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SPRING # 10

DENIM, STUDS, SNAKES, SKULLS, PIZZA, WEED

Warm Soda-Glitter Wizard-Wax Idols Yuta Sakakibara-Mike Diana-Shane Bugbee

NOT SUITABLE FOR SQUARES


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spring 2013 issue 10

IF THE KIDS ARE UNITED, THEY WILL NEVER BE DIVIDED

“TAKE A LOOK AROUND YOU, WHAT DO YOU SEE? KIDS WITH FEELINGS, LIKE YOU & ME. YOU UNDERSTAND HIM, HE UNDERSTANDS YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE HIM & HE IS YOU.” I am walking through the country kicking over garbage cans, knocking over tables, flushing the subcultural rats out of their deep hidey holes. Ripping the data cords out of the back of people’s necks & pushing them into the sunlight. I am cutting the labels off of your clothes. We are in this because we’re bored & we wanna get our kicks. We want stuff that speaks to the real deal & isn’t just being made on a calendar to serve the shareholders, or worse, just emulating that whole BS system. PORK is the BIG TENT. Come one, come all, get down & get with it! Cast off your narrowly defined sense of self & open up to the big fucking deal! -SEAN

««««contact pork««««

HQ&TUMBLR: internetpork.com FBK: facebook.com/porkmagazine PORKSHOP:porkmagazine.bigcartel.com TWEET: @PORKMAGAZINE EMAIL: sean@internetpork.com PHONEY BoLOGNA: 541*556*5778 MAIL: PO Box 12044 Eugene OR 97440 U$A

««««PORK PERSONNEL«««« SEAN ÄABERG: BIG DADDY PORK KATIE ÄABERG: BIG MAMA PORK

CONTRIBUTORS: BIRA BIRD, MAX CLOTT, CLAYER, LARRY JAMES DeROSSELL, MIKE DIANA, Andy Gabrysiak, aNDREW GOLDFARB, DANNY JAMES, BEN LYON, BOBBY MADNESS, J.J. McKAY, SHAWN PACHECO, TIM ROOT, YUTA SAKAKIBARA, DANIEL SHOUP, OTTO SPLOTCH, TALLBOY, THE ILLAGE VIDIOT. MODELS: THE ÄABERG BROTHERS, SAMMY CLATTERBUCK, AVALON DABBS, ALLISON DITSON, AMELIA HART, MIRANDA JENEE ART & WRITING: SEAN ÄABERG 541*556*5778 PHOTOGRAPHY & custom appliqued denim cover: KATIE ÄABERG 541*556*4364 HAIR & MAKEUP: AMELIA HART 541*870*0345 COSTUMERY: ALLIHALLA (ALLIHALLA.COM) PORK is published quarterly by GOBLINKO. sPECIAL THANKS: PORK ARMY, the extended pork family, Nick Krause, Otto, Henry & Jimmy. our advertisers! DIANA Kurzka FOR PORKING AFGHANISTAN! you WANNA ADVERTISE! CONTACT KATIE@INTERNETPORK.COM or CALL 541*556*5778 FOR PORK’S REASONABLE RATES! GOBLINKO is a full-service art production company! let’s talk! PORK #10: 30,000 PRINT RUN ALL CONTENT COPYRIGHT © 2013 GOBLINKO. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PORK ARMY.

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“I’m not God but if I were God, ¾ of you would be girls, & the rest would be pizza & beer.” -Axl Rose

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Q. Why did the kid smoke weed before school? A. Because he wanted to go to “High” School!


Gewalttätigen & Zie

rlichen!

by Sean Äaberg

EYEBALL everything

We are champions of the veiny eyeball! Warriors of ocular degeneration! We burn our eyeball candles late into the night while slurping vodka out of eyeball sippy cups!

rochester teen set outsider

lady leg knife

The zine is a pillar of our culture. Yes, because ANYONE can do them they end up being shitty most of the time: my first zines were shitty, now I make the best magazine in the entire world. It’s the just the nature of publishing your early work. The Rochester Teen Set Outsider is a shitty little Rock&Roll zine, but it’s vital, punchy & NOT BORING. I can see it developing & becoming really amazing. Check it out. rochesterteensetoutsider.com

Anyone who says that sex & violence aren’t connected is repressed & hasn’t gotten physical with a free soul. Case in point, this gorgeous ladyleg knife. Sex & violence.

sky spy kites

I love kites! These Baby Bat & Sky Spy kites are the koolest kites in the world! They are the ultimate in Weirdo objects d’art! These are OUR drones! Lookout! skyspykites.com

NOVELTY PATCHES

There are limitless patches out there just waiting to adorn your cut-sleeves. I’m digging this walking middle finger from hardcorepatches.com, the Adios Mutha from patchclub.com, this awesome Lone Wolf by REEDPUNK & check out the Witch Bitch from the PORK SHOP.

ugly rubber face puppets

CERAMIC NOVELTY BONGS

I think there were a couple years there where these guys were my best friends. The rubberized faces of a psychotic, an alcoholic, a retard & a maniac. I was living in a basement room in a 50s house in East Oakland. The room used to be a basement bar covered in novelty placards, novelty ceramic decanters, velvet clown paintings & shit like that. I would read MAD magazine & listen to Dr. Demento & these guys would talk endlessly & bum cigarettes off the aliens who came once a month. The guys in Anthrax know one of these guys also.

I love stoner iconography. Skulls, snakes, vultures & sloppy sex. This is the only way I can write all these fuckin’ blurbs, get smoked, let the walls of my mind crumble & everything becomes cross-referenced & the ping pong ball of my consciousness goes bouncing in & out of everything rattling around in & outside of my skull. Anyhow, ceramic novelties are super cool & a bong with fucked up scary desert death cult imagery is even cooler.

KETCHUP & MUSTARD

SLAP IN THE FACE

monster head pins

Everything should have a face! Our lifelong companions ketchup & mustard have so much to say!

As the internet began to invade every aspect of our lives, the public became simultaneously obsessed with sharing all kinds of personal information & stories & so appeared the per-zine & the per-comic. This is a first, a per-comic about Justin Melkmann’s obsession with GG Allin. The older I get, the more I like GG Allin & Melkmann helps me to understand why this is.

TIKI MUGS

Having lived most of my life on the West Coast, I feel like the forms of the Pacific Islander Tikis & the Totem poles of the PNW tribes speak to me. Tiki shit seemed played out & corny for a while there but drinking out of these krazy mugs seems like the only option for me right now. From munktiki.com & squidart.com.

Artist Sam Arshawsky (Gargle Mesh) is the son of David Arshawsky who was the sculptor of the original TMNT & Toxic Avenger toys for Playmates. David made these sculpts of his son’s drawings & now he’s selling them at his shop. Diggit.

the primal screamer by nick blinko - pm press

pro-wrestling

Part sport, part soap opera, part circus & allAmerican, give Wrestling a chance & lose yourself in a world of sweaty, yelling giants.

white mystery - telepathic

The Vietnamese cats who came up with this krazy wine were definitely some early YOLO adoptees, or maybe they were from Phucket, Vietnam, but anyhow, they did it, they put a cobra snake holding a big scorpion in his jaws in a bottle of rice wine. We drank a bunch of this at Le Cheval in Oakland & it definitely aided our back pain, heart disease, rheumatism & lumbago as well as getting everyone in the mood for sweet cobra scorpion wine inspired porking! Yow! Year of the snake! Drink some!

Made in the USA since 1932 & invented by Oregonian Earl Arnault, the Kit Cat Clock should be found in every home. Kartoon cats are our heritage, Felix, Krazy, Top, Mr. Jinx, Sylvester, Heathcliff, Fritz, Snagglepus, Tom, Garfield, Bill & Kit are our companions from childhood, even though I don’t like real cats. This is a useful cat, a time-telling cat with klassik design & made in the USA. kit-cat.com

Chicago’s White Mystery are brother & sister red-heads & as revealed in their interview in PORK #8, they are telepathic. Their telepathy is showing in this record as the duo fills up my head with a tight sound, big guitar, big drums, vocals right there & I can actually understand the words! “We went out for Karaoke, Everything was Okey Dokey”! Ha ha. White Mystery keshi & minifigs When I was in grade make very danceable, uninhibited school these little JapaRock&Roll that we really dig. nese rubber wrestlers called MUSCLES were who killed spikey jacket? - st a total craze. We were The record opens up with some bullshit already into Pro-Wresold-time music & then the needle cuts tling & Japanese stuff into the Pogo Punk of Who Killed Spikey & this combined both. Jacket! These guys are the Personal & They were cheap & had the Pizzas of Chaos Punk, using comedy lots of radical designs to express sincere feelings. This record to collect. Since those is great & is what I wish the Casualties days this world has sounded like because I’ve always wanted exploded in every directo like the Casualties but their music tion with a krazy world stinks! The lyrics are hilarious & true. of home-made minifigs “Punks Dress Punk”. “Wear Studs or Die!” as well. Begin your “Spike Your Hair With Beer!” The return search.... now! of my youth in Chaos. For the Punks.

This is Nick Blinko of Rudimentary Peni’s supernatural horror novel of Punk outsider art living & esoteric deterioration. This book really adds a lot to the Rudimentary Peni mythos & creates a very Weird scene of bedsit Punk psychosis which I was very familiar with in my late teens. Fans of HP Lovecraft & Poe should take note as Blinko takes the Weird Fiction genre into the 80s English Punk world, but how much of it is fiction? So much of it reminds me of my own life.

cobra scorpion wine

kit Cat clock

PUNK - JOHN HOLMSTROM - harper collins

This book is a gorgeous hardback monster reprinting the best of PUNK magazine. Without PUNK, there would be no PORK & probably no PUNK movement as we know it. PUNK got it right! PUNK is about a Rock&Roll caricature of American creative scumbag living. John Holmstrom & Co. survived in the sleazy 70s NYC eating a diet of chicken livers & cheap beer & sleeping in their office & produced a magazine which is pure Art, the art of us, the real Americans, the real Pop Culture, the coolsters, no-goodniks, greasers, hair-hoppers, druggies, freaks, weirdos & psyche surfers in a sea of cultural trash.

roller derby

PORK sponsors the local Emerald City Roller Girls & it’s been a real gas to check out all the bouts. There’s something really hypnotic about watching a bunch of tough ladies in booty shorts & fishnets spinning around endlessly in a circle. It’s a family affair too & the crowd is real swell working class types. Get with it! emeraldcityrollergirls.net

“It is because it’s prohibited. See, if you look at the drug war from a purely economic point of view, the role of the government is to protect the drug cartel.” -Milton Friedman

rick griffin - last gasp

Rick Griffin is one of the Grandaddies of Weirdo Art. Coming from the Surfing world & riding the wave into the Psychedelic 60s & Underground Comix, his work embodies the transcendent, cosmic qualities inherent in true Pop Culture. His work is also a originator of old-school Graffiti style. This book is a great introduction to an American Original.


Q. What’s soft & warm when you go to bed, but hard & stiff when you wake up? A. Barf!


SHORT N’SWEET! FREAK OUT WITH BAD VIBES!!!

Bad Vibes are a trio of skinny, scum-fuck, furry freak brothers from Oakland, California bringing you the kind of Rock&Roll that steals your stack of PORK magazines & does all your drugs. Featuring former members of Bare Wires & Garbo’s Daughter, someone got stabbed in the face with a butcher knife after their first show, setting them up with more than enough Bad Vibes for the future. When we went to the 7-11 on Broadway Bad Repplier stole as many tall cans of PBR as he could fit into his leather & the heart of the girl behind the counter, but it was a Sikh guy. Tennant was looking for weed. Dyldo put all the vintage Hostess products into his bag but loudly bragged about the Magnums & champagne he needed. Bad Repplier tried to find Charles Manson’s instagram & Tennant said he’d smoke a joint with him, for sure.

GLITZ - FRISCO FAVES

Glitz are a great new Rock&Roll band from Carlos Palacios of the Cuts & Apache. They play some tough ice-cream sandwich eating Power Pop or what they’re calling Street Glam which is like bubblegum on the sidewalk, like Street & Sweet, man. Pop with a Punch. Glitz features the super solid lineup of Nick Allen, Dan Rincon & Ray Seraphin. When they’re not doing poppers in Chinatown, they’re looking for trouble in Edge City & taking the piss out of all those other bands. Their debut record “It’z Glitz” (with art by me) is out on Grazer Records now!

ACID SWEAT LODGE - think tank

Warm Soda is Matthew Melton’s new band, continuing the sound of Bare Wires with that Greasy Bubblegum Pop & Melton’s stand-out syrupy vocals. Warm Soda manage to ride the line between music for good/bad girls & the bad boys they love & that’s what we’re all about! SEAN: OK, so your old band Bare Wires imploded at SXSW last year right when I was ready to put you into PORK. You had a few line-ups with the Bare Wires, what made you close the doors on the Bare Wires & open into Warm Soda? MATTHEW: After touring Bare Wires for a few years, I was already getting a little burned out with the project. And then when SXSW 2012 caved in on me, I was like “fuck it, time to start something new”. It felt great to flush everything down the toilet and start a band from ground zero. SEAN: Did you have a specific concept in mind with Bare Wires & then now with Warm Soda, how has your concept changed, developed, etc? MATTHEW: Both acts are essentially the same. I just thought it would be cool to get a fresh start. Its all pop music when you break it down. I’ve always been interested by the effect pop music has on people. When I try to think about why people actually go to rock shows, it’s always seemed like this mysterious phenomenon. I mean what’s actually happening in there? SEAN: What I want out of a good show is a religious experience. I want to feel the spirit & see the light you know? I grilled the Cry about Pop in this issue also. Here’s my Pop question: It’s 2013 & there’s like no cultural agreement. The country is in a very sloppy seconds shambles & while we know what the Kids are into, it seems like there’s not a clear voice saying “This is Pop Culture”. So, what I’m wondering is, making Pop music in 2013, what is the Pop that your music is part of & what is the Pop that your music plays to? MATTHEW: Welcome to the end of the world! Music should be a religious experience. I don’t really have a reference point for where I fit into the Pop equation. I am basically a homeless person living in a thrift store ass recording studio. Making songs is the only thing that has ever given me a sense of purpose. I am complete at that point. As selfish as it may be, it really doesn’t matter to me what umbrella I end up under. SEAN: I think we’re at the beginning of the world! Okay, so when you were a teenager you were a mohican Punk Rocker & now you’ve got a more sophisticated look that teens have a hard time pulling off. How does what you’re doing now relate to your past & I know you just said you don’t know what umbrella you’re under, but I gotta assume there’s something you’re trying to bring out in your audience, something you’re trying to communicate & how would your younger self respond to this?

We received a mysterious brown-paper package from Vancouver, BC marked “ASL” in a logo that reminded me of Aus Rotten & a New Age cult at the same time. Inside was a note commending PORK on our good work & an amazing selection of reports on the various subjects that the ASL is researching & disseminating knowledge on. The ASL organize the findings of their explorations of seemingly disparate elements of the rebellious underground into a codex including: animals, badges, bands, booze, brotherhood, cars, creeps, danger, death, destruction, disobedience, drugs, dudes, fighting, freedom, gangs, goons, guitars, guns, hideouts, horror, intimidation, isolation, knives, loyalty, machines, magic, metal, motorcycles, nature, nudity, partying, patches, power, Punks, rituals, salutes, satan, secrets, skateboards, skulls, slogans, speed, stunts, vans, vests, voyages, weapons, wilderness, worship & that sort of thing. acidsweatlodge.com

ANDY HUMAN - FREEZE

When I was one of the mightiest Chaos Punks in all the world, Chaos dripping from every pore & anarchy spreading in my wake, studs & bristles were my religion & the system & sobriety my sworn enemies, I was secretly listening to a lot of stuff like Ultravox, the Stranglers, later Damned, Gary Numan, Duran Duran, Japan, Bauhaus, Siouxsie & the Banshees & stuff like that. Post-Punk Pop. Andy Human’s (the Cuts, Time Flies, Lenz) second record is a fantastic selection of Post-Punk Pop music, a little cold, a little distant, a little ponderous, but assertive in its pleasing sounds.

MATTHEW: Beginning of the world indeed. I think that the essence of Pop music happens at that moment of adolescence where who you are and what you want to become intersect. Pop music has to be sincere to be effective and thats something I do strive for. It’s that feeling that first attracted the adolescent Punk version of myself to Pop music in the first place. My high school was totally fucked - There wasn’t anyone I could relate to there so I started a band. Years later, it’s as if I’m finally achieving what I was incapable of as a teen trapped in a dead-end situation -- expressing myself somehow. SEAN: I love it. I feel exactly the same way. OK, so what’s the deal with Warm Soda? Warm beer is alright, but does anyone like drinking Warm Soda? Is it flat? Is this code for piss? MATTHEW: I just wanted to come up with a name that A. Wasn’t taken by anybody. B. Would piss people off. I don’t even drink soda! I honestly just think the name sounds cool. SEAN: It’s great, it’s very Pop & evocative of a lot of memories! It makes me think about living in Baltimore & discovering 3 liter containers of soda & drinking those all afternoon. Is Warm Soda going to do any Bare Wires tunes cos I’d love to hear “Cheap Perfume” live again at least once. MATTHEW: Wasn’t planning on it... OK, fuck it -- why not? SEAN: Ha ha, yes! I love that record! This new record is really good also. Tell me about the guys in Warm Soda. MATTHEW: Rob Good - my favorite person in the world. We worked together to come up with the sound for “Someone For You” & co-founded Fuzz City Records / Studio together. Ian McBrayer - an authentic California dude (can actually surf) and “Ringo” of the group. Best drummer I’ve ever played with. Chase Oren - undoubtedly the wildcard of Warm Soda. Smooth talker with a bad attitude. (Secretly he’s a Goth.) SEAN: Tell me about what you’ve got planned for future Fuzz City releases. MATTHEW: We are currently picking bands to be on our annual cassette compilation “Summer of Fuzz Vol 2”. We just sent off our next release to the pressing plant. Its an L.A. band called Jesus Sons. They’re tight. Also singles from Cool Ghouls and Bad Vibes currently on the horizon. SEAN: Awesome! OK, to close, how can we get you a home, Mr. Melton? MATTHEW: The road will be my home until the day I die.

“If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes & CD’s & burn them.” -Bill Hicks


Q. What do you call a bunny with a bent dick? A. Fucks Funny.


Glitter Wizard are a fantastic Rock&Roll band from areas of the San Francisco Bay Area. They are a mixture of hair, glitter, sweat, smoke, denim, leather, grease & metal. I had heard whisperings that they were the bastard children of Uriah Heep & Camel. I rode out to the Porkland Woods, a dark, eldritch forest that chokes out the sun & is populated only by lurking dopers & wild boars. I had received a monkey skull filled with Glitter Wizard balm, which smelled like KISS’s wardrobe after the end of their Rock&Roll Over tour. Following the instructions which were printed on disintegrating, yellowed paper, I held my breath & smeared the greasy, gritty mixture onto my chest, looked to the stars & took in a deep breath. As I exhaled my consciousness lifted skyward into some unknown place, through multi-colored veils of smoke, I returned to fantasy & when the smoke clears, Glitter Wizard appears. SEAN: When I hear the name “Glitter Wizard” I immediately think of Roy Wood & Wizzard. KANDI: That’s because they’re incredibly good looking and badass just like us. DOUG: Thank you! We would much rather be associated with Roy Wood and Wizzard than with their contemporary, (convicted pedophile) Gary Glitter. I’ve been a big fan of the Move and his other bands for a long time... I was stoked to find a single by his late-70s band, Roy Wood & the Helicopters, when I was in Australia with the other band I’m in (Nothing People), it sounds just like the Move gone new wave. And we must be one of the very, very few (if any!) rock bands besides Wizzard to employ baritone sax in our recordings (as played by our “sixthwizard”, Adam Beach, on “Summertime” from Solar Hits). LORFIN: Wizzard is great! Although our music is not quite as poppy as Wizzard or some of Roy Wood’s other projects, I think we share a lot of the same ideas when performing and that’s entertainment. All of us in the band love just getting out there and not only playing our songs to people, but putting on a show while doing it. We try to stimulate as many senses as we can when we perform and that’s something I think Roy Wood’s Wizzard and us have in common. FANCY: Roy Wood and Wizzard definitely had a crew on stage fun and ridiculous, something Glitter Wizard highly supports. WENDY: Roy Wood rips!!! When I started the band I don’t think I had discovered Wizzard yet, but I was heavily into The Move. Have you listened to Message From the Country? There’s some serious riffs on that album. SEAN: The Bay Area is a yuppie hell-hole but so many good bands are coming out of there these days, what’s the deal? KANDI: Yuppies are the scourge of my existence, making rents high, the Mission is lame and causing stupid boutiques that don’t sell anything worthwhile to pop up everywhere. They suck the dick of life but without them we wouldn’t have all the anger and rage to funnel into music. Creative minds have always come to the Bay Area and yuppie scum won’t change that. LORFIN: Sure, the Bay Area is infested with yuppies, especially San Francisco, but us bottom feeders help each other out in any way we can. If we have access to something, we try to share it as much as possible with each other. Don’t get me wrong, it is very hard to survive out here but I feel that is what drives all the musicians out here to strive to do their best. It also helps that it is a densely populated city so you have a lot of competition to get noticed. Hell, I live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment with 4 other people who are all in bands with shitty homemade walls covered with graffiti separating our rooms, and we all still barely make it. The music community in the Bay Area will always be striving because we all help each other out. FANCY: The deal is that you need a job to live here. Yes, most of us are getting pushed out by dot-commers making a comeback, but San Francisco fucking rules and you do what you can to pay rent, play music, and just keep your head above water... fuck yuppie whores! DOUG: It will take a few more yuppie invasions to stamp out the creative spirit that nurtured bands like 50 Foot Hose, the Residents, Chrome, Flipper, Thinking Fellers Union Local 282, Sleep, Monoshock, and all the others who created music that was entirely unique for its time. The fact that there are so many instances of older and younger musicians being open to working together and learning from each other (which seems to not be the case in far too many locales) has given real continuity and depth to that tradition. There’s also the aspect of strength in the face of adversity. Because of the inhospitable economic environment for creative types, you can’t be half-assed about being in a band here. Lorfin works two jobs so he can afford a van and equipment and rehearsal space. It’s not like certain cities where people working part-time at a coffee shop or record store can afford to rent a big house with a basement to rehearse in. It takes serious dedication, so there are a lot of great dedicated bands here. And at least there are cheap rents here in Oakland. WENDY: Wherever there’s a thriving art scene, the yuppies will follow. My advice is to try and take as much of their money as you can and get the hell out. SEAN: Tell me about magic. KANDI: Magic is a card game that nerds like Wendy Stonehenge like to play. WENDY: Magic is an excellent card game. “Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle & quick to anger.” -JRR. Tolkien

LORFIN: He played for the Lakers right? Oh Yeah! The guy who bought the cure for AIDS. Owns a lot of franchises and foundations in LA. Incurable disease existing inside a man who is extremely healthy for his age, now that’s Magic. FANCY: Magic is a movie about a puppet named “Fats.” Fuck that dude. DOUG: At its most basic, magic is about the use of some sort of ritual and/or talisman to create something that did not previously exist, or to enhance something that already does exist. Most people use some form of magic in their everyday lives without even being aware of it, since their use of the ritual or talisman is part of their normal routine. But the more that magic is practiced, the more effective it becomes. If you see a live performance by Glitter Wizard, you can get an idea of some of the rituals and talismans we use to work our magic on ourselves, and on our audiences. SEAN: Tell me about Stonehenge. DOUG: It’s where the little people danced! If we had access to a time machine, we’d surely take a few trips back to the summer solstice music festivals there that ran from the early 1970s until 1984. Who wouldn’t want to see Hawkwind jamming for hours while dosed out of their minds? Of course, it all ended with the “battle of the beanfield” in 1985, a dramatic cautionary story of the extent to which elected, so-called “democratic” governments have no qualms about repressing their own citizenry when they feel their social order is the least bit threatened. An event that more people here in the States should know about. KANDI: Stonehenge was a way for ancient man to accelerate his brain matter through cosmic companionship with space women. Think about it. FANCY: Stonehenge is 18” tall, what else you got? LORFIN: In ancient times hundreds of years before the dawn of history lived an ancient race of people the druids no one knows who they were or what they were doing but their legacy remains hewn into the living rock of stonehenge. Stonehenge! Where the demons dwell. Where the banshees live and they do live well Stonehenge! Where a man’s a man And the children dance to the Pipes of Pan, Hey! Stonehenge! ‘Tis a magic place Where the moon doth rise with a dragon’s face Stonehenge! Where the virgins lie And the prayers of devils fill the midnight sky WENDY: Stonehenge will be the site of our final concert. It’s illegal, of course, to play there. We’re going to hire the local Hells Angels to keep the cops at bay. There’s gonna be a shootout. I’m not going to say who, but two of us aren’t going to make it out alive and that will be the end of the band. SEAN: Deep Purple connected the worlds of trucking, swords & sorcery, motorcycles, hot-rods & weed. Ralph Bakshi’s “Wizards” sets up a fight between Magic & Machine. As a Rock&Roll band, you cannot achieve the loudness you want without technology, without electric guitars & big amps you lose that power. Thoughts? DOUG: Yep, we couldn’t function as a Rock&Roll band without technology (especially me), but we wouldn’t be half the Rock&Roll band we are without the magic, either. You need to find a way to make them work together, rather than being at odds with each other. And I think that “Sunlit Wolves”, Kandi Moon’s composition on Hunting Gatherers, comes off pretty well without any reliance on technology (except for the synthesized white noise). Just voice, acoustic guitar, flute, bongos, and a bit of violin. KANDI: I feel we are in a battle between Magic & Machine, or at least Analog & Digital. We have come to a point where things are being invented just for the hell of it. Line 6 is a prime example of digital crap that needs to stop being made. Who the hell needs 40 settings on their amp when they all sound like tinny shit? Just play through a computer and sound like the pussy that you are. If you want some real tone you have keep the analog tradition alive and go old school with your gear. The last awesome inventions in music gear happened decades ago. Things like tube amps, modular synths, 2 1/2” tape, analog delay and tape delay gave the forerunners of Rock&Roll the tools to shred and spread their musical mayhem through the magic of audio waves, no square wave digital malarkey. We are fighting to gather the remnants of this tradition and protect them against the onslaught of new gear; gear with no soul, no warmth. Join us! FANCY: Don’t forget about the madman in the back beating on things with sticks as hard as he can to be heard over them loud technology amps. LORFIN: Without technology we cannot achieve the loudness we want but we can still create. You must wield your machine with magic in order to create, but it is also not a necessity. Concert halls for orchestras do not mic the instruments. It is all based on the acoustics of the structure. Creation=magic no matter how you slice it, so if you use a machine to help you create, you are actually aiding magic. WENDY: Glitter Wizard is working on a new and secret technology that uses redwood trees to amplify guitars. When modern technology eventually fails (and it will), all Rock&Roll performances will be held in Northern California. The rest of you are fucked.


Q. What did the cannibal do after she dumped her boyfriend? A. Wiped her ass.


SEAN: So, I think we had similar thoughts about the rollover from 2012 to 2013 meaning something & things definitely feel different, for whatever reason. You have a new record out, how does it feel walking through this gate? HETHER: It feels sexy. It feels like a veil has been lifted. I hope this feeling lasts for at least... a few months. Haha. SEAN: What was the veil hiding? HETHER: Hmm. From my perspective, it was hiding the reality of my excellence from me. These last few years have been plagued by self-doubt, fear & pain. I think things would have been a lot easier on me if I’d been able to really SEE all of the positive things that I have to offer. I may have been able to appreciate the offerings of others more in return. SEAN: I think most people underestimate how much they have to offer the world, because they don’t understand who they are. So, who is the Hether Fortune that you are finding yourself to be in 2013? HETHER: I would agree with you on that. I think I’ve always been very aware of who & what I am at any given moment - it’s just that I am very adaptable & I am always changing. So in times of darkness & fear, that is who I become. You know? Right now I am finding myself to be much more excited about life than I was only a month ago. I feel extraordinarily confident in a totally chill, zen way. Like I have nothing to prove. I am lighter now than I was before. I am also sleeping less but am always in sort of a caffeinated dream state which feels fucking awesome. I’m getting so much done! I AM XXXCITED! SEAN: The irrelevance of labels & the collapse of the subcultures has been a theme for a while, but trends & crazes are fun & we need some kind of baseline cultural agreements. HETHER: David Bowie is something we should ALL be able to agree on. Those who cannot agree on David Bowie...well I just feel sorry for them. They don’t get IT SEAN: Bowie was tuned into the universe. HETHER: I want to fuck Adam Ant in Jubilee so hard,

Sorry, what? SEAN: Are you watching that now? Jubilee is one of my favorite movies. HETHER: No I’m not watching it right now but I was talking about it earlier with my friend Dasha. We both took a moment to stop & drool in silence. I am listening to Physical (You’re So), though. SEAN: Vivienne Westwood hated Jubilee so much she made a t-shirt review of it directed at Jarman. HETHER: Vivienne Westwood has no right to hate Jubilee. Vivienne Westwood made a bajillion dollars by turning punk into a fashion commodity. I mean, I love her. But, she should can it. SEAN: I think that’s what happens, so, as 2013 unfolds you’re unleashing a new record onto the public, how do you want this record to affect people? HETHER: I’d like to say “Oh, I don’t give a fuck how it does or doesn’t affect people” but that is just not true. I care A LOT. This record means everything to me. It solidifies my genius. If other people don’t recognize that, it could very well shatter my reality, hahaha. You know. If a tree falls in the woods... SEAN:I think playing it cool is over with right now, who wants it? Emotional frost & insincerity have no place in the world right now. HETHER: I agree. I’ve never been good at playing it cool anyway so why start now? SEAN: What kind of toothpaste do you use? HETHER: Whatever is in the bathroom. The guy from TV Ghost just said that I am weird. SEAN: What is your favorite hairspray? HETHER: Am I weird? AQUANET. I am weird. Nevermind. Carry on. SEAN: I used to buy Aquanet at a Mexican Grocery Store in the Mission because it was just a dollar. HETHER: It’s cheap and it is effective, I know it’s bad for the environment, but so is humanity. SEAN: You’re eccentric & extroverted so people say you are weird. Weird, like Hipster, Nigger or Goth is dismissive. HETHER: True. I think he meant it as a compliment though. We are buddies. Plus he is a total weirdo.*

“We may not all make money or win awards but we are making our marks & they are forever. True brilliance is all around us. To all of my friends & peers - never lose sight of your vision. Follow it wherever it takes you. Keep hammering your way through the bullshit. Money means nothing in the long run. Fame is fleeting. Art is forever. Love is real. Don’t give up.” SEAN: Let’s talk about twitter. I think you use twitter correctly! HETHER: Well thanks. Though I don’t think there is any correct way to use Twitter, I do think that if there were - my way would be the correct way. I love Twitter, I don’t give a fuck! Hahaha! SEAN: It’s not exclusive, when I say correct, it is only one of many ways. Speaking of which, you have amplified the darkness on your new record, compared to your first record which I would say is brattier. HETHER: Ya, sonically I guess it is brattier. But really, NO FUTURE is a pretty heavy record. Almost every song is about death. Straight up: Death. SEAN: Lyrics don’t inform how I think of songs usually.

HETHER: No that makes sense. It’s true - this new record is SONICALLY a lot darker than No Future. It is. I think I um...figured it out. What it is, that I am doing. How to do it well. SEAN: That’s great! Okay, so if the first Record is “No Future” & the new record is “Discipline & Desire”, I feel like you’ve gone from Sex Pistols to Depeche Mode. HETHER: Which makes total sense if you look at it that way, considering the fact that Johnny Rotten went from Sex Pistols to PIL! Natural progression. SEAN: So when do you include a drum machine, or as a drummer is that verboten? HETHER: I don’t know, I mean, I don’t think it’s that severe. The instrumentation is still very Punk. It’s not an electronic record! It’s still really aggressive & confrontational. People say that Siouxsie & The Banshees were the first & longest lasting punk band - compare their first record to their output later on. Punk is a spirit, not a sound. It’s transcendent. Growth is crucial. Stagnation = death. And we DID use a drum machine. On a B-Side. It’s cool. Hahaha. SEAN: Oh no, the interview has become serious again! So, given that your first record is No Future, but as we’ve passed through the gate of 2012-2013 & now you’ve got Discipline & Desire, can you give me a Hether Fortune/Wax Idols story arc? HETHER: I am very serious person. I’ve got the next 2 WI records stewing in thee ol’ brain. One is an EP and one is an LP. The working titles are “VULTURE” and “MADONNA WHORE” hahaha. VULTURE so far is an experiment with disturbing balladry! Should be very interesting. MADONNA WHORE feels like it will be a sort of next-level Creep Pop record. I don’t know exactly what that means yet sonically but I’m picturing a lot of orchestration & direct input guitar with post-production FX. All very dramatic. As far as a full picture or a story - I have no idea. I could be anyone or anywhere a year from now. I’m up for it, whatever it is. SEAN: So speaking of which, how do you see your role as a Pop-persona in the next couple years, how would you like to get your projects into the public mind? HETHER: Someone said this about me once, that I have

basically kicked the door down & taken a position in Pop culture or whatever that nobody was looking to have filled. I think I’ll stick with that. I’m just here, whether people are ready or not. Whether they want me or not. I exist. That is my role. * Hether married this weirdo about two weeks after this interview.

JUBILEE: Jubilee is a fantastic movie by Derek Jarman. Queen Elizabeth the first has her alchemist John Dee show her the future England, she’s transported 400 years to a decaying urban wasteland of Punk girl gangs, a crazed media mogul, fascist police, filth, trash & wild sex. Featuring Adam Ant, Rocky Horror’s Richard O’Brien & Little Nell, Jordan, the Slits, Siouxsie & the Banshees & Wayne County, scored by Brian Eno. Jubilee epitomises the chaos of Punk, of high & low culture, street & sweet, freedom & fascism, sensitivity & brutality crashing in on each other to create a full-spectrum mess. Glorious!

“I have basically kicked the door down & taken a position in Pop Culture that nobody was looking to have filled. I think I’ll stick with that. I’m here, whether they are ready or not. I exist. That is my role.” “Art is what you can get away with.” -Andy Warhol


JASON POWELL

LAUREN UTTER

TALLBOY

Jason Powell is the guitarist & vocalist for Portland’s Scum Surf act Guantanamo Baywatch. He is also a fantastic Weirdo Artist with a knack for caricature & gross distortion. We have his Guantanamo Baywatch tour poster in the mail-order room & are always admiring the lady’s amazing camel-toe. Like all my favorite bands, Guantanamo Baywatch have a solid arts background & it shows in how the band presents itself.

Lauren Utter is a New Jersey Weirdo Artist, warrior for artists’ rights & the tallest contestant on America’s Top Model. Her drawings are portraits of America’s Filthiest People. Pustules, bruises, hair & unidentifiable liquids cover her figures. Like all Weirdo Artists, Utter doesn’t go to smooth skin & perfect proportions for her kicks, it’s all about ugliness & obsessive details. In True Punk fashion, Utter dresses to shock with studs & leather as body armor to keep away the mongreloids whose social standards are built up by brainwashing TV as filtered through the locker room.

Tallboy is a Weirdo Artist grinding his skateboard through a landscape of pizza, beer & weed. Anyone who spent time as a kid watching trashy cable TV, eating microwave burritos in a converted garage with shag carpet & parents nowhere to be found will understand his work immediately. Tallboy got into Weirdo Art after finding his dad & uncle’s childhood Weird-Oh models when he was looking for Playboys. He’s into the bands he does art for like Blasting Concept & the Mangled Men. He’s also into Pagan Funeral. He wants to let the kids know that they should ditch their razor scooters, ride a skateboard, grow their hair & listen to the Ramones.

Q. What do you call an American drawing? A. Yankee doodle!


wop bomma loo wop a wamma bamma lou!!!

PORK TIME???

(silence) aaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!!

porku! aaaah!!! come back!!! yes! i, sid, have been freed from the bottle!

oh wow!

thump!!! i’m bored, you got anything to do?

the ramones first record!

yah sid, we always have records!!!

HEY WHITE MYSTERY! WILL YOU PLAY US A SONG?!

everyone needs this record! i’ve listened to it at least 69,420 times! punk rock!

♪ Get on a Plane - That’s Not a Jet! Hang out with Elvis

there’s the gambling house!

Get some Rest Go See Iggy - At the Fest

time for pork time contest! weirdo club GAMBLING HOUSE!

OOOOHH!!!

there’s the goblinko factory! they make everything! “Between two worlds life hovers like a star, twixt night & morn, upon the horizon’s verge.” -Lord Byron

you cou ld win !

THREE OF A KIND JACKPOT!!!


A W H ME ITH A L R IA T!

ooh! something smells sooo gooood!!!

where’s porku?

wHoa! what’s happening?

where the hell are we?

king khan & the shrines what is?

ah... okay! you’re in the weird world. here, have some weird wine!

T. Rex - the slider

ha ha ha! i’m free!

far out! what’s next? ummmmm...

king khan is a reincarnated god of rock & soul that we’re lucky to experience!

those guys are great! oh hey, it’s the magic bus!

pure rock&roll! marc bolan never misses the target! every song is a classic!

WHOAAA!!!

look! it’s the rose garden!

let me show you some of the cool sh!t in weird world!

TAKE A PICTURE OF THREE OF THE SAME THING IN A ROW! WHOEVER SENDS THE BEST ENTRY WINS!

EMAIL YOUR ENTRY TO SEAN@INTERNETPORK.COM!

THE WINNER GETS A WEIRDO CLUB T-SHIRT & WEIRDO PACK #1 AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

wow! WELL, WE GOTTA GO! see you next time we visit the weird world!

anarchy burger!!! Q. Why do you need only two pallbearers at a politician’s funeral? A. There are only two handles on a garbage can.


ERM BARF FARM FULL OF GERM AND SP RD SHOPPING CART FULL OF PINK TU

yuta sakakibara

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” -Hunter S. Thompson

Like most Weirdo Artists he in the small town of Aichi, Japan. Yuta Sakakibara grew up & still lives an alien & still feels like an s & frustrations!!! He felt that he was grew up with some hate & lonelines Yuta Sakakibara’s favorite ! Farm f Bar a ld, portal into another wor l music of the Dwarves, alien! He wants to use his art as a sinfu when he’s drawing he listens to the likes to watch porn, he food is toast with strawberry jam & ing draw not is he n Your Face & FYP. Whe not kawaii country & is an Noise-A-Go-Go, Bulemics, Smash Jap ld like PORK readers to know that urd.tumblr.com inkt masturbate & hate people!! He wou lofp rtful gca ppin kyary pamyu pamyu. sho he has never seen the person like


by Scratch‘n’Sniff Danny James

“It feels like a good time to write,” Jan said. “And I appreciate the opportunity--” he never gave anyone else space to talk, and he was shamefully aware of it, “—but, I’m self censoring. There are friends; no,” sarcastically: “comrades, who make my hangnails ache. My heart tells me they are deficient, retarded; especially in the moments they act like zombies with robots, buying cookies for lunch, letting their computer screens glaze their eyeballs. It’s not that I think I’m better, (although I do,“ he said softly). “I just despise the fear that makes me clam up, and I hate cookies, and I just can’t seem to bring myself, out of fear-- .” “Why not, Janny?” his brother sounded like a fireplace, his voice edgy but comforting, especially around the “nee” in Janny. “Just do it! I was buying a coffee this morning, and when the guy brought it to me and put it on the counter, he set it next to some crumpled up money that was just lying there, nobody knew where it came from. So I just picked it up. Turns out it belonged to the guy in line right behind me… but he waited a long time before he said, ‘Er, that’s my money.’ And the fact that he waited so long made me, sort of prompted me to say ‘Is it?’ And then he couldn’t answer. He never said anything else.” He laughed. Jan had woken up again, and waking up always made him impossible. I will use my notes, he thought: deep breath. “Fake the stamp. Condo in the sky. Bodies. Red knit sweater caught in a printing press. Montana mountain fractal, hazy and free summer security: never again except in scenes of snatches. Oh! But then she appeared, and I helped her fake the stamp, to show to the landlord of her own apartment.” Deeper breath. “El Paso. The human equivalent of abstract treasure, a common, base possession saturated in mystique, like the bones of an alcoholic father. “So we ran back and forth along the steel catwalks and there was lightning surrounding us, and there was a vacuum built for adolescent fears, and there were impenetrable locks that Buggy easily tore from their gates that led the way up onto ladders that made boys men. The entire structure was slick gleaming gray, and as we climbed, we knew we were heroes; and we were heedless, because we loved everyone more than they could ever love us, and our adventures were written for them. “The factory was surrounded by Smelter Town: witchcraft, betrayal, hopes dashed against petrified motion, granite, and the sparks forming salvation, blue specks of absolution, winged prairie bugs. There was a village here, long ago, at least twenty years, full of all things perfect: betrayal, architecture, loyalty, devotion, envy, rebellion. Honestly, to call it a pit would be an disservice to its nobility. The people there deserved the best, so, it stands to reason, they received the worst.” He finished his fifth beer. It was the only thing keeping him awake. He continued: “The company, the company named ASARCO emptied their trillion gallon vats of slag down the declines that once protected the people, protected the sons of the fathers who tried only to impart their good qualities, and did as damned good a job as any other. But the slag didn’t speak their language, and it boiled and it stuck to the houses and the wives and the babies in a terrifying union of prolonged pain; and it was against all wills. “And following that, there the was karma, and it was worse than divorce; it compacted the whole mess, it lent its punctuation to the scene with a sickening, slow reluctance. The smoke stack of ASARCO industries, rising high into the smog, an uncircumcised sentinel, slowly began its drift from vertical to diagonal to horizontal, and it took what were seconds and made them hours; and still, all the singing inhabitants of Smelter Town were dead long before ASARCO tower collapsed like a wooden spoon in a bowl of molasses.” He finished another beer. He was long past getting there. After too much time, to some people, he continued typing. “Hundreds of years passed, and ASARCO remains totemic. “My buddy, Buggy, and I ran, without any compass, moral or otherwise, here and there as the lightning failed to make contact with our ankles. When we reached the top of the ladder, bolted to the shadow of the chimney felled so long ago, we stopped for only an instant... KRACK! BOOM! the shards of electric manna struck us both up and out through our craniums with impalpable velocity so we saw everything, it all passed before our eyes, again, like surgery. We could never have anticipated the horror of ASARCO’s decent, it was beyond speculation, the pain of its sloth cannot be described... Your time-traumatized father and his SUV trolling two miles per hour, radio turned down to an insult, crawling like towards the foster home of a serial rapist, his epoxied grin permeating all hope... The reverse-perpetual motion of the anti-Horus, sobbing into a green field of slaves reaching into their pockets and placing nondescript twigs in between His blades of grass... “Then the voices spoke up, and Buggy and I saw their beautiful shadows against the dark grey mirror a hundred feet above us. They sang a song without a melody, and, for once in this life, they didn’t sing it for Him. “They saved us, and I wish I could express how, but it will never happen again. Their words were tears, their tears were strength, and their strength was morphine. “When we awoke,” Jan laughed at that. The idea of sleep, “we were in Buggy’s bedroom. It took Buggy a little while to acclimate himself to the dry emptiness of El Paso. It took me even longer. It took me forever. “’Did you go through my things last night?’ he asked. “’Buggy...’ I began to whine, irritated with not much air.. Buggy got to his feet with considerable effort and began cascading garments and batteries and bullshit this way and that from out of his ugly oversized black duffel bag. He looked to me like just like ASARCO tower. “’Stay out of my stuff,’ he said. “’Don’t worry about it,’ I said.” Jan sweated a little bit, out of fatigue. After what some people would think was too much time, he began again. “I tried very hard to invent something useless, but everything I built just crumbled into bits. So, I remained committed to a less original vocation: the study of dead souls, dead art. With a little pro bono detective work on the side…” Past and future, Jan stood up and began walking to the fridge. He awoke, in the dark, to the sound of his answering machine: somebody was leaving a message. He was sprawled out on the couch, the one closest to the kitchen; apparently he never made it. His wife had covered him up in three heavy blankets, and somehow even managed to put a pillow under his giant head. The telephone was an old-fashioned green rotary, attached to the wall directly above his head, looming over him. Still lying down, he desperately tried to reach it but only managed to get more inky fingerprints on the wall, the wall looking like it belonged in a rehabilitation clinic. He gave up and slumped back down against the pillow, listening to the voice, live and uncensored. “… newspaper just said fools were worried about their tap water, ha ha ha. I guess we’re gonna have to check it out, because the Oakland Police are surprisingly silent about it. I mean they haven’t issued any press statements, nothing out of City Hall, and so I hear a lot of them refuse to even approach the lake. I guess it must be pretty gruesome, I mean twentyeight hundred dead pigs just floating there. No explanations, no hypotheses from the news… Anyway, c’mon! This is a job for the Hardy Boys! I already called – Jan had been wrestling with the blankets and, finally free, sat straight up on his knees and grabbed the phone. “Hello? Hello? Buggy?” The phone was feeding back terribly with the answering machine, and he knocked over half a dozen beer cans on his way to the desk to turn it off. As he did so, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed last night’s writing. Or had it been the morning before? Either way, he was back in Oakland. “Buggy, can you hear me?” “Yeah, yeah. So did you get that?” “I think you must’ve been speaking another language.” “Two-thousand eight-hundred pigs, floating in Lake Merritt. And the police won’t touch ‘em. I think they’re in mourning,” he laughed. Jan didn’t think it was funny, yet…

Reinvents the ‘70s pop song format - SF Weekly Straddles the line between smooth MOR pop & the batshit-crazy drama of “Bohemian Rhapsody”. It’s a shock to the senses to hear music with this kind of sonic detail. Impressively weird. - Get Bent PEAR is the quantum entangling of atomized mental ephemera, Dancing about an ecosystem of plastic plantations... Danny James’ music occupies city hall, loitering in teapot shanties with time released viagra femme boost steroids like a Mr. Tea drag queen. - Ariel Pink

Rises above the mellow cotton candy clouds of sound & continues on into space. Redefines the concept of retro. - SF Chronicle

WITH PROFESSOR DAN SHOUP Dirtying the waters: Archaeopop in Macao

This former Portuguese colony off the coast of Guangdong is packed with Baroque churches, old forts, and gritty 20th century apartment buildings dyed grey and black by the ever-present air pollution. Since Portugal washed its hands of the place in 1999 the city has been transformed into Asia’s largest casino destination: the Cotai Strip, a giant landfill between two islands, was created about 5 years ago and now boasts the full complement of Vegas hotels (Venetian, Sands, MGM) along with some Asian chains like the Galaxy or the Waldo. Of course gambling on anything and everything is as Chinese as dragons or jade. (The Macao Museum even has an exhibit about Macanese cricket fighting, which drew huge crowds of bettors to watch the celebrity insects fight to the death – some of the past champs are actually preserved in the museum!) So gambling is not a new thing: but creating a whole new landscape lets the casino developers indulge their rich fantasy lives, which in Macao has a strong flavor of the Archaeopop. Exhibit 1: the Greek Mythology casino. Outside, a hideous pastel Poseidon lounges in a huge fountain with some wild-eyed pastel horses. Walking into the atrium, you find yourself staring up a staircase at a giant statue of Zeus, holding thunderbolts. The big guy is flanked by hideous stucco murals of centaurs getting sexy time with Lapith women and bulbous naked hoplites with chariots going into battle. (Low quality, high relief.) Behind Zeus the kitsch ends, and you step into a elegant warren of VIP baccarat and blackjack tables with eye-bleeding minimum bets ranging from US $150-$2,000. Exhibit 2: the Venetian. You probably heard about the one in Vegas, this one is a copy of that, which is a loose interpretation of the real thing. It’s Venice reimagined as an indoor shopping mall. The stinky green water of the canals is swapped out for a glowing sapphire blue liquid. You can take a gondola ride, but all the gondoliers are Chinese women. The lighting gives everything a creepy twilight feel, like it’s always about to get dark. We ended up at the food court and I got some spicy soba noodles for my oncoming head cold, then went downstairs – under St. Mark’s square – to the giant gambling cavern. I had wanted to play some blackjack, but even here the minimum bets were US $40 and none of the dealers spoke English. I contented myself with losing some Hong Kong dollars on the slots and called it good. Exhibit 3: Fisherman’s Wharf. Not a casino, rather a baffling free amusement park with miniature districts that look like Amsterdam, a Tibetan temple, the Colosseum, Babylon, and a Tang Dynasty fortress. There’s also an interactive volcano (it erupts!) and an incredibly non-PC paintball zone designed to look like an Iraqi village so you can play ‘Marines in Fallujah’. Real estate being insanely expensive, all these things are visually piled on top of each other in a totally loopy juxtaposition. The Colosseum has a shopping mall inside – big surprise – and some kind of performance venue on the inside, but looked deserted. Oh, and did I mention the new year’s decorations? Everything was tricked out in red to usher in the year of the snake. Zeus was flanked by giant strings of firecrackers. St. Mark’s square had a giant red gong. I was not sorry to leave Macao, between the terrible air pollution and the slightly dirty feeling that florescent lights and gambling leave on your skin. We had a 20th-floor suite with a glorious view… of dirt barges and half-finished landfills. The old Macao of Portuguese buns, fighting crickets, and fireworks factories sounds much more chill but – perhaps – unreal in its own way too. That is to say, all these places are ‘inauthentic’, but no one seems to care and I think that’s fine. The old Macao, a sleepy Portuguese colony off of China, was inauthentic too – just in a way that made white European visitors feel comfortable. The focus on historical reconstruction IS part of a fascinating recent Chinese obsession with replicating European shit. On the mainland there’s tons of new housing developments that try to look like little British towns. Somewhere in tropical Guangdong there’s now an exact copy of the Austrian alpine village of Halstatt, a World Heritage Site. The ‘European lifestyle’ in general is hot for aspiring Chinese plutocrats: China consumes 25% of the world’s luxury goods and there’s so many Italian stores (Balenciaga, Gucci, Pucci, Versace, Armani, Tumi, Ferragamo, etc.) that when I first went to Milan it reminded me of… Hong Kong. The historical stuff is largely an offshoot of this kind of richy-rich Europhilia. But on the other hand it’s not weird for rising powers to associate themselves with older civilizations. The Romans pretended to be Greeks, the British pretended to be Romans, the Americans pretended to be Greeks and Romans, and now the Chinese are pretending to be the Americans pretending to be Europeans. These Chinese visions of Greece, Rome, Babylon, and Austria are filtered through Walt Disney’s ghost and the misdeeds of American real estate developers. The results are pretty entertaining. But on some level I’m kind of disturbed for the Chinese. For the Americans to look elsewhere for history kind of makes sense: since we killed or drove out all the native inhabitants, it was easy to pretend that the whole country was a blank slate. The results of importing Greco-Roman civilization are still weird, though – there’s an exact replica of the Parthenon in Nashville! But given China’s long, proud, badass 5000 year civilization it’s disturbing that they’re looking elsewhere for inspiration. It seems like a sign of decadence, as the insane boom of the last 20 years loses steam and begins to veer into unreality. archaeopop.blogspot.com

Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist? A. Give him a used tampon & ask him which period it came from.


ZINE ROOTS OF HONKEY MOTHERLAND A lot of zines I see look great just the way they are. Sort of like the scrapbook class at Collage on Alberta Street. I’m glad I can enter a world where homelessness, racism, social causes, and poverty don’t exist -- zine world. A world where the rights of nose ring-wearing college kids take precedent over massacres in Darfur. I’m glad the important art, like a page of an engraving from an encyclopedia with six letters rubber stamped over it, has found a place in the recycling bin, I mean the zine museum. But this is how I make my zine -- you make yours the perfect way only great you can make it. I’ll tell you how I make mine, and you can laugh at my ineptness. Anyfuck, the first thing I do to start a great zine is to get released. The whole atmosphere in Treatment was just not conducive to zine production! First off, they wouldn’t let us have scissors! Also, they’d confiscate art if it was negative, had sex pictures, etc. (Although I did get really good at drawing roses, old English lettering, and portraits.) So first, I get released. Then, I go through all my half-finished art and articles I haven’t finished that may be pertinent to today’s zine-reading public. I take out articles that are meaningless -- articles on sports, ex-girlfriend letters, court documents, fan letters to Ke$ha, cat diaries, and the like. Then, I throw everybody out of the house so I can have some privacy. Then, I clear all the drugs out of the house -- including pot, crack, molly, sass, and crystal meth. Drugs and zines just don’t mix -- my free paper for crack users (The Stem) was a huge failure, and only one person bought it (a cop), and he used the information to take Big Louie down, and when he gets out, I’m dead. Then, in between kicking drugs, taking my daughter to day-care, hanging out with my girl, doing my house chores and going to probation appointments, I set up a T.V. table in my 1 room efficiency apartment and get to work. I usually have 500 pencils on hand, stolen office supplies, 16 brushes, black India Ink, 6 sketchbooks, and an airbrush on hand to help lay out pages. A lot of time I have to blow off work or deal with gunfights or violent anarchists in my house in order to finish my zine, which usually sells between three and six copies, but the end product is worth it. It takes months and a lot of coffee, and everybody tells me I’m an idiot for doing it, and they’re right -- but when I see my zine, and it doesn’t look like shit, as opposed to, say, all the other zines, I literally come in my pants with glee, scream at the top of my lungs, and hold people hostage for hours. Why? Because I know next time some weirdo takes a shit, he won’t choose TIME Magazine or the Tampon instructions -- he’ll read a Bobby Madness Comic, by gum! And that, my Facebook friend, makes it all worth it.

unbelievABLE!!! WEIRD NEWS OF THE WORLD IT’S A WILD & WOOLY WORLD OF WEIRDNESS OUT THERE & JJ MK LURKS IN THE ALLEYWAYS & GRAVEYARDS OF HITHERTO UNKNOWN LANDS, OBSCURED BY FOG & MAGNETIC FIELDS! A REPORT ON witchcraft! hoaxes! cryptoids! ufos! ghosts! cults! conspiracy theories! scientific scares! the occult! & all manner of weirdness from the desk of the northwest’s premier dubiologist, jj mk! follow unbelievable on tumblr! jjmckayunbelievable.tumblr.com

November 30 MIRACLES Catholic Churches in Milan have doubled the amount of exorcising clergy and have even created an ‘exorcism hotline’ to deal with high volumes of phone calls! December 1 CRYTPTOIDS The Serbian village of Zorazje puts out a local health warning of a possible loose (and legendary) vampire Sava Savanovi, local officials warn citizens to put crosses, holy water and garlic on their doors at night! December 21 PROPHECIES The end of the world never came! Doomsday free-zone, Bugarach, France didn’t get infested with New Agers…but journalists. Locals also decided to take advantage of the suckers going to their village and raised the prices of motels and souvenir shops to make money off of New Agers and journalists alike! December 22 PSYCHIC PHENOMENON Towanda, Pennsylvania man offers $3,000 to a hit man to kill a list of psychics, including the famous James Van Praagh! Unfortunately, the hit man was an undercover state trooper and arrested the man. January 14 WITCHCRAFT Athens, Georgia shoplifter (he stole a soda and beef stick) claims he had captured Satan as part of a military mission and was hiding the Prince of Darkness in his book bag! January 16 UFOs UFO enthusiasts and amateur astronomers claim to have spotted UFOs flying over and landing on the moon! Images and YouTube videos are everywhere! January 15 CRYPTOIDS Siberia to open a new Yeti resort to encourage tourists to spot the cryptoid at the Sheregesh ski resort, in the Shoria Mountains. Owners are offering one million rubles ($33,000) to anybody who can spot the creature! January 22 WITCHCRAFT A Zimbabwe witchdoctor attempting to improve his finances through magic blows his house up, killing himself and four others! A survivor of the ritual explained, days later, that the deadly ritual was the result of trying to exorcise a beheaded goblin! February 4 CONSPIRACY THEORY Conspiracy theorists want to know…did Beyonce flash the secret sign of the Illuminati at Super Bowl XLIII’s half-time show and was she responsible for the black-out!? February 7 WITCHCRAFT Woman accused of witchcraft stripped, tortured and burned alive in front of an audience of hundreds in Papua, New Guinea. Police have yet to find any suspects! February 9 GHOSTS Singer Katy Perry flees from a Los Angeles mansion during a recording session, because she believes she saw a ghost haunting the studio! February 18 PARANORMAL Oklahoma sheriff doesn’t rule out spontaneous human combustion as a possible theory regarding the charred remains of the victim, whose home didn’t show any signs of a fire! February 21 PSYCHIC PHENOMENON Russian police arrest a ‘wizard and psychic’ for the murder of three photo models, whom he lured with promises to ‘cleanse’ their karma for them!?

I always loved printed matter, from the earliest days I can remember. Probably the first art I saw that I dug was printed. Mass communication, to me, instantly means your art is worth a shit. Obviously, I’m wrong, but this is just a core belief I developed somewhere along the way. My aunt, who lived up by Central Park, had a book of old MAD magazines,and those were my first memories of comics. In 1970, my mom moved out to the Catskills, behind my Grandparents’ house, to get away from my dad because he was always drunk and they would scream and yell and beat the living bejeezus out of each other, often screaming for help from us kids. My mom turned hippy pothead anti-war feminist, and ran out on my Dad, hauling all us kids out to the old house in the Catskill Mountains. It didn’t have any electricity, so we didn’t have any television -- we didn’t even have running water. I think this is why I started drawing. My only entertainment was old Pogo Possum books by Walt Kelly, or old copies of MAD and The Masses stashed up in the attic. I read all that shit, and totally dug it. Sometimes my older brother would let me read his copies of NEW GODS comics. Some of the MADs were so old, they were still in color. The smell of those musty old mags up in the attic still takes me back. We actually made it through the winter there, taking baths in the creek. That shit was cold. It’s kind of embarassing to talk about it, but hey, that was my life back then. I also loved The Whole Earth Catalog, and read the section on Underground Comics about 500 zillion times. For some weIrd reason, my mom let me read any and all underground comics I wanted to. Zap, Mr.Natural, you name it. It used to drive people crazy -- I can still remember people freaking out because she let me read whatever I wanted to, at age 5. Since she was a back to nature hippy, complete with Volkswagen bug with peace signs on it (which led to us getting searched by the Canadian Cops on the way to Niagra Falls), she also always had The Farmer’s Almanac around. I think these examples are a major influence on why I print zines. I like the variety of expression produced in zines, and the equal opportunity for mass communication provided by a free press. It’s a sign of a healthy society to have so much free press at our fingertips, and as you can tell by the previously stated examples, is an educational opportunity regardless of economic status. I still see zines with huge budgets and large staffs that are dull and listless when compared to other zines done by brokesters and hand colored. I hope when some future generation of scumbag losers sees my stupid zine, they are equally inspired, as I was, to enter the world of printing, creating, and losing money on getting their message heard in an entertaining format. Of course, now the computers will rule everything, and nobody gives a shit about people with no electricity -- of course, nobody gave a shit back then, either. The old house in the woods was a wreck. It was condemned -- it was unfit for human habitation. People shook thier heads and went,”tch -- so sad children have to live like that.” It was confusing to me -- I didn’t give a fuck, I was 5. It was actually being used to store old junk in when we moved in. It had racoons, which I fed cherry tomatoes to so they would leave my room. The collection of comics upstairs in the attic was enough for me. The copies of The Masses really intrigued me. The art was a lot better than MAD, and they had woodcuts in them, and political comics which I became obsessed with. I had to figure out what they meant -- even at that age, the relevance and symbolism amazed me. My relatives told me that they were left over from my great grandmother, from back in the 30s, and that she was a Communist. They said her family fled Europe before WWII, and moved down to Jamaica. There they made money importing sugar, and moved up to New York City eventually. From there, they expanded to the Catskills, where they built the Post Office there. But then they said during the Red Scare it was taken away from them -- they had to sell it, since they found out she was literally a card carrying Communist -- a member of the party. I was amazed at this story. They even pointed out the character in Pogo that was based on Senator McCarthy, and various other Pogo characters in that comic that represented various political figures. I remember thinking how amazing it must be to be a cartoonist -- to create these poignant fantasy worlds based on reality. I had to learn how this was done, no matter what it took! I vowed to spend my life devoting my heart and soul to cartoons. Well, by spring, we were discovered by my dad. He figured out where my mom had run off to -- and he showed up and demanded to see us kids. He was way pissed we had been living in the hills with a bunch of dope smoking freaks. This being 1970, people were always stopping by to see my mom -- folk musicians entertaining us with Woody Guthrie songs, bikers, weird cool people. Like I said, we didn’t have power, so it was a treat to hear music. Well my fucking dad was pissed -- he got in a big fight with my grandfather, who wasn’t too happy about us living there, either. He pulled a gun on him. Later on, dad came to see us occasionally, and when he found out about the shit mom was letting me read, he went crazy. He couldn’t do anything about it, though. His solution was to try to get me interested in other comics. He bought me books on cartooning, and Spirit comics. He tried to imbed in me the importance of layout, and technical training, if I wanted to learn cartooning -- putting down underground comics, and pointing out specific reasons that they sucked, and explaining why it was criminal for me to read them, and why my mom was rotten for letting me read such perverted trash. I guess that just goes to show you the power of the printed word, for real. Those comics and mags were all I had to lose myself in, and I appreciated it.

BUY REAL MADNESS COMIX! available at the pork shop

“There are three classes of people: those who see. Those who see when they are shown. Those who do not see.” -Leonardo da Vinci


ask

the SLOW POISONER

As we slither forward through the Year of the Snake, a quick turn round of the head reveals that weirdness is the order of the day. Even as I speak, ANCIENT AQUATIC MONSTERS are taking to the land and phantom limbs tap incessantly on my shoulder pads. Small wonder then that the first batch of queries from my mailbag address some HEAVY VIBES. Tune in with me, gentle readers, and let us get our minds aligned… Dear Mr. Poisoner, I feel like my back convulsions are trying to tell me something in code. How do I decode the messages? - Jeff Wagner, Fairfax, CA Medieval alchemists believed that the four limbs of a man represent the four elements. Your left leg embodies water, your right leg earth, your left arm air and your right arm fire. Back problems are indicative of a lack of balance between the fire and air influences; your fiery side is action-oriented and wants to GET AHEAD IN THE WORLD, while your airy side is more abstract and philosophical. During your next set of spasms, pay attention to which side of your back they feel strongest in. If your right side is giving you the most pain, remove your clothes to gain more exposure to the air. If your left side is worse, you have a lack of fire - try BURNING YOUR FLESH with cigarettes. Dear Slow Poisoner If a universe were to exist in a fragment of your tooth plaque, what note would its frequency resonate upon? - Peter Maravelis, San Francisco, CA There is no doubt that a universe exists in a fragment of my tooth plaque, and yours as well. In the mystic year of 1975, studies in fractal geometry revealed that structures found in nature repeat themselves infinitely while changing in size. Just as the veins of a leaf mirror the branches of a tree, we are all microbes meandering around a dirty speck inside THE FETID MAW OF A STONED, SLACK-MOUTHED GIANT of a teenager sitting in a massive bathtub in a horrific galaxy that envelops our own like a thrift-store trench coat. As for the sounds that these tiny planets adrift in our own halitosis make, I refer you to Pythagoras’ theory of THE HARMONY OF THE SPHERES, which holds that the unique hum (or orbital resonance) of each planet is based on its rate of revolution. Since the sad worlds that lie in OUR DISEASED GUMS spin round at dizzying speeds (in accordance with their minute size), the celestial frequency they emit would be a pitch too high for our ears – probably around 40 kilohertz, which is two octaves above the highest note on a piano. Dear Slow: My record player sounds like popcorn. All the electricians in Oakland are too old and farty to fix a Cromelet. Barack-Ometer won’t give me eleven hundred dollars to go to school, Pit Cromley is even worse, and if Columbo’s so smart, what the fuck is your problem? Signed, the Blue Danube Of your litany of bizarre issues (what in the world is a Cromelet – a crab omelet?) I shall address the first: that of the malfunctioning record player. I’m fairly certain that your culprit is cosmic microwave background radiation. In the mystic year of 1978, two phone company employees discovered that ECHOES OF THE BIG BANG were causing static on the phone lines. For this, they were awarded a Nobel Prize. I do declare that the NEFARIOUS CRACKLING of your phonograph is also due to lingering reverberations of this ancient event, and the best way to circumvent the noise is to create a more direct conduit between yourself and the fine vibrations etched in your revolving slabs o’ wax. Grow yourself a COCAINE FINGERNAIL and file it to a sharp point, forgo the needle and put your digit right on the pulse of that righteous sound! Dear Slow Poisoner, When is it appropriate to sleep with a donkey? – Dorothy Tunnell, San Francisco, CA In the words of our 3rd president, “Never put off ‘til tomorrow what you can do today.”

ASTROLOGICAL NOTES FOR THE QUARTER: It may be news to some that our galaxy has been moving in the direction of the constellation Hydra at a rate of 341 miles per second since the beginning of time. But what do we know about this Hydra? It’s a WATER SNAKE, and its brightest star, Alphard, is an orange giant that can easily BEAT DOWN our own yellow dwarf. Speaking of the sun, come mid-March, as it crosses the equator moving northward, there will be great unrest in the lowlands. Librans and Scorpios are likely to find themselves preyed upon by pickpockets and blackguards. I advise RUBBING LARD on the hems of your outer garments for protection! CONFIDENTIAL to Florence in Warrensburg: While some would say a great

wrong has been done to you, I opine that A SECRET BLESSING HAS BEEN BESTOWED. Nevertheless, to ensure that the infection is contained, sprinkle the appropriate ligaments with rainwater nightly, and, if need be, apply a compress of rose hips and red clover (Trifolium pretense).

BE BOTHERED NO MORE BY INCESSANT VILLAINOUS DILEMMAS!

Send your questions to ask@theslowpoisoner.com or via the social network at facebook.com/TheSlowPoisoner.

make sure to visit theslowpoisoner.com Q. What did the junky get on his IQ test? A. Drool!


“Hey kid! Look at this! This is some sick shit!” I can picture Shane Bugbee in a trash-filled alley, daring kids to take a look at something really weird & gross in a box for a buck a pop. Maybe it’s some comics made by America’s only cartoonist convicted for obscenity. Maybe it’s the last recorded words of a TV child star falling fast. Maybe it’s satanic porn. Maybe it’s art made by a serial killer clown. Even his name, Bugbee, evokes the Bugabee, Bugaboo, Bugbear, the Bogeyman, the Goblin, the imp. Shane Bugbee is a thorn in the foot of America, a shit stirrer & a former soda pop hustler. He comes from the same world as I do, making crazy zines, buttons & underground comix. Shane published & championed Mike Diana’s work & became John Wayne Gacy’s art agent. With his wife Amy, he took his show on the road to discover what was going on in America & the engaging book & film The Suffering & Celebration of America is the result. SEAN: Lets talk about negative attention and challenging the liberal facade of America. SHANE: Recently a person told me they regretted the fact that they alienated all of their old contacts and pals they worked with… I thought well, why would you care? Fond memories are that, memories, but there was a reason to split with those folks, most likely philosophical differences. Then there’s the days I think about when my grade school teachers would accuse me of trying to get negative attention, they’d even go to lengths to tell kids to ignore me because I was trying to get negative attention. Now, when I think about that shit, I just think I was more in touch with my animal… had a freedom they couldn’t break… I also think that uncapped, animalistic freedom is fading fast and might be a thing of the past. But the negative is the only thing that can challenge the “smiling, happy fascism/liberal facade”. GG Allin was the greatest. We need a GG now. The King of negative attention. SEAN: Rubbing people’s face in the shit! It’s important. I had a revelation about how most of the planet lives in poverty, and the American middle class will do ANYTHING to prevent itself from sinking to “their level”, despite the lip service to saving the world and tithing, they would have them all killed before losing their foothold. SHANE: So true, but that’s part of the collective insanity, the collective delusional mind of most Americans... they think they can control their fate or the fate of a forest, and they gave up once they went to a school. Schools make slaves. Beyond high school you enter into a indentured servitude deal. This is a slave state, humans are our biggest renewable commodity, we use them to bully others and all the while have the illusion we’re free, that we own stuff, even though your land can and will be taken at some point, and the collection you have spent all those precious years collecting is eventually going to end up in a thrift store as the ultimate punchline of your existence. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are a few parents who guide their children to walk the line between warrior and survivor, but ultimately your choices are: slave up, warrior and go to prison or act out, or die in poverty only to have a banker’s son invest in a film about you life. Money goes back to money and anyone who thinks they can save a tree or the starving while still playing the game is insane. SEAN: If you are a master you can harness the elements, & I would include “the system” as an energy field, and use them how you want. Not by playing the game, but by using its energy. Have you observed the phenomenon of mind over matter? SHANE: Well, when you get down to it, ‘the system’ isn’t new. It isn’t anything but animal nature and energy, so I would agree with you, but maybe use different words. I consider it understanding energies and being able to direct them and use them to your advantage, so it sounds like we’re saying the same thing. I do understand ‘the system’ as it is is of the ultimate power, a god that you will submit to or die fighting. Outside of pulling a Kaczynski and moving to the woods, no matter what you do, you become the system and it becomes you. Masters understand how to get away with it, how to enjoy more of their time than the typical slave, but they too have to submit to ‘the system’, a lot less than most, but they are a lesser to ‘the system’. So, if you’re not playing the game, the game is playing you. I think, for the most part, it’s because the masters cannot get together, they cannot work together. I think ‘the system’ was created is a rare moment of masters getting together and creating it. I believe it is still possible, but not probable in my lifetime, that masters will get together, stay together, and work at creating a differing system/god. As far as observing the phenomenon of mind over matter. I have, many times. But I’ve studied under some of the greatest masters, I seek out the wizards and the sage of the road, the sage of art and so on. Mind over matter can and does happen… though, some who think they are experiencing it have basically tricked themselves perceptionally and not in a reality others will see. The only place I’ve found the game does not exist as far as ‘the system’ is where love rears its lust scented head. Fun based in love is the ultimate freedom and masters know that joy on a repetitive basis. SEAN: So, you & Amy set out on a road-trip to document this wide variety of American characters, tell me about how this project came to a head.

over to meet with us and told me, why not take my websites down, that that would help. At that point I was like no way, fuck that. You know, when I moved to that town I knew this would happen, I told Amy, “when they find out about my interests I’m fucked.” And I figured, if I lived next to some guy who did something I might be suspected of and he signed his name to it over trying to hide it, I could respect that, maybe, depending on what it was, but in general, if the guy tried to hide it, I would never trust him and would definitely be on the outs with someone of that character. So, I guess I could say, sure, I should have put my websites in a business name and not my own, I could have used a pen name and not my own, but that, even now as I sit with a toothache that I have to scrape change to fix, even now, it just feels like the wrong decision and contrary to my politics. And my politics have driven what I do, not profit, politics. Today, I would say, don’t move to an area like that, find a location that might have a mass of your kind, move there and be yourself and see how that works out. SEAN: Right. Okay, let’s go back to the book. What’s really going on in America?

Shane Bugbee & Mike Diana in the 90s.

SHANE: Well, what I found was it was a lot different than our collective differing politics or religion. People seem to be people, typical and special, smart and stupid all rolled into one. I guess what I learned was, within the philosophical belief I hit the road with, the might is right, survival of the fittest, Satanic philosophy, the thing that is missing is compassion and cooperation. Compassion and cooperation are essential elements to our survival, no matter your might. So, that is what’s happening that I was naive to, that I didn’t get. Maybe that’s because I spent so many years in Chicago, a very violent culture, but once we left our criminally stupid families and the violent surroundings of Chicago, we found folks to be, in general, ‘good’ and opinionated and surprisingly interested in hearing of other opinions. They were open minded, and mind you, we stayed with strangers and folks we might hate. Remember, my goal was to paint a damning document of America, but after hanging with all kinds of Americans, I couldn’t do that. So, what’s going on is survival and within the survival of the fittest, folks are working together and have feelings for you and will help, if you ask. Another lesson, the ego is a trick… it can be a hard lesson if you put too much stock in ego. And when I say “different than our collective differing politics or religion” I should add that the media so readily portrays. SEAN: I noted in your interview with Ian MacKaye that he throws belief aside & says he is defined by his work. This is the idea of a man being judged by his deeds, not his words. SHANE: Well, maybe Ian defines himself by his work, but that doesn’t mean a lunatic wouldn’t define him as a terrorist. I’m an atheist as well as a skeptic and no, I do not see that combo as mutually exclusive. So for me, beliefs are based in what I think I know through my actual experiences. There is nothing spiritual in belief for me, there isn’t a mystical element, I define what I know as a belief because I don’t assume to know everything as some ‘believers’ do. They have given up on thinking, and base their life in belief, which would be correctly defined as faith, faith in what they would like the ending to be or how they would like the world to be. They have faith that it could be a certain way, that we can achieve a utopian existence by doing it their way, and faith/ religion/belief is really just an ancient way of being political and/or voting. And my politics are also what I’d like to see evolve, what I feel is right for you and me and all to make a perfect utopian existence. I would say I have a lot more of a live and let live mentality, I’m more of an anarchist now, a zen anarchist. My beliefs are very similar as to when I left on the road and before I moved to that small Minnesotan town. I wouldn’t say they’ve changed too much… I have issues because of what happened, a paranoid streak that stops my forward motion, a fear of expression that I never had before. I had a stuttering issue when I was young, but my father knocked that out of me... each stutter resulted in a punch to the face, and that stutter has started to come back a bit. But if anything, the trip was a listening tour for me, I listened, so you can add that to my beliefs, I believe listening more has worked out well for me, but the trip only confirmed my beliefs and/or what I know about humanity. For me, philosophy isn’t something to follow or believe in, it’s something to challenge and add to. If you follow a philosophy, it becomes a religion and with religion you no longer need to expand your thoughts

My goal was to paint a damning portrait of America, but after hanging with all kinds of Americans, I couldn’t do that.

SHANE: It came to a head after moving to LA and making a porn and being invited to work in porn… I couldn’t do it. LA is cut and dry, predator and prey land. When I was in Chicago, I could pounce, take advantage of, use and not give a fuck. Once I had prey offering themselves up to me daily, I snapped. Amy came home one day and I was packing and telling her no-more… days before that I ended up telling her I couldn’t do it anymore, it being anything. This all stemmed from being run out of a town after having a thriving business that was my lottery ticket. You see, I started a soda company and when you do well in that game, the big sugar hustlers buy you out. Well, right as that was happening the shunning hammered us something good and the drive to LA was hard. I left so much behind, had to drive away in the middle of the night… and the one thing that kept clouding my mind was Capitalism. I had always figured that was my ticket out of the shit zipcode and life I had been born into and at that moment I realized it was a cage… it was the ultimate in control, sort of the lesson you could take from the Eddie Murphy/Dan Aykroyd movie Trading Places. So, in LA I gave up… it was at that point that I started to get back to the person I was when Amy and I met, the long hair, don’t give a fuck trouble maker, the person who died from heart, mind and politics. So, as we packed up, the idea started to form, we could no longer listen to the news, new media was just taking off and as we drove up to the San Francisco area to work with a group of artists, I came up with the crazy idea of hitting the road for a year. I felt we could capture the last snapshot of American innocence before everyone was a broadcaster, paint a damning document of America and move to Cuba. We obviously found America to be where our fight was and Americans to be fine and in general a smart people… until you get them together in a group that is. Hehehee. SEAN: Let’s talk about this soda company. You said out of anything you’ve done, selling kids sugar has been the one you feel the worst about. Tell us the soda story. SHANE: The soda story… well, growing up in Chicago, my father’s uncle drove a truck, he took me to this soda maker and I fell in love. In love with the colors of the soda, a rainbow of sugar water. When I moved up to that small town, I knew obscene comix and a Satanic internet radio station wouldn’t pay the bills or go over well, and let me explain, we moved up to Ely to help Amy’s father who’d had a stroke. Before that stroke, I had offers in Vegas and NY and it looked as if I was taking the NY offer, but we moved to Ely, MN, and I needed a way to pay the bills. I smoked my last joint and thought about what a bartender had told me over lunch, that the only thing happening in their small town was a blueberry festival that attracted like 50,000 people and that’s when I started thinking if I could pull 25¢ out of each one of them we could survive, so poof, the soda idea was scrawled on a priority mail envelope. I called that soda company my uncle introduced me to and they said they’d do it and the soda took off… stores all over Minnesota carried the soda and it sold quick. When we’d do county fairs, folks would ask about the ingredients and I’d tell folks who would buy it for their kids that it had red 40 in the soda as a coloring and it was linked to migraines in children and they’d laugh and tell me how they thought my honesty was noble and then buy double or triple what they’d planned on buying. They’d ask if I had a diet version and I’d pour half of the bottle out and tell them to walk as they drank it and they’d laugh and buy a trunk full of our soda. When I’d market it as a bad-for-you soda we sold even more. Seeing overweight, sicklylooking kids cheer me on and beg for free soda, well, that shit wasn’t so cool. And when I compare the books and comix the courts and distro channels deemed obscene with selling soda pop, I felt there was little difference, the big one was it was acceptable to sell the soda to kids and the fact that soda selling takes advantage of ignorance and selling obscene comix and books infiltrates the so-called intelligent. SEAN: So these Minnesotans figure out that their blueberry soda man is this media terrorist & they blacklist you guys, run you out of town. Earlier we were talking about the system & how it sucks you back in, no matter what, so given that you could have success at selling soda, would there have been a way to “be legit” from the get go & somehow ride the fence combining your desire to get a rise out of the public & your intuitive business sense? SHANE: In respect to that moment in Minnesota, the internet was new for all to have in their home, it was magic to a lot of folks, so we fell victim to circumstance beyond our control. When the problem first happened, we met with the local Native American tribe, they were going to help, they were going to hire us for two years to run the soda company and train someone from the tribe to take over. During the final meeting they said they could not, and when asked why, they said politics, and when I started to ask him for a solid reason, the head guy told me it wasn’t about Satan, it was because we stepped on too many toes too quick, we did too much too fast. We started a soda company, it was successful, we then took the money and started an arts and entertainment paper and sold ads, and then built the first website in the area where we started to produce podcasts of locals and compete with the local radio station, and at the same time I was running the cable access station… this was all in less than a year, so I guess we freaked folks out. Hell, when I started the soda, the guy who ran the radio station told me “they’ll never let you in the blueberry fest”, so I took out ads asking for kids with wagons or coolers on skateboards who want to make money rolling our soda around the blueberry fest and selling it. The day the ad hit, the radio station guy called and gave us 1/2 the radio station booth at the fest, he made me join the chamber of commerce, and we played politics the best we knew how. So, I really did do what I could to be legit. When the soda came out we made special quart bottles and delivered them to everyone in power as a pre-thanks, the mayor, anyone voted into an office, dropped off cases to the police and fire dept… the soda was sold and OK’d by the big grocery store, we had banners at all the gas stations. When a competitor found out about my history, they sent out a 300 piece scarlet letter and that same radio guy who eventually gave us 1/2 the stations booth, called me and told me the rumor mill was going and that we’d be shunned. He came

and you stop thinking. It’s ok to be a hypocrite, you must be a hypocrite to evolve. As we’ve spoken about, I was once a die-hard Capitalist, today, I see the trappings of that, not that I’m a Commie, but I’m not for the system at large either. I’ve also added compassion and cooperation to my survival of the fittest/might is right philosophy, so these are ways I’ve changed. I have become more of a person who really strives to understand. I’m not so quick to judge, BUT, I still trust my instincts, so I judge based on feeling, not on your shoes. I guess the one thing we haven’t touched on is trust. That was the greatest gift the road trip gave me was trust for my fellow man, and I’m not talking a thoughtless trust, I’m talking not putting every living, breathing person in the same “fuck people” category, if I feel I can trust you and I can afford the loss if you fuck me over, I’m going to side with trust. SEAN: You ask in the book “what is art” & “is art necessary?” & is there such a thing as “too much free speech”. As someone who has pushed the limits of socially acceptable subject matter & have been chased by the torch wielding townies, what are your feelings about this? SHANE: Well, art, I have a differing opinion on this, sometimes differing from day to day. As of recent, I think art isn’t that special, it’s the arrogance of man that deems it special: birds build, they sing, animals express. I guess what makes art/expression special is the expression, the emotions, the evolution of thought. Like I was saying, the adding to a philosophy or thought or belief or faith or questioning those sacred cows or tearing them down or, for birds, building a better nest. As far as expression being necessary, I would say open honest expression is very necessary and the stifling of it is one of the things our society does so well, and at the same time, by stifling a creature’s expression, you pervert their animal nature. I’m sure the goal of the handful of masters who created the societal rules we obey was to tame the animal & stifle their expression. But what the suppression of expression has done to the human is to cause a dramatic perversion in our animal nature, from serial killers to school shooters to child molesters to dick heads that take off the top of a mountain without thinking of future generations, it has really created a problem. Now, I see expression and art as family, but not the same thing. Art, beauty is of course necessary too, it feeds the mind, it inspires, it is food… a flower, a nice ass. Beauty is probably an important element of evolution, so art, creating beauty, showing off your creative animal shows you can probably build a better shelter, you can survive and the girl/boy follows you and we evolve. Free speech - there is such a thing as too much free speech. When you have highly educated psychologists helping to manipulate you and your child into buying a cheaper, more profitable and bad for you toothpaste, yea, that’s too much free speech. Their free speech is manipulating the things you react to, their free speech is the opposite of artistic free speech, it is a speech that is to get you not to think, to act without thought. Artistic free speech, I’m not sure there could ever be too much, because, art at its base adds beauty and that’s important for evolution and at its highest is working at making you think, to question, to ask why and/ or why not. The corporate speech is working at getting you to submit, to not ask anything but how much. SEAN: What would you like this book to do as it makes its way into people’s lives? SHANE: Corrupt. I hope it reads as I remember it in my mind, with all the years and the thousands of hours of interviews and pages of blogs and stories we edited down, I have no clue how the book reads to others, but I tried to show many belief systems with the silly idea that folks might take time to try and understand other human beings more... understand our differences are so petty at times. It does sound Hippie maybe, but after getting run out of a town and being misunderstood, well, I found out we’re all misunderstood by someone and maybe we should try to be understood here and there. Without giving it all away of course. SEAN: Within this world of transgression, pushing societal boundaries & breaking taboos you embody the trickster, who, by playing tricks on people/the world raises awareness & acts as an equalizer. In our increasingly totalitarian society, patience, open-mindedness & generosity have gone out the window. How does one survive as a trickster when society doesn’t want any tricks? SHANE: Well, when it’s in your nature I guess you just live the best you can and eventually are driven off of a cliff. Really, I have no idea if I can survive at this point, when we hit the beach like 5 years ago, it was a time when the economy was dead and new media was chaos, no way to earn. So it was a great time to sit off to the side and think and wait until things stabilized, so we took the opportunity to produce this book and movie. Today as I re-enter the game, shit looks bleak as far as survival, maybe I’m a museum piece, maybe not. This is the year we will see what kind of tricks I can pull out of my sleeve, what kind of life I might manifest and what kind of luck I might make happen... or die trying! SEAN: Do you have follow-up projects in mind? What’s next for the Bugbees? SHANE: Well, Amy has just finished a vanilla cookbook and is putting together a compilation of her Whore of Horror short stories and I’m working on an art-based website that I feel will be like a zine of sorts, but a website. We’ll talk art, lowbrow, underground stuff, but not like an art mag, like a trouble making, fuck you zine. You could say I’m getting back to my Mike Hunt publishing roots but as an old man, so the conversation is a bit more fitting my age. Less kill people and more a beat the man if you can kind of thing. I’m also working on a Mike Hunt retrospective book. There are a lot of stories from those days and I feel they need to be put in a book... they are part of history and the fuck if I want my enemies re-writing my history!

“I like America, just as everybody else does. I love America, I gotta say that. But America will be judged.” -Bob Dylan


I first heard of Mike Diana after getting a package of comics & press clippings from Shane Bugbee in like 1993/1994. In 1991, a California cop happened onto Mike Diana’s comic Boiled Angel, which reminded him of the then-unsolved Gainesville student murders. These were the work of convicted serial killer Danny Rolling who murdered, raped & mutilated five college students. Copies of Boiled Angel were found in the possession of one of the suspects in these killings which brought the comic to the attention of the FBI. That December, just a few days before Christmas, the FBI shows up at Mike Diana’s house & informs him that he is a suspect in the murders & that they require a DNA test. The test read negative, so Diana was off the hook, but the fuzz had blood in their nostrils & decided to go after him anyway. Gotta teach this sick fuck a lesson for drawing krazy comix! The early 90s were exciting, paranoid times for me. I felt like Christian Slater in Pump Up The Volume, feeding the kids subversive materials while the authorities were trying to get me at every turn. Mike Diana was the first American artist to be criminally convicted for obscene artwork & he was doing very underground comics with very limited readership. It was nuts! How could you be criminally prosecuted for drawing fucked up comics? MIKE: I was born in a small town in New York state called Geneva. Our family moved to Florida since my mother was from there. At an early age I started getting hassled by the cops even though I never was a law breaker; it was normal for the cops to hassle the young. I was also forced to go to church. I had been into drawing since age 3, so my art got more twisted as i got older. I became a fan at age 14 of underground comix I would order by mail, lying by stating I was 18. I would rebel by making unholy drawings in my bible study books. As I got older my art was fueled by the local Florida nightly news I would watch: endless reports of strange murders and priests molesting children was so common it became like a joke for me to grab inspiration from. I would send my comics to magazine publishers but got no response, so I started making my own fanzine. This was ‘88, a year after I graduated high school. I also started to submit my drawings to other peoples zines. This was a lot of fun for me and I would look forward to getting a pile of mail each day from around the world; it felt like it would never end! At the time, living in Florida, I feel like being in that environment is what made me take my comics in that direction now that they were wanting to put me in jail. I got the summons to appear in court to plead guilty or not guilty and the morning I went to court my dad read the newspaper to me: it said I was facing 3 years in jail. I got to court and was met with a mob of TV reporters and also 2 protest groups with picket signs that were anti-Boiled Angel. I never wanted that attention. Another strange twist is that the law says that the public has the right to see the material on trial, so the news cameras and protest groups could see Boiled Angel, even kids were allowed to see it. The state of Florida was showing my zine to more than I could have ever hoped to. There were people that would notice me on the street and tell me they felt I got a raw deal and there were holy types that would tell me I would burn in hell.

once. But I was also a fan of 50s, 60s and 70s music that would be on the radio. When I was 13 I would listen to comedy albums, I discovered the XXX music of Blowfly who I saw a couple of years ago. A concert that stands out in my mind is GG Allin, he came out nude and covered in his own blood, he shit in his hand and most people ran out the door of the club and this pissed him off so he ran outside after them, cops showed up and arrested the whole naked band half way through the show and then the club was closed down and became an Indian restaurant. SEAN: When you read the news you get endless stories of terrible accidents, murder, rape, molestation, drugs, dismemberment & worse. Underground Comix have always presented these kinds of subjects as part of the fabric of reality instead of isolating them. The Bible is filled with all manner of insanity & if you’ve got a good church, they’re going to have a gnarly Christ on the cross there, almost nude, skinny, blood pouring down from his wounds, with nails in his hands & feet. Reality makes your comics seem silly, but because of the taboo against human creation in certain circles they blow all of this out of proportion. What gives? MIKE: I was forced into the Catholic church when baptized as an infant. As a youngster in the small town of Geneva, NY I thought church was interesting, it had that extra bloody Jesus on the

cross, I would look at the stained glass windows and come up with my own stories in my mind. Once the priests told the story of Jesus on the cross and Jesus said, “I thirst” and a sponge on a spear was brought to his lips. I looked to my parents and said, “I thirst”, guess I was thirsty. After moving to the town of Largo, FL, I feel I didn’t fit in. I was in the middle of the 4th grade when we moved and quickly fell behind in grades and since the teachers were more interested in paddling kids for acting up, I kept falling behind and this made me dislike school even more. Hearing reports of children being abused by priests made me feel bad about going to church and then the priest would give his, “You will all burn in Hell” sermon. The priest once went off on the fact that some would sneak out early to get a head start on the mad rush for cars fighting to leave the parking lot. It was Sunday sports he blamed, he even removed the metal arm on top of the door that makes it close smooth so it would give a loud bag when it closed, alerting everybody. As a teen and young adult, I felt very bothered by the ills of our planet, the destruction of the ozone, etc. I felt angry and helpless and wanted my comics SEAN: I read that you were into a lot of Weirdo to show my disgust for my surroundings. There Art standards like Basil Wolverton, S. Clay was a time in the after-church Bible study class Wilson, Rory Hayes, Warren magazines, Topps I was forced to attend where a young couple cards, Greg Irons & Bernie Wrightson, but who explained to us kids that they used to be into your comics seem very Japanese to me. The drugs and Rock&Roll records and sin until they aesthetic approach towards grossness has a found Jesus. Now they take their record collecvery Japanese character to it. Do you have some tion around and play them backwards to point Japanese Weirdo Artists that you were into? out the hidden messages. The Beatles, Queen, Prince, Black Sabbath, AC/DC and KISS were MIKE: Yes, I was a fan of Topps Ugly Stickers just a small number of the records they warned and Wacky Packs and Creature Feature cards; us about. I made a list of bands so I could check as a teen I got into the old pre-code horror comthem out, haha, tell me not to do something and ics and not long after, the underground comix. see what I do. I was one of the first to go get the Since I wanted to do my own art and magazine, I audio tape of Ice T’s band Bodycount. He had felt it should top the grossness of the 1950s horthe first song Cop Killer and then the album was ror comics and top the adult sex and drug stuff instantly recalled and put out without Cop Killer. from the underground art. This was the late 80s, Do not forget that Florida is where 2 Live Crew so it seemed to me that comics should be more was from and when the mayor made their albums extreme and even more so due to the fact that I illegal the police were arresting record store was making my own zine. I was a fan of the Punk owners and cashiers for selling it. 2 Live Crew scene and Florida Death Metal but I think my bigwon their appeal in Florida court but not due to gest influence was the daily TV news. The news freedom of speech, the jury said they could not was endless reports on murders & child abuse of make out what the lyrics were saying in order to all kinds. My comic Baby Fucked Dog Food was judge if they were obscene or not. directly taken from a newspaper article. In ‘91 I started reading two comic books i got at the local SEAN: I frequently wrestle with the conflict comic shop, I Saw It by Keiji Nakazawa and Hell between how things being taboo gives them Baby by Hideshi Hino. I later realized there were more power & if society just accepts everything even more sick and twisted comics from Asia but they lose that forbidden & thus powerful quality. I only had these two that the comic shop carried. We must enjoy upsetting people, but then how I liked these comics, they made me feel like I was upset do we want them to get? Is this a battle for seeing something I had not known about before. society to engage in, to pick sides? Or are you I was always starving for new extreme comics! just doing your own thing? I did my comic Grasshopper Boy, it’s about a boy abused by his father and then he gets a visit MIKE: I was thinking about the underground from a super hero that’s a Japanese robot and comix and the difference between those and my he gives the boy the powers to fly and detect the Boiled Angel work. I felt I wanted my art to be spots where children are being abused so he can more underground than that and it was, the first eat the parents like a grasshopper eats leaves. issue was only 65 copies so I had a lot of freeThis comic I did in ‘92 for World War 3 Illustrated dom to let myself go uncensored, it was my own magazine, the issue was centered on child abuse creation, no publishers to worry about. Maybe as a theme, this is a political magazine. I hope the underground artists at times had even more to revisit Grasshopper Boy as a graphic novel extreme ideas that never had the freedom to be someday. Also in ‘92 I did a comic called Sourball made. Prodigy, it was the longest comic I had done. This comic I would say shows the most resemblance SEAN: What are your reasons for pushing the to the Japanese comics. boundaries of imagery in your art? I see on one hand that it’s the logical extension of things like SEAN: Were you active in the Punk scene at all? Wacky Packages but instead of stopping at rat traps, boogers & dog shit you add in the severed MIKE: I was a fan of the Punk scene in Florida, I penises, syringes & dismemberment. would buy tapes. When I graduated high school in ‘87 I had saved money to buy a used car and MIKE: On the news remember when Lorena Bobbit, she cut off her hubby’s dick, the tip anythen I was able to go to concerts, my sister way, and everybody in TV world couldn’t stop would go sometimes with me, we would drink talking and making jokes about it. I was wondera bunch of beer before going in. Some of the ing why had that not happened long ago, plenty bands I saw were Sonic Youth, Butthole Surfof men deserve to have their dicks cut off, I wish ers, Circle Jerks, Misfits, The Accused, Social it was one of those things that would happen so Distortion, among many others and then big often that folks don’t care anymore. stadium shows like GunsNRoses, Slayer, Pink Floyd, Judas Priest, Anthrax, Megadeth, GWAR, mikedianacomix.com some of these bands I would see more than

FLORIDA: If you think we can’t vote, wait till you see us drive.


Fresh Root for Rotten Vegetables

“The world of the comic book is the world of the strong, the ruthless, the bluffer, the shrewd deceiver, the torturer & the thief.� -Fredic Wertham


Bum Fart by Shawn Pacheco

Q. What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? A. Nobody nose.


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WEIRDO CLUB PACK #1

$13 YOU GET THIS PATCH, A POSTER, STICKERS, A MINI-ZINE, BUTTONS & WEIRDO PRAYERS IN THIS AMAZING WEIRDO CLUB PACK. CRUCIAL FOR 2013 & BEYOND! PUNK ROT DEATH ROCK WEIRDO CLUB.

PORK FACE T-SHIRT $18 PORK READERS are BOTH THE CREAM OF THE CROP & THE SCUM OF THE EARTH, TURNING TRASH INTO BACON & PORKING ALL NIGHT LONG. SHOW THIS STUPID WORLD THAT YOU GET DIRTY & DOWN WITH IT.

real madness comix!

ROCK&ROLL MONSTER BUTTON

$3 WE ARE ROCK&ROLL MONSTERS, FABRICATIONS OF THE ROUGH & TUMBLE WORLD OF FEET ON THE STREET AMERICA! MESSY, CRAZY, NASTY, SCARY, OUT OF CONTROL! LOOK OUT!

BLOW ME t-shirt $20 PORK DELINQUENT HERO GUMBALL JERRY IS PORTRAYED GROOVIN’ THROUGH THE NEIGHORHOOD & TO ALL THE SKURCHERS IN THEIR CARS & THAT DUDE ON THE BIKE HE’S LIKE, “BLOW ME!” COMES WITH EXCLUSIVE BUBBLEGUM COMIX!

HUNK HUNT BUTTON

$2 I USED TO HAVE THIS RADICAL YELLOW BOOMBOX THAT WAS SONY SPORT SO THAT YOU COULD TAKE IT TO THE BEACH & IT WOULD BE COOL. I WAS LOOKIN’ FOR BIKINI CHICKS WHO WERE ON A HUNK HUNT.

PORK ARMY MEMBERSHIP KIT

$40 WHOEVER SAID YOU SHOULDN’T JOIN A GANG IS JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU A BITCH FOR WHATEVER BULLSHIT ORGANIZATION THEY’RE A PART OF. FUCK ALL THAT, JOIN THE PORK ARMY. THE KOOLEST KIDS IN AMERICA ARE IN IT & YOU SHOULD BE TOo. IF YOU’RE NOT, YOU’RE A punk ass.

THE PORK SHOP MAIL ORDER!!! LET’S SHOPPING!!! HOW TO ORDER!!! SNOTSTICKERS

$1 FOR TWO FULL-COLOR, DURABLE VINYL STICKERS FOR YOUR SKATEBOARD, GUITAR CASE, BINDER, LAPTOP, CELL PHONE CASE, CAR, BIKE, BUTT, SHELF ETC. WE ALSO OPERATE A BUNCH OF STICKER VENDING MACHINES IN EUGENE & PORTLAND WHICH YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT. AT REDLIGHT, FLOATING WORLD COMICS, BIG CITY GAMING, THE BIJOU, MECCA & KITSCH 22. MORE SOON!

“Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” -Oscar Wilde

PORK

ONLINE: porkmagazine.bigcartel.com MAIL: Send well concealed cash, check or money order, YOUR EMAIL OR PHONE NUMBER WITH A DETAILED LIST OF WHAT YOU’D LIKE to: GOBLINKO pobox 12044 Eugene OR 97440 USA. SHIPPING RATES ARE LISTED ONLINE. WE SHIP INTERNATIONAL. QUESTIONS? KATIE@INTERNETPORK.COM OR 541*556*4364 Orders are shipped ON TUESDAYS & FRIDAYS. Products may not APPEAR exactly as pictured or described. MANY OF THESE PRODUCTS ARE AVAILABLE AT WHOLESALE PRICES FOR YOUR SHOP! PORK IS AN INDEPENDENT, FAMILY BUSINESS.


スケバン! ギャングの!女の子

PHOTOS BY KATIE ÄABERG HAIR & MAKEUP BY AMELIA HART MODELS: AMELIA & AVALON.

Zines

Get it Together!

PORK proves that zines aren’t just for uptight headcases & record collectors. Every organization needs a zine. Teen Angels was the first zine I ever read back in 1988. These two Cholitas sat next to me in class & they were super into the whole culture. They thought I was a devil worshipper but I was still sweet. They were 12 or 13 & they already had tattoos! One of their boyfriends was an illegal prize figher & was 13! They used to bring Jack Daniels to school & play spin the bottle. Pure class.

This country has been falling apart for so long that most people don’t even know what having your shit together looks like. There are 7 Steps to Power & one of those is organization, because if the Kids are United, They Will Never be Divided! Okay! It’s just true. Put aside your fuckin’ bickering, your ego shit, your selfish disfunctional self & get down with the people. What I’m saying, & I’m talking to the ladies, is, Join A Girl Gang! Your future is in your hands & what you need to do is get a bunch of people working together for each other’s future. Take care of your own shit, work together, share friends & enemies, spread the burden of your existence over more people & you’ll be able to face life’s obstacles as a team. Stop telling an uncaring world how to be & force them into complicance with strength in numbers. Where the women go, the men will follow.

Red Lipstick Red lipstick means danger, excitement & more danger! Lil Klowny uses Mac Russian Red. Good Stuff Only Hairbow Put a bow on it & suddenly it’s precious & sweet! Amelia makes these great leather hairbows.

Solid Gold Brass

Hairspray Flaunt it! One of the best ways is with big hair. To achieve big hair you will need lots of hair-spray. You will learn to love the smell of hair-spray & your hair-dryer. If you are super crazy, you can make a drink called “ocean” out of your hair-spray, but it can make you blind!

Brass knuckles are sold as paperweights & belt buckles these days to keep the pencil-necks at bay. There’s a reason why these are illegal in most states & it involves missing teeth & concussions.

Cheap Thrills

I’m having serious flashbacks coming across sticky little bottles of “liquid incense” & “nail polish remover” in the freezer at one of the Punk houses I lived in. After a couple whiffs, Cheap Thrills ensued.

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Hot Dog Whether you’re

Hot Dog Eating a hot

dog is like consuming the very essence of America. Cheap, greasy, made of questionable materials & delicious, those that deny the hot dog are more than suspect, they are probably enemies of freedom & fun!

lighting up some jaints with your homegirls on my porch before school or turning your Aqua Net into a flamethrower to take care of some knuckleheads on the bus, this hot link is the most hilarious way to spark up.

Mosseland Cat Bottles Have you ever hearda pussy whine? Mosseland bottles its German Riesling wines in these super cute cat bottles that come in every color imaginable. They are the best!

Weapon Clothes When you’re flaunting

it & dressing like you’re looking for trouble, trouble will find you. Years of riding the bus in East Oakland as a Chaos Punk taught me this. It’s the way of the world, but instead of hiding & disguising & blending in, wear weapons. This chain-belt with hand cuffs is perfect for making would-be assailants a little more cautious.

Gum As much as I’d like to proComb Knife This cutey can cutcha! The hair-hopper concealed comb knife from the PORK SHOP is the official knife of Girl Gangs across the country! It is the definition of Street & Sweet!

mote smoking, I actually do care about your health. So, instead of smoking cigarettes, get into a good bubblegum habit. Japan makes a lot of cool, weird gum.

Girl Groups There is nothing as gangster as some Girl Group oldies. These ladies are Street & Sweet, balancing their uncontrollable desire with a discipline that holds them teetering right at the edge! An edge embodied by few in the spotlight since, save for PORK favorite Amy Winehouse.

Q. What do you get when you cross a gangster with a garbage man? A. Organised Grime!


ask me, don’t tell me.

157 Orchard Street @ Rivington, New York (212) 388-0079

714 Valencia Street @ 18th, San Francisco (415) 558-0658

144 N. La Brea Ave @ Beverly, Los Angeles (323) 933-9000 selfedge.com

AD BY SEAN


PORK #10