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PORK ROCK&ROLL+WEIRDO ART+BAD IDEAS

FREE! #6

SPRING 2012

good/bad but not evil!

pork cereal HAS THAT FAROUT TASTE KOOL KIDS LOVE & MOMS DIG AS LONG AS THEY AIN’T SQUARE. PLUS IT’S full of all the STUFF that makes me big & strong. STUFF LIKE ROCK&ROLL, WEIRDO ART & BAD IDEAS TO GROW BIG N’ STRONG. IT HAS VITAMINS LITTLE RICHARD, BIG DADDY ROTH, ANDY WARHOL, DIVINE, BOBBY SEALE & ELVIRA WITH MINERALS LIKE KING KONG, CHEESEBURGERS, UFOS & PIZZA.

all the squares go home man! they’s gonna get freaked out & sucked in if they ain’t lookin’.

King Khan-The No Tomorrow Boys-Guantanamo Baywatch Ralph Bakshi-Stanley Mouse-Shawn Dickinson-Arbito&Snaggs

PORK

the magazine of rock&roll america!

spring 2012 issue 6

wanted! more readers like: tammy trasho

you can’t stop rock&roll!!!

the no tomorrow boys

kids like you & me pork army: it’s not just a magazine, it’s a fuckin’ way of life! it’s a cause! it’s a movement!!!

I DON’T LIKE EXPLAINING THINGS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT MAKES PEOPLE INTELLECTUALLY LAZY & WE GOT ENOUGH OF THAT TO GO AROUND. BUT IT’S 2012 & WE’RE FIGHTING AN UPHILL BATTLE IN THE WAR TO HELP THE CHILDREN KNOW WHAT IS COOL & WHAT IS RIGHT. I’D LIKE FOR EVERYONE TO JUST BE ABLE TO SNIFF AROUND & KNOW WHERE IT’S AT, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE’S SNIFFERS ARE OUT OF WHACK & APPARENTLY WE GOTTA WHACK THEM BEAKS BACK INTO SHAPE. YOU ALREADY FELT THIS IN YOUR HEART DEAR READER, YOU KNEW THAT THIS WAS A CRUSADE & THAT WE’RE GOING INTO BATTLE UNDER THE SIGN OF THE IRON CROSS WITH A TINY BOTTLE OF LITTLE RICHARD’S SWEAT, GREASE & POMADE IN OUR POCKET & A LUCKY RABBIT’S FOOT SOAKED IN ESSENCE DU NOBUNNY. THIS IS WHY WE TAKE THE EXTRA TIME TO MAKE SURE THE DETAILS ARE CORRECT, TO MAKE SURE WE ARE DOING IT RIGHT & DARE I SAY IT, APPEALING TO THE GODS OF ROCK&ROLL. IT’S EASY TO BACK OFF FROM THAT STREAM OF ENERGY THAT POURS OUT OF THE FINGERS OF JERRY LEE LEWIS, OUT OF THE EXHAUST PIPES OF MOTORCYCLES, FROM THE CHITTERING EXPANSES OF THE AFRICAN SAVANNAH & FROM THE HANDSHAKE OF THAT SHADOWY FIGURE AT THE CROSS-ROADS, BUT IF YOU WANNA REACH THE STARS YOU GOTTA PLAY WITH FIRE & WE’S LOOKIN’ TO GET BURNED! ROCK&RULE. -SEAN

contact: HQ: internetpork.com TUMBLR: porkmagazine2.tumblr.com FBOK: facebook.com/porkmagazine PORKSHOP:porkmagazine.bigcartel.com TWEET: twitter@PORKMAGAZINE EMAIL: sean@internetpork.com MAIL: pobox 12044 Eugene OR 97440 U$A PHONEY BoLOGNA: 541*556*5778 PORK PERSONNEL: SEAN ÄABERG: Der SchweinReich Führer KATIE ÄABERG: PHOTOGRAPHY. $10K IDEAS. MANAGEMENT. CONTRIBUTORS: SHAWN DICKINSON, ANDREW GOLDFARB, LESLEY GRAVES, AMELIA HART, BEN LYON, BOBBY MADNESS, JASON McKAY, JAKE RAT, DANIEL SHOUP, AVI SPIVAK, THE ILLAGE VIDIOT. MODELS: THE ÄABERG BROTHERS, SAMUEL CLATTERBUCK, LUCAS GUNN, AMELIA HART, MIRANDA JENEE, Gabriela Ladrón De Guevara PORK is published quarterly by GOBLINKO. SIX ISSUE SUBSCRIPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE FOR $20 (more for foreigners, CHECK ONLINE) PORK #6: 10,000 PRINT RUN SPECIAL THANKS: Nick Krause, Otto, Henry & Jimmy for being so good, our advertisers & street soldiers! WANNA ADVERTISE? CONTACT KATIE@INTERNETPORK.COM or CALL 541*556*5778 FOR PORK’S REASONABLE RATES! PORK/GOBLINKO is available as a full-service ad agency & Fink Tank. From video games to TV spots to political strategies. STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD WITH GOBLINKO! ALL CONTENT COPYRIGHT © 2012 GOBLINKO. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PORK ARMY. FLYING EYES. 2 OVER TEN. “I like comic books and anything with swastikas on it.” ~Dee Dee Ramone i met her at the burger king. fell in love by the soda machine. made her follow the rules. make sure she knows that I ain’t no fool. told her about the laws of germany & eating kosher salames. & nothing’s gonna tear us apart. cos she’s my sweetheart. alright. oh yeah. i’m asking you as a person. is it wrong, to fall in love with a frankenstein? i’ll have the tutti frutti all-rooti & the rama lama ding dong. say, you boys look shook-up. you been goofin’ with the bees? man there ain’t nothin’ pointless about this forest. you see, you see what you want to see & hear what you want to hear. dig?

there’s only one army worth joining & that’s the pork army! be a part of the solution instead of part of the problem! the world needs porking & the pork army is gonna do it! for just $40 you can become one of the few, the brave, the righteous, the pork army! enlist & get lots of kool gear!

membership includes: exclusive 2 color canvas back patch, limited edition pork iron cross necklace, exclusive 2 color embroidered pork army patch, 3 exclusive buttons, 2 exclusive pork army posters, membership card, secret pork code & fringe benefits.

enlist at internetpork.com

Gewalttätigen & Zie rli

chen!

by Sean Äaberg

ROCK&ROLL BEER I’m going to go out on a limb & say that the right person can make ANY beer Rock&Roll, but calling your beer “Rock&Roll” & putting an old-fashioned Rocker on your can is really great. This beer was made in the early 80s & some of the cans featured Heroes of Rock&Roll like Chuck Berry. It was brewed by the Pilsner Brewing Company out of Philadelphia & Cleveland for the Rock&Roll Beer Co. in St. Louis, Missouri. I’ve never tasted this beer but I think it would do VERY well if it made its way onto supermarket shelves today because cheap beer that says Rock&Roll on it is a good idea always.

VOSS Kaiser Style Helmet mit Spike There’s no excuse looking like some kind of total spazz wearing one of those foambased, futuristic cycling helmets that everyone wears. Those things only match the equally stupid, foam-based futuristic athletic shoes like Nikes. I just don’t wear a helmet, but it’s apparently illegal for kids to ride bikes without a helmet, so if you gotta wear a helmet, wear a Voss Kaiser-Style Helmet & put the fear of the Huns into the streets.

bubblicious banana bubblegum At some point bubblegum & chewing gum became a thing for people who quit smoking & for ladies who think they have bad breath all the time. Normal bubblegum basically disappeared from the shelves of your local convenience store being replaced by endless weird gums that come in little cigarette packet-esque folders or blister packs. Like all of contemporary design, it’s wrong. Bubblicious Banana Bubblegum is correct.

mango pepper jelly I think it’s in the Constitution that it says, “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day” & I’m not going to disagree. While we put alot of focus on dinner, going to bed with a full stomach sucks. Lunch is there to tide you over until dinner & breakfast is all about getting on the good foot. Once again, you must eat the correct amount of food & having a piece of toast with mango pepper jelly on it & a big cup of coffee is just about perfection. Putting hot peppers in your jelly ups the ante & completes the flavor spectrum, ensuring that your day will be harmonious. CHU-BOPS BUBBLEGUM RECORDS Chu-Bops were little 3” bubblegum records that came out in the early 80s & sold for 35 cents a pop. This was a fucking genius idea & furtherly reinforces my concept of proper music collecting. Because music is now ubiquitous & essentially free to listen to whenever you want, the collecting of music formats must be revamped into stuff like this. For example, a Chu-Bops Nobunny “single” for $2. You get a little sleeve with a bubblegum record in it, lyrics or something else on the back, a mail-order insert inside for t-shirts & stuff & then a download code for the actual song. You then can collect these bubblegum records & put them into the mini-record case that would look like those 7” carrying cases. All of you record labels should do this. Figure out how to get the gum & go for it. I will buy all of them & so will PORK readers! I LIKE WORMS SODA POP I have a weird relationship with collecting. I am always at the flea markets, thrift stores, garage & estate sales looking for stuff, but it’s not just to have, i’m looking for IDEAS & INSPIRATION. Like this “I Like Worms” soda. The point isn’t to have this great can, the point is that this is a possibility, a cherry soda for gross little boys.

OMFG by OCTOBER TOYS These are cool little 2” rubber toys in the tradition & pink color of MUSCLES & other Japanese Keshi. So far they’ve only released these five dudes in a bunch of different colors but they tell me they’re going to put out lots more in the future! I’m stoked. The outhouse character is my favorite, but I dig the castle guy also.

NO TOMORROW BOYS COMB This is cool & you can get one too if you join their fan club.

1%ER BIKER TYPE RING All this talk about the 1% Haves & the 99% Have Nots has bugged me. When I was a Chaos Punk I thought this “Eat the Rich” rhetoric was great because aspirations were verboten, it was against the rules to succeed. However, as I have shaken off the reins of deliberate failure I’m all about MAKING IT BIG. 1% meant one thing to me when I saw it come out of the new political consciousness, it meant outlaw bikers. In a way, those guys who are making all that money have the same kind of audacity as outlaw bikers, flipping the bird to the masses, I don’t disagree with this mentality, but it’s dangerous. Who do we relate to in Frankenstein? In King Kong? In Godzilla? In the Wolf Man? The Monster. The 1%. Who does society attack? The 1%. I like to think I’m a populist, but I also like to think I’m Frankenstein’s monster. hippie nutty HEAD by south I wanted to throw the American designer toys world out of the fuckin’ window with all the Dunnys & whatever, but ever since I discovered these Japanese dudes making their own versions of Nutty Mads & stuff I’m sold. Sold I tells ya! Based on a Basil Wolverton character, created by Japanese Weirdo Artist SOUTH. southfactory.blog109.fc2.com

NUTTY MAD RING by HI-OCTANE JEWELRY This is pretty tough. They make a cool Sea Monkeys ring also. mexican blanket vans Vans are my favorite sneakers, have been since I was a little kid. These Mexican Blanket types are extra cool for the California beach bum feeling. THEE CORMANS BUMPER STICKER Thee Cormans rule & this bumper sticker is another reason why. I’m down with Ass, Gas or Grass, but just going for Ass Only is pretty audacious! MEXICAN JAPANESE PEANUTS These Mexican Japanese Peanuts are GREAT! Roasted peanuts with a crunchy, soy-sauce tasting shell, they are an ideal bar food. I guess they were brought to Mexico by Japanese immigrants & are now a Mexican THING. Combining Mexico & Japan & peanuts is genius in my book!

LEATHER SAP & BILLY CLUB Me & Personal (of the Pizzas) were talking about our favorite weapons the other day & he was really talking up the leather sap & leather billy clubs so we got a couple & beat each other senseless. Pretty cool weapons you know? They do a unique kinda damage to your head.

SMOKING CLOVES Anytime I have the crazy suggestion that someone smoke cloves they act like I’m nuts & then say that “those are so highschool.” WELL, last time I checked, part of the whole deal here is embracing juvenile delinquency & I don’t care if you’re embarassed by the time when you thought you were sophisticated & smoking cloves, they smell & taste good. ben lyon’s racist rolic So Ben Lyon did this poster for Windian’s 3rd Anniversary Pow Wow Party & the PC wieners of DC decided to throw a fit. The usual chanting of RACISM began & pretty soon Windian bowed to threats of a boycott & changed the fucking poster. You gotta do what you gotta do, but PORK doesn’t go out like that. Drawing fucked up caricatures of whoeverthefuck is fine & dandy & should be respected as part of our great country’s dedication to Freedom of Speech & the coexistence of a multitude of different people who need to get over themselves & shut up.

Monster role models

Introduced to the world in 1933 by Merian Cooper, King Kong is dragged, kicking & screaming from his home; SKULL ISLAND, to be put on display as the 8th Wonder of the World in NYC. Along the way the beast finds his beauty & takes her to the top of the world on the Empire State Building & into our hearts

KING KONG SONGS

The mighty Kong has been the cage-rattling, chain-breaking subject of a whole mess of songs. Here is a selection. King Kong by Bow Wow Wow King Kong by the Jimmy Castor Bunch (RIP) King Kong Song by Abba The King Kong Stomp by Gene Moss King Kong by Frank Zappa King Rocker by Generation X King Kong by the Tarantula Ghoul King Kong by the Kinks

king kong vs. godzilla

The Japanese took King Kong & ran with him, pitting old banana breath against the King of the Monsters, Godzilla, in 1962! It’s pretty cool that this is just the third Godzilla movie & already the Japanese just had to pit their giant monster against America’s contribution to the genre. In Toho’s 1967 movie, “King Kong Escapes”, King Kong battles Mechani-Kong. In this version of the Kong story, he comes from “Mondo Island”. Pretty hard to choose between Skull & Mondo Island you know what I mean?

king kong - Kamasami kong. The King Kong toy by Imperial is the Hong Kong King Kong.

kong sells King Kong is such a great character that he makes tons of unauthorized appearances selling everything from firecrackers to the matches you can light them with!

DONKEY KONG Mario’s first real nemesis was a twobit Kong named Donkey who stole the girls & the show! konk kar weird wheels If it is an important trash culture element it will be featured in a Topps non-sport bubblegum card design. Here’s the Konk Kar by Norman Saunders

PUNCH YOU WITH MY RING KONG Every tough guy & wannabe needs symbols of power on his hands! People will see you coming & cross the street! I have a Kong on my finger, now smell it! (smells like bananas)

Guantanamo Baywatch are a killer Surf band from the sandy sidewalks of Portland, Oregon. Like all good bands they are also artists & that extra artzy schfartzy element pushes them over the top into the realm of obsession.

SOUL FOOD & SOUL SELLIN’ WITH KING KHAN KING KHAN is a ROCK & ROLL SHAMAN in the tradition of James Brown. We met in a cave on Machu Picchu.

SEAN: Surf music tunes always feel like they’re telling me a story... what is the story of Guantanamo Baywatch?

SEAN: King Khan, I want to talk to you about Soul & the importance of Soul in Rock&Roll.

Chevelle: I think Jason was out wasted with his boyfriend, I got a long-ass text from him asking if I wanted to be in a band called Guantanamo Baywatch and we’d all wear red bathing suits and eyeless hoods and play super fast thrash/speed surf and be electrocuted on stage. I told him I didn’t know how to play any instruments and he said it didn’t matter. I found a bass and he’d write the parts and show me what to do. It still kinda works like that. Our first drummer had no idea how to drum at all and just kinda went for it. We also had a super hot babe guitarist. I had super long acrylic nails and at our first practice I had to bite them all off and it fucking sucked. We played so many shitty shows constantly. We switched up drummers a few times and once we got Chris into it shit got rad.

KING KHAN: I have always thought that soul is more of a quality in music rather than a category. I think soul has to do with the intentions behind the music. You can hear it in a scream.... James Brown’s scream is what made Roky Erikson wanna scream which makes me wanna scream. I believe very much in Sun Ra’s philosophy that you have to listen to the music inside you to connect with space, not the music that is made to be the public fodder. “Soul Music” is what i love and the only music I make. Darby Crash had soul, Johnny Cash had soul, Wilson Pickett’s got soul, Alice Coltrane’s got soul! SEAN: You’ve got the BBQ connection, I heard you were going to talk to Black Panther founder Bobby Seale about BBQ or something along those lines, I’m from Oakland, I am very into the weird Black ghetto mysticism & Black eccentricity & BBQ.

SEAN: Your band mascot is this gecko & I seen this foxy gecko lady, is she gonna come out at shows like the Iron Maiden Eddie? Did you guys ever get the awesome gecko foam puppet from Hawaii? Chevelle: Dude I totally forgot about those foam geckos! I’m sure I had one when I was a kid. We’d love to have hot lizard babes and nasty lizard men at shows! I gotta find a way to make the heads more “wearable” though. When you have it on it’s so hot and you can’t see, hear, breathe, or drink any beers. Our lizard babes would be sober and suffocating on stage. SEAN: I heard your lyrics are really “offensive” & come from a faux-ignorant view of Hawaii, but this sounds so much better than well-informed words about Hawaii. Like conceptually, surf music works better with the artifice of exoticism you know? Chevelle: DUDE, we haven’t been to Hawaii yet but I hear they luau HARD. Everything I know about Hawaii I learned from Elvis.

KING KHAN: Oakland has a very special place in my big brown heart. I often stay with Greg Ashley in the Ghost Town gallery for weeks at a time. A few years back I was playing there with the Gris Gris, Anyways I met a buddy named Hoyt who did the psychedelic lights at our show and some how we got to talking about the Black Panthers and it turns out that he used to garden with Bobby Seale! So I got Bobby’s number and called him up about doing a cooking show. I was gonna call it the “King Khan & Bobby-Que Show”, haha. We had several conversations about it. I called him once and asked him if it would be cool to make our own pit for the show and cut out some wire fence and dig a hole and fill it with rocks. I was so excited about the prospect of digging a hole with Bobby Seale and making a real pit like they used to back in the day when they would feed hundreds of hungry kids. His response to my enthusiasm was very direct “you know we live in the modern age right now with lots of advanced technology.... I’m just gonna bring my own grill!” It finally didn’t happen, but I hope this dream will one day be realized. Just talking to him so much on the phone was a real blessing for me, he has been a long time hero of mine since I was a kid.

SEAN: I’m working on turning Oregon into the way California was in like 1963, it obviously needs something & political correctness & donuts ain’t cutting it. I can easily see how Guantanamo Baywatch could fit into this.

SEAN: You were talking about Voodoo being a way for poor folks to get an upper hand against the church & THE MAN, do they shake hands with the Devil to do that? Is the Devil even what people think it is?

Chevelle: I know, Portland fucking sucks. The only way to keep warm in the winter is party and play shows. Guantanamo Baywatch can change this because we know how to sneak gin into shows and not pay for shitty bar drinks. Still working on sneaking in pizzas.

KING KHAN: Well with Voodoo and magic ritual basically you are trying to alter your destiny with intention. My grandmother told me stories about witches in India who would feed owl meat to people and steal their souls. Imagine how much evil you would have to channel, to wander around at night and kill a hunter like an owl.... all that evil intention gets manifested into something and that energy has to go somewhere. When I was in Brazil I got to visit lots of Bottanicas and churches of Xango. It was amazing. I saw many beautiful things. I was kinda on a mission to get possessed by the Devil, I even asked the daughter of a Xango priest what would happen if I dressed like the Devil and did the cards, would I speak through his tongue? She said yes and told me it might be a bad idea. Then I asked her if I did it and got possessed could she get the demon out? She said “Yes, of course.” So I started dressing like Ze Pelintra the “King Of the Night” and doing tarot at my buddy’s bar. Every reading I did that night, the Devil card would pop up. Lemme tell you a story that I never shared with anyone. I was doing tarot with Jack Oblivian one night in Kassel, Germany at a bar called Mutter. We were sitting at a table and randomly picking cards for people we knew. I picked one card up and threw it on the table, it was the Devil and when it landed it just stood up on its own.... no joke. We were both really spooked..... my sax player Fred from the shrines got up out of his chair to come see it and the three of us circled this table in amazement. I even blew on it and it wouldn’t go down! It’s even spookier cuz there are three people in that card too. Anyways back to the Devil, it is better to be friends with the Devil than try and fight him all the time. He is one of my best buddies, we are going to go see the Cobra Killers tonight.

SEAN: Has Russell Quan blessed Guantanamo Baywatch yet?

jason

chevelle

chris

Chevelle: He’s rad! I think Jason tried to touch his dong once though. SEAN: What happens at a Clam Party? Chevelle: Similar to a Clam Bake, its a rivalry between playboys against a music-filled background of comedy, romance and speedboat racing. But with less bake and more party. SEAN: You guys have great art connected to the band, Josh, you went to CCA(C). There’s this surf & garage music CCA(C) connection thing, the first time I saw you guys it was Russell Quan playing with Shannon & the Clams, who also went to CCA(C). What’s the deal? Chevelle: Sshhh! it’s Jason. He’s a total artsy fartsy faggo. He met the Clams at CCA, and then he moved up here and continued school at PNCA. I went there too. He specialized in drawing dongs and building ridiculous dinosaur fountains with little human wieners and balls. SEAN: It’s 2012 & people have all sorts of ideas about what that means or doesn’t mean, but personally, I’ve observed a feeling like a big gate has opened & then it’s going to close. So, as soon as I felt like this gate had opened, & it’s a cosmic gate, I realized I had to start pushing as hard as I could to get whatever I needed to get through the gate. PORK is a big part of that, & here I am, pushing Guantanamo Baywatch through this gate. In a way, it’s like Noah’s Ark. I want you guys to be on Noah’s Ark so that when everything changes, there can be Guantanamo Baywatch, there can be cool Portland surf music in the future. Tell me about the future.

SEAN: When you’re a kid & you’re listening to Led Zeppelin in the garage & you’ve got Robert Plant in a woman’s blouse & Jimmy Page in a Nazi uniform & they’re playing Black blues through a cloud of smoke with lyrics about the Lord of the Rings & 13 year old groupies, Rock&Roll is pretty obvious. Later on you start running into people that are like totally oppressive religious fanatics via Hardcore Punk & they’re trying to make everything about righteous anger, but we’re all kind of in the same scene, what do we do? How do we get the kids together? KING KHAN: Just let your hormones guide you.... make babies and enjoy the true fruits of your labour. The children of today have advanced learning mechanisms, they will do what is right with the garbage heap we have left them. I have a lot of faith in the future and being a proud papa has made everything else just meaningless. I live the life I love and I love the life I live. SEAN: I heard that you got your tarot cards from Alejandro Jodorowsky! I mean like wow! Tell PORK readers all about it!

KING KHAN: I became friends with Adan Jodorowsky about 6 years ago. I was singing “Man In Love” by Charlie Feathers for the newlyweds’ first dance at my buddy’s wedding. Adan jumped on stage and started playing bass. After the song he introduced himself and I freaked out. I told him his dad was my guru and that I started doing tarot years ago because of him. We became buddies throughout the years and he told me I could go visit Alejandro whenever I wanted and that he had told him all about me. I waited till I really felt like I knew Chevelle: The future will definitely have more boners. Chris wants to see more palm trees the cards. So he invited me to his home in Paris while I was tour with The Almighty Defendin Portland and maybe even some boners popping from said palm trees. We also foresee ers. I brought Cole with me cuz he kept begging me to come and because he is my son/ babes drinking beers from coconuts and more pizza and burger throwing at our shows. Chris father. When we got there we went into this elevator which was sooooo ancient and as we says he wants to throw a party on the Ark and get fucked up with Noah. We’re probably gonna approached his floor I heard his voice yelling “Troisieme!!!!” which meant third floor. So we work out more and get really buff and tan. Chris is kinda winning so far. I’d like Pauly Shore sit down with him and he seemed delighted to have me there and at first I was nervous, I to make a Son-in-Law 2 where we get to 69. brought all this stuff with me to show him, chicken scratchings of drawings I had made to figure shit out in tarot. I was pulling stuff out of my trick bag, a necklace from New Orleans.... SEAN: You guys played at Burgerville with Cyclops, what is your ideal burger? and then he says “my son has told me much about you and I know you are a great showman, but you did not come here to make a show.... you came here to listen.... so listen. Show me Chevelle: I like my food to be really soggy and saucey. It’s disgusting. So no matter what my your cards.” I showed him the Rider Waite deck that I was using which I was given from the burg’s gonna be wet n wild and crazy spicey with pineapple, big juicy shrimps, mac n cheese, “witches’ market” in Mexico city. He looked at the cards and said, “this deck is not correct”. and nachos. The buns are burritos I think. It’s served on the tip of Elvis’s boner. He stood up and went and got a deck and handed it to me. He gave me the deck which I have used ever since. I basically sat there with him for a few hours and he showed me all that Chris: Personal pizzas as the buns with 4 In-n-Out burger patties animal style, cheddar and I needed to know to use the cards to help people. And that is essentially what I do now.... America cheese. Bacon. Side of Sweet Baby Rays. All in between Dolly Parton’s titties. Leaving his place Cole and I were in a trance. He also told me to be careful cuz this was going to be the year of my crucifixion and he was totally right. After that tour I spent a night Jason: My perfect burger would be full of pussy, and it would sit on my face. in jail in Barcelona, played the Opera House in Sydney, joined a monastery in Daegu, Korea, and checked my self into a mental hospital in Berlin.... Life is a gas!

matt mayhem guitar

danny dodge vocals&guitar

The No Tomorrow Boys are a bunch of greasy criminals from Portland, Oregon. Not only are they one of the best bands around right now, they look cool & they can take care of business. I talked to them in the ladies’ room at some bar. SEAN goblin: Why is REAL Rock&Roll so crucial in 2012? Jimmy Beat: Jeez, where do I start? Danny Dodge: Cause I can’t be the only one who listens to “Do you remember Rock&Roll radio” and gets bummed. Everything Joey predicted has come true. People DON’T remember Rock&Roll radio, and that’s really heartbreaking. Matt Mayhem: Seems like the term Rock&Rolll has been applied to all kinds of wimpy, boring, styles of music these days. I’m all for doing what you dig, but it is important for those of us who dig wild ‘n’ frantic, outta sight Rock&Roll to stand up and stake our claim. Plus, REAL Rock&Roll is fun, and I think everyone should have some fuckin’ fun! SEAN: Yeah I was reading that “The Predictions of Joey Ramone” book to see if I could get a grip on what’s happening in 2012. But anyhow, I felt a distinct switch a while ago where all of a sudden some of the pretenders to Rock&Roll, like Punk Rock seemed safe & boring & that old sound started to sound REALLY DANGEROUS to me. MATT: Yeah, “oldies” most often get pegged as white bread grandpa music or something when in fact there were tons of unhinged hillbillies and deranged wildmen and even wildwomen who cut records throughout the 50s and 60s. Any genre will have acts that’re more mellow and acts that’re more dangerous, but I think you’re right that early Rock&Roll produced tons of genuinely outrageous music. Anyone can put on a facade, but few can truly claim the demented genius of cats like Little Richard, Jerry Lee, Mike Fern, Hasil Adkins, Bunker Hill or countless other pioneers of rock. Danny: Yeah! Rock&Roll should be dangerous! Like that story ‘bout Suicide playing and the crowd tried to leave so Alan Vega ran in front of the door with a big motorcycle chain and wouldn’t let anyone out. Hah! We want people to know that when you come to a No Tomorrow Boys show, don’t let your guard down. Jimmy: Oh for sure. Roots Rock&Roll, that first generation stuff... Most people don’t realize how wild it was and still is. Especially compared to stuff that’s coming out today (besides, for example, The Jim Jones Revue)... And that’s why we back it so much. It’s maniacal, oozes sex, and has that REAL feeling to it...that total human experience amplified and set to a beat. It goes along with that feeling of not belonging here, in 2012. Lotsa people feel like that, no? For me, listening to early Rock&Roll, rhythm and blues, shit, punk rock too, takes me away from how fake everything feels today. Like that George Carlin bit about looking out a window in the city many years ago and you’d see people, cooking, talking, playing cards, shooting pool, fighting, fucking, DOING STUFF! But nowadays, most are sittin’ in front of some kinda screen. I feel nostalgic for times like that, when radio and the 45 were king. SEAN: How has Portland reacted to this sudden greasy explosion in their midst? Danny: We’ve been met with a minimal resistance to it but Portland has a pretty good contingent of Rock&Rollers. Nine outta ten Rock&Rollers seem to dig us...we had the tenth one killed. Matt: Yeah, maybe we sometimes get written off as a little gimmicky or something, but overall it seems like there’s a pretty good group of people who seem to dig it so that’s rad. Jimmy: We aren’t just fuckin’ around, I mean we are and we aren’t, dig? We’ve got a good balance of TCB and having some serious (and not so serious) FUN! I think people in this town are taking notice. We get a lotta people saying, stuff like “You guys look like you’re having so much fun!” We are, darlin...I live for this shit. SEAN: I felt a kinda weird flashback with you guys in relation to another Portland band, DEFIANCE because it was like they came out of nowhere looking like GBH when the Bay Area was all low-key hoodies & jeans & you guys GOT THE LOOK. Which is REALLY IMPORTANT as far as I’m concerned. Danny: Man, TOTALLY. We talk about it all the time. Whatever happened to cool being cool? Now it’s cool not to be cool. It’s all cable-knit sweaters and grandma glasses. The look of Rock&Roll is leather and denim. It’s been passed down from all the kats who brought home Nazi helmets after WWII and started their sickle clubs in the 40s with other hellraisers from the war. There’s a reason why the leather motorcycle jacket has been consistently in fashion since almost the 1910s... cause its fuckin’ cool! When we wear our leather, some think it’s gimmicky, but no man. We just know how to be cool. Hah.

jimmy beat drums

Matt: I dunno. I think there’s all sortsa cool looks just like there’s all sortsa cool music, but what really matters is having a good look that fits. So many bands don’t have any cohesiveness to their appearance, and whether it’s like us with our jeans and leather or like The Hives with suits and ties or even The Pipettes who used to wear those matching polka dot dresses, it really adds a cool touch that I feel is missing these days. Jimmy: Wasn’t it Joe Strummer that said your band should look like a gang? And seriously, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look cool. Whether you think that’s fuckin’ khakis and tweed (yikes) or denim and leather. Giving a shit is still rad in my book. My ma loves to tell this story of me in preschool with slicked back hair, wearing my dad’s cologne and trying to kiss girls at nap time, haha. I fell into that stuff as a little kid, who knows where it came from, maybe I saw an old Humphrey Bogart film or something. But thanks. Leather and denim just works for me, it has for years. SEAN: The other band I know who has combs is Personal & the Pizzas who are Pizza Greasers. What kind of grease do you guys use for your hair & where is the best pizza in Portland? Danny: Murray’s Black Beeswax. Sparky’s or Sizzle Pie. Speaking of which, we wanna challenge Personal & the Pizzas to a gang war! Jimmy: Layrite Super Hold, I’ve got some wild native hair that needs tamin’! Lonesome’s Pizza has this Ethiopian pie that’s my fav in town, I like em spicy! Sizzle Pie is pretty damn good too. Matt: No way! Best pizza is Sparkys on MLK for sure! As far a grease, I use a home brewed recipe containing snot and bacon fat amongst other things, but I’ll never reveal my secret ingredient. SEAN: A lot of the bands I like these days could have been stuck in various subcultural ghettos but don’t seem to be hindered by those old rules & are part of this big tent of Rock&Roll. Lemmy talked about Motörhead being Motörhead first & foremost when confronted with all the subgenres of metal & that Motörhead were Rock&Roll. Can I get a witness? Jimmy: Sean, I like you. Matt: I love that song! Danny: Amen! What we play is first generation roots Rock&Roll. Now that territory is covering the earlier R’n’B kats like Wynonie Harris and Louie Jordan met with the later lunatic cuts of pill poppin’ hillbillies like Jerry Lee Lewis, Billy Lee Riley, and (our real dad) Link Wray. However, we all grew up on punk rock records. So it’s old Rock&Rolll put through the filter of guys like Johnny Thunders and The Dictators. What comes outta that ain’t easy to sub-categorize. What it is is Rock&Roll, pure ‘n’ simple! Matt: You really are right, Sean. I think there is a desire to slap a precise genre on bands these days which can be really restrictive. I feel like because we grease our hair and wear motorcycle jackets we get pigeon holed as rockabilly or psychobilly while in reality we are just playing Rock&Roll music that draws on everything we love. That certainly includes all that early Rock&Roll stuff Danny mentioned, but also punk, garage, girl group, surf, soul, and trashy hipster culture from across the ages. We’ll just keep doin’ what we love and hopefully people won’t dismiss us too quickly because I’d love to be a part of that Rock&Roll tent. SEAN: If there is No Tomorrow, do I still gotta get you guys a show in May? Jimmy: I hope there’s a tomorrow, I could use a day off! Danny: You ain’t getting outta it that easy, Porky!

weirdo artist

shawn dickinson Shawn Dickinson is one of the best Weirdo Artists doing work today. His pieces evoke old-time American cartoons, the Wild side of the 50s & 60s & Monster Mania. I caught up with Shawn at Oki’s Dog over a couple of chili-cheese dogs & Orange Bangs! SEAN: It’s 2012, by all means we should be wearing boiler suits living in cubicle apartments in a poison atmosphered industrial hell-hole or serving time in an outerspace penal colony, but things look pretty much the same (if not MORE boring) in America. So something about this Rock&Roll, Kustom Kulture, Weirdo Art is really attractive to a lot of kids these days, how did you get into this thing & how does it relate to today?

SHAWN: Well, I was first into old cartoons since I was a kid, Tex Avery and stuff like that...then when I discovered old issues of MAD Magazine my favorite artist was Basil Wolverton. So while I was learning to draw cartoons I mostly copied from a lot of that stuff. I think Ed “Big Daddy” Roth’s Rat Fink was also influenced by that older stuff, so when I discovered Rat Fink I immediately became obsessed with it. I started drawing those crazy characters with the big veiny eyeballs and hairy warts, and it came easy for me because I had been drawing Avery and Wolverton type characters before that. So I’m influenced by all the weirdo monster art from the 60’s as well as all the earlier cartoons going way back to the 20’s and 30’s. I just mixed all my own personal influences together to make my own style of “kustom” art, I guess. I think it’s important for an artist to mix together as many influences as you can, especially these days with so many other artists around, and to me that’s what “kustom” art is....it’s mixing and matching all your favorite shit, making it your own! SEAN: I feel like the current crisis about cars, carbon emissions & global warming & everything else should really open up the creativity with cars & maybe create another explosion of car culture, but it’s not happening yet. Mebbe some of these enterprising electric car people should team up with artists like you & kick out some crazy rides! SHAWN: I agree! Actually, I think cartoonists had the whole thing figured out when they designed the cars for the Flintstones. I’d love to see a stone-age car culture. SEAN: You’ve got Schitzles der Cat & all these Iron Crosses everywhere, German stuff is obviously important to the whole enchilada, but why is that? VOS IST DER DEAL? SHAWN: My Grandfather is German and I think that’s his absolute favorite thing about being alive. He’s very excited about the fact that he’s a German, and I always thought that was funny. So I spent a lot of time growing up around bier steins and polkas, and was pretty much brought up on brats n’ bier. When I created Schitzles der Cat, I made him German only because I thought it would be funny, and I can relate to his German personality. I really wanted to have a character in my comics who spoke with a heavy accent. In old comic strips from the 20’s and 30’s, a lot of comic characters such as Popeye and others had discernible accents written into their dialogue, and I always loved that. I think that’s lost in cartoons these days. One of my favorite old-time cartoonists from the 20’s through the 40’s was Milt Gross. He lived in New York around the Bronx during the 1920’s when there where a lot of Jewish immigrants living in the neighborhoods he grew up in. So he was around a lot of thick Jewish accents and he put that into his work, with books like “Nize Baby”, “Dunt Esk” and “Dear Dollink”, writing the dialogue so the characters spoke the way these people actually sounded. I think it’s brilliant. So I guess Schitzles is sort of a nod to that stuff. ...As for the Iron Crosses, they have already been in the kustom kulture scene since the early 60’s, beginning with surfers and The Hell’s Angels...so when I started making art for that scene, it just happened naturally. SEAN: A lot of us that get into Weirdo Art & stuff come out of the Punk scene, which had a lot of that anti-Hippie sentiment, which I find myself mouthing on occasion, but when you really get into all the Weirdo stuff, you find that it’s part of the whole pre-Hippie, beat, surf, car cult, California dream thing, of which Hippie is an outgrowth. Rick Griffin, Ed Roth, Stanley Mouse, they’re all part of that. Von Dutch is like an automotive shaman you know? So, to me, IT is the thing underneath all these external scenes, like we’ve scraped past the surface shit & uncovered the true thing shining from within, & it’s like a giant veiny eyeball with wings. SHAWN: Yeah, I think the thing is that a lot of people who are into kustom kulture, Weird-Oh’s, Nutty Mads, and Rat Fink are nostalgic for that era of the early 60’s, and then there’s all the offshoots from that: surf art, hot rod art, punk, garage, hippie cartoons...everything sort of evolved from it. Like Rick Griffin was originally known as a surfer cartoonist and then moved on to doing those psychedelic rock posters of the hippie era, which are also great, and some stuff for ZAP comix. Robert Williams did a lot of art for Ed Roth during the 60’s, then he also did a lot of comics for ZAP, and underground comix were sort of a hippie thing in the late 60’s and early 70’s. Then I think a lot of punk art was originally influenced by those underground comix. So a lot of these different scenes pretty much stemmed from that early early Weirdo stuff. But you can go back even further than that... There would be no Rat Fink or Nutty Mads without the influence of Basil Wolverton and Tex Avery.... and there would be no Wolverton and Avery cartoons without the Fleischers, Looney Tunes, and all the crazy cartoons from the early days of animation, and those wouldn’t exist without the early comic strip artists such as George Herriman and Winsor McCay. ...That’s the evolution of cartoons! SHAWN: I’m partial to Dee Dee.

SEAN: Who is your favorite Ramone?

SEAN: Favorite cartoons, be specific & tell me my. SHAWN: My favorites are the Fleischer cartoons from the early 30’s. Those cartoons are the most imaginative and surreal cartoons of all time. “Swing You Sinners” is one of my favorite Fleischer cartoons, where Bimbo gets stuck in a haunted graveyard and everything comes to life and torments him along to that crazy jazz music. As that cartoon progresses, it get more and more insane and you’ll see some of the craziest drawings you’ll ever see in your life! Another favorite Fleischer cartoon is the Betty Boop cartoon where she’s Snow White....There’s this scene that happens in an underground cave where KoKo the Clown starts morphing into all these weird shapes and demented characters, while singing in Cab Calloway’s voice. It’s abstract art at its finest! Look for that cartoon - it’s completely nuts! It’s still kinda amazing to see that scene even today, but I could only imagine what it would have been like to see it in a movie theater during the early 30’s. The Fleischer’s used Cab Calloway to do a lot of the music in those cartoons. By today’s standards that probably seems like no big deal, but back then that music was essentially the punk rock or gangster rap of its day. And to see cartoon characters morphing in caves full of flying demons while mouthing Cab Calloway’s gibberish...people must have been shocked shitless at that stuff! Especially if you compare it to the sweet, conservative, candy-like cartoons Disney was doing at that time. Those Fleischer cartoons were made over 80 years ago and nothing has matched them since, at least as far as balls-out unfiltered creativity goes! Of course I have lots of other favorites too: The Warner Brothers cartoons, especially the ones by Bob Clampett. Also Ren & Stimpy!

Snaggs & Arbito are some ODD MOD artists I have been following for a while now. When I first discovered their work I kind of FREAKED OUT because they are a husband & wife team who have similar specialties as my wife & I have. Arbito mostly paints & Snaggs mostly does applique, their work is very design-heavy & their styles are rooted in the psychedelic burn-out culture of the 70s which is where I’m at. I caught up with them inside of a giant, plastic orange with 360 degrees of avocado green shag carpet in outer space. snaggsart.com & arbito.com will get you more! gether with the nutritional facts and ‘Free Inside!’ giveaway! So far I’ve made, Soggy Bottoms (Free Scrub Brush Inside!), Fix (Free Beer Mug Inside!), Fun Buns (Free Guillotine), Tasty Tufts (Free Fashion Combs- Collect all 3!), Cracked, Hairy Berries, Brain Drain, Tooth Blast (Free Tooth Putty), and King Krispies. They’re all made out of felt, and there’s a secret something inside the boxes that when pick up the cereal box and shake it, it actually sounds like there’s cereal in it. Cracked is one of my faves so far. It’s Mike Tyson’s very own cereal with him spooning out delicious, bloody ears! Only an appetite for the select few! And for the ‘Free Inside’ giveaway is a well-needed BandAid. I’d imagine that coming in very handy if you got on Tyson’s bad sad... woundy. I have endless stacks of sketches of more cereal ideas... the next one on the horizon is The Cereal Has Eyes based off the movie, The Hills Have Eyes. Ridiculous, I know, but honestly drawing out both the front and back had me laughing hysterically! If a cereal called Crispy Critters got the green light, I don’t see why The Cereal Has Eyes wouldn’t be a go! And just imagine how delicious it would be!! Mmmmm......

SEAN: When I think about the 70s I think about sunshine. Bright rays of gloriously warm sunshine. And rainbows that are just rainbows. And hair. And vans. And groovy things with gravity. I feel that same sunshine from you guy’s art. Where does it come from? ARBITO: I think you hit the nail on the head with those items Sean. I might add lots of carpet everywhere up the walls and on the ceiling. Orange colored glass and side burns. But I also think of all the great designs and graphics created during the 60s-70s. It’s a never ending well of inspiration. Being born in 75 I can remember vivid snapshots of scene that are very 70s. Some of my inspiration is definitely born from there, but I also think my fantasy of what the 60s and 70s were like is where most of my inspiration comes from. It’s like a very conservative person that’s reluctant about taking acid, but is obsessed with imagining what the journey will be like. Sometimes that imagining can be so great that it becomes its own thing and maybe even crazier than the real experience. That how I relate my inspirational connection to the 60s and 70s. SNAGGS: Mainly it comes from being kids in the 70s.... surrounded by everything we’re inspired by now. Vans, bright colors, stickers, cartoons, toys, cereal boxes. Everything was alive and full of energy. And even though some things weren’t necessarily PC, such as certain cartoon characters and mascots, everything came from a very genuine and innocent place. I suppose I bundle all that into a ball, put it in my pocket and take it out when I need inspiration for my art! And, I try to keep it fun otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it at all!

SEAN: Arbito, you have a lot of cool toys & statues & things out. These are mostly for the art toy collecting world, do you have aspirations to make mass media consumables for the children? Mexican bootlegs etc? ARBITO: Mutant little toys made by the millions excites me. I haven’t had the opportunity yet and I hope to someday. SEAN: How has Seattle been in terms of relating to your works?

SEAN: I have a similar mentality/problem with everything where I spend a lot of time imagining what it’s like & exaggerating certain characteristics & inflating ideas so that reality cannot compare, but then it becomes fuel for my work & so what if I want the world to be like a giant amusement park & shopping mall of my own design! I agree also about a sense of the genuine & innocence even though the 70s are the burnout decade. So maybe more importantly, it’s 2012, & nostalgia only pertains to certain people, how do you communicate these ideas to someone who has no point of reference or has a negative view of the past? AND, I feel like what we’ve called “RETRO” is actually a curatorial attempt at fashioning a “REAL” culture out of all the disposable pop trash that is churned out in order to turn a quick buck & has never really been intended for long-term use/reflection/cultural construction but because we as artists/cultural creators can’t help it, we find meaning in things like cereal boxes, vans, Atari cartridges, burgers, etc.

ARBITO: Oh Seattle is just where I live. I do enjoy the scenery, but it’s the same as any other city. Annoying people and great people all lumped together. I have plenty of places to buy art materials. The art scene in Seattle probably has a thing going, but I’m not part of it. I might need warmer weather eventually. SNAGGS: Whoa! Jesse sounds a little curmudgeonly! It’s true though, we have our little community of art friends here in Seattle; however we’re involved in every other art scene outside of Seattle. The music scene has always been so strong here, and art has always just been an afterthought. But maybe someday that will change, the Seattle art scene needs a good kick in the pants and maybe we can help do that in some way! SEAN: I feel like EVERYTHING needs a kick in the pants lately!!! The Russian Constructivists had this phrase “Art into Life” which I took to heart immediately & it helped me to understand my own relationship to art. You guys & a lot of artists our age have this post-Pop “Artist as many things” types of careers where it’s not clear where the art ends or begins in relation to the culture, products & that sort of thing. I feel like segregating what we do into “art” makes it safer or alienates it from directly being part of people’s lives because what I’d like to see is people like you or me making the actual cereal boxes, mass-market toys & that sort of thing... So,do you guys have an amazing van?

ARBITO: An Aaberg mall, now that would be shopping heaven. I guess I don’t worry about how a person views my art and if they know it has a vintage look to it, or what it is influenced by or paying homage to. I just hope some people find it interesting or funny and new to them, and maybe love it enough to want to own it. I think every decade, 40s, 50s, 80s, has its amazing gems of style, art, design, music and so on. It just seems to me that the 60s-70s are so dense with layers upon layers of amazing comic artists, painters, designers, musicians, blah blah blah. Ya know? When I see work from this time I don’t think of it as being retro or 70s or psychedelic, I just think... Holy shit! This is so good it blows my mind. Like you said about the cereal boxes, the shoe boxes, the disposable things, so many of them are pieces of art I collect too. It makes me feel good to have it surrounding me, the colors, the imagery, the slogans, it all makes me happy.

ARBITO: I’d consider myself a van guy. It’s rolling art on wheels, a mural on the side, bed in the back, soft captain chairs up front with a velvet curtain dividing the cozy cab from the rockin’ rear. Unfortunately I had to sell my van about 6 months ago. It was an orange 1977 Dodge Tradesman, with no windows except on the rear doors and those windows had louvers. It was amazing, floor to ceiling yellow shag and wood paneling. It’s little claim to fame is there’s a photograph of it in the 100th special episode of Spongebob Squarepants. Squidward is singing a song about art and he pops out of a mural on the side of my van. I’m a person that would always like a van in my life and I’ll be getting another one real soon.

SEAN: Snaggs, you did these amazing gang vests in Pop Psych type form. Tell me about these. SNAGGS: Thanks! Actually I only did one of the vests mentioned... it was for a group show called Angels Die Hard, that paid tribute to low budget biker films in the 1950s. All the participating artists had to come up with an imaginary biker gang, and created a vest with the gang’s insignia. Mine was ‘Yahoo Yankees’; (why I thought that was a good name, I have no idea), somehow the name stuck and I made it into a vest. The back was really detailed stitching of two motorcycles back-to back. There were 40 other artists in the show, Arbito was in the show as well, and everyone’s vests looked incredible! Definitely one of the best shows I’ve been involved in!

SNAGGS: The Orange Van was one sweet ride... Arbito never had to call me to tell me he was on his way home because I’d hear him coming literally a mile away! Think the only people not sad to see it go were our neighbors!

SEAN: Okay, well then tell me about your amazing cereal boxes! This issue of PORK is designed to look like a box of cereal. SNAGGS: Initially my fixation with creating my own cereal boxes started from a foodthemed art show that I was part of. I was totally stumped for the show, “what on earth am I going to make that’s a piece of food, or something food related that I’ll actually enjoy making?!” And then had a “Ah-hah!” moment and it came to me... cereal boxes! I thought that was the end of my cereal box making, but that was only the beginning! There’s nothing more fun than concepting every single detail from the name, characters, what the cereal is made of, and tying it all to-

MEGA MIX - PORK REVIEW SECTION

AIR-BRUSHED T-SHIRTS It was probably part of the whole economic bubble of the 2000s, but there was a point there when mass-market t-shirts with logos on them were selling for like fifty bucks. Maybe they still are, but I haven’t heard anyone talking about it. Anyhow, talk about being conned, for $25 to $50 you can get a t-shirt air-brushed by a Weirdo Artist like this Johnny Thunders t-shirt by our own Bobby Madness & then you’ll have a real unique piece of ephemera to own instead of something thousands of other morons have. Instead of getting some generic band back patch you could have a real Weirdo Artist do the back of your jacket up with some fucked up character saying your very own catch phrase & throw in personal references from your life. It could happen. -SÄ

Hey! The Mega Mix is PORK’s review section. PORK only reviews stuff we like, because who needs bad reviews?! Not you. Not me. That said, we’m always looking for cool shit to tell people about, that’s a big part of why this magazine exists! If we like it, we’ll review it & put it in the Mix or in the Street & Sweet section if it fits. If there are bands, artists, books, clothing, people of note, youtubes or WHATEVER that we need to know about, let us know!

POBOX 12044 EUGENE OR 97440 U$A sean@internetpork.com tweet @porkmagazine

WEIRDO ARTIST - CHICO FELIX Chico Felix is a Brazillian Weirdo Artist doing great cartoony work with a lot of Pete Bagge flavor to it. His stuff is solid & entertaining with alot of really gonzo lookin’ monsters rocking & rolling. I think half of why I like him is because of his awesome name: Chico Felix. Sometimes I wish I had a more gimicky name or a pen-name or whatever, but whatever man, leave that to these other people like Chico Felix & his great name. Anyhow, Chico Felix seems to be quite entrenched in the Brazillian Garage scene which I know fuck all about. I’d like to, though! Let’s PORK BRAZIL! -SÄ

HOOT HOOT - I SCREAM You could get ice cream from a snack bar in the shape of an owl. You could live in a fake windmill that used to be a lemonade stand. Instead you are most likely living in some square, box-shaped building with a minimalist aesthetic. The Futurists declared that every new generation should live in housing of their own design & that to live in the homes of past generations was a cause of cultural deterioration & general lame-ness. I’m not that extreme about this idea. I’m just saying, you could live in an underground house made entirely out of round forms with 360 degree carpeting. You could drive a plastic mini-tank that smells like cotton candy. You could have a pet flamingo & a pet pig. You could be in a Rock&Roll gang & sell Pop Rocks to the children. -SÄ weirdo artist - Shigeru Mizuki Shigeru Mizuki is a fantastic Japanese Weirdo Artist who specializes in comics of Japanese ghost stories. His work reminds me a lot of Gahan Wilson’s, with very expressionistic cartoon characters that rely primarily on simple brush-work. Mizuki’s backgrounds are intensely worked with tons of stippling which creates a spooky contrast in his comics. Mizuki lost his left arm in WWII & the horrors of war effected him profoundly, which you can feel in the emotional depth of his comics. A lot of Americans are familiar with his work from the glorious cut-away scientific illustrations he did of Japanese folk ghost characters, but he is best known for his GeGeGe no Kitaro manga about a boy with a skater haircut & a little eyeball friend & their esoteric adventures. -SÄ

WEIRDO ARTIST - HIDESHI HINO Hideshi Hino is one of my favorite artists. His manga are totally insane glimpses into an aesthetic that is wholly his. Hino was born in Manchuria to Japanese parents just as Japan surrendered in WWII. His family had to escape before being lynched by the Chinese. Hino’s manga originates in this transitional world & is populated by caricatures of his family: his grandfather was a Yakuza & his father was a pig farmer with a spider tattoo on his back. Anyhow, I found Hino’s comics profoundly unsettling when I first read them, but after reading enormous piles of his work I have acquired the taste of his particularly morbid & absurd aesthetic. I would start my odyssey into Hino’s world with Panorama of Hell, a semi-autobiographical tale into total insanity which is almost hilariously fucked up. -SÄ THE SEARCH FOR THE HOLY GRAIL Funky Soul Rock&Roll motherfuckers like us are an incarnation of the Grail Knight. We are looking for something otherwordly, something esoteric, something intangible. This is kind of a pain in the ass in these days, but as the journey is as much as the destination (just like life maaaan), we are in the perfect time & place. This is a religion without a church that must set up temporary places of worship so that we can be reminded of the importance of what we are doing! Sometimes I feel like we need actual places of worship that reflect our intense passions & beliefs! A place to see a great show & grab a cheap burger & a beer! Or a place to sit in the morning & listen to music with people who are as into it as you are. A place to watch old cartoons & eat popcorn! -SÄ

Motörhead another perfect day Another Perfect Day is my favorite Motörhead record & then probably Iron Fist. Anyhow, what sets Another Perfect Day apart from the other Motörhead records is it being really melodic with more attention paid to the guitar licks. You still get the harddriving Motörhead machine, but there is a melancholy to the tunes that really makes the record speak to my soul! Dancing On Your Grave is the standout track, great to sing in the car! -SÄ

NUTTY MADS Nutty Mads were a series of large monochromatic Weirdo characters made by Marx Toys & rumored to be designed by MAD artist Jack Davis. They sold for 15 cents at five & dimes & came in a variety of colors. The Nutty Mads were produced in 1963 & 1964 as part of the Weirdo Craze of that time. The Nutty Mads had three series, each with six characters. Marx Toys folded in the early 80s & sold their molds to a Mexican Company Plastimarx which then began making Nutty Mads in the 80s & 90s. Currently SouthFactory in Japan is making their own versions of Nutty Mads which are pretty fuckin’ dope. -SÄ

DANNY JAMES & PEAR Man, Danny James & the Key printing are putting together an awesome LP sleeve for the Danny James & Pear record out soon on Burger Records! The sleeve appears to be an apple, but by following the directions, you pull the apple stem to reveal a PEAR. The whole thing evokes Apple Corps records, The Rolling Stones “Sticky Fingers” & Warhol’s Banana with peel-away for the Velvet Underground! This is what I’m talkin’ about! Make it an experience! You gotta get this! -SÄ

RECORDS I got a ton of records for possible review this time around & I wasn’t particularly moved by any of them. If I was, I’m interviewing the band. You’ve probably noticed that PORK is not the place for endless piles of music reviews, because I think that writing about music can be pretty fucking weird & it’s really the things that surround the music that you write about & then you listen to the band & if it’s a good record enough of a review is, “You should check this out.” -SÄ NOBUNNY LIVE I caught Nobunny up in Portland with Guantanamo Baywatch & BOOM! The current band is really tight even with girls pulling & pushing on them & Nobunny was possessed with the spirit that just reinforced my belief in all things Rock&Roll. The crowd was just teetering on the edge of being out of control which was great & I even got to see the No Tomorrow Boys in action, disposing of some guy who was trying to break the lighting rig. Anyhow, make sure to check out the Nobunny when he comes through town. -SÄ

MATT STANGER VANS Matt Stanger of the Lordy Lords has been doing Kustom Vans & shot me this great pair of them. Matt is also in the Lordy Lords & did a Surf Rock Opera “The Bikini Creature Beach Feature”! (Look that up on youtube) Again, as stated above, it’s so much kooler to get a pair of kustom shoes than it is to get a limited edition or mass market pair of shoes & it’s usually the same price if not cheaper to get an artist to rock you a pair! -SÄ

father of weirdo artists:

Stanley Mouse is one of the hairy, heavy, heady fathers of Weirdo Art, but he didn’t stop there. Mouse went from the pin-striping & monster t-shirts in Detroit to psychedelic posters & record covers in San Francisco. Like all my favorite art, Mouse’s work is part of the culture. As a kid, his work was some of the first real art I was exposed to via old framed posters for Family Dog shows. SEAN: So I wanna flesh out the world of Weirdo art for our readers & how you got into it, what you did with it & where that went. MOUSE: IT ALL STARTED WITH MAD MAGAZINE AND BASIL WOLVERTON. MONTE FROM LA MADE WEIRDO DECALS. VON DUTCH PAINTED SOME STRANGE THINGS. ROTH, ASH, NEWT, RBT WILLIAMS , MYSELF AND OTHERS FOLLOWED SUIT. SEAN: You grew up in the Motor City, was Detroit hip to the monster hot rod art when you started doing t-shirts? MOUSE: WEIRDOS CAME FROM LA. MONSTERS CAME FROM DETROIT. AFTER BIG DADDY ROTH SAW MY ART, HE STARTED CALLING HIS SHIRTS MONSTER SHIRTS SO I STARTED CALLING MINE WEIRDO. SEAN: I read that you felt like hot rods are safe & nostalgic now, somehow lacking that futuristic edge & danger that they really SHOULD have, especially when piloted by bug-eyed freak outs. I’ve been working on trying to isolate the elements that give these things their BALLS & EDGE so that it’s not a big collector nerd fest out here & the kids get something fresh & new. Do you have any thoughts on this? MOUSE: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THE NERD FACTOR. IF THERE WASN’T, THE WOULD BE NO BALLS AND EDGE. THE REAL POINT TO IT ALL IS CREATIVITY AND TRYING TO KEEP IT BAD ASS. DETROIT IS COMING AROUND. FINALLY. THEY WERE FORCED INTO IT. OTHERWISE, THEY WOULD HAVE KEPT MAKING CRAPPY CARS DOMINATED BY COMMITTEES LIKE LEMMINGS WALKING OFF A CLIFF. THEY NEED TO DESIGN CARS THAT ARE LIGHT YEARS BEYOND GASOLINE AND BAD ASS LOOKING TOO. THEY SHOULD DO AWAY WITH COMMITTEES THAT MILK DOWN DESIGN TO MATCH YOUR LIVING ROOM SOFA, AND LOOK LIKE VACUUM CLEANERS. THEY SHOULD MAKE SOMETHING COOL THAT YOU COULD MAKE A RAT ROD OUT OF. MAKE IT FUN AGAIN. SEAN: Your work has always been part of Car Culture & Rock&Roll culture, how has it been pursuing your own distinct visions in relation to the powerful pull of those big gravitational bodies? MOUSE: I PAINT A LOT OF BEAUTIFUL GIRLS. AND I’M GOOD AT IT.

SEAN: Your family was running a head shop in Detroit, selling your posters & shirts you were doing in California, I feel like the country needs some kind of new head shops as well, because the country needs more Heads. MOUSE: NOT MORE PEOPLE ATTACHED TO A SUBSTANCE BUT OPEN MINDED PEOPLE THAT USE CREATIVITY TO THE MAX. WEED WAS WAY MORE FUN WHEN IT WAS SECRET. USING CODE WORDS TO DISGUISE IT’S EXISTENCE. NOW THAT EVERYONE IS A PSYCHEDELIC RANGER, WHAT DO WE DO WITH IT? MAYBE USE IT TO SOLVE ALL THE CRAP WE ARE FACED WITH. NOT HIDE IN A POT STUPOR. DECRIMINALIZE IT AND MOVE ON. SEAN: Ed Roth took your Freddy Flypogger & your Mouse & mixed them together to produce Rat Fink, but there’s also some conjecture about this guy Don “Monte” Monteverde creating Rat Fink. Does that mean HE copied Flypogger? Did you hang out with Roth at all? Was this Monte guy on the scene at all? MOUSE: I HAD THE EXCLUSIVE RIGHTS TO PAINTING SHIRTS AT THE AUTORAMA SHOWS IN THE MID WEST AND EAST COAST. I HAD BEEN DOING IT FOR A FEW YEARS AND THEY WERE VERY VIBRANT SHOWS ATTENDED BY A LOT OF HOT ROD FANS. WHILE AT A SHOW IN PITTSBURGH, I CAUGHT WORD THAT BIG DADDY ROTH WAS HERE AND WANTED IN ON PAINTING SHIRTS. HE CAME OVER TO ME AND SAID HE COULD SHOW ME SOME TIPS AND HOW TO MAKE $300 BUCKS ($3000 NOWADAYS) AT A HOT ROD SHOW. I AGREED AND HE SET UP NEXT TO MY BOOTH. HE WORE NO SHIRT AND WAS A BIG MUSCULAR HAIRY GUY WITH A LARGE BELLY. HE SAT ON A LITTLE STOOL WITH AN EASEL THAT LOOKED LIKE AN X SHAPED CROSS. HE PAINTED

IN JUST BLACK INK. I COLORED IN ALL MY DESIGNS. COLOR WAS A BIG PART OF IT. I PROCEEDED TO MAKE A THOUSAND DOLLARS AND ROTH MADE $300. HE TOOK BACK MY CATALOG TO LA AND STARTED CALLING HIS SHIRTS MONSTER SHIRTS. I JUST LEARNED RECENTLY THAT HE TOOK MY CATALOG TO THE ARTIST MONTE TO DRAW UP A RAT FINK BASED ON MY CHARACTERS. HE MADE MONTE SIGN AWAY HIS RIGHTS TO THE DESIGN. IT IS ALL IN THE MONTE BOOK THAT CAME OUT LAST YEAR. ROTH AND I PAINTED AT MANY CAR SHOWS OVER THE YEARS. WE PASSED WEIRD NOTES BACK AND FORTH FROM OUR PAINTING BOOTHS. WE HAD A LOT OF FUN. ROTH WAS A DEVILISHLY FUNNY, CREATIVE ARTIST THAT INSPIRED ME FROM MY EARLIEST DAYS OF DRAWING HOT RODS. HE WAS THE TRUE RAT FINK. I STILL LIKE DRAWING HOT RODS AND MONSTER WEIRDOS. I DID A CENTER SPREAD IN COOL RAT ROD MAG LAST YEAR. I HAVE PRINTS FOR SALE ON MY WEB SITE:MOUSESTUDIOS.COM……… SEAN: I’ve heard that you are the source of the “Hillbilly Helmet” hat being in the hot rod Weirdo world. How did that come about? MOUSE: WHILE PAINTING SHIRTS AT THE ST LOUIS HOT ROD SHOW IN 1959/60 THERE WERE GUYS WALKING AROUND WITH THESE TALL HATS ON. THEY WERE FUN TO AIRBRUSH ON. THEY TOLD ME THE PROCESS HOW THEY MADE THEM; SOAKING THEM IN HOT WATER OVERNIGHT AND THEN STRETCHING THEM OVER A BASEBALL BAT. WHILE PAINTING IN NYC, I WENT TO THE GARMENT DISTRICT FOR T SHIRTS AND NOTICE THAT THERE WERE TONS OF FELT HATS. MAINLY BECAUSE IN THE PRECEDING DECADES BEFORE, THEY WERE IN STYLE BUT FELL OUT OF STYLE IN THE 60’S. I WOULD BUY THEM BY THE BALE. 100’S OF HATS. TAKE THEM HOME AND STRETCHED THEM AND I WOULD AIRBRUSH ON THEM AT SHOWS. CALLED THEM HILL AND COUNTRY CRASH HELMETS.

SEAN: Your dad worked for Disney, was your house full of art supplies growing up? MOUSE: AS A KID, I WOULD SIT AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE AND DRAW CARTOONS WITH MY DAD. USUALLY ON WANT ADS FROM THE NEWSPAPER WITH BLACK CRAYON LIKE PENCILS. HE WAS VERY EXCITED THE DAY I DREW A PERFECT CIRCLE FREEHAND. HE DID A LOT OF SIGN PAINTING AND I WATCHED HOW HE DID IT.

monsters, weirdos & creeps

NEW! MöTORPöRK T-SHIRT!

$15 BLACK MENS MEDIUM ONLY

$2 per pack of 5

small, cheap & trashy bubblegum cards! 27 messed up monsters for you to collect! disgusting freaks in all their glory including a nobunny card! puzzles, wacky mix-ups & comix on the backs. distorted dorks on the fronts! gittum!

pork back issues 1-5 $5-$10

SEAN: You settled in Oakland when you first moved to the Bay Area & met Alton Kelley, what part of Oakland were you living in & do you have any notable Oakland memories? (I’m from Oakland & was a co-founder of the Oaklandish art group.) MOUSE: IT ALL WENT BAD WHEN THE MEDIA PICKED UP ON THE SCENE. THEN EVERY CRAZY KID AND RUNAWAY CAME TO SF. WHEN PIG PEN DIED, THE DEAD LOST THE GRIT. I FIRST MOVED FROM DETROIT TO BERKELEY. IT WAS A LITTLE WINDMILL ON 51ST AND TELEGRAPH. I GUESS IT WAS ON THE BORDER OF OAKLAND. I MET KELLEY IN SF AND WHEN I BEAT THE DRAFT, I MOVED TO SF WHERE THE PARTIES WERE GREAT. THE PARTIES TURNED INTO THE SCENE.

LIMITED EDITION MöTORPöRK T-SHIRT WITH TERRIFYING SNAGGLEPöRK TYPE DESIGN BY sean Äaberg! SCARE YOUR NEIGHBORS! RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET! BULLET BELTS SOLD SEPARATELY.

macho iron cross necklace! $9

ACHTUNG! All the Koolest Kats on earth have worn the Iron Cross! The Red Baron, Ed “Big Daddy” Roth, Tina “Boom Boom” Lucchesi, Brian Connolly of the Sweet, Darby Crash, the no tomorrow boys & Sean Äaberg have all rocked the Iron Cross! Be cool! Be tough! Be a rebel! on 24” ball chain.

DID YOU MISS AN ISSUE? JUST JUMPING ON THE PORK TRAIN NOW? DON’T FRET, YOU CAN STILL GET PORK BACK ISSUES FROM THE PORK SHOP! IF YOU DON’T HAVE EVERY ISSUE OF PORK YOU’RE MISSING OUT! HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO? HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHAT’S COOL? HMMM?

vinyl pork stickers!!!!! $2 for six

for just two dollars you get a pack of pork stickers. lotsa designs. super tough vinyl stickers for your bike, car, guitar, little sister, dog, mom, butt, whatever man. stick it to the man with these goddamn stickers! sticky business! sticky fingers!

colorful PORK POSTCARDS! $2 FOR six!

today your love, tomorrow the moon! pork threatens world domination IN THIS POSTCARD OF PORK #5’s cover! porkus is on the moon & setting up camp! but the moon is just the beginning! write to your friends in jail on this great postcard. super colorful, super glossy, super post cardy.

real madness comix! $5 each!

real madness comix for real delinquent types! most comics are for & by nerds & wimps, but real madness comix are for screw balls, sluts, slimes & freakazoids by the real deal. we have #2 & #4 available! published by teenage dinosaur.

mwc stikkers!!!

$2 per pack of 5

BRAIN DESTROYING NEON MONSTERS, WEIRDOS & CREEPS STIKKERS TO PUT ON EVERYTHING! 27 DESIGNS! FIVE PER PACK! EYE SHOCKING NEON COLORS! PERMANENT STICKER GLUE MAKES THEM A REAL PAIN IN THE ASS FOR LOCAL NERDS & COMMIES TRYING TO DESTROY YOUR FUN LIFESTYLE.

porkmagazine.bigcartel.com

HOW TO ORDER! ONLINE: porkmagazine.bigcartel.com MAIL: Send well concealed cash, check or money order to GOBLINKO pobox 12044 Eugene OR 97440 USA. All prices for USA only. Outside USA please add 20% to your order to cover postage. QUESTIONS? KATIE@INTERNETPORK.COM Orders are shipped twice a week. Products may not look exactly as pictured or described.

HEEEEY KIDS!!!

wop bomma loo wop a wamma bamma lou!!!

WHAT TIME IS IT? gorilla ramone, where’s my glasses?

this is not kosher!

SQ

V

IR T!

you’re gherkin my chain! never a dill moment!

PORK TIME!!!

oh porku! you’re so... h-h-h-hairy!

yer no naked mole rat yerself!

cut to a cartoon!

this is a ralph bakshi mighty heroes cartoon!

pickles! i just loooove pickles!

speaking of salty sour things, it’s the no tomorrow boys!

there is an amazing world of delicious pickles out there!

our talented judges will pick the most deserving winner!

andy warhol is the definition of american art! he shows the way! “I don’t shave. I don’t sweat. I don’t even shit!”

oh bookworm! eating my books again? (jerk!)

contest time! write a postcard to pork with your top 5 favorite things! your entry should be as cool as possible!

tito

knuckles godzilla

bagels

H A IT W ELI T! M R A H

A

H-

oh it’s bob dillin, the gherkin jerk!

come closer! HEY! NICE SHOES!

and noooow, it’s snack time! today’s snack is...

it is one of his earliest works & 100% bakshi!

you can get the mighty heroes on dvd!

grooaaan oh! I was just reading the philosophy of andy warhol! what a great book!

do the no tomorrow twist with your baby, c’mon!

do it hard! do it till it hurts! do it hard & twist her outta her skirt!

well, it’s been fun! i can’t wait to see you again!

you could win a free membership in the pork army!!!

BY SEAN & KATIE ÄABERG WITH AMELIA HART, sammy & THE ÄABERG brothers!

paperpuppets by lesley graves

SEE YOU NEXT TIME!!! ON PORK TIME!!!

BAD IDEAS.

I don’t know about you, but these days people seem way more freaked out about BAD IDEAS than ever before! The common wisdom seems to be “don’t think about that & especially don’t talk about that.” Well, PORK wants you to go to those places that other people don’t want you to go. To the Heart of Darkness, to the depths of the jungle, on a raft, as natives are shooting darts at you & they’ve got skulls on sticks. Mental reslience is just plain smart in this big, mixed up world & you gotta start dunking your brain into the smokey barbecue sauce of BAD IDEAS before you lose your flavor! BAD IDEAS! BAD IDEAS!

WWha... Get Flored? Go Flor ya-self. Flor is a special layer of yeast in a wine barrel. Underneath this layer of funk are some of the savoriest and gnarliest wines in the world. Keeping flor in the barrel was first done by winemakers to protect the wine from overexposure to oxygen, but eventually became known for its own awesome aromatics.

unbelievABLE!!! NEWS OF THE WORLD WITH JASON MCKAY witchcraft! hoaxes! cryptoids! ufos! ghosts! cults! conspiracy theories! scientific scares! the occult! & all manners of weirdness from the desk of the northwests’ premier dubiologist: jason mckay!

Wines that age under flor contain the strange compound sotolon, which is also in herbs like fenugreek and curry and it makes your sweat & pee smell like maple syrup. The original liquid lunch, flor wines have foody aromas... squash and honey, nuts, mushrooms, bread and even wonky smells like wood glue and drywall. It can create an illusion of the senses - They smell much different than they taste, and their mouthfeel can be a lot different than what they look like in the glass. It can almost be like drinking two wines at one time... or a three-way in your snout. People are either grossed-out by flor wines, or they go crackhead over them and go out of their way to get even just a taste. Edgar Allen Poe’s The Cask of Amontillado tells about a noble who gets lured deep into the catacombs under Florence, drawn to his fate by the promise of one glass from a great barrel of the stuff. Lou Reed’s album The Raven has a song on it, “The Cask” based on the same story.

December 29 CONSPIRACY THEORY President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela claims the rise of cancer amongst South American leaders, including himself, is possibly caused intentionally by the United States government, as a means of destabilizing the region. January 5 WITCHCRAFT A Parisian teenager was beaten and murdered by drowning by his sister and her boyfriend who believed the boy was a sorcerer and influencing other children with his skills in witchcraft. January 17 GHOSTS Chinese tourists capture video footage of a ghostly figure in a Glasgow church, which they claim can be identified as the ghost of Princess Diana. January 18 LOST CIVILIZATIONS ‘Archaeologist’ Michael Tellinger claims to have found a very ancient footprint, the size of a human being, in an undisclosed location in Africa, which he believes is possible evidence of the biblical race of Nephilim. January 19 PSYCHICS Czech police arrest a psychic healer who collected large amounts of money from patients to remove tumors through his psychic healing, collecting almost half a million dollars for his work and when ‘patients’ couldn’t afford his pay him, he demanded sexual favors. January 23 WITCHCRAFT A housekeeper at London’s Intercontinental Hotel cleaning in Lady Gaga’s suite claims to have found evidence of the singers ‘Satanic’ rituals: a bathtub full of blood! January 24 GHOSTS A Wisconsin man arrested for punching his wife claims it wasn’t him, it was a ghost! Local authorities contact regional ghost hunters who investigated the matter & found no evidence of any haunting in the home. January 25 SCIENTIFIC SCARE After a four-year investigation of the mysterious skin disease Morgellons disease, the Center for Disease Control has concluded that not only is the disease not spreading, but it doesn’t even exist! January 24 UFOs An audio analyst is said to have a secret tape of President John F. Kennedy describing his belief in UFOs and aliens days before his assassination, but the message can only be heard when played backward. February 8 CRYPTOIDS A government engineer working in Siberia reveals that he has video footage of a wooly mammoth, extinct for 4,000 years. This wooly mammoth is alive and well, moving along a Siberian river according to his grainy video presentation. February 10 MIRACLES A holy man in Taiwan was arrested for conning 3 million Taiwan dollars (about $100,000 US) out of people, peddling holy icons with magical powers that could heal people. By holy icon, I mean a Sesame Street Elmo doll! February 10 CRYPTOIDS The Minister of Water Resources in Zimbabwe has officially halted further construction on a new reservoir, after a large number of workers left the site and vowed never return due to a number of mermaid sightings. Local officials near the reservoir will brew beer to hopefully appease the water spirits. February 22 CRYPTOIDS In a remote village of the African country of Namibia, a mysterious creature with the head of a dog and body of a pig is terrorizing the village dogs. Local officials who don’t recognize it as a regional animal are perplexed and blame black magic for its existence.

When it comes to Sherry (aka Jerez / Xeres), the floriest kinds are Fino, Manzanilla and Amontillado. Fino is both the freshest and floriest, and in Amontillado the flor eventually dies off, and the wine oxidizes a bit making toastier notes. Fino Sherry can be eaten with tons of stuff from olives to chicken and octopus or paella... think Coastal Spain (what grows together goes together). The slightly nuttier Amontillado is a great apertif with almonds and chocolate, but I’d take it alongside a bowl of Honey-Nut Cheerios or in a flask for a late night walk. The bottles can be really cool looking and some are even pocket-sized, like La Garrocha and La Cigarrera, two of the greatest Sherry producers. The ladies on the label will talk to you if you drink enough of the stuff. In the Jura region of France they make the flor wine Vin Jaune. The Jurrasic Era was named for the geologic slope found in the Jura. When you drink Jura wines you are sort of drinking dinosaur bones, recomposed by grapevines. The Jura has gained new popularity in haute cuisine, but the wines are very affordable. Vin Jaune means Yellow Wine aka Vin de Volie (Wine of the Veil) or Sud Voile (under veil). A bottle of this Veiled Wine can age 50 to 100 years. Normally a wine with so much aging potential would be very expensive, but these aren’t. Vin Jaune is bottled in 21 ounce bottles called clavelins. These bottles have a strange antiquated look, and are sort of ergonomic like Riesling bottles - THEY FIT JUST RIGHT IN YOUR HAND. They’re easy to picture in Tolkien’s MiddleEarth, and so are Gose bottles. Gose bottles are for a special German beer containing coriander and salt, and this beer uses flor to seal the top, instead of caps or corks. Gose nearly disappeared as holders of its recipe passed on after WWII and again in the 1950’s. A few pubs in Leipzig continued to sell it up to the mid-60’s but then it completely disappeared. One pub owner collaborated with a few ancient locals to recreate the brew in the late 1980’s and was picked up for manufacture by Schultheiss Berliner-Weisse-Brauerei in East Berlin.

I CAN READ!

ON THE GROUND: AN ANECDOTAL HISTORY OF THE 60s UNDERGROUND PRESS IN THE US.

by

sean Äaberg

Edited by Sean Stewart. Published by PM Press One of the first art museum exhibits I remember going to & actually enjoying was a collection of Black Panther newspapers at the Oakland Museum. I think I was 10 or so & the idea that there were these totally crazed underground newspapers with wild graphics & really weird subject matter totally blew the world open for me. On The Ground covers a nice selection of the heavy hitters of the US Underground Press in the years when it was a vital part of the counter-culture. The book also SMELLS really good, which is important. I am particularly obsessed with the 60s & have been working on reconciling my love/hate relationship to all the stuff that happened during that time period. The culture changed SO rapidly as well; we are still deciphering all the stuff that was created & happened in the 60s. Anyhow, I’ve always wanted magazines to have that same feeling that the underground press had & that’s a big reason why PORK is the way it is, with the same intention of bringing the people together & blowing their minds. Featuring words from Al Goldstein of Screw, Emory Douglas of the Black Panther, Ron Turner of Last Gasp, Spain & lots of others. The only down side is the totally boring cover which screamed “Late 90s Zine” to me. I include an awesome cover of SCREW just as an example of how the cover COULD have been.

GARBAGE PAIL KIDS

By Topps. Published by Abrams Comicarts This Garbage Pail Kids books is part of Abrams Comicarts’ Topps series which started off with their awesome Wacky Packages book. This is a fantastic little book with a dust-jacket made to look & feel just like the wax wrapper of an old pack of cards & when you take the dust-jacket off, you see an old piece of gum printed on the book itself. Very cool. This book collects the first five series of Garbage Pail Kids which were released in 1986. I was the first kid to have Garbage Pail Kids in my elementary school & I immediately became the school dealer. You could sell any card for a quarter, which is how much a pack cost back then, but for the rarer cards you could get as much as a dollar. Back then, my life was submerged in Garbage Pail Kids, MAD magazine & the Dr. Demento show (not too different from now) & these old Garbage Pail Kids bring a very warm feeling to my heart. There is a great introduction by co-creator Art Spiegelman which really moved me & a conclusion by artist John Pound. It’s also nice to see all the cards in larger format to get an idea of how John Pound & co. did the paintings. Garbage Pail Kids are still being produced today, I just saw some GPK gummis with magnets being sold at the store!

ASS GOBLINS OF AUSCHWITZ

by Cameron Pierce Published by Eraserhead Press Me & the missus used to do a blog called “The Daily Hitler” which was something Hitler related every day, without regard to politics, taking no stance, just us trying to dig up interesting Hitler things every day. We’re Jews, so this is extra funny, but not a lot of people got it. One of the things I found in my search for Hitler was this insane book, “Ass Goblins of Aushwitz”. Reading the summary I realized that there were maybe too many coincidences occuring with this book & myself. I did a zine called Goblin’s Armpit from 1988-1998. My production company is Goblinko. The Ass Goblins call their child slaves “apples” & turn the “apples” into “cider”. I was really into Cider Punk ala Chaos UK. The main character is named Otto, which is our first son’s name. The atmosphere of Ass Goblins evokes the art of Boris Artzybyshef, which is one of the things that pushed me over the edge in terms of not being ashamed of being obsessed with Nazi stuff. His most amazing work is a series where everything is shaped like swastikas. Anyhow, this book was a pleasure to read, I found myself cracking up & feeling repulsed throughout & Pierce really made this fucked up world of Aushwitz come to life for me. Should be in every cool kid’s book order.

THE SINCEREST FORM OF PARODY

by Jim Benson Published by Fantagraphics Whenever something is REALLY successful or even just notable, people immediately use it as a model for their own projects. Sometimes the result is total shit, sometimes the result is FANTASTIQUE! When MAD magazine hit the streets it made a real big splash & from that splash hopped dozens of copy-frogs: FLIP, WHACK, NUTS, CRAZY, WILD, RIOT, EH, UNSANE, BUGHOUSE, GET LOST, CRACKED & the like. Jim Benson has collected some of the better MAD imitations & Jay Lynch wrote a cool essay to go with them. It’s great to see all the weird variations on this old shmaltzy humor & Bill Elder’s cartooning style & see how all these different takes on a theme are similar & yet very different than the original. I actually don’t really like parody unto itself, I think constantly making fun of things is boring, but as a vehicle for other kinds of humor it works out.

SAVAGE DAMAGE DIGEST

savagedamagedigest@gmail.com

MONGREL ZINE

mongrelzine.ca I love GOOD ZINES & Savage Damage Digest & Mongrel Zine are GOOD ZINES & I LOVE THEM for that. Savage Damage Digest is out of Oakland & focuses on musical acts of yesteryear. I got a kick out of a Hanoi Rocks feature & a piece on the Australian craze of Sharpies. Mongrel Zine is out of Vancouver, Canada & is full of cool new bands that I dig! There’s so much to read! GET THEM BOTH! OKAY!

The Solutrean Hypothesis: Ancient Europeans in America? by PROFESSOR Dan Shoup “Across Atlantic Ice”, a new book by archaeologists Dennis Stanford and Bruce Bradley, argues that the first discoverers of America were hunters from the west coast of Europe, who travelled in skin boats along the vast ice sheets that filled the north Atlantic during the last ice age. This is a little different than the AlaskaSiberia land bridge theory we learn in school. The dates are much older too – 26,000 to 19,000 years ago instead of 10,000-13,000. The authors have been working on this theory for a decade. Here’s their argument. First of all, the oldest stone tools in the Americas (called ‘Clovis points’) look incredibly similar to the tools found along the Atlantic coasts of Spain and France (called ‘Solutrean’). You find the same types of tools, the same flaking techniques, and some cultural practices like burying large caches of blades on both continents. Most Clovis material is found in eastern North America, and is very rare on the Pacific coast.

But how did they get there? Boats. Not sailboats of course, probably some kind of seal-skin rafts. The last glacial maximum was brutal: pack ice extended as far south as Spain and New England. People living along the west coast of Europe must have adapted, like modern Inuit, to a life surrounded by sea ice and ice-covered mountains. The thing people don’t realize, though, is that arctic seashores are very rich in animal life. People can eat, clothe themselves, build things, and heat their homes just from seals. Travelling long distances over ice to hunt is not unusual for the Inuit, who can migrate between Greenland and Alaska in a year. Archaeologists have a total mental block about ancient seafaring – partly because they’re all landlubbers, and partly because Ice Age shorelines are now under hundreds of feet of water, hiding any evidence that has survived. Part three of the argument comes from mitochondrial DNA, which is passed on from mother to child, and specifically from a mtDNA haplotype called ‘X’. Type X is distributed all over the world, but on average only 2% of people carry it. The largest concentrations in Georgia (8%), the Orkney Islands (7%), and Israeli Druze (27%). The other place you find a lot of Haplogroup X is in indigenous North Americans, where subgroup X2a occurs in up to 25% of Algonquians, 15% of Sioux, and Navajo (7%). The concentrations are highest in the northeast – closer, of course, to Europe. By contrast, you find X only rarely in Siberia, and the sequences are almost identical to people in the Caucasus, suggesting a more recent arrival. The evidence is circumstantial – tools, the right climate conditions, genetic connections – but not weak. By contrast, the evidence from Siberia in the early period (pre 15,000 years ago) is scarce. There are very few archaeological sites in eastern Siberia in that period, and none of them has anything that looks like Clovis technology. New climate studies say the ‘land bridge’ may have been a cold desert without food sources. Personally I find Standford and Bradley’s theory pretty plausible. I’m an archaeological optimist – I think people in the past could do more, and do it better, than us moderns think. It’s true that this generation of cubicle monkeys, semi-retarded by our exposure to fluorescent light and bureaucracy, would die in an instant if you put us on an ice floe and told us to sail 1,500 miles. But once we put our self-satisfied technological narcissism in the wastebasket where it belongs, we can start appreciating how awesome – and even high-tech – ancient humans were. It’s an interesting thesis. And even better, I like it. Ancient America was the bomb, too, with giant bison and mastodons and saber-toothed tigers and horses and giant sloths. A hunter’s wet dream. Now for the archaeopop angle. The theory may or may not be right. The REALLY interesting thing is how uncomfortable it makes a lot of archaeologists. The ‘Atlantic Ice’ hypothesis is not politically correct. It says, basically, that whitey got there first. American archaeologists are almost all white, and they’re crawling with disciplinary guilt about using dead Native Americans as their meal tickets for most of the last 100 years – while ignoring or exploiting the living ones. Being on the Indians’ side in politics is the way they pay reparations, and works like a group therapy program. A ‘whitey was first’ theory undermines the moral claims of Native Americans to the whole continent. So when evidence comes along that stirs up the Asians-arriving-via-Siberian-land-bridge theory, it brings up some irrational prejudices. The silly thing, of course, is that Native Americans are OBVIOUSLY descended from Siberian Asians, who OBVIOUSLY did the vast majority of the exploring, colonizing, civilization-building, and so on in the Americas. Duh. Whatever ‘Europeans’ were here were a flash in the pan, absorbed completely by other groups. But ‘firsts’ have a strong moral power in our culture, so it’s easy to make it a political thing when it doesn’t need to be. Stanford and Bradley’s book also has the wingnut contingent out in force. People who are uninterested in political correctness love this theory and salivate all over the circumstantial evidence as if it was given to Moses on the mountaintop. The pea-brained Neo-Nazis over at ‘White News Now’ have become overnight experts in Mitochondrial DNA analysis, since it ‘proves’ that ‘white people’ were the ‘first Americans’. They like to forget that ‘white people’ spent most of the last 20,000 years highly focused on slaughtering other ‘white people’ and stealing their land. The whole concept of whiteness wasn’t even invented until Europeans saw easier conquest and pillage opportunities on other continents. They called a temporary truce and invented the ‘white race’ as an ideological cover for enslaving other people. But racial theory was always bullshit – even the pale-ass Irish were once considered to be ‘non-whites’ because they were dirty slaves who didn’t speak English. And World War II proved that even after 100 years of colonization, ‘white’ Europeans still liked killing each other just as much, or more, than killing brown people. I guarantee you no Solutrean seal hunter would have understood what you meant by the ‘white race’. On the other side, you find some magnificent gurpers on the ‘Gypsy forum’ who also love mtDNA X2a, because it indicates the presence of Aryan Jewish gypsy vampires. Who are actually black and were the original Native Americans and Australian aborigines and Neanderthals. They descended from kangaroos over 100 million years ago! They have been locked in a centuries-long battle with Semitic Africans, who are the ones descended from monkeys! Sumerians fit in there somewhere! I shit you not! I haven’t read anything so glorious in years. The theory that people also reached America from Europe during one of the ice ages is IMHO not that big of a deal. If it’s true, so what? It obviously was a minor episode in the settling of the continent. Why should there not have been race-mixing in ancient native Americans? I groove on it in an intuitive sense, that people like to explore strange lands and strange people and make strange babies with them. From the Atlantic ice, let a thousand flowers grow.

Requiem for an Asshole

I don’t like being institutionalized. I’ve always been against the government, & they run all the institutions. But when you can’t conform to the basic rules of society, it’s inevitable. When you’re out of control, there are bigger things in place to control you. These agencies will step in when your actions allow it. And then all the things we take for granted are out the window. Vague rules & paperwork that is designed to quash every kind of abhorrent behavior deemed unfit for society is covered in the aforementioned rules, & a massive apparatus is enacted to hold you & force your brain to change so that you can control the behavior which is harming or hampering the daily actions of society at large. My next zines will be exploring personal experiences in & out of the clutch of these dreaded institutions. It is a serious challenge producing pages within the confines of institutions. That’s one of the primary problems I have with a lot of zine people; the challenges facing people who have no access to the outside world. A lot of people with important things to say, viewpoints or life lessons that you can’t get without experiencing the trauma of suppression, or the mistakes of poor judgment & bad decisions that lead to homelessness, drug abuse, violence & the like. It’s important to me that those dregs of society, & faceless, locked up, medicated & harassed problems are given the same access & publication of communication as everyone else. People don’t know how lucky they are to have access to communication in the form of printed word or electronic media. It’s a form of communication, a network, an expression of humanity & art from a segment of society that needs a voice. It’s easy to look down at someone in jail or the psych ward, but it’s hypocritical to protest the government & affect an attitude of contempt for society, yet join them when they judge & condemn others. A lot of people are put away for good reasons, & deserve everything they get. But blindly accepting the judgment of a society or government we profess to hate doesn’t make sense. There are several forms of justice, retribution, & reform, & questioning these assumptions is what I hope to do in this column & the zines that will be released when I am. The challenges faced with putting out a zine are a thousandfold under normal circumstances, so it stands to reason that the ones facing me these next couple of months should make for some interesting stuff. I am especially going to be concentrating on reforming, & what should be an especially corny section on sobriety & drug testing. I’ve been across the country over 100 times on the road, & written and illustrated it all in zines, yet this journey I am embarking on now is the weirdest one yet -- trying to un-fuck up my life & somehow straighten out the problems that have led to awakening the security apparatus of the government’s control program. Plus, at least it’s taken me down a notch, & reined in my button pushing, adrenaline fueled rants that everyone took too seriously.

More Old Zine Shit

1987 was stupid. I don’t think we could have fully grokked the concept of a zine store like Reading Frenzy. The only place you saw zines were at shows.They were sold out of backpacks. Maybe travelling punk rockers would have a bunch of them for trade. They were mostly traded, or handed out for free. Occasionally some zine person would make the jump, go get a page in Maximum Rock & Roll or Forced Exposure, but not often. Zines were mostly photo collage, weird art & flat out stolen articles from newspapers or music mags. There was a lot of trading through Factsheet Five, & really the whole scene was similar to Mail Art, & extremely loose. Zines were just starting to get sold in stores in ‘87. The world didn’t get destroyed in a nuclear war like we predicted, so the punk art scene was coming of age, somewhat. A few zines were rising to the top of the heap, due to hard work by the publishers, resulting in consistency & contributions. Collective style zines were proliferating on varied timelines, which was good. Through the perseverance of publishers & a need to be heard, some stores starting stocking racks of the new underground press. When I say a need to be heard, I think it’s necessary to put this in a proper cultural context; in the 80s, there was little or no recognition or respect for alternative culture. Zines & creative youth culture were looked at as pale copies of the great 60s, vapid imitations of a dead scene. The media mainly touted the assimilation of creative underground art (“it’s buying in, not selling out” was a popular catchphrase), not the appreciation of it. Luckily, the fanatic devotion of a handful of people helped keep zines alive. Tower Records would sell them, & Comic Relief started selling zines. That was where I first met Dylan & went to one of the meetings of the Puppy Toss collective, which was a group of cartoonists who were just trying to get their art out. The underlying theme seemed to me to be a desire to draw, & a knowledge that our art was as good as everything else out there -- or at least as deserving of publication. The meetings were cool, & an opportunity to network & share in the frustrations of dealing with an insider industry that professes little room for new blood. It was the one of the first times I felt truly appreciated as an artist, & Dylan seriously gave me respect & encouragement that I had rarely got before that. It put in perspective how far I had really come, & inspired some cool new work. So much of that time is gone now, which I guess is the way life is. But as a pothead squatter living in a van, it really meant the world to me to finally impress someone, & have them be eager to get my work out there. I’ll never forget that. Now it’s different (& not in a bad way), & zines are easier & better and only a few click’s away. But I think the struggle was part of the process then, & can’t help but think something is lost when the drive is unnecessary, & a mission instead becomes a hobby.

Portland’s Restaurant Scene -- A Warning

Living in a small, teensy, tiny village has its good sides & its bad side. There’s some cool stuff to do, but the majority of places to go out are really not worth the time. Normally, I would write all these comments in an on-line review. I can’t really do that in Portland, though, because every review would read like this: “This fucking place sucks shit. I wouldn’t take a prostitute here. This whole place should be razed. I hate everyone here & I’m going to kill them.” 90% of the restaurants around town are a fucking travesty -- they don’t even rate “joke”. The service everywhere is fucking horrible. I’ve met the shittiest, stupidest waitresses here I’ve ever met in my life. They usually spend their time texting, & need ambush makeovers & Paxil. If the waitresses in Portland were Nazis, probably only ten Jews would have died in WWII -- the rest would still be waiting at the gas chamber, stealing water. Their attitudes are pre-snotty. The cooks are unhygienic, hepatitis-infected, man-child bisexual assholes who should also be killed. The food is always bland, lukewarm, tepid & uninteresting. Profit is all that is ever thought about. I have never seen so many restaurants so far removed from the idea of serving a good meal. The prices seem like they were set by the Pentagon. The bars fare no better. They are all rip-off slut huts, filled to the brim with human garbage. Concentrating on presentation (the most popular theme being “we’re catching up to 1993”), the sickening, herpes infected, fake coke-dealing bar scene in Portland is populated with failing second rate bands you will never see again. It makes Michigan look cutting edge. It’s like a 3 card monte game, where good service & drinks are an unattainable card that is used to tease you until your money is stolen. Everything is 2nd rate -- the owners, the deejays, the customers, the food -- it all sucks. There’s waiting lists for places where macaroni & cheese are all that’s edible. And throughout this whole cosmic failure, there is one constant, & that is the fact that everyone is convinced that they’re doing an amazing, incredible job -- like getting your biscuits & gravy within an hour is this amazing accomplishment, worthy of an article in Sunset. It’s an inspiration to save money by cooking at home, & unfortunately proves that a mandatory minimum wage is a good thing everywhere EXCEPT the restaurant business in Portland, Oregon.

Occupy Kim Kardashian’s Vagina

You know, old people used to darn their socks. That means mending. They actually sewed patches on their socks. They did it so much, they actually had their own special word for it. I mean, when was the last time you, or anyone you know, actually sewed a patch on a pair of socks? I don’t think I’ve seen a patch that actually was covering a hole in twelve years. The whole DIY ethic, or whatever the fuck you call it, is bullshit, really. I mean, shit people say is DIY is actually just shit broke people do out of necessity all the time. That was before being broke was outlawed though. With the popularity of the intermess & home computers, being poor has effectively been outlawed. You either own a computer, or you don’t exist in today’s world. That’s everyone’s fault, & they should all be killed for it. I mean, it’s not like being broke is impossible, but the system, Steve Jobs, Republocrats, and a lot of other shitlicking fucknuts have enforced economic marginalization of the people who fail to capitulate to mandatory computer ownership/brainwashing. You can’t get a job or communicate now without some form of electric media. In other words, your every step is taxed and profited on by anonymous rich scum who suck. There’s not much you can do about it. Live in a cave. Die. That’s precisely why the Occupy Kim Kardashian’s Vagina campaign has been so successful. Have you seen Kim Kardashian’s vagina lately? At first, it was just a few random protesters. They had simple demands: equal treatment for EVERYONE in her vagina. But now, there’s probably thousands of protesters in her vagina. They’re setting up childcare, cafeterias, showers & medical facilities. With all the action her vagina gets, it’s unfair for it to be so greedy, & not share the proceeds with the 99% of wet, smelly, devoted fucking losers that are texting in the park all night at their pity party while I work all day. Man, what ever happened to good old violent protest? This nonviolent protest is boring. Because you know, if Kim Kardashian’s vagina can have that much power, where does it end? Fergie’s vagina? Betty White’s? What about taints? Didn’t we learn anything from Woodstock 2? Those rapes and overdoses weren’t for nothing. KORN were a potent political force back then. Why shouldn’t we expect the same from house of Gaga? Goo-goo? Ca-ca? It’s a serious question, goddammit.

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Greetings PORK readers! The spring season is now in full swing, yet many of us are still thawing the icicles from our noses. As we trundle through the final year of the Mayan calendar, we sense that this is a time of great opportunity, yet we nonetheless find ourselves plagued by an overwhelming amount of baggage accumulated over the past ten thousand years of human misadventure. Let us sweep the cobwebs THE SLOW POISONER clean from the glassy glaze of our hung-over heads! With this end in mind, I, The Slow Poisoner, do endeavor to resolve any dilemma that you, the hapless reader, may put forth for evaluation. Whether the hurdle you face is life-threatening or merely puzzling, I shall apply my wealth of knowledge both arcane and trivial to address it with gusto. Today’s helping from the mail-heap starts with a pained missive from one of our creative types: Dear Slow Poisoner, I am the leader of a critically very well-received band. I am attractive, talented, respected and humble. The problem is, no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get the live act off the ground. Incarnation after incarnation, something happens to sabotage my efforts and the whole group falls apart after playing only a few shows. We are in our fifth grouping of players. Am I doing something wrong? – Danny J., Oakland, CA Yes, Danny, you are doing something wrong. If your musical confederates are failing to persevere as a cohesive unit, I suspect that you have neglected to add the most valuable member of any performing act: The Devil. Only a binding pact between yourself and Satan will secure the level of success necessary to retain the loyalties of sidemen, drummers and similar degenerates. The details of formulating a legal contract with Lucifer are too lengthy to get into here, but I refer you to the works of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Robert Johnson and Charlie Daniels, which can be found in most public libraries (plus, the path to the Father of Lies tends to be intuitive). As an additional bonus, once an allegiance with the horned one is in place, you will find that your songwriting now incorporates a restless interval of musical dissonance called the tri-tone, which will take you to the top of the charts with a bullet. Rock on! Dear Slow Poisoner: As a recent convert to otakukin I was revealed to be the reincarnation of Alex Mason from “Call of Duty: Black Ops.” I enjoy playing with myself, if you catch my meaning, because I am controlling my destiny. However, when I see others play me, especially badly, I become angry. I’ll yell at them, telling them how they are supposed to play the game and I try to take the controls from them. A fellow otakuki, who was BloodRayne in a past life, tells me to mellow. I don’t know what to do. Please help me. – Quake, Russellville, KY Dear Quake, while I am not familiar with the particular electronic amusement to which you refer, I am well-versed in the modern belief system called otakukin, whose adherents consider themselves to be the reincarnated souls of Anime and video-game characters. I have researched your situation and am pleased to inform you that you are in fact not the reincarnation of Alex Mason from Call of Duty, but rather you are the embodiment of the living spirit of Princess Toadstool, who hails from the Mushroom Kingdom within Nintendo’s “New Super Mario Brothers.” This should give you some relief. Hello Slow Poisoner, In cleaning out the slide valve of a Franke model FS200 faucet, I find myself unable to determine the best placement of the large O-ring on the faucet’s main assembly. Can you inform me of the correct location? - William S., Orchard City, CO William, thank you for writing; many readers have asked me this same question. Firstly, make sure you’ve disconnected the pull-down spray hose (part F0804) from the supply tube. After mounting the metal washer to the faucet shank, remove the white nylon snap-ring. This will enable you to install the #19 O-ring over the brass main body. Once the assembly is restored, check that the rising spout has a high clearance from the sink top and a maximum water pressure of 75 PSI; you don’t want to risk a misalignment of the lock nut! Astrological notes for the current quarter: With Uranus completing its orbit before the summer months and Pluto concurrently in retrograde, this is a good time to lay the foundations for new relationships by stocking up on peanut brittle and other legume-based confections. Money may be difficult to come by, especially for those born under fire and water signs, but a surprise abundance of fly ash and slag ore should allow your sinister plans to continue unimpeded. If your birthday falls between April 15 and June 3, watch out for flying squirrels!

Whatever your malady, I will master its mystery! Send your questions to: Ask@TheSlowPoisoner.com ADVERTISEMENT: Good people, do you suffer from Disinterested Bladder or Wandering Limbs? Perhaps you’re afflicted with Gout, Neuralgia or Women’s Troubles? Well friends, my genuine Slow Poisoner Miracle Tonic and Enervating Elixir has proven effective in the treatment of these malignant maladies and many others. Made with the purest of Egyptian Oils, it is a sure cure for Elephantiasis, Consumption, Stoutness and Onanism. No longer do you need to suffer from Barnacles and Boils; unlike the competition, my elixir treats both with fervor. Free yourself from the scourge of the dreaded Lavender Fever and its attendant Excessive Abscesses, not to mention The Fits & General Wasting. Available wherever the Slow Poisoner is performing.

Ralph Bakshi

“Ralph Bakshi is a force of nature. He saved the TV animation industry - the creative part of it - by giving back the art to the artists.” ~John Kricfalusi, creator of Ren & Stimpy

Ralph Bakshi was the first cartoon director who I became obsessed with as a kid. My mom rented Wizards from the funky rental spot at Lincoln Square right by Sparky’s Giant Burgers & my mind was blown. The cartoon was way more cartoony than so many other animated movies, but it was also full of stuff I had never seen in a cartoon before, stuff like assassinations, prostitution, Nazi war propaganda, a mix of styles, unconventional rotoscoping not designed to make the cartoon more realistic, but used just for the style & thrift of it & elements by one of my favorite artists, Ian Miller. The whole thing reeked of the work of Vaughn Bode as well & it was just like, “Oh! this is an important, amazing cartoon!” So I figured out who made it: Ralph Bakshi. Oh, Ralph Bakshi also did that crazy Lord of the Rings cartoon that we watched over & over again. Oh, he also did Fritz the Cat, the first X-rated cartoon that I saw when I was like seven. This guy is the best! He makes cartoons for people like me.

“As an artist, I want to interpret my feelings – not run across the street and ask what my mother thinks.” ~Ralph Bakshi

1966 Mighty Heroes

1967 Spider Man

1967 Marvin Digs

1967 The Fuz

SEAN: You hustled your way through the bureaucracy of Terry Toons to become a director & continued to break the rules in your cartoons throughout your whole career, making cartoons that pertain to bigger things than cats chasing mice, to me this is the most American thing possible, but there are a lot of people who like to follow the rules & make other people follow the rules in the land of opportunity. What gives? RALPH: Well what gives is something in me that goes back... Let me give an example: in Jr. High School in Brooklyn 1950 I somehow got a job as reporter on a three page newspaper (mimeographed), the Lew Wallace Press. Now I had no idea what to do. I was supposed to interview anyone I wanted. Now this is an all boys school with lots of bad guys everywhere and the teachers were WWII soldiers. They were funny, one French teacher, Mr. Peck, called me “Bakshit”. The class liked that I was failing French, big deal. Well one day, bored, I got the idea in English class to get out of there, so I raised my hand and told the teacher I had to do an interview with the Health Ed teacher and needed my friend Norman Darrer to take notes. She said to bring a note back from the Health Ed teacher. Well me and Norm ran the halls, played basketball, bought hot dogs outside, and smoked. Next day, I told the English teacher I could not find the teacher to interview. She had checked with the school paper and yes, I was a reporter. I learned

to go with my gut. I wasn’t breaking rules so much as doing what I wanted to do, having fun and using an instinct on how to get it done. The

1972 Fritz the Cat

situation was the same many years later when I just got tired of being part of the crowd that juuuuuustttt loved Disney and God and all those good things in life and thought I was nuts for thinking that Disney was boring and tired. The 60s were breaking and Bobby Dylan was blowing in the wind, they were still singing “it’s a happy happy day.” SEAN: Your movies operate in worlds of overt realism, the grimy streets of New York City full of all the grit & grease & sleaze & then there are the fantasy worlds of swords & sorcery. Sometimes they are distinct from each other like in Fritz the Cat, Coonskin, Fire & Ice & the Lord of the Rings, but in Wizards they are mixed. Seeing those worlds mixed in Wizards was a revelation for me & really spoke to something profound. I tend to associate fantasy with escapism, but Wizards is not an escapist fantasy, it’s all there. When you came up with Wizards, which you said is your “children’s movie” what was going on for you?

RALPH: Well, kids can think. They really know more then we think they know. I had done ideas in film that I believed in, right or wrong, and it came natural to me just to proceed in that vein after all. That was my disgust with Disney. He treated the HOLOCAUST LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED. Fantasy is perfect for ideas, because it’s wide open.

1973 Heavy Traffic

SEAN: Which one of your movies is your favorite & why? RALPH: Coonskin and Traffic, because they weren’t cut to shreds by the distributors and I was just working free as a bird. SEAN: Will we ever get to see Hey Good Lookin’ or Coonskin officially released? RALPH: I think Coonskin. SEAN: In John K’s Fire Dogs 2 you play yourself as the fire chief. John seems like he was traumatized by you maybe, in awe of, but also traumatized. Is this cartoon what it’s like to hang out with Ralph Bakshi? RALPH: No, John is trying to get me out of his face, but he cant! I’m too good looking, too smart, I sting like a bee! He hates father figures, but I’m always saving his ass one way or another, he’s my kid. SEAN: Your central oeuvre is very 70s, I think it has something to do with that car accident between the dream of the 60s & the reality of the 70s & the intermingling of the two. This is my favorite period of time for this very reason. The America of 2012 is so uptight compared to how things were back then. It was different back then wasn’t it? Especially NYC in the 70s right?

1975 Coonskin

RALPH: Well, you’re close Sean, the 60s were really the outcome of the 40s: winning the war for the right reasons, the great comic book effort that we kids loved, and what they sold: honesty, fairness, right wins, etc. Then the freedom of art in the 50s: jazz, Rock&Roll, painting (Pollock et al.), comics (MAD, EC comics), great cars, sports cars, the Beetle, great neighborhoods that you could afford to live in with great clubs, poets, writers, artists all together mixing ideas. All this done for the love of it, not just the money. That came later and ruined everything. The hustlers took it all over and have today ruined the country big time. I was a product of the 40s: we would not have sold out as fast as everyone has today. After Kent State and Kennedy and King’s murders we lost the country. Yeah, it was different back then all right.

1977 Wizards

Gormnenghast Castle by Ian Miller

1978 Lord of the Rings

One of the things that let me know that Bakshi’s vision was great was his use of the English fantasy artist Ian Miller. I had become obsessed with Ian Miller’s art through Games Workshop products & the artistic direction of John Blanche. Ian Miller’s art was almost disturbingly advanced for War & Role Playing Games, evoking the hallucinogenic medieval worlds of Bosch, Bruegel & Dürer mixed with the Art Nouveau influenced designs of French comic artist Druillet & the Expressionist emotions of Ralph Steadman. I decided to see if Ian Miller had any thoughts on working with Ralph Bakshi.

1981 American Pop

1982 Hey Good Lookin’

IAN MILLER ON RALPH BAKSHI It was whilst my wife and I were wandering penniless around San Francisco, in 1974/1975 that Ralph tracked me down via London and New York and offered me a job working on his film ‘Wizards’ in Los Angeles. At that time the working title for the film as I recall was ‘War Wizards’. This hunt was prompted by Ralph having seeing a Gormnenghast Castle image I had created for Pan Books some months earlier. After our frugal time in the old Gaylord Hotel near Union Square, where the lift threatened to die every day, and the event of the week was the free doughnuts and coffee on Sunday mornings, West Hollywood was something else. Although the scenery was not so good, the material gains were quite dramatic. We suddenly had a swimming pool outside our door, a colour television, and money to spend. It was a time of violent contrasts. One minute the world hardly moved, the next moment it was spinning fit to burst. In short, a fairy tale scenario. You’re standing on a street corner, the film director drives by, sees you standing there, and offers you a job

1983 Fire & Ice

Seeing my work enhanced and animated was astonishing as was interacting with so many talented people in the Bakshi studios. Ralph allowed me immense freedom of expression. I appreciated this confidence in my abilities immensely, and worked all better for it, I think. Such licence is rarely given or found. My association with Ralph was a dynamic and never to be forgotten experience. Sometimes I liken it to trench warfare for artists. You lived every second of it, whizz, bangs, screams, and all. It was sometimes exhausting, but it was never ever boring, or middle of the road. I often think about him, and wonder how he is, which you might find strange, given all the channels of communication now available to us. I think he sometimes thought of me as a poisonous hobbit, a creature to be avoided, but I choose to view this as an endearment. That’s what poisonous hobbits do.

1987 Mighty Mouse

1992 Cool World

comic island

PORK vs. PORK by Sean & Katie

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macho iron cross necklace! $9

ACHTUNG! All the Koolest Kats on earth have worn the Iron Cross! The Red Baron, Ed “Big Daddy” Roth, Tina “Boom Boom” Lucchesi, Brian Connolly of the Sweet, Darby Crash, the no tomorrow boys & Sean Äaberg have all rocked the Iron Cross! Be cool! Be tough! Be a rebel! on 24” ball chain.

DID YOU MISS AN ISSUE? JUST JUMPING ON THE PORK TRAIN NOW? DON’T FRET, YOU CAN STILL GET PORK BACK ISSUES FROM THE PORK SHOP! IF YOU DON’T HAVE EVERY ISSUE OF PORK YOU’RE MISSING OUT! HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO? HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHAT’S COOL? HMMM?

vinyl pork stickers!!!!! $2 for six

for just two dollars you get a pack of pork stickers. lotsa designs. super tough vinyl stickers for your bike, car, guitar, little sister, dog, mom, butt, whatever man. stick it to the man with these goddamn stickers! sticky business! sticky fingers!

colorful PORK POSTCARDS! $2 FOR six!

today your love, tomorrow the moon! pork threatens world domination IN THIS POSTCARD OF PORK #5’s cover! porkus is on the moon & setting up camp! but the moon is just the beginning! write to your friends in jail on this great postcard. super colorful, super glossy, super post cardy.

real madness comix! $5 each!

real madness comix for real delinquent types! most comics are for & by nerds & wimps, but real madness comix are for screw balls, sluts, slimes & freakazoids by the real deal. we have #2 & #4 available! published by teenage dinosaur.

mwc stikkers!!!

$2 per pack of 5

BRAIN DESTROYING NEON MONSTERS, WEIRDOS & CREEPS STIKKERS TO PUT ON EVERYTHING! 27 DESIGNS! FIVE PER PACK! EYE SHOCKING NEON COLORS! PERMANENT STICKER GLUE MAKES THEM A REAL PAIN IN THE ASS FOR LOCAL NERDS & COMMIES TRYING TO DESTROY YOUR FUN LIFESTYLE.

porkmagazine.bigcartel.com

HOW TO ORDER! ONLINE: porkmagazine.bigcartel.com MAIL: Send well concealed cash, check or money order to GOBLINKO pobox 12044 Eugene OR 97440 USA. All prices for USA only. Outside USA please add 20% to your order to cover postage. QUESTIONS? KATIE@INTERNETPORK.COM Orders are shipped twice a week. Products may not look exactly as pictured or described.

THE GREAT AMERICAN FREAK OUT IS A BIG BANG OF BUBBLEGUM GREASE & DIMESTORE DELINQUENCY

CONCEPT BY SEAN ÄABERG PHOTOS BY KATIE ÄABERG OUTFITS SUPPLIED BY SLASH&BURN (findcoolclothes.com) MODELS ARE LUCAS GUNN & MIRANDA JENEE

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PORK #6