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Page 54

THE HUNTING OF THE HAGGIS

me that for great ceremoonial occasions - birthday, bonquets, brawls and e'en such sacred, sentimental gatherings as Captain Ball was plonning for tomorrow - there's another dish fully as deleecious as the turkey. I refair, o' coorse to the haggis. Noo, look ye, Muster Montgomery; I'll give ye a chonce to be decent for once in yere life, e'en though it sprains ye! If I guarontee to cook up a nice, ploomp haggis for our little party, will ye no' accede to the captain's cherished wishes and eat yere Christmas meal with him and the rest o' us?" "M'm, well, that depends," said Mr. Montgomery, loftily. "Just wot the 'ell's a 'aggis ?" Mr. Glencannon gazed at him in astonishment mingled with pity. "The haggis," he explained with a spacious gesture, "the haggis, Muster Mate, is the fruit o' a romonce o' Jang, Jang ago, involving the humble pudding and the lordly sossage. It is the culinary triumph o' Scotland, which is to say, o' the entire world! Oh, surely, my pui1' fellow, e'en in all yere pewling ignorance, ye dinna mean to say ye've ne'er thrilled to the deathless

"Just wot the 'ell's a 'aggis?" lines o' Robert Burns in his Address second engineer - "what else wud ye say was needed for a haggis, Muster to a Haggis? ErMacQuayle ?" " Great chieftain o' the pudding race, "Pepper," said Mr. MacQuayle. Aboon them a' ye tak your place! "Ye must have plenty of pepper. Losh, His knife see rustic Labour dight I can see my auld Aunty Meg in KillAnd cut ye up wi' ready sleight, iecrankie making a haggis the noo !" Trenching your gushing entrails "Oatmeal, onions and pepper - is bright Lik' any ditch. that orl there is to it?" sneered Mr. And then, Oh what a glorious sight, Montgomery. Warm-reekin', rich!" "Weel, proctically," said Mr. Glen"H'mph, it sounds ruddy nausyeat- cannon, placidly filling his pipe, ing to me," said Mr. Montgomery. "though in enumerating the ingre"Besides, leaving out the silly tup- dients, ye left oot the five-gallon peny poetry, you've only 'arf answer- bucket. But once ye've got those four ed the question I arsked yer in the succulent essentials ready at hond, first place - to wit, wot the 'ell's a yere haggis is as guid as made. All 'aggis ?" that remains to do, then, is slaughter "Yes, yes, tell him!" urged Captain an ox, cut his hoofs off, skin him, rip Ball, eagerly. "Explain him the full his insides oot and ..:_ .. modus operanda of how you prepare "Not an ox-a sheep!" Mr. Macthis - er - delicious Highland titbit, Quayle objected. "Ye commence by Mr. Glencannon !" chopping his head off. My Aunty Meg Mr. Glencannon squinted a fishy in Killiecrankie always did the job eye at the gnats which swarmed with an auld claymore whuch bearound the polished brass lamp above langed to my great-grandfather, the table. "Weel, making the haggis is Piper Jamie McTooth, o' Stronach-rideeculously sumple," he declared. lachar. He went oot to India with the "Ye merely need a certain amoont o' Argyll and Dumbartons in 1857 and oatmeal, some onions, and a five-gal- won a bronze medal for getting shot lon bucket. Er"- he turned to the in half at Lucknow.

They sped about the ship, the decks drumming to their footfalls and the night made hideous with the sounds of hue and cry.

Sea History 009 - Autumn 1977  

3 IN CLIO'S CAUSE: ON LOOKING BACK, by George Campbell • 6 THE FIRST AND LAST VOYAGE OF THE ST. MARY, by Sandford Hart Low and Peter Throckm...

Sea History 009 - Autumn 1977  

3 IN CLIO'S CAUSE: ON LOOKING BACK, by George Campbell • 6 THE FIRST AND LAST VOYAGE OF THE ST. MARY, by Sandford Hart Low and Peter Throckm...

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