sour, Hollywood Undead (hard rock) • 6:30 p.m.

January 31

DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St. Open Jam • 10 p.m.

PUMP HOUSE // 119 King St. Rachael Davis (folk/jazz) • 7:30 p.m.

Shawn's Open jam • 10 p.m.

THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St. Swing, Inc. (jazz) • 8 p.m.

February 2

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. Michael Kac (Sunday Over Easy) • Noon

PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S. Costello and Hipps (folk pop) • 8 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. Angie Atkinson (alt-folk pop) • 8:30 p.m.

WEDNESDAY,

DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St. Nick Shattuck (pop rock) • 10 p.m.

MONDAY,

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. Paxico (original rock, covers) • 10 p.m.

BRIGHT EYES // APRIL 3 Riverside Theatre • $25

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Funktion (funk) • 10 p.m.

NORTH SIDE OASIS // 620 Gillette St. Hallowed Ground (rock) • 9 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Nicholas Mrozinski and the Feelin Band (“Alternative Soul-Folk”) • 10 p.m.

INSANE CLOWN POSSE // MARCH 25 Eagle’s Ballroom • $25

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Paulie (one-man band) • 10 p.m. RECOVERY ROOM // 901 7th St. S. Kin Pickin' (open jam) • 10 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.

TUESDAY,

February 1

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Dave Orr (open jam) • 10 p.m. THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. 3rd Relation Jazz Trio (jazz) • 8:30 p.m. THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St. The Heyday (pop rock) • 7 p.m.

THURSDAY,

February 3

DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St. Luke & Cheech (blues rock) • 10 p.m. POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Paulie (one-man band) • 10 p.m. THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. Open Mic Night • 8 p.m. THE STARLITE LOUNGE // 222 Pearl St. Kies and Kompanie (jazz) • 5 p.m.


Second Supper

January 27, 2011 // 9

YOUR GUIDE TO CONSUMPTION

The Beer Review Hopslam Bell’s Brewery Kalamazoo, Michigan Over the past fortnight or so, beer lovers across America have perked up their taste buds, olfactory receptors and Internet hype as Bell’s Brewery rolled out its much anticipated Hopslam. I’m not going to lie: I was pretty caught up in the hoopla myself. Hopslam holds a lofty perch in the pantheon of American craft beers, and now that I’ve finally got another fresh, floral pint beside me, I’m more convinced than ever that this is my absolute favorite beer in the world. So you can understand how I was going

mad with envy as I read about my friends in Georgia, Pennsylvania and Chicago drinking the 2011 edition before I ever saw a single green label. Rumors filtered in that Bell’s tinkered with the bitterness and that demand was so great shipments were selling out across the country. It’s now gotten to the point where Hopslam is more than just a beer. It’s an event, one that hit La Crosse last week and probably won’t last more than a month. By releasing possibly the finest Imperial IPA in the world, Bell’s has turned January into feeding season for hopheads — so you better belly up now before we drink the town dry. Purchase: 6-pack of Bell’s Hopslam from Woodman’s, $12.99 Style: Imperial IPA

Strength: 10 percent ABV Packaging: The Hopslam comes wrapped in a particular shade of lime green that makes my mouth water whenever I see it. The label depicts a lucky man crushed by three giant hop nuggets. Appearance: More than any other imperial IPA, the Hopslam is colored liquid gold with a thick white bubbly head that sticks to glass and doesn’t leave. Aroma: Heavenly. This is the most aromatic beverage I’ve ever encountered with an intoxicating blend of honey, caramel, grapefruit and pineapple. I’d buy this for the smell alone. Women could wear it as perfume, and I'd be powerless. Taste: Despite its potency, the Hopslam comes on light with kisses of honey and tof-

The Best Food & Drink Specials in Town

fee before the hop flavors gush all over the tongue. It’s resiny, but less bitter than I remembered from previous years, though the aftertaste still puckers for hours. Mouthfeel: Oily, as if a metric ton of fresh hops were just squeezed into your glass. Drinkability: Dangerous! The Hopslam is 10 percent alcohol yet it literally goes down like candy. I feel like I could drink bottle after bottle, which means the only thing saving my liver is my wallet. Ratings: With over 2,000 reviews, BeerAdvocate gives Hopslam an A, and RateBeer scores it a perfect 100. And why not — this beer is absolutely flawless. Top 10 in the world, no doubt. — Adam Bissen

LOCATION

SUNDAY

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

ARENA

Text "Arena" to 83361 for Specials

Texas Hold 'Em Poker

Pool and dart leagues

Wyld Wednesday: $2 jumbo UV mixers, $2 Coronas

Ladies Night: Ladies drink free 9-11 $1 Cherry Bombs, $1 Keystone Light $1 Cherry Bombs, $1 Keystone Light p.m. or all night with $5 wristband, silos silos including all UV Vodkas & XXX; $5 Long island pitchers

$2 BBQ Pork Sliders

2-Fers, Buy any regularly priced food item and get one of equal or lesser value for free

$4 Rueben Sliders

107 3rd St. S. 782-1883, www.arenalax.com

BODEGA BREW PUB 122 4th St. 782-0677

BROTHERS 306 Pearl St. 784-0522

CARLIE'S ON THIRD 115 3rd St. S 782-7550

EAGLES NEST

$2.50 Bud Light bottles, $3 Witches $2.50 Coors vs. Keystone Brew and Scary Shot Specials pitchers. All specials 9 p.m. to close

CLOSED

$5 domestic pitchers

1914 Campbell Road 782-7764

CLOSED

HOWIE’S

5 domestic taps for $1; $2 domestic pitchers

AUC2D, $5 domestic taps, rail mixers $2.50 Bud Light bottles, $3 Witches $2.50 Bud Light bottles, $3 Witches and Long Islands. Wristband Night: Brew and Scary Shot Specials Brew and Scary Shot Specials $2.50 SoCo & Jack. 50-cent shots (two flavors). All specials 9 to close. $2 domestic pints and $2 rail mixers; $1 shots of Doctor (3 flavors);

Taco buffet 11-2; $1 Pabst bottles and $1 bowling after 9

All you care to eat pizza buffet, 11-2 (Holmen)

All you can eat wings, includes a Wisconsin cheese steak sandwich choice of potatoe, slaw and a frosted with a pint of beer, $8.99 pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99

Ladies Night, $1 off all drinks, 4 to All you can eat boneless wings, inclose; Pint-Aritas $3 (lime or straw- cludes a choice of potatoe, slaw and berry) a frosted pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99

W3923 State Highway 16 786-9000 400 Lang Drive 784-2242

CLOSED

SATURDAY

Fish Tacos: 1 / $2.50, 2 / $5.00, 3 / $6.50.

$1.50 domestic taps and rail drinks, Bird Brain Trivia 8 p.m.; $1.50 do- Wing Night - 25-cent wings (dine- $1.50 domestic bottles and rail 4 p.m. to close mestic bottles and rails 4 p.m. to in only); $1 Miller High Life silos and drinks, $2 craft bottles, 4 p.m. to close PBR silos; $1.50 taps and rail drinks; close $2 craft taps. All specials 4 to close.

F-EATURES

FLIPSIDE PUB & GRILL

AUC2D: $5, domestic taps, rail mix- 10-cent wings, $1 Miller High Life ers, Long Islands. All specials 9 p.m. bottles, $1.50 rail mixers; $2.50 call to close drinks. All specials 9 p.m. to close.

FRIDAY

$3 Long Islands; $2 domestic pints; $1 shots of Tequila

$3 Bacardi mixers; $3 Three Olives vocka mixers (8 flavors); $2 domestic pints and $2 rail mixers

Happy Hour: 2 for 1 domestic bottles Karaoke 9 p.m. to close and rail drinks, 3 p.m. to 9 p.m.

All you care to eat fish fry 4-10; un- Prime rib dinner 4-10; limited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99 unlimited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99

Happy hour 4 to 9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to 9 p.m. to close: $3.50 domestic 9 p.m. to close: $1 rails, $2.50 pitch- $5 all you can drink close: Night Before Class - $3 pitch- pitchers ers, beer pong ers of the beast

9 p.m. to close: $1.25 rails, $1.75 bottles/cans

MPULSE

$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; live DJ, dancing 9 p.m. to close

Free Wing Night (while supplies last); $5 wristband happy hour, 5 to 9 p.m; $5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, live DJ, dancing 9 p.m. to close rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; live DJ, dancing 9 p.m. to close

$5 wristband happy hour, 5 to 9 p.m; live DJ, dancing 9 p.m. to close

JB’S SPEAKEASY

$1.75 domestic bottles, $1.75 Dom Monday Madness: $1.75 domestics bottles and rails, $2.50 Bombs and rails, $2.50 Bombs, $1 off all top shelf and specialty beers

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

1125 La Crosse St. 784-7400 214 Main St. 782-6010

717 Rose St. 796-1161

SCHMIDTY’S 3119 State Road 788-5110

SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER 163 Copeland Ave. 785-0245

THE LIBRARY 123 3rd St. 784-8020

TOP SHOTS

$1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.) Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Alcohol-free night, 7 p.m. to 2 a.m., for ages 25 and younger; live DJ, dancing, giveaways, AUC2D soda, $10 cover

$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; karaoke 9 p.m. to close

$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; karaoke 9 p.m. to close

Tuesday Boozeday $1 off all liquor Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. drinks and 50 cents off all shots, $2 Bombs

9 p.m. to close: $2 Captain mixers, $2 bottles/cans, $3 Jager bombs

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

Hat Night: Buy 1 drink, get 1 free w/ Rail drinks $2 (4:30 to close); Buckets of beer $10, Boston Bobby's Margaritas $4 (Straw, rasp, mango, hat (4:30 to close); $1.50 chili dogs After 8 p.m. specials: $5 skewer of drummies 10 for $2 (4:30 to close), peach and reg); After 8 p.m. specials: (after 8 p.m.) shrimp,l $1.79 burger, $1.50 chili dogs $1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.) $5 skewer of shrimp, $1.79 burger

$1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos;: $11 Tacos: $11 buckets during pro and 12-inch pizza $8.99 buckets during pro and college foot- college football games. Happy Hour Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m. ball games. 2 to 6 p.m.; $2 pints all day $1 Taps & Rails during the game ; Wristband night starts at 6 p.m.

14-inch pizza, $2 off; Wings Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

$1.89 hamburger + toppings Ladies Fish Dinner Special-$7.89 night, 2 for 1 drinks (6-close), Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m. Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

Half price tequilla, $1 domestic taps Karaoke, $2 Double rails and all Wristband night, $2 cherry bombs, $3 Bacardi mixers & $4 wristbands and rails bottles; $3 Double call drinks 50¢ shots (3 flavors); $2.50 Tuaca, after midnight Jack Daniel's & SoCo Mixers

9 p.m. to close: $2 Bacardi mixers, $2 domestic pints, $1.50 shots blackberry brandy

Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.; lunch buffet 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., $6.99 $1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos; $11 buckets during pro and college football games. $3 Three Olives Mixers & $4 wristbands after midnight

$5 Pitchers/$2 bottles of Miller prod- $1.75 Miller/Bud Light Taps, $2.25 $1.75 Rails, $1.50 Domestic Taps, $2 domestic bottles, $2.50 Skyy/ ucts (11-4pm) $2 Corona Bottles, $2 MIcro/Craft Taps, $2.50 Cherry $3.50 Jager Bombs Absolut mixers, $2 Dr. shots (7-1 Kilo Kai Mixers , $3 Bloodys (7-1 a.m.) Bombs (7-1 a.m.) (7-1 a.m.) a.m.)

5 Domestic Bottles for $10, $5 $2 Captain Mixers, $2. Long Island Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Mixers, $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7-1 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1 a.m.) a.m.)

$5 Miller/Bud Light Pitchers, $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1 a.m.)

POPCORN TAVERN

$2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$1.75 PBR Bottles $2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$2.50 Captain mixers $2 Grain Belt

$2 Coors & Coors Light Bottles, $2.50 $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans Skyy mixers, $2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

WHO'S ON THIRD

Happy Hour until 10 p.m. $1.50 domestic taps, $2 rails from 10 to close

$1 taps of PBR, $1 rails

$3 call doubles, $2 Bud products

Ladies' Night: $2 top shelf, $1 Pink $8.50 Fish Bowls, $2 Miller products $1 off Three Olives, $2 domestic taps Tacos; Everyone: $2.50 bombs, $2 taps, $3 Jack/Captain doubles

137 4th St. 782-6622 308 4th St. S. 782-9069

126 3rd St. N. 782-9467


10// January 207 2011

Second Supper

DIVERSIONS

Maze Efflux

"In a Hotspot" They're connecting wirelessly, sorta

By Erich Boldt By Matt Jones

Reminds you to support the retailers, restaurants, taverns and bands that support us. We are funded solely by advertising so if you want to support us, support them!

CONSCIENTIOUS COMMERCE: More than Skin Deep

ACROSS 1 "Switched on Bach" synthesizer 5 Diamond stat 8 Jack on "24" 14 Sony co-founder Morita 15 Fine and dandy 16 Bring into harmony 17 What some things catch on like 19 Candle store choices 20 They can get busy during the winter and summer 21 Half a dance step? 22 Badminton divider 23 Figures in early Salem history 26 The Rent Is Too

___ High Party 29 "I had too much root beer" noise 30 Carson Daly's former MTV show 31 Late singer Cassidy 32 Airport readerboard abbr. 33 Counters in China 35 XP protection 40 Frodo's home, with "The" 41 Some Monopoly spaces: abbr. 42 Mauna ___ 43 "___ see it..." 44 Ending for Scooby or Scrappy 45 Space starter 46 Steadfastly 51 Pres. during V-J

Answers to Jan. 20 puzzle "Getting Hotter" — Step by step, it'll all be gone.

Day 52 Suffix for McCarthy 53 Least likely to speak up 57 Mizrahi and Asimov 59 Swimmer with large pectoral fins 60 Little stream 61 Gives it a thumbsup 62 Writer Sarah ___ Jewett 63 Not as much 64 Important 65 Answer, as to an invitation: abbr. DOWN 1 Bryn ___, PA 2 "The Grapes of Wrath" extra 3 Aromatherapist's supply 4 Sink 5 Singer Bonnie 6 Russian soups 7 Tina's ex 8 "Seven Whole Grains on a Mission" cereal 9 "No way!" 10 It comes between printemps and automne 11 Carnival food 12 Put in data 13 Takes a load off 18 Part of TGIF 21 Ozone layer pol-

lutant, briefly 24 Avoided capture by 25 Play Pictionary 26 Drops on the lawn 27 Hertz competitor 28 Vermouth drinks 32 Ram's ma'am 33 "___ longa, vita brevis" 34 Robert who played A.J. Soprano 36 Trade gossip 37 Where germs usually enter 38 Tyson's ring nickname 39 Buddhist near Thailand 44 "The Chronic" rapper Dr. ___ 45 Request 46 Move like a top 47 Subscription unit 48 "___ die for!" 49 Really really tiny 50 Line section: abbr. 54 Dublin's land 55 Job application nos. 56 "Sons of ___" (Digital Underground song) 58 Capone and Green 59 Panda Express kitchen fixture Š2010 Jonesin' Crosswords (editor@ jonesincrosswords. com)


Second Supper

January 27, 2011 // 11

COMMUNITY

The Return By Brett Emerson brett.emerson@secondsupper.com I’ve referred to my stretch of travels around the country last month as The December Experiment because I tried something to change my routine, in order to see if I could develop better habits in my day-today life. Six months of ungainful employment and the resulting cabin fever led me to some rather pathetic behaviors. There were a few video game marathons during that time, but worse still were the days, even weeks, in which I did nothing but channel surf the internet, not looking at anything important or even specific, yet not knowing what else to do. I developed this junkie habit while surviving a period of incredible abandonment and loneliness, which makes it all the more dumb that it persists in a house full of people, years later. So the main element of The December Experiment was this: I’d get all my writing

work done, turned in, and posted before heading out, and then I’d leave my computer at home. Which I accomplished. I wrote up one month’s worth of journalism in a week’s time, and each time I left Washington I was largely technology-free, save my electronic book, iPod, and camera — all of which had little potential for sloth. I felt pretty good about myself. After suffering the holiday scorch of Phoenix, I was excited to return to Wisconsin: for my friends, for the snow, and for the ability to drink like a free citizen of the world. There are a few things I don’t miss about the Midwest, but the nigh-Irish drinking culture isn’t one of those things. Living in Washington is pretty goddamn wonderful, but to its discredit, this state HATES its liquor. Getting a vodka screwdriver out here feels like undertaking the Odyssey. Any intoxicant not beer or wine can only be sold in state-run liquor stores with Jesusy hours of operation and prices double those of equivalent products sold in Wisconsin. Perhaps I’ve had it too good for too long, but it feels blasphemous to drop twenty bucks for a tub of cheap vodka. I’d probably have an easier time getting it if I had a medical clearance. Thus, after flying into Milwaukee and spending a few days lurking in my mom’s east Wisconsin Fortress of Solitude, I rode into La Crosse on Christmas Weekend, ready to flail, to make a fool of myself, and to suffer Valhalla-grade hangovers. On the Thursday afternoon of my arriv-

al, I found the town exactly as I left it, which felt both reassuring and depressing. Being too early to immediately dash to the bars, I met up with one of my friends, and we accompanied his kid to Chuck E. Cheese. Having recently been reacquainted with Arizona’s weapon fetishist gun laws, I picked up on a strange sign at the exit of the kid’s restaurant, one which expressly forbade bringing guns into Chuck E. Cheese. No shit, says I. Dumber still, however, was the advertised punishment for violating this law — a stiff charge of trespassing. So what happens if a person actually fires a gun in this Chuck E. Cheese? Disorderly conduct? Jaywalking? First-degree Boys Will Be Boys? But this night was not the time for philosophy; this was the time for action. And soon I found myself in my ancestral downtown, slithering down from Sobriety Summit. I had a good time — and an even better one during my traditional drunken Christmas Night festivities, in which my friends and I watch the original Star Wars Trilogy and get sloppy — but boozing in Wisconsin hadn’t been the legendary adventure I had hoped it to be. There weren’t any stories to come from Christmas weekend that were any better than the ones I already have. Instead, there was a lot of calm, and low-key reunions, hanging around a small group of friends, and me wandering around town by myself, killing time without agenda or that awkward onslaught of catching up that invariably accompanies homecomings. Which was perfectly fine.

I was returned to the Fortress of Solitude a week later, where I spent another week in comfortable limbo before going back to my already structureless existence. And it was there where The December Experiment, well, it didn’t fail, but it wasn’t a wild success. The other side of the Experiment, once the mindless slog of the internet was cut out, was to fill that void with something more productive. I had brought notebooks and journals, ready to fill page upon page with new ideas for all the writing projects I plan to do. Yet for most of my vacation, those pages went blank. Mostly, this was because I’m very easily distracted, and wherever I was, I was rarely in a place where I could block everyone out and get to serious work. My mom’s place, for instance, was a bit cluttered at the time, and there weren’t many places untouched by a running television. It left me with an unhealthy knowledge of both Frasier and The Nanny, two TV shows whose theme songs will now never escape my brain. It was easier to play video games and ignore the constant static than actually work. But things didn’t end badly. On the last day before leaving Wisconsin, I developed a code of conduct which I’ve been attempting to turn into the new habit ever since. It’s coming together, not with the unrealistic and easily frustrated flashes of epiphany and revelation, but with a slow assembly that, given time, could become the new routine. December Experiment, meet the January Plan.

Downtown La Crosse, above Fayzes - 782-6622

top shots joke of the week Q: How many Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl?

A: No one knows, and we may never find out!

Check out our new Beers on Tap!

Good People, Good Drinks, Good Times

SUNDAY

$5 Pitchers $2 Bottles of Miller Products (11-4 pm) $2 Corona Bottles $2 Kilo Kai Mixers $3 Bloody’s (7-1am)

MONDAY TUESDAY

$1.75 - Miller/Bud Taps $2.25 Micro/Craft Taps $2.50 Cherry Bombs (7-1am)

$1.75 Rails $1.50 Domestic Taps $3.50 Jager Bombs (7-1am)

?

$2.00 - 1 Player, $3.00 - 2 Players 50 Cents Off Drinks, $1 Off Pitchers

WEDNESDAY $2 Domestic Bottles $2.50 Skyy/Absolute Mixers $2 Dr. Shots (7-1am)

THURSDAY FRIDAY 5 Domestic Bottles 4 $10 $5 Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1am)

$5 Miller Lite/Bud Light Pitchers

SATURDAY $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1am)

$2 Captain Mixers $2 Long Islands $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7-1am)


12// January 207 2011

THE LAST WORD exclusivity, and even said he wouldn’t mind if I got pregnant. The next day, we sent friendly texts, but he again stopped responding. Now, I’m ending it for sure, but I’m reticent to date anyone else for fear this will happen again. — Bitten

The Advice Goddess By Amy Alkon amy.alkon@secondsupper.com Speed hating

I met a guy online, and after two fourhour phone conversations, he declared he felt a “deep connection.” We had a romantic date, during which he made repeated declarations of his feelings. The next morning, he sent a somewhat angry text, observing that I’d logged in again on the dating site, and while I didn't owe him anything, he found it odd. This led me to (stupidly and prematurely) proclaim him “the total package” for me and say I wouldn’t see anyone else. He stopped responding several days later. Weeks later, I got a strange phone call, and thought it was him. It wasn’t, but he asked me out. Our date was great, but he kept taking a half day to return texts. He claimed he’d just been busy at work, but I don’t think expecting a response before six hours pass is being overly needy. I heard nothing from him until two weeks later, when I mass e-mailed my new cell number. We had another date, and he asked for

Second Supper

When you and the man in your life are talking about having a child, there are certain basic questions you need to ask yourselves, and they should be things like “Can we afford this?” and “Who will stay home with the kid?” not “Have we had a third date?” I see so many red flags here, it’s hard to tell whether I’m being asked to give advice or send birthday greetings to Chairman Mao. There are two kinds of people who have four-hour phone conversations with near strangers, and they are airplane passengers who forgot to charge their iPad and people who are not merely looking for love but desperate to find it. The latter waste no time in proclaiming their “deep connection.” Emotionally healthy adults might get caught up in a moment (or hours of them), but they’re generally mindful that you find out who people are by observing them — in person, over time — and see whether what they say matches what they do. (Text this guy if you’re pregnant. He may or may not get back to you.) Your problem isn’t who you date but who you are: a girl who needs love way too much to be in a position to land any. You can really, really want love, and be really,

really sick of putting a bowtie on your cat and pretending you’re on a date. If you aren’t driven by neediness, you understand that an appropriate post-first-date text is “Hope to see you again soon!” — not “I’ve been monitoring your Internet activity and I couldn’t help but notice that you aren’t acting in a manner befitting a loving and faithful wife.” Only when you work on yourself to the point where you’re OK being alone are you ready to look for somebody else. Go looking prematurely, and there surely will be another guy like this one — one who right away says stuff like “I can’t bear to have you away from my side,” and before you know it, is showing you that he’s a man of his word by chaining you to his water pipe.

doing things. They’ll get into a fistfight over a woman and then buy each other a beer; women get into a whispering game about a guy and then won’t speak to each other for 20 years. When your friend remarked on this guy’s looks, that was your cue to say, “Omigod! I’m into him, too!” Canceling now isn’t the answer. It’ll only make you resent your friend. If she truly is a friend, she’ll want you to be happy. She did try to pull a sneaky on you, but she ultimately knows that admiration isn’t the fast track to possession — assuming her typical reply to “Cute dress!” isn’t “Unzip me, and it’s yours.”

Blocked swan

A friend basically called dibs on a guy we were talking with at a bar, whispering to me right away that she found him really cute. I was bummed, but backed off. We all exchanged e-mails, and vowed to hang out when he’s back in town. He e-mailed me, and we’ve been writing a lot, and have lots in common. I confessed this to my friend, and she seemed surprised and jealous. Now, he’s coming back — just to see me. Did I overstep friendship boundaries? Should I cancel? — Guilt-ridden The first one to remark on how glorious the sunset is doesn’t get to take it home. The same goes for some cute guy at a bar. You’ve got to appreciate the male way of

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