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2010 bridal trends Community advocate Kelly Benjamin

Georgia Auteri

Relationship roller coasters

overcomes life’s obstacles

January 2010

Contents

4

16

A Taste of Chocolate

Kelly Benjamin

ON THE COVER Georgia Auteri Photo by Joel Philippsen

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26 January 2010 • she magazine

Wedding season approaches

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editor's note There’s so much hype this time of year about reinventing oneself. It’s the time to lose weight, to control finances, to quit a nasty habit. It’s everywhere we turn — on the radio, in magazines, on television commercials and even in She magazine (see this month’s Cash Talk). It can get a little overwhelming with all sides coming at us, telling us to pick something we want to change about ourselves. I stopped making New Year’s resolutions several years ago, not because I think I’m perfect (far from it) but because I know I don’t have the willpower to live up to the pressure I put on myself. I love to tell the following story when asked what my New Year’s resolution will be: One year as a young teen I vowed to give up chocolate and sweets. This vow was twofold, as it would extend into the Christian holy time of Lent. I would abstain from this temptation until Easter. That’s a long time for a kid to be without sweets, but I kept it. Through January and February, I never touched a single piece of candy. Not one Hersey’s Kiss. That spring break, my family and our close friends took a Caribbean cruise. Those of you who have cruised before know that food is one of the main highlights of those trips. You can have practically anything you want at practically any time. Desserts and snacks abound. Still I resisted. Here’s the kicker. Back on dry land, a few weeks before Easter, we were visiting my grandparents’ house. I opened their cupboard, and there was a package of those miniature Twix bars. I cheated. On a Twix bar of all things. I remember it like it was yesterday. As I chewed, I felt guilty and happy and sick, and my regret came not from cheating just days before freedom, but from choosing a Twix bar instead of the cruise line’s Triple Chocolate Molten Cake. Those looking for a moral in that story won’t find one. I just like to tell it. However, it is my wish that whatever resolution you pick this year, you first step back and look at your strengths. Reaffirm what you love about yourself. Give yourself that extra boost of confidence going in. Remember that every day you succeed is a victory. Those days you are tempted and those times you falter are just minor bumps on the long road. Small battles lost in a larger war. After cheating on that Twix bar, I got right back on the horse and didn’t touch a single sweet until the annual Easter egg hunt. I like to think God understood.

Do you have a comment about a She article or feature? E-mail Kelsey your remark or short personal story that pertains to a topic you read about and we may publish it. It’s all about keeping She your magazine.

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she EDITOR Kelsey VanArsdall COPY EDITOR  Katharine Smith GRAPHIC DESIGNER  Stephanie Otte WRITERS Sarah Cannon Therese Copeland Kami Ervin Debbie Henry Kim Ledger Daniel Schuetz photographerS Andrew Laker Joel Philippsen Stock Images Provided by Jupiter Corp. January 20, 2010 She ©2010 All rights reserved. Published monthly by The Republic.

SEND COMMENTS TO: Kelsey VanArsdall, The Republic 333 Second St., Columbus, IN 47201, call 812-379-5691 or e-mail kvanarsdall@therepublic.com ADVERTISING INFORMATION: Call Cathy Klaes at 812-379-5678 or e-mail cklaes@therepublic.com. All copy and advertising in She are copyrighted and cannot be reproduced.

SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

She Reader COMMENTS Have Your Say

SheRegulars 22

Health

36

Cuisine

Hearing loss

Game time dips

The following are a few comments from She readers either sent directly to the editor or posted on the She fan page on Facebook. Want to express your opinion about She? Contact Kelsey at kvanarsdall@therepublic.com or 379-5691 or post on the She fan page wall at facebook.com.

Kelsey!! I am so excited!! I have been holding my breath waiting for the article about my “journey” to come out and today is the day!! I wanted to thank you and tell you what a wonderful job you did with it. I cried at the end. Thank you, thank you. There was just one teeny-tiny flaw, hardly worth mentioning because of its overall wonderfulness. My surgery was in July 2006 not 2004, so I have accomplished all that stuff in 3 years not 5 years. Anyway, thanks again! — Amy Mueller

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Cash Talk Financial fitness

46

View from Mars

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Just a Minute

Daniel Schuetz

The new She looks great. Makes me want to buy knee-high boots to wear with my mini-mini skirt. —

Cindy Frey

Kelsey, Please convey to Shannon Palmer and the photographer my sincere thanks for a wonderful article about the Meals On Wheels program at the Senior Center. Her words and the photo shots really captured what we are doing in the community and the need for more volunteers. Thank you. — Charlene Lewis

Quick tips Nice cover and good edition. Here is to many more! — Carla Clark, via Facebook

Check out past issues of She magazine at

January 2010 • she magazine

A note from the editor: I received a few comments stating that the article “Does It Come in Pink?” in December’s issue was difficult to read. I assure you the designer and I will do our best to avoid this in the future. As always, thanks to all our readers for your valuable feedback! page 

Philanthropy

through chocolat e

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SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

Columbus Service League fundraiser is sweet event for community By Kami Ervin Photos by Joel Philippsen

Columbus Service League President Lori Eavey

The aroma of delectable desserts fills the air at Pieper’s Gourmet Catering on Washington Street as one local women’s organization meets to plan Columbus’ most savored charity fundraiser. For the last 20 years, Columbus Service League has hosted A Taste of Chocolate, an event that brings together nearly 30 vendors, more than 3,000 desserts and lots of local entertainment to help the group raise money to fund several community projects. A Taste of Chocolate will be Feb. 13 at Fair Oaks Mall, where the main corridor will be lined with tables adorned in red and white topped with lavish desserts, all donated by local vendors and Service League members. Area choirs and bands fill the halls with music. All members either bake for or donate to the event, and Tre Bicchieri, Smith’s Row and Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory are just a few of the local eateries that bring their desserts. Pieper’s Gourmet Catering, the favorite spot for CSL members to plan A Taste of Chocolate, is owned by member Sylvia Pieper, who whips up desserts such as Kahlua Truffle Triangles, Caramel Pecan Brownies and Chocolate Turtle Cheesecake. “This is a great opportunity for vendors to showcase their signature dessert,” CSL President Lori Eavey says. “They can decorate the tables, put up signs, hand out coupons and enjoy free advertisement in exchange for their dessert donations.” Eavey, who in the past has chaired the event, is a seven-year member of CSL and works for her family business, Bartholomew County Beverage.

Cappuccino cheesecake from Pieper’s Gourmet Catering.

January 2010 • she magazine

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The main goal for A Taste for projects that make a Tickets, please One unique aspect to the event is that no money exchanges hands at the vendor tables. Dessert tickets are presold at various locations in Columbus for $2 or sold at the event for $3 per dessert. Items are available to go for the many people wishing to purchase multiple desserts. The co-chairwomen of the 2010 A Taste of Chocolate are no strangers to helping their community, as both Susie Woodard and Karen Abel have been volunteering for various organizations for several years. Woodard, a registered nurse, longtime Girl Scout troop leader and a recent graduate of Leadership Bartholomew County, is beginning her second year with CSL. She talks about some additions to this year’s A Taste of Chocolate.

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A Taste of Chocolate committee members are, from left, Lori Eavey, Shannon Alexander, Karina Willats, Karen Abel, Sylvia Pieper, Susie Woodard, Ellen Brunner and Elizabeth Crider.

“We will have some wedding cakes and gourmet organic dog treats as well,” she says. “We are thinking outside the box and bringing in more vendors.” Abel, who is in her eighth year with CSL, is a real estate agent and a board member with the Columbus unit of the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra. “It’s wonderful to see the mall transformed into a beautiful red, white and pink wonderland,” she says. “And it’s a big social event where people chat, eat and listen to music.” Drawing a crowd Abel estimated more than 1,000 people attended last year’s event, including parents and grandparents of the many local performers providing entertainment. “The event packs the mall,” Woodard says. “It’s the coolest thing. Some people trick-or-treat with WalMart bags.” This year’s entertainment lineup includes Columbus Singing Strings, Central Middle School jazz band, Columbus East High School Jazz Inc., Columbus North High School choirs, Columbus North jazz bands and Southside and Parkside elementary choirs. The main goal for A Taste of Chocolate is to raise money for projects that make a difference in the community. CSL, an all women’s organization that began in 1967, Page 

has developed a host of projects over the years. The members are involved with youth leadership, community research and group home projects specifically targeting the Bartholomew County community. They are also working on some new projects, one involving a mentoring program with Turning Point. A favorite among the members is Reading is FUNdamental, “RIF,” which purchases and hands out books to promote reading. “RIF involves members visiting each school to distribute free books to students,” CSL member Ellen Brunner says. “Growing up here in Columbus, I looked forward to choosing my free book. As a volunteer, I see the benefits of sharing books with children who may not have access to books or anything new for that matter.” Eavey says that the long life of the primary fundraiser for their service projects is because of the response and support of the community. “This is why we will be celebrating our 20th year for the A Taste of Chocolate fundraiser,” she says. “We invite the community to Fair Oaks Mall for an evening of sweet chocolate treats and entertainment.” Tickets are on sale now and are available at Cookies Baskets & More, Pieper’s Gourmet Catering and Fair Oaks Mall customer service in Columbus, and Sisters on the Square in Hope.

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cover story

utdoor

utlook

IU senior sprints toward future preserving the environment

Above and opposite page: Georgia Auteri prepares for and competes in a triathlon after undergoing major surgery.

By Therese Copeland photos by Joel Philippsen and submitted by family

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In the dictionary right next to the word “determination” needs to be a picture of Georgia Auteri. On the surface she appears to be a typical college senior working a part-time job and planning her future. However, under that demure exterior lies an extremely driven young woman who is ready to prove naysayers wrong when faced with a challenge. Last year while celebrating a snowfall at Indiana University, Auteri and her friends did what every college student has done in the snow — slide down hills on anything they could find. Unfortunately, a mattress combined with a ramp caused her to suffer a significant fall that shattered her kneecap. Doctors in the emergency room commented that they hadn’t seen anything like her injury. A day before her 21st birthday, Auteri had major knee surgery. After a bone graft and the insertion of two screws and metal wire, she was on crutches and undergoing physical therapy for months. Her doctors said she would be limited in what her knee could endure. Instead of disheartening her, this diagnosis just motivated Auteri to prove them wrong. “I hate someone telling me I can’t do something,” she said. SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

Instead of disheartening her, this diagnosis just motivated Auteri to prove them wrong.

Before the accident, she had been training for marathons. After careful consideration, she decided triathlons, with their addition of swimming and bicycling, would be better because they didn’t involve constant running. Stronger than ever Auteri readily admitted that she would not consider herself a “great athlete,” however; she began her training regimen with enthusiasm despite the pain in her knee. Every other day she would combine at least two of the three elements of a triathlon. To prepare for the swimming leg she was coached by her mother’s fiancé, Dennis Tibbetts, and training took place in the pond on his property. “This helped me more than training in a swimming pool because I experienced the enormity of the water. Instead of being provided lanes, the water is murky, not clean and clear like a pool,” she said. Last August, Auteri participated in the Tri-Indy Sprint Marathon along with 650 other athletes. The race takes place in downtown Indianapolis, utilizing the picturesque canal and traversing the city’s cultural and historic landmark-filled streets. She chose the event because it was a sprint race. According to the International Triathlon Union, sprint distances are a 750-meter swim, 20-kilometer ride and 5-kilometer run. The other categories for races increase in distance in all components and include the intermediate or Olympic distance, long distance and ultra distance, or as it’s better known, “the Ironman.” Auteri was pleased with her first triathlon. She placed 393rd and had an overall time of 1 hour, 50 minutes and 9 seconds. “My favorite aspect of the race was the bicycling portion. It is the most scenic, and the most distance is covered,” she said. “I generally enjoy running, but during the race it was torture because it was at the end and my legs felt like lead.”

January 2010 • she magazine

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“My favorite aspect of the race was the

bicycling portion. It is the most scenic, and the most distance is covered.”

– Georgia Auteri

Auteri and her brother, Matteo, prepare a homemade soup.

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Auteri with her family, from left, Matteo, Dennis Tibbetts and Rebecca Lorenz.

In the outdoors Auteri has always been drawn to nature and its preservation. She was born in Seattle and was introduced at an early age to hiking and spelunking by her mother, Rebecca Lorenz. One event that formed her attitude toward the environment was seeing jellyfish killed in an oil spill. “It was at that moment that I realized people’s actions have repercussions that they don’t see, and it hurts the environment,” Auteri said. “I wanted to be instrumental in causing awareness.” She is in the honors program of IU’s School of Public and Environmental Affairs, where she is seeking an environmental management degree. She interned in the Office of Wetland, Oceans and Watersheds at the Environmental Protection Agency. Her responsibilities were varied. She respected the people she worked with because they included her in meetings and projects that expanded her knowledge. She also got to experience Washington for the first time.

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“There was always something going on, and most of them were free, like concerts and the Smithsonian museums,” she said. Auteri’s quest for preserving the environment does not stop with the United States. Last summer she participated in the Scholars in Global Citizenship Program and visited South Korea for two weeks. Her goal was to focus on the forest conservation policy of South Korea and how it is different from that of the U.S. She still hopes to get a more hands-on perspective of environmental management and would like to research animal behavior with a focus on habitat. After graduation, she plans to study conservation biology in graduate school. Auteri doesn’t just study the environment; it touches every aspect of her life. In her free time, she is a member of the Sierra Club and the IU Volunteers in Sustainability Club.

SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

1. At Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens in Washington, D.C. 2. In front of the Capitol. 3. Auteri outside the Environmental Protection Agency, where she interned.

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For the prosecution Kelly Benjamin takes side of domestic violence victims in court By Kelsey VanArsdall Photos by andrew laker

As a child, Kelly Benjamin never questioned what she’d be when she grew up. “My parents told me from very young that I’d be going to law school,” Benjamin said, with a smile. When it got to that point, the Wisconsin native majored in business finance and political science with a minor in economics and then got into law school. The reasoning behind her parents’ belief began to show itself. “It turned out that I really enjoyed it,” Benjamin said. “I was so shy growing up, and you wouldn’t think that would go well being in a courtroom, but I loved it. When I was in the courtroom, that shyness faded away.” Married with children of her own, a now humble instead of shy Benjamin has crafted her love of and expertise in law into a rewarding and impressive career. Two years ago she became a part-time prosecuting attorney for Bartholomew County; however “part time” serves mostly to define her Monday through Wednesday work at the courthouse. She is engaged full time in her career, which is also her passion.

January 2010 • she magazine

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The Benjamins spend family time playing a board game. Page 18

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“Although Kelly is technically a part-time employee of the prosecutor’s office, she displays a full-time commitment to her job and to the cause of combating domestic violence in our community,” said Bartholomew County Prosecutor Bill Nash. As a prosecuting attorney Benjamin has seen cases involving everything from traffic tickets to homicides; however, she specializes in cases of child abuse and domestic violence. She has trained in this field since the mid-1990s. She started in private practice in Wisconsin in 1993. “I was going to go into business with my dad,” she said. “I enjoyed private practice, but I wanted more. I had an interest in helping kids and giving back to the community.” January 2010 • she magazine

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submitted photo Benjamin congratulates the middle school winner of a Safe Dates poster contest.

Devoted advocate She began working for the district attorney in Stevens Point, Wis., in 1995 and served as a guardian for children in divorce, abuse and neglect cases. A year later she started training law enforcement officers on issues surrounding domestic violence and sexual assault cases. Benjamin and her husband, Scott, came to Indiana when he switched jobs. The couple had lived in Greenwood and Benjamin had worked as a Johnson County prosecutor, until Scott opened his business, Benjamin Podiatry, in Columbus about two years ago. “I helped him put the business together, and I still serve as the office manager there a couple days a week,” she said. She is also the chairwoman of the Bartholomew County Domestic Violence Action Team. She works to bring together all the agencies and groups that help victims of domestic violence. She also helps coordinate community outreach programs, such as the Safe Dates

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curriculum for eighth-grade students that the team started last year. “We work to give victims (of domestic violence) the information and services they need, but prevention is so important,” she said. “With Safe Dates, we teach kids what’s normal in a relationship and help them understand. We try to give them the education and tools so that wrong behavior that may be starting at that age doesn’t continue.” Benjamin’s involvement with domestic violence cases on both the legal and community outreach sides has provided her with a seemingly omniscient view of the issue. “Kelly has amazing energy, commitment and courage to rid our community of domestic violence,” said Beth Morris, director of Healthy Communities. “She is just as passionate about helping teens learn healthy relationship skills so they can avoid violent relationships as she is about holding batterers accountable for their actions.”

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812.376.4020 3183 N. National Rd., Columbus Still, both positions come with a price. When prosecuting a case or helping a victim, Benjamin has to remember to detach her personal feelings. Difficult decisions “You can’t force someone to leave a bad situation or to file charges against their batterer,” she said. “A lot of times, we deal with victims that don’t want a case to go to trial. I have to explain to them that it’s my job and my responsibility to the community and to them to see it through.” The job can also weigh on her own family life. “It can be very time-consuming,” she said. “You have to keep that balance.” Kelly, Scott and their three children find themselves at home in Columbus. “The town in Wisconsin, Stevens Point, that I used to live in was a lot like Columbus,” Benjamin said. “There’s a real sense of community. Columbus is home.” They enjoy an active lifestyle of biking, hiking, fishing and swimming. The Benjamin children are busy with hockey and figure skating practice and music lessons. “The kids love to read books, and we all love to play games together,” she said. “They’re really great kids. We have a lot of fun.”

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Hearing loss can affect quality of life By Debbie Henry

Hearing loss increases with age and is the third most common chronic condition in adults in the United States. According to the American Speech Language and Hearing Association, approximately 28 million individuals have a hearing loss. Hearing loss may be caused by noise or trauma, sensitivity to certain medications, genetic factors and infections. In the past, hearing loss was considered more prevalent for men, but as women have moved into non-traditional occupations, noise exposure has become a concern for both men and women. Repeated exposure, or in some cases, a single exposure to a loud noise can cause hearing loss. Earplugs should be used to lessen the danger of permanent hearing loss. A Northwestern University study on women and hearing has found that by age 55, about 13 percent of all women have impaired hearing. By age 65, it increases to 25 percent, and by age 85 it is more than 75 percent of women. The normal effect of aging causes a loss of high frequency

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sounds. Individuals with this type of loss often complain, “I can hear, but I can’t understand.” This is the most common type of hearing loss, and treatment often requires the use of a hearing aid. Hearing aids offer a workable solution to communication problems, yet only 22 percent of the hearing-impaired population use one. A small study of women recently completed by the International Center for Hearing and Speech Research found that women on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) performed poorer on hearing tests than women who did not use HRT. This was especially true when trying to hear in the presence of background noise. The researchers have stated the need for more study in this area. As we age, many of us will be diagnosed with cardiovascular disease. High cholesterol and high blood pressure can affect the inner ear functioning and cause a permanent hearing loss. Some life-saving medications can damage hearing, and if it is necessary for you to take one of these medications, your doctor may monitor the side effects with periodic hearing tests.

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Some other hearing related issues can include: • Tinnitus is a constant noise in the head that can make it hard to concentrate. It can affect women at any age and can be found in individuals with and without hearing loss. • Otosclerosis is a condition in which a spongy, bone-like material grows in the middle ear space, preventing the tiny bones in the ear from working properly. Otosclerosis is more commonly found in middle-age women than men. Surgery or hearing aids may be recommended in these cases. • Meniere’s disease is an inner ear problem and can be characterized by hearing loss, loss of balance, dizziness and nausea. Individuals with Meniere’s disease need to be monitored by their physician. Impaired hearing that goes untreated may contribute to a reduced quality of life. Women today maintain high levels of

activity that demand effective communication. Hearing care is not a typical part of a woman’s health care, but because most hearing loss progresses gradually, routine examinations would help women document changes in hearing. Women should have regular hearing checks throughout their adult lives. Adults should see an audiologist for a hearing evaluation at least once every 10 years through age 50 and once every three years after age 50. Anyone who notices a sudden change in hearing, feels like other people are mumbling or has trouble hearing in the presence of background noise should schedule an appointment for a hearing evaluation. Debbie Henry is the manager of speech and hearing services at Columbus Regional Hospital.

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Decision

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SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

time

for brides

The march is on toward wedding season By Kelsey VanArsdall Submitted photos Landscape centerpieces, unusual venues and chic lighting are just a few of the hot trends for the 2010 wedding season. Chances are if you’re getting married this summer, you’re in the thick of preparing. Whether planning a small, intimate ceremony with family or an elegant celebration for hundreds, brides are fusing popularity with tradition to make their ceremony truly individual. “The big thing is that wow factor,” said wedding planner Kim King-Smith, owner of Kim King-Smith Events LLC. “No matter what, brides want their guests to be wowed when they walk into that church or reception.” However, these days that “wow factor” doesn’t have to mean expensive extravagance.

January 2010 • she magazine

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Photo courtesy of Kim King-Smith Events.

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SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

Stunning receptions Tall vases of flowers that adorn reception tables are being replaced with or accompanied by “tablescapes” that incorporate multiple items. “It’s a new look that’s really fun and also something the couple can reuse,” King-Smith said. “It might mean three or four different vessels such as glass bowls with different items like moss and greenery, vines and twigs and maybe pebbles. Water features are also very popular.” King-Smith said many couples are becoming more conscious of the environment and their budget. For example, instead of wedding favors, many couples are choosing to donate to charity in their guests’ names. One budget-friendly reception option that’s popular right now is to have champagne cocktails in lieu of a traditional and ultra-expensive open bar. “They’re very chic, and they can go along with just about any theme,” King-Smith said. Lighting can add drama and allure to any reception, and these days it’s even a part of the décor. LED lights allow couples to create custom features for their reception. Ribbons have also become a trendy feature at both the reception and the ceremony. They can also serve as another option for bidding the couple farewell as they leave the ceremony, instead of throwing seed or blowing bubbles.

January 2010 • she magazine

Weddings and receptions held at wineries or on farms will be big this summer. King-Smith mentioned the Henry Breeding Farm in Edinburgh as a popular spot for area couples. “There are so many options, and you can create some really fun themes to coordinate,” she said. Wineries offer an instantly elegant setting for a reception or small, intimate ceremony. Every bride wants to reminisce about her big day with photos, and just as couples are looking for that wow factor with their reception, they’re looking for cutting-edge photography. According to James Richardson of The Studio Photography in Seymour, some couples are going for a retro look, but most want timeless, classic photos they can enjoy for years. “They don’t want to look at their photos years down the road and say, ‘What was I thinking?’” he said. The Studio consults with each bride and offers individualized packages to meet each couple’s personalities and needs. Say yes to the dress Each October, That Special Touch owner Terri Kutsko travels to Chicago for one of the biggest dress shows in the Midwest. There she finds out what’s hot in bridal fashion and does her ordering for the upcoming spring season.

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“There are so many styles, and brides are really encouraged to express themselves and their individual personality,” she said. While researching upcoming trends, she always considers her audience. “What might be popular in one area of the country isn’t going to be here in Indiana,” she said. So what’s this year’s hot style? One-shoulder dresses. “Strapless is still really big, but we’re seeing more dresses with just the one shoulder strap in bridal and in bridesmaid dresses.” The full ball gown is also making a comeback as well as dresses with tucked skirts. “Pockets are also big,” Kutsko said. “Brides love them. It’s that added, little unexpected feature.” Also, gone are the days of ultra white. More popular colors include light gold and champagne, as well as off-white. “Really it comes down to the fact that no one wants to feel cookie cutter. Brides want to stand out, and they want their dress and the day to reflect them,” Kutsko said. Page 30

SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

Left: A one-shoulder gown by Mori Lee. Above: A ball gown by Mori Lee

“Brides want to stand out, and they want their dress and the day to reflect them.”

��� Terri Kutsko

January 2010 • she magazine

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Relationship Roller Coasters By Kelsey VanArsdall Stock Images Provided by JupitEr Corp.

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The glow of the holidays is over. The Christmas lights have come down, and the tree is either stored in the attic or lying curbside. We’ve toasted the New Year, and now we’re in the thick of it. However depressing, it’s a known fact that this time of year can be a tough one for people. Perhaps you’re coming down from the rush of relatives and friends. Perhaps you’re dealing with the financial stress of providing a joyous holiday experience for your family. All these things, among the stresses of everyday life yearround, can take a toll on us, and sometimes our most important relationships are the ones to suffer first. January has been deemed National Break Up Month. Statistically more relationships end during this cold, dreary time than in any other month. “Empirically it’s true; there are more divorce filings in January than other months,” said marriage and family therapist John Goll. “The economy being this way is very tough, and the holidays put terrible pressure on couples. Couples that have weaknesses in their relationship may start to see it fracture this time of year.” Goll said the rush of the holidays and their obligations often delay couples from addressing existing problems. “My hope is that someone starts to seek help at the point when one thinks, ‘This isn’t working,’ not when they’re

January 2010 • she magazine

contemplating filing for separation or divorce,” he said. Finding the problem Couples should try to identify the cycle of negative interactions if they feel their relationship is in trouble. Goll said when issues arise, most couples adopt a pursuit-and-withdrawal state. One member of the relationship will broach the issue, while the other one may get defensive or withdraw. “This cycle can go at a low level for a long time,” Goll said. “So long it becomes the problem by itself, and then eventually the couple never address what the original issue was. First we have to figure out the pattern and then sit down and look at problems.” So how to diagnose if a relationship has become troubled? There is no set guideline to put the details of your relationship through, but there are signs. “A healthy relationship isn’t one that doesn’t have conflict,” Goll said. “We shouldn’t avoid conflict.” Every conflict management situation in a relationship has a recovery period. “If you’re noticing that you don’t recover as soon as you used to, such as those periods of silence or hostility between you and your partner keep lasting longer, then you have a problem,” he said.

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“My hope is that someone starts to seek help at the point when one thinks, ‘This isn’t working,’not when they’re contemplating filing for separation or divorce.” – John Goll

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Goll recommends that couples just try to simply notice the situation at hand. If they get into arguments and nothing gets resolved, they have to find another way. “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity,” Goll said. Healthy ratios Just as there is no guideline to determining a problematic relationship, so is the case with determining a healthy one; however there are some signs to help. Marriage and family therapist John Gottman says that even during times of stress and conflict in a relationship, couples maintain a five-to-one ratio of positive-to-negative interactions. Those interactions don’t have to be huge; they can be as simple as both partners recognizing and respecting how the other feels. However, it reinforces the theory that overall, the good should outweigh the bad. “When a couple isn’t in conflict, that ratio can go as high as 30 or 40 to one,” Goll said. He is a firm believer that if an issue in a relationship is discovered early and both partners are willing to work at it, “almost anything can be gotten through,” he said. “And most times the relationship recovers stronger than ever.” For more information contact Goll at John Goll Counseling, 372-6652. For more information on John Gottman, visit www. gottman.com.

Skilled Nursing Services • Memory Care Transitional Care • Long Term Care Adult Day Health Services • Assisted Living 2011 Chapa Drive, Columbus • 812-373-0787 www.trilogyhs.com P a g e 34

SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

a

She Goes Out: valentine

for

the

girls

Thursday, February 11

A note from the editor … Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and at this point, depending on where you are in life, it’s either something you’re pretty excited about or it’s just another day on the calendar. Surely those two types of women — with such differing viewpoints on what’s supposed to be the most romantic day of the year — could not be brought together at the same time in honor of the holiday. Or could they? I’d like to announce our next She-vent, She Goes Out: A Valentine for the Girls! Whether you’re single or spoken for, every gal loves time with her girls, and why not use the time surrounding Valentine’s Day to show our friends how much we love them?

January 2010 • she magazine

Join us for a dinner and movie night beginning at 6 p.m. Feb. 11 at Tre Bicchieri, followed by a special showing of the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” at Yes Cinema. Tickets are available now at The Republic for $25. Tre Bicchieri will feature a special meal, with beer, wine, liquor and a signature cocktail available for purchase. Then, once again, we’ll brave the chilly walk to Yes Cinema for time to browse vendor tables provided by our She Goes Out sponsors, with refreshments available. “He’s Just Not That Into You” contains an all-star cast, including Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore and Ben Affleck, and follows the lives of single and married people and couples as they try to figure out love and relationships. So grab your girls and join us for another great She Goes Out: A Valentine for the Girls! For more information contact Kelsey at 3795691 or kvanarsdall@therepublic.com.

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Cuisine

Super food

Win over your football crowd with guacamole and other dips By Amy McConnell Schaarsmith Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Where there is football, there are dips. And where there are Super Bowl parties, there just might be a bunch of dips, among other munchies. To help you put out an easy-to-make, quick-to-impress spread for friends and family, we’re featuring two of nature’s most satisfying, dippable foods: avocados and cheese. Enjoy one or many of these dips with pita chips, bagel chips, baked tortilla chips, crisp potato skins or crunchy raw vegetables. Low-calorie? Maybe to a linebacker. Deliciously dippable? Now that’s a touchdown.

CREAMY CALIFORNIA G UAC A MOL E 1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened 2 cups (16 ounces) nonfat plain yogurt, drained 4 ripe medium avocados, peeled, seeded and mashed 1 cup salsa verde (green chile salsa) 2 to 3 teaspoons lemon or lime juice 1 teaspoon salt In a food processor or a medium mixing bowl using an electric mixer, mix cream cheese and yogurt until smooth. Add mashed avocados, salsa and 2 teaspoons juice to cream-cheese mixture and combine well. Season to taste with salt and additional lemon or lime juice. Makes 4 cups. — California Milk Advisory Board

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SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

Welcome 2010

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CLASSIC G UAC A MOL E 4 Hass avocados, peeled and pitted 2 lemons, juiced 2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced 1 tomato, diced ¼ cup cilantro, chopped ¼ cup red onion, diced ¼ teaspoon ground cumin 5 jalapeno chilies or serrano chilies, stems removed; 3 of the chilies seeded and all of them minced Salt and chili powder to taste Place avocados in a large bowl and mash them. Add lemon juice and mix well. Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Refrigerate for 30 minutes and serve with tortilla chips. Serves 12. — Hass Avocado Board

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QUICK AND CHEESY SPINACH-ARTIC HOKE DIP

This can be made in the microwave or oven. 1 cup sour cream 4 ounces (¼ pound) cream cheese, softened 1 can (14 ounces) artichokes in water, drained 1 box (10 ounces) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry (about 1 cup spinach after water is removed) 2 cloves garlic, crushed 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1½ cups grated cheddar and Monterey Jack cheese mix, divided Salt and cayenne pepper to taste

Microwave directions In food processor or blender, combine sour cream and cream cheese and process until smooth, about 1 minute. Add artichokes, spinach and garlic. Process or chop until well combined, scraping sides of the work bowl or blender jar as needed. In a large mixing bowl, combine artichoke mixture, lemon juice, half the grated cheese, and salt and cayenne pepper to taste. Transfer mixture to a 1-quart microwaveproof baking dish and spread smoothly. Cover with a paper towel and microwave on high for 3 to 4 minutes, or until bubbly around the edges. Remove bowl (it will be hot) and sprinkle remaining cheese over the top. Microwave on high for 1 minute, until cheese is melted. Oven directions Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Add final sprinkling of cheese to top of dip and bake, uncovered, for 20 to 25 minutes or until slightly browned and bubbly. Makes 3 cups. — California Milk Advisory Board

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SIX LAYERS AND

A CH I P DI P

2 cloves garlic 2 teaspoons kosher salt 1 (15-ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed 1 (15-ounce) can pinto beans, drained and rinsed 2 teaspoons chili powder 2 tablespoons water 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 2 cups low-fat shredded cheddar cheese 2 ripe avocados, preferably Hass 1 jalapeno, stemmed, finely chopped (with seeds for more heat) 2 cups chopped romaine lettuce 1½ cups nonfat plain yogurt ½ cup fresh cilantro leaves and some stems, roughly chopped, plus more for garnish 3 ripe medium tomatoes, diced 5 scallions (white and green), thinly sliced Baked tortilla chips for dipping In a food processor or a medium mixing bowl using an electric mixer, mix cream cheese and yogurt until smooth. Add mashed avocados, salsa and 2 teaspoons juice to cream-cheese mixture and combine well. Season to taste with salt and additional lemon or lime juice. Makes 4 cups. — Food Network January 2010 • she magazine

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Cash talk

Resolved: to

Improving physical and financial fitness — that’s at the heart of most New Year’s resolutions. We say we want to lose weight, reduce debt, work out regularly, make and adhere to a budget. Sound familiar? How many of us start these resolutions only to watch them fizzle by February? Harvard Health News, in an article about common resolution mistakes, offers some tips for success. Here are a few: • Don’t set too many goals. • Try to temper your desire to be perfect. • Make sure the resolutions are your resolutions, not resolutions you believe you should be making. • Come up with a good strategy for achieving your goal that is rooted in practical steps. If your goals are related to financial fitness, what’s a good first step? Before you get started, you need to do some analysis. You need to assess your current fitness level so that you can set realistic goals for how to work toward greater fitness. This will give you a pretty good indication of the shape you are in. It’s a bit like stepping on a scale and saying, “I

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don’t want to look!” Of course, this step is not meant to frighten or embarrass you; it is a necessary starting point in the process that leads to better financial health. Only by ongoing commitment to reality can we get healthier. Completing a net worth worksheet will give you a “before” picture. To begin, think of your assets as the benchmarks you have already achieved such as, “I contribute the maximum to my 401(k) or I spend less than I make.” Assets typically fall into the categories of liquid and non-liquid. • Liquid assets are those you can convert into cash quickly with little or no impact on their value. Examples are: savings/checking/money market accounts/certificates of deposit, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, cash value of life insurance policies. • Non-liquid assets include your home or other real estate, jewelry, cars or furniture. These items are more difficult to turn into cash. It is important to differentiate between appreciating and depreciating assets. A car is a depreciating asset; a home is typically (but perhaps not recently) an appreciating asset. This is significant because the average home appreciates about 5 percent per year while the average car can depreciate by as much as 50 percent the minute you drive it off the lot.

SHE m a g a z i n e • J a n u a r y 2 0 1 0

achieve financial fitness By Sarah Cannon and Kim Ledger

aDon’t set too many goals. aTry to temper your desire to be perfect. aMake sure the resolutions are your resolutions,

not resolutions you believe you should be making.

aCome up with a good strategy for achieving your goal that is rooted in practical steps.

Deferred assets are your retirement accounts, such as traditional IRAs, 401(k)s, simple IRAs, Roth IRAs, deferred annuities and the like. Using our health metaphor, any liability is like 12 pounds you have yet to lose, or the muscle strength you lost when you took six months off from weight training. A mortgage is the most common liability, but you may also have home equity loans, student loans, credit cards, car loans and other debts. As you list assets and liabilities, make note of applicable interest rates that you are earning or paying. You can get all of this information from monthly bank statements, from your most recent home appraisal or from an online auto value calculator like Kelley Blue Book. To make it easy, round the numbers to the nearest $100. As soon as you have completed this information, total your assets and total your liabilities. Now subtract your total liabilities from your total assets. The resulting number is your total net worth — the body mass index number for your finances. While completing the net worth worksheet, you also have the opportunity to get all of the information organized so that you can update it annually.

January 2010 • she magazine

Now, based on what you have discovered, you are ready to make some intelligent resolutions and set some goals. Sarah Cannon is a certified financial planner and LPL financial adviser with First Financial Bank. Kim Ledger is an LPL financial adviser with First Financial Bank. Securities and insurance products offered through LPL Financial and its affiliates member FINRA/SIPC, an independent broker/dealer, are not insured by FDIC, or any other government agency, are not deposits or obligations of the financial institution, are not guaranteed by the financial institution, and are subject to risks, including the possible loss of principal. First Financial Bank, N.A. is not a registered broker/ dealer. First Financial Bank, N.A. is not affiliated with LPL Financial.

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T op

color

for

2 0 1 0

is

‘transporting’ turquoise By Samantha Critchell AP Fashion Writer

NEW YORK — If color is any guide, we’ll be moving into vacation mode in 2010 with the world awash in tropical turquoise, forecasters say. Turquoise was selected as the color of 2010 by Pantone, a company that supplies and tracks color for fashion and home decor, among other industries. Fashion insiders agreed the color is on the rise. “Turquoise is universally appealing. It puts everyone in the same state of mind — on vacation,” says Jane Schoenborn, design director at Lilly Pulitzer. “Turquoise for us is a really big color. A lot of times it’s transporting, whether you’re actually going to a resort destination or not.” Leatrice Eiseman, executive director of the Pantone Color Institute, says there was no runner-up to turquoise in her mind because people crave escapism and freshness after a tough year. The shade is on the cusp of blue and green, which makes it both inviting and serene — characteristics associated with blues — and invigorating and luminous, which comes from green, she says. “Transporting” was a word many used for turquoise, a shade that takes designer Tommy Hilfiger to the beach, especially the Caribbean, St. Tropez, France, or Southern California, which served as the inspiration for his newest collection. In jewelry, he thinks of the American Southwest, or Central or South America. “The women in my life wear it on vacation, and it looks great with a suntan at the beach,” Hilfiger says.

January 2010 • she magazine

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Interior designer Charlotte Moss says she turns to turquoise to liven up a look that otherwise seems stilted or conservative — and it pairs nicely with a wide range of colors more typical to home decor: gray, navy, black and white. “We’re looking for things that are flexible and more universal, and that is turquoise,” she says. Pantone’s color for 2009 was mimosa yellow, intended to carry a hopeful, optimistic message. Eiseman says the public is shifting gears as the economy shows some improvement: They are ready to fantasize a bit about the beach resort. She also notes that in many cultures turquoise is considered a protective color with people wearing the blue-stone jewelry almost as a talisman. “You often hear it attached to words like ‘healing.’” In pop culture, Eiseman has spotted the hue in popular stripe combinations, athletic apparel, nail polish and even eye shadow. It’s also the rare color that is emerging simultaneously in the fashion and decorating worlds, she says. Cookware maker Le Creuset reports its shade known as Caribbean is increasingly popular, especially paired with unexpected colors such as a vibrant citrus yellow-green and dark blue, says brand manager Kristin Martin. Customers are using turquoise in both light, coastal-vibe settings and darker, more urban spaces with wood and stainless steel. “I think it’s about bringing spa colors into the home. Turquoise is still a bright color, but it’s pleasing to the eye and evoking a spirit of escape.” But Hilfiger urges a little caution in wearing it. “I love it for women, and I strongly dislike it for men. ... If men are to wear blue, they should wear light blue or dark blue.”

January 2010 • she magazine

Other turquoise tips • Schoenborn calls it a “buy now, wear anywhere color” because in cooler months it pairs with black and navy, and in the spring and summer it can be worn with white or coral. • In the home, introduce turquoise through paint, Moss advises. Paint the walls of a room — or just one — or even the ceiling, she says. Painting the insides of bookshelves will give a pop. • Moss also likes turquoise as the piping on a white couch or as a lampshade or table skirt. • Textile quality is an issue with turquoise, says Hilfiger. It can be very luxe looking in the right fabric, but it risks looking cheap in a bad one. • Eiseman sees it as a potential complement to the yellowgreens that have recently been popular. • If the idea of turquoise eye makeup is too scary, Eiseman says, you’ll get the same effect with a darker teal..

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Coffee

is part product, part process By Daniel Schuetz I shall begin by telling you from the start, I love coffee. For better or for worse, I must admit that any coffee —even bad coffee — is preferable to no coffee. However, I must also tell you that I am something of a coffee snob. Snob is not a nice word. Let me say — connoisseur. I am not really sure how it started. My parents are coffee people, so perhaps it is the fond childhood memories of the smell of brewing coffee wafting through the sleepy house on a weekend morning. Maybe it is the pleasant jolt of the caffeine-laced bitter brew. Certainly I adore the product. I particularly enjoy the product when it is well-crafted. I think it is the process — the experience — of coffee that appeals to me as much as the substance itself. When I need to do some serious thinking, or if I just want to relax and watch the world go by, I think I do both better with coffee in hand. At the end of a great meal, nothing is more satisfying with dessert, or even without dessert, than an espresso. Certainly, the work day can hardly begin without a fix. “Wanna grab a coffee?”

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It is a loaded question, right? It could be for a meeting. It could be a quasi-date. It could just be a chance for friends to catch up and to relax a bit. Just as “coffeehouse” evokes an image of more than just a building from which coffee is sold, so does “having coffee” mean more than just consuming a beverage. That something is pleasant and necessary. The coffee-as-experience theme is greater than the consumption phase. In order to have coffee that transcends mere goodness, both the beans and the roasting process have to be just so. “Organic” and “fairtrade” are both desirable labels. Grinding the beans immediately prior to brewing helps, too. For me, though, the best beans are acquired from the place where I first was captivated by coffee ... Costa Rica? Indonesia? Jamaica? Ah, no. My parents’ house. It is not just the relaxing and the visiting that make this a premier coffee drinking destination. It starts with the beans. I told you that I am a — ahem — connoisseur. Apparently, the bean does not fall far from the tree. Several years ago, my dad, with Mom’s encouragement and blessing, started roasting his own coffee beans. What began as something of an experimental hobby has evolved through a complex process complete with computations reminiscent of “A Beautiful Mind.” Crude roasting devices have been replaced by more sophisticated machinery. Even the flood of ’08, which destroyed both machinery and beans, could not drown the desire. I am happy to report that roasting has resumed, as has proper coffee drinking with my parents. The precisely roasted beans are given as gifts, shared at special events and contemplated as the result of a process both scientific and artistic. The most important part, of course, is enjoying a great cup of coffee with people I love. Freshly roasted. Freshly ground. Freshly brewed. Having a connection with the process undoubtedly enhances the experience. Cream? Sugar? I like mine black. A warm-up? A to-go cup? Yes, please. But let’s sit for just a minute more. Daniel Schuetz lives in Columbus with his wife and two children. He is an attorney with Eggers Woods.

viewfrommars January 2010 • she magazine

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just a

Minute Recommended reading “Rural Free: A Farmwife’s Almanac of Country Living,” by Rachel Peden. $19.95. 382 pages. “Rural Free,” first published in 1961, beautifully conveys the joys of family life on an Indiana farm. Rachel Peden takes us back to a time when the pace of life allowed reflection on the importance of nature, family and neighbors. There is

humor here and wisdom about respect for the land and the simpler pleasures. “Rural Free” will be a source of inspiration for all who rejoice in rural virtues and the spiritual freedom of country life. —Viewpoint Books

Looking for something fun to do with the girls during these dull winter days? Artist Catherine Burris offers group workshops for women. Here are the details: Create a personal piece of art, discover what inspires you and unleash that artist within!

• Time: 3 hours. • Cost: $50 per person. • Dates: To be determined with participants. • Includes all supplies. • Information: moonwood@sbcglobal.net or 342-3867. — Columbus Area Arts Council

Out and about

• Minimum of two participants and maximum of six per class.

Healthy habits Fat is more than just a tasty part of our favorite snack foods. Just like protein and carbohydrates, it is essential for keeping our bodies healthy and strong. It helps cells grow and protects our organs. Fat is also necessary for absorbing vitamins, storing energy and keeping us warm. However, moderation is the key.

Experts recommend limiting fat intake to between 20 percent and 35 percent of the calories you consume in a day. For example, if you eat a 2,000-calorie diet, stick to no more than 77 grams of fat a day. — Columbus Regional Hospital

Winter’s low temps, low humidity and harsh winds wreak havoc on skin. Here are some tips for helping your skin stay comfortable and itch-free:

• Exfoliate we. • Consider investing in a humidifier. • Try supplementing your diet with fish-oil pills — studies show omega-3 can soothe dry skin. — beauty.about.com

Beauty bits

• Shower and wash hands with lukewarm water instead of hot. • Moisturize after washing hands or showering.

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January 2010 - She Magazine