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Flying First Class with Hubris

I am finally home after a very long three weeks in Africa. I'll write more about that trip later--needless to say it was eventful. The last leg of my trip--the leg from Chicago to Albuquerque--I got upgraded to first class. I'm not too sure why that happened...but, never look a gift horse in the mouth! In first class they handed out some nice snack boxes for those of us elites flying in the front. The box was full of wonderful and tasty delights, the like of which I had never seen back in steerage. There were all natural potato chips--made only with the freshest and most wholesome of ingredients. There was a wonderful shiny aluminum and plastic foil packet filled with green olives in olive oil and vinegar. A scrumptious cheese spread made with parmesan cheese and herbs. This was for spreading on the delicate little bread sticks made with organically grown whole wheat flour and 0 trans fat olive oil. And, the piece d'resistance: a small packet of chocolate chip cookies made with organically grown chocolate, organic flour, free range eggs, and shortening

so delicate and healthy it was guaranteed to pass through your system and take double it's weight in bad fats along with it as it went. I was over come with joy! I was also overcome with the fact that the packaging used weighed more and created a larger pile on my tray than the actual food. Most of the actual food could have hidden in a heap under my thumb nail with room for another boxful of the same. The packaging was crowded with notes about the spectacular good fortune I had in eating these tiny gastronomical delights all the whilst caring for my health, the planet, some free trade cocoa farmers in Nigeria, one or two starving artists in San Francisco...not to mention an orphanage in India...all of whom benefited by my enjoyment of this delicate repast. The nourishment I received from the small heap of organically grown free range free traded food was so small my stomach sent up a message to the head asking, very politely, if the throat had been cut--or, was on strike. Head didn't answer because it was busy swelling with hubris over all the good done by enjoying the snack while caring for the environment and the starving San Francisco artists.

Later, the flight attendant came by and loaded the detritus of the foil packets, plastic wrappers, and plastic ware into a huge plastic sack of rubbish generated by my fellow passengers in first class. I presume United Airlines will carefully recycle that rubbish in a very wonderful, caring, and environmentally safe way. I am left with the hope that my head will return to normal size and I will be able to once again wear my "git 'er done' baseball cap.


Flying First Class With Hubris  

Think flying first class is a great experience? Wait until you read this account of my recent up-grade!

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